Archive of Our Own ^beta

Ashpaw is not strong. 

Ashpaw is shy. 

Ashpaw likes the scent of lavender. 

Ashpaw brings flowers to Brindleface's grave when everybody forgets that his mother used to live right next to them.

Ashpaw is lonely. 

He's lonely when he picks up the wilted flowers from Brindleface's grave.

He's especially lonely when everyone seems to forget he's here because he doesn't talk. 

He's especially lonely when everyone mean his sister, his brother, his mentor.

Ashpaw wishes he had a father.

Ashpaw wishes he had a father and he feels guilty for it. He feels guilty for it because Brindleface was always enough before.

But now she isn't here.

Ashpaw is lonely.

Ashpaw is shy. 

Ashpaw doesn't want to bother others with his loneliness. So Ashpaw stays lonely.

Ashpaw is not strong. He can pretend to be, but he is not. 

Ashpaw is cold. 

Ashpaw wishes Cloudtail was still sleeping in the apprentice den.

Ashpaw wishes Brightpaw and Swiftpaw were still okay. 

Ashpaw wishes Fernpaw and Cloudtail and him still slept in the same nest 

Ashpaw wishes Dustpelt would still be as invested as he used to be in his training. That another warrior wouldn't have to take him out in his place. That they could train just together again. 

But none of it happens. And none of it is true. And so Ashpaw stops wishing.

Ashpaw is angry

Ashpaw is lonely.

Ashpaw is not strong. But he's angry.

But being angry doesn't change the fact that he's lonely. 

Running alongsides Fernpaw. Avenging Brindleface. Bluestar dying and knowing Brightpaw - heart - is going to be okay. None of it fills the gap.

If anything, the gap widens. 

(Ashpaw was told he is strong.)

Ashpaw is shy. 

Ashpaw is afraid. 

Ashpaw is lonely. 

Ashpaw is so very lonely.

Ashpaw is lonely with no one or anger to warm him. Ashpaw is cold. 

Ashpaw is not strong.

Ashfur is not any stronger.