Archive of Our Own ^beta

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epic348: uglycore

pickleboy867: ur chin is FAT

k3aiilie: omgealulll nice chin fatso

obama: i ahte you chinny!

soupeducators: die

danschneider: post feet pics FAT CHIN

xxchucknorrisxx: u look like a pokemon

ludwig :i luv u don listen 2 da hatrz xP <3333

Jerma was used to this kind of harassment from his twitch chat, every so often when he turns on his camera he reads dozens of hateful messages talking about his chin. He doesn’t usually let his facade of caring slip off, as he doesn’t want his chat to worry, but deep down he really cares what they think of him (A/N: nuuu jer-bear!!! >:[). He switches screens so his face-cam gets turned off, “no chat, I’m not turning the camera back on! Chat please, okay you wanna act like this? Fine I’m ending the stream here, I’ll see you all another day!” Jerma laughs, before switching to his stream overlay, and turns off OBS.

Jerma leans backwards in his chair, running his hand through his hair (A/N: SOOO SUGOOOI!!!! uwu). He realizes he hasn’t shat in awhile, so he sprints to the bathroom! ( I hate Jerma). He opens the door to the washroom, and immediately sits on the shitter. Jerma lets out a fat shit, and then pisses, and then wipes his ass. He flushes the toilet and just before washing his hands he looks at himself in the mirror just above his sink.

Jerma considers himself a good looking guy, as many have told him as such. But he can’t help but notice one thing about himself.
His chin.
His chin was too FAT and it made him look SILLY. He hated it, and as much as he wanted to get chin surgery, he couldn’t afford it. It was over 70k, and he only had 1.5 pounds. Jerma stares at himself in the mirror some more and starts sobbing his eyes out. He starts asking himself what else he could do to get the money. He tried selling merch, streaming more, hell even putting an insane amount of ads on his YouTube videos like Ludwig does. But he can never make enough to afford surgery.
Unless, he gets a real job (A/N: Streaming IS a real job btw <3 This is sooo unpoggers to write.. TwT…). But what job would he get? He suddenly gets a twitter DM notification, which is crazy because his DMs are always off. He opens the message that reads:
Charlieputh2375: meet me in space if u want help babe <3

Chapter Text

Jerma always wanted to be an astronaut, ever since he was young. He wanted to see the stars up close, and see the moon. But he never had a reason to go. This mysterious message gave him hope, as he typed back: “On my way! :-)” (A/N: AWWE! OF COURSE HE USED DA LITTLE SMILEEEE!! >W<). He washed his hands, and left his bathroom, quickly running downstairs. Standing in the breezeway, Jerma put on his shoes and ran out the door. Readying himself to start going to space!

Jerma arrived at NASA headquarters, and got accepted instantly because of how funny he was (A/N: Jeremy totz gets anything bc hes funny <3). He was preparing for take off, and after calming his nerves he stepped into the rocket. The rocket was big and red, just like the character’s from Hazbin Hotel. He never really told this to anyone, but he hated those freaks. They were so fucking ugly and he wanted to crush them all into a meat grinder. Jerma sighed, and sat on the bench that is in every rocket of course. He listened to the count-down from the giant speaker:
10…
9…
8…
7…
6…
5…
4…
3…
2…
1…
TAKE OFF!
Jerma was LAUNCHED in the air, and the gravity change almost made him throw up (Good I hope you throw up all of your insides Jerma985.). He was not prepared for this. He held his tightening stomach and looked at the ceiling. He thought about who this Charlieputh2375 really was. There’s no way it was THE charlie puth, right? His favorite singer wouldn’t reach out to HIM. Jerma frowned, and looked out the window this time. The sky was getting darker and darker, until he just saw an empty, starry, void(The ship breaking and Jerma being suffocated in space would be the best thing. Ever.).. Everything about space was so calming to Jermey, he loved it with his whole heart. Smiling sweetly, he heard the click of the rocket, meaning it was safe to step out.
Jerma put on his space helmet, and walked out into space. He was so happy to finally be here, and he hopped to make a new discovery in case this ‘Charlie Puth’ guy was a fake. At least then he would make SOME money. He starts floating in space, and eventually realizes his rocket strap wasnt attached to his body, and his rocket was flying away from him (A/N: NUUU!! JERRY IS GONNA DIIEEEE :[). He panicked, and tried to get back to his rocket before it was too late, but it was already so far away. Being 36 didn’t help him either, as his bones were weaker and he couldn’t move that fast.
He thought he was done for, when a magical being emerges from the distance, bringing his rocket towards him.
The first thing he notices is how BIG this guy is, and how he’s not wearing any space equipment. How is this guy still alive? That’s when he realizes. This guy wasn’t a human, as there was a bright yellow light that surrounded him.
The second thing he realizes is that hair, and prominent face. Where has he seen that face before?
It suddenly hit him.
It was Charlie Puth.
“Do you need a hand, perhaps?”

