Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Dyslexia: Yep, still have it. Missing words, negatives, and misspellings ahead of you.

KEYnote: This is a redemption Anakin fic, however, because he is now a main character, just like I do to Obi-Wan, I'm throwing him through the wringer. And because CW Anakin has more trauma than CW Obi-Wan, and I'm making it worse he will be a walking train wreck. By the end of the story, I will like this version of Anakin. If you don't, good news, there are plenty of Anakin fics out there. This is a slight reboot of my story that had the same title.

Why another story: Because migraine-induced depression is misery I wish to share with you all. You're fekking welcome.

Timeline: What timeline? I'm moving the Clovis arch before the Deception arch. I'm also changing things about events, this is an AU and a time travel.

Prologue

Anakin was furious, simply furious. Obi-Wan had saved Palpatine's life, which was ironic given how much his Master had come to dislike the Chancellor over the years, but he had also lied.

More than that, Obi-Wan hadn't trusted him, and that had hurt.

His voice was low to keep himself from shouting, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Obi-Wan gave him a flat look, before sighing, "Anakin—"

"Don't Anakin me, why didn't you tell me!?"

Obi-Wan tensed, "I didn't cut our bond, if you wanted to know, you could have—"

"You're blaming me for this!? I watched you die!"

"Yes, and you also nearly killed me even with my shields down. Anakin, you have always been powerful, and you are capable of much, but none of that matters if you don't listen to the galaxy around you. The Force magnifies your emotions. Until you begin to clear your mind, you will always be blind to what stands right in front of you," Obi-Wan lectured.

It couldn't have hurt more if Obi-Wan had struck him.

Hadn't Padme said almost the same?

This marriage is not a marriage, Anakin, if there isn't any trust. I said at the beginning this marriage could be a terrible mistake. Our relationship is built on lies and deception, no relationship can survive that.

What she had said next had killed a part of his soul that he doubted he would ever recover.

I'm not happy anymore and I don't feel safe. I think it would be best if we don't see each other anymore.

"Why are you always so determined to be heartless?" Anakin bit out.

Obi-Wan looked at him with sad eyes that were more grey the blue, "Being a Jedi is not an easy task. I am sorry for the war, Anakin, I am. I would change it if I could, I wouldn't be fighting in his war if it wasn't for the people I'm fighting for. The only way we get through this, the Order and the GAR, is by winning the war."

"You don't think I know that? You don't think I know the importance of order and law in the galaxy. I am from the Outer Rim, I know better than you do the Republic's importance, but that doesn't mean you throw everything else away. I thought you were dead. How am I supposed to trust you?"

Why is everyone I love turning on me?

Would Ahsoka leave him next?

Obi-Wan finally lost his durasteel control over his emotions, "Trust? What do you know about trust? You've been lying to me for years, since the war started, and before that— Trust." He almost spat the word. "If you want to blame someone, if you want to ignore that I didn't hide from you within the Force, that I'll always do my best to be there for you, then look no further than at the one person you've never even thought to doubt."

Anakin was confused as to where this conversation was going and who Obi-Wan was talking about.

Again, he wondered if Obi-Wan already knew about Padme and him, not that it mattered.

Padme wanted their marriage annulled.

She was tired of the secrets, tired of him… ready to move on.

Anakin knew at least that Padme was it for him, that he would never love anyone as he loved her.

"Would you just speak plainly?"

Anger flushed Obi-Wan's cheeks as ran a hand over his bald head.

Without his beard, he looked younger than Anakin did.

"Plainly," Obi-Wan repeated. "Says the man who would rather talk to Master Yoda than—" Obi-Wan cut himself off, shaking his head. "Fine, you know what, fine. I didn't tell you I was faking my death because Chancellor Palpatine explicitly said I couldn't tell you."

"And because you're so perfect, you just had to follow the rules to the letter, didn't you?"

Obi-Wan made an angry sound, "You know nothing. It doesn't matter what I say, or how I say it, does it? You are always going to believe the worst of me. I told Cody, I told Cody because Palpatine doesn't give a damn about a single one of the vode, just like he doesn't care about how many Jedi die in this war, so long as he's the one in power."

"He cares—"

"Palpatine cares about you. But not for your sake, but for his own. The Chancellor's intentions of turning you against me have become acutely transparent over the last three years."

Anakin's good hand tingled with energy, "This isn't about him. It's about you never owning up to doing anything wrong."

Obi-Wan watched him for a long moment before asking point-blank, "What happened on Tatooine?"

For a heartbeat, Anakin was floored, "What?"

"I saw the flight logs, you took Padme to see your mother. You told me your nightmares were just dreams. In all the time I've known you, you've never had prophetic dreams. You're like Qui-Gon; you are innately tied to the Living Force, not the Cosmic Force. It's why you're so gifted on the battlefield and so impatient planning the details of a future battle. Because in the heat of the moment you feel where you are needed, you can read what is happening, and what is required to move into the next minute."

"It was more than a dream," Anakin snapped.

Obi-Wan's eyes widened, and he reached a hand out before retracting it, "I— Anakin, I didn't know. When you were younger, your nightmares were always of the past, never the future."

"I told you I was worried."

"You told me you couldn't sleep, you didn't tell me you wanted—"

"You think I willing left my mother in slavery!?" Anakin bellowed.

Obi-Wan didn't flinch back from Anakin's outburst, "No, I didn't. But part of the condition for me being allowed to be your mentor was not encouraging discussion about her. I never meant to—"

Anakin made another harsh sound, "There you go again. Will you ever side with me over the Council?"

Obi-Wan sighed, "Anakin… Anakin, if you asked, I would have left the Order for you, if you had only asked, no matter what the Council said or did. But you were so set on becoming a Knight. I never wanted you to feel as if I were doubting you, or threatening to abandon you, so I never pushed it when you shut down even discussions of other paths, other lives we could have led. Qui-Gon—"

Anakin didn't want to hear about Qui-Gon, "What in the hells do you mean you would have left?"

"I mean if you simply talked to me, rather than taking everything I do or try to say as a personal attack, we could have resolved—"

"It's your fault she's dead," Anakin said, his ire rising. "They tortured her to death!"

"Anakin—" Obi-Wan said, reaching out a hand again.

"But you don't care! You never do! You don't feel, you don't love, not like a normal person. You're cold and to you, every fear is something that can be easily meditated away. My mother is dead because you—"

"Because I what?" Obi-Wan challenged. "I told you there were other paths you could have taken throughout your Padawanship. Padme offered you a place with her on Naboo. Hells, Anakin, Padme and Sabe went back to Tatooine to free Shmi—"

"WHAT!?" Anakin almost yelled.

"They couldn't find her."

"And you didn't think to tell me?"

Obi-Wan gave him a reproachful look before saying sarcastically, "Hey, Anakin, we were going to free your mother but we have no idea who she was sold to, sorry."

"I found her," Anakin said, the image of his mother's bloodied form in his arms..

"How?" Obi-Wan asked. "As Queen of Naboo, Padme had more resources, more funds, than the Order could have provided."

"Watto told me," he said, rather easily. "And what do you mean the Order doesn't have the funds?"

"I mean Chancellor Palpatine is even more strict with the Order's funds than the Chancellor from my Padawan years. Travel to the Outer Rim has been extremely restricted. We could have gotten around it, but you were too close to Palpatine, and he tracked our movements too closely. Had you or I gone, he would have known."

"And what would have happened then?"

"The Council would have been pressured to separate us," Obi-Wan said. "And knowing Padme had already tried and failed, I wasn't willing to risk you for her."

"I wish you had," Anakin said.

"In trusting you to Qui-Gon and the Order, your mother made the choice for your future, not her own, as any good parent would do."

Anakin shook his head, "You should have told me about my mother, you should have told me you were about to fake your own death."

"I will not apologize for choosing you over your mother, and I cannot directly oppose Palpatine, not with the potential consequences."

"Why not? You already hate him and he already knows it."

Obi-Wan drawled, "Because I think he's using this war for personal gain, just like he's been using you."

"Palpatine has never been anything but kind to me."

"He's a politician, Anakin, no one who agrees with you all of the time is your friend. People are only like that because they want something. Do you think Bail and I have agreed on everything? Have you and Padme agreed on everything? Love isn't an all-or-nothing deal."

"You taught me the Jedi aren't allowed to love."

"No, I told you a Jedi cannot have a public legal commitment without endangering their partner. I taught you that compassion means having love for all and not allowing the love for any single person or thing to overrule your morality. Singular love is not inherently bad, but it can be used against you, and it can be dangerous for people like us who could level a building or kill hundreds of people with little difficulty. Everything in moderation, Anakin, the Code is an aspiration, but becoming a Jedi Master is balancing who you are with your duty to the Republic and to the Force."

