Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Tam was sprawled out on the navy couch in Sorlefs library, reading a human fairytale book. Biana was sitting on the couch painting his nails with the new colors she wanted to test out, and Linh was sitting at his feet reading a physician's journal that Livvy had given her. He would kick her every few minutes just to annoy her, but little enough that he wouldn't get splashed. Wylie was lying reading on his back in a patch of sunlight from the floor-to-ceiling window. Glimmer was laying on her stomach right next to him, playing with the sunbeam, letting it reflect off her hands and onto the star-mapped library ceiling. When he first started living at Sorlef, Tam assumed Wylie sitting in the sun was just his thing, but after Glimmer started to live with them, he noticed that she did it too. Then he noticed that Elwin and some other flashers he knew did it as well and realized that it must be a flasher thing to relax in the sun, just like how he felt more comfortable in the shadows.

Biana looked over to the book he was reading right as he got to the part in Rapunzel when the prince got his eyes taken out.

"You know, when Sophie said that the original brother's grim fairy tales were dark, I thought she was exaggerating"

Tam couldn't help but laugh; all that happened was the guy got his eyes taken out; they had both heard darker stories from Ro. though they could never beat the stories that one of the Gnomes in the Wildwood colony told them, he wasn't exactly supposed to, but that just made them better.

"If you think this is dark, wait until you hear Gnomish folklore," He said, looking up at her "it's honestly terrifying."

Glimmer looked up from her spot on the floor.

"you know Gnomish folklore? You guys don't even like them-"

Tam sat up, and Linh slammed her book closed

"where did you get that idea? We basically lived with Gnomes for four years. They were the closest thing we had to a family!" Linh snapped, her voice cracking.

Glimmer flinched back and pulled the hood of her black cat onesie over her face. "I...I'm...sorry...I...I just thought that-"

"-no, I'm sorry I shouldn't have snapped at you," Linh said, shaking her head, "...just forget I said anything," she said quietly and reopened her book flipping through the pages to find one she was on.

Tam couldn't shake off what Glimmer had said. What did they do to make her think they didn't like Gnomes? They never did anything mean to them, did they? he pulled his hand away from Biana and ran it through his bangs. Did he really need to know? Glimmer struggled to pick up on social cues from growing up in a cult. That's all it was. He was just being dramatic. It wasn't that big of a deal. He did his best to shake it off and tried to go back to reading, but he couldn't focus on his book. No matter how much he wanted to ignore it, it kept eating at him, and he couldn't take it anymore.

"what made you think we didn't like them anyway?" he asked Glimmer, not looking up from his book.

She just shrugged and pulled her hood back a bit "I dunno," she shrugged, "it just seemed kind of obvious. You guys just seem really uncomfortable around them."

Tam sighed. Why did he feel the need to talk about this is. It was not what he wanted to talk about today or ever, for that matter. It was just the idea of someone thinking he hated gnomes that made him sick. Did Gnomes think he hated them too? He shook the thoughts out of his head.

"I didn't mess you up, did I," he asked Biana, trying to change the subject.

He looked at the paint on his fingernails. Not a single one matched. They all had different colors and patterns, a bright contrast to the scars from the Shadowflux on his fingers and hands that looked like ink stains.

"No, you didn't, I was done,"

Biana said, putting the last of the nail polish back in her yeti-covered makeup bag.

"but it really does seem like you don't like Gnomes Tam. Every time one comes in the room, you don't even acknowledge their existence, and when they talk to you, you just nod and give one-word answers. You're even like that with Flori"

She slipped down onto the couch next to him and looked over at Linh.

"And Linh can't even look at Gnomes; it seems like you're scared of them,"

"… I'm not afraid of them…."

Linh said softly, bringing her knees up to her chest. "I just really miss them," she looked over at Tam, "we both do,"

Tam nodded. His throat was tight, and he really didn't want to cry, especially right now with everyone in the room. Biana laid her head on his shoulder, which just made it harder not to cry.

