Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

***Kate’s room at the Salem Inn at some point after all the bad things came out and Roman kicked her out of the pub. July 2022. ***

It’s late. Kate is sitting on her bed at the Salem Inn in her robe. She’s holding a book, but she hasn’t turned a page in a while. Her mind keeps wandering back to the events of the past few weeks. The words on the page in front of her might as well be in another language. She wearily takes off her reading glasses, places the book and glasses on the nightstand, and rubs her eyes. She’s just so tired. Her mind is preoccupied with what is going on with Lucas and Chad; there’s little she can do to help either of them right now. She’s doing what she can, but she feels so useless. Her mind flashes to Roman’s face when he told her to leave the pub and not come back; the image is burned into her brain, every detail. He looked so cold. Her vision starts to blur as a few tears trickle down her cheeks. She wipes them away with the back of her hand and takes a deep breath. She looks around the hotel room, taking in its familiar décor. The gentle hum of the air conditioner is the only sound; the drawn curtains moving slightly with the air flow.

“You always somehow end up back here, don’t you, Katie girl?” she says out loud to no one. She feels a tightening in her chest causing her breath to catch in her throat at the sound of his nickname for her on her lips. She leans back against the headboard, closes her eyes, and lets out a weary sigh.

She hears a knock at the door. She ignores it. She doesn’t want to see anyone right now and who would want to see her anyway? Lucas is still being held at the jail, Phillip is still in the hospital, and she’s managed to alienate everyone else she cares about. Her specialty. She has a fleeting vision of Allie’s face when she told her the truth causing her stomach to twist into knots. The knocking persists. She rolls her eyes and slowly gets up off the bed to go to the door, stopping to look in the mirror. She uses her hands to wipe away any left-over tears and the smeared makeup under her eyes. Her eyes are a little red, but she is satisfied with her appearance, so she moves to open the door.

She swings the door open, and her breath catches in shock. It’s Roman.

“Hello, Kate,” he says less harshly than she was expecting, but without any of the usual warmth in his tone.

“What are you doing here, Roman? Did something happen? Is Lucas, ok? Is Chad…?” Some tiny hints of panic around the edges of her voice.

“They’re fine,” he interrupts before she can finish and go into a full tailspin. He takes in her appearance. She looks tired. Has she been crying? Not that she would ever admit that to him right now, but he asks anyway, “You’ve been crying?”

“No.” Kate says almost too quickly. “I’m just tired. I haven’t been sleeping. Why are you here anyway? I thought you were done with me.” She sounded more acerbic than she intended.

“I came to talk,” he says, again, without the warmth she is accustomed to.

She moves to the side to let him enter the room and closes the door.

“About what?” Kate says almost wearily. “If you’re here to tell me that I’m a horrible person, I ruined what we had, I hurt your daughter, I hurt you…” she trails off then sighs, “I’d rather you just leave.” I know I screwed up. What I did was unforgivable, so you’ve said. Nothing I say will change your mind. So, what’s the point, Roman? Why are we here?”

“I just need to understand, Kate.” His voice rising slightly. “You let my daughter gallivant around the world with her kidnapper! We didn’t hear from them for weeks. What if he had done something? What if he had hurt her? Even then, when we were both worried because we hadn’t heard from them in so long, you said nothing, Kate. Nothing. You wanted no secrets between us and then five days later, it was like we never even had that conversation.”

“Look. My judgement when it comes to my children is always lousy. I know that. You know that. I shouldn’t have lied. I didn’t want to lie. I was so angry at Lucas for what he did, but I felt trapped, Roman. Backed into a corner. I’m not saying this is an excuse. It just is what it is. I am who I am. We talked about this before we decided to go down this road together again. I said that to you. You said you know me better than I know myself, so you were ready for this, ready for us. Maybe I did believe that at first, but here we are again. I lied to protect my son. You’re angry. You shut me out. Only this time…” she pauses. “This time I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone. I didn’t want anyone to get hurt. I wasn’t trying to hurt Sami…”

“No, you just protected the person who hurt her because that’s better,” he interrupts bitterly.

“I begged Lucas to tell Sami the truth himself. I wanted to tell you, I just…” Kate trails off.

“You didn’t trust me,” he says flatly.

“I wanted to. I was…too afraid. Of losing Lucas. Of losing…you. No one…ever stays. They say they will, they say they love you no matter what, but when it comes down to it, they always leave.”

“They?”

“People. Men.” she says with a shrug.

“So, I’m just lumped with the rest of them then.”

“No.” she says softly. “You never were. You were always different. We were always different. If I’m honest, I never felt worthy of your love, not then or now. And I’ve proven the harsh reality of that fact time and again.”

“Katie.” he says with a furrowed brow.

Her heart flutters for just a moment at the nickname on his lips. “So maybe I’m just a self-fulfilling prophecy. I don’t trust because I don’t want to get hurt, but I always end up hurt anyway and hurting the people I love in the process. A damaged person leaving a trail of ruin behind her every time. Keep running away from me and don’t look back, Roman.”

Their eyes meet. He looks a little softer than before, but she still sees a flash of anger behind his eyes. Her eyes are open and vulnerable, but sad and dull, not even a hint of her usual twinkle.

Roman turns to leave the room. Kate sinks down onto the bed with a soft sigh. Roman looks back at her as he is about to open the door. The way her shoulders are hunched over, she looks so small, almost like she’s trying to disappear into the bed. It’s not the strong, take-no-prisoners image of the Kate he knew…and loved. Loves. He feels a split-second ache in his chest and tears start to well up in his eyes making his vision hazy. He blinks them away and looks at Kate again, sitting on the bed, shoulders slumped over, eyes looking down at the carpet. His mind races. He’s so angry at her that he can feel the heat on his face and the blood pounding in his temples, but something in him is starting to soften. There’s an internal war going on inside. He wants to hold onto his anger; it’s safe and familiar, but there’s no denying the other feeling tugging at the back of his mind. He still loves her. After everything, he still does, the truth hits him like a truck, his heart starts to race.

Fifteen years ago, she did hurt Sami with true intent and lied about it. He let her go and shut her out completely; he put up a wall and never looked back. Later, when the dust settled, he always wondered, what if? Then they became friends and settled in this strange area in between, for years, in limbo, him always wondering. Finally, they did start to entertain the what ifs. Now, here they are again. Is he making the same mistake a second time?

His train of thought is interrupted by his anger creeping back in again. He takes a deep breath and looks back at her one last time, his hand on the doorknob.

Kate hears Roman move towards the door, but there’s a pause and she never hears the door open.

