Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Thank you all for coming. I never imagined that we'd have to do this, but… here we are."

Marinette inwardly groaned, looking over the large group of teenagers, each with a kwami by their side. Seventeen pairs in total, including herself and the boy next to her. If the reveal had been under different circumstances, Marinette would have short-circuited upon learning her crush and her crime fighting partner were one and the same. But she had only less than a day to process this before holding this emergency meeting.

"You now know I'm Ladybug, and this is my kwami, Tikki." Marinette gestured to the floating red bug over her right shoulder.

“And I'm Cat Noir, with my kwami, Plagg." Adrien did the same, while also shooting the deity of destruction an unamused stare as he tried to contain his laughter over the ordeal.

"Plagg, it's not funny!" Tikki chastised the giggling cat kwami.

"Come on Sugarcube, this is hilarious! Never in my whole existence have the identities of nearly every holder from our box been revealed to each other all at once!”

"Right. We are all here to discuss the consequences of yesterday's… incident." Marinette addressed the group. Almost everyone turned to stare at Ivan, who avoided making eye contact.

ONE DAY EARLIER

The entire group of teens stood under a massive billboard, no one even paid attention to what kind of product it was for, they were all too busy staring at the mascot in the center of the ad. "... it looks like a kwami…" Ivan muttered. The sixteen other teens murmured in agreement.

…

Simultaneously, the teens realized the implications of what had just occurred. Everyone screamed.

BACK TO NOW

"And now we all know each other's secret identities." Their leader summed up. "Before we continue, for clarity's sake, each of you introduce yourself with your superhero name and kwami.”

Her best friend Alya volunteered to go first. "I'm Rena Rouge and this is Trixx." The tiny fox waved his paw.

"I'm Carapace and this is Wayzz." Nino followed after his girlfriend, doing a fist bump with the turtle.

"I'm Vesperia and this is Pollen." Zoe looked up at the bee sticking out under her beanie cap.

"I'm Polymouse and this is Mullo." Mylene held the tiny mouse in the palm of her hand.

"This is Stompp and I'm Minotaurox. Sorry about causing this." Ivan apologized and the little ox patted him on the shoulder.

Juleka went next, though mumbled her introduction, the tiger repeated after her, "She's Purple Tigress and I'm Roaar!"

"I'm Bunnyx and this is Fluff!" Alix patted her rabbit companion on the head.

"I'm Ryuko and this is Longg-sama." Kagami did a short bow, and the dragon did the same.

"Viperion, and this is Sass." Luka and the snake nodded to one another.

"I'm Pegasus and this is Kaalki." Max straightened his glasses, and the horse curtseyed.

"I'm Caprikid and this is Ziggy." Nathaniel looked toward the goat on his shoulder.

"I'm King Monkey and this little guy is Xuppu!" Kim held the monkey on one of his biceps, said monkey did a headstand.

"I'm Rooster Bold and this is Orikko." Marc watched his tiny rooster spin in the air.

"I'm Miss Hound and this is Barkk." Sabrina and her tiny dog shyly waved to the rest of the group, the holder unused to being with everyone without Chloe.

"And I'm Pigella with my kwami Daizzi!" Rose practically bounced in her seat, happily cuddling with her miniature pig.

With introductions out of the way, it was on to the next item of business. "Alright. With Introductions out of the way, it's time to get to the next item of business!" Marinette had a lot to cover, they had to go over Akuma shifts, communicating without letting anyone else realize who they were, lies to tell their loved ones when they needed to go transform-

"We need a team name!" Adrien announced, slamming his hand on the whiteboard behind him and his lady.

"Wait- No! A team name?!" Marinette gaped at the boy of her dreams.

"Yeah, a team name. Now that we can get together like this, we have to come up with a real name for the group!" The blonde pointed out, "Right now people call us the French Miraculous Superhero Team!"

Mylene held up a tablet. "That is what the Wiki says…" she pointed to the webpage.

"Ok, who's got a good suggestion?" Adrien tapped a marker to his chin, watching as almost every hand flew up in the air.

The cat boy wrote down everyone's ideas on the whiteboard, while his partner tried to comprehend what had just happened. "Just a second! We have more important things to talk about!" She tried to regain control of the meeting.

"How about the Hawkmoth Exterminators?" Zoe's suggestion ensured the control stayed with the naming board.

OXOXOXOX

"So the next two voted out are 'The Superhero Style Strikers' and 'Can we please focus and get back on topic'." Adrien crossed two more names off of the board. The team names had been set up in a bracket. Democracy decided which name moves forward and which one is erased. It had been forty-five minutes since they did something productive, and twenty since Marinette gave up trying to get them back on track. Now her primary focus was keeping the group from picking a dumb name.

"And Fluffy Unicorn Dream Team moves to the next round!"

… it was a challenge.

"Objection! None of us have a unicorn Miraculous!" Sabrina raised her hand.

Little Kaalki huffed, "I think the name is marvelous! Tell her Max!"

The kwami expected her partner to back her up. "Sabrina brings up a valid argument. A moniker such as that would only confuse the citizens of Paris."

Rose, who had suggested the name, tapped a finger on her cheek. "How about… Fluffy ANIMAL Dream Team?"

"... That is acceptable." Max conceded.

Erasing the 'Unicorn' and replacing it with 'Animal', Adrien updated the bracket. "Now we move on to the semifinals! It's 'Fluffy Animal Dream Team' vs 'Miracuclass', and 'Moth Murderers' vs 'Harcore Parkour Squad'!"

"Aw man, I still can't believe my name came in last." Kim pouted.

Marc, who was sitting beside him, raised an eyebrow. "Yours was 'The Ostrich Wranglers'. How does that fit our superhero team in any way?"

The wielder of the monkey miraculous blinked. "Wait… this is for our superhero team name!?”

The semifinal voting commenced. Rose's 'Fluffy Animal Dream Team' name was beaten out by Alya's 'Miracuclass' by a good margin. "To be fair, we've got bugs and reptiles on this team, too." Luka had pointed out to Rose after she had lost. The next matchup was a close match between Alix and Adrien's names.

"If we were the Moth Murderers, people will think we're actually trying to kill Hawkmoth!" Nino argued, with his kwami nodding.

"But not all of us want to do hardcore parkour!" Mylene shot back.

The debate had gotten fierce, voices were raised, feelings were hurt, someone bit Plagg's tail (it was Roaar) but through it all the group managed to reach a verdict. "Hardcore Parkour squad moves to the final round!" Adrien cheered. It was his idea after all. Marinette was absolutely done with this. She had opted to sit out the debacle and share a cookie with Tikki as they watched democracy at work.

In the final round, it was all down to 'Miracuclass' and 'Hardcore Parkour Squad'. Now that her own idea had been defeated, Alix backed up the one who bested her "PARKOUR!" as she led the charge in the support of Hardcore Parkour Squad.

Alya was not to be outdone, "Miracuclass assemble!" allies gathered by her side.

Amidst the divide, there was the tragic fate of two lovers, Nathaniel and Marc, who had chosen opposite sides and were pitted against one another. "Nathaniel no!" Marc cried out, heartbroken.

"I'm sorry, but I have sworn myself to the Miracuclass!" Nathaniel tearfully turned away.

It wasn't just the kids involved in the horrors of the divide, the kwami's were also torn. "Kagami, this isn't the right choice!" Longg begged his chosen.

“I know what has to be done Longg-sama! And it is Hardcore Parkour Squad!" Kagami's eyes darkened. She made her final choice.

"Kaalki! Where's Kaalki?!" Max shouted for his kwami.

The horse kwami was high up in the air, Trixx riding her like an actual horse and holding Pollen like a javelin "VIVA MIRACUCLASS!"

The fox charged at Barkk who was riding on top of Plagg. "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS GET THE STEED?!"

Somewhere in the chaos, Kim had climbed up the rock-climbing wall and tackled Ivan to the ground "HAHA!"

"KIM WE'RE ON THE SAME SIDE!"

Adrien and Alya locked eyes, an unbreakable determination burning like a fire clashed between them.

"AAAAAAHH-"

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH-"

OXOXOXOX

"And now that we tally the votes, we find ourselves in a tie." Adrien calmly addressed the group, who were back to being civil the moment the scene changed. "However, there is one of us who has not voted… our fearless leader Marinette!" the blonde gestured to the pigtailed girl boredly sitting off to the side.

Without a word, Marinette walked up to the board and erased the 'class' from 'Miracuclass' and the 'Hardcore Parkour' from 'Hardcore Parkour Squad'. "We're doing both. We'll go by the Miracusquad." Marinette announced, watching everyone give their approval, including her co-guardian, who held out his fist to her. Rolling her eyes, she couldn't be too mad at him. Marinette bumped his fist with hers.

"Pound it!"

With their name settled, the Miracusquad got back to business. "Ok, any more questions before we discuss what we came here for?" Marinette asked.

A single hand raised in the air, it was Nathaniel's. "How come we held our meeting in Adrien's room?"

"I can answer that." Adrien looked confident. It was his room, after all. "Because it is the biggest and has the most space for us. Thankfully, my dad and his assistant are in a meeting of their own for a few hours, and my bodyguard is willing to bend the rules for me while he's gone."

OXOXOXOX

Elsewhere in the mansion, in a dark, empty room filled with butterflies, Gabriel paced back and forth while his assistant Nathalie watched silently from her chair. Nooroo and Duusu sat off to the side, munching on a bowl of nuts the peacock holder had brought.

"It was bad enough dealing with two teenage superheroes! Now there's a herd of them!" Gabriel ranted out loud. "If all the Miraculous were being kept by the guardian, I could collect them all in one fell swoop! But with all of them active, I'll never have all the Miraculous under my roof!" Unaware that, ironically, all the other miraculous were right below them.

"Sir, you didn't bring me in here just to rant about children again, did you?" Nathalie raised an eyebrow.

Gabriel stopped and took out his tablet. "No Nathalie. I have summoned you here for something of far greater importance… we need a supervillain team name!"

Chapter Text

"Ok, explain that again. But in a way that the rest of us can understand." Marinette pinched the bridge of her nose. She, Alix, and Mylène has been walking down the sidewalk when they witnessed a small explosion coming from a nearby window. As luck would have it, said window belonged to their friend and teammate Max.

Marinette and Mylene went the normal way to reach their pal, and Alix hopped through the now-broken window. They were worried the boy had been hurt, but when they arrived, they found him giving CPR to his robot buddy Markov (Alix was bummed that she couldn't get her phone out fast enough to snap a pic.)

Max cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses. Black patches of smoke were littered over his outfit and the tiny fire on his hair had been put out. "To put it simply, I am attempting to make Markov able to perceive the presence of kwamis. Kaalki in particular." His eyes shifted over to the floating horse, who had evaded the explosion and was soot free.

"But kwamis can’t be seen with technology? Is that even possible?" Mylene questioned, looking more towards Marinette than Max.

"And why does he need to?" Alix followed up.

FLASHBACK TO YESTERDAY

Max adjusted the tiny hat on Kaalki's head. It was an elegant sunhat sewn by Marinette. "I'll only be out for a few hours, keep the hat on so Markov knows where you are-" he pulled up a small tablet and handed it to the kwami "-and use the typing here to talk with him. Now be good, you two!" Max closed the door of his room, racing off to attend a train safety seminar with his mother.

Kaalki and Markov turned to each other (or towards the tiny hat in Markov's case). "Soooo… would you like to engage in a game of chess?" the robot asked, unsure of how to go about this arrangement. The mini-horse sighed dramatically, taking the hat off and placing it on the tablet. "... Kaalki? Kaalki, where did you go?" Markov searched in the general area where he had last seen the hat floating, but the kwami had already escaped the room and flew off to do who knows what.

FLASHBACK OVER

"I spent two hours looking for her… TWO. HOURS." Markov emphasized with genuine frustration. That was the second longest waste of time in his existence, first place will forever go to watching 'Silence: The Musical'.

Max sighed "With much trial and error-"

"Probably more on the errors." Alix interrupted the boy. Marinette had to gently nudge her to be quiet, hiding a smirk at the remark.

"With much trial and A FEW ERRORS! I've come to the conclusion that if a magic power source is used within a device, a kwami can be viewed electronically!"

"And the power source is…?" Marinette raised an eyebrow, not having a good feeling where this was going.

“Cheese. Magic potion cheese." The horse wielder held up a blue slice of cheese, given to him by the cat kwami. "However, the mixture is unstable and melts on the circuitry. Resulting in minor… cheese-scented explosions."

Mylene's kwami, Mullo, had been licking a scorch mark on the wall. "No wonder this carnage smelled irresistible!" She stuck out her tongue to continue, but her partner grabbed her away.

The pigtailed girl took a piece of the cheese and made a mental note to remind Plagg how hard it is for her to make the potion cheeses. "If you need a magic power source, could one of my magic charms work?" Marinette suggested.

"Yes! That would work so much better! Would you mind?" Max pleaded to the team leader.

Marinette exchanged a glance with Tikki, who shrugged. There wasn't any harm in this. "Sure, we'll help you get Markov fixed. What's the worst that could happen mixing technology and Miraculous?”

The rabbit kwami raised her paw "Hawkmoth could invent rings that transfer the power of a miraculous to an akuma and mass produce them as a smart device."

Most of the people in the room chuckled, "Good one, Fluff!" Mullo giggled.

Fluff's partner was the only one not amused, looking horrified instead. "Did that really happen?" she whispered to her kwami.

"Yep, the prime timeline. That place is a real doozy!"

OXOXOXOX

One magic charm later and the work on Markov commenced. "I am thrilled to have communications with Max's miraculous creature! There are so many historic events they could recount and provide new information unknown to the public!" The little robot buzzed happily, his face on a computer monitor as his body underwent repairs.

The girls stayed and watched Max work, watching their kwami's play and helping where they could. "And that information still can't be shared with the public. This is a secret, remember?" Max looked up from screwing a bolt to remind his A.I.

Markov turned apologetic, "Of course, my apologies. I have not been this excited since I developed the blueprints for a human sized body!”

"You made designs for a human body?" Mylene repeated.

Minimizing his face, Markov brought up a schematic on the screen. "Nothing too fancy. It would just be for me to attach my central unit to for access to arms and legs." The design had Markov's floating ball on top of a robot body that looked like it came from an anime of some kind.

"That's so cool! Max, why haven't you made this yet?" Mylene and the others crowded around the screen.

"There's not much of a purpose to giving Markov limbs. He has one already. Trust me, adding in the magic is much more beneficial."

Markov pouted. "The one thing I liked when I was akumatized was getting a full body."

"Hang on-" Alix made an X shape with her arms. "Didn't you turn on Hawkmoth's defense system in his lair when you were Robustus?"

"... affirmative." Markov answered.

"If you can detect kwamis, can you use it to track down the butterfly and peacock ones?"

The gang froze. The implications of such a thing would be game changing. "It's a possibility." Max realized.

The mood shifted once more, from frozen awe to fiery determination. "Let's do it! Let's make a Kwami tracker!" Marinette pumped her fist in the air.

"And hey-" Alix cut in "We can get Markov his body so he can help fight Mothbutt!"

"Absolutely not!" Max shot the idea down. "... that flimsy design isn't sturdy enough for fighting! He needs something bigger, stronger!" The bespectacled boy brought down a bigger blueprint from its barracks. "I've designed this ages ago. And now the time has come."

The girls and kwamis looked over the blueprints. Little Mullo raised her paw. "This is going to take a lot of materials. Where are you gonna get them?"

OXOXOXOX

Beside a river, Bob Roth inspected an enormous pile of scrap metal. "Ha ha! This is enough to finally build that illegal dam I've always wanted! I'd like to see the endangered Parisian beaver get through this!" he gloated to no one in particular.

A portal materialized directly underneath the mountain of metal, dropping all of it to the other side and closing in less than a minute. Bob blinked and rubbed his eyes, wondering what had just happened. The missing materials could wait a few more minutes, as the sound of clattering teeth alerted the man to a bigger problem. "Oh no-THE ENDANGERED PARISIAN BEAVERS HAVE FOUND ME!"

OXOXOXOX

Pegasus watched the mass quantity of metal hit the floor of the abandoned warehouse, where four superheroes and an A.I. stood prepared with an array of tools. They knew their mission and were dead-set on completing it.

Construction went smoothly, their powers made lifting the heavy materials easy for the quartet. Polymouse being able to shrink and multiply made the internal wiring a piece of cake. And Ladybug stopped by her family bakery to get them all pieces of cake. Snack breaks were important, and the kwamis loved it. In the span of seven hours, the project was complete.

The four teens looked up in awe. Their tiny companions buzzed around at the top where Markov's tiny head was located. "Markov, can you hear me!?" Kaalki shouted in the robot's face.

"Affirmative! I have audio and visual on all four of you!" Markov sounded ecstatic to perceive his creator's other floating companion.

"Can you scan for other kwamis?" Marinette shouted from down below, cupping her hands to her mouth.

Markov's scanner blinked red. A whirling sound echoed through the warehouse. "... my apologies. It appears the kwami scanner is not functional."

"So much for finding those two." Alix muttered.

A notification popped up on the hero's phones. An akuma alert had just gone live. "Even if Markov can't find Hawkmoth, he can still fight him." Max grinned, eager for the first test run of his greatest creation for another of his creations yet!

OXOXOXOX

Today's akuma went by 'The Pencil Pusher', a middle-aged man in an oversized pencil costume with a lead tip on one hand and an eraser on another. Fully functional pencil sharpeners made up his boots. "Let's see how everyone else likes it when they break the only writing utensil they have!"

Any pencil he saw went straight into his sharpener boots, which sharpened them all into tiny, unusable stubs. The Parisans weren't too bothered by this. Most of them used pens, anyway.

“Stop right there, Pencil Pusher!" he heard a voice call out from the rooftops. Posing against the sun were Ladybug, Polymouse, Pegasus and Bunnix.

A butterfly outline appeared over Pencil Pusher's face, he could hear the supervillain communicating with them "There's some of the heroes, if you want to keep your powers you need to bring me their miraculous!"

“No problem, I can take on four teenagers!"

The sun behind the heroes was covered by an enormous shadow. The Pencil Pusher and all civilians looked up in shock as a giant robot stood with the heroes. Colored black and green like a video game system, the head was too small to be seen from below while its limbs towered over the city. "PENCIL PUSHER, I AM ROBOGELION! THE NEWEST SUPERHERO IN PARIS!" the voice was much deeper than Markov's regular voice and was loud enough to be heard across the city.

In Hawkmoth's lair, he blinked in surprise, not expecting a giant robot to show up. "That… is unexpected…" with this turn of events, he seriously doubted a pencil man could beat that thing.

Hawkmoth was right to doubt his akumatized victim. The Pencil Pusher ran in terror at the sight of a giant robot and ran faster when it shot lasers at him while stomping the ground hard enough to leave craters behind.

"Lucky Charm!" Ladybug swung down in front of the villain, her power gave her a long jump rope. Two heroes grabbed each end of the rope and held it out in front of the villain. Pencil Pusher tripped and broke the tip of his pencil hand, releasing the black butterfly from within. Ladybug did her whole 'De-evilize' speech and tossed the rope into the air "Miraculous Ladybug!" her power restored the damage from the fight.

"That was awesome!" "You did it!" "Way to go, buddy!" The other three heroes praised their new giant robot.

“THIS EXPIERIENCE WAS INVIGORATING! THOUGH I DID NOT HAVE THE CHANCE TO TEST OUT BY MISSILE LAUNCHE-" Unintentionally, the missile launcher activated upon Markov's mention of it. A large missile burst from his robotic nipple and soared over the city, landing somewhere in the distance with a large explosion.

The stunned heroes watched in stunned silence. Polymouse leaned over towards the leader "You-you can still fix that, right?"

Ladybug exhaled loudly, "Nope."

Chapter Text

They all knew Lila was a liar. They'd figured it out on day one, but after Marinette tried to ask her about it and caused Lila to swear eternal vengeance on her, the class decided it was safer to play along since she was so unstable. Of course, this meant having to listen to her ridiculous stories without pulling their hair out. Eventually, though, they figured out how to make things interesting with her tall tales.

Ms. Bustier had to step out to help with a crisis (apparently Mr. Damocles tried to use his new escape chute and got stuck in the loop-de-loop) So the class had a free period to do what they wanted. And for Lila, that meant going on and on about her 'glamorous life'. "Rose, have I ever told you of the time I saved the albino tigers from being turned into coats?" The liar spied the new tiger button Rose had added to her purse, not even wondering why it was purple.

"Oh, no you haven't Lila!" Rose made a subtle nod to Juleka, who in turn tapped Max on the shoulder with her pen.

"That sounds like something I would very much be interested in, too. How about we sit over here where the view is better?" Max pulled himself and the girls over to the front table, where Lila could not see behind her and notice that most of the remainder of the class had taken out bingo cards and pens. Everyone except Chloe and Sabrina, the latter of whom kept the former distracted so she wouldn't alert her other bestie to what the rest of the class was up to.

"So last month I was on a charity kayaking trip through the amazon-" a quarter of the players marked a spot off their cards, the square marked 'Lila says something is for charity.' "-when suddenly we hear a frightened roar!"

"Oh goodness!" Rose fake gasped. "Was it the albino leopards?"

"Yes!-" and pretty much everyone checked off the box titled 'Lila doesn't realize she changed a main detail of her story.'

OXOXOXOX

While their partners were in class, the Kwami's hung out in a secret room in the ceiling of the school. Mullo said it belongs to some friends of hers and the rest are too afraid to ask.

"Guys, guys, look what I made!" Ziggy carried in an object bigger than herself. It appeared to be made out of clay and paper-mache, when the goat set it down, they realized it was a lifesize human head replica.

"A head?" Wayzz flew in closer, inspecting his friend's handiwork. It was the kind of detail that would fall into the 'uncanny valley' territory.

"Eeyup! Plagg said he was looking for one, so I made it myself!" Ziggy proudly announced.

Tikki looked at the cat kwami suspiciously. "And why were you looking for a head?" She knew that glimmer of mischief on his face, that smug grin that said he had some scheme cooking with a side of camembert.

"Relax sugarcube, it's something that'll benefit all of us." he zipped off, leaving the room and coming back moments later with a shopping bag. The others looked inside and found a trench coat and matching fedora.

Stompp gasped "You don't mean?!"

"Oh I do mean." Plagg nodded.

OXOXOXOX

"-and then Arnaldo cut the rope! I had to let go of the jewel for the sake of the albino cheetahs!" More boxes were being checked off. They'd been waiting for a chance to try out 'Lie-la Bingo' ever since Nino brought up how predictable her stories are. Max and Rose were the neutral party to keep her distracted and make the game fair, so no one could steer her into giving them a box they'd written in. The best part was that Rose made a little trophy for the winner. It was coated in two jars of glitter.

Adrien grumbled. None of his boxes connected yet. He was grateful he wasn't in last place at least. He peered over to Kim who only had two boxes filled out, and one was the free space. "This game is really hard!" Kim whispered to the blonde on his right.

"What'd you put in yours?" Adrien looked over to the other boy's card and found that he had made his a little too specific. "Kim, how do you expect her to tell a story about time traveling with George Washington and that guy on the shampoo commercial?!"

"It came to me in a dream!" Kim whisper-yelled in self defense.

OXOXOXOX

Emerging from the back of the school inconspicuously, the kwamis of Ms. Bustier's class huddled together under the trench coat wearing creation of theirs. The coat was long enough to hide that the 'person' had no feet, while Trixx and Daizzi hid in inflated gloves coming from the sleeves, with Wayzz and Roaar manning the elbows. The mastermind, Plagg, rode in the hollow head on top while more kwamis took turns supporting the weight.

"Phase one is complete. Now we just need a name." Plagg hadn't come up with an alias ahead of time. This was a team effort, after all.

"Gary!" Xuppu piped up.

"Not bad, but Gary needs a last name, so people will think we're a real man!" Plagg reminded him.

"Gary Realman!" Xuppu gasped, like it was the most brilliant idea ever conceived.

“I like it!" Plagg clapped his paws together.

Tikki, who had come along to keep everything from turning into a complete catastrophe, sighed to herself. "We're dead.”

OXOXOXOX

Alix tapped her pencil impatiently, waiting for Lila to get through explaining the so-called 'Law of international furs union' she was so close to getting bingo! All she needed was to check off 'Lila name drops a recent celebrity that conveniently stopped by to assist her'.

Sandwiched between Ivan and Alya, Alix peaked over to check how they were doing. To her dismay, they were also getting close to bingo. Getting desperate, Alix dropped her pencil to the floor and reached down to grab it. Or that's what she wanted everyone else to think. She pulled out her phone and sent a brief text to Sabrina. The dog wielder had recently changed her text tone to the latest Clara Nightingale song, and just as Alix planned, Lila incorporated it into the story.

"But just as the wagon of orphan albino cubs was about to crash into the wall, I remembered a dance move I had taught Clara Nightingale and used it to divert the wagon!" Lila boasted, seriously did this girl even think she was being realistic with her lies?

"Not exactly what I need for my-" Alix mumbled as she sat back up, her eyes bugged out when she noticed her card had been swapped! It had all the squares she had made, but they had been swapped around and not checked off. She looked to Ivan, who pointed to Alya, who held up a handful of alternate bingo cards that matched the ones already made. The rabbit wielder pouted. She should have known Alya had gone through and made extra cards to prevent cheating! Now she had to remember what she'd already crossed off and start over.

OXOXOXOX

‘Gary Realman' took a trip to the zoo first. The tiny gods inside went around trying to find the animals they were based on… or were the animals based on them? It's something of a 'chicken or the egg' scenario, and only Orikko knew the answer to that, but they weren't here right now, so-

"Look, we found Wayzz's people!" Barkk pointed to an aquatic exhibit.

'Gary' oohed and awed at the shelled creatures, but alas, Wayzz had to correct them "I am the turtle kwami, these are tortoise's."

"What's the difference? You both have shells." Trixx asked.

Wayzz would have been offended, but he was preoccupied with watching the… um, I guess 'cousins' of his kind. "Look at them. I may not be one of them, but I can see into their souls. They are sick of being trapped in such a small habitat. They wish to be free!"

"Then free they shall be!" Plagg announced to his kin.

'Gary' retreated back towards the bathroom, letting a handful of kwami out to start the jailbreak. Roarr snuck over to the exhibit door and used the tiniest bit of her power to blow the lock to smithereens. Wayzz, Fluff, and Kaalki pulled the door open and greeted the now free inmates "Fellow chelonians! You have been released from your prison and now may leave to see the world! Rejoice!" The great tortoise escape was imminent, however they were slow. They walked towards the cage door at a crawling pace. A painfully slow pace.

OXOXOXOX

"Psst- Mylene!" the blonde girl heard a whisper coming from her left. Nino hid his face with his hand and sneakily slid his card to her. "I need some help. I have a square for 'Lila claims she knows karate', now Lila just said she used kung fu to fight the poachers, does that count?"

The mouse hero shrugged. "Not sure, let me ask." she tapped her pencil a few times. Quiet taps that were hard to hear over the voice of a pathological liar. But the bespectacled boy up front heard them. He took his own pencil and tapped back against the chair.

After tapping back a 'thank you' in morse, Mylene looked at Nino and shook her head 'no'. Nino sighed and looked back to his card. He really thought he had that one- "and once they found out I knew karate, they let the tribe leader go!" The boy made a silent fist pump in the air! Inconsistency was always reliable!

OXOXOXOX

The trench coat full of kwamis hovered down the busy sidewalk. They wanted to get ice cream next but Tikki had brought up the complications that would arise "We have no money, our mouth doesn't open, and the second we sit down to eat the coat'll fold over and reveal there's no one underneath."

"But we're underneath!" Daizzi helpfully reminded her.

The topic was put on pause when an alarm sounded from a building a yard away. The bank of France had its windows busted open and the man who had just finished robbing it escaped in the direction of 'Gary'. "He's heading right for us! What do we do?!" Fluff gasped.

Stompp cranked his neck from side to side, not worried at all "I've got this. Resistance!"

The trench coat was imbued with the power of the ox, making it a sturdy force that could withstand anything thrown at it. The robber learned that the hard way when he collided with the disguised kwamis and felt like he had run into a brick wall made of steel. The robber fell over, unconscious, as the police caught up with him. "You stopped the thief!" Roger shook the 'hand' of the 'man' "We can't thank you enough Mr…"

"Gary. Gary Realman." Plagg answered, with the kwamis maneuvering around, so their disguise nodded and gave a tip with his hat. Before the police could thank 'Gary' any more, the trench-coated hero backed into the crowd and blended in, the perfect mysterious escape.

Roger turned back to his fellow cops. "You see that, that is what a hero looks like."

"But sir, we live in a city that has a whole team of superpowered teenagers." Another officer raised his hand.

Roger shook his head, disappointed. "And that, Captain Obvious, is why you'll never be captain. Just obvious."

OXOXOXOX

"-and let me tell you, it wasn't easy escaping the pit of platypuses! I had to be careful, or I'd get scratched with their venomous spurs!" Lila dramatically shared her entirely made-up story. Max shifted so the rest of the class could see him straighten his bowtie, the signal for 'Holy kwami, she actually said something that's true!'

More squares were scratched off. Juleka and Marinette were checking the box off when the card belonging to the tiger holder slid away from the table and floated down the aisle, dangerously close to Lila herself. Others saw it too, but the only ones who were close enough to grab it would alert Lila that something had fallen.

This was serious, serious enough for Marinette to use her trademarked 'Marinette Vision (™)' to gaze around the room in gray-scale as various objects lit up with pink polka dots. Concocting a plan, Marinette grabbed a spool of thread and a needle from her bag, the ox miraculous from Ivan, and a very long tree branch Kim had brought in for what he referred to as 'Danger Limbo' and fastened them with some tape from Nathaniel. The result was an odd looking fishing pole.

Casting her line, Marinette launched the curved needle down the open path. Her shots missed a few times before they finally were close enough to the card. Wiggling the needle towards the paper, Marinette was laser focused on getting it at the exact angle she needed.

"-and then the temple door opened with a whoosh!" Lila spread out her arms quickly, making a flow in the air just strong enough to push the card up in the air. The other bingo players silently gasped. It was in a trajectory to land on Lila's head! In one swift move, Marinette swung her rod up and pierced the paper with the needle only a hair away from Lila's hair! There was a collective breath of relief as the paper was pulled backwards and returned to its owner. Now back with Juleka, Marinette pointed out there was another space she could cross off 'Lila doesn't notice intricate way to grab dropped card'.

OXOXOXOX

"-and that's when I realized my mother was right! I am a failure and will never achieve my dreams!"

The collective kwami disguise listened sympathetically to the man beside them on the bench. They'd just gotten off the carousel in the park when they heard the sound of someone crying. They didn't know the sad guy, but heard out his problems and offered a metaphorical shoulder to cry on. They couldn't offer an actual shoulder since they didn't have any.

"Well, that's a load of garbage and you know it!" Plagg spoke for 'Gary' "Who is she to tell you to give up on what you love?! We don't chase our dreams for other people, we chase them for ourselves. If someone doesn't believe you can do it, then you prove them wrong!"

The man sniffled, wiping away a tear. "Do you really think so?

'Gary' nodded "Absolutely! There were times when no one thought I could pull off wearing a snazzy trench coat. But I never listened to them, I got my trench coat and I look fabulous in it! Now it's your turn, show the world that true dreams can never die!"

Inspired by his new friend, the man jumped up from his seat. "You're right Gary! I am going to prove my mother wrong and become the world's first singing assassin! Thank you for everything!" The man shook 'Gary's' 'hand' and ran off on the journey to follow his heart's desire.

… "I liked him!" Daizzi piped up.

OXOXOXOX

"-and so the orphan albino pumas were rescued and returned to their mothers." Lila finished her daring story, littered with plot-holes. Rose and Max nodded like they enjoyed listening to her rambling while Sabrina took Chloe out to fix her makeup in the bathroom.

A perfectly timed phone call reached Lila's phone, and she excused herself to go answer it. The squad was left to themselves and grouped up to compare bingo cards. "Did any of us get bingo? I didn't hear the 'bingo' signal tap." Adrien glanced around. He thought for sure at least one person would have one.

"Actually…" Nathaniel held out his bingo card. Every single box was marked off. "I got bingo super early, but I didn't want to end the game for everyone else.”

The squad couldn't believe it. Rose reached for her bag and passed the glitter-filled trophy to the winner. "Congratulations! You are the master of Lila Bingo!"

"How the heck did you make your card so… accurate?!" Alya questioned.

Nathaniel grimaced. "I sit next to her. I've heard them all."

Chapter Text

“Sir, I think we need to have a serious discussion." Nathalie entered the office belonging to her boss.

Gabriel sat at his computer, going over various designs as he addressed the woman without looking up. "The vote was three to one, Nathalie. Our supervillain team name is The Fabulous Fiends, and we are sticking with it."

His assistant shook her head. "A different matter, sir. One that involves your recent akumas."

That got him to look away from his screen. "What about them?"

Pulling up a document on her tablet, Nathalie scrolled through the most recent akumatizations that occurred. "Frankly, sir, I think you've been running out of good ideas. Just this week, your creations have been; Mathterpiece, whose power undid any correct math equation-“

"-The kid was ten! You know children's problems are much simpler than teenagers!" Gabriel defended his choice of victim.

"Then there was King Pierre, who had the power to control anyone named Pierre."

"I thought there would be more people with that name." Gabriel sighed.

"And lest we forget yesterday's failure; Flusher." A toilet themed villain had been the final straw for the peacock wielder.

Her boss paused, recalling the prior day's events. "... alright yes. That was horrible." He agreed, finally starting to see what his partner in crime was getting at. "So I've had a slump lately. I can't exactly outsource my akuma creativity…"

Gabriel stopped. He looked lost in thought. It did not ease Nathalie at all. "Which is why I've come up with some ideas that could-" she tried to get to her next point before her boss had another terrible idea-

-But she was too late. "Of course! There is a way to outsource my akuma creativity!" he began furiously typing at his computer, which Nathalie approached with dread.

"Sir, please don't tell me that is [NonBrandNameSocialMedia]."

Sure enough, Gabriel had already signed in to his official Hawkmoth [NonBrandNameSocialMedia] account and had swiftly composed a long post. "It is Nathalie! Just take a look!" he moved aside to let her lean towards the screen.

Her eyes narrowed as she read aloud, "Citizens of Paris, it is I Hawkmoth! For the first time, I am holding an official 'Design an Akuma' contest. Show me your best ideas and the grand prize winner will get to be akumatized into their creation! Runner-up gets an official Hawkmoth fanny pack."

"With this, I can take a break and let the public come up with ideas for me! Whichever gets the most likes wins!" Gabriel was proud of himself. He sat back in his chair and took a sip from his favorite mug. The young Tsurugi heir had given it to him at a formal dinner and it had beautiful Japanese writing on it. If he could read Japanese, he would have known the writing said 'World's worst parent'.

Knowing there was no way out of this debacle, Nathalie rubbed her forehead and stepped away from the room. In the empty foyer, Duusu popped up over her shoulder. "What do you see in him?"

"I ask myself that every day."

OXOXOXOX

"Have you guys seen the latest post from Hawkmoth on [NonBrandNameSocialMedia]?!" Alya nearly kicked down the door as she entered the art room.

"About the akuma contest, yep." Marc couldn't restrain the smirk growing on his face, already coming up with ideas on how to troll him with his entry.

The majority of the squad was present, save for Kim, Max, Sabrina, and Luka. They all had their phones out and viewed the exact same post. "I can't believe he actually did this!" Adrien laughed. Like Marc, he had already started coming up with bad ideas to throw at Hawkmoth's direction. Even Rose, the sweetest of them all, was doodling a drawing of an akuma that's only power was to make Hawkmoth cry.

"We cannot pass up an opportunity like this. The winner is whoever gets the most likes, so if he follows his own rules, then he has to make the akuma. No matter what power it has." Marinette had the most devious grin of all (save for Alix) as she addressed her team. "And I think we're all on the same page on what kind of akuma we need to make."

"One that fixes global warming?" Mylene raised her hand, looking up from her drawing.

“One that turns Adrien's dad over to the CPS?" Nino suggested.

Juleka mumbled something as well, but it was unintelligible to all except Rose beside her.

"... I thought we were all on the same page." Marinette mumbled "I mean creating an akuma that takes out Hawkmoth once and for all!"

"Way ahead of you Marinette, check out mine!" Nathaniel held up his art, detailing a supervillain who would seek out the most vile person in Paris (with a footnote in the corner clarifying that it means the most vile person who's not a teenage girl)

"Good one, Nath!" Zoe complimented his art before showing him her own. "Take a look at mine. This one's power is to gather every brooch in Paris into a giant pile at the Eiffel Tower. That way, we get the Butterfly and the Peacock back!"

A tiny bee floated over and looked over her chosen's art. "Wonderful idea, my queen! But you all need to see what us kwamis have come up with!" Pollen motioned for them to follow her over to where the kwamis were working on a collective painting together.

The heroes approached their tiny companions and stared at the masterpiece they had envisioned. "Ooh! It looks like a pinata!" Rose exclaimed.

"It is!" Mullo answered. "Our akuma can turn Hawkmoth into the world's most hittable pinata!" There were various murmurs of agreement, including the co-guardians making a mental note to have a Hawkmoth pinata made for his defeat party one day.

OXOXOXOX

Gabriel felt great about his idea. That's why he waited until right before the deadline to view the submissions. Surely the people of Paris would be eager to be akumatized into anything they wanted! And all they had to do was help him steal jewelry from a group of teenagers. He couldn't see this backfiring on him in any way.

"Something tells me you haven't seen any of the submissions yet, sir." Nathalie watched him stride confidently over to his computer. If he wasn't going to listen to her ideas, she wasn't going to give him a heads up about how this was going.

"It wouldn't be fair to look at some before the rest. Sometimes the best come right before time is up."

Gabriel logged onto his [NonBrandNameSocialMedia] and eagerly looked through the tag for his contest. His face fell as he scrolled through the entries. "Nathalie, what am I looking at?"

"The entries for the contest." She bluntly answered.

Gabriel was crestfallen. He fell back into his chair. "How could this happen… all of these designs look so much cooler than the ones I've come up with!"

"And check what each of them does." Nathalie suggested.

Actually reading the entries, Gabriel's horror increased. "Why are all of their powers designed specifically to defeat me or steal my miraculous?!" he kept scrolling, reading out some of the entries "This one has the power to 'teleport Hawkmoth to the bottom of the sea'! And this one's power is 'creates a gihoogic arrow that points directly to his location'. At least use a real word! And this-OH DEAR LORD! This entry is so graphically violent! Who in the world would even think of making an akuma that did this to me?!"

Nooroo smiled.

“To be fair, not all of them are going after Hawkmoth." Nathalie watched his hopes rise "One of them has the power to report Gabriel Agreste to CPS." and she watched that hope wither away and die like the remaining respect she had for him.

Just when Gabriel thought it couldn't be worse, he remembered the rules of the contest. The most likes is the one he'll akumatize. He rapidly sped through the tag comparing likes until his assistant showed his there was a button to order them by 'most liked' and gaped at what was to be the winner. "Entry by marinettedesigned, this akuma is called Endgame. She has the power to take the heroes directly to Hawkmoth's lair and track him down wherever he goes. When in close enough range, she can activate her curse of the brooch and cause anyone wearing a brooch within 20 feet to lose consciousness." Not only was this design absolutely beautiful, but that was exactly the kind of overpowered akuma that would lead to his defeat.

"This cannot be the winner!"

"It is. This akuma has received over fifty thousand likes. Ladybug herself couldn't have come up with a better akuma designed to ensure their victory over you." Nathalie pointed out.

That can't be made real. He had to do damage control. He opened up the original [NonBrandNameSocialMedia] post and edited the rules of entry. "Master, isn't that cheating?" Nooroo pointed out.

"Of course it's cheating! I'm the villain, they should expect me to do this!" Gabriel shot back at the little butterfly. After adding a rule that no akuma can have a power that affects him, he scrolled back through the entries, "There has to be one entry that doesn't involve targeting me!... there! That's the winner!"

OXOXOXOX

The skies were clouded by a dark shadow, and riding upon that shadow was a lone figure "Beware Parisians! For I am the winner of the design an akuma contest… MRS. PIGEON!"

