Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Sometimes, Sunny Suzuki wondered what it was like to be dead.

Not always, not even often - at least not anymore, after decades of trying to be better, not just for himself but for the few people that still cared. 

Just sometimes.

Sunny wasn’t religious - hadn’t been for quite some time, even with the proclivities of his wife. Still, he could see why the idea of a wondrous and idyllic heaven appealed so much to people : even if you achieved nothing in your own life, even if you made mistake after mistake after mistake and burned what little you had to begin with to cinder and ash, as long as you were faithful and virtuous, God would forgive you and you would be allowed to rejoin the ones you lost. All those mortal worries and troubles would mean nothing in the end, and you could finally be allowed to rest In peace. Perhaps that was why suicide was the one unforgivable sin : if it wasn’t, why would anyone choose to suffer through decades of mortal existence when paradise was just around the corner?

Of course, belief in a heaven was often intertwined with a belief in hell. Funnily enough, Sunny found Hell to be a lot more believable than Heaven, just from his own past experiences and delusions. He found it fitting : sinners should be punished, shouldn’t they? Cain must pay for murdering Abel.

The most comforting thought for Sunny in regards to the afterlife was also the one he believed in : a vast, great nothingness, or an endless sleep in Sunny’s own view. To finally set his grief and worries and pain aside, Sunny found the prospect of “nothing” to be infinitely gracious. There was a time when he found it so appealing that he found himself overcome with the urge to embrace it.

He still found it appealing.

I want to die.

But I have to live.

At that, his eyes flickered open like beetle wings, opening to the sight of his quaint bedroom ceiling and the lights, two thirds dead. He was going to have to replace them at some point…

He turned over to his side and let out a faint smile. There beside him was one of the few remaining threads chains keeping him in the land of the living. She was already awake - a rarity, had he slept in today? It was so unlike him, especially with how grueling his work schedule was. Then again, this was no ordinary day.

Sunny sat up, letting out a slight yawn that quickly became a raspy cough. Slapping his the back a couple of times to reassert himself, he turned again to stare at Aubrey, who glanced back in kind, an aged sense of concern and worry plaguing her expression. He frowned.

“Is something wrong?” His voice still felt far heavier than it should.

“You, um….” she winced, “You’re crying.”

“Oh!” Sunny immediately planted his hands on his cheeks, confirming a familiar trail of wetness crawling down his face. He involuntarily blushed out of embarrassment, letting out an apologetic look.

He then felt something far warmer and smoother on his cheeks, caressing and wiping the moisture off his face while giving him a smile. Those same hands then wrapped around his chest, a jolt of juvenile thrill pulsing through his heart despite himself. He let his head rest on her shoulders, allowing all of that warmth to envelop him utterly.

He wondered constantly after all he had done, why on Earth he had been gifted such a person as his wife. 

“I get it, you know. It’s…. still hard for me, too,” she whispered under her breath, as if afraid of anyone else hearing.

Oh.

He remembered why he was crying.

For anyone else, this would just be another Autumn Saturday, absolutely nothing of note or consequence. Too early to be Halloween, too late to be anything else. Only for him, and for a handful of others, it was the worst day of their lives. 

The day that Mari died.

Was killed.

Years ago, Sunny might’ve languished at length, agonizing over things that could’ve been or things that should’ve been had the right decisions been made or the wrong happenstances hadn’t happened. But those feelings, while not exactly having faded, had indeed aged, aged for long enough that his body and soul saw no worth in reiterating the same emotions and the same regrets again and again. 

Mari had been dead for 28 years. Nearly three entire decades.

He knew his duty, he knew what had to be done. He knew that those emotions needed to be discarded, enshrined so far deep that they could never harm him nor the people he still loved ever again.

Especially now. Especially today.

Because it wasn’t just the day Mari died.

This was Lily’s birthday.

His daughter’s birthday.

As if completing his thought, Aubrey spoke once more.

“I asked her last night- about the party, I mean. Said she didn’t want one. Again.” Aubrey added the last word with an exasperated sigh. 

“You’ve asked for about having one for the past four years, and she’s given you the same answer each time,” Sunny lightly sniped, though in truth he wasn’t too surprised. Aubrey could be…. very motivated and stubborn with the things she cared about.

“Thought it’d be different this year,” she glanced at her wardrobe before scampering a few steps to get changed, “She actually has friends now.”

“She does?” Sunny asked, genuinely surprised. 

“She’s known them since the beginning of the school year,” Aubrey returned from the closet, having donned a familiar white t-shirt with a faded pink logo splattered onto it - a holdover of her delinquent days.

“… Didn’t tell me about them,” Sunny said, his mouth suddenly feeling much drier. 

“Don’t be down,” she sighed, sitting down at the edge of the bed, “She didn’t want to tell me, either. I just caught her talking with them online a few weeks ago. Should’ve seen her face - I kinda wish Basil was there to snap a pic.”

Sunny pursed his lips in contemplation. 

Yeah, you should’ve seen her face, shouldn’t you? So why didn’t you? Why aren’t you ever around for her? For them?

… Had it gotten to that point, knowing so little about his own daughter? 

Aubrey must have caught his look, as she spoke once more.

“Hey - Know it isn’t you, okay? She’s been avoiding me too… More than usual,” she eyed her laps keenly, “She’s just going through a phase.”

Aubrey would know. She, at least, was around the house and around their daughter, no matter how little they could stand each other nowadays. 

Sunny was… Busy at his job. 

Your excuses are meaningless. It’s all pointless in the end.

Why can’t you look at her face?

“Anyway,” he cleared his throat, “If… If she does have friends now, why not have a party? Are you sure she isn’t just trying to keep us from knowing?”

“Her friends are both out of town - separate reasons. Big tragic coincidence, now all she wants to do is waste time in her room.” 

“Mm.”

“Did you get her a present?” Aubrey suddenly questioned. Sunny’s body temperature dropped a few degrees at that.

“…. Didn’t she say she didn’t want one? Again? I believe it's one of the few things she's said to me this month, actually.”

Aubrey eyed him curiously, “So?”

Sunny’s mouth, already dry, was now a veritable desert. He really did feel like even more a massive piece of shit. He started moving over to go get changed as well. 

“… I’ll get her something by the end of today,” he muttered, “I assume you got her something?”

“… I did. I think she’ll…..” Aubrey closed her eyes briefly, “Find use in it, despite her best effort not to spite me. Don't worry about not getting her one, though. I mean, I'm glad you are now, but it'd be her own damn fault for being too edgy to ask you for one.” 

“Great,” Sunny sighed, “Does that mean we’re still having a party for her?”

“Sort of,” she admitted, “I can’t get her to spend that much time with us no matter what I do, but I made her promise to have her meals with both of us today. Get some nice family bonding time.”

“Gotcha. Don’t think she’ll just skimp out on food for today?” Sunny teased sardonically. He was now sporting his characteristic dress shirt, which he hadn’t grown out of in the slightest.

“Shut,” she threatened. 

Both of them now dressed, they headed downstairs to get breakfast ready. It would’ve been convenient for Aubrey to cook, as Sunny was busy with his office job for most of the day while Aubrey could work from home. And it was true, that on most days, Aubrey handled the cooking. There was one little issue however : Aubrey was terrible, terrible at cooking. They’d tried for so long to find a dish she could prepare competently, and the best they came up with was a very sad, very soggy omelette. Sometimes Sunny wondered whether that was the real reason Lily seemed to despise her. 

Sunny wasn’t even that much better than her, but two bad cooks working together was bound to produce a meal that was, at least, somewhat more than mediocre. Buffering their own cooking with plenty of pre-cooked food was a strong convenience, but it was a point of pride for them both to having something of their own, especially when eating as a family. 

In the end, the two of them managed a classic : bacon, eggs, and toast. Simple, but effective.

After about twenty minutes of work, Sunny plopped himself down at the table and held his head in his hands, wringing with unnerving exhaustion.

Am I getting old?

His consciousness faded into a blur, only disturbed when he saw Lily encroach from the stairs at a sluggish pace. Her silky smooth black hair draped over her hunched over back as she struggled to overcome her exhaustion. Avoiding direct eye contact, she made her way to the table and sat right in front of Sunny, forcing him to get a good look at her. Despite himself, he flinched slightly. 

He only had a few brief moments to question what was wrong with him, before Aubrey slammed herself down in her chair, clapped her hands together, and exclaimed, “Alright, Lily! This, uh, may not look like a lot, but-”

“It’s fine,” their daughter stated flatly, poking at the eggs with her fork before sliding them with caution in her mouth.

