Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Gods above, if you even exist and listen, I have many complains to make if I'm allowed to. For example, why does he look like creation of Michelangelo? If it wasn’t for that, temptation to stare would be so much easier to resist. Oh, who am I kidding...

“Daydreaming as always, Venti?”

Venti shook himself out of deep thoughts and looked at the person who spoke. Ginger man waved his hand with a wide smile, then he sat down next to his boyfriend. Zhongli doesn’t looked much afazed when Childe’s arm took place at his waist, bringing him closer.

Something inside Venti howled in despair and jealousy. He quickly looked aside, unconsciously hanging his gaze on Xiao.

Oh, how much he wished he could do the same to him. Or would he be the hugged one? Quiet sigh left his lips as he forced himself to looked away, especially that Childe had some business with them.

"So, why did you call us all here?" Zhongli was the one to ask a main question.

“Little birdie have told me some gossips,” Tartaglia started with a smug smile. “And as all of us are friends, I think we should discuss this together.”

Suspicious. Calling them all friends would be a little overstatement - sure, Venti and Zhongli known each other since childhood and they still hung out sometimes, but Tartaglia existed in Venti's consciousness mainly as his friend's boyfriend, too distant and mysterious to be fully trusted. Xiao on the other hand... Ah, him.

“I don't care about gossips” replied Xiao calmly enough to not appear rude. “If that’s all you got, I’m going to leave.”

Xiao’s gaze was stuck to his phone what cause him to not notice even more mischievous expression on Tartaglia’s face.

“Oh, too bad. It’s kinda all about you, but I guess we had to discuss it anyway without you.”

Xiao looked up, his eyes narrowed. Quicker than Childe managed to say any other word, he hid his phone and crossed his arms.

“Why should it concerned me?”

"Did something bad happen?" Zhongli sounded a bit worried and looked first at Xiao and then at Tartaglia.

Venti suddenly got a very bad feeling. Childe let go of Zhongli and rested his elbows on a table.

“I have heard,” he made a dramatic pause, piercing Xiao with his eyes. “that you have a crush on Lumine.”

Silence.

Zhongli looked at Xiao with a gentle curiosity, completely different expression than Tartaglia's smug smile. Xiao seemed unfazed, but for Venti, whose studied his face way too carefully, the truth was more than obvious.

He had.

A crush.

On Lumine.

Subtly pink dusted cheeks, almost unnoticeable. The way his hands tightened into fist. Slightly panicked eyes and furrowed brows. Nonchalant huff, but that little tremble of his lips couldn’t hide from Venti. Xiao was cornered and was trying his best to hide all of his emotions.

He could only wish he would be as good as Venti.

More than automatic reaction. Lips mimicking Childe’s smile. Brows risen in innocent curiosity. Little giggle, followed by resting his head on hands. It was perfect, it was unbreakable.

But behind an act...

Stabbing right into the heart must feel like that. Choking, paralysing, pushing into embrace of numbness, only to pull back seconds later with an intention to strike again. And again. And again.

He breathed. But his lungs almost forgot how to work, all its power allocated to stifle a cry.

Gods above, why?

“Who said I have?” replied Xiao a little too angrily.

“Nobody,” Childe smiled even wider. “I only heard that you are weirdly often near her classroom. I connected the dots and took a guess. Judging by your reaction, I’m hundred percent right.”

Xiao ran his hand over his face, seemingly deciding how to proceed. Venti gulped, preparing himself for even more bad news.

“So what if I have?” growled Xiao, crossing his arms again.

Confirmation was an another hit.

Suffocating.

But he had to save his face. Not let them know how close to dying he felt.

You could strike me with lighting now. I would even say thanks.

“Aha!” Childe triumphed. “You see, this is very important. We need to decide if you need more a wingman or a bodyguard. Aether is a cool dude, but if you get too close to his sister...”

“Seriously?” snorted Xiao, crossing his arms even tighter. “This is what you wanted to discuss?”

Venti could read from Xiao’s expression how much he wanted to run away. Escape was an only option for him too. Escape from this moment to the time when Xiao’s crush was non-existential in his consciousness.

But that was impossible.

“Listen, I already prepared a great plan,” Childe’s words suddenly cought Venti’s attention. It’s seems he ignored part of conversation, drowning in his own thoughts. “You should play her something romantic. Chicks love dudes with guitars.”

“In which dimension does your mind live on? drawled Xiao. “I don’t even know how to play.”

“I don’t consider this a problem. Venti will teach you.”

“Will I?”

He said this aloud. All three pairs of eyes turned to him with a silent questioning, each expressing something different.

Zhongli was politely curious. Childe was too enthusiastic to suspect anything and Xiao... Xiao looked like he was silently pleading, but for what? For help? For Venti to not join Childe’s plans?

“I mean... if you really want, of course I will teach you. But you better be motivated enough."

Venti shrugged with a wide smile, trying to block everything steaming inside of him. To stop his hands from trembling he hid them behind his head in relaxed pose. Xiao sighed deeply and looked away.

“This is gonna be perfect,” proclaimed Childe. “I can’t wait till girlie join a family.”

“Aren’t you too ahead?” asked embarrassed Xiao.

“Who said I’m gonna marry you?” teased Zhongli.

"Why wouldn't you?" Childe easily took a bait.

They started playfully fighting and Xiao got all quiet. Venti stopped following a discussion, burrowed in his thoughts.

Which sins led him to this point?

Conversation from earlier still replayed in his head. Was this a joke? Was it a nightmare? Heavy sigh left his lips as Venti turned on his side, hugging pillow tightly.

His phone buzzed.

At first, he was ready to ignore whoever decided to message him. Not in the mood right now. Do not disturb. Please stay away. Do not tap the glass.

Another buzz.

Maybe he should mute his phone entirely?

And buzz.

He growled and grabbed the phone, irritated and curious enough to at least check whatever had happened to text him over and over.

His heart missed its beat.

Xiao: Hey

Xiao: Don’t you dare laugh at me

Xiao: But what about that guitar lesson?

His throat tightened in deep anxiety. Gods, why you decided to tease him so much more? His fingers moved automatically, already typing a replay.

Me: hi! i didn’t actually expected you liked that idea. i must warn you though, if you really want to learn how to play, be prepared for much more work than learning one song

He added a few cheerful emoji and then hit send button, instantly starting to regret this. What if Xiao thinks he tried to discouraged him? Well, partially that was truth. He didn’t want Xiao to impress Lumine. But both of them together, playing and maybe singing...

Like heaven.

Venti stared impatiently at the phone, awaiting a replay. What if Xiao gave that idea a second thought? Maybe he texted someone else right now? What if...

Xiao: Sure

Xiao: When can we start?

Venti’s heart fluttered. After quickly typing details, he shove his phone under a pillow and hid face in hands. Gods.

What he got himself into.

That seemed like blessing. A chance to get closer to Xiao, maybe even chance to make him like Venti back. Or, this could be a curse. Few last teasing before he lost Xiao maybe forever. He couldn’t allow that.

But anxiety he would do something wrong, destroy everything...

Gods...

Why?

Chapter Text

This is so wrong.

He stared at the placement of the cushions for a while, then moved one of them a few millimetres to the left.

Does this already looks like I arranged it? Damn.

He fell on cushions, laid on them, then got up and corrected them only a little.

Perfect, now they look tidy, but also casual. Nice, but not too stiffly if he would like to lay on my bed.

Venti blushed suddenly and then facepalmed himself without a mercy. Did he really spend an hour cleaning and preparing his dorm room? Yes. Yes, he did. He was really beyond saving if he wanted to amaze a guy who was about to visit him to have a way to impress a girl. Ridiculous. But he couldn't help that. Not when it was about Xiao.

Friday at 5 pm. That was an appointed time. He still had about fifteen minutes, so he looked closely, trying to find anything that could be repulsive for Xiao. No clothes on display. He even took off one slightly suggestive band poster, just in case Xiao happen to be disgusted by that kind of things. Venti felt bad about this, but brushed this feeling off with force.

It's a lost case anyway. And if somehow that would be a way, wouldn't be worth it?

He wasn't too convinced. He really wanted Xiao to like him as he is, but at the same time he couldn't refrain from creating a better illusion of himself, the kind Xiao would like, the perfect one.

He contained a frustrated growl and occupied his mind by inspecting the dust on the shelves.

Too much and I will be a messy one. Too little and he would know I cleaned just for his visit.

A lost case. Just a lost case. Why even try to deny it?

Ten minutes.

His heart wandered to his throat and Venti sat down at his desk, trying to calm down himself. It would be alright. It had to be. He would just teach somebody how to play. He had done that already so many times.

A knocking.

Too much tension. His soul ascended to Celestia.

He gulped, cleared his throat just to buy a little more time and then without got up and walk to the door without a hurry. With each step his heart sped up, ready to jump out his chest, right into the embrace of his guest.

A key. Then a knob. Then open it, you know how to do it.

"Hi. Sorry, I'm a little earlier, hope that's not a problem?"

You. You are a problem. A very cute one.

How could someone pull such a good look with just a jeans and t-shirt? That should be illegal. A pure force stopped Venti from staring disrespectfully.

"Not at all. Come in," he managed to respond nonchalantly, leaving an opening for Xiao.

"Thanks again," said Xiao and sat at a free chair. "But I will be blunt - I'm doing this so Childe would leave me alone. I really don't think I'll impress Lumi this way."

Stab.

Lumi.

Xiao really didn't have to shove this into his face now.

"It's more like you," laughed Venti, quickly recovering from fatal emotional damage. "But I would prefer that you want to learn to play because... well, you just want to."

Xiao laughed. His lips almost stay still as always, but he laughed, he giggled, he reacted positively at something Venti had done. Musician's soul ascended once again.

"Yeah... I guess that would be the best way," decided Xiao. "So... Do we start?"

It was awkward. It was lovely. Venti enthusiastically nodded and grabbed his guitar to hide shyness behind something he knew best - music.

"Sure. So, well. I play you something, just observe, and then you take the guitar, and I'll tell you what to do, ok?"

"You know best."

With his presence so close, Venti really didn't know anything best. His heart was pounding, his hands were trembling, so he grabbed the guitar harder just to calm his emotions. He even closed his eyes just to forget Xiao was here.

It was the most difficult task.

But he played.

He poured all of his soul to it, starting with one of easier songs, one of that everyone knew. Simple riffs, simple rhythm, catchy tune. Soon enough he addressed a purpose of this lesson and with a heavy heart fluidly changed melody. Cheerful music become slower, metamorphosing into another known hit.

Seconds after seconds, Venti finally lost himself in music with half-lidded eyes. Before he could even notice, his melody became slow, longing and almost melancholic. Unknown. Xiao could never in this life guess what song Venti was playing - he wrote it himself, with a moment like this in mind. When he realized his mistake, it was too late to stop.

Venti ended his little performance with a heavy and trembling heart, too afraid to look Xiao in the eyes. Silence was thick, but maybe only for him?

"Wow," Xiao was first to speak. "I don't think I have ever heard that. What's that?"

A chill ran down his back as if Xiao had caught him red-handed.

"Ah, you know," started Venti with a little smile. "Quite niche song. Post-rock, actually."

He kinda hoped that Xiao gave up questioning after that. He couldn't be more wrong.

"Nice. Band?"

Oh shit. Why he even started lying? It's not like Xiao would connect the dots if Venti had told the truth. And he even liked it, so why Venti wanted so bad to make him forget?

"I don't remember now. I'll text you later."

Xiao rose his brow slightly, but said no other words than a short acknowledgment.

"Let's start with a few common chords. Here!"

He handed the guitar to Xiao and enthusiastically watched as he carefully took it in his hands and tried to grab it in the same way as Venti had just a moment ago. Unsuccessfully. Venti held back a giggle and instructed Xiao how to correct it.

Unsuccessfully.

"Wait," said finally Venti and got closer to Xiao to manually improve his position. He shyly took Xiao's hand to shift it a little and...

His hands were so cold. The revelation shook Venti to the core, making him too aware of physical contact. This felt almost illegal. But so good at the same time.

Fighting the urge to hold Xiao a little longer, Venti corrected a position of the guitar, and then he reluctantly backed away to his previous seat. His palms still burned with a chill sensation.

"And now what?" Xiao's unsure voice was enough to shake Venti out his thoughts. Having no other option, he guided Xiao through easy chords and riffs, until he was able to play a short tune himself. How long did they spend like this - no one cared.

A short break for snacks was that moment, when awkwardness crawled its way back between them. Silence fell after few words about progress, broken only by the rustle of plastic packaging. Xiao was never a talkative one. Venti, on the other hand, used to talk much and didn't mind being in a centre of attention, but right now his mind went completely blank. Nervous throb in his chest forced him to think about the next step.

"So... why Lumine?" he asked without thinking much, which he regretted quite quickly. Not only Venti wasn't sure if he wanted to know what about that girl charmed Xiao, the latter reaction took him aback too. Xiao looked at Venti with wide eyes, but then he turned his head abruptly. Venti managed to notice a slight pink on Xiao's cheeks.

Fantastic. Did this count as prying into his privacy?

Xiao kept silent for a moment, and Venti was almost sure he decided to ignored that stupid question. Should Venti apologise? Act like nothing happened? Buy a ticket to Dragonspine and never come back to civilisation again? Before he could decide about his nearest future, Xiao quietly cleared his throat and peeked at Venti hesitantly.

"She's... different."

Oh, great, this bullshit again.

"I don't know, how to explain this, but she makes me feel warm inside."

And Venti felt freezing cold. As if chill from Xiao hands crept its way into Venti's heart to stifle every last bit of hope. He gulped quietly, bracing himself to continue.

"Kinda poetic, don't you think?" he decided to comment and giggled to hide remains of uneasiness.

Wrong choice.

In a second Xiao's expression shifted, getting a little harder and colder, even if slightly. He turned away his gaze one more time and Venti couldn't shake off a feeling like he got a door latched right before his nose.

"Yeah," Xiao answered shortly, letting the awkward silence to come back.

Venti didn't even know what he did wrong. He stared at Xiao for a moment, trying to unravel his sudden change of emotion. When Xiao peeked at his phone, Venti knew it's time to do something. Anything.

"It's getting late," he noticed, before Xiao could use this as an excuse to end his lesson. "One more exercise, what do you think?"

Xiao finally looked at him with a hard to read expression before he nodded with a sigh. Venti's heart fluttered with a new ember of hope and he handed over the guitar. This time Xiao took it without hesitation and didn't need any help.

"Getting perky, hmm?" Venti chuckled and rested his chin on his hand. "Show me what you got."

Xiao hummed and started to repeat everything Venti taught him today, not as flawlessly as he wished. For the musician, it was a good sign. The more lessons Xiao would need, the more time Venti would have. If only he stopped making stupid mistakes.

The rest of the meeting passed in the same mood as the beginning. Venti's feedback and Xiao's few words of acknowledgment. A date of the next lesson. Few comments about music overall. And...

"I think," said Xiao suddenly, when he opened the door and hesitate for a while. He frowned, evidently making a decision. "I would like to learn that niche song from earlier. If I ever had to play for Lumine, she would love that one."

Cracking heart does not make any sound.

Chapter Text

"No. This was for you, not her."

This is what he had wanted to say then. Instead, he had just chuckled and looked at Xiao with a challenge painted in the eyes.

"Well, then we'll see how fast you will learn, ehe!"

And now he was here, all alone in his single dorm room, staring at the computer screen, trying to find a way out from this mess. It was late at night, but sleep was not that high on his priorities list right now.

In case of his melody, he really had only two options. One, explain everything. It would be weird, but Venti should be able to pull this off in a way Xiao won't be offended. This would also solve a problem of his request at the end. Hopefully.

Second, continue to lie.

The risk of getting into even a worse mess was scaring Venti away, but he would be lying that there were no benefits of this solution. Very selfish ones. But when he will decide to clear these lies one day, it won't be this easy as now. Venti hummed angrily, keep staring at his own profile page, where he anonymously posted few of his musical composition back then.

A sudden knocking snapped him out of thoughts.

Venti stared at the door, not sure if he should open or ignore it. When knocking repeated, he decided it may be important, so he reluctantly got up and answered the knocking.

A person behind the door was a surprise and not at the same time.

"Miss Rosaria, to what do I owe this pleasure?" asked Venti, a small smile painted on his lips. He leaned on the door jamb, staring at the dorm receptionist, when she glared at him like he should know the reason of her visit.

At one moment someone could think that Rosaria couldn't care less about her work, the second she would be on her way to hunt down misbehaving tenants. Despite her casual appearance, bored expression and a young age, she was stricter than most other employee of the dorm. Maybe that's why she worked only night shifts.

"I got a note that someone is playing musical instruments loud this late at night," she said bluntly, peeking over Venti's head inside his room.

"Aaaand I'm the prime suspect for that?"

"You're the one with a record."

That's one more clue for those betting Rosaria previously worked at police or something like that. Venti rose his gaze above, obviously thinking.

"I'm afraid this time it's not me. You see, I'm too busy simping to my hot colleague to cause a problem," joked Venti, waving his head towards his desk.

"Right," Rosaria snorted, not believing a word of him. "I have my eye on you, kid."

"Then you may be able to witness my greatest performance," Venti bowed a little with a small chuckle, then he peeked at Rosaria with curiosity. A receptionist rolled her eyes, yawned freely and placed her hands on her hips.

"Whatever. As long as it doesn't disturb the curfew, I couldn't care less."

She didn't wait for his reaction, but just closed his door. Venti waited a moment, listening to the sound of her heels fading away, before he came back to his desk, staring blankly at his locked now computer screen. She actually was right about something. This is just how life is, there were always some eyes to watch. It would be better to just clear up the misunderstanding quickly.

Yeah. He will do that. Next time.

Or next next time.

Venti sighted, not so light-hearted as he wished he would be, and grabbed his guitar. Now, when Rosaria took him off the list of suspects, he could actually play for a while.

The next next time? Or maybe the next next next next time? Or probably never?

Despite his decision, Venti couldn't bring himself to start the conversation on his own. After the first lesson they met again three more times and Xiao never mentioned Venti's melody again. He was doing exercises given by Venti with more determination than the musician would assume after initial conversation with Childe. That was promising enough to made Venti think Xiao always wanted to learn how to play.

Or wanted to spend more time with him. Oh, how he wished.

Despite Xiao's crush lurking somewhere around, ready to strike, Venti quickly got used to this time together. No, addicted to this. His thoughts slipped to Friday's afternoons way too frequently. Just like now, when he was sitting on a small slope at the campus, textbook on his face, his minds replaying possible scenarios over and over again. He would definitely spend like this next quarter or two, if not for sudden movement next to him. Someone sat down and, before Venti could react more than wincing, they poked his arm without mercy.

"Don't sleep," said a familiar voice and Venti peek over the textbook, eyeing Xiao's concern expression.

That was another benefit of their lessons. Earlier their interactions without Zhongli nearby were limited to greetings and a few words of small talk, with Venti doing the talk part. Now, with each meeting, Xiao seemed to relax more and more, even if the slightest, to the point of this casual approach. Venti heart skipped a beat, despite the look on Xiao's face.

Take this, Lumine!

"I'm not sleeping. I'm acquiring knowledge through direct contact. Want to try?"

"Sure. No," Xiao rolled his eyes and aptly grabbed Venti's wrist to stop him before he could put the textbook on his head. "Listen, Childe is actually crazy."

"No way," Venti sat up straight. He was still joking around, but mention of Tartaglia made him a little anxious. "What led you to this shocking conclusion?"

Xiao ran a hand through his hair, looking into a distance with visible tension in his face. Venti tilted his head with curiosity and uneasiness at the same time.

"He..." started Xiao, peeking at Venti and at the university building alternately. "He said he will set me up with Lumine."

Venti's eyes widen and his heart throbbed painfully in his too tight chest. He stared at Xiao, reading his expression once more. Nervous and embarrassed, shy and eager.

"How?" This word was all Venti could choke out right now.

"They go to the same gym," explained Xiao. "I bet he will say something stupid to her."

But you can't wait, can you?

"No longer the guitar plan?"

This somehow felt like betrayal, even if Childe was never an ally in this uneven fight. Xiao shrugged, fixing his gaze on his lap. He wanted to say something, even opened his lips, only to pursed them again a second later. Nervousness got replaced by a frown.

Before Venti could ask what's wrong, the silence was pierced by a notification sound. Xiao quickly pulled out his phone. Venti barely refrained from taking a curious peek.

"It's him," sighed Xiao and turned the phone towards Venti, showing him the message.

Zhongli's boyfriend: Heey, comrade! Be nice and ready for Friday's afternoon ;) I'll send you details later, girlie has yet to confirm, but she's more than willing! Thanks me later ;)

That timing. Their sacred moment. Venti clenched his fist and peeked at Xiao, but he already laid down on the grass, hiding his face behind his arm. The one holding his phone fell limp on his stomach.

"Will you go?" naively asked Venti. He pulled his knees to his chest, almost biting his lip unconsciously.

Xiao only mumbled something incoherent before he pulled his hand away, fixating his narrowed eyes on a dark blue sky. Venti used his moment of hesitation to stare at him once again. At his pale cheeks brushed with pink. At his bent eyebrows and pursed lips. At his golden eyes and dark circles under them.

"How long did you sleep?" suddenly blurted Venti, surprising both himself and Xiao. The latter looked away from the clouds and peeked at Venti, before closing his eyes.

"Long enough," he replied reservedly and sighed. No matter how out of place Venti's question seemed to be, it was enough to broke Xiao free from whatever depths of thoughts he visited. "Just a week of tests, that's all," he sat up straight and stretched his back. After a moment of silence, he added, "I think I'll take the risk."

Of course you will.

Backstabbed, defeated, left without a chance for a counterattack. Venti shouldn't have ignored the commitment of Tartaglia. He shouldn't have taken those time together as granted. One date is not the end of a world, he could still think about something, but-

"Venti"

"Mhm?" Venti looked at Xiao, who already stood up and got ready to leave.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

Xiao shrugged. A cold shiver ran down Venti's back.

"For everything."

Something wasn't right. He could feel this in his bones.

Maybe it's the way they had said goodbye yesterday. Maybe it was they way sun shined too brightly into his eyes. Something was off and Venti wasn't sure what. He sat down at the same spot as usual, nervously looking around the campus. Most of the students were still in class, but he knew that Xiao was finishing earlier that day of the week. Venti was hoping to catch him and get at least a little explanation of what was going on with him. But Xiao was nowhere to be found. Venti sighed and rested his chin on his knees.

Then he saw them.

A beaming face of a blonde girl, while she threw her arms around the man's neck, pulling him into a tight embrace. Did they kiss? Venti couldn't tell from this angle, but despise that he stared with his eyes wide opened. After they stepped back from each other, the man put his arm around her waist and they headed towards the campus exit.

Venti somehow gained knowledge that neither Xiao nor Childe had possessed.

Excitement ran through his veins, quickly replaced by worry.

Chapter Text

It took Venti almost an hour of scrolling through social media to establish two things.

First one, according to her relationship status, Lumine was single. It didn't surprise Venti as he just wanted to confirm already known information. Just in case.

Second, the identity of the man, who accompanied her. Or, rather, that Venti was unable to find out who he was.

That was the tricky one after all. He looked kinda familiar, but Venti couldn't put a finger on this feeling. Initially, he checked Lumine's friends list, searching for similar person on profile picture, but without any success. Here the trouble began. Instead of further mindless scrolling, Venti stopped for a moment to think.

They probably never talked. Venti likely would remember his voice and face. So, just a random encounter in the university corridor, any event, mutual friend? The last option would be the best one to happen, so he decided to look through group photos of a few of his the most sociable friends. It was a distracting task, really, much more entertaining than a lecture, which he had to attend despise his little investigation.

The clock revealed that he was halfway through this lecture, when he finally decided to give up. For now.

His only lead in this case was Lumine. If he couldn't learn anything from the internet and wasn't crazy enough to ask her, his options shrunk drastically. Childe knew many people, but asking him was also a big no no, not before Venti confirm his hopes. For similar reason he preferred not to ask other friends, especially those mutual. That was too delicate matter to let it rest on Tartaglia's back.

But, there was someone he could talk with. Very dangerous maneuver, with high prize and similarly high risk. However, if it plays out well...

...it would be worth all risk.

The next day he woke up earlier than usual, too agitated to sleep deep. He quickly got ready and walked to university, hoping that his last chance already was at the spot he usually saw her at mornings.

Luckily, she was.

He gazed at her from a distance, gladly noticing that there was no one around the outside tables that early. Only her, the tall girl with long, brown hair tied in ponytails. Rumours said that she knew way too many things about way too many people and that knowledge once got her in trouble with an old professor. Venti couldn't say how much truth hid in those rumours, but undeniably Mona was well-informed in many social affairs. Some also said she was weird, but aren't we all a little weird?

With hopes probably a little too high, Venti approached the lonely woman, announcing his presence from quite a distance to not startle her.

"Hey! You are Mona, right? Sorry to bother you, my name's‒"

"I know who you are," started Mona with a nonchalant tone of the voice, peeking at him through narrowed eyes. She placed her textbook on a table, but did not close it. "Venti from public administration. Last year they allowed you to perform at a college event. You hang out around many people, but you are not close with them at all."

Quick. Merciless. He wasn't prepared for such an open assault.

"Wow, first of all, rude," started Venti, taken aback. "Second of all‒"

"Not my fault if truth hurts you. What's your zodiac sign?"

"Gemini, why?"

A woman smiled mysteriously and leaned back on her chair.

"Well, that's explaining everything. Have a seat. What do you want from me, air boy?"

Venti suppressed the urge to ask about the genesis of this nickname and sat down, resting his elbows on the table. His face was rarely this serious, as if he was about to offer her a once in a lifetime deal.

"There's something I wanted to ask you about..."

"I do not gossip, if that's what you have in mind."

She sounded gravely offended, but her expression didn't change that much. Venti shook his head vigorously, though he sincerely doubted her words.

"It's not something like that. Do you know Lumine?" he asked, gazing at Mona attentively. She nodded and then tilted her head, showing interest. "I saw her with someone and I'm wondering if they are dating. I know that sound like gossiping, but trust me, it's not. It's actually a serious matter."

Straight to the point, getting a little dirty in a good faith.

"What, are you in love with her or something?" sneered Mona, crossing her arms and smiling in a very triumphant way. She quickly seized the chance to gain an upper hand given out by Venti.

Oh no, no. It can't be like that.

"I am not. It's actually better if I get to know before certain specific person," he smiled cheerfully, but his narrowed eyes did not reflect that smile. Mona blinked a few times in confusion, then cleared her throat quietly. Venti suspected he would interest the woman, but she seemed nervous for a moment.

"That's what any tattletale would say," teased Mona half-hearted. "I didn't expect this from someone like you, Venti."

Venti didn't say anything, keeping an eye contact with Mona. A woman held his stare, then sighed and relaxed a bit. She replaced her textbook onto a chair.

"I let you prove your truthfulness. Show me your hands."

"Why?" Venti tilted his head, but did as she asked. Mona rolled her eyes and pursed her lips.

"I'll read from them, obviously. You may try to lie, but stars will not."

"Seriously?" snorted Venti, but didn't withdraw his hands. Mona took them gently and looked at them, running her finger over all of the lines. Her smile quickly faded and she took a closer look at the shape of his hands and then at his fingers before she furrowed her brows. Venti felt more and more confused with every passing minute of silence until he decided to break it. "And? What?"

"Let me double-check," said Mona with a hint of uncertainty in her voice. "To be sure."

Ok, not a little weird. Very weird.

She reached into her bag and grabbed something, which she quickly pushed into his outstretched hands. Venti peeked at the item with a dumbfounded expression.

A deck.

"Toss them. Quickly," rushed him Mona. "I don't have the whole morning."

He looked at her with still aghast eyes and opened his mouth, only to close them again. Play along, Venti. Just play along. Not a big price for information.

When he was done and handed her the cards, Mona spread them efficiently on the table in very specific order. Venti's eyes followed her hands when he still wasn't sure what to say.

"Alright, I'm ready," announced woman and peeked at him to check if he's still listening. "I'm going to read your past, present and future one by one. It's up to you to interpret your divination. Fate sometimes speak in riddles, so you should be prepared."

"Like in horoscopes? Text written in a way so anybody could match it to their situation?" he blurted out before thinking. Mona snorted angrily.

"Oh please. Don't compare me to jokes in newspapers. I have a connection with stars."

"Sure, sure. Can we continue already?"

Mona rolled her eyes, but in the next moment a smile was once again present on her lips.

"Very well. You will see. This is your past," she pointed at the group of cards, then she slowly revealed them one by one. "The centre one symbolizes you. Everything around is what happened, what shaped you," she made a little pause to catch her breath. "Here. Strong position. Some kind of weakness and loneliness. This," she tapped another card, "is an important male figure, but it's distanced from you. This set is telling about fear of loss."

Venti crossed his arms and said nothing, despise curious peeks from Mona. Somehow he felt quite uncomfortable, but wasn't going to show this to her. Maybe she knew something about him and now played a mind game with this divination? Unsatisfied with the lack of reaction, Mona said a few similar words about his past, then moved to the next set.

"This is your present. Quite skimpy, I must admit. Doubts, impasse and secrets. You're hiding more than you should."

"This sound exactly just like a horoscope," Venti pouted. The discomfort, though still present, eased somewhat at the words.

"Fate shouldn't be unravelled with easy, specific words," snapped Mona. "It's your job to understand."

"Yeah, yeah."

She got a little irritated.

"Fine. Let's move on since you are not interested in the present. Your future. This card," she tapped the one near centre,"tells about uncertainty. You are lucky enough to have your fate in your hands. To some extent."

Hooooroscopes. But this time he did not said this aloud. Actually, he could just drift away with his thoughts and let her finish this quickly.

"This," another tap. "A man. Dark haired. Recluse. Your decision may break him.

"Wha- wait, what?" Venti awoke by this remarkably precise divination. "Where did it come from?"

"Surrounding cards affect the interpretation," explained Mona, eyeing him with curiosity. "Everything depends on your decisions. Do you want me to continue?"

"Yes, please."

Uneasiness grew even more. Was it possible that she knew? But who told her? Venti was so sure he perfectly hid his feelings.

"Friendship and love lay almost in opposite of each other. One of your decisions may apply to them."

"You don't say..." muttered under his breath Venti, so that she wouldn't hear.

"Well," started Mona. "Let me summarise this for you. You are fucked, but you can come out unscathed if you don't do anything stupid."

"Horrible divination, let me speak to your manager."

Mona huffed and crossed her arms, but in the next second she smiled teasingly.

"Would you like me to lie and give you sugar coated fortune-telling? Sorry, I'm the professional and I'm my own manager. No refunds."

"Damn it. So close."

"Regarding your earlier question..." started Mona and Venti perked up, pushing away bad feelings. "If you had that unsure cards I would rather tell you, so you won't mess anything up. That guy with Lumine, it's Albedo, my friend. They are dating, but still did not decide to go fully official with it. If you spread a word or do anything to hurt them, I swear, I'll curse you. And then I'll talk to your crush."

"What crush?" Venti rose his eyebrows, shamelessly playing dumb. "I didn't say I agreed with your divination."

"Oh please," she rolled her eyes. "The cards don't lie. And I'm not stupid, I can connect the dots. As for who it is..."

She smiled mysteriously and started scrolling through her phone. She was whispering under her breath something like "no. nope. na-ah". After a while, she smiled triumphantly and showed Venti a page from social media platform. Venti got a little more pale and said nothing.

"You will keep their secret, I will keep your secret. You do no harm, I do no harm. That's an easy deal. I don't really want to know why you're asking about them, I don't want to mingle in your fate for my own sake."

Venti got quiet for a while, thinking about everything once more. Everything was too suspicious, but at the same time, didn't it work for him? Still, some worries were still present. He had to voice them.

"What will you do if Lumine cheated on Albedo?"

Mona raised her brow, taken aback by this question. At first, she seemed not knowing how to answer, but she quickly regained her confidence.

"She wouldn't," she snorted. "I did them a divination. They are a perfect match and she is an honest person."

"But what if..."

"Is there something specific on your mind?" she suddenly got a little offensive.

"...no, it's nothing."