Chapter Text

"We're here! We're finally here!" The holder of the monkey miraculous was as excited as a little kid on Christmas. Through a school raffle, he, Nino and Kagami had won tickets to the local aquarium. Kim hadn't even known there was an aquarium in Paris, thanks to the now wasted efforts of one Max Kante.

Nino was more worried than Kagami regarding their friend's behavior. She didn't know him as well as he did and, therefore, was unaware of how risky it was to bring Kim to the aquarium. "Yeah, yeah, we know, man. Just tone it down a notch or two." Nino shook his head, while also chuckling at the athlete.

The trio handed over their tickets and went inside. Once in, Kagami grabbed a map while Nino spotted a bathroom closeby. "Keep an eye on Kim for a minute." the dragon bearer nodded and off turtle boy went to do his business. He finished up and returned to where he left both of his friends. Only now it was just the girl. "Kagami! Where's Kim!?"

"Quiet. Kim is right over-" Kagami's eyes lifted off of the map and towards where she heard their companion's footsteps go. But Kim was nowhere in sight. "My apologies. Kim ran off while I was distracted."

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" Nino shook the girl by the shoulders.

She responded by slapping him in the face as a warning. "What's the big deal? Kim may be somewhat eccentric, but he's old enough to go out on his own."

"But not where there's water! Kim brings his swimming speedo and swim cap everywhere!" Nino explained urgently, though Kagami thought he was exaggerating.

"I think you're exaggerating."

"He wore them to a funeral." Nino was dead serious, as dead as the guy whose funeral they attended. "And now he's off in a place with several massive tanks of water and sea creatures he's going to try to race against!"

The dragon wielder realized the amount of chaos the boy could create by himself. Not even his kwami could talk him out of doing something stupid, heck Xuppu encouraged it! "He could not have gotten far." Kagami crumbled the map and tossed it in a trashcan. The map exploded into flames upon contact. "What exhibit was he most excited to see?" she asked the turtle wielder.

Nino drew a blank. He'd been listening to music the way over and hadn't been paying much attention "Let's start with the obvious choice."

OXOXOXOX

The tank of Sea Monkey's was tiny. The size of a fishbowl. Nino and Kagami stared at it, knowing not even Kim could fit inside. "Nino-"

"Yeah I know! But it was a good guess!"

"And it was the right one, take a look." the girl pointed to something in the back of the tank. The soggiest banana either of them had seen. The insides melted out and floated to the top of the tank.

"That's Kim's doing alright. He was here." Nino confirmed. Putting his detective skills to work, he thoroughly examined the banana. "Based on the texture and amount of banana goo floating to the surface, I'd say this banana has been underwater for nearly five minutes."

"Oh yeah, that's about right." A staff member chuckled. "Weird guy in a speedo came by and wanted to feed his 'fellow monkeys'. Just tossed the banana right in."

Kagami grabbed the staff member by the collar of his shirt. "Where is he now?! Which way did the boy go?!" The man was intimidated by the young Japanese girl. He shakily pointed towards the jellyfish exhibit one room over. "Thank you." Kagami politely thanked the man as she dropped him. She and Nino followed the path in hot pursuit.

"I think that was a bit unnecessary, dudette. That guy looked like he could've peed his pants." Nino advised his friend.

"A worthy sacrifice for the greater good."

The duo had barely stepped into the jellyfish room when they witnessed all hell break loose. The unforgettable sight of jellyfish flopping around in the open would forever remain in their memories. The people panicked and kicked the jellyfish around, knocking them into others and shocking just about everyone. The hysteria was making the chaos even worse than it should have been. Kagami swung into action, punching the sea creatures off of people's faces and tossing them back into the water.

Nino, not wanting to be outdone by the dragon wielder, tried to do the same. He stepped on and tripped over a stray jellyfish, sending him skating across the floor. His screams for help went unheard as Kagami focused on subduing the little jellies in the most impressive way possible. Luckily for Nino, his trip ended when he hit a railing. Unluckily for Nino, the blow pushed him headfirst into a tank of jellyfish who stung him in the face. The underwater screams were muted in a foam of bubbles.

With an aerial kick, Kagami launched the last jellyfish off of some guy's head and landed it into a tank. The crowd applauded her for the heroics, while Nino finally surfaced from the water with a badly stung face. "I can't feel my face. I think I might be allergic to pain."

With all the jellyfish accounted for, an employee wearing a cowboy hat came over and shook Kagami's hand. "Thanks so much, miss! After that fellow knocked over the tank of jellyfish being transported, we didn't think we'd be able to save all of them."

"It was no bother, but the one who knocked it over. If it was a boy in a speedo, where did he go?" Kagami asked.

The employee shrugged. "We didn't see where he went. Reckon he might be anywhere in the aquarium by now."

"Great. Just great." Nino walked up to Kagami as the employee left. "Now we've lost Kim's trail. He could be wrestling a lobster or stealing food from a giant squid by now!" Irritated by the setback, Nino and Kagami took a breather in front of the manatee tank. Sitting on a bench facing away from the manatees, they failed to notice a speedo-clad boy dive in with the aquatic mammals.

"Do not lose faith, Nino. We will find Kim. Failure is not an option." Kagami sternly encouraged him. Behind her, a manatee swam up to Kim, and they took each other by the hand/flipper. The boy and manatee waltzed gracefully in the blue deep.

“No! No failure is an option! Chances are we could just go back to school and tell them Kim's sleeping with the fishes now! Not because he died, but because we let him into an aquarium and lost him!" Nino ranted, not seeing the underwater spectacular behind him as Kim and the manatee raced through hoops and lifted each other like a professional dance duo.

The crowd watching the tank applauded the show, getting the attention of the two Miraculous holders. They just barely glanced back before turning back around… and then they realized who that was in the tank! "BWAAA!" Nino screamed incomprehensibly and pointed at Kim.

The two rushed to the tank as Kim surfaced and looked down at them. "Hey there you two are! Been wondering what happened to ya."

"We've been chasing after you." Kagami crossed her arms, annoyed at Kim's nonchalant attitude. "Get out of the manatee tank and put your clothes back on."

"... I'm wearing a speedo." it wasn't much, but it could 'technically' count as clothes. Kim would have to wait to explain his viewpoint, for a giant squid fell through a ceiling vent and grabbed him.

Nino and Kagami stared with jaws hanging open, unprepared for the sudden turn of events. "Dude, what the heck is that?!" Nino shouted.

"It's a squid." Kim answered, not bothered by his predicament.

"I KNOW IT'S A SQUID BUT WHY IS IT HERE?!" Nino freaked out, while Kagami hurried off to find a harpoon.

"Oh… it might be mad at me for stealing its food." Kim guessed.

"... I knew it." Nino muttered.

Kagami returned, but lacked the harpoon she had sought. "The only harpoons here are the toy ones in the gift shop. I will not waste twenty euros on a souvenir."

“Don't worry, I got this." Kim spoke confidently, though that confidence had the opposite effect on the other two.

“That just makes us even more worried!" Nino yelled back.

The giant squid lifted Kim closer to its face. The boy smirked and let out a bizarre high-pitched squeak. The manatees responded to the squeak and charged the squid, pulling it down into their tank while their new friend was released, "Thanks fellas!" Kim waved to the mammals as they beat up the squid.

Kim hardly had his foot out of the tank when Nino and Kagami yanked him down. By the looks on their faces, Kim figured they weren't too happy with his escapades. "In my defense… I got nothing."

"Come on, let's-let's just go home." Nino pinched the bridge of his nose while Kagami shoved Kim's regular clothes into his arms.

"If we're heading back, can we stop for sushi?" Kim asked.

“No!"

Chapter Text

The sound of clanging metal echoed through the seine docks. Birds (and Mr. Ramier) were frightened by the loud noises and scattered away. It could even be heard from inside the Liberty, where the Couffaine siblings were trying to ignore it.

Luka's guitar strumming was continuously interrupted after each chord, causing him to start over several times. He was chill about it though, not bothered by the racket. His kwami however…

"What in the name of the kwami is that?!" Sass buried himself underneath a few pillows. If he had ears they would surely be bleeding… Wait, do kwamis have blood?

Unlike the snake, Roaar wasn't bothered by the sound, but even she had to admit, it was starting to get on her nerves. "Juleka?" she floated over to the girl reading, who removed an earplug when the tiny tiger tapped her. "That banging's been going on for a while now. Think we should check it out?"

"Sure." Juleka placed her book down.

She was almost out the door when her brother spoke up. "Don't forget the crowbar." The tiger bearer nodded, thankful for the reminder. Taking a crowbar with her, Juleka stepped outside onto the deck.

The noise was even louder outside, fortunately that made it easier to hear where it was coming from. "It's under the bridge." Juleka mumbled to her kwami, though it couldn't be heard with the racket. The little tiger hid while her chosen cautiously approached the bridge. Beneath the shadows, there was a figure hitting something over and over again. Juleka gripped the crowbar tighter and stepped closer, then she realized she recognized that shadow.

“Alix?"

The rabbit wielder had heavy headphones on, unable to hear her classmate. The girl was hammering away at a heavy looking safe. Juleka tapped her shoulder and the girl finally realized someone else was here "Sup Juleka?" Alix removed her headphones and put down the hammer. Both of their kwamis came out of hiding.

“Um…" Juleka awkwardly pointed at the safe.

Alix realized what she meant. "Oh this. I got it from a junk sale! Didn't have the combination to open it, so I had to get creative." At first she had been trying to open it at home, but her dad made her stop after the first swing.

“Fluff could open it-" Roaar suggested "Or better yet, let me do it!" the tiny tiger readied her power. If she was careful, the resulting shock wave would probably not do too much damage to the surrounding area.

"Where's the fun in that?" Alix stopped the kwami. "It's too much of a cheat to phase through it. The challenge of opening it on my own will make what's inside even better!"

Holding out the hammer she was using, Alix realized it wasn't making a dent at all. "But I don't think this is gonna work…" she spotted the crowbar Juleka had. "Mind if I try that?" The goth handed her the crowbar and patiently watched as she struggled to pry it open.

Juleka could see that the metal on the crowbar was beginning to bend and stopped her friend from pulling anymore. "This won't work either."

"Yeah, that's her mom's favorite crowbar," Roaar added.

At an impasse, the girls pondered what they could use to open the safe. "... Could dynamite work?" Juleka suggested, much to Alix's surprise.

OXOXOXOX

Jagged Stone was hard at work on a new song, tapping a pen to his lips as the lyrics tried to reach the paper, "What about… a passionate guitar solo tribute to how much I love guitar solos?"

"Hey dad-" Jagged turned to see Juleka poking her head into the hotel room. "Do you have anything close to dynamite?"

"Hmm… try the fireworks from texas. I keep those in the closet over there." the rockstar pointed his pen towards another door.

Juleka went in and grabbed what she needed, giving her dad a quick hug. "You rock, dad." and she scurried off to continue her work.

The brief interaction gave some inspiration to the man. "I got it! A guitar solo dedicated to giving children dangerous explosives!" He was a good role model.

OXOXOXOX

The girls met back up at the Trocadero and placed the fireworks around the safe. Fluff ignited the spark and flew back to safety before it went off. The blast was colorful and loud, and oddly enough, shaped exactly like the American state of Texas.

The cloud of smoke cleared away, but the safe was only singed, not even slightly open.

"What is that thing made of?!" Alix couldn't believe how tough this thing was! Whatever was inside had to be important.

Juleka, who was deeply invested in the safe's contents at this point, was also bummed that the explosion failed. But it was a good explosion, so that was a consolation. "Any more ideas?"

To answer her question, Alix rolled out a grocery list of alternate methods she'd come up. "About twenty of them."

She handed over the list so Juleka could look it over. "You thought of all this while I was gone?”

"Nah, I made this list ages ago when I was bored." Alix shrugged. Who knew a list of ways to open an unopenable force would come in handy?

"Alix is really good with coming up with ways to pass time. It's a great skill to have if you end up hiding in the burrow for ages on end until the threat of Hawkmoth fetching the rabbit Miraculous is over." Fluff nodded.

Roaar snorted, "Ah Fluff, you crack me up with your crazy imagination!"

While Juleka and Roaar went over the list, Alix was freaked out and pulled Fluff aside. "Is that what the me in that other timeline is doing?!"

"Yeah, but you got a free pass out of school." Fluff helped her chosen see the bright side of her alternate self's situation.

OXOXOXOX

Crossing out the methods that involved using superpowers, Alix and Juleka were down to six options on how to open the safe.

First, melting a hole with a welding tool. The girls borrowed a welder and mask from Max, but the heat failed to create a hole. However, Roaar and Fluff roasted marshmallows in the heat.

Second, pick the lock. Using several hairpins, the duo took turns picking the lock. One hairpin broke off and ricochet across the room and out the window. The hairpin hit the hot coffee that Chloe had just ordered and spilled it on her new white purse.

Third, drop the safe from a great height. Climbing up to the top of the Eiffel Tower, the girls pushed the safe over the edge and watched it plummet back down to earth. The safe made a crater in the ground, but still no change. Alix banged her head against the railing in frustration.

Fourth, Kim. The two just left the safe in a room with Kim for an hour. They came back to pick it up and found the boy beaten up and lying facedown on the floor. Xuppu flew up to them and shrugged.

Fifth, melt a hole in it with acid. Returning to Max, the boy gave the girls some highly untested acid solution. Roarr held it over the safe, but the acid ran off the top and over the side, burning a hole through the floor.

And finally, they used a giant drill. They had to cheat a little on the 'no superpowers' rule since the only way they could get a giant drill was by having Caprikid create one. But alas, the drill was no match for the safe and the tip was dulled down after a minute of drilling.

I give up!" Alix screamed, marching around the safe. "We've done everything, and the thing is barely dented! What sort of secrets had to be hidden behind such a ridiculously strong box?!"

"Now can we do our thing?" Roaar raised her tiny paw, Fluff nodded beside her.

"Go right ahead! Although knowing this thing, it'll be impossible for even a kwami to go through it!" In her rage, Alix kicked the side of the safe.

… and the door finally opened.

No one could believe it. The safe was finally open. Words failed the girls, who scrambled to see what was inside. Hidden in the world's most unbreakable safe was a stack of documents and photos. "What is this?" Juleka skimmed over one of the papers.

Alix grabbed the photos and scrutinized them. "Hey, isn't that-" her eyes widened in shock. Juleka did the same when she finished overlooking a few pages.

“Alix-"

"Juleka-"

Their faces paled. "These-these belong to-"

A shadow draped over them, a terrifying gaze sent chills down their spines. The duo slowly turned to look at who was behind them.

"You found my secret…" Mr. Banana spoke darkly.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

Chapter Text

"Second Chance!"

The Snake Miraculous was activated, marking the start of the heroes time limit. It wasn't the usual team of Ladybug, Cat Noir and whichever heroes were on shift. This team consisted of Viperion, Ryuko, Vesperia and Rooster Bold. No sign of either of the co-guardians in sight. In fact, every Miraculous holder in Mrs. Bustiers class was out of commission! Their kwamis weren't in their usual hangout and they couldn't find them anywhere! So now it was up to the four who were outside the class.

"So we are all clear on the plan. Without Ladybug, we can't fix everything after the battle. With my power, I can rewind time if the collateral damage gets too bad. Vesperia will paralyze the akuma with me and Rooster as backup. Ryuko, you find the kwamis." Viperion relayed the plan once more for the sake of the readers.

Vesperia sighed. "I'm worried about those little guys. What do you think happened to them?"

OXOXOXOX

“You told me you loved me!"

“That was before you made out with my evil twin adopted brother! Now I loathe you!"

Seated in the back of the movie theater was a group of kwamis, hiding under the seats where no one could see them. All of them, even Tikki, were completely engrossed in the film. Ziggy, who was supposed to be keeping an eye on the phone for akuma alerts, had put it on silent without thinking and paid no attention to the flashing alerts.

OXOXOXOX

As Ryuko leapt over the rooftops, the remaining trio looked over the side of the building they were on, observing the supervillain marching down the streets. The middle-aged red-skinned man had bowling balls for fists. "I am Perfect Game! If the bowling alley won't let me play anymore, then all of Paris will be the pins in my lane!"

Rooster Bold raised an eyebrow. "You know, they really should make anger management sessions mandatory for a city with a supervillain who targets negative emotions." The other two nodded in agreement.

Perfect Game struck a pose and tossed one of his bowling ball fists towards a nice cafe. The ball smashed through the window and crushed someone's nice garden salad they had just received. The trio realized the destructive power this akuma held and swiftly leapt into action. "Back off, akuma!" Vesperia pointed as she struck a landing. "You've struck out and-"

"Vesp-" Rooster leaned in to whisper "That's a baseball term. Doesn't work for this villain."

"Dang!" the girl snapped her fingers in disappointment.

"Where are the bug and cat?" Perfect Game asked. The outline of a mask glowing on his face appeared as he spoke with Hawkmoth.

“Not important. We can handle you by ourselves." Viperion struck a heroic pose.

The akuma wasn't threatened. He shot his other fist towards the heroes who moved out of the way… and left the bowling ball on a collision course with a brand new car. The driver blinked at the ball that crushed the hood of his car. "... Good thing I got supervillain insurance."

Elsewhere, Ryuko searched for the kwamis. But realized one important detail a little too late. "... Paris is a huge city and they are very tiny." The task was nearly impossible, even for her. Ryuko stepped aside and hid behind a chimney, dropping her transformation and cupping the little dragon that landed in her hands "Longg-sama, can you think of anywhere the other kwamis could be?"

"That is a difficult question. With Plagg they could be anywhere fun and with Tikki she'd make them all be careful and hide themselves well." Longg sounded angry, and why wouldn't he be? He never gets to go out on the town with the other kwamis when they sneak out! AND HE WAS THE ONE WHO GOT THE HAT FOR THE GARY DISGUISE AND THEY DIDN'T BRING HIM ALONG! Kwami drama aside, Longg did list a few places the others hadn't been to yet. And he kept listing them. In excruciating detail. And Kagami was taking precise notes.

It would take a while.

The other three kept stalling Perfect Game. Rooster made his power 'stop any bowling ball being thrown around me' while Vesperia went in close to use her Venom. Calling forth her stinger, she reached out towards the akuma. "Not a chance, missy!" a bowling ball launched from his hand and knocked the bee heroine away.

The venom stung a pigeon that was trying to fly out of the way and paralyzed it. "Viperion, he wasted my power!"

The snake hero sighed. He ducked behind a car and called Ryuko on his lyre, though it went straight to voicemail. "Maybe…?" he tried calling Kagami's regular phone, and that call went through "Ryuko, why did you de-transform? Did you find the kwamis?"

"Not yet. Longg-sama has been telling me every place they could be. I'm writing it down as we speak." He heard from the other end.

Viperion facepalmed "We don't have time for that. The other two have already used their powers and we can't keep stalling hi-"

A loud crash shook the streets. Viperion popped his head up to look at what had happened. There was a giant bowling ball in the side of the Arc de Triomphe. His eyes looked to Rooster Bold, who was standing nowhere near the arc and gaping in horror at the carnage. "... We can't fix that."

OXOXOXOX

"Second Chance!"

Having rewound time, Viperion found himself back on the rooftop with the other three heroes. "Just went through a loop. Ryuko, go search for the missing kwamis and please don't ask your own for help."

"… Alright." The dragon heroine knew there must be a good reason for that note.

"Rooster Bold-" Viperion looked at the rooster hero. "Give yourself the power to protect iconic landmarks."

"Uh… sure." Rooster shrugged.

Like the first time, Ryuko went to search for the kwamis as the remaining three peered down at the supervillain. "I am Perfect Game! If the bowling alley won't let me play anymore, then all of Paris will be the pins in my lane!" The scene played out once again.

Rooster Bold raised an eyebrow. "You know, they really should make-"

“Yes, yes they should." Viperion nodded, knowing what his friend was going to say. Though Vesperia tilted her head, confused about the conversation.

As the first bowling ball thrown crushed the salad again, the trio sprung into action… again. "Sublimation! I choose the power to protect iconic landmarks!" Rooster Bold activated his power as he landed.

Vesperia landed beside him. "Back off, akuma! You've-"

"It's a baseball term." Viperion corrected her before she finished. The bee girl snapped her fingers in disappointment while Rooster Bold blinked, completely lost on what happened.

"Where are the bug and cat?" Perfect Game asked. The outline of a mask glowing on his face appeared as he spoke with Hawkmoth.

“Not important. We can handle you by ourselves." Viperion struck a heroic pose… again!

The battle played out similarly to before, and when it came time for Vesperia to call forth her venom, Viperion held her back. "Hold on a minute. Don't activate it until you're in range." The girl nodded, heading his advice.

She charged at the supervillain, dodging bowling balls as she made her way over to Perfect Game. "Venom!" she summoned the power at point blank, with no way to miss.

… and Perfect Game responded by shooting her in the gut with a bowling ball at point blank.

Vesperia flew into a wall while Perfect Game conjured an enormous bowling ball. It soared through the air and collided with the Le Grand Paris, which Rooster Bold was unable to protect as it wasn't an iconic landmark. Viperion cringed at the damage, before checking in with Ryuko "Any luck?"

“No, none." with that answer he used his power once again.

OXOXOXOX

"Second Chance!"

Back at the start again, Viperion quickly recapped his last loop. "Our previous attempts didn't work. Let's try it a little differently and have Ryuko and Vesperia switch roles."

The girls nodded, though the bee girl raised her hand. "It wasn't my fault, was it?"

"... no." Viperion hesitated to answer, knowing that she indeed missed her target both times.

Rooster leaned over the snake's shoulder. "You hesitated." He whispered out of earshot of the girls.

With Vesperia off to search for the kwami's, the group went over the new battle plan. In particular, Rooster Bold was to use his sublimation to give him the ability to protect ALL structures from bowling ball damage. The trio found Perfect Game, giving his opening monologue again, "I am Perfect Game! If the bowling alley won't-" blah blah blah you heard it before.

Rooster had just opened his mouth when Viperion nodded to him. "Yes, I agree."

"Agree with what?" Ryuko asked, wondering what he was talking about.

It was Rooster that explained "I was about to say that this city needs mandatory anger management classes for-" he couldn't finish his sentence, as the effects of his chosen ability pulled him away to intercept the bowling ball that would have crushed the salad. Apparently, this time, instead of catching the balls, he used himself as a superhuman shield to block the damage. It hurt.

The snake and dragon heroes leapt down and approached the villain. "Where are the bug and cat?" the akuma asked again.

"They'll be here soon." Ryuko assured him, though the other heroes knew she was bluffing. "In the meantime, you will deal with us!"

The battle began differently this time, as Ryuko took the offensive to deflect the bowling balls with her sword. Rooster Bold had his hands full stopping each of the stray sporting goods, forever thankful that his Miraculous made him more pain tolerant. Viperion didn't let his companion suffer alone. He also took to shielding the public from the stray attacks.

With the distance between herself and Perfect Game closing in, Ryuko activated her power. "Lightning Dragon!" her body turned into a burst of lightning. She zigzagged to the akuma, zapping him with her power… and kept going.

“Ryuko!" Viperion cried out as he saw her heading for a power line. Ryuko stopped her power, but not soon enough for some of the sparks to hit the line. An electrical surge overpowered wires and sent a massive bolt through the power grid to the tallest building within reach. The TV station.

The heroes watched as the building cackled and the electronics smoked and exploded, Viperion got a call on his lyre and answered it "Hey, I haven't found the kwamis… and I can see the TV building smoking so…"

“Yep, going back now."

OXOXOXOX

"Second Chance!"

Time had rewound again, back to the start. Viperion considered what had happened in the prior loop and looked over the team once more. "We've been through this a few times already. Ryuko and Vesperia both searched for the other kwamis and came up empty-handed. Rooster Bold, you should give it a try this time."

"You can count on me!" The rooster hero leapt from the side of the rooftop over to the next. If the girls had failed, then how was he supposed to locate the tiny gods? It's not like he had a kwami detector! "... wait a second-Sublimation!" he called upon his special ability "I choose the ability to locate kwamis!"

It felt like he had a radar in his brain, Rooster Bold closed his eyes and envisioned the city of Paris as a grid. Thirteen tiny signals bleeped to him from a few blocks away. He grinned excitedly. "Found em! Now I just have to head over before the collateral damage gets too high!"

Back with the other three heroes, the fight against Perfect Game went really bad without the Sublimation. Bad enough that the trio was gawking in horror as the Eiffel Tower leaned forward in their direction and threatened to flatten them and part of the city.

It was happening too fast. There wasn't enough time to contact Rooster Bold about the kwamis. Viperion figured his luck would fare the same as the other two and prepared to reset the time loop.

Movie theater patrons were startled when one of the superheroes of their city barged into the showing of a melodramatic romance film and squatted to speak to something under the seats. "There you guys are! We need Ladybug's power!" The group of kwamis hurried over to the rooster boy as he scooped them up in his arms. This was perfect! He not only found the class's kwamis, but with this sublimation he could locate Nooroo and Duusuu too! They could put an end to Hawkmoth's reign of te-

OXOXOXOX

"Second Chance!"

Back at the start, AGAIN. Viperion let out a tired sigh. "We've done a few loops already and there hasn't been any progress. Each of you guys has had a turn searching for the kwamis and no luck, so maybe I should be the one to look for them this time?"

The others weren't keen on the idea of Viperion leaving. He needed to be with them to know when the collateral damage necessitated a reset. "Or…" Vesperia felt a lightbulb pop over her head. Not literally, though, that would be unrealistic. "I might have an idea…"

Perfect Game trudged down the street, angrily waving his bowling ball fists in the air. "I am Perfect Game! If the bowling alley won't let me play anymore, then-" He never got to finish, For Ryuko used her Water Dragon power to trap him in a heavy downpour.

Using Sublimation to give himself the power of perfect aim, Rooster Bold ran down the side of a building with Vesperia under his arm. Around 10 feet away from the ground, he leapt off and held the girl over his head, tossing her at the akuma like a javelin. "Venom!" Vesperia used her power mid-throw, as Ryuko dropped the water, Vesperia's stinger made contact with Perfect Game! The middle-aged supervillain was stiff as a board and helpless to stop Viperion from coming up behind him and taking the bowling pin-shaped pin from his shirt and crushing it with his fist.

Reverting back to normal, the man who used to be Perfect Game gazed in confusion at the quartet of heroes and his soggy sweatpants. "Great work guys, but we still need Ladybug to purify the akuma." Viperion reminded them. Without her, the little butterfly would multiply and they'd be dealing with a city's worth of heavy-hitting bowlers.

“Wait…" Ryuko watched the akuma's flight path. "Does it notice the wood chipper right in fron-'' Apparently the akuma did not notice it. The little butterfly accidentally flew straight into the wood chipper in full view of our heroes, who gaped in horror and discomfort at the sight.

What came out the other end was enough for Vesperia to puke a little in her mouth. Rooster eyed the others. "... all's well that ends well… I guess.”

Chapter Text

"I'm bored!" Plagg whined loudly, floating in the air above his chosen.

Used to his kwami's impatience, Adrien fondly rolled his eyes and looked up from the paper he was typing "I've only been working for fifteen minutes, surely you can keep yourself entertained for another forty-five while I finish up the final draft."

The black cat pouted. "What's your dumb essay about, anyway?" He floated closer to the screen. "The domino effect?"

"The domino effect is when one thing happening sets off a chain reaction of other events." Adrien explained, holding up a domino for Plagg to see, "Like when you have a bunch of dominoes set up and you knock one over, it makes the next fall over and it keeps going."

The little floating cat took the domino in his paws, scrutinizing it from every angle. "Can something so puny really cause so much change?"

"You do." Adrien smirked.

Pretending to be offended by his holder, Plagg gasped, "Puny? Moi? I will have you know that I am merely portable sized! And just for that comment, I'm confiscating the domino!" The kwami zoomed over to the massive window, taking up a whole wall of the room, going over to the section that was open and tossed the domino outside.

“Hey!"

“Look at it this way, now we can test if this domino effect is even real!" Plagg returned to Adrien and gave him a tiny pat on the head.

Falling down onto the side of the Agreste mansion, the domino bounced off a leaf and was flung high over the wall towards the street. It collided with a pigeon in mid-flight, knocking it over and sending it crashing down.

Chloe walked with her phone to her ear, going over her demands for the upcoming gala at her father's hotel "-and my dress should have EXACTLY three hundred diamonds sewn into it! Not two hundred, not four hundred, three hundred!" Three hundred was just enough to flaunt her wealth but still appear 'humble' to the hundreds of people watching over [NonBrandNameSocialMedia] that could only dream of attending!

The falling pigeon smacked directly onto Chloe's head, causing her to scream and flail around as its foot became tangled in her ponytail. "GET OFF OF ME! I WILL SUE YOU FOR THIS!" in her mad frenzy to remove the pigeon, her cell phone slipped from her grasp and landed on a passing truck.

Unaware of the addition to his cargo, the truck driver continued downhill and took a sharp right turn. The cellphone was knocked overboard, accidentally undoing the latch that held the cargo in place as everything came tumbling down onto the street. The driver was still unaware. He was too engrossed in his 90s boy band music.

The dumped cargo consisted of somewhere around fifty watermelons, which rolled into the street and stopped traffic. Many drivers and passersby stopped and went over to see (and take) the melons. One of the drivers forgot to close their car door when they went to swipe a melon, leading to someone else swiping their car.

"My car!" the man screamed, trying to run after but tripped on the watermelon juice coating the floor. The watermelon he had been holding broke in the fall "MY MELON!"

The stolen car sped through Paris, running several red lights. This act did not go unnoticed by the policeman on duty, Lieutenant Roger. "Hey you! Stop in the name of the law!" He gave chase to the stolen car. But without a vehicle of his own, he would never catch up on foot.

The sound of a bell caught Roger's attention. He looked over to see Andre and his ice cream cart "... That'll do!" The policeman ran over and sat himself on top of the cart, passing the ice cream vendor twenty euros "Follow that car!" Andre shrugged and accepted the money, pushing the cart and the cop towards the stolen vehicle at a speed that should not have been possible from any human being.

"And here is the ice cream carrrrrr….." Nino trailed off, one arm outstretching to where the ice cream cart should be and the other wrapped around Alya's shoulders. "Wh-IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!"

The couple's date was in trouble. "It's not the end of the world Nino, let's go get a crepe instead?" his girlfriend suggested. Before they left, Nino took out a piece of paper from his pockets, a map of Andre's location, and tossed it over his shoulder into a trash can.

Except a gust of wind blew the paper off course and sent it over the railing and falling down towards a boat on the seine. "I feel so alive!" One man shouted on his tiny boat, keeping his mouth open long enough for the crumbled paper to fall in and make him choke.

There was another man beside him that noticed the choking, he performed the Heimlich maneuver on the choking man and the crumpled up paper was dislodged from his throat "Thank you Heimlich." the formerly choking man thanked the one next to him… "Wait a second. If you're here, and I'm here… who's steering the boat?"

Without a driver, the small boat drifted towards the larger pirate-ship-like ship parked only a little distance away. On board was Kitty Section, rehearsing their next big hit. "I gotta admit, Rose, this is the most epic song about fuzzy bunnies I've ever heard." Ivan looked up from the lyric sheet he had been reading.

The blonde frontwoman beamed. "I'm so happy you like it! And with the puppy shaped fireworks Jules and Luka got from their dad, it'll be extra adorably awesome!"

The band readied up to start practice when the other boat rammed into the back of the Liberty. The impact knocked over a few things, including the timer for the fireworks and the fireworks themselves. The band stared at the bundle of fireworks scattered on the boat, a panic set in as the timer counted backwards from twenty. "MOVE THE PUPPY FIREWORKS!" Rose screamed. The quartet hurriedly gathered the fireworks off of the ground before they could go off on the ship, with little time to dispose of them. The only thing they could do was toss them overboard.

Being dumped into the Seine didn't keep the fireworks from going off. The puppy shaped explosions burst from the water and rained down with sparks and liquid of questionable quality. Most shot upwards or exploded underwater into bubbles, but one shot forward and zoomed across the river like a rocket. The stray firework did not explode as intended and kept going, sliding up another canal and finding its way into a sewer opening.

When the explosion finally came, it sent a string of manhole covers flying into the air with bursts of water. One went off across from the Dupain-Cheng's Boulangerie Patisserie and startled the main baker as he was walking outside with a tray of overcooked croissants. "GA-" Tom yelped as he lost his footing and fell to the ground with the overdone pastries.

The hardened and extra crispy croissants scattered on the ground, attracting the attention of a small dog walking by. Barking happily, the dog pulled forward and his owner lost her grip on the leash. The little dog took a mouthful of croissants and scampered off, with the baker and his mama hot on his tail. The amount of croissants stuffed in the dog's mouth became too much and he had to stop and lay out his score.

Looking over the three and a half-baked treats he snatched, the dog laid down on top of an air vent. The slots were too small for him to fall through, but a burst of wind blew his fur into the air and towards an open window.

Mr. Damocles is sitting on a chair beside his open window, re-reading an old book that he had gotten from the library. "Fascinating. It seems this inscription tells how to open a portal to… well, I don't know where, but it's fascinating nonetheless!" The stray dog hair floated inside and past the principal's nose. "Ah-Ah-ACHOO!" Damocles sneezed so hard that his arms swung out towards the window, where the page he was reading came out of the aged book and flew far away.

The page fluttered through the breeze and majestically landed right in Jalil Kubdel's face as he was about to eat a sandwich. "What in the-" he pulled the paper away from his face. Noticing the ancient writing, he read it aloud as he translated the script. "Whomever shall say this text aloud will open the gates to hell."

… "Oops.”

A massive red circle appeared before the Eiffel Tower. it seemed to come alive as it swirled with energy. The skies were darkened by clouds and the wind picked up. A hulking red beast rose from the portal, matching the tower in size. "THE SEAL IS UNDONE, I LIVE ONCE MORE."

Chaos erupted across Paris, mass panic ensued as fire and screams filled the air. Watching all of this from the wall-length window were Adrien and Plagg. The holder and kwami duo gaped in disbelief at what had unfolded. The blonde's eyes slowly moved from the scene to the tiny destruction god beside him.

"... so is there any possible way to hide all of this before Sugarcube notices?"

Chapter Text

"Thanks for agreeing to this, I've been wanting to interview you guys for a while." Alya looked up from her notepad, facing the cluster of kwami's crammed in the fluffiest, pinkest chair anyone will ever find. "And thank you too, Rose, for having me over to do this!”

The pig heroine grinned, bringing over a tray of snacks for their tiny guests. "It's my pleasure Alya! With my parents gone until late tonight, we don't have to worry about anyone walking in on us!" When on patrol a few days earlier, Rena Rouge mentioned how she never had enough privacy at her own house to interview the kwamis. Pigella had brought up that she'd be home alone for an evening and with permission, all the kwamis were allowed to come over for a little while.

The tiny gods gathered around the snack tray and picked up what they liked, Wayzz grabbed a grape and looked at Daizzi "I must admit, when you said your holder's room was really pink, I did not expect it to be… this much pink." Rose's bedroom was the pinkest, plushest room any of them had ever been in. Posters of kittens and unicorns lined the wall and cute flower patterns decorated the furniture.

"I know, isn't it adorable?!" Daizzi shared his partner's enthusiasm for all that is pink and cute. She had even made him a tiny bed out of a plush pig hat.

Alya remained in her seat while the kwamis ate their snacks. "Which of you would like to go first?" some of the tiny creatures raised their tiny hands, while the others sat back and enjoyed the snacks. "Ok, how about you, Orikko?" she motioned to the little rooster who flew up to face her.

"How does this work?" he asked. Alya had explained that the interview would only be shared between the Miraculous holders, but she hadn't mentioned what she wanted to ask them about.

"Well, for starters, how about you tell me more about your power? Sublimation is the ability to grant yourself any power, so how does it work if you use it on your own?" Alya started, curious to uncover the exploits that only the kwami's themselves can recount.

Orikko flipped his feathers (are they actually feathers?) back. "Oh, is that all? Easy. It works just about the same with or without a holder, since it only affects me. For example, one time I only had a short amount of time to eat an entire ear of corn so I gave myself the power to swallow it whole!" While it wasn't a big deal to the rooster kwami, his holder at the time was unnerved at the sight of the tiny god's jaw unhinging and enlarging itself to devour the corn in one loud slurp. Orikko was asked to never do that in front of anyone again.

"Ooh, are we talking about times we used our powers without a holder?!" Xuppu butted in front of the rooster kwami. "Then you gotta hear about the time I used my Uproar to end a war!"

FLASHBACK

"The year was nineteen-aught-seven… I think." Xuppu narrated over visuals of a sepia-colored battle. A single warrior looked down from a hill, a tiny monkey by his side. "My holder had gotten an arrow to the leg, leaving him unfit to transform. So I heroically stepped in and finished the war for him!" Flashback Xuppu flies high into the clouds above the battlefield. "Uproar!" He called out his power. The battle below only barely noticed the rubber chicken falling down from the heavens. But they all certainly noticed all of their weapons became pool noodles and live fish… and one man turned into a rampaging monster that tried to eat the rest.

Flashback over!

Alya stared unblinking at the tiny monkey. "Did that really happen?" She looked to the other kwamis for confirmation. Most simply shrugged. Only Xuppu was there to see the end of the war. Really, Xuppu was the only survivor of the battle. He had to fly all the way back to the Guardian's temple carrying his Miraculous.

"Pfft, that's nothing!" another kwami piped up, the mouse kwami Mullo to be exact. "I once used Multitude to create an army of tiny me's that overthrew an evil empire!" The tiny mouse boasted.

Rose let out a tiny 'awe' noise and pet Mullo on her head. "That must have been the most adorable uprising anyone has ever seen!"

"No one saw it!" Ziggy interjected. "The tiny Mullo's were so small everyone thought it was an ant infestation! I should know, I was there too." Ziggy recalled that same night. While the evil warlord was spooked by the apparent 'infestation', the goat kwami snuck into the war room for her own purpose. "I, on the other hand, had a real part to play. I used my Genesis to create… a whoopee cushion."

"A Whoopie cushion?" Alya raised an eyebrow.

Ziggy nodded. "It would have been perfect… but more whoopee cushions kept getting created and soon there were a hundred of them in the room. It still embarrassed the warlord enough to distract him from conquest, but no one ever sat on any of them!"

Alya scribbled down more notes after hearing Ziggy's side, the cat and ladybug kwami's flew up and read over her handwriting "Hey, how come the notes for me and Sugarcube are crossed out already?!" Plagg huffed while Tikki just eyed the fox heroine curiously.

"I've already seen Cataclysm and Lucky Charm used by the two of you." Alya had seen the massive galette over Paris when Tikki got her craving. Trixx had been terrified that her friend's insatiable hunger had returned. There had also been twice where Plagg had to use his power on his own to save his chosen… and one instance where it was used to get rid of some 'evidence' that would implicate the tiny cat god of rigging an election in school. Not that anyone other than Plagg or Zoe would know.

"I mean, they aren't the only ones who we've seen use their powers before." Rose reminded Alya, petting Barkk behind the ear and making her tail wag. "There was the time Sabrina was worried about forgetting to bring her own bag to school when Chloe was making her pack for the field trip. Barkk touched the bag and sure enough, she forgot it in the rush, but Fetch brought it right to her!"

Remembering the incident, Alya added that to her notes and added another thought of her own "And it also brought with it the chair she had set it on. But it's still the tamest of the side effects so far. I mean, some of them can be really bad."

Sass nodded. "Yesssss, using Second Chance on my own can bring terrible collisions in the time stream. While Fluff's Burrow only affects herself." He meant to gesture to the rabbit that had been beside him, but Fluff was nowhere to be found.

With no warning, a small wormhole opened up and Fluff popped out. "THE CULPRIT IS SAUSAGE HAIR!" her right eye twitched rapidly. While Burrow did not cause any effects on the world, it did take its toll on the kwami, making her lose track of time, sending her to random places in time she didn't intend, and sometimes passing alternate timeline versions of herself.

"Umm… will she be ok?" Rose glanced aside to the other kwami's, who gave mixed responses.

Moving on, Pollen flew up next "I've found that using Venom on my own makes the target permanently paralyzed. I have only used it myself in dire circumstances once I realized this." The only time the Venom had been reversed was when she accidentally froze one of the Miraculous guardians at the temple. Thankfully, the kwami of restoration from the European Miracle Box was able to cure him. The 'Freeze tag' version of tag was permanently banned as a result.