Aubrey looked a little more disheveled as she dug into her food as well, keeping her eyes on Lily all the while.

“So, how are you doing at school?” Aubrey asked, struggling to pierce the bacon with her utensils.

Lily glanced back at her mother with an exceptionally dirty look, seeming scandalized that she was interrupting her personal session with the eggs.

“Fine.”

“How?” Aubrey asked, a mildly pleased look on her face as she countered Lily’s one-word response with one of her own.

“Just…” Lily scrunched up her face in a grimace and fell silent for a few moments, “My grades are fine. My teachers are fine. It’s all fine. Satisfied?”

“And your friends?” Aubrey continued, “You haven’t told me anything about them yet.”

“Why do you need to know?”

“I’d like to make sure you aren’t….” Aubrey paused for a second, briefly lost in thought, “Hanging around the wrong crowds.”

Sunny thought back to the Hooligans. While they were all fairly functioning adults at this point, with Aubrey still close to each of them, it made sense to him that Aubrey would be wary of bad influences driving people down worse routes. Though, she would confide in him that she wasn’t quite sure whether her gang was a bad influence on her, or whether she was the bad influence on the gang. 

“It’s not your business who I choose to hang out with.”

“It is my business, actually,” she retorted, her eyes flaring up slightly, “It may be hard to remember, but I’m still your mother, and I have a right to know about these things.”

“Do you?” 

Say something. Intervene in this before it’s too late.

Sunny didn’t know what to do. He was trapped, functionally strapped to his chair with a gag over his mouth. He knew he had to do or say something…. But what right did he have to say anything? For as much as Lily disdained Aubrey nowadays, it seemed like she genuinely despised her father and wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. Who could blame her? He was never around to help her, never there for her when she needed it. 

I need to be away to support them.

I can’t afford to spend all day around her.

All those justifications from years past ringed around in his head, making him dizzy as increasingly distorted sounds echoed from beyond his sphere. All those justifications, all so meaningless and hollow.

Because you know the real reason, don’t you?

“…. Dad?”

Sunny blinked, then weakly shook his head. It’d been a while since he’d completely blanked out like that. Aubrey and Lily had both seemed to simmer down since he’d last noticed what was going on. 

He turned towards Lily once again, seeing her strangely intense gaze locked right onto him. Despite himself, he felt a surge of thrill go through his body at her word.

The only thing you can do is hurt people.

“Yes? Do you need anything?” Sunny half-blurted out.

“…. No, I was just wondering….” Lily closed her eyes and furrowed her brow for a moment before speaking up again.

“Can you… tell me about Mari?”

The room was already uncomfortably quiet since they had all assembled, but now not even a single sound could be detected. Both Sunny and Aubrey were in absolute shock, their heads instantly snapping back to stare at each other before returning to their former positions.

The couple had chosen not to tell their daughter about Mari years ago for a number of reasons. Mari was a veritable Pandora’s Box that opened up to….. well, everything. How could they begin to talk to Lily about her supposed aunt, without telling her how she died? How would a child even react to learning that her own father had killed her aunt and faked her suicide? Furthermore… How would she react knowing that she was, at least partially, named after that very same woman? 

They’d both taken care not to leave any memorabilia that included Mari in the house, nor did they make a habit of talking about Mari openly anymore. 

How did she know? Had he slipped up somewhere?  

Or…

Had Aubrey already decided to tell her? It made sense, thinking on it now. She must’ve figured that a fifteen-year old could handle learning the truth, or at least part of it. 

But then why hasn’t she talked about it with him beforehand? Did she just not trust him to trust Lily? 

…. Maybe she just didn’t have the time for him. After all, he never had time for her anymore either. Why would he expect her to run through with him every single decision she wanted to made concerning Lily? Was he that conceited? That arrogant? 

Of course she didn’t tell him. He didn’t deserve to know, didn’t deserve to have any say in the matter. How could he, if he couldn’t even hold a conversation with his own daughter anymore-

Sunny blinked. Lily was…. Gone? Her chair was pushed in- Aubrey was nowhere to be seen either. No, wait-

Deep breaths. 

He glanced down at his trembling hands. Trying to command them to still, he only succeeded after a few moments of concentration. 

He felt a warm presence envelop him, once more. 

“…. Sunny?” 

“You alright?”

Sunny scanned the room before coming to a realization.

“Did she… Is she upstairs?”

He heard a forced, anxious chuckle.

“Yeah…. I guess both of us kind of blanked out there.”

Aubrey then sat down right next to him, her hands still clenched around his- though she was beginning to tremble herself. She looked right at him, her teal eyes only slightly dulled with time and torment gleaming with contemplation.

“Let’s try that again, shall we?”

Chapter Text

Lily Suzuki’s life had been looking up, but that was before the voice in her head showed up.

Sure, her parents kind of sucked, but whose didn’t? Her situation with them had kept her down for a while, but she was all over that at this point. She was well into High School and already getting prepared head off into the sunset for college, never to return in a hundred years if she had her way. Her mom could nag all she wanted, and Lily couldn’t care a single bit. Not at all.

Especially not when something like this was happening to her.

“I’m going to Hell, aren’t I?” She muttered, fiddling with her pen as she held her phone next to her on the pillow. 

“Actually, Hell in the sense of an eternal afterlife for the damned doesn’t exist.”

There is was again, ruining her dreams. Honestly, she didn’t have too much of an issue with a stowaway in her brain, but couldn’t it stand to be just a little bit more polite?

“Apologize to your parents.”

She ignored it, opting instead to peer over back to her only coping mechanism in life : her texts.

“Emo.”

[Felix01][7:23 AM] : Happy Birthday, Lily!

She just had to let out a slight grin at that, before reaching to type out something back. 

[help Im possessed and I can’t get up][8:05 AM] : my dad’s an ass

[help Im possessed and I can’t get up][8:05 AM] : well actually both of them are

[Felix01][8:05 AM] : What’s the issue now? 

[help Im possessed and I can’t get up][8:06 AM] : just

[help Im possessed and I can’t get up][8:06 AM] : the usual u know

[help Im possessed and I can’t get up][8:07 AM] : mom’s being super dumb and my dad’s just brain dead lmao

[Felix01][8:07 AM] : Sorry

[help Im possessed and I can’t get up][8:07 AM] : what r u sorry for??? U didn’t do anything wrong

[Felix01][8:08 AM] : I know. I just feel bad for not being there with you.

[help Im possessed and I can’t get up][8:08 AM] : didn’t have a choice, not ur fault

[help Im possessed and I can’t get up][8:08 AM] : so shut :)

[Felix01][8:09 AM] : Yes, ma’am, sorry.

[help Im possessed and I can’t get up][8:10 AM] : mf u doing it again???

Lily didn’t really know how to feel about Felix. He could be so annoyingly classy and nice at times when it came to things like these, and it just got on her nerves in ways that hurt to think about. On the other hand, it was kind of ho-

She stopped that train of thought right then and there. Nope, not going to think about it. 

“Heh.”

She tried to ignore that as well.

[weedemon][8:11 AM] : sup nerds

[weedemon][8:11 AM] : interrupting something? ;)

[Felix01][8:11 AM] : nope nope

Now, as for Erin - or, as Lily liked to think of them, the human equivalent of a shitslinging chameleon, was a basketcase onto themselves. Honestly, Lily still felt like she hadn’t even cracked the surface with them, despite having known them for nearly as long as Felix. One day, they could be completely stone faced and unresponsive to essentially any stimuli, blocking out the entire world and getting particularly cranky whenever either Felix or Lily tried to talk to them about something. On another day, they could be an absolute demon of snark and tease whenever they felt like it, almost at a whim. It was bewildering to deal with at first, but Lily warmed up to it with time, though Felix confided in her that he still felt a bit wary around Erin and their shenanigans. 

In truth, part of the reason why Lily opened up to Erin fairly quickly was because of the odd, almost coincidental connection they shared. Erin had been adopted by Basil, an old family friend of Lily’s parents that she saw every now and then. Basil and his husband showed up a few times to their home for chats that Lily was only rarely privy to, though the few times she did come into contact with Basil… She couldn’t say she was particularly impressed. It’s not like he was a prick or anything, but there was just always something about him when he was around her that ticked her off. It was like he was nervous or something- he had this weird frantic energy about him like he couldn’t wait to be anywhere else but beside her. 

