Archive of Our Own ^beta

Octavia

Bellamy didn't turn back as he walked through the gates, he didn't know if he could let Clarke leave, if he would watch her disappear into the woods. He didn't know what he was supposed to do without her, she was his partner, with everything he has been through, she was there.

But he knew that she had to do it, for herself. So he let her leave.

They closed the gates and Bellamy headed to his tent, putting down his gear, sitting down. Bellamy closed his eyes and thought about the day, about what they had done to save their people. He couldn't describe what it felt like looking at all the innocent people he had killed, all the kids who had their entire life ahead of them. He felt like puking.

Looking up when someone entered the tent, he smiled at his little sister. „Hey Bell,“ Octavia mumbled and he embraced her in a hug, breathing in. At least she was safe, his sister, his responsibility.

“Is everyone alright?”

“Yeah, Abby is taking care of and everyone else is helping the wounded, Raven is going to be okay.”

“And...” Bellamy swallowed. “Jasper?”

“He disappeared into the Ark without a word, but I can't blame him... Abby is asking for Clarke.” Octavia said and pulled away. Bellamy furrowed his eyebrows. “Clarke...” he said slowly, remembering that he heard a fight between his little sister and the blonde girl. “What happened between you two?”

“The missile on TonDC? She ran away without telling them- without telling me, she would have let me die!” Octavia hissed and Bellamy closed his eyes, breathing in deeply.

“Are you angry about the fact that she left them behind or that she left you behind?”

Octavia stayed quiet and sat down on the bed, leaning her head in her hands.

“I know what she did was unreasonable, but she did what she thought was right, if she would have told everyone about the missile, they would have found out that there was someone inside Mount Weather and they would have killed me eventually... I would have done the same,” he added after hesitating and Octavia furrowed her brows. “I can't deal with this right now, Bellamy, where's Clarke?”

“She's not here.”

Octavia looked up at him with a frown.

“What do you mean, she's not here? Is she with Monty?” she asked her brother.

Bellamy shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. “She left, she didn't even go inside.” Saying it outloud, made it feel real.

Something like regret flashed over his sister's face before she scowled, furiously. “She's running away? After she killed all those people?”

“After we killed all those people.”

Octavia looked at him in surprise and shock before she got up. “I am gonna tell Abby,” she told him and left him alone in his tent.

Jasper

It was one of those nights, where everyone was carefree. They forgot about their worries for a night and sat around the camp fire. Of the original 100 there are only 43 left, Murphy left with Jaha and Clarke was still gone.

Bellamy clutched his metal cup tightly which was filled with moonshine as everyone chatted about anything and everything.

Miller sat with Monty and Harper as they talked in hushed whispers, Octavia and Lincoln talk with quiet voices, Jasper sat in distance, but still by the fire as he dumped all the moonshine into him. Mel and Monroe are huddled together in a blanket. The two girls had bonded during the time grieving for Sterling.

“Hey man,” a voice appeared behind and Bellamy was whipped out of his thoughts, Wick plopped down on the log next to him.

“Hey,” Bellamy greeted him and raised his cup. “What are you guys doing?” he asked and Bellamy shrugged. “Just drinking,” he answered and Wick grinned before he grabbed himself a cup with moonshine as well.

After a while, the chatting died down and the only thing heard was the bonfire sizzling.

Suddenly, the silence broke.

“I sometimes have nightmares of being back in Mount Weather,” Harper spoke up softly and all eyes turned to her.

“Being drilled into, or watching while all my friends are being drilled into,” she added, her voice quivering.

“Hey, it's okay, we're safe now,” Monty told her and squeezed her shoulder. Harper smiled gratefully at him and so did Miller. Bellamy raised an eyebrow at him and Miller turned away quickly. Well, that was interesting.

“Sometimes I wish that Sterling wouldn't have fallen to death but me,” Mel said quietly and Bellamy raised an eyebrow.

“Don't say that,” He told her with a hard voice. “He died saving you, the last thing he wanted to do was saving you, so he thought you were worth saving, okay?” The girl looked at him with wide eyes before nodding slowly. The silence returned and Bellamy nursed on his moonshine before he spoke up quietly.

 “I miss Clarke.” There, it was out. “I miss her too,” Monty whispered and looked at the leader (co-leader) of the 100. Bellamy gave him a small smile.

 “How can you miss her?” Jasper asked coldly, staring into the distance. Everyone stared at him. It was the first time that he spoke since they returned from Mount Weather and he was talking about Clarke.

“She's a murderer.”

Within a second, Bellamy's cup was on the floor and so was Jasper, with Bellamy on top, his hands wrapped around his neck.

“Clarke saved your damn life, twice!” He shouted.

“She killed innocent people! She killed Maya!”

“So did I!” Bellamy snapped and his fingers tightened the hold around Jasper's neck. “Bellamy,” Octavia called out and Bellamy grabbed Jasper, throwing him in the direction of the gate.

