Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The salty morning air filters in through the kitchen's open window, the curtains blowing softly while the three friends have a lazy breakfast. Well, Jungkook and Jimin are eating. Taehyung is straddling his boyfriend on the chair, hugging him like a koala and hiding in his neck as he tries to wake up. Jungkook doesn’t mind him, used to his boyfriend's clinginess. Another person used to the couple's affection is Jimin, who is just eating his cereal as he watches the news without paying them too much attention.

It’s their third day staying at Taehyung's beach house–well, his parents'. He was the one to invite them over to spend a few days by the ocean during summer break. University and his master’s degree seem so far away when Jimin can hear the sound of waves from his bedroom. He wishes he could live with no worries like this forever.

Jimin is scooping some cereal and opening his mouth to eat it when the image on the TV screen changes and a familiar face appears.

Yoongi is sitting in a dark room as he is interviewed. The boxer is wearing a black oversized sweatshirt that makes him look softer than when he’s up in the ring. He smiles softly as he answers questions Jimin isn’t catching, too distracted by his sudden appearance to listen.

Yoongi has changed a lot over the years. His hair is still as dark as the night, but it has grown quite a bit. His long bangs are parted to the side, framing his face, and the tips of his hair brush against his neck. He has shed every bit of baby fat that remained on his cheeks when he left Daegu at the age of nineteen to become a professional boxer with the help of a scholarship. His jawline is defined, and his eyes have sharpened with time. Yoongi looks hardened not just by his profession but also by the hardships he has gone through to get to where he is now.

Unlike during his matches, Yoongi is wearing clothes, but Jimin knows that under them, he hides muscles that weren't there when they used to spend time in this same house as kids. The only feature that retains that sweetness Jimin remembers is the cute bow of his lips, but he’d rather not focus on them. He’s not a teenager with a crush anymore.

“Oh, your brother is on TV,” Jungkook tells Tae as he claps his back to call his attention.

That finally has Taehyung completely waking up, and he shifts on his boyfriend's lap to watch. He gasps. “Fuck, that’s gonna be a bloodbath,” he says under his breath.

His words bring Jimin back to the present. When he refocuses, he reads the caption at the bottom of the screen: ‘Fight of Titans! Do Seojun vs Min Yoongi.’

Do Seojun. One of the best boxers at the moment. Yoongi is going to go against him. Against the man who is known for beating to a pulp every opponent he encounters.

Jimin drops the spoon into his half-eaten bowl of cereal, splashing milk on the table and himself and startling the three of them.

“Woah, hyung. Are you okay?” Jungkook asks, surprised.

But Jimin meets Taehyung’s eyes first, and the look in them tells him that he knows. He has always known.

“He hasn’t woken up yet,” Taehyung replies in his stead.

Jimin catches the double meaning there, but he still can’t form words when his hands are trembling like this.

He swallows down his embarrassment and those bitter feelings he keeps telling himself he already dealt with years ago, and he finally starts cleaning up his own mess.

He doesn’t care. He doesn’t, no matter how fast his heart pounds in his chest.

***

Developing a crush on his best friend’s big brother is one of the stupidest things Jimin has ever done in his 25 years alive. His most long-lasting mistake, too.

He and Taehyung have been friends since they were little. They were in the same classroom most of their lives and lived close by, in the same neighbourhood. It didn't take them long to become best friends, and spending time in each other’s houses became the norm. That’s how Jimin met Yoongi.

The three of them used to play together as kids. The Min family even invited Jimin over in the summer to their beach house. Jimin remembers sleepovers in the living room, making a fortress with a few bed sheets, pillows, and chairs. He remembers the three of them playing, snickering quietly to not wake up the adults, and sleeping together once they couldn’t keep their eyes open any longer. Taehyung would always put him in the middle because he said his brother was gross, so Jimin would end up sandwiched between the Min brothers.

At first, their age difference wasn't noticeable, except when Yoongi acted like the hyung to them. He and Taehyung used to be little demons as kids and, therefore, prone to injury. He can’t remember how many times Yoongi had to take care of them whenever they decided that defying gravity was a good idea. But Jimin remembers every time Yoongi had held his hand to take him home so his mother could treat his wounds. He remembers how sweet Yoongi was as a kid.

[8-year-old Jimin & 11-year-old Yoongi]

“Don’t cry. It’s just a scrape,” Yoongi tried to comfort him one time, crouching in front of him with a hand on his shoulder.

But Jimin kept crying, snot clogging his nose, and cheeks red as he sat on the ground, cradling his knee.

Taehyung was looking down at them, leaning forward with his hands on his knees. “It’s bleeding!”

Jimin only wailed louder at his friend’s words, frightened and in pain.

“Taehyung! Don’t scare him more,” Yoongi chided his dongsaeng harshly. Taehyung shrunk into himself, properly chastised. “I told you not to jump from the swings,” he scolded his brother.

Taehyung opened his mouth, ready to argue with his hyung, but Jimin sniffled then and muttered shakily, “It hurts.”

Immediately, Yoongi turned back to look at him with worried eyes. “Can you walk?”

With their help, Jimin managed to get on his feet, but he couldn’t bend his knee well because it stung, making it uncomfortable to walk. He was on the verge of tears again, his small frame shaking with his hiccups, but then Yoongi crouched down in front of him with his back to him.

“Hop on.”

“Eh?” Jimin asked, surprised.

Yoongi looked at him over his shoulder, still in position. “I’ll give you a piggyback ride. Come on, I’ll get you home in no time.”

Taehyung walked next to them, trying to cheer Jimin up by telling him jokes. With his arms wrapped around Yoongi’s neck, Jimin giggled wetly as Yoongi carried him on his back.

The way back home from the park wasn't a long one, but they were both kids, and Yoongi had been a scrawny little thing back then. By the time they got to his home, Yoongi was sweating buckets, and his legs trembled slightly. Yet, he still smiled at Jimin when his mother thanked him for bringing him.

Jimin waved at him while in his mother’s arms, looking at Yoongi like he had hung the stars in the sky. Despite his clear fatigue, Yoongi waved back and wished him a speedy recovery before he held Taehyung’s hand to go back home.

Thinking back on it, maybe that’s when Jimin started falling for him. Yet, the three-year difference between them became palpable as Yoongi grew up and left them behind.

[11-year-old Jimin & 14-year-old Yoongi]

“Yah, don’t be so loud,” Yoongi startled them one day by yanking his bedroom door open abruptly. “I’m trying to study.”

He and Taehyung had been playing with plastic swords in the hallway, battling each other as if they were pirates, but Yoongi’s interruption completely put an end to their laughter. The teenager had a scowl on his face, and Jimin shrank after getting scolded. Not Taehyung, though.

“Studying?” Taehyung repeated, resting his hands on his hips. “You’re probably just watching a boxing match.”

Yoongi regarded his little brother with an unimpressed look at his sassiness. “Unlike you two, I’ve got exams coming up.”

Taehyung huffed, annoyed, and folded his arms while still holding his sword. Jimin took a step to the side, hiding behind his friend uneasily as he peeked at Yoongi over Tae's shoulder. “Yeah, we know you’re a middle schooler. Stop acting so high and mighty,” Taehyung retorted, glaring back at his brother for using his age against them.

Both kids cried out when Yoongi threw a pillow that came out of nowhere and hit Taehyung square in the face.

“Go outside or keep it down. It won’t be a pillow next time,” Yoongi warned his brother. Jimin, who had dropped his sword without realising it, tensed up when Yoongi’s eyes moved to him next. “And you. Don't hang out so much with him; stupidity is contagious.”

And with that, he slammed the door shut.

Yoongi had made sure not to hit his brother with the pillow's zipper, but Taehyung was livid after that. “He’s so annoying!” he yelled and kicked his hyung’s door. 

Then Taehyung went to find their mother to tattle while Jimin remained there, his eyes fixed on the closed door as he wondered why things had to be so different now.

Present Jimin understands the situation—three years can turn into a big gap when one person is going through puberty and the others aren’t—but he was heartbroken at the time. As he washes the dishes, he lets out a dry laugh. His past self hadn’t known at the time what real heartbreak felt like, but he would eventually.

Jungkook is reading aloud the details about Yoongi’s upcoming fight on his phone as Taehyung brings him the other dirty dishes. He shoots him another meaningful look that Jimin ignores as he starts scrubbing the bowl he just passed him. He knows his best friend won’t bring up his reaction from before or his silence now, not when Jungkook is with them.

Even though they are all friends, Jimin hasn’t told Jungkook about his past crush on Taehyung’s older brother. Talking about it always makes him feel silly, so he doesn’t. Plus, it’s been years, and he’s over it, so why bring it up?

Taehyung has been with him since he first developed feelings for Yoongi. He has seen both the giddiness and later desolation those feelings brought him, and Jimin knows he can trust him not to say a thing.

Jungkook, on the other hand, hasn’t always been there. Yes, it’s just an old crush, and there’s no reason to keep it secret, but Yoongi doesn’t know about it. Jimin is just trying to avoid the younger joking about it around Yoongi because even though Jimin hasn’t talked to him in years, Jungkook and Taehyung meet up with him sometimes. The simple idea of Jungkook mentioning his crush in front of the boxer sends Jimin into a frenzy.

“I’m going to take a shower,” he tells his friends once he’s finished.

Jimin doesn’t wait for an answer or look their way as he leaves the kitchen. He’s too in his own head to notice the confused look Jungkook sends him or Taehyung’s worry.

It’s only when he’s already under the warm spray that Jimin’s brain kindly assaults him with memories of how his first love came to be.

[12-year-old Jimin & 15-year-old Yoongi]

Using his feet, Jimin stopped swinging abruptly. “You kissed Subin?!” he asked, high-pitched and shocked.

They were sitting on the swings in their neighbourhood after school, making some time until dinner to go home when his friend dropped the bomb.

“Technically, she kissed me,” Taehyung clarified, way too cool about this.

Jimin still had a hard time grasping what his best friend had just confessed. “But why?”

“She said she likes me.” Taehyung shrugged as he kept swinging.

“Wait. She kissed you on the cheek, right?” Jimin asked him, grasping the swing chains.

“Nope,” Taehyung grinned, his hair blowing wildly as he swung his legs.

Jimin’s eyes grew wide. “On the lips?!” he asked after looking around to make sure there was nobody near.

When Taehyung confirmed his suspicions, Jimin’s mouth dropped open in shock and, let’s be honest, disgust. Taehyung burst out laughing at the face he was making, and he had to stop swinging before he could topple over because of how hard he was cackling.

“You’re so funny, Jiminie,” his friend said breathlessly as he wiped his teary eyes. “You look like someone pissed in your cereal!”

Jimin pouted, not liking being made fun of, but he knew Taehyung wasn’t being mean. “I didn’t know you were interested in kissing,” he pointed out once Tae had calmed down.

“I wasn’t. It just happened.”

Always tending to get self-conscious, Jimin nibbled on his bottom lip as he lowered his eyes to the ground. “Is it weird I haven’t kissed anyone yet?”

“No? I only did it today, and I think everyone’s different?” Tae said, but it sounded more like a question. “My brother kissed a girl for the first time when he was eleven.”

That had Jimin whipping his head towards Taehyung. “Yoongi-hyung, too?!”

That was brand new information.

Taehyung snorted. “Of course! Everyone kisses, even our parents.”

They both grimaced at that, but Jimin couldn’t stop thinking about what he had just heard about Yoongi. Tae’s brother was now fifteen, but Jimin could still vividly remember eleven-year-old Yoongi. Because his brain was a traitorous one, it tried to picture the kid who had carried him home on his back kissing someone. His stomach lurched.

“Don’t you want to try?” Taehyung asked him curiously, hands also wrapped around the swing chains as they sat there. 

Jimin looked at his friend. “No?”

“You’ve never thought about it?” There’s no teasing or accusation in his voice, just mere curiosity.

“Not really,” Jimin admitted.

And it’s true. He was only interested in playing with his friends and watching cartoons. Jimin didn’t find the idea of going around kissing people appealing.

Is there something wrong with me? he couldn’t help but wonder.

“I could kiss you so you know what it feels like,” Taehyung suddenly chirped as if he had just suggested getting ice cream.

“Taehyung!” Jimin exclaimed, his cheeks glowing with embarrassment at his friend’s shamelessness.

“What? We’re friends. It’s not a big deal!” he defended himself. However, they knew each other very well, and Taehyung seemed to detect that Jimin was slowly growing worried about this. “Think about it. Is there someone in our class that you wouldn’t mind kissing?”

Jimin only needed a moment before he shook his head slowly.

“Our class is small, so it makes sense,” Taehyung was quick to dismiss his own question with a wave of his hand. “What about in our school? Or maybe in our neighbourhood.”

Lots of kids lived in their neighbourhood; kids they had been playing with since they were little. But for some reason, Jimin could only think of Yoongi. Would his lips be soft?

Wow.

Envisioning Yoongi kissing someone a few minutes ago must have scarred him.

“Oh, you look like you’ve got someone in mind,” Taehyung interrupted his train of thought. At one point, he had gotten up, and the boy was standing in front of him, regarding him with a cheeky smile.

Jimin physically flinched and hurriedly got up, the swing squeaking as he did so. “What?! No, no, no. Not at all!”

“Come on, tell me!”

There’s no way he’s telling Taehyung he had been thinking about kissing his older brother.

He needed a way out, or he would burst from embarrassment right then and there. “This is stupid, and we’re going to miss a new episode of One Piece!”

“Shoot! You’re right!” Taehyung went wide-eyed at the mention of their favourite show, and he immediately grabbed Jimin’s wrist to drag him back home. “Let’s go!”

Luckily, Taehyung dropped the topic after that, and Jimin tried his best to push those thoughts to the back of his mind. Because they meant nothing.

Jimin’s lips quirk up at the memory as he washes his hair, his hands and head soapy and smelling of melon.

He used to be so naïve. The memories make Jimin feel protective and fond of his past self. He really hadn’t known a thing about love; he hadn’t even been interested in it at the time. It’s probably why it took him so long to realise what it all meant.

[13-year-old Jimin & 16-year-old Yoongi]

“You’re late, and I’ve got things to do,” Yoongi said in greeting after he opened the door for Taehyung and him when they arrived from school. “Let's get this over with as soon as possible.”

Taehyung huffed and ignored his brother as he stepped inside. Jimin was warier, and he bowed at the older boy after taking off his shoes. Yoongi nodded his head, pressing his lips together into a bored smile before he followed his dongsaeng.

As Jimin left his shoes neatly at the entrance, he thought about how Yoongi’s lips were chapped today, too. It was a nervous habit of the older boy, just like how he bit his nails, too. Jimin also noticed that Yoongi was a little bit taller than the last time he had seen him, and he wondered if he would ever catch up with him.

They sat around the kitchen table to start the improvised class. The three of them knew that Yoongi was only taking the time to help them with their math homework because their mother had made him. Even though Jimin had grown intimidated by Yoongi over the years, he was still excited to spend time with him like in the past.

While he and Taehyung gathered their books and everything they needed for the lesson, Yoongi regarded them absentmindedly with his cheek resting on his fist as he waited for them to be ready. He certainly didn’t look thrilled to be doing this.

Jimin was so busy stealing glances Yoongi's way that he didn’t notice when an envelope fell to the floor when he took out his notebook, but Taehyung did.

“Hey, what’s this?” he asked as he reached for it.

Jimin furrowed his brow. “That’s not mine.”

“It has your name on it, though?” Taehyung said as he turned it around to show him.

“I’ll open it later…” Jimin said, glancing nervously at Yoongi, who was still waiting. He didn’t want to upset him.

But he just shrugged. “I don’t mind. Go ahead.”

With a mocking smile as he looked at his older brother, Taehyung told Jimin, “Hyung is just as nosy as me.”

Yoongi punched him in the arm for that one. “Shut up.”

While the brothers fought, Jimin turned back to the small envelope and opened it carefully. There was a folded paper inside with a heart drawn on one side. It was… a confession from a girl. From their classmate Eunae, to be exact. She wanted to meet him tomorrow during lunch break to hear his answer.

Eunae was funny and the best at math. Jimin liked her, but not like that? His mind was blank as he sat there, looking at the note but not really seeing it anymore.

“Eunae likes you?!” Taehyung shouted. Jimin flinched and covered his ear, shooting his friend an annoyed look. “Sorry,” he smiled apologetically before he took the note to inspect it. Jimin didn’t mind. “What are you going to tell her?”

“I-I don’t know,” he stammered lamely, very much aware of Yoongi’s eyes on them.

“She’s pretty,” Taehyung said, shrugging his shoulders.

Jimin guessed she was. He hadn’t really thought about it.

“Aren’t you guys too young for this shit?” Yoongi asked them with an amused smile. 

“You are only three years older than us!” Taehyung reminded him, hating whenever Yoongi played the age card. “And you go around making out with people from your boxing team all the time.”

His brother frowned at that. “What are you saying?”

However, Taehyung didn’t buy his oblivious act. “My room is next to yours, and I hear you talking to your friends.”

“Yeah?” Yoongi questioned him with a quirked eyebrow. “Are you sure you don’t press your ear against the wall to listen in?”

Jimin knew he did, but he kept his mouth shut and let them argue.

Instead of focusing on the ugly feeling swirling in his stomach at knowing that Yoongi went around kissing other people, he studied the envelope again. What was he going to do? Some people in his class were dating, so maybe he could give this a try to see if he liked it or not. Eunae was nice, but there was something off. Something didn’t feel right about this whole thing.

“Someone’s going to get their second kiss soon,” Taehyung singsonged, snapping him back to the present once the brothers weren’t arguing anymore.

Jimin scrunched his nose. He didn’t welcome that memory.

A girl from their neighbourhood had been his first kiss. They had been playing with other kids, and Jimin was the dad and she had been the mom. While they sat under the slide, pretending it was their home, she had pressed their lips together in a quick peck. Luckily, nobody had seen them, but Taehyung had asked him why he looked like a tomato afterwards. The kiss wasn't awful; not when it had been such a fleeting thing. But it still left Jimin feeling like something wasn’t right. Just like right now.

“Jimin?” Taehyung asked him worriedly.

He blinked and looked at his friend. “Eh?”

“Are you alright?”

Jimin looked at the Min brothers, who were watching him intently. He couldn’t look at Yoongi for long without feeling weird, so he focused on Tae’s warm familiarity that calmed him down. 

“Yeah, of course,” he assured him, smiling a little.

Taehyung frowned, though, and Jimin knew he was going to push it, but Yoongi spoke before he had the chance. “Come on, let’s start. I’ve got boxing practice later, and I don’t want to be late,” he told them as he grabbed Jimin’s math book.

“More like kissing practice,” Tae murmured under his breath as he opened his notebook.

Of course, Yoongi smacked him on the back of the neck for that one.

Jimin couldn’t remember the last time he had spent so much time in Yoongi’s presence. His voice had changed so much over the years, and he looked slightly broader now. Even though he could be such a brute with his little brother, Yoongi just heaved out a sigh whenever Jimin got something wrong before he proceeded to explain it again. Maybe it was the fact Jimin was actually trying to learn while Taehyung got distracted and bored more easily, but when Jimin finally got one exercise right on his first try and Yoongi smiled at him, his breath got caught in his throat.

“Good job, Jiminie,” he told him as he patted his back.

Jiminie.

The nickname brought him back to better days. When the three of them played together and kissing people wasn’t a thing. He wanted to say ‘thank you, hyung,’ but he couldn’t articulate a single word at the moment, so Jimin ended up smiling back, his lips trembling at the corners before he hid his face in his notebook.

When Yoongi was busy with Taehyung, he dared to glance at him again. Even though Yoongi was still here with them, Jimin realised that he already missed him. He didn’t understand why, but his heart hurt.

The next day, Jimin agreed to date Eunae, and she kissed him on the lips, her dimples on display as she smiled brightly at him afterwards. That day, Jimin went home without waiting for Taehyung because he didn’t want his friend to see his teary eyes.

He lets out a shuddering breath and tilts his head back to let the water hit his face for a moment before Jimin finally gets out of the shower. That’s not one of his fondest memories, and he doesn’t know why his brain is putting him through this. Frankly, it’s exhausting, and he wants it to stop. 

After slipping into a shirt and comfy shorts, he joins his friends in the living room. “Why don’t we stay in today and play video games all day?” Taehyung suggests. “Just like we did in high school. Remember, Jiminie?”

He knows what he’s doing, and Jimin feels grateful for it. “Sounds nice,” he agrees, smiling softly at his best friend.

“Yeah. It’s too hot today, and my shoulders are starting to peel from spending all day at the beach the other day,” Jungkook pouts, pulling at his shirt to show them.

Taehyung chuckles and leaves a kiss on one of his shoulders, making his boyfriend wince. Then, he gets up to set up everything with Jimin’s help. It’s a lazy day, and video games make Jimin too busy to let his brain wander to places he doesn’t want it to. They order takeout and don’t bother to use plates so they don’t have to wash them later. It’s like they’re freshmen again, and it's refreshing; like they have no responsibilities or problems waiting for them back in Seoul.

Jimin’s heart feels light as a feather again as they sit together to watch a movie. Taehyung cuddles with him on the couch instead of with his boyfriend, and Jimin nuzzles his neck, sighing contentedly and thanking life for giving him a soulmate. Jungkook chuckles at their clinginess, and Jimin and Taehyung tease him, nudging him with their feet as they try to make him jealous. Taehyung remains strong until Jungkook pouts. That's when he finally pulls him towards them, and Jungkook falls on top of them in a pile of limbs as the three friends laugh.

When he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket, Jimin detangles himself to check it while the couple cuddles. He gulps when he sees that it’s a text from his flatmate, successfully bringing him back to reality.

Hobi: Minho came today to get his things. I gave him the box you left prepared.

Jimin: Thank you, hyung.

Jimin: Did he look mad?

Hobi: Surprised you weren’t here. Heartbroken, mostly.

Jimin: I owe you one.

Hobi: You owe me nothing.

Hobi: Have fun, it’s an order!

Heartbreak.

Yeah, Jimin not only has inflicted it, but he also knows what it feels like. However, this time his brain has mercy on him—or maybe it’s being selfish—because instead of recalling those painful memories, as if to protect itself, Jimin’s thoughts go directly to the day Yoongi left.

Jimin had been sixteen years old, and despite being heartbroken, his feelings for Yoongi had only grown even more as time passed. Yoongi stopped being so snarky, and whenever he saw Jimin, he actually smiled and made small talk with him. Just normal stuff. He asked him how he was doing at school and even invited him to his boxing matches. If only Yoongi had known just how cruel his kindness was to Jimin’s poor battered heart. 

Jimin tried to avoid him at first, but he always found himself drawn to him.

Yoongi was the one to tell him he had been granted a scholarship to become a professional boxer. They had met on their way home, and his hyung had told him the news with a glint in his eyes Jimin had never seen before. Jimin had been so happy for him because he knew just how passionate Yoongi was about this, even though he couldn’t understand why he had chosen such a violent sport.

That’s why discovering that Yoongi had moved to Seoul without telling him had felt like a punch to the gut.

For the second time, Jimin was heartbroken. In a different way, but still painful. Another shock. The worst thing was that Jimin knew he was being unreasonable; he had no right to be mad at Yoongi. After all, he was just Taehyung's annoying best friend. Another kid from the neighbourhood.

“That's not true,” Tae had denied with his brow creased. “He's always telling me he doesn't know how you can stand me and my annoying ass. Hyung always speaks fondly of you. That's why I thought he had told you.”

Well, he hadn't.

Despite the bitterness eroding his heart, Jimin had still clung to his memories of his kind hyung, who had always taken care of him. He had watched him grow through a screen and become famous until being worthy of competing against one of the best boxers in the country.

It’s been years, but it’s still so surreal how such a cute kid grew up to become Daegu’s Panther, the pride of the city.

Jimin blinks himself out of his stupor and finally locks his phone to try to focus on the movie they are watching. He can’t remember the last time he had thought about this so much.

It’s not like he still thinks of Yoongi every day. Jimin ended up moving on, going to university, meeting new people and dating.

This is all that announcement’s fault. That damn report of the terrible possibility of Yoongi getting seriously injured in his next fight has completely messed with his head.

He faintly hears someone unlocking the house door behind them, but Jimin is still too shaken up by his trip down memory lane to fully register it. Still, he feels Jungkook and Taehyung tense up as they sit up on the couch and look back.

They haven't seen each other in years; ever since Yoongi moved out of the city to train and become a professional boxer. Yet, Jimin has always watched his matches. Or well, he keeps an eye on the results to see how he does…

Okay, maybe he does care. But only as someone who knows him. Knew him. He doesn’t want Taehyung to have to see his older brother in pain. Nothing more.

That’s why it doesn’t make sense how his heart is thrown into a frenzy when the door opens and Yoongi peeks his head inside.

“Hyung?” Taehyung asks, wide-eyed.

The boxer is carrying a holdall bag across his chest, and both brothers are looking at each other with equally shocked expressions on their faces. “Taehyung-ah. What are you doing here?”

“Me? What are you doing here?” he asks back as he gets up to approach him. “I thought you would be practising like crazy for your next match.”

Yoongi stands there, not fully entering. “I was just thinking about spending a couple of days here before going back to Seoul. I didn't know you were here.”

Taehyung watches his brother with pursed lips, but Jimin can't see that because he has turned around and slipped down the couch until only the top of his head is visible. He's not hiding, not at all. He is just… trying to cope. His heart is in his throat. It would be awful if he suffered a heart attack while on vacation, right?

“Come in, hyung. Don't stand there,” Jungkook tells him, also getting up. “You scared the shit out of us,” he chuckles.

Jimin shifts so he can peek at them, and he gets to see how the boxer's lips curl up as he does as told, closing the door behind him. “Same here. Why are you sitting here with all the lights out?”

“We were watching a movie,” Jungkook replies, pointing at the TV while Taehyung switches the lights back on.

That's when their eyes meet, and Yoongi finally notices him. Jimin can feel the heart attack coming.

Yoongi's eyes widen slightly. “Oh, Jimin.”

Fuck.

Jimin shifts and sits sideways on the couch to look at him properly. He bows his head. “Hey,” he manages to say, very much aware of Taehyung's eyes on him. “It’s been a while.”

Yoongi adjusts his bag and nods. “Yeah, years, actually. Have you been well?”

He nods, pressing his lips together into an awkward smile. Jimin hopes they don't notice how hard he's gripping the couch. “You’ve definitely been doing well, hyung. I’m glad to see you’ve come so far.”

His face relaxes at his words, and Yoongi's smile is so soft and sincere that it makes Jimin feel like shit for actively avoiding him for so long. “Thanks.”

With nothing else to say, Jimin searches for Taehyung, who has been eyeing the exchange with an unreadable expression on his face.

Save me.

But before Tae can open his mouth, Yoongi is speaking again. “So you guys have been spending summer break here?” He turns to his brother. “You didn't tell me.”

“I know,” Taehyung says, folding his arms. Jimin quirks an eyebrow at his tone. Yoongi's face is a blank canvas that doesn't give away anything. “So what now? You're planning to stay with us?”

A tense silence follows, but only Jimin and Jungkook look confused.

“What's with you?” Jungkook laughs lightly and nudges his boyfriend before he wraps an arm around his shoulders. “The more, the merrier, right?”

Taehyung watches his hyung for a moment longer before he relaxes a little and shrugs. “I guess.”

“And I'm sure Jimin-hyung doesn't mind either,” Jungkook adds. “You were childhood friends, right?”

Suddenly, three pairs of eyes are on him, and Jimin feels cornered. He still can't believe Yoongi is here, in front of him, in person. Every wall he's built over the years has slowly been crumbling down and all in a single day. With a hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach, Jimin realises he is screwed.

He musters a smile through the pain. “Yeah. No problem.”

***

The only thing keeping Jimin sane is the beer he's drinking and Taehyung, who keeps their legs pressed together where they sit, a comforting reminder that he has his back. At twenty-five, Jimin isn't a stranger to being in an uncomfortable situation, and he knows how to put on a good face, or at least how to conceal his tension. It makes it easier to do so when he's not participating in the conversation because he knows nothing about boxing.

Jungkook and Yoongi are immersed in a heated talk about stats Jimin doesn't understand or even tries to grasp. Even Taehyung joins them, asking about the approaching fight. He's worried about Yoongi even if he doesn't outright say it. Meanwhile, Jimin fixes his eyes on his can of beer, circling the edge with his finger distractedly. He wonders if he could hypnotise himself into forgetting today entirely. Maybe he’ll wake up and realise that this was just a product of his imagination. A nightmare.