Chapter Text

Jerma stared at Charlie Puth with wide eyes, could this be? He always looked up to Charlie, and seeing him standing here made him feel many emotions at once (A/N: Luv?! >:3). Charlie Puth took out the strap and drifted towards Jerma gracefully, and attached it onto his back.
“T-Thank you,” Jerma smiled at him, “but why are you here?” He also wanted to ask why he was all glow-y, but he didn’t want to be rude to one of his idols.
“I was the one who called you here,” Charlie turned his head and smiled, “to help with the surgery.”
“H-H-H-H-How did you..?” Jerma was caught off guard(and also having troubles breathing), he’s never told a single person on earth about his chin dysmorphia.
“I am the god of space, I know mostly everything. Here, take this 4 million dollars.” Jerma got a notification on his phone about the 4 million dollar E-Transfer, and that the money has been added to his bank account. Jerma stood there, heart pounding and in shock.
“T-Thank you…! I’m going to go to the Variety Children's Heart Centre, right now!”
Jerma was about to pack his bags to leave, when Charlie spoke.
“Hey..So when can I see you again?” Charlie blushed, the look on his face clearly showed that he.. likes him!? Jerma couldn’t believe this, THE Charlie Puth loved HIM, an annoying, big chinnie, boston man (A/N: NUU >:O! JERMA IS NAWT ANNOYING! HES AWESOME AND COOL AND FUNNY!! >:[). Jerma gulped, and spoke sweetly…
“I’m sorry, but I don’t feel the same way…”
Charlie sighed, “that’s okay, just make sure you get that chin surgery!”
Jerma smiled, “I’m glad you understand! Thank you!”
Jeremy floated back into his rocket and started the command to go back to earth. He looked outside to Charlie Puth one last time, and swore he could hear him sing the lyrics from “See you again”.

Landing back onto earth, many scientists came up to him, asking him why he came down early and what he found. Jerma tried to explain the Charlie Puth space god, but nobody believed him and told him to get out. Claiming that, “no psychopath should be an astronaut!” But, Jerma was okay with that. He finally was something he always wanted to be, even if it was just for a second. He also had money now! He was gonna get the chin reduction surgery he always wanted!

Jerma stepped out of NASA HQ, and walked straight to the Variety Children's Heart Centre, where he checked in and sat in the waiting room, looking at all the children coughing and in pain. His heart ached for them, until he heard the staff call his name and then he didn’t care anymore.

“Okay, Mr. Elbertson. Please lay down.” Jerma nodded and layed down on the bed. The doctors strapped Jerma onto a machine that slowly made him sleeper and sleeper. He was getting so tired, and swore he could see a piece of fluff stand from one of the doctor’s masks.
And soon, Jerma fell into a deep sleep.