There’s a second of hesitation when he looks back at her and then, he takes two large strides toward the bed and takes her in his arms. She starts at the sensation of his strong arms wrapping her in a tight embrace. Roman feels her body tense up with the surprise physical contact; but she almost immediately relaxes into his embrace, and then he feels her body softly shaking. She’s crying. He feels tears welling up in his eyes as well.

No words. Just the two of them wrapped in each other’s arms, as they fall asleep. Both are able to rest without intrusive thoughts or nightmares for the first time in weeks.

***The next morning. ***

Kate opens her eyes, blinking a few times to clear the cloud of sleep from her vision. It takes her a minute to get her bearings. She’s in her room at the Salem Inn. As usual, the room is silent save for the gentle hum of the air conditioner and the soft rustling of the curtains. Sunlight creeps through the cracks in curtain; the lines of sunlight dancing on the wall in front of her from the slight movement of the curtain. She’s still in her robe from the night before. Her mind races. Was Roman here last night? Did that happen? Was it all a dream? She sits up with a start and turns to look at the other side of the bed; it’s empty, the room is quiet. She feels a tightness in her throat. She pulls her knees up to her chest and hugs them tightly to her body trying to ward off the intense loneliness and sorrow that is creeping in. She feels a few warm tears slide down her cheek. She hears a noise that startles her; it’s the bathroom door opening. And then, there he is, Roman, standing there in his slacks and undershirt, wrinkled from sleep. His forehead crinkles in concern.

“I thought…I thought I dreamt that you were here or that you had left during the night when you came to your senses,” she says, her words a little shaky from the tears, while placing a hand over her mouth to try to stifle any further tears.

“I almost did. I was going to, but I just couldn’t.”

“Are you going to now?” she asks, almost holding her breath.

“I don’t know.” He sits down next to her and gently wipes a tear away almost out of habit.
He seems less angry now, but there’s still something there that she can’t place. He’s still holding something back.

She nods her head and takes a breath. “Ok. I can wait. Maybe I don’t have a right to ask this but please, when you decide…whichever way you decide, mean it. I don’t think I can take another heartbreak. I’m not strong enough.”

“You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met, Kate.”

Tears welling up in her eyes, “I love you, Roman. I love you so much. I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

“I love you too, Katie, but I’m not promising anything yet. You broke my heart…again. You lied…again. And I’m still so furious with you sometimes I can’t see straight.”

“I understand.” she says, wiping a tear away. “I’m glad you came. That you…stayed, for now.”

She reaches out and touches his cheek. He leans in closer to her, closing the gap between them, and she feels the warmth of his mouth on hers as he pulls her into a deep passionate kiss. They pull each other closer, holding on so tightly, almost as if each of them is desperate to not let the other slip out of the embrace. They pull away slightly after the kiss, then sit with their foreheads gently touching, bodies intertwined…in silence. The only sound is their breathing.

No words. Just love.

Chapter Text

***Kate’s room at the Salem Inn some time later***

It had been days since that night Roman came to see her. They haven’t spoken since then. Kate is pacing around her hotel room holding her phone. She keeps starting text messages and then erasing them. She starts to call him and then closes her phone in frustration. She knows she needs to give him space; he must come to her. She understands that, but the radio silence is driving her crazy. Also, when it comes right down to it, she just…misses him.

“When did I become such a sap?” she thinks to herself while rolling her eyes.

Even when they weren’t together over the years, he was always there…like an annoying rash that refused to go away, but you just got used to it being a part of you. She chuckles a little at her own silly analogy that she knows would probably irritate him, but the laughter is replaced with melancholy seconds later; now there is a missing piece, a hole in her life.

She needs to get out of this room. She is going stir crazy alone with her thoughts. She grabs her purse and keys to leave. She hesitates for a moment. She hasn’t really been going out much except to see Lucas or to check in on Chad and the children. She hasn’t really been hiding out per say, but she has been avoiding going out to minimize the risk of running into people who aren’t really her biggest fans at the moment. Who is she kidding? She has definitely been hiding. Her heart aches thinking about Allie and Will especially. She takes a breath and walks out of the room.

***Salem Place late morning***

She grabs a coffee at Salem Place and finds a little table in the corner of the square that is out of the way to not be too conspicuous…to hide. It’s hot out today, but it’s cloudy and there’s a gentle breeze rustling the tree next to her that makes the temperature bearable.

She scrolls through some news articles on her tablet, glasses perched halfway down her nose. The words on the page start to blur, and then the front of her head starts throbbing. She sighs and sets her glasses and the tablet down on the table. She closes her eyes and lightly pinches the bridge of her nose with her fingers, steadying her breathing. The frequent tension headaches she has been getting lately have been almost unbearable. Luckily this one passes after only a few minutes.

She opens her eyes and takes a sip of coffee. She isn’t distracted by the mindless scrolling on her tablet anymore, so her mind drifts back to thoughts of Roman and her family. She fiddles absentmindedly with her coffee cup spinning it back and forth on the table, her eyes staring straight ahead but a million miles away.

Will and Allie, pushing Henry in his stroller, are walking through the square chatting when they spot her. They pause and look at each other. She’s facing away from them and looks preoccupied; she hasn’t seen them yet.

Will quietly asks, “Have you checked on her lately? I mean, should we? That text she sent was weirdly…passive for her. Do you think she’s ok?”

Allie says, “I don’t know, and I don’t know if I even care. I’m still really angry at her, Will. I don’t know if I can forgive her.”

They had both received identical text messages from their grandmother after they had confronted her about her covering for their father. It read, “I love you and I’m so sorry. I know you don’t want to hear from me right now. I won’t send any more messages after this one and I will stay away and give you space. But I’m here if, and when you’re ready or if you need me.” It was honestly, uncharacteristically un-pushy of her.

Will can’t help it. He has a special place in his heart for his grandma and he is a little worried about her. She messes up all the time and does the worst things. Sometimes it’s with good intentions and sometimes more selfish ones, but he’s never doubted her love and desire for him and everyone she loves to be happy and safe. She’s more like his mother than either one of them would ever admit. He starts to walk over to her; Allie reluctantly follows, with Henry. They walk up to her table, and she does not acknowledge their presence, at first. She’s completely consumed with her thoughts.

“Grandma?” Will says hesitantly.

Kate startles back to reality with a slight jump. Her eyes look tired. With a small smile that does not fully reach her eyes, she says a little tentatively, “It’s good to see you. How are you two? How is Henry?”

“We’re doing ok all things considered. Are you ok?” questions Will.

“You know me. Nothing can keep Kate Roberts down,” she says without any of her usual biting sarcasm. Will notes that it does not sound like her at all. Her tone is flat even though she has a small smile on her face.