"I realize that, but that's probably why Glimmer thought you guy didn't like them." Biana said, looking over at her

"Yeah, pretty much..."

Glimmer said, sitting up and leaning back on her hands

"to be honest, I had forgotten that you guys had lived with Gnomes," she said, picking on the rug's fluff, "you barely ever talk about it."

Tam sighed and ran his fingers over the corduroy couch

"I don't like to talk about them,"

"why not?"

Glimmer asked.

Every shadow in the room darkened, and the scars on his wrists started to burn. Tam couldn't get the shadows to listen to him. No matter how many commands he thought, he never lost control like this anymore. Why was this upsetting him so much? There was no need for him to be so dramatic. Biana wrapped her arms around him, and he just sat there limp.

"I just miss them oaky!" he finally said.

Wylie looked over at him while still lying on his back

"then why don't you contact them if-"

"-NO!" Tam and Linh shouted, the shadows leaping toward Tam and the humidity in the room rose slightly.

Wylie got up from his spot on the floor and sat on the couch next to Linh, pulling her into a hug.

"hey, it was just a suggestion. You guys don't have to talk to them if you don't want to,"

he said softly, rubbing her back. Linh took a shaky breath

"it's not that we don't want to talk to them."

"then what is it...?"Biana asked gently

Tam pulled away from her, and the shadows slinked back as he stared at the white scars on his wrists from the light cuffs. They felt like they were on fire.

"Because what if they're all dead, what if we go, and there's just a bunch of trees where the village should be, what if they were all wiped out by the plague, or they killed in the Neverseen war!" he said in one breath. The shadows getting darker with every word, Linh started to cry, and Wylie hugged her tighter,

"we're NOT going back!" he shouted, jumping up from the couch, his hands curled into fists.

Tiergan had been outside the room because he opened one of the french doors to the library and walked in carrying a tray of snacks. Tam and Linh scrambled to get their abilities in control as much as they could, but they couldn't get everything back to normal.

"Is everything okay in here?" Tiergan asked, placing the snack plate on the coffee table.

" no one has to go anywhere they don't want to, you all know that"

he looked over at Linh, who was still quietly crying

"starlight, is everything okay what happened?"

he said, walking over to her. She flinched away from him and pulled away from Wylie. Tiergan sighed heavily

"oaky guys, what happened?"

"Nothing, we're fine," Tam snapped.

Biana grabbed his hand.

"oaky...it doesn't look like everyone's is fine,"

he said, gesturing to the Shadows and his sister

"are you sure you don't want to-" 

"-I said we're fine," Tam said before pulling his hand away from Biana's grip and grabbing Linh's.

He pushed past Tiergan and pulled her out of the room. He could hear Tiergan ask the other three what happened, and Glimmer start to cry but didn't care, not right now. Right now, he needed to get them somewhere away from everyone, somewhere safe.

He took them upstairs to his room and shut his door. They lay on his bed in silence. He looked around his room as the burning in his wrists slowly decreased. He had put Shadowflux designs on his ceiling. The swirls wove under and over the support beams on his curved ceiling, but there were also the shadows of a Wyvern, a Kelpie, a Mercat, a Fluffy cat, a Bear, an Owl, and a Griffon. He Covered The wall across from his bed with MCR, Fall Out Boy, and Panic at the disco posters and In the center of his floor was a shade porthole that he made to his favorite places in the forbidden cities which is what the Lodestar actually was. He signed heavily and laid back on the army of stuffed animals that Elwin had gotten him after he mentioned that he had never had any stuffed animals as a kid.

Why did Tiergan keep asking what was wrong? He said they were fine. Why couldn't they just leave them alone?

Linh broke the silence, looked over at him, and said,

"...you broke the rule... you're not-"

"supposed to talk about them, I know...I tried to change the subject," he shadow whispered back they were both quiet for a minute.

