Archive of Our Own ^beta

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  How do you react when you wake up at random shots of pain in your arms ? Tommy didn’t know either but that was what he woke up to. Wait… Was he awake? He swore he would’ve died from all those deep, bruised marks at his wrists. Bandages covered the marks that had stung furiously from the first cut. Well this was shit. A failed suicide attempt on his record? Seriously, some shitty fuckin luck he had.

  He still remembered the red stained hardwood floors, the marble that lined the bathroom and covered the countertop. That granite sink that had gold lined along the edges. A faucet running warm yet so cold water through his fresh, red cuts. It stung like lava, but nothing he couldn’t handle. He was a big man. No, nobody cared if he was younger than 18 in the past. No, nobody cared if he was left alone for days on end. He would stay in his room all day, streaming games and “Minecraft” like it was his purpose in life.

  Tommy himself believed that streaming was his passion, he was damn right about that. Wilbur, Tubbo, Phil, Techno, Ranboo, everybody had helped him through these tough times, but they just didn’t know it. They probably know now, since he’s in the hospital. How the fuck did he get here anyway? Plain white walls cover the room in every direction, Tommy’s bed being placed about 6 feet away from another empty, sad fuckin’ looking bed.

  Does he question why there's another bed? No, he does not. His feet are already threatening to hang off the bed, he had more important worries however. Who the fuck found him!? He thought he locked everything, his room's door was locked, those blueish-gray walls placed around the room.

  Dark pinewood flooring with an additional white, fluffy carpet. His polyester sheets were so beat up that he slept on the floor most nights. He dreaded going back there, the hospital bed sheets were so much better. He didn’t like the IV they put in him though, it scared him. The pale white everywhere only made his anxiety worse than ever. His parents, fuck. Did one of them find him? There’s no one in the room currently so he has no clue. He’s alone in the room, again. Like fucking always, this is absolute shit.

  Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! He needs to get up, he has to. He needs to leave right now before anything else happens. How is he gonna get rid of all this medical equipment though? That’s a fuckin problem. Just moving his legs sent a shot of pain up throughout his entire body, his arms and wrists burning like a thousand suns.

  “Fuck, shit, ass, that stings!” His voice was a high-pitched mess, to hell his puberty can go. First is the voice cracks, second the abuse, third the neglect, and now a fuckin attempt record. His life was as shitty as it could get for an 18 year old. A red button catches his eye and he presses it, the pain seeming to never end. A few minutes go by, rustling getting closer to him, then a nurse comes bursting through the door with some people up behind her. Tommy can feel his legs just stop moving and he freezes.

  He comes face to face with Phil, the Philza Minecraft. The man who helped Tommy by him being a comfort streamer (he wasn’t joking during that ‘bit’), a father. Alongside him is Wilbur, the man who was Tommy’s brother, his mentor, his family. If he wasn’t already in pain, he wouldn’t have cried.

  He wouldn’t have broken down and dropped to the floor sobbing and scratching his chest. The numbness he once hated was the one thing he wished he had at this moment. He wouldn’t have screamed, Wilbur running to him and dropping to his knees to embrace Tommy’s thin, boney body.

  If he didn’t consider these two people family, he would have stayed blank faced and wouldn’t have had a meltdown. These two were held at such a pedestal in his game of life that he could be comfortable around him. The razors, the blood, the stains, the scars, everything. He would give up everything for family. His parents couldn’t even begin to comprehend his emotions, his disorders, his thoughts.

  They never even went and checked up on him. They stayed downstairs or in their room. He only ever came out of his room to vlog and eat. He didn’t even eat that fuckin’ much anyway. He just spent his time on his secret phone, he was so glad when he turned 17 and was allowed to leave the house. When he moved out it was a dream come true.

  He missed the good old days, but they could never compare to now, Wilbur crying alongside Tommy and holding him close in a loose hug. Tommy didn’t even care about the pain running through his body. He just paid attention to Wilbur and Phil. Phil had stayed in the same spot, tears rushing from his eyes as one arm held his right one upright to cover his mouth.

  God Tommy probably looked worse than Phil right about now. Wilbur however, had snot and tears running down his face, he didn’ even seem to care. He just stared at Tommy like the world ending was a false alarm. He held Tommy like a kid who thought he lost a contest but actually won. Wilbur looked at him with melancholy relief.

  Tommy started to calm himself, tears that burned his sensitive, pale ass skin, came to a halt. He moved to get up but fell back down from his body moving to say ‘You better not get up, you are in pain’, Tommy hissing in response. A big slap to the fuckin’ face if you will. The nurse moved to help him up, but was blocked by Wilbur moving his arm to cover Tommy. “Don’t you d-dare fuckin touch m-my brother, y-you… You cunt!” Wilbur spoke in between sobs and hics. His voice trembled. He turned into a pussy in a whole hour. Damn.