Almost as if on cue, Henry starts making strings of mirthful babbling noises from the stroller. Allie picks him up and he looks around smiling. He reaches for Kate and almost launches himself into her lap. She catches him with a grunt and a laugh. A real laugh. “When did she last laugh?” She wonders to herself.

She looks down at Henry’s face, he cracks a big smile of recognition and says, “Gigi!” He starts clapping and laughing and continuing to have his own conversation with himself. Kate feels some tears welling up in her eyes; she manages to blink them back, but not before Will and Allie notice. She is truly smiling now; her eyes look brighter interacting with Henry. Allie and Will smile as well, before they can help themselves.

Roman rounds the corner of the square; he spots the group and stops in his tracks. He moves to stand slightly out of view and just watches and listens. Roman notes some of the sparkle has returned to Kate’s eyes with little Henry in her lap.

“It’s really good to see all of you. I know you don’t really want to see me right now. It’s ok if you don’t want to stay. I understand.” Kate says.

Will looks at Allie indicating it was up to her. She says, “We can stay for a little while.” Kate smiles and looks down at Henry and hugs him close to her.

They sit and chat about nothing of significance for a few minutes while Henry continues to babble happily in Kate’s lap. They are clearly avoiding discussing the elephant in the room that could derail the entire moment.

After a few minutes, Will says, “We were on our way over to meet Sonny and Arianna, so we need to head out. We’ll see you around, ok?”

Kate nods her head. Allie takes Henry and they walk out of the square.

Kate lets out a deep breath, releasing tension in her body she didn’t realize was there the last few minutes. A few of the tears she held back earlier rolled down her face, but she wipes them away quickly and picks up her phone to try to distract herself.

Roman walks over and sits in the chair next to her. “Hi, Kate.”

She looks up and with a small smile says, “Hi, Roman.”

“I saw you with the kids. I didn’t want to interrupt. Henry is getting so big,” he says with a smile.

“Yeah. I couldn’t believe they acknowledged me, let alone stayed and visited with me. Maybe there’s some hope there,” she says with a little sadness in her voice. “How was your morning?”

“Good,” he says, lightly slapping his leg. “I was just taking a little walk for a breather after the breakfast rush.”

“I’m glad,” she says quietly with a small smile, fidgeting with her glasses on the table absentmindedly. She has no idea what else to say. Why does she feel so awkward right now around the one person she has always felt the most comfortable with? Why were they talking about nothing? This strained small talk; it was so frustrating.

Roman could hear the hesitation in her voice. “Sorry I haven’t, uh, called since we last saw each other. I just need some time.” The animosity that was still there the last time they were together seems to have faded, but he still seemed guarded. She couldn’t read him.

“It’s ok. I understand,” she says with a small nod. Roman notes the sparkle that was in her eyes momentarily when she was holding Henry has faded.

“Listen, I gotta to go back to the Pub, but why don’t you come over after close. We can have a drink and talk some more?”

“I’d like that,” she nods with a smile.

Roman shakes his head and stands up, “All right, see you later, then.” He pauses for a moment then leans down for a quick, soft kiss on her cheek while gently squeezing her hand. Kate felt her heart jump in her chest and start beating more quickly.

She should be thrilled; Will, Allie, and Roman had all given her hope for the future today, but instead she is more wary than ever. Having hope is more terrifying than just accepting loss and being alone. Alone was safe and predictable.

***Later that night at the Pub***

Kate walks past the closed sign in the window and into the pub, using her key to open the door; fleetingly wondering why Roman hadn’t taken it from her when he kicked her out, but she quickly pushes the thought away before the inevitable wave of despair crashes into her from the memory of that night. The pub is quiet and dark, just a soft glow of light over the bar. She sees Roman standing behind the bar drying dishes with a full martini sitting on the bar top. Her lips curve just slightly into a smirk. She walks slowly over to the bar, the sound her heels make on the wood floor cuts through the silence in the room.

Roman turns and smiles as he’s putting a glass away. He throws the towel over his shoulder and says, “Made you a drink, Katie.” Her breath catches in throat. His voice sounds so warm; it catches her off guard.

She moves to sit on the barstool. The all too familiar and comfortable scene of Roman cleaning up behind the bar while she sips her drink feels bittersweet right now. There’s a sting and an ache in her chest; she feels her face muscles momentarily tighten into a grimace with the pain of that thought. She hopes he doesn’t notice. She was always so happy here, precisely here, at this bar, in this spot…with him. Who would have thought? But did she ruin it? Is this the last time? Did he bring her here to let her down easily? Is that why he’s being so nice? The thoughts race through her mind replacing the tentative hope she felt earlier with hopelessness.

Roman can see that Kate is distracted. She’s doing a pretty good job masking it, but he sees the thoughts and doubts racing behind her eyes. He notices her face briefly tense before she forces it to relax. They sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes while he finishes his last few chores behind the bar. The awkwardness she felt earlier in the day seems to have faded away.

He slides a fresh martini glass closer to her, sets the towel down on the bar, and pours himself a whiskey. He then moves to sit next to her on the other side of the bar. They talk for a bit, moving from subject to subject with ease; nothing of consequence, just polite conversation, managing to avoid all the dangerous topics that could disrupt the calm of this moment.

Internally, Kate is screaming, “What do you want, Roman? What is this small talk nonsense? Why am I here? What are we doing?” She’s too afraid to ask out loud. She may not get the answer she’s hoping for. Good lord, when did she become so spineless? Despite her frustration, she’s just happy to be here, with him. She’ll take the stupid, pointless chatter just to be here.

“It’s getting late,” he says abruptly, but not harshly. “Let me walk you out.” She nods as he lightly takes her hand to help her off the barstool.

When they’re almost to the door, he spins her around unexpectedly, causing her to gasp in surprise. He looks down at her now wide eyes and touches her face softly. He then takes her waist and pushes her lightly against the door to the pub with a soft thud; causing her to gasp again but silencing it with his lips as they crash into hers. She stammers in surprise but immediately returns the kiss, one hand moving to touch his cheek, the other sliding to the back of his head, fingers moving through his hair, pulling him closer.

When they finally pull away, they are both breathing raggedly. They sit in silence for a moment with their foreheads touching, slowing their breathing. Kate feels like her heart is about to beat out of her chest and her head feels foggy. Roman reaches behind her, moving his body closer to hers, she feels his warm breath on her cheek and ear. He then grabs the doorknob and opens the door to the pub, catching her as she stumbles backwards slightly with the surprise of the door giving way behind her.

He smiles mischievously and says, “Goodnight, Katie.” He closes the door, leaving her standing outside alone in the dark with her thoughts.

“What the hell?” she says out loud to the empty courtyard.