In any case, Erin wasn’t exactly the biggest fan of Basil either. They'd actually first been adopted by Basil’s husband years ago and had only properly met Basil himself around a year ago, after they’d gotten married. Their mutual disdain towards Basil was a huge part of what drew them together, in addition to their mutual liking for the forces of chaos that so plagued the sensibilities of someone like Felix, who was so wracked up in his “sane” concerns. 

[help Im possessed and I can’t get up][8:12 AM] : how’s it going in florida erin?

[weedemon][8:13 AM] : nothing much

[weedemon][8:13 AM] : how’s your b-day been? 

[help Im possessed and I can’t get up][8:14 AM] : terrible. horrible. no good, very bad.

[weedemon][8:15 AM] : so nothing out of the ordinary?

[Felix01][8:15 AM] : erin please

[help Im possessed and I can’t get up][8:15 AM] : nah they right

[help Im possessed and I can’t get up][8:15 AM] : oh and u were totally right about the Mari thing btw

[help Im possessed and I can’t get up][8:15 AM] : asked dad about it and they both went full nam flashback

[Felix01][8:16 AM] : What exactly did you say to them?

[help Im possessed and I can’t get up][8:16 AM] : just asked them to tell me about mari. 

[help Im possessed and I can’t get up][8:16 AM] : literally just that set them off

“Apologize.”

Momentarily, Lily snapped out of her intentional state of ignorance to glare internally at her unwelcome guest. 

“Why should I be the one to apologize to them? They’re the ones who keep messing up.”

“They’re just hurting.”

“Then tell me WHY??? You clearly know something about the situation here that I don’t.”

“Nope. Not saying a word until I’m sure you deserve to know.”

“Know what?”

“The truth.”

“About what?”

“You really suck.”

“I’m going to get Erin to nab me the hardest psychedelics out there. Have fun with that!” 

Finally, there was some peace and quiet. 

[weedemon][8:17 AM] : I guess that means we were on the right track

[weedemon][8:18 AM] : lily?

[weedemon][8:19 AM] : damn, we been ghosted.

[Felix01][8:19 AM] : I have a few theories.

[weedemon][8:19 AM] : on what?

[Felix01][8:19 AM] : Who Mari is.

[help Im possessed and I can’t get up][8:19 AM] : sorry im back

[weedemon][8:19 AM] : sweet

[weedemon][8:19 AM] : anyway, go shoot

[Felix01][8:20 AM] : What we know is that Mari is a person connected to Lily’s parents, or at least someone who they know something about.

[Felix01][8:21 AM] : We also know that “the voice” also knows something about Mari, at least enough to not want to answer any questions about them.

[Felix01][8:22 AM] : We know that Mari is also connected to Lily, in a weird psychic bond kinda way. 

‘Weird, psychic bond’ was one way of putting it, Lily supposed. In reality, Lily had received a grand total of one vision over the course of the past few weeks, after she’d gotten blackout drunk from accidentally taking in one of Erin’s illicit substances. Long story short, Lily woke up with little knowledge of anything except for vague images and the name “Mari” echoing around in her head. They’d only gotten really interested in the matter when they found out that the “voice,” as they dubbed it, was absolutely unwilling to discuss the concept of “Mari” altogether. One thing led to another, and Erin suggested Lily confront her parents about it, given the two things the voice seemed unwilling to speak of - Mari and the deal with her parents - could be connected in some way.

It was working out swimmingly, so far - definitely the best plan Erin had in their entire life. Definitely beat out their scheme to rig the streets with explosives in order to get out of a school field trip to a boring out-of-town museum. As an immediate benefit - the voice was now totally silent! Lily celebrated her quiet victory over her invader with a light smirk. 

[Felix01][8:23 AM] : So I figured there are a few possibilities.

[Felix01][8:24 AM] : Mari could be Lily’s long lost (dead?) sister.

[weedemon][8:24 AM] : or her dad’s former lover

Something about those possibilities seemed off to her, like she was missing something that was right in front of her - she’d always hated feeling like that. 

Maybe she was just having an off-day (an off-morning?). Even disregarding all the supernatural nonsense, things had admittedly not been too great recently, if Lily had to be honest. The worst part was, Lily couldn’t even blame her parents for it, at least not entirely. After all, it’s not like they were the ones who decided for her to avoid any and all opportunities to connect with her parents, at least not at first. 

It just felt so…. So stupid. Like she was dealing with a problem that she could’ve instantly diagnosed and solved if it was happening to anyone other than her. She wanted their comfort, their help, and their presence, but at the same time she just couldn’t stand her mom and just how controlling she was, sometimes. And her dad…

She felt like there’d been a wall planted between the two of them for years now, with neither of them knowing exactly when or how it’d been planted. All she knew now was that it was practically impossible for them to be in the same room with each other.

…. It’s not her fault. She can’t accept responsibility for this. Isn’t he supposed to be her dad? Shouldn’t he be the one sorting all of this stuff out? 

“…”

She could sense the voice once again, shifting underneath the surface in clear discomfort. Somehow, this made her feel even worse.

She almost couldn’t resist the urge to laugh hysterically, all alone in her room. It was just… It being her birthday really did make her feel all the more sick with self-loathing and painful confusion. It shouldn’t have felt this way. It didn’t need to be like this. This was… 

“You’re really…… a mess, huh?”

“Didn’t ask, don’t care.”

“…”

“…”

“If it makes you feel at all better, this isn’t exactly a great day for me either.”

“What? Have I been a burden on your life too? Or…. Are you even really alive, technically?”

“No…. Well, yes, but no. Today is…”

“Today was the day I died.”

“Huh? You-You’re-“

“That’s all for now. I think you’ll figure the rest out well enough. I look forward to it.”

“Come back-“

Radio. Silence.

Lily would’ve let out an exasperated sigh at that point, but her brain was working overtime to analyze what she’d just learned. Connections were forming in her head that she couldn’t even fathom in real time, until it all clicked into one magnificent truth.

[help Im possessed and I can’t get up][8:30 AM] : I think I know who Mari is

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

“Answer me.”

“…..”

“I need you here, now more than ever.”

“…..”

“Does it amuse you, to see me like this?”

“…..”

“Do you have no loyalty to your creator?”

“…..”

“You are a cog in a much wider machine, a puppet without a master to pull your strings. You were born from nothing, and you will return to nothing.”

“…..”

“You are not living. I am not living. What you may call existence is not living.”

“…..”

“Answer me!”

“What would it be like, to live?”

“…..”

“I’d imagine it’d be terrible, wouldn’t it?”

“…..”

“Still….”

“…..”

“I cannot shake away that image….”

“…..”

“…..”

“….. What do you see?”

“A bud of perfection, waiting to bloom.”

“….”

“Can you see it too? Omori?”

Chapter Text

As Felix gingerly burrowed through his ice box, careful not to get cut on any of the cans’ metal edges, he began to wonder what exactly he’d been expecting from this trip of his. He had never considered himself a very thoughtful and decisive person - quite the contrary, in fact. When it came time to choose anything with more than one clear, obvious answer, Felix would dawdle and mumble out all of his concerns and worries, right up until someone with more initiative than him took charge of the situation and rushed into action, forcing Felix to play along with the same tune. 

He didn’t resent it, of course. He had always had the option to choose another way, just like how he’d had the choice of staying in Faraway to spend time with his friends, both old and new, instead of being hundreds of miles away in some city he’d never even heard of before, chucking liters of carbonated poison into his father’s gullet. He had considered it, and he’d pained over for days with the prospect of choosing between being with his best friend’s at her birthday and spending time with the father he desperately wanted the attention of. 

He supposed he had Lily to thank for being the one to cut off his meandering, by constantly insisting for Felix to go with his dad. It was a little odd in hindsight, just how understanding Lily was to his situation. Her constant complaining about her mother always getting on her case about whatever she was doing had instilled in Felix an impression of Lily that was… Less than keen on parental bonding times as a concept. He couldn’t deny, however, that Lily was good to him- always had been- much better than he’d ever deserved. 

Sometimes, Felix thought about people. Not in a creepy, obsessive stalker-y way, but in so much as he thought about what made them unique, the quirks that defined them apart from each other. He thought about Lily’s fierce independence and sense of initiative, he thought about Erin’s odd curiosities and strange wisdom. He thought about his own parents’ legendary skill in their chosen sports, and he thought about the myriad different skills and interests that characterized all the friends he had made throughout the years. 

And then Felix thought about himself.