Alya jotted down what Pollen had told her, wondering to herself if it would be morally unethical to have her use Venom on Hawkmoth. The ox kwami went up to the reporter next, eager to share how his power worked. "If you really want a good story about raw kwami power, then you must listen to how I saved a village from a hurricane single handedly with my Resistance!"

"Ooh, go on!" That hook got Alya hooked.

Stompp gazes with a faraway look in his eyes, the camera slowly zooms in on his face as he goes into his story. "It was centuries ago in the land of Spain. My human had come down with an illness as the dreaded hurricane Pocho, was on a direct collision course with the small village where we lived. Knowing the danger my partner was in, I went to protect the town alone. I rounded up the bulls in the pastures. They were like the cousins I never had, and we charged to the village entrance. I used my Resistance to empower myself and spread my strength to by bovine brethren and when the first wind hit we-"

"OHMYGOSH THAT IS THE CUTEST THING EVER!"

All eyes left the tiny ox and turned to the blonde excitedly holding her phone. It was a moment before Rose realized every kwami and Alya were staring at her. "Oops. Sorry for blurting that out, but Juleka just sent me the most absolutely adorable photo of a blobfish in a top hat!" Rose thrust her phone out to show off the majestic picture.

While most recoiled at the unexpected appearance of the blobfish, Roaar zoomed over to her holder's girlfriend "Speaking of my chosen, how about I tell my story next!"

Stompp raised his hand sadly "But I was already-"

"So one time I couldn't get a walnut open, and I used my Clout on it, but hit the walnut so hard it disintegrated and left a twenty-mile crater in Tijuana!" Roaar went on without noticing the dirty glare Stompp was giving her.

"A twenty-mile crater?! People had to have noticed that!" As the stories went on Alya started to wonder how kwami's hadn't been accidentally outed to the masses.

"It's Tijuana. Everyone thought they'd drunken too much tequila." The little tiger replied, completely sincere. The other kwamis backed her up with agreeing murmurs.

With so many stories told, Rose realized she hadn't heard one from her own Kwami, "Daizzi, how about you go next?"

The little pig seemed nervous all of a sudden. "Umm, I don't think you want to hear what Gift has done without a holder…"

"Oh, come on, Daizzi, your power gives people what they want. What could go wrong with that?" Alya tried to reassure the kwami. Daizzi flew up to Alya and whispered his story in her ear "… oh. Um, yeah. That's-that's actually really depressing." Whatever the little pig had told her definitely wasn't the amusing and humorous hijinks this fanfiction was known for. Alya's eyes settled on Wayzz and she forced the attention into him. "Hey, how about you tell us what your power can do?"

Wayzz looked unexpectedly embarrassed "I… when using Shell-ter without an owner, I have some difficulty… removing the barrier." He was not about to tell his tale of being stuck in his own shield for a week with not only his then-holder unable to get him out. It was like being a turtle stuck on its own back, and Wayzz IS a turtle!

The other kwami's snickered at Wayzz's past misfortune. The dragon one gave his friend a pat on the shoulder. "There, there, Wayzz. Being unable to turn off your power is nothing to be ashamed of."

The horse kwami scoffed at her friend "My, aren't we being hypocritical? I seem to remember a time when you used all three Dragon powers at once and caused a three-week 'longg' storm." Kaalki emphasized the pun using his name.

Longg was slightly ticked at Kaalki for calling him out, but he was prepared to return fire. "And I seem to remember a Voyage portal you created that never disappeared. I believe you humans know it as the 'Bermuda Triangle."

Neither of the humans had ever seen a Kwami blush before, but Kaalki proved it was possible. "It was under very stressful circumstances!" she defended herself.

"You created the Bermuda Triangle?! The Bermuda Triangle is real!?" Alya couldn't believe what she had heard. She'd go down in journalism history for uncovering the truth of… "And no one can know of my discovery." She couldn't put 'ancient tiny horse god' as a source without sounding insane or blowing the Miraculous secrets.

Rose placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "That sucks. That really sucks." she sweetly nodded, not even she could sugarcoat everything.

Alya finished off her notes and flipped through her writings while her eyes darted from kwami to kwami. There was a discrepancy: there were seventeen kwami's and her notes only had sixteen sections. Who did she leave out?

"... Trixx. I forgot to interview my own kwami." Alya realized.

The little fox approached his holder, smugly smiling, before revealing the information he withheld. "They do say 'save the best for last', and the greatest trick of Trixx is, without a doubt, the best!"

Wavy flashback lines go across the screen, turning everything into a low quality recording from decades ago. "Wayzz had convinced Master Fu to let me out of the miracle box in order to protect one of the greatest secrets unknown to man." The little kwami flew high up into the atmosphere. He wasn't bothered by the lack of air at this altitude. All of his focus was on his power. "Mirage!"

The illusion was in place, just before the rocket reached the moon. The spacecraft landed, and an astronaut stepped out. "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind."

The flashback faded to the shocked faces of Alya and Rose, whose jaws could have come unhinged from how wide their mouths were open. "YOU FAKED THE MOON LANDING!?" Rose screamed first, Alya yelled the same a second behind her.

"Yup. That was all me." The fox kwami smugly posed.

Alya had so many questions, and even though she couldn't tell anyone, she had to at least know for herself. "Why?! Why did you fake the moon landing?! What's on the moon?!"

"You're not ready to know the truth about the moon." Trixx answered. Every other kwami backed him up. After all, some information is better left unsaid.

Chapter Text

"My lady, will you relax?" Cat Noir watched his partner continuously pace in a circle on the rooftop. Ladybug looked extremely stressed, unlike the kitty who was leaning against a chimney. "Su-Han knows the two of us are doing great as co-guardians, and as superheroes. He took the news of the reveal much better than I thought he would already."

Su-Han normally stayed back at the Guardian's temple but after learning of the 'Billboard Oopsie' he insisted on coming back to Paris to check in on not only the duo guarding the Miracle Box but their team of superheroes that he was about to meet for the first time. "I know but that means that we are already on thin ice!" Ladybug spoke in a panic, with a blackboard illustrating her thoughts popping up behind her "If Su-Han see's our team as anything but an unstoppable akuma fighting squad he's going to question my leadership! He'll think it was a mistake letting us keep the box and let the other holders keep their miraculous full time! He'll take all of our miraculous back and force the two of us to revoke our rights as guardians and we'll lose our memories! Our friends would try to fix our amnesia and the fact that both of us would lose our memories at the same time Ladybug and Cat Noir disappear will have others connect the dots that we WERE Ladybug and Cat Noir! Then Hawkmoth will find us and do… something… Ok I don't know what he could even do with us in that state BUT HE WILL DO SOMETHING!"

Cat Noir was only moderately fazed by her outburst. Ever since finding out who was beneath the mask, he started to see the parts of both her identities that came out with or without the mask. He fell head over heels for her all over again. "It won't come to that. We've already sent out the signal for everyone to be transformed and on patrol, and we are going to prove our team is more than capable of stopping Hawkmoth."

Brushing his hand over her shoulder, the heroes shared a soft stare. The twinkle of her blue eyes captivated the kitty and reminded him of something he had been meaning to do ever since the reveal. "And maybe once this whole visit is over, you and me can-"

"Ladybug. Cat Noir." an intimidating voice interrupted the date proposal. The way Cat's ears and face drooped, it was clear this wasn't the first time this had happened.

Quickly changing her stance into a very stiff bow, Ladybug greeted the celestial guardian "Master Grand-I mean-Grand Master Su-Han! Welcome back to Paris!" She was already off to a great start.

The over a century old man was hard to read. The duo wasn't completely sure, but it seemed like he was somewhat happy to see them again. "Greetings young guardians. I am only here for the day and then I must return to the temple, so pleasantries will have to wait." He went straight to the point. "I would like to meet the team of heroes that you have chosen." It was highly unusual to have a teenage Miraculous wielder, but an entire (almost) box worth of them was the first that had ever happened. He had learned to trust these two on their judgment, but he needed to know what the other holders were like firsthand.

"Ah yes, the Miracusquad! A bunch of good kids, if I do say so myself!" Cat Noir spoke like a proud father. Or what he hoped a proud father sounded like since his dad was… well, I can't find a kid-friendly way to put it.

Su-Han raised an eyebrow. "You call yourselves the Miracusquad?" Yep, they were off to a perfect start.

OXOXOXOX

The three hopped across the rooftops, heading to the Trocadero to rendezvous with one group of heroes. "We all take turns patrolling the city, and everyone other than the two of us takes shifts in fighting akumas, except when a specific power is needed." Cat Noir explained, making a flashy jump to the next rooftop.

Ladybug jumped normally and followed him up "But today everyone is patrolling and doing what they can to help the people of Paris!"

"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

The three arrived at their destination to witness a huge crowd of people sitting on the steps as if they were bleachers, holding merchandise of some kind and cheering on something that was happening inside a makeshift boxing ring at the bottom. Ladybug squinted down to see who was in the ring and visibly paled. It was King Monkey and Minotaurox! "WHAT THE-" Cat quickly threw up a hand to her mouth to silence her outburst.

Stepping away from her partner and superior, Ladybug ran around to look for the other heroes that were supposed to be with those two. A yellow and black bodysuit caught her eye, and she ran over at inhuman speed. "Vesperia! What are those two doing!?" she shook the blonde's shoulders in a panic.

Unfazed by the outburst, Vesperia casually motioned over to the two in the ring. "Well, we were on patrol and got stopped by a couple of kids that wanted to meet us. Somehow it turned into a debate on who would win in a fight, Minotaurox or King Monkey, and you know how far Monkey pushes this stuff. It was going to be a small match but more people showed up, and Caprikid set up a merchandise booth-" she pointed out a stand over on the grass, where after using his power and recharging, the goat hero was handing out mini flags with either the ox or monkey hero's name on it.

"Where is Pegasus!? He was supposed to make sure King Monkey didn't do anything… Kim-ish." Ladybug leaned in and whispered that last part.

"Ladies and gentleman!" the voice of the horse hero announces over a megaphone. The girls looked over to see him in the middle of the ring. "In this corner we have the unmovable wall; Minotaurox!" Pegasus gestured to his friend like a real wrestling announcer as the ox boy flexed for the crowd. "And in this corner we have the King of confusing chaos; King Monkey!" The other boy did a backflip for the crowd.

Vesperia made an apologetic motion to Ladybug and ran over with a bell, dinging it to start the match. The bee and horse moved out of the way as the other boys put on a wrestling show. The red-clad guardian watched in horror before remembering that her superior was watching! She quickly returned to where she left her cat and the older man and found them leaning over the railing to watch the fight. Cat Noir had a bag of popcorn with him that he snacked on as he watched. "I CAN EXPLAIN!" Ladybug skidded to a halt next to them.

Su-Han wasn't angry at the display, but rather very confused. "What-what kind of training match is this?"

"It-uh… boosts the morale of people to watch us train?" Ladybug answered. Technically, she was telling the truth, but in a way that made it sound less… immature. "We should probably let these guys continue on and check in on the others!"

She pushed both of them away from the railing, just before they could hear Pegasus call out- "AND KING MONKEY TRIES TO GIVE MINOTAUROX A WEDGIE! IT'S INEFFECTIVE WITH THE SUIT ON!" Ladybug pushed them out faster.

OXOXOXOX

Hoping the next group wasn't starting a public fight show, Ladybug and Cat Noir landed in a nice, open park. "Viperion's group should be meeting us around here." Cat double checked his staff for any new messages. To his surprise, there was a single text from Carapace. All it said was 'We did it!'

Unaware of the ominous text, Ladybug continued telling Su-Han about the next group. "Viperion is one of the most levelheaded and wisest of our team. I can always count on him to keep things from getting out of hand."

"LADYBUG! CAT NOIR! WE FINALLY DID IT!"

Carapace's voice was loud enough to send the local birds flying away. The guardians saw a strange wooden structure with something bright green placed inside what looked like a big wooden spoon. Getting closer, the main duo realized what it was they were looking at; the one in black was excited, the one in red was horrified. "Oh kwami…" Ladybug muttered.

"Presenting… The Carapult!" the turtle hero proudly announced atop the shoddily crafted catapult. Tiny turtle stickers decorated the wood while Rooster Bold and Viperion were carefully painting the front of the device with green paint.

Su-Han wasn't sure what he was looking at. "A new weapon in the fight against Hawkmoth?" he asked Purple Tigress, as she came by with another roll of stickers.

"... yup." Tigress answered.

Cat Noir started excitedly talking to his best friend about the finished creation while Ladybug pulled Viperion away from the 'Carapult' and over behind a tree. "HOW COULD YOU LET HIM FINISH THE CARAPULT!? You were supposed to be keeping these guys out of any wacky shenanigans!" Marinette whisper-yelled at the snake hero.

"Honestly, we never planned on finishing the Carapult today-" Viperion started, looking away sheepishly. "Rooster realized that if my sister used Clout to launch the catapult, and if he gave himself the power of perfect aim, we'd be able to perfect its usage." He paused momentarily. "The stickers were sadly my idea." he admitted.

The celestial guardian had no further comments on the contraption. He mainly studied the eager face of the cat hero to his right as the Carapult was put into motion. The turtle hero held himself into a ball shape atop the device. "LAUNCH THE CARAPULT!" he commanded.

"Clout!" Purple Tigress controlled her punch as she hit the launch mechanism.

Rooster Bold had been focused on aiming the Carapult at a poorly drawn picture of Gabriel on a rooftop, and remembered a second too late that he hadn't used his Sublimation yet. "Uh oh."

The older man and the teens watched the boy in green go flying through the air. Farther and farther away until he collided with a building and slowly inched downwards. "He'll be fine." Viperion reassured the group.

OXOXOXOX

"-and Bunnyx has been on top of the Eiffel Tower all afternoon. Keeping a watchful eye as the eye in the sky!" Ladybug went on as she, her partner and guy who was possibly her mentor climbed to the top of the tower. Ladybug landed first and immediately smacked a hand on her forehead. "OH COME ON!"

The other two followed up moments later and saw why Ladybug was upset. Bunnyx was fast asleep.

It was Cat Noir who poked the time traveling hero in the cheek to wake her up. "IT WAS KIM!" she bolted awake. Looking up to see her company, Alix cringed. "Knew I shouldn't have been up playing Super Penguino with Fluff till three." She muttered.

"This is your lookout? Asleep while transformed?" Su-Han was disappointed and started to sound mad. "With proper training, any of you can learn to go without sleep for a week straight! You are dealing with a dangerous supervillain that threatens to wreak havoc across not only this city, but potentially the world!"

An alert tone rang on the teens devices, and the co-guardians checked their notifications on their weapons. Bunnyx opted to ignore the ding from her umbrella and looked over Ladybug's shoulder. "Looks like Hawkmoth posted something on his [NonBrandNameSocialMedia]."

They opened up the file to see a video labeled 'Hawkrap' none were prepared for the contents they were about to witness. Hawkmoth was in a CG background wearing sunglasses and bling, rapping about how all of Paris will be akumatized and how the miraculous will be his. The camera was shaky at some points as Mayura questioned her life choices for the eightieth time this week.

Bunnyx and Cat Noir cackled with laughter at the shoddily made music video. Su-Han had several dozen questions about this, and by the look on Ladybug's face, she couldn't give him any sort of satisfying answer.

OXOXOXOX

It took fifteen minutes of the Hawkrap on loop before Ladybug could pull her kitty away from the internet and back to their task at hand. "Alya, please be doing something productive!" the red-clad heroine quietly pleaded as they approached the entrance to the Louvre.

They were greeted to the sight of an angry mob, a protesting angry mob with Polymouse in the lead. The crowd circled around Bob Roth, who was standing beside an industrial sized truck parked on the sidewalk. "DOWN WITH XY BRAND HAIR SPRAY! DOWN WITH XY BRAND HAIR SPRAY!" the mob chanted.

Ladybug groaned and hung her head in her hands. "Why does this keep happening today?!" Where was Alya? Mylene was on her team for the day. She motioned for Cat Noir and Su-Han to follow her as she swung back up to the rooftops. They didn't need to look far for the fox heroine. She was only a rooftop away from them.

Rena Rouge was speaking in unison with the mob, while holding her flute close to her face. The co-guardians realized the whole mob (except Polymouse) was a Mirage! Another orange-colored super-girl sat near Rena. Miss Hound knelt down on a picnic blanket and sipped a cup of tea before she noticed the three newcomers. Mildly choking, Miss Hound waved them over and motioned for them to be quiet. "Miss Hound, what is going on?" Ladybug yelled quietly.

"We were on patrol when Polymouse saw a promotional truck carrying the new XY brand hairspray. She told us about how she'd been hearing about the illegal chemicals that went into making it and the dangers having it sprayed will cause. So Rena Rouge used her power to help back her up so she could stop the spread. Then I made some tea." Miss Hound recapped and held up a small teapot. "Would any of you like some?"

Everyone had a cup of tea now. They sat in a circle drinking their hot beverages while Ladybug looked around for the other hero that was in their group. "I don't see Ryuko anywhere."

"Oh, she's down with the mob." The dog heroine casually pointed out their missing friend. Ladybug and Cat Noir peered over the side and finally noticed a figure in the back, holding a flaming katana over her head.

"Wow, Rena put a lot of detail into that katana! It looks like it's really on fire!" Cat Noir praised their teammate.

"That's not part of the Mirage. Ryuko's doing that because she's always wanted to." Miss Hound clarified.

Ladybug shook her head, exhausted by her teammates. "Of course she would." She took a long sip of tea.

OXOXOXOX

"I think that's everyone, right?" Cat Noir asked his partner, who still looked like she needed a twelve hour nap.

"I have not seen the wielder of the pig Miraculous yet." Su-Han pointed out. He would be ready to leave after meeting the last hero.

Realizing that she had not seen the pink tutu wearing heroine all day, Ladybug's eyes shot open. "Wait-she was supposed to be with Rena's group! Where'd Pigella go?!"

Our red and black duo got simultaneous notifications on their weapons. Opening up their [NonBrandNameSocialMedia] they saw the notice came from the joint hero account. Marinette felt a pit of dread in her stomach when she saw a new video had been posted. By Pigella.

"Oh no." her voice was flat with disappointment by now. Pressing play, she was treated to the sight of Pigella wearing sunglasses, a backwards cap, and a rose gold medallion. There was a pair of baggy pants in the background, indicating that she tried to fit them over her skirt and failed. The pink-clad heroine was belting out a rap of her own, responding to Hawkmoth's rap and insulting him far harsher than either co-guardian expected from her.

Cat Noir continued to watch the video while Ladybug turned around to the older man watching from over their shoulders. "I… uh-" our miraculous heroine for once couldn't think of any way to salvage this. "I swear we are much more serious when we are actually fighting bad guys!"

To her surprise, Su-Han was not angry. He pinched his forehead between his closed eyes. "I believe you Ladybug. I understand the burden of being the sane one more than you realize." he reassured the girl.

With his visit coming to a close, Ladybug and Cat Noir took Su-Han back to the site of the wrestling match (which ended in a draw) and had Pegasus open a portal back to the Guardian's Temple. The celestial guardian took a breath of air, having somewhat relaxed after spending some time away.

CRASH

The loud noises coming from the training yard returned all the stress he had relaxed. Su-Han followed the sound to see a handful of the younger guardians wrangling an ostrich. "Grand Master! We found this bird on our expedition to Africa! We named him Jerry after that comedian we saw on the magic box!"

Su-Han felt a part of him die inside. He looked at the sky and whispered to himself, "The burden of sanity."

Chapter Text

It was usual for Nathaniel to walk into school with his face hidden in his sketchpad. Unlike most days, he wasn't absorbed in his art or trying to shy away from the masses… well; it was sort of the second one. He could hear other students giggling and looking at something on their phones, a few of which he could pick up to be what he was embarrassed about.

"Hey Nathaniel!"

The boy jumped, having not noticed Adrien's presence until he was right beside him. "Oh-Hi Adrien! Didn't-didn't see you there."

Adrien raised an eyebrow. "You feeling alright? You aren't usually this jumpy unless you accidentally spoiled an anime for yourself and don't want to accidentally burden anyone else with the knowledge."

"That was only one time…" Nathaniel muttered, remembering the 'Chainsaw Punch Basket' incident. "You… have you been on the internet lately?"

"Of course, everything is on the internet nowadays. Especially Fanfiction… don't know why I felt the need to bring that up?" Adrien mused to himself.

"So yesterday I was on patrol when an akuma attacked. Someone may have been filming the fight… and I may have gotten a little too into it…" Cat Noir wasn't the only hero to let out a bolder side of himself when transformed, Nathaniel felt much braver with the mask of Caprikid on and let his inner feelings show on the outside in his battles. He passed his phone to Adrien with a video pulled up on [NonBrandNameSocialMedia] which showed the goat hero standing atop the lower section of the Eiffel Tower, holding a man-sized butterfly net and waving it in the air threateningly "COME AND GET ME AKUMA, I'VE GOT THE POWER OF GOATS AND ANIME ON MY SIDE!"

The blonde chuckled at the video and then realized several other people in the hall were also watching variations of said video. "Wait… are you saying-"

"Yes Adrien. I've become a meme." Nathaniel answered gravely. "No one is going to take Caprikid seriously anymore if they associate him as a meme! Heck, even the akumas won't take me seriously!"

"Don't sweat it Nate, we'll help you become more than a meme!" Adrien reassured the distressed redhead.

The goat hero was touched, then noticed something off about what Adrien had said "Hang on, 'we'?"

"Yeah, me and Ivan." the blonde causally pointed to Nathaniel's other side, where he finally noticed the larger boy hovering next to him and yelped in surprise.

"I've been here the whole time." Ivan admitted, mildly surprised by how surprised his friend was to see him.

OXOXOXOX

Regrouping in the cafeteria at lunch, the trio discussed their plans in a hushed whisper to not attract any unwanted attention. "Alright Nathaniel, first we need to talk about what to do with any unwanted attention."

"Can't I just keep my head in my book and block out the world?" the unwanted meme boy asked.

Ivan stopped chewing his sandwich to speak. "Nah man. Then people will think you're hiding something, and you are hiding something."

"Ivan is correct." Adrien agreed, "Hiding away will only rouse suspicion. Just act like everything is normal and try not to pay attention to your problem." The model's cat-like instincts he picked up from dressing like a cat alerted him to a horrible presence coming his way. "Perfect time for an example."

Like a spider stalking its prey, Lila crept up behind Adrien with an oh-so-fake smile plastered on her face. "Hi Adrien! We haven't done any photoshoots together recently and I-" a loud sipping sound drowned out her voice. Lila blinked momentarily and saw that Adrien was talking a loud sip of his milk. A very loud sip. A very loud LONG sip.

The sound stopped and Lila tried to keep talking. "As I was sayin-" Adrien took another long sip, acting like he didn't even know she was there. The cycle repeated a few more times of Lila trying to get a word in and Adrien taking a comically long sip of his (long drank) milk. Irritated at being ignored, Lila marched around to the other end of the table so Adrien couldn't ignore her. Her fake smile was crooked and even more forced than usual "About our mod-" SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP. He kept drinking, avoiding eye contact despite the attention seeking girl looking right at him.

Suppressing an angry whine (that people could still hear), Lila stomped off to go eat with Chloe. Finally, removing the straw from his lips, Adrien's inner Cat Noir shined with a devious smirk. "And that is how you ignore a problem."

OXOXOXOX

The advice wouldn't be used until the next time Caprikid was on patrol. He, Pigella and Bunnyx hopped across rooftops, from down below the goat hero could hear some chatter directed towards him.

"Look, it's Caprikid! The hero from the video!"

"What happened to the giant butterfly net?"

"How many goats and which anime does he have on his side?"

Caprikid took a deep breath. "Ignore it, ignore it." he muttered under his breath. He closed his eyes and focused himself away from the voices of other people. Which sadly included his teammates, who tried to warn him that he was about to smash into a brick chimney.

He did not dodge the chimney.

OXOXOXOX

"Glad the suit absorbed the pain. But couldn't it have also taken the imprint of bricks off of my face?" Nathaniel dryly commented. The lower half of his face was red and marked in a brick pattern. Adrien and Ivan met the boy back at his house and were sitting around his room while their kwami's were busy huddled around a smartphone.

"You should be even more thankful no one recorded that and made you into another meme." Adrien pointed out.

Now that he'd learned that ignoring the public wouldn't work, it was time for the boys to bring out Plan B "So I guess it's time for us boys to bring out Plan B." The redhead sighed, looking at the blonde expectantly.

Adrien shrugged. "I got nothing. My other methods for dealing with problems probably won't help in your case."

"Hey Adrien!" Plagg's little voice spoke up. "I finally managed to make your phone automatically autocorrect the word 'Lila' to 'Butt'!" his holder gave a grateful thumbs up. Autocorrect wouldn't solve Nathaniel's problems, but they can solve his!

Ivan hummed to himself, scratching his chin in thought, "Maybe if you do something so awesome and cool, everyone will just forget about the meme?"

The suggestion had merit, but they were superheroes. They always did awesome things. "Ok, but what would this 'awesome and cool' thing even be?"

OXOXOXOX

At the next Akuma attack, Caprikid's plan went into motion. Cat Noir and Minotaurox already got him connected with his 'mount' and he was capable of creating his own weapon. And as if fate itself was shining upon him, the akuma was one that helped make the idea even cooler!

"Look out for the ninja!"

Rena Rouge warned the civilians still in the area. This ninja akuma (apparently named Shuriken) was sneaky and evading the heroes' attempts to apprehend him. Ladybug, Cat Noir and Vesperia were fighting almost blindly, standing back to back to back to keep Shuriken from sneaking up behind them… like a ninja!

"Where's Caprikid?" Ladybug tilted her head towards her partner. Although Cat Noir had explained that they had a secret elaborate plan they wanted to try out, neither boy would tell her what to expect. Because then it would just be an elaborate plan and those aren't nearly as fun!

The ground shook with what sounded like giant footsteps. Akuma and heroes alike hit pause on their fight to figure out what was going on. With a mighty roar, a T-Rex barrelled around the corner, wearing the second largest pair of sunglasses in the world and carrying a goat-themed hero on his back. Caprikid had his own human-sized sunglasses (and we mean HUMAN-SIZED) strapped to his back and some kind of gun or laser of slightly smaller size than the sunglasses held in his arms.

"Is that one of Dr. Anne-Jeanne's dinosaurs?" Ladybug was somehow not too fazed by this turn of events.

"We had a coupon." Cat Noir nodded.

Too stunned by what he was witnessing, Shuriken stood still long enough for Caprikid to aim the weapon at him. "VIVA LA FRANCE!" he shouted as he pulled the trigger. Flaming t-shirts shot out at lightning speed and fit Shuriken with enough force to leave a crater behind as he lay unconscious, with the burnt shirt wrapped around his torso.

"WOOO! That was awesome, Caprikid!" Cat Noir cheered and clapped, hoping everyone else would join in. However… "Wait, where are all the civilians?"

Rena Rouge walked by as Ladybug went to purify the akuma. "I got everyone evacuated right before dino-boy arrived."

Cat Noir's face fell, realizing that absolutely no one other than the heroes themselves saw what just transpired. "Gosh dang it to heck!" he stomped his foot on the pavement.

Rena looked unimpressed. Oh no, not because of the dinosaur, but because of Cat Noir's lack of language. "Wow, we really need to teach you some swear words."

OXOXOXOX

After returning the dinosaur and Max's shirt launcher of doom (patent pending), The boys were back to the brainstorming drawing board. Although the kwami's were using the drawing board to play tic-tac-toe, so it left them going over ideas verbally.

"-and Alix won't go back in time to stop me from doing that." Nathaniel groaned. At this point, it seemed like all other options had been exhausted. He would live and die as a meme. They would immortalize it on his tombstone for sure!

Ivan grumbled to himself, "Come on, there has to be something we haven't thought of…" he looked over the side of the roof they were apparently hanging out on. Hey, it was a nice day out, and they didn't want to be cooped up inside! Staring down at the masses, one spot of hideously bright orange and a furious shriek got his attention. "Is that banshee noise coming from Lila?"

"Probably. She must've found out she's been replaced for the next Gabriel photoshoot." Adrien answered. Somehow it had to have been his doing.

A lightbulb metaphorically went off over Ivan's head. "That's it! We need to make a new meme so people forget about the goats and anime!"

Nathaniel brightened, seeing what Ivan was getting at. "Then I'll be replaced as the meme of the moment and the spotlight goes to someone else!" It was brilliant! They'd fight memes with memes! His video will die quicker than Hawkmoth's rap career!

Ziggy, Stompp and Plagg returned to their holders, having overheard the new plan. "From what we've seen, most human 'mi-mi's' are something dumb or embarrassing happening to someone." Ziggy spoke up.

"And cats. Cats are everywhere!" Plagg added.

Striking a pondering pose like a model (which he was) Adrien contemplated how they should go about this. "If we go with embarrassing someone on in the internet for the whole world to see, I think I know who-"

"Lila?" Ivan raised an eyebrow. Adrien nodded in response. "What is your deal with her lately? You've been a lot saltier to her than usual."

The blonde's expression darkened. "She told my dad about the baked goods at the snack table during photoshoots and got them taken away. I swore vengeance until my mini croissants have been returned."

Baked vengeance aside, they still needed to figure out who to meme. An alert from the Miracusquad group text pinged on all of their phones. Nathaniel opened the chat to view the new post, and his eyes widened. "I think I know just who to meme."

OXOXOXOX

"Did you see that video with King Monkey!?"

"Are you kidding? All of Paris has seen it!"

Nathaniel strolled into school happily, listening to the same people who had been laughing about his video now laughing over a new one. Getting Kim on board was easy. After his post asking how much pudding was needed to fill a swimming pool, they knew he was the right man for the job. All he had to do was fight the next akuma and 'be himself' with camera's rolling to record whatever he'd do. And one video of him tossing a rubber chicken at a giant, flying amok and causing it to blow up instantly, then doing a stupid victory dance went viral. By the end of the day, people were already using it as a metaphor for destroying the problems in their lives.

And thankfully, being a meme was on Kim's bucket list, anyway.

So when Nathaniel walked into the classroom to see Kim sulking in a corner he was surprised "Uh, what's wrong with Kim?" the former meme boy asked his classmates.

Alya seemed sympathetic as she answered, pushing up her glasses in the middle like they do in anime. "He's depressed that he can't tell anyone he's the guy in the video."

In a quick swoosh, Adrien and Ivan were kneeling at Kim's sides. "Have no fear! We'll help you out!" Adrien assured the boy, winking at the camera.

Chapter Text

In the bowels of the Francoise Dupont a light flickered on at a desk. A makeshift office/interrogation room used by the students… and it used to be rented out for bar mitzvahs on weekends, but after little Timothy hit his noggin on a pipe, they put a stop to that.

Today, sitting on one side of the desk was Marinette Dupain Cheng, with her partner and hopefully boyfriend-once-he-asks-her-out Adrien Agreste leaning against a conspiracy board close behind her. Before them were fellow teammates Juleka, Kagami, Nino and Marc, all of whom avoided meeting their leader's stern glare of disappointment. "I'm not mad at you all, but we had been planning this ambush for a month and it should not have fallen apart like it did." the pigtailed guardian sighed. "I need you all to explain what happened to Operation Shijin."

It was a daring operation. They had found a pattern with Mayura's public appearances, and with careful planning and lots of late night brainstorming sessions, they had set up an ambush to capture her. The four heroes were to be positioned in each direction of a four-way intersection and block the peacock lady in. They had prepared extensively for the operation, but somehow it ended with the heroes messing up with their powers and Mayura disappearing.

None of the four wanted to take the blame. They all started talking over each other (except for Juleka, who only raised her hand) and no coherent sentence could be made out. "Stop!" The other guardian spoke up, gathering all attention on him. "One at a time, Marc, you go first." Adrien pointed to the boy on the far right.

The Rooster holder cleared his throat and recounted his tale, "Here's what happened-"

MARC'S VISION

Everything is detailed like a vintage superhero comic book, with speech balloons and all.

"I was stationed in the south. My Sublimation was to be used to counter whatever Amok she inevitably summoned." Rooster Bold appeared with a detailed look like he was from the golden age of comics. A green turtle shell pattern surrounded the fictional page with a 'Whoosh' sound effect popping up. A thought bubble appears over Rooster Bold 'The battle begins.'

Boot's ran one panel at a time until a large page revealed the appearance of an equally detailed Mayura. "Halt!" a jagged speech bubble blocked her way. Rooster Bold leapt into the frame. "You aren't going anywhere vile villainess!"

"Gasp!" a sound effect speech bubble came from Mayura. "The incredible Rooster Bold!"

Dramatically posing, Rooster pointed at her. "That's right! Now, are you going to surrender and come along quietly? Or do we have to do this the hard way?"

Mayura smirked. "The hard way." She plucked a feather from her fan. She reached down for an old tape recorder and the feather went in with a 'ploosh' effect. "Rooster Bold, now you must face-" the next panel revealed a sentimonster that looked like a washing machine had a baby with a boombox. "My latest creation!"

Smirking as he posed again, crossing his arms across his chest. "That monster is no match for my superpower!" He raised his hand dramatically with power lines rising in the background. "Sublimation! I grant myself the power to-"

The sound effect 'Whoosh' appeared on the comic book page. Rooster turned and noticed a stream of water about to collide with our courageous chicken hero. A thought bubble popped over his head 'That must be the Water Dragon power of Ryuko! But why is she heading directly towards me?!'

Without thinking, Rooster shouted "Move out of the way!" a flash covered the panel and the stream of water was diverted. Our hero winced once he realized what he had just done. A box of text appeared overhead. "The sublimation power meant for the sentimonster had been wasted. But our hero does not back down. He does his best with the hand he is given."

Armed with the power to move things out of the way, Marc turned towards the sentimonster.

WHAM!

The sentimonster is flung into a wall.

BAM!

The sentimonster hit the pavement. Another 'Thud' sound appeared.

POW!

The sentimonster is sent whirling into the air out of the panel. It lands one panel later and is determined to stay upright and fight back. It makes a 'Growl' captioned sound effect and pounces on Rooster bold, who tries to flee but trips over something and falls to the ground, his power misfiring and missing his opponent.

A small whoosh flies over as a purple streak just barely misses the sentimonster as it lands on Rooster Bold with a 'Smoosh' effect. Marc struggles to lift his foe off of himself. "Back, you fiend!" he prepares to use his power again when the clunky contraption suddenly disintegrates into nothing.

"Huh-" Rooster picks himself up, straightening his back with a small 'crack' and a thought bubble above his head 'The amok must have been released while I was incapacitated. Now I am free to pursue the malevolent Mayura!"

The peacock lady is shown, running from panel to panel away from the rooster boy. As they reach the same panel together, it becomes engulfed with smoke and a 'fizz' sound. Rooster coughs and moves the smoke away with his power, only to find himself alone. A last block of text appears on top of the page. "And just like that, she vanished-"

MARC VISION OVER

"-if Ryuko hadn't distracted me and made me mess up my power, I could have defeated the sentimonster sooner and caught Mayura." Marc ended his side. The fierce swordswoman, two seats down from him, scowled, clearly not agreeing with his version of the events.

The female co-guardian jotted down notes and turned to the accused heroine. "Kagami, why did you nearly hit Marc?" she was usually so precise, it was a tad hard to believe she could slip up like that.

"It was outside of my control." Kagami declared. "This is how it happened-"

KAGAMI'S VISION

Unlike Marc, whose recount took the form of a comic book, Kagami's was styled like a shoujo anime. She herself was drawn with sparkling eyes and a more magical girl-esque costume.

"I was in the east, the plan was for Carapace to tag team with me once he got the Shellter around the area, however…" The shell pattern surrounds the area, sparkling and glittering with special effects. Ryuko holds back and waits for her backup. "キャラペイスはどこ?" The unreliable subtitles appear underneath her, 'Where is Teenage Magic Nino Turtle?'

Ryuko has no time to wait, for another woman gracefully lands in the street. It is Mayura, looking similarly more shoujo-esque.

"まちなさい!" 'Can you stop momentarily!' the subtitles translate.

Mayura looks to see a silhouetted figure with a light shining behind her. "あなたはだれ?" 'Who's that Miraculous?' the subtitles translate again.

The light disappears to reveal Ryuko, posing with one hand on her hip and the other pointed at Mayura. "あいとゆうきのりゅうせんし! リュウコ!" It translated to 'It's Ryuko!' She made a motion with her hands "ミラキュラスにかわっておしおきよ" 'I am gonna whoop your butt!' The subtitles continued to stray off course.

Mayura held one hand to her chin and laughed haughtily "お~~ほほほ" 'Eviler laughter' a stock footage sequence plays out as she takes a feather from her fan "おいでよセンチモンスター!" 'Come out, monster from my pocket!' The feather fused with a smartphone and created a sentimonster that was a cross between a washing machine and a tablet!

Ryuko was not afraid. She went into her own stock footage sequence that looked right out of a magical girl anime. Ryuko twirled around and let sparkles engulf her as she summoned her power "ウォータードラゴン!" 'Seahorse!' Her form turns to water, and she directs herself at the villainess while ignoring the Sentimonster.

Mayura notices the torrent and makes a chibified shocked face. "なに?!" 'Nani?!'

Ryuko would have taken away Mayura's footing by flooding the street, if not for another burst of water from a fire hydrant intercepting her. The new torrent merged with Ryuko's and sent her off course and towards Rooster Bold, who was also drawn like a magical girl. "あぶない ルースターボールド!" 'The chicken needs to cross the road!'

The power of Sublimation lacked its own stock footage sequence. Rooster simply motioned Ryuko away, and she was flung in the opposite direction. Her watery form shifted back to normal, and she somersaulted across the pavement. Her eyes swirl in dizzy circles before she gets up and sees Mayura getting away. The peacock lady ran with her arms behind her and her head ducked forward… like a ninja!

The dragon girl called forth another stock footage sequence for another power, posing several times before unleashing it "ライトニングドラゴン!" 'You shall pay for your hubris. PAY IN BLOOD!' the subtitler was one step closer to being fired.

In a flash, the lightning bolt zipped over to Mayura and hit her on the side. The shock and subsequent fall broke the device where the amok was. "くそ!" 'Poop!'

Ryuko had Mayura at sword-point. Then without warning, a thick cloud of smoke enveloped the two. "ウィンドドラゴン!" 'Wind Dragon!' One last stock sequence played out as Ryuko blew the smoke away, only to find that she was by herself. Mayura escaped.

KAGAMI VISION OVER

"In conclusion, if Carapace had backed me up like he was supposed to, then we could have finally captured Mayura." Kagami finished her take.

"Way to throw me under the bus, Kagami!" Nino huffed.

The best friend of the turtle hero sighed, not liking where this was going. "Nino, please tell me you had a good reason for not showing up. You were obviously there if the Shellter went up." Adrien had to say that even under these circumstances, he's impressed that the Shellter shield managed to stretch out so far.

"Well yeah, I had a pretty good reason for not showing up!" Nino shot back, mostly towards the Tsurugi heir.

NINO'S VISION

The art style shift changed into something out of a 16-bit video game from the 90s. Everyone and everything was rendered into pixelated sprites. The start button on the screen is selected and a 'Level 1' transition appears.

"I was waiting in the north, making sure all the civilians left the street before I closed us in." The pixelated Nino emerges from a warp pipe. The screen is paused as he opens a map screen covered in dots. A percentage bar goes down until the last of the colored dots leave the map. "Shellter!" a text bubble on the bottom of the screen reads. The screen turns green momentarily, and the background is covered in a turtle shell pattern.

A little arrow points for Carapace to move forward, but then shifts into an exclamation point. "Help! Help!" a male voice called out in the text box. There was still someone left inside the shield! A new objective mark floated over Carapace's head briefly and he backtracked to search for whoever had been accidentally left behind.

Before he could scroll over to the next screen, a sprite of Ryuko's head briefly flashed. It gave a choice to join her or not, and the cursor hovered over both choices before selecting 'no'. Carapace continued with his choice as he searched the level for anyone else. The Shellter kept him from exiting the small area and there were no buildings inside, so whoever was left had to be hiding under a bench or newsstand. A brief cutscene played out of Mayura inserting a feather into a portable game for boys, and a boss fight with a sentimonster that was a cross between a washing machine and a super entertainment system started for a 'Player 2 and Player 3'. It wasn't his boss fight though, so he kept on with his own sidequest.