She eyed him mercilessly as if she tried to read his mind. Venti withstood that stare with his typical, carefree smile. Mona seemed to give up and started to cleaning up the cards.

"I'll have an eye on you, Gemini."

Yeah, thanks, you're not the first.

Chapter Text

It was late at night and Venti couldn't sleep. Again.

Fingers too preoccupied with guitar strings, eyes too fixed on a blank wall, mind too lost in his past talk with Mona. He replayed in thoughts certain parts again and again, looking at them from different angles, analysing too much, trying to find a hidden bottom. What was her goal? Did she even have one? And why revealing her knowledge?

He hit strings a little too hard, bringing a little too loud sound out of the instrument.

Fate. That was a nice word. He liked it. The weight of it. The implication. How much power it held in poetry, in music. But did he ever feel fated to something, for someone?

He sighed, closed his eyes and let his guitar rest on top of a dorm bed. Few more minutes and Rosaria would be knocking at his door again. A quick look at the phone told him that it was already past midnight. And that there was still no answer, despite few hours of wait.

Xiao: Hey. Childe finally text me details. Sorry, we had to cancel guitar tomorrow. Next week, ok?

me: oww, that's a shame. good luck with lumine! we can have a lesson on saturday if you're free?

me: actually

me: theres smth i wanted to tell you, can i call?

Well, maybe that was his fault, he was first to replay late. He didn't know what to write and typing good luck wishes costed him way too much emotional stability at that moment. Reaching Xiao was a hit or miss. Sometimes he replied almost instantly and another time he was lost in ether for hours, only to explain later that he was busy. Venti could bet it was the case this time too. A sigh left his lips and he rubbed his eyes. He should rest.

He should rest, he should study, he should think about something, he should stop, he should, he should, he should. So many things. He wanted to rest. He wanted to go on a drink and relax. He wanted Xiao to be here. He should stop. There's a noise outside. He should pretend he's asleep.

Venti quickly switched off the desk lamp and sneaked under a blanket, putting the guitar on the floor almost silently. After a few seconds he realized how stupid that was. He already stopped playing, why worrying now? It's not like Rosaria would blame him for staying late. Many students at this time of semester were doing an all-nighter, so why the stress? Venti sighed, rubbing his eyes again. He really had to be tired. No more thinking today, if his minds would bless him. And tomorrow... Tomorrow he would call.

As long as he would get up early enough.

Of course he didn't.

1 missed call: Xiao

Xiao: Sorry, I was busy. I don't have time tomorrow.

Xiao: Something happened? I'm about to start practical classes.

1 missed call: Xiao

Venti almost growled and checked the time again. Right now Xiao was probably in the middle of his class and, except for a short break, he would be unavailable until the end of all of them. Venti probably missed his chance to talk with him, unless texting during his own lecture would be sufficient. But...

He would rather talk about this, not write. Because what would he write? Hey, sorry, don't freak out, but Lumine is dating with Albedo and I don't know why she decided to hang out with you, but pls won't meet her.

Pathetic. Talking face to face was so much easier.

He shoved his face into his hands, before he almost rolled off bed.

But... what if he let this happen?

Something stung his chest almost instantly at this thought, but he bravely continued to explore the idea. The worst outcome? They would discover they are meant for each other. The best outcome? Xiao would realize he really didn't feel anything for Lumine. The most probable one? They just spent some time together and Xiao would be too nervous to make any move on her. That was an entirely acceptable risk, at least logic said that. But it was already here.

A ferocious beast. The one responsible for continuous stinging at his heart, for iron rings tightening around his lungs and throat. Jealousy. He couldn't stand the thought of the two of them together. Smiling at each other. Maybe laughing. He clenched his fist on the hem of his shirt.

Before he could sink deeper into his gloomy thoughts, his phone buzzed. Venti jumped up and grabbed it with a pounding heart, only to sigh deeply a second later.

Keqing: Are you going to attend today's classes? It's not that I'm babysitting you, but we're in a group together, I expect at least the minimum.

Classes. Crisis Management. Oh, gods. If Keqing wouldn't kill him, his professor surely would do.

Too late. Too late for everything.

Late for class, late with essay, late with excuses, even though they were excellent as always. Keqing already lost her patience and just after the class she mercilessly dragged him to library to work on their group project. He ended up sitting and staring at the computer screen with a not so interested expression, yawning from time to time and sneakily checking his phone. He was still yet to answer previous Xiao's text's, because... should he? Should he really tell him? What if Xiao got angry? Distrustful? It was so late already, he probably would meet her anyway.

"Venti, do you have anything about this topic?" asked Keginq, but her voice hinted that she didn't expect much.

Venti rose his gaze from his phone and looked at her like he saw her the first time in his life. After a little moment, something in his head connected and he nodded vigorously and opened an e-book on his laptop. Keqing seemed to be pleasantly surprised.

"I guess you are not slacking off as bad as I thought," she muttered and then started reading Venti's materials.

Given a moment, Venti spontaneously typed a message to Xiao.

me: don't worry about anything! ill explain you later. remember, you have to tell me ✨everything✨ what happened later

Jealousy roared wildly, but Venti shushed it. It was too late to stop them anyway. And now, with this burden temporarily out of his chest and with Keqing busy, he could freely think about his own move. And only one thought wandered on the edge of his mind, one small memory.

"You're hiding more than you should".

Freedom finally. Away from Keqing claws, away from university building and boring classes, only he, his empty, single dorm room, his instant noodles and way too much free time, which he used to spent differently at Fridays. It was relaxing and lonely at the same time.

Until his phone woke up. Venti reached for it hurriedly, continuing to eat.

Xiao: I'm going to make my brother a widower even before he got married.

His hand stopped halfway through to his mouth. He blinked a few times, read the text again and checked social media just in case something blew up. Nothing. Just mysterious message from Xiao. At first Venti started to typing back question, but after few words he paused.

Screw that.

He tapped the small call icon and waited impatiently with the phone near his ear. Xiao had to be available. He texted him just now. One signal. Two. Three. He could also not want to talk.

"Yeah," a resigned voice echoed in the receiver.

"Xiao?" started Venti with a concern in his voice. "Did something happen?"

There was an audible exhale on the other side of thephone and Venti imagined that Xiao took a deep, soothing breath. When he spoke, there was no sign of any strong emotion in his voice, for now.

"Do you know what Tartaglia did?"

"No?" Hook you up with Lumine, could say Venti, but apparently that was not the case.

Another exhale from Xiao, longer this time.

"He told Lumine we are going to the movies as a group," drawled through his teeth Xiao. "And at the last moment he told her that he and Zhongli won't make it, so we would be alone."

"And it... didn't work?"

"It obviously didn't work. Hu Tao tagged along with Lumine. Apparently Childe promised her movies and she was upset he had forgotten about her so she invited herself. I ended up buying her ticket in place of Childe. After the movie she dragged me all over the mall."

Venti wanted to laugh so, so bad, but he gulped all of the sounds that were ready to escape his lips. Xiao's voice sounded so monotonous and bored, but Venti was sure, if it would be anybody else than Hu Tao, Xiao would be so much more pissed than now.

"This is yet another proof that Childe ideas are dangerous," hummed Venti, maybe a little too happily. "Did you know what was going on?"

"Of course not," growled Xiao. "That bastard texted me this literally the last moment. I would never agree if I had known."

Relief. A big one. The whole universe seemed to be on his side, winking at him. He was feeling bold, but only a little, so he waited with his idea for Xiao to end recounting how Hu Tao chose a horror movie and then she took a middle seat and was whispering jokes to him the entire movie.

"Xiao," blurted finally Venti. He might have won a battle, but not because of his own actions. "Why wouldn't you tell me about it in person? Do you want to hang up on Sunday?"

Silence. Not for long.

"What?" There was a pure surprise in Xiao's voice. Venti suddenly lost all of his confidence.

"Hang out. Together. No working. Relaxing. You know, things people do for fun."

He panicked a little, just a little, hiding his fear behind a sarcasm.

"I know what this mean," snorted Xiao and Venti could imagine his eyes rolling. "I just didn't expect... Nevermind. You know, sure. Let's hang out."

He didn't expect what?

Actually, who cares?

"Great," replied Venti, trying his best to hide his excitement. "The let's meet at noon at that park near campus."

There was a little sound on the other side and Venti couldn't help but wonder what kind of face Xiao did.

"A park?" repeated Xiao with a hint of something light as a feather in his voice. "Should I bring something?"

"Only yourself." Venti smiled, but the only witness of this charming grin happened to be noodles. "I have an idea, you know."

Chapter Text

This is not a date.

He tried to convince himself, but a tiny little hope deep in his chest was too eager to argue.

This is not a date, don't make the same mistake as Xiao.

Well, in Xiao's case, Venti was more than glad it turned out be a misunderstanding. Now, any bad decision could be fatal. He ran a hand through his hair, checked his iconic braids and then took a deep breath to calm his nerves.

This is not a date. Don't look like you care too much.

But, oh, he cared so, so much. He tried very hard to pull that hot yet effortless look. He had his spontaneous but perfect idea and way too many emergency plans. Right now, after all of this scheming, he was here, at the park, on his way to the meeting place chosen by Xiao. His heart fluttered harder and harder with each step, ready to jump off his chest and run, to Xiao or to hide, who could know. His hands were trembling, so he shoved them into pockets, for now. Only few meters, he walked past last corner and‒

Xiao was already there.

Maybe Venti would look at the watch nervously to make sure he wasn't too late. Maybe he would decide that it's fashionable to arrive past scheduled time or maybe he would speed up to not make Xiao wait any longer.

But he didn't.

Instead, he almost stopped, too charmed by the image before him. Xiao, completely unsuspecting, was crouching near the edge of the bridge, watching closely a flock of swans. His long bangs fell on his face, obscuring his expression.

But then he moved slightly.

Venti was struck on a spot.

Relaxed face, soft eyes, ghost of a smile. An expression rare for Xiao, now was beaming from him with a full power. Venti suddenly become addicted. He needed to see more of that. To cause that.

A little breath. When did he stop his walk? He really would be late. Closing the distance between them, he braced himself.

"Hi! Hope you don't wait long?" he announced his presence and waved his hand carelessly. His heart stuttered when Xiao eyes immediately shot up to rest on him. One of the swan fluttered its wings.

"Hi. Not at all." Xiao was back to normal with his calm and unbothered by anything face. He stood up and nonchalantly smoothed his jeans.

"Do you like swans?" asked suddenly Venti and cringed immediately at the stupidity of this question. He quickly averted his gaze to not see Xiao's reaction.

"Kinda." A reserved answer was everything he got. Truly perfect beginning. "Birds like any other birds."

So, do you like birds? Venti could continue questioning, but chose against that. He already had his assumption, so he decided to spare himself any more cringing.

"Alright," he said instead and walk past Xiao, waving at him. "Let's go then."

Xiao nodded and followed in silence. Venti's heart was beating furiously fast and he didn't know how to calm it. With hope that Xiao wouldn't look at his face right now, Venti took two, no, three deep breaths. That's not the first time, was it? Each new activity in their poor relationship started with a huge awkwardness. He should be used to it by now. He should know how to ease the atmosphere.

After a few minutes of walking, the silence was finally disturbed.

"Where we are going exactly?" asked Xiao, aligning his steps with Venti.

"I know the place," started musician, peeking at Xiao with a little smile. "You would never guess that it's a part of the park."

Xiao only hummed in answer. To be honest, Venti wasn't so sure about this. He had been, back on Friday, but now he started to second guessing his decision. Xiao was always choosing the least crowded places, so Venti had deduced quite some time ago that Xiao would like this secluded area of the park.

"This way," he gasped when he bent to go under a low branches. The rustle of a plant told him that Xiao followed without complaining.

They were only a few steps away from their destination. Venti stopped first, straightening proudly and looking around once more at his little discovery. It was a small place, evidently forgotten by people who cared about the park. The area was separated from the more frequented parts by shrubs and trees, but if they strained their eyes, they could see lamps, benches, maybe even people. Apart from that, the place seemed as if they had passed through a magic portal, leaving the captivated park and walking into the heart of the forest. It was here that the river flowing through the public garden broke its course in a waterfall, over which various trees bent.

"So?" started Venti, nonchalantly walking to the biggest tree. "Do you like it?"

Xiao followed him, but his gaze was jumping around, observing many things at the same time. His brows were risen high and his eyes were wide open. Venti started to feeling nervous, when Xiao finally sighed with barely noticeable content.

"Yes," he replied and hesitated for a second before adding more effusive words. "It's stunning here."

"Then I’m glad," giggled Venti, giving himself an imaginary pat on the back. "I discovered it back at the first year, during exam session. A good place to rest, study... even just sit and think."

With familiar, learned movement, he climbed the tree and took his favourite place on a low branch, resting his back on the trunk. Xiao briefly followed his action with his eyes before looking away at the waterfall. After a short moment, he sat down between roots of the tree.

"Do you come here often?" asked Xiao and Venti almost chuckled how much this sounded like a bad pickup line.

"Less often than I would like," he admitted, swinging his legs in the air. His heart somehow seemed to rise a few times in size, full of something warm. He looked down at Xiao only to met his observant eyes. The first thought was to look away, far from this scrutinising gaze, but Venti withstood the initial urge, smiling to Xiao only wider. Did he receive a ghost of smile in return or was it only an illusion?

"I see," replied Xiao.

The silence weighted down once again. This time Venti let it be, let it sunk, accepted connection without words. He closed his eyes, lazily listening to the sounds of nature. Singing of the wind, birds, splash of the waterfall, distant, almost unnoticeable buzz of town... He breathed deeply, allowing his shoulder to loosed up, to relax. It was then he heard a muffled sigh.

"Hmm?" Venti looked down at Xiao. "Something happened?"

Xiao didn't answer, not immediately. He stared at the water, seemingly relaxed, but a quick glance at his hands revealed clenched fists. Venti moved, ready to jump down if needed.

"Nothing." Xiao looked up fleetingly. He sounded like he was forcing words out. "Just... I remembered high school, that's all."

Oh no. Before or after?

He did not ask. He leaned forward, almost slipping down. Anxiety crept up his spine, but maybe it was just a fear? He didn't know. He didn't know if he was ready for anything that could come out next.

"Remember that tree you found behind a gym building? It just... I don't know. They’re similar somehow."

Thanks gods, before then.

"You mean that tree I fell from?" Venti laughed. "Oh, yes, that’s a thing to remember. Someone sneaked a bottle of cider into school, so we missed our class. In the middle of the day! I insisted I would climb to the top of that tree. I fell and broke my arm..."

He sighed. It wasn't the time he spent with Zhongli and orbiting somewhere around Xiao, even though he shared his discovery with them when his friend picked Xiao up from school one day. Maybe high school would be better, if he had been a little younger?

"And yours... friends left you there, scared that they would be punished for drinking in school."

Venti huffed, but something unpleasant stirred deep inside him.

"Well, someone called a teacher at least, I think."

He couldn't remember clearly who left and who stayed. At some point he must have passed out, but he knew he couldn't spend long under the tree. Teacher still had noticed that he drank and what come after that... he would rather not remember.

"Yeah," Xiao's voice got weirdly hard. "Me."

Oh.

"I used to spend my breaks there," explained a little too quickly Xiao. "So yeah, it happened."

Silence again. Venti was looking ahead with wide opened eyes. He should feel betrayed. Cheated on. After a hospital stay and a wave of punishments, his friends were so caring. He never snitched on them, taking all blame on himself. He should be angry now. He should ask more. Had they left him all alone? Had someone stayed, but put Xiao under obligation to inform a teacher? So many important questions. But... Warmth crept all over his chest and he knew it already blinded his judgement.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Did it matter?" A quick peek at Xiao revealed him shrugging his shoulders. "I told Zhongli though."

Right. It was making sense now. After an accident, Zhongli became suddenly so wary about his school friends. Venti explained to himself that he just considered them a bad influence, but with Xiao's version of events...

"Thanks," musician said quietly, glancing at him. "Better late than never."

Xiao grunted and shifted in place, mumbling quietly something in reply.

Warmth became almost unbearable. He had to do something. He had to do something before he combust. Something stupid, something silly, something... teasing.

An idea came way too quick. He didn’t think over it.

"Would you catch me now if I fall again, Xiao?" asked Venti, smoothly standing on his feet. The branch creaked warningly under the sudden shift of pressure, but Venti did not care about that.

"What? What are you doing?" Xiao sounded like he was suddenly torn out from deep thoughts. He looked up and when his gaze met Venti's, his eyes widen. "Venti. Get down. Now."

Venti giggled and took a step forward. It felt nice to tease Xiao a little.

"Whyy? It’s not like I'm high, but it still would be nice to not have my butt bruised."

"Then sit down or, even better, get here."

"No." Venti peeked at Xiao and stuck his tongue out at him. "Catch me, Xiao."

He knew he won when Xiao got up cautiously, still staring at him. He actually didn't plan to lose balance or anything like that, but seeing how Xiao got all wary and ready over stupid teasing... Ah, his heart was beating so hard, yet he felt like he gained some kind of control over the situation.

"Aw, you are worrying about me!" giggled Venti, looking at Xiao through almost closed eyelids. Xiao grunted something under his breath and crossed his arms, eyes narrowed.

"No, I just have an idiot for a friend," drawled Xiao, but vigilance in his eyes was betraying him. He followed every Venti's move. "Are you satisfied yet?"

"No!" Musician rose his eyebrows like he heard a challenge and then he decided to make a slow pirouette.

He did not take into account the leaves lurking around his head. Branch slapped his face, making him lose his balance instantly. Only a surprised "Oh!" left his lips when he slipped down. He closed his eyes instinctively, preparing for an impact.

His feet hit the ground, but much lighter than he could expect. What shook him more was the sudden contact with another body, strong arms around him, breaking his fall and holding him in place. He heard Xiao cursing quietly and when Venti looked, he saw irritated, but also worried eyes.

"And now are you satisfied?" growled Xiao, the same second forcibly making Venti stand straight, but still keeping his hands on musician’s shoulders.

Yes, I am.

"You're hurting my feelings. Did you have to catch me like a bag of potatoes?" cried Venti falsely, hiding his excitement.

"Ungrateful. I should have let you bruise your butt."

"My beautiful butt? How could you even think about it, Xiao? Damn‒"

"What's wrong?" wondered Xiao, watching closely how Venti pressed his hand to his eye.

"Something popped into my eye," explained Venti.

"Don't rub it."

Venti’s eyes widen when he felt a touch lighter than a brush of butterfly wings, familiar yet so missed coolness. He let out a little, almost silent gasp, peeking at a concentrated frown at Xiao's face, feeling his fingers gently lifting his face, the other hand nearly resting on his cheek bone. Venti just stood there, too paralysed to react, feeling a familiar warmth threatening to crawl on his face, revealing everything. It was too much and not enough at the same time. When an urge to lean into this cold hands almost choked him, Venti knew it’s time to stop it, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

"I can't see anything," decided Xiao, carefully looking from many angles. "Maybe you already winked it out?"

One blink, one shaky breath and the touch was gone. Something in Venti’s expression made Xiao to step back quickly, escaping with his gaze.

„Sorry," he spoke, eyeing grass with intensity. "Force of habit. Still hurts?"

Yeah, it hurt really, really bad. But not the eye. When Venti was too preoccupied with Xiao's hands, his tears must have done their trick.

But Xiao… How could he. Snitch control over situation from him so easily, with only few gestures. Ventis cheeks started to burn with live fire. He had no other choice than to turn his head, hide evidence.

"Anyway..." started suddenly Xiao and Venti couldn't help but peek. "You're an idiot."

His face, calm yet full of unspeakable tension. That was actually pretty obvious. Venti disregarded the accident, more thoughts giving later punishments, but if it was Xiao, who took care of his pity broken self under the tree... Well.

"I'm sorry," admitted Venti. "I thought this would be funny, I wanted to lighten the atmosphere. I guess I'm really an idiot."

He earned yet another deep sigh from Xiao. Their eyes crossed and Venti smiled softly, hoping that Xiao would return the gesture.

Of course he didn't.

"Don't think about this too much. This is exactly why I kept quiet about this. Just don't do stupid things any more."

Oh, Xiao, I don't think that's possible.

After very dramatic assurances about his future decisions, a few silly jokes and another attempt to sit on a tree branch, ending in Xiao grabbing his collar, Venti finally decided it is time for the rest of his plans. It's his turn to drag Xiao through various uncrowded attractions nearby, earning his annoyed sighs and taking way too many photos. And he did that. In the meanwhile, he finally listened to the rest of the story of Friday's events, though nothing particularly important happened when Lumine left Xiao with Hu Tao. Time was racing way too fast, against Venti's pious wishes.

"Venti?" asked Xiao, when they stopped right outside the dorm. The air grew a bit chill so he shoved his hands into pockets. "Weren't you supposed to tell me something?"

Venti froze in place, feeling an invisible hand tightening on his lungs.

"Was I?" he choked out as naturally as he could. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed how Xiao tilted his head.

Was he… too obvious? It’s too early, he’s not ready‒

"You texted me about it," reminded Xiao, his voice curious yet seemingly unbothered, maybe a little worried. "Remember?"

Oh, gods. This. Relief flooded him, and he almost burst out laughing.

"Ah, yes. Don’t worry about it. It’s not important now." Actually, it was, very, very important, crucial, not to be missed. He just couldn’t hurt Xiao with this news, not today. And who know, maybe he would never have to? It was him, not Lumine, who spend Sunday with Xiao alone.

"Alright," Xiao didn’t sound convinced, but did not pursue the topic. He waved his hand and turned around smoothly. "See you at campus then."

And with that he was gone, but that damned warmth stayed. So nicer than stabbing pain of jealousy. Venti started to get used to it a little too much. Is it wrong that he dared to hope even more?

One lie. One secret.

Chapter Text

Yet another night he barely slept. This time excitement nested itself deep in his mind and refused to go away, no matter now hard he tried to finally get some rest, no matter how tired his body felt. Venti's brain went totally insane, rethinking all events of the day once more, still full of this warm, cosy feeling. Gods, he was done for. Mindless rolling in the bed felt like an eternity, so when birds started singing, he gave up and quickly got up, despite tiredness fogging his brain. Having to chose between the next sleepless hour and early stroll, the decision was easy to make.

After getting ready and grabbing his stuff, he ran down the stairs leading to the main hall. He couldn't stop grinning, preparing himself for a fantastic day. He would somehow survive his classes, and then... He still needed to come up with some excellent idea. Unfortunately, his carefree daydreaming was interrupted by a surprising, incorrect thing. He frowned at Rosaria, who was sitting behind the receptionist desk, and she frowned at him, before they simultaneously said:

"Miss Rosaria, you're still here?"

"Are you drunk at this hour?"

Venti snorted with a wide grin, then almost danced to the desk. Rosaria stared at him from head to toe, tensed and ready to react, if needed.

"I'm drunk on love," admitted Venti, resting his elbows on the counter. "On raw, unfiltered love."

"Great," drawled Rosaria as she didn't even try to hide her unimpressed grimace. "Students in love cause more problems than usual, and you already have quite impressive history. Let me remind you, this dorm has a very strict set of rules applying to visitors, especially when they stay overnight."

Venti tilted his head, his smile still wide, maybe only a little more cheeky. He hummed with content, earning from Rosaria only an annoyed sigh.

"I take this that you believe in the success of my charm, dear miss Rosaria."

She shrugged with pure disinterest and came back to the crossword on her lap. Venti peeked at it curiously, only to realize that Rosaria was doodling on the margins.

"So, why are you still here? I thought you are against working overtime?" he repeated his previous question, glancing at the clock. Rosaria yawned, also checking time on her phone.

"I am. But my co-worker happened to be late. But don't worry, I know hot to get back my favours."

"Sure thing." Venti stepped back and gracefully turned towards the exit. "See you later, miss Rosaria!"

Wandering steps led him straight ahead, through the still empty street and shortcuts, until Venti finally could stop at a small square, surrounded by a lot of cafes and small shops, popular with students. It was only minutes away from the main campus, so Venti climbed at the low wall and then he sat comfortably, too excited to keep his legs motionless. They swung carelessly, exactly like his heart roamed in his chest.

He could sing his feelings out right now, but he lacked the proper audience. So he only hummed, accompanied by birds and wind.

What should he do next, which step to take? Of course, it was still too early for obvious ones, yet he felt empowered and encouraged as never before. In a few weeks he jumped that great divide, from just a familiar face from the present and the past, reaching the steady and safe position of someone who's rather close. This alone filled his heart with so much pride, yet he still dared to want more, to need more. He crossed the boundary which contained his feelings to this point and now there was no way back.

His phone buzzed as if it wanted to take part in his humming. Venti looked at the message briefly and almost instantly groaned. Keqing.

Classes.

Project and grades.

Why.

How could he concentrate on his homework now, when so much important stuff happened all at once? Not that he would concentrate much either way, now was just even harder than before. He typed some kind of answer, more excuse than anything, and shoved his phone back into his pocket with incredible force, as if he was trying to hide all his obligations with it. In vain, because something surfaced already.

End of this academic year.

Two months, no, not even that. The exam session was approaching fast, faster than he would like to. He managed to somehow stay on passable level, but no more than that. Additionally, he would start his last year of university after the holidays, which meant only one. The master's thesis.

He sighed pitifully, remembering how awful and exhaustingly it was to write his previous paper. He would have gone mad if not for the help of Zhongli, but this time Venti couldn't count on his friend's assistance. Zhongli was right now busy with his own thesis, not just any, but the PhD in History. In moments like this, that five years of age difference was more noticeable than usual. Venti smiled to himself. Who could know, maybe in the next year he would attend his friend's wedding, while still not figuring out his own life?

Another irritated growl escaped Venti's lips. All of this hard work to not think about dooming responsibilities, all for naught. He gracefully jumped from the wall and started wandering again.

Life felt a little better somehow right now. He got his thoughts collected during a walk, he bought the tastiest apple pie at the familiar bakery, not one, but two servings, then he successfully avoided Keqing and managed to nap a little at the lecture. Still, foggy dizziness didn't leave him so easily. He decided to miss his last lecture and nap a little more in the dorm. After all, he predicted it would be a good day, wouldn't it?

But maybe he just jinxed it. Yesterday's happiness couldn't last forever, could it?

There were they, together, under the shadow of the small roof of the cafeteria entrance. Lumine was talking continuously, beaming with such liveliness as only she could. Xiao, on the other hand, was listening to her silently, nodding from time to time, his hand on his neck. What pained Venti the most, was his face.

Xiao smiled to her. That was a shy expression, a little unsure. Genuine one. It stabbed right into Venti's heart, twisted the invisible blade a few times and let go, letting him bleed his feelings to death. His hand unconsciously wandered to his chest and tightly grabbed the t-shirt. His body was intact, yet the pain seemed real.

They finished talking. Lumine seemingly said goodbye and briefly touched Xiao's shoulder. Venti's jealousy howled violently, ready to bite, scratch, firstly make a way outside from the depths of his chest. His hand clutched the material of his shirt even stronger.

Then, she saw him.

Wide smile, energetic gesture, honest action. She waved to Venti from the distance, before she continued her way. Everything in his mind halted, allowing him to only waved back on autopilot.

Because‒

How could he‒

One shaky breath later, bitter realization struck him with a full force.

How could he try to compete with her? Even if he managed to find his way to Xiao's heart, if Xiao would happen to choosing between them two, Lumine still would be a better option. Safer option. Smart, ambitious, strong. Pretty. Independent. Better in any way.

Thankfully, Albedo existed.

Yet something still didn't feel right.

Was he selfish to crave this smile only for himself? Was he selfish to not act on his feeling before the risk of loosing Xiao appeared? Was it selfish of Venti to want his attention to him and only him?

He didn't even notice when he started to drag his body forward until he stopped just before Xiao. His mouth felt dry when he looked at the unreadable expression on Xiao's face.

"You good?" Xiao squint his eyes, watching Venti closely. "You look pale."

His act, he lost his act somewhere.

"Really?" He slapped himself theatrically with both hands, ready to lie. "I forgot to eat breakfast, maybe that's why."

Xiao sighed with audible disapproval and crossed his arms. Venti could only giggle apologetically before he stared at Xiao almost without blinking. When Xiao gave him a puzzled look, this time was Venti's time to sigh.

"So‒?"

"So what?" Xiao furrowed his brows.

"What have you talked about?" Venti tried to sound enthusiastic. "I saw you smiling!"

"Was I obvious?" Xiao averted his gaze, but dusted with pink cheeks revealed everything. Not for long, as he snorted and looked back at Venti with pursed lips. "Shouldn't you go eat something first?"

Venti bit his lips. As much he despised the idea of stuffing more food into his stomach right now, he still couldn't help feeling warmth and satisfaction at this manifestation of concern from Xiao. He gave in, he nodded.

"Then let's go, shall we?" Venti nodded his head towards the glass door of the cafeteria, earning only an awkward grimace from Xiao.

"I already ate," he admitted. Involuntarily, he glanced at the crowds that had already gathered inside the room. "I was about to go somewhere else."

Oh no. Such a diversionary tactic. But Venti didn't succumb, not yet.

"No problem," he mused, smiling widely. "Wait for me, I will grab takeaway."

He vanished behind the door before Xiao could say another word.

"Eat already," simply ordered Xiao, when they finally found a quiet and empty spot at the campus to sit down. "You still look pale."

Did he? Despite that, Venti still didn't feel like eating anything, but Xiao's hard gaze made him give in. He slowly unwrapped a random sandwich he had chosen, glaring at the second boy, unimpressed.

"I'm eating," Venti said, waving the sandwich in the air. "Now, speak. What were you talking about?"

He still tried to sound cheerful, but this time some kind of neediness made way into his voice. Xiao seemed to not notice that, as he averted his gaze, embarrassed again.

"Nothing particular actually," he admitted, rubbing his neck again. "She just wanted to make sure I'm not angry for Hu Tao tagging along on Friday. She thought it was a good idea as we kinda know each other, but then she was worried she overstepped somehow."

Venti let out a long breath. He was jealous over nothing in the end.

"And..." Xiao paused for a moment, looking somewhere in the distance. "We exchanged our numbers."

Stop. Repeat. They what?

"You what?" choked out Venti, subconsciously crumbling the sandwich in his hands. Luckily, Xiao was too invested in his own thoughts to notice. Before he spoke again, Venti managed to dispose of the evidence.

"It was her idea, I probably wouldn't dare to ask" sighed Xiao, small smile wandering on the corners of his lips. "I don't know how to proceed now."

Throw your phone away, could say Venti. Wait, no. In that case even Venti couldn't text to Xiao. Soo...

"Don't text her immediately." Words rolled from his lips before he could even comprehend what he was trying to accomplish. "She may think you are desperate or something."

Such a horrible advice, he almost bent over under the weight of his sin. Xiao looked at him with eyes wide open, but quickly came back to staring at the distance, contemplating Venti's words. Musician held his breath, with remorse still tingling his senses.

"Maybe you're right," muttered Xiao, furrowing his brows in some kind of dejected expression. "I'll wait and see."

Guilt hit Venti again. But then came satisfaction. And guilt again. Emotion swirled together, creating a truly staggering cocktail. He enthusiastically bit into a miserable leftover of the sandwich with a hope of choking on it, so the mood of this conversation would change 180 degrees.

"You should have bought two." Sudden comment in fact almost made him choke. Venti looked at Xiao with silent reproach in his eyes while swallowing dry bread. Xiao tilted his head slightly, before he continued, "I have an apple, if you want."

"Yes, please!"

Who cares about full stomach. Apples and wine would always go to the second one, the dessert's one, or however people call that phenomena. Venti gulped hastily the last bite of the sandwich and stretched out his hands to grab ruby fruit, benevolence from the gods themselves. Xiao rose his brow at the enthusiasm of the musician, but didn't withdraw his offer. Could Venti fall in love even harder? One sniff, one gleeful smile later and Xiao snorted with muffled laugh, rolling his eyes.

"Seriously?" His voice was indifferent, yet light. "I'm glad you enjoy it, though."

"It's my favourite," muffled out Venti with mouth full. "What would you expect?"

"Nothing less. You had always bugged Zhongli to pick the nicest from the tree for you."

Oh. Oh. He remembered something like this. Shock flooded Venti's senses, yet the aftertaste was so sweet, sweeter than ripe apple. He smiled as lovely as he could.

