Chapter Text
There were always times when Eddie Munson wished he could live anywhere but Hawkins, Indiana. Times where he could live literally anywhere else, sometimes even wishing to go back to his mom, in South Carolina to get away from everything. But he knew that wasn’t an option, not with the way his mother had reacted. There was a reason he lived with his uncle in an old trailer park on the edges of Hawkins, but that didn’t stop Eddie from wishing he lived somewhere else where he didn’t have to wear an ACE bandage tightly wrapped around his chest in order to convince everyone else of what he already knew.
There were times where he considered getting into his van and just leaving, with what little pocket money he had and considered driving until he ran out of gas or money, whichever came last, and just staying wherever he ended up, but he stayed in Hawkins and he was glad that he had, otherwise he wouldn’t have met Steve “The Hair” Harrington, former king of Hawkins High.
Sure, he’d seen The Hair around school countless times before, even sharing a few classes with the male, but he’d never properly interacted with Steve until Dustin had introduced them during the manhunt that had gone on when he was believed to have killed Chrissy. People still believed he had some part in it, even after the government disproved that with whatever cover story they’d drummed up after Eleven (Jane) defeated Vecna with all her friend’s help, including Eddie, whom she now considered a friend.
Eddie still didn’t know how he didn’t die from the demobats attacking him. He’s pretty sure that he remembered dying in but then he was waking up in the hospital hooked up to a bunch of machines—several weeks later, apparently. Wayne hadn’t let anyone visit him while he was in a coma for a few weeks, just passing on any information he got from the doctors. He was glad, otherwise everyone would have seen his chest and would have known he wasn’t who he said he was.
“That Henderson kid, he was persistent with getting the doctors to do something. You were dead for over an hour when he dragged you into that hospital and screamed at them to do something. I like that kid, Eddie. I really do. I’m thankful every day that he saved my only family.” Wayne had said and it was clear he did. His eyes softened a little every time he looked at Dustin in a way Eddie had only seen them do for him. It was hard to get on his uncle’s good side, but Dustin had managed to just that in saving his life.
Eddie sat on his porch, looking out over the trailer park as he took a drag of his cigarette. Max was across the way, practicing her kick flip and he could hear her frustration growing the more she failed.
“Ya know, maybe if you took a break over there, Mayfield, it might get easier. Come back at it with a clear head.” He called with a soft smile.
“I didn’t ask for your input and I will decapitate you with this board if you give it again.” She replied, turning to glare at him. Putting his hands up in surrender, he gave a half grin at her. Despite everything, Eddie had to admit that Max could still be a little terrifying. Shaking her head, Max went back to what she was doing. He glanced up when a car pulled in next to his van, his uncle getting home from another one if his sporadic shifts that seemed to change hours every time he worked. Wayne tossed Eddie a letter as he got out of the car and he caught it, raising a confused eyebrow. He almost never got mail and he knew when he was expecting something.
“Your mail to deal with. All I care is it doesn’t have my name on it.” Wayne walked past him into the house. Eddie sighed a little as he glanced down at the letter. To: Munson, Edi--. Gritting his teeth as he looked away before even bothering to finish reading the name, Eddie crumpled the unopened letter in his palm. He knew who it was addressed to, and he knew that little girl hadn’t existed in a long time. He’d killed her in order to become himself, not literally of course. But that girl by that name no longer existed, even if traces of her still existed on Eddie’s body, like his chest and nether regions.
Why was she continuing to send him mail, even after all these years? He hadn’t seen her since he was ten. He made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with her after he’d left North Carolina but she sent him mail using the wrong name and consistently sent a bunch of Bible verses and other things, basically calling him a sin. He’d stopped opening most of them, but there were a few he did, letting curiosity get the better of him over what she was saying this time. He grabbed his lighter and held the flame against the corner of the unopened envelope, watching as the flames engulfed it. He dropped it into his ashtray and watched as that name burned and crumpled until it was unreadable.
“From your mom again?” Wayne asked from behind him, lighting a cigarette of his own. Eddie nodded, blankly glaring at the dirt road in front of his house, jaw clenched in anger. Finally, he stood.
“I’m going to bed.”
Wayne said nothing. He was really the only one who understood and had helped Eddie get this far into his transition. Eddie would have probably died in a ditch somewhere a long time ago if it weren’t for Wayne, who he considered his only family at this point with how much of a bitch his mother was.
He walked past his uncle into the house and down the short hallway into his bedroom. He closed the door and sighed as he leaned his head back against it to stare up at the ceiling for a moment, trying not to cry. It had been months since he had seen that name and he wished he would never have to see it again, but he knew she would keep sending mail every few months, just like she had the past ten years. He took a deep breath to steady himself and winced a little, reminding him of the ACE bandage wrapped around his chest. He shucked off his jacket and vest, tossing them onto his bed and then pulled his Black Sabbath t-shirt over his head with minimal effort. He took a second to shove his dresser to the side—revealing the hole in the wall that mold had eaten away at before it had been taken care of many years ago. He pulled out a box from the hole and worked on unwinding the bandage from around his chest.
