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Chapter Text

Sweden was casually walking through the schoolyard on his way to the first class of the semester. Sweden didn’t notice as two femboys approached him from behind. “Hey sweden!” the first one said. “We noticed your yet to find that dommy mommy you said you were looking for x3” said the other. “Goddamn it Denmark you always do this! Just let me be! And take your stupid Norway with you!”. “Fine, but you don’t have to be so rude” Denmark responded in a voice that sounded like he had a potato shoved up his throat.
“Thank you, Now-” Sweden couldn’t help but gasp as he walked straight into one of what he presumed was one of his new classmates' curvaceous form. “Oh- excuse me i’m so sorry” Sweden said with clasped breath.

“Oh it’s no problem at all” said the large androgynous figure in front of him with a sultry voice straight from the heavens above. Sweden blushed deeply from embarrassment and kept walking past the large bodacious figure.
For the rest of the day Sweden couldn’t stop thinking about that incredibly cute person he had bumped into “God im such a dumbass for walking straight into them! I haven’t even talked to them yet and i already went and fucked it up!”

With those words uttered a figure walked up behind him. “Hiiiiiiii!” Said Denmark with the same potato still stuck down his incredibly stretched out femboy throat. “Goddamn it, what is it now, Denmark?”. “Wellllll i saw what happened earlier, and it seems someone has a CRUSH”. “NO I DON’T” Sweden weaseled out hiding his well toned facial features from the thirsty femboy. “Oh c’mon lighten up! I can see that blush from a mile away, and besides, i’ve got information on that special someone”. “Wait you d- That doesn’t matter”. At this point Sweden was so flustered he was shining like a light.
“Well let’s just say their name is France, pronouns They/Them live in the south-western part of the city in between the german princes and Spain's house. They live with their two dads, Carolingia and Francia and-”. “That’s enough Denmark! Besides, how did you even get that information?”. “Well let’s just say I might have interfered with some of Austria's business and maybe beat up some of their underlings to get information on them. Hypothetically of course”. “Well why would Austria even care about France?”. “Oh my Sweden, jealous already? Denmark said with a twisted smile. “WHAT? NO!” Sweden said almost too quickly. “Oh my, i’m just teasing you know, anyway you would know why Austria cares about France if you had let me finish earlier”. “Fine, go on'' Sweden said, defeated, knowing that Denmark knew him far better than anyone here and he would never be able to resist his constant nagging.
If anyone thought the smile on Denmark's lips couldn’t get wider they were wrong and Denmark's lips crept into something uncanny not unlike that one internet creepypasta from like 2013. “Ok so basically, France and Austria used to be together before France came out as enby and changed their name. It wasn’t a nice breakup and they don’t like each other a lot anymore.”. “Why do I have a feeling that’s an understatement?”. “That would be because it is, the only person France hates more than Austria is England and even that is stretching it”. “Wait, didn't France and England fight a war for 100+ years when we were still dating?”. “Correct! damn if you had been this intelligent in 1521 maybe it would’ve worked out for us, but that’s neither here nor there. What I'm saying is, you might have a chance with France!, C’mon bestie! Me and Norway are rooting for you!”
“Well I have no plans to try so I guess you and Norway will be disappointed,” Sweden whispered between his teeth as he tried to hide the obvious lie. Sweden knew Denmark could see right through his lie but wasn’t affected by it as he never expected to fool the femboy. “Anyway i gotta run uwu, and goodluck with that Dommy of yours” (this is the NB version of mommy for anyone asking i looked it up). “Uh, thanks Denmark” Sweden mumbled. “Oh it’s no problem, Sweden, anything for my ex uwu”. With that comment Sweden quickly started walking in the opposite direction of Denmark, reminded of why he broke up with him and content with the resulting information gained from this interaction.