Chapter Text

***Salem Inn***

Kate swings open her hotel room door and hears it slam behind her. She lets out a frustrated shriek, drops her purse on the floor, scattering some of its contents, and throws her phone across the room. It hits the couch and bounces onto the carpet with a soft thud. A few warm tears stream down her face. Lucas is going to prison and there’s nothing she can do about it. She’s proud of him and she managed to keep calm when he told her, but that doesn't make the devastation she is feeling any less. It most definitely doesn’t take the sting away of feeling like she failed one of her children again. She thinks of Phillip all alone in the hospital and Lucas all alone in his cell. She looks around her quiet, empty room; she’s alone too. Honestly, it’s probably what she deserves.

***Brady Pub***

Roman sighs in frustration and slams his phone down on the bar top. Admittedly, he had purposefully not talked to Kate for days since they were last at the pub together; partially playing the game a little, making her sweat, and partially because he was still dealing with his own anger and trust issues. He still loves her, but he doesn’t want to take her back if he can’t be fully committed; it wouldn’t be fair to either of them. His feelings about her, about everything, swing back and forth like a pendulum.

Now, after finding out about Lucas pleading guilty, he couldn’t help but worry about how she is dealing with the news. He assumes badly. His calls have been going directly to voicemail. His texts aren’t going through. He watches the blue bar at the top of his phone waiting for the ‘delivered’ to appear at the bottom, but instead the text turns from blue to that annoying bright green. He paces behind the bar, moving things around, trying to keep his hands busy and his mind quiet. He looks at his phone, no alerts. He can’t take it anymore. He asks the night staff to take over closing duties, then grabs his jacket, and sprints out of the pub.

He arrives at her hotel room door and knocks. No answer.

“Kate, please open the door,” he says softly.

He doesn’t hear any sounds or movement behind the door. He knocks louder. No answer. His heart is pounding in his chest and his temples. He’s worried now, and his throat tightens with anxiety. He doesn’t want to make a scene in the hallway by raising his voice or banging on the door louder, so he goes downstairs and somehow manages to convince the front desk staff that he and Kate are there together, and he lost his room key. Being a former cop had its uses at times.

He returns to her door; the soft mechanical click of the lock opening calms him just a little. He opens the door slowly and sees her purse spilled out on the floor, his heart jumps in his chest. He walks further into the room and sees that it’s a mess, papers and objects scattered on the floor. He spots her phone on the floor near the sofa. He hears the faint sound of water running and breathes a sigh of relief. She’s just in the shower. But…he’s been trying to call her for hours and the disarray of the room still unnerves him. He pauses and contemplates his next move. If she’s fine and he barges in there, she’s going to be angry and then he’s going to have to deal with an angry Kate. But, what if she’s not fine? He nods his head and says to himself, “Worth the risk.”

He knocks softly first. “Kate?” There’s no answer, so he quietly opens the door. The steam hits his face instantly making his eyes water; the warm, humid air is almost suffocating. It takes his eyes a moment to adjust as the steam dissipates slightly through the open door. He spots her, sitting on the floor of the shower, legs pulled up to her chest, her chin resting on her knees. Her skin is turning pink, almost red from the scalding hot water hitting her. “How long has she been in here?” he wonders to himself. She still has not noticed him. He grabs a towel off the rack on the wall and moves closer to her.

Kate is completely oblivious to the door creaking open. She is lost in her thoughts despite hoping the painful sting of the boiling hot water would drown them out. Her vision is hazy from tears mixed with water and steam.

“Kate?” he says softly. She does not respond. “Kate,” he says a little more forcefully as he moves closer. She jumps.

“Roman??? What…why…?” she stammers.

He takes advantage of her momentary shock to shut off the water. It’s so blisteringly hot he pulls his hand back with a small yelp after turning the handle. He bends down and wraps her in the towel. His face is inches from hers. Her eyes are red and swollen. He touches her face lightly and then rubs her arms through the towel. She’s starting to shiver. She hasn’t said anything else. He’s genuinely shocked she hasn’t started screaming at him yet for just barging in on her unannounced. He lifts her to her feet and grabs a robe off the hook by the shower and wraps her in it. Why is she so quiet? It’s unsettling.

Kate wants to fight Roman, shout at him, but every sharp remark that comes to mind dies before it reaches her tongue. She’s so drained and even though she’d rather not admit it right now, his presence is a comfort. She’s glad he’s here.

“Your phone has been going straight to voicemail for hours. I was worried. I’m sorry for showing up unannounced,” he says quietly.

She can hear the concern in his voice and nods her head. She still hasn’t spoken. It’s starting to alarm Roman a little. Suddenly, her forehead crinkles in pain, she closes her eyes, and stumbles. Roman steadies her. He looks at her with apprehension. She notices so she says matter-of-factly, “Just a headache. I’ve been getting some mean ones lately.”

He helps her over to the bed. He rummages around until he finds some Advil. He drops the pills in her hand and hands her a glass of water. She takes the pills and lays back with a sigh against the headboard, fingers pinching the bridge of her nose, trying to steady her breathing. Roman moves around the room. He picks up her purse and proceeds to straighten up the room; he then picks up her phone and plugs it in next to her bed, making sure it turns on. She hears the familiar ding of the phone powering up.

“I don’t know why you’re bothering to turn that back on. No one is looking for me right now,” she says sarcastically. Roman smiles despite himself, and says internally to himself, “There she is,” at the familiar acerbic tone that he did not realize he missed so much.

“I was,” he says with a shrug.

“And I can’t imagine why. I’m sure you’re elated Lucas is going to prison,” she snaps back.

“Look. We can keep trading barbs back and forth if that’s what you want. I know it’s our default comfort zone, especially when things aren’t going great, but as furious as I am at Lucas…” he pauses, “and you; I know today was a hard day for you.”

She nods her head. “I’m sorry. I’m okay though, Roman. I’m dealing. Really. You don’t have to feel obligated to take care of me right now. Me being upset doesn’t change what’s going on with us. You still need time, and I don’t want your pity.”

“It’s not pity, Kate.”

“Regardless, it’s the middle of the evening. I know you have things to do, a pub to run. Go take care of them.” She moves to get up from the bed, her hands on his chest, ushering him towards the door. “I am fine,” she says insistently. He has both of his hands in the air in protest while she’s pushing him, a small smirk at the corner of his lips. Before she can react to catch herself, she starts seeing spots in her vision and then everything goes black. At that moment, Roman sees her eyes start to gloss over and roll back, he reaches out and catches her before she tumbles to the floor. She is completely limp in his arms.

“Kate? Katie?” he says, lightly shaking her. She’s out. He checks her pulse, it’s strong but racing. Her breathing is steady. As he carries her back to the bed, she’s already starting to come to.

“Roman?” She blinks a few times and looks around confused.