His ribs groaned in relief as the air hit the warm, slightly damp-from-sweat skin. He caught his own eyes in the mirror across the room, seeing the weird pattern the bandage had left and the purple and yellow bruises that were forming in splotches across his sides, chest, and back from where the bandages dug harshly into his skin. He stared for a moment before yanking his eyes away from the sight—he never liked to stare at his chest for too long. He never even liked his own body—the body that continued to feel less and less like his own and more and more like a prison he was forever trapped in. He rolled the ACE back up and shoved it into the bottom of the box he’d grabbed from behind his dresser, burying it under everything else in there. The top layer of what was in the box was things like rolling paper and a pipe—stuff that he hoped would deter people from digger father into the box.
Eddie sighed as he dug through his dresser for another shirt, coming out with one of his many Hellfire shirts that he pulled over his head. He barely wore them anymore, with most of the town still thinking it was a satanic cult, but he still wore them around the house or underneath his clothes.
As he laid down in bed, Eddie’s mind wandered back to Steve. He hadn’t talked to the male since he got out of the hospital a couple of months ago. He’d seen the male whenever he dropped the kids off for a campaign every week, but they’d never properly spoken, and Eddie almost wondered if Steve hated him. It felt like he was avoiding him, since he usually pulled out of the driveway before Eddie had the chance to say hello.
“You can’t keep avoiding him forever, Steve.” Robin raised an eyebrow at her best friend and co-worker as he restocked a few shelves.
“I can try.” Steve looked over at her.
“I still don’t get why you’re avoiding him. I don’t get what your issue with him is, after he basically saved your life twice.”
“I don’t have an issue with Eddie. Just drop it.” Steve scowled. He really didn’t want to talk about the other male. He was too busy dealing with his own internal conflict over a lot of different things and he knew his parents would be back in town soon, which wasn’t really helping. He wasn’t looking forward to having to deal with them, mostly his father. Once he’d graduated from Hawkins High, he had been cut off from anything his parents had to offer, other than being allowed to continue living there rent free. Other than that, he had to pay for his own gas, his own car, and his own food. But having a roof over his head was better than nothing from them.
“No. I want to know what your issue with Eddie is. I’ve watched you reverse out of that driveway faster than I’d ever thought possible many times. You have some issue with him or his house or something and I want to know what’s up. You’re my best friends and I—”
“I don’t have a problem with Eddie!” Steve snapped as he turned to look at Robin. “I have an issue with myself, alright?” Those words left his mouth faster than they should have and he immediately shut his mouth and turned back to what he was previously working on.
“Then why are you avoiding—Wait! It’s like when I was avoiding Vickie, right?” Steve didn’t answer, gritting his teeth. He knew what she was getting at, and he hated that she was right. “Steve, you like Eddie?” He didn’t respond and she gently pushed him to the side so that he was facing her.
“Steve…” She spoke softer this time, eyes scanning his face as she tried to read her best friend. People still sometimes assumed they were dating, and both had to keep reminding people that their relationship was platonic with a capital P.
“Yes.” He said softly, looking away. “I do like Eddie, alright? It’s just…He’s straight, Robin. And even if he wasn’t, what would he do if he found out I had a…y’know instead of a…?” He cleared his throat. “Everyone almost found out with one of the girls I was seeing back when we still went to Hawkins High, but I was lucky she finally took the hint that I didn’t want to go farther. She was so goddamn close to sticking her hand down my pants. How do I know Eddie won’t be disgusted by me? How do I know he won’t out me to everyone I know, like the kids and their parents?”
“You really think Eddie would care what you have in your pants?” Robin said softly, trying to comfort Steve. “He’s not that superficial or whatever. I don’t think he’ll care if you’re trans or not. Hell, I don’t even think he’s straight, but I can't confirm or deny that cuz you don’t just ask someone their sexuality out of the blue—that’s weird as hell. He’s not the kind of person to tell people’s secrets.” The bell above the door rang and both immediately shut up on the conversation, but the look Robin gave him before going to help the customer told him this wasn’t over. With a sigh, Steve turned back towards the shelf he was restocking.
Robin was the only person he had ever told the truth to, and he hoped to keep it that way. It just wasn’t safe to tell anyone, not even the kids. He didn’t know who would leak the secret—whether accidentally or on purpose—and he couldn’t risk. It was dangerous, for people like him and Robin, so they kept it a secret between the two of them.