Anakin shook his head, because there was an implication there Obi-Wan knew about Padme.

But that no longer mattered.

Padme had left him.

Left him for Clovis of all people.

Everyone he loved betrayed him, except for his mother who he had failed.

"Did Palpatine truly Order you not to tell me?" he asked it because in this moment he believed even Ahsoka would one day turn her back on him, why not Palpatine too?

"Yes, Anakin, I know you trust him but he is using you. He wants you to doubt me, he wants you to have no one else but him to depend on."

Obi-Wan had been saying versions of the same for years, but having been cast out by Padme last night, he felt— cut adrift.

"Why? Why would he want that? I'm no good at politics, you know that better than anyone."

"Palpatine knows you were destined to become a powerful Jedi Knight, there is much he could gain by having such a Knight on his side. Most Jedi do not risk making deep connections with people of influence outside the Order, because there is always a chance they are going to use you. Use your connections, and your power for their own purposes."

"He's the Chancellor of the Republic, Obi-Wan, he is the Republic."

"He's also the reason this war hasn't been allowed to end yet," Obi-Wan retorted.

Anakin's anger came back like an inferno and he loomed over Obi-Wan who didn't back down, who refused to admit he had ever done anything wrong.

Just as he always did.

The Force spread through him, then his lungs, his chest, even to his prosthetic arm and hand.

Anakin's voice came out low, coming from the centre of his being, "You are always so sure that you are right, that what you do is the right and only way to act."

Obi-Wan's tone in turn was dryer than the Dune Sea, "That, Knight Skywalker, is pure projection."

Something inside Anakin, something buried deep within him, something he had kept back from ever seeing starlight made itself known. It was something dark and small, compressed with more pressure than a Mustafar diamond.

Anakin's vision blurred as the Force gathered around him.

He heard Obi-Wan call out to him, "Anakin!"

For a moment, he felt Obi-Wan's hand brush his, but then Anakin fell.

Fell into the dark.

Chapter 1 - Migraines

Mace Windu was not having a good year.

It had begun with Yoda not taking a Padawan he had tapped nearly a decade ago. It was no secret that Obi-Wan Kenobi was one of the Grandmaster's favourite Initiates.

Youngling Obi-Wan had been one of the only students to never fall asleep in one of Yoda's lectures about Philosophy of the Cosmic Force. Obi-Wan was also one of the only younglings who had been brave enough to hug the Grandmaster after each meditation session.

To all who had eyes, Obi-Wan had a bright and happy future, joining Dooku, Cin Drallig, and Mace as Yoda's living generation of students.

But Obi-Wan Kenobi had turned eleven, and Yoda hadn't chosen him, despite the growing jealousy of his peers for being so friendly with the Grandmaster. This while Obi-Wan's closest friends moved on to the Corps or were chosen as Padawans.

Then Obi-Wan had turned twelve, and the animosity between him and his peers had become a problem for the creche Masters. Still, Yoda didn't choose him and Yoda warned off any other Knight or Master who had been interested.

And then Obi-Wan was about to turn thirteen, and Mace hadn't been paying close attention to realize that animosity had turned into bullying and Yoda hadn't said a word, to Obi-Wan and the other student's detriment.

It was a sign Yoda was getting too old, because somewhere along the lines, Yoda's favour for Obi-Wan had taken a back seat to Yoda's concern for his grandpadawan, Qui-Gon Jinn.

Qui-Gon's who had fallen to the Dark Side and whose first apprentice had been murdered viciously in a targeted attack by Mandalorians not four months after Xanatos's betrayal.

Yoda was certainly right to be worried about Qui-Gon, but not to the damnation of Obi-Wan.

Before anyone else on the Council or the creche Masters could have to say in anything, Obi-Wan had been punished for a skirmish with his rival.

Mace still wasn't convinced that Obi-Wan hadn't just been defending himself, and had been shipped off to Bandomeer to the Agricorps.

A youngling who was a dazzling light in the Force, became a Corpsman as a punishment.

That was not what happened. Initiates who weren't chosen as Padawans before their age group stayed on in Initiate courses, they learned Force techniques they could rely on for the rest of their lives and that they could pass on to the children. As they were not mandated in any way to surrender to the Temple despite most being born Force sensitive. Their final Temple class were about finding coursework that would develop into careers that almost all found passions in.

As much or even more than childhood dreams of becoming a Knight.

Instead of either of these traditional options, Obi-Wan had been ousted from the Temple, where everything that could possibly go wrong, went incredibly wrong.

The ship they sent him on wasn't secure, and even with a Jedi Master on board, Obi-Wan had nearly been killed several times over.

And then they landed on Bandomeer, where suspicious reports turned into a criminal investigation as thirty-two AgriCorps members had disappeared, sold and killed in slave mines as it turned out.

While Qui-Gon investigated, trying to find any member of the Corps, Obi-Wan had been kidnapped and sold into slavery, undergoing intense physical labour, abuse, and mental torment.

Where the youngling had remained for months.

After nearly killing himself to save Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan had finally been chosen, reluctantly, by a jaded Master.

From which the ill-suited pair had been thrown into danger after danger.

Then there was Melida/Daan, where the Senate had decided to involve themselves in Obi-Wan's destiny.

Because of course, they did.

Obi-Wan had forced Qui-Gon's hand, to stay would have been Tahl's death, to leave was to leave a Padawan in an active warzone.

At first, Mace had been furious with Qui-Gon —and the Senate. Not because Qui-Gon had taken Tahl back to the Temple, but because he had severed Obi-Wan's braid and taken his lightsaber.

But then Mace had realized that if a single child had been running around with a lightsaber, a population of people who would willingly bomb their own children, would have no qualms about targeting a Jedi youngling with a laser sword and an identifying braid.

It was a no-win situation, and Obi-Wan had been old enough by Republic law to make the choice to stay.

However, from the moment Qui-Gon had returned to his ship and got Tahl attached to life support, he had then contacted the Temple. Tahl, who had disappeared on this ill-fated diplomatic mission, hadn't been able to report how bad things were on the planet.

The Temple, in answer, had sent a full Jedi task force —led by Master Dooku— to recover Obi-Wan and stop a mass slaughter of children by their elders.

Which is when the Senate got involved, commandeering the task force to handle a Mandalorian crisis on Galidraan. The High Council had attempted to block it, but the Chancellor's office had overridden them.

And because it was Dooku, he hadn't listened to that direction and had ended up joining the Mandalorians in a slave revolt on a completely different planet even further into the Outer Rim.

By this time, Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi —on his own— brought peace to Melida/Daan. It wasn't a stable peace, but even that much a seasoned Master, one of the Order's bests, Master Tahl had failed to do.

Because the Republic had formally annexed Melida/Daan from the Galatic Republic, no Jedi could formally step in. Qui-Gon being Qui-Gon, had thus taken public transport back to Melida/Daan and helped stabilize the seedling of peace Obi-Wan had established over nearly a year of warfare.

Why had it taken that long?

Because Melida/Daan was an Outer Rim planet that was next to no direct hyper lane nor any other developed planet, in addition, to being surrounded by asteroid fields.

Public transport had taken time.

Thankfully, Qui-Gon did not take Obi-Wan back as a Padawan, and the Council put Obi-Wan on probation so Yoda could not make any more decisions on Obi-Wan's life than he already had inflicted on the poor youngling.

So in sum, they had lost thirty-two corps members, had one of their own younglings sold into slavery, then thrown said youngling into more perils including a civil war among child soldiers, and had the Senate try to exert control over the Order in ways they had never dared to before.

Mace felt like they were being fitted for a bit, and he found that he didn't much like the idea of being broken. The Senate had leashed the Order a thousand years ago, but that was different than being forced into a dependent group neutered of attack dogs.

What wasn't helping was Dooku's return from Zygerria, where at least the True Mandalorians had fought shoulder to shoulder with Jedi. Working together the two unlikely allies were able to beat down the slave empire, but with the glad tidings of not losing anymore Knights, Dooku had brought back a souvenir.

A souvenir with so many shatter points Mace wondered if a breath could shatter the man.

Or perhaps, he was already shattered.

He was a kaleidoscope of light and shadow, an embodiment of the Force, neither Light side nor Dark side.

Chaos, yet peace.

The thought crossed Mace's mind as he sat back in his seat to look up, and up, at the man who stood even with Dooku.

Mace had a headache, slash that, he had a bloody migraine.

Dooku's rumbling voice introduced the walking shatter point on which the entirety of the galaxy would be remade or broken.

"This is Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker, he led the slave revolt on Zygerria."

