Work Text:
Hyo: girls I think I accidentally broke Kim kibum
Taeyeon: what did you do
What mess do I need to clean up 🙄
Hyo: I ran into him at Minho’s
Seohyun: You what
Hyo: Minho invited me golfing
Sooyoung: 👀👀👀
Golfing or “golfing” ?
Yuri: You went golfing without me????? 😭😭😭😭
Yoona: Unnie you promised we would go together
Hyo: Yeah well
sometimes I don’t feel like third wheeling
no matter how cute you are with your gf
Yoona: we would never exclude you 💖
we love you!!! 💕💕💕
Taeyeon: where is bammie now
Is he in a secure location
He’s not answering my texts 😬
Hyo: 🤷🏻
idk when I left they were yelling a lot
Tiffany: HYO!!!!!!
HYO
HYOYEON SSI
WHERE ARE THE ABS
WE ✨PROMISED✨
WE MADE A PACT
SHOW ME THE ABS
Sooyoung: Tiffany you know what Minhos abs look like
Tiffany: Stfu bitch 💕😘
Sooyoung: You have every fan site picture ever saved
Taeyeon: yelling like how loud
how loud were they yelling
normal SHINee practice room yelling
Or louder than that
Tiffany: Bitch stop looking at my phone that information is private
Sooyoung: You literally thirsted after him on a radio show
The entire world knows
Minho deserves more than that!!!
Sunny: You know what he deserves
Hyo: What 😒
Sunny: Dessert
Sooyoung: Dessert 🍨
Seohyun: D d d d
Yuri: Dessert 🍮 🍨🍪🍩🍭🧁🍦
Hyo: Oh my god I walked right into that one didn’t I 🤦🏻
Taeyeon: Kibum is still not answering
Sooyoung: What do you think happened ???
Seohyun: Should we go over there and check on him?
Taeyeon: No!!!!!!
Yoona: Maybe they finally figured their shit out! 🥰👨❤️💋👨
Seohyun: Key_clown_meme.jpg
Yuri: Babe you are way too optimistic
Taeyeon: Kibum is a genius but he’s also very stupid
You are not allowed to tell him I said that
Tiffany: I’m screenshotting this entire conversation😘💕
in case I need to use it ~ later ~ 😘😘
Sunny: Just like you screenshotted Minho’s abs! Ha!
Tiffany: 💖✨💖Please fuck off 💖✨💖
Seohyun:
I still have several questions for Hyo
Tiffany: Same
For research 👩🏻⚕️
Hyo: Go ahead Dr Hwang PhD
Tiffany: Number one how big is it
Number two does he know how to use it
Sooyoung: Please stop
Hyo: First of all he doesn’t fucking kiss and tell
I wouldn’t have said anything either
except I am seriously worried
about SHINee’s Master Key
Yuri: whatever you say unnie 😒
Hyo Second is if you must know 🙄
MY dick is huge 😌
And I know how to use it 😌
And he fucking loved it 🍆💦😌😌😌
Seohyun: Unnie!!!!!!!!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Tiffany: Step on me unnie!!!! 🥵🥵🥵
Yuri: Show me your big strap unnie!!!💦
Hyo: No 🔥
Also
He didn’t call me unnie in bed
he called me hyung 😌
Tiffany: Holy fuck 🥵🥵🥵
Taeyeon: I know we all understand this
But let me say it
To be clear
whatever else happens
kibum can never ever ever find out about this conversation
Sooyoung: Delete your screenshots TIFFANY HWANG MIYOUNG
Taeyeon: I’m genuinely concerned 😔
Hyo: yeah 😔
He completely shut down as soon as he saw me
Windows_shutdown_noise.mp3
Sunny: Why???
Seohyun: You can’t be serious
Yuri: That man is in LOVE 😍
Seohyun: In looooove since FOREVER AGO 😭
Sunny: oh no
Taeyeon: oh yes
they are a mess
Seohyun: I_love_mess.gif
Yoona: Oh no 🙈
I just had a horrible thought
Seohyun: popcorn.gif
Yoona: what if Minho doesn’t like him back
Tiffany: Bitch please 🙄
Yuri: I… don’t think that’s possible 😅
Hyo: He mentioned Kibum like 40 times during our golf date 😵
I had to watch 20 minutes of videos of him covering my songs before we fucked 🥱🥱🥱
Yoona: …
Yuri: see this is why you should have gone golfing with me instead!
Sooyoung: Unnie 😑
Hyo: Yes?
Sooyoung: If you knew he was like that about Kibum
why did you sleep with him?
Hyo: A of all he DEFINITELY wanted it 😘
B I genuinely didn’t know Kibum liked him back!!!!
Until I saw Bammie standing there holding homemade kimchi
And dissociating
They’re weird ok?????
Like
You know them
They’re really fucking weird
Taeyeon: Homemade kimchi 😣😣
Fuck oh fuck 🤦🏻
It’s worse than I thought
Yuri: It’s real bad huh 🤔
Sooyoung: You better step off Hyo
Hyo: Obviously !!!