Carapace runs around the whole level and hasn't found anyone else, but an exclamation point over his head alerts him to the pixelated Mayura who is running on the edge of the background. He tries to pursue her, but a 'hazard approaching' signal flashes on screen and another pixel character collides with a lamppost in the background. It is Purple Tigress whose collision triggers a small explosion that damages both heroes and covers the screen in pixelated smoke.

When the screen is cleared, Mayura is nowhere to be seen. Carapace's sprite looks surprised and falls off the stage, and a 'Game Over' flashes on the screen.

NINO VISION OVER

"-So if Purple Tigress hadn't caused that explosion, Mayura would never have gotten away!" Nino defended himself. He never did find whoever was left behind, though…

Adrien looked puzzled, not by the events of the story, but by how it was presented. "You know, I think Max would have made a more fitting hero to do with the videogame sequence."

Marinette shrugged. "Yeah, but he wasn't part of this mission. Speaking of which-" she turned to the remaining hero. "Juleka, could you please tell us your side of the story?"

"Sure." Juleka mumbled.

JULEKA'S VISION

This time the art style is a Tim Burton-esque stop motion. Purple Tigress arrives on the set, looking a little creepier with the way her model was made.

"I was in the west. I was on standby, waiting for the right time to use my power." Purple Tigress stood waiting. Stop Motion Mayura passed by while being pursued by Ryuko, who was only shown as a shadow. Tigress watched her put a feather into a rectangle and create a sentimonster that was portrayed as a plastic washing machine.

The shadow of Rooster Bold comes by and uses his powers to knock his opponent around. Purple Tigress see's this and readies her own power "Clout!" She waits until the sentimonster and Mayura are aligned, intending to send the heavy washing machine toppling down onto the peacock lady.

Purple Tigress pounces (with visible wires) and aims her fist at the sentimonster. "Then Rooster Bold tripped and his power hit me." The puppet Tigress was hit by a fake looking special effect and was sent flying away from her target and towards a lamppost. Her power obliterates the lamp and causes a giant cloud of smoke to cover her and the shadow of Carapace, who is nearby, too.

"And then Mayura got away." Purple Tigress waits for the smoke to clear, but there is no sign of Mayura anywhere.

JULEKA VISION OVER

Once Juleka had finished, Marco had a question "How come your version was so short?"

"Stop motion is expensive." Juleka muttered.

The co-guardians huddled up to converse (and maybe just an excuse to be close to each other) and they settled on a verdict. Tikki banged a squeaky hammer like a gavel. "The guardians have finished debating." The four heroes nervously waited as Marinette and Adrien sat back down, both closing their eyes and tenting their fingers like the dad in that anime with the boy that wouldn't get in the robot.

"We find the guilty party to be…" Marinette paused for suspense. "... none of you."

A collective sigh of relief swept through the quartet. None of them were getting the blame. "Don't celebrate just yet. There is still a guilty party." the cat hero reminded them.

Kagami raised her hand. "But if it wasn't one of us, then who?"

Marinette sat up, suspicious yet worried. "Nino said he heard someone who didn't evacuate. What happened to them? How did that fire hydrant shoot water at Kagami? What made Marc trip? How did Clout cause an explosion with that much smoke? The true culprit was someone who stayed out of sight and caused these actions, but who was it?"

TRUE VISION

A snappy parody of a song plays as the real version of events plays out. Mayura is chasing after Ladybug and Cat Noir after they have purified the latest akuma. She is led into the middle of a four-way intersection with the heroes awaiting her arrival. Carapace pulls up his Shellter around the area once he see's the last person evacuate.

'Who's the one behind everything?'

A blonde boy hides under a newsstand. He had also been waiting for this chance.

'It was Felix all along!'

He cups his hands and shouts out for help, distracting Carapace and making him think someone was left behind. He is supposed to join Mayura but now he has to worry about saving a supposed innocent civilian.

'Who was pulling an invisible string?

It was Felix all along!'

Ryuko confronts the peacock villainess on her own, and a sentimonster is summoned after the amok is put inside an old beeper. Felix maneuvers low to the ground and uses an old trick he learned to break the nozzle on the fire hydrant. He times it so the spray will cross paths with Ryuko and drive her off course.

'He's manipulative, So creative'

Ryuko is sent towards Rooster Bold, who accidentally chooses the wrong power. He figures out a way to make do with what he has while Ryuko goes back to focusing on Mayura. Felix ducked behind a mailbox and took out a thin wire. He threw it across the road to a streetlamp and waited for Rooster Bold to walk into it and trip.

'That they never even noticed, and a shame it is

Shame, shame, shame, shame'

The trip makes Rooster Bold miss his target, right as Purple Tigress is flying overhead with her Clout activated and ready to pounce. Being hit by Rooster's power, she changes course and heads for a streetlight. Felix tosses a smoke bomb in the same direction and watches them hit simultaneously. It creates a massive smokescreen that Felix runs into. He makes a beeline for where Mayura had been and takes her by the wrist.

'It's too late to watch replay

Now that Mayura's got away'

He flips open a manhole and pulls both himself and Mayura into the sewer below before the smoke is cleared. The four heroes are left standing by themselves with their target nowhere in sight. Their operation had failed.

'Thanks to Felix, Crafty Felix

It was Felix all along!'

"And I stole this song too!" Felix announced out loud in the middle of the sewer. The song came to an end with him and Mayura standing face to face in the Paris sewers. Which was a surprisingly common place to find people with superpowers nowadays.

Mayura hid her shock at seeing just who came to her rescue, playing it cold and neutral. "Why did you help me escape?"

The boy grinned, "I'd like to have a chat about the peacock miraculous."

Chapter Text

Previously on Squad Goals…

Mayura hid her shock at seeing just who came to her rescue, playing it cold and neutral. "Why did you help me escape?"

Felix grinned, "I'd like to have a chat about the Peacock Miraculous."

Now…

Mayura paused, taking in what the boy was saying. If he was interested in the Peacock Miraculous, then there was only one thing to do.

A moment of still silence. Then Mayura pushed Felix into the sewer water and ran away. "Pwooweh! Come on, really Nathalie?!"

With this anticlimactic conclusion, now we can move on to a completely different story!

"This is going to be so much fun! Thanks for coming with me!" Sabrina strolled down the street with Max and Kim on both sides of her.

"We should be the ones thanking you for inviting us." Max pushed his glasses up while he walked "I've never been to an escape room before, and I have calculated a sixty-eight percent chance that this will be an exhilarating experience." The remaining forty-two percent did leave them with a chance of Kim doing something to get them banned for life, but the horse hero was willing to be optimistic about those odds.

"I've never been to an actual escape room either, though getting locked in Chloe's winter wardrobe was pretty much the same thing." Sabrina recalled, still perky despite the trauma of being trapped for nineteen hours and getting yelled at by Chloe after she broke an ice skate while carving a hole for her to crawl out of. Fun times. "My dad was saying that the police force has been using an escape room as a training exercise and it made me want to try it for myself!"

Kim, as always, was pumped up for whatever challenge they would come across. "This room isn't going to know what hit it after we're through!" He punched out forward like a boxer. Evidently, he had no idea what an escape room even was. While Sabrina and Max had the brains to solve the puzzles, they were going to need Kim's brawn to cover their weak noodle arms.

OXOXOXOX

The trio paid and went inside the escape room. A video monitor on the wall played a pre-recorded message as the doors were locked. A woman's voice spoke over the visuals. "Welcome to Escape the Room! An escape room where your goal is to escape this room!… Really? Who wrote this? Ahem, you will be given two hours to gather clues and solve puzzles to find the three room keys to escape. If you need assistance in case of an emergency, please use the help buzzer, but be warned that it can only be used once… that's stupid. What if there's a second emergency? What if no one picks up the first time?… fine, I'll finish the script-now then, each clue will be written on a special card. Underneath this monitor is the first clue. Good luck and remember; we can watch you but we can't hear you scream… how much are you paying me to read this?"

The interior was set up like a retro-futuristic styled living room, whatever that looks like. Sabrina looked underneath the monitor but only found an empty shelf. "Isn't the first clue supposed to be here?"

"That's peculiar. Maybe it fell?" Max looked around the floor, but alas, there was no paper to be found.

"Maybe it's INSIDE the TV!" Kim rolled up his sleeves and prepared to rip the flatscreen from the wall.

Sabrina and Max frantically pulled the more athletic boy back. "No!" "It won't be back there!" their voices overlapped.

With Kim persuaded to not cause any unnecessary property damage… for the time being, Sabrina made her way over to the emergency buzzer. "I believe a missing clue counts as an emergency. How are we supposed to escape if we don't know how to find the keys?" she reasoned. Pressing the big red button on the wall, a loud buzz rang out, and the girl leaned over to speak into the microphone. "Hi, um, excuse me? We just entered the escape room and the first clue is missing. Could you tell us what it said so we can get started?"

Silence. They waited, but with an entire minute and thirty-nine seconds (according to Max) gone by, it was clear no one was going to answer. "Did they all go out to lunch? Why aren't they answering?" Kim scratched his head.

In the control room:

Every employee that worked in the Escape Room was head-banging and doing air guitar to the hottest power ballad in Paris. 'GAAAARRRRYYYY! I WILL AVENGE YOU GAAAARRRRYYYY!' No one paid any attention to the monitor showing the inside of the room. They all thought someone else was paying attention. Just like they thought someone else put the clues back in place for the next players.

Back to the room:

"So to recap-" Max pushed up his glasses. "We are trapped inside an escape room with no clue to make progress. It also stands to reason that if our starting clue is MIA, then we have an percent chance that the rest of the clues could be missing as well."

"No clues?" Kim repeated, "Then how are we gonna get out? Should we transform?" He pulled the sweatband on his forehead forward to show the circlet hidden underneath.

Xuppu briefly came out of hiding "The cameras can't see us kwami, anyway!"

Sabrina, Max, and their kwami's unanimously objected, "No!"

"Our transformations would still be on camera!" Max reminded them, intensely staring at the monkey wielder until he fixed his sweatband and let his kwami back into his hood.

"Besides, this was always meant to be a challenge!" Sabrina was oddly intense "No clues mean we're just doing it on hard mode! So let's stop yapping and start clue searching!"

The boys blinked, not sure how to react to this side of their usually timid classmate "Woah." Max muttered.

Barkk discreetly flew up to the other two holders. "Her father insisted it would be too challenging for her." She disclosed. Granted, it was less about his daughter's own ability and more about the supposed difficulty he and his officers encountered. Further granted, Roger and his squad were absolutely terrible at escape rooms. One guy wasted half an hour pulling on a push door.

Sabrina noticed her friends were still standing around while she was reaching underneath a dresser. "Come on, the clock is ticking!" she urged them.

"Aye aye ma'am!" Kim saluted. A bowl of fruit on the table caught his eye. "Aha! I bet a key is inside one of the fruits!" he snatched an apple and bit into it before Max could stop him. It tasted weird, not very apple-y.

"Kim, those are wax fruits!" Max took the apple from his best friend. He grimaced at the large bite missing from the false fruit.

OXOXOXOX

Twenty-five minutes of captivity later- "Actually, it was twenty-seven minutes later." Max interrupted the writer. Sigh. Twenty-SEVEN minutes of captivity later and the trio managed to locate the first key.

"I found one!" Sabrina called the other two over. She was standing atop the sofa and spotted an unusual glimmer coming from inside one of the hanging lamps. Getting closer, she could see a brass key hanging on the lightbulb.

"Excellent work Sabrina!" Max congratulated her. He could also see the key now from down below. The light was hanging higher up than any of them could reach. Even Kim couldn't grab it as he tried leaping up at it from the couch.

Kaalki briefly poked her head out of hiding to chime in "We could easily float up and bring the key down, though the levitating key shown on the video lens will raise further questions."

The dog heroine held a hand to her chin. "They wouldn't just keep it dangling where no one could reach it. There has to be a puzzle to lower the light." She reasoned.

Max's eyes traced the wire keeping the light airborne, following it into the wall where he saw it clump behind the wallpaper. He judged the trajectory of where the most likely path the wire would run and happened upon a light switch control with four knobs. "I believe I may have found our puzzle." He informed his companions and led them to the switches. Max tested one of the knobs and a light brightened and rose. Changing the direction of the knob, the light dimmed and lowered. He tested them all, but none lowered the correct light.

Sabrina followed what he was doing and moved a knob that Max had already turned. To their surprise, they could hear mechanisms moving in the ceiling. "How did-" The sole girl realized that Max had still been turning a knob when she moved hers.

"Is the ceiling broken?" Kim asked, taking a bite out of a wax orange.

"No, it appears that moving the knobs in tandem activates an unlocking mechanism that, with the correct combination, should lower the light with the key," Max explained. Kim blinked in confusion. Max sighed. "Think of it like entering the combination for your pool locker."

Now that Kim understood. "Gotcha, so we just keep twisting these till it clicks!" The taller boy took hold of two knobs and moved them in opposite directions. There were no extra sounds that time, so Kim tried going the opposite direction, to no avail.

The trio took turns moving the knobs. Every few tries, they'd find the next part of the combination. The ceiling lights went up and down and turned on and off. One combination straight up summoned a disco ball in another corner of the room, which served no other purpose than just an amusing Easter egg. Max carefully adjusted the knobs. He had used every combination possible with two at a time. "We have exhausted all options with pair combinations. Perhaps we should try multiple at the same time?"

Max and Sabrina grabbed two knobs each, while Kim took the one remaining. "Let's move them all towards the left first." Sabrina suggested. No results occurred for the first few combinations, but turning three of them to the left and the rest to the right made something click in the ceiling. The trio watched as the key-bearing light finally lowered slowly… before slamming itself into the ground and shattering glass everywhere.

The teens shielded themselves from the flying glass. Sabrina carefully stepped around the mess and picked up the key. "It's down." She awkwardly smiled.

"All right! Two more to go!" Kim cheered, biting into a wax banana. Then he moved the fruit to his hoodie so Xuppu could take a bite. Max and Kaalki shook their heads in disappointment.

OXOXOXOX

"Are you certain another key is inside of here?" Max questioned the girl, who was currently lowering her arm into the top of a retro television.

"Positive." Sabrina affirmed. Kim had tried to turn on the old TV but the screen remained blank even with the power on. Sabrina deduced that another key was likely hiding inside, and the top of the TV was easy to remove, which aided her theory. She reached around inside. There were no wires, but there were parts that moved and clicked. Sabrina touched a smooth shape and felt it over to confirm it was the second key. "I've got it-"

The redhead paused with dread filling her stomach. Her arm was stuck.

"Sabrina?" Max could tell something had gone wrong with the key retrieval.

Attempting to pull out her arm, Sabrina answered through gritted teeth, "I think my arm is caught in some sort of mechanism!" In hindsight, there was probably another puzzle that would open the top of the tv and bring the key up. Reaching in without solving said puzzle moved the pieces and trapped the girl.

"Let me try!" Kim grabbed Sabrina's arm and tried to forcefully yank her out.

"Owowowo-STOP IT!" The dog heroine used her free hand to shoo her teammate away from her captured appendage.

Max looked over to try to see inside the fake TV set. It appeared to be a set of cogs had shifted inside and gotten caught on Sabrina's sleeve. "Releasing you will be tricky. We cannot attempt to solve the puzzle with a strong likelihood that you would receive further injury."

"So what do we do?" The token female tried not to freak out.

"I have an idea!" Kim enthusiastically held up a molotov cocktail, already lit and flaming.

"Good kwami Kim!" Max exclaimed, alarmed yet bewildered at the sudden object on fire. He swiftly went and took it from Kim, stomping out the flames with his foot. "Where did you even get that?!"

Kim shrugged. "Dunno." he took out a wax kiwi and nibbled on it.

The dog kwami came out of hiding and went into the TV "Barkk, get back here!"

"Wait a minute." Barkk spoke to her partner. "We couldn't help because it would appear that invisible forces were helping you, right? If I'm inside of here, the cameras won't see any invisible, tiny help!"

Given that the alternative was letting Kim throw a flaming object at her, Sabrina nodded for Barkk to go ahead. The tiny, floating dog phased through the fake television and moved the gears around to release her bespectacled partner. The human trio waited and listened to the inexplicable sounds that came from the box, including but not limited to; a lawnmower, an old timey awooga, crashing glass and a swarm of monkeys… though that one may have been Xuppu.

Finally, they heard a click and Sabrina felt the tightness clamping around her arm disappear. "Good dog!" She would have to remember to give her kwami a belly rub when they got out. With her appendage freed, Sabrina raised up the key to show the boys, "Only one more left to find! At this rate, we'll find it in no time!"

OXOXOXOX

"There's no more time!" Sabrina shouted in despair as she introduced her face to the tabletop.

The countdown was down to only four minutes, and it looked like they were destined for failure without key number three. They'd searched everywhere, Sabrina tried out everything that could be a puzzle, Max calculated the most likely locations and still came up empty-handed, and Kim lifted furniture above his head and at one point straight up just punched a hole into the wall.

Max was equally disappointed. "We're so close! The only explanation at this point is that the remaining key was also not reset alongside the missing clues."

Kim was still bummed they were about to lose, but not bummed enough to stop eating a ridiculously large wax blueberry. "Hey, if we fail, we'll just come back again. Maybe bring the others along too and make a competition out of it!" Competitions with Kim involved never ended well. The other two silently agreed to avoid even the word competition around him for the next week.

The wax blueberry had been devoured and Kim reached back into the wax fruit basket and removed the only remaining wax produce, an eggplant. Max could not comprehend why and HOW he was still eating fake food! "Kim, for the last time, stop eating the wax fruit!"

The redhead paused, noticing a discrepancy with what the last uneaten wax food was. "Wait a second, eggplants aren't fruit. Why would that be in a fruit basket?"

Taking a large bite, Kim only felt pain when his teeth collided with the false eggplant. "Yeow! It's as hard as a rock!"

"Give me that!" Sabrina took the eggplant away from him and banged it on the table. It made a metallic sound. It wasn't made of wax.

Max's eyes widened. "You have got to be kidding me…"

Sabrina grabbed the stem and found that it could turn. She unscrewed the stem off to reveal a golden key hiding inside. "It's here! The final key is here!"

The teens celebrated, and each hurriedly grabbed a key. With only two minutes to spare, they stood in front of the exit door and inserted the keys simultaneously. The synchronized clicks looked really cool, and the door opened for them. "yippee, you made it." The voice from the instructions flatly celebrated.

With their freedom earned and their confidence higher than it had been this morning, there was only one last thing they had to do. "Boys-" Sabrina turned to them dramatically, light shining from behind her. "Let's go brag about this to my dad!"

"Yeah!" Max, Kim and the kwamis cheered. They followed the dog heroine out back into the real world, more prepared than ever for whatever dangers they would face.

Elsewhere, Felix is in a laundromat. Waiting for his clothes to wash while he temporarily wore a crop top bearing the phrase 'Lordy Lordy I'm Over Forty'. He lets out a long, aggravated sigh.

Chapter Text

Marinette and Adrien, Ladybug and Cat Noir, Marinette and Cat Noir, Ladybug and Adrien, a girl with a helmet and guy disguising himself as a banana. It was all one big love square. In this timeline, where logic and common sense rarely come together and a billboard leads to the heroes discovering all of their identities, there stands one question left unanswered…

What is Mr. Banana hiding from us?!

… ok maybe two questions. The other one being why aren't Marinette and Adrien already dating in this AU now that the identity reveal happened?

The answer… Adrien has been trying…

ATTEMPT NUMBER 1

With the ragtag group of teenage superheroes officially having chosen a team name (Miracusquad!) The rest of the meeting went smoothly. Everyone was heading out, careful to not make any noise less Adrien's poor excuse for a father to hear them (unaware he was deciding his own supervillain team name). With almost everyone gone, all that remained was the original Miraculous duo.

"So…" Adrien kept his eyes away from Marinette, shyly staring around his room. With all that happened in the last 24 hours, he and his partner had yet to discuss themselves.

Dealing with all the chaos, Marinette had nearly forgotten about the unspoken awkwardness between her and her kitty. "Yeah…" For awkward freak outs, Marinette was handling this surprisingly well. She'd gotten the running in panic-y circles part of her freak out over last night at 3 in the morning. "We should talk about…" Marinette gestured between the two of them.

Sitting on the couch, Adrien took the first step. "You know, it's nice to know my partner in crime-fighting is a really good friend of mine." His cheeks turned the color of her superhero uniform.

"Y-yes! Good friends! That's what we are! Totally good-just-friends!" Marinette sweated nervously. Ok, maybe she still had some freaking out left to do. She was still processing that the boy she has been in love with for months was the same boy who has been flirting with her… with puns! Bad puns!

Adrien still had no clue that he was his own love rival… for both girls he was torn between! The layers of dramatic irony were so ironic that someone could write a cartoon based on it. "Yup!" Nope. There was no way he could even attempt to act cool. He had fallen in love with the same girl twice, but to his knowledge, she liked someone else. Should he just go for it? Should he ask her out for real in his civilian persona?

It was nerve-wracking for both of them, but their kwamis sat side by side on Adrien's bed. "Wish we had some popcorn for this," Plagg whispered to Tikki, who was watching with anticipation. There was no better soap opera than the lives of teenagers.

The cat hero swallowed a lump and prepared to take a leap of faith. "You know, nothing has changed now that I know who you are. It just makes me like you more now that I see the connection between both sides of you."

The bluenette blushed. "You like me…?" she asked hopefully. Praying that he meant it romantically and not as just a friend.

Adrien shyly scratched the back of his head, his eyes shimmered with a gentle love. "Marinette, will-"

BOOM! SMASH! LOUD NOISES!

Whatever mood they had was halted by the loud noises coming from who-knows-where in the Agreste manor. "What was that?!" Marinette jumped.

There was no way for them to know that noise came from Gabriel flipping a table over inside his evil lair. His own villain-team naming meeting was falling apart at the discourse.

ATTEMPT NUMBER 2

"Pound it!"

Once again, the day was saved, thanks to Ladybug and Cat Noir… and Carapace. The trio had taken down Gigantitan, who had been akumatized over being upset that he threw his stuffed cat into a fountain and it got wet. He was a baby! How was he supposed to know yeeting stuff into water made it wet?!

"C'mere lil' dude-" the turtle boy picked up the baby. "I'll take this baby back to his mom. You guys head back without me."

Ladybug took him up on his offer. "Thanks Carapace. See you tomorrow at school!" she Yo-Yo'd up onto a rooftop nearby.

Carapace leaned over to his cat bro. "You got this dude." Before the battle, Nino and Adrien conspired to get the latter alone with the girl that he secretly loved… although it wasn't really a secret. More of an open secret, like how they all knew Lila was wearing a wig.

Cat Noir grinned at his wingman, "You're the best, dude!" he waved goodbye as he pole-vaulted away on his baton.

Carapace felt a sense of pride for his homie, and for himself. He was awesome at setting his best bud up to confess his feelings! He held that baby like a champ! Nothing could ruin this for him!

… except for the baby vomiting all over his suit.

"OH DUDE! GROSS-WHY?!" The hero's outburst caused August to start crying.

"Wait up Milady!" The spotted heroine was about to change back on the safety of an abandoned rooftop when her feline companion caught up to her.

"Spots off!" Ladybug transformed back into Marinette. She handed Tikki a macaron before addressing her partner. "What's up Kitty? Need another fist bump?"

"Claws in!" The superhero turned back into a supermodel. Kwami, it still was weird getting used to detransforming in front of each other. "No, not that today. I wanted to talk to you about something… and maybe ask you something as well."

Marinette's bluebell eyes widened and sparkled. Adrien felt himself getting lost in her gaze and inwardly reminded himself that he needed to focus. "O-oh, sure Adrien! Anything for you-uh… pal!" Marinette cringed at her response. She hardly ever stuttered in front of him anymore, not unless she started thinking about the romance that she dared believe bloomed between them.

Adrien cleared his throat, rehearsing the confession he'd written in his room at 3:34 in the morning. It was absolutely an improvement over the confession drafted an hour before then. "Marinette, we've been superhero partners for a while now… and I was thinking that maybe we-"

"WAAAAAAAAH!" A deafening baby cry forced the duo to shut their ears.

Turning to face where they had just come from, Gigantitan was once again akumatized and stomping around the block. His tears flooded the streets as he waddled/ran through the city. A green-colored hero chased after the giant baby in a panic. "I AM SO SORRY I DID NOT HAVE THIS UNDER CONTROL!"

Adrien and Marinette smacked their foreheads in unison.

ATTEMPT NUMBER 3

Aboard the Liberty, the Miracusquad was gathered to hear the latest song by Kitty Section. That was the cover story, anyway. Unbeknownst to Marinette, this was a setup headed by Adrien to properly confess his feelings and ask her out on a date.

Even the tiny kwami's were in on the scheme. They all sat over the stage and were prepared to help with the special effects. Except for Fluff, who seemed distracted. "Pay attention Fluff!" Stompp chastised her. "We can't miss our cue!"

"Not to worry, I've seen this happen before. Of course we weren't here and Longg's holder was being bamboozled." Fluff tried to assure her fellow kwami, though the concern they held for the rabbit's sanity grew.

The lights dimmed as the show began. To Marinette's surprise, Adrien took the microphone and center stage. "Tonight, we have a special song to play. One I wrote for a very special girl." He tenderly smiled at his co-guardian.

Kim leaned over to whisper in Marinette's ear, "He's talking about you." He leaned back away, clutching his dolphin tightly.

A beautiful love song graced everyone's ears. You've all seen it already, it's the one from 'Perfection', it plays out pretty much the same except for the kwami's adding additional special effects. No need to copy and paste the lyrics, you can just listen to it yourself.

Adrien's song was drawing to a close. He poured his love into the remaining lyrics "Because my heart beats the same as yours. The melody that simply says I-"

A deafening boom interrupted the song. To everyone's shock, a cannonball rocketed overhead and just barely missed the boat. "Huh, that's new." Fluff commented.

Juleka and Luka exchanged horrified looks. "It's not the fifteenth already, is it?!" the sister muttered in a panic.

The Couffaine brother checked his phone and found an unread note from their mother. "No! There was a scheduling error, and it got bumped up this month!"

Another cannonball crashed close to the Liberty, rocking the boat and knocking the rockers over. "What is happening?!" Rose cried in alarm.

The captain of the liberty ran on deck, decked out in more pirate attire than usual. "Avast ye, young crew! We be under attack!" Anarka pointed a very real sword out towards the Seine, where another pirate-like ship was approaching.

"Surrender Captain Couffaine! The tide has turned in our favor!" some other guy dressed like a pirate shouted through a megaphone on the other ship.

Anarka brought out her own megaphone. "This ain't over till ye be drowning in Davy Jones' locker, Captain Croquer!"

Every other hero turned to the Couffaine siblings for context, the brother of the two quickly summed it up before the next cannon fire "Our mom's monthly roleplay group."

ATTEMPT NUMBER 4

Cat Noir was only moderately fazed by her outburst. Ever since finding out who was beneath the mask, he started to see the parts of both her identities that came out with or without the mask. He fell head over heels for her all over again. "It won't come to that. We've already sent out the signal for everyone to be transformed and on patrol, and we are going to prove our team is more than capable of stopping Hawkmoth."

Brushing his hand over her shoulder, the heroes shared a soft stare. The twinkle of her blue eyes captivated the kitty and reminded him of something he had been meaning to do ever since the reveal. "And maybe once this whole visit is over, you and me can-"

"Ladybug. Cat Noir." an intimidating voice interrupted the date proposal. The way Cat's ears and face drooped, it was clear this wasn't the first time this had happened.

… hey, we already saw this in chapter 10!

ATTEMPT NUMBER 5

The Eiffel Tower, such a romantic spot when it wasn't collateral damage in an akuma battle. Thankfully, there was no battle today (as Gabriel was currently preoccupied with a severe case of diarrhea courtesy of eating his own pancakes) so it was immersed in a peaceful atmosphere.

Marinette and Adrien had finished patrol for the afternoon and undid their transformations when they reached an unoccupied area of the tower. "Sweet, we got this whole part to ourselves today!" Adrien stretched his arms out and sat down on a bench. Plagg flew back inside his jacket and returned a moment later with his cheese, which Adrien had forced him to wrap in a smell-proof wrapping.

The bluenette heroine stepped around an unfinished floor, sure to give away if enough weight was put on it. "Probably because this section is in the middle of construction." Marinette took a seat beside her partner. Besides her pouch with Tikki, Marinette had a small backpack with her today as well. "But while the builders are gone for the day, it makes the perfect place to rest without anyone interrupting."

Adrien noticed the extra bag when Marinette pulled it in front of her and started digging around inside it. "What'cha got there?"

"You were complaining about the snacks being removed from your photoshoots, so I took the liberty of baking up what you'd been missing." Marinette lightly blushed as she brought out an assortment of baked goodies, six different items individually wrapped and ready to be eaten.

Adrien's eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas. "You're my hero." he whispered in awe.

"AND MINE!" Plagg hugged the heroine's face. "I see a cheese filled danish meant just for me!"

His holder rolled his eyes. "Now Plagg, don't assume-"

"It's for Plagg." Marinette confirmed. "Tikki mentioned he'd been drooling over some cheese breads when you stopped in the bakery last weekend." He did actually drool on the counter. Her parents had no idea how it had gotten there.

The cat kwami took a bite out of the pastry. "Can we move in with you?!"

The ladybug kwami flew over and pulled the ear of her more destructive counterpart. "One step at a time, Cheese-breath."

Adrien chose a chocolate croissant and bit into it, loving the sweet and crunchy taste. "I think I like this better than any other croissant I've ever eaten." He complimented the chef, being completely truthful.

"Oh, come on, it's just like any other croissant from my family's store." Marinette brushed it off as no big deal. On the inside she was squeeing and fangirling that her crush loved her baking. It wasn't just like any other croissant, anyway. She added a secret ingredient; love… Metaphorically speaking. The actual baking process went exactly the same as always.

Finishing the delectable delicacy, Adrien realized the kind of atmosphere they were in. A private picnic on the Eiffel Tower, heartfelt snacks and heartfelt gratitude, Tikki dragging Plagg away to give the two of them a little more privacy. It was the perfect opportunity to confess his feelings and ask her out!

"You know, Marinette…" Adrien stood up and suavely held out his hand for his lady. "I've been wanting to talk to you about something important for a while now…"

Marinette grinned hopefully with a bright blush on her face, nodding at him to go on.

Adrien made a move to lean down onto one knee "Marinette I-" the unfinished floor gave in, and Adrien fell through below with a cat-like yelp. The bluenette kneeled over carefully to look down below, finding him bruised but unharmed in a pile of rubble. "I've really fallen for you." His strained pun was quiet enough that only he could hear it.

ATTEMPT NUMBER 6

School, it could be a good place to ask someone out. Adrien was not one to let failure get him down, it only made him more determined to succeed in his goal. Today would be the best time to confess to Marinette if he did it in school since the two biggest obstacles were out, Chloe was taking a 'personal day' away from school and Lila had mysteriously fallen ill after eating the leftover food from the modeling shoot yesterday. They never did figure out who brought in those leftover pancakes?

What was Adrien's amazing master plan for asking out Marinette at school, you may ask? An old-fashioned love letter! It would be like the poem he wrote for Valentine's Day, only this time he actually intended for the recipient to read his scribbled words of romance. All he had to do was place it in her bag during class. Simple.

Until he remembered that he sat in FRONT of her desk. Being in the front row, there was no way to pass the note without being noticed. He couldn't ask his kwami to sneak it over either. The letter wouldn't phase through solid objects like they could. And after the incident with Ziggy and the thumbtack, they weren't willing to try hiding it in Plagg's mouth while he phased through something.

When lunch arrived, it seemed like the perfect opportunity for Adrien to slip her the note. He carefully slid it in her bag while they were talking. All that was left was for her to find it.

Then came the food fight.

No one knows who started the fight, but one stray spoonful of applesauce flying through the air heralded the greatest food war this school had ever seen. It was the only food war, so it won by default. Some tried to escape but found themselves hiding under the tables for shelter, their belongings abandoned as they fended for themselves.

Marinette had tripped over a meatball and her bag flipped up upward. A single note escaped and floated into the next nearest bag, which belonged to Mylene. The mouse heroine had bravely stood on a table and urged her fellow students to not waste food. If they wanted a food fight, they should use the empty containers instead.

And they did. The food was saved, but more boo-boos and ouchies were sustained from soda cans hitting eyes and cardboard causing paper cuts.

When all calmed down, Mylene discovered the love letter in her bag. The writing had been smudged in the war, so it was only just barely legible. Ivan was not happy that someone would give his girlfriend a love letter and tracked down the 'Brien' who had apparently sent it.

Turns out the school had recently hired a junior janitor named Brien. Words were exchanged and voices raised, accusatory fingers were pointed. A black butterfly landed on Brien's mop and the ox miraculous wielder retreated to transform.

Adrien waited on a bench by the Seine, the location where his letter told Marinette to meet him. He had evidently been waiting a while "... She never got the letter, did she?"

"Nope." his kwami figured the same. The tiny cat comforted his human's latest failure, while a large explosion went off in the background.

ATTEMPT NUMBER 7

Adrien was cursed. He had to be. It was the only way to explain why every single time he tried to ask out Marinette, the universe would conspire to interrupt and ruin everything. The only other explanation was that the universe thought of it as an amusing running gag.

He was mentally going through a list of suitable romantic scenarios, which he should have been doing in his room or at school instead of while he was on a mission. Granted, it wasn't a superhero mission. Alix roped a couple of the squad in to help with what she dubbed 'Revengeance: The Nutcracker', and somehow he ended up on stakeout duty in an empty apartment for the afternoon with Marc.

The Rooster hero watched the streets below through a pair of binoculars, while his blonde companion continued to mull over his failures. "I know that look. You're mulling over failure, aren't you?" Adrien heard Marc ask.

He guessed there was no harm in venting. "Every time I try to tell Marinette how I feel, something gets in the way! I can't even blame it on magic since Plagg swore on his stinky cheese that there were no Kwami-related powers involved." And it was the cheese he kept in the old sock! That's how serious Plagg had been.

"Hey, just keep trying. You'll get it out eventually," Marc sympathized.

"I guess." Adrien sighed, rolling his head back and letting it slide against the wall. "How about you? How'd you ask Nathaniel out?"

"Oh, I-" Marc stopped. He tried to remember how he'd asked Nathaniel out. But nothing was coming to mind. "I-did he ask me first?" Nope, he couldn't recall Nathaniel asking him out either. His eyes bugged out as he realized that somehow the two of them had gotten together, without ever asking the other out! "Oh, my Kwami-we got together without even noticing neither of us made the first move!"

Adrien blinked, surprised. "Wow. I never even knew that was possible."

The darker-haired boy placed his binoculars down and took out his phone with an amused grin. "I gotta go tell him! This is the sort of scenario that would be perfect for a story we're writing!" He was almost to the door when he remembered why the two of them were in here. "Wait, I'm supposed to-"

The cat hero shrugged. "It's cool. Go take a break and call him. I'll keep an eye on the target."

Marc nodded a thanks and stepped out to make a call. "Nath, you'll never believe what I just realized-" The door closed, leaving the rest of the conversation unheard.

It was just Adrien and Plagg in the room now. The former kept his eyes glued to the outside with the binoculars held to his face. The tiny god of destruction sat on his shoulder and petted his human on the cheek. "Listen to Rooster-boy, you'll spit it out eventually."

"It's just-I have the words already, but not the timing!" Adrien was frustrated with himself. "All I want is to be able to tell Marinette how I feel without some pirate ship or giant baby getting in the way!"

Plagg felt for his partner. Loving a person was harder than loving cheese. "How about some practice? Pretend you're talking to Marinette instead of me. What would you say?"

"What wouldn't I say?" a fond smile crept onto his lips. "There's so much that I can barely narrow it down." The kwami on his shoulder prodded him to go on, so he continued. "Her smile, her positivity. She always finds a way to make things work. She's kind and super talented, the strongest person I've ever met."

The door behind them opened, though only Plagg noticed and turned around. "Um-Adrien-"

"Come on, Plagg, I want to try to run through this without being interrupted for once." Adrien stubbornly kept going. "There's so many reasons why Marinette is amazing, her heart, her courage, those beautiful eyes that sparkle when the sun hits them. I can't just pick one thing I like about her. I love everything about her!"

"Kid, the door-"

"I know Plagg. Marc will be back in a minute." Adrien wouldn't listen to his kwami. "Let me finish. I want to make my confession perfect. I want Marinette to know that… that with or without the mask, I love her. I love every side of her. Whether she's saving Paris or stumbling over her words, I love everything about Marinette."

"Adrien?" a soft, feminine voice spoke up. The boy let the binoculars fall from his grasp as he froze in shock. There was no mistaking the voice that belonged to the girl that had stolen his heart. He whipped around so fast that he knocked his kwami off his shoulder.

Standing right in front of the door was Marinette Dupain-Cheng herself!

Adrien couldn't articulate any words. He briefly locked eyes with Plagg, whose expression read 'I tried to tell you and you wouldn't listen'. He leapt up off the floor and in a panicking state only got two words out "Why-how?" he gestured wildly like she would do.

Marinette stared at him with a loving, touched gaze. Tears almost spilling from her eyelids. "I-I came to see how you and Marc were doing. He was on the phone, so I let myself in. As for how much I heard… I'm guessing a lot." She figured her entrance was pretty early into his practice confession-turned accidental confession.

Locking eyes, Adrien could feel the love coming from her. And it was directed at him! "And… how do you feel? About me?" He was hopeful, though inside he was freaking out. What if she didn't actually like him like that? Their friends have been supportive of them and it gave him hope that he had a chance with her. But she'd rejected him as Cat Noir in the past, so there was still a doubt that-

"I-I-" Marinette stumbled, steadying her nerves. She forced her eyes shut and blurted her own feelings out before she could overthink it and change her mind. "I in louvre with-No, I mean I'm love-Gah! I love you Adrien!"

There it was. Both of their feelings had been said out loud. The two of them cracked matching awkward smiles and let out some laughter. Laughing over how wonderful and abrupt and amazing and sudden this moment was. The boy reached out and gently took her hand, his lopsided smile sending non-evil butterflies fluttering around her stomach. "Then, will you go out with me, Marinette?"

She eagerly nodded, only able to make a 'hmm-hm' noise in response with her face a blushing and tearfully joyful mess. They shakily took each other's hands and leaned their faces towards one another…

Their kwami's had flown over by the window to leave their holders alone. Plagg briefly looked out the window before doing a double take. "Holy us-THERE'S THE TARGET!" The tiny cat flew over to the walkie-talkie discarded in the corner. "Plagg here, the target is in position!"

"BEGIN THE REVEANGENING!" Alix's voice shouted from the other end of the device.

Jalil Kubdel approached his favorite peanut store, completely unaware that his little sister and her friends were hiding in the bushes with water balloons filled with walnut crumbs… and maybe like one or two that were accidentally filled with paint. The boy was bombarded with projectiles of his least-favorite nut (and some red paint) and angrily shook his fist into the sky. "ALIX!"

"THIS IS FOR LAST TUESDAY! RELEASE THE NEXT PHASE!" His sister shouted from the roof of the building where Adrien and Marc had been positioned.

The new couple couldn't help but pause as they watched the scheme go off, but it wasn't going to stop them from leaning in one more time and successfully kissing. Their sweet kiss went on uninterrupted, despite Marc running past and the windows turning brown as the next phase dropped from the sky.

Adrienette was now canon in this universe.

Chapter Text

Combing his hair and straightening his tie, Felix grabbed his luggage and was ready to leave. He passed by his mother, who was drinking tea and stopped when she noticed her son go by. "Are you sure you're alright going alone to Paris for the weekend?"

"No worries, mother-" Felix assured her. "I'm just going to be plotting against Uncle Gabriel."

"Alright then." Amelie casually accepted, "Just no stabbing anyone. That is your nice vest."

Felix nodded, accepting the terms. His recent visit to Paris ended in failure (and sewage stench) But this weekend would not be the same! This was the weekend he was going to get the plot started! No one was going to stand in his way!

… oh how wrong he was.

OXOXOXOX

The first thing on Felix's to-do list was get the evidence he needed to expose his uncle as a supervillain! He knew his uncle was a jerk, and a terrible designer, and one of the two worst fathers on the planet, but discovering that he was Hawkmoth was the cherry on top of the evil sundae. And an evil sundae was one with raisins, NOBODY LIKES RAISINS!