Mace had a moment of relief to think, good, he's on our side, and in the next followed by a shiver of fear. It was typically a bad sign when Mace didn't recognize such a young Knight and all Mace could make out of this young knight was a glimpse of a war-torn galaxy.

The Council would be forced to bend to accommodate this Knight because they could not risk making an enemy of a Force sensitive who was more powerful in the Force than Grandmaster Yoda.

More powerful than any Jedi in over a thousand years.

Mace fought back an exhausted sigh; he foresaw a number of migraines in his own future.

AN: Sorry, this story required a lot of set-up because I needed more logic in my Star Wars media. Thoughts, kentrosaurs, or feedback, pretty please?

Chapter Text

KEYnote: Obi-Wan is injured and has natural shields to prevent him from projecting his feelings and thoughts, but not so many shields to keep himself from sensing others, especially from other Force sensitives.

Chapter 2 - A Castle Built on Sand

It wasn't as if he hadn't known that his transition back to the Temple would be easy, but he didn't think it would be so difficult.

Siri Tachi had been chosen as Padawan by Master Adi Gallia, has had Bant by Knight Kit Fisto.

Garet had chosen to join the ExplorCorps and the rest of his agemates, aside from Bruck Chun, had joined the EducationCorps.

On one hand, it was nice to know so many of his friends had chosen to move into the Corps, it made the idea of getting to choose to join the Corps a lot less scary. Obi-Wan himself was pretty set on joining the ExplorCorps.

Which was good, because although Qui-Gon had given him back his lightsaber, he hadn't made any indication that he was planning on taking Obi-Wan back.

Interestingly enough, as much gossip existed about Obi-Wan leaving the Order, it was completely overshadowed by heroism done by a task force of Jedi Knights, among them Master Dooku, returning from the Outer Rim. They had managed to overthrow the new Zygerrian Empire side along with a group of Mandalorians.

It was one of the Jedi's greatest successes in hundreds of years, thousands upon thousands of enslaved people were freed and relocated throughout the Republic or returned to their people and families.

But that wasn't all, a strange Jedi Knight had mysteriously shown up from the Outer Rim, and everyone was calling the most powerful Knight in thousands of years, including Grandmaster Yoda.

The true mystery was that no one seemed to know him, which meant he was either trained by a Jedi presumed dead or from one of the other branches.

The other Temples were pretty small, small enough that their records should have been able to pick out a missing Knight. So far, no other Temple had claimed him.

Obi-Wan hadn't heard much more than that, Bant was pretty busy with her new Master, and she wasn't really a gossip either.

Obi-Wan wiped his brow, he had been practising Ataru for hours now, and he didn't think he was making much progress.

Without Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan wondered if he shouldn't just pick another form. As fun as the flips of Ataru was, the more he practised it alone, the more depressed he felt.

He wondered how long it would take for the Temple to feel like home again.

"Hey, Oafy-One, back and rejected again, huh?"

Obi-Wan spun, and deactivated his lightsaber, he wouldn't be goaded. Not even if Bruck picked a fight. Obi-Wan had survived Xanatos, Bandomeer, and Melida/Daan, taking a pounding was nothing, even if he hadn't fully healed yet.

"Have you chosen what Corp you're joining yet?" Obi-Wan asked boldly, though he didn't feel as brave as he sounded.

Obi-Wan still felt shaky, for almost a year he had been on a near-starvation diet.

He had thrown up the ration bars Qui-Gon had brought back with him.

Bruck bared his teeth, "I still have time to be chosen, unlike you who's on probation."

Obi-Wan raised a brow, "At least I'm still a Padawan."

Bruck jumped him, and Obi-Wan tossed his saber away as he allowed himself to be taken to the ground.

Obi-Wan raised his arms to cover his head, tucking in around himself as Bruck's bony elbows and fists descended on him.

Anakin didn't know what to think about accidentally time travelling, or maybe he had just been pulled through time by the Force purposely.

Hed didn't know, and he didn't really care.

In this life, he had found his mother, found her and freed her. She didn't know who he was to her, but that didn't matter to him, not when he saw her smile and cheer for freedom as she and every other slave on Zygerria had been freed. The Zygerrian Empire more than twenty years in the past had not been nearly as big or as prepared as they had been during the Clone Wars.

A full Jedi task force along with a full legion of Mandalorians had been an easy victory, and numerous systems in the Republic, including Naboo and Alderaan, had opened their arms to the displaced freed peoples.

It had been odd to work side by side Dooku, but Anakin had been far too focused on his mother's life signature to be overly bothered by the Sith who was not yet a Sith.

Anakin was definitely fond of this timeline, and he didn't really think he had much to go back to even if he could have managed to get back to his own timeline.

Padme didn't want to see him anymore, didn't want to be with him anymore.

He had nothing to go back to.

It was also nice to not be the Chosen One or be the Padawan of the Sith Slayer. He was just himself.

He had told the High Council his Master, Ben, had died, which he had in Anakin's view, and that he was from Tatooine where he had completed his training. Which was a white lie of sorts, but his mission from Naboo, Tatooine, and Geonosis had marked the end of his training.

The Council had accepted him at his word and offered him rooms. Since Dooku had already seen his performance on the field, Anakin was now just waiting for a mission to be assigned to him that would fit his 'particular talents' as the Council had put it.

With the knowledge that his mother was safe on Naboo, Anakin had the conviction that he would kill Darth Maul and prevent the Nubian crisis.

He wasn't sure how but he could figure it out.

The Temple was different in this time, and so was the Force, everything felt calm and lighter.

As if the air itself was cleaner. The galaxy wasn't crying out in open torment.

Anakin found himself walking through the dojos hoping to find a sparring partner when he felt a hot burst of rage. Anakin ran toward the Initiate dojos, and he was in time to see a little Obi-Wan toss his lightsaber away as he was tackled by a bigger boy with blonde hair and fast fists.

For a moment, Anakin froze, seeing himself on Tatooine getting into brawls with other boys.

But Obi-Wan wasn't fighting back, he just curled in on himself and took the beating.

He didn't even cry out.

Rage filled Anakin, and in the next moment, he was on the Initiate duo. He had the blonde boy by the scruff of his neck.

Anakin used his metal hand.

The boy yelped and Anakin roared at him when he caught the boy's gaze, "What do you think you are doing!"

The boy turned sheet white, "I'm sorry, Master—"

Anakin dropped him, the boy landed on his knees with a grunt as Anakin commanded him to get out.

Obi-Wan remained curled up on the floor.

Anakin knelt beside him, looking for injuries. He seemed okay, he'd maybe have bruises but he would be fine.

"You're alright now," Anakin coaxed. "You're safe."

Obi-Wan lowed his hands, his eyes the same greyish colour as they had been the last time he had seen him.

Filled with the same sadness.

Obi-Wan Kenobi, Initiate or Master, never changed.

Anakin offered him a hand up with his good hand, and Obi-Wan took it, looking a bit shaky.

They stood together but the moment their hands touched, the bond between them snapped into being, returning to its familiar and rightful place.

Suddenly Anakin could breathe again.

He hadn't just saved his mother in this world, he would save his Master too.

Even time couldn't break the bond between them.

Obi-Wan jerked back, eyes wide with shock.

Anakin smiled, he was going to befriend Obi-Wan whether he liked it or not. He would show him the relationship they could have, true peers, true brothers, and neither of them suffering from the grief of losing Qui-Gon.

Because Obi-Wan wouldn't be losing Qui-Gon this time, and maybe, just maybe, Anakin could prove to Obi-Wan that having emotions was a good thing, that showing love and affection were also good. Neither of them would be less than the best Jedi Knights for it.

Obi-Wan could hardly breathe.

The man who stood before him was like a falling star, but not the good kind, not the little bits of shrapnel children around the galaxy were told to make a wish on. No, it was more like when a planet was forced off its axis and pulled into its sun.

Burning bright and impossible to get away from.

But Obi-Wan hadn't embarrassed himself by showing fear. Until that was, he took the Knight's hand—

Which was the greatest mistake of his life.

It was like a flash bomb tossed in the middle of the night. Obi-Wan was blinded by pain, and it was all he could do not to whimper as he stood and stumbled back.

The supernova brought planetside smiled at him as he tried to breathe through the pain.

It was too much power, too much light and too much shadow.

This man wasn't human, he was power, and Obi-Wan had never been more afraid.

The bond that had bloomed between them settled around his shoulders and ankles like hot iron chains.

Obi-Wan had never understood why people were afraid of Yoda, but if this is how others sensed Yoda's power, then Obi-Wan understood.

Because this man's power was nothing short of oppressive. It chilled Obi-Wan to the bone to realize the nature of their bond.