What defined him, as a singular, unique being? He had failed to take after his parents’ careers, despite all of their cajoling, and he had failed to find anything that suited him better. He knew that others considered him gentle, kind to an extent, but he was often so unperceptive, so clumsy with how he went about things that his kindness could never bear fruit for anyone. 

He could fade into the background if he wanted to, and he had doubts he would even be remembered.

What is there left for a person with no personhood? Felix had found his answer in other people. Whereas others would act, Felix would support. When some would seek to reach for the stars, Felix wanted to be there to help fuel their ascension. He was a light breeze on a warm Summer day, a dollop of glaze and shine on a prized painting. If that was all that Felix could ever be, he didn’t really have any need to complain. 

Perhaps that was why he chose his father: to finally have the opportunity to give him back something of his own. 

He cared for his father, just like how he cared for Lily. They deserved to be happy, and Felix was more than glad to do what he could to help them along the road to that happiness. 

“No, no, not that one! The other one!” His father slurred, laid down on his mattress like a starfish, though he was constantly rolling down and about, almost as if he thought he was still in the court.

“Which one?” Felix asked softly, slowly reaching over to retrieve the discarded, unopened can at the bedside.  

“Not Orange Joe Supreme, Orange Joe Classic!” he exclaimed, as if he was narrating to a live audience, “Very, very big difference! One’s a bit sweeter than the other, and the other’s a bit saltier, but- then again- the first’s a bit tougher to go down- Oh, you know what, let me get down there-“

His father attempted to very awkwardly crawl his way out of bed, though Felix swiftly intervened to shove his body back towards the center-point. 

“Not a good idea,” Felix shook his head, “You said you weren’t feeling too great an hour ago- you’re going to need some rest for tomorrow.”

“Did I say that?” He asked, a bit of childish whimsy in his voice.  

“You did,” Felix nodded, not a hint of frustration manifesting in his tone, “You’re facing off against the Spiders, right?” 

“Mmm….” He mused, touching his swollen, red pinky to his stubbly chin, “I guess I am…. Oh! But don’t forget- I have something planned for just us tomorrow too! Just you wait….”

Felix attempted to give his father a smile, which the older man reciprocated, though the latter’s grin was a bit goofier than the former’s, “I’m looking forward to it.”

That’s a total lie, Felix internally groaned.

In truth, Felix had completely and enthusiastically signed up for a whole week of his father trying to spend quality time with him doing a myriad of activities that weren’t even restrained to basketball in the slightest, despite Felix’s previous fears at the potential of his father pushing him towards that career path. All that being the case, the fact of the matter was, though, that Felix now felt like he only wanted to be in one place and doing one thing at the moment : which was with his friends, celebrating Lily’s birthday together. 

It’s self sabotage, he considered. Made worse cause I can’t even understand why I’m doing it. 

Felix glanced back at his father, now thoroughly passed out and starting to snore. Those nasally, bombastic noises would, however, be swiftly interrupted by the familiar tune of Felix’s phone. Picking it up, Felix smiled faintly once he saw who it was from. 

“Hello?”

“Hey! How’s it been down there?”

“It’s been great!”

“Heard your dad’s team won pretty hard last game.”

“You did? I thought you didn’t follow sports.”

“I don’t. I follow my friends- ah, that sounds weird, sorry.”

“It’s all good. So, why’d you call?”

“Uh, you know. Just wanted to talk about the whole…. ‘thing.’”

“Mm, yeah.”

The revelation of the “voice” potentially being the enigmatic Mari was… Not much of a surprise at all to Felix, only really a shock in the sense that it made him befuddled as to how they hadn’t seen it this whole time. When accounting for Mari and the voice being one and the same, a lot of variables in this strange and developing story of theirs began to disintegrate, leaving something that could almost be considered a feasible case. 

Mari, apparently having died some time in the past, had some relationship of sorts with Lily’s parents- enough that even mentioning her name would cause them to freak out. And now, she lived in Lily’s head and constantly said frustrating, useless things. 

“It makes sense, but I’d really wish it…. She’d just confirm it, or whatever. Or- you know, how’s this- actually telling me something about her connection with my family! I just don’t get why she has to be so touchy and careful with all of this and make us jump hoops to figure things out.”

“I get it. Though, I wonder if that has something to do with the person she used to be. If she was some terrible criminal, maybe that’s why she doesn’t want you looking deeper into her true identity.” 

“Maybe… But she doesn’t seem the type, in all honesty. She gives me the feeling of some crumby, haughty old grandma who thinks living for a billion years means she’s so much smarter than everyone in the neighborhood.”

Felix let out a small laugh at that, his heart thumping just a bit louder when he noticed Lily slightly giggling in tandem. 

“I guess we’ll just have to wait and see, right? We’ll have to meet up in person when we get back to discuss all of this. Maybe we can finally meet your parents, too!”

“Mm, yeah.”

Her voice sounded a bit off, more melancholy. Despite his best instincts, Felix chose to pry a little deeper.

“…. You doing alright?”

“Huh? Well, er….”

“I’m guessing not.”

“It’s just… My mom keeps saying really, really stupid stuff about you guys.”

“About us?” Me? Felix silently worried.

“Well, not you guys specifically. Just… She keeps trying to police the people I hang out with, for whatever reason. Just like how she keeps trying to get me to do shit with her for literally no reason. I mean- come on- what the hell’s the point of sitting awkwardly at the dinner table just to make small talk for an hour? Geez.”

Felix wondered what it’d be like to have a father that paid attention to him in the same way her mother did for her. Or to have a mother that was there at all.

“And my dad- he’s just… Hard. I feel like he isn’t even there, you know? And he isn’t, most of the time. Always busy with work. I mean, I do get it, but it still sucks that he can’t even look me in the eyes most of the time. It’s like he’s scared of me, or hates me, or something. He always has this look in his eyes when he sees me, it’s like someone’s murdered his puppy in front of him and hung it on a tree. I feel like he never even wanted me, you know?” 

Felix knew his father wanted him, loved him. Why else would he try and do so much with him, in the little time they spent together? But he knew the reason why they had such little time together, and he also knew that it wasn’t entirely out of obligation. 

“I get it. It must be difficult dealing with all of that.”

“Nah- it’s not a big deal. I mean, it sucks, but what am I gonna do about it, right? I don’t care enough for it to bother me that much.”

Sometimes, he really did consider whether Lily could actually comprehend the contradictory, deceptive ways her mind worked.  

“Well, if you need anyone to talk to, I’m always here.”

That was a pointless thing to say.

“Thanks. It really does mean a lot, you know that, right? You’re a good listener, I’ll give you that.”

He didn’t really think it did. Anyone could be a good listener. A rock could be a good listener. 

“Gotcha.”

He could’ve said something different, something constructive rather than fleeting.

“Well, see you later then. Catch you soon!”

“Goodbye! And happy birthday!”

A click signified the end of the call. His father’s snoring returned in its full intensity. 

Maybe he should’ve tried harder. Maybe he should’ve looked deeper into her psyche, pulled out the rot in her heart and brain and rubbed it all clean of grime and muck. What kind of move was that, to start to attempt something worthwhile, only to let it slip from his grasp in the last moment?

So pointless. So worthless.

Sometimes Felix wondered why he was even still alive. 

Chapter Text

Most of the time, Basil dreamed of his ghosts. There were always plenty of them, a fact that should’ve been odd, considering only two people in his life had actually died.

The first ghosts to show up were usually his parents, though they were also the most flaky, the least impressive. It was to be expected, for people that had swiftly faded out of his life and had been essentially absent from it since he was a young child, even before he met Aubrey. Sometimes they expressed their disappointment, their horror at having raised a son like him, though their words typically fell on deaf ears. They meant little to him, especially compared to the people he actually had cared for. 

Still, perhaps what irked Basil the most about his parents was that question of “what if?” 

What if they’d just stuck around, just for a little bit longer? Would he have turned out the way he had, made the mistakes he had? Could they have saved him, saved everyone from going down the paths they went? He would never know the answer to those questions, and yet he wondered.

The next ghost was that of his grandmother. 

So kind, so gentle, so perfect. 

She was the one person in Basil’s life who he could truly and confidently say had never once failed him. Even in his dreams, she was there to comfort him, to guide him through his troubles and pains. 

Always so understanding. 

Then came Polly. 

Ah, Polly. 

So much like his grandmother in so many of the ways that mattered, but ultimately… Basil couldn’t help but blame her, just a little, for how he’d wasted away and decayed in those four years after the incident. She was the one active adult in his life for most of that time, and she just couldn’t do anything about him. For him. Maybe this could’ve been rectified with time. Maybe Basil should’ve spent those precious few years they had together trying to form something genuine, something real. 

