Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ben cannot believe the Force would lead her here again. Obi-Wan shrugs, unsurprised, for the Force does a great many things that make no sense. He fingers the lightsaber too, reflex or fear Ben does not know. Aben’yaa is resigned, eyes closed, as though this is just another beating. It is, Ben knows, but it is also more. It is more because it is happening again. It matters not whether this is some sort of parallel universe or if time has been warped because either way, it is happening again.

On her first solo mission, nonetheless.

She’s older now than Obi-Wan was then - not much but a few years nonetheless. He is the one piloting the ship, her ship, his ship, their ship. Ben has commed for help, of course she has, but her hands are trembling and Aben’yaa’s determination is so strong it’s burning. Neither Aben’yaa nor Obi-Wan wish to wait, not when Ben is fast approaching Melida/Daan. Neither can Ben when she knows what she’s going to find there. It’s stupid, impulsive (just like Anakin Obi-Wan thinks) and it’s something she must do. Aben’yaa will never forget the meaning of duty. Cannot.

It is Ben’s duty to help the planet to heal, to transform the scarred places to inhabitable areas. She’d readied herself for that. Obi-Wan had steeled himself to see his friends - or not. Aben’yaa had tried to prepare for anything else and it is this rapidly crumbling strength Ben leans on now.

Because the Melida and Daan agreed only on one thing and now they are at war once more. Obi-Wan fears for the Young. Aben’yaa fears war. Ben fears for both.

But first, she has to park her ship. No one should be stupid enough to attack, considering she is their best hope of resources but she cloaks it anyway, landing as quietly as she can. It stands out against the shuttle and transport ships in the dock, lithe and small - how else would she manage alone?, so she tries to nestle it somewhat between two larger ships.

If she’s honest, she doesn’t really want to leave it.

But Aben’yaa has already scouted the planet and Obi-Wan has to know because he’s been watching the conflict but hasn’t seen them yet. Ben wants to wait for backup but they didn’t tell her whether or not to engage and it’s probably better to warn the inhabitants that there’s going to be a second (and possibly more) Jedi arriving. This was supposed to be a ‘peaceful’ planet. Someone hasn’t done their work properly. Peaceful planets only need one Jedi if the area destroyed isn’t too great. Melida/Daan needs a lot more than one.

Obi-Wan had wondered why the coordinates looked halfway familiar and Aben’yaa had had a bad feeling from the start. Ben had ignored both of these omens and decided to try to meditate. It’s a mistake she doesn’t care to repeat in future. It’s a mistake she doesn’t know why she made.

She tries to steady herself - someone else will not arrive for a few more minutes and it’s probably best she does some information gathering first. Obi-Wan grumbles that it used to be a lot easier, back when Ben looked more humanoid. Aben’yaa is slightly offended. Ben just needs to figure out how to go about it. Aben’yaa has the lightest feet and Obi-Wan knows how to… cloak for lack of better word. It’s rudimentary but Ben needs to know. She refuses to go in blinder than she already is.

Ben emerges shortly after, dressed as inconspicuously as possible. She’s decided to forsake a hood, deciding it will bring too much attention on a day such as this. Obi-Wan’s mainly maintaining the illusion of blueish hair on her head, having decided it would take more energy than necessary to try something else. Ben’s scoping out the most likely meeting points first, Aben’yaa cataloguing the most likely places for a sniper to hide - looking for areas likely to collect dust seems to translate much better than she could have imagined.

Her backup arrives just as she’s finished studying the last of the most likely areas for the Melida and/or Daan to want to meet her.

They’ve cloaked their ship, just as she had but she can sense their presence in the force and she expresses her gratefulness to them for coming, as well as the standard greeting. Obi-Wan keeps a tight leash on his emotions and she has never been so glad for it before.

It’s not that Ben hates Master Ra, just that she has - on numerous occasions - acted quite close mindedly. At least it isn’t Master John, Aben’yaa reminds her. Ben’s not quite sure when she had the time to turn into an optimist but she concedes that point.

Ben might take issue with Ra’s views but she cannot begrudge her her instincts, even as Aben‘yaa raises an eyebrow and Obi-Wan grumbles.

They exchange no words as Ra emerges. The woman frowns in the general direction of Ben’s head but doesn’t express what she’s thinking so Ben lets the matter drop. It’s probably not important and restlessness is thrumming inside of her, no matter her efforts to slow herself down. Aben’yaa is of no help and Obi-Wan is too focused on other matters so she exhales and draws it out as long as she can.

Ra finally speaks then, the Force ringing of truth as she reaches out with her consciousness. They have no bond but this is almost intrinsic, was learnt in the Crèche. 

She pushes across a feeling of wrongness, something deeply unsettling then sends her a picture of a Knight presumably - a Jedi accustomed to combat.

Ben pushes back the image of the Knight curiously.

Clearly Ra has felt it too. There is the restlessness of battle thrumming in her veins, easily recognisable from Obi-Wan’s many years of experience. Aben’yaa recoils as the thought crystallises, then settles.

Ra frowns again but says nothing this time, probably worried that doing so will scare her.

It doesn’t.

But maybe it should.

