Chapter 1: Tear Our Pleasures
Chapter Text
Elizabeth looked at herself in the mirror hanging up in the corner of the morning room. It was rather tucked away, and Elizabeth had never cared overmuch for staring at herself in a mirror. But today she was trying to look carefully and see what her husband Mr. Darcy saw.
Am I too frumpy for him? He could have had his pick of any woman, as his dear aunt keeps reminding me, and yet he chose me. Why?
Has all of the bloom faded? Surely it cannot happen that quickly. It has not even been –
She stopped herself, no it has. It has been a full month today. We have been married for a month.
She forsook the mirror and sank down into the nearest chair, a beautiful chair facing a lovely prospect of the grounds at Pemberley. Usually, Elizabeth would be thinking about how she cannot believe that it is hers, but today she is worried that it may not be hers for much longer.
How long is he supposed to be patient? She began pulling at a loose thread in the chair. A month is not so very long. But it is also thirty nights. Thirty. She rubbed her arms as if a cold chill had settled around her. She felt so alone. Who can I even talk to? I can hardly write Mama for advice. The Gardiners are in America for another year, and who knows when they would receive my letter. Jane seems to find no trouble in her marriage bed, and I am not writing to Charlotte to inquire how she managed to get pregnant by being married to Mr. Collins. Elizabeth gave an involuntary shiver.
But the sad truth of it was there. Clear and unavoidable. Elizabeth was certainly not going to find herself pregnant anytime soon.
But he is so handsome. She sighed, thinking of her husband’s beautiful body. She found that she enjoyed it a great deal. He had such big shoulders and such a narrow waist. It made her want to stroke up and down his side, enjoying how much he appealed to her.
However, every night they ended together, Elizabeth would grow shy. She knew innocent maids were not supposed to think such things. They really were not supposed to notice or want the bodies of men. And she was still a maid. Despite her desire and the fact that she had been married for a full month.
We have been married for a Full Month, and we still have not had sex. Not real sex anyway. William’s kisses are wonderful, and I could sit happily wrapped in his arms for hours. But that does not change the real issue. If Lady Catherine sought an annulment, I would be incapable of stopping it because we really have not consummated the marriage.
Elizabeth stood up again, feeling too agitated to remain seated. She knew what the mechanics of sex were. At least she was fairly certain they functioned the same for humans as for the animals she had observed on their working farm. But that did not change the fact that the mechanics simply did not seem to work for them. Darcy never seemed interested enough to move to the needful step of penetration.
Elizabeth sighed again.
The door opened to the morning room, making Elizabeth attempt to appear calm and as if she was enjoying her thirty first day at Pemberley. Thankfully, it was Mrs. Reynolds. Elizabeth had found that she got on quite well with the kind older woman who looked on the Darcy siblings almost like children. It was really very sweet, but it also meant that Elizabeth wanted Mrs. Reynolds to like her. She did not want her to know that her marriage was teetering on the edge of disaster. That Mr. Darcy may be sending her back to her parents in a matter of days because she does not seem to suit him in a way that matters a great deal to a woman.
She smiled at Mrs. Reynolds, hoping she was projecting calm happiness.
“Sorry to disturb you, Mrs. Darcy.” Elizabeth felt a shiver of pleasure run down her spine every time she heard her new name. “I came to inquire about the menu for tonight. Here is what Cook is planning. Does it meet with your approval? Do you have any preferences on sauces or desserts?”
Elizabeth looked at the pieces of paper Mrs. Reynolds handed her halfheartedly. She tried to make herself concentrate but to little avail. The words danced in front of her, and she could not rightly say what it said.
“This looks good. Thank you, Mrs. Reynolds.” She handed the papers back numbly.
Mrs. Reynolds looked down at the papers. She looked back at Elizbeth and cleared her throat a bit uncomfortable. “Pardon me for continuing to take up your time, Mrs. Darcy, but Cook has offered two options for dessert. Which one would you like more?”
Elizabeth felt her cheeks flaming to a telltale red. She tried to appear nonchalant, but she keenly felt the embarrassment of being called out for clearly not paying attention. “The first option should suit well enough.” She managed to force out.
Mrs. Reynolds nodded, looking back down at the paper. Elizabeth watched her take a step froward, a bit tentatively. She seemed to hover in space for a few moments before walking several steps forward with clear purpose.