A Master and Apprentice bond, stronger than anything that had ever existed between him and Qui-Gon.

"Hi, I'm Knight Anakin Skywalker, and you are, Initiate?"

Obi-Wan didn't dare to correct him and was beyond relieved when his voice didn't betray his fear as he answered, "Obi-Wan Kenobi, Master Skywalker."

Skywalker smiled, his joy sharp over the bond, "It's an honour to meet you, Initiate Kenobi." Skywalker summoned Obi-Wan's discarded lightsaber, and handed it back to him. "You should have defended yourself."

Obi-Wan was too terrified of Skywalker to inform him he had been kicked out of the Knight's program for defending himself. Obi-Wan had made a lot of mistakes in his short life but at least he didn't make a habit of repeating those mistakes often.

"Would you like to spar?" Skywalker asked suddenly.

"No—!" Obi-Wan almost yelled, tripping over his words as he fumbled for an excuse. "I mean, I've been here too long, I'm behind in a few of my classes and uh, I need to go finish an essay."

It wasn't a lie, though Obi-Wan didn't even know if he would be allowed back into his classes yet or not.

Skywalker deflated as if he had actually wanted to spend time with Obi-Wan.

The man was a strange stranger, and Obi-Wan could safely say he had had his fill of adults for a while.

"Oh, okay, maybe next time then?" Skywalker asked, sounding hopeful.

Obi-Wan sure hell wasn't making any promises, so he merely bowed and dismissed himself, almost running out the door.

Once he was back in his old room, empty now of all his old belongings, Quin's bunk long unused, he fell onto the floor trying to relax his bruised and battered muscles, trying to ignore the solar flare still burning in his senses.

He understood why so many were gossiping about the new Knight now.

But they could keep their gossip, Obi-Wan wanted nothing to do with the Knight who oozed chaos and power worse than an electricity line dropped into a large body of water.

Master Ali-Alann was very concerned about Obi-Wan, he wasn't eating full meals, wasn't going to the dojos, was sitting in the back of all of his classes, and wasn't talking with everyone.

He also wasn't talking to anyone.

Master Ali-Alann had about enough and decided to pull Obi-Wan aside after last meal.

He was halfway to the Padawan table when he heard Siri Tachi say, "You betrayed the Order, Obi-Wan, you don't deserve to be forgiven."

Ali-Alann firmly blamed Yoda for this mess, as good as Yoda was with children, when he played favourites, everything seemed to go wrong. Yoda had issues for the same reason that Master Fay never returned to the Temple.

Long life was something many people envied, Ali-Alann saw it as a curse. The more warn Yoda became, the more each loss and death affected him.

Ali-Alann came up behind Siri, looming over her in a way he never had when she was still in his creche.

Siri looked up over her shoulder, blue eyes large.

Ali-Alann spoke to Obi-Wan first, "Obi-Wan, you will be joining me for evening meditation tonight. Please finish everything on your plate."

The table was deathly quiet.

He waited for Obi-Wan's consenting nod, to before turning on Siri. He allowed his voice to drop lower, "Padawan Tachi, please follow me."

Siri rose, hesitating over her tray.

"Leave it," Ali-Alann said. "You can return to your meal, this will only take a few minutes."

Her voice was low as she answered, "Yes, Master Ali-Alann."

Ali-Alann turned his back on her in expectation she would follow her through the cafeteria to the place where the majority of the Masters sat toward the bank of windows overlooking the gardens used for growing fresh fruits and vegetables.

Mace, predictably, was the first to notice them, followed by Adi, Siri's new Master.

Qui-Gon glanced around Ali-Alann to look at Obi-Wan who was watching in cautious silence.

"Master Ali-Alann, what can I and my Padawan do for you," she asked.

"For a start," Ali-Alann said. "You can teach your Padawan what I apparently failed to."

"Oh?" Adi asked, giving Siri a look that said, she was definitely going to be in hot water.

Siri hunched her shoulders a bit.

Ali-Alann continued, "To not harass fellow Jedi while they are on medical leave."

Siri gaped at him, "I didn't—! Obi-Wan is on probation not—"

Mace cut her off, "You know that probation and medical leave are treated equally at the Temple, youngling. Obi-Wan was not censored. Whatever happened between Padawan Kenobi and Master Jinn, whatever decisions were made by the Council is our business and not up for debate by anyone else."

Siri was speechless.

"Of course, Master Ali-Alann," Adi said. " My Padawan does appear to need a refresher course, thank you for bringing it to my attention."

"You may return to your evening meal, Padawan Tachi," Ali-Alann dismissed, knowing that addressing her by her title not her given name as he had all her life was itself censure

Siri bowed to Master Adi and then to Ali-Alann.

They all waited for her to be out of earshot before speaking.

Adi asked, "What did she say?"

"That Obi-Wan betrayed the order and that he didn't deserve to be forgiven."

The skin around Tahl's injured eyes pinched painfully as she snarled, "He did what I couldn't. He took on more responsibility than most seasoned Knights have ever done."

Qui-Gon shook his head, "He has earned my forgiveness, but I see him struggling. If I tell him that I forgive without taking him back, it will be just another rejection. I cannot do that to him, we were not well matched and I can't bear to hurt him further."

"I agree," Mace said. "Once the storm from Zygerria blows over, Masters will be clamouring to ask him. I would take him myself but Depa has another few years yet."

Ali-Alann sighed, "He hasn't made any progress with the mind healer."

Tahl shook her head, "He was at war long enough, sometimes grief needs time. Sometimes peace can be harder to handle."

"Quinlan Vos will be back home soon," Mace said.

"Something else is wrong," Ali-Alann said. "He's worse now than he was when he first returned to the Temple. I think Bruck did something. I told you all that Obi-Wan was not the one to start that fight."

"As I told you that shipping him off to Bandomeer was Yoda's idea, not the Council's," Mace said.

"You still allowed it," Ali-Alann snapped. "You'll go against Yoda to learn Form VII but not stand up for one of our younglings."

Mace and Qui-Gon flinched as they remembered why creche Masters were given more respect than Council members.

Creche Masters were not without their faults, but they saw more than the Council ever could.

"If anything else happens concerning Obi-Wan I would like to be informed," Ali-Alann stated.

"Of course," Mace said. "Likewise, if there is anything we can assist with, don't hesitate to ask."

Ali-Alann bowed, "May the Force be with you."

Obi-Wan felt sick, he hadn't had much on his plate but he still felt stuffed.

Ali-Alann took one look at him, and instead of going for one of the meditation rooms, he brought Obi-Wan to the healer's wing.

Master Che looked Obi-Wan over carefully, her touches so light he barely felt it on the bruises that had only partially healed.

"You must be more careful in the dojo," Master Che chided gently.

"I haven't been going to the dojo recently," Obi-Wan said.

Che raised a brow, "Will you tell me how you got these bruises?"

"No," Obi-Wan said without hesitation.

He heard Ali-Alann sigh.

Che hummed going to her cabinet, "I have some supplements I want you to take daily. If you are consistent in taking them, you can get away with two bowls of rice a day."

Obi-Wan was relieved by that. Rice and a shake, he could handle.

"There's something odd about your Force signature," Che said, brows pinched as she applied fresh bacta salve on his bruises.

He wondered how the civil war on Melida/Daan would have gone if they had had real rations and access to bacta.

Probably, not as many children would have died.

"My bond with Master Jinn broke," he replied with the partial truth when he realized she was waiting for an answer.

Che put a finger beneath his chin, lifting so he met her gaze, " Have patience, you will be chosen again. I've spoken to a number of Knights who are interested."

Obi-Wan's heart twisted and he hated that his voice broke when he asked, "Then why has no one asked?"

Che brushed a thumb over his cheek, "Because you are still healing. Give it time, you have a bright future ahead of you."

Obi-Wan didn't agree, though he nodded.

After Obi-Wan fully dressed, Master Ali-Alann wrapped him in a hug before they returned to the Initiate dorms and Master Ali-Alann led him through a joint meditation. With the Ali-Alann leading the meditation, Obi-Wan was able to set aside the strange live wire bond that had randomly spawned between him and Knight Skywalker.

Ali-Alann kept Obi-Wan close over the next few weeks, and with the added attention, he began to act more like himself.

Obi-Wan clearly needed a patient Master. Someone who would be supportive and attentive while being steady tempered. Obi-Wan was too ready to blame himself for anything than accept praise.

Qui-Gon had been disastrous to his sense of self worth.

What became quickly suspicious to Ali-Alann was Obi-Wan's deliberate lack of interest in the Knight Anakin Skywalker who had taken to joining Master Cin Drallig in saber-classes for Initiates and Padawans. The Knight was incredibly gifted and an adaptive saber duellist. Cin said he was one of the most experienced Knights he had ever trained with, which was remarkable for a human who was barely twenty.