“Clarke saved your life and you thank her by calling her a murderer?!” Bellamy asked disgusted, Jasper gasped and inhaled deeply.

“She had no choice! Everything she did was to protect you, to protect us and you call her murderer! If you're not thankful for what Clarke did to you, there's the fucking gate, Jasper.” Bellamy barked, the whole camp watching him.

“Clarke broke herself to save your pathetic life, she risked her own life to save you.”

“I didn't ask for it.” Jasper protested angrily.

Bellamy let out a snort and stroke through his hair with his hand. “Yeah, well neither did she.”

“And neither did I,” Bellamy whispered to himself, before he stormed into his tent.

Lexa

“Close the gates,” Miller said when him, Bellamy, Lincoln left the camp to hunt, their food was almost gone and it was getting colder and colder. Bellamy watched as the gate closed before the three of them headed into the woods, Lincoln leading them.

“I hope we find something, I can't stand eating berries anymore,” Miller muttered and Bellamy just nodded his head in agreement absently. It's been about three months since Clarke left them, he didn't even know if she was still alive. He hoped, that he never stopped, Clarke was a survivor.

Being lost in his thoughts, Bellamy didn't notice Lincoln and Miller picking up their pace and as he almost tripped, he looked around confused.

“Lincoln? Miller?” he called out carefully, his hand wrapping around his gun tightly. He looked around, searching the woods with his eyes. He whipped around when he heard a branch breaking and looked up before he pulled a face in his disgust.

“Bellamy of Skaikru."

“Commander.” he said with a cold voice, his hand not letting go of the gun on his hip.

Lexa glanced at his gun and looked back into his eyes. Bellamy knew that she wasn't afraid, because they both knew that he was smart enough to not start a war since the past few months were peaceful.

“Winter is coming,” Lexa said and looked in the distance.

“I know, that's why we're here.” Bellamy ground out, rolling his eyes a bit.

“She's safe, you know.”

Bellamy tensed and looked at the commander with a hard look. “I don't know what you're talking about,” he spat and tightened his grip on his gun.

“I have my people watch over your camp. Why did you let Clarke leave?”

Bellamy contemplated to run away but frowned.

“How do you know she's safe? Is she with you?” he asked and the thought of that made him sick.

“No, Bellamy of the Sky people. But she is a fighter.” Lexa said calmly, glancing at the leader of the sky people.

“I was wondering when she would leave. After killing all the mountain men she must have carry a heavy burden on her shoulder. Especially after the killing of the one you called Finn.”

Bellamy huffed and shook his head. “She didn't kill them. I did- We did it together. And she didn't kill Finn, she saved him from all the pain you would have caused him.”

Lexa nodded slowly. “It surprised me that you didn't go with her.”

“I am not like you, Commander, I made a promise to take care of our people.” Bellamy spat at the woman.

“She will return to you, Bellamy of the Sky People, Clarke would never leave you behind for anything in the world.” Lexa said and nodded before she retreated and disappeared behind trees.

“Bellamy?” Miller called and Bellamy turned around. “I am here!” he called and Lincoln and Miller came up behind a tree.

“We got a deer, and then noticed you were gone.. You okay?” Miller asked as Lincoln glanced at the brother of his girlfriend, taking care of the deer.

Bellamy nodded. “Yeah, I am fine, let's go back to Camp, it looks like it's going to rain,” he told the two of them and helped them carry back the deer to the camp, while Bellamy couldn't stop thinking about the Commander's words. Why was she so sure that Clarke was alright? And what did she mean by, Clarke would never leave him behind? She already did.

When they returned to Camp Jaha, the rest of the hunting party joined them at the gates. They only hunted down a few deers and boars and they decided to smoke them and save them for the winter, much to Miller's dismay. Bellamy stood by the gate on his shift, roaming his eyes into the trees, remembering that the Commander had said that she had people watch them, when Bellamy heard Sinclair calling out.

“Keep your guns up, someone is at the gate!”

Bellamy looked at the gate, it was too dark to see anything.

“Get some light!” he yelled as he heard rustling and aimed the gun at the front of the gate, when he heard something big getting dumped on the floor. Bellamy grabbed the torch and lighted the gate.

“It's Emerson.. And two deers,” he stated confused as the gate was opened. He hurried out and checked the man's pulse. “He's still alive! Get him into a cell!” he bellowed and glanced at the deers with a bullet wound each before noticing a large bagpack. He picked it up and peeked inside, a bunch of herbs and paper, describing the use of the herbs.

“Get this to Doctor Griffin,” Bellamy ordered and handed the bunch of herbs to someone, as he pulled out another piece of paper. It was a drawing of the camp and he could recognize himself, walking through the gate.

“Clarke?” he mumbled before holding the torch to the woods. “Clarke!” Bellamy called out frantically, clutching the drawing in his hand. He glanced at the camp before he stomped towards the edge of the forest, determined to find her when he felt someone's hand on his shoulder.

“She's gone, man, let's go inside and enjoy our meat.”