It had been fortuitous that he had discovered his uncle's identity. He remembered it like it was a week ago. But it was actually two weeks ago.

He and his mom were having tea. Felix refilled his cup as he asked a question, "Mother, who was it that let our family use the peacock miraculous?" He took a long slow sip of his tea.

"Oh, it was your uncle. He, my sister, and Nathalie found that one and another brooch on an expedition." Amelie casually dropped. Felix released an enormous spit take.

Now it was time to begin his plot. It was simple: sneak into the mansion during the next akuma attack, dig through his private room until he found a secret lair entrance, and gather enough evidence to blackmail Gabriel into handing over the peacock miraculous. He didn't have to wait long. An akuma showed up within an hour of arriving, and a handful of heroes had their hands full taking it on. It was show time!

The security at the Agreste mansion was abysmal. All Felix had to do to get in was make a stairway out of garbage cans and hop the fence. No guards, no alarms! Gabriel put all the security into his lair and left the rest of the place wide open! Felix snuck across the garden, praying that the lack of security meant Nathalie was also preoccupied. He found a conveniently open window and jumped in. Felix clung to the walls. He'd memorized where the security cameras pointed and moved in the blind spots.

It was comical how easy it was to get into Gabriel's office. Felix hacked the computer and found an assortment of incriminating documents. Most notably, he found the original demo recordings for his rap single and the early draft for the follow up on how much he hates charity. Felix grinned evilly, holding up the flash drive he copied the evidence onto "Watch out uncle, the status quo will be shifting soon."

Felix left the way he came in, but scaling the other side of the fence was slightly more difficult. "All that's left to do is make backup copies." He held out the lone flash drive. He had to protect it with his life!

Swinging himself over the fence, Felix expected to feel his foot hit the top of the garbage can. He realized too late that there was nothing stacked up where he left it and that he was falling straight down onto the concrete. Even worse, the flash drive slipped from his grasps as he fell and landed underneath him.

The boy was alright, but the drive had been shattered beyond repair. "No! How could this have happened?!" the blonde cupped the broken blackmail in frustration.

A whistled tune caught his ear and Felix noticed a boy with cyan tipped hair was moving the cans back into place. Luka wiped his brow once he finished re-setting the trash cans and hopped back on his bike, all without even looking at the furious boy whose plot he foiled. "A minor setback. This is why I have prepared backup plots."

OXOXOXOX

If Felix couldn't blackmail his uncle, he'd turn his cousin against him. Adrien was just as much a part of this as he was. The biggest difference (that Felix knew) was that he was being kept in the dark about his heritage.

Felix's goal wasn't simply his own freedom, but freedom for all those like them. He was unable to retrieve the other ring that Gabriel still possessed, so for now the most he could do was get Adrien onto his side with facts alone… maybe he should have made a PowerPoint?

"Hey Felix!" The more uptight of the identical cousin's flinched, having been so deep in thought he'd failed to notice Adrien approaching. Felix was waiting near the edge of the Île aux Cygnes, sitting on a designer beach towel. He wasn't about to sit on sand without any cover! That would be barbaric!

"Adrien, thank you for meeting here on such short notice."

"Yeah, I didn't even know you were back in Paris!" Adrien hadn't been expecting Felix at all! Let alone that he'd be the one asking to meet up. Their relationship had been somewhat rocky as of late, what with the impersonation incident, and the constant dislikes he'd been leaving on Adrien's [NonBrandNameSocialMedia] meme's.

"Yes, about that-" Felix began. "I trust you to not inform anyone else in your household about my presence here in Paris."

Adrien narrowed his eyes. "Suuuuure…" His cousin had an ulterior motive. He always did. Once, when they were little, Felix invited him to a fancy party in London just to swindle him out of a rare 'Nisemon' card. t took Adrien eight years to get another one of those cards! "What's your angle this time?"

Felix faked a gasp and pressed a hand to his chest. "An angle?! After all these years, must you assume I always have something up my sleeve?!"

His cousin grabbed the hand he had pressed to his chest, and wordlessly reached into the sleeve and took out an ace of spades. Adrien lifted a single eyebrow, proving his point. "... Fine. I do have an angle." Felix admitted, taking his card back. "This is something bigger than myself, something that could shake the very foundation of the narrative."

"What narrative? This is real life, not some sort of story." Adrien could only see three walls, the fourth would forever elude anyone that wasn't a rabbit.

Felix stared at his cousin, an unnerving seriousness in his eyes. "I need your help, and you can't tell ANYONE in case they compromise my position. No authorities, not anyone in your house, not your friends."

It clicked in Adrien's mind. There could only be one possible thing Felix could need his help with. He killed someone and has to dispose of the body. It was only a matter of time before someone committed murder. He honestly expected it to be Nathalie, though. "O-oh, ehem. I don't think I'm the right person for this."

Felix persisted "It has to be you Adrien! The truth is that we are-"

The rest of Felix's sentence was drowned out by a loud guitar riff. Rock music started blaring from the stalls nearby. A makeshift stage was up against the pillar with Luka Couffaine shredding his strings. A crowd formed to watch the impromptu concert, even drawing in Adrien, who gestured that he was going to go see his friend (and happy to have a diversion from what he thought was a murder confession).

Adrien was gone before Felix could stop him. His Plan B was foiled. He snarled at the musician, recognizing him as the one who foiled his earlier plot. It was still only a minor setback. He had two more cards to play… not including the one up his sleeve.

OXOXOXOX

Nathalie rarely ever got a day off of work. Most of her off days were spent working for her boss's other occupation and running around with blue skin. At least Gabriel gave her a villainous bonus. She had stopped at an upper class cafe for lunch before her appointment at the archery range.

The off the clock villainess was ignorant of Felix's plot. The boy had snuck into the employee space and secured a uniform. Using some makeup, contacts and a wig, he'd flawlessly blended in with the wait staff. He deduced that the Peacock Miraculous was hidden underneath Nathalie's jacket, and Felix knew how to remove it. He would spill something over the front of her outfit and pretend to wipe it off to pickpocket the brooch. A cliche, yet a classic.

Felix's disguise was working well. He had infiltrated the staff without any suspicion. It turns out his disguise was nearly identical to a guy who hadn't shown up that day, Pierre Zeschwann. Unknown to Felix and the actual staff, the real Pierre was using a fake identity as well and was fleeing the country that very day.

The right opportunity came eventually, after Felix had already delivered plates to several other tables while Nathalie took her time ordering. "Pierre!" the manager called to the disguised Felix. "Bring this coffee over to mademoiselle Sancoeur." She could swear Pierre was shorter today, and his voice was higher. But the bum was doing a good job for once, so she was willing to ignore it.

"Right away." Felix accepted the drink and carefully planned his steps. Every move had to be precise. It had to look like an accident. He'd seen his cousin's girlfriend enough to study her clumsiness and implement it into his act. "Here you are ma-" he stumbled and flailed over nothing, exaggerating his movements just enough to look like he was struggling not to fall. The cup of cold coffee flipped off of the tray and splattered exactly where it was meant to splatter.

"Oh, my-" Nathalie was never more lucky to prefer cold coffee, but her jacket was soaked.

Felix feigned an apologetic tone. "I am so sorry!" He held out his pickpocket cloth. "Here let me-"

"Are you alright, miss?" A calm voice approached. Felix glanced up and couldn't believe it was the same guy again! How was he even here?! You needed celebrity connections to get in!

"I am quite alright." Nathalie assured the boy. "Although my jacket will smell like coffee for a few days."

Luka had an idea. "If you'd like, my dad has a few extra tour jackets he didn't sell." He looked over to another table against the wall, where Jagged Stone, Penny, and Fang were seated. Fang sat up like a person, yet he drank out of a dog bowl.

Nathalie nodded, accepting the teen's generosity. "That would be a great help. Thank you." She walked away to follow the civilian snake hero.

Felix was dumbfounded, the same boy had shown up again, the same boy ruined his plot again, and THEY LET A CROCODILE INTO A CAFE!? He had enough for today, Felix untied his apron and threw it at the manager as he stomped out "PIERRE! YOU COME BACK HERE AND FINISH YOUR SHIFT!"

"I DON'T EVEN WORK HERE!" Felix shouted before slamming the door shut… then reopening it a moment later to add "AND I'M NOT PIERRE!"

OXOXOXOX

It was all that guy's fault! The same rocker boy thwarted all of his schemes this weekend! All Felix was trying to do was mix up the formulaic setting of this superhero vs villain story and turn it to his favor. He had every right to become a major player in this game, granted he was on neither side of the current conflict. That boy must be stopping him on purpose! To prevent Felix from creating a third faction in this Miraculous showdown.

"He won't stop me this time. I'll make sure of it." Felix had been patiently waiting until there was an akuma attack to enact his final plot of the weekend. It happened at dinnertime, or precisely right before Felix had his first bite. He grumpily shoved his food aside and hurried outside to where the battle was taking place.

He'd been pushed aside by one side already, but if he sided with the other side, he could subside until the opportunity to blindside both sides arrived.

The akuma, whose motivation Felix didn't care to learn, but he assumed it had something to do with pralines since they were splattered everywhere. He followed the battle. Aside from the main duo, the dragon girl and snake guy were part of the fight today. It was the same as always. Ladybug summons a Lucky Charm (this week it was a ridiculously large spoon) and figures out some convoluted way to defeat the bad guy. The team had spread out, with only the two red-clad heroines confronting the villain head on.

All Felix had to do was wait for when Ladybug was about to throw her charm and repair the damage. He would snag the spoon before she could throw it and demand her assistance in return for the charm. Those heroes had a time limit. Ladybug wouldn't waste time when the only way to fix everything could disappear. She would have no choice but to join forces with him. With the aid of the Miracusquad, he'd retrieve the peacock in no time, then he'd go forward with his own plans. However, he needed some sort of insurance so we wouldn't be outnumbered by the lot of them, though his uncle's defeat may be enough for them to let him go. He'd figure it out after he has the spoon.

"No more evil doing for you, little akuma." there it was! Felix shot a grappling hook towards the spoon, which would have hooked it and brought it to him had it not been for Viperion, jumping down and landing on the wire, grounding it before it got close.

"Ugh, NO!" Felix hissed in frustration. If it wasn't the rock boy, it was a snake boy ruining his schemes.

"Miraculous Ladybug!" The magic bugs repaired the damage and cleaned up the pralines. Felix missed his chance to bargain with the heroes.

"Viperion, what's that under your foot?" Ryuko pointed to the wire and grappling hook.

Confused, Viperion moved his foot and found what she was talking about. "I think it's a… grappling hook?" he tried leaning down to inspect it. The hook retracted before he could and the two watched it zoom away into a dark alley nearby. Viperion walked away to assist Cat Noir with helping the former akuma, while Ryuko beckoned Ladybug to check out the source of the grappling hook.

Felix put away his military grade technology (that he received for his twelfth birthday) and cursed his failures! Why was everybody conspiring against him?! Just because he was conspiring against all of them! "Felix?" He gasped, realizing that the superheroines had noticed him.

He could salvage this. He knew who Hawkmoth was! He could barter the information for their cooperation! "Ladybug! I need to-"

"Why in the world are you messing around with a grappling hook? We can't have civilians try to fight akumas with non-magical weapons!" Ladybug lectured, then paused as she considered something. "... Unless my lucky charm needs them to."

"Wha- I wasn't trying to-" Felix tried to clear her misconception, but the girls were already parkour-ing away. "COME BACK HERE! I NEED TO BARTER WITH YOU!" He couldn't pin this failure on a boy with dyed bangs. He could only curse that he didn't have a more discreet way of snagging the giant spoon. "One day, I'm going to take what I need to bring freedom to myself and my cousin. And mark my words rocker boy, you have my attention and I shall invest a portion of my schemes to return the 'favors' you granted me!" He swore to who he presumed was his destined rival.

Ladybug and Ryuko rejoined Cat Noir and Viperion on a rooftop, all detransforming as they handed out snacks to the kwami's "Adrien, did you know your cousin had a grappling hook?" Marinette asked.

"Was it the bronze or the black one?" her boyfriend didn't seem to realize how unusual it was for civilians to own military-grade equipment.

"Your cousin?" Luka seemed confused.

Adrien pulled up a photo of himself and Felix on his phone. "Yep, we're identical cousins. Probably because our moms are identical twins." One day, he'd figure out that genetics don't work like that, but that day was not today!

Luka studied the picture, trying to think if he'd seen that boy somewhere before. "Hmm… nope. Never seen him before." He concluded, completely unaware of his interference with his plots.

Kagami took a look at the photo. "... He's cute." Her statement earned the shock and confusion of the cat and bug duo.

Chapter Text

Marinette hardly ever got sick. She had to stay healthy to fight evil. But even she had to come down with the flu, eventually. It just so happened to be on the day she would be needed most by her parents. The ill girl groaned when her mother took her temperature. "I'm not sick! It's just sinuses!" Marinette's voice was stuffy and tired.

"Even if it were just a cough, we wouldn't let you help today." Sabine removed the thermometer, which indeed proved that her daughter had a fever. "I know you want to help your father and I with the catering order, but you should never handle food when you're unwell."

Her parents received a massive catering order, one that would require an extra set of hands to help complete on time. Without Marinette, they'd maybe just barely finish before the deadline. "It's so much for you two to handle!" the sick girl reminded her mother. "And is the hazmat suit really necessary?"

Yep, her mother was dressed in a full body hazmat suit. "I can't risk getting sick, too. But we won't be short on help. A few of your friends volunteered to help with the baking!"

That was a relief. Tikki must have called for help on the Miracusquad group chat. "Really? That's so-wait…" Marinette's relief vanished. "Which friends?"

"What up Mr. Dupain-Cheng!" Nino saluted the man at the front door.

"We heard you needed some extra help." Mylene piped up beside him.

"So we're here to do what we can!" Zoe joined in as well.

Frankly, it wasn't the worst group that could have covered. That would have been Kim, Alix, Rose and Kagami. Kwami knows how much chaos ensued when they were in charge of making lemonade for the school picnic. "Fantastic!" Tom clapped his hands together. "Now, how much experience to you all have with baking?"

The teens' answers overlapped each other. "Zero." "None at all." "I've made toast."

A beat of silence followed their responses. Tom's grateful smile crooked nervously "... Ok then!"

OXOXOXOX

"We'll start you all off doing something simple." Tom addressed the trio of secretly superpowered teenagers. Each wore an apron as they listened intently. They figured that combined they could have the same level of efficiency as their leader, they could cover each other's shortcomings like they did in battle. Right?

The three were presented with a massive pile of dough, along with several baking sheets and chocolate chips. "We need you to prepare fifty chocolate chip cookies each. The dough is already prepared. It just needs the chocolate chips and to be molded into regular cookie sizes." Tom explained, "Think you can handle it?"

"Absolutely!" Zoe enthusiastically affirmed. Even little kids could make cookies. This would be easy!

The actual baker left them on their own to join his wife in preparing the more difficult desserts, and the three got to work. Nino took a handful of dough and squashed it flat, putting it on the tray before sprinkling chocolate chips on top. "Uh, Nino-" The boy looked up at the concerned mouse heroine "I don't think that's right."

"What do you mean?! Cookies are flat and round!" Nino argued.

"Yeah, but they expand when they bake." Mylene tried to explain, "You have to roll them into balls of dough, like this." she held out a smooth orb of dough.

Nino scoffed, "I think I've eaten enough cookies in my life to know what I'm doing." he continued his same process for his entire batch, which held fewer cookies than the other two trays.

Mylene had rolled all of her dough into little balls but nearly forgot the chips. She hastily sprinkled them over the top and hoped they'd stick. Zoe mixed in her chips as she rolled the dough, though none of her cookies came out round. She tried her best to replicate what Mylene was doing, but somehow all of her dough became perfect cubes.

The three put their trays in the oven and waited until it was time to take them out and reveal the results. "Aw man…" Nino couldn't hide his embarrassment or his cookie when he took his tray out. Yes, cookie, singular. His large flat cookies melted together into a giant, thin cookie that took up almost the whole tray with a few holes here and there. He didn't even know if they could remove it without washing the cookie off with a hose.

As much as Mylene wanted to say 'I told you so' she couldn't, her own cookies didn't come out right either. The cookies themselves looked fine, but the chocolate chips had rolled off her super smooth dough and if the cookie was lucky, it had a single chip in it while the remainder coated the bottom of the tray. "Oof. How'd your cubes turn out, Zoe?"

Zoe, in utter astonishment, pulled out a tray of perfect cookies. No cube shaped mishaps whatsoever. "I have no idea how this happened." The bee heroine admitted.

Moving at the speed of plot, Nino and Mylene quickly replicated Zoe's cube cookies and baked their own shares. Their kwami's helped themselves to as much of Nino's cookie as they could scrape off, with little Pollen breaking off another piece to take up to the kwami living upstairs. She'd appreciate the snack after dealing with her holder…

OXOXOXOX

"Stay down Marinette!" The tiny primordial being tried to shove her human partner back into bed.

"No! What if the kitchen is already destroyed?! What if the kwami's get discovered?! MY PARENTS WOULD FREAK IF THEY FOUND MULLO OF ALL KWAMIS!" Marinette struggled to leave her loft, what with Tikki swinging a pillow around to block her exit.

OXOXOXOX

Tom inspected the trio's work. "Some of the cookies are a little small, but overall, good job!" The teens relaxed, their first task accomplished. "This next one will be a little more difficult. We need macarons in lots of different flavors. You guys will be in charge of the chocolate, lemon and raspberry batches."

"Dibs on chocolate!" Zoe picked first, with her friends dismayed to lose out on the flavor. Nino took on the lemon and Mylene took the raspberry, each grabbing a recipe card from Tom that explained how to make their batches while he and Sabine worked on the remaining flavors.

There was much more work to do compared to the cookies. They had to start these from scratch and make the batter themselves. Sabine kept her eye on the three while working on her own. "I really think we should show them how to make these."

"Sabine, we can't afford to slow down. These are Marinette's friends. We can trust them." Her husband attempted to assure her.

"I trust them. But they've never made macarons and Nino is already over mixing it." His wife pointed out, gesturing to the boy whisking the egg mix like he wanted to kill it. Heavy metal music could somehow be heard when someone looked at him, really. Tom looked and turned away a few times and the music came and went.

"... Yeah, I'll pass around some pointers." Tom saw what she meant.

Upstairs, Marinette was trying to sleep. Then her eyes opened as the faint hum of heavy metal hit her ear. "SOMEONE IS OVER MIXING THE BATTER!"

"Marinette, if you try to leave again, I won't hesitate to use force." her kwami fluffed a pillow threateningly.

Downstairs again; Tom yanked the bowl away from Nino. "You can't mix that hard. Macarons are soft and delicate and they need to be made as such." He explained.

Nino was guided to see how the girls were mixing and realized his error. "Huh, look at that. Thanks dude-Ugh-I mean Mr. Dudepan!" He didn't cringe afterwards, leading Tom to realize he had intended to say the second name.

Mylene and Zoe moved ahead while Nino redid his batter. Mylene studied the food coloring paste she was about to use, peeking at the recipe card quickly. She did as it supposedly said and added half of the coloring to the mix. "This seems like a lot… Mr. Dupain?" The baker came over to the girl that called him. "This seems like a lot of coloring? Is this healthy?"

"No! That's way too much!" Tom hurriedly put on a glove and scooped out as much coloring as he was able to. "It should only be half a teaspoon!" He took the recipe card and saw the error. "Ok, this one's on me. The coloring should only be half a teaspoon, not half of the whole container."

The mistake resolved, Tom relaxed and went over to rejoin his wife. He saw Zoe was already at the piping stage and instinctively rushed over. "Wait! You need to-" There was no need to correct anything. Zoe had piped her share in perfect circles. "... You've never baked before?" he asked incredulously.

The bee heroine shrugged, "Not once."

Tom put a hand on her shoulder. "You have a gift."

OXOXOXOX

The smell of macarons reached the top of the building, where Tikki sat on a ledge. She'd finally gotten Marinette to agree that she was too ill to help bake and to rest until she was better. All that was left was to sit back and enjoy the beautiful day.

That's when Mr. Pigeon flew overhead with his army of birds.

"Oh no."

"TIKKI SPOTS (hack-cough) ON!"

OXOXOXOX

Towers of different colored macarons covered an entire table. The trio of volunteers stood proudly by the stacks they produced. About two batches had been lumpy or cracked, but they came out great on the second try.

"We've got a few smaller pastry batches left to do-" Sabine told the teens "As well as get everything packed up to deliver tonight. You kids could help load it up, or you could help with one more pastry." She gave them a choice.

"What kind of pastry is it?" Mylene raised her hand.

Sabine held out a recipe card for them to see. "It's something brand new, a honey-filled tart."

Nino and Mylene simultaneously turned to Zoe, who seemed puzzled by the expectant looks they all gave her. Even Marinette's parents were watching her. "... why is everyone staring at me?"

"Your kind of a natural at this," Mylene pointed out.

"And it's got honey, which is Polle-" Nino caught himself before outing her kwami "-nated by bees. Which you love, right?" Nino nervously laughed "Don't-don't you love bees… and honey…"

Zoe took the recipe card and looked over it. "... yeah! I can do this!"

"Fantastic!" Tom clapped "I'll bring over what you'll need, while you two-" he pointed to Nino and Mylene "Help get everything packed and into the Catering Car" He revealed a very merchandisable car, perfect for producing as a toy playset for Miraculous themed toys. (Coming never to a store near no one!)

Her friends started packing up while Zoe got everything set up with Tom. Soon, the ingredients and tools were all laid out on the table in front of her. The heroine took a deep breath and prepared to bake "Here I go."

Bright words raised on screen (if this was visual) and a disembodied, deep voice called out "FINAL ROUND. READY… BAKE!" and the mechanics of some sort of high difficulty rhythm game played with epic music to… Zoe calmly stirring the flour mixture for the crust "WICKED!"

The rhythm graphics sped up while Zoe gently pressed the dough into disks and wrapped them to refrigerate for a half hour. "AWESMAZING!" They sped up even more while she patiently waited for 30 minutes to be over. "TOTALLY TUBULAR!"

Zoe rolled the dough and distributed it evenly between the pans "EPIC!" She slowly whisked the custard base over a stove while the crust was baking "HOLY SHMOWZOW!" The buttons of the screen caught fire and lightning shot everywhere when Zoe carefully filled the crust with the honey filling. "ULTIMATE DEATH COMBO WOMBO!"

When the tarts were done, the score screen exploded and removed any trace of the video gameplay imagery. "These look nice." Zoe wiped her brow, admiring her work. Pollen, who was hidden under the table, had been given a drop of the honey custard filling by her partner. The kwami's eyes sparkled when the taste reached her tongue. It was the (wait for it…) Bee's knees.

"Those smell amazing!" Mylene complimented, she and Nino returning to the kitchen.

"Bet they taste even better." Nino tried reaching out to snag a tart, only to have his hand whacked away by Mylene. "But I wouldn't know that since these are for the customer." He awkwardly chuckled.

Sabine and Tom approached and gave the tarts the final pass. "Amazing job, Zoe! Are you sure you don't want to be a baker?" Mr. Dupain asked.

Tempting as it was, Zoe had to decline. "Sorry, but I really want to be an actress. However, I wouldn't mind helping out from time to time."

The tarts got packed up into the merchandise-tie-in vehicle and they were only twelve minutes behind schedule. "Thank you, kids, for all your help today." Sabine thanked her daughter's friends. "Now Marinette can rest easy knowing the order has been finished."

OXOXOXOX

Ladybug finished purifying the akuma and returned to her room. Barely able to open the door before de-transforming and face planting straight down into her bed from the rooftop. Tikki went flying out of the earrings and toppled down the ladder to the bottom of her chosen's room. "Three hours. That battle lasted three hours." the exhausted kwami groaned. All of her hard work getting her partner to rest was for naught.

Tikki sighed. She was too tired to give a punchline to this subplot. So how about we end this with a happy moral? If at first you don't succeed, the resulting mishap will be much funnier.

Chapter Text

Nathalie was getting tired of this. This was the fourth time in two weeks she was running across rooftops dressed like a peacock. With a group of teenagers also dressed in animal attire chased after her. Their leader had already purified her amok, but three of her teammates stayed behind to go after her.

Mayura almost jumped to the next rooftop, before noticing that it was under construction. The scaffolding did not look stable enough for her to land on. "End of the line Mayura!" The rabbit heroine called out, with the fox and tiger girls by her side.

There was nowhere left to run. Her only options were to either risk jumping into the unfinished room or be captured and her miraculous taken. Option B would directly lead to the Miracusquad deducing the identity of the man terrorizing Paris for what felt like seasons. She couldn't let them catch her. With a smirk, Mayura jumped backwards into the scaffolding. Predictably, the flimsy board could not sustain her weight and it started coming down on her. Through her training as a hunter, and some sheer luck, she was able to get out of the collapsing mess, mostly unharmed.

It was too risky for the other girls to follow. Rena Rouge contacted the co-guardians to give them the update. "We lost Mayura. She jumped into an unstable structure."

"Did she do a flip?" Cat Noir asked, genuinely curious.

In a nearby alley, the peacock villainess de-transformed and rested her back against the wall. Every encounter it seemed like the heroes were getting closer and closer to apprehending her. Why did she have to be a field agent?! Oh right, Gabriel claimed he wasn't fit enough to run across rooftops.

"Nathalie?" her kwami got her attention. "Are you alright? That was a really close call." The tiny peacock worried for her partner. She hated being used for evil, but she cared for her holder, regardless.

"I'm fine." Nathalie assured her companion.

Duusu hid inside her jacket as Nathalie snuck out of the alley. "You know-" the tiny voice whispered from her jacket. "I'm sure Nooroo's master will understand if you are honest and tell him that you don't want to fight on the front line!"

Poor little peacock, so optimistic and naïve. Had she already forgotten how worked up Gabriel had got when they were deciding a team name? If he flipped a table over Nathalie disagreeing with his team name, then how would he handle her, not wanting to keep fighting teenagers every week? "I know you are concerned, but I can assure you it is not worth it to argue. Gabriel has our best interests in mind. After all, the two of us are partners."

OXOXOXOX

'Headline-Hawkmoth defeated once more by the Miracusquad. Meanwhile, sales of red pants are at an all-time low'

Nathalie couldn't help but be irritated at the latest news in her digital newspaper. The heroes were fighting her and her amok and yet the news only mentions Hawkmoth behind the attack. The news never forgot Cat Noir when it talked about Ladybug. Why couldn't it do the same for the evil duo of Hawkmoth and Mayura? Granted, she was happy the name 'Fabulous Fiends' hadn't caught on.

The door opening made her look up to see Adrien looking around cautiously. She knew exactly why. "Not to worry, Adrien, your father did not make pancakes this morning." Nathalie and Gorilla had been hiding all the pancake ingredients before their employer could 'cook' his dish for his 'beloved' son.

Adrien let out a sigh of relief. He'd been terrified to eat another one after a previous batch had a skull-shaped smoke cloud above it. "Thank goodness." Something else crossed his mind. "He still remembers its parent's day at school, right? Father promised he'd come this time, after… "

LAST TIME

Miss Bustier is at the front of the class, addressing all of her students as the shot pans across the room. "It's so wonderful to have you all here. Every loving parent and student all together an-" she stopped when she saw Adrien had a crudely made scarecrow of sorts meant to look like his father. He moved its arm with a stick attached and made the scarecrow wave to his teacher.

"I can confirm that your father is aware of that and it is on his schedule." Nathalie confirmed, breaking apart the flashback. The model son was pleased to hear that and took a seat at the table, where under a cloche was some nutritious and not deadly breakfast.

A long stretch of silence ensued. Neither person says a word for like three minutes. It was the older woman who ended up breaking the silent streak "Adrien, you've seen those miraculous heroes, haven't you?"

Adrien avoided eye contact. "Y-yeah, I mean, who hasn't seen them? I sure have! I've even met Cat Noir once and gave him a high-five." It wasn't a total lie. One time as Cat Noir, he gave himself a high five after beating an akuma on his own.

"Is it just that Hawkmoth that they fight or was there some other villain?" The peacock villainess herself probed.

Oh good, this wasn't about her being on to him. "Yeah, he's got this sidekick, Mayura." Adrien answered, more relaxed now.

Nathalie didn't like the sound of 'sidekick', she could accept being called an assistant but not a sidekick. "Huh, you never hear about her in the news."

"Yeah, I think she might be Hawkmoth's wife or girlfriend or something," Adrien casually responded as he took a bite of quail egg. "I don't know who would wanna work for him otherwise."

Is that what the public thought of her? Was this that shipping thing Adrien had mentioned before? "Is that what you think of her? Just some lover to the supervillain and not a partner like Ladybug and Cat Noir?" Nathalie couldn't help but ask.

"Honestly, I think she could do so much better than Hawkmoth if that were the case. Why waste her life working for the bad guy?" Adrien answered. He had no idea who was under the blue skin or why she would work for a supervillain. The squad's secondary villain had to have her own motivations, but they never got to delve into that. Probably because she'd always send a sentimonster to attack them. Maybe she'd benefit from seeing one of those 'therapists' people that Sabrina mentioned he should talk to?

Although the expression on her face never changed, Nathalie did take what the boy had said to heart. He really did take after his mother when it came to his kind and loving heart. Perhaps it was time to reassess the heart of her employer.

OXOXOXOX

Nathalie Sancoeur was a multitasker, she was going through the expense reports from last week's fashion show, scouring through the 'Fabulous Fiends' [NonBrandNameSocialMedia], ignoring Felix's twelfth email in the last five days to hand over her brooch, and having a chess match with Duusu. "Seriously, we just need some paint and this horse right here will look just like my friend Kaalki!" The tiny peacock still had more fun playing with the pieces than actually using them for their intended purpose.

The villainess wasn't paying too much attention, anyway. She'd finished scrolling through the account feed and tallied her findings. Mayura was only mentioned in 5.263% of the posts. It was actually a little relieving considering the cringe her boss posted. That man could not meme to save his life.

"Miss Nathalie?" the timid butterfly kwami spoke up. Nathalie hadn't noticed he'd even entered the room. "My master wants to see you now."

Adjusting her glasses, Nathalie closed her [NonBrandNameSocialMedia] tab and went off. Nooroo sat down opposite Duusu at the chessboard, picking up a king and quickly checkmating several of Duusu's pieces. "... I'm keeping the horse." The peacock firmly held the piece.

Inside the office of Mr. Agreste, papers were scattered about the floor. They weren't any of his fashion(?) designs, just scripts and concepts on how they were going to take jewelry from teenagers. Nathalie stepped on one and picked it up, visibly disapproving of the 'new and improved Mr. Pigeon 2.0' "Sir, you really need to stop leaving your supervillain work on the floor. What if your son or his bodyguard walked in and found these?"

Her boss didn't seem to be listening to her. He was preoccupied with something on his computer. "Gabriel." His assistant's stern tone got his attention.

"Nathalie, come over and look at this." he ushered his partner-in-crime over. Nathalie was confused at the footage from the previous battle. It specifically was footage of Ladybug and Cat Noir taking out the impressively large giraffe-like sentimonster she had created. The amok was hidden in an anklet on her ankle, assuming none of the heroes could get close enough to break it. She assumed wrong when the lucky charm snagged her dress and dropped her at the right angle for Bunnyx to smash the jewelry with her umbrella.

"Sir, I'd hoped you'd realize by now that the Lucky Charm is a variable we could never account for. It gave her a chainsaw once, and she dismantled it for the motor to power up this gadget the horse boy had." Nathalie brought the subject up again. Aside from the power of the monkey, the Lucky Charm was their greatest obstacle to victory.

Gabriel didn't need his sidekick to remind him of what he already knew. "Yes, yes, I am well aware that I cannot plan for what that Yo-Yo gives her! I am talking about how the amok was in plain sight the whole time! Couldn't you keep it hidden somewhere the heroes will never find it?"

"Where would that be? My suit lacks any storage options and keeping it away from me never works." Leaving the amok away from the battle led to it breaking, regardless. She could leave the amok in an abandoned alley and somehow the exact wall would break down in the battle and crush it. That exact scenario happened six times! "Would you want to give being the peacock a try, and I'll be the butterfly?"

"No!" Gabriel growled angrily. "I cannot let this brooch out of my sight! I shower with it, Nathalie!"

His assistant could read between the lines. He didn't trust anyone with the butterfly miraculous, not even his own partner. Nathalie would have given him a brief lecture about working as a team had she not stepped on another akuma design that had fallen on the floor. "What is-" she picked it up and squinted at the design and notes.

Nathalie stopped, these were designs for an akumatized Adrien!

"Gabriel, what is this!?" she shoved the paper in his face.

"Exactly what it looks like." He nonchalantly answered, "I think my son would make a great akuma, though I am torn between two designs. The 'Ephemeral' one is simple but effective, but the 'Caterkiller' one would be so fitting since caterpillars come from butterflies. It'd be a father-son activity!"

Speaking of father-son activities, Nathalie realized what time it was and gasped. "Father-Sir! You're supposed to be at Adrien's school right now! You promised you would be there for parents' day!" She'd lost track of time herself, checking her watch. There were only five minutes before the class would begin.

"That was today?" Gabriel didn't sound interested. "It can't be helped. He'll understand that I'm a busy man. Now where were-" he heard angry footsteps marching out of the room and noticed Nathalie was leaving "Where are you going? We still have our next strategy to go over!"

"I will not let your son try to impress a scarecrow ever again!" Nathalie slammed the door behind her, and finally put her priorities in order.

OXOXOXOX

Adrien stood outside his classroom, dialing his father's number over and over again. "You've reached the voicemail of Gabriel Agreste. Do not leave a message and schedule an appointment like a respectable person." The voicemail shut itself off again. Adrien shouldn't have been surprised. His father almost never keeps his promises. He was still waiting on that pony he promised him on his fifth birthday. He was used to it, but it was never less upsetting.

The screeching of tires blared outside the school, and a woman ran through the door and up the stairway with the speed of an Olympic runner. Adrien didn't know how to react when he realized the lady bolting through the school was Nathalie. "Wha-Nathalie why are you-"

Nathalie firmly placed her hands on his shoulders. "Your father will not be attending. So… I will be your 'parent' for this event." As professional as she spoke, it was clear how much she cared for the boy. Adrien smiled, glad that he had someone who showed up for him. The woman let out an annoyed sound, dropping her stoic demeanor. "Honestly, that man has done plenty of horrible things. But today was the last straw."

"Oh, Hay-briel has plenty of that if you need more." The boy grinned as he made a dumb joke. No, it didn't make Nathalie laugh, but she was happy that he was happy.

On their way into the classroom, Nathalie snuck her phone into her palm and texted without looking, 'Adhere to my conditions and we can make a deal.'

OXOXOXOX

"We really need an official base." Miss Hound sat around with her fellow superheroes. There were a lot of them so it was difficult to find places where they could discuss Miraculous matters as a group. Currently, they were on the highest floor of the Eiffel Tower. How no one else was at such a popular landmark at this time of the afternoon was a mystery for the ages.

Bunnyx turned to the hero beside her. "Pegasus, can't you just teleport us somewhere private where we could build a base?"

The horse hero had apparently already put some thought to that suggestion, "Even if I did, there are several other logistics that need to be accounted for. For instance-"

"Greetings Miracusquad!"

The team of heroes simultaneously turned to one of the edges of the tower. A boy around their age stood in a peacock-themed super suit with a feathery fan in hand. What really caught all of their attention was the unmistakable peacock brooch he was wearing. "I am Argos, the new wielder of the peacock miraculous! I can be your ally or your enemy, if you agree to my terms."

Two minutes later…

Felix is tied up in Ladybug's yoyo. His miraculous removed as he sighs with regret and annoyance while the heroes surround him. Duusu flew around happily, circling her new partner and landing on his shoulder "Told you this would happen!"

Chapter Text

"-and that is why we tied up Felix and brought him here." Ladybug finished summarizing the situation to Su-Han. In a rare move of continuity, we are picking up where the last chapter left off. Felix is the new peacock wielder and was badly beaten by an entire team of heroes. Said heroes were now at the Guardian's Temple with their prisoner, consulting the Order of the Guardians on what they should do.

Su-Han pinched the space between his eyes. "He will not divulge the identity of the peacock miraculous's former wielder?" he asked, to confirm.

Ladybug let out an exhausted sigh. "It was a condition on a contract he signed. A literal contract. Duusu signed it too." Kwami's didn't need to sign legal documents, not when their wielder could command them to their will. A kwami who signed a contract was even more serious. If it was breached, they'd have to call in a lawyer, THE LEGAL SYSTEM WOULD DISCOVER THE KWAMI'S!

"Then we have no other choice." Su-han spoke gravely. "We must prepare the ritual!" dramatic lightning flashed outside the window. The two guardians were startled by the sudden flash, and a sheepish Ryuko ran by with a quick 'sorry'.

The captured blonde was growing weary of his predicament. They'd blindfolded him, tied him up in a yoyo, took him kwami-knows-where, and they had the audacity to talk about him like he wasn't even there. "I will admit that the hoodie was a nice addition-" Minotaurox went on "But having no mask seems really out of place."

"His skin is purple and the absence of a mask is what's out of place?!" Rena Rouge added her thoughts.

The temple doors opened and in walked their leader and 'the man upstairs' as Alix called him. Ladybug looked over to her co-guardian, Cat Noir, and gave him the nod. They would be doing the trial for his cousin. The cat-clad hero smacked his staff on the ground as he gave his order, "Release the blindfold!"

Purple Tigress was closest and undid the fabric, and once Felix could see, he felt himself spinning in a circle as the yoyo was removed. Falling to the floor, Felix fell on his back and looked up at the three guardians present… and Duusu, who was eating a white chocolate macaron. "So, you've decided how to dispose of me?" the newly freed boy rolled his eyes.

"We will not dispose of you." Ladybug assured him. "You have your reasons for wanting that particular Miraculous. Your allegiance changes like a roulette wheel so we can't trust you yet. However… we are willing to give you a chance to earn the right to keep your Miraculous."

Felix had to admit, he was surprised. "I will swear to remain on your side if I keep the brooch." His personal plans could wait. Having the peacock miraculous was the most important thing for his wellbeing.

"Like my lady said, we can't trust you yet." Cat Noir knew his cousin best. He always had an angle he was working at. He couldn't see him as a hero like the rest of them, though an edgy anti-hero was something he could see him as.

Su-han stepped forward and looked the boy in the eye. "You have been brought to the Guardians' temple for judgment. If you pass our trial, we will see you fit to wield the peacock. If you fail-"

"You'll what? Kill me? Because I've seen too much?" Felix mockingly asked.

"No, we'll just take back the brooch and drop you off at your home," Su-han told him bluntly. "As for your knowledge of the temple… haven't you wondered why this place has remained hidden in the modern world?" Felix raised his eyebrow in intrigue, so the man continued, "Since ancient times, we have protected this place from the world by mastering the art of… gaslighting."

The boy wasn't impressed. "How would that work? You just told me about the gaslighting."

"No, I didn't." Su-han denied.

"Wha-you just explained it to me!" Felix nearly shouted.

"I did no such thing." Man, he was good.

Realizing that this was a losing argument, Felix relented. "Let's just start this trial? What do I have to do?"

A magical ancient blackboard popped up as Su-han explained the trial while Duusu illustrated it in chalk. "This is the most ancient of all trials. It is over a millennium old. You must pursue your opponents as they evade your movements. Your goal is to make physical contact with your opponent by placing your palm on their body in a respectable manner."

Felix paused. "THAT'S JUST A GAME OF TAG!"

"Unlike most arrangements of the trial, your opponents will not pursue you to deliver retribution in the same way you delivered to them. You will be tasked with making appropriate hand contact with at least five of the wielders in an hour's time. You will be transformed, but only your opponents may use their superpowers while you may not."

"So it's super-powered tag?" Felix summed up. The guardian nodded. That didn't sound so hard. He would be Argos and all he had to do was tag five heroes in an hour. "Piece of cake."

At this point in time, Felix had no idea how screwed he was.

OXOXOXOX

The guardians led the heroes and the new kid to a massive labyrinth built into the mountain. None of the current generation of miraculous wielders had been here before, it seemed, as they all looked around in awe.

"This is gonna be epic!" Bunnyx was hopping with anticipation.