“Forgive me, Madam. I know this is terribly untoward, but, well, we, all of us here at Pemberley have enjoyed having a mistress again. You in particular. You have already won over the entire staff. We want you to enjoy your time here – to feel like you belong and that this is your home. And well, I beg your pardon, Mrs. Darcy, but you seem terribly unhappy and uncertain. And I just wondered if it might relieve your mind if you spoke about it.”
If possible, Elizabeth felt her cheeks heat up anymore. No one should be noticing the troubles I have been having with William. If Mrs. Reynolds has seen, has Georgiana noticed? Is it obvious to everyone that I have proved to be a complete failure as a wife? Elizabeth felt well and truly stunned. She did not know what to do.
She looked into Mrs. Reynolds kind, understanding eyes, and suddenly, Elizabeth found that she wanted to tell her everything. She makes me think of dear Aunt Gardiner.
She took a deep breath, and the truth of the matter began to spill out. “I am terribly worried that Mr. Darcy has found me unfit to be a wife. You know we have been married for a month. That is more than enough time, more than enough time I am sure to consummate the marriage. But we have done nothing more than kiss. Which I know is not enough. I am not Anne of Cleaves after all. I do understand how . . . the whole process works. And, well, we have not even gotten close to the desired ending. I am not sure what I am doing wrong. I have tried everything I could think of, but to be quite frank that was not too many things. And although I have looked for some advice from books, I have not been able to find anything useful. And I am worried that Mr. Darcy is done with me and will be sending me away shortly because I have failed in one of the most basic aspects of being a wife.”
Elizabeth barely paused throughout her whole long speech, but Mrs. Reynolds had moved closer, “Oh you poor child.” She put an arm around her, and Elizabeth flung herself into a much-needed hug. “I am sure everything feels impossible right now, but I promise this is solvable. Do not worry, Mrs. Darcy. You will see yourself through this.”
Mrs. Reynolds pulled slightly away from Elizabeth so that she could see her better. She wiped one of Elizabeth’s cheeks with her handkerchief. Elizabeth was surprised to see it come away so damp. She had not even realized that she was crying.
“First of all, my dear child, you must know that this is not your fault. If the man cannot” *ahem* “perform, the woman should not feel weak or pathetic. Second of all, this issue really does not have to do with you in this particular case because I happen to know what this stems from. In fact, I am rather frustrated at myself for not anticipating that this might be a problem.”
“What?” Elizabeth’s mind felt muddled from crying, but she yearned for Mrs. Reynolds’s offered help.
“When Mr. Darcy’s dear mother died, he was but twelve years old. An important time for a young boy. Unfortunately, his father decided he needed a bit more discipline in his life to make up for the lack of a mother and hired the dubious Mr. Graves. He was renowned for his skills of getting boys into shape before they left for school, and I still remember the old Mr. Darcy feeling quite proud for getting him. But Mr. Graves had . . . unusually strict views on sex and self-fulfillment. He was only with the family for a year, but it was more than enough to make quite an impression on young Master Darcy. I remember Old Mr. Darcy having to have several conversations with the young master about the issue. Apparently, Mr. Graves had gone so far as to require a quite extended paper on the subject of self-abuse and some of the more extreme punishments that have been used as a result throughout the centuries. Truly, it was so long ago, I had almost forgotten about it. But I wonder if that is related to Mr. Darcy’s issues right now. It could be that he cannot totally forget what Mr. Graves said.”
“But that is awful. Poor William. He did not deserve that.”
“Absolutely right, Mrs. Darcy. But sometimes we get caught in bad thinking that is truly difficult to break from.”
Elizabeth nodded, feeling thoughtful. “What can I do to help break him of this?” She bit her lip.
Mrs. Reynolds smiled, “I do not think Mr. Darcy is holding this against you, Mrs. Darcy. But I can also understand how you would want it resolved. And I have an idea for something that worked for me some years ago with Mr. Reynolds, you know the head groom, my husband. We were struggling to find our spark, and I tried this to great success.” Mrs. Reynolds leaned in and whispered something in Elizabeth’s ear that made her gasp, giggle, and then left her thoughtful.