"I'm perfectly fine with store bought now," he said softly, earning a sigh from Xiao.

Bite after bite, Venti consumed the gracious gift in silence, bothered by previous feelings coming back to him. He accepted Xiao as he was, but one trait of him was quite problematic sometimes. Right now, not encouraged by another person talking, Xiao did not spill a word, content with only watching clouds swimming lazily in the sky. Venti got way too much time to think and even the sweetness of apple didn't ease this mind now as new dilemmas arose.

"Xiao," he started, earning a quiet hum of acknowledgement from the other. "I have a favour to ask."

In the corner of his eye, he saw how Xiao turn his gaze onto him, only to stare patiently. Venti gulped quietly and looked down at his lap, like there was something worthed of his attention.

"You see, there's someone, who asked for my advice," he lied smoothly. "And I don't know how I should help that person. Could I ask you something?"

Venti heard Xiao sigh, and when he peeked at him, Xiao was staring at the sky again.

"I'm not the best with people. Why me, not Zhongli?"

Venti forcibly let out a breath. Suddenly he regretted this sudden burst of courage. To fool even himself, he smiled broadly and finally openly looked at Xiao.

"I just want a different perspective, that's all." He let out a subtle giggle. "Imagine that Lumine likes someone else and that person seems like a better choice. What would you do?"

This came out more twisted than he initially intended, yet there was no way back, even if silence fell heavier than he would like. Xiao furrowed his brows and he stopped with a word, before he spoke with unsure voice, "Venti... What's with this question?"

Venti shook his head, desperately trying to stop this talk from spiralling out of his control. Small steps, damage control, quiet reconnaissance.

"It's a theoretical question, I only wanted to help you understand the situation."

"I see. Then..." Even despite words of reassurance, Xiao still seemed doubtful. "I think I would back off."

Venti's heart started to beat faster. He jerked his head up, looking at Xiao, whose eyes were fixed on his knees.

One look and Venti felt that same stabbing sensation. Xiao didn't have to say it out loud, Venti already knew.

He could back off, but he wouldn't get over it so easily.

"But that's not the end," said Venti unconsciously, hearing his own words like from behind a curtain. "That person is aware there is someone else who likes them. Do you think it would be good for that person to give them a chance?"

Xiao sighed with a hint of annoyance.

"You didn't tell me who's that, how could I know?"

"You don't know them anyway. It's just a neutral take, just your honest opinion. But if you need an example so bad, I don't know, Lumine is taken, but Hu Tao likes you, what would you do?"

"Examples like this don't help at all."

"Just try. Please."

"Venti, I don't know."

Suddenly Venti became too much aware, how distressed Xiao seemed to be. He gulped and stared at his own knees, feeling as if he broke out of some kind of trance.

"Sorry, I shouldn't bother you like this." Venti's voice got a little quieter. "I just really wanted your opinion."

"That's okay," said Xiao, with his eyes on the sky again. Venti didn't felt okay at all. "Sorry I couldn't help you."

Venti shook his head, perfectly faking a bright smile. "Nah, it's enough, you tried. Thank you anyway."

He stood up suddenly, stretching his body as the wind subtly grazed his body, swung his braids. With a much more honest smile, he turned around, only to offer Xiao a hand to help him stand up too. The other looked a little unsure, but didn't reject the offering.

"I know what I'll advise that person," started Venti again.

"What?"

Venti hummed with a slight hint of a giggle, resting his index finger on his chin. Xiao looked at him unimpressed, only slightly tilting his head.

"I'll tell you if it works."

Chapter Text

Late spring. A time of longer and longer days and trips with friends. Warm afternoons and crisp mornings and evenings. A time of adventures, enjoying life to the fullest, time of music, dancing and singing. It is also a time of hard work, to get off the university duties as soon as possible and fully relax. A whole lot of students lined up on the campus grounds to simultaneously enjoy the beautiful day and prepare for the upcoming tests and exams.

One of those students was no other than Venti.

He was sitting in his favourite spot with his laptop on his laps, furiously tapping the edge of the computer. He had barely written something and he already erased more than he wrote. His brows were tightly furrowed in pure concentration as he bit his lip and muttered words under the breath. He was so busy, he would definitely miss a familiar figure, if they didn't announce their presence.

"I can't believe my eyes, Venti is working during the break," sounded sarcastic yet friendly female voice. "What's next, are you going to join some club?"

Venti jerked up and swiftly pressed the combination of keys to change the window of focus. Just after that, he looked at Keqing with a bright smile and waved his hand.

"Let's say I'm in the mood for some study catching," he said cheerfully, leaning back and supporting himself with his hands. "And you? Are you enjoying today's weather or going to study?"

Keqing gave him a smug smile and rested her hands on her hips.

"I'm already done with this week assignment and the other work, so guess what? I'm going to rest today." She sounded do proud of herself, like she was expecting Venti to congratulate her on the spot. In the end, it was him who usually responded to her reminders about responsibilities by bringing up the importance of rest. Contrary to her expectations, Venti was completely struck.

"This week assignment?" he repeated with a weak voice. Keqing tilted her head and narrowed her eyes.

"Yes? Essay on Social Policy, remember? We had plenty of time, the professor gave it about two months ago."

She didn't even try to hide her suspicions. To save his face, Venti snorted with a smile on his lips.

"Of course I remember it," reassured Venti, even though his stomach suddenly became an empty, heavy pit of endless anxiety. "I just thought it's due the next week."

"I see," sighed Keqing, still eyeing Venti attentively. "Just remember, there's a group calendar with all deadlines, okay?"

Venti nodded vigorously, pretending he's totally fine with his throat painfully tightened and swirling head. He almost didn't hear how Keqing said something more light-hearted and then wished him good luck.

Finally, she left.

With a deep, heavy breath, he opened back almost an empty word's document, but ignored its content to search for one of the older text. It actually existed, created around a month ago with a false hope of getting work done early. Few pointless sentences welcomed him, taunted him mercilessly.

Two months and not even a paragraph.

He sighed again, closing the proof of his failure, promising himself solemnly to work on it in the evening. Not now, when a choking feeling banished all knowledge from his head. The only opened thing on his computer was the previous, equally empty document. The view of that made Venti think he could cry. But he didn't. Not now, at least.

When during their last meeting Venti told Xiao about the advice, he exaggerated a bit. A small bit. Back then he had only a hunch, a small idea, that he should slow down. Think about it more calmly. Forgot about Lumine as much as he could. Did what he should do a long time ago, the very moment he suddenly had realized that his heart clearly refused to look at Xiao the same way as before. And today, struck by sudden motivation, he decided to try to write down every little thought and idea that popped into his mind from the beginning of this mess, clean everything out.

The grand plan to win Xiao's heart before the end of the university.

When he had written this title, he was realistic. Maybe even pessimistic, but he couldn't plan differently, not when he knew he would have to come back home at the school break. This thought alone made him shiver with deep displeasure, so he concentrated on the text again.

Things Xiao likes about me:
- my music
- |

A sigh left his lips at the wondrous thought of how much he sucked at the two most important things in his life.

He hadn't realized his idea yet, and he was already starting to regret it.

His heart was beating so, so hard, pounding echoing loudly in his ears. He watched the clip once and once again, before he gulped reluctantly and pressed the send button.

Me: xiao, xiao, look! what do you think?

This short video of his guitar performance took almost no time to load. A big, white play button taunted him, teasing to watch again, to check for mistakes or goofy expression and delete just in case. His finger flickered over the screen, his breath brushed his lip. Before he could make any decision, three dots appeared next to Xiao's name and the second later message arrived.

Xiao: Nice

Venti's heart almost stopped. He wasn't prepared to such a quick answer. His fingers were still trembling, he had to delete misspelled words several times.

Me: only nice? :< my heart is bleeding right now :<

He fell onto his back, shoving his face into his hands. Was it a stupid thing to write?

Ping.

Xiao: It's different from your usual style. You seemed not so confident about it, but it was still as good as always.

Not so confident, he wrote. Hah. It was really difficult to feel at ease while recording a shot for a hopefully-future-boyfriend, especially with a looming presence of an opened yet still forgotten essay document. Still, Venti beamed like a rising sun, flooding Xiao with a wave of positive emoticons. He stopped for a moment, before he typed one more message.

Me: you're coming on friday, right?

He waited for a replay, which came as quick as the previous. The confirming one. He sighed with relief, finally finding the motivation to start working.
In the end, he had to finish before Friday, hadn't he? He wouldn't forgive himself if he missed meeting with Xiao.

The next day was no better. He managed to finish the entire opening of the essay, but he had to take a break from writing to revise the material for the next important test. His eyes were already starting to hurt from staring at the wall of text for the last half of an hour, and the letters were starting to blend together. He sighed, involuntarily drifting away in the direction of fantasizing about the break. He remained in this state of half-concentration until someone's footsteps snapped him out of his thoughts. Lazily, he raised his eyes from the textbook. The girl in front of him smiled proudly and crossed arms on her chest.

"I knew I will found you here," she started nonchalantly.

Venti tried to keep a disinterested face at all cost. It wasn't difficult, considering how tired he felt.

"Why were you searching for me?" he asked in reply, trying to imitate her tone. "Want to study with me?"

Mona snorted and took a seat without asking. Venti just glanced over her figure, then sighed and closed the book. Apparently, it's her turn to interrupt his studies. And he couldn't mind less.

"Sure, if you wish to learn something about gravitational interaction," she snorted, and, seeing his dumbfounded expression, rolled her eyes. "What's with that face?"

"Nothing, nothing." Science was the last thing Venti would assume self announced witch would study. "So, what do you want?"

Mona smiled proudly and straightened her back.

"I did a little reading this morning.'' Oh no. "And the card I associated with you was in a quite lucky position. You should take your chances if you can."

Oh yes?

Though he still didn't know how he should feel with her antics. She appeared as an ally and at the same time her actions felt so antagonistic. He considered asking why on earth she had assigned him a card, but ultimately decided against it.

"I'm buying a lottery ticket then. How are Lumine and Albedo?" he asked casually, glancing at Mona subtly. She crossed her arms and tilted her head, a smile no longer present on her lips.

"Still invested, I see," she replied, eyeing Venti mercilessly. "How suspicious."

Venti endured that gaze. He smiled even, carefree and gleefully as he only could.

"Is it wrong to be interested in the life of friends, especially after you let me know such a secret?"

It wouldn't hurt to check from time to time. Just in case, that how he explained to himself. Even despite his advice to himself. Since Mona had already started talking to him...

"I should ask for a secret in exchange," she said, resting her elbows on the table. "You hid something from me and now I'm even closer to dig into it. Screw your tangled fate."

Venti chuckled, but it sounded like a snort. Unconsciously, he repeated her action and additionally rested his cheek on a palm. "So why don't you check it? Your cards won't tell you?"

Those words weren't supposed to sound so hostile and he winced. She only furrowed her brows. They looked at each other for a long, silent moment.

"What are you going to do, if they tell?"

Venti didn't know. Something deep inside of him was firmly convincing him, that he can't let any of the truth out under any circumstances. He tried to reason with himself again, to no avail. Of course, he couldn't confess to Xiao, yet. But why keeping silent about Xiao's crush? Why keeping silent about Lumine's relationship? He didn't know. Weird tension appeared deep inside his stomach when he was thinking about this. Like something bad was going to happen. What? He couldn't define. Something. Anything. He could only prevent this by keeping control over all of his secrets.

Mona hummed under her breath, visibly displeased with him. She stood up and swiftly turned around.

"If you buy a lottery ticket and win, you owe me."

As time has shown, Mona was right. He must have indeed been lucky this week, though his workload and looming around essay might not have indicated it. The last thing Venti expected after class ended, was seeing Xiao around the cafeteria at this hour. He wasn't about to complain about having too much luck, oh no, no. He decided to approach without a second thought. Xiao didn't notice him yet, too busy staring at his phone, smiling.

Smiling. It was unthinkable.

"What's so funny?" asked casually Venti, when he finally stopped next to Xiao. The latter shuddered and grabbed his phone tighter, relaxing just after catching the innocent look of Venti.

"It's you," sighed Xiao, moving away his hand from his chest. "I didn't expect you to be here."

Venti, despite his burning curiosity, smiled charmingly and put his hands on hips. Xiao only raised an eyebrow at this proud expression and straightened figure.

"I finished my test almost forty minutes earlier," announced Venti, chin high. "And I have a very good feeling about it!"

"Are you sure there wasn't a second page?" asked Xiao sceptically. Venti pouted his lips and crossed his arms.

"Yes, duh! Do you think I'm dumb?" He looked at Xiao and continued instantly, "Don't you dare answer."

Xiao gave him only a deadpanned look before he reverted his attention back to the phone. Venti couldn't help but try to peek out of instinct and curiosity, but he stopped before Xiao could notice him.

"Soo... What's up?" he started, hoping to get an answer for his previous question instead. Xiao glanced at him, back at his phone, and once more at Venti.

"Lumine sent me a photo from the gym," explained Xiao and then finally showed his phone to Venti.

Lumine was on the foreground. Smiling widely, she raised her hand into the air, forming a victory sign. In the background, Venti could notice Childe, who was sitting on one of many gym machines, hiding his face in his hands. The message of the picture was too clear ‒ Lumine must have won one of their many gym challenges or maybe even a sparing.

The picture looked hilarious. Like a shot from a cartoon, but in real life. Venti could understand why Xiao smiled, and jealousy stung right into the weakest spot.

"Childe gonna whine about this for the whole next week," commented Venti, forcing himself to smile too.

"Yeah," replied Xiao and hid his phone. "This is the best thing that happened to me today."

Venti almost pouted his lips, involuntarily thinking how he could snatch this achievement from Lumine's hands. Before anything came to his mind, Xiao glanced around, uncertainty painted on his face.

"She's doing this all the time," said Xiao quietly, like he was admitting to something embarrassing. "She sends me photos, memes, jokes. And I know she's treating me like a friend, but..."

He pursed his lips tightly and turned his head around, hiding his expression from Venti. All the latter wished to do, was to shake him firmly.

But he didn't.

Venti also wished to say, how much of a mood this is.

But he didn't.

He just smiled, sadly, only to himself.

"That must be a horrible feeling, isn't it?"

Xiao didn't answer, but confirmation was unnecessary.

He had sworn to himself he would concentrate. But he couldn't. Even though Friday came like a judgment day.

He listened to fluidly changing chords and shook his head, muttering some wild words under his breath. One, two, three, now a little slower, four, five, six. He knew this melody, he taught Xiao himself. Now, again, a change of pace, a little faster. Another song. Xiao was practising lazily, and Venti couldn't help but jerking his leg up and down, tapping on the smooth surface of the desk, biting his lip so hard he almost drew blood and‒

"Venti," spoke Xiao gently, as he stopped playing. "If you can't concentrate, I will go. It's really not a problem."

Venti shook his head desperately. Actually, Xiao's presence was the only thing that brightened this dire moment.

"I'm almost done," he reassured the other boy. "I just need a smart summary and I can finally send this assignment straight to hell."

He whined and stroke his temple. He hoped so hard he would manage to finish this before Xiao arrived, so he didn't even send any warning to the latter. When a knock on the door had snapped him out of his thoughts, he had realized that it was too late. Again. After shoving the guitar into Xiao's hands and promising profusely that he would end the work soon, he sat down at his desk full of the fresh wave of motivation.

And the stress, of course. Despite the best intentions, Venti couldn't hear anything else than Xiao playing, he couldn't think about any other thing but his progress. He wanted to turn around and give Xiao the biggest praise he deserved, but he was chained to the laptop. Maybe Xiao was right about him leaving, but Venti felt that this would crush his morale and leave him with bitter feelings.

"If you say so," replied Xiao, but he wasn't sounding sure at all. "Why didn't you write this earlier?"

"I forgot," whined Venti, seconds away from hitting his head on the laptop. "If not for Keqing, I would miss the due date again."

"Write," sighed Xiao and Venti heard a quiet shuffle behind him. A short peek revealed that Xiao put the guitar away. "I wish I could help you, but I know nothing about this topic."

"Don't worry, I'm almost done, really, only this summary and‒ fuck! Don't do this to me now!"

He desperately moved the mouse, only to watch in horror, how the cursor moved with a visible delay to his action, only to stutter suddenly and then froze completely. Venti swore once again, trying to remember when was the last time he had saved.

"What's going on?'' sounded Xiao's voice, this time a little bit closer.

"It froze" whined Venti, almost falling off the chair. "Look."

He moved the mouse. The cursor pitifully stuttered again.

"Give it a moment," muttered Xiao, audibly pensive. "Don't panic."

Oh, he was just about to start panicking. The due date was coming. His hard work was in danger. He didn't say it out loud, but this time a bad grade could make him fail the subject. Fear stung his heart and he calculated nervously how many points he would need to pass this year and‒

‒he felt an additional weight on his chair. He glanced aside, only to see Xiao leaning almost over his shoulder, resting his hand on the armrest.

Now. Now he started panicking.

It's not like they were centimetres away for the first time, no. At this point of time, Xiao felt quite comfortable around Venti, letting their arms meet sometime when they sat side by side. And he caught falling Venti too, this could pass as a hug if Venti insisted. Xiao was comfortable with his touch, Venti was always comfortable with that touch, but now... He felt trapped. Something felt a little different and he didn't know what.

Xiao's new perfume filled his nostrils and if panic didn't steal his breath, this scent would.

A light, slightly flowery yet not sweet nor suffocating aroma overcame his senses. Venti squirmed inside, trapped and without any route of escape. One conscious thought found a way to his mind.

It suits him too well, that's illegal.

That was so unfair. If he moved only a little bit, stretched his body, he could reach and kiss Xiao on the cheek. Heat rose on his own, his heart fluttered as if working harder to give him energy for action.

But he couldn't do that. Not now, no matter how much he wished to see a reaction, how he hoped for a miracle.

Xiao said something. Venti furrowed his brows, trying to concentrate on words.

"‒ink we have to restart it."

A wave of fear shook Venti out of this foggy trance. He pursed his lips, imploringly trying to move the cursor again, to no avail. Xiao sighed and reached out to the power button himself.

"Wait!'' begged Venti and grabbed Xiao's wrist with both hands. "I don't know if I saved it."

Xiao looked at him, his eyes sharp and judgemental, and Venti could only shudder. One glance was enough to make him give up, letting go of Xiao's arm.

"Waiting gets you nowhere," reminded Xiao with a voice much softer than his look. "I'm sure there's a way to recover changes just in case."

Venti mumbled something pitifully, leaning on his chair, watching how the screen went completely black after one, long press of the button. The laptop buzzed softly and booted without a problem. Without a word of encouragement from Xiao, Venti typed his password and waited for further instructions.

"Now, open the program," said Xiao, lightly shifting his weight on Venti's chair. "See, there's a recovery window. It should be more or less alright."

A few more clicks and a green bar appeared on the screen. Venti held his breath in anticipation as the program loaded.

And let it out when he saw that only a few sentences were missing. This time a wave of relief overcame him.

"Oh my gods, Xiao," Venti started, hiding his face in the hands and leaning back on the chair even more. "I love you so fucking much."

And then, this time Venti's brain stopped responding.

"Yeah, yeah," replied Xiao, completely unimpressed. "You could fix it alone if you didn't panic. Now concentrate and just finish."

Concentrate. It was so easy to say for Xiao. Venti's cheeks were burning with a raging fire, when he lifted his trembling hands and placed them over the keyboard. He slipped, he thought. It felt so natural, something he could say to any close friend in this kind of situation, but the aftertaste somehow hit so different. Curiosity scratched his back, begging him to peek, to check if Xiao was really so unmoved as he sounded.

So he peeked, carefully. His braid brushed his hot cheek.

Xiao already sat back at the edge of Venti's bed, with his eyes fixed on the window. He looked calm and unmoved, as he should, after hearing a completely normal, unambiguous, exaggerated exclamation from a friend. Venti should be content, actually. Living proof that Xiao was feeling comfortable in his presence.

And then he suddenly reverts his eyes from the window, piercing Venti's very soul.

"What?" he asked, completely unsuspicious. "There's still a problem?"

"Nah!'' almost shouted Venti, turning back to the laptop. "I was just checking if you are bored."

Xiao sighed and Venti could also hear a rustle of sheets. He fought an urge to peek. It was a miracle that Xiao didn't notice his blush. Or maybe he just pretended?

"Concentrate, or I'll go," said Xiao mercilessly. Sometimes Venti wondered if he knew all along about everything and just chose to torture him. He would really consider it if he didn't know better.

"Alright, alright," gasped Venti. "Give me a moment, I lost my train of thoughts."

He slapped his cheeks, slapped the desk, and then read the last paragraph he had written. Surely, he can finish it. After all, the summary didn't have to be brilliant, it must just exist. Passing this assignment would be more than enough and‒

He wondered how many of such slips it would take for Xiao to finally guess?

He gave himself a mental slap, this time. He wasn't supposed to think about this anymore.

But he did and yet he slowly bled words on the document page, at the same time overthinking the entire event.

When he finished and triumphantly pressed the final save button, he turned around, ready to announce his victory. He bit his tongue at the instant.

Xiao, supposedly tired by waiting, was sitting with his back against the wall. His eyes were closed shut, head bowed and mouth slightly agape. Venti nearly held his own breath, listening to the quiet, rhythmic breathing of Xiao.

Five more minutes, he thought. He will give him five more minutes of well deserved rest.

Or maybe ten.

Or an hour.

When Xiao suddenly flinched awake, the sun was already setting and Venti somehow managed to do the next week's work.

Chapter Text

"Are you angry at me?"

Not a word from Xiao, only a weird, quiet hum. He was siting on a bench motionlessly, his eyes gloomy and cloudy as a rainy sky, his arms crossed as tightly as his lips pursed. Venti let out a shaky breath and rocked on his heals.

"You are."

Xiao sighed and shot Venti a glare. The latter wished he had decided to stay at the dorm today. They didn't talk much since Friday, since Xiao had stormed out of his room after he had woken up from his nap. This situation lasted for two days. It felt like an eternity.

"I'm not," drawled Xiao finally, relaxing his shoulders a bit. "It's just..." he stopped like he was wondering if he really should continue that thought. "You should have woken me up."

Venti clasped his hands behind his back. Though he had the best of intentions, he felt like he had committed a grave sin.

"But you looked awfully tired," he explained, staring at the ground. "And I didn't mind, it was me who had you waiting in the end."

Yet another hum. Xiao wasn't even looking at Venti, when the musician glanced. Was Xiao truly angry? Not furrowed, but bent in distress brows, pursed lips, the way he avoided Venti's gaze all along...

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about. I nap all the time too," burst out Venti tentatively, falling at the bench beside Xiao. The other boy winced and started looking around.

"Can you forget about that already?" he said quietly, tensing, when Venti managed to catch his gaze. A bright smile adorned musician's face, and he leaned slightly forward, causing Xiao to flee from interaction again.

"Only if you stop communicating with monotones," replied Venti. "Or buy me a grumpy Xiao dictionary, that's okay too."

Xiao didn't answer, only leaned back comfortably on the bench, squinting his eyes slightly. His brows drew together in tension this time, but he stopped looking around, instead fixing his gaze straight in front of him. Venti waited, peeking at him through his fringe, softly swaying from side to side.

"Fine," sighed finally Xiao, catching Venti's gaze.

"Hmm? What's fine?" mused Venti, moving almost unnoticeably closer. "Am I going to become the first, proud owner of that extraordinary book?"

Judging by Xiao sharp glare, he was not impressed by Venti's peak humour nor by his charming smile. He just stood up in silence, only to tower over Venti with an unreadable expression.

"No. Just fine, that's all," he said, and Venti tilted his head. "But you better have proper time for my lesson the next Friday."

Venti would shoot up like a firework made of pure excitement, if only he wouldn't risk hitting Xiao this way. Instead, he raised his hands in silent plea, what Xiao decipher without a fault. He grabbed Venti's wrists gently and pulled him up while taking a step back.

"Of course I will," almost hummed Venti, when he caught his balance. "I'll make it up to you, I promise."

University mauled him. Rode over him repeatedly. Spat at him, insulted him, broke his spirit and he was in the middle of announcing these atrocities to the whole world and‒

Rosaria finally looked at him, her gaze as cold and uninterested as ever.

"Sorry, I must have interrupted," said pitifully Venti, leaning on the counter. She sighed and shook her head slightly.

"I don't understand what kind of thought process lead you to decide that I am the right person to complain to," she replied, looking back at her computer. "Don't you have a counselling program or a university psychologist? A friend? Or whatever?"

Venti pouted his lips and started doodling with his finger on the surface of the counter. The wood felt smooth beneath his fingertip and it absorbed him enough to earn another glance from Rosaria. Having her attention, he finally muttered his thoughts out, "All of them will probably make me feel it's my fault and I should just do my work."

The woman glared at him with an expression that screamed, 'I'm not getting enough paid for it.' She shooed him away from the desk, to which he lazily obliged, but still remained a few steps from her.

"What make you feel I don't react this way?"

"You just don't care, so I can complain all I want," chirped Venti. Rosaria peeked at him.

"Can't argue with that," she sighed and glanced at the pair of students, who passed through the front door. Two girls, to be precise, whom Venti had met at university events. Kamisato Ayaka, History of Art. Naganohara Yoimiya, Pedagogics. Both already made a name for themselves. After greetings, Venti moved aside, observing with pure boredom, how Rosaria efficiently registered the guest. He never saw famous miss Kamisato at his dorm before, but knowing she was acquaintance with Yoimiya, everything was coming together. He was glancing over them, involuntarily recalling their flawless cooperation when organizing the fireworks' festival.

Their hands brushed. Ayaka tensed at the moment, grabbing full attention of Venti, who looked at her slightly pinkish face. Then he understood everything.

He mentally bowed his head in sympathy for another unlucky one at this lonesome battlefield.

Short reminding of the rules from Rosaria, long chatter from Yoimiya, and they departed, vanishing at the top of the stairs. The receptionist sighed and laid her eyes on Venti, who tilted his head at her aloof stare.

"You're still here? Whatever, that way at least you don't cause trouble."

Silence fell heavy. Rosaria clicked monotonously on her computer, and Venti followed the movements of her hands with his gaze. He had to admit, he liked talking to Rosaria, but he seemed to run out of topics for the moment.

"Why do you even study this if you hate it so much? I don't think it would be better later at work."

He bit his lips. A punch in the guts. And here he had thought she wouldn't ask.
A heavy stone in his stomach, he looked away, bracing himself to smile. One breath, second‒

He shrugged his arms when he noticed Rosaria's peeking.

"I don't have to work in this field."

She didn't seem convinced. Her gaze bore a hole in his head, ruthlessly searching for answers. After a second that felt like an eternity, she raised her brow like she were disappointed and bored.

"Then your hard work now is pointless."

"Do you like your work, miss Rosaria?"

He took her off guard with this instant question. She looked at him again, this time genuinely taken aback, before her usual unimpressed face came back.

"Work is work," she answered. "I don't need to like it, it's only supposed to give me enough money."

A teasing smile crept on his lips when he crossed his arms and lean forward, catching Rosaria's eyes with his own, half-lidded.

"Ooh, it's not the most optimistic approach."

She sighed as a reply, but it sounded like a chuckle.

"Look who's talking." Her lips curled in a small, almost non-existent smile. "Better be going, or I may think you want to steal my job."

He laughed it off at first. He shrugged and joked. After a second, he even warned her to watch out for him. She didn't pay too much attention to his blabbering. Then he thought about her earlier words.

Pointless...

He shook himself before it got out of hand. Deciding it's enough to bother Rosaria, he said goodbye and wandered to his room, escorted by her watchful gaze.

Ping.

He lazily took his phone. He didn't expect anything important this early in the Friday's morning. Maybe Keqing, but this time, as he recalled, she had no reason to reach out to him. Maybe weather alert. But the sky peeking through the window was clear and bright.

Xiao: not coming today

His heart twisted in the worst way possible. A wave of disappointment crashed on him, yet he found some strength to move his fingers around the screen. Not even thinking twice, he sent a message.

Me: oooow, too bad :< something happened?

Waiting for a reply, he glanced at the time with his lips still pouted in a grimace of pure displeasure. Something was biting him from the inside, repeating over and over that it wasn’t fair. He hoped hard he could redeem himself after the setback from last week.

His phone lit up. He didn’t even wait with opening the message.

Xiao: stuff, sorry. don't ask

He frowned, staring in disbelief at the short, vague text. He snorted almost, typing some kind of witty attempt to get answers, before he deleted everything and started from the beginning. Shorter, quicker, simpler.

Me: can I call?

Why did he feel like he was texting into the ether?

Up to this moment, still no answer.

He came back from campus, already ate dinner and even tried to work to keep his mind busy. He was checking his phone every five minutes, especially after that he texted Zhongli too, despite knowing he used to forgot about his phone even more often than Xiao.

Emptiness, no answer at all.

He even tried to call both of them.

No answer at all. At this point anxiety was eating him alive, even though he knew he should calm down. Maybe it was longing. Maybe jealously, cleverly disguised as worry. Maybe he should be more fret about himself, not being able to get over it.

And yet somehow he decided to call Zhongli again. First, second, third signal rang in his ear. Venti sighed and bit his lip. Fourth and fifth. Maybe he should hang up already.

"Heello?" sounded suddenly cheeky voice. One stone fell from Venti's chest, only to being replaced by another.

"Childe? Where's Zhongli?" he asked immediately, unconsciously biting the inside of his cheek.

He could hear a prideful laugh, which managed to knock down the second stone. Not even a second later Childe spoke, the reason for his giggle shamelessly clear.

"My amazing boyfriend, soon to be husband and father of our future bunch of children is currently cooking our dinner. Before you ask, yes, his phone was muted."

In another time such a statement would be a perfect feed for that ferocious best inside his chest, but right now his mind was too preoccupied. Quick glance at the clock tell him it already past his usual lesson with Xiao.

"Is Xiao nearby?" he asked bluntly. He didn't even notice when he stood up and started to wandering around his room.

"Well, he was supposed to eat together with us, but he left not so long ago. You two play guitar at Fridays, yes? How is he, can he impress girlie yet?"

Venti swallowed the anger with surprising ease.

"Did he tell you where he's going?"

Silence at the other end made his stomach swirling with both the anticipation and fear. Before he could ask another question. Childe audibly exhaled.

"I don't think so." His voice sounded far more serious than before. "Did something happened?"

It was Venti's time to be silent. He felt paranoid again, making such a fuse over a vague conversation and a cancelled meeting. It was such a Xiao's thing to disappearing without a word, to not give a glimpse to his feelings and thoughts. Maybe it was Venti's fault. Maybe he believed too willingly that their connection strengthened, that Xiao was opening bit by bit for him.

Maybe he should lie to not worry Childe and Zhongli unnecessarily.

"It just‒"

He bit his tongue. Silence was electrifying. He knew Childe was patiently waiting for an explanation. Who knows, maybe their conversation caught Zhongli's attention already.

"He cancelled our lesson because of something and doesn't pick his phone," he choked out. "I just can't stop wondering if everything is okay."

Almost like all of his strength went into that simple sentence. His arm felt limp and keeping it up seemed like a hassle. Even though, he endured. Numb and stuck in place, he awaited the answer.

"Oh." Childe sounded a little bit relaxed, but still serious enough. Shame washed over Venti. Of course he exaggerated with the worrying. "No, he didn't tell where's he's goin‒." Childe stopped suddenly and a shiver ran down Venti's back. When the voice sounded again, it was a little more distant. "I'm talking with Venti. No, relax, he's just wondering where is Xiao, do you know, maybe?" Venti stopped the groan that tried to escape past his lips. Now Zhongli would be aware of his silliness. "Ah, okay. No, don't worry, must be Xiao doing Xiao's things."

"So what's up?" he asked after a little swish. His legs couldn't bear this embarrassment, so he fell on his bed.

"Zhongli don't know where he went too," announced Childe. "I'll just call him."

"Wait," spoke Venti, surprising even himself. Having no other option, he continued. "Don't tell him about me, okay?"

Childe burst out a short laughing and Venti pursed his lips in pure helplessness.

"Alright, alright," agreed Tartaglia and Venti sighed with relief. "I'll let you know how it went."