The younglings loved him, and the older Padawans adored the mystery of him.

But Obi-Wan, who was known for working extra hard in all his lightsaber katas, kept coming up with excuses to skip his saber classes.

It was the most un-Obi-Wan-like behaviour Ali-Alann had ever seen. Obi-Wan had broken his arm once and still showed up to his saber classes.

So at the start of the next week, Ali-Alann escorted his wayward youngling to his classes, including his saber class.

And when he did, Ali-Alann got to see Knight Skywalker for himself.

The young man was boisterous, to say the least, and while every other Padawan was entranced, Obi-Wan was all but hiding behind Ali-Alann.

Cin caught Ali-Alann's worried gaze, and Ali-Alann shook his head before leading Obi-Wan out of the class.

Ali-Alann spoke to Obi-Wan in the hall, "Did Knight Skywalker threaten you?"

Obi-Wan shook his head, "No, why would he?"

Ali-Alann felt the lie, and knowing how stubborn Obi-Wan could be, he let the subject drop.

However, the next day, Ali-Alann petitioned the High Council with a behavioural complaint.

Anakin was hoping when the Council summoned him, he would be assigned to a mission.

He knew that wasn't the case when he saw Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and the Creche Master Ali-Alann already present.

Ki-Adi Mundi greeted, "Thank you for joining us today, Knight Skywalker."

Mace sat forward, for all the world ignoring Anakin's presence, and asked very directly, "Obi-Wan, did Knight Skywalker do something to harm you?"

Anakin's mouth popped open, "Of course, I didn't! I saved him from taking a beating from another Initiate!"

"Is this true, Obi-Wan?" Mace asked.

Obi-Wan nodded, "Yes, Master."

Anakin sighed, why was it even in this reality everyone was so willing to believe the worst of him?

Ali-Alann let out a sigh of relief, understanding Obi-Wan's avoidance of the famous Knight now. Anakin had seen Obi-Wan when he was down. He had been embarrassed and that's why he had been upset.

"This was Bruck Chun?" Ali-Alann asked.

Obi-Wan looked up at him, clearly not wanting to answer but he did, "Yes, Master Ali-Alann, but I didn't hit him back."

Ali-Alann laid a hand on his shoulder, "He will be dealt with, and you are not in trouble."

The last was meant more for the rest of the Council, Ali-Alann would not let them interfere again.

Guilt churned in Qui-Gon's gut, he had clearly underestimated Initiate Chun's aggression toward Obi-Wan. He had failed his Padawan by not trying to understand him better.

However, Yoda's next words brought him solace.

"A strong Padawan bond, I sense between Knight Skywalker and you, there is."

Qui-Gon opened his shields, trying to sense Obi-Wan, but their weak bond had dissolved without his noticing.

But between Skywalker and Obi-Wan?

It was as clear as the rising sun.

"A stronger bond than we had," Qui-Gon agreed with his grandmaster, a heavy weight lifting off his shoulders.

Horror filled Obi-Wan as he silently begged Qui-Gon not to give him up to Skywalker.

Obi-Wan could see the speeder coming at him, could see that the worst thing was about to happen.

Not only had Skywalker prevented Obi-Wan from taking saber classes for over two weeks, but now he was going to block Obi-Wan from becoming a Padawan too.

Because he didn't want Skywalker as a Master, he would never get any sleep. He was hardly sleeping now, Skywalker's nightmares were more bloody than Obi-Wan's were.

And he knew that because he had been having spill-over from the Knight since the bond between them formed. Only with Master Ali-Alann helping him was Obi-Wan able to tune out the Skywalker's emotions and nightmares.

"Well, with Qui-Gon's permission," Even Piell began. "I see no reason to refute the claim."

Skywalker leapt on the offer, "I would be honoured to have Initiate Kenobi as my Padawan if the Council would allow it."

Obi-Wan decided he hated Anakin Skywalker. Hated him, hated his fame, and his absurdly loud and obnoxious Force presence.

But most of all, Obi-Wan hated the bond that had spontaneously appeared between them for no reason he could discern.

Mace Windu wanted to object. He knew the rest of the Council would be willing to do just about anything to keep Anakin, an insanely powerful wild card, under the authority of the Coruscant Temple.

But Mace could see Obi-Wan's unease and he raised a hand for the others' attention, "Obi-Wan, is this what you want?"

Ki-Adi Mundi, who was oblivious to Yoda's interference in Obi-Wan's life and saw the Padawan's behaviour on Melida/Daan as a taboo, spoke over the youngling. "Of course it is, no one else would want a Padawan as disobedient and reckless. Qui-Gon has already stated he won't take him back."

Nearly all present glared at the long-foreheaded male, Qui-Gon and Ali-Alann chief among them.

Anakin seemed ready to agree until he processed all of what had just been said. "Wait, what? What do you mean? Obi-Wan isn't disobedient. And I thought he wasn't chosen yet? Why wouldn't Qui-Gon want him 'back'?"

On that response alone, Mace knew this was a bad idea, knew this was too soon and Anakin wasn't ready to take Obi-Wan under his wing.

Obi-Wan was a rare case of being extremely favoured by the Force without having a lot of natural talent. The child had to work for every skill and Force power he had.

But before Mace could voice a rebuttal, Yoda pressed, "A Jedi Knight, wish you to become, Obi-Wan?"

The boy answered, " Yes, bu—"

Yoda interrupted, "Then accept this apprenticeship you must, strong in the Force you both are, with this pairing the Force is."

Mace bit his tongue as he heard the truth in Yoda's words.

No one could deny the Force bond between the two and Mace could see that the point of no return had already been passed.

Whatever Obi-Wan thought of Anakin Skywalker, if the bond between them was broken or forced to dissolve, both of them would shatter.

So Mace let things take their course.

Obi-Wan felt like he was being backed into a corner. He couldn't answer either way without lying.

He didn't want to be Skywalker's Padawan.

But he did want to be a Padawan.

He didn't like the strength of the bond that existed between them.

But he couldn't deny that it was there.

And realising this was his last chance, he conceded, "Yes, I wish to be a Jedi Padawan."

Preferably Master Qui-Gon's. But he didn't say that aloud, he didn't want to be rejected again, and he could already see that Master Qui-Gon was relieved to be rid of him.

Master Yoda sounded extremely pleased as he said, "then Master and Apprentice, Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi are."

Obi-Wan could feel Skywalker's surprise and joy at having both the Council's approval and a new Padawan.

But while Skywalker couldn't control his emotions, Obi-Wan could keep his from flooding the bond.

So Obi-Wan kept his disappointment and resentment to himself.

He wondered if Master Skywalker would ever realize that he had never asked Obi-Wan whether he wanted to be his Padawan or not.

It certainly wasn't something Obi-Wan would ever forget.

AN: Shoe wholly on the other foot now, Anakin. Thoughts, alamosaurs, or feedback, pretty please?

Chapter Text

AN: Revenge of the 5th!

KEYnote: So I was pondering this story and realised these conversations were what I wanted most out of this story. It is an open ended story, but that it would be a good future if they got help and learned to communicate, confide, and listen to one another.

Chapter 3 - The Fears that Own Us

“What form are you learning?” Master Skywalker asked as if he already knew and already disapproved.

Obi-Wan’s new Master was every bit as intimating, grumpy, and imposing as Master Qui-Gon, and though he was far easier to read, he was proving harder to understand. His moods ran hot and cold so fast that Obi-Wan felt like he was constantly walking on eggshells.

It wasn't helping that his sleep was disturbed by his Master's and his own nightmares.

“Ataru, Master,” Obi-Wan said with as little inflexion as he could manage.

If he could just become the perfect Padawan, if he could always behave, Master Skywalker wouldn't get angry at him. After all, Skywalker didn't know his past failures or history.

This was a new start and Skywalker was as powerful as Master Yoda, the type of Knight anyone should be proud to call their Master.

And Obi-Wan wanted this man to be proud of him, especially when he had failed so completely as Qui-Gon's padawan.

It was only this weekend when he was lamenting to Quin about being foisted upon another Master that Master Tholme had confided what an ill match he and Qui-Gon had been.

Obi-Wan's biological father's clan had murdered Qui-Gon’s first apprentice in cold blood.

No wonder Qui-Gon had been so reluctant to take him as a Padawan.

At least with Skywalker, he had a clean slate. There was no history between them and he didn't even seem to know or care that Obi-Wan was by birth and heritage a Mandalorian.

“You'll be learning Soresu from here on out. If you also want to learn Ataru, so be it. But I want your primary form to be Soresu.”