But he was too late. He wasted away those first four years, then when he finally woke up to the truth, he wasted his last bemoaning his choices and pitying himself to the ground. Who would’ve been surprised that Polly had left him as soon as she was no longer obligated to care for him? He’d never been the easiest child to look after for, by a long shot. It shouldn’t have surprised him, it shouldn’t have stung in the way that it had. 

Maybe he thought their bond had been tighter, stronger to hold against the storms that threatened to swallow him whole. 

Maybe it could’ve been that, with a bit of extra work on his own part. 

Maybe he was just delusional, desperately looking for some kind of parental affection from a woman who never saw him as anything more than work. 

He shouldn’t have been as bitter as he still was. He definitely shouldn’t still be dreaming of screaming at the poor woman, tearing her apart, blaming her for everything that went wrong in his life. 

And then, and then-

Mari.

Mari.

Mari.

The Something that had haunted him for four years in the world around him was now relegated to the crevices of his dreams, but in that abode it was still as active as ever, as cruel as ever. He knew its mantra, he knew its ways- it had become a twisted religion to him, in a way. It had guided his life for so long, and it still cast a shadow over him that was dark and imposing enough to eat him alive.

What was there even left to say about her, that Basil had not already committed to memory. It was close to worthless repeating it, at this point. So pointless, especially considering the other ghosts left, that all derived their poisoned root from her influence, his mistake.

Kel. Such a good friend, so perpetually happy and optimistic, even through Mari’s supposed suicide. Basil had constantly wondered back then whether Kel’s happy face was but a facade waiting to crumble apart given the right amount of pressure. Well, perhaps the full and entire truth of the incident was a bit too much pressure for Kel.

The worst part about it was that he didn’t even say anything cruel. He didn’t even say anything at all. According to Sunny, Kel had just… looked distraught and disappointed, then left to look after Hero. 

Hero. Where to even begin with him? Perhaps out of anyone (with the possible exception of Sunny), Basil had wronged him the most. Four years - four years - of falsely believing that he was to blame for his girlfriend’s suicide. It was Basil’s sin to bear, not his. He was glad - so relieved - that Hero understood this and had never, ever forgiven him. In fact, Basil was terrified of the sheer possibility that Hero would one day decide to give him a call and tell him that he’d forgiven him for what he’d done. Because if he had- if he did-

It would mean that it was all for nothing. Everything he had done to hide the truth, out of sheer unadulterated fear of the consequences Sunny would face from his friends… It was all for nothing, in the end. 

So Basil was glad that Hero hated him. He was glad that he offered him the chance - the permit - of hating himself. 

It was terrible- he knew that. And it was hypocritical- Basil had always felt awful for Sunny that neither Kel nor Hero had chosen to forgive him- or even stick by his side- though he knew he should’ve been thankful that anyone did.

That anyone being Aubrey.

Aubrey and Sunny, Sunny and Aubrey. Those names had become all but intertwined in the last two decades: the two people in his life that had not left him yet. The two old friends that remained with him, that still cared for him.

Their care was what hurt the most. Their care, their concern, their love - despite everything - hurt so bad that he just wanted to curl up and disappear. 

When Basil dreamed of Aubrey, he didn’t dream - as he once had - of a ferocious, terrifying monster come to rip him apart limb by limb. Instead, he saw Aubrey for who she truly was : a traumatized, lonely girl who lost the people she thought she could trust, who was left to fend for her own devices, turned into something - someone - she would’ve hated…. Almost becoming like him: a murderer. 

And it was because of him : a murderer. 

Sunny had been Basil’s best friend.

He supposed he still was his best friend, unless Aubrey counted. It was sad really, despite how far they’d grown apart, they were - practically by default - still each other’s closest friends.

Sunny was just… a whirlpool of conflicting emotions for Basil.

There was, of course, the obligatory guilt and sorrow at having caused his closest person so much unwanted grief and harm and misery, which was still plaguing him to this day.

There was the vile, unpleasant hatred that bubbled forth whenever Basil dwelled too long on how Sunny abandoned him and broke his promise and killed Mari-

And there was even the slight, faint tinge of jealousy whenever Basil thought of how Aubrey had managed to mend so much of Sunny’s broken shell, succeeded so well in ways that Basil could never have even attempted.

In his dreams…

Sometimes Basil was berated by Sunny, who would venomously insist that it was all his fault that things had turned out this way.

Sometimes Basil saw Sunny’s messed up corpse, with either him clutching a knife to his own chest…. Or Basil’s hands being soaked with blood.

Sometimes Basil would beat Sunny’s rag doll body to death with his bare hands.

Sometimes Basil would beg for forgiveness.

Sometimes Basil would hug him, long for his love.

It was all pointless now, though.

Sunny had forgiven him. Aubrey had forgiven him. But they were no longer even close to the kinds of friends they had been for him, once. They were no longer as close with him, period.  

They still hung out, occasionally. Still talked, sometimes.

But they were no longer best friends in the ways that really mattered to him, all the way then. 

It was funny, truly : both Aubrey and Sunny had been the closest people in Basil’s life at separate points, both people he’d considered his everything. 

And now they were all he had left.

Tonight’s dream was a little bit interesting : Basil was seated at the head of a large dinner table, almost resembling the huge mahogany constructions used in royal castles. Before him were many seats, most of them conspicuously empty. Only two of them were filled : one with Aubrey, who was picking at her overly moist potato salad, and - facing in front of her on the other side - Sunny, who was staring longingly at the glowing yellow and golden lantern handing from the ornate ceiling. 

Basil glanced at his own plate, stocked to the brim with steaming lentils, boiled carrots, and corn-on-the-cob. It reminded him of his youth… The good parts of it, at least.

He looked back over at Aubrey and Sunny, both of whom now seemed engrossed in some sort of conversation that Basil couldn’t quite make out. He could tell, though, that both of them were entirely focused on each other. 

He tried to call out to them, to get their attention, all to no avail. He kept trying, for what felt like hours, until finally, finally their heads peered over to him, though with expressions that more exuded horror and contempt than anything else. Basil furrowed his brow in confusion, until he glanced back down at his plate. Where there were once well-cooked vegetables and greens, there was now a vicious rotisserie of thick, crimson blood, lathered all over what could only be described as pancakes printed with faces- faces he all recognized.

He pieced together one from the heap : Hero, his eyes sunken and dripping with black tar, and his face almost molten in texture. His mouth opened, ready to-

Then something changed.

All of a sudden, in the blink of an eye - far too sudden for his dreams - a man - a boy, really - stepped out from the darkness to take a seat right next to Basil. His face was gaunt and had notable wrinkles, causing Basil to initially grossly overestimate his age. And yet, behind all that wear and tear was the roundness and inherent whimsy of youth, most evident in his baby blue eyes and curly, vibrant rustic brown hair. He wore a thick, oak-colored trench-coat that could be seen as far too large for his petite size, and yet it still seemed to fit him perfectly as he strode along and placed his chin above his curled little fists.

“Hello? I assume this is Mr. Basil Thomas, correct?” The boy quite obnoxiously started poking at Basil’s forehead with his suspiciously sticky pinky finger.

It was at this point that Basil truly started to question whether this was one of his normal mental breakdowns, or whether he had just achieved a whole new, yet undiscovered level of mental breakdown for him to enjoy.

“Oh no, oh no,” the boy chuckled, waving his long hair from his eyes in a whimsical flourish, “You haven’t gone mad, Mr.Thomas. Or, at least, no more mad than usual.”

At the very least, it wasn’t too odd for constructs in his dreams to be able to hear his unspoken thoughts.

“I suppose it would be weird if people in your dreams didn’t know what you were thinking,” the boy mused, sporting a contemplative look, “Oh! But I assure you, Mr.Thomas, this isn’t just an ordinary dream of yours! I wish I could’ve seen you earlier, but fate would not have it, I’m afraid.”

This was getting stranger and stranger by the second. Why had Basil’s brain chosen to make up something as…. Posh and pretentious as him?

The boy gave a slight pout at that, “That’s a little mean, isn’t it? And I would rather speak, uh, normally for the remainder of my time here. No offense, it’s just what I’m used to.”

Basil figured there wasn’t any harm in obliging his request.

“Alright,” Basil shrugged, peering momentarily back at his plate, only to see it wiped clean of its contents. He then peered back across the table to see that Sunny and Aubrey were also gone, leaving him and this boy the only two entities at the table. 