But no. Yoongi is here. This is happening. And Yoongi doesn't have any qualms about reminding him that this is real.

“Sorry. We must be boring you, Jimin,” he says with an apologetic smile.

So much for going unnoticed.

"Eh? No, no. It's fine,” Jimin waves him off.

“Hyung hates boxing,” Jungkook informs Yoongi with an amused grin before he takes a drink of his beer.

Jimin wants to facepalm because that's obviously the best thing you could say to a professional boxer.

“Oh, that's right.” Yoongi doesn't sound offended as he nods and looks at him. “You never came to any of my fights back in Daegu.”

Jimin purses his lips slightly. That's not why he never went. It was because he couldn't stand watching Yoongi getting beaten up, no matter how much harder he always hit back.

Well, that's not technically correct. He went to his boxing matches twice, but he doesn't want to remember either of those occasions. Both of them had been horrible for different reasons.

Still, Yoongi adds: “Or in Seoul.”

“It's not that I hate the sport,” Jimin clarifies, looking at Jungkook and then at his beer again, trying to avoid Yoongi without making it obvious. “I just don't understand it, that's all.”

“Well, I know a lot about it,” Yoongi chortles. “You can ask me if you have questions.”

He can't avoid him now.

Jimin looks up and forces a smile, but he doesn't take his offer. Instead, he drinks his beer to put an end to that topic. Taehyung goes to his rescue then, and he asks his brother if he has visited their parents. Jimin shakes his drink a little and wonders if he should get another one.

Two more beers later, his friends decide that it’s time to go to bed. However, that’s when he realises there’s a problem they hadn’t thought about. There are only two rooms, the one where Tae and Jungkook are staying in and Jimin’s. No matter how much trouble Jimin is having to even look at Yoongi right now, it doesn’t feel right to keep the room to himself. Not only is Yoongi older than him, but this is also his house.

When they all stand up, Jimin gathers up the courage to look at the boxer. “Hyung, you should take my room.”

But Yoongi shakes his head and points to the sofa. “I’ll just sleep here.”

Jimin frowns. “You must be tired from practice and all that. The sofa won’t be comfortable.”

Again, he refuses. “It’s a sofa bed, so I’ll be fine. Besides, I’d feel bad if I took your room when you were here first,” Yoongi tells him with a slight smile.

Not knowing what else to say, Jimin relents, looking back down and standing closer to Taehyung. “Okay, then.”

“I’ll help you with that, hyung,” Jungkook offers, always willing to give a hand.

“Thanks, Kook-ah,” Yoongi smiles at the youngest. Taking advantage of the moment, Jimin tries to take his leave quietly. His heart can’t take more of this, and he needs to put some space between them so he can make sense of his thoughts. Yet, Yoongi stops him before he reaches the hallway. “It’s nice to see you in person again, Jimin-ah.”

He falters.

Very slowly, Jimin turns back to look at Yoongi. He wishes he could say the same, but he is a mess right now. The three of them are watching him, and Jimin wants to bolt.

When he just stands there, mind blank and heart pounding in his ears, Yoongi doesn’t question his silence; he just tells him amiably, “Good night.”

“Night,” Jimin croaks before he finally disappears into his bedroom.

With his back against the door, Jimin remains standing there, eyes unfocused, as he wonders what the fuck is happening.

He tries to analyse what he is feeling, and for some reason, the first emotion he detects is anger. Jimin is angry that Yoongi is here. Or is he mad at Yoongi?

He has spent years avoiding him, and it has been kind of easy if he’s honest. Taehyung has never pushed it, but Jungkook has invited him to join them for dinner or lunch sometimes when they meet up with Yoongi. Exams, projects, part-time jobs, and even his ex-boyfriends have served as perfect excuses to refuse each time without raising questions. But now…

Yeah, Jimin is mad, and he also feels lost. There’s a tiny part of him giddy to see Yoongi, too. But then he remembers that this is the worst moment for this reunion to happen because it reminds him of the very reason he’s been feeling so down and stressed out lately. Jimin was already a mess before Yoongi reappeared tonight, so it isn’t fair to put all the blame on the boxer for his terrible mood.

He is sitting on the bed with his face buried in his hands, his hair a mess atop his head after ruffling it roughly when the door to his bedroom opens slowly. He panics for a second, thinking it's Yoongi, but the one who has come to see him is Taehyung. It shouldn’t surprise him.

“I’m alright,” Jimin tells him, elbows resting on his knees and his gaze fixed on the floor as Taehyung walks in.

“I didn’t say anything,” his friend says after he has closed the door. He stands there, leaning against it.

“You don’t have to. We know each other too well.”

“Yeah, that’s why I don’t buy that bullshit about you being alright.” Jimin glances up at his friend and sees Taehyung observing him with his arms folded. He sighs and looks down again. “You've been acting extra weird since this morning. It’s been years since the last time I saw you this shaken up because of my brother.”

Jimin tenses up. His first instinct is to deny everything; to protect himself. “Yoongi-hyung has nothing to do with this.”

“Really?”

“Stop.” Jimin presses the heels of his hands against his eyes and takes a deep breath. “You said it yourself. It’ll be a bloodbath; that’s why the news surprised me so much. That’s all.” Taehyung doesn’t say anything because he knows he’s not finished. Jimin covers his face with his hands, his voice muffled when he speaks. “And now he's here, and it's been years, you know? I'm just… surprised.”

“Okay,” Taehyung says slowly. “That’s understandable.”

“And that’s all there is to it,” Jimin retorts stubbornly.

Neither one of them says a thing for a while. They can faintly hear Jungkook and Yoongi preparing the sofa bed, and Jimin reminds himself to lower his voice so they won’t hear their conversation, which he is sure will resume soon. Taehyung knows when to push and when to give him a breather. He’s just waiting for him to calm down a bit to proceed. Yet, his friend's next words throw him off.

“I noticed that Minho unfollowed you on Instagram.”

His breath hitches in his throat, and his eyes widen. Jimin can’t help the way he shrinks into himself. He hasn’t told anybody about Minho yet, even though it’s been three weeks already. Only Hoseok knows. Jimin feels like a wounded animal, completely disoriented and vulnerable, with his wounds out in the open for everyone to see.

He uncovers his face to glare at Taehyung. “Now you keep tabs on me?”

Taehyung frowns. “What else am I supposed to do when you’ve been so depressed and refuse to talk about it?”

“I don’t know. Maybe leave me be?” Jimin spits angrily. The moment he says it, he regrets it. Because he knows he’s taking it out on him. Jimin bites down on his bottom lip and shoots Tae an apologetic look. “Sorry. I know you’re just worried about me.”

Not one to hold grudges, Taehyung sighs and unfolds his arms to approach him. He sits next to him on the bed while Jimin follows him with his eyes. “I am worried,” Taehyung agrees. “That’s one reason why I suggested coming here to spend a few days. I thought the ocean would make you feel better. Now that I think about it, maybe it wasn’t the best place to suggest,” he says with pursed lips. “Not just because Yoongi is here now, but because I didn’t take into consideration all the memories we have here.”

Jimin shrugs. Their childhood memories together in this house are the last thing on his mind right now. Not when Yoongi is here. Not when he’s about to talk to Taehyung about Minho. “It’s been years, and I’m not a kid anymore. I got over it already.”

But Taehyung knows how to see through his half-truths. “Why did you break up with Minho?”

“Why are you assuming it was me?” he asks defensively. Taehyung shoots him a flat look and doesn't add anything else. Jimin heaves out another sigh. He doesn’t know why he even tries at this point. “He said he loved me. I couldn’t say it back,” Jimin confesses in an ashamed whisper. Just like it happened with Woosik and Kwangsoo. Taehyung knows that, and he's making that same connection right now. “He said he would wait for me, but I know myself. We aren’t meant to be.”

“Jimin.” Taehyung doesn’t continue until he lifts his gaze to meet his. “I would never do anything to hurt you, and you know I love you with all my heart, which is why I’m going to ask you the next question: who are you meant to be with?”

“Nobody.”

Taehyung purses his lips disapprovingly because he knows better. “Maybe. Or you’re terrified of admitting who you’ve had in mind ever since we were thirteen.”

Jimin swallows thickly.

This brings him back to his first and last girlfriend, Eunae. He remembers the tears, the anxiety whenever he had to go to school and see her, and his doubts that threatened to choke him every day. He broke up with her two weeks later and felt miserable for two months for reasons he couldn’t quite understand. Now he does. He didn’t like her. He liked someone else.

Jimin doesn’t want to admit it; he doesn’t even want to think about it. Yoongi isn’t the reason behind all his relationships ending up in disaster. Yoongi can’t be the reason for his inability to open up his heart to other guys. He’s talking about a guy he never even dated. Admitting that would make him feel so pathetic.

Taehyung wraps an arm around his shoulders, and his presence keeps him grounded. When his friend speaks again, his voice is soft and soothing. “I also noticed that you still don’t follow Yoongi back on his personal Instagram account. Yet my brother never stopped following you.” And Yoongi keeps liking his photos pretty regularly, but Jimin doesn’t say so. Taehyung probably knows that, too. “You said you’re over it, but then, is there a reason for that? If you’re over him, why do you keep avoiding him in every way possible?”

“Because he’s everywhere,” Jimin says helplessly. “Ads, the news, Naver. I just… I don’t want to see his face or what he’s doing there, too. That’s why I don’t even follow his official account.” Jimin is so embarrassed to admit all of this. Because, in the end, his efforts amounted to nothing. “I’ve done so many things to not have to see him, and now he is here. Life must be testing me.”

“Or telling you to stop running away from what you want,” Taehyung offers kindly.

Their gazes lock and Jimin isn’t here anymore. He suddenly is fourteen again and realising why his insides tingle every time he thinks of Yoongi. 

Taehyung holds his hand and says, “Eleven years is a long time to pin after someone.”

[14-year-old Jimin & 17-year-old- Yoongi]

Sitting on the front porch of an abandoned house, Jimin could only hear the strident sound of the pouring rain and his sniffles. After school, he had run here to seek refuge and hide. Jimin couldn’t go home like this. He didn’t want to explain to his parents why he was crying inconsolably after having to keep it all in during class.

The wrap-around roof of the porch covered his upper body and head, but his shoes and legs were still getting wet from the rain and his tears that kept falling unrelentingly. He didn’t really care because he was already drenched from head to toe because of the sudden downpour. With the back of his hand, he wiped his tears even though new ones wet his cheeks immediately.

Jimin opened his other hand to observe the pair of dangle earrings he had worn that day to school. They were simple but cute. A pair of silver hoops with three translucent pink, blue, and purple beads dangling from them. He had been so proud of them because he had made them, but as he observed them now, he could only recall how ashamed those kids had made him feel for wearing them. The nasty comments and sniggers had completely pierced his heart, and it was a miracle he had kept it in for as long as he did. He closed his palm around the earrings again until he could feel them painfully digging into his skin.

Shame still made it hard to breathe, and Jimin wondered why the same people he had gone to school with as kids were suddenly such pricks.

“Jimin-ah?”

His breath got caught in his throat.

That voice. No, please. Not you.

With his hands clenched on top of his thighs and head lowered, Jimin didn’t move a muscle, as if that would turn him invisible. Yet, he heard footsteps approaching and the sound of rain hitting an umbrella. Jimin screwed his eyes shut, his frame trembling from how tense he was. This was the worst-case scenario. He didn’t want Yoongi to see him crying like a baby.

“Did the rain catch you here?” His legs were no longer getting wet because Yoongi was standing in front of him now, his umbrella covering him too. “Hey, you okay?” Yoongi asked him when he still wouldn’t reply or acknowledge him.

Jimin couldn’t stop the way his shoulders were shaking as he kept his head lowered so Yoongi wouldn’t see him like this. He couldn’t speak. The lump in his throat was no longer only a result of his sadness, but also mortification.

Without saying another word, Yoongi sat next to him, keeping the umbrella open to cover them completely. Jimin turned his head to the other side so Yoongi couldn’t see his face. The space between them was minimal, but it burned Jimin as if they were pressed together. He sniffled again.

“Middle school sucks, doesn’t it?” Yoongi said quietly.

Jimin sobbed once before he brought a hand to his mouth to muffle his cries. His eyes were squeezed shut again, Yoongi's words soothing him while at the same time making the pain in his chest flare.

“It does,” he admitted brokenly.

“You can tell hyung what happened.” But Jimin shook his head, still refusing to turn Yoongi’s way. “That’s alright, too,” he assured him.

They remained sitting there in silence for a moment as Jimin gathered himself.

“Ah, I really don’t miss middle school,” Yoongi sighed. “Having to care about stupid things that don’t matter, trying to act cool so people won’t laugh at you… People who used to be your friends turn their backs on you, and you end up doing things you’d rather not do just to keep those friendships that no longer make you happy.” His hyung snorted, shaking his head. “Yeah, I definitely don’t miss what an asshole I used to be. You remember that, don’t you?”

Yoongi nudged him playfully on his side with his elbow, and Jimin finally glanced at him. His lips were quirked up, but the look in his eyes was soft as Yoongi regarded him. Jimin nodded his head, remembering those days clearly. He worried Yoongi would be offended, even though he had been the one to ask him that. Instead, Yoongi chuckled and rested his hand on top of Jimin’s head, patting his wet hair comfortingly.

His heart skipped a beat at the affectionate gesture, and Jimin’s eyes filled with tears again. “Why are people suddenly so mean?” 

“Because we all feel insecure as fuck,” Yoongi explained. Those kids had certainly made Jimin feel like that. He dried his cheeks again with the back of his hand. “You know what’s the good thing about all of this?” Yoongi told him with a gentle expression on his face. Jimin waited for his answer, and he looked down when Yoongi tapped him on the chest with his finger, right where his heart was. Warmth bloomed right where he had touched him. “All that pain you’re experiencing right now will teach you a lot about yourself. You’ll understand yourself better; what you truly like and dislike. The people you want around, and those who you’ll leave behind eventually. It hurts, but these years will make you stronger and wiser.”

“The process sucks, though,” Jimin said hoarsely.

“It does,” Yoongi admitted, chortling. Then he put a hand on top of his, the one Jimin was still clenching very tightly. He hadn’t realised he was still doing that. “You’ll hurt yourself,” he told him kindly, coaxing him to open his palm. When he did so, Yoongi saw his earrings. “Oh, these are pretty. Where did you get them?”

Feeling insecure and embarrassed, Jimin confessed quietly, “I made them.”

“You did?” Yoongi looked surprised before he took one of them to inspect it. “Oh, wow. That’s amazing. I can’t imagine making something so delicate. I would completely ruin them.” His praises had Jimin blushing and feeling proud of himself. But it was nothing compared to when Yoongi asked him, “Can I try them on?”

Jimin was speechless.

He nodded, and without wasting a second, Yoongi passed him the umbrella so he could take off his own hoops and try on the earrings. “How do I look?” he asked him with a smile, shaking his head a little to make the beads swing.

Pretty. Handsome. Breathtaking.

Like his saviour.

Jimin swallowed thickly, suddenly feeling lightheaded. “They’re nice,” he said, mouth dry.

Yoongi narrowed his eyes jokingly. “I meant me.” Jimin’s lips curled up instantly, and he turned his head away from the older guy to hide his sudden giddiness. “Let me see them on you,” Yoongi requested after he had taken them off.

He was offering them to him again, and Jimin looked at the earrings unsurely. It was all too recent, and he could still feel the hollow feeling in his chest. But Yoongi’s praises and kind words were still ringing loudly in his ears, and Jimin found himself reaching for them to put them back on.

Holding the umbrella over their heads again, Yoongi stared at him with a sweet smile Jimin hadn’t seen in years. His fingers dug into his thighs when Yoongi reached out to touch one earring delicately, his fingers brushing against his earlobe and neck.

“Pretty.”

Jimin’s heart thumped like crazy in his chest. There was a rushing feeling in his veins that made him want to scratch the sensation away. He felt giddy and overwhelmed, incapable of blinking or moving a muscle.

While Jimin was having an internal crisis, Yoongi added more fuel to the fire with his next words. “You must have put so much effort into making these. Don’t let a bunch of idiots stop you from doing what makes you happy, okay?”

Jimin nodded, feeling so much at once he thought he would burst when Yoongi rested his hand on his shoulder and smiled at him again. 

Why? Why did he feel like his nerves were on fire? Why did he want to touch Yoongi too? He was just happy, he reasoned. Jimin had missed Yoongi terribly for years, and now it was like his old Yoongi was back. He hoped with all his heart that he wouldn’t go away ever again. That he had finally left behind his rebellious stage.

They stayed there until Jimin sneezed. Worried, Yoongi walked him home like he used to do when they were little, his arm around his shoulders so they were both well covered by the umbrella. Jimin was sure his heart would jump out of his chest at any moment now. Yoongi's chest felt firm against his arm; years of boxing gave him muscles that hadn’t been there before. Jimin felt safe with him, and when they finally got to his home, he didn’t want to separate.

“Take care, Jimin-ah.”

Jimin nodded, grasping for words that evaded him.

Yoongi waved at him, lips curled up, before he turned around to leave. Jimin didn’t get inside his house until he saw Yoongi's black umbrella disappear down the street.

Once inside, his heart wouldn’t calm down no matter what. Jimin wanted to run after Yoongi. To thank him properly. He wanted to hug him. To kiss h—

Oh, shit.

He wanted to scream.

That was why. That was fucking why. It explained everything. All of it. Relief washed over him in calm waves until he realised that he was screwed. Of all people, it had to be Min Yoongi. Taehyung’s older brother.

He decided right then and there that he wouldn’t tell a soul. He would carry this secret to the grave.

…

Jimin kept it in for exactly three weeks before he ended up blurting it out to Taehyung. He knew that Yoongi’s younger brother wasn't the best option, but he was also his best friend, his soulmate, and he couldn’t keep this to himself any longer.

He had confessed he had a crush on Yoongi in between sobs because this was all too much, and he felt lost. It’s probably why Taehyung didn’t freak out as much as he would have otherwise.

He still asked him way too many times if they were talking about the same Yoongi, making sure he was referring to his older brother. But Taehyung did so while he hugged him tightly, so Jimin just smacked him on the back once while he kept weeping in his arms.

Sadly, not much has changed since then.

“You know what the worst thing is?” Jimin weeps, still sitting on the bed. “That I feel like I’m holding onto the ghost of a person. It’s been years, Taehyung,” he reiterates, sounding mad at himself and desperate because it's all too much, and he still can’t fucking let go. “I don’t know him anymore. We’ve both changed so much, but I’m still here harbouring feelings for someone that doesn’t exist anymore.”

He has acted like he moved on for far too long, and now the words and feelings he has been repressing keep spilling out because he can't keep them in any longer.

“But you didn’t fall in love with him because you guys had similar interests,” Taehyung reminds him, rubbing his back comfortingly. “You hate boxing, and my brother doesn’t know the first thing about fashion design.” Jimin laughs at that, but it sounds pitiful. “You told me so when we were fourteen; that you fell in love with him because of his kindness and warmth. Also because he’s handsome, but we’ll never agree on that one,” Taehyung says with a grimace. Jimin snorts. He’s so grateful that even though so many years have gone by, Taehyung is still here with him. “What I’m trying to say is that you fell in love with who he is as a person—with his essence—and that hasn’t changed over the years.”

His heart fills with hope for the first time in years, and Jimin’s face contorts because he knows that hope hurts worse than despair. “Why would you tell me that? I just want to forget and move on.” His voice falters at the end as he tries his best to keep his volume down because he doesn’t want Yoongi and Jungkook to hear him crying.

Taehyung beckons him to look at him, and Jimin does so through his tears. His friend has a rueful smile on his lips. “Do you? Do you really want that?”

He can’t reply right away. The truth is that now that Jimin has gotten a taste of hope, he doesn’t want to stop tasting it. It’s addictive; it’s healing. But it hurts so much, too. Jimin can feel his lips trembling as he stares at his soulmate.

“Okay. I give up,” Tae mutters under his breath before he pins Jimin under a stern look. “Listen to me, Jimin. You have now the chance to check for yourself that Yoongi may have changed over the years, but deep down, he’s still the same guy. You've got the chance to reconnect and see where this could go. Are you going to take this chance or not? The choice is yours.”

But Jimin doesn’t make the decision. It’s the ache that has settled in his bones over the years that does. His need to fulfil his unrequited first love.

It's his longing for Yoongi and what they could’ve had that decides for him.

Maybe this will end in heartbreak again. But third time's the charm, right? And if not, Jimin hopes he will finally get to move on from Yoongi and his memories of him after he has recollected the broken pieces of his heart for the third time.

He’s an expert at that by now.

Chapter Text

Jimin has been awake for a while now, but he still hasn’t found the courage to leave his room.

His eyes feel dry from crying last night, but at least his head isn’t pounding. He can’t hear any noise outside, and he knows Tae and Jungkook are still sleeping because they are usually very loud. That means that if he gets out now, he could end up encountering Yoongi alone. Or he could wake him up.

He waits for another twenty minutes until his hunger turns into a nauseating feeling he can no longer ignore. He tiptoes his way to the living room, and Jimin feels like a kid again, playing spies with Taehyung. When he peeks his head from the hallway, his eyebrows lift slightly in surprise when he finds that Yoongi isn’t there. In fact, the bedsheets are folded, and the bed is gone. He whips his head towards the kitchen but finds it empty, too. Jimin frowns. Where is Yoongi? 

Well, he guesses his weak heart needs the respite.

He prepares himself a bowl of cereal with milk, too lazy and hungry to prepare anything else. He thinks about bringing it back to his room as he brews coffee for when Jungkook and Taehyung wake up, but he doesn’t. That would be too much.

Jimin has served himself a cup of coffee and is eating his cereal while sitting on a stool at the counter when the main door opens and in comes Yoongi, hair and clothes damp but not from sweat. Jimin has to grip his spoon to not make a mess again by dropping it into his bowl.

After closing the door, Yoongi notices him, and he falters. The boxer recovers quickly, though, and smiles at him. “Good morning.”

He has to swallow before he speaks, even though what he says is not much. “Morning.”

Jimin immediately averts his eyes after that, stirring his cereal. He doesn’t attempt to keep eating because he feels Yoongi approaching, and he doesn’t want to choke on his food. Yoongi enters the kitchen and gets himself a bottle of water. He drinks quick and deep, and Jimin curses himself for sneaking a glance. Some droplets roll down his neck, and Yoongi grunts when he lowers the bottle.

His insides tingle.

Why does he find that so attractive? Is he a caveman?

“I went for a morning run and took a quick dip in the ocean before the sun’s too strong,” Yoongi tells him as he walks out again and stands on the other side of the counter, across from him. “I’m surprised to see you up already,” Yoongi comments lightly, leaning down to fold his arms on the counter. “You used to sleep like a log and be the last one to wake up.”

The fact he’s bringing up old—and good—memories shouldn’t surprise him, but it still stirs emotions in Jimin that leave him momentarily knocked out. He wonders if those memories are precious to Yoongi, too.

“I’m still like that, but I was hungry,” Jimin tells him, only managing to look at him for a few seconds before he needs to avert his gaze again.

But he catches how Yoongi’s smile widens, and Jimin shifts on the stool. “Good to know some things don’t change.”

Jimin raises his head and stares at him in silence.

Have you? Have you changed?  

His conversation with Taehyung last night is still fresh in his mind as they stand here, alone in the kitchen. Is he going to do this? To give this a chance? Jimin wants to snort at himself because his heart is racing in his chest and the feeling is addictive. Despite having dated other guys over the years, the last time he felt something this intense, he had still been in high school. What an amazing boyfriend he has been…

As Yoongi excuses himself to take a shower, Jimin observes his broad back, and he just knows there’s no turning back. He feels like a teenager with a crush again, and it’s so pathetic how this happened in less than a day. Yoongi’s mere presence achieved that. That’s why he knows he has got no other choice but to go for it. How? He’s not sure, especially when he has trouble even looking at Yoongi, let alone talking to him.

Before the boxer gets out of the shower, Jimin goes back to his room. He tells himself he’s not avoiding him, not when he can already hear that Taehyung and Jungkook have gotten up. Jimin just needs a moment. Or two.

He hasn’t felt this insecure and unsure since he was in high school, and it’s quite infuriating that a single person can revert him to his younger self. Jimin has done a lot of growing up, and he wants to show him that. Maybe he can’t do anything about his shyness and the way his insides tingle when he looks at Yoongi, but he can put on a front like the adult he is.

Yes, Jimin tells himself that’s what this is. Nerves. Giddiness. But if he’s honest with himself, he knows he’s also terrified. Scared shitless of putting himself out there, of hoping, only for everything to crumble down again.

The choice is yours.

Jimin is many things, but he’s never been a coward. Or so he wants to believe.

***

They decide to grab lunch together at a restaurant by the beach because Yoongi insisted that he wanted to treat them. Jimin doesn’t know if Taehyung is doing it on purpose, but he’s walking ahead of them while holding hands with Jungkook. The couple is always overly affectionate, and they tend to forget about the rest of the world whenever they are together. Not when they’re with Jimin, though, which is why it makes him think that this is Taehyung giving Yoongi and him a moment.

They walk behind the couple, the gap between them clear not only in the physical distance between them but also in their silence. The harbour looks beautiful at noon, making the ocean look even more blue and vivid than usual. Jimin is observing it as they walk, looking in the opposite direction from Yoongi. The breeze is messing up his hair, but Jimin takes in a deep breath, enjoying the sensation and drawing comfort from it.

He isn’t ignoring Yoongi on purpose. Jimin is trying to think of something to say, but he takes too long, and maybe his silence is responsible for Yoongi’s words. “Sorry for joining your vacation out of nowhere,” he says, making Jimin jump slightly. He finally turns to him, and he finds an apologetic expression on Yoongi’s face as he leans a little closer to him. “I hope I’m not making you uncomfortable or messing up your plans.”

“No, no. It’s fine,” Jimin hurries to say. A part of him feels terrible for giving him that impression. Although… Well, maybe Yoongi is right in a way.

“You looked a little… put off yesterday,” Yoongi points out tactfully, lips pursed slightly.

Jimin curses himself for being such an open book.

“It’s not that. I was just surprised to see you after so long, that’s all. It wasn’t because of you.” Okay, that was a lie, but also not entirely. Jimin looks down at his feet as they walk. He needs to be more honest with Yoongi and himself. “I’ve been kind of a mess lately.”

“You’re in the middle of getting your master’s degree, right?” Yoongi says, and Jimin is surprised that he knows that. He shouldn’t be. Taehyung probably has mentioned it at some point, or Yoongi saw it on his social media. “That must be stressful,” Yoongi adds, and Jimin can feel his eyes on his face, observing him. “Or is it something else?”

He’s not ready to be that honest yet.

Jimin takes advantage of them getting to the restaurant to not answer, and Yoongi doesn’t push it as a waitress takes them to their table.

They eat outside under a sunshade, and it’s nice because Jungkook and Taehyung take over the conversation between the four of them. Jimin is slowly getting used to being in Yoongi’s presence again, and he relaxes in his seat as he chuckles at the Min brothers’ bickering. They are already adults, but they still banter like when they were kids about the stupidest things. It’s endearing in a way, and the sight warms Jimin’s heart as he eats.

He can’t help how his eyes go to Yoongi very frequently. Jimin likes it when he tells them stories about his job or his new apartment because it gives him the chance to look at him without it being suspicious. That’s how Jimin notices something that has him quirking an eyebrow.

When Jungkook asks him questions about his next big match, Yoongi loses some of his spark. It’s barely there, but Jimin has been observing him intently, and he catches how the boxer retreats into himself slightly, his shoulders sagging the tiniest bit. Maybe he’s just nervous about it. Jimin would be terrified if he had to go against one of the most ruthless boxers in the country. But he guesses this is what Yoongi has been working towards all these years. Jimin doesn’t look forward to it, though.

As he told them, Yoongi paid for their food. Even though Jimin knew the boxer had more money than the three combined, he still felt a little guilty about it, and he offered to treat them all to ice cream. As they walk to the nearest ice cream shop, Jimin keeps thinking about what Tae told him last night about seizing this opportunity, but he realises that he can’t jump into this blindly. Jimin needs to know that Yoongi at least doesn’t see him like a kid anymore. He needs a little something to find the courage to do this.

There are quite a few people inside waiting for their orders and the shop isn’t very spacious, so Jungkook and Tae wait outside while Yoongi helps Jimin with their orders since he can’t carry everything.

“Let me pay,” Yoongi says when it’s their turn.