Chapter Text

It takes longer than it might have to find any answers.

Ben is entirely unwilling to explain about Obi-Wan and Aben’yaa and Master Ra would not be her first choice if she was obliged to. So they wander a little. Obi-Wan shakes a little but Aben’yaa quashes it quickly. Ben falters a little, unnoticeably and continues, following in Ra’s footsteps.

She wishes desperately, so desperately to rush over to the Young, to see her friends again but the Force is humming in Obi-Wan’s ear, light and unburdened and she slows, taking the reproach in good grace. It doesn’t matter what Ben wants. It doesn’t matter what Aben’yaa wants and it’s freeing in a way. Because it matters simultaneously, it matters what choice she makes. Else Mace would not have to suffer the headaches of shatter points.

Ben chooses to follow the Force, to listen, to serve.

Soon it reassures, soon. Obi-Wan lets it soothe him, lets it cradle what is left of his heart. Aben’yaa follows - there are few things that deserve trust but the Force is definitely one of them. Ra comes to an abrupt halt and something in Ben sings.

Obi-Wan’s memory of Melida/Daan has long since begun to fade but he recognises their presence, just as Aben’yaa would recognise the Lyr. Ben blinks as rapidly as she can to keep the tears out but there are none. She cannot decide whether that is better or worse so instead she turns her attention to Ra.

Obi-Wan projects his curiosity across. They cannot be sure, Aben’yaa reasons, that this is why Ra stopped. Ben just waits, silently evaluating.

Master Ra transmits the sensation Obi-Wan has long since detected so Ben nods once, sharply, as if this is news. She closes her eyes, leaning into the Force, deciding to check on Obi-Wan’s friends. They are alive but in bad shape and the familiar guilt of things beyond their control rears its head.

A hand begins to reach for Ben’s shoulder and Aben’yaa bristles before she can help it, looking up into the surprisingly soft eyes of Ra - who lets her hand fall to her side.

”Can we talk to them?”, Ben murmurs but not as quietly as she could have. By now, the Young are sure to have seen them, to have spotted their robes and Ben’s lightsaber dutifully on her hip. Perhaps she should have made similar mistakes to those in her first but she hadn’t wanted to risk it. It’s suited to this body, though Obi-Wan grumbles that it’s not quite balanced. When Ben becomes a Master, she should have the opportunity to reforge it.

Ra may not have caught on, despite her intelligence because when she responds, it’s in a whisper.

”They may not wish to do the same.”, she responds.

”Then how can we help?”, Ben huffs. Obi-Wan rolls his eyes and Aben’yaa tries not to laugh.

In the end, they decide to keep exploring, to keep searching for someone or something to indicate what is happening on the planet. 

Obi-Wan feels the Young, his friends, his comrades follow them and tries hard not to smile. Ben follows after Ra, face set in an uneasy expression. Aben’yaa keeps an eye out for all the potential sniper spots though soon gives up - there are just too many on their path.

Consciously, Ben begins to slow.

Out of the two of them, she is sure that the Young are more likely to approach her first, more likely to appeal to and empathise with her. The Young was forged in war, children against their parents and all of them - including Obi-Wan had suffered at adults’ hands. The experience has undoubtedly left scars.

Speaking of scars, Obi-Wan may have forgotten to cover them up. The scar around Ben’s neck is old and new, hard and unflinching. Aben’yaa wears it not with pride - not yet - but with grim determination. Obi-Wan has tempered that determination, has soothed that attachment. The Force says it will be done.

The metal grate behind her suddenly shifts and Ra whips around quickly. Aben’yaa’s feet are suddenly silent, quiet. And then Obi-Wan’s heart stops in his chest. Ben should have prepared herself for it she knows but how can she prepare herself for this?

The cautious face of Nield meets hers.

He gestures them in with what is probably a signal familiar to all the inhabitants of the galaxy. Obi-Wan follows him in unflinchingly. Even after so many years, his faith in him is not broken.

it feels like a dream from then on. Obi-Wan hopes he’s not staring but he really can’t help it, not when Cerasi and Nield are both here, right here and he’s trying so hard not to cry because when doesn’t know how he’d explain. Aben’yaa cannot help but notice the uneasiness in Nield’s gaze - as though something is wrong. It only sharpens when Ben introduces herself.

And Ben shouldn’t really but something in Nield is screaming and she can’t quite reign herself in before she’s in his recurring nightmare. 

It’s one of Obi-Wan’s nightmares too except she doesn’t know whether Nield is in the same situation or if there’s simply something wrong - like there’s just been some side-effects as a byproduct to whatever the Force did. 

Ben wants so badly to confess, to spill the things that she doesn’t think should be spilled. She’s been gearing up to tell Bant and Quinlan for years and the Force has offered her no insight. Would it be a betrayal to confide in Nield before them? To have the words finally pass out or even the impressions, the memories that are hers and aren’t.

She doesn’t say anything even as Nield’s gaze pierces and Ra tries to wrangle some help from the temple. She doesn’t say anything even as Cerasi blinks when she looks at her and not in the way species stare at others they have never seen before. She doesn’t say anything, even as Obi-Wan’s heart bleeds, even as Aben’yaa’s hurts.