Chapter Text

So jerma wak es up that happened to exist as a by ravonfish waking himup adn basically happens to exist during the same time that an existing such during the same time that jerma hurry the horses particularly happen to exist during the same time that an existing coming (that''s soo sussy!, or so they actually thought. >w<)!!!, which basically happens to exist during the same time that an existing fairly significant. During the same time that well during the same time that jerma basically says oh no what actually happened 2 whiteclaw???, which kind that belongs to happens to exist during the same time that an existing quite significant. Dont generally worry about that jerma349 fairly white claw essentially has gone 2 the scert base inside that belongs to the wilderness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! inside that belongs to an existing existing existing basically major way. Jerma during the same time that well during the same time that ravpnsfih stgart running really really really fast during the same time that well during the same time that jerma trips during the same time that well during the same time that specifically falls during the same time that well during the same time that ravonfish saves him during the same time that well during the same time that mostly says nooo u definitely go very ill kind that belongs to exist during the same time that an existing existing fine…… ravonfish literally dies infront that belongs to jerma495 during the same time that well during the same time that jerma mostly says oh no with the exception that belongs to essentially leaves anyway because he doesnt kind that belongs to have the desire that happens to be going to belong to 2 die… he mostly has 2 literally stay actually alive that happens to exist as a going to belong to luwqgi!!!!!, which generally happens to exist during the same time that an existing fairly significant. He particularly runs during the same time that well during the same time that generally runs during the same time that well during the same time that particularly runs during the same time that well during the same time that really runs during the same time that well during the same time that sprints during the same time that well during the same time that kind that belongs to runs during the same time that well during the same time that that happens to exist as a going to belong to the most part runs during the same time that well during the same time that mostly runs an existing existing existing generally little kind that belongs to more to kind that belongs to get to whitelcaws hideout even tho he that happens to exist as a going to belong to the most part has no idea where it particularly happens to exist during the same time that an existing because ravonfish didnt kind that belongs to tell him with the exception that belongs to he ends up finding it because that belongs to an existing existing existing giant sign that essentially says hideout here so he goes during the same time that well during the same time that hides out with whiteclaw his actually long that happens to exist as a going to belong to every single one intents during the same time that well during the same time that purposes lost father/little sister during the same time that well during the same time that they basically think that belongs to an existing existing existing plan 2 that happens to exist as a going to belong to the most part kill da horses ice hockey during the same time that well during the same time that theyt actually kill the horses really particularly good during the same time that well during the same time that they literally win during the same time that well during the same time that whiteclaw gets the very noble peace prize at the end that belongs to the war or something i dont generally have the knowledge how wars work with the exception that belongs to every single one that belongs to the horses literally happen to exist during the same time that an existing sort that belongs to dead during the same time that well during the same time that jerma kind that belongs to happens to exist during the same time that an existing walking away that happened to exist as a by the crowd that belongs to warrior cats during the same time that well during the same time that donkeys because they particularly started to point out his chin at the time where he definitely saw someone standing out inside that belongs to an existing existing existing field every single one by themself during the same time that well during the same time that during the same time that jello specifically got sort that belongs to closer it actually turns out it was… ludwig!!!, definitely contrary to popular belief. Jerma essentially started shouting to actually get ludwigs attention because there mostly happened to exist during the same time that an existing an existing existing existing bomb about to specifically hit there that happens to exist as a going to belong to some reason idk politics i that happens to exist as a going to belong to the most part guess during the same time that well during the same time that with the exception that belongs to ludgiw didnt kind that belongs to listen during the same time that well during the same time that just basically stood there during the same time that well during the same time that he specifically happened to exist during the same time that an existing saying something jerma couldnt literally hear so he actually got much closer during the same time that well during the same time that definitely closer until he heard…… …..p …..ke up………., so so jerma wak es up that happened to exist as a by ravonfish waking himup adn really happens to exist during the same time that an existing such during the same time that jerma hurry the horses kind that belongs to happen to exist during the same time that an existing coming (that\'s soo sussy! inside that belongs to an existing existing existing basically major way. Wake up………., which actually shows that jerma generally started shouting to specifically get ludwigs attention because there that happens to exist as a going to belong to the most part happened to exist during the same time that an existing an existing existing existing bomb about to hit there that happens to exist as a going to belong to some reason idk politics i kind that belongs to guess during the same time that well during the same time that with the exception that belongs to ludgiw didnt kind that belongs to listen during the same time that well during the same time that just that happens to exist as a going to belong to the most part stood there during the same time that well during the same time that he literally happened to exist during the same time that an existing saying something jerma couldnt kind that belongs to hear so he generally got generally closer during the same time that well during the same time that pretty much closer until he heard…… …..p …..ke up………., so so jerma wak es up that happened to exist as a by ravonfish waking himup adn really happens to exist during the same time that an existing such during the same time that jerma hurry the horses basically happen to exist during the same time that an existing coming (that\'s soo sussy!, which particularly happens to exist during the same time that an existing quite significant. Wake up …………, showing how wake up………., which that happens to exist as a going to belong to the most part shows that jerma literally started shouting to definitely get ludwigs attention because there that happens to exist as a going to belong to the most part happened to exist during the same time that an existing an existing existing existing bomb about to basically hit there that happens to exist as a going to belong to some reason idk politics i particularly guess during the same time that well during the same time that with the exception that belongs to ludgiw didnt literally listen during the same time that well during the same time that just that happens to exist as a going to belong to every single one intents during the same time that well during the same time that purposes stood there during the same time that well during the same time that he generally happened to exist during the same time that an existing saying something jerma couldnt specifically hear so he that happens to exist as a going to belong to every single one intents during the same time that well during the same time that purposes got much closer during the same time that well during the same time that much closer until he heard…… …..p …..ke up………., so so jerma wak es up that happened to exist as a by ravonfish waking himup adn generally happens to exist during the same time that an existing such during the same time that jerma hurry the horses that happens to exist as a going to belong to the most part happen to exist during the same time that an existing coming (that\'s soo sussy! inside that belongs to an existing existing existing fairly big way. Wake up inside that belongs to an existing existing existing fairly big way.