“Hyung, no,” Jimin refuses. He hands his credit card before Yoongi can. “I may not be on my way to becoming rich any time soon, but I’ve got money.”

“But I’m the hyung. And you guys are still students.”

He frowns as he gets his card back. “We’re in our middle twenties, and we’ve got part-time jobs. We’re not kids anymore,” Jimin reminds him, trying not to sound too moody, but he doesn't succeed.

Yoongi blinks. “I know that.”

Jimin shoots him a look. “Do you?”

The words are out before he can stop them, and it’s like the world stops for a beat as they stare at one another despite the bustle and hustle inside the shop.

“I do.”

He studies him for a brief moment, as if trying to find out if he’s being honest. Even though Yoongi doesn’t avert his gaze, it’s hard to tell. And even if he’s telling the truth, his hyung doesn’t know the hidden meaning behind his words. Jimin heads out with two of their orders while Yoongi gets the other two ice creams and follows him outside. He needs to be more straightforward, but it’s hard.

His friends thank them when they give them their treats. Then Taehyung grabs Jungkook by his elbow, stopping him from trying his ice cream. “Kookie, let’s take a picture over there.”

He watches as Taehyung drags his confused boyfriend away, and Jimin stops himself from rolling his eyes. He hopes Yoongi thinks this is just his brother’s antics and that it’s not too obvious what he’s trying to do.

With a sigh, Jimin sits on the edge of the harbour, his legs dangling and feet almost touching the water. Yoongi follows suit, leaving a small space between them again. He glances at his hyung, who doesn’t look awkward at all. Maybe because Yoongi isn’t fighting an internal battle like him.

As Jimin scoops some ice cream, he thinks about how firmly the boxer answered his question about them not being kids anymore. Yoongi used to be sweet and kind, but also grumpy and blasé at times. At least in front of Taehyung and him, Jimin remembers bitterly. Anyway, Yoongi is many things, but he’s never been a liar, so maybe he shouldn’t question his answer.

“Are those the earrings you designed?” Yoongi asks him, breaking the silence.

Jimin brings a hand to his ear and blinks at him. “How do you know that?”

“You posted a picture on your Instagram,” he says after taking a spoonful of ice cream. “I like it when you post your designs. The tie-dyed tracksuit was cool and looked very comfortable.”

His praises are honey to his ears, but that’s not the only reason Jimin is so flustered. It’s because he didn’t expect Yoongi to mention anything that has to do with his Instagram account. Not when they are both very much aware that Jimin doesn’t follow him back.

“T-Thanks,” he stammers with rosy cheeks. He hopes he can blame them on the scorching sun.

But the boxer isn’t done yet.

Yoongi nods before a cheeky smile curls his lips up. “That sheer shirt with the buttons at the back looked great on you.”

Yes, Jimin cannot blame the sun anymore for how bright his face must be right now. That shirt he’s talking about is very revealing. He's so proud of it, and he felt confident and sexy in it, so he posted a pic wearing it. He remembers not thinking much of it until he saw that Yoongi had liked the picture. It didn’t bother him at the time, though. Neither does Yoongi bringing it up now even though he’s madly blushing. It’s just…

“Oh god…” Jimin mutters, biting down on his lip to suppress an embarrassed smile.

Yoongi laughs wholeheartedly at his reaction, and Jimin joins him. They look at each other, their eyes disappearing as their shoulders shake, and sharing this moment has his heart warming up. He feels at ease, much like when they were kids.

When they calm down a little, they keep eating their ice cream before it completely melts as they sit there, the salty breeze cooling them down.

“I’m glad to see you didn’t give up on this,” Yoongi says.

This time, Jimin doesn’t want to hide the grin that spreads across his face at his words. “I took your advice and stopped caring about what some insecure idiots thought about what I love.”

His hyung’s expression softens, and he nudges his side playfully. Jimin chuckles and returns the gesture, feeling brave. It’s so easy to fall into step with Yoongi again. For a moment, Jimin forgets about his heartbreak and their history, or well, his own. After all, Yoongi knows nothing about his feelings for him and all he went through because of his one-sided crush.

Maybe that will change soon, Jimin thinks with an anxious but hopeful heart.

***

“Since hyung is here, why don’t we prepare a barbecue tonight?” Jungkook suggests on their way home.

“Good idea, Kookie.” Tae is quick to praise his boyfriend.

“Sounds good.” Yoongi agrees before he turns to Jimin, who hasn’t said anything yet.

He nods. “Yeah, let’s do it.”

Taehyung stands in front of them, making them stop. “Why don’t you guys head home and prepare the barbecue? Kookie and I will go buy everything we need.”

Jimin doesn’t roll his eyes this time either, even though he really wants to, but he sends his best friend a warning look because he’s being too obvious. At least he thinks so, but neither Jungkook nor Yoongi seem phased by his suggestion. After talking for a few minutes about what to buy, Tae and Jungkook go to the supermarket while Yoongi and he head back home.

Despite the nice moment they shared that afternoon, Jimin’s previous tension is still ever-present. He’s too aware of Yoongi’s every move and word, and Jimin can’t stop thinking about his own intentions. He can’t believe he’s truly going to do this. He doesn’t even know where to start. Those thoughts are at the back of his mind as he helps Yoongi prepare everything to start the fire.

When Yoongi comes back to the front porch carrying the old, metallic washtub the Mins used to cook outside when they were kids, Jimin’s mouth hangs open. “I can’t believe you still have this.”

“I can’t believe it’s still usable,” Yoongi says.

They fill it up with newspapers and branches as well as two big pieces of wood. Yoongi places the fire starters under the firewood and Jimin lights them up. They have seen Yoongi’s parents do this so many times that it doesn’t take them long to get the fire started. They make a good team, and Jimin worries his lip as he thinks about what to say. Yoongi has been the one to take the lead thus far, and Jimin doesn’t want to make him feel like his silence is due to animosity rather than nerves.

The sun is slowly sinking on the horizon, and the fire’s orange glow illuminates their faces as they wait for the wood to turn into embers. They are both sitting on the porch’s stairs while Yoongi uses a long rod to poke the burning firewood. Taehyung and Jungkook haven’t come back yet, and Jimin knows he won’t have many other chances to be alone with Yoongi tonight. Plus, he will only be staying with them one more day. As they sit there, he keeps thinking about his hyung’s question on their way to the restaurant, and he decides that he wants to be honest with him.

“I broke up with my boyfriend,” Jimin tells him out of the blue with an anxious heart and eyes fixed on the fire. “That’s why I’ve been a little out of it lately.”

At Yoongi’s silence, Jimin grows nervous, and he has to take a peek at him. He finds that Yoongi’s eyes are already on him. He was waiting for Jimin to meet his gaze to respond.

“That sucks.” His words are sincere; Yoongi sounds sad to hear that. Jimin nods, turning back to the fire. “I saw some pics of him on your Instagram,” Yoongi continues evenly, “You looked happy.”

“I was,” Jimin admits, and he needs to swallow before he speaks again because the guilt is coming back in full force now. “He’s a nice guy.”

Yoongi hesitates, Jimin can feel it in the way he shifts next to him. “Can I ask why you broke up, then?” he asks carefully.

Because he isn’t you.

The lump in his throat only grows at that. It’s hard to admit that to himself, let alone to another person. To the person.

Jimin wonders why Yoongi doesn’t ask him why he doesn’t follow him back on social media. He wonders why he goes for the painful question instead. The one that could expose him completely to him. The fire cracks from time to time, and Jimin enjoys the sound. It’s comforting because it brings back good memories.

“He was more into me than I was into him. I didn’t feel like that was fair,” Jimin replies as he rubs his naked shins due to his nerves. He hopes it just looks like he’s trying to combat the cool night breeze.

From the corner of his eye, he can see that Yoongi’s brows are furrowed. “But isn’t that what always happens in relationships?”

Thinking about his own situation, Jimin snorts at the irony. “I guess you’re right,” he says with a bitter smile before he shrugs his shoulders. “We just weren’t meant to be. I could feel it.”

“Well, at least he didn’t break your heart.”

That doesn’t make him feel better about how everything went down, though. Jimin frowns. “But I broke his.”

And you broke mine.

“But I’m your friend, not his, so I only care about you,” Yoongi says matter-of-factly. Jimin keeps frowning as he turns to look at him. His reproachful gaze makes Yoongi grow apologetic. “Sorry, that was insensitive of me, right?” he says, sounding embarrassed. “To be honest, I’m not very good at relationships.”

His words were a bit insensitive, but his explanation has Jimin growing overwhelmed, and he forgets about everything else. Friend? Not good at relationships?

“Are you one of those athletes? An expert in boxing but a fool in everything else?” Jimin asks him jokingly.

“Ouch.” Yoongi scrunches his nose, playing along with a smile that slowly disappears as he pokes the firewood. “But yeah, kind of.”

The slouch of his posture tells him that Yoongi feels down again, and Jimin bites down on his bottom lip. That wasn’t his intention. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Yoongi glances at him, and his lips quirk up slightly. “It’s good. I just haven’t been feeling great, either.”

That has Jimin pausing. So his suspicions were right? Yoongi is nervous about his match? Understandable. But he doesn’t look nervous, he looks… defeated. “You looked very happy in that interview you gave for the news.”

His hyung grimaces, and he takes a moment to find the right words to explain himself. “I’m not unhappy. I’ve always dreamed of this opportunity.”

Even though he’s not saying much, Jimin thinks he knows where he’s coming from. “Mm. The pressure you must be feeling has to be overwhelming.”

“So many people want me to fail,” Yoongi chuckles humourlessly and nods his head. “But I won’t give them what they want. It’s just hard to keep a good mindset when they make so much noise.”

“It’s hard to ignore negativity,” Jimin agrees and stops himself from resting his hand on Yoongi’s knee like he wants to. Instead, he grips his own. “But I’m sure many people are cheering for you, hyung. Try to focus on them.”

Yoongi turns his head to look at him and smirks. “Are you one of them?” Jimin cocks his head, confused. His heart is too busy jumping at how handsome Yoongi looks right now to catch the meaning behind his words. The boxer chortles but clarifies, “Will you cheer for me?”

Feeling too exposed, Jimin retreats into himself with a nervous chuckle. “You’ve got so many fans. You don’t need me for that.”

“But it would be nice to have your support.”

Jimin’s stomach flutters wildly at that. Yoongi doesn’t back down, and he says it so seriously that he’s got Jimin fumbling for what to say.

“I’m not too fond of boxing,” he fidgets.

I’m not fond of watching you get hurt.

“You’re not very fond of me either, are you?”

Jimin's eyes widen, and his heart skips a painful beat. He whips his head towards his hyung, who is regarding him with a rueful smile. His chest feels tight with uneasiness. It’s not strange that he has come to that conclusion, even if that’s not the case at all.

Before he can clarify whatever is going through Yoongi’s mind, Taehyung and Jungkook are back, and the boxer gets up to help them with the groceries. Jungkook and he climb up the porch stairs where Jimin is still sitting down, frozen. Yoongi doesn’t look at him.

“What’s wrong?” Taehyung asks him in a whisper after those two have disappeared inside. His friend looks both confused and concerned. “It didn’t go well?”

Jimin hides his face in his hands and heaves out a sigh.

He has done such a great job avoiding the boxer for years, and now that he wants to get close to him again, to see where this could go—if it could go anywhere—Jimin is paying the consequences. In a way, he had it coming. 

Dinner isn’t awkward because Yoongi doesn’t make it so. He acts like his usual self, talking and smiling as he grills meat with Jungkook’s help. It’s like he doesn’t care; like he’s forgotten their previous conversation. And it stings. But it’s Jimin's fault for giving him that impression with his actions.

He feels terrible.

With an uneasy heart, Jimin tries to stand closer to him. He keeps an eye on him and helps Yoongi by bringing him plates for the meat or passing him a can of beer because he’s busy cooking. All the while, he ignores the looks Taehyung is giving him because he’s embarrassed by how obvious he is being right now.

When Jimin offers him a pair of chopsticks, Yoongi finally stops and stares at him for a moment, and Jimin just knows he’s got the guiltiest expression on his face. Yoongi’s lips curl up as his gaze softens and accepts the chopsticks. His hyung knows he feels bad about it.

Yoongi has never been one to hold grudges, so it shouldn’t surprise Jimin when his hyung ruffles his hair softly before he turns around to sit at the table with Taehyung and Jungkook. It’s such a cute gesture, one that brings him back to their childhood; to better times. Jimin stands there by the fire, letting himself feel the wave of relief that crashes against him because not everything is lost.

It’s unbelievable how a single person can make you feel down and also lift you up in a matter of minutes. Jimin doesn’t like that someone has such control over his emotions, but that’s a consequence of being in love with someone. It’s part of the package.

***

After dinner, the four of them gather in the living room. While Taehyung snuggles with his boyfriend in the comfy armchair, he sits with Yoongi on the couch. Jimin is proud of himself for not sitting at the very end of the couch. Yoongi and he aren’t touching, but they’re close enough to show that they aren’t avoiding one another.

The four friends are too full after a hefty dinner and with no energy to do anything, so Jungkook suggests watching a movie. They let him choose it, and Jimin isn’t surprised that the youngest has chosen an action movie. Good, that way he won’t have to think.

But oh, how wrong he was.

It turns out that the movie has a romantic subplot. Because of this dangerous mission, the male protagonist has been assigned, he breaks up with his girlfriend. He doesn’t know if he’ll come back alive, so he doesn’t want to tie her down in case the worst comes to happen. It takes him a few years to complete his mission, but unsurprisingly, it all goes well. And the first thing he does when he returns home is to go see her.

Jimin is watching this all unfold without much interest, a pillow on his lap as he tries not to fall asleep. These movies usually end well, which is why it shocks him so much when the protagonist finds out that his ex-girlfriend is now married and awaiting her first baby. She has moved on, and he has lost the love of his life. The guy doesn’t blame her, but he’s utterly heartbroken over this, and it hits Jimin hard.

He has been trying his best to keep that particular memory at bay, but this stupid movie has him reliving that day with a shrinking heart. It’s scary how vividly he remembers his first heartbreak.

[15-year-old Jimin & 18-year-old Yoongi]

Even though Yoongi doesn’t know about it, Jimin went to see his boxing matches two times back in Daegu. The first time, he didn’t know what to expect. Jimin had watched matches on TV, and they were quite brutal. But these boxers were teenagers, so he guessed it couldn’t be so bad.

He was wrong.

Jimin arrived late, and by that time, Yoongi’s match had already started. The gym was filled with the cheers of students and family members watching the encounter, and Jimin stood by the bleachers. He was supposed to look for Taehyung when he got there, but when he took a look at Yoongi, Jimin couldn’t take a single step forward or avert his eyes from him.

By the cheers, it sounded like his hyung was winning, but to Jimin, it just looked like he was getting beaten up. Even though Yoongi was wearing headgear, Jimin flinched with every punch he received. It didn’t matter that Yoongi was the one giving the most punches or that his opponent was already stumbling on his feet. Jimin hated this.

He was nauseous, and the audience’s excited screams were only making him feel sicker. Jimin was horrified, and he couldn’t keep watching this any longer or he would throw up, so he left without even telling Taehyung about it.

His friend called him later to ask what had happened. With bright cheeks, Jimin admitted to his best friend that he couldn’t stand it, and he had basically run away.

“Wow, you are in love with my brother.”

Jimin’s eyes opened wide as he lay in his bed, phone pressed to his ear. “What?” he breathed out.

“This isn’t a crush anymore. It can’t be,” Taehyung emphasised like it was obvious. “Think about it. You’ve been pining after him for more than a year already. If it was just a silly crush, you would’ve moved on already, but it’s only getting worse.”

Both friends remained silent for a moment while Jimin processed his words.

It was hard to tell because he couldn’t make any comparisons. This was his first time experiencing such intense feelings for someone else. But when he associated Yoongi with love, it didn't weird him out. It was strangely fitting.

Shit.

“I guess you’re right,” he admitted somehow reluctantly. “Oh, no… What am I going to do?” Jimin groaned as he dragged his hand down his face.

He heard Taehyung snort. “You really don’t know?”

“What?”

“I hate what I’m about to say, but… Jiminie, the next step is confessing.”

Jimin scrambled to sit up as if his mattress had caught on fire, his heart pounding at the mere idea. “No way! Don’t joke about that!”

“I'm not!” Taehyung defended himself, sounding just as ruffled as him. “What’s the point of liking someone if you’re not gonna tell them?”

“Taehyung, we are talking about Yoongi-hyung here,” he reminded him. “He doesn’t see me as anything more than a kid. He’ll reject me in a millisecond.”

“How are you so sure?”

Jimin quirked an eyebrow even though he knew his friend couldn’t see him. “He’s 18, and I’m still an awkward 15-year-old. Doesn’t that tell you enough? We are babies in his eyes.”

“But you said he’s no longer a jerk—which, hey, can’t say the same—and that he’s been kind and sweet to you.”

“But Yoongi-hyung has always been sweet,” Jimin didn’t hesitate to defend him, making Taehyung huff. “It’s just that puberty turned him into an asshole momentarily, but he has outgrown that phase now.”

Just as he said so, he realised that having his old Yoongi back had probably only made him fall harder for him. He was screwed.

“Are we really talking about the same person?” Taehyung asked incredulously. Jimin rolled his eyes. “He has always been an asshole!”

“You’re brothers. You’re not being objective.”

“You’re in love with him. You’re not being objective either."

“Taehyung,” he whined in protest. They remained silent for a bit, and Jimin hated that Taehyung was making him hesitate, a seed of hope sprouting in his heart. “You really think I’ve got possibilities?” he asked in a weak whisper.

“He’s always been extra fond of you, even when we were kids, so yeah. I don’t know what you see in him, though.”

Used to how Tae always said the same thing when it came to his older brother, Jimin ignored that last comment. “What if I confess and he doesn’t think of me that way? That would make things so awkward.”

“He won’t tease you about it.”

“I know, but I won’t be able to look at him ever again.”

“You can hardly do it now so…”

“Tae! I’m serious!”

“Me, too!” his friend defended himself. But when he spoke again, he sounded very serious. “Jimin, what’s the point of loving someone if you don’t tell them? What’s your plan? Pining after him for ten years until you get the courage to tell him?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I won’t still be pinning after him in ten years. I’ll have moved on already.”

“That’s why there’s no time like the present—What?!”

Jimin winced at the scream, taken aback. “Taehyung?”

“Sorry, I wasn’t talking to you,” Taehyung hurried to tell him. Jimin heard his bed creak when he got up. “Wait a second.” A door opened, and Tae spat to whoever was there: “What?”

Jimin’s heart skipped a beat when he heard Yoongi’s deep voice as he told his brother, “Don’t shout.”

“You shouted first!” Taehyung protested very maturely.

“The bathroom is free.” Yoongi sounded done with his brother’s attitude, and Jimin could imagine him rolling his eyes. “You can take a shower.”

“Okay, I’ll go in a bit.”

“Who are you talking to?”

“Why do you care?” he heard Taehyung huff, but he still let him know, “Jimin.”

“Oh. Pass it to me for a sec.”

Jimin’s eyes widened.

No, no, no. Don’t!

But the next time he heard Yoongi’s voice, it didn’t sound muffled but very clear as he greeted him. “Jimin-ah. It’s Yoongi-hyung.”

He tried to gather himself as fast as he could and tried his best to sound unaffected. “Hey, hyung.”

“I didn’t see you today, and I was worried because you said you were coming.”

Jimin bit down on his bottom lip to keep his nerves at bay. “Sorry, I wasn’t feeling too well.”

“Are you sick?” Yoongi asked.

Yeah. Lovesick.

“Maybe?” Realising what he had just said, Jimin shook his head violently to snap himself out of it. It was better than slapping himself and having to explain what that sound had been. “I mean, no. I’m okay. I already feel better.”

“Take care. Exams are just around the corner.”

Jimin couldn’t help the stupid smile that stretched his lips at his concern. “Yeah, I will. Thanks, hyung,” he said, feeling his insides tingle.

“Next week is the last match,” his hyung informed him. “You should come.”

He hesitated. His conversation with Taehyung was too fresh, and his stomach immediately knotted with nerves. “I’ll try.”

“Don’t just try and come, okay?” Yoongi said in that laid-back way of his. “Let me show you how cool boxing can be.”

He heard Taehyung scoff and mutter: “Show off.”

“Shut up,” Yoongi retorted. When he spoke to Jimin again, his voice was soft once more. “Good night, Jimin-ah. Feel better soon.”

A part of Jimin was glad this impromptu conversation was over, but he also wanted to keep listening to Yoongi’s drawl all night. That wasn’t possible, though. “Thanks, hyung. Good night.”

It only took a few seconds for him to hear the door close again and his best friend’s confirmation: “He’s gone.” Jimin sighed, long and deep. “So…”

“So.”

He can’t see him, but he can hear the mocking smile on Tae’s face when he says, “He wants to show you how cool he is.”

“He doesn’t!” Jimin protested loudly, his cheeks aflame. “That’s not what he said. He’s just trying to be nice and include me because he knows I’ve been having a hard time in school…” Once more, Jimin hesitated, “... right?”

“Jimin. Just tell him.”

“... should I?” he asked hopefully.

That entire week was torture. Jimin kept going back and forth between confessing or not, and he had a feeling Taehyung was getting fed up with this whole thing, but as his best friend, he didn’t snap at him, understanding his situation.

On the day of the match, Jimin woke up feeling brave, and as the time of truth approached, the feeling didn’t wear off. To ensure that Jimin didn’t run away like last time, Taehyung texted him to let him know when the match was almost over. Jimin waited behind the bleachers and watched the last minutes with half-opened eyes as he winced and flinched at every punch, much like last time.

Jimin watched as the referee declared Yoongi the winner, raising his arm as everyone cheered. Yoongi looked exhausted and sweaty, but he had the biggest grin on his face. Slowly, Jimin approached the ring with his heart in his throat. Taehyung gave him a thumbs up to encourage him when he saw him, and Jimin braced himself as he walked over to the ring.

Yoongi was already down, receiving many congratulations, and he hadn’t seen him yet. Jimin was raising his hand, his heart racing as he opened his mouth to call his name when something made him halt. Or better said: someone.

A beautiful girl with long black hair had thrown herself into Yoongi’s arms, and his hyung had easily caught her by the waist. Jimin blinked, his brain having trouble catching up because since when was Yoongi so touchy-feely? He got his answer when, in the next moment, the girl stood on her tiptoes and pressed their lips together.

Jimin watched, frozen in place, as Yoongi closed his eyes to return the kiss with a smile. His friends were whooping and teasing them, and Yoongi laughed merrily when they parted, his big hands still holding her by the waist as she hugged his hyung tightly, both of them unaware of the terrible cracking sound Jimin’s heart made when it shattered into a million pieces.

He caught Tae’s shocked expression as he ran away from that gym for the second time. Yoongi had a girlfriend, and Taehyung hadn’t known about it either. His friend felt horrible about it because he had insisted and encouraged him to confess, but Jimin assured him it wasn’t his fault amidst ugly sobs that shook him to his core as Taehyung held him tightly in his arms.

Jimin avoided Yoongi like the plague for months after that, much to his hyung’s confusion. Taehyung told him how his brother asked about him sometimes because he never saw him around anymore. Also, the one time they did meet on the street, Jimin had acted like he hadn’t seen him and was quick to get inside his house.

The tension and constant state of alarm took a toll on him. After a while, Jimin didn’t have a choice but to stop acting like a kid and swallow the sharp pain that assaulted him whenever he saw his hyung so he could muster a small smile in his presence. 

Things went back to normal eventually, but it wasn’t the same. Jimin didn’t try to prolong their interactions whenever they run into each other. It hurt too much. But not even after breaking his heart so brutally and inadvertently had Jimin stop liking Yoongi.

It’s been years, but the repressed memory has him tearing up. He’ll never forget that shock, that sharp pain. The crippling frustration as he wondered why it couldn’t be him. He had known Yoongi for longer. He had cared for him for years. It wasn’t fair.

The movie is still playing, and Jimin is gripping the pillow against his chest. His head is pounding from how tense he is. The memories hit him hard after not revisiting them in a long time, and the pain is not as sharp as it used to be years ago, but it’s still there, pulsing and heavy.

Jimin wipes a single tear that has rolled down his cheek as he keeps staring at the TV without seeing anything. Why does it still hurt? Why can’t he move on like a normal person? What’s stopping him?

His answer comes in the form of a featherlight touch as a finger brushes against his cheek to catch another tear. Jimin shifts slightly and comes face to face with Yoongi, who is regarding him with a soft look in his eyes that makes him want to curl up next to him. His hyung doesn’t say anything as he lowers his hand again, but they keep staring at one another in the darkened room, the TV illuminating their faces softly.

He is stopping him. Yoongi and the memory of his warmth that remains fresh in his mind to this day. He is the reason he can’t move on. Not until Jimin gets proper closure.

With their gazes locked, Jimin wonders if he’ll get it this time.

Chapter Text

“Ah, that was so close!” Jungkook exclaims from his seat at the table.

They woke up late, and they are currently eating lunch while they watch a boxing match. Well, Yoongi and Jungkook are watching it. Taehyung is two seconds away from falling back asleep while Jimin checks his phone, scrolling through Twitter absentmindedly to entertain himself. He tried watching the fight with them, but the truth is that he can’t without picturing Yoongi being the one getting punched.

It’s the boxer who makes him look up from his phone when he leans closer and tells him with an amused smile, “You’re really not even a little bit interested, are you?”

He tries not to get distracted by how long and pretty his eyelashes are or how good he looks with his hair messed up from sleep. “It’s just not my thing,” Jimin murmurs a little sulkily because he keeps having to explain himself.

“Hyung, you’re missing an amazing match. Drop your phone and watch,” Jungkook tells him without tearing his eyes away from the TV.

Jimin sighs. “I don’t even know who they are…”

“You knew me and still never came to watch me,” Yoongi reminds him again because apparently he loves doing that.

“He did,” Taehyung slurs, still half-asleep and leaning his cheek on his hand, propped on his elbow. “He just couldn’t watch and left.”

Jimin’s mouth drops open as he stares at his best friend incredulously. Did he just…? It takes Tae a few seconds to realise what he has just blurted out, and his eyes widen when it dawns on him. He opens his mouth to fix it, but it’s too late.

“You did?” Yoongi asks, head tilted as he regards Jimin with curious eyes. “When?”

Jimin swallows and takes his glass of water to drink and calm his nerves. “During your last year,” he says before taking a sip. He tries not to think about what happened during one of those times.

“Why couldn’t you watch?”

Jimin eyes him over the rim of his glass before he puts it down. Yoongi looks eager, his body leaning so close to him that Jimin has trouble coming up with an answer.

“Too violent,” he murmurs.

Jimin is irritated because this is going to make him look like such a baby, but then why is Yoongi looking at him so fondly?

His hyung’s lips are quirked up when he tells him, “You’ve always been too gentle.”

He wonders if he should be offended by that, but somehow, Jimin thinks Yoongi has said that as a compliment. He looks away as a wave of shyness overcomes him.

Maybe Taehyung’s slip-up wasn’t a bad thing. At least Tae didn’t say anything about why he left the second time. But it was a close call, and Jimin can’t think of how he would’ve gotten out of that one.

Despite yesterday’s determination to get closer to Yoongi, this little exchange spooks Jimin. The mere idea of his hyung finding out about how he ran away when he saw him kissing his ex-girlfriend has him pulling back again without him meaning to, like a wounded animal.

Time is running out. Yoongi will leave tomorrow, but Jimin clings to Taehyung after that, and his friend doesn’t have the heart to call him out for it because he knows his behaviour is in part his fault. So the best friends spend the day glued together, and it’s only after dinner, while they’re taking a walk along the beach by the ocean at night that Taehyung finally brings it up.

“I'm so sorry, Mimi. I don’t know what came over me to say that.”

Yoongi and Jungkook are walking ahead, so they can’t hear them. They’re holding a beer in their hand, just like them as they talk.

“It’s okay,” Jimin assures him, the salty air making him feel better. “You didn’t mention the important stuff.”

“Are you okay, though?” he asked him with his arm around his shoulders as they strolled side by side. “You’re avoiding him again.”

Jimin sighed and lowered his head as he dragged his feet along the sand. “I just… It feels like he’s gonna read my thoughts if I look him in the eyes. It’s unnerving.”

“Which thoughts?”

He bit his lip and eyed his friend nervously. “Don’t you think I’m being too obvious?”

“No,” Taehyung shook his head. “But isn’t that the point? Being obvious? I thought you were gonna give this a try.”