"Thanks." He mechanically nodded. "Really, thanks. Ah, and... unmute this phone."

Childe laughed once more, before he hung up. Venti was left alone with an almost perfect silence. In merciless shame. He picked up his guitar in hope of killing both. With breath stuttering on his lips, he arranged the instrument, gently stroked the strings and... waited.

No tune came out. Only silence. And shame. And worry.

And buzz. He grabbed the phone like a drowning lifebuoy.

Childe: I called from Zhongli's phone. He hung up when I spoke. Might get Zhongli to call him for real.

Two stones weighted his chest today already. The third one appeared sneakily, though it was made mainly from embarrassment and guilt, not fear. He brought his phone to his ear, naively hoping to stop this right now.

That damn patter once again. First signal. Second. Th‒

Silence and the quiet sigh.

"Xiao," choked out Venti, shocked that Xiao picked up.

"Yes?" sounded cold, unbothered voice. Venti couldn't help but shudder. He gulped before he spoke again. Xiao must be furious, having so many people trying to reach out to him.

"What does grumpy Xiao dictionary says?"

He didn't know why he said that. Maybe in hope to defuse a tension. Silence made him only more worried. For a moment he thought Xiao would hang up without another word.

"To leave me alone."

The hurt ran down his chest with a shiver, nesting itself deep in his stomach with a spasm. He opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened... he bit, bit hard, hard enough to draw blood.

"That's my the least liked phrase," he replied, even though his throat felt dry. "What happened?"

"What made you think that something happened?"

Everything, really, could say Venti, but he remained silent. He waited, eyes unfocused and fixed on the wall in front of him.

"Nothing happened," said finally Xiao. "It's nothing, stop caring."

That shiver inside his body again. But he fought it, he had to.

"N‒no," he tried to say firmly, though his voice stuttered. "We are friends, aren't we? I'm worried."

Silence. Only the muffled sounds of nature on the other side.

"You shouldn't." Venti grabbed his phone more tightly at the slightly rougher sound of Xiao's voice. "I just needed a fresh air, that's all."

He shook his head, even if Xiao couldn't see that.

"I don't believe you."

"Venti. We'll talk another time."

"No, no, don't you dare hang‒"

He actually did it.

But Venti recalled one tiny detail. The sound of waterfall.

Few minutes later he was already on his way. Sun still was hanged high and streets were full of people, but that one place he was heading to, would be almost empty for sure. He already strayed from the main path and made his way through the bushes. He already heard falling water. Worry and anger never stopped bubbling in his veins, not even when he stepped in his secret place, not even when he noticed the hunched silhouette of Xiao. The latter was silent when Venti stopped in front of him, with his gaze stuck to the ground, his breath still ragged. He wanted to catch it and say‒

But he didn't manage to.

"What are you doing here?" asked Xiao with apparent calmness, yet when Venti glanced at him, he noticed a tiny bit of uneasiness.

"It's a public spot, I can be here," he bit back and furrowed his brows. "I told you I'm worried about you, dumbass."

Xiao took the tiniest step back, when his eyes ran away somewhere, anywhere. Venti hung his gaze on his pursed lips, trembling in attempts to speak.

"I told you it's nothing," sighed finally Xiao. Another tiny step back.

"Yes, I know, but‒ I mean, I understand, you don't have to tell me anything," Venti spat out and it pained too. "But at least don't act like this. It makes me worried and I can't help it. You could at least text me something when I called."

Xiao remained silent, his eyes reverted away from Venti. Bitter realization slowly crept in.

"Are you angry at me for real this time?" asked Venti, quieter this time. "What did I do?"

Silence. Helplessness. Anger again. Maybe frustration, that Xiao couldn't, just couldn't spit it out. How much Venti would rather have Xiao yelling at him than giving him this silent treatment.

"I told you, we'll talk later."

"No." Venti himself shivered at the firm sound of his voice. Xiao, surprised, finally looked at him. "We will talk now, even if you yell at me, or hit me, or anything."

Finally, some sign of emotions on Xiao face. Slight disgust, agitation. He leaned back, like Venti could force him to these actions at any seconds.

"What? I couldn't hit you," said Xiao, and Venti took a few steps forward.

"Then yell, I don't care."

He cared, but being yelled at wasn't the worst.

"I just need a time to think, could you leave me alone, please?" Xiao finally started to crack. And Venti could answer to this plea, could leave him alone as he wished, but it was just a little too late.

"Just tell me," he spoke, hating the desperation in his voice. "It is something I did?"

Another step back taken by Xiao. He just stood there, like a cornered animal, looking for an opening to flee. And Venti couldn't see that through, not this time. But Xiao seemed to make a decision. His eyes shot up, piercing Venti with determination.

"You knew, didn't you?"

Venti froze in place.

"You knew about Lumine and Albedo."

Chapter Text

"I‒ what?"

Words got stuck in his dry throat. It's a miracle he managed to choke anything out. Time stopped and everything outside his hiding spot seemed to disappear. Right now the whole world contained only him, Xiao and the words that turned Venti's blood into raw ice.

"I said‒" started Xiao, his voice calmer than a second ago. "‒that you knew Lumine is dating someone."

The truth got out. So all of this was his consequences. There's probably more to come. Suddenly, Venti didn't want to get yelled at any more. He stumbled back a step, and the next one as if his body tried to flee instinctively. He stared at Xiao for a good minute, blinking rarely to not miss even the tiniest grimace. After a short halt, his mind started running again, trying to think about something. Xiao… just stood there. Not even looking at Venti. His face was emotionless as always, maybe even cold.

"Why do you think that?" Venti choked out finally. Xiao glanced at him, furrowing his brows. His lips twitched slightly, but he quickly pursed them, looking as indifferent as before.

"I had some suspicions after you asked for advice," said Xiao carefully. Deep thoughts reflected on his face. "Though I'm still not sure what did you mean by Hu Ta‒"

"Okay," Venti cut in unconsciously, his throat tightening at the suspicious note in Xiao's voice. "Okay. I knew. I made up this story, so I can check your reaction. I thought that if I made it complicated, you wouldn't guess."

His breath became laboured, almost as if he just stopped running. Xiao fixed his watchful gaze on Venti. A long moment passed and Venti almost felt his soul leaving his body when Xiao reverted his eyes.

"You should have told me."

Yes. Yes, he should have. All that was left was shuddering there, at his safe, secret place.

"But I'm not mad at you," continued Xiao with a deep breath. "I'm just..." Disappointed? Betrayed? Disgusted? "Never mind. I just wanted to think about this alone."

The silence fell heavy and every second of it was too much, too long. Xiao looked away, with some kind of pitiful grimace hiding just right under his usual calm mask. Venti couldn't look any longer and let his gaze slip to the ground.

"I'm sorry." His voice almost failed him. His body tried to fail him, heat rushing to his neck, cheeks, eyes, head. He only knew he wouldn't bear this if everything would shatter right before his eyes. In the end Xiao had no reason, no obligations to stay with him, to trust again. "I planned to tell you but‒ You would be so‒"

Hurt. Doubtful. Distrustful.

He heard Xiao's hum, yet he no longer dared to see other's reactions. His vision melted into a blurry mess, which even blinking did not chase away.

"I guessed you will be like this," sighed Xiao. "But I told you, you don't have to care about my feelings."

And that, that was enough for tears to spill. He muffled a sob, but his shoulders started shaking pitifully. He clenched his fist to stop, stop right at this moment.

He didn't even know what overcame him so suddenly.

Maybe it waited for too long to burst out. Maybe the protest to Xiao's words was like a gate to all that he hid inside. Venti bit his lip and hung his head lower. He couldn't meet Xiao's eyes now. Somehow, his ear caught the sharp sound of breathing in.

"Venti?" Xiao sounded completely crestfallen. "Fuck. Don't cry."

A shuffle and steps. Venti glanced up involuntarily.

Xiao stopped right in front of him, closer than arm's length. He raised his hand like he was not sure what to do, his face full of distress and doubt. Then, their eyes met, which startled Xiao even more.

Venti couldn't help but burst out broken laughing.

"You looked like a sapper who's about to explode," choked out Venti with a cracking voice. Xiao, tense and visibly confused at first, relaxed a bit soon enough.

"Told you, I can't deal with people's emotions," explained Xiao, then winced almost unnoticeably. His gaze quickly shifted to the side. "So... You good?"

Venti giggled, feeling the rest of his tears falling from lashes on the skin. He swiped them with a swift move of the hand and finally looked at Xiao with an energetic nod.

"Yeah," he started, his voice still hoarse. "Want to grab a drink as a consolation?"

The mentioned drink happened to be Venti's favourite, affordable wine. After considering a few spots and not so warm evening, they had decided to come back to Venti's dorm, much to Xiao's content. Venti was more than sure that if not for his outburst and Lumine's relationship, Xiao wouldn't agree to drink with him so easily. Actually, Venti had never seen him drinking before. His consent was an honour in a way.

"Sorry, I don't have fancy glasses, hope mugs will do," Venti announced gallantly and placed two matching cups on the desk. Xiao only muttered a reply with a quick nod. He observed the moves of Venti's hands vigilantly, how the other opened the first bottle and generously poured wine to mugs. At that, Xiao's eyes widened.

"That's too much," he choked out with confusion.

"Really?" mused Venti and examined Xiao's cup. He was ready to disagree, but seeing an unsure expression on Xiao's face made him bite his tongue instantly. Instead he said, "You don't have to drink everything, no pressure."

With that, Xiao relaxed a bit. His eyes still wandered around the room anxiously, until he finally said, "I have never drank that much before."

Venti suspected as much. When Zhongli had been getting Venti to drink his favourite osmanthus wine together, Xiao had always refused to join them. Venti had many theories about this, one of them being Xiao's aversion to alcohol.

"Don't worry, it's not strong." He comforted Xiao and offered him his mug. The latter took the wine carefully, examining its pinkish colour with furrowed brows. He opened his mouth, but no words left them. Venti took the lead. "So... cheers?"

Xiao only nodded, and Venti took the curtsy to tap their cups. After that, he took a big gulp, savouring the subtle taste, which was closer to juice than to wine. Sweetness was perfectly hiding a tang of alcohol on the tongue, making this drink a perfect choice for someone as unused as Xiao. The most insidious, too. But it's not like Venti bought too much of it. They were perfectly safe.

"So, what do you think?" asked Venti, seeing how Xiao took the cup away from his lips. The other once again gazed upon the sparkling surface of the liquid, deep in thought.

"Tasty," he announced finally. "Not as I remember."

"That's good," giggled Venti. "This is actually the first drink we share. Kinda hoped for a happier occasion though..."

But is this still counted as a sad drinking for him if he felt how a weight on his chest started disappearing? He needed to hide it though, as Xiao still looked dejected. Venti glanced over the other from a time to time, letting the silence settle in. Xiao finished contemplating his wine and took another gulp.

"So, do you want to talk about it?" started Venti, staring at his drink as well. Jealousy was dying from starvation, finished off by this hollow look at Xiao's face. If Venti couldn't be here for him as a lover, being as a friend would be enough for now.

Xiao sighed and glanced at Venti, only to quickly revert his gaze and lay it on a guitar. Venti observed how Xiao's lips tightened and some unpleasant image bloomed in his mind, but said nothing. He just waited patiently, letting Xiao confront his own thoughts first.

Another simultaneous sip. Venti's cup was already half empty. But he didn't even feel a thing.

"No," answered Xiao finally. Venti nodded and pried no more.

"Do you want to do something else instead?"

Xiao was staring at his lap. After a moment, he shrugged his arms so lightly, almost unnoticeably.

Okay, thought Venti. Silence is good too.

So they kept silent together. Just sitting, looking around, drinking. At one moment Xiao put down his cup on the desk and glanced at Venti shyly. The latter understood the message instantly and grabbed the bottle without a word. This time he filled Xiao's mug to the top. His own as well.

"Thanks," muttered Xiao, being the one to break the silence. Not for long, as he shut himself in again, bringing the full cup to his lips and taking a long, big sip.

"Slow down." Venti's hand reached out on its own, grabbing Xiao's wrist before he could tilt the mug even more. "It's still alcohol, you know?"

Xiao looked at him over the cup. His eyes looked so soft, so vulnerable right now, that Venti couldn't bear that gaze any longer. He let go of Xiao and fixed his eyes on his own wine.

Not now, heart. Now we are a supporting friend.

But had his heart ever listened? It only fluttered violently and Venti sent the thanks above for the drink in his hands, so any blush that may have creeped on his face would be mistaken for being tipsy. Actually, when he thought about it now, he probably was trusting himself too much, drinking with Xiao so casually, as if there was nothing more beneath. Well, too late already. Whatever the future would bring, consequences would be his to bear.

They finished the first bottle quicker than Venti could imagine. His head swung a little because of the pace, but nothing more than that. Xiao, on the other hand, swayed significantly, when he stood up to grab the second bottle. Venti reacted on autopilot, stealing the wine before Xiao's hand could even grasp it. All he earned by that was the frowned glare.

"Let's rest a while," explained Venti with a bright smile. When Xiao opened his mouth with an unchanged expression, Venti swiftly cut in. "I feel a little too tipsy and it would be inelegant for you to drink alone, don't you think?"

Xiao thought about it for a few seconds, and nodded vigorously. Venti observed how the other came back to his seat and sat down a little heavier than usual. His face was red, eyes unfocused and breath heavy and loud. Oh, irony, and Venti had been worried about himself.

"You good?" he asked, unbothered that a question may undermine his previous trick. At this point, he doubted that Xiao would notice.

"No," sounded a raspy voice, as Xiao leaned forward, resting his elbows on his laps. Unexpected answer, yet not unwelcomed. It turned out that drunk Xiao is an open and honest Xiao.

"Do you need something?" asked Venti with audible worry. "Water, bathroom, anything?"

Xiao took a deep breath and then shook his head. Venti noticed how this caused his fist to clenched, so he wasn't fooled.

"Do you want me to call Zhongli to pick you up?" he asked innocently. He didn't see anything bad in his question, yet Xiao's eyes shot wide open and he started to shake his head violently. Venti had to grab him by his shoulders, so he wouldn't slip off the bed accidentally.

"No," muttered Xiao. "Don't tell him."

Venti frowned yet didn't argue with that.

"Okay, so lay down and rest. I will only write to Zhongli that you will stay overnight, so he won't worry, okay?"

Xiao thought about this for a while and nodded. Venti smiled brightly, fighting the urge to ruffle Xiao's hair. Instead, he busied his hands differently: texting to Zhongli as he promised. He didn't think much about the content of the message, he typed short information and finished it with a bunch of emoticons. After a moment of thought, he sent a similar text to Childe, just in case. Content with his doing, Venti reverted his gaze back to Xiao, only to notice that the other complied with his request.

Xiao, now resting on Venti's bed, didn't look better than a moment ago. His brows were still furrowed and eyes half-lidded, but he breathed a little calmer. He relaxed more when he noticed how Venti hid his phone in his pocket.

"All done," announced Venti and sat in his chair. "Tell me when you need something, okay?"

Xiao nodded weakly and closed his eyes shut. This left Venti with nothing else to do than looking after Xiao's rest.

Had it been minutes or had it been an hour? Venti couldn't tell. He had managed to empty his cup completely, but had refrained from opening a second bottle. His head was still full of that little, pleasant buzz, too weak to cause him any problem, strong enough to lull him to sleep quickly. He glanced over Xiao, noticing his even, deep breath. The other must have fall asleep already.

"Knock knock"

A sudden noise made Venti's skin creep. He straightened up immediately, only to watch the entrance in tension. The knocking repeated. Harder, louder. Venti bit his lip and lifted his body up. At the same moment, he heard a shuffle behind and gave Xiao a startled look, but the other didn't seem to be awakened yet. A sigh of relief brushed Venti's lips. He steadied himself when the knocking repeated one more time, and he made his way to the door to open it finally.

Only to be welcomed by a cold stare of grey eyes, pursed lips and crossed arms. He smiled, brilliantly, as if his personal charm would be enough to tame a beast.

"How can I help you, miss Rosaria?" he started smoothly, leaning on the jamb. He hoped she didn't smell alcohol from him, but even if, it wasn't illegal to drink in this dorm. Storage was forbidden, and they didn't even buy that much to break the rule.

"It's ten p.m.," she said mercilessly. And Venti suddenly knew why she's here. And he swore. She only lifted her brow.

He didn't even notice it was this late.

"You didn't report the guest's accommodation. That boy must leave."

"Wait, wait, can I do it now?" He muttered, taking the phone out from his pocket. The clock pointed at, horror of horrors, nine minutes past ten. "Please? I've never been late with a guest registration before."

"No." Her voice sounded hard and cold like steel. "There's a reason why this rule exists in the first place. I'm not going to have a bunch of tenants trying to sneak a guest for a night. Well, I'm waiting."

A rustle of fabric from the inside of the room almost made Venti jump in place. He peeked behind with worry, not noticing how Rosaria was glancing over his head. Xiao just shifted in place, and Venti sighed in relief. Comfort didn't last long, as he quickly reverted his attention to Rosaria. Their eyes crossed and Venti tensed, preparing the perfect excuse, the one that even the strict receptionist couldn't undermine.

And then he heard a sniffing sound.

"Are you drunk?"

He bit his tongue, backed out from his elaborate plans and cursed in his mind. He could swear that nobody should be able to smell anything from him. Maybe Rosaria was a super human, a being created to catch misbehaving tenants?

"Only a little? At least just me?" He said with a voice barely above a whisper, peeking behind warily. "It's actually an emergency because, you know, my friend is heartbroken, and it's partially my fault, but not in that way, and now he's drunk and it's definitely my fault, I think he didn't eat anything before," he stopped for a moment, realisation slowly creeping in. Rosaria just stared at him with something that could be called a deadly glare. "Anyway, it would be cruel to throw out a poor, innocent, drunk student, who did nothing wrong. There's no one who could pick him up. I'll owe you, miss Rosaria. Please? Please, please, please?"

Rosaria let out a heavy, annoyed sigh. Venti stared at her without rest, trying to deliver his best puppy eyes.

"Fine," she growled, and Venti blinked in surprise. "And I agree to this only because I don't like the idea of young people wandering around drunk. If something happens, let me know, is that clear?"

"Yes, miss!" Venti almost had an urge to salute. "Thank you, thank you!"

"Don't mention it. And don't brag around. You owe me, remember."

She was gone quicker than he managed to shower her with another wave of thanks. He closed the door behind him, relief washing over him like a waterfall. A sigh escaped his throat and he almost laughed, still not believing in Rosaria's mercy. Relaxed, he glanced in the direction of his bed, only to realise that Xiao was trying to stand up clumsily.

"Whoa, whoa, where are you going?" He found himself next to Xiao at an instant, ready to assist him in any way. Xiao blinked a few times, before he tried to focus his gaze on Venti.

"I heard‒" he muttered, though Venti had difficulty understanding him now. "‒that I must go."

"No, no, no, no." Venti shook his head and grabbed Xiao's shoulder, trying to sit him back on the bed. "You aren't going anywhere. I have talked this out. Everything is alright."

Xiao, even if totally wasted, still was able to use the strength he possessed. Venti leaned all of his weight to win this fight and push Xiao back to resting.

"I'm a bother," gasped Xiao, meeting the concerned Venti's gaze.

"No, you're not." Venti's throat tightened slightly and he looked around as if something could help him to ease the situation. "It was my fault, my mistake. Everything is okay now. Lie down and rest. Please?"

Even alcohol didn't change Xiao's stubbornness. He mumbled something, shook his head and pushed forward, fighting Venti's hands.

Venti really didn't want to do this. But he would do if he had to.

"If you leave this room," he started, grabbing Xiao's chin and forcing his attention on himself. "I'm going to call Zhongli to make sure you came back home safely."

First breath of silence, then a second. Xiao tried to concentrate his eyes on Venti with a deep frown. Third and fourth. Xiao's eyes widened and his lips opened only to close again in a tiny pout. Venti felt a sting of guilt for using this newly discovered weakness so dirty. He watched how Xiao's body deflated and he obediently rested in bed.

"I'm sorry," muttered Xiao and raised his arm to hide his face. "I'm such a bother."

"No, you're not," repeated Venti, though he felt like the situation was still spiralling out of his control. "You are not."

Xiao shook his head, again. Venti sighed, defeated. Note to himself, never let Xiao drink again.

A ragged, heavy and partially muffled breath. Venti strained his ears and looked at Xiao worriedly. Did he...

"Hey... what's wrong?" he asked and instinctively brushed off small strands from Xiao's forehead. "Xiao, are you...?"

A sharp breath in. Venti took his hand when Xiao shifted, hiding his face even better.

"You must be disgusted by me." Venti froze. "I'm a horrible friend." Venti raised his hands. "Zhongli must be disappointed in me." Venti tried to grab Xiao's face, but the arm didn't let him. "I don't even know why his parents wanted me." Venti tried to pull off that arm, gently, yet firmly. "I don't know why Lumine would ever want me." He won, yet the second arm shot up to take the place. "I'm nothing but a bother‒"

"Xiao." Venti was quicker than the second arm. He grabbed Xiao's face with both of his hands. His cheeks were hot, slightly wet, and surprisingly smooth. "Calm down. Listen to me."

Screw that. Screw everything. He would say it. His heart was beating furiously in his chest, a songbird trapped inside a cage. Maybe Xiao would look at his heart gently, like he had looked at those swans?

"I‒"

"Why are you so nice to me, when you always despised me?"

If words could hurt physically, Venti would drop dead on the spot.

"W‒what?" he stuttered out, blinking in shock. Maybe he heard wrong. "What did you say?"

Xiao caught his gaze, looking seemingly more sober than the moment ago. He took a deep breath, just like usual when he was debating if to say something, then the words fell, still incoherent, still chaotic.

"You never wanted me around."

Venti's lip shivered, so he bit it. Hard. Enough to draw blood.

"That is not true." He denied instinctively, but Xiao shook his head, not caring about his answer. "We are friends, we often meet, how could I not want you around?"

"I don't know," whispered Xiao. His arm got back at his face, like a shield ready to serve its purpose.

"If you think I don't like you, why do you hang out with me?" continued Venti with a voice a little higher than we would wish.

At first, Xiao kept silent. After a few seconds, his lips trembled.

"I'm just that pathetic. I just can't‒"

It hurt even deeper. Venti wanted to deny, yet something told him that right now it was impossible to break through. He only reached out to Xiao again, brushing his fingers through dark hair. Meanwhile, he wandered back in time in memories, trying to find something, anything that could cause Xiao to have such a belief.

They were more or less friends recently.

They had been awkward, but friendly at the beginning of the university.

They had been distant in high school, but Venti had never treated Xiao badly.

So...

"Is it all because of how we met?" asked Venti, with a disbelief sounding strong in his voice. "How were we back then?"

Xiao said nothing, though a barely visible wince on his face showed everything. Venti wanted to laugh. Or cry. Or both at the same time, when a confusion mixed with a slight, yet still growing guilt.

"You know... I can't deny that I was an ass‒" chuckled Venti, but it sounded forced, choked out. "‒but it wasn't that bad, right? I didn't think you would remember this anyway." He took a deep breath. The longer he thought about this, guilt was hitting him harder. "Actually, I didn't think you noticed it at all and I brushed it off later."

Xiao winced like Venti's words confirmed his accusation. Venti held him quickly, grounded him, and kept him in place, so he wouldn't spiral into something dark.

"But it was my fault and my problem. It was never about you."

Xiao kept silent. He was only shaking a little. Venti suddenly felt like he needed help. He grabbed the second bottle, opened it aptly and took a healthy gulp straight from the bottle. A wave of sweetness overcame him and he sighed feathery light.

"Stop trying to cheer me up," Xiao gasped suddenly. His eyes were still hidden behind his arm, but his lips stayed parted, while he tried to say something more. "‒I'm sorry."

Venti's heart cracked a little. To avoid further damage, he decided to do the thing he could do best.

Play him a tune. Maybe it would calm Xiao down better than any words could do. So he reached out for his guitar.

The first sounds made Xiao shudder and he peeked from behind his arm. Venti couldn't notice that, as his eyelids closed shut in pure focus, reducing the whole world to only both of them again. To the melody, the one that Xiao had liked so much, and their breathing, harmonizing slowly. Venti was playing gently, minute after minute, as quiet as he could, but loud enough to express all the compassion he contained within.

"You know," Venti started, not stopping strumming the guitar. Xiao's breath already evened out, so Venti thought he would fall asleep soon. Maybe he already was. "The truth is, I was a little jealous." Venti chuckled at the memory of his past stupidity, but his lips curved in a sad smile.

A rustle came from his side, and Venti quickly turned his gaze to it. Xiao was looking at him through half-lidded eyes. Something left his lips, but Venti didn't catch it.

"Hmm? What did you say?" he asked, sure that Xiao was half asleep. He stopped playing, but kept the guitar in his hands.

Another rustle. Xiao tried to straighten himself.

"Why?"

"Why was I jealous?" Venti shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I was scared that you would steal Zhongli from me?"

"Why? I don't understand."

Venti only shook his head with a small, forced smile.

"Then stop trying. Better try to sleep, we'll talk about this tomorrow."

"Venti‒"

"Sleep, Xiao."

Xiao said no other word. Venti leaned his back at the side of his bed, almost as if he tried to flee from meeting Xiao's eyes. He put his guitar away and took another sip from the bottle. It was open anyway.

Sip after sip in silence, until a rustle of fabric announced the shift of Xiao's position. Venti hoped it was a sign of his capitulation and return to sleeping.

He couldn't be more wrong.

"Venti." Xiao's voice sounded firmer, a little closer than before. Venti almost gasped and peeked through his shoulder, only to notice that Xiao was lying on his side, turned to him.

"What?" asked weakly Venti, suddenly dazed by the close distance.

Xiao's gaze wandered for a second, and he pressed his cheek into Venti's pillow.

"Do you think high school would be better if Zhongli weren't so much older?"

Words got stuck in Venti's throat. But he didn't need them now, as Xiao continued.

"I mean... you wouldn't need them. Those friends of yours."

"You change the topic quite quickly, that's for sure," retorted Venti. "You are still drunk."

"And you are still drinking."

Venti chuckled, and the bottle brushed his lips. "Fair enough."

He heard a noise behind and turned around, only to meet Xiao's unfocused eyes. Even closer than before. He shivered.

"I never understood why you cared about them."

"Because I didn't want to be alone."

He said it. If grabbing his mouth would take those words back, he would do this without hesitation. If wine could wash away awareness of this confession, he would drain the rest of the bottle in one gulp. If‒

"I see," muttered Xiao, catching Venti's attention. His face got tense, his brows knitted together in a distressed expression, causing Venti's heart to drop.

"I‒"

"I know I wasn't enough‒" Xiao's eyes were fixed somewhere at the distance. "‒but you deserved better friends than those people."

Venti... just stared. He forgot about the bottle, inches away from his lips. He ignored the aroma of the wine, dancing on the air he almost gasped for. He just stared, thoughts tangled in his mind, he stared in hope that Xiao would meet his eyes. That he would give the answers Venti needed desperately now. But he didn't. So Venti just stared, trying to comb his feelings on his own.

Venti didn't want to be alone.

Xiao was alone.

His mind was stating facts, but this time it felt different. Just like he found a piece of puzzle he didn't even know about. Didn't even care about. For all these years, Venti just assumed that Xiao wanted to be alone. Isolated himself on purpose. In the end, he wasn't alone, having Zhongli and their loving parents at home, and everything a teen could ever wish for. Venti was too young to understand back then, and now... Guilt was eating him alive, gnawed at his bones, so he had to defend himself. Say something, before he would believe, that Xiao was right with his accusation.

"You know‒" he started, but after that nothing coherent was coming to his mind. His chest seized in fear, so he blurted out something, anything. "‒I was always alone."

He gulped. His eyes were wandering on the abstract pattern on the bedding, stopping sometimes on Xiao's hand. He could grab it now. He didn't.

"I mean... before I met Zhongli." Venti clarified. Another sip, another gulp. The noise in his head was no longer just a buzz, but he wished for more. "Before that‒ Never mind. Forget it." A bitter chuckle left Venti's lips. "I truly was jealous that you got a chance to be a part of his family and I didn’t."

Xiao was so quiet. Did he fall asleep again? Venti didn't dare to look.

"He became like an older brother to me. When you arrived, I was scared that it's the end of everything."

It had been so wrong, but at the same time so honest, those raw emotions of a lonely teenager. Back then, he had needed time to accept the new and unfamiliar presence of a silent boy nearly his age, always hiding behind Zhongli's back. He thought he had been natural about this, but maybe his acting skills hadn't been at their peak yet. Maybe he had made many mistakes.

Another sip of wine to help him voice those repressed memories.

Maybe if he got wasted like Xiao, his chest would pain less?

"And I never wanted you to feel bad." His voice cracked. Again. "Or to feel unwanted. Or not enough. I just... I don't know. You are more than enough. It just me‒"

Two thirds of a bottle, the buzz in his head finally got strong enough for him to feel that calm numbness creeping up. He felt himself slumping at the floor, beside the bed, until his forehead hit the mattress. The wine betrayed him. Calming numbness was only an illusion. Something shook his body and he tried to fight it.

Because all of this just was, and he couldn't help it. Couldn't change it.

The shaking feeling got stronger. He tried his best to stay still with eyes pressed to the mattress. Somehow he wished to cover his treacherous mouth too, no matter if he couldn't breathe then. Suddenly, he felt a weight on his head. Clumsy, unsure weight, mindlessly caressing his hair. It was like silent permission.

So he gave up. He let the shake win.

Chapter Text

What woke him up was a dry mouth and a deadly thirst that almost tore a growl from his lungs. The whole desert must have fallen on his body. He was feeling heavy and his eyes stung when he blinked the rest of the sleep away. Or maybe he was already lying in a grave, half dead and mistaken for a corpse.

No, graves couldn't be that bright.

He blinked again, noticing a blank ceiling of his room. The morning sun poured mercilessly through the window, nota bene opened ajar. Venti looked around, grasping for any kind of hint. He was still wearing clothes from yesterday. He was covered with his decorative blanket. He didn't remember falling asleep like that. He actually didn't remember falling asleep at all. With a sting of fear, he jerked up, and a sharp pain pierced his head at an instant, forcing a groan out of his lips.

Great. It had been a while since his last hangover.

He stretched, rubbed his eyes and then looked around his room again. Firstly, he noticed a almost empty, closed bottle on the table. He didn't remember doing that. Secondly, the empty one was already in the trash can. He was rarely cleaning up the same day, especially while being drunk. Thirdly, he was alone in his room, yet on his pillow still lingered a faint, familiar scent.

His cheeks were burning. He tried to concentrate despite the tingling in his head, slowly but surely recalling yesterday's events. Embarrassing memories flooded his mind. An ugly sobbing against the mattress, broken words of comfort, the audacity to fall apart when he had been supposed to support Xiao during his crisis. And then the void. His blood felt like a living flame, his skin must be burnt to ashes right now.

He forced himself up and straight to the bathroom, forced himself to look in the mirror. Teary, swollen eyes. Bright red cheeks, tangled hair, cracked lips. Guilt painted on his face. He looked like a compilation of all woes he had ever had. He turned the water on, trying to get rid of all this with firm, heavy rubs.

This evening wasn't supposed to end like this. And where, and when had Xiao gone? Venti's body shivered in fear. He checked his phone with caution.

No new texts.

He set the phone aside and grabbed his toothbrush to do something productive while contemplating the whole situation. He didn't know how much Xiao remembered from their yesterday venting, but for sure he had noticed unusual circumstances when waking up. Venti, despite paralysing fear clenching his stomach, felt tired at the thought of yet another play of cat and mouse in such a short time. He gathered his strength and opened the message app.

Me: hey. You alive?

What a text to send after getting wasted. With a gentle shrug, he pressed the send button.

Ping.

A distant, familiar sound. Venti frowned and moved back to his room, only to examine his surroundings. There was nothing unusual, yet‒

Xiao's phone was resting on a cupboard not so far from the door. Venti glued his eyes to it, consternation painted on his face. It felt so unreal, the thought alone that Xiao could forget one of the most personal belongings. Venti couldn't help but poke the phone with his index finger in a silent challenge to prove its realness.