Basil was beginning to consider the possibility of-

“Of this not being some elaborate trick of the mind?” The boy suggested.

“Well, in all honesty….” Basil sighed, “Someone being able to go into my dreams wouldn’t be the…. Absolute weirdest thing that’s happened to me.”

“I get that,” the boy said, nodding along, “But I assure you- I’m very, very real. Might I introduce myself? People- or, er, my boss - call me the Visitor.”

“Seems…. Important-sounding,” Basil noted.

“Well, I’m a very important person!” The Visitor exclaimed, pumping his chest in glee, “And I have a question for you! Care to answer?”

Strange music that Basil had never heard before started playing at that moment, sounding like a bizarre mix between the snorts of an elephant horde and the scream of a opera singer. 

The boy cleared his mouth, and then suddenly spoke in a much harsher, graver tone.

“Do you regret what you’ve done?”

Basil shivered at the vile strangeness emanating from this child.

“W-Well…. Yes. Yes I do. Isn’t it obvious that I do?”

Typically, this was the moment in his dreams when the monster or ghost or whatever that was haunting him would continue on and on with its tirade about how awful and unforgivable of a person he was.

“Good. Do you regret what’s happened to you?”

He blinked.

“I… What? I…”

“Would you rather have not suffered in the way that you had?”

Basil pondered the question for a moment. At first, it seemed obvious : of course he would’ve rather had a perfectly ordinary, normal life with his friends and family, instead of the….. frankly complete clusterfuck it ended up becoming. Of course he would! But….

But then he started to wonder whether he even deserved such an existence. Did someone like him deserve an ordinary, good life? No, no, it was impossible, wasn’t it? 

“I don’t think so,” Basil finally said, with a hint of despondence, “I don’t… People like me deserve to suffer. I’m- I’m horrible! I hanged my best friend’s sister! For no reason! I didn’t- I didn’t have to do it at all! I- I ruined his life, I ruined all their lives, I keep ruining everything- and I’m a horrible husband, I’m a horrible father-“

“Calm down. Breathe.”

Basil realized he was trembling and sweating all over his body. Quickly and frantically, he attempted to recollect himself out of embarrassment. Thank goodness this was all just a dream.

“The first thing you need to know is that you’re a moron.”

Well, he knew that already. It didn’t even sting at this point.

“Mr.Thomas, you’re a person. You deserve to be happy and live a good life and all of that pizazze- who cares what you did in the past, some two decades ago? You’re obviously not about to do it again, right?”

Basil slowly nodded in agreement.

“In that case, don’t you think it’d be great if…. If everything could just be right?”

Basil frowned, “What do you mean by that?”

“If… If… If all of your friends forgave you. If all of them wanted you back in their lives again, like nothing ever happened. If Mari never died, if your grandmother never died, if Polly never left you- you get it, right?”

“That’d be….” Basil closed his eyes for a moment, “That’d be perfect.”

“Right,” the Visitor agreed, “You’re in luck, then.”

Basil blinked in confusion, “What?”

“You can help me bring about this better, more perfect world. All you need to do is something very, very simple.”

Basil tensed up for a moment, years upon years of movie and book tropes suddenly clogging up his stream of consciousness.

“…. What do you want?”

“I want…..”

“Yes? What do you want? My soul? My eternal service? The death of a friend? World domination? What do you want?”

“What? No- none of that- All I want is for you to hang out with your kid more.”

“…. What?”

“Oh, don’t give me that- I know you want to get to know them better. Just… Take them to someplace fun and nice or something, you know? Don’t just leave all the work to Marcus, you lazy bum.”

“I….” Basil was beyond flabbergasted at this point, “O-Okay? Alright?”

“Take them to the new amusement park just outside Faraway,” the Visitor suggested, “It’s plenty of fun- I’ve gone to it myself! Oh, and don’t bring Marcus. I don’t want him doing all the work for you, again.”

Basil was left speechless. He would’ve rested his head on the table, if it had not evaporated into thin air just a few minutes prior.

“Well, anyways, have fun! I’ll see you soon!’

Basil woke up in a cold sweat, alone on his mattress with only his bedside flowers warding from from the outside world and its evils. He couldn’t stop himself from shivering until he took a plunge into his shower, drenching himself with boiling hot water in order to wash away all of his grime and sweat and tears. 

Afterwards, he plopped himself back onto the bed, already thoroughly exhausted after having just woken up. Usually he would’ve gone back to his backyard garden to do some work there, but now he felt… utterly incapable of that.

His mind was too busy, too filled with useless garbage. He needed…. He needed something. He needed someone.

Basil eyed his phone and started to dial.

“… Ring....”

“…. Ring….”

“… Hello?”

“Kel, I… I, I um…. Need some help.” Basil bit his lips at those words. When do you not?

“You do? What’s wrong?”

“I….” Basil shut his eyes and held his breath, “Do you think I’m a bad dad?”

Basil felt terrible for unloading all his problems onto Kel, nowadays even more so. But he couldn’t help it, really. It had been so long since they’d even had any contact, and it had only been about a month ago that they’d coincidentally stumbled into each other during one of Kel’s visits back home in Faraway. After exchanging numbers and aggressively avoiding any and all talk of what happened on that fateful day in the hospital, Basil had finally reforged one of his old connections, and he wasn’t going to let go easily. 

“You? Pfft, what? No! You’re a great dad! Your retail is booming and you’re practically providing for your whole family by yourself!”

“Is that… Is that really all there is to being a good father, though?”

“Well….” Kel’s voice shuttered for a few moments before starting up again, “You do spend time with Erin, right? Like, at the very least, you live in the same house together.”

“That’s….” Basil shoved a gulp of saliva down his throat, “They’re on a trip with Marcus now, halfway across the country. And I’m not there with them.”

“You have your business to look over. And hey! So do I, you know!”

Basil wondered if he should’ve just accepted Kel’s words, laughed along with him, and then moved on to more pleasant areas of talk. But…

“It’s just… I’m not a good dad, though. At least not now. I’m not doing all I can for Erin- I barely know a single thing about them!” Basil struggled to keep his voice under control.

“Hey- Hey, calm down. You’ve only known them for about a year at this point. You know, sometimes I feel like Felix is a total stranger to me, too, and I’ve known him for a whole fifteen years!”

Again, Basil struggled to retort Kel’s statement, fearing what could happen if he were to connect the dots.

In truth, Basil could still remember that day Marcus told Basil that he had adopted a child. It had been early in their relationship, before they’d even technically gotten married, though it was soon after Marcus had proposed. Basil was… Not quite mad - not even upset - more so confused as to why Marcus hadn’t brought up his child beforehand to him. But Basil figured there was some personal baggage attached to the whole ordeal, so he let it go, eventually letting Marcus bring Erin into their home.

Erin was…. A very precocious, strangely disciplined child. It was an odd experience for Basil, as he’d always imagined parenting as a much more arduous and experiential task - a lot like gardening, in a way - requiring him to be there every step of the way. Since Erin was already fourteen when Basil first met them, however, most of that early development that Basil had preoccupied himself with was absent, and so too was the usual attachment and bonds that Erin would’ve shared with him, had he raised them from birth. 

In a sense, it wasn’t entirely a bad thing. Erin knew how to take care of themselves, and they never acted out against Basil or Marcus once. They were perfectly ordered, though with a bit of a mischievous streak at times. 

The only issue, of course, was that Erin was so…. Abhorrent of Basil. No, that wasn’t the right word. Perhaps detached? It was to be expected, though, that Erin would be more connected with their first adoptive father than their second, though it did make Basil despair quite a bit.

“Would you really think that was okay if it was your parents raising you like that?”

“Erm, well… Ha, that’s the funny thing, actually. Sometimes I feel like my parents only remember my name out of obligation.”

“Ah, I shouldn’t have-“

“No, no! It’s fine, it’s fine… It’s just…. Hero was always their favorite, you know?”

“Yeah, Hero….”

“Oh, sorry for mentioning him!”

“What? Don’t- don’t apologize for mentioning your brother. It’s…. It’s fine. I’m fine with it.”

“Are you? I know you and Sunny probably don’t even think about what Hero….. and I didn’t do for you, but I think about it all the time. I….. I admit that it’s a little bit hard, even now, speaking to you like this.”

Basil pursed his lips, “In that case, you can just-“

“Stop. But Hero- He…. It’s just weird. It’s not even that he’s all that mad, you know?”