Jimin let out a heartfelt sigh. “It’s hard. I feel like a teenager with a massive crush again, and it sucks.”

“But that’s exactly what you’ve missed,” Taehyung pointed out. “That rush, that eagerness you didn’t feel with your other boyfriends.”

“Maybe that’s why I’m being so clumsy,” Jimin told him, finding comfort in Taehyung’s warmth pressed against his side. He looks ahead and observes Yoongi’s broad back with a flutter of his heart. “It’s been too long since the last time I’ve felt like this, and now I don’t know how to act.”

“Just be yourself, Jimin. That’s all you have to do.” Taehyung patted his shoulder and brought him closer to his side as he leaned his head closer to smile at him. “He goes back to Seoul tomorrow morning, so don’t overthink things so much, and stop avoiding him.”

He sags at that. “Sounds easy…” 

Taehyung snorts and lets go of him. “I’ll help you so you can both get time alone.”

“But tone it down a little,” Jimin warns him. “You weren’t being very subtle yesterday.”

Taehyung grins at that. “Being subtle isn’t in my DNA. Plus, that’s the point. You don’t need subtleties; you need to be bold.”

His soulmate nudges him before he walks over to Yoongi and Jungkook. He links arms with his boyfriend and drags him ahead of them with an excuse Jimin doesn’t hear. Yoongi stops as he observes them at the suddenness of it all before he shifts to look back at him. Jimin swallows and gathers himself before he walks over to him slowly, only stopping when he stands next to him.

“Let’s grab some beers and come back here?” Jimin suggests.

Yoongi regards him silently for a moment—probably thinking about how he has been avoiding him all day—before he shakes his empty can of beer. “Sounds good to me.”

They walk to the convenience store by the beach in silence. The lights inside are blinding, and they walk to the refrigerators to grab a cold pack. As they stand in line to ring up their purchase, Jimin sees his reflection in the mirror next to the cashier. Even though the sun has long set, his cheeks are flushed. He guesses he can attribute it to sunburn, but his eyes are glistening in a way that makes him look smitten.

Feeling a little self-conscious, Jimin adjusts the black and white bandana he’s wearing and that’s keeping his long locks in place. He’s using his fingers to adjust his side bangs when he catches Yoongi’s reflection, and their eyes meet in the mirror. Jimin halts mid-movement as they regard each other in silence. He wonders what Yoongi is thinking. If he’s annoyed by his contradictory behaviour.

“Next one, please,” the cashier says.

Jimin blinks and finally breaks eye contact. “Our turn,” he mutters under his breath, trying to act casual as he steps forward.

They leave the store with their beers in a bag that Yoongi is carrying. Jimin is racking his brain for something to say to break the ice. They haven’t reached the sand yet when Yoongi takes matters into his own hands once again. 

“Have I done something wrong?” his hyung asks him. “Are you mad at me?”

Jimin almost flinches when he hears those questions. “Why do you think so?” he asks like the idiot he is.

“Jimin…” He isn’t looking at Yoongi, but he hears him heave out a tired sigh next to him. “We both know you’ve been avoiding me again. Did I do something to upset you?”

“I’m not… upset.”

Jimin struggles to explain himself as he tries not to panic because he can’t believe they are finally having this conversation. He peeps at Yoongi, who looks confused and in need of some answers. He isn’t being fair to him.

Jimin pinches the material of Yoongi’s shirt. “Let's sit close to the water?” he asks weakly, his stomach in knots.

Yoongi's eyes go down to his hand and up again. He nods slowly. Jimin lets out a relieved sigh, and he doesn’t let go as they walk to the shore, their feet getting slightly buried in the soft sand.

The ocean is calm tonight, the small waves lapping at the shore gently and making a sound Jimin finds very soothing. They sit down side by side, and Yoongi offers him a beer, which Jimin accepts politely with both hands and a quiet thank you. They have probably drunk enough tonight, but they are both heavyweights, so another one won’t make much of a difference. They open them, and Jimin takes a long drink that he hopes will give him the courage he needs to have this conversation.

With his eyes fixed on his can of beer, Jimin apologises. “I’m sorry for making you feel like that. Like you’ve done something wrong.”

Yoongi seems calm as he sips his own drink and looks at the ocean. “So you admit you’ve been avoiding me?”

It’s in moments like this when Jimin realises he still isn’t as mature as he would like. Why is it so hard to be honest? Why does it have to be so scary to admit your wrongdoings?

“Hyung…”

“It’s not a new thing, either,” Yoongi continues without minding him. When he turns his head towards him, Jimin grips his beer tightly, feeling small under his gaze. “I can’t help but feel like you’ve been avoiding me for years.”

There’s no accusation in his words; he’s just stating how it felt. He isn’t hiding or avoiding the subject. Unlike him, Yoongi is painfully honest. And Jimin discovers he’s embarrassed because now that the years have passed, he can’t help but feel like his behaviour was quite childish.

He now has a chance to fix that. To act like the adult he wants to be. It’s hard, but he needs to say it.

“I was hurt,” Jimin finally admits aloud. “When you left Daegu.”

Yoongi frowns. “I had to go. I got a scholarship, and—”

“I know that,” he cuts him off without looking at him. “I was happy for you. That’s not what upset me.”

“What was it then?” he asks patiently.

Here goes nothing.

“The day you left… I didn’t get to say goodbye.”

A pause follows that doesn’t last very long. “I know. I remember that,” Yoongi tells him calmly. “Shouldn’t I be the one upset, then?”

Now it’s Jimin who is confused. He shifts to look at him under the moonlight. “What?”

Yoongi shrugs. “I know you were Tae’s friend, and that I kind of pushed you both away for a while. But I thought we were on good terms again at the time I left Daegu.”

He isn’t wrong about that. By the time Yoongi left, Jimin was already on talking terms with him again. It took him some time to get over his heartbreak, but he reached a point where it hurt worse to avoid Yoongi. After that, it wasn’t the same, but Jimin managed to get to a point where he could talk to his hyung without tearing up, so he stopped literally hiding from him. That’s one reason why it upset him so much when he moved away. Jimin worked hard to get to that point, but Yoongi still left without telling him about it, so how could he be the one upset?

“How did you expect me to send you off when you didn’t tell me when you were leaving?” Jimin asked him incredulously. “You left without telling me. Why didn’t you?” he questioned, incapable of hiding the hint of pain in his words.

Yoongi stares at him before he scrunches his face in disbelief. “What?”

“I know I’m just Taehyung’s friend, but we—”

“No, no. That’s not it.” Yoongi waves his hand to stop him, and Jimin closes his mouth. “I thought Taehyung had told you,” he clarifies, stressing his words. “I thought you just didn’t want to say goodbye.”

Jimin blinks. “But he didn’t tell me. He thought you had told me about it.” As they stare at each other in silence, it dawns on them just how wrong they have both been for years. “So it was just a misunderstanding?” Jimin can’t hide his astonishment.

Neither can Yoongi. “I guess so. You were quite evasive at the time, so the idea didn’t seem so outrageous.”

Yes, because he broke his heart, and Jimin needed to put some distance between them, especially after Yoongi went back to his sweet self. It was too much for him to bear.

“I was… going through a lot,” Jimin settles on saying to excuse his behaviour.

His vague answer seems to be enough for Yoongi. “Yeah, I remember.” Their eyes meet then, and Jimin knows they’re both remembering that rainy day years ago and them sitting under the porch of that old house. “Did it get better after I left?”

If he is honest, the answer is that it depended on the day. But Jimin doesn’t want to dwell on another batch of painful memories which involve people he doesn’t care about anymore. “A little,” he says instead.

Yoongi hums, understanding and not prodding him for more. “I’m sure you enjoy university much more,” he says before sipping his beer.

Jimin chuckles softly. “There’s no comparison. Although there are idiots everywhere.”

His lips quirk up at that. “Yeah, that’s true even in boxing.”

They listen to the sound of the waves as they drink. His stomach feels warm, and his cheeks too, but he isn’t drunk. Still, the alcohol has calmed his nerves, and it’s nice to be sitting next to Yoongi without feeling like he’s going to combust. When Jimin glances at his hyung, he finds him sitting with his elbows resting on his knees, a pensive look on his face as he eyes the water.

“Still nervous about the match?” Jimin asks him quietly.

“Of course,” Yoongi doesn’t shy away from the truth. “It’s always at the back of my mind. Obligations, dreams, and all that shit make it hard to forget about it.”

“You used to be very sure of yourself, claiming you were gonna show me just how cool boxing is.” Jimin tries to imitate his deep voice, but he sounds ridiculous, and Yoongi lowers his head with a snort. He looks in low spirits again, and Jimin can’t help but worry. “What happened?”

Yoongi turns his head slightly to look at him before he sighs and raises his head, focusing on the black ocean in front of them, where the moon is reflected prettily. “This isn’t just any match. Yeah, it’s already an accomplishment that I got here. That I get to be the one against Do Seojun. But if I lose… This match could also break me career-wise if I don’t get a good result; if I don’t put up a good fight.”

“Mm, I guess I understand that,” he says thoughtfully. “But I would be more worried about him breaking you physically,” Jimin murmurs into his beer before he takes a swig.

“I’m strong. Don't underestimate hyung, Jimin-ah,” Yoongi smirks, and Jimin eyes him with pursed lips. That’s not how he meant it. “You’d know if you followed my matches,” he says, nudging him playfully with his elbow.

Jimin huffs. “I’m not underestimating you. I’m just saying that you’re human. You aren’t made of iron, and you could get seriously hurt,” he explains sulkily because he doesn’t understand how everyone thinks this is normal. He seems to be the only one aware of the risks that come with doing such a sport.

“Are you worried about me?”

Yoongi leans closer to him so he can take a good look at the expression he’s making, and Jimin frowns at the curiosity in the boxer’s eyes. He looks at his hyung like he can’t believe him. “How can I not worry when you’re literally fighting people for a living? You could get seriously hurt at any moment.”

He regards him silently, his eyes flickering back and forth between the younger’s. “Most don’t care,” Yoongi admits. “They’re used to it. Desensitised.”

Jimin averts his eyes to look at the waves instead and hugs his knees close to his chest. “Well, I’m not.”

“Is that why you can’t watch?”

He almost flinches at that. Not so much because of the question, but due to the gentle tone Yoongi uses to ask him that.

In defensive mode again, Jimin glares at the boxer. “Would you want to watch Taehyung get beat up?”

Yoongi tilts his head as he makes a show of thinking about it. “Sometimes.”

“Funny,” Jimin deadpans. Yoongi’s lips curl up. “Okay, maybe not the best example. What about…?”

“You?”

“Your answer to that is going to be the same as when I suggested Taehyung,” he waves him off. Yoongi opens his mouth to say something to that, but Jimin is already speaking again. “No, I meant… What about your girlfriend or boyfriend?”

Bold move.

Jimin almost deforms his beer can from how much harder he’s holding it now at the sudden nerves that assault him.

His question gives Yoongi whiplash. After processing it, Yoongi presses his lips together. “I have neither, so not a good example, either.”

“Well, maybe not now, but before.” Jimin shouldn’t go there. He shouldn’t, right? “Think of an ex.”

Shit.

He should stop drinking; that’s what he should do.

“I haven’t dated anyone in a while, to be honest,” Yoongi says nonchalantly before he passes him another beer. Jimin takes it, but he keeps his eyes glued to his hyung, brow furrowed. “What? You don’t believe me?” he asks, amused as he opens the can.

Jimin does so, too. “Of course not. You’ve got people throwing themselves at your feet wherever you go,” he says before he takes a long drink.

Somehow, the beer tastes less bitter than his words had on their way out.

“It’s not to that point.” Jimin regards him sceptically with a quirked eyebrow. Yoongi rolls his eyes and gives up. “Okay, yeah. I’m covered when it comes to hookups, but that’s not a relationship,” he clarifies and brings the can to his lips once more before he murmurs, “Like I can’t remember the last time I made love to someone.”

Jimin observes him for a moment before he shakes his head. “I still don’t believe you.”

Yoongi snorts and turns his head towards him. “What’s there not to believe? Why would I lie about this? I’m too busy for feelings. It’s usually just a quick fuck to let some steam off,” he shrugs. Jimin still doesn’t look convinced. “I guess it’s hard to believe because you’ve had a few boyfriends, right?” he asks and nods in his direction.

That finally has him looking down, focusing on the drink between his hands as the soft breeze messes his hair. Jimin nods. “I'm not a fan of hookups. Useful but empty. I realised that early on.”

“How early?” Yoongi asks casually.

After drinking, Jimin confesses, “Very early. During my first time.”

He doesn’t know where all this honesty is coming from. Again, he knows himself, and he’s not drunk. But maybe all the beer in his system is giving him the courage to admit things he should probably keep to himself. 

The boxer looks surprised at that. “It wasn’t with a boyfriend?”

Jimin throws his head back to take a look at the stars and shakes his head. “It was with a friend. We were horny and a little drunk. One thing led to the other, and I… yeah.” It’s not a bad memory perse, but it’s still weird talking about it with the guy he’s in love with. “I don’t regret it because I learned my lesson, but yeah, not the best experience,” he says with a shrug, still looking up.

After a brief pause, Yoongi keeps asking him questions. “He hurt you?”

He doesn’t understand why he’s curious about this, and Jimin frowns as he tries to recall that day. “No? Not on purpose. It was… a first time. What you’d expect. Quick and disappointing.” Jimin giggles at the end, his shoulders shaking. For some reason, he feels more alive than he has in a long time.

He hears Yoongi laughing too, and he finally stops looking up at the sky to see his hyung shaking his head. “Poor guy,” Yoongi keeps laughing. “Although I’m sure my girlfriend at the time thought the same thing.”

Maybe he’s not the only one feeling buzzed enough to overshare.

“Really?” Jimin asks.

Yoongi scoffs at himself. “Of course. I think I lasted two minutes tops.”

They both laugh again at that. Even though he probably knows the girl he’s talking about, Jimin doesn’t feel an ounce of jealousy. It’s just funny to him, and he is glad that they’re close enough—or tipsy enough—to share such details with each other. It feels like the old times again, and he has missed that so fiercely.

Once their laughter has subsided, Jimin smiles fondly. “But I’m sure you were sweet and tried your best to make her comfortable.”

Yet Yoongi frowns. “That’s like… the bare minimum. And I don’t know how true that is because I was too eager and hormonal to see straight.”

“It may be the bare minimum to you,” Jimin emphasises, nudging Yoongi with his knee, his words slurring a little bit. “But not every guy out there is like that.” He chuckles to himself and shakes his head. “It’s probably why I kept thinking you would’ve been a better first time. You would’ve treated me right.”

…

It’s the following silence what makes him stop and realise what he has just confessed.

Oh, shit. Did I say that out loud?!

“You did, yeah,” Yoongi says slowly.

And that’s enough to sober him up real quick and drive him into a frenzy. He buries his face in his knees, hugging them as dread makes him feel queasy, and a cold feeling creeps up the back of his neck. How could he say that?!

“Oh, my goodness,” he mutters under his breath, wishing an eight-meter wave would drag him into the ocean and pull him asunder.

“Jimin-ah. Hey, it’s fine,” Yoongi laughs lightly to downplay it. But when Jimin looks to the side, opposite of his hyung, he seriously thinks about making a run for it so he doesn’t have to face Yoongi. However, the boxer can read his intentions. “Don’t,” he states, wrapping his hand around his bicep. “Don’t you dare close off again because of this or run away. It’s really okay. Please, look at me?”

It’s that tone again. That damn sweetness Jimin cannot resist for the life of him has him taking a deep breath. With his head still in between his arms, Jimin turns his head slightly to peek at his hyung. Yoongi is regarding him with a soft expression, encouraging him to uncurl by rubbing his back slowly. Jimin could cry from humiliation.

“That was so embarrassing,” he croaks.

“No, it wasn’t,” Yoongi denies resolutely. When Jimin lifts his head completely, he watches as his hyung smiles sheepishly. “I’m honoured you think so, to be honest.”

“Hyung…” Jimin whimpers pitifully. He covers his eyes with his hand, still holding onto his beer for dear life with his other hand.

“I’m not teasing you! I’m serious,” Yoongi tells him, growing agitated for no reason. Maybe he’s also embarrassed. But why? Yoongi rubs his nape as he looks to the side before he turns to him once more. “It feels nice to know you have me in high regards,” he admits in almost a whisper. “If I’m honest with you, I miss having meaningful sex.” Jimin blinks, and Yoongi shoots him a careful look. “Do you miss it, too?”

Jimin feels momentarily disoriented because how did this conversation take such a turn? “Yeah, feels nice,” he replies quietly, his eyes fixed on the sand as he tries not to think about Minho.

“You know… we could do it,” Yoongi murmurs.

He tilts his head in his direction, frowning. “Do what?” Jimin asks, completely lost.

Yoongi won’t look at him. “Make love.”

Silence.

Jimin’s mouth falls open.

“Hyung, are you drunk?” he blurts out.

He cannot be serious.

But Yoongi isn’t laughing or being sarcastic. He regards him with an earnest look, maybe a little embarrassed, but Yoongi isn’t going back on his word. He isn’t joking, and Jimin cannot breathe.

“No, and neither are you. After spending these past couple of days drinking together, we both know that we need more than a few beers to even get us buzzed.”

Yeah, that’s true. They talked about their alcohol tolerance yesterday with Taehyung and Jungkook. Oh gosh, where are they? Jimin doesn’t know what to say or think at this point, but he also isn’t sure if he wants his friends to interrupt them right now.

After a little while in silence, Yoongi asks, “Is it a stupid idea?”

Jimin curls into himself again, hugging his knees. “I think so,” he mutters. “And it’s not like we’re in love, so it would just be sex.”

Yeah, Jimin, because that’s the problem here.

“We could do it slowly.”

At that, Jimin can’t help but look at his hyung, and their gazes lock. He sees how Yoongi gulps, and Jimin furrows his brow. “What’s gotten into you all of a sudden?”

His hyung lowers his head and rubs his neck. “Sorry. Am I making you uncomfortable? It wasn’t my intention.”

“No, it’s not that. I just don’t understand where this is coming from.”

“I think I’m lonely,” Yoongi finally says after taking a moment. “I’m always working, and I miss having a connection to another person on that level.” His hyung fiddles with his beer before he scoffs. “I guess I’m also a little horny.”

“Well… As I said, we don’t have that connection, so it wouldn’t make you feel any less lonely,” Jimin reasons with him. “And I told you, I don’t do hookups.”

“I don’t think it would be meaningless,” Yoongi counters carefully. “Even if it’s been years since the last time we saw each other in person, I still care about you. You can’t erase that.” Jimin is left speechless again. His heart is in his throat by now. Is his hyung trying to kill him? “I’m not trying to push you,” Yoongi hurries to say. “Just know that I would take good care of you.”

Words evade Jimin. It’s the seriousness with which Yoongi says so and his confidence what has Jimin pondering on this. He shouldn’t agree to this. Yoongi may not have feelings for him, but he does. That makes things so much more complicated. What will happen tomorrow when he wakes up and Yoongi leaves? He’ll be left heartbroken again.

Yet Jimin is weak. He is breaking inside—he’s been breaking for a while now—and he wants a taste of what it would be like to have his feelings reciprocated. Jimin has longed for it for so long that now he cannot say no. There’s no way.

“Okay,” he whispers, and it feels like he has sentenced himself in a way.

Yoongi startles. “What?”

But Jimin just meets his eyes, feeling strangely calm about it. “Let’s try.”

He’s the one who has stunned Yoongi now. “Are you serious?”

His question has Jimin growing self-conscious. “Were you not?” he asks nervously.

“Yes, yes, I was,” he is quick to clarify, growing agitated, too. “But… I don’t know. I thought you would refuse.”

A sad smile lifts the corner of Jimin’s lips, and his gaze slides over to the ocean. “Guess I’m lonely, too.”

“Jimin-ah, look at me,” Yoongi tells him softly.

The boxer takes both their half-drunk beers and sets them aside. Jimin doesn’t refuse. They have drunk enough, and they certainly don’t need the alcohol to cloud their senses anymore. Still, he wiggles his fingers nervously now that he has nothing to fiddle with. Yoongi notices, and he takes his hands gently to stop it. They’re warm and a little rough, and the contact makes his heart skip a beat because he’s holding hands with Yoongi.

“Real talk here,” Yoongi says, making Jimin look up at him. His hyung seems torn. “Are you sure? You went through a breakup recently. I don’t want this to seem like I’m taking advantage of your emotional state.”

Jimin tries to ignore the guilt he feels towards Minho and shrugs. “I’m fine.”

But Yoongi raises an eyebrow. “You were crying about him last night while we watched that movie,” he reminded him tactfully.

His hyung knows him well enough to notice that not everything is fine regarding his now ex-boyfriend, but Yoongi is off when it comes to the reason Jimin curls into himself whenever Minho is mentioned.

“I wasn’t crying because of Minho. We broke up three weeks ago, but I feel like my heart broke up with him a long time ago.” Now that he says that out loud, he realises how fucked up it sounds. “That’s so shitty of me,” he mutters, lowering his head.

Burt Yoongi shakes his head and makes him look at him again by squeezing his hands. “It's difficult making sense of what we feel sometimes. Love is hard,” he says like he understands where he’s coming from. “Why were you crying then?”

He stares at Yoongi for a moment. He can’t tell him. Not the whole truth.

“Because love is hard,” Jimin whispers shakily through the lump in his throat.

Yoongi looks saddened now, and he lets go of his hands to bring him closer. He wraps his arms around him, and Jimin presses his cheek against his chest, burying himself in his embrace. Jimin tries not to tear up because he suddenly feels whole. How can such a small gesture feel so right? Like he finally has the missing piece of his heart.

He sniffles, and Yoongi hears it. His hyung leans back enough to see him, and Jimin returns the look. They stare at each other without saying a word until their heads get closer slowly. With his hands clutching Yoongi’s shirt, Jimin closes the gap between them, and they finally kiss.

Jimin has kissed many people before, but this is nothing like those other instances. All his nerve endings come alight, and Jimin trembles in Yoongi’s arms as they move their lips slowly, separating the slightest bit between kisses before they come back for more. While Yoongi’s hands remain splayed across his back, Jimin’s hands travel up his chest and neck until he buries his fingers in his hyung’s hair, playing with his curly ends.

They kiss for a long time. Slow and sweet. Almost as if seeking comfort from each other. Jimin guesses his hyung has truly been deprived of such warmth for a long time.

When they separate enough to breathe, Jimin’s eyes remain glued to the pretty bow of Yoongi’s upper lip as they pant softly, their chests rising and falling in unison. At the following silence that envelops them, Jimin has to make a herculean effort to gaze up at him, only to find his hyung looking out of it as he too studied his face.

“Are you drunk, hyung?”

His question has Yoongi snapping out of it, and he blinks before he shakes his head. “Not enough to blame this on the alcohol. You?”

“I’m very sober right now,” Jimin admits, feeling his face warm up.

Yoongi is rubbing his hands up and down his back, and Jimin feels a shiver coming, his skin prickling with electricity. The boxer leans closer again. “Can I?” he whispers.

Jimin nods, and Yoongi kisses him again.

How can this be wrong when it feels so right? It doesn’t make any sense, Jimin thinks as he gets lost in Yoongi’s warm mouth.

“Let’s go back?” Yoongi asks against his lips.

With bated breath and heated cheeks, Jimin nods.

He stumbles a little when he gets up, feeling unsteady on the sand. Maybe some of his dizziness comes from the alcohol, but it’s mostly nerves. Yoongi catches him by the arm to steady him.

“You okay?”

Once more he nods, not trusting his voice to not crack. He’s truly giving in to his heart instead of following the rational part of him that tells him he’ll regret this. But what if he doesn’t?

Maybe after they do this, Jimin will realise that he can move on. He’ll finally realise this isn’t his Yoongi. That the person he fell in love with when he was a teenager no longer exists because time has passed, and he’s just been idolising his hyung for years.

It will make him see that he loves Yoongi out of habit.

“Do you want me to give you a piggyback ride home like when we were kids?” Yoongi asks, smiling at the memory.

Jimin clenches his hands by his sides as subtly as possible.

Fuck.

He cannot say no.

He doesn’t want to say no—and he’s not referring to the piggyback ride.

Instead of letting Yoongi carry him, Jimin reaches for his hand and holds it instead, shooting Yoongi a tentative look. The boxer smiles softly and laces their fingers before he leads them back to the house. They walk slowly, holding hands in comfortable silence. Jimin thinks he should feel awkward or tense, but it feels so nice to do this. He can’t help but think that they must look like a couple to other people, and the thought makes him giddy.

This is insane. He should be freaking the fuck out. Is he going to have sex with Yoongi? For real?

When Yoongi stops him on the way home, Jimin frowns, confused. But then the boxer is kissing him again, and Jimin can’t help but wonder what goes through his mind right now. Yoongi is kissing him. The boxer wants to sleep with him. He was the one to suggest it. Jimin would ask what he’s thinking, but his kisses are too sweet and make his knees go weak.

The fact that Yoongi does this a couple more times—stops walking to kiss him slowly—has him going insane, and he doesn’t realise they have arrived at the beach house until they’re standing at the door.

Yoongi leads them inside, and they find all the lights out and Taehyung and Jungkook’s room empty. They aren’t back yet, probably too busy making out somewhere—or having sex somewhere they shouldn’t, knowing his best friend like he does. Yet Jimin realises that it’s hypocritical of him to criticise him when Yoongi and he have been kissing nonstop ever since they left the beach.

His friends’ absence comes as a relief if he is honest. This way he won’t have to explain to Taehyung his questionable choices; at least not right now, before he can make him change his mind.

Once inside Jimin’s room, Yoongi turns to him, still holding his hand. “Want to take a shower? I don’t know about you, but I’m covered in sand.”

“That’d be nice.” After hearing that, Yoongi pulls him towards the bathroom, and Jimin’s eyes widen. He plants his feet on the floor to stop him. “Wait. Together?”

“Why not?” Yoongi says nonchalantly. “I mean, we’re going to sleep together, so…”

His logic still doesn’t convince Jimin. Showering together just feels too intimate in his mind for some reason. “Yeah, but…”

“Too much?” he guesses.

“It’s stupid, but kinda?”

Yoongi doesn’t seem bothered by his refusal. “That’s fine. I’ll just use the other bathroom,” he tells him, pointing towards the door and finally letting go of his hand.

“Okay,” Jimin says quietly.

The boxer takes a couple of steps towards the door when he stops again. Yoongi looks at him and walks back to leave another peck on his lips before he leaves. Jimin stands there for a moment, feeling catatonic. He brings a hand to his mouth as his heart races madly.

Even though they have established that this isn’t a hookup, the truth is that that’s what this is. Yet his hyung is acting so sweet towards him that it doesn’t feel like one. He treats him more like a… boyfriend. Maybe because they’ve known each other forever? Jimin is a mess, but he guesses Yoongi truly has missed having a partner to be acting like this towards him.

When he finally recovers the ability to move, Jimin grabs a t-shirt and underwear. He takes a quick shower that sobers him completely, and he cleans himself as thoroughly as his nerves let him. His stomach is in knots, and his veins are buzzing with excitement. His doubts keep piling up, but he pushes them to the back of his mind.

It’s not until he’s drying himself that he hears the faint sound of Yoongi blow-drying his hair in the other bathroom. He hesitates for a moment before he grabs the hairdryer too, feeling self-conscious. He doesn’t want to look like he put too much effort into his appearance, so he doesn’t style his hair like he normally does. Yet, his hair looks a little messy for his liking, so he grabs his bandana again and puts it on to tame his bangs.

Jimin feels ridiculous as he does so because why does he care so much about such a stupid detail when he’s going to have sex with Yoongi in a few minutes?

That’s exactly why. Because it’s Yoongi.

He has to stop looking at himself in the mirror to gather himself. It takes him a few deep breaths to feel ready enough to leave the bathroom. When he finally does, he finds Yoongi in his bed, waiting for him. He is sitting with his back against the headboard, a sheet covering his lower half.

His skin is as pale as he remembers it, and he already knew that Yoongi is buffed. Even when he’s wearing shirts, it’s noticeable. Plus, he has seen clips of his matches here and there where he wasn’t wearing a shirt, so he has seen the muscles he has developed over the years. They aren’t too big or defined, but he has noticed how firm they are. It’s nothing new. Then why is it such a shock to see his naked chest and broad shoulders now? Jimin has to literally stop himself from turning around and locking himself in the bathroom again.