“You passed out. Almost fell. How are you feeling now?” he asks.

“A little lightheaded and my head is pounding. It’s okay. It’ll pass.”

“Kate, has this happened before?”

“Not the passing out part, but I told you I’ve been getting headaches and sometimes I get lightheaded; but I’ve been under a lot of stress. I haven’t been sleeping, barely eating…it’s a recipe for headaches,” she says dismissively waving her hand.

“That’s it. Get dressed. We’re going to go get you checked out.” he says insistently.

“Roman, I’m fine.” she says with an eye roll that infuriates Roman to his core.

“Lady, I’m not taking no for an answer,” he says forcefully.

“Can we please talk about this tomorrow? I’m so exhausted. I can’t argue with you right now. I don’t have the willpower. Please, just let me sleep and I promise I will let you drag me in tomorrow so they can tell you I’m fine and waste our time.” she says rolling her eyes again.

He feels heat on his face in irritation at her attitude. “Fine,” he says, “but I’m not leaving you alone tonight.”

She starts to protest, but he raises a finger and interrupts her before she can argue, “No other choice,” he says adamantly, while crossing his arms.

She narrows her eyes at him and lets out an exasperated sigh. She’s not going to win this fight. It’s a battle of wills and she has no fight in her right now. “Fine,” she says crossing her arms over her chest. He looks smug. She wants to scream in frustration, but she doesn’t bother. Not worth the energy at this point.

She’s feeling steadier and the headache is slightly less excruciating, so she slowly stands to head to the bathroom to finish her nightly routine. Roman is by her side like a shot and takes her arm.

She exhales in annoyance, “I’m not a fragile piece of glass, Roman. I feel fine. Don’t hover or I will kick you out.” She jerks her arm away.

Roman holds both of his hands up in surrender and takes a step back, “Ok, lady, you got it.” But he still watches her every move like a hawk from across the room.

Kate walks out of the bathroom to see Roman lying in the bed with a grin on his face. He pats the bed next to him. She lets out an annoyed sigh and crosses her arms. She should make him sleep on the couch, but frankly there’s nothing she wants more than sleep next to him again, so she fights the urge to lean on old habits. She crawls into bed next to him with her back to his stomach. She feels his arm slide around her waist. She relaxes into the familiar embrace and falls into a deep, dreamless sleep almost instantly.

Roman lies awake for a while listening to her slow, steady breathing. Maybe he is overreacting but seeing her go down like that earlier really frightened him, and if he was being honest, she looks pale, and he swears she’s lost weight. He assumed it was stress, just like she said when she was brushing off his concern, but what if it’s something else? He won’t let her wiggle her way out of going to the doctor tomorrow. He pulls her a little closer and drifts off to sleep as well.

Chapter Text

***University Hospital the next morning***

Kate and Roman exit the elevator at University Hospital. She had been complaining incessantly since they woke up that morning trying to convince Roman that she was fine and did not need to go to the doctor, but he was not budging. The amount of eye rolls and irritated sighs from her that morning could have set some kind of record, Roman thought to himself with a smirk.

“Oh, look. We’re here. Can you stop whining now?” he says with an exasperated tone, but there was a hint of teasing and warmth in his voice. Her protests this morning were much more characteristic of the usual Kate than the passive, blunted person he had seen lately. He should be annoyed with her attitude, but it made him smile despite himself and quieted his internal worry just a tad.

Roman spots Kayla coming around the corner. “Kay!” he calls out with a wave.

She turns and smiles. “Hey, big brother.” She looks at Kate, nodding, and says politely, but with some coolness, “Hello, Kate.”

Kate nods, not surprised by Kayla’s tone. They were already on tentative terms at best before her most recent transgressions.

“Thanks for squeezing us in. I really appreciate it, sis.”

“Yes, thank you. Even though this is completely unnecessary,” Kate says, side eying Roman and crossing her arms over her chest with a sigh.

“No problem. Let’s go to an exam room.” Kayla places the chart she was working on back in the rack at the nurse’s station, looks around, and motions for Kate and Roman to follow her. They enter a small exam room. Kate crinkles her nose at the smell of disinfectant. She looks around at the sterile white and blue room and lets out a soft sigh. Why does every hospital room look and smell the same? She hates hospitals.

Kayla hands Kate a gown. “I’m going to have a nurse come in and grab your vitals and get a little history. I’ll be right back.” She exits leaving Kate and Roman alone in the exam room.

Kate looks at Roman, lets out another annoyed sigh, rolls her eyes, and proceeds to put on the gown. A few minutes later, a nurse comes in and starts asking her some basic questions.

She still sounds irritated but at least she’s being polite to the nurse, Roman thinks to himself. He slips out of the room quietly while they are talking. He sees Kayla at the nurse’s station and walks over to her. “I really mean it, Kay. Thanks. I know Kate is so very far from your favorite person.”

“You’re welcome and you’re right. Why are you with her? What’s going on, Roman?”

“Honestly, I don’t know.” Roman rubs his eyes and then shrugs. “I was angry; I still am. I was sure I was done, but here we are. I’m…really worried, Kay. She said she’s been getting these headaches. She passed out last night. Scared the daylights out of me. She looks pale. Maybe it’s nothing, but…I don’t know. It could be my imagination, but my gut is telling me something is going on.”

Kayla shrugs her shoulders. “I won’t pretend to understand the two of you, but let’s go get her checked out.” She squeezes his shoulder with a small smile.

Roman and Kayla walk back into the room just as the nurse is finishing up. She hands Kayla the chart and stands to the side. “Roman tells me you’ve been having headaches and feeling dizzy?”

“A little, but I tried to tell him, I think it’s just stress. I’m really fine.”

Kayla looks down at the medical chart, glasses perched on her nose, forehead creased in concentration. “Hm, your heart rate is high, your blood pressure is little low, and you’ve lost about 15lbs since the last time you were here. Have you been eating enough? Drinking? How has your energy level been?”

“All of the above could be better, but I’ve been under a lot of pressure lately, and I don’t feel like it’s too far out of my norm,” she says with a dismissive shrug.

“She’s lying,” Roman interjected. “She’s exhausted and she’s barely been eating. I told you she passed out last night.”

Kate shoots him a scathing look that could have burned a hole through him. Roman contradicting her made her blood boil but she keeps quiet.

“Any other symptoms besides the headaches and dizziness? Nausea? Vomiting? Cough? Other pain…?” Kayla looks over her glasses at Kate while writing on her clipboard.

“No. Not that I’ve noticed.” Kate says with a shrug.

Kayla hands the medical chart to the nurse and completes her physical exam. “I don’t see anything alarming on your exam, but I’m going to run a few blood tests just to make sure everything is ok,” she says with a polite smile, but something in her tone suggests some concern and this was not unnoticed by Kate or Roman.