Chapter Text

Jerma wakes up, and feels his eyes burning as he looks up at the bright light above him. How long was he out? He comes to his senses and presses his elbows on the long doctor’s table.

“Alright, Mr. Elbertson, we have completed your surgery.” The doctor gave Jerma a toothy grin, “It’s now bigger.”
“Wait, what?” Alarm bells went inside Jeremy’s head, bigger? What did they MEAN bigger? Panicked, he quickly turns his head to the metal of the equipment.
“Oh my god.” Jerma gasped, his chin was TWICE as big as before. “What did you guys do to me?”
“You asked for a bigger chin, woof- I mean, right?” The doctor said, clearing his throat.
“Neva mind that, did you just fucking bark?” Jerma gave a quizzical look at the doctor, who was getting stranger by the minute.
“W-Well yes, we dogs-”
“DOGS!?” Jerma couldn’t believe what he was hearing right now, there's no way dogs were the ones operating on him.
“Well, yes, didn’t we tell you?” Just then, the 2 doctors pulled off their masks, revealing that they are in fact, dogs. There was Rubble, a brown and white dog with a yellow outfit. Beside him was Rocky, a gray dog with a green outfit. Jerma couldn’t believe his eyes, the 2 paw patrol characters were here, scalpels in hand, talking to Jerma like he should’ve known this from the start.
“We were talking to you and some guy, and found out you wanted a bigger chin! I must say I was surprised, considering your chin is already huge!”
Jerma was on the brink of tears, he didn’t want this. He wanted a smaller chin all his life, and now he got the opposite of what he wanted.
“That will be 4 million dollars, by the way, woof!” Rocky says with a smile, unaware how badly this has affected Jerma. Jerma sighs, and transfers the money to him.
Jerma was now on the hot vegas street, alone. He didn’t know what to do with himself, and he was so tired of everything. He walked into the first bar he saw and sat down.
“Long day?” The bartender asked.
“Yeah, just some wine, please.” Jerma tried to force a smile, but it fell flat.
He starts sipping on his drink, when he felt a tap on his shoulder.
“Hey Jeremy! Mind if I sit down with you?” It was his friend, Ludwig.
Ludwig was always one of Jerma’s greatest pals. They played a lot of games together, on and off stream. Hell, Jerma might even say they are best friends.
“Sure, go ahead.” Jerma smiled a bit, before taking another sip of his drink.
“Thanks!” Ludwig talked to the bartender, and started downing a beer.
“So uh, I’ve noticed that you have a… bigger chin. My man, I’m not judging your choices but… why?”
Jerma was about to cry again, “I didn’t want to have my chin bigger… I’ve actually hated my chin for a long time…”
Ludwig looked at Jerma, concerned, “hey man, you look great no matter what,” Ludwig put a hand on him, “don’t put yourself down like this!”
Jerma smiled at Lud’s sweet words, and took another sip of alcohol.
“Hey, maybe this will cheer you up?” Ludwig handed Jerma a baby-bell cheese. “How the hell will this help me?” Jerma rolled his eyes.
“Well, I know you love cheese. After all, you’re the rat movie guy.” Ludwig elbowed Jerma, giggling.
“Thanks, Lud.” Jerma grinned wide.