He can’t help how he lowers his head as he stands rooted to the spot. Jimin fiddles with the hem of his baggy shirt and wonders if he should take it off, too.

“Changed your mind?” Yoongi breaks the silence.

Jimin snaps his head up, startled. “No, no. It’s just—” His eyes drift down his chest and stay on the flimsy sheet that covers the rest of his body. Jimin knows he’s blushing. “Are you naked already?” he asks, sounding a bit choked up.

“I didn’t grab clothes before I got in the shower, so I just dried myself.”

And walked back here butt-naked.

Shit. Jimin can’t take that mental image right now.

To avoid combusting right there and then, Jimin shuffles to the bed and sits on the other side with his back to Yoongi. He hates that he probably looks like an inexperienced kid in front of his hyung when that’s not the case. He is so embarrassed, and his pride can’t take it anymore. Jimin is still grabbing the hem of his long shirt, and he’s thinking about taking it off, but then he gets another idea.

His boyfriends have always told him that he is a tease, so he guesses he can show Yoongi a glimpse of this side of him.

Letting go of his shirt, Jimin takes off his underwear instead. He can feel Yoongi’s eyes burning him, but he is careful to get rid of his underwear in a way that won’t let his hyung see what he wants to see. It’s exciting when he turns around to crawl closer to Yoongi. His shirt rides up a little, and his ass is on display from behind, but his hyung still can’t catch a glimpse of it.

With hooded eyes, Jimin meets his intense gaze. Yoongi doesn’t move as he waits for him, and when Jimin sits astride of him, on his lap, his big hands immediately find purchase in his small waist. Jimin worried that this would be awkward, but again, it feels right. He places his hands on his broad shoulders, and he loves how safe he feels in his hyung’s care.

The door is closed, and the warm light from the night lamp illuminates the room so very softly, making this moment feel even more intimate. There’s only a sheet between their crotches, and Jimin’s heart is hammering in his chest. The anticipation makes him tingle all over, and he knows Yoongi isn’t unaffected when the boxer lets out a shaky breath. They remain like this, their eyes flickering all over their faces as they take in one another.

“No second thoughts?” Yoongi asks him.

Jimin shakes his head. “You?”

“None.”

When Yoongi tilts his head back, lips parted, Jimin leans down and presses their lips together again. It starts slow, just like Yoongi told him. Their mouths slide together, and tongues peek out slowly to caress each other, but they grow eager as they make out. Yoongi keeps running his hands up and down his back slowly, lifting his shirt just the slightest bit before he lets it fall again. It’s driving Jimin insane, and he wishes he had taken it off before getting into bed with him.

A part of him feels like he’s dreaming. It doesn’t feel real that he’s here, half-naked and kissing Yoongi like his life depends on it. It’s overwhelming and hot in a way that has his bones melting against Yoongi’s naked chest even through the shirt he’s still wearing.

It’s his hyung who puts a little bit of sanity in this and slows things down. Yoongi grabs his face and breaks the kiss, but he doesn’t go far. He starts giving him long kisses, their lips slotting together each time, but he always leans back before Jimin can use his tongue. That’s how Yoongi manages to slow the pace again little by little, and they regain their breath without having to part for long.

As they keep kissing, Jimin wraps his arms around Yoongi’s neck properly. He involuntarily bucks his hips the slightest bit, needing some more contact, and he lets out a quiet whimper when his growing erection rubs against Yoongi’s firm stomach. He’s not the only one who makes a sound when Yoongi pushes him down onto his lap for Jimin to feel his hardness pressed to his ass through the sheet.

They separate enough to look at each other. Without saying a single word, they both scoot until they are lying in bed, Jimin on top of him and their chests pressed together. Jimin’s legs bracket the boxer’s hips, and he buries his fingers in Yoongi’s black hair as they kiss again. 

Their lips are swollen and red from sharing so many kisses, but they can’t seem to stop. It’s addicting the way their warm mouths fit together. The languid movements of their tongues make Jimin’s heart flutter, and he wonders if Yoongi can feel it as they lie pressed together. It’s like they have all the time in the world, and they’re taking their time to enjoy it.

After what feels like forever, Yoongi’s hands travel down his back until he’s cupping his ass over his shirt. As he nibbles on his hyung’s bottom lip, Jimin makes a content sound, and Yoongi lifts his shirt so he can finally touch his naked skin. The boxer squeezes his flesh once, hard, and Jimin bucks his hips again, moaning into Yoongi’s mouth. When his hyung lets go, he trails his hands up his back under the shirt, and Jimin shivers from how gently Yoongi is touching him.

He has a feeling that Yoongi is stalling, so when his hands are once again at the hem of his shirt, Jimin puts his hands on top of his. He drags their hands up, lifting his shirt as they go. When Yoongi’s hands reach his waist, Jimin sits up so Yoongi can take off his shirt slowly.

Jimin remains sitting on him as Yoongi’s eyes roam his chest. His hands brush the skin of his thighs and move up his stomach and chest, and Jimin feels himself flushing from how intense Yoongi’s gaze is. With his hands on his shoulder blades, Yoongi beckons him to lie on him again, and their mouths find each other once more. They’re skin to skin this time, and Jimin loves how his nipples drag against his hyung’s skin, making the heat accumulating in his lower half double.

This is great, but he needs more. He wants more.

When Yoongi’s hands go back to his ass, Jimin murmurs against his lips. “Hyung, you can touch me.”

“I am,” Yoongi smiles into the kiss.

Jimin leans back to shoot him a flat look. “You know what I mean.”

His hyung chuckles, and it’s contagious. Why do they feel so comfortable doing this? It doesn’t make any sense. As they take a brief moment to just breathe, Jimin observes him with his long hair sprawled on the pillow, and he grows sheepish, his fingers playing with Yoongi’s locks that brush against his neck.

“Prepare me?” he whispers.

Yoongi is also carding his fingers through the younger’s freshly washed hair without taking off his bandana. “Of course.”

“Wait, do you have a condom?” Jimin suddenly remembers. “I didn’t bring any.”

“Stole one from Taehyung’s room and a new bottle of lube,” he tells him. Yoongi stretches his arm to reach for the small bottle on the nightstand that he hasn’t noticed until now. When he turns back to Jimin, the younger is biting down a smile, and his hyung rolls his eyes. “Don’t make me think about it,” he grumbles.

Jimin laughs more freely and gleefully than he has in weeks, his frame shaking on top of Yoongi. It’s not one of those forced chuckles he lets out when he can see that his friends are worried about him. Jimin feels high and giddy, and he wishes he could feel like this always. He prefers not to dwell on how this is going to be a one-time thing when he hears Yoongi joining him in his glee.

“This is gonna be tricky if you keep squirming like this,” Yoongi tells him in between laughter.

His words only make him giggle some more. “Sorry.”

But Yoongi shakes his head, still smiling. “It’s cute.”

His praise has Jimin’s lips stretching into a grin that makes his cheeks bunch up, and he hides his face in Yoongi’s chest because he’s too pleased about such a small thing. He doesn’t know if Yoongi notices it, but Jimin leaves a kiss right over his heart because he needs to somehow express the torrent of affection washing over him or he will explode.

Yoongi taps the top of his head with his finger, and Jimin finally peeks at him, mouth still pressed to his chest. “Ready, cutie pie?” he asks with a smirk that makes him look even more handsome.

He snorts, but he can’t deny that he loves the stupid pet name. Not like he will admit that, though. “You’re being such a doofus.”

Yoongi laughs again, and Jimin watches him with an expression he knows can’t be described as anything other than lovesick. When his hyung calms down, he brings their lips together again, and Jimin melts into the kiss.

“I’m ready,” Jimin murmurs, and Yoongi tugs at his bottom lip playfully before he grabs the bottle of lube again.

Jimin doesn’t move from where he’s nestled as Yoongi coats his fingers. He’s growing nervous now because it feels very real. He thinks Yoongi notices it because before he touches him again, he distracts him with soft pecks against his lips that last longer after each one. Jimin is very into it, but he still squeaks a little when he feels Yoongi’s finger touch his entrance. He sighs against his lips as Yoongi starts circling his rim.

When the first finger finally breaches him, he breaks the kiss, eyes closed as he breathes through his nose.

“Hurts?”

He shakes his head. “Keep going.”

Yoongi does, but it takes a while until his finger is all the way inside and he begins to move it. It stings a little, but the fact that Yoongi is the one opening him up has him enjoying even that bit of discomfort. When the second finger finally joins the first one, he bites his cheek to stop himself from hissing because it’s been a while. He tries not to let it show, but Yoongi must notice how he tenses up.

“It’s okay. Take your time,“ his hyung assures him, leaving a kiss on his cheek.

He breathes in and out, and after a couple of minutes, he nods his head and makes a noise so Yoongi can keep going. By the time Yoongi starts scissoring him, the heat in his lower stomach has reignited, and he buries his face in Yoongi’s collarbones as he pants.

“Feels good,” he whimpers.

“Yeah?”

Jimin hums and lifts his head enough to kiss him again.

Yoongi takes his time with him just like ever since they started, and it’s both amazing and infuriating. Jimin keeps shifting and squirming on top of him, trying to rut against his fingers. The fact he can feel Yoongi’s erection resting against his ass cheek doesn’t help at all.

“Hyung, come on,” Jimin whines when he can’t hold it in anymore.

“We said we were going to do it slowly, did we not?” There’s amusement in Yoongi’s eyes, and it irritates him because now it’s not the time to be playing games.

“You can take your time later. Now please, do it.”

“Fine,” he chortles.

The only warning Jimin gets is the mischievous glint in Yoongi’s eyes before he’s flipping them over, so he’s on top of him instead. Jimin squeals, his eyes widening as he takes in the smug grin on Yoongi’s lips as he regards him from above.

At the evident surprise all over his face, Yoongi sniggers. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Jimin chuckles incredulously. “A little warning would have been nice.”

His hyung just laughs again, the sound so carefree it gives him butterflies. He looks so boyish and adorable with his pink gums on display that Jimin’s heart jolts. It’s his Yoongi. The one he fell in love with. He’s still right there, in front of him. His eyes itch a little bit, and he needs to take in a deep breath before that emotion can overcome him.

He distracts himself by watching how Yoongi puts on the condom and slicks himself. Jimin bites his cheek and tries not to wring his fingers. He’s nervous and excited, the anticipation killing him. He doesn’t want a single moment where Yoongi isn’t clouding his thoughts because then he will start thinking about tomorrow, and he really doesn’t want to do that. For once, Jimin doesn’t want to feel stuck thinking about the past or the future. He wants to be here, in the present, and enjoy this moment to the fullest.

He parts his legs when Yoongi is done, and his hyung nestles himself in between them. Jimin plants his feet on the bed and rests his hands on Yoongi’s ribs while the boxer grabs his own cock, lining himself with his entrance.

“Jimin?” Yoongi still asks one last time because it’s now or never.

And the younger doesn’t have to think about it. “Go ahead,” Jimin says, his heart racing.

Yoongi enters him little by little; centimetre by centimetre. The stretch is overwhelming, and Jimin closes his eyes as he focuses on his breathing, but he doesn’t tell him to stop. Yoongi is on the bigger side, but he can take it. When he’s all the way inside, Jimin exhales long and hard, still with his eyes closed as he tries his best to not clench his body.

It’s only when he feels lips peppering kisses all over his face that his eyes flutter open. Yoongi kisses his chin, his cheeks, and the tip of his nose before he leans back enough to look at him. He looks a little overwhelmed too, and it makes Jimin feel better.

“Are you okay?” Yoongi asks him quietly.

“Yeah, just give me a moment.”

“Whatever you need,” he says before he claims his lips again.

Unlike himself, Yoongi is careful not to completely smother him as he lies on top of him while they kiss. Yoongi cups his face with one hand and supports his weight with his other arm, his forearm and elbow digging into the mattress. Feeling fingers in his hair, Jimin doesn’t pay them any mind as he keeps slotting his lips with his hyung’s. At least until the bandana he’s wearing slips down and covers his eyes. That’s when he realises it had been Yoongi’s doing. 

“Hyung?” he asks, confused and not seeing a thing when he opens his eyes.

He reaches up to tug the bandana down so he can see, but Yoongi stops him by entwining their fingers and pressing their hands against the mattress. Without giving him an explanation, Yoongi kisses him again. It's exhilarating how his other senses sharpen. He hears their pants and smells their arousal filling the room. He tastes Yoongi on his tongue, and he is very much aware of how full he feels with Yoongi’s cock inside him.

Yet, the boxer doesn’t take long until he’s getting rid of the bandana, dragging it up and off his head. Yoongi doesn’t set it aside, though. Instead, he wraps it around his wrist before he looks at him.

“I want to see you and for you to see everything,” he says as he brushes pieces of hair away from Jimin’s face. “And this way I can touch your pretty hair.” Jimin swallows thickly at the compliment and his tender touches, awfully aware of how they’re joined. “Can I move now? Do you feel better?”

His hands find purchase on his broad back before he croaks, “Please.”

He doesn’t need to say more.

Yoongi is careful as he pulls back to enter him again, and Jimin gasps at the pleasant feeling. He still feels a little sting, but he knows it will completely disappear soon enough. As Yoongi thrusts into him slowly, Jimin throws his head back and closes his eyes, enjoying how full he feels and the care behind Yoongi’s ministrations. His hyung seizes the moment to leave wet kisses along the column of his neck. He doesn’t leave any marks, and Jimin wants to pout, but he knows he will be grateful for that in the morning.

Their breathless pants fill the room as Yoongi rocks his hips slowly. One of Jimin’s hands is buried in Yoongi’s hair while the other is pressed against his hyung’s lower back, almost as if urging him to keep going while Jimin also moves against him. Yoongi lowers his head and moans, a sound that makes Jimin whimper. When the boxer raises his head again, their gazes lock as they keep rocking their bodies slowly. The air around them is hazy, and Yoongi’s thumb caresses his cheek so tenderly that Jimin feels an electric shock spread across his body.

Jimin agreed to sleep with him while thinking that maybe this will make him open up his eyes. He thought hey, maybe Yoongi is a terrible lover and I’ll change my mind about him after this. Yet Yoongi is being so tender with him that Jimin feels like he could melt in his arms. He is so sweet to him that it confuses Jimin. No matter what Yoongi said at the beach about how he cares about him, Jimin needs to remind himself that they’re just hooking up, because this? This doesn’t feel like meaningless sex.

It feels like… like they’re making love.

“You’re so pretty,” Yoongi breathes out and leans down to bite his jaw. It’s not a harsh bite, just enough to make him feel it.

Jimin trembles.

The younger lifts his hips to press himself closer to him, and Yoongi seems to lose his composure because his thrusts finally speed up after he lets out another moan next to his ear. The sound goes straight to his aching cock, and Jimin holds onto him tighter as he tries to catch up with this new rhythm, but it’s hard when Yoongi attacks his mouth hungrily. Their moans are muffled as they kiss and move their hips in tandem.

It all turns into a blur after that.

They grow agitated, hands gripping onto one another while their sweaty bodies slide together in a sensuous dance. Yoongi could still move faster, but he doesn’t. It’s just enough to satiate their needs, but not enough to throw them over the edge. Jimin feels hot all over, and he needs to touch himself. As they kiss, he tries to reach for his erection in between their bodies, but Yoongi realises what he’s doing and stops him.

They break the kiss with a gasp and a wet sound. Jimin is about to protest until he sees Yoongi’s hand—the one where he’s got his bandana wrapped around his wrist—disappear between their bodies. Jimin’s mouth opens with a moan, and their mouths are so close that their wet lips touch when Yoongi grabs his arousal.

“Yoong—”

“Fuck, I’m close,” Yoongi almost growls.

“Hyung… Yoongi, please.” Jimin keeps blabbering, his sweaty hair plastered to his cheeks as his fingers dig into his hyung’s back.

Meanwhile, Yoongi is watching him with such an intensity that it’s making his insides tingle as he keeps thrusting into him and jerking him off. Jimin is writhing under him, overwhelmed as he searches for his climax.

“So fucking pretty,” Yoongi groans above him.

His toes curl. “Yoonie,” he moans.

Surprisingly, it’s his hyung who comes first, his hips and hand faltering as his frame trembles. Yoongi lets out a string of moans as he empties himself into the condom. Yoongi gasps for breath with pink cheeks and neck and collarbones, but he doesn’t forget about him for long. Before he grows limp, he helps Jimin by keeping going a little bit more while he strokes him quickly, just like Jimin craved.

He can’t keep quiet after that, and Yoongi doesn’t want him to by the breathless words of encouragement he keeps whispering to him as he watches him come undone. It’s too much, and Jimin’s body pulls tight. He doesn’t know what comes over him. Maybe it’s the fact he’s having sex with his first love, his unrequited love, but he’s feeling too much at once. Years of tears and accumulated frustration come to the surface as his orgasm washes over him. Jimin wants to scream, but instead, he bites Yoongi’s shoulder as he comes.

It’s like he momentarily loses track of time and space. He blacks out. One moment he’s convulsing in Yoongi’s embrace, and the next one, he’s lying on the bed, his hyung next to him as he gathers him in his arms again. Jimin goes with him, pliant and incapable of moving a single muscle right now. He nuzzles Yoongi’s neck with his eyes closed as he catches his breath. That has to be the most intense orgasm of his life, and he doesn’t care that they’re both sweaty and gross, not when Yoongi’s lips brush against his temple and his fingers trace his back.

It takes him a few minutes to recover and open his eyes, and when he does, Jimin comes face to face with the aftermath of his bite. He didn’t do it hard enough to make him bleed, but he can see the marks his teeth have left on his pale skin.

“Oh, shit,” he curses. Jimin traces the bite with his finger and looks at Yoongi, who is observing him, but he’s not wincing at the touch. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that,” he apologises, mortified because he’s never done that before.

Yet Yoongi’s lips are curled up, still holding him close. Jimin feels the need to comb his black hair back, but he stops himself. “It’s fine,” Yoongi assures him. “Doesn’t hurt.”

“Doesn’t look like it,” Jimin counters with pursed lips, still looking at the bite mark with concern.

“Trust me. It’s nothing,” Yoongi tells him, lifting his chin so their eyes meet. “I’ve been hurt before. This actually felt good,” he adds, chortling.

Jimin feels him tremble against him as he laughs, but he says disapprovingly, still feeling bad, “Hyung…”

Yet Yoongi’s smile widens. “What? Did that make me sound like a pervert?” he asks, nudging him.

This time Jimin can’t help but snort. “A little,” he admits, fighting a smile.

Yoongi raises an eyebrow as he regards him, but he looks amused. “Well, you gave it to me, so who is the biggest pervert here?”

“Still you,” Jimin teases him, and this time he does chuckle.

His hyung draws a breath between his teeth and clicks his tongue. “You little…”

The boxer buries his face in Jimin’s neck and peppers it with kisses that have the younger squealing because it tickles. They’re hugging and writhing in bed as Jimin tries to get away from him half-heartedly. His stomach hurts from how much he’s laughing as he begs Yoongi to stop because he keeps breathing against his neck while he laughs, too. And it’s right then when it hits him.

I love him, Jimin realises both with relief and dread.

Fuck, it’s not out of habit. He still loves Yoongi. Who he was and who he is. Their banter. The way he makes him feel. The way he takes care of him. His smell and his warmth. Everything is right when he’s by his side.

“Are you okay?” Yoongi asks him, concerned when Jimin suddenly falls silent and stops squirming.

Jimin blinks and his vision refocuses as he stares into Yoongi’s eyes. He smiles softly at him. “Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.”

“For sure?”

“Yes,” he replies more firmly this time.

Everything is just too much.

“Okay,” Yoongi relents, but he doesn’t look too sure.

They stare at one another in silence until Jimin can’t resist it anymore, and he finally reaches to comb his hyung’s hair away from his handsome face. However, it is Yoongi the one who closes the space between them to kiss him again. Jimin is surprised, not having expected this now that the deed was done, but here they are, limbs tangled under the sheet Yoongi grabs blindly to cover them without separating from him.

Jimin cups Yoongi’s face as they keep kissing, and once again, it feels so right. However, this whole thing has stirred something in Jimin, and the strange thing is that he has a feeling it’s the same for Yoongi. There’s something in the way he looks at him when they separate briefly to breathe, in the way he holds him that tells him so. Or maybe it’s his wishful thinking playing mind games with him.

He falls asleep before he can come to a conclusion, too spent and content to fight sleep any longer, even though the last thing he wants is for this night to end.

Chapter Text

He wakes up disoriented, feeling like he has slept for three years. Jimin opens his eyes slowly, but he has trouble doing so because they feel heavy and crusty. With a groan, he rubs them and turns in bed… only to find the other side empty.

Jimin is still naked, the sheet barely covering him, and he lies on his back with his head turned to Yoongi’s side, hand resting on the cold mattress as his old wounds flare up.

He is gone. Yoongi left for Seoul without saying a thing. Again. And Jimin thought that last night had meant something to Yoongi, too. What a joke.

His chest feels hollow, but he won’t cry. He won’t fucking cry. Jimin knew this was just a one-time thing. Nothing more. And he still went and did it. He did this to himself. He’s so fucking stupid. Even so, he won’t cry.

He needs to take a few deep breaths to will the tears away, to swallow down the growing lump in his throat. He needs to wake up once and for all. This is his final wake-up call because he can’t do this anymore.

He gets up in a hurry—the sheets burn him with last night’s memories. Jimin splashes his face with cold water in the bathroom and hopes that nobody will notice his slight red-rimmed eyes. He can hear noises coming from the kitchen, and he stops and thinks about locking himself in the room, not feeling strong enough to pretend in front of Taehyung and Jungkook.

God, when did they get back last night? What if they heard? Jimin isn’t ready to talk about it. Not now. Maybe not ever.

But it’s already almost noon, and he knows his friends will come to find him. There is no point in stalling, and Jimin doesn’t want to act like a child and run away from his problems again. He’s sick and tired of it.

Jimin shuffles to the kitchen. He can smell something delicious in the making, and he knows Jungkook must have woken up starving if he’s cooking already instead of eating a bowl of cereal even if it’s close to noon. Just as he rounds the corner, he finds his friend in the kitchen with his back to him, as expected.

What he doesn’t expect is to find Yoongi, spatula in hand, as he cooks with Jungkook next to him.

He halts. Time stops. His breath hitches.

Yoongi had to return to Seoul this morning, but he’s here. He hasn’t left.

“Hello, sleepyhead,” Taehyung says from the couch.

Jimin startles as he turns toward his best friend. For some reason, Taehyung doesn’t seem surprised by the shocked expression on his face right now. Taehyung looks unfaced, but there’s a glint in his eyes that tells him he knows.

Well, even if they didn’t hear them when they returned last night, Jungkook and he must have noticed that Yoongi wasn’t sleeping on the couch, and there was only another place where he could be…

It’s not like Jimin has time to truly dwell on that because it’s not important right now. Not when Yoongi is turning around after hearing Taehyung’s greeting and his eyes find him, standing in the middle of the living room, rooted to the spot.

He still can’t believe Yoongi didn’t leave.

His hyung opens his mouth, probably to greet him too, but Jimin’s fight or flight instinct kicks in, and he turns around, mumbling a lame excuse about having forgotten his phone.

Jimin closes the door, both hands pressed against the wood as he breathes fast. He can’t stay still, and he ends up pacing the room, his heart pounding in his chest. It’s his own reflection in the full body mirror that has him stopping. He’s covering his mouth with his hand, and his eyes are blown wide. Jimin looks like he’s about to cry.

Shit, he’s here.

Yoongi is here.

What does that mean? What does it mean?!

Feeling on edge, he flinches when someone knocks on his door. By the bed, Jimin grips the footboard rails as he stands there like a deer caught in headlights. Is it Taehyung? He takes a look at the messy and dirty sheets, as well as the bottle of lube tangled in them, and Jimin has the sudden urge to hide everything under the bed. He is not thinking straight right now.

“Jimin?” Yoongi asks when he doesn’t answer.

Shit.

“Yes?!” He sounds shrilly in his astonishment and utter panic.

Slowly, Yoongi peeks inside, and Jimin straightens up, his grip on the railing tightening. Yoongi’s eyes take notice of that. “Can I come in?”

“Sure,” he says, his voice cracking slightly. He curses himself for it.

After getting permission, Yoongi enters, keeping an eye on him and not forgetting about closing the door once more. The boxer attempts to approach him, but he stops himself. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Yeah?”

His hyung keeps studying him without getting closer, like he fears he’ll startle him if he does. “Back there you looked… shaken up.”

Yoongi’s eyes drift down to his grip on the railing, and Jimin finally realises what he’s doing. He lets go immediately. His eyes dance around the room to avoid looking at Yoongi until they land on the messy bed and memories of last night assault him. Jimin averts his eyes, grabbing his forearm instead.

“Having second thoughts about last night?” Yoongi asks jokingly, but he’s too tense to sound as light as he tries.

Jimin snaps his head towards him. “Eh? No, it’s just—” He fumbles for what to say, but there’s only one thought haunting him over and over again. “I thought you had already left,” he tells him very quietly.

Yoongi hums, understanding. “When I woke up, you were sound asleep, and I felt bad about waking you up,” he explains himself, and this time he does take a couple of steps forward.

“You were leaving in the morning. You’re supposed to be back in Seoul,” Jimin says, sounding like he has completely ignored his hyung’s words. He can’t help it when he’s still trying to process that Yoongi is standing in front of him. “But you’re here.”

Yoongi regards him with a solemn expression on his face. “Should I? Should I have left?”

That’s a loaded question.

At least that’s how it sounds to Jimin’s ears. He thinks about it as Yoongi gets closer until they could touch each other if they reached out. Their eyes lock, and the answer is right in front of him.

Jimin shakes his head, incapable of looking away. “No.”

His answer makes Yoongi’s lips curl up sweetly. “That’s good to hear.” He reaches for Jimin’s hands and takes them in his. The younger observes them, his mind racing with so many thoughts that he doesn’t know which one to focus on. Yoongi pulls gently, and Jimin looks at him. “Come on, let’s eat breakfast. I prepared fried rice. You still like it, right?”

Jimin’s heart flutters. “It’s still my favourite.”

Yoongi’s smile widens, and Jimin is pulled towards him like a moth to a flame.

***

They sit together as they eat with Taehyung and Jungkook. Nobody mentions last night’s sleeping arrangements as they fill their stomachs, or Yoongi’s presence after saying he was going to leave that morning. Conversation is light as the news play in the background, but Jimin can’t entirely focus on either because he’s too aware of how his knee is touching Yoongi’s under the table. Their legs are pressed together, and neither moves away as they eat lunch.

Still, Jimin tries to hide his giddy smile from Taehyung’s observant eyes as Yoongi teases him about the grain of rice he’s got stuck in the corner of his mouth. “You’re still a messy eater,” he chuckles as he passes him a napkin.

Their fingers brush when he takes it, and Jimin has to avert his eyes because he feels tingly all over, and he doesn’t think he can hide it from his friends.

Yoongi’s phone rings then, and he gets up to grab it from the coffee table. The three of them follow him with their eyes as he responds, and it doesn’t take them long to realise it’s his trainer. Jimin nibbles on his bottom lip, worried about his hyung being in trouble.

“Yeah, sorry about that. I’ll go back to Seoul today,” Yoongi says after a moment, ruffling his fluffy hair. “I know. I understand. Yes. See you tomorrow, hyung.”

“Everything okay, hyung?” Jungkook asks once he has hung up.

Yoongi sits at the table with them again and smiles softly. “No problem.”

“Namjoon-hyung must be pissed that you won’t get to today’s training. Seokjin-hyung, too,” Taehyung points out as he reaches for his glass of water.

But his brother just rolls his eyes, scooping some more fried rice. “I’ll only miss a training session. It’s not a big deal.”

“You never miss training.”

Yoongi looks up at his brother, and they share a long look before the boxer goes back to eating. Jimin feels Yoongi pressing their legs together again. “That’s why I needed to get away for a few days. I’m not a machine. My trainer and manager will survive one more day without me.”

“You’re the one who has to survive that fight, though,” Jimin mutters worriedly, finally speaking, and immediately he has three pairs of eyes glued to him. It’s nerve-wracking because it feels like everyone knows, but the sweet smile Yoongi is shooting him distracts him.

“Hyung will be fine,” he assures him warmly. “This time here did me good. I’m in good spirits again and ready to beat up Do Seojun.” Yoongi then raised his arm and flexed it, making a show out of it.

