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Chapter Text

Chapter Text

I don’t have cancer, can you believe it?” Nick’s smile was wide as his friends gathered around and congratulated him on surviving. 

He jerked his head away from Schmidt as he tried to plant a kiss on his lips, and glared. 

“Stop that, Schmidt!” He bared his teeth and his eyes flicked back to where Jessica was standing with a grin. 

“I gueth you were right all along,” she quacked in a lame excuse for a Daffy Duck impression. Nick laughed. 

“I guess so,” he agreed. He blinked slowly, and time seemed to stop as they made their way outside and to Winston’s broken-down truck. 

Nick’s heart pounded. 

No, he wasn’t right all along. 

He was going to die. 

He had cancer alright, but he wasn’t about to tell a soul.

Chapter Text

…

The last thing Nick wanted to see upon waking was Schmidt’s smiling face above him. He yelped, sitting upright and narrowing his eyes as he noticed he was on the couch, and not in his bed where he had fallen asleep. 

“Goodness’ sake, Schmidt,” he muttered, pressing a hand against his thrumming chest. “What are you doing?”

Schmidt sighed happily, “Just watching your precious face.” 

Nick wrinkled his nose. “...Why?”

“I’m just glad you’re alright, buddy!” Schmidt grinned before clapping his friend on the back and standing to leave. Nick breathed out a sigh and rubbed his eyes. 

“Oh, right…” He blinked down at his hands and finally looked back up to the kitchen where Jess and Winston were arguing over cereal. “Can someone tell me why I’m not in my room?” 

Jess turned and grinned at him. 

“Schmidt wanted to watch a movie with you, but you were out like a light,” she chuckled. 

“Yeah, so the moron carried you out here and left you,” Winston piped up as Nick rolled his eyes. 

“Sheesh, Schmidt, you are so weird,” he groaned at the man who was trying to walk away as he spoke. “Like seriously- I’m disturbed. Do I need to get a lock on my door or something?”

Jess laughed again, and Nick’s heart stuttered at the melodic sound. 

“I told him to stop,” she informed him. “But you must weigh nothing, cause he carried you really easily…”

“Why- why-” Nick squinted and shook his head, stammering. “You guys are so-” He stopped and let out a sigh, standing up to stretch. “Nevermind.” 

His palm found its way against the side of his neck and he rubbed gently across the swollen gland. Was he really dying? 

He wasn’t about to go back to the doctor, he knew that much. They didn’t have a way to contact him anyways, so it would be easy to dodge their calls. 

But what about Jess? She always seemed to know when he was lying, so much so it seemed suspicious. So he avoided her sudden look in his direction as he made his way back to his room to get dressed.

Pulling on a tee-shirt and clean jeans, he sighed heavily and joined Winston at the dining room table. 

“What’s grub?” He asked with half-lidded eyes. 

Winston frowned at him, his spoonful of cereal frozen mid-air on the way to his mouth. 

“Um, ew? Can you not?” Winston scoffed. 

Nick protested, “What? Grub means food!” 

“Not on planet Earth,” Winston shot back, his face contorted in disgust. “And can you really not see me eating cereal? Like for real-”

“Goodness’ sake, alright! I give up trying to make conversation with you,” Nick huffed, shoving up from his seat to enter the kitchen. He could practically hear Winston rolling his eyes behind him. 

“Jess, I’m hungry,” he mumbled to the girl scarfing chips from a bag greedily. She looked at him with big eyes. 

“So?” 

He wrinkled his nose at her. 

“Are you eating chips for breakfast?” He asked, confused. 

“Lay off me, Nick!” She squealed in her dissipating voice, wiping crumbs from her chin. “Get your own food.”

“Fine,” he snapped, hip checking her out of the way as he rifled through the cupboards, smirking when she nearly fell over. She glared at him, still swallowing her snack. 

“And no, not just chips,” she informed him. “I also ate cereal.”

“Well, nothing looks good,” he complained. “What did Schmidt have for breakfast?”

“Nothing, I’m fasting,” the man said as he entered the kitchen. 

It earned him a look from everyone. 

“What?” He looked around innocently. “I need to get fit for Ce-” He stopped as his face flushed red and he backed out of the kitchen. 

“Was he about to say Cece,” Nick asked, looking around. 