Obi-Wan wished he could be surprised that his Master had just chosen a form for him. Something that went against their every tradition, but he wasn't. 

Hells, Qui-Gon hadn't even had an opinion at all on which form Obi-Wan learned.

Why did he end up with the two maverick masters?

Oh, right, he was a Kenobi, and Kenobi meant cursed.

Gifted to the Force-forsaken river.

“Yes, Master,” Obi-Wan said, running everything he knew about Soresu through his mind.

Obi-Wan had once been graceful, before his growth spurt.

Soresu was all about grace and efficiency.

He couldn't name a Master or Knight who chose Soresu as their primary form.

It was said that a Master of Soresu was unbeatable, but as he took a breath and went through the katas, he felt entirely beatable.

When he finished his new Master was brutal in his criticism.

It really seemed all the man was capable of was criticism.

Skywalker would have loved Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan thought bitterly as he got back into position. They practised for hours before Skywalker gave it up for the day.

“You'll get better,” the Master said with a scowl.

Obi-Wan stilled his flinch. That hadn't sounded like encouragement but a threat.

The unspoken or else was a bit terrifying.

With a normal Master, he might know what to expect, such as, mandatory study hours and punitive meditation, but with Skywalker?

Obi-Wan just didn't know and he had absolutely zero desire to find out.

He would sneak out to the archives tonight and study Soresu. He would find somewhere to practice after curfew when he was inevitably kicked out of the dojo.

If this would make his Master happy, for him to learn Soresu, so be it.

Too bad Obi-Wan needed neither Foresight nor the tension in the Force to warn him that Skywalker would be a far more difficult Master to appease than Qui-Gon.

Which meant he never would be. Obi-Wan tried not to dwell on that bit of intuition.

oOo

Weeks passed and Obi-Wan’s best wasn't anywhere good enough.

Personally, he thought he was doing great if it wasn't for how clumsy he was paired with the distraction of holding down his shields against the golden live wire bond he shared with his never-happy Master.

“That was terrible,” Skywalker said. “For one, you should be channelling the Force. Open up. Try it again and then I will correct some of your katas.”

Obi-Wan swallowed, knowing that channelling the Force meant opening himself up to Skywalker. He internally bulked at the idea but did it anyway.

He regretted it.

He regretted it so much, in fact, he was for the first time reconsidering joining the Agricorps. 

The ExplorCorps would be better.

Or maybe just the Educorps. He liked kids, and especially learning languages after all. He would still be a Jedi and he would still be helping his people. And with his short track record, he would probably still see enough action.

With his luck, he would end up on Dathomer trying to convert the locals to understanding the Light Side of the Force or something.

After all, he had been a farmer for less than a week before getting kidnapped by a dark sider and enslaved.

He really doubted his life was going to be uneventful.

But back in the here and now, his Master had no shortage of criticism for him once he finished that round of katas, his mind burned from channelling too much of the Force.

Obi-Wan hated every moment of it, which he knew was just another one of his failings as a Jedi Padawan.

oOo

Weeks passed with improvement, but never enough improvement to satisfy.

“Good,” Anakin called the training off. “You were a bit distracted, but did you see how the Force led you through the steps?”

Obi-Wan nodded even though he knew that was not what had happened. Even now, it was all he could do to keep himself from drowning within the Force. He had only been able to perform the katas because, in lieu of being able to sleep more than a handful of hours, he had been practising in the dojos until his blisters bled, until the wounds calloused over as he ignored the pain that his body had been using to ask him to stop. 

The Force had never been like this for him before.

Qui-Gon had told him endlessly to ‘listen to the Force’ which Obi-Wan hadn't always been able to distinguish between his own instincts and gut feelings.

Now, with his bond with Skywalker, all he could hear was the Force.

So much so that he couldn't see himself. Muscle memory alone was getting him through each kata while his psyche was assaulted by power that he had no ability to rise above and no desire to even attempt to control.

He wasn't meant to wield the power of a star, he was meant to serve the direction of starlight. Meant to hear the will of the Force and trust where it led.

That wasn't this. This was chaos and noise and too, too much. This was more than anyone should attempt to engage with.

Because this was the Light and the Dark, the latter Obi-Wan had never experienced first-hand other than those he encountered with it. He had met plenty of people who were interested in the Dark Side but it had never spoken to Obi-Wan. It was… for all his own anger, his anger was self-directed, not something he threw out into the world to receive something back from the Force.

Maybe this was what Masters desired, Qui-Gon especially, but for Obi-Wan, it was too much, he was simply lost and overwhelmed. It was like being asked to drink the ocean and being asked to savour the nuanced flavours.

Obi-Wan couldn't do that, he couldn't handle this much of the Force, and he sure as kark couldn't keep using this much of it.

He was never going to be a Jedi Knight. 

He was a failure.

“Are you even listening to me?”

Obi-Wan blinked up at the man and asked, “May I go meditate?”

“You want to meditate?” Skywalker asked, sounding fully put out.

What Obi-Wan wanted was away from him and to cut the bond, but he didn't need the warning buzz from the Force burning through the back of his mind to know that trying that would be a painful mistake.

The Force wanted them together.

Obi-Wan really hadn't needed more proof that the galaxy hated him but there it was.

Sighing, Master Skywalker answered, “Fine, go meditate, Mr. Perfect.”

Obi-Wan was too drained to blush but he turned away quickly anyway.

His friends sometimes teased him about being a perfectionist. But coming from Master Skywalker, Obi-Wan knew it was an insult.

Knew that when Skywalker said perfect he meant the furthest thing from it. Maybe the Knight had picked him for the challenge of it, to take weak Oafy-Wan and turn him into something resembling a Jedi Knight.

He would be disappointed.

Obi-Wan didn't meditate.

Instead, he stole away deeper into the training rooms to the pooled area where he sat in a darkened corner, listening to the water as he tried to erase his Force presence so maybe Skywalker would never find him.

By the time Obi-Wan walked back to their rooms that night, he swore he had walked by a half dozen Knights who didn't even see him.

Or maybe he just wasn't worth noticing.

oOo 

Anakin stepped back with a frustrated sigh, somehow younger Obi-Wan was even less emotional than his older self. As if he had learned emotions as an adult.

Ahsoka would have been hissing in his face by now.

Master Kenobi would have crossed his arms and given some pithy well-aimed remark.

But the younger one? He just stood there, with an almost deadeye look as if he was an animatron listening and waiting for instruction as if he had no will or drive of his own.

As if he didn't even desire emotions.

No wonder being a Jedi came so naturally to him.

“Go get ready for bed,” Anakin sighed.

Something flickered across the young boy's expression, not making so much as a ripple in the Force or across their silent bond. “I have a class project with Padawan Vos that's due tomorrow.”

Anakin felt his eye twitch, and he couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice as he asked, “You really can't be other than perfect, can you?”

Obi-Wan just stared at him, slate-grey eyes staring through him as he waited for permission to leave.

Like a broken house slave, Anakin's mind supplied, his stomach roiling at the thought.

How could the Jedi Order want this to be the desired state of their children? It was brainwashing, pure and simple.

The whole Order was chain-blind.

Anakin waved him away, “Go, and make sure you sleep at some point. And eat something, you're too skinny for an eleven-year-old.”

Obi-Wan didn't blink for several unnerving heartbeats, before he bowed with a soft, “Thank you, Master.”

He walked to the door with robotic stiffness without so much as a backward glance.

Anakin groaned, falling back on the sofa missing Ahsoka’s wildfire energy. Even when she was depressed, she burned in the Force. Whereas Obi-Wan felt like a snuffed candle.

Anakin could easily see how Qui-Gon's warm and deep caring had evolved Obi-Wan over the years.

He thought he might owe Master Kenobi an apology for accusing him of being cold when his younger self was an abyss too far from starlight to contemplate the notion of warmth.

He was going to have to find a way to teach Obi-Wan how to have fun. He thought of a million things they could do in the city, the problem was that those ideas might just freak him out more.

They could start with Dex's diner maybe.

Anakin winced at the memory of the boy's dead eyes and thought maybe he should smuggle in a tooka kitten. He knew that a few of the officers on the 501st had done so and that had raised troop morale tremendously.

Yeah, he thought standing, finally having a mission and something to do with his excess energy. Where Anakin had a soft spot for droids, his Master had always had a soft spot for any type of animal that wasn't trying to eat them.

And maybe even the majority of those.

Besides, it would be good for his own mental health to get the hell out of the Temple for a bit.

oOo

Obi-Wan started into a sprint the moment he turned the corner.

He almost didn't make it to Quin's room in time.

Or more accurately his refresher.