"brought it back up after I did," Linh twirled her sliver bangs,

" and that's not why you're afraid to go back-"

"what are you talking about? of course it is!"

"fine, it's not your main reason, it's mine," she grabbed his hands,

looking over the scars on his hands and the discoloration on his wrists from the light cuffs,

"This is." he yanked his hand away and flipped his bangs out of his eyes,

"...shut up..." he muttered,

turning away from her and facing the wall. Why was she like this? she was his twin but did she have to be so observant.

"I'm right, and you know it..."

and did she have so sassy now? Stina, Maruca, and Marella were such bad influences.

"of course, I'm afraid of them hating me. Even you hated me when I came back."

Every time he thought about contacting the gnomes, all he could think about was how Linh reacted when he came back. Not answering his hails and staying with them instead of being with him. she was so angry, sure they made up after a few weeks, but he couldn't go through that again.

"I never hated you,"

she said out loud, her voice barely a whisper, pulling him out of his thoughts.

"I could never hate you,"

she said, her voice cracking. Tears filled Tam's eyes as he turned to face her

"...you sure had me convinced..."

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Tammy, I was so sure that she was in your head-"

"-and that I had replaced you."

"that too," she said, looking anywhere but at him.

"I just wanted to protect her, I wanted to get her out if i could...and you definitely hated her"

Linh laughed and said out loud,

"I won't even try to argue with that, and I'm nice to her now...mostly."

Tam propped himself up on his elbows and looked down at Linh

"Yeah, but you still suck at sharing, unless me and Bee are on a date. If you're there and she's there have to be sitting near me."

"I don't do-" Tam gave her a look, "-okay maybe I do, but it's not intentional and I'll work it, plus I didn't have to share you for sixteen years-"

"well, you've had to share me for four."

Linh rolled her eyes.

"as I said, I'll work on it. Do you think that she noticed?"

Linh asked, biting her lip. Tam snickered,

"Yeah, she's the one who pointed it out. Bee's not mad, though. She apparently was the same way with Alvar, except she would hang on his leg and hiss at his dates"

they both laughed at the thought of tiny Biana hissing at people and then sat in silence. Linh looked up at him

"so you wanna-"

"-go downstairs so they can be all uncomfortable and not know if they should apologize for triggering us, even though they had no idea that it was a trigger, and Tirgan can give us that I want to fix every bad thing that ever happened with the biggest bear hug, but you need space so I will stand here and restrain myself look, yeah no, I would rather wait until-"

"-you're ready to deal with all of that, same"

she looked over to the wall that was covered with posters

"do you...do you think we could ask him to check for them...to see if they're still..."

"and if they're not? will you be able to handle it? because I don't think i could,"

they had lost enough people already. He really didn't want to know how many of them had died.

"I...I don't- "Linh sat up and ran her fingers through her hair "-wouldn't it just be better to get it over with, I mean what are gonna do completely avoid the subject and Gnomes as a whole until we're ancients?"

"well, it's easier," Tam said quickly.

Linh scrunched her nose.

"no, it's definitely not."

she was right, but there were so many what-ifs that it scared him.

Tam looked down, his bangs falling in his face

"but what if they're gone, Linh?"

"i don't think they're all gone Tam."

"what if she's gone," he said, staring at the quilt on his bed.

She had helped him make it. If she was gone...he didn't know what to do. It was almost better not to know because he could pretend she was okay, or not, whatever felt best at the moment. But, if he knew for a fact that she was gone, it would hurt more than if he just couldn't see her, and what if she was alive and was angry with him for joining the Neverseen and never wanted to see him again.

"what if she hates me,"

he said under his breath.

Linh sat up quickly and pulled the Moisture out of the air making a pretty good-sized water ball and splashing him in the face, hard.

"Tam Hai Alenefar, that woman loves you as much as I do, she could never hate you."

Tam shook his head, making the water splatter off everywhere,

"are you sure?" he said like a guilty little kid.