He hears his friends snigger at the boxer’s antics. Jimin chuckles too, but he can feel warmth creeping up his neck, and he has to look down at his food. Those same strong arms held him very tightly last night, and the memory has him squirming in his seat.

“Oooh,” Jungkook grins and gives Yoongi a thumbs up. “Are we sitting with the next number one boxer in the peninsula?”

“Let’s hope so,” Yoongi says, sounding more confident than he has ever since he arrived. “I’ll let you wear the belt once it’s mine.”

Jungkook’s eyes widened. “Sweet!!”

Yoongi laughs, and he doesn’t look defeated anymore, even though they’re talking about this. Jimin is so happy and relieved that spending time here helped him. Friends and the beach can truly work miracles on anyone. That’s why Taehyung brought him here, although Jimin now has another pile of questions and doubts waiting for him to make sense of them.

After lunch, Jimin goes back to his room to take a shower. He doesn’t think he takes too long—he tried not to because he wants to spend as much time with Yoongi as he can before he has to leave. Jimin has been thinking about bringing up last night, but he doesn’t know if he should. His heart has been telling him that Yoongi stayed because of him, but his brain reminds him it could have been because he was tired or didn’t remember to set an alarm. They should talk about it, but it’s hard bringing it up, even more so when Jungkook and Taehyung are with them.

That is what he’s pondering on as he exits his room when he hears the Min brothers arguing in hushed voices in the living room. Jimin halts just as he’s about to round the corner. He should turn around and leave them be. Eavesdropping is incredibly rude, and he’s just about to go back to his room when Taehyung raises his voice a little bit, and his words keep him rooted to the spot.

“You say many things when you’re drunk that I won’t remind you of right now because we both know what I’m talking about,” he hears his friend say derisively, “but not too long ago, you asked me if he was avoiding you.”

“Yeah, I did, and you lied.”

“Is that why you decided to stay here? To check for yourself?”

“You think I planned this?” Yoongi sounds pissed now, and Jimin presses his back against the wall as he looks towards the living room, but he can’t see them. “I didn’t know you were here, let alone Jimin.”

“Okay, then let me ask you this: what do you want from him?”

Jimin’s heart sinks.

He can’t stop himself any longer, and Jimin leans forward to get a glimpse of them. Taehyung is sitting in the armchair while Yoongi is standing up in front of the couch. His hyung drops his duffel bag on top of it, a hint of anger in the action before he scowls at his brother.

“Why do you talk as if I have ulterior motives? Because it’s pissing me off.”

“We’re talking about my best friend. I love him to pieces, and I don’t want him to go through another heartb—” Taehyung closes his eyes and stops himself before he can blurt out something he shouldn’t. Jimin swallows thickly, and the next time Tae opens his eyes, his friend takes a deep breath to keep himself in check. “Hyung, you’ve been bringing up Jimin in our conversations whenever we meet for the past what? Two years?”

What?

Yoongi folds his arms, but when he speaks, he sounds nonchalant. “So what? We’ve known each other forever. Can’t I be curious about how he’s doing?”

Taehyung quirks an eyebrow at him, but Yoongi remains silent. “‘Wow, Jimin has grown a lot.’ ‘That hair suits him.’ ‘He looks very pretty.’ ‘Is that guy his boyfriend?’” Taehyung imitates Yoongi’s deep voice, and his older brother tenses up as he glowers at him. “Care to explain?”

Jimin’s nails dig into the wall as his heart pounds in his chest. He can’t believe what he’s hearing.

“I don’t have to give you any explanations about how I feel or don’t. Least of all when I’m drunk.”

“Hyung, this is serious,” Taehyung tells him, looking stern as he leans forward on the armchair while looking up at his brother. “This is Jimin we’re talking about. We practically grew up together, and he’s my best friend. And you go and sleep with him just because?”

Jimin squeezes his eyes shut.

Of course he knows. Of course he does.

“Taehyung,” Yoongi says in warning, but his dongsaeng doesn’t avert his eyes. “You’re being a jerk right now, and I’m not gonna talk about this with you.”

Yoongi ends the conversation and turns around to unzip his duffel bag, but his younger brother is taking none of that. He springs up and grabs his hyung by his arm to turn him back around.

“Oh, you will. You’re going to tell me what the fuck was going through your head,” Taehyung hisses.

“No,” Yoongi denies resolutely. “This has nothing to do with you. This is between Jimin and me. We both talked about it, and we made the decision together.”

“Who brought it up?”

The boxer frowns. “Why is that important? It just happened. End of story.”

“Did he suggest it?” Taehyung presses, not letting Yoongi get away from this.

“I did,” he admits.

Taehyung’s eyes widen and he takes a step back. “Shit. Fucking shit,” he curses as he brings his hands to his head.

“Why do you act like his mother? Jimin is old enough to make his own decisions,” Yoongi reminds him, scowling at his brother once more.

Taehyung shoots him a murderous glare at that. “Fuck, you’re so fucking blind!”

Jimin startles because he knows his best friend too well and he knows he’s about to explode. Taehyung is going to say it. He can’t say it!

Suddenly, the door to the other bedroom opens, and out comes Jungkook. He must have heard his boyfriend’s loud voice because he seems confused as he looks at Jimin. “What’s wrong? Why are they arguing?”

This is it.

Jimin grabs his arm and pulls him closer, much to Jungkook’s surprise. He meets the younger’s eyes desperately. “Go and interrupt them,” he whispers.

Jungkook startles. “W-What?”

“Do it. Now. And don’t you dare tell them I was here,” Jimin says to a wide-eyed Jungkook before he pushes him forward until he’s in the brothers’ field of vision, and Jimin gets away before they can see him.

He closes the door to his bedroom as quietly as he can, and Jimin stands there, not knowing what to do or think. His mind is blank, but his heart is racing, and it’s making him pant. Too many things have happened in such a short amount of time that he feels like he's about to burst at the seams. Yoongi’s visit, reconnecting with him, last night’s events, his delayed trip back to Seoul, and now this. He tries reading between the lines, and he doesn’t want to get his hopes up. Yoongi has said nothing that could mean this thing between them means something more, but Taehyung just implied so…

Yet his longing keeps him from replaying that strange conversation between the Min brothers again. Or maybe it’s a self-defence mechanism.

Jimin is restless about Yoongi leaving already because he doesn’t know how things will go from now on. He doesn’t know where they stand—even less now that he’s heard that conversation—but he knows the boxer must go. He tries to reason that they will be both in Seoul, and the only reason they haven’t seen each other in so long is that Jimin has been avoiding him like the plague, so maybe now he can see him from time to time.

He gives it five minutes before he goes back out, pretending he hasn’t heard a single thing. Yet he finds that Taehyung and Jungkook aren’t in the living room. It’s only Yoongi there, sitting on the couch with his back to him, head lowered. The front door is open, so he guesses the other two are out on the porch.

Jimin approaches him slowly and sits on the arm of the couch. That finally has Yoongi raising his head, and he looks momentarily surprised.

“Is everything okay?” Jimin asks, even though he knows it’s probably not.

Yoongi turns his head and looks at the door before he looks back at Jimin. “Yeah, just… packing,” he replies, reaching for his abandoned bag next to him.

Seeing the shirt draped over the backrest of the couch, Jimin grabs it and folds it before he passes it to Yoongi, who accepts it with a small smile.

“You didn’t hear us?” Yoongi asks him as he stuffs the shirt in his bag.

He doesn't want to lie, but he also doesn’t know what he’ll do if Yoongi brings that conversation up. Will he shut it down and say Taehyung was just being nosy? Will he tell him there’s something else he hasn’t told him yet?

“What?” Jimin says instead, like the coward he likes to believe he isn’t.

It worries him that Yoongi can see through his facade when he keeps observing him for a moment, as if assessing him. But then he shakes his head with a slight quirk on his lips. “Nothing. Just Taehyung being Taehyung.”

Why does he feel disappointed? He shouldn't. He has no right. Not when he has been the first one to recoil.

He doesn’t press him about it and Yoongi drops it, so Jimin helps him pack the few things he brought while a silence that burns him stretches between them. However, he keeps staring at Yoongi while the boxer isn't looking.

“Hyung,” Jimin finds himself saying longingly.

“Mm?” Yoongi doesn’t look up, nor does he stop arranging his duffel bag to answer him.

Jimin lowers his head and shakes it with a rueful smile. “Nothing.”

His hyung finally stops to look at him. “What is it?” Yoongi asks kindly.

He shrugs and mutters, “I don’t know…”

There are so many things he should say, but words evade him, and it’s so frustrating because if he doesn’t say it now, he doesn’t know when he’ll get the chance to do it. They will be back to square one, and all the progress they’ve made these couple of days will vanish. Jimin doesn’t want that.

Why does love have to be so hard? Why is it so hard to be honest with the person who holds his heart in his hands? Jimin knows the answer to that, he realises.

Because he knows how easily Yoongi could hurt him.

When he feels Yoongi touching his knee, resting his hand there, Jimin jolts. He peeks at Yoongi, and he finds his sharp eyes already on him. “I’m gonna be very busy from now on. I’ll be practically living in the training centre,” he tells him quietly. That’s what Jimin is dreading. “But you could come to see me if you feel like it.”

Jimin can’t look away as hope blooms in his heart. “I could do that,” he mutters, sounding almost breathless.

“You should,” Yoongi insists, squeezing his knee. “I’d like that.”

They remain with their gazes locked after that, and Jimin thinks that there’s more to this small exchange than meets the eye. He hopes with all his heart he’s not imagining it, but the way Yoongi can’t seem to stop touching him—to separate from him—tells him it’s not all in his head.

***

Yoongi leaves soon after because he can’t delay it anymore because of his schedule. Taehyung and Yoongi look tense as they all stand on the porch while Jungkook is glancing at both brothers nervously. Meanwhile, Jimin is trying to act like he doesn’t know what’s going on. He doesn’t know for how long he’ll be able to pretend when Jungkook keeps shooting looks his way, too.

“I guess we’ll see you at the match,” Taehyung says, arms folded.

Yoongi adjusts the strap of his bag. “Guess so.”

“Don’t hurt yourself too badly. You can’t afford to look uglier.”

Jimin hides a smile by looking to the side, but he hears Jungkook snigger. It’s a strange peace offering, but a peace offering nonetheless.

Yoongi snorts. “Thanks,” he says, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Jungkook does approach Yoongi to hug him, patting his back and wishing him the best for the rest of his training. The boxer ruffles his hair fondly when they separate and promises to get them the best seats, much to Jungkook’s delight.

When Yoongi turns to him, Jimin is hugging himself to hide how his hands are trembling. He can feel Taehyung and Jungkook staring at him, and it makes this farewell even more nerve-wracking.

Yoongi doesn’t care about them, though. “Will you watch the match too?” he asks him, his sole attention on him.

Jimin purses his lips. “I’ll try.” They both look at each other. Jimin wants to kiss him, to keep him here so he won’t have to fight anybody, but he knows better than that. “Be careful, hyung.”

“Promise you’ll watch?” Yoongi tries again earnestly.

He pauses. “I told you I will.”

“You said you’ll try.”

Yoongi isn’t backing down, and a part of Jimin is glad about it.

“I’ll go,” Jimin promises instead.

That’s the best he can give him. He can’t promise he will watch. Jimin has only been to two of his matches in the past, and he could watch neither, but now… He guesses he could give this another try, although he doesn’t think the outcome will be different. Taehyung will have to strap him to the chair to stop him from running away the moment Yoongi receives the first hit.

Looking appeased, Yoongi visibly relaxes. “Okay.” He turns to look at Taehyung and Jungkook too. “Bye, guys.”

They wave at him and watch him go.

“You know, you could go with him to the train station,” Taehyung says nonchalantly.

After shooting his friend a brief look, Jimin shakes his head. That’s not a good idea. Yoongi has to wear a mask in public so nobody will recognise him, and Jimin doesn’t think he’ll be able to stop himself from doing something stupid like kissing him in public. With all the pressure the boxer has been carrying on his shoulders, he doesn’t want to add to that all the gossip that would ensue.

Taehyung says nothing more before he gets back inside with Jungkook, giving him a moment to himself. Jimin sits on the wooden stairs for a long time as he fills his lungs with the salty and refreshing summer breeze as he fiddles with his phone. There’s too much on his mind, and he is not sure what to do next, but Jimin knows he has to do something. He can’t let this go stale again.

So he unlocks his phone and opens up Instagram. His finger hovers over his screen before he taps it and follows Yoongi back. It’s the tiniest step he could take right now, but one he’s been avoiding for years. 

His stomach is in knots because he has no way of knowing if Yoongi has seen it. Jimin doesn’t know if he can expect anything in return; if it’s fair that he wants something when he has ignored Yoongi for so long.

And then he gets a DM from Yoongi that simply says:

Finally.

Jimin hides his face in his hands that still cradle his phone and smiles, relieved and hopeful.

He truly wishes he won’t end up crashing. Again.

***

Of course, Taehyung can’t leave it be for more than a day before he approaches him alone. They have begun to pack because they’re leaving the next day. Jimin is in his room, kneeling on the floor as he looks under the bed. That’s how his friend finds him.

“What are you doing?”

Surprised, Jimin almost bumps his head against the mattress base when he hears him. He crawls out and straightens up to look at Tae, still on the floor. “I can’t find my bandana.”

“Maybe it’s still in your bag?” Taehyung suggests as he enters and closes the door behind him. Jimin doesn’t miss that detail.

He gets up from the floor and looks around with his hands on his hips. “Already checked just in case and no. I’ve been wearing it, but I don’t know where I left it.”

“You’ve got others at home, so it’s no problem, no?”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” he says, but he can’t help how he pouts a little bit.

That bandana reminds him of that night. That’s why he has been looking for it for an hour already to no avail. He sighs and sits on the bed, giving up. Taehyung sits next to him, and that reminds him of what he should be worrying about right now.

“Are we not gonna talk about it?” Taehyung finally asks him.

“About what specifically?” He’s just stalling for time at this point.

Taehyung shoots him a flat look. “I don’t know. Maybe about that night we left you alone with my brother at the beach and how you ended up waking up in the same bed?”

Jimin averts his eyes, his gaze fixing on his hands as he fiddles with his shorts. “Why ask about it if you already know what happened?” he murmurs.

There’s a strange pause after that, and Jimin can almost hear Taehyung thinking. “You heard our conversation, didn’t you?”

Shit.

“What conversation?” Jimin tries again.

“Mimi, please.”

He nibbles on his lips nervously before he peeks at Taehyung tentatively. “He talks about me?” Jimin asks, voice cracking with emotion.

Taehyung sighs, his shoulders sagging, but he nods. “He does.”

So it’s true. Yoongi talks about him when he isn’t there, even though they haven’t seen each other in years.

“You never told me that,” he says quietly, without an ounce of accusation.

“I thought you were over him,” Taehyung explained. “When it started to happen, you had Kwangsoo and then Minho. I didn’t want to stir things up, not when I wasn’t sure what my brother was thinking.” His friend huffs. “Not like I know what he’s thinking right now…” Tae turns to look at him with piercing eyes, and Jimin almost flinches. “I can’t believe you thought hooking up with him would be a good idea.”

“You said I needed to be bold!” he defends himself.

“Shit, Jimin.” Taehyung regards him with an incredulous look that has Jimin growing embarrassed. “There’s a stretch between being bold and having sex with him.” Jimin lowers his head as he clenches his hands on his lap, and he hears his friend sigh before he puts his hand on top of his soothingly. “Did you at least tell him about your feelings?” Taehyung asked him softly this time, feeling bad for being so brutally honest.

He shares a look with Tae, and his forlorn eyes tell him everything he needs to know. Jimin leans his head on his friend’s shoulder, looking for some comfort. “How could I?” he murmurs. “It would’ve scared him away.”

His head shifts with the way Taehyung heaves out a sigh. “You’re both so… ugh.”

Jimin frowns and lifts his head to look at him. “What?”

He rolls his eyes. “You suit each other, that’s all,” Tae says before he uses his hand to make Jimin rest his head on his shoulder again. “So you’re gonna go to his match, huh?”

“I promised.”

“And you won’t run away this time?” Taehyung looks down to regard him with a quirked eyebrow and an amused smirk.

Jimin closes his eyes. “I give you permission to strap me to the chair.”

Taehyung chuckles at that. They remain pressed close together for a bit, lost in their thoughts. “I kind of get deja vu just thinking about it, do you?” Taehyung asks him after a while.

“Yeah, it’s a little scary,” he admits.

Wrapping an arm around his shoulders, Taehyung hugs him encouragingly. “I really hope it all works out this time, Jiminie. I truly do.”

Thankful for his endless support, Jimin nuzzles his friend and basks in his warmth.

Yeah, he hopes so, too.

Chapter Text

Three knocks on his door wake him up with a startle. He opens his eyes and wonders where he is for a moment until he recognises his room back in Seoul. It’s been a few days since they came back, but his dreams have been consistently revolving around the beach house and a certain someone, so he’s been having trouble situating himself after spending all night long far away from here.

“Jimin-ah?” The door to his room opens a little bit, enough for his roommate Hoseok to peek his head inside. Jimin rolls on the bed to look at him with barely opened eyes. “I’m leaving already,” Hoseok whispers. “You told me to wake you if you weren’t already up by now.”

“Yeah, yeah. Thanks, hyung,” Jimin rasps. “Have a nice day at work.”

Hoseok smiles knowingly. “You, too. Good luck today. Fighting,” he singsongs.

The reminder when he’s still half-asleep gives Jimin butterflies: he’s going to visit Yoongi today. Not only that, but he’s going to ask him on a date.

They’ve been texting regularly ever since his hyung left the beach house. Yoongi replies when he can because of his strenuous training, and Jimin wishes he could say he doesn’t wait impatiently for his replies, but he has time to spare thanks to summer vacation. These texts have been nothing out of the ordinary, but they’re playful. Yoongi keeps contacting him even if it’s just to tell him how tired he is at the end of the day, and it’s cute how he uses aegyo to end his sentences. It sounds like he’s asking for affection, and Jimin can’t say he doesn’t love the attention, especially when the boxer keeps giving him hints that he wants to see him.

Is he flirting with me? He cannot help but think every time he gets one of his texts.

It’s a little scary because he doesn’t want to get his hopes up, but after their last night at the beach house, Jimin has been considering the idea that maybe Yoongi feels something for him. It doesn’t sound like such a wild idea after how it felt to have sex with him and how not awkward the morning after was. He tries to be as objective as he can when he analyses Yoongi’s behaviour, but these texts and his hyung’s obvious interest aren’t helping.

Jimin ponders on what to do for a few days and refuses to spend them just thinking of Yoongi. In fact, this new development has filled him with energy, and he just can’t stand still. When he’s not working on his designs, he goes for a run by the Han River, or he meets up with his friends that he hasn’t seen ever since he broke up with Minho. They’re happy to see him in better spirits, especially Hoseok. His roommate doesn’t know everything about Yoongi because Jimin hasn’t told him, but he knows enough to send him knowing looks whenever he sees him on his phone.

He’s also the only one who knows what he’s going to do today. Jimin hasn’t told Taehyung because he only made up his mind last night, and he worries that if he talks about it with more people, he’ll think too much about it and end up chickening out at the last moment.

As he gets dressed, putting more effort into his appearance than usual, Jimin takes a deep breath to calm his nerves. It’s going to be fine. Yoongi has reminded him a few times that he should go see him one of these days, so that’s what he’s going to do. He doesn’t want to go empty-handed, though. That’s why he has taken the time to order a healthy lunch so he can bring it to his hyung.

He stayed awake past midnight last night researching to find out what would be best and a lunch full of protein, healthy fats and vitamins was the way to go. At first, he thought about making it himself, but Jimin knows his own strengths, and cooking isn’t one of them. He isn’t terrible, but he’d rather not be responsible for Daegu’s Panther getting sick right before the most important fight of his life. His fans would kill him. Namjoon and Seokjin, too. Even Jungkook would kick him at least once.

After picking up the lunchbox he ordered from the restaurant, Jimin walks to Yoongi’s training centre. He stands in front of it for a moment, his grip on the paper bag tightening before he braces himself and goes for it. There’s no point in delaying it, not when he’s already here.

Summer is still in full swing, and the air conditioner feels very nice against his feverish skin. He walks over to the counter, where a woman looks up from her computer when she sees him approaching. Jimin smiles politely. “Hi, I’m here to see Min Yoongi.”

She stops and stares, and Jimin realises she doesn’t trust him. “And you are?”

“I’m a friend.”

That only makes her narrow her eyes at him as she studies him. “He didn’t inform us that a friend was coming today.”

Because he didn’t tell Yoongi beforehand. Shit, he didn’t think this could be a problem. He can’t say he minds her carefulness knowing that it’s due to security reasons. Yoongi has fans, so maybe some of them have tried to approach him with an excuse like that.

“He told me I could come,” Jimin says slowly.

She purses her lips, and Jimin tries not to fidget. He’s doing nothing wrong, but her eyes make him feel like he is. “What’s your name?” she asks instead.

“Park Jimin.”

“Okay, let me make a phone call,” she tells him. “Please take a seat over there and wait.”

“Thank you,” Jimin bows and does as told.

He sits on one of the chairs against the wall, still holding onto the lunchbox. Jimin sees her make the call and the way she glances his way as she speaks, and he can’t help but look down awkwardly.

Maybe this was a bad idea. He didn’t inform Yoongi of his visit because Jimin knew that would’ve only made this more nerve-wracking. Yet, now that he’s here, he wonders if he should have. Yoongi is working hard right now, so what if he can’t see him? What if he is bothering him? What if she’s calling security because she believes he’s a creep?

He nibbles on his bottom lip as he waits and worries about what’s going to happen next. Maybe he’ll have to go back home without seeing him, and he won’t get to ask him on a date like he’s been dreading but also looking forward to. Jimin won’t put it that way, though. He won’t ask him to go on a date so bluntly, but he’ll ask him to go somewhere together. Yoongi is busy, so Jimin doesn’t have high expectations, but he’s still hoping.

None of that will matter if he doesn’t get to see Yoongi, though.

After ten minutes, Jimin starts to lose hope, but then he hears loud and fast footsteps approaching, and there he is. Yoongi is wearing shorts and a white shirt, and his hair is damp with sweat as he looks around until his eyes find him, still sitting where the receptionist told him.

His face lights up when he sees him, and Jimin’s heart constricts at the sight. “Jimin-ah.” He gets up, and Yoongi jogs over until he’s standing in front of him. “You didn’t tell me you were coming. What brings you here?”

“Nothing really,” he chuckles nervously, because he’s a terrible liar. “You said to come and see you, so… I’m here. I hope I’m not interrupting your training.”

Yoongi grins like an excited kid, and it’s getting harder and harder to keep his hopes down. “You aren’t. I was going to stop for lunch now.”

He raises the bag he’s carrying, and Yoongi’s eyes follow the movement. “I brought lunch.”

His eyes widen. “You did? That’s very nice of you, Jimin-ah.”

Jimin feels way too pleased by such a small thing. “You’ve been working hard, so I guessed you needed to regain your strength.”

“You coming here already helps with that.” Jimin grows flustered at that, but Yoongi doesn’t notice. He just takes the bag, so he’s not carrying it, and then holds Jimin by his wrist. “Come, let’s eat together,” he smiles, and Jimin follows without question.

They take the elevator to the terrace. The place is pretty with all the greenery and the blue sky above them. There aren’t people here right now, and they take a seat at one of the picnic tables that are covered with a tarp to protect them from the summer sun.

“Wow, this looks amazing.” Yoongi’s eyes glint, and he licks his lips, almost salivating. It makes Jimin want to giggle. “Wait, there’s only a pair of chopsticks,” he notices, brow creased slightly.

“It's fine. I bought it for you. You need to eat lots.”

Yoongi quirks an eyebrow. “I’m not going to eat all this while you just watch.”

“That was the plan.”

But his hyung ignores him, and a Cheshire grin splits his lips. “Guess I’ll have to feed you.”

Jimin falters, but when the initial surprise wears off, he huffs. “Hyung, no.”

He doesn’t pay him any mind as he happily separates the wooden chopsticks and picks a piece of bulgogi. That smirk is still on his lips when Yoongi stretches his arm and offers him the food from across the table. “Say ‘ah’.”

He can’t believe him.

Jimin tries to refuse, too embarrassed to agree to this without putting up a fight. Yet Yoongi is insistent, and Jimin ends up opening his mouth just enough so his hyung can feed him with a triumphant smile. They eat in turns, and Jimin can’t believe he’s letting him feed him, but his hyung refuses to take another bite until he eats again, and in a matter of minutes, they make a dent in the delicious lunchbox.

“This must’ve been expensive,” Yoongi comments. “A homemade meal would’ve been enough.”

“I’d rather not give you food poisoning before your match.”

Yoongi laughs and shakes his head. “You’re exaggerating.”

He is, but Yoongi makes him feel playful. “Not really.”

“Well,” he leans forward and gives him a smug smile, “then I can teach you.”

Jimin looks at him in disbelief. “You cook?”

He leans back again and shrugs. “I’ve been living away from home since I turned nineteen, so I ended up picking up some skills over the years.”

A man who cooks... As if Yoongi needed more points.

“That’s nice,” Jimin says nonchalantly because he won’t give him the satisfaction of seeing him fawning over him.

As expected, Yoongi is disappointed by his reaction, and he talks in pout when he tells him, “You don’t look very impressed.”

“It’s just cooking; everyone can learn that. Besides, I feel like your ego is inflated enough lately. I don’t wanna add to that,” he teases.

Yoongi hums with a smile, not losing his good mood. He meets his eyes straight on and holds his gaze before the boxer brings another piece of meat to his mouth. “That trip to the beach did wonders for me,” he explains with a suggestive look in his eyes.

He really brought that up right now…

Jimin lowers his eyes to the table because if he doesn’t, he knows he won’t be able to stop himself from blushing madly. “It cheered me up, too,” he admits, glancing briefly at him.

The boxer is staring at him as he chews, assessing him, and suddenly there’s a shift in the air around them. Setting the chopsticks down, Yoongi gets up and rounds the table so he can sit next to him. He sits close to him, their legs touching under the table, and Yoongi rests his elbow on the table as he shifts so he’s facing him.

His face is close to his when he says quietly, “I’m sorry I had to leave so abruptly.”

Jimin is tingling all over, but he tries his best to control his giddiness. “You didn’t,” he replies. “They even scolded you for it.”

“I told you, I didn’t get in trouble.” Yoongi’s staring is making him tremble in the best way, and Jimin has to stop himself from reaching out. He almost caves when Yoongi tells him, “I wish I had stayed longer.”

His heart is going to jump out of his chest if he doesn’t do something to cut the tension. “Taehyung wished so too…” he jokes.

Yoongi snorts and admits, “Maybe it was for the best I left, then.”

He bites his lip to stop himself from smiling too widely. “Probably.”

“I’ve been looking forward to your texts lately,” Yoongi confesses, his voice low as he studies his face with eyes that burn Jimin. “I always check my phone during breaks, just in case.”

Jimin’s heart skips a beat.

“You do?” he whispers, aware of just how close their faces are now.

Yoongi nods and puts his hand on the younger’s knee under the table. His eyes never leave him, and Jimin clenches his hands on his lap, getting ready to tell him what he has come to ask.

But before he can, Yoongi moves closer and whispers in his ear. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot. About that night.” His breath tingles Jimin’s skin, and he curls his toes at the feeling. “Maybe you could come with me to my apartment after practice. We could unwind together.”

Jimin’s heart sinks instantly.

It’s like Yoongi just threw a whole bucket of cold water all over him. Because Yoongi is just talking about sex. He sees him as a hookup, and he wants to do it again. Jimin has read it all wrong.

He’s quiet after that. Too quiet. And Yoongi leans back so he can look at him properly. The boxer frowns as he studies his face, and Jimin sees the exact moment Yoongi realises he has fucked up.

He opens his mouth, but Jimin is already getting up. With his heart in a painful grip and without saying a single word, Jimin turns around and doesn’t look back once.

“Jimin. Hey, wait!” he hears Yoongi calling him.

But Jimin doesn’t listen. Because his wishful thinking has blinded him again, and it hurts.

It will never stop hurting, he realises, his anguish making it hard to breathe.

Jimin leaves, feeling like the hopeful idiot he is.

***

taehyung: what did my stupid brother do now?

The text catches Jimin off guard because he hasn’t told his best friend anything about it. He’s been too busy wallowing at home while Hoseok hovered over him, shooting him worried looks.

“I’m guessing it didn’t go well?” he asked him when he got home.