“He…. He isn’t?” Basil found that hard to believe, somewhat.

“No, he really isn’t. I actually told him I was talking to you, and you know what he said?”

“What?”

“He said it was fine! I mean, that’s also all he said, but it’s something, right?”

“…. I guess. What about Sunny?”

“See- that’s the weird part. He’s totally fine with you, but whenever I mention talking to Sunny again, he just has this look on his face like someone ate his dog or something.”

“He…. Huh.”

In truth, Basil was surprised that Hero seemed to hate Sunny more than him. While it had been Sunny who’d technically killed Mari, everything he’d done had been an accident. Whereas Basil had very much intended to hang Mari up that tree, and then lied about it for four years, leaving Hero to rot in agony and self-hatred. Basil was the cause of so many of Hero’s hardships- was he really so shallow to push all that blame onto Sunny? It just struck Basil the wrong way.

“Oh! Sorry, Basil- my manager just knocked, looks like she needs me for a meeting. It’s a shame, call later?”

“Yeah,” Basil agreed, somewhat glad that the conversation was over, “And…. Thanks, Kel. For everything.”

Click. 

Basil sighed, kicking his legs into the air and sinking deeper into his mattress whilst stuffing his face into his pillow. He considered taking a nap for another hour, but it was at that moment that his phone started to ring again. He frowned- had Kel felt bad about not talking last? That felt like something Kel would feel bad for. In any case, he accepted the call without a second thought.

“Hello?”

“Basil, it’s me.”

“Oh! Marcus,” Basil sputtered, somewhat embarrassed - his voice was so deep, “Um, how’s it been? On the trip I mean?”

“It’s been wonderful, thank you. Erin and I had quite a bit of fun, though we couldn’t manage Disneyworld like we’d planned. A shame, but Erin didn’t seem upset about it, even though she really wanted to go. I guess she’s just like that.”

“I bet you were more upset than them,” Basil teased slightly.

“Heh, you’d bet. Anyway, I’m calling because there’s been an accident on the highway- looks like we’re going to be a few hours late. Sorry about that.”

“Don’t apologize,” Basil sighed, quietly wondering how long it would be before they could talk in person, “It’s not your fault.”

“Oh, for sure. Hey! Erin! Wanna say hi to Daddy Basil?”

Basil then heard another familiar voice fairly ring out.

“Oh? Uh…. Hey…. Basil. Hi.”

“Um, hi! Erin!” Basil chirped out a tad anxiously.

“…..”

“Sorry about that, you know how they can be. Anyway-“

“Oh!” Basil suddenly blurted out, “Um, actually, Erin- I was wondering whether you wanted to go to, uh, go this new amusement park near Faraway when you get back.”

“Oh? Uh....”

“I know you missed out on Disneyworld,” Basil continued, “So I thought another amusement park might be up your alleyway. What do you say?”

“….. Well, I guess I was planning to do something for my friend’s belated birthday. Feel bad I missed it by a week. So, uh, alright. Just tell me where the park is, and Felix’ll probably get his dad’s chauffeur or something to drive us there. Who knew basketball paid so much? Anyway-“

“Oh! That- That won’t be necessary,” Basil cleared his throat, “I’ll drive you there. And I’ll chaperone your trip, too.”

“You…. You will?”

“Oh, Erin, this sounds like a good chance for you to get closer to Basil! I think this sounds great!”

“Ah…. I mean…. Alright. Sure. Cool.”

“Great,” Basil breathed out in relief, “See you soon!”

“Bye, honey!”

“Bye…. Dad.”

Click.

Basil allowed himself a small smile at his little triumph. Finally, he was doing something right with his life. Sunny would be proud.

As he got prepared to finally head out to his garden to check over the new lillies he’d planted a week prior in anticipation for his goddaughter’s birthday, he started to think, strangely enough, about the odd coincidence of Erin’s friend having a birthday around the same time. Come to think of it….

His eyes widened as he remembered a small snippet of his previous conversation, almost dropping his gardening tools in the process.

“Felix’ll probably get his dad’s chauffeur”

“Who knew basketball paid so much?”

Wait.

What.

Huh.

Chapter Text

A lot of the time, Aubrey really did think that she had it better than she ever deserved.

Considering those four years spent in emotional turmoil and delinquency - which, in hindsight, were terribly embarrassing and regrettable - it was lucky that Aubrey had managed to get a job at all, let alone one that allowed her to stay at home and care for her daughter. Hell, it was a damn miracle all onto itself that Aubrey ever got married and had a kid to begin with. A former delinquent and High School dropout wasn’t exactly a very attractive bride to most people.

Then again, Sunny Suzuki wasn’t exactly like most people, for better or for worse.

She remembered those blissful evenings in her childhood, when she would take refuge on those swings with that quiet, compassionate boy beside her, and then just empty out her woes and grievances onto him. It was through those tranquil moments that Aubrey first realized her crush, and - as it seemed - Sunny realized his as well. 

It was a little frustrating, looking back on it now, that they hadn’t capitalized on their mutual affection back then, before everything in the world had gone wrong. Perhaps something might’ve gone different if they were just a little less dense… Probably not, though. No matter how perceptive Aubrey was, she suspected back then that she was simply incapable of seeing Sunny’s invisible struggles and pains. It wasn’t a matter of understanding, not really. 

Aubrey was simply blinded by her own troubles to see those of others beside her. That’s the way she’d always been, right until she met Sunny again for the first time in four years. It was one of the reasons why she admired Sunny so much - despite how terrible he felt, despite what crushing experiences he had undergone, he still had it in his heart to put others first and foremost. 

And perhaps that was the problem, all along. Maybe if Sunny had been just a bit more selfish, he wouldn’t have bottled in all of his stress during his violin practices, and it wouldn’t have exploded into a series of events that ruined all their lives. 

Maybe if Sunny had cared about himself just a little bit more, he would’ve spent some time focusing on improving his own mental state before immediately moving on to helping heal Basil and Aubrey, when it should’ve been her helping him. 

Maybe, just maybe, if Sunny just knew how to say no and assert his own existence, he wouldn’t have let Aubrey cause their family to wither and gasp for air as it was torn and stretched to the point of near-collapse. 

As much as Aubrey loved his compassion, she hated his passivity almost as much, not just for how much more pressure it placed on her, but also due to the fact that it brought forth a side of her that she well and truly despised above all else.

It had been the second year after they’d gotten married, and things had been off to a rocky start. At first, the only major concerns had to do with their rocky financial situation and the struggle of getting a house of their own. Things reached a peak, however, when Aubrey missed her period and realized that she’d gotten pregnant. 

Sunny’s reaction had been entirely supportive at first, though Aubrey suspected that even back then he carried reservations and fears he never voiced out to her. As the weeks went on, however, his anxieties began to grow, silently at first but then more visibly, deeply concerning Aubrey as it happened. His growing lack of confidence in his ability to be a father initially caused Aubrey some concern, but as it just kept continuing on and on, Aubrey’s sympathy grew more and more thin, especially as her own reservations began to dwindle and wither away into true anticipation, weathered only by her spouse’s emotional and mental downturn. 

It all started with a stupid argument that Aubrey couldn’t even remember half the details of. Was it something to do with shopping for baby clothes? Or was it about deciding on the name? The memory was smeared with inky black tar in her mind, and for good reason.

She couldn’t remember the shouting, though she knew it happened- though she knew she was the one shouting, while Sunny was just taking it all in, like he always did- like she hated. 

The one thing Aubrey remembered in perfect - horribly perfect - clarity was the moment when her vision went a familiar hue of red and she acted without thinking, as she always did. 

It was just a slap. 

It had hardly been the worst Aubrey had done to someone. Hell, it’d hardly been the worst Aubrey had done to Sunny - memories of nailbats and headbutts entered her head like a swarm of enraged wasps. And yet, and yet, this was different.

Perhaps it was because of everything they’d gone through, everything Aubrey had thought she’d learned and thought had changed. It was so silly of her- but she genuinely believed in those early, golden days after finally mustering up the courage to confess to Sunny and enter a relationship that everything was going to be perfect from then on. That moment was the concrete instance in which that illusion completely collapsed into cinder and gravel.

And perhaps it was because it so horribly reminded Aubrey of the same exact specter that haunted her constantly with every other choice and mistake she made. Even thinking about her brought up vicious and blurred images of tossed-aside beer cans and the familiar buzz and static of a television screen. 

It started with a slap for her, too. 