Bellamy looked at the forest with sad eyes before he let out a small sigh and went inside with Miller, who rubbed his friend's back. Little did they know that Clarke was hiding behind a tree, a tear running down her cheek.

Abby

The same night Emerson was found, Bellamy sent two teams to find Clarke in the morning. He was insisting that she was close, she had to be somewhere.

Bellamy was in the gardens, talking about the herbs with Monty. “With all the herbs Clarke found, we can open up another garden just for healing, this is incredible,” he said to Bellamy and skipped through the pages his friend had made.

“Bellamy,” Monroe called out, stopping at the entrance of the garden. “The Chancellor asked for you.”

Bellamy nodded, squeezed Monty's shoulder before he headed over to the Ark. He walked through the corridors before he reached the room where they were holding Emerson. Bellamy glanced at the man, he was still cold out. Abby was standing near his cell and looked up at Bellamy.

“Chancellor,” he said and gestured to Emerson. “I found him at the gate with two deers and the bag of herbs,” he told her and Abby nodded. “Jackson told me,” she said and glanced at the passed out Emerson before returning her eyes to the troubled young man.

“Have you seen her?” she asked softly and Bellamy tensed, shaking his head.

Abby stilled before she nodded once more, leaning her hand against the window of Emerson's cell. “After I found out that she knew about the missile hitting TonDC, I told her to remember that we're the good guys, we don't kill innocents. But when we got captured by the mountain men, I was scared, there may be no good guys at all. I understand how she feels after killing those people, when the 300 people of Section 17 were sacrificed, I locked myself up in my dorm.”

Anger flared up in Bellamy and he glared at her. “You think you know how she feels? You know nothing! After all we've been through, Clarke was always our leader, the war against the grounders, the reapers, the Mountain Men, she risked so much for us, you have no idea what she has been through. Yes, she has blood on her hands, but so do I, our hands were on the lever, my hand was the one that ripped out the radio from Raven's pod, you know nothing.”

Bellamy shut his eyes and turned to leave.

“Absolutely nothing.”

Raven

Spring arrived, the snow was melting slowly. They had survived the winter with a few colds and fever, but they had done pretty well. Bellamy and the hunting party returned from the first hunt after winter.

Bellamy tossed the boar on the table before getting to clean it up. “Looks like nice dinner tonight,” Raven said, stopping next to him. “Yeah, we were lucky,” Bellamy answered and cut open the dead animal to dispose of the organs.

“Jane is out of medical,” Raven told her and Bellamy nodded with a smile. Jane and Thomas were the first one to have a baby on earth. And it was so small. “That's good to hear,” Bellamy said and cut off the head of the boar.

“Yeah,” Raven agreed and watched him clean the deer.

“She was asking for Clarke's bunk.”

There it was.

“No, not happening,” Bellamy answered and started to cut off the skin of the boar. For him, the conversation was over.

Before winter came, Bellamy laid out plans to build cabins since they would prove more heat and protection against the snow. Bellamy also saved a cabin next to him, Clarke's. He had all her belongings put there and goes there every week to check if it was ready. Ready for Clarke's return.

“Their cabin is too small for a crib, and little Katy needs some space,” Raven argued and crossed her arms over her chest. “Thomas and Jane are not getting Clarke's cabin, end of discussion.” Bellamy snapped at her and Raven's expression softened. “Bellamy, Clarke left us.” Raven said softly and Bellamy stayed quiet, he wanted to protest and to yell at Raven, but she was right.

Clarke left. Left them. Left him. The cabin they saved for her was standing empty and there was a baby.

Bellamy's hand hovered over the boar before he closed his eyes. “Jane and Thomas can have my cabin, I take Clarke's,” he told her. “When she comes back, we can share.”

When. Not if. She promised she would return. She promised when she said 'May we meet again'.

Raven opened her mouth to protest but Bellamy merely glanced at her. “We're done here, Raven,” he spoke before he tossed the cleaned boar over his shoulder and stalked over to the smoke house.

Later the day, he cleaned his cabin and left a bundle of flowers in the crib for Katy before he headed over to Clarke's cabin. His cabin. He put his stuff away and it all looked like it had always belonged here, with Clarke's stuff.

He looked at the bed and sat down, picturing Clarke sleeping next to him, her hair on the pillow, surrounding her face like a halo. Wrapped in his arms, where she belonged.

Bellamy shook out of his thoughts and changed to get into bed. 'Come home, Clarke,' Bellamy thought before he fell into a deep sleep.

+ 1

It was nearly summer, when Clarke returned to their camp. Everyone was walking in and out of the gate to the new non life threatening river they found to cool themselves, so that Bellamy almost didn't see her coming in.

But he could never miss seeing her coming through the gate, her blonde hair sparkling in the sun. It was a picture he had hoped to see, a picture that burnt itself in his mind.

“Clarke,” he whispered and almost like she heard him, her eyes found his.

A large smile appeared on her face as she raced towards him and in that moment, he knew. He knew it was worth to let her go so she could find herself. So she could find happiness and return to him.