Jimin groaned and cuddled next to him on the couch while Hoseok patted his head comfortingly. He’s thankful for his concern and support, but Jimin ended up scurrying to his room after dinner, claiming he was exhausted, so he could wrap himself in his comforter.

That is what he’s doing when he receives his friend’s text. As he racks his brain for what to say to Taehyung, Jimin also wonders how the hell he found out that something happened. Has Yoongi…? No, it cannot be. Not after the conversation Taehyung and Yoongi had at the beach house.

Jimin is in bed as he keeps typing and erasing a reply when he hears the doorbell. He frowns because it’s late. Maybe Hoseok forgot to tell him someone was coming over? He shrugs and continues struggling with what to say. Until Hoseok knocks on his door.

“Come in.”

His roommate opens the door, and with his hand still on the handle, he tells him, “Jimin-ah, you’ve got a visitor.”

He blinks. “What? Who is it?”

Hoseok lowers his voice to a whisper. “ He is here.”

Still clueless, Jimin frowns. “Who?”

“The boxer.”

Shit. Shit. What is he doing here?!

“Are you kidding me?” he whisper-shouts and throws the covers back. Jimin looks like a proper mess, wearing some old sweats as pyjamas and hair rumpled from rolling around in bed.

“He’s waiting at the door,” Hoseok informs him. When Jimin hesitates, his friend adds, “Should I tell him to go? He looks… troubled.”

Of course he is. Jimin basically ran away from him, and then he ignored him when Yoongi tried to contact him. He knows he’s being immature, but Jimin is so tired of feeling pathetic.

“No. I just… I guess I’ll see what he wants,” he says, getting up. “Thank you, hyung.”

Hoseok squeezes his arm encouragingly on his way out. “It will be okay.”

No, it won’t.

He walks to the front door, where Yoongi is nibbling on his thumbnail as he looks down. He’s got a sports bag slung across his chest, and his hair is messy and a little damp. He must have taken a shower before coming here.

Yoongi raises his head when he hears him approaching and immediately stops biting his nails. “Hey,” Yoongi starts, but Jimin just keeps staring at him in silence as he stands in front of him, so he continues hurriedly, “Sorry for coming unannounced, but you haven’t answered any of my calls and texts, so I thought…”

Guilt immediately assaults Jimin because Yoongi does look troubled, and none of this is his hyung’s fault. He doesn’t understand why Jimin is so hurt. Yoongi doesn’t know that he is in love with him; that for him, that night had meant more. At the time, Jimin had felt like the night they spent together hadn’t left Yoongi completely unaffected, but now he has doubts.

After his insinuation, Jimin has his guard up again. He’s been hurt so many times, even if Yoongi was unaware of it, that Jimin can’t help but want to retreat. He is like an animal who’s been wounded way too many times, and he is acting accordingly.

Yet, even though he’s hurt and doesn’t want to see him right now, Jimin has to admit that a part of him is glad Yoongi is here. He is glad that his silence didn’t deter the boxer from trying to reach out to him to the point of coming to his apartment. It makes him hopeful, and that’s dangerous.

“I didn’t know you knew where I live,” Jimin says instead.

“I didn’t. I asked Taehyung.”

That surprises him. “What? And he told you?”

“Reluctantly,” he admits with pursed lips. “I had to swear I wouldn’t fuck up again.” So that’s how Taehyung found out. Jimin refocuses on his hyung when he asks him tentatively, “Can I come in? I just want to talk,” he hurries to clarify.

Jimin wants to do that. He wants him to come in. Of course he does. He wants to be close to him even though he knows it’s going to hurt.

Shit.

He steps aside to let him in.

Yoongi takes off his sneakers, and they enter the small apartment. Hoseok is in the living room, standing up with arms crossed, almost as if waiting to see if Jimin needs help. They share a look, and Hoseok lets his arms fall to his sides.

“I’ll be in my room,” he tells him pointedly, not just so Jimin knows he’ll be there if he needs him, but also as a warning to Yoongi. Even though there is little Hoseok can do against a professional boxer, Jimin is grateful for his concern.

When he leaves the room, Jimin takes a seat on the couch with his hands clasped between his knees. He looks up at Yoongi, and his hyung sits next to him, leaving a small space between them just in case. Jimin is thankful for it as much as he hates it.

“Shouldn’t you be training?” Jimin asks him to break the tense silence.

“I don’t train 24 hours a day,” Yoongi says as he takes off his bag and leaves it by their feet on the floor. “I need sleep too.”

“Then you should be sleeping.”

Yoongi holds his gaze at that. “I don’t think I could even if I tried right now.” Jimin has to lower his head, and he screws his eyes shut as he berates himself for being so weak. “I fucked up, didn’t I?” Yoongi continues. “Is there something I don’t know about? Did I cross the line by inviting you over? Are you… Are you getting back with your boyfriend or something?”

He whips his head up to look at him with a scowl marring his features. Fire burns in his veins as a wave of crackling anger assaults him. Is Yoongi really that clueless or is he acting oblivious?

“Why are you bringing up Minho now? He has nothing to do with this,” Jimin retorts. Yoongi blinks, looking lost. So Jimin spells it out for him. “You wanted to fuck again.”

His eyes widen and his body tenses up. “I—That’s not—” Yoongi splutters.

“Hyung, I’m not a kid,” he cuts him off, not wanting to hear that bullshit. “You were implying it both with your words and body language.”

Yoongi opens his mouth and closes it a few times, grasping for what to say. After a moment, the boxer just stares at him; he looks embarrassed. “But that wasn’t the only thing on my mind,” he murmurs.

But it was on your mind.

“I don’t care.” He does. “I told you, I don’t do hookups. What happened was… an exception.”

That has Yoongi frowning and scrunching his nose. “I thought we agreed not to call it that. That that’s not what it was.”

Jimin presses his lips together as he fists his hands on his lap. “To make love to someone, you have to be in love with them first.” Like I am, you idiot. He looks away again, worried that Yoongi can see his sorrow hiding underneath the surface. “We weren’t in our right minds,” he mutters.

“Speak for yourself,” Yoongi snaps.

He sounds wronged, and now it’s his turn to look mad. Jimin is so tired, so heartbroken. He hates this. If they keep this up, it’s only going to mess things up more. Resentment is acid, and it destroys everything it touches. Jimin doesn’t want that ending for them, but this has to end. He can’t do this anymore.

“You know what? You’re right, hyung,” he says, incapable of hiding just how exhausted he is. “Maybe I’m still overly sensitive because of my last breakup. Maybe we should go back to how it was.”

“To you ignoring me?” Yoongi points out with a quirked eyebrow.

Jimin meets his gaze straight on. “To us not seeing each other again.”

They stare at one another for a moment in suffocating silence. 

Yoongi shakes his head in disbelief. “I don’t get you. I really don’t, Jimin.” The back of Jimin’s eyes is burning, and he has to lower his gaze and bite his cheek to control himself. “Why do you hate me so much?” he asks helplessly.

And Jimin doesn’t know if he wants to scream or cry because this isn’t an act; Yoongi really doesn’t understand. He doesn’t get it.

Well, the boxer warned him about it at the beach. He told him he wasn’t good at relationships. This shouldn’t come as such a surprise. It’s still frustrating, though.

Jimin buries his face in his hands, elbows digging into his thighs. “You’re truly a fool, hyung,” Jimin murmurs.

“Then help me understand,” Yoongi insists, not denying it.

But he shakes his head and lowers his hands, still refusing to look at him. “I’m tired, and I want you to leave, please.”

“Jimin…”

Why does love have to be so hard?

Or am I the one making it hard?

Probably.

At this point, he should just blurt out that he’s been in love with him for way too many years to be normal. That he can’t let go no matter what. But the words are stuck in his throat because confessing now, like this, would be a blow to his pride, and he can’t take this any longer.

Jimin gets up from the couch and looks down at his hyung. “You said you cared about me. Then please, don’t make me say it. I don’t want to say it. Please go,” he tells him, pointing to the door as his heart crumbles.

Yoongi stands up too and reaches for him. “Jimin-ah.”

“No,” he takes a step back. Jimin is weak, and if Yoongi touches him now, he’ll give in. “You’ve got a very important fight to win, and you’re wasting your time with me. Just go, please.”

Jimin can feel Yoongi’s eyes glued to his face, and it’s making it hard to breathe. “The last thing I wanted was to hurt you.” Yoongi sounds pained and regretful. “I’m sorry.”

You don’t even know what you’re apologising for, Jimin thinks bitterly.

“I know,” he admits slowly because he knows Yoongi isn’t hurting him on purpose. He never has. “You’re not cruel. You’re a good person.”

“Not to you, apparently.”

Jimin’s heart stutters painfully, and he looks at him. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I did this to myself.” His lips curl up slightly, but there’s not an ounce of joy in the gesture.

His hyung’s brow is furrowed, his jaw clenched. Yoongi wants to say something, but he doesn’t. He just grabs his sports bag and slings it across his chest. Jimin leads the way to the door, and Yoongi puts on his shoes. This is it.

Yoongi turns around, hand gripping the strap of his bag. “You really won’t tell me?” he asks one last time.

He shakes his head, not meeting his eyes. “I can’t,” he croaks.

His hold on the bag tightens until his knuckles turn white. “Why?”

Jimin takes in a shuddering breath and makes an effort to hold his gaze. “Let me have this, okay?”

The boxer regards him for a moment, and Jimin has to look down again and physically stop himself from reaching out to keep him here with him like he truly wants to. Yoongi’s next words don’t help.

“I’m going to leave now because I want to respect your wishes, but I won’t let you disappear again,” Yoongi declares. Jimin hopes he doesn’t hear the way he gasps, his words hitting him hard. “Do you hear me, Jimin? I won’t let you shut me out.” Yoongi hesitates then, but he continues, “I wasn’t lying when I said I cared about you; just know that.”

With that, he leaves, and Jimin has to hug himself because it feels like he’s breaking into a million pieces.

He is shocked. He doesn’t understand. What did he mean by that? Does Yoongi care in the way he wants him to? In the way Jimin has craved and dreamed of for most of his life? Or does he care like a childhood friend? Like the big brother he used to be to Taehyung and him?

He was ready to give up, but those words… Those damn words.

Jimin slams the door close with his eyes screwed shut as the first tears roll down his cheeks. He sits on the floor because everything hurts, and he feels like he keeps making mistakes. Every decision, every action, everything is the wrong thing to do or say at the time, and he’s going crazy.

Jimin sobs, pitiful noises leaving his mouth as he heaves because he is fucking exhausted.

It’s like he’s finally letting it all out. All the accumulated frustration, the heartbreak, sadness and helplessness he’s been fighting. It feels like what he has wanted for so long was at the tip of his fingers for a moment, but now it’s gone, and it’s all his fault, so he breaks down like never before.

It’s a blur after that. His crying or the way he had slammed the door shut alerts Hoseok. He tries talking to him and asks him what’s wrong, but Jimin can’t hear him over his awful crying. He can’t focus, not when his lungs gasp for air in between sobs. 

Somehow his roommate manages to pick him up so he’s standing on his own two feet and takes him to his room. Jimin wraps himself in his comforter while Hoseok cards his fingers through his hair. He can’t tell for how long he cries, but his head is throbbing, and his pillow is soaked with tears by the time he feels the bed dip when someone lies behind him, spooning him.

“It’s okay, Jiminie. Let it all out,” he hears Taehyung whisper soothingly as he hugs him.

Taehyung is here—Hoseok must have called him—and Jimin doesn’t question it because he’s who he needs right now. The only person who has always had his back. The only person who knows everything.

Jimin turns around and buries himself in his friend’s arms as his crying intensifies again.

Once more, this feels like deja vu because they’ve been here before.

***

When he wakes up, his thoughts are muddled. He feels lethargic, but Jimin remembers everything as if it had just happened. He wants to close his eyes and go back to sleep before yesterday’s grief settles in his bones again, but he isn’t alone. Taehyung is still next to him, the light of his phone illuminating his face. Immediately, Jimin wants to cry again.

He told Taehyung what happened last night, and his friend tried his best to decipher what he was saying in between sobs. In the end, Tae just listened and hugged him tight; it wasn’t the moment to have a conversation. But now it was.

Jimin sighs and Taehyung turns his head towards him. He locks his phone and lies on his side to smile softly at him. “Feeling better?”

He purses his lips. “Not really.”

“Sorry. Stupid question.”

Jimin fiddles with the comforter, hesitating. “Have you talked to him?” he finally asks in a whisper, not looking at his friend.

“Not after I gave him your address.”

“I’m still surprised you gave it to him. You’ve been… a little harsh with him lately.”

Even though Yoongi and Taehyung have always been at each other’s throats since they were kids, that was just the way they got along. It didn’t seem to have changed over the years, although they were much more civil now because they weren’t kids anymore. Still, Jimin feels bad about how Taehyung has been reacting to his brother—especially back in Daegu—because he can’t help but feel like it’s his fault. Although Taehyung has been painfully honest with Jimin too lately, so… Maybe he’s finally fed up with this bullshit after so many years.

“I’ve got my reasons for that…” Taehyung murmurs. “Anyway, my brother seemed pretty shaken up when he called me. He was confused but knew he had hurt you. He was very adamant and promised me he just wanted to apologise and make sure you were okay. It’s the only reason I gave him your address.”

His stomach is in knots again, and Jimin lets out a shaky breath. He glances at Taehyung, who is observing him with a calm expression. “What do you think about what happened?” Jimin asks him.

“You want my honest opinion?”

“I expect nothing else from you.”

Taehyung stares at him, and Jimin braces himself because he needs a good verbal slap from someone he loves.

“I think you are scared shitless, and your fear is clouding your judgement,” Taehyung puts it bluntly. “The moment he mentioned his apartment, you jumped to conclusions.”

…huh?

Jimin frowns. “Tae, he put his hand on my knee and told me to ‘unwind’ with him,” he tells him slowly to make him understand. “I'm not naïve. I know what that means, and you do, too.”

“Yet he got offended when you called what happened in Daegu a hookup,” Taehyung points out.

Jimin shuts his mouth.

He’s got a point.

Taehyung sighs, but it’s not a tired one. His gaze is caring and so are his next words. “I think you’re so used to disappointment when it comes to my brother that the moment you think you’re going to get hurt, you pull back. Because you’re terrified of rejection.”

Left speechless, Jimin blinks. Once again, Taehyung is right. He has read him like an open book, even though Jimin has been having trouble putting his feelings in order.

“Did I get it right?” Taehyung asks with a small smile because he knows him too well.

“Bullseye.”

His smile widens. “I’m your soulmate, after all.”

That sparks the first genuine smile out of Jimin. It doesn’t last long, though, and he sighs heavily. “I don’t know what to do,” he says with his eyes closed.

Fingers card his hair, and Jimin melts as he basks in Tae’s warmth. “It’s okay to rest for a few days, Jimin,” he tells him softly. “You don’t have to make a decision or take the next step right now. Stop pushing yourself so hard.”

His words are like a soothing balm to his open wounds, and he clings to that sensation like his life depends on it. Yet, he can’t help but ask.

“Taehyung?”

“Mmh?”

Jimin hesitates again. “Can’t you tell me anything about hyung? I mean, you’re his brother,” he hurries to say, but when he sees the way Taehyung is regarding him with a quirked eyebrow, Jimin averts his eyes. He loses his courage as he mumbles, “Maybe he told you something about… how he feels… about me?”

He feels ridiculous after the words are out in the open.

Yet, Taehyung takes pity on him. “The only thing I can tell you is that hyung is a fool when it comes to more than sex. His instincts are good, but he’s oblivious as fuck.”

Jimin nods. “Yeah, I already knew that. He told me at the beach.”

“He—” Taehyung gapes. It takes him a moment to recover, and when he does, he closes his eyes, looking completely done with Yoongi. “I can’t. He’s so lucky you haven’t given up on his useless ass...”

“Tae.”

He opens his eyes and lies on his back with a groan, jostling Jimin next to him. “It’s the truth. He is a certified idiot. I don’t know what you see in him.”

Before Jimin can reply, his phone vibrates a few times with a couple of new texts then. He rolls and reaches for it on his nightstand. His breath hitches when he sees who they are from. The tightness in his chest worsens when he reads them.

yoongi: I saw the sunrise today. It was very pretty, and it made me think of you. I thought you’d like to see it *picture attached*

yoongi: good morning, jiminie

He doesn’t know for how long he stares at his words and that pretty sky as his heart grows three sizes, same as his doubts.

“Is it my brother?” Taehyung finally asks. Incapable of articulating a word, Jimin shows him instead. His friend’s expression softens. “Well, he told you he won’t let you disappear again.”

Shit, why do his eyes prickle with tears again?

Jimin locks his phone. “Why is he doing this?” he asks helplessly. “I was so… unreasonable yesterday.”

Not one to let him forget about the important stuff, Taehyung reminds him, “He also said he cares about you.”

But that’s not enough, and Jimin presses his lips together as he fiddles with his phone. If he’s honest with himself, Jimin likes this small gesture. He likes it a lot. Because it makes him feel taken care of in the way he has always wanted by the person he has loved since middle school. Yet, at the same time, these lovely texts hurt him, too.

“What’s wrong?” Taehyung asks in a whisper to not startle him.

His grip on his phone tightens as he lies on his back too. “He keeps saying he cares about me, but what does that mean?” Jimin thinks aloud, rambling in his anxious state. “Does he care about me in the way I want him to? Or is he just thinking of me as his childhood friend? He cares like he did when we were kids and took care of us? Does he see me as a younger brother?”

When he dares to turn his head towards his best friend, Taehyung is looking at him with his brow furrowed and lips pursed, almost disapprovingly. His friend is debating over what to say next, seemingly conflicted about something.

But he ends up giving in. “I promised I would keep my mouth shut, but this is painful to watch,” Tae murmurs to himself. “You seem to forget an important detail, so let me just remind you of this, okay?” Taehyung tells him, looking earnest. “Jimin, you had sex together. I wouldn’t do that with someone I saw as my brother. You wouldn’t. And Yoongi-hyung wouldn’t do that, either.”

Fuck.

“Do you know something I don’t?”

They know each other too well, and there’s no way he doesn’t, but Taehyung just shrugs. “I’m just stating facts,” he says, acting nonchalant. Because he’s a master at that, he changes the subject swiftly. “Aren’t you going to reply?”

Jimin knows he’s not going to get another word from him about that, so he unlocks his phone again and stares at Yoongi’s texts. “I don’t know what to say,” he admits quietly.

“Just a simple ‘it’s pretty’ would be enough…” Taehyung supplies. “Unless the problem is that you know what you truly want to say but can’t.”

He meets his friend’s eyes and a wave of emotion rocks his body.

“I love him,” Jimin whispers through the lump in his throat and the tears prickling his eyes.

It’s painful how torn Taehyung looks. “I know you do.” He sighs and spreads his arms invitingly. “Come here.” Jimin doesn’t hesitate to hide in his warm embrace, and Taehyung wraps his arms around him securely as a couple of traitorous tears roll down his cheeks. “Everything will work out,” his soulmate promises against his hair, and a fresh wave of tears has Jimin gasping for air.

Chapter Text

The days pass, the match approaches, and Yoongi keeps sending him updates even though Jimin doesn’t reply.

He has tried. He has tried to write back so hard, but his hands begin to shake the moment his fingers hover over the screen. His breathing accelerates, and he can’t stand the way his stomach lurches.

With each update, Jimin’s guilt skyrockets. With each picture, his heart twists painfully. And with each passing day, he is thrown into a deeper hole. Jimin almost doesn’t leave his apartment, not in the mood to see anyone when his inner turmoil is eating him alive.

Everything is pushing him to the edge, and Jimin is terrified because he knows what’s the only thing that can get rid of the constant need to scratch at his own skin to make it all stop.

It all gets too much the night before the fight.

Yoongi has asked him if he’s still coming to the match. That he hopes so. He still hasn’t given up on him, and Jimin can’t breathe.

He needs to tell him. Jimin should call him right now and just get rid of the heavy weight resting on his shoulders. Not just for his own sake but because Yoongi deserves to know why he is being an asshole. 

But he’s a coward. Jimin has always been a coward. So he writes his feelings down instead.

He doesn’t get a wink of sleep that night. Jimin just keeps typing and erasing and typing again as he lies in his bed. It’s like he’s in a trance for hours. He doesn’t even realise how the sun rises outside his window while the harsh light of his phone dries his eyes.

Once he’s done, Jimin looks at his screen self-consciously. Is it too long? It is too long… It’s almost like a letter rather than a text, but those are his feelings, and he doesn’t want to erase a single line. He’s done suppressing them. Suppressing that battered part of himself that’s in dire need of healing.

He hits send.

[jimin]

I’m sorry about the other day. I was hurtful and unreasonable when I refused to explain my behaviour. I also want to apologise for not replying. Your texts made me very happy, but they also made me realise that I can’t keep going on like this.

This was never how I imagined telling you this, but I’ve tried doing it in person to no avail because I’m a coward when it comes to being honest with you.

The truth is that I‘ve been in love with you for a long time. A very long time. For most of my life, much to my embarrassment. 

I’ve tried forgetting you. Ignoring you. Cutting ties. I’ve tried meeting other people. But it’s always been you. Only you.

I can’t believe I’m finally telling you all this over text, but it seems fitting too: I’ve been a coward until the end.

I also want to say that I don’t expect a single thing from you. This is me trying to explain my actions, and finally getting this weight off my chest. Maybe it’s best if we don’t contact each other again after this. I understand if I made you uncomfortable and, once again, I’m sorry.

I wish you nothing but the best, and I’ll be praying so you don’t get hurt in today’s match or any of your future fights.

Even if I can’t bear to watch any of them because I can’t stand seeing you get hurt, I sincerely hope you’ll achieve all your dreams, hyung.

I’ll be cheering for you, too.

It’s only when he has sent it that he realises Yoongi must be sleeping, resting for his big day. Maybe it was a mistake to send this now. The last thing Jimin wants is to distract him. Yoongi is going to be fighting a beast in a matter of hours, and he knows full well that his hyung needs to focus on what’s truly important right now.

Still, Jimin is selfish, and even though he can feel his stomach tingling with nerves, the relief that washes over him, the weight that’s been lifted off his chest is overwhelming. For the first time in days, his body loosens up and his mind finally shuts up.

He has done it.

He has finally said it.

Suddenly, his eyes weigh a ton, and they flutter close while he still grips his phone. Jimin hasn’t slept well in days, and he craves some proper rest, exhaustion and relief making it easy to drift off for once.

He will find out if he is still relieved about what he has just done when he wakes up.

***

It’s already late afternoon when Jimin wakes up. He pats his bed, searching for his phone without opening his eyes so he can see what time it is. The device is at the edge of the mattress, and he’s lucky it didn’t end up falling to the floor in his sleep.

He forgets to check the time when he finally unlocks it and sees all his notifications. Jimin has a few missed calls from Taehyung and Jungkook, as well as some texts. He was sleeping so soundly that they didn’t manage to wake him up. However, those don’t catch his attention as much as the two missed calls and the text Yoongi has sent him.

[yoongi]

i’m about to leave for the press conference before the match and won’t have my phone with me until everything is over. please come. please jimin-ah. we need to talk. i need to show you. please.

Show? Show me what? He wonders with his brow furrowed.

Jimin tries to wake himself up, thinking that maybe he’s imagining the desperation behind his words. Yoongi replied. He wants to see him even after Jimin confessed his feelings for him. Can he let his heart hope again? Does he dare do that?

He can, and he does. Because when it comes to Yoongi, he will always have second chances. Because Jimin is used to loving him and habits are hard to break.

He dials Taehyung’s number.

“Jimin-ah?”

His best friend doesn’t take long to pick up, but Jimin is surprised by how noisy it is at the other end of the line. “Taehyung?”

“Hey, sorry about the noise. I’m eating dinner with Jungkook before hyung’s match,” he explains, voice muffled because he has caught him with a mouth full of food. “You weren’t picking up your phone, so I guessed you weren’t coming.”

It’s probably not the best way to tell him, but Jimin blurts out with no context: “I did it.”

Taehyung pauses. “Did what? ”

He lets out a shuddering breath because Jimin is still coming to terms with it. “I confessed.”

“You conf—What?!” Taehyung shrieks.

“Tae, what the fuck?” he faintly hears Jungkook splutter.

Jimin wouldn’t be surprised if the whole restaurant was staring at them right now.

He nods even though Tae can’t see him. “And hyung replied. He says he wants to talk to me after the match.” Jimin sounds marvelled even to his own ears.

“Wait, wait, wait,” his friend stops him, shocked by all the information he just dumped on him. “When did this happen?!”

“Today. Over text.”

“What the fuck…” he breathes out incredulously.

Feeling a surge of courage, Jimin tells him, “I want to go with you guys.”

“You’re coming to the match?”

“He’s coming?” he hears Jungkook ask his boyfriend at that.

“I–I think so. No, I am,” he corrects himself. Jimin bites down on his lower lip nervously. “I want to know what he has to say. I need to know.”

“Shit, Jimin. Of course!” Taehyung exclaims. “Are you going to be fine, though? Like I can just call you when the fight is over so you don’t have to watch.”

“No. I promised him I’d go, and he wants me to watch him. I’ve been acting like a prick to him, so I want to do this one thing right.”

“Okay,” Tae says, sounding softer than before. “And Jimin?”

“Mmh?”

“I’m very proud of you.”

Jimin lowers his head at that and grips his comforter. “I’m not. I was a coward until the end.”

“Excuse you?” Taehyung huffs. “A coward wouldn’t do what you’re about to do.”

“It’s the bare minimum.”

“Stop. Stop before I end up whooping your ass, and come here so I can hug you.”

That finally has a smile stretching Jimin’s lips. “Okay. See you soon.”

***

When he arrives at the arena where the fight will take place, there is a long queue of people waiting to enter. He meets up with Jungkook and Taehyung, who are waiting for him outside and away from the crowd. Tae doesn’t waste any time and squeezes him against his chest while Jungkook just chuckles as he looks at them incredulously. He probably thinks they’re just being clingy and doesn’t know what this is truly about. Jimin feels a little bad about that. He’ll have to talk to him about this eventually.

“You look great, hyung,” he tells him.

“Is it too much?” Jimin asks self-consciously as he touches his long black hair.

He dolled himself up a little bit. His clothes are nothing much, just a dark navy shirt with the front tucked inside his black jeans, but he is wearing a little bit of makeup. Primarily to hide how ghostly he looks after so many days of crying nonstop and barely sleeping.

But Taehyung waves off his worries. “You look gorgeous.”

His friend passes an arm around his shoulders, and the three of them walk to the venue. They’ve got VIP tickets thanks to Yoongi, so they don’t have to wait to enter. They’re kindly led to their seats, which are closer to the ring than Jimin thought—than he’d like, if he is honest.

The venue is almost full twenty minutes later, and Jimin keeps trying to control his breathing so he doesn’t end up panicking. He’s so nervous, but at least he’s got Taehyung and Jungkook to distract him. Yet, the thing he’s more worried about is the fight rather than the talk he is going to have with Yoongi after.

Maybe that will change after the fight, but right now, amidst the cheers as the MC announces that the boxers are going to enter the ring already, he’s dreading this match more.

Do Seojun is introduced first, already wearing his gloves and a red and white robe that matches his boxing shorts. The audience explodes into cheers as he walks to the ring with his trainer leading the way and a cornerman behind him. There is loud music blasting when he steps into the ring, but it does nothing to muffle people’s enthusiasm.

Jimin’s heart threatens to leap out of his chest when Yoongi is announced next. It must be obvious just how tense and nervous he is because without saying anything Taehyung grabs his hand and squeezes it tightly. Jimin returns the gesture, but his eyes are glued to Yoongi as he walks to the ring, just like Seojun.

Yoongi has a solemn expression on his face, completely focused on the fight ahead. Unlike Seojun, his attire is black and gold, colours that refer to his nickname, Daegu’s Panther. Yet what catches Jimin’s attention is the black bandana he has wrapped around his head to keep the sweat and his hair away from his eyes.

His black bandana. The one he thought he had lost at the beach house.

It turns out Yoongi had his bandana all this time? Memories of that night replay in his mind, and his cheeks burn bright red. Jimin has to remind himself that nobody knows about it—they won’t make that connection—but he does. Gosh, he does.

Why is Yoongi wearing it today? Is it just a fashion choice? Or is it something else?

His heart is racing, and Jimin gulps with his eyes glued to Yoongi as he gets inside the ring. He watches as he goes to his corner to prepare himself while Seojun does the same in the opposite corner. Yoongi is drinking some water when he looks to the side, right where he knows they will be because he got them the tickets. The boxer immediately finds Jimin, who startles a little at the determination shining in those sharp eyes of his.