Back at his house Sweden wondered what he’d have to do to earn the affection of the Dommy France and ultimately came to the conclusion that he had to prove himself to them by beating up Austria. “Dammit” Sweden thought to himself as he not only was extremely downbad but was also aware of the fact that he was planning to beat up one of the most popular guys in not only their school but in the entirety of Europe. Realizing this plan is extremely unlikely to work Sweden went back to the drawing board.
“Ok” Sweden said to himself, “How did I pull Denmark back in the day?” He kept talking outloud to himself until he realized that he pulled Denmark when Denmark tricked his ass into signing a marriage contract for “legal benefits”. Sweden quickly stopped his thought there without delving further into the things He, Denmark and Norway had done together.
“Well then, i guess plan A it is” Sweden kept talking to himself because of course he did this is a fanfiction. He knew what he had to do now, and he didn’t like it, but the draw of those sweet androgynous boobas was all he needed to shake the feeling of fear he felt deep in his heart, replacing it with a much sweeter and more intense feeling that Sweden hadn’t felt since 1521, Lust.

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Chapter 2, An ill fitted preparation

Everything was dark, Sweden had to squint his eyes to the point where some might deem it offensive to be able to see more than a meter in front of him. All of a sudden, light flooded the room as Sweden stumbled in reaction to the intense light filling the room and when he looked up he saw France standing there, with their magnificent andorgynous boobas hanging from their body not unlike Napoleon's massive balls during the Napoleonic wars.
Standing up Sweden was immediately overwhelmed as France leaned in and started kissing him passionately. But when Sweden opened his eyes again, France was gone, instead there was Austria laughing at him. “They would never love you”, Austria said with a smug smile across his lips. Sweden desperately tried looking around for France but couldn’t spot them.
But just as he thought all hope was lost A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT DINOSAUR DRIVEN BY DENMARK JUMPED THROUGH A WINDOW AND OBLITERATED AUSTRIA. But at that moment Sweden realized where France was, right behind Austria and they had been caught in the blast. Sweden fell to the floor hitting it screaming “I HATE THE FLOOR” as all the color started fading around him.

Sweden woke up in a cold sweat, quickly realizing that what had just happened was just a dream, not only because of the giant Dinosaur but also because Denmark actually did something other than nagging at him or pegging Norway. “Well that wasn’t a pleasant dream” Sweden thought to himself because this is still a fanfic and I have to convey emotions somehow don’t I? With that thought, Sweden woke up and started getting ready for the day, putting on his signature blue and yellow flannel shirt and putting up his bronde hair into a short ponytail.
He knew his fight against Austria would be tough, but he knew he had to do it, as this might be his last chance to get bitches and become the great power he was always meant to be. His stand would take place during lunch hours so he had some time to mentally prepare and with that in mind, Sweden started heading to West Europe highschool.

When Sweden arrived the first thing he noticed was the fact that Denmark and Norway were nowhere to be found, at first this delighted him but he soon realized that without Denmark and Norway he actually had very little when it came to friends. Sweden used to hang around with Russia's crew, but after they beat Poland in the Polish-Muscovite war of 1605-1608 Russia had grown distant and aggressive towards her former friend.
But Sweden would never admit that, not even to himself so he chose to just ignore the feeling and kept going without thinking more about the subject. Instead he chose to keep walking even faster and firmer than before, as he walked he imagined France’s large unyieldingly swagalicious breasts firmly jiggling in front of him. As he walked he didn’t even notice the fact that he didn’t need to imagine them as he walked straight into them yet again.
“You really should learn how to look up when you walk around” France said, their voice almost giving Sweden cardiac arrest in an instant. “I’m so sorry, sometimes i just get caught up in my own thoughts you know, I’m really sorry” As he was saying this, Sweden realized he was stuttering, and like a snowball down a mountain, Sweden’s embarrassment only grew larger.
“Oh no, it’s quite alright” France said “I get it, and honestly, i find it quite cute”. Sweden now looked more akin to Romania's flag than anything resembling a human with his yellow and blue flannel contrasting against his now bright red skin. “Have you heard of the high elves..?” Sweden said, now literally grasping at anything to get the conversation away from the fact that France just called him cute.
“An oblivion player i see, I must admit i wasn’t expecting it but i appreciate some casual oblivion quotes” France snickered. Sweden didn’t even know how to react, between the embarrassment and the fact that France had just understood his Oblivion reference he was quickly running out of things to say. “I’m France by the way, don’t think I had time for introductions yesterday, so better now than never right?” France extended a hand to shake Sweden’s, He didn’t know how to react so he just instinctively grabbed the extended hand. “I’m Sweden, it’s nice to meet you” It wasn’t much, but the casual nature of a formal introduction helped calm the emotions stirring in Sweden's head.
“Anyway I gotta head to class, I'll see you later, cutie” France said with a smile. Sweden didn’t even think to respond, he was too occupied with the fact France just called him a cutie and the prospect of seeing them again in the near future.
Sweden didn’t have time to think about it for long however as he realized that he had the same class as France, and had to hurry to the classroom as the bell rang its clear and penetrating tone.
As Sweden started running towards his classroom he felt a sense of anxiety welling up in his chest, but he swallowed it, and kept going. The day had only just begun, and he was planning to use every second of it.