" i mean what if she's mad that i took Glimmer back with me...you where..."

"i highly doubt it, it actually kind of sounds like something she would do..."

"it does?" Tam said hopefully, flipping his bangs out of his eyes.

Linh scoffed, "yeah, it does, remember when she helped that Ogre girl when her father was hitting her, she got her to an Ogre village. with. out. question."

Tam released a shaky breath.

"...okay, I guess you're right..."

She had been the one to find them in the woods alone and freezing in the middle of a bizzered. He had pneumonia and needed medical attention. She had the other Gnomes in the Wildwood colony help take him back to her cabin. she got them dry clothes. She set him up in her living room, treating him with Gnome herbalism. he constantly insisted that he was fine and didn't need her to take care of him. He wasn't selfish. He could take care of himself. She told him that getting medical treatment wasn't selfish and that whoever told him that was a moron. She would push him back to bed and ask him to lay back down while she made him some soup. She had been the mom he never had, and the possibility that she was gone terrified him. It felt better not to know, but what if she was alive? what if she missed them? he wanted to take that chance for her.

he took a deep breath and got off his bed, helping Linh up

"so are we gonna ask Dad or not?"

she froze and stared at him wide-eyed

"uh...right now?"

"I mean you made it sound like you wanted to."

Linh ran her fingers through her bangs anxiously.

"I...I mean I did but...I didn't mean now, now."

Tam sighed and grabbed her hand.

"look now is as good of a time as any, and right now i actually have the guts to do it, so if we're going to ask him we need to ask him now."

"oaky..."

Linh said, squeezing his hand,

"... but I want to get princess purryfins first, for moral support."

"can't I be your moral support?"

Tam whined, bouncing up and down she giggled, shoving him,

"no, this stresses you out as much as it stresses me out, I need my mercat."

Tam crossed his arms and pouted,

"then who am i supposed to have for moral support? because if i can't be yours you can't be mine."

Linh smacked his head

"your Girlfriend, moron."

"oh...yeah," he said, blowing his bangs out of his eyes, " didn't think of that."

They left both Tam's room, Linh went to her room next door, and Tam went to get Biana, who he hoped hadn't gone back to Everglen.

He came to the bottom of the stairwell, and Biana sat on the couch, wringing her hands together. When she heard him, she jumped up and looked up at him. Her eyes were swollen and puffy. Tam ran down the rest of the stairs and hugged her. She pulled away and said all in one breath.

"Tam I'm sorry I should have noticed that you were trying to change the subject I didn't mean to be pushy I was trying to figure out what was wrong,"

Tam wiped her eyes and cupped her face in his hands.

"I'm not mad at you Bee, I asked a question and you answered it, it's not your fault that you didn't notice that i was trying to change the subject."

she leaned into his hand,

"but I'm the observant one i'm supposed to notice these things," she laughed "i mean I'm the one who figured out who three of the members of the collective real identity's"

"oh no, you're not perfect. Whatever will we do?" Tam said sarcastically,

plopping down on the couch. Biana sat down beside him,

"I really am sorry...I didn't mean to upset you like that,"

she said, looking at the floor.

"don't be, it wasn't even your fault, Glimmer asked way more questions than you did,"

Tam said, running his fingers through her hair.

"plus I'm the one who kept talking about it, if really didn't want to I should have just dropped it."

Biana laid her head on his shoulder, and he played with her hair. They sat in silence for some time. While Tam went over every possible result of contacting the Wildwood colony, most of which were terrible, and promptly decided that that wasn't fun to think about. he decided to cut to the chase.

"hey, Biana?"

"hmm?"

he took a deep, shaky breath.

"can you...I want...we...UGH! why is this so hard."

he said, flopping back into the couch. Biana quickly turned to face him,

"what is it?"

"Linh and I want Tiergan to check if the wildwood colony is still there, and if they want too see us, and i want you to be there when we ask him."

He shadow whispered because that was much easier than talking.