The phone was up to the task. Sensing motion, the screen lit up and Venti was flashed with the lock screen, which caused him to take a quick step back. Somehow he felt like a criminal, witnessing something he wasn't supposed to.

But then, that intrusive, tiny voice in his head insisted on whispering: the wallpaper. A splash of colours danced on the edge of his memory, and Venti gulped, looking back at the device again. Either way, he’s not going to leave that phone waiting for Xiao to show up and pick it up himself, right?

Deep breath. One. Two‒

He poked it again.

This time, he focused on the screen, curiosity wrestling with remorse. Venti blinked two, no, three times, glancing over the most default wallpaper he could dare to imagine. It was as if Xiao had never bothered to change it. Venti felt how tension started leaving his shoulders, only to stop, when he realised the stupidity of his tiny fear.

Venti shook his head and shoved his face into his hands. He was spiralling out of control and the pulsing headache wasn’t helping at all. With one deep breath, he collected his thoughts, deciding finally that the only reasonable thing to do was not wait, but return the phone immediately. When he got ready and the headache subsided a little, he left the dorm, not bothering with forcing up any breakfast.

When the campus area with the nearby park was a cosy, quiet space, the rest of the city centre imitated a complicated spiderweb, created from streets, pavements and buildings. Flies alongside predators, lost butterflies, cicadas, wasps and hornets. Some of them thriving, some lost, some trapped. At this very moment, Venti most definitely felt trapped. Squeezed between people in the bus, bent because of a metal bar near his side, suffocated because of someone’s elbow in his ribs. Another person muttered apologies when they were pushing to the exit. Venti moved the other way, meeting the metal bar finally. His head was pounding with blunt pain, and he whispered pleas in his mind, so his stomach would be stronger than the rest of his body.

Finally, after a few more minutes of pure suffering, most of the crowd left the bus. Full of relief, Venti could take the better place near the exit. Fresh air filled his lungs and he felt enough clarity to check how many stops separated him from his destination.

Three more. Thanks Celestia.

The rest of the ride flew by before he knew it. He was walking between the blocks, dodging towards the one whose entrance was marred by the amateur graffiti that Xiao was so disgusted by. Flowers were blooming at both sides of the pavement, and when Venti looked up, he could see a colourful chaos of pots adorning the balconies. This neighbourhood felt even more peaceful than the campus area.

When he finally found himself at the front door to Xiao and Zhongli flat, his courage left him. Of course, he had a reason to be here. He wanted to return the phone. Of course, he didn’t need a reason to be here, nor he had to announce his visit beforehand. Yet, he shivered. He bit the inside of his cheek. It was too late to turn around and leave. He rang the bell and waited.

Footsteps from behind the door sounded a little too heavy to belong to Xiao. Venti breathed out with a temporary relief and straightened himself before bending lips in a welcoming smile. The door opened, showing a surprised, yet still pleased Zhongli.

"Hi," said Venti, his heart pounding hard with each second. "Not buried in the books?"

Zhongli let out a little hum and invited Venti to come inside.

"Not today," he replied as Venti walked past him. "Luckily, I have only students' text to grade, but it is not that urgent. I didn't expect a guest so early. Would you like some tea?"

"Sure." Venti let his shoes slide and gently pushed them against the wall. When he followed Zhongli to the kitchen, he scanned the rooms in search of Xiao's presence. Having no clue, he said nonchalantly, "Xiao left something in my dorm, so I decided to come by. He's in his room?"

Zhongli shook his head, causing his ponytail to swing with this movement. Venti raised his eyebrow, but before he could ask, his friend spoke, "No. He's at work."

"Work?"

Zhongli glanced at Venti over his shoulder, raising his brows slightly. He parted his lips, but no word left them, as if the man was still thinking about his answer. Finally, with a gaze buried in Venti, he spoke.

"He didn't tell you," mused Zhongli and Venti shook his head, even if this didn't sound like a question. "This may be my fault, to be honest. We had quite a discussion about this. As a result, he got mindlessly stubborn about working."

Venti fell on the nearest seat and stared straight ahead. Betrayal tasted bitter, but he tried his best to gulp it all without a grimace. Not that this feeling mattered that much. Venti had never asked. Venti had never felt entitled to do so.

"Don’t worry," he brushed it off with a false smile plastered on his face. "Somehow I’m not surprised. Where is he working?"

Venti's eyes followed Zhongli, who busied himself with preparing the tea. He waited a moment with his answer because of the sound of the running water, but took the subject back.

"At one of those fast food restaurants," replied Zhongli, sounding defeated. "I tried to convince him that we would be fine, but he insisted that I should focus on my thesis now. In the end, I wouldn't mind him working if only he could let himself rest."

Zhongli sighed, staring at the kettle. Venti watched Zhongli with a blank gaze, letting his mind work through all the new information. More and more pieces of the puzzle were coming together, but Venti wasn't sure what to do with a complete picture. So, he pouted his lips and put his chin on his hands.

"Don't worry. I swear by my ability to nap in the least favourable conditions, that I'll teach him the art of resting. Even if I had to tuck him in bed with my own two hands."

Zhongli glanced at Venti, and a soft smile curved his lips. He let out a sigh that sounded like a small chuckle.

"I would like to see that," he replied. He looked down with his face relaxed. "I'm glad you and Xiao are spending more time together now," he said with a different tone, and Venti looked at him with a tilted head. "I was getting so worried about him lately."

The clink of porcelain filled the kitchen as Zhongli focused his attention on the search for cups, unaware that Venti was staring at his back. Instead of explanations, the continuation of his thoughts, the man only asked what Venti would like to drink. Venti, although more involved in the previous topic, reconsidered his options. Mint tea, the first idea. His stomach craved for something gentle, soothing. Unfortunately, Zhongli would figure it out in a second if Venti dared to ask for something like that. Inconsolable, Venti asked for white tea, and then cleared his throat.

"Why were you worried?"

Zhongli's gaze was focused on a teapot, but his concentrated expression didn’t escape Venti’s eye. Something must have boiled inside the mind of the other man, and Venti could only try to guess.

"I couldn't help but think he started isolating himself even more after Childe and I got more serious," sighed Zhongli finally. "But now he is interested in Lumine and started spending more time with you. That is truly a relief."

Venti hummed only in reply, as his gaze fell to the table he was sitting at. That one, tiny, but irritating like a mosquito buzz voice awoke again, always present to remind him that maybe he should stay just as a friend. Maybe Xiao would be happier with Lumine at his side and Venti just around. Maybe–

But it was impossible now. And Xiao already knew.

Even though this didn't make me a valid option.

"Don't tell him I told this to you–" started Zhongli with a quieter voice, as if Xiao could hear them somehow. This alone picked Venti's attention and pulled him out of his thoughts. "–but he really looked up to you in high school, but I think your friends were scaring him off."

Ah. As if yesterday evening didn’t kick him in the guts strong enough. Venti gripped his cup harder, paying no attention to the heat from the tea.

"I could guess so far," Venti muttered more to himself, which earned him a questioning hum from Zhongli. "Things are quite complicated, aren't they?"

"Do you think so?" Zhongli's voice sounded so honest, and Venti wanted to howl in despair. "Maybe you are right. Things always seem simpler for a bystander."

Venti kept silent, curious if Zhongli would continue his thought. He even threw a few words to get back on topic, but soon enough their conversation drifted away from Xiao to other things. Exams and Zhongli's thesis. Holidays and their plans. One rash comment prompted Zhongli to dwell on some sordid historical issue, at which Venti could only nod his head. At some point, Zhongli noticed that he should start preparing dinner, to which Venti accepted the invitation and offered to help.

"There's something I wanted to ask you," started Zhongli, glancing over carrots. When he got Venti's attention, he continued. "Childe and I are planning to get married this winter."

It's not something that Venti didn't expect, yet his eyes still widened in shock. After a few seconds of collecting himself, he beamed with enthusiasm and patted Zhongli's back, leaving there a few wet spots of potato water.

"Congratulations, you finally matured," exclaimed Venti, earning an eye-roll from Zhongli. "Sooo, I assume you must want me as a bridesmaid?"

He was actually joking, but only a little. Knowing a number of Childe's siblings, Venti had never considered himself to be the first in the line. Though, it still would be nice to have such an important role.

"We haven't talked about that yet–" mused Zhongli, glancing up, deep in thought. "–but Childe had an idea that I think will be perfect."

"I'm not going to wear coordinated colour if it wouldn't suit me."

A short chuckle left Zhongli’s lips, and Venti stuck his tongue out to highlight the importance of his opinion.

"It is nothing like that," assured Zhongli. Venti finally shut up and let him talk. "Would you consider playing for our first dance?"

Venti froze, hearing the request. At an instant, he looked at Zhongli, meeting his calm, serious eyes. A few seconds of silence, a few seconds of only gazing at each other, and it was enough for a tiny excitement to bloom in Venti's chest.

"You're not joking," stated Venti, mouth agape. "Do you really want me to play for you?"

"I wouldn't ask either way, would I?" replied Zhongli and checked the boiling dish.

Venti closed his mouth, still processing the request. In the meanwhile, his body decided on its own, forming a beaming smile and bringing a spark to his eyes.

"Can I compose something?" asked Venti quickly, not faltering for a moment. "I'll make this special, I promise!"

Zhongli chuckled, and Venti already knew he won.

"It would be an honour," replied Zhongli and looked straight into Venti’s eyes. "But please, make sure we will be able to follow the rhythm, I’m not the best dancer and you know this."

The sudden noise of the opened door pierced this little balloon of happiness, attracting the attention of them both. Venti's eyes widened, as a heavy stone placed itself in his stomach again. He knew, he knew all that time Xiao would finally come back home, but he still didn't prepare himself for a talk.

"I'm home," sounded a tired, almost pained voice. Venti swallowed any kind of guilt that rose in him.

"We're in the kitchen," answered Zhongli, completely unsuspecting of anything. "Dinner will be ready soon, don't shut yourself in your room."

In other situations, Venti would giggle. Or say something. Or move to greet Xiao. But right now he only turned around, motionless and stiff, waiting for confrontation. But would anything happen with Zhongli beside?

"I'm not hungry." Xiao's voice sounded closer. "I'll eat later."

Venti braced himself. He noticed the shadow moving on the floor.

"We have a guest today, Xiao, sit with us at least."

Venti heard a sigh. He could swear Xiao is thinking about the excuse. The shadow got closer.

And stopped. Venti's gaze climbed up, slowly.

"Venti."

Xiao wanted to run. His face showed as much. Wide eyes, tensed expression, veil of anxiety. Venti couldn't help but catch all of this, but he still forced a smile.

"Hi," he just said, thanking Celestia that Zhongli's attention was fixed on the pots.

Xiao's expression softened, but not in a positive way. Resignation, giving up. The veil of fear stayed in place.

"Fine," he said and Venti wasn't sure if those words were for him or Zhongli. After a moment, Xiao spoke again, "Do you have a moment, Venti?"

Resignation and giving up.

Venti nodded vigorously and moved forward where Xiao led him, followed by Zhongli's relaxed gaze. Few steps through corridors and Venti stopped right in front of the doors he knew, but never crossed.

Xiao's room.

His treacherous heart started beating faster, no matter how much anxiety he felt just a minute ago. When Xiao opened the door and let Venti enter as first, the latter condensed all of his courage to take the first step.

Xiao's room was emptier than Venti's imagined. Almost starkly empty.

Light, beige walls. Dark furniture from one set. Perfectly made bed. No posters, no decorations, no plants. Not even the lightest mess or tiny bit of trash to advocate that someone was actively living here. Venti gulped, suddenly nervous. What must have Xiao thought about his dorm all of this time? His posters, his pillows, his blankets, smaller and bigger, useless and not practical stuff?

Closing the door pulled him out of his thoughts. He turned around, meeting Xiao gaze again.

One breath. The second. Both of them were searching for the right words to start.

"I'm sorry–"

"You left your phone–"

Xiao let out a loud breath, and Venti pulled out Xiao's property from his pocket. Handing over the phone was quick and there was no comment about it.

"Thanks," said finally Xiao, his gaze everywhere, but not on Venti. "I assumed I left it with you. Sorry for the trouble."

Venti frowned, examining Xiao's face carefully. The other still looked uncomfortable. Xiao squinted his eyes and bent down lips, but the paleness of his skin reminded more of sickness than anything else.

"No problem," mused Venti. "Hangover?"

Xiao's eyelids fluttered shut, but he shook his head with visible hesitation.

"No, everything is fine," he said, but Venti didn't believe a word. "I'm just tired. And hungry."

Venti generously chose not to remind him of his earlier desire to skip dinner. Instead, he shrugged and let his gaze wander around the room.

"Okay then. I–"

"I'm sorry for my behaviour yesterday," cut in Xiao, and Venti's eyes landed on him, only to see him staring at the wall. "I hope I didn't cause you too much trouble. I didn't want to wake you, so I was going to text you later."

"Don't apologise," murmured Venti. "You have nothing to be sorry about."

Naive to think that Xiao let go so easily. He shook his head, almost piercing the wall with his stare.

"I have. I–" Xiao paused and frowned, glancing around, as if looking for an answer. He must have found none, as he continued with a sigh. "I didn't mean to burden you. Forget all of this. It was just drunken gibberish. I won't let this happen again."

Venti blinked. Once. Then twice. And sighed, taking a step forward. He reached out to Xiao's hands, only to change his mind and place his own on Xiao's biceps. Xiao shivered, surprised by this action, and he finally looked at Venti with wide eyes.

"So do you think my words were also gibberish?" he asked, and Xiao shook his head violently, a tiny bit of colour finally shoving on his cheeks. "Well, maybe it was, but it was also my feelings. It's okay to let them out if you need to."

The tiny voice in his head was calling him out. A hypocrite. The memory of everything that had left his mouth yesterday was making his stomach swirl in nauseous feeling. But his shame, his embarrassment, it didn't matter. Despite how much he wanted to save his own face now, he couldn't let Xiao think that he's a burden. A bother. A disappointment.

"You know," started Venti, staring at Xiao, glancing over his tensed facial features, wide opened eyes. "I hate to see you cry. But if you need to, I'll gladly lend you a shoulder again."

Xiao was stiff. Venti wondered if he hadn't been holding him, Xiao would have tried to escape. Venti wondered if Xiao's heart was racing right now. His own was pounding in his chest, strong enough to threaten his ribs. Was he still behaving like a friend? Yesterday they were drunk, everything could be forgiven. But now? If he had grabbed Xiao's hands, not arms, would it be different? Was he too close? Should he take a step back? Xiao was silent. Was he thinking that Venti is weird? A creep? He must have. Venti twitched, his hands no longer so sure in their position.

"Sorry, I–"

But he didn't finish his sentence, as Xiao's shoulders relaxed, and his gaze fell to the floor. Venti froze as if on cue.

"Thanks." A sound so quiet, almost inaudibly. Long strands of hair covered Xiao's face, and Venti couldn't see his expression clearly. "Thank you."

Venti let out a breath, let out a weight that was lying on his lungs. He could hug Xiao now. He wanted to. Hug him tight, squeeze all worries out of him. But he didn't move an inch, opting to only rub Xiao's arms, grip harder for a second and then let go of him. He even took a step back finally, which prompted Xiao to straighten his neck. He relaxed even more, given space, and Venti gave himself a mental pat on the back.

"Shall we come back?" asked Venti, giving Xiao a small smile. "Unless you want to rest? I'll come up with some excuse."

Xiao glanced at the watch, narrowing his eyes when a light from the window hit him directly.

"Have Zhongli guessed anything?" he asked instead of answering. "He wanted me to join you."

Venti waved a hand theatrically, the other resting on his hip. "He would be more than okay knowing that you are sleeping soundly, wrapped in a blanket up to your chin." Xiao gave him a doubtful, not impressed look, but that didn't bother Venti. "I don't think he figured it out."

And if he did, he didn't show it, thought Venti, but didn't dare to say out loud.

"Thanks gods," sighed Xiao, and his gaze landed on his bed. Venti almost giggled to himself. If Xiao wasn't able to let himself rest, then a hangover would force him. Hopefully.

"I'll leave you then," decided Venti, and Xiao nodded shortly. "Text me when you feel better, okay?"

After another nod, Venti left the room, closing the door quietly behind him. The rest of the tension finally started leaving his body. He even smiled, pushing to the borders of his mind all the remaining questions and doubts.

And the next time I'll tuck you to sleep with my own two hands.

Chapter Text

Compared to yesterday's reflection, today Venti was glowing.

Clear, shining eyes, lips curved in a big smile, ruddy cheeks. He was a complete opposition to yesterday's disaster, and it wasn't only because of his liver's hard work, healthy meals, plentiful rest and proper hydration. His mind hadn't been in such a calm, fuzzy place in a long time. In the end, everything was taking a turn to the better, and even the slightest buzz of anxiety couldn't stir him up now.

Or could it?

His phone was taunting him, resting nearby motionless. A promise made to himself was burning in his chest, keeping him away from grabbing the phone and being the first to call. He wanted, and maybe he even could, but the memory of Xiao's agreement was keeping his hands clenched on the edge of the sink. The reluctance to show desperation was greater than the temptation to hear Xiao's voice as soon as possible. So Venti waited. He waited, examining his rested though growing impatient reflection. He waited, chewing on a cereal bar, and he waited wearily as he looked through the exam schedule.

A quiet melody of a ringtone pulled Venti from his thoughts, making him almost jump in place and throwing away his laptop. He couldn't help the wild beating of his heart when he reached for his phone, but it went almost to halt the next second, with a shiver running down Venti's back. The caller's name stood out from the background. Three white letters shined visibly, almost tauntingly, challenging Venti to recall the last time he properly called. A heavy sigh left his lips, followed by a gulp, before he was ready to pick up.

"Honey?" sounded a familiar, female voice. Venti greeted her, and plopped down on his bed. "How are you, darling?"

"I'm good," he replied almost mechanically. "And you?"

His mother's voice was soft and quiet as always. She never showed any sign of displeasure or annoyance, even now, when he practically disappeared for the last few months. Venti didn't want it to turn out like this. The problem was that the conversations with his parents were completely out of sync with thoughts running through his head.

"You call so rarely," pointed out his mother eventually, and Venti forced an apologetic smile on his face, as he used to do in face to face conversation. "I don't even know what's up with you. You could put in more than just texting sometimes."

"I know, I'm sorry," he replied, and this time the remorse in his voice was honest. "You know how it is, homework to do, tests and other stuff. Sometimes I can't even remember my name."

His mother sighed with audible defeat, and he could imagine her expression, her bent eyebrows and full of pity, gentle gaze. Somehow this vision only deepened his guilt and he bit his lip, hoping to stop words from spilling.

"I know, honey," said his mother, and Venti sank in guilt even deeper. "But I really wish that you remember to call more often. I don't want to distract you too much, but I'm sure your father would appreciate it too."

He stopped sinking. He hit the bottom with a full force, and the only thing that held him to the previous emotions was the plastered, now fake smile. He let out the shaky breath, combing the sudden wave of emotion.

"I have no doubts." Venti rolled his eyes, trying to sound normal. "Remember to say hello to him for me."

"Oh, of course," chirped his mother. "When you come home on holiday, maybe we can finally spend some time together. Next year you will probably have even less time because of graduation, right?"

A cold stone had grown in his stomach, and his mother's innocent fluttering could not melt it. The thought of graduating and the holiday that preceded it made his guts spin in a mad dance with his liver, beating brazenly against his lungs. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, recalling the simplest, favourite chords. His grunting at his mother's talking slowly took on the form of a melody, but Venti didn't even care. He didn't think she would notice.

"Honey, I know you're focusing on your studies right now–" His mother's voice suddenly quieted. "–but still no girl caught your eye?"

And with those words, the melody in his head suddenly began to be played by slender hands, cold as a stone inside his guts. Venti opened his eyes suddenly and frowned.

"Mom," he began, a treacherous heart pounding in his chest. "We've already talked about it. And don't even mention Vennessa. We were just friends."

"I'm sure if you asked her out, she'd say yes," Venti rolled his eyes. "She was such a nice girl. I still can't believe she decided to join the army."

"She did what she wanted to do–" Venti shot a glare at the window, at the sky. "–and I supported her, as friends should do."

But what if, if only were his mother's most favourite phrases. What if he and Vannessa were something more than friends. What if he showed more enthusiasm, if only he tried harder. What if, what if, what if. Hopeful, delusional and completely–

"It's okay, I won't ask about that again," his mother grumbled. "I see you have different priorities now. Anyway, how's the end of the semester going, do you still have a lot to complete?"

"Everything is going smoothly," said Venti without hesitation, even though his schedule hinted something completely different. His voice sounded flat, but not enough to make his mother worry. "I’m done with tests and assigments, and I should pass all exams on time."

"That's great," exclaimed his mother, and it was enough to shake his resolve and stir up the guilt again. "I knew you would catch it eventually. And you'll have a good job after that degree. Your father–"

But Venti wasn't listening any more. He went back to confirming and grunting, staring blankly at the nearest wall. It always went like this. Something about the future. Responsibilities. Expectations. Finally, a few words of encouragement, even if they were not enough. Even if his mother was always missing the point, always hoping for something different than he hoped. That’s why he called so rarely. That’s why he never bothered with explanation. That’s why–

His phone went silent after a goodbye, which he even didn’t register at first. Silence was deafening, but he couldn’t force himself to move even an inch. Schedule right before him and memory of mother’s words were enough to pop his little ballon of happiness. He couldn’t even delude himself for one morning.

His gaze finally fell, the same second his hand did the same, putting the phone away. Instead of the wall, he stared blankly at his laptop, blinking slowly, as the clock in the corner of the screen counted the seconds, counted down the time he had left. Less, and less, and less. Second, after second, after second. Tiny fragments of time, and yet a minute already passed, and now two, and he still was sitting at the same place, his head empty, emptier than usual, empty as–

He shook his head, slammed the laptop lid down and sprang from his chair. His forgotten exhaustion from last week came back to him with a full force. A thousand thoughts galloped inside his head, one clearer than the rest - he should start studying for exams. Now. At this moment. If he did, he still had a chance to pass all classes. Now, now, now. But instead of picking his laptop again, he wandered through his room, once, and twice, and again. Thousands of thousands of thoughts. He should start – but not now. Horrible day, horrible hour, no plan, no motivation, no perspectives, nothing, nothing.

His phone rang, and the first thing he expected was the hauntingly gentle voice of his mother, precise questions of his father, Keqing's reprimands, or maybe it was even one of his professors, telling him he already failed. His phone was ringing continuously, and he muted it instinctively, as noise only infuriated his racing thoughts. He breathed, again, and again, in a weird rhythm, until one bright thought made its way to the surface.

Right.

He was waiting for something, while his mother had called.

He snatched his phone from the table, but it already dimmed, no longer displaying the caller name. Venti's hands were shaking when he unlocked the screen and checked the missed call. And his treacherous heart howled.

Why now? he wanted to ask, as he knew, that he would focus without hesitation on whatever Xiao could bring him, pushing aside university problems again. He even hoped that maybe, just maybe Xiao would think he was still asleep. Why, oh why he decided to call now, instead of texting?

The phone rang again. Venti had no willpower to ignore it now.

“Hi, Xiao.” Venti’s voice cracked a little, and his shoulders slumped slightly. There never was any hope for him in the end.

"Venti." Xiao sounded almost surprised how quickly Venti picked up. "You wanted to hear from me, so…" He made an awkward pause. "Are you feeling alright?"

And even though this conversation wasn't supposed to be about Venti, and in other circumstances he would attempt to strangle Xiao through the phone to squeeze out an expected answer, Venti took a deep breath to calm down and recollect his thoughts.

"In terms of yesterday, I'm good," he replied as short as he could to not alarm Xiao. "And what about you? Feeling better?"

A tiny grumble, maybe even a sigh, told Venti that Xiao wasn't too happy about the question, but obliged either way. "Yes, I have rested, and I'm feeling alright. Once again, I owe you an apo–"

"Stop right there." Venti almost rolled his eyes. "We had talked about this. You owe me nothing. As if, it should be me to apologise. But–" He cut in before Xiao could interfere. "–let's not do that. There's nothing to be sorry about now, alright?"

"But–"

"Nuh-uh, no more buts."

Xiao kept silent for a moment, and Venti almost got tempted to check if he was still on the line. Before he tried, the other sighed with a slight tint of annoyance in his voice. "Fine."

"See? It wasn't that difficult. Good boy," he slipped, which was followed by a burning sensation in his cheeks. Xiao only huffed audibly.

"Don't say that ever again, no matter what." His voice was serious enough for Venti to shiver. "Well, I guess that's all, isn't it?"

Venti knew that tone all too well. He tensed and asked Xiao to wait, before the other could start his typical flight manoeuvre. Xiao fell silent, waiting.

"There is one more thing…"

Venti fidgeted on his chair, eyes concentrated on anything but his laptop. Trees. Students. Empty tables. Birds on the iron fence. Steam over his coffee. His hands. His fingers, playing a nervous rhythm on the table-top. A blank notebook. Another relaxed hand right beside it. Leather bracelets wrapped around a slim wrist.

"Venti."

The hand switched its position before Venti could avert his gaze to another innocent thing around him or meet the gaze of the person right at the opposite side of the table.

"Focus."

So he looked up, his lips pouted, eyes full of silent reproaches towards Xiao. The other boy withstood this without the slightest grimace, forcing Venti to flee with his gaze and finally look at the computer screen. The disgusting wall of text made his stomach swirl with nausea. Xiao sighed, his eyes glued to Venti.

"Don't make that face, it was your idea," he said, looking back at his book. "This is your last exam, right? Just concentrate a little longer."

Venti sighed, or, more likely, made a long, pitiful sound with one sole purpose to melt Xiao's hard heart. Yes, it was his idea to study together and motivate each other. A week, two days and a few hours had passed since their last meeting at Xiao's house, and exam season was in full swing. Studying together for exams was like two birds with one stone. His true mistake lay somewhere else. He didn't think that Xiao would be so strict.

"I'm just tired. And bored," complained Venti, glancing at Xiao, noticing his tiny frown. "I can't wait for finals to end already." A little sigh escaped his lips.

"As we all do," replied Xiao dispassionately, still focused on his book. "You don't want to retake any exam in September, do you?"

Venti let his gaze fall down and rest on the wall of text, before he bit his lip. He must have admitted, that thought was tempting him earlier. To push the responsibility away, leave the problem for future self, concentrate on things more pleasant and more important now. To live fully and enjoy the last few weeks before summer break. In the end, vacations were never a prize after a year of hard work, and it would be only worse with an exam to retake. Venti shuddered at the thought alone. It wasn't worth it, and a conversation with his mother had reminded him about it.

"I don't," muttered Venti, resting his chin on his hand. "You are right."

There must have been something in Venti's grimace, or in the way he was looking at his textbook, that caused Xiao to close his book. He stared at Venti and crossed his arms on the chest, which caught the attention of the other.

"What is your problem?" he asked simply. Venti looked up, his eyes widening from such a straightforward question, and Xiao continued at that, "Is there too much to memorise? Difficult concepts? Maybe you need a better study technique?"

And even though Xiao's intentions were pure, Venti's shoulders slumped a bit and his gaze fell again. The question was indeed right. What was his problem? He just needed to memorise a bunch of info, not even think, just memorise. No need for problem-solving, nor practical thinking, just learn and pass the exam. And yet his entire being squirmed at the sight of the boring, soulless material. Ripping his hair off seemed easier than reading another paragraph. He just couldn't. No more. But how could he admit that?

"I don't know." His shoulder rose in an automatic shrug. "Maybe I'm not cut to this."

He heard a quiet rustling of clothes and the shuffling of a chair on the ground, and he imagined how Xiao must have sighed and looked away, irritated by his answer. Before he could glance and confront his imagination, something loomed at the edge of his vision, and then a slender hand appeared near his computer.

"May I?"

Something jumped in Venti's stomach, and everything else froze at this very moment. He nodded out of habit and moved his laptop towards Xiao. In the corner of his eye Venti could observe how the other boy leaned slightly forward and started to browse cursorily.

"Looks like pure theory," judged Xiao, glancing at Venti. "Do you have a list of topics for the exam?"

"No," muttered Venti and pushed aside all the things on the table, only to press his forehead to the surface the next second. "The exam covers the entirety of the material."

He heard Xiao humming, but stayed at this position.

"What's in your notes? How much have you learned until now?"

Logical, precise question, and yet Venti wished Xiao to drop the subject. Only their proximity stopped him from banging his head on the table.

"I didn't take notes, I thought a textbook would be enough," admitted Venti finally. "I read the first chapter, but I don't remember anything."

If the previous confession wasn't enough for him to feel ashamed, now he was ready to curl into a tiny ball of despair and disappear below the ground. He could swear he heard a sigh from Xiao, and this prompted him to finally look, still from table level. Xiao was looking at him, his lips pressed and eyes inscrutable. Everything in his expression was screaming 'I'm disappointed'.

"Can you borrow notes from someone?" asked Xiao finally, and Venti only shrugged.

"I think so?"

It would change nothing. It wasn't the lack of notes or the amount of material that was the problem. He was his own problem.

"Do it. This would solve the problem with too many things to remember," Xiao was thinking aloud. "Even if you memorise only general concepts, this should be enough to pass."

Venti grunted something incomprehensible, neither in agreement nor in opposition. Xiao glanced at him, maybe even warningly, then he looked at the textbook again and sighed.

"I did not approve that," he almost whispered, "but you can make a cheat sheet from the notes at least."

Venti suppressed the urge to laugh. As if he didn't think about this.

"If the professor caught me cheating, I wouldn't pass even in September. And trust me, he's good at spotting cheaters."

Xiao sighed. Venti couldn't blame him. He was even more in awe that Xiao's patience lasted that long. After all, Venti didn't make it any easier to help himself. He was so discouraged that even Xiao's presence was no longer a sufficient motivation. One last exam, one last effort, and Venti couldn't even bring himself to do that any more.

"Ask for those notes," Xiao's voice was even and washed out of emotions as always, so Venti couldn't guess his opinion on him. "Then we will think about what to do next."

"Then I'll look through the notes, remember nothing, fail the exam, and then I'll drown the problems away in wine," mused Venti, swaying on his elbows. "Or we can skip a few first steps and go to the last one already, not like it makes any difference."

Xiao grunted under his nose and leaned back on his chair. Venti pretended he didn't notice Xiao's piercing, meaningful gaze, and turned off his laptop. Maybe he just needed a break. Even a short one. He was about to propose one, when Xiao’s expression caught his attention. The other tensed up and looked at the distance. Venti straightened himself and tilted his head.

"Hmm? What's wrong?"

"Someone is looking at us."

Chapter Text

"Someone is looking at us."

Xiao didn't even have to say this. The same second that statement fell, Venti's gaze followed Xiao's, and he caught the glimpse of a person at the nearby table. He tensed as well, recognizing the woman immediately. As if on cue, she began to wave.

"I know her." Venti let out a long sigh, and if those words were supposed to reassure Xiao, his expression was telling otherwise. "Could you give me a moment? She must want something."

Though the questions hung in the air, Xiao didn't utter a word. Without a reply, Venti stood up and moved, feeling the gaze that could burn a hole in his back. He already moved a few steps towards the woman's table. Maybe twenty, maybe more, he wasn't going to count, though his mind attempted to cling to anything. He suddenly became too aware of the order of his steps. Right leg, left one. It would be humiliating to stumble in the middle of the square, right between Xiao and her. His heart was pounding. She was smiling. What could she want? Was Xiao still looking? Was Venti actually nervous? After all, everything should be fine, right?

It suddenly dawned on him that he still didn't dare to ask Xiao how he found out the truth.

Having been prepared to conquer a past and misunderstandings on that hangover Saturday, new fear and false sense of comfort seized him later, especially after Xiao so easily agreed on studying together. How diligent he was to keep both of them concentrated at work, and only at work. Almost too smooth of the transition, too convenient, silent agreement to put the veil of understatements on the events of Friday night. But that one stubborn feeling remained, bugging Venti to ask finally, to make sure there was no misunderstanding left. And about the whole reason for this chain of events…

He should have never reached out to Mona in the first place.

"Hi," said the infuriating self-proclaimed witch in question, when Venti took a seat in front of her with his back turned to Xiao. "Enjoying your date?"

