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English
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Published:
2022-08-01
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1/1
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Things Left Unsaid

Summary:

While working on the Turtle Tunneller to get ready for their final showdown with The Shredder, Leo approaches Donnie with something to say. Set during the episode Same As It Never Was, future!Leo talking with Donatello.

Notes:

Me, watching SAINW: wow that was super traumatic idk why the whole fandom is obsessed with this episode
Me, two weeks and 2 SAINW fics later: o i get it now

*slaps shell of Donnie* this bad boy can hold so much trauma

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Donnie threw another piece of rusted metal over his shoulder and pulled his heavy welder’s mask back into place. With his torch raised to work, he paused.

The metal piece never hit the ground, and there was the distinct feeling of a presence behind him. He scrambled to push the mask up again and twist on the ladder to look over his shoulder, fear gripping him that some Foot had somehow made it past his three brothers keeping watch. He sagged as he saw it was just Leo, standing a short distance away with the metal scrap in his hands.

Leo turned the metal in his hands idly, unseeing eyes fixed somewhere in the middle distance. He had taken his glasses off and tucked them in the breast pocket of his coat--whether for comfort or convenience, Donnie couldn’t be sure--and the clouded-over eyes and the scars littered across his face and head made his heart twist like a wrung-out dishcloth every time he saw them. 

“Leo? Everything okay?”

“Hm?" He looked up toward the sound. "Oh, yeah, everything’s fine. No worries.” His voice sounded artificially airy, like he was trying to conceal some deeper emotion behind the words. Donnie knew that tone all too well.

He tugged the thick welder’s gloves off his hands and started down the ladder leaned against the tunneller. After thirty years of disuse, it needed a lot of maintenance. He didn’t have time to restore it to its former glory, especially since they couldn’t risk moving the tunneller from the warehouse, but he was at least determined to guarantee it didn’t fall apart mid-battle. He stopped near Leo, hovering close enough that he hoped his brother could sense him even where he could not see. “Is there something on your mind?”

Leo hesitated. “I didn’t want to interrupt.”

Don gently took the scrap metal from him, irrationally worried that he would cut his hands on it, and spent a moment examining it before tossing it in the pile with the others. “How...how did you catch that?”

“Well, Sensei helped a lot with training after it happened. I can just…” He gestured vaguely, searching for the words. “I don’t know, really. If something gets close enough to my face, I can just tell.”

“Hm. And you can still—?” He cut himself short. “Sorry, scientist brain.”

“No,” Leo rushed. “It’s okay, ask me.” The expression on his face as he stared somewhere just to the left of Donnie’s face was almost unreadable. Scars and age had changed him too much.

Donnie loosely clasped his arms over his chest. “I was just going to ask if you can still use your swords.”

A hint of a smile crept to his face, and he cast his empty gaze to the ground. “I can. They were always extensions of me, they’re only more so now. It’s a little harder to fight other swordsmen though—puts me on the defensive.”

Don nodded. He shuffled a little closer to Leo, staring intently at the scars. He wanted so desperately to ask what happened—who did this to him, and were they still around for Donnie to go pluck their eyes out?—but this Leo was skittish enough without an interrogation. Instead, he placed a hand on his brother’s head to brush his thumb over one of the deep scars closest to his eyes. Leo froze, not even breathing, and Donnie hesitated with worry that he’d somehow hurt him. He watched Leo's expression carefully as he rubbed his thumb over the scar again, and he didn't so much as flinch. In fact, he leaned into the touch as Donnie traced the trenches in his brother's skin and tried to quell the anger in his chest.

“Could I have saved your sight?” he asked, voice barely more than a breath.

Leo gave a sad smile. “No, Donnie, you couldn’t have done anything.”

Don let his hand fall to his side, unsatisfied. Ultimately, it didn’t matter that he couldn’t have healed him because he wasn’t even there to try . He vanished, whether on purpose or not, without a trace and left his family high and dry, and he had no one to blame for it. Was this how Raph felt all the time, angry without a proper target for the rage? The only person he could only really be mad at was himself, and his logical mind knew that was an exercise in futility. A headache-inducing, time-and-space traveling one at that. 

He stood with Leo for some time, facing each other in the silence. Leo still had not said what he came in for, but Donnie knew better than to push him. Even though he was older and quieter, he was still Leonardo, still his brother, and he knew that pushing him would only made him shut down for good and leave him to wonder. He was always slow to share his innermost thoughts, but this was ridiculous, even by regular Leo Standards.

Finally, Leo broke with a sigh. “I was wondering… I know the chances that you’re my Donatello are slim...”

Donnie put a hand on his arm. “Let’s pretend that I am. Whatever it is, just say it.”

He only had a moment to register the tremble in Leo’s chin before he was wrapped in a crushing hug. “I’m sorry,” he said, and his voice was thick with tears. “I’m so sorry Donnie. I love you so much, I never said it enough. I took for granted how much we relied on you as a team—and—and I missed you." A dry, strangled sob tore out of his throat. "I’m so sorry I failed you.”

“Oh Leo,” he breathed. He wrapped his arms around his brother’s shell and held him as tight as he could. “I know that whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault. You can’t protect us from everything, you know that.”

Leo shook his head, trembling with the effort of holding back sobs even though Donnie could already feel the hot tears on his shoulder. His arms just tightened their embrace.

“Leonardo, listen to me. It was not your fault . Not when I disappeared, not when Raph lost his eye, not when Mikey lost his arm, not when Sensei died, and not when you were blinded. The fault lies solely in the hands of those who held the weapons.” He rubbed his hand up and down Leo's shell like Splinter did when they were little. He had stopped holding back the sobs, and Don was next for sure. “You’ve got to put down all this guilt. It’s a weight that you don’t need to carry, and none of us blame you. I think I speak for all three of us—at least, the three of us that I know, when I say that we trust you implicitly, not blindly. We know the risks of following you as well as you know the risks of leading. Stop carrying the guilt, Leo. Please.”

Leo held him a while longer as he fought for control over the sobs. When he finally pulled away, his eyes were pink and puffy. He sniffled once, then put his glasses back on. “Sorry.”

Already missing the warmth of his brother, Donnie wrapped his arms around himself. “Nothing to apologize for."

“I just—there was a lot I never got to say. And I can’t even fathom how much of a bonehead I was at sixteen, might be a while before you hear it again.”

Don chuckled. “You weren’t as bad as you think. I mean, Mikey and Raph have named the stick up your ass, so everyone’s getting along okay now—”

He couldn’t even get the full sentence out before Leo broke down into still-tearful laughter, nearly giggling as he grabbed Don’s arm to steady himself. The laughter was contagious, and before long they were holding each other and crying again, but for another reason.

“Hell,” he gasped. “It’s been a long time since I’ve laughed. Honestly Don, even if this plan of yours doesn't pan out, the last few days have been enough. Thank you.”

Donnie gripped his arm and squeezed reassuringly. “Leo, it’s gonna work out. If it’s the last thing we do, it’s gonna work.”

“Promise?” he asked doubtfully, almost teasingly.

“Promise.”

Notes:

Please go look at this little comic on tumblr, which is quite possibly my most favorite series of images ever created: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/cradleghost/680302346485563392?source=share

And thanks for reading!