"oh," Biana said.

She sounded a little disappointed,

"What do mean, oh?"

Tam asked

"what? nothing, i just thought you where going to ask a different question," Biana said quickly, turning bright red. "of course, i'll come with you when you ask Tiergan to check on the Wildwood colony."

Tam laughed. Did she actually think he would ask her something so important like this? But it was cute that she was so excited.

"you're so adorable when you're flustered,"

he said, smirking at her.

"shut up"

Biana grabbed a pillow off the couch and smacked it into his face. It bounced off of him and hit the floor. he blinked a few times, trying to recover.

"so...we actually want to ask him like right now because I've convinced myself to talk about it, and I don't know much longer, I'm going to have the guts."

"oh, he's in the kitchen making dinner, Livvy got us like ten boxes of Mac n Cheese," she said, getting up "we can go right now if you want."

she helped him up, and they walked down the hall to the kitchen hand in hand. Tam started to think of all the ways this could go wrong again. Then quickly changed his train of thought. He thought of the stories that the Gnomes would tell him. the one about a choir of Gnomes that brought an entire forest to life and destroyed an entire army of Orges. From that moment on, he knew that Gnomes were not harmless at all. They were not weak. They were peaceful. At any moment, they could destroy the entire world if they wanted to, but they chose to be gentle. They chose to be kind. They were everything he wanted to be.

As they approached the door to the kitchen, Tam froze. Biana squeezed his hand and said,

"you don't have to do this if you don't want to."

Tam sighed and turned to look at her.

"that's the thing I don't want to, but I know I need to, I can't just hide from it forever,"

he said, "and obviously, some part of me wants to talk about it" he chuckled. "I mean I could have just dropped it when Linh originally did, but no, I had to keep talking about them."

He took a deep breath and stared at the door. He couldn't keep running from this forever. It was following him like a shadow. Whether they were gone or not, the Wildwood colony was as important to him as his family at Sorlef. They took care of them when no one else would. He needed to talk to them, or about them at least, for their sake if not his.

"Tam?" Biana said, making him jump, "you really don't-"

"-yes, I do. I'm doing this for their sake, not mine." he said, squeezing her hand.

He took one last deep breath and opened the door.

Chapter Text

The kitchen had a high ceiling. There was a large window behind the sink that looked like it had been taken from a greenhouse. It went from the counter up to the ceiling, turning into a skylight across half the room. On the opposite side, french doors went out to Sorlef's extensive garden. There were wooden floors and a large island in the center of the room that was Tam's favorite spot to sit when he was in the kitchen with Tiergan when he was cooking. 

Prentice and Teirgan were chasing one of Prentice's many chickens around the kitchen island, calling to the chicken, desperately trying to catch it and failing at every turn. both men were running into each other and climbing over the kitchen island while the chicken ran free.

It was chaos, and their clothes just made the scene funnier to watch Tiergan was wearing a tye-dye shirt and kaki overalls, while Prentice had a chicken onesie. The hood flew over his eyes as he dived down to catch the chicken, landing on his face. Tiergan tripped over Prentice's legs, landing on top of him while the chicken ran around the kitchen island again.

"Prentice will you stop getting in the way?"  he said, getting off of Prentice and using the counter to stand back up. 

“ I’m getting in the way? you’ve run into me like three times!” Prentice said, looking up at him "will you just help me up?"

Teirgan rolled his eyes and pulled him up, and they both leaned against the island in defeat, watching the chicken walk around the kitchen pecking crumbs off the floor.

Tam looked at Biana and shrugged; she shook her head and sighed, then vanished quickly, catching the chicken in less than a minute and tossing it out the french doors 

she reappeared and hopped up onto the island.

 “which chicken was that?” she asked, kicking her feet against the wooden side of the counter.

Prentice signed and bushed one of his dreadlocks out his face

“that," he said, gesturing toward the back doors, "was Leo. She was a rescue that-“

 “-that was spoiled to the point of thinking she’s an elf and now thinks she gets free range of my house.”