"I was, until someone decided to interrupt," Venti said in a melodious yet serious voice. "Can I help you with something?"

Mona just smiled and shrugged, but her expression looked way too triumphant for Venti to calm his nerves.

"Oh, it's nothing," she mused, and Venti couldn't help but tense. "I happened to notice you two accidentally, and was wondering if you finally decided to make a move. So, did you?"

Venti ignored her question at first and peeked over his shoulder. Sitting down with his shoulders hunched, Xiao wasn't paying any attention to them at all. His bangs obscured his face as always when he bowed his head, leaving Venti without a bigger idea of what was going on in his head right now. Not like Xiao's expressions were making a bigger difference. Venti relaxed a bit, and looked at Mona again. His brows furrowed unconsciously, and he hesitantly opened his mouth.

"We are just studying," he admitted almost bitterly, but under the scrutinising gaze of that woman he felt caught red-handed. He probably shouldn't even explain himself to her. "Unfortunately."

Mona let out a short giggle, but her smile softened after that. Venti moved on his chair slightly, taken aback by this sudden change in her attitude.

"I get that feeling that you think about me like your worst enemy–" she commented with exaggeration, and put her elbows on the table. "–when I'm just curious if you're finally straightening out your complicated destiny. It would be good for not only you, you know?"

A thrill ran through Venti's stomach, begging for reaction, but he only leaned back more comfortably and fixed his eyes on Mona. She was still smiling, and Venti realised he had his jaw clenched hard. He cleared his throat like it was the most natural thing to do. "Oh? Care to enlighten me, what do you have in mind?"

Mona rolled her eyes at his question, but a smile never left her lips. On the contrary, it only grew wider.

"I think you know what I have in mind," she mused, crossing her arms on her chest. "But we can play this game, sure. I finally figured you out."

"You mean…"

"Exactly what you think."

Figured out.

At first, he just stared at her with a blank, neutral expression, as if she was talking about affairs of distant, unimportant people. His brows raised up in gentle curiosity, accompanied by that trained smile on his lips. Mona was looking back at him, not faltering for a moment. Then, the first shiver ran along his spine. His breath stuttered when a realisation kicked in. Figured out. He had made a mistake somewhere, or just hadn't been able to control everything, and now his complicated web of lies and understatements fell apart and got carried away by a wind.

"And?" he asked quietly, almost melodically. His heart was pounding. "Are you still gonna curse me?"

Mona snorted like a wild cat. She crossed her legs, leaning back, and watched Venti through half-lidded eyes. "You would save me a lot of trouble if you'd told me what you meant right away," she drawled out, but without the sincere venom in her voice. "And maybe not just me."

Venti tensed and strained his ears. Everything in his consciousness begged him to peek behind. He couldn't. He was pierced to this spot by a pair of grey eyes.

"I don't know what you have in mind," he repeated himself innocently, hoping she would take the bait. Mona indeed raised her brows and eyed Venti vigilantly, but the next second her smile became suspiciously prideful.

"Oh, so you don't know about anything," she mused, and Venti tensed. "Or at least you don't have a full picture. What a turntable."

"Know about what?" he replied, but this time a slight high tone sneaked into his voice. Mona seemed not to notice, as she was looking at him with the same exact smirk. After a moment of silence, he added, "What, now you're not gonna tell?"

Mona glanced over his shoulder, and her expression turned slightly more serious. Not for long, as her attention returned to Venti, who was ready to flip this table with a power of unspeakable tension locked inside his body.

"He is peeking at us, but I must admit, he's hiding this better than his staring at Lumine," said Mona with a pure amusement in the voice, while waving her hand. "Wish he were jealous?"

Not even a single muscle twitched on Venti's face. Mona's words poked right between his ribs, aiming for the most sensitive organs. A chill spread across his chest like blood, and he cringed inside. Despite that and Mona's delight, he leaned over the table. "Don't change a topic now, that's rude."

For a second he thought that the woman would just burst out in laughter, but she remained silent for long enough to make his heart stutter in fear again. Thankfully, she spoke before Venti was ready to assume a sadistic trait in her personality and the willingness to threaten people. "Oh, it's very connected to our conversation. But, I have to think if I should tell you, you know? Privacy issues and everything."

"Not fair," he practically deflated on his chair. "You only did this to get back at me, didn't you? Getting my curiosity up and everything."

She giggled and he was ready to stand up and leave at this very moment. He stayed though, as she quickly leaned to him and started to whisper, "Maybe a little. But I will consider telling you, taking into account how well you keep secrets."

He wasn't sure if a slight jab in his chest was a sign of pride or an offence. Before he could ponder about this matter, Mona grabbed her phone.

"Let's exchange numbers," she started, and Venti blinked a few times in surprise. "We can talk about it in a more private place. I guess you need my help once again, don't you? In the end, our goals align."

Venti looked at her hand first, then at her focused face. He found it difficult to so suddenly believe she had his best intentions in mind, even if all past threats started because of his secrecy. Despite that, he had nothing to lose right now.

"I'm not so sure about this," he retorted, but still put his number to Mona's phone. His own vibrated in his pocket when she dialled shortly. "But we can meet. Talk."

"Whatever you wish." This prideful smile again. "I will call you… next week?"

"Sounds good," answered Venti, but his mind wasn't exactly present right now. A nagging thought came back and begged him to peek behind, to check, maybe even meet Xiao's eyes. But he couldn't move a muscle. Not even the tiniest bit.

"Well, I shouldn't keep you any longer," sighed Mona. A brief clap of her hand on Venti's wrist made him finally flinch. "Go, before he digs a hole in my skull with this glare."

On the way back his phone seemed heavier, massive as a brick slotted in his pocket. Cursed with a pact with the devil he had signed a few weeks ago. He didn't even look up when he fell on his chair. The screen of his laptop already turned black, and he didn't remember if he had locked it or talked with Mona that long. He didn't even attempt to unlock it, he just stared blankly at the keyboard.

"Is everything alright?" A quiet, concerned voice pulled him out of deep thoughts. Venti jerked his head up and golden eyes pierced him through.

At first, he didn't even know how to answer this question. Collecting his thoughts must have taken him a fragment of the second too long, as Xiao knitted his brows and glared where Mona must have still sat. Venti expected more questions, but when they didn't come, he shrugged and finally felt able to answer the previous one, still hanging in the air.

"I'm alright, she's just difficult to deal with." Venti tried to brush this off, but Xiao's expression didn't soften. On the contrary, he seemed even more tense than before. Venti fidgeted on his chair, trying to catch Xiao's attention. "She once gave me bad fortune-telling and now feels obligated to warn me every time or something, I don't know."

The heavily truncated truth turned out to be effective, as Xiao looked at Venti with slightly raised eyebrows. Venti gave him the most innocent, dazzling smile he could and shrugged again.

"Really?" drawled Xiao and crossed arms on his chest. "Fortune-telling?" His shoulders moved in a visible deep breath. "Still…"

He shot a glance once more, and Venti followed his gaze this time. Mona left already, and only slightly moved chairs betrayed that someone might have been sitting there before.

"Still?" repeated Venti with a tilted head. His heart started pounding. The question of how Xiao found out about Lumine's relationship was burning inside his mind.

"It's nothing." Xiao stared at Venti this time. Venti couldn't read anything from his eyes. "Can we continue? You had a break."

Venti almost groaned and forcefully leaned back on his chair, tilting his head back. He stayed in this position for a second, maybe two, balancing with his hands clenched on the tabletop. When Xiao didn't react, he came back to sitting straight.

"I'm not ready yet," announced Venti, and stood up suddenly. "I'll go grab some drinks."

Xiao sighed and glanced over his empty paper cup. He nodded and reached for his backpack, but Venti waved his hand. "No need. I'll be back in a minute."

His throat was dry and the head seemed more foggy than before. He couldn't bear another forty minutes of silence with Xiao. Boring class didn’t even matter anymore, not with this throbbing sensation in his chest. He left, before it dared him to do something, to ask something without a cool head. It wasn't a long walk to the nearest soda machine, but it let him take a few deep breaths away from scrutinising golden eyes.

Part of him felt like an asshole. Allowing them to step back to reality too quickly, without afterthought. Another part of him feared the littlest act of butting, of pushing Xiao too hard, when he wasn't ready or just didn't want to talk. The last part, tiny yet persistent, feared something. Something unspecified, something he didn't want to dig out, relishing in the belief that the past is crystal clear now. Maybe, just maybe, Venti finally got lost in his way too many roles in this spectacle. Selfless friend. Waiting lover. Selfish jerk. Impatient creep. He almost wandered too deep in calling himself names, but the loud clunk of cans hitting the bottom of the machine pulled him back to the surface. He quickly grabbed all the drinks, took yet another deep breath, and turned around to conquer the rest of this day.

Xiao raised his head from his notebook, when four cans clattered against the table surface. Two sodas, two energy drinks. Venti smiled brightly, when their eyes met, and he shrugged. "You didn't say what you wanted," he said, running away with his eyes. Deep breath. His seat, his laptop. "But I guess caffeine and sugar are always an option."

Xiao pierced him with an inscrutable gaze, but muttered thanks nonetheless. As Venti suspected, he grabbed an energy drink. Venti opted for the other option.

"Are you ready now?" asked Xiao, after he took a few big sips.

"No, not yet." Venti shook his head. After a short battle with his thoughts, he decided to start with the most obvious. "You'd probably use a longer break too. You didn't sleep more than three hours tonight, did you?"

Xiao glared at him and opened his mouth to speak. Venti glanced at him, and raised his brows in a silent challenge. His gaze slowly flickered over Xiao's face, staying longer at dark shadows under his eyes, darker than usual. Xiao closed his mouth and turned his head away.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," mused Venti, playing with a soda pin. With yet another deep breath, he decided to drill down. Just a little. "You didn't give me a chance to ask earlier. Bad night–"

"We are supposed to study, not talk about me," cut in Xiao. He hid behind the can, drinking for a few long seconds. "I worked overtime, that's all."

Venti sighed, not even trying to hide disappointment that may have painted itself on his face. Xiao peeked at him and his lips twitched.

"Should I be mad at you–" started Venti, peeking down at his drink. His heart went crazy. He had to take a leap, now or never, "–or call you a liar? In the end, it's because of her, no?"

That selfish part of Venti hoped that Xiao would deny. That his excuse would be believable enough. That Lumine's chapter of Xiao's life closed irretrievably. The rational part of his mind knew it couldn't be that easy. At most, he only wished it would be Xiao to tell him about what had happened, not some secondary person.

Ironic. Xiao probably wished for the same.

"I don't want to talk about it," replied Xiao bluntly, this time looking Venti straight in the eyes. Venti bit his lip and fidgeted on his chair. "It's no longer important."

"But you are hurt," pointed out Venti, and Xiao winced. Venti almost winced too, not expecting such a reaction. Xiao was back to his usual self quicker than Venti, who looked down on his fingers. His heart started to hit his ribs forcefully. Don't care about it, could say Xiao. He probably would. Air somehow felt like heavy, glass walls.

"I'll be fine," muttered Xiao, and Venti jerked his head up. "Not now, but eventually I'll be fine."

Xiao wasn't looking at him. His bangs obscured his face, when he fixed his gaze on his notes. Venti could only stare in disbelief, being not able to find any right word.

"Okay," he finally choked out, almost too quietly. " Just know that–"

"I know. You're here."

Xiao's voice had no trace of irritation or indifference, only this typical calmness. Venti's heart rose a few times in size, and its palpitations were becoming almost unbearable, yet accompanied by such a comfortable warmth, which Venti could never give up. He nodded vigorously, but said nothing in reply.

"And I like to keep my thoughts busy." Xiao's voice sounded awfully stern. He looked up, straight at Venti, and the latter shuddered, almost spilling his drink. "So if you want to be lazy, do as you please, I'm getting back to work."

Venti hesitated. He wanted to say something else, but every sentence died out on his tongue. Questions, words of comfort, all this seemed out of place with how cold and focused on notes Xiao's face looked. Finally, a sigh escaped Venti's lips, and he looked down, deciding to respect Xiao's decision.

"I'm going to plan our next break, so you'll have your thoughts occupied for sure," hinted Venti, grabbing his laptop with a new wave of determination. Xiao didn't look at him, but he made a sound. The sound that almost resembled a chuckle. Nothing more followed it, so Venti glanced at his own textbook reluctantly.

Ah, yes. This monstrosity.

"Wait, I still don't know how to even start with this," groaned Venti, making obvious gestures towards his laptop. "I can ask for notes, but what next?"

Xiao once again raised his gaze from his book.

"Then, we will think about the next step."

Chapter Text

Borrow the notes, had said Xiao. From all of his ideas, this one, right after having a crush on Lumine, didn't awaken any fond feelings in Venti.

Right at this moment, he was sitting on the edge of his bed, with a phone in his hand. His laptop and papers were scattered around, mixed with treats' wrapping and other rubbish. He pushed away an empty soda bottle while he moved in place to find a more comfortable position. One deep breath, and he dialled the last number again.

This time he waited longer than before. A familiar, sharp noise echoed in his ear, and he only stared at the ceiling, waiting. Almost thirty seconds had passed and he was ready to hang up, when finally a familiar voice of a colleague greeted him.

"Hiii!" Venti started with a melodious voice, sitting a little straighter. "I'm not bothering you, I hope?"

"Depends," replied his colleague, his tone full of reserve. "What do you want?"

Venti hesitated for a moment. Part of him felt awful while reaching out to random people from his group. Another part drowned in dread, thinking about an exam approaching with each passing minute. With each person asked, this dilemma only grew stronger.

"Do you by any chance have notes from Administrative Law?" He asked finally and it felt like a rock leaving his throat. The person on the other side of the call remained silent for a moment, then audibly sighed.

Venti knew where this was going. He already prepared his mental bingo, ready to cross another answer. His current findings were already quite impressive.

"Can't you finally make your own notes?"

"Sorry, you are my competition in the market."

"Dude, I'm dropping out of this shit, it's not worth it."

"We have an exam?"

With all of his previous luck, he wasn't expecting anything better now. He even thought about excusing himself and hanging up before the answer would drop.

"Listen," started his colleague with a tired voice, and Venti felt like shrinking inside. "I was recording the lectures and uploaded it on the group chat like… a month ago? It should still be somewhere in that mess, but I'm not sure if it will be any help now. Exam is on Monday, no?"

"I know," replied Venti with false confidence, while feeling like something much, much smaller at this moment. "It's not like I didn't study earlier at all."

"Sure," drawled his colleague, and Venti thought the doubts were well deserved. " As I said, recordings are on the group chat, you shouldn't have problems finding them."

"Thanks."

While exchanging the standard pleasantries at the end of the call, he already started to search the mentioned chat. When the search button failed, he got through the flood of messages, eyeing the descending date, until he would go back to the messages from a month ago. He found them, eventually. His colleague had never changed the default name of the folder, and commented the attachment with a short "may be useful". Venti downloaded zip without hesitation. Plenty of positive reaction emojis said more than words about the authenticity of the folder. Too bad no one told him about it earlier.

Too bad he didn't pay attention earlier, too busy checking more social channels on the group chat.

Download bar was filling slowly. Too slowly for his taste, and he found himself bouncing his leg in the chaotic rhythm. Percent after percent, he watched the progress, until he finally set his laptop beside and grabbed his phone instead. Why not report his big success while there was a time to kill? He texted quicker than the progress bar could fill with another few pitiful percentages.

Me: xiao

Me: i got smth for the exam

Me: and if boredom kills me tonight

Me: know that the last thing i saw would be that damn subject

Me: better be proud

Not seen yet, of course. Venti stretched lazily, glancing at his laptop. The progress bar showed a crazy 20%. With nothing better to do, he might as well go to restock his snacks. In the end, it was going to be a long night ahead of him.

Around five few hours later his head was pounding with a dull, throbbing pain. Everything was bothering him, starting with the sun behind his window, ending with the boring, loud voice of the professor in his headphones. His eyelids threatened to fall, and they would probably do it, if not for the hard edge of the windowsill, cutting into his thigh. He moved slightly, trying to find a better position, but only a wince ran through his face. His entire body begged for a break, for an even short movement, simple stretch. He let out a sigh and slipped down from the windowsill. He remembered almost nothing from the last fifteen minutes of the recorded lecture, and everything indicated that the next fifteen would not be any better. His notes got more and more vague as time passed. He almost threw his laptop on his bed, only to take his seat right next to it. He unconsciously reached for his phone and opened the chat at the top of the list.

Me: xiao

Me: when i fail this exam

Me: and then mess up my entire life

Me: and end up playing guitar on the dirtiest street that ever existed

Me: will you find me to throw a coin to me?

His fingers ran above the screen faster than his mind could comprehend his complaints. When the four messages took almost an entirety of the screen, he stared at them blankly, wondering if he should delete them as they still were not read. He scrolled mindlessly, reviewing all the previous ones, marked now as read, but not answered yet. There must have been a limit for Xiao's patience, and Venti felt like an explorer searching for it. Restlessly. His fingertip almost brushed three dots, ghosted over it, second questioning himself.

His heart froze. The empty circle below his texts shined with full colour, current time indicating that Xiao just read his complaints. And, before Venti managed to prepare himself, before he even thought of writing something else, a tiny text "Xiao is writing" appeared just over his textbox. Venti jerked forward, hunching over the phone, waiting for whatever Xiao was going to answer him. Text was appearing and disappearing constantly, and Venti's heart fluctuated in the same rhythm. Finally, when the wait was almost killing him-

Xiao: Work, talk to you later.

His hand dropped, along with his heart and his jaw. Well, this was brutal. Was it finally a limit in Xiao's patience, a foreign land, where no longer Venti's antics would be forgiven? He felt so distressed that he put his phone away, not even trying to type apologies. He should have been quicker and deleted texts earlier. Or hadn't typed them at the beginning. It was foolish to search for distraction in the first place. With a heavy heart and the reminder that Xiao expected his commitment to study, Venti reached back for his laptop and immediately pressed the play button. The professor's voice boomed in his ears defiantly, drowning out any remnants of contentment Venti might still have had in him.

Another few hours he spent in a haze full of the professor's monotonous voice, smell and taste of coffee, and idle buzzing of his own thoughts. Nothing ever changed over the flow of time, besides that his brain seemed to break some time ago, no longer distracted, only lazily absorbing information and forgetting it seconds later. He wasn't sure if he was even writing consistent and understandable sentences, catching himself doodling on the margin of his emergency notebook. Some were saying this helps to concentrate on listening. He was doubting that more and more with each new line on the paper.

"And with that example, we can see that ping presumption of delivery ping is necessary ping–"

With a third high, contrasting sound, Venti finally awoke from the brain fog, and looked at his phone, which laid screen down further than at an arm's reach. He furrowed his brows and looked at the clock on the computer screen. He completely lost track of time. He reached for his phone, subconsciously hoping for some great news, as a cancelled exam.

But he wasn't expecting this. His eyes widened and the heart lost a beat.

Xiao: I'm in front of your dorm, do you have a moment?

Xiao: Never mind.

Xiao: If you are studying, don't distract yourself. We can talk another day.

Before he even comprehended what was going on, Venti furiously typed three words: on my way, and jumped to his feet, not even bothering to lock his laptop. A mean, quiet voice in his head was calling him desperate, but really, who would care now? Xiao was waiting in front of his dorm at this hour, out of his free will. It would be foolish to ignore this and keep studying. Apart from that, at this moment Venti would welcome even Rosaria and her warnings with open arms. Anything really, be it hurricane, flood or alien abduction, as long as he had a valid excuse to take a break… even if that excuse meant meeting Xiao displeased with his behaviour.

He ran past the receptionist desk, not even noticing how Rosaria looked at him over her crossword. He almost stormed out of the building, but stopped. A few deep breaths weren't enough to let him calm down, but having no more time, he limited himself to smoothing his clothes and hair with quick hand movement. With another deep breath, escorted by the vigilant eyes of Rosaria, he left the dormitory and casually jumped over the few low stairsteps.

And there he was, not so far away, a stiff figure sitting on the low brick fence. Xiao was looking at the phone and at the entrance to the building alternately. When he noticed Venti leaving the building, his shoulders relaxed visibly, and he put his phone in his pocket. Venti could not relax so easily, his every step was observed by Xiao, until he wasn't close enough.

"Is it your usual way home, or were you just thinking about me?" Venti mused, taking a seat in just the right proximity. He pushed aside the assumption that Xiao could be annoyed by him, and hoped for the best. "I could be asleep, you know?"

"Your lights were on,“ rebutted Xiao, then he looked away, his brows knitted together. "Sorry, I shouldn't have disturbed you. This could wait."

"Don't worry, you are not disturbing," replied Venti, swinging his legs back and forth. "It was me who bothered you at work in the end."

His heart raced when he looked at Xiao's face, trying to find out how he really felt. Nothing really stood out in his expression, even previously knitted brows smoothened. Xiao shook his head, his gaze fixed at the ground nearby. "It's okay. Weren't you studying?"

"I was," sighed Venti. "But my brain is fried at this point. Exam is on Monday."

"That's plenty of time," judged Xiao, and Venti could only stare at his feet, unable to look him in the eyes. "So, you did get notes, I assume."

"Unfortunately, no. Nothing more helpful than a textbook." Another sigh, maybe even more dramatic, left his lips. "But someone has recorded lectures. I'm watching the more important bits now."

"I see."

A moment of uncomfortable silence was disturbed by a rustle and a long sound of a zipper. Venti peeked, and saw Xiao rummaging in his backpack. A couple of seconds later, he pulled out a box with a familiar fast food logo. Without a word he pushed it into Venti's hands.

"Is that a burger?" Venti burst out without thinking, but the weight of the box and Xiao's lips, pressed into a thin line, told him he was wrong. Not waiting for an explanation, he opened a package.

Inside the box, which, by the way, was actually a burger's one, a smaller one was hiding, with a picture hinting the content. Venti took the package in his hands, but hesitated before ripping it open.

"You brought me a cookie," he pointed out eventually, and Xiao only shrugged, not looking at him.

"Didn't want it to crumble," he said with such an aloof voice, as if bringing a treat wasn't a big of a deal. Maybe it actually wasn't, but Venti couldn't help but to exaggerate and overthink such a natural gesture. Xiao did not help in it at all, not with his tensed shoulder, and reverted gaze. "I thought it would make you feel better. Is there… something wrong?"

Venti shook his head violently and looked down at the treat again. An image of an apple and a few cinnamon sticks took a majority of the package, and Venti's heart couldn't help but rise a few times in size. This quickly was mirrored in a gleeful smile on Venti's lips.

"Thanks," he said simply, and let himself observe Xiao, taking advantage of the fact that the other was still looking at the ground in silence. Not for long. Before Venti said anything else, Xiao coughed softly and began reciting study tips for learning from recordings. Venti let out a tiny sigh, relishing in the sight before him. Xiao's face, full of focus and commitment, his voice, gentle on the night's breeze. The cookie, soft underneath his fingertips. All of that, a tiny and sincere sign of care, filled Venti's heart with warmth. After warmth, came pain. Sharp claws dig into his chest, deeper and deeper, leaving him defenceless and longing for more, much more than that.

"Why can't you be mine?" A question was brewing on his tongue, and with that he felt tired, really, really tired. So tired that he once more wanted to let go, let the question fall, let the chaos rise. His lips opened slightly, unconsciously, and his eyes wandered down, stopping on the lean forearms. Oh, how he wished to hide in the embrace of those arms, hide from everything and everyone. His throat clenched. He couldn't bring himself to ask. One hug seemed like too much, when it was him in need.

"You are not listening," an indifferent, and for sure not impressed sounding voice pulled Venti out from his miserable thoughts. A silence fell for a few long seconds, while Venti didn't even attempt to excuse himself. Xiao continued eventually. "Are you sure everything is okay?"

Venti just sighed, defeated. Of everything that was wrong, he chose the easiest one. "It's this exam. I just can't do it."

"This is what I'm trying to help you with," pointed out Xiao, but his voice didn't change at all. This frustrated Venti even more.

"Well, it's not working," he spat out, but regret crawled into his chest almost instantly. Xiao's help was the only reason he somehow managed to get to this point in the exam session. "Ah, I mean… Shit, sorry."

Xiao looked at him, his brows furrowed, but eyes unreadable. He turned towards Venti and pinned him with his gaze, which made the latter shudder.

"What will work then?"

Venti shrunk in on himself. He got a déjà vu, an awful reminder of how he opened up about his study problem, and Xiao was stubborn to find a solution. He hadn't known back then, and didn't know now.

"Maybe I just need a hug," he let out finally, without a real belief that his request would be heard. It pained, a sharp stabbing sensation right beneath his sternum. With each passing second, the wait for rejection became more and more unbearable. So much that Venti had to, just had to look.

Expecting the look of disappointment on Xiao's face, Venti's eyes widened when he noticed cracks in his calm attitude. His eyebrows were raised high, lips slightly parted, and his stare… He was staring at Venti intently, questioningly. Venti shivered with a slight jab of fear. Did he slip? Did he, oh gods, voiced another desire?

"Do you want me to hug you?" Asked Xiao quietly after a moment of silence, as if he was not sure if he correctly interpreted Venti's words. His arms and shoulders looked tense, and Venti decided that disappearing below ground wouldn't be a bad end. He for sure wouldn't have to answer that question, question without a good answer.

"I mean…" he stuttered, locking his gaze with Xiao's. Xiao waited, kept staring, probably completely unaware his eyes burned a hole in Venti's very soul. There was no escape this time, and Venti knew it.

He tried anyway.

"It's not like it solves anything." He shrugged and ran away with his gaze. His heart was beating furiously. Betraying everything. He could not let go, not like this. But he couldn't force himself to refuse too.

Suddenly, a tense, unsure arm brushed his shoulders, delicately, as if the tiniest mistake, too much force would be a grave offence. Venti tensed as well, motionless until the arm rested down finally and pulled him towards Xiao. His shoulder met the side of Xiao's chest, and Venti let out a mental sigh of relief. There was no way for Xiao to feel his racing heart now. Right?

There was no alcohol in his veins to blind the embarrassment and promise the oblivion on the next day. There was no drunkish fog in his mind, so he was painfully aware of everything. Cold hand touching exposed skin on his arm. Steady rise and fall of Xiao's chest with each taken breath. His smell, the same that got engraved into Venti's memory. Fire burned Venti's cheeks, and he sent a prayer above that Xiao won't look at him.

"Is it good enough?" Xiao spoke suddenly. "Sorry, I'm not as good as you in… emotional support."

Venti didn't trust his voice to speak now. His head leaned slightly, threatening to rest on Xiao's shoulder on its own. Maybe he would be forgiven? Maybe he could bluff that he drank while studying?

His head fell. His temple met the shoulder and his eyes fluttered shut, not ready to face the consequences.

Xiao said nothing. Only his arm moved slightly down, grabbing Venti with a little more confident embrace.

"If he knew about my feelings, he probably wouldn't let me be this close" the bitter voice in his head bit. Remorse tasted as sour as unripe apples. But he didn't move an inch.

They spent a few minutes in complete silence before Xiao moved, prompting Venti to move as well. When Venti remained motionless, Xiao sighed.

"You know you will have to come back to studying, right?" He asked, and this time Venti sighed. His heart finally calmed down a little, but still, this loose embrace felt like the only one right place to be.

"I know," he replied. "But I don't want to."

"Venti. You should not give up now." Xiao's voice sounded firm, yet so soft at the same time. It was like a magic spell to make Venti do anything he wished. With a little hesitation, Venti moved away from Xiao, leaving behind comfort and safety. Xiao didn't wait any longer to retrieve his arm, and it sowed a seed of anxiety in Venti's mind. Maybe he was the only one comfortable and safe.

"I won't. I'll try." He said, his voice somehow bitter at the edge of his usual tone. Xiao must have noticed it, as he moved unsurely, looking anywhere where there wasn't Venti. "Sorry, you must be tired after work and I kept you here for so long."

Xiao shook his head, but instead of confronting Venti's words, he was thinking, glancing around. Venti almost started overthinking his last actions in search of what threw Xiao off, but the latter spoke, "I'll think of something."

"What?" Venti reacted out of reflex, but quickly shook his head. "Don't think of anything. You already helped me enough."

In response, he received only a quiet hum, soft and blending into the silence of the night. He didn't give up, "You were supposed only to study with me, not solve all of my problems, you know?"

But Xiao did not listen any more. He raised to his feet and crossed his arms on his chest.

"I promised to help you and I'm going to keep my word."

"Don't–"

"No. Go rest," Xiao said, throwing his backpack on his shoulder. "I'll think of something."

Venti shook his head but didn't argue. He quite liked the idea of rest, especially when, after a short break, his eyes began to close on their own. Or maybe it was the effect of Xiao's closeness? It was as if all his worries had decided to give him a break until morning. "Only if you promise that you will rest today too and won't accidentally try to spend the night trying to help me. It's pointless."

Xiao snorted. But he didn't deny it. Venti tilted his head and copied Xiao's pose with his arms crossed on his chest. "Xiao?..."

"I will sleep today," Xiao replied, and Venti sighed, considering it a sufficient compromise.

"I'll take your word for it," Venti said, and took a few steps towards the dorm. "Xiao? Will you promise me one more thing?"

His heart started to beat hard again. Impluse almost wiped the sleep from his eyelids.

"Hmm? What is it?"

Venti locked eyes with him. Xiao tilted his head slightly in anticipation.

"When the exams are over–" Venti began, rocking on his heels. He stopped quickly, not wanting to look too suspicious. "–shall we hang out again on Sunday? Maybe somewhere further away this time?"

Xiao hummed softly and narrowed his eyes slightly. Perhaps Venti was already feeling faint from exhaustion, but a smile seemed to loom on Xiao's lips.

"When the exams are over," Xiao replied before turning towards the main street. "But don't think about it just yet."

Venti nodded, grimacing dramatically at the evasive answer, but secretly he hoped, no, he knew they had a promise. He quickly revealed his true feelings as a wide smile curved his lips.

"Alright then. See you next week, I guess?"

"Yes. Good night, Venti."

And with this short farewell, the silence of the night slowly heading towards dawn was interrupted by the sounds of quick footsteps and the rustle of the package being torn.

Chapter Text

Strange. He didn't even remember how he got back outside.

Late night air pinched skin on his bare forearms, yet he didn't feel the need to cover up. Unbearable warmth was consuming him from the inside, strong like a shoulder against his temple. Loose strands of hair were tickling his face, but he did nothing to stop them.

He guessed that he somehow had gone back, and now he was sitting at the stone fence again. The night was quiet, the wind was blowing with a gentle care, and the water was humming softly, tempting any visitor to dive in it. Maybe he would, later. Maybe he already had.

With each passing minute he became more and more aware of other things. The tight embrace located at his waist was keeping him close, keeping him in place. The warmth escaped from inside his body, burning his cheeks with a raging flame. His eyes were fixed on the calm surface of the water. Xiao wasn't looking at him nor at the water, instead he was glancing softly at the night sky. Venti sighed, and leaned on his shoulder more comfortably.

"Venti..." He heard a quiet call after a while, so he looked at the other, inevitably locking their eyes together.

"Yes?"

"I'm going to crash Lumine and Albedo's wedding."

Venti jerked his head up straight, quickly enough for an invisible needle to stab into the back of his neck. Xiao didn't even seem fazed by a sudden change in Venti's demeanour, not only, he also appeared to be further away than Venti could swear he had been sitting before. The lazy, warm and fuzzy atmosphere dispersed like a morning fog, leaving them in front of each other, with Xiao as indifferent as he used to be.

"I finally found a valid reason to object," continued Xiao, not waiting for any reply from Venti. He missed nothing; no words were left in the other's throat. "I will object and propose to her."

"Why?" Venti finally found his voice to choke something out. His hands clenched on the edge of the stone fence. The hard surface scratched his skin, but he didn't pay much attention to it. Betrayal seeping into his throat was too bitter to notice anything else.

"Why?" Asked Xiao innocently, as if he didn't just push the knife straight into Venti's heart. "Because I love her."

Pushed and twisted the knife, until all the warmth leaked from Venti's chest. All that's left was a cold, heavy void.

"No." Only a word got out. "You can't."