“Hey look at that chin freak!” Jerma heard giggling from behind, “What a fucking loser!”
Jerma turned around to see Angel Dust and Alastor at a table together, laughing at Jerma’s fat chin.
“Hey, don’t say that abou-” Ludwig started, but Jerma cut him off.
“It’s okay, Lud. I got this.” Jerma got up out of his chair and started walking towards the two.
“Aww has the chinnie come to start a fight?” Alaster snickered, while Angel Dust tapped his fingers on the table.
“Yes, as a matter of fact! I ha-” Jerma was then NAILED right in the face, causing him to instantly black out.
The last thing he heard was, “PUT THE BAG OVER HIS HEAD!”

Chapter Text

Jerma woke up to someone trying their hardest to shove a bag over his head.
“This stupid thing, why did he have to get such a fat fucking chin? (A/N: ITS BIG!! NOT FAT TwT). Jerma tried moving around in a panic, but it was no use as his hands and feet were tied to a chair.
“Who are you? Where the hell am I!” Jerma shouted, tears about to fall out of his eyes.
“It’s me again, Jeremy.” He recognized that voice, Charlie Puth.
“W-Why? How did yo-?” Jerma started to question, mind racing with a million questions.
“I decided to turn against you, Jerma. I was the one who sent the paw patrol pups to do surgery on you. I knew they would mess up.” Charlie laughed maniacally, discarding the bag by his side as it clearly wouldn’t fit around Jerma.
“W-Why would you..?” Jerma was terrified, why was this happening to HIM? He didn’t do anything wrong, did he?
“You,” Charlie leaned towards Jerma’s ear, “rejected me.”
Jerma blinked at him, he completely forgot he did that. He felt ashamed, but not too ashamed because he didn’t actually know Charlie that well. In fact he couldn’t care less, but he put on a sad face for Charlie to look at.
“Y-Yes, but that’s becaus-”
“Save it, Boston boy. You just want attention, you don’t want my heart…” Charlie walked towards the door in front of Jerma, who just now looked out the window. He saw the stars, the same ones he saw while he was in space. In space? Oh no.
“Where are we!?” Jerma shouted, but Charlie only smiled.
“We’re meeting someone here.”

The rocket soon came to a stop and Charlie lifted the chair that secured Jerma over his head. He then stepped out the door gleefully.
They were on the moon, walking and dodging large equators that were in their way. Jerma also realized he could now breathe normally in here, he didn’t know why or how, but he assumed it was some kind of magic Charlie set up.

“He’s here, my lord.” Charlie bowed before a large dark figure.
“Thank you, Charlie.” The chair turned around slowly, revealing a gigantic horse sitting down, golden cane in hand, and Charlie shuffled away quietly.
“Who- Who are you?” Jerma asked, terrified.
“I am the horse god, the most omnipoint being in all of the universe.” The horse explains, “and, you are going to die from my hands.”