The look doesn’t last more than a few seconds, but the moment Yoongi sets his water bottle on the floor, he touches the bandana as if to adjust it. Yet Jimin knows there’s more to the gesture than just that. Yoongi is trying to tell him something: that he wore it on purpose.

Yoongi is going to fight one of the most important matches of his life while wearing something of Jimin’s. Something that reminds them of that night in Daegu that changed everything. Their turning point.

Jimin’s breath hitches, and he places a hand over his heart because its angry pounding is going to make him pass out right here.

Their bubble pops when the referee motions for both the boxers to come to the centre of the ring after they have worn their mouthpiece. In front of Jimin, three ringside officials sit at a table. They will score the bout, and the referee is inside the ring to regulate it.

“This fight will consist of five rounds of three minutes each with a 1-minute break between rounds,” he explains to both boxers and the public.

Translation: 20 minutes of pure agony Jimin will have to endure because he promised not to run away again.

Jimin braces himself for it, sitting ramrod straight as he clenches his hands into fists on his lap. He can do this. He can. Yet the moment the bell rings, signalling the beginning of the first round, and the first punches are exchanged, one of them hitting Yoongi right in the jaw, Jimin can’t take it.

He shrinks into himself and covers his face with his hands as he hears the audience cheer, loud and excited. Jimin grits his teeth to stop himself from screaming at them what they’re so happy about. The only thing keeping him grounded is Taehyung whispering in his ear from time to time that Yoongi is doing well.

During the second break, Jimin chances a look at Yoongi when he’s resting in his corner, but the sight of blood on his face has him whimpering and averting his eyes again. How can Yoongi love this sport? How can he endure all these punches and still say that boxing is fun? Jimin will never understand how this torture can make Yoongi’s entire face light up when he talks about it.

But Jimin isn’t here to understand. He’s here to show his support even if the experience is making him sick to his stomach. He isn’t the important one today, it’s Yoongi, and he can’t leave no matter how much he wants to.

He also said he would cheer for him, but the truth is that Jimin doesn’t think he can utter a single word right now. He can’t bear to lift his head enough to get another glimpse of the match. Jimin is having trouble just staying sitting there. 

There comes a point where he needs to muffle the sounds too, and he has to cover his ears because he’s getting overwhelmed. The tension is making his entire body ache. How can they all cheer when these two people are beating each other up? Taehyung keeps rubbing his back soothingly, and it’s the only thing keeping him from completely freaking out.

“How much longer?” Jimin rasps, still hunched over, eyes screwed shut as he breathes heavily through his mouth.

“One more round,” Taehyung tells him. “Only one more.”

If he’s honest, a tiny part of him doesn’t want to run away. Jimin wants to be here for him. Be here in case something happens. He needs to know the second it ends that he’s all right. It would be even harder to endure this if he didn’t have Yoongi right in front of him, even if Jimin isn’t looking at him.

After what feels like an eternity, the sound of the bell signals the end of the match. Yet Jimin doesn’t move. He can’t, his body rigid with tension after staying in that position for so long. Jimin groans when he uncovers his ears, which did little to muffle what was going on, but it was comforting in a way. He still doesn’t dare look at the raised platform where he knows Yoongi is still standing.

Even though the fight has ended, they still have to wait for the results. Jimin covers his eyes again, head lowered as he sighs. He can hear Jungkook screaming Yoongi’s name, cheering for him, but it’s Taehyung’s words that make him squirm.

“He’s looking at you.”

“Is he too hurt?” Jimin asks weakly.

“Just… the normal amount.”

He almost whimpers.

Slowly, Jimin lifts his head and lowers his hands so he can look at his hyung.

Indeed, Yoongi is watching him, and Jimin’s eyes fill with tears because he is hurt. Yoongi is standing there on that raised platform next to the referee, Seojun at his other side, and he’s watching Jimin intently amongst the crowd. He has a cut across his nose and another one at the end of his eyebrow. His lower lip is busted at the corner, and one of his eyelids is getting swollen. There are drops of blood on his chest too, and Jimin’s legs feel like jelly at the sight as his stomach lurches.

The normal amount my ass.

It’s embarrassing how Jimin needs to cover his face again, breaking eye contact because he needs to compose himself. Taehyung passes him some water, and Jimin drinks it. He gasps after he finishes half the bottle and wills himself to breathe in and out. If he had looked at Seojun, he would’ve seen that the other boxer was in worse condition than Yoongi, but that wouldn’t have comforted him, either.

After a few more minutes of waiting, the referee grabs both boxers’ wrists and the whole arena waits with bated breath for the winner to be announced. Jimin wants to swear at the dramatics because he can’t take this any longer. Yoongi has his eyes closed, and something stirs in Jimin’s chest. He hopes with all his heart he will be rewarded for his efforts.

When the referee raises Yoongi’s arm, his hyung screams, letting out all the stress and anxiety accumulated, and the sound pierces Jimin’s heart, shaking him to his core.

Taehyung and Jungkook jump up, cheering and screaming for him. Jimin stands up too, surprised that his legs don’t give out the moment he does so. A bubbling sensation in his chest has him trying to find his voice again so he can cheer too. While he watches his hyung walk around the ring, the referee still holding his arm up, Jimin cups his mouth with his hands, but he is still so shaken up that he can only muster a tiny voice that reaches nobody.

He is about to try again when he sees Yoongi turn in their direction once more. His hyung takes off the bandana he’s still wearing, and Jimin freezes when Yoongi brings it to his lips and kisses it before he raises it high.

Oh.

“He won, Jimin! He won!” Taehyung chants.

His friend is jumping next to him, and he grabs his arm to jostle him in his excitement, but Jimin’s eyes remain fixed on Yoongi even after his hyung has turned around again. He watches as Yoongi is given his winner belt, which he holds up proudly above his head, still holding onto his bandana too. Flashes blind Jimin as fans and reporters immortalise this moment, and he is in a trance as he watches everything unfold.

His mind is blank except for one thing he keeps repeating to himself: He needs to see Yoongi. He needs to talk to him. Jimin needs him.

It takes a while, but Taehyung, Jungkook and Jimin make their way backstage. After showing the security guards their VIP tickets, the three wait in a corridor for Yoongi while Taehyung and Jungkook keep gushing over the match. Jimin tries to engage in the conversation, but it’s impossible. His thoughts are somewhere else, and he keeps looking at the double doors at the end of the corridor, waiting for them to open.

His heart skips a beat when Yoongi appears with his trainer and manager in tow. The world stays still for a minute when they make eye contact, and then Yoongi is hurrying to him. Jimin can’t take his eyes off of his injuries, which have already been treated, as his feet take him to his hyung.

Yoongi envelops him in a tight hug the moment he reaches him. His warm body is firm against his chest, a comfort that makes him shed some of his previous tension. Jimin doesn’t have to think about it before he is clinging to him, one of his hands at the back of his head, his fingers buried in his damp hair as he tells himself that Yoongi is alright despite his wounds.

“Please, let’s talk,” Yoongi whispers with his face buried in his neck. Jimin nods, still holding onto him with his eyes closed. “Can you give us a moment?” he asks his manager when they separate.

“The press conference will start soon,” Seokjin reminds him.

“I know. I just need a moment, okay?”

Without saying anything else, he grabs Jimin by the wrist and opens the door to his dressing room. The younger glances at his friends on his way inside and finds Jungkook looking confused, yet there’s a knowing glint in Taehyung’s eyes.

“Good luck,” he tells him with an amused little grin.

It makes Jimin blush and avert his eyes.

Once inside, Yoongi closes the door behind them and stares at him in silence. “You came,” he breathes out, still not quite believing it.

“I promised I would.”

“Yeah, well, after everything that’s happened, I wasn’t sure you would.”

Remembering his confession, Jimin almost retreats into himself. It makes him extra self-conscious that Yoongi now knows. He isn’t ready to address that yet, not when he’s still too relieved to see that Yoongi hasn’t sustained more serious injuries.

Taking a proper look at his face, Jimin reaches to touch him, but he stops himself. “Does it hurt a lot?” he asks him worriedly.

“The usual.” Yoongi shrugs before a grin curls his lips up, at least the corner that’s not busted. “I won.”

His glee is a little contagious, and Jimin mirrors his smile. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you. Are you okay, though?” Yoongi asks him as he observes him. “You look more exhausted than me.”

Jimin has to fight the urge to shrink into himself. “I just… It was hard to watch.”

The look on Yoongi’s face can only be described as fond as he regards him, and Jimin’s insides tingle. “I saw you covering your eyes.”

This time Jimin can’t help the way he looks around the room to avoid him. “Yeah, sorry. I missed most of it.”

“It’s fine,” Yoongi chuckles and immediately winces.

Jimin shakes his head at him in utter disbelief. “How can you look this happy when your face must be on fire right now? I don’t understand.”

“It’s just like when you talk about your designs,” he explains. “I don’t understand anything about fashion design, but then I see how your face lights up when you explain what you’re working on, and that’s enough.”

He gives his words some thought and realises that it’s the same for both of them. That the other’s happiness is enough. That’s what Yoongi is trying to say… right?

“I guess I can understand that feeling,” Jimin says slowly.

That glee doesn’t leave Yoongi’s face when he replies, “I’m glad you do.”

Yoongi is so beaten up right now that just looking at his face has him wincing a little. Yet, in Jimin’s eyes, he still looks handsome because he can see his happiness reflected all over his damaged face. Not being able to hold his gaze for too long, Jimin’s eyes drift down to his neck, and he falters. It’s only now that he realises that wrapped loosely around Yoongi’s neck is his bandana.

“I’ve been looking for this, you know,” Jimin tells him, tracing the material with his fingers before he lowers his hand again. “I see you stole it,” he tries to joke lightly, but he sounds too affected for it to sound convincing.

Yoongi reaches up to touch it too, and he does so very gently, like it’s a precious thing. Jimin gulps.

“I didn’t steal it,” Yoongi says. “I just kept it… without telling you.”

Jimin can’t help but chuckle at his playful tone, but his nerves soon come back. He swallows before he asks in a whisper, “Is this what you wanted to show me?”

Yoongi nods, also adopting a more earnest look. “Yes.”

The younger meets his gaze. “And what does it mean?”

Before he replies, Yoongi takes his hands in his. They are rough to the touch, but Jimin loves the contact because he used to dream of this, and now it’s actually happening. It’s still hard to believe.

“First of all, I wanted to tell you that I’m very sorry if I ever made you feel like you were just a fuck. That wasn’t my intention at all. A few days later, I talked to Taehyung about it, and now I understand how my invitation could’ve come across like that. I mean, yeah. Maybe I was thinking about sex too, but not fucking, you know what I mean?” Jimin blinks, and Yoongi winces at himself. “I told you, I’m not good at relationships or feelings,” he sighs.

“Apparently, me neither,” he admits, lowering his head slightly.

But Yoongi squeezes his hands, and Jimin looks up to see how his brow is furrowed. “You’re great at them,” he counters. “You’re great with words, too. I’ve read your letter so many times I think I’ve memorised it.”

A surge of heat spreads across his back and limbs at the sudden embarrassment that assaults him. “It wasn’t a letter…” he almost whines, trying to step back.

His hyung doesn’t let him get away, though. “Felt like one.” Jimin glares at him, but Yoongi isn’t teasing him. He is being honest, just like always. “But you got one thing wrong in it: You’re no coward, Park Jimin.”

“I am. Who confesses over text other than teenagers?” he mutters, averting his eyes.

“The format doesn’t matter. Look at me,” Yoongi coaxes him sweetly to meet his gaze again. When they make eye contact, Jimin’s heart flutters at the soft look on his face. “I fight people for a living, but you were the one brave enough to bare yourself to me when I couldn’t,” he tells him so very softly. “So I tried showing you instead,” Yoongi says, touching the bandana around his neck.

Jimin gulps. “You…”

“I like you a lot, Jimin,” he declares proudly this time.

His breath hitches at how bluntly he put it, but Jimin cannot say he doesn’t love it after second-guessing Yoongi’s every word and action.

“The truth is that I’ve been too interested in you for the past couple of years, but I didn’t have the guts to approach you,” Yoongi tells him, his grip on his hands tightening a little bit. Jimin holds onto him just as firmly at the torrent of emotions swirling inside him at his confession. “I kept telling myself that the sudden interest was because we used to be childhood friends. And when I tried to pry some information from my brother, I fooled myself into believing it was because I wanted to know how you were doing. That I was just trying to reconnect with you because of our past connection,” Yoongi chortles at himself. “But I think I was just crushing on you.”

Crushing on you.

Holy shit.

“That’s why Taehyung thought you had ulterior motives to be there?” Jimin asks, remembering their argument at the beach house.

“So you did hear that conversation,” Yoongi points out. He would’ve raised his eyebrow if he could. Instead, the boxer winces at the involuntary attempt.

The younger can’t say he feels bad for the boxer because he’s blushing after giving himself out like that. “Sorry,” Jimin mutters, embarrassed.

“It’s okay,” Yoongi waves off. He lifts a hand to cup his cheek, and Jimin thinks his heart cannot beat faster. “It’s true that I kept seeing you on Instagram, and I wanted to check for myself if you were as sweet as I remembered, but our meeting in Daegu was pure coincidence,” he clarifies. “Those days at the beach were confusing because you kept holding me at arm’s length, and I didn’t understand why. Now I do,” he says, looking apologetic. “Sorry about that, but I also don’t regret anything that happened. Because somehow it led us to this.”

When he is done speaking, Jimin lets out a quivering breath. His mind is racing as fast as his heart, and he has a hard time believing Yoongi has just told him that his feelings aren’t unrequited. Not anymore.

“You won’t say anything?” his hyung asks quietly after a while.

But Jimin’s brain is rather slow right now. “I don’t know what to say. It’s all too much,” he says, overwhelmed. He peeks at him bashfully. “And you already know how I feel.”

“I do,” Yoongi smirks. “And now you know how I feel too.”

A bashful smile curls his lips up. “Yeah.”

“So?” Yoongi prompts him.

“So?” Jimin asks timidly.

The boxer looks endeared by his behaviour. “I know it took me too long, but will you let me get close to you, Jimin-ah? Will you give me a chance to show you that I can treat you right and just how you deserve?”

How could he ever say no to that when it’s what he’s been dreaming of since he was fourteen?

“Yes,” Jimin says breathlessly, nodding his head. “Yes, please.”

“No need to say please.” The corner of Yoongi’s lips curls up again before he kisses him.

Yet the moment their lips make contact, Yoongi winces and leans back with a curse.

“Sorry!” Jimin startles and watches as Yoongi brings a hand to his mouth, eyes screwed shut.

“No, no. It’s fine,” the boxer assures him and tries to kiss him again.

But Jimin stops him with a hand on his chest. “Hyung, not now. It hurts.”

Yoongi insists, getting closer to his face as he tries to convince him with quiet encouragements that have Jimin’s stomach coiling, but he doesn’t back down. His hyung purses his lips and whines at his refusal, and Jimin bites his lip not to laugh at him, but Yoongi notices and sulks.

“It doesn’t hurt here,” Yoongi tries again, pointing to his cheek.

Jimin thinks about it, but he can’t deny he is dying to kiss and touch him, so he makes a show of relenting and presses a kiss to his cheek. He does so gently, because even if Yoongi says it doesn’t hurt, his whole face is a mess, and he doesn’t quite believe him.

“Here doesn’t hurt either.” Yoongi points to his forehead this time, lowering his head a little bit as he watches him with an expectant look. Jimin kisses it too, just as tenderly, but Yoongi isn’t done yet. “Or here.”

Jimin bites the inside of his cheek to stop himself from grinning, but it’s impossible to contain his giddiness. He kisses his chin as instructed, and then Yoongi touches the tip of his nose.

“Here.”

Another peck.

Their faces are so close together as Jimin waits for the next spot, and when Yoongi touches his lips with the pad of his finger and whispers, “Here,” Jimin cannot deny him this time.

He kisses him again on the lips but puts less pressure this time, so he doesn’t hurt Yoongi too much. Their lips brush tenderly as they wrap their arms around one another, and they close their eyes to enjoy the moment. It feels so right Jimin could cry, and he wishes this moment would never end because he doesn’t want to wake up from what feels like a dream come true.

Sadly, that’s when Yoongi’s manager opens the door, and all of them get a good look at them kissing, including Taehyung and Jungkook. Jimin squashes the sudden urge to hide his face in Yoongi’s chest because that would only make this even more mortifying. Instead, he just stands there, frozen with his arms still wrapped around Yoongi’s shoulders.

“Sorry about that,” Seokjin clears his throat. “But Yoongi, we need to go.”

“You could’ve knocked, hyung,” he grumbles, holding Jimin tight by his sides.

“He did,” Namjoon says, trying to hide his amusement but failing spectacularly.

“What the fuck,” they hear Jungkook splutter.

He is genuinely confused while Taehyung looks at them with a smug look.

“You’re both the most obtuse idiots I’ve ever met. I expected that of my brother, but not you, Jimin,” Taehyung doesn’t hesitate to give them both a piece of his mind, crossing his arms as he regards him while shaking his head. “You were both pining for one another, and neither did anything about it. It was painful to watch, especially when neither one of you would let me tell the other anything.”

Yoongi sighs when Jimin finally lets go of him, but the boxer keeps his hand on his lower back as they walk out onto the corridor again.

“Wait, you knew about this and didn’t tell me?” Jungkook asks his boyfriend.

Taehyung flicks his chin lovingly. “Sorry, Kookie, but I’ve kept this secret for longer than I’ve known you. There was no way I was going to break my silence without Jimin’s permission.”

“For how long?” Jungkook narrows his eyes. “We’ve been dating for five years already.”

“Eleven years?” Taehyung shrugs.

That catches Yoongi’s attention, who falters midstep. “Ele—? What?” Yoongi asks shocked as he turns to Jimin.

The younger almost flinches. “Don’t you have a press conference to attend? Go already.” Mortified, Jimin pushes him towards his manager and trainer, who are waiting for him.

“Don’t think you’ll get out of this one,” Yoongi warns him as he walks backwards and points at him with his finger. “We are talking about this after I’m done doing press.”

“Not if I leave before you’re done,” Jimin grumbles, too embarrassed to look at him.

Yoongi gapes. “You—”

“Yoongi, come on,” his manager pleads, grabbing him by the elbow to drag him away from them. “We can’t keep them waiting any longer.”

The three friends watch as they turn around the corner, not without Yoongi telling him one last, “Don’t you dare leave!” Then they hear a door opening and closing, and it’s silent in the corridor again.

“So,” Jungkook starts, “what was that?” he asks, looking mostly at Jimin, who smiles apologetically at his friend.

Passing an arm around his shoulders, Taehyung smirks. “I guess it’s finally time to put you up to speed, bun.”

***

“So you’ve been in love with me since you were fourteen?” Yoongi asks while they cuddle on the couch in the boxer’s apartment a few days later.

They are supposedly watching a movie, but Jimin is too comfortable sitting in between Yoongi’s legs with his arms wrapped around him to truly pay it any attention. Even less when Yoongi keeps peppering kisses along his neck, turning his head towards him from time to time to peck his lips, too. This feels like heaven, and it’s so much better than whatever Jimin had conjured up in his mind through the years when he thought about what it would be like to date Yoongi.

“You used to be so cute around me,” Yoongi continues, “but I thought it was because you were shy.”

“This is why I didn’t want to tell you,” Jimin grumbles because Yoongi won’t let it go.

It’s not such a big deal, so what if Jimin has been in love with him for eleven years?

… damn, he’s been in love with this man for eleven years. What the fuck.

“Why do you keep thinking I’m teasing you? I’m not!” Yoongi defends himself.

“You are!”

“No. I just think it’s cute. You’re cute.”

“Stop,” Jimin groans even though he loves that he gets to bicker like this with Yoongi now. “Don’t make me poke your wounds.”

“Now that’s mean,” Yoongi complains. “But I know you won’t do that because you hate seeing me hurt.” There’s nothing Jimin can say to that because he was the one who admitted that to Yoongi in that text, so he just sulks as he sinks himself deeper into Yoongi’s lap. “That’s why I didn’t see you after any of my matches in high school, right? Because you ran away the moment someone hit me.”

Jimin shifts to look back at his boyfriend, who has a shit-eating grin on his lips despite how his cut still isn’t completely healed. “The last time I ran away was because you kissed your girlfriend in front of me,” Jimin mutters as he turns back around with his arms crossed.

Yoongi tenses behind him and takes him by the shoulders to make him look at him again. “What?”

The boxer looks genuinely concerned, and Jimin instantly feels bad about bringing it up. “It’s fine. It’s been years, and you didn’t do it on purpose,” he assures him with a small smile. “That’s the first time I tried to put some distance between us.”

It does little to erase Yoongi’s frown. “I remember you avoiding me like the plague for a while before I left Daegu, yeah. I didn’t know it was because of that. I thought it was because you were having trouble at school.”

“You actually helped me with that. You know, that day you found me crying in the rain, all dramatic and shit,” Jimin chuckles even though the memory makes him feel sorry for his younger self.

Yoongi doesn’t laugh. “Yeah, I remember,” he says and hugs him closer to his chest, leaving a kiss on his shoulder. Jimin could melt in his arms at the protective gesture. “I hurt you a lot over the years, didn’t I?” he whispers, and Jimin can clearly hear the regret in his voice.

Placing his hands on top of his on his stomach, Jimin shifts so he can leave a peck on his neck. “You didn’t know, and I don’t blame you. You were always so nice to me. Taehyung always whined about it,” he giggles.

That finally has Yoongi relaxing as he chortles. “I mean I’ve always had a soft spot for you. I can’t deny that.” They share a look then, and Yoongi’s face falls a little bit. “But even though I’m only three years older than you, I think part of me did see you as a kid back then because you were my brother’s best friend.”

Jimin sighs and rests more comfortably against his chest as he plays with Yoongi’s fingers. “I know. I’ve always known that.”

“Not now, though,” Yoongi clarifies.

“Yeah, no shit,” he deadpans, craning his neck to look at him. “I’d be worried otherwise.”

Yoongi laughs as he nuzzles the crook of Jimin’s neck, and the younger can’t help but giggle again because it tickles.

“So you’ve been in love with me for most of your life, huh?” Yoongi resumes. Jimin groans. “That’s a bit embarrassing, Jiminie,” he teases him because he loves doing that.

“And you’ve been oblivious to it for eleven years, you damn fool,” he deadpans.

“Ouch.”

Jimin laughs, and his boyfriend joins him. “At this point, I think there’s little you could do that could make me stop loving you.”

“That’s nice to hear, but I promise I’ll behave.”

“You'd better,” Jimin threatens jokingly, making Yoongi grin.

The boxer kisses the top of his head before he tells him, “And give me two more weeks, and I feel like I’ll be there with you.”

“Where?” Jimin asks, confused as he turns his head to look at him.

“Ready to tell you that I’m in love with you,” Yoongi says softly.

His heart skips a beat, and he feels his insides warm up. Jimin knows that they are on different pages when it comes to their feelings. Yoongi isn’t in love with him yet, and that’s fine by him because his hyung shows him how much he cares about him every day since they confessed. Also, Jimin has always been in relationships where the other person liked him more than he liked them, so he can wait for Yoongi to fall into step with him.

“You just said it, though,” Jimin points out cheekily, not wanting this conversation to turn too heavy.

“You know what I mean,” Yoongi rolls his eyes and pinches his stomach to scold him, but the action makes Jimin chuckle.

“Don’t put a timer on love,” he tells him softly, sounding more serious now. “You never know.”

“Oh, but I know,” Yoongi says, sure of it. “If we keep this up, falling for you is going to be easier than breathing. I honestly think I’m almost there.”

“Where is the guy who kept saying: ‘I’m not good at relationships’? You sound like an expert to me,” Jimin says with a raised eyebrow.

Yoongi’s smile widens. “It’s all thanks to you.”

They stare into each other’s eyes while Yoongi caresses Jimin’s belly with his thumb, and the younger plays with his other hand. There is a lot on their minds, and when Jimin speaks again, he sounds more vulnerable than he’d like.

“Since when? When did you realise it wasn’t just interest or curiosity what you felt for me?”

The boxer gives it some thought before he replies. “Honestly? Since we slept together.”

That surprises Jimin. “Really?”

“Don’t look at me like that,” Yoongi pouts. “I’ve always been a man of action. That’s why I’m a boxer.”

Jimin chuckles at that. “What was that about, though? The whole make-love thing? You insisted so much on that.”

Now it’s Yoongi’s turn to look bashful. “Ah, that was me trying to let my heart guide me, to be honest. I knew I wanted to be close to you, but I didn’t want to fuck. I don’t know. My mind was a mess, and I didn’t understand what I was feeling until we were actually doing it,” he admits. Jimin is regarding him with amusement without saying anything, and Yoongi huffs. “I told you, I’m shit at feelings,” he sulks, wrapping his arms tighter around him.

“Don’t be so harsh on yourself,” Jimin pats his hands comfortingly. “You took very good care of me that night.”

Yoongi looks at him, a little unsure. “Yeah?”

Jimin nods. “I felt… loved. Or well, cared for,” he is quick to correct himself.

He can feel his cheeks warming up at his mistake, but he can’t help but use that word when it comes to Yoongi. He has associated it with him for far too long not to.

Yet Yoongi surprises him with his next words. “It doesn’t feel wrong when you say it, you know?” he mutters, suddenly sounding deep in thought.

“What? That I felt loved?”

Yoongi hums as he looks ahead, still thinking. “That’s what it was, wasn’t it? It feels… right somehow,” he trails off. When he meets Jimin’s eyes again, Yoongi looks nothing sort of like he has just had a revelation. “Maybe I’m already there, after all. Let me try?”

“Try?” Jimin asks, completely lost by his train of thought.

“Saying it. The L-word.”

Jimin tries to huff, but he chokes, and it sounds more like he’s spluttering at his sudden nerves. “Don’t force yourself. You will say it when you’re ready. You don’t have to think about it so hard. Let’s just watch the movie, and—”

“I love you.”

He says it so clearly, so bluntly that Jimin has a physical reaction to those words, and he flinches in his lover’s arms. Jimin gasps and snaps his head towards him. “Yoongi,” he says, sounding almost scandalised.

Yet Yoongi looks like he has gotten a weight off his chest, and he’s got an easy smile on his lips. “That felt… good. It felt right,” he says, surprised. Jimin is pretty sure he is gaping like a fish as he regards the boxer. But Yoongi looks at him with that fond expression Jimin adores when he repeats, more softly this time: “I love you.”

“H-Hyung.”

He doesn’t know what he’s protesting about, not when Yoongi is embracing him so sweetly as he repeats once more, “I love you, Jimin-ah.”

Jimin can do nothing but blink. He is left speechless and feeling like his heart is gonna beat its way out of his chest.

“Aren’t you going to say it back?” Yoongi whispers after a while, poking his cheek with the tip of his nose to wake him up from his trance.

He swallows thickly. It’s happening. Yoongi has said it, and he means it. He can see it all over his face, all over his actions. The boxer just needed him to make him see that he was already here with him. On the same page.

“I love you,” Jimin croaks, the back of his eyes burning with tears out of pure joy.

He closes his eyes because he doesn’t want to cry over this. He doesn’t want to embarrass himself like that and let Yoongi see just how much he needed this verbal reciprocation of his feelings. He craved it more than he knew. Even if he knows, Yoongi doesn’t comment on it, he just leaves a tender kiss on each of his closed eyelids, leaving Jimin trembling like a leaf at the care behind the gesture.

When Jimin opens his eyes again, his eyelashes damp but his tears at bay, Yoongi smiles sweetly again. “I love you.”

Yoongi kisses him like Jimin needs him to, and they both realise that it’s with the same tenderness with which Yoongi has treated him all this time. The care with which he has always treated him.

Almost as if out of habit.

They lie on the couch as they keep kissing, and Jimin feels loved in Yoongi’s strong arms. They don’t touch each other more than just to caress their bodies and faces with featherlight touches, and they kiss for so long that they end up falling asleep in each other’s arms without almost realising it, feeling content and safe in their embrace.

This time, Jimin doesn’t care about the night coming to an end. He doesn’t worry about what the morning will bring his way. He falls asleep in Yoongi’s arms without regrets or doubts clouding his mind.

Jimin doesn’t need to worry about Yoongi disappearing when he wakes up because this is not a dream.

Not anymore.