Work Text:
The what ifs in life are sometimes funny, sometimes sad, sometimes awkward, and sometimes painful.
I wish a lot of things had gone different in my life.
At the end of the day, however, I realize that all from my past allows me to be where I am today.
And that is lying in bed by the side of my beautiful brand-new wife. My Riza.
I remember thinking about how this day would never come, about how it would never be real.
I really hated my past, hated the man I became and the awful things I did. I hated myself.
But Riza, she never hated me, not even after betraying her trust back when we were both young and naïve.
She always saw the good in me, and even before getting together as a couple, she made me understand that I wasn’t the awful person I thought myself as. She helped me come to terms with my past and embrace the person I became after all of those experiences.
In turn, I helped her back embrace her own self too.
We healed each other, and that probably brought us even closer together.
I fell in love with her, gradually, little by little, until I was sure my heart could expand itself to be able to hold even more love for her.
I hated not myself then, but the fact that we couldn’t be together because of the laws.
I hated that I couldn’t show her how much I loved her in all the ways I wanted. So I did it by looking after her, instead. By making her smile, by walking with her and her dog, by bringing her food and coffee.
I know she loved me already. We were both in love and what hurt the most was that we knew we couldn’t be together. So we just loved each other from afar, by taking care of each other.
We almost die before getting to experience our love while being together. And that hurt too.
I thank Riza’s grandfather, for him changing the fraternization laws as a birthday present for her was the best damn thing that old coot has ever done.
And now, as I look at her, sleeping peacefully, with her wedding ring on her finger and some drool on her mouth, I know that I can’t hate my life.
It brought me happiness, after all.