I do not love mess
Unlike SOME PEOPLE 💅
Seohyun: If they can’t figure it out now
There really is no hope
Taeyeon: total silence still 🥶
Sooyoung: that’s probably a good thing
Tiffany: maybe they’re figuring it out! 😍
You know what
I’m just gonna ask kibum
For a picture of Minho abs
Real quick
Since SOMEONE didn’t come through for me 🤬🤬🤬
Taeyeon: Fany no
Tiffany: Fany YES 💃🏻
Sunny:
Minho_dynamite_SW_IV_HD.gif
Minho_dont_call_me_fancam.mp4
just use these
Seohyun: unnie why do you have those
Sunny: for reference 🤓
In case anyone needs them
In case of emergency
🚨 This is an emergency 🚨
Seohyun: dumpster_fire.gif
Taeyeon: ok I’m making a decision
none of you are allowed to text kibum ever again
I’m blocking all your numbers from his phone
Seohyun: you can’t block the 91s group chat 😘😘😘
Sooyoung: if the 91s are having group sex that is not my business 💅
Don’t tell us about it
Tiffany: but if you are you should snap a picture of Minhos abs
Sunny:
Dont_call_me_sick_of_all_your_trash.gif
Yuri: My takeaway from this conversation is Tiffany needs to get laid
Tiffany: YES BITCH YES
THANK YOU
PLEASE
Just say the word babe I’ll pencil you in 📆
Yuri: I’m not inviting you to a threesome jagiya
Tiffany: 😔🥺
Yoona: Taeyeon can you please do something about your girl
Sunny: …
Sooyoung 👀👀👀👀👀
Yuri: Yoona!!!
Seohyun: excuse me
Is this how I find out Taeny are dating
Tiffany: Bitch!!!
Fuck off
We aren’t dating
That was ONE TIME
And then she turned me down 😢
Taeyeon: bitch I will ask you out on a real date
AS SOON AS I FIGURE OUT IF KIBUM IS OK
Hyo: if you’re not hearing from him it’s a good sign
Yuri: well YOU would know
I mean
It was good right?
Sunny: Please tell us he’s good in bed that’s all I need to know
I don’t need specifics
Tiffany: 💖✨I need specifics ✨💖
Hyo: …
Tiffany: ⏳
Hyo: Let me just say
Tiffany: 👀👀👀
Hyo: That man has a face so small
It can really get IN there
Tiffany: HYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Yuri: Aajfjfdjdjfjdjdngidbfjdjshshshfjdjsabwbab
Gucjddjfhdhd
Tiffany: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Seohyun: 🥂 good_for_her.gif
Hyo: You all should feel bad for me!
Great hookup
Now it’s complicated
and I can never hit it again!
Sunny: Heartbreak.mp3
Sooyoung: I feel soooooooooo sorry for you right now 😭😭😭😭😭
Tiffany: The only one of us
to sleep with SM’s top visual and this is the result 😢 💔
Sad
Seohyun: lying_in_a_puddle_of_tears.gif
Hyo: This is in NO WAY my fault
Yuri: Excuse you my girlfriend is SM’s top visual???
Surprised you didn’t know that
Seohyun: Excuse you I am SM’s top visual
Sunny: You people are embarrassing
I can’t believe I have to listen to this
See you Tuesday
Hyo: Oh hey
invited Kibum for our wrap party
Seohyun: party_llamas.gif
SNSD_party.mp3
Hyo: Seo Joohyun please I never wanna hear that song again
Sunny: He better come
Taeyeon: Ohhhhhh you guys!!!
Kibum texted me back!!!! Finally!!!
Hyo: What did he say
Sunny: What happened
Seohyun: Did he cry
Sooyoung: Did they make sweet sweet love
Yuri: Did they kiss FINALLY
Tiffany: abs
PLEASE DONT FORGET
Taeyeon: He said “we’re fine”
And “tell Hyo I’m not mad”
Hyo: Thank FUCK
Taeyeon: and “we’ll see you all Tuesday at the wrap party”
Sooyoung: “We”
Yoona: Does that mean
Taeyeon: I’m asking I’m asking
hang on
He said
“Yes Minho and I are dating”
!!!!
And sent me this picture
minhosleeping.jpg
Yoona: 🤯 Holy shit
Tiffany: I’m not just saving that
I’m fucking printing it and framing it
Sunny: That photo…
is art 🖼
Yuri: Thank you for your thoughts Professor Lee
Tiffany: Taengoo Unnie 💖 I love you 💕💖💕 will you be my girlfriend 💍
Taeyeon: 🤨
I never thought I’d seduce the love of my life with a man’s abs
Yes
Yoona: !!!!!
Tiffany: 💕🔥💕🔥💕🔥💕
selfie_fingerhearts.gif
Yuri: Well he IS employee of the month
Taeyeon: I’m telling Kibum we voted Minho employee of the month again
And we wish them all the best
Seohyun: Omfg they’re basically as good as married already 🙄
They’ll be fine 🙄
Yuri: Pathetic
Yoona: I don’t think marriage is pathetic! 👰🏻♀️👰🏻♀️
FOR YOUR INFORMATION
Taeyeon: Ah, Kibum is saying he should be voted employee of the month for sending the photo
Yoona: I’m literally jumping up and down and screaming right now
Yuri: She is
I can vouch for that 😌
It’s very cute
Hyo: I’m so sick of people in love 🤨
I never should have told you guys 🙄
Taeyeon: no you did the right thing
Hyo: who will comfort me in my time of sorrow
Tiffany: 💕💖✨💖✨Fuck youuuu✨💖✨💖💕
Sooyoung: 💕💖✨💖Love youuuu ✨💖✨💖💕