  The tightness of his grip on Tommy’s arm caused him to wince, Wilbur immediately letting go. Tommy moved to grab the outline of red, but stopped as pain once again shot through his body. He didn’t know if he ripped his vocal cords from the scream he let out, but he didn’t care.

  Why was he still alive, why was he here? He deserved to die, didn’t he? It’s the best thing life can do for him now. Grant him this one wish. He didn’t want to be here, he wanted the black void awaiting him, whatever or wherever he went. Grabbing a scalpel in the nearby cabinet, not caring about his aching body, Tommy brought it up to his throat. He knew what needed to happen, just not in front of Wilbur and Phil. Dashing past the nurse, Wilbur, and Phil, he ran into the nearest bathroom, his feet hitting against cold tiles, and locked the door.

  This is it. The second time he had to prepare to take his own life, shitty way to go out ain’t it? At least people online loved him, the income that could have helped Tommy run away was stored as a will to go to his friends, not his parents. They didn’t deserve shit from him. They didn’t help him with shit. When he was at his worst they didn’t care for him, no no. They just drank all day and never talked to him. Only when they were drunk and showed their true colors.

 This was it. Bringing the scalpel up to his neck, Tommy applied pressure and dragged it along his throat. Right above the vocal cords. He studied the human body for the Dream SMP. Oh god, he wasn’t gonna be able to finish it. Sorry viewers, sorry his millions upon millions of wives.

  The red liquid immediately spread from his neck. Unlike the horror movies, the blood didn’t splatter everywhere, it just flowed like a river. His head felt heavy, the pain was unbearable. It feels like his head was falling behind him, skin ripping and tearing like fabric with holes in it. The stitches came apart, the piece was ruined. 

  Screams and yells of panic from the door, banging that he would be so afraid of if not for the feeling of guilt and happiness that rang in his ears and heart. He was free. Finally, everything would come to an end. He didn’ care about Wilbur breaking the lock on the door, looking with shock upon Tommy who was slugged against the wall. Blood was now on the floor, the scalpel stuck in his wound. Consciousness was fading and fast. Wilbur moved towards him and sobbed, crying for Tommy. 

  He could feel nothing, hearing was the only thing that was working now. The void filled his vision. Once again he saw it. The second and final time. It took 17 years to get to this point. He couldn’t hear now. Wait, he could. What the fuck? He heard a sort of sloshing sound, like waves. Where the fuck was he? Touch was now something he had. Under his feet lay most dirt, getting in between one foot's toes. He had a shoe on? What the fuck was happening!? Didn’t he die? 

  He knew what he heard now, the waves of an ocean, carrying white foam atop thrown about water. Wait, his vision was back? A sunset laid before him to the west. Colors blended in and formed those gorgeous layers of sky. The horizon had never looked so beautiful. The air was so thin but foggy atop the dirt.

  He could relax up here. He didn’t mind the beat up clothes on him. He didn’t mind the height he was at. The one square of dirt he was standing on that felt like it could break any second. Wait. One square? Where was the floor- Oh fuck… That was a drop down. HOW’D HE GET UP HERE!?? What in prime is this?

  Down on the ground was a floor of grass and dirt, some crater that had stuff scattered about. Old wood logs that looked so badly put together were charred from an explosion that looked like it took place in the crater. Was he in the Dream SMP minecraft server? Well that explained a lot.

  This is some shit he never thought he would pop into. This was probably exile, he knew this part of the lore was the most relatable and the best feeling, even if it was fake. He dropped his mask and played the part so well that people questioned his mental state. The facial expressions he had were so honest to him, the event was something Tommy yearned for. Wait, no time to have a flashback now. He had to focus on the script and the lore if he did what his character did. He needs to jump into water and run off the Techno’s house.

  This time, it's time to go to Phil. He was in L’manburg by now, so he had to be stealthy and hidden. He’ll run to the woods for a bit. He needs to jump off first however. Tommy inched towards the edge, the urge to jump into the ground instead of the water so strong. But he needed to go to Phil. He can’t risk Techno feeling betrayed this time. Dream cannot be allowed to find him this time. He’ll hide in the place he least expects it. In L’manburg. 

  He doesn’t know how this will go. He can only hope that it changes the outcome of his character’s life for the better.

  Dream will never know what's gonna hit him. Finally, Revenge…

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  Tommy was kind of upset he hadn’t jumped yet. But to be fair, he was thinking of a plan. A plan to take down Dream. He hoped that his character’s lanky body would be flexible and agile, because he would need it. He needs stamina too. He needs potions and fast. Invisibility mostly. Taking a step forward, he plunged down face first and cut the air. Landing in the water, bubbles formed as he sank. Should he just lay there and drown? Opening his mouth, water began to fill it. Bubbles of oxygen left the opening and raised towards the surface.