Chapter Text

Sweden crashed into the room at light speed just as the final bell tolled. He had been too occupied with getting to the classroom that he didn’t think of the force pushed the door with, leading to a loud whimper from the door as it smashed into the door stopper along the inside wall of the classroom.
In Front of Sweden he now found the entirety of his new class which he had gotten acquainted with during the day prior. By a window in the middle of the classroom sat Denmark and Norway who both turned and waved at their friend. On the opposite end of the classroom sat Poland with Russia right behind him standing up, probably trying to claim that the chair had been hers some 700 years earlier so she should have it. Sweden kept at it, scanning the room, praying that he would see a glimpse of those magnificent androgynous boobas. He finally found France in the left corner of the room seemingly trying to stare a hole through the back of England's head. However as soon as France saw Sweden she smiled at him before going back to having a staring contest with the brown fluff on the back of England's head.
Sweden quickly started weighing his options of seating, but as soon as he even thought of grabbing the seat next to France, his resolve cracked and so he took the seat next to Denmark.

As soon as Sweden sat down he saw Denmark parting his plump femboy lips as to say something, but before any air could be pushed out of his potato-filled throat, the teacher walked in, stopping Denmark mid action as well as saving Sweden a solid headache.
The lesson went on as a normal lecture should, this was Lutheran studies, something Sweden was very interested in, so he was frantically taking notes throughout the entire class. The only thing that broke Sweden's concentration was his bi-minutely-looking-over-at-france. During these “looks” Sweden noticed France didn’t seem to invest in the subject, however Sweden knew Lutheran studies were still quite controversial in school, so he understood where they were coming from.
About halfway through the lesson Sweden noticed something else, a small ball made of paper and… spit? Flew from the other end of the classroom just missing his head and Bohemia, the guy in front of him, straight in the back of the head. Bohemia simply looked back to see Austria grinning cheek to cheek but didn’t seem to have the time to start shit, so he simply went back to his notebook. Throughout the rest of the lesson Sweden counted three more spitballs flying through the classroom, all but one hitting Bohemias back. Bohemia though didn’t seem to mind the sticky balls clinging to the back of his red shirt.