“Obi-Wan!” Quin exclaimed following him in. He rubbed his back with a gloved hand and asked, nay, growled, “What did that motherkriffer do now?”

Obi-Wan shook his head, his retching turning to dry heaving far too quickly.

He wasn't eating enough and not being able to keep down what he did manage to ingest meant that he was losing weight quicker than he could gain it.

When he could breathe a bit, he whispered, “He's too much, Quin. I can't shield against him and I can't make him happy. Nothing I do is good enough.”

Quin cursed, “I'll kill him.”

“He's my last chance to be a Knight.”

“You said that about Qui-Gon, and you're still a Padawan.”

“They can't break the bond.”

“Excuse me?”

“The Master-Padawan bond. They can't break it. Master Che said I might not be able to survive it if they tried.”

“So you have to be paired with this karker because of the Force.”

“Isn’t that what it means to be a Jedi, to follow the will of the Force?”

Quin huffed, “Maybe, if it’s the Light Side of the Force.”

“He’s golden in the Force, Quin,” Obi-Wan said, slumping back against the wall and wiping his face with his sleeve. “But I’m not strong enough. I’m not enough.”

Quin scowled, “Him being too much is his fault. He’s the Master, he should have better control than that. Right, Master Tholme?”

Obi-Wan winced as they waited to here from the man. 

Master Tholme had saved Obi-Wan’s life and brought him to the Order, he hated disappointing the man.

“Master Tholme?” Quin called louder, standing up to check.

Obi-Wan raised a brow when Quin came back into the refresher with a glass of water.

Quin shrugged, “He must have been called out.”

Obi-Wan sighed, thanking his friend for the water.

They didn’t finish their project, namely because Obi-Wan had lied about there being a project. Instead, they cuddled on the sofa with their favourite tea and watched a double feature.

The first was a Kiffar film which Quin translated with boisterous drama, and the second was a Mandalorian drama that didn’t need much translation. Mainly, because Quin already knew the swears and common phrases.

Mandalorian dramas were more about wars, while Kiffar dramas were more about romantic customs.

Neither Obi-Wan nor Quin had great memories of their homes, seeing as both their families tried to kill them. Neither of them could ever return to their homeworlds and expect to be received warmly. But it was still their first languages, it was still their culture, and these cheesy movies were their way of remembering the good things.

Of course, they didn’t make it through the first movie before Tholme returned, Healer Che with him.

Obi-Wan leaned into Quin who did not save him from Che.

Master Che, benevolent as she was, let them finish their movie marathon in the hospital wing.

oOo

Anakin had just placed the tooka kitten in Obi-Wan’s room when a furious energy burst through his apartment door.

Anakin had to fight himself not lash out with lethal force as a tall man grabbed Anakin by the shoulder and shoved him into a wall.

Not many humans were taller than him but Master Tholme was one of them and he was much scarier than Anakin remembered him being. “If I find out you've been torturing Obi-Wan on purpose, I will flay you alive. Do you understand, Skywalker?”

Anakin couldn't really breathe with an arm cutting off his airways.

Mace was following on the other Master’s heels, “Tholme, let him go.”

Tholme leaned in a bit harder and Anakin prepared himself to fight back as he held his breath.

“Why? So you can justify giving Obi-Wan to another underserving Master?” 

Anakin shoved Tholme off him with a bit of Force assist.

Tholme snarled at him and looked as if he was about to try tackling Anakin when Mace grabbed the man by his robes and tugged him back.

That didn’t keep Tholme from threatening, “Yoda was wrong about Qui-Gon being a good fit for Obi-Wan but the Force itself–”

“I don't give a damn what you think the Force was trying to tell you,” Anakin spat.

“Do you know where your Padawan is now, Skywalker?”

“With Vos,” Anakin snapped but with a bit of wariness. He was missing something and unlike most Jedi, Tholme was oozing lethal intent.

If Windu wasn't there, Anakin wasn't so sure Tholme would have pulled back.

“Yes,” Tholme sneered. “He's with Padawan Vos, in the hospital wing for dehydration and starvation while his feet and hands are being soaked in bacta because he's apparently been spending so many hours in the dojo that his calluses have torn, repeatedly. The title of Master means entrusted teacher with wisdom of the way of the Force, it does not karking mean you can work a Padawan like one would a slave.”

Anakin snarled, “I'm not the one who broke him. I've spent the last three months trying to get him to open up, to relax, to be a kid and all he does is ask to do more work or meditate. And we only spend a max of two hours in the dojo a day. And I'm the one ensuring he doesn't miss meals.”

Tholme sneered. “Yes, such an attentive guardian who does not even realise when your charge has snuck out of his dorm or if he's capable of keeping a single meal down.

Tholme, Mace warned. Control yourself. Skywalker, put up a damn shield, it's no wonder Obi-Wan isn't sleeping if you're constantly shouting your emotions.

Anakin rolled his eyes, oh I'm sorry. Does my humanity bother you? Force knows you've taught Obi-Wan to be as emotional as an ice cube.

The punch came so fast Anakin didn't have time to register it the danger much less react.

He was pretty sure his cheekbone was fractured and then his head hit the wall behind him and he lost his footing as the world spun.

Anakin blinked.

A long long blink and he was on his ass looking up at the man who had sucker punched him.

Mace was struggling to pull  Tholme back as the man seethed, you think he's emotionless because of us!? That youngling is so afraid of you that he's terrified to talk to you! Why would he confide any emotion to you when you're bleeding yours all over him?

Anakin froze, He's… Obi-Wan’s afraid of me?

Mace actually rolled his eyes. “You're a stranger who's as powerful as Yoda with a hundredth of his control, most of the Temple is afraid of you. I'm not sure why the Force is telling us all that he's safe with you but I know for certain now that Obi-Wan does not, in fact, feel safe with you.”

“He needs another Master,” Tholme insisted.

“No!” Anakin exclaimed, using the wall to stagger to his feet.” No, please, this is just a misunderstanding–”

“The bond between them is strong enough that the loss of it could kill or permanently injure Obi-Wan,” Mace said to Tholme.

“So don't break it. Get them another Master, and train them both, Mace. Clearly, this boy is a child who hasn't even learned basic shielding. He's unfit–”

“I am not a child!” Anakin exclaimed, fear that he might lose Obi-Wan again making him sound like just that.

“Prove it,” Tholme snapped. “Shield yourself. Stop projecting your emotions, it's harmful as well as rude.”

Anakin took a deep breath and exhaled shielding as Master Kenobi had taught him.

“Happy?”

“No,” Tholme said, voice clipped. “You made Obi-Wan cry. You're lucky we don't throw you on Ali-Alann’s tender mercies.”

“The crechemaster?” Anakin questioned, remembering the name. Master Kenobi had tried, often, when Anakin first came to the Temple to spend time with the man.

Anakin had avoided the man, fearing being foisted on another Master and being separated from Master Kenobi.

“Yes, the crechemaster who raised Obi-Wan and Quinlan,” Tholme said. 

“The man is a saint,” Mace said.

Tholme’s lips quirked, “And a sarcastic karker to anyone who dares upset much less harm his charges.”

“Obi-Wan never said that the bond was causing him distress,” Anakin said.

“Do you feel him over the bond at all?” Tholme asked.

“Yes, but he is very suppressed,” Anakin said.

“To shield against you,” Tholme said.

“And Jinn,” Mace said with some bitterness.

“What’s wrong with Master Qui-Gon?” Anakin asked, sick of people of this age disparaging the man.

No one had ever had a bad word to say about Qui-Gon Jinn before returning to the past.

Mace and Tholme exchanged a long look.

“What?” Anakin demanded.

Tholme shook his head, “We should explain. Obi-Wan still defends him, though he shouldn’t. Even now.”

Anakin had to bite his tongue before he repeated himself.

Rushing the Masters tended to make them drag out their answers.

Mace sighed, “Let’s sit.”

Anakin wanted to be angry, but Mace did have the power to take Obi-Wan away from him, and he found himself offering the two older men tea.

Once the tea was poured Mace began with, “Let us begin with our Grandmaster’s interference. Obi-Wan has never been known for his strength in the Force, however, he is well known for his compassion, his love for learning, and his innate connection to the Light Side of the Force. No matter how angry he gets, or depressed or hurt, he is never grey. He is never left muddled in choosing between the Dark and the Light. If he cannot reach the Light then he is unable to connect to the Force fully. It is a strength of character that is rare.”

“He’s the perfect Jedi,” Anakin agreed.

Mace frowned a bit, “He’s an inspiration, certainly. But perfect implies a static way of being. Obi-Wan’s greatest strength is his endless struggle to work to improve himself while never losing sight of the suffering of others. His greatest weakness is taking on all blame for himself for every conceived mistake or bad thing that occurs around him or to him. Yoda’s interference compounded those fears of never being enough.”