Tiergan butted in, rolling his eyes

"hey!" Prentice said, glaring at him "you’re the one who said she could come inside!” he elbowed him in the ribs

 “not in my kitchen,” Teirgan said, turning around and going over to the stove to pour the massive amount of noodles out of the strainer into a big bowl.

The door to the kitchen opened behind Tam, and Linh stood in the doorway, burying her face in her cat's scales. He grabbed her hand, and shadow whispered. 

"you sure you want to do this?"

"no, but we need to,"

she said back, looking at him. He believed her, for the most part.

Teirgan turned around, and when he saw them, his demeanor completely changed. He handed the spoon to Prentice and walked over to where they were standing.

“is this about what happened earlier?” he said softly 

Tam was surprised he wasn't mad at him for snapping at him. he hadn't done anything wrong, and he had yelled at him for no reason.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you, Dad..." Tam said, looking down at his combat boot, tracing the lines on the wooden floor

“I forgive you, Tam, I'm not mad.”

Tam let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. You would think he'd know better by now that Tiergan doesn't get upset about things like that.

 "do you guys want a hug?"

Teirgan asked, barely holding his hands out

they both nodded, and he pulled both of them in, and they stayed that way for a minute because Tiergan's hugs just made their problems go away, even if it was just for a moment. he pulled back and put his hands on the twin's shoulders 

 “Are you two okay? You were up there for like two hours.” 

Tam looked at the Floor. They were up there for that long? it only felt like thirty minutes but two hours. He was just making himself a burden. He hadn't stayed in his room that long since he escaped from them.

 “…sorry we weren't trying to."

Linh nodded, wrapping her arms around his

“you guys, are allowed to have space remember?"

Tiergan said, shaking his head and smiling at them

Tam looked up at him "yeah, yeah you keep having to tell me that," he said, rolling his eyes

"And I will keep telling you until it gets through that thick head of yours."

Tiergan said, ruffling Tam's hair.

"did you want to talk about what happened?"

all Tam and Linh could do were nod, and Biana hopped off the counter and took Tam's hand, 

“the foods done! im going to feed my chickens,” Prentice called from the stove, making them jump before he walked out the back door.

They stood in silence for an uncomfortable amount of time than he wanted to.

Why was this so hard to say? He had talked about it with Linh and Biana. So why couldn't he get the words to come out? It was important to him. They were his family. he owed them that much.

he was finally able to spit out 

"can you talk to the wildwood colony?"

Tiergan was very quiet, looking at them for quite some time. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed, looking around the room.

"you know what, how about we take a walk in the garden while we talk?"

Tam nodded, and they headed out the back door.

Sorlef's gardens were lush and colorful. It was full of trees and plants that just kind of did their own thing because of the fact that Tiergan refused to have gnomes live at his house. There was a stream that wound through the property, sometimes dipping into smaller waterfalls

they walked along the mossy cobblestone path and passed Prentice, who was actually feeding his chickens at the chick coop and not just using it as an excuse to go outside like Tam had thought he was. Prentice was hopping around, throwing the feed down, watching the chickens waddle over and peck at the food like they hadn't been fed that morning.

Biana leaned over and whispered in Tam's ear

"is...is he singing to the chickens?"

Tam listened and could hear what was definitely Prentice singing to the chickens. He couldn't understand what he was saying, but he was definitely very off-key.

"yeah I think he is."

they both snickered 

"he's actually good at singing. He's singing horribly because, and I quote, chickens can't tell the difference, so why should I try to sing well when I can see how bad I can sing."

Teirgan said, looking back at them.

"he really said that!?"

Biana said, holding back a laugh. 

"yes, yes he did."

Tiergan said with a snicker

as they approached Linh's herb garden. 

"Linh is it okay if we hang out in there?"

Linh nodded and just looked at the ground.