Chapter 2: Vegetable Love Should Grow
Chapter Text
Elizabeth was determined to make this marriage work. Tonight. I am going to take Mrs. Reynolds’s advice, and I am going to help my husband accept himself. All aspects of himself. She had told Mrs. Reynolds to serve them dinner upstairs in her room, so it would be waiting for them once they were done. Hopefully.
She bit her lip uncertainly. I do not want him to think that this is all I care about, but I do want to make sure we are truly legally bound together. Besides, he should not dislike that part of himself just because some tutor was so aggressive about it so many years ago. Yet Elizabeth knew how insidious certain ways of thinking could be. Just look at Mary. Where does her desire for father’s approval transition into such bad social behavior? It is difficult, but I am going to help my husband get out of his spiral of hating himself. Because that is what he is doing. And I will just help him see that.
She let herself into his dressing room, feeling a bit silly as she crouched down behind one of the chairs that was pushed into the corner. She could not quite fit. But hopefully I am mostly hidden from view. It is not terribly –
Elizabeth’s thoughts were cut off as Brinkley entered the room. She bit her lip. Should I let him know I am here. Tell him to leave? Mrs. Reynolds was supposed to call him away as soon as Darcy got to his dressing room too, so Elizabeth figured it would be best to wait.
Brinkley hummed an off-key tune as he set different things aside. Then, Darcy entered. Despite herself, Elizabeth stopped breathing. He is so handsome. But observing him unawares allowed Elizabeth to see that Darcy had a heaviness hanging around him, especially in the droop of his shoulders. We will fix that.
Soon enough, Brinkley was called away, leaving Darcy alone in his dressing room. He had disrobed of his outer vestments and stood waiting for Brinkley’s return. Elizabeth simply enjoyed a few moments of watching her husband completely alone. He looked worn and anxious, and Elizabeth could not stand it any longer. She wanted to help him find himself. Now.
Elizabeth took a deep breath and came out of her hiding place. “Husband.” She tried to greet him with a welcoming but mischievous lilt to her voice.
Darcy startled badly. “Elizabeth! What are you doing here?”
He sounded so adorably scandalized Elizabeth laughed. She began to walk over to him. “Sorry to intrude upon your space, William. But,” She broke herself off from talking by pulling Darcy down into a soft, delicate kiss.
Darcy wasted no time. He wrapped his arms around Elizabeth, meeting her kisses with a shy eagerness that Elizabeth wanted to remember forever. He was so gentle and loving. How could I ever think he would try to return me or send me back to my parents? Even if Lady Catherine knew all the intimate details of our marriage, she would be incapable of doing anything to separate us. I know it.
Elizabeth pulled away, searching Darcy’s surprised eyes. He looked confused and anxious, but he did not want her to pull far away. She smiled at him and pulled him back down intensifying her kisses in a way that Elizabeth knew Darcy liked. The times they had worked together physically were always their kissed. Before getting too disrobed. Are the loss of clothes something that . . .prompts my husband’s reticent fear? She was not sure, but tonight she was determined to find a way for them to solve the problem together.
“William,” she whispered as she moved her kisses down his jaw to his neck. He stiffened a bit in her arms, which made her stop altogether. She pulled just far enough away to be able to look into his eyes. “William, I am worried about us. About what we have yet to do.”
“I know, Elizabeth. I know. I am so sorry. I am working on it. I wish I was not so-”
“Shh, do not worry, William. We are going to work through this together. I want you to try not to think. I just want you to feel.” She gestured to the dressing room they were in, “I thought a change of location might be a good idea. This is not about failure or success. This is about me, a wife, enjoying you, her husband. I want to enjoy everything about your body that I desire. What is to hold us back? It is not wrong, is it?” She looked carefully at Darcy, willing him to be honest with himself.
He looked down at her and then away. He frowned. “No. Of course it is not wrong.” His words were sound enough, but Darcy hardly sounded like he believed them.
“It is not, William. Can you tell me why?”
Darcy shook his head, “We are married.” He said with some determination.
Elizabeth reached up and rested her hand on his cheek. She leaned up and kissed the corner of his mouth, but when she pulled away, she found his eyes and stayed in contact. “It is not wrong. We want each other and what is a better way to show love. And love cannot be wrong, can it? It is the foundation of everything around us. Creation, our call to our neighbors, each other. Everything. And to express our love we are going to enjoy each other’s bodies in your dressing room. I think it might be a good idea to try and avoid the things we have attempted this past month.”