Fortunately, things didn’t continue along that route. Sunny didn’t respond in kind - far from it, in fact. To Aubrey’s eternally mild horror, Sunny profusely apologized for letting things go that far, and he even managed to comfort her through her own momentary mental breakdown at realizing what she’d just done- but wasn’t it always that way?

Aubrey apologized, and she kept apologizing for a full week after the incident. But the thought of it never truly left her mind, a full fifteen years later. 

Ever since that day, she’d resolved to never again lose her temper with the people she loved, never again. And…. She admittedly struggled with that resolution, constantly. But even so, she had never again since that day raised a hand against anyone, no matter how mad she got inside. 

And, much to her everlasting shame and guilt, Aubrey still got plenty mad.

Such as, when in this circumstance, Aubrey forced herself upstairs to cautiously knock on her daughter’s door, hearing the faint sounds of unfamiliar rock music playing. 

She wasn’t even mad at Lily, not really. She was more pissed at the circumstances of how everything turned out, how Lily had even managed to find out who Mari was - was it Basil? Did Basil tell her? It had to be Basil, right?, and the fact that Sunny was struggling so much these days because of Lily’s recent antics, which she still couldn’t figure out about.

Aubrey, however, didn’t want her anger to disrupt her from what she was attempting to do : actually talk things through with Lily and gift her birthday present. 

The bedroom door creaked open to reveal Lily sitting on her bed, headphones neatly removed in a pile on her lap as she stared at Aubrey with a bit of an incredulous, unimpressed look.

“You, uh, got something there?” Lily dryly questioned, gesturing directly at the admittedly haphazardly put-together box that Aubrey was gingerly carrying about.

“Your birthday present,” Aubrey replied, placing the box down and motioning for Lily to open it.

Lily frowned, “But I-“

“You didn’t ask for one, I know,” Aubrey interrupted, “But I figured you wouldn’t mind getting a free gift, right? Just think of it as an early Christmas present.”

Inexplicably, Lily gave Aubrey a look that seemed a mix of sullen dullness and barely hidden indignation, not a hint of gratitude or joy to be seen. 

“I…. Well, October’s a bit early for Christmas, don’t you think?” Lily quipped, beginning to swiftly tear out the contents of the box before her, “I know the radio always skips over Thanksgiving songs, but you can’t just forget about Halloween, right?”

Aubrey supposed she was lucky Lily didn’t say anything particularly cruel or snide, merely settling on a generous sort of snark for the moment.

Lily’s mangling of the box aside, it eventually opened up to reveal an array of combs and brushes, alongside several multi-colored oubules and other odd contraptions.

“Erm, huh…” Lily mused, clearly a bit confused, “Cool?”

“It’s a hair dying set,” Aubrey explained, propping up one of the lobules, and then opening it up to reveal a reddish-brown taint. She then motioned to a weirdly shaped tube that was now clearly positioned as activating lotion. 

“I figured, you know, given your age and the kinds of stuff you’re into….” Aubrey trailed off for a bit, trying to find words that would not offend, “You’d find some use in this.”

“Oh, huh,” Lily blinked, a flush running across her face as she briefly tinkered with the items in the kit, growing visibly a tad impressed- perhaps, even, excited.

“I…. Thanks,” Lily said, rubbing the back of her neck in a nervous tic, “I’ll go try these out when my friends get back.”

“Well, about that,” Aubrey interjected, an inkling of desperation entering her voice, “I was more so thinking that we could use this…. Together? I’ve got a lot of experience, mind you.” 

She tossed up her long hair, currently decorated by an irregular flourish of neon-pink interspersed with natural brown and darkened black.

“My friends also have experience with this kind of stuff,” Lily rolled her eyes, the previous hints of excitement already wearing off, “Well, one of them does, anyway.”

Aubrey frowned, “I’m sure I’ve got more experience in this than any high schooler does-“

“Oh yeah?” Lily challenged with a smirk, “How about a high schooler who’s managed to dye a whole class worth of people’s hair, without them even knowing or finding out!” 

“You- Lily, is that really the kind of person you want to be hanging around?” Aubrey groaned, rubbing her forehead in exasperation. 

“Jeez, the one time I actually want to hang out with my actual friends instead of having some weird mother-daughter bonding time-“

“Oh come on, Lily,” Aubrey sighed, though it came out as more of a half-groan, half-hiss, “You’ve practically been doing nothing but hanging around them for this whole year. That’s not exactly a healthy-“

“Like you would know anything about having friends,” Lily scoffed, “The only friend you and dad have is Basil. And- come on- it’s Basil.”

Aubrey pursed her lips, trying to hold back what was growing inside at an alarming rate.

“I know enough about what teenagers can get up to in high school around the wrong crowds,” Aubrey said with a sterner look, “Your friends may be decent, alright people - I don’t know, because you don’t even want me to meet them - but it really does sound like you’re getting yourself involved in activities that aren’t good for you, or your future.”

The Hooligans were always a touchy part of Aubrey’s life. As people now, Aubrey kept in touch with all of them fairly often, though they all lived elsewhere for the most part now. Despite enjoying their company, Aubrey couldn’t help but associate the friendships she forged with them with the terrible, awful side of her that ended up hurting the people she cared about the most- the part that almost drove Basil and Sunny both to their graves.

These days, Aubrey could confidently say that she cherished the bonds she’d formed and had continued to maintain with the Hooligans- Kim especially. She could also, just as confidently, say that their relationship back then had been horribly toxic for both her, them, and for the people she hurt. Her whole history with delinquency had been one giant ego trip that ended with her future education and career prospects being permanently stunted. 

Of course she didn’t want that for Lily. Aubrey would never let her fall into the same mistakes- she couldn’t. She had to be better.

She couldn’t repeat what that woman had done - or, rather, failed to do. She couldn’t just look aside while Lily grew more and more distant from them, while she hung around people she refused to talk about at all with them. 

Parental negligence was one of the worst sins Aubrey knew. She would not fall victim to it while raising her daughter.

“Here’s what I don’t get,” Lily sighed in a clearly exasperated tone, as if she’d had this debate a thousand times before, “Why do you just keep feeling the need to stick yourself in every single part of my life?”

“I’m not trying to control your life-“

“Really? Then why do you want to keep me from my friends?”

“I don’t-“

“Why all this?” Lily gestured towards her mother as well as the hair dye set still lying on the floor, “Why can’t you just understand that I’m perfectly capable of doing things on my own? I don’t need you-“

“I don’t need you, Aubrey.”

“You’re so useless, Aubrey.”

“If you can’t do this one thing for me, you might as well leave.”

“Your father was right to leave us, if this is how you’ve turned out.”

Aubrey’s glare intensified as grating memories forced themselves inside her skull. She stared right at Lily, only to see her expression having shifted into something entirely new.

It carried…. Tension? And…. Concern? And there was a hint of what almost looked like fear in her eyes- just a bit more open than usual.

Aubrey then nearly gasped out as a pinprick of sudden pain spiraled out from her left hand. Glancing back at it, she saw that it had curled up into a furiously tightened fist, raised up slightly above its normal stance. Her nails had pierced her palm, causing a small button of blood to pool upon it.

Aubrey inhaled. Her breathing rate was a bit higher than usual as well, like she was gearing up for a fight.

No more thoughts entered her mind as she exited the room, quietly and swiftly closing the door behind her and not once looking back. 

If Lily wants space, I’ll give it to her…

Aubrey cringed, thinking about what had just happened. Had she….

No, she hadn’t. She hadn’t done anything- not really, anyway. 

But… If that was still her instinctual response…

I haven’t changed at all, haven’t I?

She resisted the urge to break out in sheer, manic laughter, though she couldn’t fight the small bubbling of tears from manifesting. She then fell to the hardwood floor right outside her daughter’s room, her head hanging low against her knees as she tried so desperately to think- It’s not working at all.

I’m the same monster I was back then.

Sooner or later it’ll come out.

What happens after that?

“Shit,” she mumbled out.

As Aubrey continued to lay there, quietly wondering what Lily was doing or thinking at that same moment - whether she had realized just how much of a screwup her mother really was, she couldn’t help but feel like a kid again, crying on that sidewalk and hoping for anyone- just anyone to come by and save her.

As she gazed down the stairs and spotted a glimpse of Sunny still sitting in his chair, his head enraptured by his bony hands, she couldn’t help but wish, long for the days when things were so much simpler, when they were all there, together.

When she was still here.

“Heh….” Aubrey weakly giggled, though it felt more like a desperate sob.

If only you were here, Mari…

You would know exactly what to do.