After that the lesson quickly ended, and Sweden started making his way to lunch, walking slowly because of the prospect that he was gonna do what was probably one of the dumbest things he would do for at least 103 years. When Sweden came to the cafeteria he couldn’t see Austria anywhere. While walking around the large cafetera hall he barely noticed Denmark trying to get his attention. Instead he caught the eye of France who started waving in his direction. “Hey Sweden! Wanna join me at my table for lunch?” Sweden was immediately thrown out of orbit from the comment. Catching himself on a nearby table, Sweden quickly started searching for a way to get away from the curvy non-binary cutie.
Only when faced with the prospect of certain embarrassment and what in Sweden's mind seemed like certain death, he turned towards Denmark, who had at this point stopped waving. Sitting himself at the table next to Denmark, Sweden had already forgotten his quest to beat up Austria. Denmark started speaking “SWEDEN WTH, WHY AREN’T YOU AT FRANCE’S TABLE?” Denmark was clearly irritated at Sweden’s constant failure in the game of love. “I don’t know, it's just so hard to talk to them, '' Sweden said under his breath. “Ok i’m gonna lay it out for you right now bitch, you gotta go over there and talk to them right fucking now. If you don't, I swear to god I'm going to tell everyone about what you and Norway did in 1467 (and before you google it nothing happened in this year, i don’t know anything about the kalmar union other than how it ended).
Anyway Denmark said this with such confidence Sweden couldn’t help but blush. Even Norway seemed slightly excited at the prospect of informing the entire school of such indecencies. “Fine” Sweden said, defeated yet again by his most powerful adversary. “But i want you to burn *you know what* tonight. And Norway, I can see that bulge in your shirt from a mile away”. “Done!” Said Denmark, once again having won the shortest argument in European history.
Sweden knew this was his chance to get closer to France, but he still hadn’t picked his self promised fight with Austria. But he was Determined, and he didn’t plan to fuck this one up.

Chapter Text

As Sweden approached the absolutely breathtakingly bodealicous form of France he felt his palms were getting sweaty, knees weak and arms heavy. There was vomit on his sweater already, Mom’s spaghetti. He was nervous, but on the surface Sweden looked calm and ready- The editor has stopped this segment to tell me that i have to stop writing the lyrics for eminem's song “lose yourself”.
Anyway Sweden was rapidly approaching the absolutely gorgeous form of France. As he was approaching he slowly started losing the confidence he had built himself together with Denmark. France looked up, surprised at Sweden's approach. The surprise in France’s eyes stung worse than 1000 malaria dipped needles as Sweden immiedetly felt like he had somehow offended the non-binary beauty.
“Oh, hi Sweden. I see you changed your mind” France said with what Sweden hoped was happiness and not some other vibe he simply couldn’t catch. “Hey France” Sweden said, managing to keep his blush to a minimum. “I tried to wave you over here, but you took a detour to Denmark? I must admit I thought you had quite the crushing breakup so I was quite surprised to see you still talking to him”. “Well let’s just say he’s quite hard to get rid off” Sweden said with a sigh lasting longer than the hundred years war. “Oh are you still together then?” France asked calmly.