There was a small wooden bridge that went over a pond that led to a stone arch covered in Ivy and Morning Glories. As they entered, they could see the many types of Herbs growing in the stone garden beds and sat in the grass under the willow tree. Princess Purryfins kept trying to escape from Linh”s arms no matter how hard she tried to get her to stay. So she put her in the pond so she could swim for a bit. Then came back and sat in the grass between Tam and Tiergan where sitting. She picked at the grass at her feet. She looked less comfortable with this conversation than he was, and it was her idea.

Teirgan took a deep breath and looked up at the willow branches above his head. 

"why do you guys what me to talk to them?"

He asked, looking over at the twins. "because Wylie said that you were very upset at even the suggestion of talking to them, and now you're asking me to talk to them."

Tam looked at the ground, and Linh quietly said

"because we owe it to them, they took care of us for a year and then we leave and never talk to them again," she tugged at her bangs "we owe them some explanation after they spent all that time on us."

"Woah, Woah, Woah," Tiergan said quickly, turning to face her. "Linh sweetie, you don't owe anything to anyone for existing." 

"but we where a burden on them for four years!"

Tam blurted out, throwing his hands in the air. Biana scooted closer to him and lay her head on her shoulder. Linh started to cry quietly, and Tiergan pulled her close.

"They don't think you owe them anything, and I don't either" he looked over the top of Linh's head at Tam, "and you guys are definitely not a burden we chose to care for you that's not a burden."

He pulled Linh's face and tucked it behind her ear as she wiped her eyes. Tiergan whispered in her ear. Tam couldn't really hear what they were saying, but the conversation went on for a few minutes before Linh nodded, and Tam could make out Tiergan saying to tell him if it got to be too much. He looked over at Tam and asked.

"Now, are you guys sure that you want me to talk to them?"

"yeah," Tam said, nodding, " if they're even alive,"

he looked over at the plants in one of the garden beds, counting how many of them were blooming"

"Tam," Tiergan said, holding Linh a little tighter 

Biana put her hand on his leg, and he ran his fingers over the scars on her on the back of it. 

"Sorry..." he said quietly, "I was being realistic."

Tiergan sighed

"Tam...”

”Tam," he turned to look at Tiergan, "they are not all dead, Tam."

the hair on his arms stood on end. So some of them were actually alive? but was Vesa alive? 

"they are!?" Linh said, her voice cracking,

"but how many are gone? How many were killed?" 

Tam asked, staring into space. It was the only thing that was keeping him from crying as well.

Teirgan signed heavily 

"there's only about two hundred gnomes left in the village, less than a third of what it used to be"

Tam felt like he was floating. There were over six hundred when they lived there six hundred, and the colony had lost a third of its population. So what was the likelihood of her being alive?

"that many died?" Biana said quietly

Tam quickly looked over at Tiergan and hoped that he was just exaggerating, but he nodded instead. Linh started to sob uncontrollably Teirgan pulled her into his lap and rocked her like a baby as a huge cloud formed above their head that quickly started to rain. The rain was quite nice. Actually, it was something else to focus on because if Tam focused on the rain, he wouldn't be thinking about how tight his throat was feeling and how fast he was breathing, and how it quite literally felt like he was going to die. So was it even worth taking to them? If she was dead, what was the use? 

Biana wrapped her arms around him and laid her head on his shoulder.

"you're okay. We're safe,"

she repeated over and over like a mantra until he figured out how to breathe properly. He was quiet for a long time after that because he didn't think he could talk, but it gave Linh the chance to cry until she couldn't anymore. 

"How did you find out how many died?" he was finally able to choke out.

Linh started to sniffle again, and he immediately regretted asking

"the initial fatality count"

Teirgan said, running his fingers through Linh's hair 

"oh..." Tam brushed his bangs out of his eyes, "so they never asked about us?"

Tiergan rested his chin on the top of Linh's head

"I never said that they actually asked about you quite a bit during and after..." he trailed off and looked at the sky like he was asking the stars what to say, "they asked about how where after you got away from the neverseen." 