“He does know we know all about them, right?” Jess piped up. 

Nick shrugged. “This is annoying. I’m leaving.” He squeezed past Jess, who quickly lost her playful look and lunged for him. 

“What? No, why? I’ll stop bugging you, I swear,” she said, pleading with her eyes as Nick made his confused turtle face at her. 

“Gah, stop! I’m going to get something to eat at the store or something, calm down,” he said with a scoff as Jess released his arm. 

“Oh,” she said quietly, a blush creeping into her cheeks. “Okay. Have fun.” 

“Thank you?” Nick shook his head and left the apartment, snatching his keys from the hook by the front door. 

He couldn’t help the frown that fell heavily across his face as he made his way down the stairs and to his car, the reality of his situation settling in like a mold in the crevices of his brain. 

It took him a minute to realize that he was in fact, holding Jess’s keys and not his own, but he shrugged it off. 

“I’m sure she won’t mind,” he muttered to himself, crossing the lot and yanking Jess’s  car door open with a flourish. “It is a nice car…” He whistled low at the CD player as he slid into the driver’s seat, noting the upgraded stereo system and the myriad of buttons across the front of it. 

He fumbled around at the glove compartment for a moment before it popped open, revealing an absolute MOUNTAIN of CD’s, ripe for his choosing. He grinned and dug one out with a smile. Then another, then two more. 

Mother Mother, Awolnation, The Beatles, Queen. The classics, new age and even a few obscure British rap CD’s had found their way into the girl’s collection, and it amused and delighted Nick, especially because he was a huge Mother Mother fan himself. He would never admit it, of course. 

But nevertheless, he popped one album into the machine and cranked the volume knob before spinning out of the lot in a whirlwind of noise and dust. 

…

Chapter Text

…

Nick stared at the bags in the backseat of the car, a heavy frown furrowing his dark brow. Why did everything seem so suddenly difficult? Why did the simple act of carrying in groceries seem like a dreaded task that would kill him? 

I’m scared, he thought helplessly. I don’t want to die. Not now. Not yet– 

Sucking in a deep breath, he shook his head and reached in, retrieving the bags and clutching them tightly before kicking the door shut and turning to walk inside. 

“M’back,” he called as he shouldered the front door open, huffing in annoyance at the lack of response. “Yeah, I missed you guys, too,” he added loudly as he tossed the bags on the counter and frowned at the group sitting in the living room. Jess didn’t glance up from the TV, and Winston looked like a dejected cat, curled up on the couch cushions and holding his bent license plate. “Oh, no, I’m fine, I got all the groceries,” Nick snorted, flinging a container of cookies in their direction. They sailed past Winston’s head and smacked Jess in the neck, making her jump and begin whining loudly. 

“Oww- ww- UH, NICK,” she cried, grabbing her ‘wound’ and throwing herself up from the couch. “Why would you do that?” 

Nick stifled a laugh, snorting, “Whoops.” 

She pouted at him, and the sight of her glittery eyes behind her glasses made his breath hitch in his throat. He sighed apologetically as she entered the kitchen, poking at the bags of goodies laid out on the counter. “Sorry,” he said gently. 

Jess shrugged at him. “It’s fine,” she said. Then admitted with a sly grin, “It didn’t really hurt that bad. I was just using my impeccable acting skills.” 

“Oh wow,” Nick deadpanned, staring at her with half-lidded eyes. “I never would have guessed that.” 

Jess leaned over the counter and smacked his arm hard, laughing when he complained, ducking away. “Shut up,” she said to him playfully, smiling. 

Nick rolled his eyes and began putting food away, shoving a box of crackers into the cupboard as Jess slipped the milk into the fridge. “So,” she said as the pair finished putting everything in its place. Nick stared at her worriedly. “What are you doing today?” 

“Um,” Nick said slowly. “Probably… nothing? I mean, I just got over that cancer scare, I think I’ve earned a day off from babysitting all of you.” He swallowed thickly at the bitter lie. He wished he could just tell them the truth… But he couldn’t put that on them. Especially not after how they reacted the first time. With all the crying and singing, of course. 

“What about that book, though?” Jess asked hopefully, snapping Nick out of his existential dread and guilt. He wrinkled his nose in confusion. 