“Ok, that’s fine.” she says with a somewhat defeated tone.

“I should have them back fairly quickly. You can wait here for the results if you’d like.”

Kayla and the nurse leave the room. Kate gets dressed. They sit in silence in the exam room side by side; the hard plastic chairs are uncomfortable and cold. Roman keeps fidgeting in his chair, the soft squeaking sounds intermittently interrupting the still quiet of the room. He squeezes her hand; her hand feels lifeless in his. Kate has been as still as a statue. The apprehension in the room is palpable.

Kayla returns and she looks visibly worried. Roman and Kate both notice. Roman puts his hand around Kate’s shoulders and instantly feels the tension in her body, she does not look at him.

“It’s not good news. Your labs are concerning, Kate. It most likely suggests some type of…” she hesitates, “…cancer. Leukemia would be my guess. This can happen rarely after the kind of treatment you received for your previous lung cancer. But it also could be something else completely unrelated. We need to do more tests to figure out what’s going on. When was your last routine checkup with your oncologist?”

Kate doesn’t hear anything after the word cancer. All she can hear is the rapid pounding of the blood in her head and ears like a drum; everything sounds muffled, almost like she’s under water. She feels her heart beating faster and harder in her chest as the terror of that word sets in. Her vision goes hazy for a moment with tears welling up in her eyes, but she manages to blink them back and will them away. She feels Roman squeezing her arm tighter. “Is Kayla still talking?” she wonders. She still can’t make out any words. She feels frozen.

Roman looks over. Kate isn’t responding. She’s staring straight ahead, not even blinking. “Kate? Kate. Kate!” Roman says, raising his voice with each utterance of her name; he shakes her gently the third time he says her name. She jumps slightly and locks eyes with him. Her eyes look completely blank like she’s looking straight through him. He takes her in his arms, pulling her toward him, and gently rubs her back. She feels limp in his arms at first, but suddenly he feels her entire body tense.

Kate shakes herself back to her senses. She pulls out of Roman’s embrace and pushes him away. “I’m ok. I’ll be ok. Excuse me. I need to go to the lady’s room.” Her voice sounds shaky and rushed, almost unrecognizable. She stands up and bolts out of the room before Roman or Kayla can react.

Kayla looks over at her brother. His mouth is agape, and he is staring at the door closing behind Kate, clearly shaken by the news. “We still have to do a lot of confirmatory tests, but it’s probably not good, Roman.” She places her hand on his shoulder. Even though she doesn’t particularly like Kate, she wouldn’t wish this on anyone, and she hates seeing her brother hurting.

***

Kate stares at herself in the mirror in the hospital restroom, hands resting on either side of the sink. Has she been in here for 5 minutes? 10 minutes? An hour? She looks like a ghost. When did she get this pale? Is this really happening again? Can she do this again? Thoughts are racing through her head at warp speed, one after the other. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, attempting to quiet her mind. “All right. Back out to face the music,” she says to the ghost looking back at her in the mirror.

***

She walks nonchalantly back into the exam room. Roman immediately notices the change in her demeanor. She is the steely iron lady now; her eyes look calm and cold as ice. She sits down next to Roman, not looking at him. She looks up at Kayla. “Ok. What’s the next step?” she says coolly and without emotion. The walls are up.

“We need to do some confirmatory tests and I’d like to admit you to the hospital today so we can start right away. This will prevent any delay in starting initial treatment once we’ve completed the work up.”

“Do I really need to stay in the hospital? What if I refuse? Can’t I go home and come back for tests and treatments? That’s how it was…last time.” Kate’s voice is very even and calm, but inside she is screaming at the idea of spending any more time in a hospital room.

“Well, we can’t force you to do anything, but I do recommend that you stay. Ideally, you won’t have to stay for long. Once we know what we’re dealing with and have a treatment plan, I suspect you will be able to go home and receive outpatient treatments like last time. I can’t make any promises, of course, since we still haven’t completed all the testing. Things could always change as we know more.”

Kate takes a breath and nods. “Ok. I will agree to stay for now, but Roman,” she says, turning to face him for the first time since she entered the exam room, “I need you to leave, and you can’t tell any of the kids or grandkids that I’m here. The last thing I can handle is a bunch of pity from everyone who is angry at me right now. And I really can’t handle your pity or hovering either.”

“Kate…” he says quietly but firmly, not taking his eyes off her.

“Please, Roman. At least for right now. I need to be alone. We don’t even know where we stand. I won’t have you change your mind and decide to take me back just because this is happening.” He starts to interrupt. She quickly interjects before he can get any words out, “You’re lying if you say it wouldn’t matter either way.”

“Katie, please don’t push me away,” he says softy, his voice thick with emotion.

She feels her breath catch in her throat, but she ignores him and says, “Actually…maybe you can tell Rex what’s going on if you want to, but only Rex, no one else. He’s a doctor. I think he can keep a level head and he’s one of the few people still speaking to me right now. And tell him if he breathes a word to anyone, he will have to answer to me…and it won’t be pleasant.” She says with a small smile that doesn’t reach her eyes and just a touch of playfulness in her voice.

She’s deflecting, shutting him out. He knows he won’t win this argument today. “Pick your battles,” he says to himself.

“Alright, Katie. If that’s what you want. For now, I’ll leave.” he agrees reluctantly. He sounds almost defeated. He stands up to leave the room, but abruptly turns and bends down so that their faces are inches apart, his hands clutching her arms; he feels her body stiffen at his unexpected touch and then relax. He moves his hand to touch her face and says with tears in his eyes, “Please don’t shut me out. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” Kate leans forward touching her forehead to his, squeezes his hand, and then quickly turns her face away. He looks so hurt; it made her heart physically ache inside her chest. She couldn’t look at him again. If she did, she knew she would beg him to stay.

Kayla touches her brother’s shoulder. He takes the hint and stands up to leave. “Kate, I’m going to get everything set up for your tests and get the paperwork going for your admission. Are you ok here alone for a few minutes?”

She nods without looking up, “Yes, thank you, Kayla.”

As soon as the door shuts behind Roman and Kayla, she lets out a breath and it feels like her entire body deflates. Her shoulders hunch over, her body feels heavy. She feels the wave of tears starting the stream down her face. She tries to stifle her sobs by placing her hands over her mouth, her entire body shakes softly. She closes her eyes and takes slow, shaky breaths, trying to calm herself before anyone returns. “Why did I send him away?”