“How?” Anakin asked, having gone to Yoda himself for guidance when Master Kenobi was too detached.

“Yoda prevented other Masters and Knights from taking Obi-Wan on as an apprentice,” Mace said. “Everyone assumed it was because Yoda was going to ask himself. However, as years passed, it was apparent that he had chosen Obi-Wan for another Master.”

I don’t want a Padawan, Anakin said. I don’t want to take care of one on the battlefield.

I requested a Padawan, Master Kenobi stated, expression unreadable as he watched Ahsoka go through her katas.

Then why isn’t Tano your problem?

Master Kenobi turned away, Master Yoda believed you were the one of greater need of an apprentice.

“You make it sound like Qui-Gon was one of the Masters who didn’t want Obi-Wan,” Anakin said.

Tholme snorted, “He didn’t. Worse, he disparaged Obi-Wan’s fighting skills, intelligence, and accused him of being too angry in front of his classmates. I believe his exact words were ‘destined to fall.’”

“WHAT!?” Anakin exclaimed.

Mace sighed, “It wasn’t about Obi-Wan, not truly. Qui-Gon’s second apprentice, Xanatos fell to the Dark Side.”

“What about his first apprentice?” Anakin had to ask, as he had always thought Obi-Wan had been Qui-Gon’s first apprentice.

“That too, stood against their partnership. Qui-Gon’s first apprentice became a Seeker and was slaughtered a few years before Xanatos fell. Slaughtered by Mandalorians.”

“What does that have to do with Obi-Wan?” Anakin asked. “He’s Stewjoni.”

“Stewjoni is a Mandalorian colony,” Mace said. “Obi-Wan’s biological father was from the same terrorist organisation that killed Knight Feemor and his younglings.”

Anakin blinked, “His parents were Death Watch? And they gave him to the Jedi Temple.”

“No,” Tholme said. “I killed his mother who was trying to drown Obi-Wan for having the Force.”

Anakin’s jaw dropped, “What?”

“Most younglings who come to us, Knight Skywalker, have less than pleasant ways of arriving here. Some are given to our Temple out of love, but most are given to us out of fear. It’s why it is so culturally inappropriate among us to talk about our birth families. Our planetary backgrounds are our strengths, but there are more reasons than I have time to list for us to avoid our younglings' birth families.”

Anakin had known that, to some degree, but the thought of his mother trying to smother him? 

It made him sick.

“And Qui-Gon didn’t show him compassion? He blamed him for his family’s crimes?”

“Qui-Gon avoided the mind healers due to Yoda’s interference,” Mace said.

Anakin shook his head. “I didn’t know…”

“And that is no longer an excuse,” Mace said. Handing him a datapad. “This is Obi-Wan’s file that I assume you have not read. And you will go to the mind healers with Obi-Wan at the very least to improve your bond with your Padawan without causing him further harm.”

Anakin wanted so badly to refuse. He hadn’t been forced to go to the mind healers before, and now, he suspected that too was Yoda’s doing.

So he merely nodded, “For Obi-Wan, anything.”

Some harshness lifted from the Masters’ faces but they were no less serious.

They spoke for a while longer, and Anakin spent the night going over all that he had learned, and how it changed everything he thought he knew about his old Master, now Padawan.

oOo

Obi-Wan returned to his dorms, sensing his Master but not feeling overwhelmed by him.

For once.

Healer Che had ordered Obi-Wan stay the night with Quin.

It had gone a long way to improving his well being to sleep soundly through the night. Obi-Wan’s shields allowed Quin to cuddle him without fear. Despite his psychometry, Quin did suffer from skin hunger.

Cautiously, he entered their dorm. He went straight to his room.

He found himself facing off with a tooka kitten.

Dropping to his knees, he tried to coax the kitten over. It trilled at him once, then hopped right into his lap.

Obi-Wan held him close.

A knock came at the doorframe.

Obi-Wan spun, “I– I didn’t– I just found her.”

Master Skywalker smiled at him, “Have you picked out a name yet?”

Obi-Wan gaped at him, “You’ll let me keep her?”

“Let you? I’m the one who brought him here. You work too hard.”

Obi-Wan stared at him.

“Come, we have to talk,” Skywalker said.

Obi-Wan brought the kitten, he went for the kettle but Skywalker wove him away.

His Master served the tea.

Obi-Wan watched him with suspicious surprise as Skywalker moved about.

A master pouring the tea for their Padawan was both an honour and an apology.

And amazingly, his Master voiced that apology as he sat back down. “Obi-Wan, I feel that I owe you a number of apologies. I assumed much about and in my high assertion of you, I failed to realise that is neither how you see yourself nor how others have treated you.”

“You found out about my family,” Obi-Wan stated sinking into his seat.

“I found out that you were treated with unnecessary cruelty by those who should have loved you. I found out that the Jedi assumed the worst of you because of your heritage, and that Qui-Gon Jinn abandoned you in a war zone.”

Obi-Wan didn’t know what to say, so he sipped his tea.

“You have been wronged by everyone. Including me. I was never being sarcastic, exasperated maybe, but never sarcastic when I praised you. I was also told that I don’t understand your struggles, and that I never asked if you wanted to be my Padawan. I should have asked, and not in front of the Council.”

Obi-Wan swallowed, stroking the grey and brown fur of the kitten curled up against his chest. “Thank you, Master Skywalker. I probably would have said yes, because I want to be a Jedi Knight, but…”

“But?” Skywalker asked.

“You scare me,” Obi-Wan admitted. “I know the bond between us is strong, but it hurts. I’m… I’m not strong in the Force like you. When I’m not focusing, the Force used to fall quiet, but it’s never quiet now.”

“That’s why you’ve been shielding. Why you have been hiding your emotions away.”

Obi-Wan nodded, “You’re the first person to never call me angry and over-emotional, I at least wanted to not fail in that too.”

Skywalker shook his head, running a hand through his hair, “Oh, Obi-Wan… emotions… emotions are no good locked up. I would rather you be angry… It’s human.”

Obi-Wan winced, “But I’m not.”

“What?”

“I’m not human,” Obi-Wan said. “I’m Stewjoni.”

oOo

Anakin winced, knowing exactly how the galaxy treated the Stewjoni people.

Either as people to be enslaved or feral Mandalorians.

“Your biology, Obi-Wan, does not define. I was born in chains, and I used to believe that made me unsuited to be a Jedi. That there would be no one in the Temple could understand me. Yet I had a mother who loved me.”

Obi-Wan looked down into his cup, “Master Tholme saved me.”

“I am sorry you needed saving. And I’m sorry that our bond has caused you harm, I promise you that, Obi-Wan, that I will do whatever it takes to stop harming you like that.”

Obi-Wan’s shoulders visibly relaxed, “Thank you, Master Skywalker.”

Anakin smiled at the sincerity, before he prepared himself for a very possible rejection. “I would like to start over with you, Obi-Wan, if you’ll let me.”

Obi-Wan inclined his head. 

How anyone could look at this child and not see the Jedi Master and General he could be, was beyond him.

“Obi-Wan Kenobi, would you do me the great honour of becoming my Padawan?”

“Yes,” Obi-Wan answered. “Yes, Master Skywalker.”

“Call me Anakin, I don’t think I’ve earned the title of Jedi Master quite yet.” Then he repeated something Master Kenobi had told him a long time ago. “You have as much as to teach me, my young Padawan, as I have to teach you. You and I are brothers in the Force, the galaxy surely brought us together for a reason.”

Obi-Wan finally smiled, a true smile, that reached all the way to his eyes, eyes which were no longer grey but blue. “The Light brought us together. And if you don’t mind me saying so, Mas– Anakin , you are strong where I’m weak, and I’m…”

“Gifted where I am not,” Anakin finished for him with a returning smile. “You and I will make an excellent team. The best the Jedi have ever seen.”

Obi-Wan sighed, and sounded properly Coursanti accent, “You mean we are going to get into so much, don’t you?”

The tooka kitten meowed as if in confirmation.

They both laughed.

For the first time, Anakin felt true hope, that they could make each other better people.

That they could and would make the galaxy a better place.

The Force seemed to agree, as it swirled around them. The fear that belonged to Anakin and those fears Obi-Wan held, would no longer control them.

They would overcome them, together.

Obi-Wan’s smile never faded as murmured to the kitten, “I’m going to be a Jedi Knight, little took’ika, I’m going to be a Jedi Knight.”

Anakin promised himself, that in this lifetime, Obi-Wan would not just become a Jedi Master, but that he would know his worth.