She doesn’t say anything.

Chapter Text

The war does not miraculously stop quickly.

Ben wasn’t expecting it to. Ra seems to have had another opinion - over time her glares get darker and hollower. Neither Obi-Wan nor Aben’yaa had any such thoughts. Obi-Wan has seen war, has seen it in all its ugly splendour. Aben’yaa has long since become accustomed to the darker nature of sentient beings.

And Ben? It doesn’t take much to figure out that the nearest available KnightCorps Jedi is Qui-Gon. And his attachment to Tahl is strong, for all that Obi-Wan and Ben know the woman will never forgive him for it. He hasn’t answered any comms according to the Council so it will be some time before someone else is close enough. Ra loses her temper then and it’s truly impressive but there’s nothing much the Council can do. There’s nothing much anything can do.

But there is something to be done, the Force is clear on that. It’s stupid really but Ben decides it has to be her. She’s not Obi-Wan Kenobi, Master of Soresu. She’s not Aben’yaa, who keeps on fighting. (She is.)

She’s not them but she is here.

Ben is here.

And so they plot, using whatever they can scrape together. In a way, there is nothing to do. No ships want to land on Melidaan and so the supplies are fast running out. There are a few main fields the Young inform them. If they can find a way to cut off access, the Elders will have to listen. It seems cruel and indeed it is but it is nothing like the Elders, nothing like the parents who kill their own children for wanting the war to end, for wanting peace. 

Besides, they reason, there are a few crops aboard Ben’s ship that grow incredibly fast if stimulated right. They are not sustainable afterwards but there should to be enough for others to grow in the meantime. The food will not be entirely nutritious or tasteful for some time.

Nield smiles at that, cuttingly. What is a little more rationing if there is no war? And there may be relief aids from other planets - Alderaan is particularly well-known for its charitableness.

Ben swears to herself that she will see it done. Food is important, so important. Fasting is a religious experience - it should not be done out of necessity. She knows first hand the feeling of food prepared with love, with care. She knows first hand fasting out of necessity.

She settles in to meditate while they are gone - her actions of late have been more clouded than she would like. To experience emotions and not act on them is a skill she has yet to master. But she has time, she reminds herself, time.

There is no emotion, there is peace./ Emotion, yet peace.

Ben settles, exhales. Feels the truth in the force. There is no emotion for it is not her emotion. Inside her, there is peace. But there is still emotion and a Jedi must learn to have both, for they coexist. Obi-Wan‘s knot of emotions gently begins to loosen as she breathes out through her nose.

There is no ignorance, there is knowledge./ Ignorance, yet Knowledge.

For there to be ignorance, there must be knowledge - how else would one be able to identify ignorance? Aben‘yaa settles here, the self-consciousness passing gently and ever so slowly away, as if a cloud.

There is no passion, there is serenity./ Passion, yet serenity.

Ben still feels it, the burning desire to shield Nield and Cerasi. But that is attachment, fierce, protective and most of all desperate, dangerous. She doesn’t try to crush it. It is to be witnessed, not to be suppressed. Ben watches it, lets love nourish her as she waits and sees it slowly reduce, slowly unclench. They will be provided for, as is the will of the Force, and she may help but it is not hers keep to herself.

There is no chaos, there is harmony./ Chaos, yet harmony.

Ben is not separate from Aben’yaa and Obi-Wan, she just does not want to slip. But, she muses, can she? Can she when they are the same as her? Ben centres herself again, allows the next thought about the meaning of her name, not as randomly chosen as one might expect. She lets this thought pass, waits and continues.

There is no death, there is the Force./ Death, yet the Force.

The Force cradles her gently, oh so gently and there are tears in her eyes. How could there not be? Love is gentle, kind, timeless, unconditional. Ben surrenders into it and waits again. Here, she follows her breathing for a short while. She doesn’t need this grounding, not when the Force is everywhere. Not when love is everywhere. Ben takes it anyway.

She carries the peace with her to their talks. 

Ben channels the emotions as much as she needs to but stops to remind herself that she is a conduit, nothing more. She is not an emotion, is not sad(ness) or anything else. Ben is. 

Obi-Wan’s silver tongue makes an appearance that honestly, she probably should have expected. Aben’yaa stands tall and firm where she once would have cowered. Ben smiles, not pridefully, but in appreciation. She can feel the Force, feels its wholeness, feels its beauty. 

Love grows, she has long since realised. Love grows to fill anything but is in. It doesn’t choke but it doesn’t stop just before either, incomplete.

And they manage. 

They manage to negotiate a treaty, they begin to rebuild the infrastructure. Ra and Ben will not leave for a few months, not until everything is up and running but it is a first step, at long last.

Cerasi commissions a sculpture, a symbol and they carve the names on, one by one of those who are dead.

Nield commissions one too, after he and Ben excuse themselves for a private conversation. No one knows what is said but they come out looking like two or indeed three old friends when Cerasi joins them.

Right in the heart of the city, there is the sculpture of those who have Fallen, next to those who have Risen. 

Beneath the name Ben, lies Obi-Wan smaller in print but just as important.