Chapter Text
The darkness that covered his eyes disappeared and his gaze fell on his sword plunged into Wu Yanzi's back.
How did he return to this moment?
The last thing that Shen Jiu remembered was the shards of Xuan Su ripping his throat. he has withstood all the beast's torture without giving him the satisfaction of seeing him in pain, he never begged either, he knew he deserved this. maybe it was the repeated cycle of torture by the beast that put him in some sort of odd comfort that nothing could happen now that he can't handle, that the shock of grief when he saw the broken Xuan Su was so great.
Yue Qingyuan was a good person, he didn't deserve this.
.
A sudden hand on Shen Jiu's wrist pulled him out of his thoughts, as Yue Qingyuan pulled him and started running away from Wu Yanzi's corpse. By the time they stopped running both of them were heavily breathing and a good dozen of li away, only then did Shen Jiu allow himself to take a good look at Yue Qingyuan. He was younger, closer to Yue Qi then Sect leader Yue Qingyuan. dressed in the Qiong Ding succeeding disciple robes.
Shen Jiu felt a wave of guilt and relief wash over him. He doesn't think that this is a dream, it was far too realistic to the beast's creation, and he didn't care if it was.
Shen Jiu tried to control his voice so it wouldn't tremble, to say the name that he refused to ever say again decades ago.
"Qi-Ge?"
Yue Qingyuan stiffened and slowly and reluctantly met Shen Jiu's eyes "Xiao Jiu..... are you hurt?"
Shen Jiu didn't know how to reply, his brain latched on to the familiar name, and as if the exhaustion of a lifetime of pretending that he doesn't feel, crashed down on him, Shen Jiu found himself unable to control his emotions and tears trailed down his face. Yue Qingyuan looked panicked at the sight of his friend crying (Xiao Jiu never cries! not unless he is faking but these tears weren't fake)
Yue Qingyuan crept closer to the crying boy with his hand nervously hovering over him. "Xiao Jiu! What's the matter?! Are you injured? did he hurt yo…."
"I waited for you!"
Yue Qingyuan froze, "I looked for you! I thought you were dead! I thought that your body was reduced to bones in a ditch that I'll never find!"
he didn't even think the words, they just came out on their own, maybe it was the desire of his mind at this age to get answers. he didn't get to ponder for long about what he wanted when he was engulfed in a bear hug.
Yue Qingyuan felt a knot form in his throat as Shen Jiu spoke between the tears and hiccups. Xiao Jiu was thin, his bones were easily felt against his body, his clothes were dirty and ragged. He didn't like the way his friend looked. And he was the cause of this, he left Xiao Jiu to suffer.
"I'm sorry! imsorryimsorryimsorry, i tried to come back as fast as i could but i had a qi deviation and shizun wouldn't let out of the caves!! i begged them but no one would listen! for a whole year they let me fall into madness and when i finally managed to leave the Qiu house was just ash and they told me that no man survived. Qi-Ge is useless and weak and couldn't protect Xiao Jiu!"
he spoke so fast that Shen Jiu barely managed to comprehend what Yue Qingyuan said. and just stood there in Qi-Ge arms, eyes wide and vision blurry with tears.
he wasn't abandoned. He wasn't ditched for a better life at Cang Qiong. All the resentment he had was for nothing. Why didn't Yue Qingyuan ever tell him? Did he think he was so cruel? That he wouldn't forgive him for failing? Didn't he know the fact that he tried was more than enough for Shen Jiu?
"Qi-Ge… you are here, you are finally here.." Shen Jiu hugged back and his tears seemed to have replenished themselves and started wailing and was crushed deep into Qi-Ge's embrace.
.
Night descended and both of the now calm and red eyed boys sat around a campfire. Yue Qingyuan split the food that he had on him between them and finally broke the silence
"Come with me ... To Cang Qiong mountain"
Shen Jiu looked at him "People will speak"
"I don't care"
"Your reputation will be damaged if you bring a boy who is too old to cultivate to the sect"
"I don't care" Yue Qingyuan repeated "All i want is Xiao Jiu by my side"
Shen Jiu couldn't help but blush at that (cursed this teenage body) and Qi-Ge's intense stare didn't help at all. "Okay.."
Silence was again rose between them and was once again broken by Yue Qingyuan "How was it?? Living in the Qiu household?"
Shen Jiu shuddered, he knew that this question was coming, he just hoped that it wouldn't be so soon. Should he lie? He wasn't ready to share what happened; he isn't sure if he'll ever be ready! But Qi-Ge told him the truth and he didn't want to repeat his past life's mistakes.
He knew he wasn't good at communicating and wondered half of the time if people around him were being sincere or simply mocking him with sweetened insults. Still he braced himself and spoke "It wasn't good, but i survived"
He stopped for a sec trying to figure out how to voice his next thought, something he never thought he'd ever struggle with. "After a while things became bad, really bad … and when I no longer could withstand it, i snapped"
Yue Qingyuan looked at him attentively and gave him time to talk at his own pace. "I killed Qiu Jianluo and i set the house on fire"
Shen Jiu waited for Qi-Ge's response and kept his gaze to the fire, he didn't dare to look at Qi-Ge. And then once again he was hugged.
"I'm sorry, It must have been awful, it's all my fault, i let Xiao Jiu go through so much pain"
Yue Qingyuan's voice was muffled as he buried his face in Shen Jiu's hair. Shen Jiu looked puzzled "Did you not hear me? I killed him and many people at the house! I'm a murderer, why do.."
"They hurt you"
Tears started to gather in his eyes, he tried to blink them away "Why does it matter? I'm a monster!"
"You are not, they deserved it. Xiao Jiu wouldn't hurt anyone innocent, not willingly or without a cause"
Shen Jiu felt himself start to tremble "You are an idiot"
And buried his face in Qi-Ge's neck hoping that the other won't notice that he started crying. He was tired.