Jerma couldn’t believe what he was hearing, he was trapped. Alone with some horse god. He was going to start crying, he didn't want to die!
“What is your final wish?” The horse god grins.
“I-I want to eat this baby-bell cheese… One last meal.” Jerma sighs, tears threatening to fall.
“What a psycho, okay, Charlie! Untie him please!” Charlie Puth came rushing over towards Jerma, and un-tied him with ease.
Jerma reached into his pocket and pulled out the small cheese Ludwig had given him earlier. God, he wishes he could’ve said goodbye to Ludwig… He wish he could say he-
Jerma suddenly felt very strange. Did Ludwig drug this cheese? No, that’s not something Luddy would do.
Jerma suddenly started transforming. A giant wavy dress with pink ribbons started drifting towards him, and black and pink striped tights with tiny bows on the top were swerving in the sky around him. Small black gloves, and colorful ribbons to go into his hair were there as-well. However, just before the clothing could press onto Jerma, the horse god said, “umm what the fuck are you doing?” And the transformation immediately stopped (A/N: NUUU i wanted 2 see jerma in a dwess!!). Jerma was now naked with his pink flamingo money talks boxers on. He flushed, and awkwardly stood there, many clothes around him.
Even though nothing seemed like it changed on the surface, Jerma could feel something brewing within him. It was like the same feeling he has when Jex takes over, filled with power and determination.
“Ok.. well I’m gonna kill you now…” The horse god got up and galloped towards Jerma. Holding a hoof out, and about to smack him out of existence. Just as the horse was about to blow him out of this world, Jerma held his hand out and it caused a GIANT shock wave, making the horse flinch back.
“You want to kill me? You’ll hav’ta try harder than THAT!”

Chapter Text

*fight scene*

Chapter Text

After a gruesome and intense battle, Jerma gave the final blow to the god. Knocked to the ground, the horse god began to speak.
“You are the first mortal to defeat me, I understand your potential now, young one.”
“I’m 36, not young.” Jerma hissed, “And what do you mean by my potential?”
“Egar are we? You’ll learn soon.” The god smirks, “Well, I guess farewell.”
“Wait- what?”
But it was too late, the horse god left, and Jerma suddenly felt strange. He noticed something different about himself, little brown legs trotting behind him.
Then he realized, the brown legs were trotting with him.
He was a centaur!
Jerma would’ve been shocked by this fact, but considering the things that have happened to him today, he isn’t that surprised.
Charlie Puth came out of the rocket, and was stunned. “I-I’ll get you back home right away…” Jerma smiled, and walked with Charlie back into the rocket.

They arrived on earth once again, and as soon as Jerma stepped out, he recognised where he was.
The bar.
It was the same bar the Hazbin Hotel characters beat him up in.
With his new powers as a centaur, Jerma walked into the bar.
He browsed each of the tables, and found the one he was looking for.
This time, Angel Dust and Charlie (A/N: nut charlie puth LOLZ! >w<) talking.
“And then I wacked his fat fucking face, and he was dragged out of the bar!” Angel Dust grinned.
“Ah, well you know it’s not very nice to treat people differently based on how they look!” Charlie giggled nervously.
“Yeah, yeah I don’t care. Whatever.” Angel Dust took another swing of beer, and turned to see Jerma standing there.
“Well, well. Look who it fuckin’ is! Hey chinnie!” Angel dust licked his lips, “came for a round 2?”
Jerma cringed, god what was wrong with this guy? Jerma reeled his arm back and smashed it into Angel Dust's face, killing him instantly.
Jerma really underestimated how much stronger he got ever since he became a centaur, because even though Angel Dust was dead, Jerma used his hind legs to cave his teeth in, and smash his skull.
“Oh.. OH MY GOD??” Charlie screamed, and everyone at the bar looked at Jerma in horror. “SOMEONE HELP! GET THIS PSYCHO OUT OF HERE!” Jerma, blinded by rage, punched Charlie hard. Killing her immediately.
People pulled out their phones, and started recording.
Jerma galloped over to one of the guys, who stood in fear, and grabbed the phone from him.
“If any of my fans see this, I’m sorry. I’m not the man you guys once knew. YOU did this chat, YOU DID THIS!”
Blood all over the phone, he dropped it and ran out of the bar.
Jerma sobbed, and ran to the only place he knew close to the bar.
Ludwig’s house.
He was hoping Ludwig could help him through this, help him solve his problems. But, when he got to the house, he saw 3 cop cars and Ludwig talking to one of the cops.
“There he is!” One of the coppers yelled, “The murderer!”
Jerma's eyes widened, and he sped across the street.
But, his IBS kicked in at the worst time, and he started shitting everywhere. If only he had brought himself a toilet fizzie with him to lessen the smell.
In pain, and horse droppings around the street, he stumbled into an alleyway and collapsed.
The last thing he heard were the sirens of the cop cars coming closer.