Xiao furrowed his eyebrows. He seemed even more distant than a second ago. His face shifted, as he reverted his eyes somewhere else, but he quickly looked at Venti again, his stare cold and sharp as the steel.

"I–"

Beep beep beep.

Venti jerked his head up from his numb arms; a low groan left his mouth when his stiff neck stretched with a dull ache. Sharp noise was all around, and it was hammering into his skull with each repeated beat. It took him a while to recollect himself and locate the source of the noise. His phone was ringing without a break. The blinking screen displayed the time and a short message for him. The text alone was not a kind one, prompting him to get up and get himself together. He growled from the bottom of his chest, and silenced his alarm clock with a quick tap and slide.

His cheek burned, sore with dull pain from sleeping on the desk, so he rubbed it and squeezed his eyes shut. Vivid pictures from his dream were still dancing behind his eyelids, as if he didn't wake up at all. Hostile stare, cold, water stretching into darkness. Strange and familiar pictures, haunting his unconscious mind. It wasn't the first time. Ever since his last meeting with Xiao in the middle of the night, his brain seemed to riot, tormenting him with weird dreams every night or nap. He and Xiao hugging, and then Xiao announcing he was going to move abroad. He and Xiao on the walk, and then Xiao revealing he chooses the life of the priest. He and Xiao hugging again, and then this...

He must be too stressed out. The only logical conclusion.

Or Mona cursed him without a warning, for her pure enjoyment.

Speaking of her, it's been a while since she promised to contact him. Unconsciously, he checked his phone, as if he somehow missed a text or call from her. But for naught. Nothing. Nothing at all. He couldn't say if the sudden twist in his stomach was a sign of relief or disappointment.

He shook his head, trying to empty his mind from any unnecessary thought. He was awake now, quite unfortunately, and he didn't have any other choice than face the challenges of today. There was no need to peek into the group calendar to see reminders about the exam. Markings seemed already engraved into his memory, more accessible than the knowledge he tried to obtain so desperately. When he tried to concentrate, he could recall various information from his long study sessions, but they were not connected with each other and probably not even correct. His brain seemed too tired to make this last effort. If that wasn't enough to predict his day, he was also still in yesterday's clothing, completely sore and stiff from sleeping at his chair and desk.

Maybe he should take an example from Xiao and overdose on caffeine first thing in the morning. His lips twitched slightly, but before a full smile managed to form, he hid his face into his hands, making a sound of frustration. Time was ticking, too fast for his liking.

Hurrying through morning tasks wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. The way to campus turned out to be much worse. A stiff white collar and the tie were slowly suffocating him, but he didn't dare to loosen them up a bit, knowing how the professor liked official garments. Venti even managed to pin up his hair, so they won't be so noticeable. His stomach was swaying, and he imagined that a frog boiled alive must have felt the same way.

Time moved forward, and he moved with it, passing eventually the threshold of the correct campus building. Some people already gathered outside the lecture hall. Familiar faces and some people he never met. He moved even further, passing by fellow students, engaging in short small talk, catching some important sounding phrases and wishing good luck. Someone was fanning themselves with the textbook. Another one shoved theirs into a backpack, only to ask who's interested in a quick party in the evening. Venti didn't even have time to open his mouth; he got counted in. Someone laughed, someone cursed, and Venti just took out his new, chaotic notes.

His phone rang shortly. He winced, debating if he should read it now. He still hoped for a quick revision, even though he wasn't in the mood for it anyway. How much could he learn in not even forty five minutes? With a sigh dancing on his lips, he reached for his phone and looked at it with not amused expression.

His heart started beating harder as if on cue. He opened the message with a shaky hand.

Xiao: Check your mail. I have sent you something that may be useful.

Not what he was hoping for, yet the enigmatic message made him tilt his head. Soon enough he was searching through a few spam emails, until he spotted the one from Xiao. The topic was as enigmatic as the text, leaving Venti with no other choice than checking the content. Oh, he would do this no matter what any way.

Venti,

I managed to get a list of questions for your exam from a few years ago. I don't know how up-to-date it is, but may be helpful either way. I'm sorry I didn't get to send it to you sooner.

Sincerely,
Xiao

Of course he packed an attachment in a complete mail. With a small smile and short shake of the head, Venti tapped the doc file and waited for it to download. When it opened, he could only sigh deeply.

A hundred or more questions were listed right before his eyes, each accompanied by a short answer, or sometimes a page number from the textbook. It seemed like everything he ever needed, laid plainly in twenty five pages, stretched into infinity. There was no way he could even read this with understanding in... now nearly thirty minutes. Time was ticking, and he felt the surge of panic overwhelming him. Even a cursory review of the questions showed how much chaos was hiding in his head.

Tick. Tack. Tick. Tack. Tick tick tick.

His fingers moved on their own.

Me: thanks xiao! you didn't have to, how did you manage to get this?

Tack. Tack. Tack.

There was no way he could read this now. Maybe it would be better if Xiao never sent this to him. Blissful ignorance was better if he could lie to himself that he did everything he could.

Xiao: It's not important. Will you have a chance to read this at least? What time is your exam?

Ticktackticktackticktack.

He couldn't bear to tell Xiao his exam was soon, so soon that a knot of despair and fear settled in his stomach. Xiao would worry, thought Venti. Would blame himself, feared Venti.

Me: don't worry, i have some time left. thanks again, you are saving me.

It felt good, but not for long. Fear and guilt creeped up again, and Venti looked dispassionately at the questions. Tried to read the answers. Maybe he should try to cheat...

But if he fails, if he gets caught, he's over.

Chatter. Chatter was all around him, loud and quiet, excited or depressed voices, comments, reports. He was floating along this wave of noise, with his head full of cotton and air. Almost as if someone hit him with a blunt object and sound was arriving at him from behind a thick glass. He floated along with the crowd ahead, not paying much attention to exactly where he was going.

A firm pat on his back brought him back to reality. With slightly raised brows, he moved his gaze, resting it on a colleague who had posted recordings. He was evidently in a good mood, he was smiling brightly.

"How did it go?" he asked, as if his own good humour should have infected Venti. "It wasn't that bad, was it? Thanks again, I would never know how to answer this question if it weren't for your script."

Venti shrugged, and thought back to blurry moments when he had been taking the exam. He had been writing furiously, drawing and correcting, combining various bits of information from his head. He resisted the urge to pull out his phone, as the professor was weirdly often walking near his table. "Maybe I'll pass."

"It'll be fine." Another pat on the back. His colleague was definitely in a better mood than when they had spoken previously. "You only need half of the points." Venti shrugged again, so his colleague continued, "I guess you will be at the party tonight then?"

"I have some things to do beforehand, but probably yes." Venti peeked at the other student and he already knew that everybody expected him to be at the party. Not because he was the most popular student, no. He just never missed the opportunity to drink in the past.

"Sure. Maybe I'll see you then." This time there was no pat on the back, although Venti expected it. "And don't worry about your exam results. It's usually better than you think."

They went their separate ways, although his colleague's words stayed with Venti for a little longer. Do not worry, he had said. Was Venti worried? Maybe. Right now, each cell in his body was crying, too tired, too heavy to keep going, to endure another few days of uncertainty. No, he thought. He had used up all his ability to worry at this point. All that was left was a suspension between hope and despair, reward and consequences, peace and punishment. Deep pit, filled with so many, it almost felt like nothing.

He could only wish that the professor wouldn't delay checking papers.

Until then, the party didn't seem like a bad idea to take his mind off things.

His bathroom was dimly lit. Only the faint light from one single bulb over the mirror and the gleam from behind the door. It was enough to see his own reflection, pale and tired. He tried to wash it off, together with uneasiness nested deep inside his heart, but all for naught. Tiny water droplets wandered down his face and neck, tickling his skin. His lips trembled, and he stumbled out of the bathroom.

Sun was hanging lower and lower, announcing the end of the last day of his exam session. He was neither happy nor sad about it. Only an emptiness and fear. He fell on his bed and exhaled. There was a bottle of wine next to his head, on the night table. Full, unopened, ruby coloured. He bought it on his way home to pregame, and left it, while he decided to rest. Now, after few hours of restless sleep, he was ready to take care of a few last things.

First, check his texts. It was a notification that woke him from sleep, but he didn't check it yet. He wasn't the least bit surprised to see who it was from.

Xiao: How was it?

Venti hummed under his breath, contemplating Xiao's message. His fingers danced around the bottleneck, and he suddenly realised he did not bring a corkscrew. Not that it was a problem. Problem was how to respond.

Venti: we'll see. he changed questions–

No, no. He corrected himself in his mind. Bad lie. He didn't want Xiao to feel like his help was for naught. With furrowed brows and a storm in his mind, he grabbed a nearby pencil and started pressing at the cork, watching like it was slowly moving deeper into the bottle. Finally, with a loud plop, it fell on the surface of the liquid. Venti didn't bother to grab any glass this time; he poured the wine straight into his mouth.

Venti: better than i expected. no idea how he will score it though. thanks again for your help :D

There was some kind of truth in his reply. He had been prepared for an utmost failure from the first question to the last. Having his suffering stretched out for a few more days was a different case, the one he decided not to bother Xiao with.

After a few minutes without a response, he exhaled deeply once again and positioned his laptop right before him, then put his wine bottle and phone away from his reach. Long cable connected his computer to the headset that set his hair in a weird place. There was the second thing he thought to do before the party, and now he felt brave enough when wine sent a wave of heat through his veins. He opened a communication program and thankfully noticed a green dot next to the familiar icon. He quickly pressed a tiny telephone button and waited.

It only took a few initial signals for the person on the other side to accept his call. A video took all of his screen, showing a female face. Venti glanced over her features, noticing a wide smile, wrinkles beside her eyes and pale skin, effectively revealing dark circles under her eyes. Only a few seconds of hesitation, and he returned a smile, even giving her a short wave of hand.

"Hi mom," he started, and smiled again, when she greeted him back. "How are you?"

Her expression did not change much when he asked. He knew that face so well. Gentle, soft, understanding, no matter what. It was almost unbearable, especially if a shadow of disappointment crossed her features, hidden away by gentleness quicker than it should hurt.

But it always hurts.

"Nothing changed much since we talked, honey," she said, but her voice changed for sure. Not as energetic as last time. He knew those moments. He knew not to ask, as all he would get would be lies. "I've got a little more work at the office and your father– is busy as always."

He noticed that tiny creak of her voice, but out of mercy didn't comment on it. Maybe he was too used to people's masks around him.

"And how are you?" There was a slight emphasis in his mother's voice. Both of them knew, he didn't call for just small talk. "How did the exams go?"

He sighed and hoped his mother didn't hear that. Oh, how he wished to be able to catch another sip from the bottle.

"Today was the last one." He admitted with a heavy heart. Maybe when he confesses everything, he finally feels lighter. "Results will be up in a few days probably, but for now that's all."

He held his breath unconsciously.

"That's good, sweetie. Tell me something more."

And he exhaled. He thought about it. He planned it.

"I passed all the previous exams," he started with something easy. He passed, better or worse, but did. "When it comes to today's…"

His mother was silent, waiting. He already could see a tense in her brows.

"I'm not sure. Maybe I'll get enough to pass, but no more."

Silence, still silence. His gaze slipped down.

"It will be okay, I'm sure of it," his mother spoke finally, with this damn soft voice. "What subject was it? I'm sure it is something unimportant, and the grade won't matter…"

"Administrative Law."

"Oh..."

The silence was getting to him, and he almost thought about excusing himself from the call. But he couldn't. There was one more thing he decided to achieve.

"Let's not worry about it now," his mother almost exclaimed, and he winced. "I'm sure it went better than you think. You are such a smart boy in the end."

Sometimes he wondered if she really meant that. Sometimes he contemplated how deep the web of lies went.

"When are you coming back?" He knew, he knew too well it was a distraction. He didn't mind though, in the end that was the direction his mind was heading. He straightened himself a little and met his mother's eyes.

"I was actually thinking if I could stay here a little longer–" he started, his voice suddenly quieter, as if he was whispering secrets, "–despite the result of an exam."

He didn't need to add anything more. The perfect facade on his mother's face cracked a little. She wandered away with her eyes for a moment, as if she was searching for something, then she looked at him.

"A week?" She asked, and Venti shook his head.

"Two at least. Maybe three. Please? Let's say I have a certain... important project to finish."

It wasn't a lie, even if his pathetic document never expanded more than those few points that he wrote back before exams. She didn't need to know that much.

"Alright. I will assume it's a college project," she said with her eyes narrowed. "You can stay, but I can't promise for how long."

He nodded vigorously, excitement drowning the sour taste of necessity of permission at his age. He never complained though, knowing too well it was always his mother taking one for the team.

After a short, uneventful rest of the chatter, he ended the call and fell on his back with a long exhale. All of his muscles relaxed, as if all of the day's tension disappeared from him. He didn't stay in this position for long though, he sat up and reached for the opened wine and his phone. Now, with these things cleared up, he could wash the rest of the anxiety away.

A few new notifications awaited him. Something not important, a few group messages about tonight's party, and, finally, replies from Xiao. He opened the chat with another sip of the wine.

And he almost choked.

Xiao: It didn't go very well, did it?

Xiao: Is everything alright?

Xiao: I hope you are not drowning your feelings in the alcohol?

Venti wiped his lips with the swift move of his hand, and put the bottle away. Texts were sent several minutes apart, the last no so long ago. He stared at the empty text field and tapped his chin with his finger.

Me: it breaks jy heart you think that :( of course i'm not xiao

Not yet, he thought. This wine was nothing compared to what awaited his liver tonight. He tossed his phone onto the pillow before heading back to the bathroom. When he returned after a short while, refreshed and ready to finally go to the party, more replies were already waiting for him.

Xiao: I don't believe you

Xiao: At least don't drink alone.

Venti hummed contentedly under his breath. Each subsequent sentence brought him closer to telling the truth.

Me: don't worry, i'm not~ i'm going to the party

One second, one breath, one twist of the braid around his finger. He typed another message before the image of Xiao in his head could speak first, nipping Venti's idea in the bud.

Me: wanna come with me? ;)

This time the answer came relatively quickly.

Xiao: I can't. Work.

Venti couldn't say he was surprised, and yet a wave of bitterness hit him like a storm hitting a lost ship. He played for a while with his phone case, thinking about his reply, but nothing better than "no problem, it's okay" came to his mind. It seemed like it should be enough, but he still wanted–

A new text appeared on his screen.

Xiao: Have fun. Be safe. Call me if you need anything.

Chapter Text

The time he had tasted his first drink, he had just turned sixteen.

He remembered this well enough. A free afternoon, spent with his infamous friends. They had been hidden behind shops in an empty alley, with a bottle of cheap, stinking wine, passed from person to person. Each sip had been attacking his taste buds and nose, but he had been sharing this with everyone as if it had been the best, most expensive drink in the entire world. One bottle hadn't been enough for a whole group of people, so he hadn't even felt the hum of intoxication in his head.

The time he had thought he wouldn't make it back home was also that time when everything had started to change.

He hadn't known his limit back then. As liquor had been disappearing behind his lips, cup after cup,and the same had disappeared any last conscious thought. The silly, comfy numbness he had desired so much had gone away, as his brain had seemed to sway as a ship in the violent sea. He didn't remember the moment he had left, walked, staggered forward, or maybe had crawled back home. Sneaking into his room and under the blanket was the only thing that stayed in his memory.

He was a little smarter now, a little more experienced. Even if others thought otherwise when he swayed out of his seat, he was completely aware of his surroundings. And now, with the crispy air of the early morning sobering him up, he finally took out his phone, ready to check if anything important came up when he had been busy.

The amount of notifications piling up didn't surprise him, as he never bothered to mute any of the apps. First, he opened a text from Xiao. He hadn't dared to answer when his fingers had been able to mislead the autocorrection. A faint smile blossomed on Venti's lips, as he read again a short request to confirm he arrived home safely. This time Venti responded immediately, passing on his location, bus schedule and that he's fine.

Next, he checked the group chat. Discussion about exams had continued till late evening and many correct answers had been pointed out. He scrolled past them without looking. Only predictions on when the grades would be published interested him right now, but they were nowhere to be found. Venti sighed, and scrolled down the notification list.

So many messages about his photos.

He clicked at the first one, opening a post he published some moments ago. It stood out from his usual shots due to lacking quality and dim light, but still showed him and the party very clearly. Well, some of the rest showed only him, apart from little bits of wall and sofa behind. Those weren't his best selfies, but still nothing to be ashamed of later. Others must have thought the same, as the numbers displayed underneath did not deviate from the norm. He tapped the side of his phone, one thought plaguing his mind. Maybe he could check. It was harmless, and it would scratch that little itch he felt after Xiao's text. Squinting his eyes, he opened the list of people who liked his photo. There were, of course, a bunch of his friends, but name after name his lips started to turn down.

Of course.

What was he even doing? Pushing his expectation up to delusions, clearly. Xiao's account was as dead as the rest of his social media life, and nothing seemed to be able to change that. Some things were set in stone, no matter how much progress he thought they made. Venti smiled to himself, shaking his head. And then, right at the moment he was about to lock his phone, a text pop out on his screen:

Mona Megistus likes your photo

He blinked. Once. Twice. The notification faded away, but he kept staring at the screen, as if he just saw a ghost. He could have blamed the remains of alcohol in his veins, but when he looked, the same name was visible on the bottom of the list he still had opened. Another notification came quickly. He hesitated before clicking the blinking chat icon. A text that appeared made his stomach jump up and then sink deep.

Mona: Hello. Are you awake? If you have time, I'm free today around noon.

His fingers were gripping his phone until they whitened. A pounding of his racing heart echoed in his ears and he struggled to even focus. Somehow his brain refused to register reality, even though he expected this finally would happened. She kept her promise. And yet he just stared, frozen in place.

Maybe he shouldn't.

The sudden thought pierced through his mind. Maybe it wasn't important, what had happened between Xiao and Lumine back then. Maybe it was just a stupid gossip, something trivial and embarrassing, something he should ignore as Xiao had wished to not talk about it.

On the other hand, it was a mess he created; it was only fair for him to do a damage control. A guilt that weighed on his chest was his consequences, his punishment. He would swallow more of it if needed.

But was it really needed?

Excuses. Pointless rumination. He had already agreed, he already decided. He looked down, at his phone screen, where with utmost precision, letter after letter, he had created an answer:

Me: sure. where can we met?

A few hours, a short nap, and way too light breakfast later he was standing in front of a student's dorm, different from his own. He was moving on autopilot, like his body received orders from somewhere else than his brain. Task after task. Talk with the receptionist. Show your student ID. Climb the stairs. Find the room–

Mona was already waiting for him. She was leaning on the door frame with that confident smile of hers, looking at him from top to bottom.

"You're early." She moved, allowing him to enter. "That's good."

"You knew I'm already here" he spoke, still in the haze. It sounded stupid, yet he felt like no longer resisting her nonsense.

"Of course," she replied, closing the door behind them. "And I saw you through the window."

A heavy, dark curtain in the door frame was separating a vestibule and the rest of the room, hiding a spacious, yet cluttered space. Every flat surface disappeared underneath books, notebooks, and trinkets. Even the window sills were cluttered, with poor plants stacked on top of the books towers, so they would get at least a little bit of light. Venti moved forward, dodging stuff on the floor, then stopped in the middle of the room, awaiting further instructions. Mona stepped over a half dead Monstera (Venti noticed a star shaped clips and a little note with encouragement stuck in the pot) and walked past him. She moved chairs from both desks to the small table at the most clear part of the room. A clutter that took up its surface was replaced onto the bottom mattress of a bunk bed.

"Have a seat," she offered, and walked to a small cabinet to grab an electric kettle. There was a variety of teas, fruit ones and herbs, and of course coffee. Venti also noticed a bunch of instant noodles and powdered meals. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Just a coffee," replied Venti, then shifted in his spot and put his elbow on the table. It wobbled, as if warning him to watch his moves.

She finally sat down opposite him. A steam from the jug of coffee was dancing between them, barely visible in the dimmed light from clothed windows. If the cheap aroma of an instant coffee got replaced by an incense scent, and Mona wasn't wearing something between pyjamas and gym clothes, by her grimace alone he would feel like on some kind of seance.

"Venti," she started. He did not like the way she was staring at him. "How well do you know Xiao?"

Venti also didn't like the words she chose. Did not like how serious her face looked. He crossed his arms low on his chest.

"Well enough," he replied, earning a slight eyebrows raise from Mona. This grimace was soon replaced by a confident smile. She mirrored his position.

"We'll see," she said. She had her leg crossed over leg and was swaying it. Like a cobra swaying its tail. Venti suddenly felt like his throat very dry.

"I assume he still didn't tell you anything." Venti shrugged, so Mona sighed. "A pity, but expectable. I would be surprised if he admitted this."

"Admitted what?" Venti faked a fake friendly calmness, but inside he was boiling over with overwhelming anxiety. Cramps were squeezing his stomach and it wasn't because of a scanty breakfast. Well, maybe. That coffee did not smell that bad. And with milk it would be enough to fill him until he's done with conversation. His hand decided quicker than his head. He already poured coffee into a mug with a zodiac print (Gemini, which made him think if Mona had an entire collection), then milk, then two spoons of sugar for a good measure. He lifted the mug up and to his lips and…

"I am wondering if he's been following Lumine lately."

And he choked on mildly warm liquid. Two drops, maybe three, got stuck in his windpipe, so he coughed into the inside of his elbow. When he finally took a breath without tears coming to his eyes, Mona was watching him, her arms still crossed, her leg still moving.

"Did I scare you?" A tease danced on the edge of Mona's voice. "Don't worry, I didn't mean this in a dangerous way. Rather... Inconvenient and embarrassing, though still suspicious."

"Why did you say that?" spat out Venti. His throat was burning, but he didn't dare to take another sip right now. "What happened?"

"I only know Albedo's perspective," she continued. Her eyes were focused on Venti to the point she could pin him down with needles as well. "Everything smoothed out, so he isn't very concern now. I trust his judgement. Their cards are good as well."

"Yet you still call it suspicious," prompted Venti, though it turned out like a long, breathy sigh.

"That's right. I hope to gain your opinion on that matter. You said you know Xiao well." She made a short pause, glancing over at some plants in the corner. "It happened when Lumine's last class was ending exceptionally late in the evening.

"She was supposed to meet with Albedo after that, he always sits in the lab till night anyway. When he arrived, Xiao was already there, and believe it or not, he wasn't too happy to see another person. He was also quite antagonistic towards Albedo, well, until Lumine didn't introduce them to each other. Then he left without a word."

She fell silent, watching Venti with unvoiced expectations. He moved slightly, suddenly uncomfortable in his seat, and he fixed his gaze at tiny waves on the surface of his coffee. A most of what Mona said sounded like Xiao. But there was truly something off.

"They may have met by accident," risked Venti. He tried to remember Xiao's schedule. His routes. Anything. His heart was racing. He was no longer sure if he was protecting Xiao's good name or his own heart from massive damage. "There are a thousand reasons to be late at campus."

"Right," replied Mona. Her slow, dragged tone showed she wasn't convinced. "Is there also a thousand reasons to insist when someone is good on their own?"

No. But a solid one would be enough.

He did not say it out loud. Instead, he leaned back on his chair. "I know him long enough to be sure he didn't have any ill intentions. He's just too stubborn for his own good."

Mona nodded, her gaze wandering around as she was deep in thoughts. She was still swaying her leg, close to piles of books. Venti gave them a glance. Physics. Maps of the night sky. And, of course, astrology. Maybe Mona got it wrong and mistaken it with astronomy?

"Tell me," she started. "How did he react? I know he refused to talk to Lumine the next day. Well, the couples next days."

"I think he gave up," answered Venti, and for a moment a wave of relief hid his previous worry. "He didn't even want to talk about it."

"I guessed so much. Anything else?"

Venti fell silent, faking deep contemplation as well as he could. Of course there were so much more, yet it didn't feel right to let Mona inside their private matter. Xiao's private matter. She hadn't any rights to know about Xiao's sorrow, how he thrown himself into more work to occupy his mind. In the end, she and Venti was only allies. Nothing more.

"Nothing that would catch my attention. But he gave up, I'm sure of it. You don't know him as I do."

"Maybe you are right," she said, but she was still staring at him like she knew all truth in the world. "So, tell me, what exactly do you see in him?" She suddenly changed the topic, taking a sip of her coffee. "I already know there is something astrologically wrong with you, but amuse me."

She managed to baffle him. He opened his mouth, then closed it again, his gaze wandering around as if he was caught on something embarrassing. No words came to his mind, they seemed to burn in the flame that soon enough threatened to crawl on his cheeks. Mona waited in silence. Only her leg was moving. Forward. And back. Forward. Slowly.

"It's…" he stuttered, and bit his tongue in a sudden spike of anger. No thought seemed to have formed, and it appeared to be blasphemous, not even the one sentence to pour his feelings into. Somehow even his previous poems and lyrics seemed too far away to remember right now. This was the closest he was to voice his feelings aloud. And he couldn't. It terrified him. Words stuttered out of his mouth before he could stop them: "I‒ That's not for you to hear."

"Oh, so it's even worse than I thought." Stinging smile could be heard in Mona's voice. "You truly are blinded. No wonder you insist he gave up."

"I'm not." Venti put away his mug and crossed his arms again. "Some things are better left untold."

"Mhmmm‒" she hummed, but she didn't looked half convinced. "Surely. What's more important ‒ any other thought at the matter at hand?"

Venti knew the answer. It didn't change the fact that he absolutely didn't like it. He even pondered for a while, as if searching for a better option, but nothing was coming to his mind. He sighed as defeat sank in, and met Mona's gaze.

"I think its time for me to talk with Xiao."

Chapter Text

He had not lied when he had promised to talk with Xiao. Not to Mona. Neither to himself.

The door barely closed behind him and his legs already picked up the direction. His steps were quick and powerful, not as listless as when he had marched towards Mona's dorm. He was storming forward; distance was disappearing between each blink of his eyes. He reached the bus stop in no time, but he was too close to waste any moment waiting.

(He could not stop now, lest he change his mind, wimp out)

He continued, passing by people, cars, buildings. Soon he arrived to Xiao's neighbourhood, and his ankle ached with fresh abrasion from his shoe, but he pay no attention to it.

(He could not think what he felt, lest he would realize how fast his heart was trashing in his chest)

He stopped. The front door towered before him. He did not cross them, but dialled the number on the intercom with a heavy hand. A sharp, artificial noise sang together with birds crooning nearby, and he allowed himself to take a deep, calming breath.

(He had stopped. Suddenly he realized where he was, how much he wasn't prepared, how much his throat was squeezed. He should go, now

now

now

)

Intercom kept going, long, longer than he anticipated.

(He was lucky. Nobody's home. He can run

run

run

)

"Yes?"

His heart sunk.

(too late)

"Xiao, hi," Venti blabbered out. "Are you ho‒ I mean, are you busy?"

He bit his own tongue, fighting the urge to shove his face into his hands. Before he could, a low buzz pulled him out of shame. Any other answer didn't come. Venti hesitated, but then quickly grabbed the handle with a heavy sigh. There was no turning back, now. Only four floors to climb was separating him from the talk he wanted, but feared so much now.

First floor. His thoughts were wandering around the whole exchange. He had no chance to ask about Zhongli. With a little bit of luck the latter wasn't home; or else why would Xiao had taken so long to answer? Another option, Zhongli was home, but busy. Busy enough to not interrupt Venti and Xiao's talk. Still, Venti dreaded that eventuality.

(or he hoped for it? Weight in his stomach slowed his steps)

Second floor. He didn't think this through, didn’t prepare, and he couldn't even count on his wits now, with how much his head ached with nothingness. It would be so much easier if his body wasn't so painfully sober. The drinks from the previous night were just a far reminiscence, and he could only wish for a hangover to numb his senses now.

Third floor. Each step of his was reluctant and slow, slower and slower. The doubts started to creeping back slowly, and he hesitated in the middle of the movement. A tiny part of his brain tried to sway him; couldn't he really just ignore it, trust Xiao and hope for the best? The other part of him, wiser yet still fearful, argued with vice. In the end, he was responsible as well. He had hid the truth. He had allowed it to escalate. He didn't deserve to be spared from consequences.

Fourth floor. His heart was pounding, but not because of endless steps he had climbed.

He was really going to talk with Xiao. And gods, he even didn't know how far this would go. If he even was ready for this.

"Venti."

He gulped, he blinked, pulled out of his thoughts. Xiao was standing right there, in the door frame, waiting, watching. There was a tiny tension between his brows, some kind of uneasiness hidden in his facial features. Venti felt that stare on his legs moving in dawdling speed. Xiao spoke no other words, and just moved aside to let Venti in.

He had no other choice that smile and speed up, smile and pretend.

"Sorry for bothering you," mused Venti while passing by Xiao. It was a miracle he spelt it flawlessly with how his throat was squeezed. He looked around nonchalantly, as if that was the most normal thing to do. "Zhongli's not home?"

"No." Xiao's voice mixed with the metallic noise of the lock. "He's at campus." He made a little pause. "Do you need to talk with him too?"

"Nah, I'm just curious." Venti shook his head. The next second both of his arms entwined on his chest. "I have to talk only with you." The corners of his mouth quivered. "It's important."

"I figured." Xiao turned to the living room. "Speak. Did you fail your exam?"

Venti winced, swallowing a bitter laugh. Xiao could never guess how much easier would it be to talk about that. Venti braced himself, then looked Xiao straight in the eye.

"I just took this exam yesterday," he replied, a nonchalant tone dancing in his voice. He invited himself further inside; an old sofa creaked under his weight when he fell on it. Xiao followed, but instead of joining Venti on the couch, he stopped in the middle of the room. A tension kept his shoulders straight. "It's not possible for that old prick to already grade the tests."

Uncomfortable silence followed Venti's words. He endured Xiao's piercing, restless stare and didn't revert his own for even a second. His eyes wandered on Xiao's features, as if he was seeing him for the first time in life.

"I'm liste‒"

"We need to talk about that evening."

He threw it out in one breath, until his voice broke down deep in his throat. Xiao didn't respond, not right away. His eyes widened for a moment, full of specks of something raw.

"What evening?" he asked, his voice low and way too smooth. "Did something happened on your party?"

Venti held his gaze in silence. He did not avert his own even when heaviness nestled in his stomach. It was too late to turn away anyway.

"You know which one. We need to talk about Lumine."

Xiao stilled, the same as Venti after the name left his lips. Everything in Xiao tensed; jaw, shoulders, gaze. He stared, stared so intensely, as if daring Venti to repeat himself.

Venti, of course, did not. Once was enough and already too much.

"I told you." Xiao was first to break the silence. "I don't want to talk about it. I didn't and I won't change my mind."

Venti expected as much. He hung his head low, watching his own knees and stretched out calves. He heard Xiao moving; a quick peek revealed his silhouette in front of the window. His back was turned toward Venti, and he didn't seem so distant in a long time.

"I know. I'm sorry." He really was, but couldn't believe his own voice right now. "I wouldn't ask you again if I hadn't had a reason. Can we talk about it? Please?"

Silence. Venti kept waiting, but Xiao stayed silent. Second after second, until Venti was no longer sure if he's facing prohibition or permission. So, he decided to risk another bit.

"Do you want to know how I knew about Lumine and Albedo?" He asked, while still watching his legs. He found a bruise on his left knee. Maybe he hit a table or something. His heart seemed to try and suffocate him from inside. He had a little scratch next to it too.

He heard a quiet rustle of clothes. This time he did not look up.

"That's no longer important."

"It is."

The clock in the corner of the room was ticking. It was a nice clock, quite old, the one Zhongli got from his grandparents and was crazy fond about. Tick-tack, tick-tack, tick-tack, it sang. Venti counted each sound.

"Why?"

Boom, boom, boom. His heart sang in his ears.

"There is a person."

"Mhm."

"Who told me about them."

"Alright."

"And that person also told me about something you may have done."

The wood was creaking with every tick of the clock. Venti had never noticed this before. Creak, creak, creak. Sound after sound.

"And what have I done?"

Boom, boom, boom.

"Did you really followed Lumine?"

Tick‒

Creak.

‒tack.

Tick‒

Creak.

‒tack.

Tick‒

"Whoever that person is, you may tell them there is nothing to worry about. I'm not going to show my face to her ever again."