  Tommy turned and saw the night sky, it was beautiful underwater. No, he had to get to Phil. Tommy moved his arms, reaching towards the sky. After a while his head popped up from the surface. Opening his mouth again, he took a deep breath. Moving his arms and legs again, he swam to the green lush grass and pulled himself up. God, that was some cold ass fuckin water.

What’s worse for his situation, he has the memories of c!Tommy, which in retrospect, pretty fuckin awesome. Downside, he has newly found trauma and depression. A whole new source to want to die, great. This Dream in this world fuckin sucks. He sucks balls, “that green highlighter bitch”, Tommy muttering, painfully might he add, under his breath. Man was he good at making up insults on the spot.

  Wishing the sun was out in the dark night sky, he went to try and find a campfire. Walking out a bit, he realized he would need flint & steel if he found one anyways. He had to get resources. He needed alliances. He needed to be cautious. He also had to be wary of the butcher army in Tubbo and Quackity’s lore. Tommy’s secret chamber was already blown into smithereens. First he needs obsidian, then flint & steel, then a diamond sword. Time for a big man montage!

  Okay, so he has a diamond sword and pick, but he needs flint & steel. He didn’t expect the physical work he had to do, but the body he’s in is very energetic and flexible, which is good for his plan. Stamina is also good, since later lore on the streams, Tommy ran from Dream. Which Tommy put his heart into, using Dream as a stand in for his parents. God, he had problems. He was dirty, and smelled awful. So a quick bucket bath should be good.

  Okay, after that, he feels more comfortable. Tommy began work again, shoveling through gravel, and putting it back into a mound. This took so much time, guess minecraft time was faster after all. He wonders if the streamers could see him in the game, moving about out of script, Tommy’s body in the real world was already dead . Wait, he couldn’t think about that right now. He had just found flint, he needs to have a big T party! Wait, no time to get distracted, he needs to head to L’manburg. Like, right now.

  He had everything he needed in this gray messenger bag he found, so now it’s time. He had to cross the ocean. Luckily, Dream hasn’t stopped by yet. He had some food, enough to give his body nutrition. Making a quick boat out of the characters movements, he quickly set sail into the pearly blue sea. The first minutes were relaxing. Nice, clean, non-polluted air, filling his airless lungs full. He felt free again. Maybe this was good for him, healing . The scars, he didn’t mind. Tommy thought they looked kind of badass! 

  “Woohoo! Yeah!” surfaced from his unused vocal cords. He only squeaked here and there, the water splashing against the boat. The sunrise was wonderful. His arms were yet to be tired, so he kept paddling away. Tommy was revitalized, cleansed. Then about an hour in, he became bored. Yet, excited once he saw land. He had to see Phil first however, before he’s put on house arrest. That would be a worst case scenario. He also had to look out and Dream-Proof Phil’s house.

  God, he didn’t have Wilbur. Tommy then, too lost in his worries about his brother, broke the boat and headed towards the Prime path. He needs to get Wilbur back. He needs his Wilby. His brother. Fuck, time to confront Dream. But later, later. First, when the fuck did he get to his dirt house, and why was fuckin Tubbo there. Tubbo, he never saw him at his house for lore. Tubbo stood there at his front doors, a flower bouquet in hand. Tommy realized he was standing there for too long. So what the fuck was he doing here. Shit! He had to go, he had to go fast.

  Sprinting towards the ravine next to his house, he dipped and went headfirst down the sharp edges of the ravine’s walls. Tommy hit the ground with a quiet thud , dealing some damage and a sharp pain in his abdomen. No reason to worry. Just a reason to freak out and hold in a scream. He had to get back up however. Moving to climb the wall, dirt and grime seeped its way under his nails as he climbed. What was Tubbo doing ? Maybe he should stick to the lore…

  No, don’t pussy out now. He was already there. He’s Big T! He could do this. The great TommyInnit. Now, Tommy had to get to New L’manburg. Tubbo was still in reign so he had to think and act fast. Once Tommy got a hold of the grass, he gripped and pulled himself up. Tubbo was gone, but a lush set of flowers was placed at his doors. Aww, Tubs is so fuckin clingy! Guess this was why they were the ‘Clingyduo’. “Lol”. Did he just audibly ‘lol’? He was fuckin cringe innit. He needs to get rid of c!Tommy’s fuckin ego and suck it up. Be the pathetic ‘Aww, poor baby, can’t stand up for himself’ abused boy. Now.