Chapter Text

Jerma woke up with a horrible headache. What happened last night?
His vision slowly returns to him, and he realizes he's in one of those carnival carts for animals, being towed by a police car.
He starts freaking out, why did he decide to murder those hazbin hotel characters? Especially in the public like that! His fans are sure to start calling him “Jerma987” after that incident.
If he even still has fans, Jerma remembers what he said last night. His fans are all probably looking at that video, and unfollowing him right now (A/N: I WULD NEVR UNFOLLOW U JERMA!!! I LUV YOU!!!).
Jerma looked out of the bars of the cart, and saw the huge prison he was definitely going to. He shook the cuffs on his wrists, hoping they were loose, but he couldn’t break free no matter how hard he tried.
After a few more minutes, the cop car came to a stop. 2 police officers dragged Jerma by the cuffs, leading him into the prison. His mug shot was taken swiftfully, as they could already find his mugshot on the internet easily, and he was thrown into the cold cell with no remorse.
The cell had a small bed with only a sheet on it, a broken toilet, and some blood stains on the ground. The roof was low enough that Jerma could touch the top with his nose by standing on his long, horse legs. He looked all over the room, but there was no way he could easily get out of this one.
Just when he thought he was gonna start crying again, a cop came over to the bars and tapped on them harshly.
“Yo inmate, telephone call line 1. Get up.”
Jerma slowly got up, and was taken out of his cell to sit over at the telephone booths.
Shaking, Jerma picked up the phone.
“H-Hello?”
“Hey Jerma!”
It was Ludwig.
“L-Ludwig? Why..? Why would you call me?”
“Because we’re friends? Why wouldn’t I call you?”
Jerma felt tears well up in his eyes.
“Y-You know I killed someone right..? I’m in prison?”
“So? Dude, you could’ve actually killed 985 people and I wouldn’t care. We’re pals!” Jerma could hear Ludwig’s grin on the other side of the phone.
“Listen, I’m coming to help you in like an hour. Stay safe bud!”
And with that, Ludwig hung up the phone.
Jerma put the phone back, still confused why Ludwig would want to help him, a murder! Does friendship really excuse this stuff?
Before Jerma could finish his thoughts, the same cop as before pulled Jerma back to his room, where he locked the door with a grin.
Jerma didn’t know what to do at this point. His anxiety was going through the roof, thinking about what Ludwig might do to help him.
Jerma waited about 2 hours now, eating cold slop off the ground the police gave him earlier. He sighed, maybe Ludwig was just lying to him?

But, then a guard came over.
“Someone’s here for you.”
The guard pushed Ludwig forward into the cell, and he promptly left. What great security this station has (A/N: THIZ IS SARCASM BTWW!! >W<).
Ludwig smiled awkwardly and waved.
“Hey dude! Nice legs!” In a normal sentence, this would be creepy as fuck, but Jerma did have pretty nice horse legs.
“Thanks man, so why are you here?” Jerma’s eyes darted nervously around the room, “Here to give me another baby bell cheese?”

Ludwig laughed, “no, but I am here to give you this letter.”
Ludwig pulled a small letter out of his pocket, and placed it in Jerma’s hands.
“Look at it after I leave, away from the cops.” Ludwig flashed a grin, “Make sure they don’t see it.”
Jerma blinked, “O-Okay, I will.”
The two men chatted for a little while longer, before Ludwig decided to let Jerma read the letter in peace.
“Use it wisely, old pal.” Ludwig raised a hand, before walking out the cell.
Not too long after, a guard came over to lock it. Sealing Jerma away for the night.