Venti stole a peek. Xiao still had his body turned away from him. His shoulders were tense, and his back straightened to the point it should ache. Not even the slightest move betrayed he wasn't a statue. Venti, on the other hand, couldn't sit still. His gaze fell back to the floor, and he sat on his hands to keep them from shaking, from clenching, from piercing his palms with his nails.

"So you really did this?"

"Does it really matter if I did or not?"

"How could it not?"

"It's between me and Lumine. No one's else. I don't care what people talk."

It didn't sit right with Venti at all. He pouted his lips within one heartbeat, then dug his nails into the flesh of his thighs within the second. He barely felt any pain with the thick layer of his shorts, but he kinda wished he could.

"What about me? You don't care what I will think too?"

This time Xiao didn't have an immediate replay. Venti could only glance from time to time. Xiao stayed motionless and tense, distant and closed off. Like a statue, like a part of the wall, like he wasn't really there. He didn't replay, but the silence was screaming.

And it was like a punch to the stomach.

Venti should have expected this, but he didn't. He did it to himself, squeezing himself into somebody's else life, hoping for too much. And now what's left was bitter, paralysing cold, pulling him down.

He should move, save that last bit of dignity he had left.

But before he could cheer his legs to lift his body, he heard something more than the ambient. Steps, slow and heavy, then a noise of the armchair, squeaking under the weight. Venti moved his head only a little, until he looked at Xiao's knees. His gaze slide from them, followed along Xiao's forearms, to his hands, and the face hidden in them.

"I did not follow her," he spoke finally. "It was‒"

An accident?

"‒a mistake."

Oh.

Venti let out a shaky breath. He straightened his back and leaned on the sofa, setting free his numbed hands.

"What kind of mistake?"

And even though Xiao looked like someone who lost all of their resistance, words were still leaving his throat with difficulty, pulled out by each question.

"She told me she was going to finish her classes late."

"She wanted you to come?"

"No. She was already meeting with someone."

"So how you ended up there?"

This time Xiao did not answered immediately. He seemed to sink even deeper into his hands. Venti waited, though his patience was woven with a thread of worry so deep, that it weighed on his chest.

"I told her she can call me if something happens."

"She did?"

"...No."

Venti gulped. Forcing answer after answer from Xiao filled his stomach with shame. But it was too late to stop now.

"So what happened?"

"What if she needed to call me?" Xiao's whole body became a tense, curled up ball. "What if I was too late?"

"Xiao..."

Venti moved before his mind decided what to do. He found himself in front of Xiao, reaching out to him. He didn't make a contact. Xiao straightened himself, locked his eyes with Venti's despite a hand merely inches from him.

"So I decided to be around just in case."

Venti withdrew his hand. Something inside him threatened to break.

"So you did follow her."

Many emotions flashed through Xiao's face before they hid beneath a cold stone mask. The one that hurt Venti the most was a grimace of betrayal. Venti almost felt guilty. But he persisted.

"I did not," spoke Xiao in a low, quiet voice. Then he hesitated, averted his eyes, focusing them at random point on the floor. It took a moment of silence before he spoke again. "I just wandered around campus and waited. I never expected her to be in front of chemistry faculty."

Venti's face didn't even move. "But you came up to her anyway?"

Xiao shook his head. "No. She noticed me first."

Venti let out a long breath, letting away all the tension together with it. Xiao, on the other hand, lowered his head even more.

"I couldn't come with any good excuse though," continued Xiao. "And I may have lost my cool when that guy arrived. Albedo."

Venti could imagine that. He could almost see it vividly in his mind; Xiao tensed like the wild animal caught in the trap, approached by a hunter. Had he been waiting for an opportunity to flee? Or maybe he was going to muster some courage to stay, but then Albedo had arrived?

"Was it that bad?"

Xiao only shrugged.

"I guess at least it didn't escalate that much?."

Another shrug.

Venti swayed in place, suddenly very uncomfortable with existing in this space-time continuum. All the pent-up emotions he built up about this incident left him as air leaves the balloon. He stayed in place, looking at Xiao from above, and it filled his stomach with guilt.

So he crouched, resting his elbows on his knees.

"I'm sorry I pressured you about this," said Venti, and his hand itched to reach to Xiao's head, brush his hair in a comforting way. "I was pretty worried."

Xiao was still looking away. Venti thought maybe he should step away.

"Understandable," replied Xiao. "I would be disappointed if you didn't take that seriously."

Venti shook his head. He couldn't forget that look of hurt Xiao was trying so hard to hide beneath the mask of indifference.

"I was worried about you too. That you are doing something stupid. I didn't want to make you feel like I accuse you."

"You had the right to accuse me."

Venti pursed his lips. His hand itched again.

"Xiao, look at me."

He did not. Venti's hand reached out, but stopped before he could touch Xiao's cheek. That for sure would be out of boundaries. Instead, he put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed hard. Xiao tensed, but Venti didn't withdraw his hand.

"I don't blame you."

Tick-tack, tick-tack, sang old clock with creaking bones. The sun reflecting in Xiao's irises gave him specks shining like a real gold. Venti wondered how he could ever think those eyes were intimidating. Tick-tock, tick-tock, his hand trembled. He could not look away, trapped in the honey dew.

"You should. I should have know better than this and not get paranoid."

A sigh left Venti's lips, and he tilted his head a bit, watching every little change that reflected in Xiao's eyes. And while his face stayed stone cold, Venti could swear he saw a tiny plea, a request to be proven wrong.

"Maybe you are right," he started. Xiao's eyes got a little wider. "Bad things like that don't happen all the time. But I understand why you felt this way. I would be worried too."

Xiao's face didn't even flinch. He was looking at Venti, but Venti wasn't sure he was seen.

"Xiao... Do you blame yourself?"

Xiao blinked. Then again. That unseeing gaze wandered off even further. It took Xiao a few solid seconds before he blinked again, his jaw tensing as if getting ready to stop anything that may try to spill past his lips.

"I just miss her." He whispered, before his lips pursed as well.

"I know." Venti swallowed a bitter bile in his throat. "But‒"

"But past should stay in the past, I know."

The spell broke. Xiao lowered his eyes, and moved away Venti's hand with the lightest of touches. Venti shook his head, as words that Xiao took out of his mouth wasn't right at all.

"That's not what I‒" he started, but seeing how Xiao prepares to stand up, he backed up as well. He took a deep breath and rethought his next words. "I just want you to remember I'm here when you need me."

Xiao stopped in the middle of the movement. His hands were pressing into the armrests, his eyes were fixed on the floor right before him. He was thinking, emotions flashing through his face in tiny flexes of muscles. Venti was watching him closely, too afraid to miss anything.

He wished he missed the next words that fell.

"You are a good friend, Venti."

Chapter Text

"Just a misunderstanding, you say? Hmm. Well, let's say I'm satisfied for now."

Just a misunderstanding, he had said. As if. Misunderstanding was to play it down like that, yet no better conclusion could form in his scrambled brain. Venti made a long, unpleasant sound through his nose and pursed his lips so hard, that even a straw of his drink couldn't get past them. He was swirling the cup in his hand, neither looking at it nor at Mona, who shamelessly took the last piece of a treat Venti had bought. She, on the other hand, had her gaze fixed on Venti.

"You didn't seem relieved."

Venti blinked. Once. Twice. Like she just pulled him out of deep thoughts. He turned his eyes to her without a haste, and swirled the poor drink once more.

"It's nothing." He shrugged. Mona didn't look too convinced. "I'm just thinking."

"About what? What else is there to think about?"

His gaze slip down, to her hands, which swept away crumbles from the table. He looked around. His own apple pie rested in the middle of a paper dish, barely bitten. His stomach growled with anticipation, but the nausea he thought he felt wasn't caused by hunger.

"Mm-hm." He put his drink down instead. Sugar and caffeine only deepened a hollow pit in his guts.

"Just speak." He saw in the corner of his eye how Mona changed her position, and turned towards him with crossed arms. "Did you hide something from me?"

"I'm hiding nothing," he said, though the words left a disgusting aftertaste in his mouth. "It has nothing to do with you."

She must have disapproved his reply, he heard it in a slow, exaggerated sigh. He took a plastic fork and started decimating his pie, a bit after bit.

"You got me involved to the point you can just spit it out." Venti wasn't sure he imagined boredom or irritation in her voice. "How bad could it really be?"

Apple filling slid from the cake foundation, and Venti smudged it on the edge of the dish. Replay was brewing on his lips. He furrowed his brows and opened his mouth, only to close it again. He was blinking a little too often, watching how mousse dropped to the table, catching the attention of a stray wasp.

"I was wondering..." started Venti with a sigh when the silence threatened to join the weight on his shoulders. The wasp flew around his hand, but he did nothing to startle it away. His voice almost died out in his throat, while the last bit of hesitation surfaced. "...if... About... How Xiao would react if I confess now."

Venti stuck the fork into the remnants of his piece with more force than he initially intended, The insect buzzed louder, almost with anger. It soon drowned in the sound of Mona's mumbling something under her breath. Venti didn't even spare her a glance.

"It's normal to fear rejection. I can read‒"

"That is not what I have in mind."

Mona fell silent, and Venti felt her stare on him, patient, but stubborn. The wasp was walking on the surface of the pie, nearly getting stuck in the apple filling. He felt the sudden urge to help it out, but his hand felt too heavy to move. When the stare became intense enough to dig a hole through his skull, he finally forced his tongue to move.

"What if... what if‒"

A heavy sigh rolled off his lips instead of the rest of the sentence. He looked at the blue sky above. No words felt right to contain his inner turmoil.

"What if what?" She pressed, and his gaze slipped from the sky, meeting her grey eyes. He must have some kind of pathetic expression, as she rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"He told me I'm a good friend." He changed approach and spat out, hoping that Mona would understand at least that part of the storm inside his mind.

If she did, she wasn't going to be easy on him. Her amused expression indicated this enough.

"So what?" She said. "Is that a bad thing?"

Venti pouted, now staring at the wasp on his destroyed pie. He was judging every word that threaten to left his lips.

"Well..."

What he was even doing, trying to confide in Mona? It's not like she was going to care enough to be gentle with his feelings. Because, like, everything he was doing was supposed to lead him to this exact moment. But now when he got there, it was overwhelming.

He was stuck.

"I was always worried I become too obvious," he confessed eventually. "But now I'm wondering if I did the right thing." No matter how deep breath he took, it seemed to never reach his lungs. "Will he feel betrayed if I confess now?"

He pouted his lips again and threw the plastic fork onto the plate, scaring the wasp away. Mona hummed something under her breath, and he wasn't sure if it was still amusement or maybe satisfaction this time.

"I did warn you." An answer for his question revealed with her reply. "So, are you gonna do something about this?"

He shrugged. What was there to do other than to risk everything?

He didn't want to risk anything.

"I don't know," he said, and the truth of his answer weighted on his shoulders. "I need to think about that."

"Didn't you think enough?" Mona put their plates together, getting them ready to be thrown away. "I would say it's already quite late."

"I know." And he knew, because it was already so late. His time on campus was shrinking with each day.

"Think about it this way." As if he didn't think about this from every angle already. "What if one day you will become too obvious?"

"Then there's nothing I can do about it." Venti shrugged.

Mona rolled her eyes again, this time with a more annoyed pout on her lips.

"Don't you think it's then when he could feel betrayed?"

Oh, but he thought about that, quite often. Every time his mind slipped away to that possibility, he was left with a burning feeling of shame, like he stole something that didn't belong to him. Stolen touches, stolen glances, stolen moments. The more Xiao saw friend in Venti, the bigger liar Venti became.

"It's indeed possible." He pushed words through his teeth with difficulty. "Maybe I should‒"

Realisation dawned on him in a split second. He never had known what to do. Not when he had recognized a weird feeling in his guts in Xiao's presence as a blooming crush. Not when he had tangled himself in this mess. Not ever. Nothing prepared him for this.

All of his previous brief dates and short relationships needed him to just wait. To tease. To threw something to already willing partner. A wink, a smile, a few verses of his poetry. Something, anything. And then he waited. He was the one to be chased, and it felt good, felt right. He craved the attention, it fed something hungry inside of him, something impatient.

But not now. If it not for his hard work, maybe Xiao wouldn't even consider him a friend he could confide with. It tasted different; not like a sugary treat of easy attention. He wanted more, but not like that, not in a way he didn't deserve. He wanted more, but in more intimate flavour than that. He‒

He was stuck. And the grey eyes piercing him in his seat wasn't helping at all.

"You are just stalling, waiting for a miracle." Venti wasn't sure how long he was silent, but Mona apparently decided it's enough. "I don't think he would wake up one day with an idea you are a perfect boyfriend material."

"I know." Yet his subconscious hoped. "It's just not the right moment." It was never a right moment.

"Of course." Mona shook her head, then stretched her arms high in the air. "How could I dare to suggest making a decision. Forgive me my impertinence, it will never happen again. So‒" Her elbows rested on the table and she leaned towards Venti, "‒do you want that reading or not?"

He hesitated. He didn't believe this, and yet...

"Sure. But make it quick, before I'll regret it."

He already did, when the first card to be revealed happened to be a dark haired man's card.

"Have you thought about that day off we planned to have?"

Venti's heart hammered inside his chest with a rhythm that could rival the wildest beats he had heard in his life. How thankful he was that the person on the other side of the phone couldn't hear or feel what he was going through. Initially, he had planned to wait for Xiao to start the topic of their supposed mini-vacation, but his last talk with Mona put him in a weird mood. Especially her reading, even more vague than the previous ones. He should have never agreed, it'd messed with his head.

"Yes, I have." The answer came quicker than he anticipated, smooth and short. Even a second didn't pass before Xiao continued: "I may have a suggestion if you have more than one day to spare."

Venti almost bend in half. The last thing to expect was Xiao extending their vacation. Initial shock was not enough to stop a smile from crawling up his lips.

"Sure thing," he answered immediately, not thinking what Xiao's idea may be about. "Exams results and I'm all yours."

Xiao only hummed with acknowledgement. "Good. Do you remember how each year I go hiking? I thought maybe this year... Would you like to go with me?"

Venti felt like screaming, but he wasn't sure why. Excitement and despair swirled in his stomach.

"Sure," he answered immediately, as if not to give Xiao a chance to change his mind or assume wrong things about Venti's silence. "But to let you know, I've never been to one before."

"We can take an easy route," assured Xiao, though it was his voice that sounded reassured. "The one that don't need any special equipment. I prepare and send you a list of what you should pack."

"You're an angel," mused Venti. If they were talking through a line phone, he surely would start wrapping the phone cord around his finger. "I'll look forward to hearing from you then."

Xiao, of course, reacted in no way, as oblivious as always.

Each time he heard a ping of the message, he thought it was the one from Xiao. He was already wrong several times.

Alerts, spam, invitation to the parties. Nothing that could interest him less (though each invitation he read with care, choosing some of them as intriguing enough to gave them a try later. Most of them, actually). And now, with a phone in his hand, he was betting what this time gave him a false hope.

His smile fell a little when a message from a group chat take little of his screen.

Results are up.

He exhaled slowly. A part of him hoped the professor would take long enough for Venti to sneak out with Xiao without the test results.

Well, he guessed he could get it over with, couldn't he?

Replacing his phone with his laptop, he couldn't help his shaking fingers, mistyping the password. When he finally got it right, the URL and his student's credentials awaited him as the next obstacles. A character after character, try after try, he was finally staring at the spinning circle. His group must have not been the last one. With each second passing his chest felt heavier, tinier, too tight to fully breath.

The page went blank. The spark of electricity burst in his chest and then felt to his stomach. He didn't dare to move the cursor.

The first elements of the page appeared, but his grades from all classes were still loading, blinking placeholder images indicating the data transfer. He caught himself on mulling over incoherent prayer in his mind, directed to no one specific. Prayers, promises, banter.

He would do better next time if he passed.

He would never left studying for the last moment if he passed.

He will confess to Xiao if he passed.

His breath hitched in his throat. The page loaded.

His head swung, while his gaze unfocused, fixed on a tiny number, cutting from the bleak background with a deep crimson.

No time to press his one and only white shirt, no time to tame his hair. He only managed to pin them up, just enough to not let the dyed ends be visible. Soon he found himself in the middle of the small crowd, in a front of the ominous door with a list taped to it. He stood on tiptoe, searching for his ID and score. Mistakes happens, he thought. Maybe the professor made such mistake, entered the wrong grade to the system. Someone pressed an elbow to his side, but Venti stood in place, his eyes following down, until they stopped at the right number. Right next to it, his score was engraved to the paper.

A quiet curse left his mouth. Someone looked at him with reprimand, but he pay no attention who it was.

Two points. Two points separated him from pass threshold.

His heart hammered in his chest, blood hummed in his ears, as he quickly realised what this meant. He had no choice but to talk to the professor. He had to see his exam and search for these two points. Maybe professor would show him some mercy. He took a few steps back, making more place for those who didn't have a chance to check their score.

(No, he drifted away, as far as he could from the jaws of the beast)

People around him already started forming the queue, and he knew he must be quick if he didn't want to spend his entire afternoon in the university corridor. His body moved on its own: took his place, opened Xiao's script, and stared, stared, stared. Stared until his eyes watered up and mind howled and despaired. He remembered so little, and so little time he had left; the queue moved too quickly, person after person, until he was second, and then first, and his mind was full of trash and few definitions. And no one, no one said the words he needed so desperately:

"Professor is in a good mood today."

"Venti, are you going in?"

Well, soon he got to know. There was no turning back now.

He hated the atmosphere of old professors' rooms. That eeriness, quietness, stuffiness, as if each step, each brush of clothes could kick up clouds of dust. There was something ancient, very stagnant in the spaces of the people who no longer crave the new knowledge, too stuck in the old and known. Sometimes he wondered if it was a fate of everyone here. Sometimes he wondered if Zhongli would end up like this.

(Sometimes, when he felt particularly teasing, he had been telling Zhongli he's already a fossil, closed in the university walls)

Wait, wait, his mind wandered away, and he was supposed to be calm, collected and focused. He cursed himself out in his thoughts, then he touched his hair to make sure they were still pinned in place. They felt weird, contained like this, and he could only sigh, while his legs lead him towards his execution.

He knocked two times on a wood divider, and when a tired, hoarse voice invited him, he moved.

One look was enough to notice an expression filled with nothing but distaste, one look to be already sure.

He's about to have a really bad time.

Chapter Text

The door closed behind him with a hollow slam. The corridor went quiet, so quiet he could hear his own heart ramming into his ribs and blood humming in his ears. His lips trembled, parted slightly, yet no sound escaped past them.

The silence didn't last long. Only a fragment of a second.

And then...

"How did it go?"

"You've been here for so long."

"What were the questions?"

Cacophony of words, one after another, sentence after sentence. He was the first one to spend long minutes in the professor's office. He was the first one to exit with such enigmatic silence on the lips. Those next in line must have been curious.

Scared, maybe.

He pursed his lips, then parted them again. No use to delay this moment.

"He let me answer some questions to try to pass."

His voice sounded so calm in the corridor full of tension. There was nothing to disturb it. Only a big void was left in his chest.

"And? Did you pass?"

"He never intended to let me pass."

He didn't even move when someone patted his shoulder, he reacted only when the next person wanted to enter. His gaze was fixed on the corridor floor, but he didn't see anything.

"Are you sure?"

He was so sure. He had known this the moment professor had laid eyes on him. He knew how that old prick despised every breath Venti took. He knew that even a stiff white shirt couldn't help him in that moment. Every question asked had one goal in the professor's mind: to kick Venti down.

Show him this was not his place.

Show him, how worthless he was in the professor's eyes.

Show him—

"Don't worry, dude. You will get this in September."

September. He knew he would pass this in September. He would score so high that this old prick would choke on his own venom while entering Venti's grade into the system. That was certain, fixed in time almost, in the end he had no choice.

But before that, he would be dragged through hell.

Oh, how he wished he could grab a bottle of wine, maybe two, sneak into a random train and run, run away somewhere, anywhere, run away from all of this.

This shitty major.

Those suffocating expectations.

This numbing feeling in his chest.

He blinked, looking around where his legs took him.

He hadn't even registered when he had parted ways with his colleagues, when he had walked through corridors and staircases, until he ended here. The male restroom on the ground floor, kept fairly clean thanks to the labour of university workers. He blinked few times, until he dragged his feet towards the row of sinks.

He splashed cold water on his face, once, and again. It ran down his neck and under his shirt, wetting a thin fabric in the process. He wasn't bothered by that, the same way he didn't care about water clinging to his eyelashes. He pulled out clips that were keeping his hair in place with a swift, forceful motion.

The cyan would match is eyes, had said the woman in a drugstore. Too bad he would have to cut it soon.

His hair flowed down with gentle waves when he undone already messy braids. He brushed them with his fingers, but found no energy to braid them again. Messy, messy waves, framing his drying cheeks. Cyan, cyan ends, matching his tired, tired eyes.

He had gone through this so many times, he should get use to this by now.

He never did.

The wine, the train, the runaway, it had never tempted him so much before. He could run and live on tips while playing guitar in crowded places and never met those responsibilities again.

That would mean he would run away from Xiao too.

He didn't want this.

He could never.

Another splash of cold water. This time he grabbed the sink, as hard as the slippery surface let him. He leaned forward, praying that no one visited the restroom right now. Something was clawing inside of him, threatening to get out.

He couldn't let it.

Long seconds had passed before he calmed himself enough to straighten his back and look at his reflections again. The front of his shirt was soaked. His hair was damp and stuck to his cheeks. His jaw was clenched so tight, it made his teeth ache.

He should get himself together.

He couldn't do it.

His stomach was sinking.

A cold shiver ran down his back, when a laughs and talking and steps were getting closer and closer with each breath he took. He didn't have even a moment to spare to think; he lounged to one of the stalls and locked himself in. When the lock clicked in place, the noise entered the restroom.

Great, thought Venti. If he couldn't get any more pathetic, now he was hiding in the toilet like a sore loser. He sat down on the toilet lid, determined to wait for the disaster to pass.

He was already a sore, pathetic, loser. He might as well do what losers do. He hesitated only for a moment, until the urge won over his fingers. Tap, tap, tap, the code, a fav chat, the keyboard.

Me: i messed up.

Like a pathetic loser he was, he stared at the chat. There was no way for the dots to appear. It was too random, too middle in the day. The urge was not satisfied. The voices were still in the toilet. He felt like writing follow up message, but couldn't find this in him. So he just stared.

Until his phone lit up, the same as the tiny part of his heart, dedicated for hope in the darkest moments.

Xiao: ?

Aand it died out. Venti cringed inside. Why now, of all moments, Xiao was in short answers mode. Venti kinda regretted his message now. So, as a pathetic loser he was, he shoved his phone to his pocket without a reply.

The noises were still there. He couldn't help but listen. He had nothing else to occupy his mind with.

"Still... I can't believe I passed. When Venti got out, I was so sure I'm done too."

So it were his colleagues. He was right to hide in the stall.

"Do you really think he got difficult questions? I mean... I was three points short, and the professor didn't even question me. He just looked through my work and then changed my grade."

Great. He should have never entered this restroom. He should have gone straight to the dorm. He shoved his face into his hands, but really, he just wished to hit his forehead on the stall door. Hard. Repeatedly.

"Well... it just my theory... but I think he doesn't like Venti in particular."

"Hmm? Why?"

There was a silence. Maybe something was gestured. Maybe whispered.

"Man, that sucks. But if I was in Venti's shoes, I would work twice as hard."

Gods, he wanted them gone. Could they leave already? It's not like he wished to be here in the first place. He would be content in some shady corner with his guitar alone, without a diploma useless in his hands.

"Whatever. If you are that curious, you can always ask him whenever we go out drink again."

He knew he shouldn't be there. Not after that.

(He knew he would go. No matter what.)

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, there were gone. But Venti couldn't move a muscle. All of his strength seemed to leave, together with the voices in the restroom. Maybe it was not strength. Maybe it was will to pretend. He was so tired of pretending. But he had to keep bearing this. There was no corner left for him to just exist.

A sudden vibration of his phone almost scared him off the lid. He scrambled the phone out, only to see a follow up text:

Xiao: Where are you?

He should have expected that. Even when Xiao didn't entertain his worries, he wasn't the one to ignore them completely. Even when he was in short answers mode. Venti had no choice but to reply, preferably in a way that did not end up with him drowning Xiao in his worries.

Me: in the restroom

He blinked, looking at his response. Truly precise, indeed. He gave himself a mental slap, then proceed to produce a more suitable replay.

Me: at uni

He started to toy with his phone then. What would Xiao text now? What would Venti managed to convince him to do? Maybe they would meet up at his dorm. Maybe Xiao would be down to drink with him again, drown his sorrow away. Maybe, maybe, maybe?

The hope was dead, yet he tried so hard to resuscitate it.

Xiao: I will pick you up. I'll be there soon.

He wished he could just throw his phone into the toilet bowl.

Then pull out his heart, throw it as well, then flush all away.

He hesitated. That exceeded his expectation, and the sudden anxiety tried to claim a spot in his throat. Somehow it seemed too much to shoulder. He shouldn't make Xiao babying him like this.

(But maybe he just wanted to be taken care of?)

He need to get himself together.

Me: don't worry. I'm coming home now. We can talk then.

He had to hurry up. He wobbled out the stall; his hands smoothing his clothes, while his numb legs lead him towards the sink (again). He brushed his hair with fingers, rubbed his eyes and tugged his collar open.

Damn, he wanted Xiao to pick him up.

He shook his head. It would be better that way. He let Xiao to carry his pathetic butt enough lately. Really, if he wanted to win him over, he should start behaving like someone who is actually worthy of being his boyfriend. Not a scrambled piece of problem, after problem, after problem.

(Maybe Xiao liked that. Maybe he was a protector deep in his heart. He was so eager to protect Lumine, he end up humiliating himself.)

The door slammed open.

Venti jumped in place, facing the entrance.

And there, right in the jamb, stood no other person than Xiao himself. They stared at each other, with no word exchanged.

Until the tension bubble burst.

"How... did you find me?" Venti was first to break the silence. He hope he no longer looked like thousands woes.

Xiao huffed under his breath, than moved further inside, only to lean on the counter top with his back towards the mirror. He had his arms crossed, and the tension painted on his face.

"This is a ground floor restroom. It wasn't particularly difficult to locate."

"Right," muttered Venti. He fixed his gaze in the sink again.

"What happened?" Venti wasn't looking, but he felt Xiao's eyes on him, noticing everything Venti was trying to hide.

Venti grabbed the sink tighter. They should move, he thought. His legs stayed rooted into the floor.

"I failed," he confessed, words so quiet, they almost turned out as whisper.

He stole a peek. Xiao was watching him. There was no sign of judgement or disappointment on his face. He was watching Venti closely, with that type of attention Venti didn't knew he craved right now. He could sob if they weren't in public restroom.

He tried to stop that, but the words slipped out on their own.

"I tried to fight for a better grade, but..."

"It didn't work out?"

Venti almost bent over the sink, hit by an unsure softness in Xiao's voice. Was it the rare time Venti deserved this, or was Xiao making a conscious effort, it didn't matter. It worked, somehow, lowering any facade Venti was able to keep up by now.

And everything flew.

He spoke, as if they weren't in the public toilet. Words flew, flew, flew, and he spoke about hope and humiliation. About fear and exhaustion. And when he was ready to spoke more, he took a breath and stopped.

What if he already drowned Xiao in his misery?

But when he looked, Xiao was staring into the space. His brows were furrowed, lips bended in ugly grimace, and arms crossed with such tension, that Venti could see muscles flexing underneath his skin. A tingle of regret teased Venti's senses, but Xiao then spoke:

"Old asshole. This isn't fair. You should ask for a committee exam."

"You're joking," Venti let out a breathy laugh, but it didn't reach his eyes. "He would destroy me for that."

"I'm pretty sure things like that are supposed to not let old assholes to be assholes," drawled Xiao, looking at Venti from underneath his eyelashes.

"Maybe, but..." Venti giggled again, this time a little bit more honestly. "Do you expect me to call home and say: sorry, I cant come back yet, I need to cause a stir on the university because the professor doesn't like the way I look?"

Xiao stayed silent for a little while. He didn't looked as agitated as before.

"...Maybe?" He shrugged. Venti knew he won.

"I just have to let my father drag me through hell and survive till September," he sighed. "Then I'll wash off his stupid smile. Then I'll destroy my liver and forget everything I've ever learnt about law."

He heard how Xiao huffed, but didn't care about his disapproval. He felt lighter now, after he confided in Xiao. It scare him as well. He remembered the time was ticking, and the deciding move belonged to him.

Before he sulked on this thought a little longer, the toilet door swung open again.

The newcomer met Venti's eyes, and the smile of ugly satisfaction bent his lips. The professor, in his old, woollen jacket, a white shirt and neatly bounded tie. He stepped into the restroom and while he was closing the door behind him, he looked at Xiao as well.

His eyes expressed the same disgust Venti had felt on himself earlier that day.

He looked at Xiao's hair, coloured with bright teal—

(It had taken Zhongli's involvement to convince Xiao to try out dyes and bleach with Venti. All of them never had stopped since then.)

He looked at the tattoo, visible on a lean bicep—

(When Venti had enrolled into university and finally had seen Xiao after some time, he couldn't have believed his own eyes.)

He looked at combat boots, clean, but worn out—

He wavered.

He looked at Xiao's face again. So good Xiao kept his makeup for better occasion than afternoon filled with responsibilities. A little bit of red eyeliner and the poor professor would combust for sure.

But even without the flaming red, Xiao was staring, like he intended to murder the old man on the spot. This must have shook the old prick's confidence. He looked away, as if he wasn't judging a mere second before, then walked towards depth of the restroom.

Venti was holding his breath.

He let it out when the lock of the stall clicked.

"We're going." He rushed and pulled Xiao by his wrist. Xiao didn't protest; only his brows raised a little.

"Was that..." he started, and Venti nodded with vigour.

"The old prick, yes." They were past main entrance now. The wind felt so refreshing on Venti's face. "Gods, you looked like you were going to kill him."

"I wasn't." Xiao's voice was stern, but it didn't last for long. "Was I? He was staring and I felt uncomfortable."

"Mhmm, by now he must be sure I'm in some kind of gang. I don't know if that raise or lower my chances for a good grade in September."

He was laughing, genuinely. Why was Xiao able to get him so high, then throw him so low the next second?

"Sorry." Quiet, quite unsure voice sounded behind him and Venti stopped and turned on his heel. Xiao stopped as well. His arm was still stretched out, kept in place by Venti's. It took the latter a few seconds of blank staring to realise he probably should let Xiao free.

So he did.

"That's okay," he said, his voice so light, in contrary to his heart. "It was soo worth it."

Xiao didn't look too convinced. Or, maybe, he looked too deep in his thoughts, with his gaze unable to focus at one thing and brows furrowed as if he was facing a matter of national importance. Venti waited, with a patience so thin, yet patience nonetheless.

It ran out when silence prolonged to the point Xiao could already get too lost in his thoughts.

"What are you thinking about?" Venti asked, carefully, looking at Xiao with a slightly tilted head. Xiao quivered and focused his eyes on Venti.

"Nothing." Yet his voice was telling otherwise.

"Don't overthink it," added Venti. "I'll be alright."

Xiao shook his head. "It's just.... Do you still want to go for this hike?"

Venti didn't expect that question. He raised his brows a little and opened his mouth, only to spat out the next second: "Of course I do! How could I deny myself the last nice thing in this darkest times?"

"I mean... Don't you get in more trouble?"

More trouble? Venti didn't suspect that something like a short trip could significantly affect his situation. Besides, what the eye does not see, the heart does not grieve over.

"I already warned my mom that I would be back little later than usual. Who will check what I was doing?"

Xiao only sighed, but his shoulders relaxed a bit, the same as his forehead. He's relieved, thought Venti. He wants this trip to happen.

"If you say so." Xiao nodded his head toward one of the exits from campus. "Come. I'll walk you to the dorm."

Later that night, tired, tipsy and wide awake, Venti was laying in his bed, replaying a whole day in his mind.

It was too easy to be hopeful.

If only he could have something to look forward after the break‒

‒he would survive a summer made of books and silence.