***

A while later, Kayla walks back into the room. Kate is sitting in the chair against the wall, legs and arms crossed, staring straight ahead, not moving, barely blinking. She doesn’t seem to hear her entering the room. “Kate?” she says softly. Kate blinks and looks up at Kayla. “Your room is ready; we can get you checked in now so we can get the rest of the tests started. Then you can rest.” Kate nods. She stands and silently follows Kayla out of the room.

Kayla gets Kate settled in her room and discusses the plan for her tests over the next couple of days. Kayla and the nurses do their work quickly and quietly. Kate is grateful to them for the unpressured silence.

“I will go ahead and speak with your oncologist as well. He should be in to see you in the morning.” Kayla pauses at the door. “I’m sorry, Kate,” she says before leaving and closing the door softly behind her.

“Karma got you good this time didn’t it, Katie girl?” she says to herself. A wave exhaustion hits her; she doesn’t remember ever feeling this tired. She lays back and falls into a dreamless sleep almost the instant her head hits the pillow.

*** Later that night***

The door to Kate’s room creaks open slowly, the light from the hallway creeps in momentarily illuminating her bed. Kate’s head is turned away from the door, her long dark hair a stark contrast to the bright white hospital linens. Roman slips quietly into the room, closing the door gently behind him. Kate does not even stir. The room is silent except for her soft, steady breathing. With the door closed, the only light source in the room is the yellow glow through the blinds from the streetlamps outside her window. He places a bag next to her bed; he had gone back to her hotel room and packed up a few things he knew would make her more comfortable while she is in the hospital. He sits silently in the chair at the foot of her bed listening to her breathing. He just wants to be near her despite what she said earlier. He will slip out in the morning before she wakes up.

Chapter Text

***University Hospital the next morning***

At 6am, Kate startles awake to a “Good morning, Mrs. Dimera! I’m Sally. I’ll be taking care of you today!” from a nurse too peppy for her own good for it a) being 6am in the morning and b) being in this hell hole. “Where’s the nurse from yesterday? The quiet one?” she wonders. Sally takes her vitals and draws some blood all while chattering away about nothing. Some biting comebacks enter her mind, and she’s tempted, but she does not say them. Instead, Kate politely nods and makes small vocalizations here and there, not processing anything she is saying.

Sally walks across the room when she’s finished and opens the blinds. It’s overcast outside so it doesn't brighten the room much. While walking back toward the door, she stumbles and looks down, “Oh! Let me move your bag over to the closet so it's out of the way.”

“My bag?” Her forehead crinkles in confusion.

“This bag here,” she lifts it to where Kate can see it.

Kate immediately recognizes it as her own overnight bag. “Roman Brady,” she thought, shaking her head. “That stubborn man,” she mutters under her breath.

Sally places the bag in the closet and opens the door to leave. She turns back towards Kate and says, cheerily, before closing the door behind her, “I’ll be back later to take you for your scan. Breakfast should be here soon!"

“Wonderful. Prison food and radiation,” she quips quietly to herself.

Kate leans back in her bed, and closes her eyes, thankful for the momentary return of silence and solitude. A few moments later, her curiosity gets the better of her and she gets out of bed, stumbling slightly, tangled in a spider web of IV tubes and wires. She manages to get on her feet without disconnecting anything or setting off any alarms. Small victories. She goes over to the closet and opens her overnight bag. It has her favorite robe and night gown, black with a yellow floral print. She runs her hands over the smooth silk. A stark contrast to the starchy stiff cotton hospital gown she was wearing. There were plenty of clean undergarments, her toothbrush; he even brought pretty much her entire night-time skin care routine products and her make up bag. She smiles despite herself. She feels a familiar ache in her chest. She picks up her phone and starts to call him, pausing, her finger hovering over his contact photo. She thinks to herself, “He feels sorry for you. It’s why he brought you the bag. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything deeper than that.” She pushes the lock button with a soft sigh and her phone screen goes black.

***The Brady Pub***

Roman is behind the bar getting the pub ready to open for the morning rush. He has been wiping down the same area of the counter for the last few minutes; his mind a million miles away. He’s thinking about Kate going through this all alone. No one else even knows she’s in the hospital. “Why are you so stubborn, lady?” he asks out loud to the empty pub, throwing his bar towel forcefully down on the countertop and crossing his arms. He glances down at his phone, briefly considering breaking his promise and calling all her children one by one. He decides not to…for now. He still hadn’t called Rex yet either. When it came down to it, he just didn’t have the guts. He was working his way up to it. He was not ready to hear his son’s reaction to the news. He also knew despite her warning; Rex would not keep her secret. He was also not sure he was ready to deal with that fallout either.

***University Hospital***

Kate had been poked and prodded all day. Bone marrow biopsy, spinal tap, more blood work, imaging tests, even more blood work. Luckily, her too perky nurse had other patients to deal with as well, so she had some reprieve, otherwise, she may have gotten a dose of the real Kate Roberts Dimera.

Kate stares at the ceiling listening to the mechanical whirring sounds of the PET scanner. She’s sure there were this many tests last time, but she can’t remember; is she blocking it all out? No matter how hard she tries she can only remember tiny pieces of her last cancer treatment. She does remember the overwhelming emotions from that time though, and the feeling that the hospital might as well be a cemetery. “I’ve got to get out of here; I can’t stay here” she thinks to herself.

“Please stay as still as you can, Mrs. Dimera,” she hears through the speaker. She didn’t realize it, but she had started to shake during her current mental spiral, trapped in this tube. She takes a deep breath and tries to calm her mind. Without meaning to, her mind drifts to Roman, steadfast and stubborn. The thought of him makes her smile and her heart rate and breathing start to slow. She starts to chastise herself for being a sap again but decides to give herself some grace in this moment.

***

Later that day, Roman arrives on Kate’s floor. He has a bouquet of flowers. It’s silly but he can’t help it, he feels like he can’t show up empty handed especially uninvited and banned from visiting. He knocks on her door and opens it; the bed is empty and made up with clean sheets. His brow furrows with concern, but then he sees that her phone is still on the dresser and her bag is still sitting in the closet.

He hears a cheerful voice behind him, “She’s having some tests done, she should be back in an hour.”

He turns to see a very smiley nurse. He can’t help but think Kate would eat her alive and maybe she has already. “Am I able to wait for her here?” he asks.

“Are you family?

“No. A…good friend,” he says with a smile.

“She does currently have a ‘no visitors note’ in her chart but I’m not sure why. She was not very talkative this morning. There’s a waiting room down the hall. I can let you know if she will see you once she gets back.” She says kindly.

Roman nods his head. “Thank you. I will wait. May I leave these flowers here?”

“Sure! They’re so beautiful and they smell lovely.” She takes them and places them on Kate’s bedside table.

He turns and heads down the hallway. He sees Kayla at the nurse’s station on his way to the waiting room. He waves her down. “Hi, K. How’s your day going?”