Tam flinched at the mention of the name that was all the council called for years, Neverseen, Tiergan has to yell at them to get them to stop.

"They were really worried, but I told them that you were having a hard time talking to people and that i had wanted to give you space."

Tam Snorted

"so they just stopped asking about us" the tears suck to the back of his throat.

"they told me to tell them when you both would be comfortable talking to them again,"

Tam started running his fingers through Biana's hair

"so they don't know anything about us?"

"I let them know when you were seriously injured during the war, and they would send herbs and teas for Livvy to give you."

he knew those teas tasted familiar but just couldn't put his finger on it.

"so they actually want to talk to us?"

he asked hopefully, but he didn't actually think they would actually want to. 

"yes, Tam, they do,"

he wanted to believe him. He really did, but he worked for them. He helped them hurt people. He couldn't even forgive himself. Why would they forgive him for it? Linh deserved to talk to them to know who was left. She was the one to take the Exilium healer crystal to the wildwoods when he was in danger of freezing to death. She was the one to ask them for help when his pneumonia came back. She was the one to trust them long before he did. They deserved to see each other again, even if he didn't. If she wanted to talk to them, he would too.

"do you want to talk to them?"

Tiergan asked, pulling Tam out of his thoughts.

"I do," Linh said quietly, laying her head on Tiergans shoulder, who looked over at Tam 

she wouldn't go without him. He knew that, and she needed to talk to them. Even if they didn't talk to him, she would go so she felt safe.

"yeah, i want to talk to them."

Which was and wasn't the truth. Biana squeezed him tighter, and he realized how shaky his breathing had gotten and that he had tears running down his cheeks.

Tiergan ran his hand through his hair and said

"Okay, i have a meeting with the gnomes colony representatives next week at any time you can change your mind."

They both nodded. They all sat in the garden for a long time, all waiting for someone else to move first, until Wylie came and called them for dinner. They all headed inside in silence. Barely anyone spoke at dinner, and Glimmer just took her food upstairs, flinching when Tam looked at her.

For the next week, Tam did his best not to think of all the ways it could go wrong. he did his best to talk to Glimmer, but she completely avoided him. she had been like this before, avoiding him because she was scared of how he would react, but it was never this bad. 

Normally after a couple of days, they would talk, and Tam would tell her that he didn't hate her and wasn't going to hurt her. Then things would go back to normal, but this time was different. 

During meals, she would just take her food up to her room. Every time he passed her, she would flinch away from him like he was going to hit her. she wouldn't even stay in the same room as him the second she saw him. She would run away like a frightened rabbit.

It hurt that she still thought that she had to protect herself from him. after all they had been through together, he thought, maybe just, maybe she would trust him more.

He knew why she was so scared she had lived with them for most of his life, and he knew firsthand the kind of punishment they used for something as simple as talking back. 

After he had those light cuffs put on, he called Gisela every nasty word he knew, and it got his jaw broken. They left him like that for a day 

"to teach him respect." 

Gisela said before locking him in his “room”. 

He was only there for six months and probably had a dozen of his bones broken.

She was with them for almost a decade. He had seen them punish her. she showed him her face and told him her name without permission. She was beaten so badly that she couldn't even see out of one eye and had at least four broken bones. She hadn't even gone to his room for help; she had gone to yell at him for breaking his word. it took him twenty minutes to convince her that he didn't tell and to let him look at her injuries.

Apparently, this was a normal reaction to showing someone your real identity without permission which is something they took seriously. 

He didn't even want to imagine what they did to her when she was actually bad.

Tam wasn't mad at Glimmer for avoiding him. He understood why she was acting the way she was. It didn't change the fact that he was furious at Gisela for what she did to her. he was furious at her for killing the Gnomes and for hurting his family. There was nothing he could do to protect them from her. 

All he could do was try to undo the damage she did.