Sweden was taken aback by the bluntness of the question and didn’t know quite how to respond. “Uhhh NO IT’S NOT LIKE THAT” Sweden's words were a little too loud and a little too harsh to go unnoticed in the cafeteria. The entire cafeteria was staring at them, wondering what had flown into the usually quiet and docile Sweden to warrant such a loud response. “I’m so sorry, I really have to go” Sweden said, now casually breaking the record for reddest red recorded in history. Sweden didn’t want to look at France’s face as he left the cafeteria, but at the last second he glanced back at them expecting a disapproving or offended look on their face, he was instead greeted by a warm longing smile quickly breaking eye contact as soon as he looked back.
Sweden didn’t have time to ponder the implications of this look and instead kept going at a firm pace to the schoolyard. The schoolyard was usually bustling with people, but during lunch it was usually pretty quiet as most of the students were in the Cafeteria. Sweden sat down on the green slightly moist grass and breathed a sigh of relief. Well at least that’s what it looked like, in reality it was a sigh of incredible anxiety and suppressed emotion.
But just as Sweden sat his thicc ass on the slightly wet grass, he heard glass crash. “SCHEEEEIIßßEEEEEEE'' Austria screamed as he crashed out from the first floor window. “JESUS JÄVLA KRISTUS VAFAN GÖR DU??” Sweden screamed in a state of utter shock which just as Austria before him, didn’t allow him enough time to switch the mental switch needed to speak English. Austria fell to the ground just behind Sweden with a loud thud. As Austria stood up he looked up to the window “DAMMIT BOHEMIA I SWEAR I’LL GET YOU FOR THAT”. As he turned around to walk away he showed Sweden an ugly grin and kept his original turn going for a bit longer to instead face the much shorter man in front of him.
“Wait a second, aren’t you the guy France has been flirting with?” Austria said while giving Sweden the evil eye (of doom). “NO! It’s not like that! I swear!” Sweden said, surprisingly not flustering this time. “Ohhh, Lying now are we? You truly are pathetic” Austria kept approaching Sweden. Sweden responded to Austria by continuously walking backwards. But Sweden was too slow, Austria hit Sweden square in the jaw with a left hook immediately knocking him to the ground. Sweden rolled backwards with the punch to gain some distance between him and his attacker, and managed to get enough time to get back up. “This is my chance” Sweden muttered to himself as he pulled up his guard.
“HEY ASSHOLE! CATHOLICISM IS GAY!” Sweden yelled, quickly following this statement with an uppercut to Austrias jaw. The fight continued, but as the two men fought, another silhouette approached from behind Sweden. “Hey Austria, you can’t have all the fun all by yourself.” The surprisingly lean woman said as she picked up Sweden like he weighed nothing at all. “I’m sorry cous’, he was asking for it '' Austria kept talking, with a surprising thirst in his voice, way too much thirst for something said to their cousin.
“HEY, LET ME DOWN”, Sweden yelled at the woman. “No, I don’t think i will, i’m Spain btw, thought i should tell you before i let Austria beat you to a bloody pulp”
Sweden kept trying to free himself from Spain's grasp, and his wish would soon be granted as the firm hand placed on him switched from Spain’s to Austrias. Soon after that happened, Sweden was pinned to a wall and was being viciously beaten by both parties.
After a while Austria and Spain both stopped hitting Sweden and laid him to the ground. Sweden could only utter one word as he laid there on the ground: “Why?”. Even though Sweden had planned to fight Austria himself just this morning, he needed to know for sure why he had been subjected to this even without him initiating anything himself.
“It’s simple really” Austria said, not even sure if Sweden was listening. “If i can’t have them, no one can”. A rush of emotions entered Sweden's mind. “How dare he?” was one of the first. But Sweden couldn’t fight anymore, but as he realized this was the case, a third person entered into his field of view, France.