Kayla responds cheerfully, “Hey big brother. I’m doing well. What are you doing here today?”

“I came to check on Kate, but she’s refusing visitors. Stubborn woman. I’m hoping she’ll agree to see me when she gets back from her tests.” He shrugs.

“Roman. I hate to be that person, but she asked you to stay away. Maybe you should respect her wishes?” Kayla raises her eyebrows.

“What would you do, K? If it were Steve? Stephanie? Joey? Just shrug your shoulders and stay away?” Roman asks.

“Ok, fair. But this is…Kate…” she says.

“And? Your point?” he asks.

“Again, I’ll never understand you two. I’ll pray there’s some good news for her today. I need to finish my rounds. I’ll see you later. I love you.” She places her hand on his arm and squeezes it softly.

“Love you too, sis. See you later.”

Roman enters the waiting room on Kate’s floor. Everything is blue. “Why is everything blue in this damn hospital?” He thinks to himself. He sits on one of the blue couches in the blue waiting room…and waits. As he sits there alone with his thoughts, he thinks about his anger towards her and how it just seems to have almost evaporated overnight. It was still there but now just a dull ache rather than a huge, gaping wound. The idea of her losing her had overshadowed it so completely and unexpectedly. He needs to convince her to let him stay. “I need a battle plan,” he thinks to himself and chuckles a little at the thought. Everything has always been like a war when it came to Kate. Why should he be surprised this time. And honestly, even though it irritates him all the way down to his core how difficult this woman is, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

***

When Kate was returned to her room after hours of feeling like a science experiment, she saw the flowers on her bedside table and immediately knew who had sent them. She sighs and shakes her head. “That stubborn man,” she thinks, not for the first time today.

Just then Sally enters the room exuding her nauseating energy. “Welcome back, Mrs. Dimera! It’s almost dinner time. I will draw your evening labs in a few before the food is brought up. Do you need anything else right now?”

“No thank you. I’m fine.” Kate says with a polite smile.

“Great!” She turns to leave but then she spins back around. “Oh! I almost forgot. The bringer of the flowers. He was here earlier. I didn’t catch a name, but he said he was a good friend? Anyway, I told him you didn’t want visitors right now, but he insisted on waiting so I sent him down to the waiting room. I told him I would ask you if you were up to seeing him when you got back. So…are you?” she asks with eyebrows raised.

“I…” Kate stammers softly. An internal battle had already started. Her brain is spinning like tires stuck in the mud. “It’s just pity. He’s still angry. He doesn’t really want to be here; he just feels bad for you. He won’t stay and if he does stay, he won’t mean it. It’ll be out of obligation.” That thought was more painful than the idea of losing him all together. “I’ve tried to hold on to people desperately in the past who did not want her, it never ended well.”

“I’d rather not today, thank you,” Kate says with more conviction than she feels.

“Are you sure?” she asks. “He seemed real nice.”

“I’m sure. I’m exhausted from today. I can barely keep my eyes open. I just want to rest.”

“Ok, I understand. Let me go ahead and grab those last few labs now so I won’t have to bother you later. And I’ll let the nurse coming on shift know to wait for you to call for your dinner, so she won’t wake you up if you’re sleeping,” she said kindly.

Maybe this peppy nurse wasn’t so bad. “Thank you; I appreciate it,” Kate says.

***

Roman had been snoozing on the waiting room couch when he felt a gentle tap on his shoulder. He opens his eyes to see the sweet nurse from earlier standing above him. He sits up and rubs the sleep out of his eyes. “Sorry about that, guess I dozed off!”

“No problem. Um, I’m sorry, sir, but Mrs. Dimera is very tired and she does not want to see anyone right now. I really tried,” she says with sympathy.

“That’s ok. Thanks for trying,” he says with a sad smile.

“Well, I’m about to go off shift, sorry again, you take care,” she says kindly.

Roman sighs to himself and rubs his face in frustration. He looks at his phone. No messages. At that moment, he decides that he isn’t taking no for an answer this time. He peaks his head out into the hallway and sees Kate’s nurse talking to another nurse. It looks like she’s updating the new nurse coming on shift. He makes note of the new nurse’s face and sits back down in the waiting room. He waits patiently and a few minutes later he sees Kate’s daytime nurse with her bag leaving for the day. Once she is on the elevator, he pokes his head out again. The new nurse stands up and heads into the room next to Kate’s. He decides to make his move. He steps into the hallway and walks directly to Kate’s room. He enters the room without knocking and closes the door behind him.

Kate is sitting up in her hospital bed in her black and yellow robe, the one he packed for her. She looks up and flinches slightly at his entrance but does not say anything. She looks tired. And pale. Roman feels a small pang of worry like a punch in the gut.

“Hello, Katie,” he says tenderly.

“Roman,” she says quietly.

“Hey, she hasn’t yelled or thrown anything yet, so I say we’re off to a good start,” Roman thinks

They stand there in silence for a few seconds that feel like an eternity, both with eyes starting to fill with water that they are struggling to blink away.

“I just…needed to see you,” Roman says, looking down at his feet and putting his hands in his pockets.  “I’m sorry for going against your wishes.” He shrugs. “You can be so stubborn, ya know.”

“Oh, I can be stubborn! Is that so?” she chuckles softly.

Roman moves toward her and sits on her bed facing her. “Please let me stay. Please let me be here for you,” he pleads softly looking her straight in the eye.

Kate looks down at her hands, the intensity of his gaze making her feel uneasy. “Roman, I don’t know if I can. I don’t want your pity. It’s too painful.”

“Kate. It’s not pity. It’s love. I love you,” he says with a quiet determination that gives Kate chills and makes her heart skip in her chest. He places his hand under her chin, lifting her eyes to his. They’re wet with the threat of tears. “Don’t you know that by now?”

She turns her head away. “But everything that happened, I…you…” Kate stammers.

He shakes his head and takes her hands in his, “It doesn’t matter. What matters is now.”

“We can’t just ignore everything,” she says lifting her gaze to meet his.

“We won’t. But one crisis at a time, ok?” Roman raises his eyebrows.

“Ok,” she says with a nod and a small smile. “I love you, Roman.”

“I love you, Katie. Come what may, we’ll make it through this together.”

He slides up next to her on the bed, takes her in his arms, and lightly kisses her forehead. “Why don’t you get some rest, Katie. I’ll be right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

She settles into his embrace and places her head on his chest. Her body relaxes into his as she listens to his steady breathing and the rhythm of his heart in his chest. She closes her eyes. She feels truly calm for the first time in months. She still has small nagging doubts in the back of her mind, but she pushes them away and drifts off to sleep.