Cat Noir turned to the older guardian. "How big is this place?"

"Jerry got loose here a few weeks ago, and it took twelve hours to find the poor ostrich." Su-han answered, giving a good indication of the scope of the maze.

Felix heard this and seemed perplexed. "The ostrich kwami is named Jerry?"

Caprikid shook his head. "Jerry isn't a kwami. He's a regular ostrich." That just raised even further questions for the potential peacock person.

"Everyone not named Felix has a three-minute head start." Su-han faced the teens. "Concoct your strategy and prepare to evade the boy. Anyone who gets tagged will join me and some of the other guardians up in the observation deck." Up on the side of the mountain was a glass window. On the other side looked to be box seats you would find in a sports stadium. One monk even had opera glasses to see the test better.

The Miracusquad spread out while Felix and Su-han waited behind. "As a reminder, you cannot make a sentimonster during the trial." The man reminded the boy.

"They are called sentibeings and I would refuse to give life for a temporary situation and then retract it." Felix made his stance clear. The guardian was not expecting his response, though he quelled his surprise and instead motioned for Felix to transform. "Duusu, spread my feathers!" In a flash, Felix had become Argos. The timer started running and so did he.

It wasn't long before Argos ran into his first hero, Rena Rouge. The new super smirked. She was just standing there, completely unguarded. He made a dash at her and went to tag her back. At the moment of contact, she poofed into a cloud of smoke.

"Hey Argos." he heard her voice taunt from behind him. He spun around to the sight of dozens of fox heroines waiting for him. "How do you like my Mirage?" All the Rena's spoke in unison.

The peacock wielder was unfettered (but not unfeathered) and moved to start striking the illusions. They ran and dodged him while a few were swatted away. He followed the smaller group of Rena Rouge's at a divide and believed that he had cornered them. Then he ran straight into a wall. What looked like a fork in the road was also a mirage concealing a solid wall.

He'd wasted almost five minutes going after the fox girl and concluded her powers made it impossible to tag her. Argos moved on and went to find the next hero, who turned out to be Minotaurox. "Perfect. Making himself invulnerable is useless if I only need to touch him."

The ox hero realized Argos had spotted him and called on his power "Resistance!"

Argos went in to tag him, only for his hand to be deflected upon contact. The new boy hissed in pain and held his wrist, while Minotaurox stood smugly. A loud buzzer sounded and Su-han's voice echoed through the maze. "Even if it was deflected, he still touched you for a second Minotaurox."

"Aww." The bulking hero sulked. He'd hoped the power would've repelled him before contact. Felix returned the smug grin that had been directed at him and sarcastically waved as Minotaurox left to the box.

OXOXOXOX

Vesperia was the next target Felix targeted. However… "Venom!" he'd gotten hit by her power almost immediately. Vesperia casually walked past the paralyzed peacock and wandered away while the Venom remained for several minutes.

Once Felix could move again, he looked at the time and cursed that he'd lost another five minutes because of Vesperia. "NO! I can't let myself be caught off guard by any more of them!"

A purple figure ran past the corridor. Argos figured it was Purple Tigress. He followed her path, catching glimpses every so often, until he found himself face to face with a heroine. Not Purple Tigress, but Pigella. "Hi Argos! I've got something for you!"

He didn't wait to see what she had. He figured such a cutesy girl would be easy to tag. The tutu should have been a reminder that she was as graceful as a ballerina, dancing away from Argos' reach with ease. "Hold still!"

Taking out her tambourine, Pigella summoned her power "I'm here to give you a Gift!" a present presented itself to Argos. He was paralyzed, not by Venom but by awe, for inside of the box he saw-

"Clout!"

The phrase didn't register until Argos felt his body go flying straight through several layers of stone wall. Pigella and Purple Tigress high fived one another and made their escape.

Rubbing his hooded head, Argos thanked the kwami that the suit kept him from sustaining lasting injuries. His mom would kill him if he sprained his wrist before next week's chess match! Sitting upright, he found himself in front of Pegasus, who seemed just as surprised to see him.

"..." Felix outstretched his arm and tapped the horse hero. Pegasus hung his head in shame and half-heartedly called out his power. "Voyage…" he stepped through the portal and ended up in the Guardian's Box Seats.

Minotaurox watched as Max undid his transformation to let Kaalki have a snack. "Dude… you can teleport…"

"I know!"

OXOXOXOX

Forty minutes to go and two heroes had already gotten tagged. Argos was getting as cocky as the second half of his animal motif. That sure came crashing down when he ran into HER next.

He turned the corner and saw her swinging her yo-yo defensively to her side. "Ladybug."

"Felix." She held no emotion when saying his name. She wasn't fond of her boyfriend's cousin after what he pulled during their first meeting. He certainly wasn't someone she would entrust a Miraculous to. He knew way more than he let on. He could even know Hawkmoth's identity and he certainly knew the former Mayura.

The two wielders circled one another, staring in silence before Ladybug spoke again. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you want the peacock Miraculous so badly?" The co-guardian clarified. "From what Duusu has told me, you continuously sought out that specific Miraculous. If you wanted power, you could have tried to take any of our jewels, instead you take one from a supervillain and show up looking for an alliance. You didn't even try to summon a sentimonster to fight back against us."

Argos frowned. "They are called sentiBEINGS! They are not monsters!" No more so than he is. "My goal is something you couldn't understand. It does not concern the rest of you, so if I must be part of your group to keep this brooch, then I will be your ally. If you try to take it away, I will be your enemy. That is as simple as I can make it."

The leader of the heroes smiled with satisfaction, having heard enough, "Glad you're upfront about your allegiance. If you'd lied and said you'd wanted to help us save the world, then I would definitely be against working with you." She stopped. "However-" Argos couldn't react before her yo-yo tied his arms to his sides. He was incapacitated while she was free to come closer without getting tagged. "If you make one wrong move, make me think for even a second that it was a mistake to give you a chance. Hawkmoth will be the least of your worries."

Ladybug walked away, retracting her yo-yo once she was far enough. Argos had to admit, she sounded much more threatening than he'd ever imagined. Perhaps being on the same side was his best move, after all.

Polymouse picked that moment to pass by and made brief eye contact with the tagger "Oh- Multitude!" She shrunk and multiplied herself while Argos' hand futilely touched the space where her complete self had been standing. The horde of Polymouse scattered before the boy could lay a hand on any of them. He muttered a curse word and punched the floor.

OXOXOXOX

Argos carefully weighed his options. Carapace was just around the corner, but with his Shellter he could either shield himself or trap Argos in a shield. He'd lost enough time being paralyzed and yo-yo'd, there was no telling how much more time he would lose if he got trapped again. He also could not waste time coming up with a strategy, without using his superpower he would have to sneak up and pray he wasn't noticed. If he had his usual tricks he could use tripwire and smokebombs he'd already have tagged enough heroes by now.

Tiptoeing carefully out of view, Argos inched his way towards Carapace. 'He must be just as slow as his animal!' The peacock wielder grinned to himself, closing in on the hero.

"Nice try dude."

Carapace turned and grinned, he had purposely waited until Argos thought he could tag him before using his power "Shellter!" he encased himself in a turtleshell shield. What Argos hadn't anticipated in his earlier plotting was for the teenage magic (Nino) turtle to use the shield like a hamster ball and go after him.

Though he was fast, Argos could not outrun the 'Super Turtle Ball' (which Nino had called it) and was run over. Amused laughter could be heard, it was more feminine than the turtle hero so it had to be someone else. Getting up he found Ryuko sitting on the top of the wall, amused by the situation. "Strategy is not your strong suit is it?" she asked.

"I am excellent at strategy! I don't have the time or tools to plan as efficiently as usual!" Felix defended himself. "And you should talk! Is your strategy just sitting out of reach like a coward?"

Ryuko was no longer amused. "Lightning Dragon!" she turned into a bolt of lightning and shot herself between the walls around Argos. The dragon heroine had turned into an electric pinball who relentlessly attacked the new recruit. Once Felix could catch his bearings, he held out his fan and followed her movements, blocking her next few shots. "Water Dragon!" the lightning bolt changed into a stream of water that splattered against the feathered fan. The sudden increase in force pushed Argos back while the water surrounded him like a bubble. He slashed at the water yet could not make a dent, because it was water.

"This isn't much different from staying out of reach. All you're doing is bouncing around and avoiding me." Argos hoped to provoke the dragon lady into lashing out and making a mistake. Instead it was him who made a mistake.

"Wind Dragon!" The water bubble turned into a tornado, moving fast enough to lift Argos into the air where he couldn't move properly. Ryuko released her power and turned back to solid form while midair, taking advantage of Argos' suspension to swiftly deliver a kick to his buttocks. He hit the ground fast and hard, a visible outline on his hindquarters to serve as a reminder of the hero who literally kicked his butt.

Ryuko made her exit, while Argos laid on the floor in pain and astonishment. "... I'm kind of attracted to her now."

OXOXOXOX

Caprikid was targeted next. He dodged Argos' attempts to tag him continuously while waiting for a moment to use his power. Fan hit paintbrush over and over again. Neither side gaining any leverage over the other. "Gene-" whack "Genes-" whack "Gene-" whack "Will you stop for just one second?!" Caprikid shouted.

The sound of battle attracted the attention of Miss Hound, who came to assist her teammate. Tossing her ball, she successfully knocked Argos' fan away from him and gave the goat boy the chance to use his power "Genesis!" he drew a rectangle in the air, materializing a battering ram from it. It was more of a battering goat actually, the front end of it was molded to look like Ziggy's head. "Aaaaaah!" Caprikid gave his best anime scream and slammed the battering goat into Argos.

With their opponent knocked into the wall, Caprikid bashed an escape route for himself and Miss Hound. "Wait! I need my ball!" the dog girl stopped, she couldn't use her power without it. She hurried to retrieve her ball and tag the fan while she could, but Felix recovered faster than expected and made a leap over to the heroine and the discarded weapons. His hand landed on her hat, tagging her out before she could tag his stuff.

Accepting defeat, Miss Hound retreated to the box seats while Argos got up with intent to resume his attempt to pursue the goat. Unfortunately for him, Caprikid had already escaped, not wanting to let Miss Hound's tagging be in vain. Though another hero showed up in his place.

"Ha! He finally did the battering goat!" Rooster Bold laughed when he saw the imprint of Ziggy's face etched into the remains of the wall. They'd joked about using that someday and at last the day had arrived.

Argos didn't have much time left, he still needed two more tags. "Alright, Rooster Bold. Let's see what you got." With the power of pretension, there was no telling what kind of power he would endow himself with. Whatever he chose, Felix had to be ready.

Rooster had already come up with the perfect ability "Sublimation! I choose… the power to not be tagged by anyone!" His power activated while he ran towards Argos.

"Wha-THAT'S CHEATING!" the peacock wielder swiped at the fellow bird themed super. Rooster Bold automatically dodged all of his tagging attempts and took joy in the level of frustration his trolling had brought. He made a clean escape even with Argos on his tail feathers, the blue one tripped in his pursuit as some karmic payback for tripping Rooster back in the chapter 'Rashamok'.

OXOXOXOX

Fifteen minutes remained. Why was Felix running into each hero only once? No matter how big this labyrinth was, the probability of finding the same person twice was still greater than never. There were still four heroes left that he hadn't found… scratch that, three heroes left.

"Argos." Viperion calmly strummed his lyre, casually leaning against the wall. He'd been standing in this exact spot playing the lyre this whole time. He'd tried this cool encounter eight different times and finally it was the right guy and not one of his teammates walking past.

The peacock wielder got into a battle stance, eyeing the snake hero suspiciously. He'd been waiting for him, what devious ploy did he have to avoid him? Viperion moved his bracelet and called out "Second Chance!"

"You'll need more than a second." Argos rushed forward with his fan.

Viperion simply held out his hand, signaling for his opponent to halt. "Before you go through this again. Please be aware that you have already tagged me forty seven times. I have reset after each. Do you still wish to continue this loop?"

Argos couldn't argue. Even he knew how futile it would be to keep trying but not learn anything after each attempt. He conceded defeat "Fine. I know a losing battle. There are others who won't waste my time that I can go after."

With the new recruit having given up his pursuit, Viperion grinned. The truth is that he had only activated Second Chance, he never turned it back even once. Those lessons from Su-Han really worked after all!

"Come on, where are they?!" Argos grumbled under his breath, sprinting through the maze for someone to tag. He just barely caught a glimpse of a shadow around the corner and skid into a turn. He found King Monkey, walking around like he wasn't in the middle of a test.

King Monkey realized there was someone behind him and turned "Well, well, well, if it isn't Felix Graham Cracker the Vanilla." No he wasn't mocking him, he genuinely thought that was his name.

Argos could care less what he was called at this point. He just needed to get this over with "You're mine Monkey boy!"

"Hey! It isn't Monkey Boy, it's King Monkey! You are so rude not to know someone's name." King Monkey said with absolute zero irony. He dodged the fan-wielding Miraculous wielder with jumps and dance moves; he was all monkey business.

"AAARGH!" Felix shouted in frustration, he was at his wits' end. "JUST LET ME TAG YOU SO I CAN PASS!"

King Monkey continues to dodge, in increasingly bizarre and unhinged positions only someone doing yoga should be able to do. "That's not how it works in sports. You can't just ask the other team to let you win, there'd be no real victory. You gotta earn your win all on your own." Tossing his staff in the air, King called out "Uproar!" A fidget spinner landed in his hand, and he threw it directly into Felix's face.

The spinner squeaking when it made contact wasn't what Argos expected. His fan turning into a giant toilet paper roll that cuffed his arms together was even less expected. "I don't even want to try thinking about how this all works." He wearily sighed, watching the monkey wielder make monkey noises and leave him on his own.

By the time he got the roll off of his arms there were only five minutes left. Argos rubbed his forehead as he walked, trying to make the migraine he gained go away. He was too distracted to even notice Bunnyx around the corner until a full ten seconds later when he whipped around and backtracked.

The Burrow was already open, Argos may not have seen her right away but she had seen him. Bunnyx had one foot in the portal when the peacock boy came back. "Too late Argos. My kwami already warned me what a Flairmidable opponent you could be."

"Don't you mean 'formidable'?"

"Nope." Bunnyx portaled out.

As the burrow flashed away, Cat Noir was revealed to be standing behind it. The two super teens stared at each other, one ready to fight and one ready to talk. "It's just you and me Felix." The boy in black made no move to take out his weapon. "I want to talk to you."

"We can chat after I'm done." Argos went in to attack, though thanks to King Monkey he was without a weapon.

Ever the multitasker, Cat Noir evaded the tagging and defended himself while continuing to converse. "You have some sort of scheme don't you? The peacock was just another cog in the machine, right?"

His cousin dramatically rolled his eyes. "I already explained it to your lady. I've got my own goals outside of all this superhero business. I'm on the side of whoever does not stand against me. All that matters is keeping this miraculous!" He kicked the cat away from him.

Backed into the wall, Cat Noir was as calm as ever. Argos reached out to tag him and he simply moved from side to side at each strike. "Yeah, you've got the whole anti-hero thing going on. Maybe even an anti-villain if you'd stayed by yourself." With a spin, Cat Noir deflected his attacker and pushed him against the wall. "If you join us you will have to commit to the side of good. You are going to help us defeat Hawkmoth whether or not you tell us who he is. You're going to have to make an effort to be one of us."

In desperation, Felix lunged forward to tackle the cat. Instead he was held down while the cat was the one who tagged him. "I don't have much time! Let me tag you!" Argos flailed around to escape the cat's claws.

Cat Noir made no move to set him free, he may be family but he'd never go easy on him. "I'm really glad you lost the fan. I'm not a big 'fan' of feathers 'purrsonally'. Allergic to them." He kept up the puns and friendly banter, unaware of how wide Argos' eyes grew.

"... Adrien?!"

A loud siren went off, the trial was over.

OXOXOXOX

The test was over and the now de-transformed Felix was led out by a stunned Cat Noir. The now powerless teen was wracking his brain trying to formulate a plan to steal the brooch back while his cousin handed him off to the temple guardians and rejoined his co-guardian. "Um… Ladybug…" He hesitantly whispered to her over his shoulder. Was there an easy way to tell your girlfriend that your cousin figured out your secret identity? Truthfully he wasn't sure if the allergy or the puns gave him away.

Whatever he was going to say would have to wait, for now all of the heroes stood together while Felix faced Su-Han for the verdict. "Felix Fathom Graham De Vanily."

"Wait… it's not graham cracker the vanilla?!" King Monkey blurted out. Several others shushed him.

"Your task was to tag five heroes in an hour. You have tagged only three." Su-Han reminded him, like rubbing salt on the wound that was Felix's ego. "As for your results… you passed!"

Felix whipped his head up, completely shocked. "I PASSED?!"

"HE PASSED?!" The other heroes were just as shocked as Felix was.

"The true trial was to determine how dangerous an adversary you could be if you turned against us. By only managing to tag three out of seventeen you have proved that if you were ever to go rogue they could easily kick your hindquarters." Su-Han explained the ruse.

Felix wasn't sure whether he should be grateful or offended. "So I get to keep the peacock Miraculous?" He couldn't hide how eager he sounded.

Duusu grabbed her own brooch and returned it to her new partner. "Oh this is going to be so exciting! I haven't seen the other kwami's in forever! We'll be on a team and have sleepovers and go on field trips and I can finally visit the zoo!" The kwami zipped and zoomed around Felix and the other heroes.

"Oh!" Cat Noir clapped his hands together. "I guess we can detransform now if he's joining us. Claws In!" The hero in black changed back into his civilian form. "Surprise! It's me, your cousin Adrien! You are just learning this now for the first time!" He grinned nervously and spread his arms out, only his girlfriend raised a brow at how specific he was being.

Everyone else dropped their transformations right after, their kwami's flew over to greet their long lost friend and welcome her to the team. Felix was still processing that the heroes of Paris were Adrien and most of his class… plus some other people not in his class. Rose wrapped an arm around his shoulder and shouted out "New teammate means it's party time!"

It all changed so fast, the ancient temple was almost immediately decorated like a child's birthday party. Marc was passing out party hats and Juleka was filling up a punch bowl. Max and Alix returned from his Voyage and the former brought a Hawkmoth pinata that he hoisted towards the ceiling. Alix picked up the cake with a sign reading 'The cake for if Felix gets in.', There was another cake for if he hadn't gotten in but she'd rather he not see how that one looked.

Nino got his DJ equipment up and running while some of the other temple guardians came by with glow stick necklaces. Even Jerry the ostrich showed up with a festive pair of sunglasses and took some of the kwami's (and Sabrina) for a ride. Confetti was tossed in the air by Mullo and Longg, though most of it landed in Alya's hair.

Felix could only watch in sheer astonishment, unable to perceive the rapid tonal shift and escalating to a full swing party in a mere three minutes. "W-hold on! What is happening right now?!"

"A party, obviously." Ladybug herself, now revealed to be his cousin's girlfriend Marinette, stood next to her newest teammate.

"But when did they have the time to get all of this ready?! Why are the temple guardians going along with this?! This-this whole trial was to prove that I would fail to defeat you all! HOW DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE!? And I swore vengeance against that guy last month!" Felix pointed to Luka, who was playing guitar while Sass wore a tiny lampshade on his head. "You guys are superheroes and ancient guardians! You should be eyeing me with suspicion and preparing for the serious battles ahead! Instead, everything devolved into utter nonsense that defies common sense and reason!"

He felt two hands fall on his shoulders, one belonging to Marinette and the other belonging to Su-Han. "There is no choice but to accept this fate." the bald man sighed exasperatedly.

"THIS is what you wanted to be a part of." Marinette gestured to all that was occurring. "So congrats Argos, you're officially part of the Miracusquad." She couldn't hide the satisfied smirk from growing on her face. "Oh, and remind Duusu to fill you in on what Hawkmoth has been up to on his [NonBrandNameSocialMedia]."

Felix's eyes widened in horror, frightened at what he had gotten himself into.

Chapter Text

After a long day of saving Paris, the heroes of the Miraculous needed ways to unwind. The same applied for the four heroes who weren't out saving Paris today since they had the day off to unwind. Marc booted up his computer and logged onto [NonBrandNameMMO] to meet up with the rest of his party.

Into the unimpressive 3d world, Marc's avatar appeared as a level 8 fruit bardbarian. Yes, a barbarian who battled with music themed around fruits. The class system was exceptionally vast. Marc AKA 'Pen>Sword' spawned inside his party's usual hangout, an overly decorated pink cabin in the woods. The designer of the abode was none other than Rose AKA 'UnicornGlitterPuff' who played as a level 17 cutesywootsy flufflemage. "Oh hi Marc!" she gleefully greeted him.

"Hey Rose, just you today?" Marc typed into the chatbox, though for the sake of the audience it was portrayed as their in-game avatars talking to each other.

With perfect timing, Max AKA "MaximumHorsepower" logged onto the server. His avatar is a level 5 cyborg monksmith. Despite his lower level (due to being preoccupied with building his own game), he was a valuable party member with the ability to open any lock blessed by a ferro-tribe monk. Much more useful than a lockmonk who could only lock the doors. "Greetings team, is today the day at last?"

The two players who had logged on before him nodded. "You betcha! Today's the day we finally-" Rose was cut off by the entrance of another player. It was Ivan AKA "HeavyMetalTeddyBear" who was the integral level 10 garden gnome of the group. "Oh goodie! Ivan's here too! Now all we need is our fearless paladin."

Right on cue, the last player logged in. Unlike the rest, this was not a member of the Miracusquad, none of them actually knew the identity of "Saint-at-your-Service" but the level 11 deathslayer paladin was their literal knight in shining armor. I mean, not exactly shining, the avatar was more like a knight in glowing armor. Either way, he looked cool. "I'm not too late for the quest am I?" 'Saint' addressed the group.

The party had assembled, and they all shared the same goal embedded into the code of their avatars. "Alright, this meeting of the Pity Party can finally proceed." Marc addressed the 'Pity Party', later in the chapter you will learn why they are called that. "As you know, we have been raiding the temples of the common senses. We have conquered the temples of touch, taste, hearing, and smell. Today we conquer the final temple, the temple of sight." the bardbarian avatar brought up the map screen. "With each temple we conquer we receive a unique treasure… one of five REALLY cool hats! We need all five so we can match, and MaximumHorsepower still needs his for our set."

Max seemed unamused by one detail. "Did we save mine for the temple of sight because I'm the only one with glasses?"

"No-" Ivan huffed. "You hardly ever log on, so you get the last pick!" The garden gnome avatar had been the first to receive his really cool hat. The quest through the temple of touch had touched his very soul, and gave him a nice piece of headwear.

'Saint' picked up where Marc had left off, gesturing to various points on the map as he expositioned. "The temple of sight is the most notorious of the five temples. Most parties are wiped out before they even reach the boss battle. Which is why we have had to secure the utmost essential gear before we could proceed." The essential gear in question were bright neon roller skates and knee pads. It was suicide to try and fight through that dungeon without the brightest of roller skates.

Rose took the spotlight to sum up what they and the readers needed to know. "We have the tools, we have the talent, and we only have a few hours before 'Saint' has to log off and go to whatever his job is! Today the sun will set on our party with our matching hats crowned upon our heads for the whole internet to see!" The pity party cheered and hollered, this was their finest hour.

OXOXOXOX

Riding on the backs of winged grizzly bears (and one koala), the pity party journeyed to the temple of sight. "UnicornGlitterPuff-" Ivan addressed Rose "How come I have to ride the koala? I'm the one who has the word 'bear' in my username."

"There weren't enough wild Grizzlyfly's for me to tame. And the koala is the only one with the ability to lift players with the garden attribute." Rose reminded him. "Didn't you read the guide to fluffle friendships? I underlined that for you with the black glitter."

"We can discuss this later-" Marc interjected. "Right now we need to focus on how we're going to land." The fruit bardbarian peered down below, where a horde of Night Trolls occupied the temple entrance and blocked the eight most convenient places to land.

'Saint' raised his sword. "I can call forth a mighty lightning strike from the heavens?"

"No, no. Lightning technique pp is consumed double on Fridays before 6." Marc warned the paladin, they needed to conserve their strongest techniques for when they truly needed them.

… "Wanna dive-bomb them?" Ivan suggested after a beat. The other party members made various sounds of agreement at the idea.

The Night Trolls guarding the temple mingled with preprogrammed NPC dialogue. "Hey, Grimbergler, how is the wife doing?" one troll asked another.

"No thanks, I have already eaten breakfast." The other troll (who wasn't even Grimbergler) responded.

The mismatched dialogue came to a halt when a quartet of flying bears and a single koala came crashing down upon them like a meteor bowling ball towards dinosaur pins. A smoldering crater formed in the center of the Trolls, who despawned and provided experience points for the heroes posing dramatically… er, almost all the heroes. "UnicornGlitterPuff! What have we talked about cuddling fluffle friends while we're doing a group pose?!" Max facepalmed at the girl beside him, who was snuggling with one of the Grizzlyfly's.

The Pity Party bid farewell to their temporary mounts, leaving them outside the temple to feast upon the troll remains or other players as they pleased. If the level structure of the other four temples taught them anything, their first challenge would appear almost instantaneously as the last of them stepped through the doorway. Marc was the last one to enter, and the door slammed shut behind him, the swoosh of the falling stone door made him flinch and bump into 'Saint' a few paces ahead of him. "Sorry, my bad-" The bardbarian apologized.

The interior lighting dimmed, setting the mood for a spooky off-screen voice to present their first hurdle of their hat hunt. "You have ventured into the temple of sight. A thousand codes ago-"

"And… skip the dialogue." Ivan fast-forwarded the narration. Who had the time for world-building lore?

The off-screen voice played on fast-forward, sounding high-pitched like a chipmunk and indecipherable until they reached the end of the monologue. "-and the dream was forever shattered. Now that you know the story, here is your first challenge… a pop quiz!"

The entire party facepalmed in unison. "Way to go HeavyMetalTeddyBear." 'Saint' groaned.

"HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WE'D BE QUIZZED ON LORE!? The other temples just had us solve elementary level math questions as the first challenge!" Ivan defended his choice. "You guys would have done the same thing!" No one argued back, he was right about that.

"Two out of three questions must be correct to proceed." The voice announced while a quiz box materialized in front of the group. "Question 1, where was the declaration of elder rights signed?"

A countdown timer and music ticked down at the jeopardy they found themselves in. There were four choices to select, the group had to narrow them down. "Let's review what we know." Max paced back and forth. "The answer cannot be 'at the bottom' because declaration scrolls in this game are signed in the middle. We can also rule out 'in the scorching plains of heathens' since paper is banned in that zone."

Narrowed down to two options, the timer was down to 30 seconds. The choice was between 'Mt. Achyback' and 'River of Solitude'. Rose raised her hand up high. "It should be the mountain. Who would ever sign an official declaration on the river?" The flufflemage raised a valid point. The majority sided with her and they selected 'C: Mt. Achyback'

"Correct!" The voice announced to their relief. "Question 2: Which of the cursed musicians became the ghost of the lakeside theater?" Now this was a tougher one, none of the party had been on a quest involving the lakeside theater yet. They'd been to the theaterside lake, but there were no ghostly legends around that domain. Just lots of zombie fish.

'Saint' skimmed over their options. "None of us know any of these names do we?" The remaining party shook their heads. "Then we must make an educated guess." The names on the board were 'Hugh' 'Seymour' 'Geoff' and 'Azure-Iris-Seige-of-the-ivory-scales-from-the-north-of-the-south-tower-at-the-end-of-the-world's-edge'

… "I wanna say… Hugh." Ivan guessed. "I heard that name on [NonBrandNameMMO] before. So either he's a lore character or an alpaca that chased me in the tundra."

"Any other input?" Marc waited for any other suggestions. No one objected, so he went up and selected 'A: Hugh'.

"INCORRECT!" The temple shook and flashed red. "The answer was Seymour!"

The group glared at Ivan once again. "Oh come on! I'm not the only one who's made multiple bad calls in a row!" No one argued back, he was right about that. Again.

"Question 3: What color is a Marron nut?" The group was doomed! None of them had a patissier class, so they had no use for the common whipped cream ingredient in the game. They only had one shot to pass and there was only one thing they could do now…

Marc left his keyboard momentarily and his character paused. Back in the real world, he sat up from his computer and turned to Orikko, who was using his phone. "Can you pull up the answers for the temple of sight in [NonBrandNameMMO]?"

"On it!" The rooster kwami pulled up a new tab and typed up the requested search. "I've got it." Orikko flew the phone over to Marc and showed him the page.

Giving the kwami an affectionate scratch on the head, Marc thanked Orikko and returned to the game. "Brown! The Marron nut is brown!" He quickly inputted the answer.

"Correct! You have passed the first challenge!" The voice announced while the door to the next section opened up to our heroes.

As the party moved forward, Max gave a pointed look at Ivan. "Next time we listen to the whole dialogue. It may be tedious to go through it all, but it enriches the experience and provides insight into how the challenge will work."

OXOXOXOX

"-and so the king swore he would never do it a third time." The next disembodied voice finished their intricate telling of game lore. So intricate, it took twenty minutes to get through it all. Most of the Pity Party were sitting around bored out of their minds, all except 'Saint' and Rose. The former was attentively listening, and the latter had stepped away from her keyboard in secret to play 'Bedazzled' on her phone. "Now that you understand my story, here is your second challenge… SKATING RINK OF THE BLIND!"

The lights went out, nobody could see a thing. They could hear the temple interior shifting, who knows how the room had been rearranged in the pitch-black darkness. "Our intel was correct, part of the challenge is skating in the dark!" Marc gasped.

Rose was bouncing in place, eager for what came next. "Which means we get to use our new gear!" She couldn't wait to equip the glowing pink neon roller skates and knee pads. The boys all followed her lead and equipped their own glow in the dark radical skates and matching protective gear. The radness of the neon lit up the dark room and allowed them to see the altered terrain.

"To pass you must simply get to the exit without falling down the pit of eternal despair more than twice. On the third fall you will fail." The exposition warned the Pity Party. Clearly, this challenge was meant to be done in complete darkness, but the designs and colors on their skating gear were so 80s/90s aesthetic that they illuminated the majority of the track.

The quintet got into starting poses and sped off down the track. There were multiple turns and paths, the group split up and skated down each turn. "Looks like this path is a dead en-" Ivan called out, before accidentally going over the edge and falling into the pit of eternal despair.

The Garden Gnome of the party respawned at the start. Marc was the closest by and skated over to check on him. "You good?"

Ivan grumbled "Not really, these skates and safety pads are really radical, but there wasn't enough light with just mine alone." His friends took his statement into account and stopped to inspect their own luminous sporting gear. Rose and 'Saint' were close enough to adequately light up a few feet around them, but Max was on his own and ran into the same problem as Ivan.

… Really, Max ran into the same problem. When he slowed to check his visibility, he continued to slowly roll forward and accidentally tipped himself over the edge. "NONO-WA-" His frantic shouting trailed down the pit as he fell. It only took another ten seconds before the cyborg monksmith respawned at the beginning like Ivan did. Max cleared his throat and gave his analysis. "The light from the neon can only illuminate the surrounding five feet around each of us. Standing closer together increases visibility a further 47.2 percent and all of us together can create 78.4 percent visibility of the entire track. Furthermore, it would not be wise for us all to skate as a single unit, it gives us a higher percentage of accidents and could crowd narrow paths. The only two suitable options would be to pair up and skate slowly, or for us to create an even greater source of light so that at least one of us can make it to the exit. It should only take a single party member passing to clear the challenge and bring the room back to how it once was."

After a beat of silence from the rest of the party, Ivan spoke up. "Man, you sound more like an expositional NPC than the actual expositional NPC's." He voiced what they were all thinking.

"If it is a greater source of light you need-" 'Saint' skated towards the center of the room and raised his sword. "Then it is light you shall receive!" The deathslayer paladin twirled up into the air and raised his sword above his head. The holy light of the deathslayer clan filled the room with golden brightness. "Hurry! I can't hold this for long!" 'Saint' urged his teammates to action.

The other four party members skated into action, briskly skating along the now visible path. They pulled off some sick skating jumps and tricks along the way, earning radical skate bonus XP for the extra flare. Rose was the first to turn onto the correct track, and not a moment too soon as 'Saint's light started to flicker. "Keep holding on Saint-at-your-Service! I just have to get through the loop de loop!" Crouching forward, Rose braced herself for the loop. With the faith that her speed would be enough to make it through. Evidently it was! Rose flipped upside down before digital gravity could take hold and cleared the obstacle and the challenge.

"Way to go UnicornGlitterPuff!" "Awesome!" "My arm hurts!" Darkness returned to the room amidst the cheers of her friends. Before the lights returned, the room shifted again and returned to its original form.

"You have passed the second challenge!" The disembodied voice announced, though they didn't stick around long enough to hear most of it as the Pity Party skated onward to the final challenge.

OXOXOXOX

"You have done well to make it to the third trial." The disembodied voice announced while the party unequipped their radtacular skate gear. "The final challenge is… escape this room in time!" A countdown timer appeared on the ceiling, starting the countdown at 200 and going down.

The five adventurers/temple looters were not impressed. "Are you kidding me? This is too easy!" Max gestured to the door directly in front of them. "There is only one door! We didn't even get a lore dump this time!" Too late did the cyborg monksmith remember that he should never tempt fate. The door blipped away and reappeared in the center of the room, where it multiplied and stuck its copies onto every surface. "I mean that's still not too bad-and here come the venomous olm life-drainers." His deadpan delivery heralded the arrival of the notorious amphibian enemy, weak and low leveled, but they were so annoying to kill and there were always dozens of them.

Standing with their backs together, the Pity Party played their infamous 'Gosh-darn olm' play. 'Saint' stared down the enemy while addressing the rest. "MaximumHorsepower, can you sense the essence of your tribe's craftsmanship?"

"Yeah, a ferro-tribe monk has blessed the real door." He confirmed, they just needed to figure out which door was real, and he could unlock it instantly.

"UnicornGlitterPuff, back him up. Pen>Sword unleash the infamous Gosh-darn olm counter move!" 'Saint' commanded.

Marc grinned, materializing his signature axe. It was both a guitar and a literal axe at the same time. "Alright, low-level enemies, I think you're lacking a little fruit in your diet!" He strummed his instrument of murder, and as he was a fruit bardbarian he could create magical fruit to pelt multiple enemies with as he sang a song.

However, writing stories and comic books did NOT translate into writing lyrics. "GRAPE GRAPE APPLE BANANA! APPLE APPLE ORANGE DA NA NA NA!" Magical fruit shot out and defeated many of the venomous olm life-drainers, though many remained.

Rose and Max hurried over to the nearest door while the enemies were distracted. The monksmith took out his trusty holy cyborg key and jammed it against the door. "Not it." He informed his teammate.

"Keep trying!" Rose urged him, helping him up to a door to their upper right by lifting him like a cheerleader. He tried again, but the second door was a bust too.

'Saint' and Ivan knocked away any of the olms that got too close to Marc. His magic fruits couldn't hit all of them, so they had to take care of the ones that slipped through. "PEACH BLUEBERRY PINEAPPLE PASSIONFRUIT! KUMQUAT LEMON DO YOU THINK TOMATO IS A FRUIT?!" He rhymed 'fruit' with 'fruit'. He'd only thought of a better rhyme after he'd made the song, and it was too late to change it. But it was too late for regerts now!

The timer kept counting down as the number of olms and remaining doors descended alongside it. By the time the countdown had reached 62, the holy cyborg key finally reacted to one of the doors. "We found it!" Rose alerted the other three. "But, um, getting to it might not be so easy…" She and Max were hanging upside down from a vine on the ceiling. "I'm getting a little nauseous, actually. And this is just a digital avatar!"

Down below, the boys concocted a cockamamie exit strategy. "MaximumHorsepower!" Ivan called up to Max. "What's the tallest fruit tree?"

"The jackfruit!" The bespectacled boy bellowed to below. "... Don't ask why I already know that!"

Marc heard the information and strummed out a wicked riff. "JACKFRUIT TREE GROW!" His fruit summoning created a magic growing tree truck that Marc, Ivan and 'Saint' grabbed onto while it carried them up to the top of the room. Max and Rose hopped onto it once it was close enough and the whole party rode the tree into the final room. Gravity and perspective shifted inside, so that they entered like a regular door instead of entering through the floor. They all fell off and hit the ground painfully.

"Congratulations! You have passed all three challenges!" The disembodied voice applauded them. "You may now battle the boss!" As abruptly as the voice came and went, the boss battle music started up and brought everyone to attention.

A mighty roar shook the room, and a four-legged large creature approached the party. It had the wings of an eagle, the body of a hairless cat and a salmon's tail. Its head was composed of polygons of weird textures that vaguely resembled a human face, like it was ripped from a mid-90's game. It was the boss of the temple; The Missing Sphinx!

The Pity Party posed heroically before the sphinx, none were intimidated by the messed-up mythological menace. 'Saint' stood in the center, brandishing his sword outwards towards the boss. "I bet you are wondering why we are called the 'Pity Party'." I told you readers you'd learn why later in this chapter! "We've adopted the moniker as it was always a pity to whoever poor soul dare challenge us."

The Missing Sphinx let out a garbled roar and blasted lasers from its eyes. "I summon firewall shield!" Max conjured an electronic wall to block the lasers, the perks of being a CYBORG monksmith. "Which boss battle strategy do we use?"

"Going by its shape and size…" Marc gave a contemplating stare towards the boss. "I think we should use the 'nature's bounty' strategy."

"Are you Marron nuts?!" Ivan exclaimed fearfully. "We don't have any bread with us and the locust blaze can only be summoned on Thursdays!"

"No, not the 'Nature's suffering' strategy, the 'Nature's BOUNTY' strategy!" Marc clarified. Murmurs of recognition were voiced among the party, understanding the battle formation and preparing for their roles in it. "Lower the firewall in three… two… one…"

The shield gave way and the party scattered away from the laser beams. 'Saint' and Marc were up first, providing a distraction to give the others some time. "AVOCADO!" Marc strummed up a hail of avocados that splattered against the digital monster. 'Saint' cast a light spell and tossed his sword into the air, blinding the sphinx who then slipped on the guacamole-esque mush on the floor and lost its balance. The boss fell with only one front paw to keep it from going completely down, it roared and angrily thrashed about, sending sharp feathers omni-directional from its wings.

The razor-sharp feathers caused minimal damage to the team's garden gnome. Ivan bulldozed ahead like an ox and chanted a deep ancient chant passed down from gnome to gnome. His beard made of moss and mud solidified, and his pointy hair grew leaves from the top. He commanded the earth around him and built around himself a golem of mud and vegetation that resembled his former akuma form Stoneheart. "Soilsoul activated!"

In the Missing Sphinx's current position, it was helpless against the pummeling and slapping from the garden golem. Ivan targeted the wings and covered them with enough mud to leave them useless. They weren't about to let this guy get the high ground on them. Everyone knows you win if you get the high ground! The sphinx wasn't out of moves yet. Its salmon tail smacked around and flung Ivan's muddy form against the wall, then did the same to the other boys, whittling down its health… and Max, who was not making a dent in the slightest with his abysmal attack stat.

With all the focus on the boys, the boss paid no mind to Rose as she powered up in the back. "For the sake of all things adorable and glittery-" She prayed with magic runes shining in pink around her. "I call upon the fluffle friends who have always lent a hand when we needed it and ask that their hearts resonate with mine! Knowing that my love has strengthened you all, let your love strengthen me!" She twirled a staff that she totally had this whole time and I just hadn't described it before now, and Rose rose it up high. "Cutesywootsy Flufflemage Secret Art: Friendly Friendship Finale!" The runes attached themselves to her outfit and surrounded her with a pink battle aura, one that made her eyes glow and lifted her off the ground.

Out of everyone in the Pity Party, Rose was the most feared. She had not only reached the level 15 power cap, but was one of the select few who had managed to surpass it through a limited event. UnicornGlitterPuff was a name many spoke of in awe, though few had seen the true extent of her power.

The burning ball of pink adorableness left a trail of magic hearts in her wake as she shot herself like a bullet to the sphinx. It lashed out with its salmon tail once again, though it was stopped by a single hand from the flufflemage. "Nobody hurts my friends!" Holding the tail in both arms, Rose released a blast of sunshine and rainbows directly onto the surface of the boss. It screeched in low-quality sound and pain while its health bar dropped rapidly. The tail was burnt to a delicious-smelling crisp and the wings were trapped in dry mud, the sphinx barely got up before Rose zoomed right in its face and made a cute kitty-like smile. "Y'know, we could have been friends if you hadn't attacked us. I mean you could always surrender, and I could spare you, and then we could be friends…" Rose suggested.