Chapter Text

As Sweden saw France step into view, he felt a sense of relief washing over him. He felt his vision blur even further as France started speaking. “Hey asshole,” France said calmly. “Get the FUCK of him”. Sweden didn’t hear anything else, his injuries weren’t fatal, but he’d received a couple nasty blows to the head, and with that, he passed out.
Sweden woke up in the same place he just was, or was it? It looked strange somehow, like everything was slightly out of focus. Sweden choked it up to the head injury and started making his way home. He took his normal route, but for some reason he couldn’t quite stay focused on the road and just kinda went with the turns, the path was still always kinda blurry, like it wasn’t really there. When Sweden arrived at his house it was dark but he for some reason couldn't bring himself to go inside and instead went to the house next to his, knocking on the door he found himself just staring into the house as he realized there was never a door there? As he walked in the large house he was greeted by the familiar visage of Austria, but it wasn’t familiar, Austria looked more twisted and almost like he was slowly melting. Sweden bolted further into the house not even looking back at the figure of Austria that now seemed far larger than any normal human. Sweden kept running through the house, but he couldn’t make it to the other wall, the house was quickly reshaping itself into a long corridor, and Austria was gaining. After what felt like hours of running in a straight line Sweden’s legs just stopped working, it wasn’t because he felt tired, it felt more like he was running through thick water.
Without even a moment to ponder what had happened Austria grabbed him. Sweden couldn’t move, he was completely paralyzed. “I knew you couldn’t run forever” “Austria” said as he unhinged his jaws. Sweden closed his eyes in anticipation but instead of feeling the warm insides of the snake like being that was once Austria, Sweden opened his eyes and found himself at the same spot he stood earlier, before his house. Armed with the knowledge about what awaited him in the house to the right, Sweden knew he wouldn’t go back in there, but for some reason he still couldn’t go back in his house. He instead walked straight back to the house to the right, like he was flipping the pages of a book instead of using his own will to move around. Then the entire process repeated. Sweden lost count of the times he had run through the house. When he once again found himself in Austrias grasp he closed his eyes and yearned for the sweet release of the cold outside. But instead of the usual menacing lines, Austria started screaming “hey, HEY, HEY!”.
Sweden woke up in a cold sweat. “Wake up” “You were having a nightmare”. Sweden’s eyes bolted around the room, he was on a bed, one he didn’t recognise, inside a large bedroom. If Sweden was an architect he would call the style of interior “Baroque” but he wasn’t and hence boiled it down to “posh and edgy”. Sweden was still busy exploring his environment, but he was interrupted by the voice again. “Hey, calm down, it’s okay.”. Now having been awake for a few moments Sweden recognised the voice as France’s and quickly focused his eyes on the figure currently sitting above him with their arms on his shoulders. “You were having a nightmare, and from all your squirming it looked to be quite a bad one” France said as calmly as ever.
“My head.. Where am I?” As Sweden started to come too it became obvious he’d received quite a blow to the head, and it was hard enough that he didn’t even realise how stupid the question he just posed really was. “You’re at my place” France responded. “WHAT WHy WhAt ThE heLl??” Sweden yelled as he realized where he was. “Hey, hey, calm down, you’ll hurt yourself even more than you already have”. Sweden tried calming down, but with the presence of those juicy magnificent androgynous boobas literally placed right on his nose, he was having a hard time. “Hey my just fyi my eyes are up here if you ever wanna stop peeking” France said, sounding more amused than annoyed. “OMG I’m SORRY I-” Sweden said, still rapidly darting his eyes between France’s deep blue eyes and the imposing form of the ginormous honkalonkas still centimeters from his face.
“I mean I don’t really mind, you’re really cute you know.” France responded, with an astonishing amount of flirtiness that I frankly had a hard type writing because I started blushing. Sweden recoiled so hard that he almost fell out of the damn bed. “HEY DON’T GET ANY CLOSER” Sweden said. “Oh? If you don’t like me back I’ll stop, I mean i’ll be really sad but we can just be friends too.” “WAIt WhAt? You like me t- i mean you like me?” Sweden blurted out. “I mean yeah? I thought it was obvious, you’re really cute, smart and REALLY easy to fluster. Exactly what i’m looking for just so happens” When France finished speaking they winked with a level of sexual tension it could match the level of tension in a contruction site crane.
“I mean I-” Sweden couldn’t finish the sentence before he turned redder than the blood of fifteen thousand Russians at the battle of Fraustadt.
“Shhh, dork. That color on your face is telling me all i need to hear” France said this with a delight that even their hoarse voice couldn’t hide. “Wait so does that mean-” “It means exactly what you want it to mean darling” France kept laying on thicc for the sole reason that the author is trying to make an interaction that is cute and doesn’t know how to do it.
“But for now, I think you should rest some more, and when you wake up, I think I have just the thing to cheer you up,” France said with a smirk this time, leaving little to the imagination.
“Wait! One more thing” Sweden said. “What is it darling?” France responded. “C- Can you maybe… Hold me?” Sweden stuttered as he uttered the words, Denmark had done all the initiating in his previous relationship so he hadn’t gotten a lot of experience on this particular part. “Of course” France responded, and with that both France and Sweden drifted off to sleep in eachothers arms. Which is definitely not the author projecting, both excited for what tomorrow would bring.