Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Patrick is 3000% sure Pete is the most annoying person on earth. The solar system. The entire fucking universe.

Some nights Patrick comes to bed after Pete, and that’s always a bad start, because he’s usually got his head on Patrick’s pillow. Now, Patrick wouldn’t mind this if it weren’t for the fact he has his feet on his own side, so he’s basically sprawled out across the whole bed in the strongest depiction of a diagonal-starfish Patrick has ever encountered. Patrick has to set to work shoving him over; because of fucking course Pete is a heavy sleeper and he can’t just shake him awake. By the time he’s managed to get him almost there Pete will roll back over and grunt something about Patrick’s pillow smelling like his shampoo and his skin, so naturally it’s way better. Patrick finds this rather creepy (which means he really thinks it’s adorable, but he’s tired and grumpy and Pete’s being annoying so he's sticking to creepy, okay? Okay.)

“Pete, for fuck’s sake, then why can’t you put your whole body on my side so I can sleep on yours?”

“Well, I wouldn’t want to put you out.” Pete mumbles back, and that’s when Patrick will yank out his pillow from under Pete’s head and think about hitting him with it. Pete will just smile through half lidded eyes and open his arms wide like he expects Patrick to climb into them and snuggle.  

“Wanna cuddle?” Pete says, in his best creeper voice.

Patrick does hit him with the pillow then. “No.” But then he clambers in anyway, fitting himself in somehow. Pete grins like he’s won the best prize at a carnival and kisses Patrick on the nose.

-

But the real issue is if Patrick goes to bed first, because this is so much worse. Pete will almost always crawl in at some ungodly hour and apparently Pete Wentz’s biggest struggle in life is getting comfortable, or maybe it’s just making life easy for Patrick, because he’ll be twisting and turning and stealing all the fucking blankets for about twenty long minutes. And then, then, just as Patrick is profusely thanking god for the silence and is on the blissful edge of sleep he’ll hear;

“Trick?” Pete’s voice is small but it yanks Patrick back from that knife edge of beautiful oblivion.

“I’m sleeping.” Patrick all but growls in reply.

“Well, I can’t.” Pete huffs.

“Maybe if you stopped moving about,” Patrick yanks on the quilt. “And stop hogging the blanket.”

“I barely have any.” Pete tugs.

“Half of my legs are hanging out!” Patrick tugs back harder.

Pete yanks the blanket back and uncovers Patrick completely.

“You needy shit." Patrick grumbles and tries to inconspicuously shift closer to Pete to get under the blanket properly.

Suddenly Pete is on top of Patrick, and he’s really heavy for someone who claims to be a small guy. Patrick shoves at him uselessly. Pete makes a happy noise and remains completely still, his arms wrapped around Patrick like a clingy fucking koala or some other annoying ass animal that is a giant shit. “I’ll be your blanket, lunchbox.”

Patrick sighs. “The blanket does a fine job of being a blanket, Pete, if a certain someone would just share it.”

“But this is so much better.”

Patrick resigns himself to a night of being too hot and tries to fall asleep while basically dying because he can’t breathe properly.

“Oh my god, Pete, stop, Pete, no, Pete,” Patrick squirms under Pete’s sudden burst of gleeful giggles. “Pete! Get your hand away from there!”

“No.” He murmurs richly, breath tickling at Patrick’s neck, which is starting to bead with sweat because Pete is hot and heavy and annoying as hell and why is his hand down there, oh my god - Pete licks a stripe of sweat off the side of Patrick’s neck and everything Patrick is thinking flies out the window.

I hate you, Patrick thinks as Pete begins to move his hand. I hate you I hate you I hate you I love you so much I hate you I hate you.

Chapter Text

“Stop trying to spoon me, ugh, Pete, c’mon, it’s hot and I’m trying to sleep.”

“You love it.”

 “Pete?”

Patrick clears his throat. “Why are you nibbling on my ear?”

“You taste good, that’s why.” Patrick can’t see Pete but he can hear the smirk in his voice.

“Oh my god.”

“Oh, sorry, that is a little gay, hang on, let me just fix that… No homo… Okay, we’re totally good now.”

Patrick blushes so hard he feels like he’s fifteen again. “Shutup.”

“No, seriously, I can literally put your dick in my mouth but it doesn’t count cause I said no homo.” Pete snuggles in deeper, dipping down to Patrick’s jaw and biting there before continuing to nibble on Patrick’s ear.

“I’m trying to sleep.”

Pete continues on like he hasn’t heard Patrick. “We should do that actually. I would love to suck you off right now.” He hums throatily.

“Pete.” Patrick says exasperatedly.

“But before we do, lunchbox, you say it too, just to be on the safe side, because what if it doesn’t cover us otherwise? Go on.”

“What?” Patrick shoves an elbow back into Pete. Pete huffs a little but doesn’t stop.

“Say no homo dude, we’ve got to be safe about this.”

“Pete, I think we are past that, you’re spooning me and sucking on my neck.”

“Hurry up and say it so this isn’t gay then.”

“Pete, this really couldn’t be any gayer.” Patrick complains, holding out. There’s no way he’s saying ‘no homo’. What is he, twelve?

“Oh, I can think of a few ways it could be gayer.” Pete mutters filthily.

Patrick blushes despite himself and Pete kisses his cheek where the warmth blooms. “Pete, I can feel your boner on my ass, this doing pretty alright in the gay charts already.”

“Oh sorry.” Pete bites down on Patrick’s neck. Patrick feels himself blush again and a tiny moan slips out. “But no homo.” Pete shoves Patrick’s shirt up and thumbs at his nipple. He rubs his very noticeable ass into Patrick’s ass and rolls him over, sliding down, tugging at Patrick’s pyjamas. “I love it when you get all embarrassed, aww, you’re such a cutie…”

Then Patrick’s pretty sure Pete says something about being “just one dude hanging out with another, totally no homo” but Patrick can’t be sure cause talking around a dick isn’t a skill many people have and Pete is not an exception to this rule. Patrick gasps as Pete tongues over Patrick’s slit and hums around his dick. Patrick writhers underneath him as Pete licks up the shaft, making a happy noise to meld right in with Patrick’s little stifled moans. Pete always treats blowjobs like it’s the most fun he’s ever had. He giggles gleefully, and Patrick scowls for a moment, because even if that’s just what Pete does, having your cock giggled at is kind of offensive. But then Pete sinks his hot mouth down, following his hand all the way to the base and pulls off with a quick cough, and Patrick lets another moan out and tangles his fingers in Pete’s hair, tugging at the inchoate curls forming at his neckline where it got wet in the shower before. Pete goes back in, setting a quick, wet rhythm and Patrick can’t help thrusting into Pete’s mouth and Pete’s not even wavering, he’s just taking him deeper. Patrick lets out one last, long moan and Pete groans and swallows around Patrick’s dick and Patrick comes, whining loudly as Pete licks the spillage off the tip with dark eyes. He comes a second later with his own hand wrapped around his dick, his boxers pulled down messily, as Patrick watches him through half lidded eyes.

Patrick gulps in a few deep breaths and yanks Pete towards him harshly to put his lips on Pete’s, licking inside his mouth slowly and lazily before gently breaking away and the both of them settling back down. Pete tucks his head back in to the crook of Patrick’s neck, hot breath fanning out over his collar bone, and Patrick can feel Pete’s whole body shake with laughter as Patrick says,

“Pete?”

“Yeah?”

“No homo.”