“What book?” he asked. 

Jess cocked her head to the side, her dark hair falling into her eyes as she huffed, “The zombie one you’re writing, remember?” 

“I told you about that?” Nick squealed, eyes going wide in shock. 

Jess crooned, “Ohh yeah, you were drunk. I guess you don’t remember what we talked about, then.” 

“Um, NO. What did we talk about?” Nick demanded worriedly, tamping down panic. That night on the beach was still such a blur, he had hoped that Jess couldn’t remember it either. But clearly, that was not the case.

“Just… stuff, nothing, really,” Jess drawled, shrugging again. 

Nick insisted, “You’re not sounding like it was nothing, Jess, what the hell did we talk about?” 

“Just– you know,” she tried. “I asked what you wanted to do with your life. I mean, we thought that you were gonna die, so it was a little bit more urgent at the time, but– I just wanted to know your… what’s the word, even?” She crinkled her nose and finally yelped, “Aspirations! That’s it.” 

Nick stared at her, blinking hard. “I… I don’t know, Jess. I don’t– I don’t have any,” he admitted softly. “And it doesn’t matter now anyways.” He turned away, forcing himself to ignore her as he grabbed the carton of eggs from the fridge and set it beside the stove before scouring the drawers for a spatula. 

“Why not?” Jess questioned. 

Nick snapped, “Because I’m not dying, now, duh.” The words were thick with emotion and he cleared his throat too-loudly as he yanked a frying pan from one of the shelves across the kitchen. 

Jess said, “Oh. Right.” She backed off, much to Nick’s disappointment. Part of him almost wished she wouldn’t walk away so easily. Part of him wished he could just be nice when he talked to her, but it was so much easier to be scornful and distant. 

On a whim, he stopped what he was doing to whirl and tug the keys from his pocket, holding them up for Jess. “Oh, hey,” he said. “Here ya go. I took your car by accident, hope that’s fine.” 

“Tell me,” Schmidt said suddenly, appearing behind Nick in the kitchen and making his leap in the air, clutching at his thrumming chest. “How does one accidentally drive a car to the store?” 

Nick growled, “I took the keys by accident, Schmidt. Use your critical thinking skills.” 

Jess interrupted, “Ugh, Nick! ASK before you take it places, okay? I don’t want you messing with my CDs–”

“Be glad you even HAVE a car, Jess!” Winston wailed from the living room, tightening his grasp on the dirty chunk of aluminum in his arms. “My baby is gone forever.” 

“It was a death trap,” Nick said, at the same time Schmidt cried, “baby?” incredulously. 

“You guys don’t understand true devotion,” Winston sighed, turning back to the boring television with a sad frown. 

Nick balked at his friend before stammering back at Jess, “Okay, alright, sorry, won’t happen again.” 

Jess hummed, “Thank you, Nicholas.” 

“Mhm,” mumbled Nick as he dropped a pat of butter in the pan on the stove, followed by cracking two eggs after it. 

Schmidt stared at his friend from over the counter, his eyes narrowed as he rested his chin in his hand. 

“We need to celebrate,” he said suddenly as Nick poked at the crackling eggs in the pan. 

Nick asked, “Umm, why?” 

“You’re alive! Cancer-free!” Schmidt cried joyously, lifting his hands. “We need to go get wasted and jump in the freezing ocean again!” 

“Ah, no, we don’t,” Nick snapped. “Because we already did that yesterday and I almost died.” 

“It was like, two days ago,” Jess corrected him annoyingly from across the room as she hung her car keys back by the door. 

“Thank you!” Nick called mockingly, scraping at his food. 

Schmidt continued, “Seriously, man. Let’s do something. Something fun. Spontaneous.” 

Nick snorted, tossing his food onto his plate with an untoasted piece of bread as he snatched a fork and retreated to the dining room table. 

“It’s not that big a’ deal,” he insisted, sitting down. “A week ago no one even cared about my medical issues.” 

“That was before you told us you were dying,” Jess reasoned, following him and sitting down next to him as he groaned. 

Winston agreed with her from the living room. 

“I did NOT tell you I was dying, Jess!” Nick cried. “You were the one that looked up the damn symptoms first!” 

“Potato, tomato,” Schmidt shrugged. 