  Walking down the Prime Path a bit, he could see the explosions Wilbur had made. God, he didn’t want to be here. He wanted Ghostbur. He wanted peace and quiet. That’s what he died for. 

  Anyways, he had to get to Phil. Tommy moved towards his house doors and shoved them open, getting a harsh cre-ak in response. It’s been about 3 in-game months. Give 'em time. He rushed up to his chests, fascinated by how they looked so clean and smooth, like old pirate chests IRL. This was so fuckin cool! 

  Opening them, there were little layered cubbies that held potions and materials like dirt, gravel, cobblestone, all kinds of shit. He removed a layer and searched the chests until he found what he was looking for, potions. He looked at each one's hue and tapped the potions. This was the way to show items names and descriptions. An invisibility potion. Perfect. 

  He needed help so that’s why he was heading to Phil. He's not a great dad but an ally. He also needed someone dumb to help him to, they wouldn’ be able to tell the difference. Someone who was like that, hmm. Maybe Charlie? He hoped to find Charlie first before Quackity. He would be a great asset, perfectly clueless. “TommyInnit from nowhere! Now that’s a fuckin name!” Tommy spoke before even processing it. “Tommy?” came a voice behind him. Shit ! He forgot to close the door. Was it Tubbo? “Tommy are you… Here?” questioned the voice again, a step being heard from behind. Tommy turned-

  Green and red eyes met foggy and faded blue-gray ones. Eyes from the other sparkling and shining like polished gemstones. Fluff around their collar and edging out of their face like a cat. Ranboo? What was he doing here? 

  “Tommy, you’re-, you-, you’re not supposed to be here.” spoke the hybrid enderman, their eyes giving Tommy a worried and pitiful look. Big T didn’t need no fuckin pity.

  Actually, Tommy looked down, maybe he did look a bit pitiful. He was missing a shoe for god's sake! Shitty, absolutely balls . Ranboo stood in a sort of soldier-ish way, arms tightly pressed against their legs. Tommy stood awkwardly, hunching, looking like a feral raccoon. RacoonInnit hah ! Wait, side-tracked. Ranboo. Boob boy. Future friend-in-law. Standing in front of him when he’s supposed to be exiled. 

  “ Heyyy Ranboo! How are ya my pal?” spoke the blond boy, his stance staggering to the left a bit. “Tommy, you have to leave”. Tommy turned back to the potions, grabbing a fire resistance potion. “Eh, I beg to differ, my friend.”

  “You know what will happen if Dream finds you here. You’ll be dead” spoke Ranboo, walking towards Tommy over by the chests. “Boob boy-”, “ Boob boy ?” Ranboo said, confusion lacing his words. “-I’ll be fine! I can beat his ass.”, fake confidence was in Tommy’s voice, he had no thought about Ranboo’s concern. Dream just needed to be put in prison, with no visitation allowed.

  “I'm just worried Tommy, for your sake.” Tommy turned to face Ranboo again, his face stuck in a glare. “Ranboo, I have a goal.” Tommy took a few steps towards them. “If it doesn’t work, we’re all doomed. I’m doing this so the server doesn’t go to shit like in real life.” Anger was put into his voice. The Dream SMP had to get better. Wait, what did he say again? Tommy stopped in front of Ranboo.. He brought his hand up to his mouth in a quick motion, his lips and surrounding skin stinging in response.

  “What…?” Ranboo’s expression had turned sour, confusion lacing their face. Tommy had fucked up, big time. He wasn’t supposed to say that. “Wait Ranboo, hold on. I’m sorry, I’m so stupid. Just forget it. Please leave” Tommy said. He had shit to do, important shit. He organized the potions in his messenger bag. He moved to get past Ranboo. They grabbed Tommy’s arm. “Be safe Tommy. And explain what you said later you idiot.”

  “I will. Don't worry.” spoke Tommy. “I will”. And with that, Tommy walked away. Making his way down the Prime path, he past Sap’s old place, the Rainbow store. He was back here again. He was ready.Ready to face Dream. His biggest enemy.

 
Pfft. “Bahahaha!” Tommy broke into a fit of laughter. This was gonna be so exciting, innit?

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Hey guys, creator here. So, I'm sure you've seen how I abandoned this fic. But! I've come with good news!!

This fic is getting a re-write!! Yippee!! I was thinking about re-writing this for a while now, seeing as my writing has come a long way. So, the work is in-progress, so expect much much words. It'll be somewhat the same, with the skips in time, the hospital, and the tower. The plot, however, is different. Just wait and see >vO.

Hopefull, you guys can forgive me for discontinuing this fic, but you can read When Rain Drowns You! So sorry this isn't a chapter, but please forgive me.

Sincerely, Creator <3