Darcy nodded, albeit uncertainly.
Elizabeth smiled and kissed him once more on his lips. Then she maneuvered him forward just a little and sank to her knees. She looked up to Darcy, who now towered over her, and offered him a small smirk. His eyes were wide, but Elizabeth could see that they had darkened in desire. She pressed her face against him, hearing a soft moan from Darcy.
Pulling back, Elizabeth determinedly revealed her husband to her hungry eyes. He was throbbing and hard, which made Elizabeth smile. He does clearly want me. Nothing broken about that. Elizabeth leaned forward and kissed the head, making it bob rather obscenely. She allowed herself some time just to watch it and see it clearly in the well-lit room. They had only experimented and tried with absolutely no light. Which was terribly silly of us. What a waste.
Elizabeth was not quite sure what she was doing, but she moved from kissing the bobbing head to swirling her tongue around its spongey surface. It felt velvety smooth and yet so hard. The juxtaposition intrigued her, and she enjoyed exploring more with her tongue and mouth. She did not fit much of it inside her hot mouth, but she enjoyed trying and hearing Darcy’s cut off moans. She looked back up at him, even as she kept her mouth busy. Darcy’s eyes were a bit glassy. Good. He is clearly not overthinking this. Now would be a good time to try.
Elizabeth pulled off Darcy with a pop and giggled at the drool that extended from him to her mouth. She wiped delicately at her mouth and used her husband’s legs to pull her up. Darcy still seemed a bit shocked, but he did smile down at her.
“Elizabeth.” He whispered, which made her return his smile.
“Come, William. Move to the chair I think.” She directed him to the very chair she had used to obscure her presence earlier. He sat down, following her instructions very well. His hands were resting on her waist.
“We have tired you on top, but this is all about finding what works for us, William. There is no right or wrong way, I do not think. We just want to enjoy what we can together.” Elizabeth lifted her dress up, revealing that she had nothing underneath. She climbed on top of her husband, feeling a little silly.
It seemed like that was all the encouragement Darcy needed. “Oh Elizabeth.” He helped direct her onto his rigid member. Elizabeth sank down, grunting in what she was sure was inelegant manner. Thankfully, Darcy could not have been less concerned. “Elizabeth!”
He helped her as she sank down and then lifted herself slowly, repeating the process again and again. He pulled her into a passionate kiss, causing her to cry out in pleasure. It does not take too many more thrusts. Elizabeth soon felt a delicious wetness released inside her. She was sure she squeaked but did not care.
Darcy wrapped his arms around her and pulled her head against his chest. “Elizabeth, my love. What did I do to deserve you?”
Elizabeth laughed, enjoying the feeling of her husband inside of her. She is not sure how long they sat there, but eventually Darcy pulled her off of him, though he would not release her from his arms. He tenderly carried her to his bed, and lovingly patted her with a wet towel. He continued to pepper her with kisses and whisper words of love over her again and again.
Elizabeth felt triumphant in the most profound way. She watched her husband as he found the food that had been waiting for them and brought it to her side. He fed her a few bites, as if concerned that she would not have enough to eat.
“How are you feeling, Elizabeth? Did I hurt you terribly?” he finally brought himself to say.
Elizabeth took his hand, tugging him until he sat down next to her. She curled up in his arms. “It was strange. And I was not sure what to expect with how it would feel, but I enjoyed it. I enjoyed you. And we will need to practice again and again until we can perfect our ability with it, I think.”
Darcy laughed softly, dropping soft kisses into Elizabeth’s hair. “Oh, you think so?”
“I am sure it takes many times to make sure it is the most enjoyable. And we would hate to prove lazy students would we not?”
Darcy laughed again. “You are, of course, right my love. We will work hard to explore the art of love. I am sure with you by my side we will figure it out.”
Elizabeth smiled, taking her husband’s hand in her own as he fed her some fruit with his other. She looked at his strong hand. She loved it. There will still be more work for us to do. I want to have an honest conversation with him about that Mr. Graves and what he thinks about sex. But I think this was a very promising start. We will make a success of this marriage. We will.
pointlace on Chapter 1 Fri 29 Jul 2022 03:59PM UTC
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Last Edited Sat 30 Jul 2022 03:42AM UTC
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