Nick stammered helplessly, “I– I– What. Schmidt, that’s not even the saying–”

“You are being so critical right now,” Jess observed, crossing her arms across her chest. Nick dropped his head into his hands and grumbled loudly. 

“Can everyone just be quiet?” he pleaded. “Please?” 

Schmidt seemed to get louder, after that, and Nick resigned himself to eating his eggs amidst the most annoying group of friends he ever could have asked for, as much as he loved them. 

But after his first bite, he swallowed and stopped as a sharp pain tore through his throat. He winced and tried to swallow but the pain came back, sharp and burning, and he forced himself to choke it down before chugging the nearest liquid. 

“That was my coffee,” Jess droned disappointingly. 

But Nick didn’t hear her. He just panted into his palm, shutting his eyes against the pain in his throat. 

And even while Jess hovered nearby, complaining about how much sugar she had added to the drink and now she wouldn’t be able to have it, Nick just stared down at his feet. Suddenly, he wasn’t so hungry. 

…

Chapter Text

…

Nick’s dreams were more nightmarish than they’d ever been before. Filled with the blinding image of a skull followed by the words, ‘WARNING, DEATH.’ When Jess showed the website to him at first, he hadn’t believed her. He couldn’t believe that this cancer was deadly. Couldn’t believe that he was even sick at all.

But then it was confirmed, the doctors assuring him he had a fighting chance with treatment. But Nick saw the looks they exchanged. 

“Shoot me straight,” Nick had begged, eyes wide with pure fear. “How much time do I have, if I can’t get better?” 

Wincing, the nurse had said softly, “It doesn’t look good. It’s already spreading. You probably don’t have more than a year.” 

His heart fell into the pit of his stomach. Maybe that was a symptom. “You’re serious?” he’d asked, breathless. 

The nurse, whatever her name had been, nodded. 

And the rest was history. Nick considered going back for his treatment plan. Considered fighting this and telling his friends the battle he’d be facing. 

But that meant being weak and dependent and confessing and it all just sounded like too much. Mostly because he couldn’t imagine the look on Jess’s face if he told her he was dying. Because there was always, always the chance that he was done for. 

…

“Winston!” Schmidt’s strained voice echoed loud enough to wake Outside Dave, and Nick shot him a glare from the living room. 

“What’s got you so riled up?” he queried, dragging his gaze away from the screen. 

Schmidt hissed, “My boiled eggs are missing, and I believe Winston is the culprit.” 

“Why do you think I took them?” the man asked from somewhere unknown to both Schmidt and Nick, sounding bewildered. 

“Since when do you eat boiled eggs?” Nick asked, ignoring the bizarreness of the situation.

“Um,” Schmidt hummed in confusion without answering Nick. “Where are you?” 

“Oh,” Winston said, appearing from beneath the dining room table. 

“Wow,” Nick mused. “You guys just keep getting weirder.” He shook his head in exasperation and cranked the TV sound, trying and failing to drown out the chatter of his roommates. 

“Why?” Schmidt drawled, eyes wide with a sort of horrified questioning. 

Winston blinked and replied calmly, “The thing is, I was looking for my melatonin gummy that I dropped on the floor, and I popped it in my mouth while I was down there and it kicked in like THAT–” He clapped his hands together so hard it caused Nick to wince on the couch, heart rate spiking. He sighed. “And before I knew it, I was asleep,” Winston shrugged. He looked down at the floor and frowned. “But now I’m realizing how disgusting this floor is. Do we ever mop?” 

“So did you take them?” Schmidt asked, crossing his arms across his chest and glowering, looking not unlike an angry teen girl asking for her hairbrush back. “My eggs?” 

“Schmidt,” Winstong started, pressing a dramatic hand against his chest. “I am grieving. I don’t have time to steal eggs from the fridge.” 

“Grieving?” Nick sat up straighter, mind whirling with the possibility that his friend somehow found out that he was dying. “Why?” 

Winston shot him a disgusted glance. “My TRUCK, Nicholas. My beautiful, beautiful truck–” 

“That was a piece of junk,” Schmidt scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Get over it.” Winston gaped offendedly as Schmidt continued with, “So then who took my eggs?” 