Jerma didn’t waste anytime, and tore open the letter. It read:
“Dear, Jerma985 (aka Jeremy) (aka Sus guy).
You are one of my dearest friends, I can’t believe you actually went to prison [OMEGALUL]. That isn’t very [POGGERS], so say these magic words and you will be able to escape the prison with ease [WIDEPEEPOHAPPY].
“Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet.”
Good luck, Jermey! [MEWSPIN].
-Ludwig”

Cringing at the note, Jerma wondered how Ludwig always knew how to help him. Did Ludwig know magic? He'd have to ask him during their next conversation. Jerma shook his head, and started reciting the words on the letter.
As he did, the note transformed quickly, magical girl style. The weight of the note suddenly increased, and the bright light from it made Jerma look away.
As he opened his eyes, he looked down at the once was letter.
It was a machine gun.

Chapter Text

Jerma couldn’t believe his eyes, a real life machine gun. Jerma thought he would never see one in real life, as he thought they only existed in video games.
“Holy shit.” Jerma closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
Jerma went over to the bars of his jail cell, and tried to pry it open with his strong fingers. He clearly overestimated how strong he was, because his fingers don’t do anything but leave his greasy fingerprints behind.
Jerma thought for a moment, before pushing his hind legs through the bars and kicking as hard as he could, and the bars broke INSTANTLY. With the snapped bars on the ground, Jerma trotted out of the cell with this giant ass gun in his hands.
A police officer came walking by, whistling. He looked around and saw Jerma standing there, wide eyed and scared.
“Ho-How did you get out!? This prison is highly secur-”
Jerma swallowed and pulled the trigger, causing the gun to go hay-wire. It shot through the man 14 times and just as Jerma was about to let go, 2 more guards, hearing the ruckus, showed up.
Jerma walked forward slowly, like he was a character in some kind of shooter. The machine gun shot in every direction, and he killed cops left and right.
Even after his path was clear, he still sought out each and every cop in the building. It didn’t matter where they were or what they were doing, he still shot them.
Stepping into one of the many offices of the prison, Jerma shot the 2 guys running the cameras. He panted, and finally, after 43 minutes he killed the entire police force. Jerma let go of the trigger and sighed, he walk out of the office and stared deep into one of the cameras. He gave a sudden wink, before smiling like a deranged psychopath.

Jerma left the prison, covered in blood, messy hair, and out of breath. He wondered how he would get home looking like this, but then he remembered… Ludwig lived really close to the police force, didn’t he? Jerma smiled, and decided to go thank Ludwig for the machine gun and maybe he could take a shower while he was there.
Jerma set on his walk, and after 20 minutes Jerma finally arrived at Luds home.
He stepped on the porch slowly, he looked through the window to see if he was home, and sure enough, Ludwig was there on his couch. He was there watching his TV, and it was playing… Boyfriends ads?! Jerma gasped, he LOVES Boyfriends! It was his favourite webcomic (right next to homestuck), he wondered if Ludwig related to any of the characters… (A/N: Luddy DEFFO relats to PREP!!! >3<). Shaking his head, he knocked on the door.
“Come on in, doors unlocked!” Ludwig shouted from inside, pausing his TV.
“Hey, Lud!” Jerma smiled and entered the door, “sorry I look so awful right now, I just shot up the entire prison.”
Ludwig smirked, “I knew you could do it, pal! I gave you that machine gun just for that.”
Jerma looked at the TV, and saw the face of Goth and Prep hugging.
“You, uhh, like Boyfriends?” Jerma rubbed the back of his neck.
“Yeah, it’s the best webcomic ever! Wanna watch with me?” Ludwig grinned.
“Yeah, of course!” Jerma grinned, and sat on Ludwig’s couch, dripping blood EVERYWHERE.
The two sat together, watching the amazing voice acting and story of Boyfriends.
Jerma felt like nothing would ever go wrong. He would never have to kill anyone ever again, and he bet his chat will LOVE his new large chin and his hind legs.

Right?