… "But you're just an enemy programmed into a game, so you don't actually have any feelings!" The glowing girl said a little too cheerfully. The top of her staff was alight with the pinkest of powers and ready to strike the final blow "Starlight Calamity Titanic Joy-splosion!" The Missing Sphinx could only watch as the majestic beam of pure adorableness obliterated it until not even a pixel remained.

The team waited a beat, making sure the boss wasn't going to respawn. A victory screen congratulated the Pity Party and they did their little victory dance. 'A you is Winner!' the words appeared over a treasure chest that spawned where the sphinx used to be. The five approached the chest, though four of them stepped back enough to allow Max to claim the prize.

A majestic ray of light erupted from the now-open chest, an object floated out and presented itself to the cyborg monksmith; A very nice purple trucker hat with the phrase 'I killed a guy for this hat :D ' embroidered in gold on the front. "It's magnificent!" Max shed a virtual tear of joy. Accepting his reward, Max placed the hat on top of his avatar and turned to show the others "How does it look?"

The rest of the Pity Party had equipped their own matching hats, Marc's was red, Rose had green, Ivan had blue, and 'Saint' had yellow. "Amazing." "Perfect!" "We got 'em all!" "This is one of my few joys in life!" Their exclamations overlapped one another.

OXOXOXOX

Exiting the temple, looking dope in their matching hats, the party chatted away about mundane things. 'Saint' was in the middle of talking about fine dining etiquette when he realized how late it had gotten. "Darn, I must be going now. My shift starts soon."

"It's cool, man." Marc reassured him. "We'll see you next time, then we can go to the hub village and show off our hats!"

"I look forward to it." 'Saint' bowed, his avatar poofed away 'Saint-at-your-Service has left the server'. A message appeared.

The Miraculous holders continued on, wondering about their mysterious comrade. "I wonder what kind of job 'Saint' has?" Rose mused, he had never mentioned what he did, but it must be a hard demanding job considering he only had one spot of free time a week that was long enough to join their crusade.

Back in Paris…

A man logged off of his computer, obscuring his face from the camera as he changed into his usual attire. The tailcoat and bow tie pressed perfectly, and his thin mustache smoothed against his face.

"Jean-Ralphio! Your break ended twenty seconds ago! Hurry up and bring me my freshly brewed peach-lemonade, and make sure there isn't a SINGLE seed in the glass or else you'll have to make another!" The shrill demands of Chloe Bourgeois could be heard from across the hotel.

Her butler (whose name was Armand and not Jean-something) sighed deeply. "At your service Miss Bourgeois." Although he was back on the clock, the feeling of getting that cool hat would keep him going through whatever Chloe put him through.

Chapter Text

Felix tapped his foot impatiently, constantly checking his watch (It's a Rolex!) every thirty seconds. "Where in the world are you, cousin?"

"Felix!"

The boy finally heard his name being called and looked over to see his near-identical cousin running towards him. While Adrien was all sunshine and smiles, radiating the energy of an animated princess, Felix might as well have a perpetual cloud of gloom and frowns hanging over his head. "Hey Felix, sorry I'm a little late." Adrien apologized.

"A little-YOU ARE FOUR HOURS LATE!" Felix swore time moved so slowly that it felt like he'd been waiting 352 days.

Adrien blinked in surprise. He took out his phone and checked the time. "Huh… look at that." He WAS four hours late. "Yeah, that's my bad. I got sidetracked with hiding the Miracle Box. I've got custody of it for the next week." Being co-guardians with Marinette meant they took turns keeping the box at their houses. The box was empty, of course, but a big ladybug-shaped thing would definitely raise suspicions if his dad or Nathalie ever found it lying in his room.

Pinching the bridge between his eyes, Felix had to give Adrien some leeway for getting caught up in official Miraculous business. "That is an acceptable reason at the very least." It also gave him an opening to talk with Adrien about something important. While he was contractually bound to not give away Hawkmoth or Mayura's identities, there was one vital piece of information he needed to share… and if it accidentally outs his uncle as a jewelry-obsessed lunatic, then it's a bonus. "Adrien, I need to-"

"Hey, sorry I'm a minute late." A female voice interrupted Felix. To his surprise, Marinette Dupain-Cheng came running up to meet her boyfriend. "I hit just about every stoplight from my house to here." The girl was only slightly out of breath, superheroing really improved her stamina.

"It's fine, Marinette. I only got here like a minute ago." Adrien addressed his girlfriend, unaware of how his cousin was staring at them.

"What are you doing here?!" Felix demanded. His cousin confusedly pointed a finger at himself, silently asking if he was talking about him. "No, not you! Marinette!"

The bluenette was unfazed by Felix's outburst. "We were supposed to have a date last night, but I had to call it off to help my parents. Adrien invited me to come and join him this afternoon for a… what did you call it?"

Adrien grinned. "A friend-plus-girlfriend-not-quite-a-date-but-more-than-a-normal-hangout." Catchy title.

"And you didn't think to tell me?!" Felix resisted the urge to strangle his kin.

"I sent you a text." Adrien showed the text chain on his messages to Felix, and noticed a small error. "... I forgot to hit send. Yep, this one's on me again." He was not having a good day with checking his phone.

Felix smacked his hand onto his face. "Look, it's sweet that you two are a couple, but I really wanted this to be just me and him today." She might be Ladybug, but he couldn't be sure if she could be trusted with the big reveal he had to tell Adrien.

As it turns out, the lack of trust went both ways. "Felix, whatever ulterior motive you have, you can say in front of both of us. After all, we're teammates, unless this is something you can't share with everybody…?" His trial aside, Marinette still had her suspicions about the new peacock antihero. If he was still keeping secrets, then she had to look out for the group's safety.

Of course, this information was not something Felix could share with 'the peanut gallery' he'd gotten roped into. He had to back down for now, and wait for an opportunity. "It's already bad enough I've been dragged into whatever ludicrous team this is, but can you lighten up on the suspicion already? I'm stuck with you all against my will and my sanity can only take so much. Last week you thought I wasn't 'participating' enough, so you made me do errands with Nino!"

CUTAWAY TO

Argos and Carapace carried recyclable grocery bags with them across the rooftops. After a trip in their civilian forms to the hardware store and a supermarket with a sale on cantaloupe, they arrived at their destination, the sight of which caused Argos to drop his bags in disbelief.

"Isn't she a beaut?" Carapace fondly caressed his 'carapult', a creation of his own mind colored a blinding shade of green and covered in random stickers. "Come on, we gotta get this recalibrated and test launch some produce!"

BACK TO NOW

"Where does he even store that monstrosity?!" Felix hadn't even been on the Miracusquad a whole month, and already he felt his life expectancy had been drastically reduced. He previously had the refuge of living in London full-time to escape the idiocy, but a certain someone (Nathalie) convinced his mom to rent a condo in Paris to be closer to her nephew and help her son make new friends. He was trapped.

Rather than answer his questions about the carapult, Adrien tried a new tactic to get his cousin to loosen up. "Look, I know you really wanted to spend time with me-" At least he HOPED that was why Felix had been upset. "And I also know that you and Marinette don't see eye to eye yet."

"I met him while he was impersonating you!" Marinette reminded her boyfriend.

"But I think if we all spend some time together, we'll all become closer!" Adrien's cheesy power of friendship ploy failed to get anything more than a glare out of Felix. "... And if you do this, I'll give you Kagami's phone number."

… Darn, Felix was hooked by his bait. "Fine. What are we doing, anyway?"

OXOXOXOX

A bike ride through the park sounded nice, and there were tandem bicycles you could rent for the day. However, tandem bicycles only had two seats, which led to-

"How am I LITERALLY your third wheel?!" Felix never thought those unicycle lessons would pay off, and here he was riding a unicycle that had been crudely attached to the back of the tandem bike the couple was riding. He didn't even want to ask where they got the rope and duct tape to connect their cycles at a moment's notice.

Adrien pedaled in the front seat, while Marinette sat behind him and in front of Felix. The bluenette barely turned her head around while she addressed the blonde in the back, (not out of any personal feelings regarding him but because she had to keep her eyes forward to prevent a crash.) "You said you could ride a unicycle, that gives it to you by default."

While one blonde boy pouted, the other beamed. "I think it's really cool that you know how to ride one of those! And this way we can all pedal!" Adrien's initial plan was to tie a wagon to the back and have one of them ride in it, but he liked this much better. "Feel that wonderful breeze blow through your hair and the wind whip at your face!"

Marinette raised an eyebrow. "I would feel that if we were moving faster than a snail." Despite the triple-wheeled mode of transport they were driving, their speed was laughable. Three wheels meant everyone had to coordinate to move, and Felix's inclusion interrupted the couple's usual synchronization. If they were going uphill, this would be a normal pace. But they were on flat ground. Maybe even dipping downward a tiny bit.

Pedaling this three-wheeled makeshift ride was exhausting. All three of them were getting worn out and they only barely crossed a mile. Marinette couldn't take it, there had to be a way to speed them up. Her eyes darted towards a handful of different objects and obstacles, her mind illuminating them with her own 'Marinette vision' patterns. "Hmm, that could work…" For her first step, she reached one hand under her seat and untied the rope keeping Felix tethered to the bike.

"Hey-"

"Don't whine, this will only take a few seconds." No one stopped pedaling while Marinette leaned over the side to get a better look at where she needed to re-tie the rope. "Tikki?" The tiny kwami flew from her pouch. "Would you please tie this in a knot around that chain?"

Tikki grabbed the rope and giggled. "Sure!" She quickly completed her task and got the rope tied back to the bike, though it was hooked between the bar and the bike chain.

"Thanks Tikki, now this may get bumpy for a moment." Marinette warned the boys while she adjusted her back to sit up straight. They passed underneath a low hanging tree, where Marinette held up her hand and snatched a loose branch from above. It was firm in spite of how easy it was to grab, and Marinette stuffed the flimsier end into her sleeve and leaned back down, a little more than before, so she was closer to the ground. She managed to reach the stronger end of the branch against the ground and pushed against it every couple of seconds.

It was like paddling a canoe; Their speed soon reached an acceptable level. Even Felix felt a little fun now that they were picking up the pace. Alas, as when all great ideas seemed to be working without consequence… then came the consequence. Marinette realized she couldn't really stop using the branch to push them along. It reached down on automatic and pulled her arm along for the ride. The Ladybug heroine had to yank her arm back to get it to stop. Doing so caused the bike to make an unintended stop.

Felix and Marinette braced themselves for the sudden jerking of the bike. Adrien did not. The force sent Adrien flying over the handlebars, and he soared several feet until he hit a bush and tumbled into the dirt. His cousin and girlfriend ran over to check on him, worried that he could have gotten hurt by that. "Adrien! Adrien, are you hurt?! Did you break a bone?! DO I NEED TO CALL AN AMBULANCE?!" Marinette freaked out.

Adrien did not verbally respond, further causing them to worry. Then he shifted his body onto his side and moved one arm over his back and bent one of his legs over the other. Felix realized what he was doing and shook his head in disbelief. "Are you posing yourself into that meme?!"

"Someone take a picture." Adrien requested, with a pained tone of voice. His present company concluded he was fine and his kwami fulfilled his photo request.

OXOXOXOX

After a thorough discussion on why Adrien's dad should never see that photo, the trio got hungry. Luckily, Marinette had received a picnic basket packed up with goodies from her parents. Felix wasn't a fan of sitting on a blanket over the grass and eating food without a proper plate or silverware… but he couldn't resist the smell of pastries.

"I packed some extra snacks for our kwamis apart from the basket. Duusu likes almonds, right?" Marinette double-checked with the tiny blue creature poking out of Felix's vest. She'd only barely got to know the peacock kwami, who's Miraculous had recently rejoined with almost every other in the Chinese Miracle Box. Like a good guardian (or a team mom), she kept notes on what each kwami's preferred choice of food was.

"I do love almonds!" Duusu flew out of her hiding spot and sat with Tikki and Plagg as they enjoyed a makeshift charcuterie board. The peacock kwami eagerly scarfed down some salted almonds. "You're the best co-guardian ever!"

Adrien almost agreed. "While she is amazing, don't forget which co-guardian turned his bathtub into a kwami water park for a day." That had been a big hit with the little gods. The only one who hadn't enjoyed the water park was his own kwami, Plagg. It was too wet and too many kwami's were in his space!

Marinette opened up the picnic basket to start feeding the human beings at this picnic, but the moment she opened it up and saw the contents, she turned almost as red as her superhero suit. "Oh boy." She muttered to herself, then addressed the boys. "I told my parents this was just a date with Adrien because he didn't tell me about Felix until I was getting ready, and the food was already packed so…"

"Is there not enough?" Adrien worried. As much as he loved pastries, he'd give his share to his cousin. For Felix had been deprived of baked goods for far longer than he had… he assumed. Unaware that Felix's mom held no restrictions on what he could or couldn't eat.

The ladybug wielder grinned awkwardly. "There's plenty but, er… see for yourself." She unpacked the basket and, with the first heart-shaped quiche with 'Marinette + Adrien 4EVER' spelled out with strands of Parmesan crusts, it was clear that this had been made as a romantic lunch for two.

The whole spread of pastries could rival a valentine's display. Everything was heart-shaped, or had their likeness baked into it. It was way too over the top for a regular picnic and downright bizarre for the unintended third person joining them. Felix held a croissant that had his cousin and his girlfriend's faces drawn in chocolate icing, and WAY too realistic. "Adrien, do you mind if I eat your face?"

"Go right ahead." Adrien already bit into a cookie shaped like himself. Marinette would have objected, but she had no room to argue since she was eating a Marinette-shaped cookie.

Felix was a polite eater, but he took a big bite to eat the Adrien picture in one chomp. The aghast reaction from Marinette was worth the lapse in manners. "You taste soft and flaky." It was pretty good. Adrien was a top-tier croissant. Still, it felt very out of place for him to be eating a romantic picnic alongside the intended couple. Despite how he felt, Felix was not one to bow out and leave. He wasn't only doing this for Kagami's phone number (though it was a huge bonus), if Marinette left the cousins alone for enough time, he could talk to Adrien about what he wanted to tell him. Fortunately, an opportunity presented itself.

"AGH!" Marinette ducked to avoid a pigeon and accidentally splashed her drink on her outfit. "Oh no, I need to clean this up before it stains."

Adrien helpfully pointed out the nearest bathrooms. "There should be napkins and cold water to get that out."

Marinette thanked her boyfriend and hurried off to save her outfit. It would take Marinette a couple of minutes to clean up, leaving Felix and Adrien by themselves. The perfect time to talk to him about the truth of their births. "Adrien? Can I speak to you for a moment?" Felix got the attention of his cousin, who'd finished eating a slice of the quiche.

"You already are." Adrien pointed out.

"Not like-I mean an actual conversation!" Felix wouldn't let himself get annoyed. He had to tell him. "There's something big that you need to-"

"NO FAIR SUGARCUBE!" The cat kwami loudly whined. "Why do you get four cookies and I only get three slices of cheese?!"

Felix mentally cursed himself, he'd forgotten the kwamis were still there.

"It doesn't matter how many individual pieces there are. All our snacks are a handful," Tikki reasoned. "Are you going to get mad at Duusu for having like ten almonds?"

Duusu gasped and clutched the last almond close to her. "Leave my almonds out of this!"

"Adrien!" Plagg desperately looked up to his partner. "You understand why I'm upset, right? Fewer pieces mean I finish faster, so they're still eating when I'm done, and I have to watch them savor their snacks!"

"Plagg, you eat so fast you always finish first." Adrien reminded his kwami. Felix knew he'd lost his chance to speak with his cousin, he'd been sucked into the kwami drama. A resolution could rarely be found in a timely manner. And even if they did get back on track, Tikki was here. While Ladybug was the authority of the Miracusquad, he wasn't ready to let her in on this just yet. Partly because Felix had yet to determine how she'd take the news that the two of them were senti-

"I EAT SO FAST BECAUSE CHEESE IS TOO GOOD! I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF-it might actually be a serious problem." Plagg continued to whine, interrupting Felix's train of thought.

Once Marinette returned, she was treated to the sight of an impromptu cheese intervention for Plagg. Tikki was telling him that the first step to improvement is recognizing and admitting that there is a problem, while Plagg sobbed into Adrien's pants leg. Duusu hoarded her last almond and hid in Felix's sleeve, and her partner gave up trying and ended up losing track of the conversation and ate another heart-shaped pastry. Dang, Marinette's family made good bread.

OXOXOXOX

Today would absolutely have been a truly romantic date, if it was actually a date and not a friend-plus-girlfriend-not-quite-a-date-but-more-than-a-normal-hangout. Bike-riding in the park, a picnic intended for two but ended up being three. All that was left was a beautiful scenic view and a loving atmosphere to make it perfectly romantic… as romantic as it can be with a couple and one other guy.

"Adrien, dear cousin. Do you really think this is necessary?"

"Everyone loves the ferris wheel, Felix! … Unless you're afraid of heights… are you?"

"No, but I am mildly concerned by people staring at me-the sole single person in line."

In a winding line filled with couples, the group of three stood out. Marinette and Adrien were linking arms, making it obvious who the tagalong was. The peacock anti-hero complained some more. "And haven't we had enough wheels for today? We already crashed a bike."

"We didn't crash-" Marinette corrected him. "We made an emergency stop and Adrien was… accidentally launched." She'd apologized, but her boyfriend was more amused by the incident. She chalked it up to cat's having nine lives.

Adrien added. "And the odds of me getting launched from this wheel are very low."

"... But not zero." Felix assumed he or one of the other heroes had been launched from a ferris wheel at least once. It was dumb and dangerous, which meant it was inevitable that it had happened… Miss Hound and Viperion would later confirm they'd been sent flying off this particular ferris wheel.

The trio reached the front of the line where the ride attendant was waiting to collect their tickets. "Welcome to our 'sunset sweethearts special' on the Roue de Paris-" The attendant noticed the odd number of passengers for the next gondola. "Oh uh, is this…?"

Felix gestured to the other two. "They are the couple. I'm being dragged along with bribery." He shoved his ticket into the attendant's hand and boarded the ride, followed by Marinette and Adrien, who sat on the opposite gondola.

The doors closed, and the ride went into motion. Their kwami's came out of hiding to admire the view out the window. The blue one's eyes shimmered. "Paris is such a beautiful city. I've been here for a while and have barely seen any of it."

Marinette, keeping an arm around Adrien, gently addressed the kwami. "I know you can't tell us who Mayura was, but did she at the very least treat you nicely?"

Duusu nodded, not troubled at remembering her former holder. "She did. N-" Bubbles came out of her mouth when she unintentionally tried to say Mayura's real name. "Mayura really has a loving heart. She only worked for Hawkmoth because she really cared about him… until things went south."

Across the city, Nathalie sneezed. She had the strangest feeling someone was talking about her. Hopefully it was all good things, unlike her present company-

"Nathalie, why can't I log into my [NonBrandNameSocialMedia]?!" She heard her boss call out from behind the closed door next to her desk.

"You've been suspended for violating terms and conditions due to your last post threatening to blow up Cat Noir's house for calling you an old man on international television." Nathalie answered matter-of-factly.

"WHAT?! You are my secretary. Why did you not notify me!?"

"I am only the secretary to 'Gabriel Agreste'. Word has it that Hawkmoth's 'assistant' quit." She took pleasure in the annoyed grunt her passive-aggressive comment got out of her boss. Mayura 'divorcing' Hawkmoth was one of the best choices she'd ever made.

Back in the actual plot, Marinette was glad to hear Duusu hadn't been treated badly. "That's a relief… but what about Nooroo?" He was the one kwami from the Miracle Box she and Adrien hadn't met. And his situation as Hawkmoth's kwami was distressing.

Duusu lost her smile. "Nooroo is stuck with a horrible man. He's crazy, power-hungry, and a threat to the safety of the whole world."

Back in the Agreste mansion, Gabriel was stuck emailing tech support. "Suspend me if you dare, but DO NOT BLOCK MY RAP VIDEO!"

In the Ferris wheel gondola, Adrien cringed. "He sounds horrible. I feel so sorry that you had to live with him." Felix kept quiet, fully aware of the irony.

The peacock kwami regained her smile. "I know we'll free Nooroo someday. You'll take down Hawkmoth and keep the butterfly miraculous from being used for evil again." She flew away from the window and snuggled onto Felix's shoulder. "And we're on the team now! We get to fight against evil and no more sentimonster's will be made to hurt people!"

"Come to think of it-" Adrien realized something odd after that sentence. "You haven't made ANY sentimonster's, Felix. In battle, you only use your fan. Why don't you ever use your power?"

Of all the subjects to be asked about, this was the one that really ruffled Felix's feathers. "Sentibeing's are living creatures! I can't bear the thought of creating life and then taking it away after a battle! They are just as real as any human being-and they have every right to live their life without someone controlling everything they do-" Felix stopped, taking in the shocked stares from the rest of the gondola's occupants. Duusu gave him a pat on the cheek, fully understanding the significance of the subject her partner valued so strongly.

With a huff, Felix turned his head away. He didn't want to see their judging reactions and have them tell him. "You are absolutely right." Wait, hold up… did Marinette just say that he was right. Felix turned his head so fast he almost got whiplash.

The holder of the ladybug miraculous spoke sincerely. "It doesn't matter how they are born, sentibeings are alive and deserve the same rights that we all have. To be honest, I was worried about how you would use your powers in battle. Once I realized you weren't creating sentibeings to fight for you, I was relieved… though I still have reasons to suspect you."

After a moment, Felix smirked. "I am also relieved… that the co-guardians aren't so naive as to automatically trust a newcomer such as myself." He spoke out loud. Inside, Felix was really relieved that Marinette respected sentibeings and did not view them as tools. That was one less hurdle he had to be concerned about.

Adrien, as much as he cared for his own family member, had also been wary of having him as a teammate. "Given your track record, and how you came to wield your miraculous, we really needed to keep a close eye on you. Though we already know if you did go rogue, we could totally kick your butt." Heck, most of the Miracusquad already kicked his butt two chapters ago.

"You don't have to remind me." Felix grumbled.

"Yeah, but that's why I want you to spend more time with us. So we can learn to trust each other, and so you can show us your good points." Adrien knew his cousin could be good, or pleasant to be around at the bare minimum. He'd be friends with everyone if he could just open himself up more. Sure, Felix had said almost everyone was a lunatic, and he was forced to cooperate with a legion of untamed teenagers that were kept together by a single brain cell of common sense named Marinette, but that was just because he hadn't gotten to know them! Felix would one day see that they were a ragtag super-powered team of friends who let small incidents spiral way out of their control and their tiny gods who would run off in a trenchcoat or cheat at arcade games to win a box of candy… you know this description isn't much better.

Rather than comment that he'd barely seen anyone else's good points, Felix paused to ponder his possibilities. He'd planned to only share the truth with Adrien, not because of any familial love or trust, but because he was directly involved. However, new details were coming to light. Both of the co-guardians had proved to be… one of the co-guardians had proven to be a leader trying to keep a bunch of teens coordinated, and the other built a water park in his bathtub for kwamis. Marinette bore the burden of sanity and Adrien was willing to help him earn the trust he did not deserve. Perhaps attempting to only share his knowledge with Adrien had been where he'd gone wrong, if Marinette shared his views on sentibeings and truly loved his cousin, then she could accept them for what they really are. It was settled, he'd tell them both.

"I still don't have any desire to befriend anyone else in the group-other than Kagami-however I will allow myself to put some faith in the two of you." Felix's declaration earned a little gasp from Duusu, who gave him an encouraging look.

The couple blinked in surprise. Marinette honestly thought he’d continue being hostile for a while. “Uh… thank you?” She leaned onto her boyfriend’s shoulder and whispered. “This isn’t a trap, right?”

“I have no idea.” Adrien whispered back, fearfully. He wasn’t sure what scared him more, Felix lulling them into a false sense of security before springing a trap on them, or Felix being completely sincere with no strings attached.

Felix, who could hear what they were whispering, held back his annoyance. “Which is why-” That came out angrier than he intended. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Which is why I need to tell you that I-”

The gondola suddenly jerked and came to a full stop. The door opened, and the trio realized the ride had ended. “We hope you enjoyed your ride today!” The attendant cheerfully bid the teens farewell as they exited the vehicle.

That was rotten timing, but Felix could continue speaking once they were away from prying ears. Once he deemed them a suitable distance from civilians, Felix tried to go from where he left off. “Right, as I was trying to say, I-”

HONK

Countless car horns blasted from the nearby street, drowning out Felix’s voice. All three covered their ears and tried to see the source of the honking. Plagg flew out and above to see what the commotion was, snickering once he found the cause. “Guys, it’s (snicker) it’s a traffic jam!”

Mr. Banana’s latest merchandising deal with fruit farms across the region had hit a speed bump. Or at least the truck driving several dozen boxes of fresh fruit hit a speed bump. Splattered blackberries, pomegranates, even a few guavas littered the street after being ejected from the loose truck door. The sludgy mess of produce stopped traffic in the middle of a four-way intersection. Strangely enough, there were no bananas.

Felix’s eye twitched. Why in the world did THAT happen?! Something that strange had to be staged. Because unless an akuma showed up, there was no sensible explanation for such a bizarre, random and pun-derful occurrence. “I’m going to try and ignore that-because I need to say that-” The sky above them suddenly went dark, and a mildly ominous cooing came from above. “Oh what now?!”

A flock of pigeons was blocking the remaining sunlight, and a single man stood as their leader. “ROO-ROO! It is I-Mr. Pigeon-back once again to protect the lovely pigeons of Paris from people standing in their way as they fly at low altitudes!” The akumatized villain laughed evilly.

Below him, Felix gaped in disbelief. “Please tell me this is a joke…”

Unlike their newest teammate, Marinette and Adrien were totally unfazed by the supervillain and calmly dragged Felix under a tree before a pigeon pooped on one of them. The bluenette sighed. “You really are a member of the team now, you got the obligatory fight with Mr. Pigeon.” With no enthusiasm she transformed. “Tikki, spots on.”

“Wait… this guy has been akumatized before?!” Felix hated his uncle, but would he really akumatize a pigeon man more than once?

“Plagg, claws out.” Adrien similarly transformed with a lack of urgency. “He actually holds the world record for most akumatizations. I think this time makes eighty-six?”

“Eighty-seven actually.” Ladybug corrected her partner.

“EIGHTY-SEVEN AKUMATIZATIONS FOR THAT!?” The peacock hero shouted, enraged by the very notion that this… this… thing would return more than once! “Duusu, spread my feathers!” Felix became Argos in a flash of blue light.

Mr. Pigeon took notice of the other avian-themed super running out to confront him. “Oh look at this! Another fowl foe for us to finish! One who lacks an army of birds under his reign!”

Argos had it. “There is a limit to how much nonsensical crap I can deal with. The very concept of you is an atrocity and YOU CONTINUE TO EXIST IN SPITE OF THAT!? THIS IS THE BEST HAWKMOTH COULD COME UP WITH?! A GROWN MAN COMMANDING STUPID PIGEONS?!”

“(Shocked gasp) My pigeons are not stupid! Observe-” Mr. Pigeon stood on one leg and flapped his arms like a bird. “ROO COOOOOOO!” His pigeon army shifted from a basic flock formation, into a perfect recreation of a missile. “No other type of bird can be trained to fly together to form a missile! We will ride the air current and launch the pigeon missile into the heart of the city, then we shall lay waste to the surface-bound populace and make this a city for the birds!”

He’d done it, Mr. Pigeon single-handedly (except for the dozens of pigeons) pushed the boundaries of disbelief so far that Argos instantly moved him to the number two slot on his most hated people list. “... I’m going to kill him.” The anti-hero charged at the abomination to all sensibility, leaving his teammates behind to watch the fight.

Ladybug raised an eyebrow. “Should we stop him from actually killing Mr. Pigeon?”

Cat Noir shrugged. “If it looks like he is seriously going to commit murder.” They watched as Argos ran right into a wall of pigeons and madly swatted them away. “And I doubt he’ll make it that far.”

The scuffle of birds blew feathers from both the pigeons and Argos in the co-guardian’s direction. A pigeon feather blew past Cat Noir’s face and caused a short sneezing fit. Ladybug pushed it away, though a peacock feather from Felix’s fan took its place. “Are these real feathers? They don’t make you sneeze.” Ladybug noticed.

“Huh.” Cat Noir checked, testing the feather by rubbing it on his face. “The feather is real but no allergic reaction.”

“Strange, I wonder why?”

“Maybe it means I’m a sentibeing?” Cat Noir joked.

“Get real, that’s as likely as Hawkmoth living in your attic.”

If only Argos hadn’t been too fixated on Mr. Pigeon to hear that exchange…

Chapter Text

Something was amiss at College Francoise Dupont. Alya could feel it the moment she walked in. It was her first day back after having spent the last two days at home with a cold. Despite the gut feeling, she waved to her friends as they welcomed her back. "Alya! Are you feeling any better?!" Marinette rushed over to check on her best friend.

"I'm fine, girl. Just needed to sleep it off." Alya brushed off her concerns.

Her boyfriend Nino, wrapped his arm around her. "Missed you, babe! The classroom was so empty yesterday. You were out sick, and Nathaniel and Alix were out helping her dad set up a special art exhibition."

The redheaded girl heard her name mentioned and spoke up. "It's student art from every school in the city! Let me tell you, there's this one preschooler who's already got the makings of a great graffiti artist!"

The other redhead who'd been absent asked the rest. "Anything interesting happen while we were gone?"

"Nope." Mylene answered. "You just missed Chloe interrupting the lesson to show off her new jewelry." First Chloe came in late, then she wouldn't shut up about her new haircomb from the 'Miraculous Collection' high-end jewelry line. It was cosplay jewelry for the rich audience. While it was very shiny, nearly everyone in class had a real miraculous and wasn't wowed by the yellow and black diamond-studded replica. Well, one person was wowed.

"I thought it was pretty!" Rose added.

Nino rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, but if I hear Chloe even mention that comb again-"

"MY COMB!" Chloe's voice shrieked from inside the classroom. Hitting such a volume that the whole school shook. The remaining students who were not already there hurried to their class to see what the ruckus was about. Inside, Chloe was hysterical and frantically tearing apart her designer purse.

Sabrina was by her side, doing what she could to console her. "There, there, Chloe. It must have just slipped into a pocket, or fell inside your locker?"

Her so-called friend glared at her. "I saw my locker, and it wasn't there! And this gouchi bag doesn't have pockets! Pocket's are for poor people."

Marinette walked over to Juleka, whose ears were ringing from the previous death shriek. "What happened here?"

"Chloe can't find her comb." The goth mumbled.

Max, evidently standing on the other side of Juleka, gave his observation. "It appears that it was misplaced sometime yesterday. After the akuma yesterday caused an evacuation, Chloe's purse was accidentally left behind in her locker, the comb included. She only noticed its disappearance when she intended to put it on."

The mad blonde turned to the rest of her class. "Did you say I 'misplaced' it?! No, obviously this is an intentional theft of my genuine replica bee comb! And one of you is the culprit!" She pointed her finger across the room between everyone. From the hurt Sabrina, to the dumbfounded Kim and Ivan, to the paling Lila, to the annoyed Adrien, and to the large crowd of everyone else standing next to the doorway.

"Alright." Miss Bustier clapped to rally her student's attention. "Chloe, you can't just go accusing your classmates of theft without any proof. We've been over this. Remember the bracelet?"

"I do have proof! Everyone was jealous when I showed it to them yesterday! Someone was jealous enough to steal it from my locker!" Chloe argued.

Alya, realizing a slight flaw with that accusation, butted in. "Hey, I wasn't even here yesterday!"

"Neither was I." Nathaniel also defended himself. "Alix was out too!"

For once, Chloe was semi-reasonable towards their reasoning. "Fine. You are both removed from the list of subjects… skater girl too, wherever she is."

The rest of the class looked to where Alix had been standing to find that she'd disappeared. Seemingly out of nowhere. The sound of skates came from the hallway and there was Alix, outside the classroom and in her skating gear. "Damocles wants me to deliver a letter to my dad about the exhibition. I got another day off!" And so she skated away from the plot-I mean classroom.

Lila, who'd been oddly quiet until now, shifted her eyes back and forth and acted concerned. "I really want to believe the best in our friends, but I did see Marinette go into the locker room after the akuma battle yesterday."

That steered Chloe's rage towards Marinette. "Of course! It had to be Dupain-Cheng!"

Marinette, having been through this song and dance before, tried to remain calm. "Chloe, what possible reason would I have to steal your comb?"

"I can think of plenty of reasons: You could pawn it for money because you live in a bakery, or maybe you stole it because you're jealous of me!" Chloe's brain raced through every imaginary reason to prove it was her sworn enemy who took her comb.

"Jealous?" Marinette asked in disbelief. "Of what?"

Chloe huffed. "Why, of how close me and Adrien are. It must be dreadful knowing your surely-limited-time boyfriend already has a beautiful female companion waiting for him to realize dating you is an utterly-ridiculous mistake!"

Over in the back of the room, Lila nearly choked on the air she breathed. "Um, what is this talk about Adrien and Marinette and… dating?" Her eye twitched, Lila struggled to keep up her faux-friendly demeanor.

Adrien, fed up with both of the mean girls in his class, stood up to defend his lady and set the record straight. He addressed the liar first. "Marinette and I have been dating for two months, Lila. I'm not sure how you didn't know." They weren't keeping it a secret, though Lila not knowing it explained why she hadn't done anything out of retaliation yet. Moving on, he turned to Chloe. "And Chloe, we've talked about this several times. If you aren't at least trying to be kind to everyone, then our friendship is over." Adrien did not need the stress of dealing with those two, this was supposed to be a funny fanfic!

Miss Bustier, who'd been mentally coming up with a suitable plan, finally spoke to her students. "OK, everyone. We do need to start class, but if someone really did take Chloe's comb-"

"Someone had to! It was in my locked locker in a closed purse!" Chloe, while unreasonable, did make a good point. The chances of simply misplacing the comb were low. Under the circumstances, theft was actually the more likely scenario!

Evidently, their teacher also realized an intentional theft may have been committed. "Alright, under these circumstances, if the comb is not returned by the end of the day, then… Then we may have to cancel tomorrow's field trip to the botanical garden." Having to give punishments was Caline's least favorite thing to do as a teacher… well, that and using the microwave in the teachers lounge. It never stayed clean…

A good chunk of the class objected to having to miss the field trip, arguing that none of them took the stupid comb… though a certain 'italian' girl tried to sway the opinion of her peers. "I can't think of anyone who would do such a thing, though Marinette hasn't explained what she was doing at the lockers yesterday."

"I was going to my own locker and getting my stuff! Not all of us ran straight home and didn't come back for their stuff!" Marinette aimed the latter sentence towards Chloe.

Lila dramatically held her hands to her midsection, pretending to be ill. "You know, all this commotion has upset my sensitive stomach. May I please use the bathroom before we continue?"

Chloe screeched. "No one is leaving until my comb is returned! Every suspect has to stay where I can see them! And if this order isn't enforced, I'll call the police to handle it."

Alya sensed an opportunity and butted in. "Since Nathaniel and I aren't suspects, can we be excused?"

"Sure, whatever." Chloe shooed them away.

The rest of the class took their seats, while Miss Bustier did damage control. "Alya, Nathaniel, we'll do a bag check here and have someone come and get you if it turns up. We really can't have the police taking up a whole school day again. And Lila, if you start feeling very ill, I can take the time to drive you to the hospital."

"Oh, that won't be necessary for this." Her usually calm demeanor cracked with a secret nervousness. Was it simply the thought that a hospital would expose her made-up health issues, or was there something more?

Alya and Nathaniel left the classroom, leaving their friends to prepare for bag checks. "Kim, would you allow me to look inside your bag first?" Caline asked.

"Sure, I don't have anything to hide." Kim brought his school bag up front, and before his teacher could do a private check, he removed something from the top. "Here, let me take out my swim speedo. It's still damp from my morning swim." The swimwear was way beyond damp and was drenched in water, along with the rest of the contents of the bag.

Now outside the classroom, Alya and Nathaniel were left to debate what they should do. As a rookie reporter, Alya had to narrow down any and all potential suspects. Anyone could be a culprit, anyone could have- "Yeah, Lila is acting incredibly sus."

"Please just say 'suspicious' like a normal person." Nathaniel was weary of the internet slang that seeped into everyday dialogue more and more. "But, I agree, Lila is totally involved with this." He'd been the poor soul forced to sit next to her. He was uncomfortably aware of the lines she wasn't afraid to cross. After completing a complete card on Lila bingo on his first try, he never bothered to play again out of fairness.

"We have to solve this case and find the comb." Alya stated the plot of the chapter. Finally, why did it take so long to build up?

Nathaniel agreed. "Heck yes, I was looking forward to the botanical garden trip!"

OXOXOXOX

The duo started at the alleged scene of the crime, the locker room. "You know, this school could really benefit from security cameras." Nathaniel mused out loud.

"This school only employs one janitor, do you really think they'd have the budget for that?" Alya reminded him of their school's funding issues. She blamed it on their principal being conned into buying akuma insurance, BEFORE being reminded that Ladybug undoes the damage after the fights. He's been trying to undo that legal mess for weeks.

Approaching Chloe's locker, Trixx and Ziggy flew out of hiding and offered their assistance. "Ziggy and I can float in and open it for you." Trixx suggested.

The fox's partner had to decline. "Thanks Trixx, but we're here to figure out how the culprit opened the locker. Obviously, there wasn't a kwami to assist them." Alya turned her attention to the golden and expensive-looking digital lock keeping the locker shut. "If anyone knows how to dust for prints please speak up." Alas, no one here had that particular skill.

Something on the lock caught Nathaniel's eye. "What's this mark right here?"

Ziggy looked confused. "Uh, Marc's not here. I know you miss your boyfriend sometimes but-"

"No-there's an engraved mark on the right side of the lock. Right next to the little screen. It kind of looks like a crescent moon or…" The boy had an epiphany. He turned the lock upside down and revealed the mark as a 'C'. Remembering the times he'd played with a calculator in elementary school, Nathaniel typed '3014' into the lock. It opened.

Alya and the kwamis were impressed. "No way! How did you figure out the code?!"

Rather than being impressed, Nathaniel looked disappointed that the code was so easy to crack. "When you type the combination and turn it upside down, it spells 'Chloe'." He turned it over to show them how the flipped numbers, along with the 'C', spelled out the name of its owner. Seemingly ingenious, it was too obvious in hindsight and anyone could figure it out once they saw the engraved initial.

With the locker open, they were free to search for more clues-

The door to the locker room slammed open, and Alix came skating in a panic. She slammed the door behind her and rushed to her own locker. Nathaniel dared to ask, "Uh… what's going on Alix?"

"That letter I delivered was not worded in the right context. My dad and Damocles got into a huge argument that's snowballing into a full-on feud." Alix rummaged through her stuff and pulled out a bag of jellybeans. "I'm trying to play peacemaker and salvage this. What about you guys?"

Alya shrugged. "Breaking into a locker to find out how someone else broke into the locker."

Alix gave a thumbs up and raced away with the jellybeans, leaving her friends back to their mission to find more clues. "There are no more clues here." Alya surmised after a brief sweep of the locker's contents. Other than Chloe's very unused textbooks, and a full-length mirror on the door to look at herself, there wasn't anything else hidden or secrets left to uncover.

"At the very least, we know how the culprit-probably Lila-opened the locker." Nathaniel felt this was enough of a clue to build off of. "But there isn't enough evidence to narrow down the suspect pool. We need irrefutable proof of the crime."

"Think-How can we figure out who came into the room at a time no one else would be around to see them break in?" Alya was stumped. Nathaniel was right about the security cameras. That would eliminate the need for them to do this in the first place. "Stupid school funding! If we could afford more than one janitor then-"

Speak of the akuma, said janitor walked in to do some routine mopping. Whistling a happy tune to himself. Alya and Nathaniel looked at each other and then slowly went back to the janitor.