It should have been funny to watch Jess walk in carrying a half of an egg-salad sandwich, but all Nick could do was stifle a gasp at her beauty. Pitch black hair drifted into her eyes, catching on the rim of her bulky glasses sitting atop her perfect nose. 

She smiled sweetly, almost absently as he took a bite of her food and settled herself at the counter, bright eyes blinking. Nick choked on the breath that he was holding in and turned to stuff his face in a pillow. Discreetly. 

“Hey,” Jess said around a mouthful of bread and egg and mayo. When Schmidt replied with an enraged stare and nothing more, Jess’s brow furrowed and she looked around in wonder. “What? What’s happening?” She gasped loudly, spooking Nick from his cushion coffin. “Are we playing the quiet game?” she hissed. 

“You THIEF,” Schmidt bellowed, leaping across the kitchen to lunge for the sandwich remnants in her hand. Jess shrieked and threw herself backwards, off the stool she’d been comfortable in, and into the living room. 

Tripping over the sectional and apparently terrified of the oncoming Schmidt in front of her, Jess flung the sandwich at him and let herself fall back onto the couch, and flush against Nick’s side. 

He sucked in a panicked breath, eyes flying wide open as he tried not to acknowledge her, but could feel her lungs expanding beneath her shirt, her spine pressed rigidly against his bicep. 

“What the heck, Schmidt?” she screamed, panting as the man angrily bit into her constructed sandwich. 

“Phru cagnk grusht sreedl schmunon–” he started, mouth full of white bread, which he gagged at and spit into his hand. He rectified, “You can’t just steal someone’s food, Jess. We are roommates, not dating.” 

“You shouldn’t steal food from someone even if you are dating,” Jess reasoned, still absent-mindedly leaning back against Nick, who was momentarily distracted from swooning by the chewed-up food in his friend’s hand. 

Nick felt bile rise in his throat as he said, “Schmidt, please throw that away.” Then he added, “And wash your hands, sheesh.” 

Schmidt growled. “I’m serious, Jessica,” he snapped, his voice rising in annoyance. “Don’t take my stuff.” 

“I thought you’d be fine with sharing!” she squealed. “But whatever, okay, I won’t do it again.” 

The other man remained seething, shaking his head as he tossed the chewed food from his hand in the trash and dipped his palm under the tap and cranked the hot water. 

“That was dramatic,” Jess chuckled, letting out a breath and turning to see Nick’s wide-eyed gaze. She blinked. “What?” 

“You’re–” He shook his head. “Nothing. Are you comfortable? You don’t look like it.” 

Jess looked and winced as she hit her neck on Nick’s shoulder. “No, I’m not. Ooh, sorry for invading your space,” she added, sitting up. Her laugh made Nick’s heart stutter in his chest and he forced a small smile. 

“It’s fine,” he lied, choking on a half-hearted chuckle. 

“So what are you up to today?” she asked, brows raised in curiosity. She was oblivious to Nick’s pained sigh. 

“I, uh, don’t know,” he said, looking around for an excuse to leave. “Probably… absolutely nothing. Like always.” 

“Well now that Schmidt took my food—”

“Which you took first,” Nick smirked smally at her annoyed faux-glare. 

“Yes, which I ACCIDENTALLY took and tried to consume,” Jess agreed, “now I’m still hungry and we might as well get out of the house for a while. Wanna go get lunch with me? Hm? C’mon, it’ll be fun.” 

Nick’s mind was racing. The loudest thoughts were YES and PLEASE YES, ANYTHING FOR YOU JESSICA DAY, and even I’M NOT EVEN HUNGRY BUT I COULD BE FOR YOU. But then there were quieter, more terrified voices that pitched in their opinions. Things like no, and Jess I can’t, you don’t understand, and especially, I desperately want to… 

And eventually, he gave into the lovestruck thoughts. For whatever reason, he did. Maybe it was because when he started to show a sign of agreeing, Jess grabbed his hand and pumped it up and down excitedly before dragging him up from the couch to follow her. 

And of course, he couldn’t say no to that. 

“Have a nice date, lovebirds,” Schmidt taunted from the kitchen as he rummaged through drawers. 

Nick’s breath caught in his throat for the umpteenth time as he and Jess said in unison, “Douchebag jar,” and walked out the front door. 

…