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the sound of my body shattering against your skull chimes like the bells at my feet.
your memories of me bounce and scatter against the barrier erected by snakes.
you will not escape unscathed. you will not live all the futures i have kept in my pocket for you.
the sound of my body shattering against the walls chimes like the clarion horn of the apocalypse.
you breathe me in. i settle between your lungs. i am the flowers infesting your lungs and extending time to you as a gift, as a spider lily thrown across the gap.
i close my eyes to certain darkness. forget me and rip them apart, one scale at a time.
‘you insufferable fool,’ i chide you, emerging from the cocoon of your skin.
your fingers reach through me. i click my tongue. the sound bounces off of the telluric walls. housed in the monastery, climbing the stairs to the height of a tower bearing my name– what were you thinking? what were you thinking?
there is a ring in your hand. you throw it across the gap.
i twist time like a blanket and return the weapon to your fingers. the nerve!
‘you already have me,’ i chide you, incorporeal cheeks going red. it’s a trick of the sunset bleeding through the perched window.
there are so many paths you could have walked. i have seen you kiss your sire’s apprentice and make a garden of mutual grief. and what of the fool with the golden smile and arched brows, so captivated by your crushing silence? you could be the bride of the faerghus kingdom and the religious leader of this small world. you could be husband to the flighty deer and help unite the lands. and so often, so often, i see you corner the emperor against the wall, sliding that same ring over her trembling hand.
so much potential for you. yet you have chosen me.
you regard me and then place your mother’s ring upon your own finger. my lips quirk.
‘you are so unsatisfied with my gift to you that no one else will do?’
you shake your head. you gesture – falter, then resume when i roll my eyes – and tell me with your open palms. you tell me you have been lonely. you tell me it has always been me.
i shut my eyes to your earnest confession. i see the beginning and end stretching out before me, and all the knots in between. your body can take any shape. sometimes your ears do not relay to you the noise of the world. sometimes love surges in your breast for a woman, only. a man. many men and many women at once.
the constant: no matter who you are, you are mine. and you pursue your desires with a single mind.
‘ah. what a disappointment.’
you exhale softly. i am sure your face, so cold before, is warm now with fear and hurt.
we were meant to be killers, you and i. we have ripped out the heart of this world and eaten it whole. i was meant to take your body and erase you, conquer without you.
my memories of you bounce and scatter against the crumbling walls of my heart.
‘if you desire me, then give me your body.’
i put hands to my hips. you colour. you shake your head.
‘no! not like that. you are so…’ i trail off.
then i slip back into you. i hear the panic in your sharp inhale.
then i slip back into you. i close my eyes to certain darkness. your hands become my own.
and one inch at a time, i touch your body.
this is not a future i saw coming. your cheeks are hot. your hair has grown long and pale like spring forests and baby grass.
your collarbones stand out sharp under your clothes. your chest rolls and maintains its contrary flatness, curves eradicated.
your legs are long. you are a tall and gaunt wretch. i kick off your boots, curving your hands over the skin of your feet.
i can feel you hovering behind me. neither of us can say a thing, not in this scarred body. the snakes took your voice, and i made you take me.
and now.
i am tempted to reach between your legs and explore the world of heat there. your chin jerks and i yield. i depart your body like a shaking breath.
‘this vessel belongs to me,’ i tell you. ‘and if you desire my company so badly, we will share it. that will be our marriage.’
you stand. your toes flex and you shift your weight to the balls of your feet.
our memories scatter and clash in the air between us. you reach out.
your fingers brush me.
(i am filled with your undeniable love for your father. i have threaded the needle and saved his life. i have rejoiced in feeling your lips twitch into a smile at the sight of him.)
you cup my cheek.
(i am encompassed by your desire for me. i see a reflection of myself, always hovering at the corner of your eye. you toss a fish into the bucket. your father leans back to catch a glimpse. i kiss your neck, and you rub the skin, feeling my presence as a tickle.)
you ignore the fundamental laws of reality to embrace me.
(i am overtaken by your capacity. you do not yearn for the physical. you watch the union of marianne and hilda with an impassive eye. romance will not do for you.
it must be me.)
‘your sire will have many questions,’ i grumble into your chest. ‘and how will you explain this arrogance?’
the rumble of your breathy laugh nests against my head. you tuck your chin to my crown and ignore my adornments for a ridiculous need to
be close.
‘ridiculous,’ i sigh, one more time.
i hold you back, and my grip is real.