OXOXOXOX

The janitor wasn't sure how he ended up in an unused classroom with two students who eyed him with a deep suspicion, but it sure was a welcome change of pace from constantly cleaning the school and never being a part of anything. "Err… em… what can I do ya for?"

Alya slammed her hands against the table between her and the probable witness, grabbing the single table lamp providing light to the dark room and turning it towards the janitor. "We're the ones asking the questions around here!" She pointed a finger at the janitor's pointy nose. "How much do you know about this? Are you an accomplice to the crime? Were you paid to dispose of the evidence? HOW MANY LIVES ARE YOU WILLING TO RISK TO GET WHAT YOU WANT!?"

"Woah, woah, easy Alya." Nathaniel calmly moved her and the lamp aside. He sat backwards in a chair and started talking to the sole janitorial staff in the facility. "You got a name, pal?"

"I'm Matthew…" The janitor hesitantly introduced himself.

"Nice to meet you Matthew, I'm Nathaniel and this here is my classmate Alya. We'd like to ask you a few questions." Unlike his teammate, Nathaniel took a more diplomatic approach to the interrogation.

Once more, Alya audibly slapped a desk. "And you better tell us the truth! Or else we have ways of making people talk."

Obviously, Matthew was much more willing to speak with the redhead than the girl accusing him of conspiracy. Unseen to their guest, a tiny fox whispered in Alya's ear. "Alya, may I remind you that you are on probation from the force. You gotta earn your spot back after taking matters into your own hands by stopping that train robbery." None of that was true, but it made for a compelling backstory to the 'bad cop' image Alya was playing up.

Nathaniel, being the 'good cop' in this scenario, coaxed the desired intel out without force. "Look, I know you're just a mild-mannered, overworked janitor. But we believe you could be a key witness in our case." He slid a stock photo of Chloe's comb across the table. "Have you seen this anywhere around school?"

Matthew studied the photo, trying to place it to a memory. "Come to think of it… I remember seeing a long-haired girl holding something like that when I was coming to clean the locker room. I tried to say hello, but she ran away."

"Was this before or after the akuma attack?" Alya questioned.

"After." They weren't hoping for much, but this was a major lead. Matthew's testimony confirmed it was a girl who had taken the comb!

Alya had a follow-up question. "Did you happen to see which way she ran off?"

"I can't say for sure, but she seemed like she was going to the left of the locker room," Matthew recalled to the best of his ability. "... and can I go now? I'm behind on my schedule."

With the interrogation having reached its conclusion, Alya turned the rest of the lights back on and Nathaniel shook hands with Matthew. "Thank you for your cooperation. You've been a big help." The goat wielder let the janitor go, free to resume cleaning up unknown stains and scrubbing the boy's bathroom.

As Matthew was leaving, he held the door open for another student to come in. It was Alix, looking like she'd just outrun a bear. "Peace is not an option anymore. Words were exchanged that can NOT be taken back lightly." The jellybeans had failed her. To de-escalate a situation like this, she'd need to keep her bribes non-flammable. "How'd your breaking and entering go?"

"It's an investigation," Nathaniel corrected her. "And we might have a break in the case. The janitor saw a long-haired girl with Chloe's comb, and pointed us in the right direction to look."

"However," Alya hated to bring down the positive news. "We are missing a crucial piece of the case. The motive." Every crime has a motive. Building on their case of the Lil-the thief's identity included figuring out why they did what they did. "Besides monetary value, what does anyone have to gain by stealing from Chloe?"

"Are you kidding-" Alix listed the reasons on her fingers one by one. "Petty payback, thinking she doesn't deserve it, messing with her for laughs-there is no end to 'who has beef with Bourgeois'. Even I've pranked called her once after she said my skates were hideous."

Nathaniel got to thinking, knowing who their number one suspect was, retaliation towards Chloe wasn't out of the park… but what if… "What if we're looking at this wrong? It's not about messing with Chloe. What if it's about the comb? Or rather what the comb was made to look like."

Snapping her fingers, Alya hopped aboard the train of thought. "It's a replica of the bee miraculous! The very same one that Chloe got her hands on once!" The blonde's run as Queen Bee lasted less than a day. After she got the comb by mistake, nearly crashed a train to be a 'hero', and got akumatized, Ladybug never gave her another chance. Sure she tried to regain it the next time she was akumatized, but by then it was already given to her sister to bear.

Alix was only partly following. She was busy standing on a desk and unscrewing the bolts off of the room's vent. "What's the big deal? Lots of people have miraculous cosplay props. Is it because it's a rich person one?"

"If the culprit-" Nathaniel started.

"Probably Lila." Alya interrupted.

"-only had superficial knowledge that Chloe once used the bee and wasn't actually paying attention to what she was saying-"

"Like most of us."

"-Then she might have believed it was a real miraculous!"

The redhead had finished opening the vent by the time Nathaniel finished talking. "Cool theory. But you still have to find the dumb comb." She took off her hat and climbed up in the tiny space. "I gotta sneak my way into the cafeteria. By the way, don't get too close to the cafeteria for the next twenty minutes." With her ominous warning, Alix crawled her way to her destination.

Fluff poked herself out of Alix's shirt to speak with her. "In another universe, Chloe got to use the bee miraculous multiple times before betraying the team and getting kicked out."

"Why am I not surprised?"

Moving on, like they didn't just see their friend climb into an air vent, Alya and Nathaniel still had a mystery to solve. "So Nate, if we are right about the motive, then where's the comb?" If it was taken home, then they may not be able to solve the case in time.

"Our suspect tried to get out of the classroom after accusing Marinette, and if she was spooked by Matthew the janitor that could mean she hurriedly stashed the comb somewhere." Nathaniel reasoned. Finally, all those hours spent playing Professor Attorney were paying off with real deduction skills! "To the left of the locker room!"

OXOXOXOX

… It turns out that 'left of the locker room' was way too vague to lead to any instant clues. Half of the school counted as 'the left'! Nathaniel took a moment to bump his head against the wall. "This. Tells. Us. Nothing!"

Alya had the same amount of positivity. "Guess we're not getting our field trip after all."

Their kwamis came out of hiding once again, not willing to let this chapter end in vain! "You can't give up yet!" Ziggy urged them. "What if we retraced our steps for clues we missed?"

Nathaniel loved his tiny goat god, but she was too optimistic for their reality. "We didn't find any clues! Are we just going to go back to the locker room and suddenly find a major lead?"

In the locker room, minutes later…

"HOW DID WE MISS THIS MAJOR LEAD!?"

They returned to Chloe's locker, and while the locker itself lacked any new findings, the lock did. "We paid too much attention to turning the lock upside down and cracking the code, we didn't turn it around!" Alya had turned the golden lock around to find a smear of red paint. Likely the culprit had been in art class when the akuma attacked and hadn't washed their hands as thoroughly as they believed.

"Mr. Monlataing can tell us who was using red paint yesterday!" The redhead realized their art teacher would know who the red-handed crook was. However… "Wait, I bet we'll get there, and he'll tell us everyone was using red paint." That's how it usually turned out. They'd follow this to another dead end-

"The only one using red paint yesterday was Lila Rossi."

In a scene change so quick that the transition didn't appear, our heroes were in the art room conversing with their art teacher. Contradicting what Nathaniel feared, this clue led them to a smoking gun. "She claimed to be painting a scene from a crime novel she co-authored, but all she had time to paint was the smoking gun before the akuma attack." Jean-Pierre Monlataing showed them the canvas painted in hues of red and orange.

"Bold choice of colors." Alya commented. The art itself was mediocre at best, but the colors popped too much and made it jarring to look at.

Their teacher seemed to remember another important anecdote from yesterday. "Actually, Ms. Rossi had the key to the paint cabinet when we had to evacuate. Luckily, I caught her afterward and she still had it. She even volunteered to come and lock it up for me."

Alarm bells went off-really, they could all hear alarm bells going off from the cafeteria (and the distant sound of Alix breaking a case for a fire extinguisher) but onto the main focus. "Mr. Monlataing, can we look inside the cabinet?" Alya insisted. The fire of investigation burned even more than the apparent fire in the cafeteria.

"Sure thing." The teacher was happy to help. "I just have to get the key from-" Jean-Pierre felt inside his pocket. He could have sworn he left it in his left pants pocket. "Now that's odd. Where'd the key go?"

HONK

"Huh?" Nathaniel and Alya heard the noise and turned around. There, in the classroom window, sat a wild goose. As if the presence of a random avian wasn't strange enough, the goose was carrying a key in his beak.

The goat hero pointed at the waterbird. "He's got the key!"

"Now wait just a minute, kids-"

The goose didn't want to wait around for the teacher to keep talking. He wasn't a student, rules didn't apply! He opened his wings and stormed the classroom, chasing the humans far enough for him to slip out the door. "GET THE GOOSE!" Alya shouted, her and Nathaniel giving chase.

Almost every class in the school could hear the commotion of two teenagers chasing a goose down the hallways. The young heroes followed the fowl wherever it went, across the courtyard, through the library, into the boys' bathroom (Alya stayed outside), adjacent to the boiler room. The goose could not escape his pursuers. Alix walked out of the cafeteria, scorched and carrying an oversized owl bust, when the goose ran past her, followed by her friends. She was bewildered to say the least. "How do my friends get tangled up in such weird messes?"

After what felt like a whole montage, Nathaniel and Alya cornered the goose. The bird raised his wings threateningly, trying to appear larger than his enemies. Trixx took the opportunity to come out of hiding and approach the wild creature. "Hey bud, we don't want to hurt you. We just need that thing you got in your beak." The little kwami tapped the key.

It appeared that the goose understood Trixx, allowing him to take the key from his beak. "Who knew it was so simple?" Alya questioned aloud. She and Nathaniel stepped aside to let the goose fly out of the courtyard and into the Parisian skies. The teens and their kwamis waved goodbye, wishing the goose well on his travels. "Welp. We got the key back! Time to go and tell our teacher the good news."

"That's not the key." Their teacher told them the bad news. "I found the real key in my other pocket. It turns out I wore my pants backwards today."

Nathaniel held up the key he and Alya chased down and scrutinized it. "So then what's this key for?"

Across the city, Bob Roth had lost the car keys to his brand-new rich-people's car. "Why do terrible things happen to me?!"

Using the actual key to the paint cabinet. The duo's investigation came to a close. Among the tubes of paint was a glittering golden comb, hurriedly stashed behind the two least used paints; beige and ultrabeige. "The most boring colors, nobody would have found it by accident." Nathaniel had to admit it was kind of brilliant. Not even he would dare use those shades of his own free will.

Inspecting their find, Alya found another point of evidence to sentence the culprit. "I think we have everything we need to close the curtains on this case."

HONK

The goose was back in the open window. Alya looked between him and the teacher. "We should close the curtains here first."

OXOXOXOX

The doors to Miss Bustier's room opened in dramatic fashion, earning the attention of everyone in the room for the big reveal about to be revealed. "I ENDED THE WAR BETWEEN MY DAD AND DAMOCLES!" Alix triumphantly announced.

… Yeah, that wasn't what any of them were expecting and, with zero context, the most she got was a few claps and a little 'woo' from Rose.

Once Alix ran back to her seat, Alya and Nathaniel ran through the doorway, out of breath and holding the comb up for all to see. "WE FOUND-" Alya wheezed in a big gulp of air. "WE FOUND THE COMB! Boy, we are really winded from running around all day."

"MY COMB!" Chloe shot up out of her seat. "Give it here!" She nearly hopped over her desk to take the comb back from Alya.

Nathaniel tried to warn Chloe before she retrieved the comb. "Uh, FYI there is a little smudge of-" The ear-piercing shriek of Chloe cut him off, it was too late. "-paint on the teeth."

"Why is there a streak of red paint on my beautiful comb?!" Sure, the paint would easily come off, but the very idea that her treasure had been sullied was an affront to all that Chloe held dear, namely herself. "Did you do this, Cesaire?!"

"How nice of you to thank us for finding it." Alya dryly snarked. "But it wasn't me, that is the work of the thief-"

Alya and Nathaniel stood back to back and pointed their accusing fingers at the guilty party. "Lila Rossi!"

The liar had already drummed up a few crocodile tears. "How-How could you accuse me?! Chloe is a dear friend of mine. I would never take her jewelry!" She assumed everyone would side with her and defend her non-existent innocence, unaware that all except for Chloe and Miss Bustier were already on to her lies and tricks.

"We would not accuse you without proof," Nathaniel calmly stated. "The janitor testified that he saw a long-haired girl with the comb yesterday after the akuma battle. More telling is how both it and Chloe's lock had red paint on them-"

"MY LOCK HAS PAINT TOO?!" Chloe chose the wrong thing to get upset about.

The boy continued on. "-and when we checked with Mr. Monlataing and he said you were the only one to use red paint yesterday for that sunset portrait you were making."

"Um, it was a smoking gun for my crime teleplay that-" Oops, Lila's mouth worked faster than her brain. She realized her blunder once all eyes were upon her, not in adoration, but in anger. "... I-"

"YOU STOLE MY COMB AND GOT PAINT ON IT!?" Chloe directed her rage solely at Lila.

The thief had to come up with something to get her out of trouble. She wouldn't go down over a dumb fake miraculous. "I'm sorry! I was ashamed to tell any of you, but sometimes I get hit with a case of temporary kleptomania. It gets cured with a good night's sleep and I barely remember it the next day!"

"Lila Rossi!" Miss Bustier was shouting. She almost never shouts. "I will not tolerate theft or lying. I am taking you to the principal's office, and we are going to have a serious discussion with your mother!"

Alix's hand shot up. "I'd stay away from the office for a few hours. A confiscated stink bomb went off during the shouting, and they relocated to the library until tomorrow." Somehow, the more anyone heard of Alix's day, the less they wanted to know.

Miss Bustier listened and grabbed Lila by the wrist (gently, of course). "The library it is then." Her student tried to struggle, to no avail. Before she left, she made sure to address the rest of her students. "Tomorrow's field trip is back on for everyone! Except for Miss Rossi… and Kim."

"Hey, what'd I do?" The swimmer was dumbfounded.

"Your swimming gear soaked everything in your bag, including your homework. I have to have you stay back and do a make-up assignment." His teacher informed him.

Kim shrugged. "Eh, I'm sure I flunked it anyway." He sounded way too confident, and it worried his friends and teacher.

As Lila was dragged out of the classroom, she sent an evil glare towards her classmates. Silently swearing her revenge. Most noticed, but hardly any of them cared. Chloe, still clutching her comb to her chest, started talking to it. "Don't worry you beautiful hunk of gold, I'll make Jean-Edward clean and polish you until you're bright enough to be classified as a safety hazard." And she left the classroom too, despite class technically still being in session.

Alya and Nathaniel soon found themselves surrounded by their friends, thanking them in place of Chloe, who'd hardly acknowledged them. "Great job guys!" Adrien praised the heroes of the day.

"That's my girl!" Nino cheered, then remembered Nathaniel had done half of the work too. "And uh… my GOAT dude! Greatest of all time, and an actual goat hero!"

Juleka mumbled something most couldn't understand, except for her girlfriend Rose, who translated for everyone. "Yeah, why did she take the comb?"

"We don't have a concrete answer, but we have a theory-" Alya did not have enough evidence to back up what she theorized Lila's motive was. She could only speculate. Could Lila really have done all this because she thought it was the real bee miraculous? And when she learned that it wasn't, she intentionally tried to shift the blame onto Marinette. Did her not being allowed to leave keep her from being able to plant the comb and frame her nemesis? "-that we will talk to everyone about in the Miracusquad chat." If Alya was right, then this could be a serious matter that needed to be revealed in private. "The important thing is that we did good today."

Max grimaced. "You are aware that you helped CHLOE, right?"

Nathaniel sighed and shook his head. "The lesser of two evils." And that, they could all agree.

Chapter Text

Aboard the Liberty, the Couffaine twins were in their room enjoying a non-eventful weekend. Juleka was casually strumming away on her bass, with Roaar trying to balance herself on the neck, and Luka was intensely focused on a piece of paper.

"What if… the song was about music itself?" Luka suggested, looking to his sister for her opinion.

Juleka didn't seem too hyped by the idea. "It might be too meta." Normally, her girlfriend Rose was the one who wrote the songs for their band. But the band decided she needed a mental health break after the finale of an anime she was watching ended on a sad note. Three boxes of tissues went through in under an hour! While Rose healed herself by reading fix-it fanfictions, Luka offered to come up with Kitty Section's next big hit! He'd written the melody without any problem, then came the lyrics…

The guitarist grabbed a second piece of paper, jotted down the previous 'song about music' concept and then drew a line through it. The page was filled with similar struck-out ideas. "Writer's block is the worst." Luka flopped his head back onto his pillow, narrowly missing Sass by a hair.

His kwami ruffled his tiny stub of an arm across his partner's hair. "I have already given you the perfect concept, the never-ending cycle of time in the style of a barbershop quartet."

"Sass, that's not our genre, and we can't get too existential, it only causes more akumas." Luka unfortunately spoke from experience. "We need a song that's uplifting, or else Rose might start bawling on stage."

"She needs reminders that hope and positivity can make a difference, or else her own will crack." Juleka wished she'd known the anime Rose was watching was deceptively cute to hide its deconstructing and depressing nature. It actually sounded like something she herself would love.

That wasn't getting the song any closer to completion. "What about… a song about superheroes?" Luka's suggestion earned stares all around. "Right. Way too many." Ever since Ladybug and Cat Noir first came on the scene, dozens of artists have made songs about the miraculous wielders. Even his own dad wrote a ballad for the two leaders of the Miracusquad.

The siblings heard their mom knock on their door. "Are ye kids in there?"

Their kwamis quickly hid themselves while their holders answered. "We're here." "Yup."

Anarka entered the room with a large envelope under her arm. "Remember when your father stopped by for dinner last night, he left this between the couch pillows." She lifted the big envelope up for her kids to better see. "If either of ye could run and bring this back to him, it'd be a great help."

Both of her kids got up and accepted the envelope. "Sure, I could use a walk." Juleka nodded to her mom, while Luka grabbed a waterproof bag to carry the parcel in.

"Maybe some fresh air is what we need to clear our heads." Brainstorming in their room wasn't working, a change of scenery might help inspiration strike.

"Thanks kids." Anarka pulled them into a brief hug.

As nice as the hug was, Juleka thought of something. "Wait, how come you can't bring it to dad?"

"It's the fifteenth of the month. Ye know what that means…" Right on cue, the sound of a cannonball hitting the water fell upon their ears. "It be time for the monthly roleplay group!... I'll call a ceasefire so ye don't get knocked overboard."

OXOXOXOX

The Couffaine twins escaped their house boat, hearing the cannonfire resume once they walked up to the main sidewalk. Luka tried calling their dad, but it went to voicemail. "He must be in the middle of work."

Juleka checked her phone to figure out their destination. "It looks like there's a shooting later for a Jagged Stone music video at the Grand Palais. Might be our best bet."

"I'll text Penny to let him know we're coming." Luka agreed, shooting a quick text before he and his sister started their trek to the Grand Palais. A perilous journey that would test every fiber of their being, a quest that could break those with weaker wills, a dangerous, death-defying-

"Hey look, a bubble-blowing party." Juleka pointed out the gleeful gathering and the hundreds of soapy bubbles flying in the wind. People of all ages had come together to blow and/or pop bubbles.

Among the many bubble enthusiasts, a boy in a red cap took notice of the siblings across the street and waved them over. "Dudes!"

"Nino?" The twins tilted their heads in unison.

Their turtle-themed teammate ran over to talk with his friends. "You gotta check this out! This one store got one thousand bottles of bubble soap instead of the one hundred they ordered, so they were selling them for a dollar a piece. One thing led to another, and now we got a few hundred of the bottles out and the party brought itself!" As a local enjoyer of bubbles, and having been akumatized into a bubble-powered villain before, Nino joined in and bought twenty bottles for the party.

Juleka nodded approvingly. "Rad."

"You dudes have to join in! We're about to set up the super blower! It's ten bubble wands tapped into the front of an industrial fan!" No one knew if it would work, but if some maintenance worker runs back to his house to bring the fan, you do not tell him 'no'.

The offer was tempting. The Couffaine siblings weren't on a time limit as long as they delivered the envelope by tonight. "I guess a few minutes wouldn't hurt." Luka accepted the invite. Juleka mumbled something that sounded like she accepted too.

Nino was thrilled. "Awesmazing! Here-" He handed each of them a bottle of bubble soap and wands. "Complimentary on the house."

Juleka dipped her wand in the soap mixture, and blew what might be the tiniest bubble at the party. "Fun." Don't let her voice fool you, it really is fun for her.

"NINO, WE'RE PLUGGING IT IN!" A random bystander alerted the boy to the imminent activation of the super blower.

"DON'T START WITHOUT ME!" Nino shouted, then spoke normally to his friends. "Catch you guys later! Have fun!" He jogged away to see the crazy contraption they created come to fruition. Dang it, almost made it alliterative!

The siblings walked a little closer, until they were at the outskirts of the bubble mania. Juleka blew another tiny bubble while she and her brother stared at the sky filled with the stuff. "... Sis, what if it was a song about bubbles?" Luka wondered if this was the inspiration he sought.

"Would it be a pop song?" Juleka had a witty response for once, maybe hanging around Adrien improved her pun game.

Further into the thick layer of bubbles, Nino and a few others watched with anticipation as the super blower was turned on. To their disappointment, it only produced a single bubble per wand, and those bubbles popped too quickly. Groans of dismay went around, their dumb idea didn't work. Although one girl might have thought of a solution: "What if we poured the soap into the fan?" The idea was even dumber than the initial one, so it had to work!

Roaar poked her tiny head out and eyed the tiny bubbles Juleka was producing. "Oooh! I've never blown a bubble before!"

The goth girl dipped the wand in soap and handed it to her kwami. "First time for everything. Give it your all."

'Give it your all', Roaar shall! She inhaled deeply, then produced a massive roar rather than a gentle blow. The force of Roaar's roar caused the tiny wand to create a huge bubble half the size of her holder! A tiger roar in the middle of a bubble party could not go unnoticed, and dozens of eyes fell upon Juleka. "... Tada."

The super blower's second attempt was about to go underway, soap was poured in, and the fan was turned off. The guy who brought the fan gave the go-ahead and flipped the power back on. Unsafe noises came from inside the fan, a faint smell of smoke joined the bubble-filled air, and… the fan blew the soap through the wands and produced bubbles at an unheard of capacity.

"HOORAY!" The crowd rejoiced about their successful machine.

OXOXOXOX

Luka and Juleka hung around for maybe twenty to thirty more minutes. After they left, the police arrived. No, not to shut down the party, they wanted to join in. Some cop even used his bullhorn as a bubble wand.

"That was an enjoyable distraction," Sass commented. "But we should resume our journey now."

"Yeah, the palais is a long ways away." Luka agreed with his little snake buddy.

For some time, their walk was uneventful and quiet. But this wouldn't be a story if things went without incidents. "Hey, Luka? You know how New York has a hot dog-themed superhero named Hot Dog Dan?" Juleka brought up out of the blue.

Luka had vaguely heard of such a character. "Uh, yeah. Why?"

"He's over there." Juleka drew his attention to a nearby bridge. Sure enough, the pride and joy of American food-based superheroes had set up his cart in Paris. Given that it was extraordinarily rare to see him outside his home country, the siblings had to find out what he was doing here and joined the growing line of people waiting for a magical hot dog.

Word must have gotten out about Hot Dog Dan. The short line the twins joined grew past the bridge the moment after one guy took a bite of his hot dog and turned blue. Every patron then showcased a different temporary superpower; fire breath, flight, their arms and legs switching places (that guy did not enjoy his hot dog) and soon Luka and Juleka were at the front. "Hey you Parisian teens, ready to have your tastebuds blown by some of Hot Dog Dan's famous franks?" Hot Dog Dan addressed the miraculous-wielding twins.

"Sure, but why are you here in Paris?" Juleka asked.

"It's Hot Dog Dan's world tour!" The hero slapped a poster on the window of his cart, advertising his campaign. "I've had so many tourists come to New York to try wicked-tasty food. It got me thinking- 'Dan, why don't you travel for a bit and show people around the globe the joy of hot dogs?' and I did!" It was a very spontaneous decision, but a lucrative one based on how long the line had gotten.

Luka couldn't remember the last time he'd had a hot dog, and moved to get his wallet. "We'd like two dogs please."

The American hero accepted his currency. "Comin right u-"

"HOLD IT!"

Everyone froze and looked at the source of the voice. Over at the other end of the bridge was Andre the ice cream man, menacingly holding out his scooper. "Who are you to set up a food cart in the spot I always set up my ice cream cart every second Wednesday of an odd-numbered month?!"

Hot Dog Dan wasn't sure what to make of this man. "My bad, I'm only in this spot for today. Tomorrow I'm moving adjacent to the Eiffel Tower." The permit office never told him this spot was reserved, but he was the outsider here, and he didn't want to start any international incidents.

Andre, on the other hand… "That's where MY cart goes tomorrow! You keep your junk food out of my territory!"

A hush fell over the crowd. Hot Dog Dan stiffened and his smile faded. "What did you just call my hot dogs?" His voice was low, but powerful enough for all to hear.

"I said those furter's of frank are junk food! No nutritional or emotional value! Not like my ice cream that can reach the hearts of the people!" The ice cream man clearly did not notice the variety of magical effects produced by the consumption of the wieners.

In a tranquil fury, Hot Dog Dan whipped up two more hot dogs and gave them to the Couffaine twins before setting his sights back on Andre. "You know NOTHING about the love and care that goes into each one of my hot dogs. The years it took to hone and craft my abilities to create the finest picnic food New York had ever seen. You just scoop frozen dairy into cones."

"Ooooooh-" The crowd waited for Andre to respond.

The ice cream vendor picked his jaw off of the floor. "Oh it is on now!"

"Bring it!" The server of snacks could handle this guy without using any of his superpowers. This was no fight between a hero and a villain, this was between food cart vendors.

The men unleashed their battle cries, and Andre struck first by launching a scoop of blackberry sorbet at the cart. Dan caught it in a napkin and reached for the mustard and ketchup bottles, spraying them onto Andre's apron. The homefield vendor was horrified to see that Dan had used the condiments to draw a hot dog on his stomach. This would not go unpunished! Andre gathered wafer cookies and threw them like shurikens. Dan rolled away and dodged, and with a cloud of shredded cheese he temporarily blinded his rival long enough to grab the relish.

Most of the people waiting in line wished they had hot dogs, but this was an incredible fight. The ones who did have hot dogs ate their snacks and enjoyed the show. Luka took a bite of his hot dog, and felt a tingle on his tongue. When he spoke next, he realized the weenie had raised his voice to a chipmunk-level pitch. "What do you think sis? Could our song be about foods at war with one another?"

"No." Juleka answered, the effects of her hot dog were not immediately visible. Then she hiccuped, and laser beams shot from her eyes. Then Juleka's smile beamed. "I've always wanted to produce lasers from my body!"

OXOXOXOX

"That was pretty intense, huh? I didn't think Andre would try to elbow drop Hot Dog Dan."

"Luka, it's really hard to take you seriously with that squeaky voice."

Following Hot Dog Dan's victory over Andre the ice cream man, the Couffaine twins were once again headed to where their dad was. As it turns out, the temporary powers from the magic hot dogs took a while to wear off. Until further notice, Luka was stuck with a voice higher than a rodent and Juleka shot lasers from her eyes when surprised.

"I'm not complaining about magic food, but how is this voice a superpower?" Luka had real superpowers, so it wasn't a huge letdown or anything. He just didn't get how a funny voice was as much a power as super strength or laser eyes. Luka hadn't even been able to finish the whole hot dog, he stuck the rest of it in his bag.

Just then, a stray cat jumped on a garbage can close by and startled Juleka, and her laser eyes went off. "I'm loving mine, I just wish I had more control over it."

A tiny tiger kwami poked her head out of Juleka's pocket. "How much farther is it to this grand palace place?" Roaar was tired of staying hidden, she needed to get out and stretch.

The wielder of the tiger miraculous gave her partner a little pet. "It's still a ways to go. We won't stop for any more distractions-"

"You two!"

The teens jumped at the sudden shout (and Juleka's eyes shot at a window) and found a middle-aged woman coming straight for them. Luka decided to be friendly and see what the stranger wanted. "Hi, can we help you-"

"You two look like you've got nowhere to be! Come and watch our presentation!" The lady rudely grabbed them both by the wrists and started dragging them to a door close by. The twins were alarmed and confused, enough that another eye laser came out of Juleka, and noticed it wasn't just them being dragged to the same door. There was a whole group of people herding any passerby into the building, and no one was getting away.

Before they knew it, Juleka and Luka were shoved through the door and the lady ran off to grab more people. The room was already packed with people, and there were plenty of open chairs to sit in with them all facing a small stage. The two were sort of railroaded into taking a seat, and opted to wait and figure out what was going on. If anything went wrong, Juleka had the laser eyes.

Once every seat was filled, the people who gathered them went around and stood by the stage. A middle-aged man came out from behind a curtain and walked up to the mic. "Thank you so much for coming everyone! Now I'm sure you all know why you're here-"

"NO WE DON'T!" One girl shouted. The man on stage ignored her.

"You've gotten bored with your everyday lives and need something to liven it up! And that's where TriShare comes in! Cut the lights!" The guy clapped, and the lights went down. He pulled down a projection screen which quickly loaded into an image of the company's logo. "In this twenty-minute presentation, you'll learn all there is to know about this amazing opportunity!"

It was amazing alright, amazing how blatantly obvious this whole company was a scam. The twins boredly sat through the presentation, seeing so many red flags that they started keeping count. It amounted to buying timeshares and earning points. You get more points by getting more people to invest in your timeshare, and then they start earning points towards one of their own. It was incredibly convoluted, and they lost track of how everything connected several times that they wondered if the confusion was on purpose. After a very long twenty minutes, the lights came back on. "I think we can leave now." Luka whispered in his high voice.

"It's not over." Juleka regretfully informed him, and pointed to the person going around with a clipboard trying to get more people to sign up. The man on stage kept yammering on while a decent number of suckers-I mean, the audience signed up, much faith in humanity was lost this hour.

The clipboard eventually made its way to Luka, and the guy holding it looked at him expectantly. "Um… neither of us can sign this. We're minors."

It was like a record scratch went off in the room, and all went silent as the two teenagers were noticed among the adults… that and Luka's voice was a weird surprise. The guy in charge looked over the crowd and noticed the siblings. "You're minors!? Then why did you sign up for this presentation?! And what is wrong with your voice, young man?"

"I ate a hot dog." Luka explained the bare minimum. "And we were pulled in here against our will. I think most of us were." Many nodded and murmured in agreement. One guy muttered that he was missing his hip replacement surgery for this.

Juleka mumbled something quietly, too quietly for anyone to hear. The man in charge didn't like that. "Hey, speak up. If you have something to say, then say it."

If that's what he wanted… "I said I'm pretty sure this is all a massive scam anyway." Juleka spoke loud and clear. "It's basically some sort of time share scam crossed with a pyramid scheme."

One of the people working for TriShare leaned to the guy next to her. "I always thought it was more of a Ponzi scheme." Her coworker nudged her to shut up.

The previously uncertain crowd erupted into outrage and confusion. Was this really a scam? Can I opt out? What even is a timeshare? The man in charge realized he should not have asked the teen to speak up. "Now, now, settle down, people. I know this process may be confusing, but I can assure you this is one hundred percent legitimate and not a scam at all."

A random hiccup came from Juleka and activated the laser eyes. The beams burned straight through the signed paperwork and clipboard and kept going until it created a hole in the wall behind the stage. There, in plain view of the entire audience, was a pyramid made of money and a handwritten sign dubbing it 'The pyramid of money from our massive scam' and another sign below it 'Carl made this when he was supposed to be on recruitment duty. Dock his pay and add it to the pyramid.'

The guy in charge had two thoughts. One, Carl was SO fired. And two, he had to get out of here NOW! The crowd had turned on him, an older lady stood up and pointed. "The girl was right, it's all a scam! Form an angry mob and GET HIM!"

"We can talk this over-" The presenter's voice was drowned out by the angry mob shouting and trying to attack him. Anyone else who worked for TriShare was hunted for sport. The people were angry and demanded bloodshed and/or their money back. When the first chair was thrown across the room, the miraculous wielders knew it was time to leave.

The twins stayed low and crawled through the legs of angry Parisians. It was the easiest way to sneak out without drawing any more attention to themselves. Luka's mind wasn't as focused on escaping as it should have been. "Song about how much people hate scammers?" He suggested to his sister.

"Maybe."

OXOXOXOX

Once they'd escaped the seminar and the effects of the hot dogs had worn off, it had become apparent how much time they'd wasted. "Aw man, look at all the time we wasted." Luka checked his phone's clock. "We can't keep dad waiting any longer, from now on we must vow to not get sidetracked into anything else."

"I vow." Juleka raised one hand and left the other over her heart. "No more side plots until we get this envelope to dad-do you hear a screeching noise?"

An annoyingly shrill screech could be heard from somewhere above the rooftops. Luka and Juleka saw civilians run out with their phones ready to record. That could only mean-

"WAAAAH!" The screams of two superheroes filled the airwaves. Up in the sky Ladybug and Cat Noir were hanging onto the former's yoyo for dear life. Wrapped up in said yoyo, A large bat-looking akuma flew like a maniac and tried to shake the bug and cat off of her.

Juleka had a sinking feeling about this. "There isn't a bat miraculous we should be aware of, is there?"

"I'm pretty sure there is, but you and I both know that was an akuma." Luka groaned. "Who's on akuma duty for today?" He had to ask, though he was very certain he knew the answer.

The wielder of the tiger checked her phone and looked at the hero schedule. "... We are."

Wearily sighing, Luka accepted the detour. "Sass, Scales Slither." In a flash he became Viperion.

His sister did the same. "Roaar, Stripes On." Juleka transformed into Purple Tigress. With waning enthusiasm, the heroes gave chase to the akuma.

The bat villain continued to fly recklessly across Paris. Ladybug and Cat Noir were losing their grip on the yoyo. "I am not recommending this airline to any of my friends." Cat Noir tried to lighten the mood with a quip. All he got was an unamused stare from his girlfriend. "... Yeah, not helping, I know."

Green and crimson figures hopped across rooftops, getting the attention of their teammates. Ladybug was relieved for the backup. "The cavalry has arrived, Kitty."

Viperion and Purple Tigress made good progress, catching up to the akuma, though with her erratic flying they couldn't make any steady contact. Around four city blocks later the bat made a mistake and flew too low, heading towards a dead end. "Nows our chance!" Viperion called out to his sister, and they leaped down to ambush the akuma.

Said ambush did not go the way they wanted. The bat detected the wall ahead and made a sharp turn upwards. The two heroes jumping towards the villain collided with the two already clinging on. In the shuffle, Ladybug was knocked off and Viperion was left gripping onto the bat fur for dear life alongside Cat Noir. The boys locked eyes and screamed when the bat took them on another crazy ride. "Viperion, your power-"

"I haven't set it yet! And even if I did, I'd have to let go to use it!" In hindsight, he should have set 'Second Chance' during the chase, but could you really blame him after the long day he had?

The girls were left on the streets below, the distance between them and the akuma growing larger with each passing second. "Lucky Charm time?" Tigress asked.

Ladybug nodded. "Yup." She tossed her yoyo into the air and called out "LUCKY CHARM!" The sparkling magical ladybug power produced an advertisement for a hot dog cart. "I really don't know what I'm supposed to do with this. Maybe Tikki's hungry? Or…"

"It might be for Hot Dog Dan's cart. He's in Paris on tour and me and Viperion stopped to eat there earlier. He still has some left." Purple Tigress informed Ladybug of events that occurred before she entered the chapter.

What Tigress could not see were the items lighting up in Ladybug's mind. She connected what she had heard to what was around her, and as miraculously as their power source, she came up with a plan. "This will actually be pretty simple!"

Aboard the manic bat, Cat Noir's staff rang. "Uh, Viperion, could you get that? My hands are kind of busy hanging on for dear life." Viperion was a few inches lower than him, close enough to answer the call by pressing it with his nose.

"Cat No-Viperion?" Ladybug realized the one who picked up wasn't her partner.

"Cat Noir can't answer the phone right now. Want me to take a message?" Viperion asked.

"Actually, you have something we need. Tigress said you still have a magic hot dog?"

"I do, but it just gives me a high-pitched voice."

"AHA! One of you has to eat the hot dog and start screaming!" The boys were confused by Ladybug's directions. "... I know it sounds weird, but it'll work."

Cat and Snake shared a glance. How in the world could they eat a hot dog in this situation?! "Cat Noir, listen. I think I can shove it in your mouth, but I won't be able to activate Second Chance beforehand. We only get one shot, and then I'll fall right after." Viperion warned his black-costumed buddy.

It was crazy, crazy enough to work. "Got it." Cat Noir nodded. Viperion let go with one hand and grabbed his lyre from his back. Though he couldn't get a good look at how, Cat Noir heard the lyre being strummed and the sounds of a hot dog being released. Cat quickly turned his head and opened his mouth, which had a piece of hot dog shoved in right as Viperion went flying off. "How did he do that?" A squeaky voice came from his mouth. "Wow, this sounds hilarious!" Remembering that Ladybug asked him to scream once the hot dog had been consumed. Cat Noir did as such and let out a scream, which apparently turned into a high-pitch sonic scream that disrupted the sensitive ears of the giant bat. It also broke dozens of glass windows in the surrounding area.

Down below, Viperion landed with a backflip. A nearby kid with a pad of paper gave him a 9.5 on a scorecard. "Your footing was off by half an inch. Had to deduct a point." The kid shrugged.

The girls were right below the akuma as she and her kitty passenger lost altitude and were at the mercy of gravity. "Cat Noir! Get off the bat!" Ladybug warned him. Her boyfriend let go and dove into his lady's waiting arms. "Why are you always falling for me?" The red heroine shook her head.

Her partner laughed. "That's a good one!"

The bat akuma was falling directly above Purple Tigress, which was just what she wanted. "CLOUT!" She activated her superpower and felt the rush of energy gather in her fist. The force of the punch propelled her towards the akuma and in a single blow she knocked the bat out of the sky and straight into the Seine.

By the time Tigress landed, and her brother caught up to her and the rest of the heroes, Ladybug had already gotten the butterfly out and purified it. "MIRACULOUS LADYBUG!" Her power restored all that was damaged during the battle.

The four heroes came together and held out their fists. "Pound it!" The single high-pitched voice stood out among the regular-pitched voices.

"I need to have some fun with this while I can!" Cat Noir had to prank call someone before the hot dog wore off… probably Felix. Or, he could sing like a chipmunk, which reminded him. "Ooh! Are you still writing the new song for the band? Can it be about-"

Viperion held his hand up. "Please don't get me started on songwriting…"

"OH (Censored for the kids)!" The snake hero heard his sister curse loudly. "Look where we are!"

Concerned, Viperion turned around and recognized their location… and the Liberty sailing back to the dock, guess their mother's roleplay finished up. "We're right back where we started?!" All of today's events meant nothing!

"What'll we do?" Tigress worried.

"I don't know! Not even my power will do us any good! How are we going to make it to dad… wait… we're superheroes." The older Couffaine twin realized.

His realization dawned on his sister too. The two quickly bid their teammates adieu and took off across the rooftops. With their enhanced abilities, they parkoured to the Grand Palais in record time. One of them should have thought of this hours ago. Ducking into an alley to detransform, Luka and Juleka arrived at their destination and found Penny waiting for them. "There you two are! I was worried you got sidetracked or something."

The twins didn't make any indication of what it took to get here. "It was no trouble at all, Penny." Luka assured her.

Penny took the twins over to Jagged's dressing room. The rockstar was happy to see his kids and opened his arms for a hug. "Juleka and Luka! What a surprise!"

The teens gave him a brief hug, and then Juleka handed over the envelope while her brother did the talking. "Mom found this on the couch, so we came by to give it back to you."

"So THAT'S where I left it!" Jagged smacked his forehead. "Thank you both for delivering it!"

"What's in it anyway?" his daughter asked.

Jagged opened the envelope and took out a few pieces of paper. "It's the lyrics to a new song I've been working on! It's revolutionary, and out of my rock and roll element. It's a song about the never-ending cycle of time in the style of a barbershop quartet!"

Hidden inside Luka's jacket, Sass grinned with smug satisfaction. "At least someone gets it!"