Chapter Text
Emma startled awake as the train jerked in its tracks. It took her a few moments to realize where she was and why she was there as she took in her surroundings. She looked out the window to see that the train was slowing down. A heavy feeling settling in the pit of her stomach and dread washed over her. The dark clouds and the rain falling from them ironically seemed fitting on this day, like a physical representation of her inner self.
The past year had been the worst in her entire life and she honestly didn’t think she was going to be able to pull through. Slowly she had built herself back up with the help from her doctors and an immeasurable amount of therapy. Her senior year in high school had started out in Tallahassee where she had actually been happy. Not so much because of the foster home she was in, even though they weren’t that bad but because of her. Because of Lily. The thought of her made Emma’s heart clench and for a moment she was taken back to that week, just days after her senior year had started.
She had been moved to Tallahassee 6 months prior and Lily had been in the same class as her. They found each other right away, both had been brought up in the system and even though Lily had been adopted when she was 12, they still understood each other, in a way no one else ever could. They connected through shared experiences and how they had affected them, it brought them closer than Emma ever thought she would be to another person. She never thought she would have someone like Lily in her life.
The friendship between them had evolved quickly the more time they spent with each other and it was Lily who first confessed her feelings for Emma. Neither of them had ever been in love before but they were sure that this was it. They became inseparable as friends, partners and lovers. Emma knew Lily suffered from depression and anxiety, so many nights she had been sat with Lily cradled in her arms trying to soothe the tears and help her breathe. What she didn’t know however was the severity of it. A small part of her was still angry at Lily for not telling her the truth, but mostly she was angry with herself for not seeing the signs, for not seeing how her girlfriend was spiraling. But Lily hid it well, too well.
Emma had come home from school just to drop off her stuff and then made her way over to Lily’s, who was supposed to be home alone and therefore giving them some uninterrupted time with each other. As she walked into Lily’s bedroom she saw a lump under the covers and she mocked her.
“Seriously babe, is this how excited you are to see me?”
But Lily didn’t even stir. Emma saw a piece of paper propped up on the bedside table with her name on it. Dread had filled her body more and more as she walked over and picked it up, not daring to look at Lily because deep down she knew. On the back was a letter to Emma, scribbled down in Lily’s crooked lettering;
“Emma, my love. I’m sorry but I cannot do this anymore. I cannot escape the claws of darkness, pulling me further away. I tried to fight it, I truly did. For you and for us. Please believe me on that. You were the only light in my life, the one who kept me afloat as I was drowning but in the end I was too weak. I love you Emma, with all my heart, and I hope that one day you will forgive me”
Emma’s world froze as her heart was beating its way out of her chest and she couldn’t breathe.
“No” she whispered. She threw the paper on the floor and rushed over to Lily laying on the bed. It looked like she was sleeping but she was too still, so with trembling hands Emma had reached out to stroke back some brown locks that covered Lily’s face and she put two fingers against her pulse point. Nothing. That’s when she saw the empty pill bottle on the floor and she pulled her hand away as if burned. A moment of silence and then she broke down and screamed, “no no no no no” over and over until she fell into a pile on the floor crying. Crying like she’d never cried before and she could feel herself break into a million pieces. She had no idea how long she had been lying there, no concept of time, when she eventually registered voices and screams coming from somewhere in the room. She couldn’t hear what they were saying but she didn’t care. She felt herself being picked up, someone calling her name over and over but she didn’t answer, she couldn’t. And then she fainted.
She woke up in a hospital bed the following day feeling numb, she couldn’t feel anything and she drifted into a catatonic state, not seeing, not eating, not hearing. No awareness of her surroundings. They moved her to a psychiatric ward where she spent months before she was starting to come back to reality, and with that, feelings started to return and quite honestly she didn’t know which was worse. That in turn led to intense therapy before she was released and continued outpatient treatment.
She had missed her 18th birthday and during that time the court had ordered that she wasn’t in a state of mind to legally become an adult. She remember seeing the court documents;
Florida Family Courts - Case number 37-2020-GA-000746-FL0108
Regarding Miss Emma Swan
‘Fla. Stat. § 39.6251
(1) As used in this section, the term “child” means an individual who has not attained 21 years of age, and the term “young adult” means an individual who has attained 18 years of age but who has not attained 21 years of age.
(2) The primary goal for a child in care is permanency. A child who is living in licensed care on his or her 18th birthday and who has not achieved permanency under s. 39.621 is eligible to remain in licensed care under the jurisdiction of the court and in the care of the department. In the case of Miss Emma Swan, Florida court orders that she is eligible to remain in licensed care on the grounds of paragraph (e) Unable to participate in programs or activities listed in paragraphs (a)-(d) full time due to a physical, intellectual, emotional, or psychiatric condition that limits participation. Any such barrier to participation must be supported by documentation in the child's case file or school or medical records of a physical, intellectual, or psychiatric condition that impairs the child's ability to perform one or more life activities.
That’s when she stopped reading. She couldn't be bothered to even try to understand what the fuck that all meant because quite honestly she didn’t care at the time and she refused to read “the reasons” for the order. Might as well just smile and say thank you and just roll with it as always, fighting back had never served her any good anyway. It’s not like she was in any way capable of doing anything at the time anyway. She did want to finish high school of course, she just wished she could do it on her own terms but there was nothing to be done and now here she was...
She needed to get her life back on track and the first step was to be cleared from doctors in order to start school again. The requirement for the order to be terminated was that she would have to graduate high school, to prove that she was mentally stable enough and to prove that she had the ability to become, and stay, self-sufficient. She was moved to a group home for the time being until they cleared her and found her a new family.
The train jerked again, pulling her out of her memories and she pushed them back deep down in the back of her mind. Now was not the time. She looked around again. Right, she thought as her brain caught up. Today was supposed to be the day of a new beginning, which objectively sounded like a positive thing she supposed, hadn’t it been for the fact that she’d lost count on how many new beginnings she’d had throughout the years. Bounced around from foster home to group home, group home to foster home, each time with the promise of a new beginning and a better life. Eventually she just gave up, the feeling of hope no longer made its presence when she got the news that a new family was going to take her in. She tuned out when the social workers rambled on and on about the new family and how promising it all seemed. Instead she was wondering if she would actually get fed this time and how she was going to keep away from the leering stares and hands of the potential men in the house.
~~~
The train finally came to a stop and she took a deep breath, gathered her duffel bag that contained her whole life and exited the train. It was the end of August but the dampness from the rain and the wind still made her shiver, so she wrapped her arms around her thin frame and made her way into the waiting hall. The warmth that met her inside was welcomed and she looked around to find the couple that was going to take her to their home, her home. ‘Thank god there’s less than a year left until this is all over’ she thought. She was counting down the months to finally be free. Free to be her own person, free to make her own decisions in her own life and get away from everything that up until now had been out of her control. She looked for the exit and saw two people waving and smiling, making their way towards her. Here we go…
“Hi, you must be Emma! It’s so nice to finally meet you, we’ve been looking forward to this day for weeks” a brunette woman with a short pixie-cut, a chipper voice and a huge smile on her face greeted her. It almost made Emma roll her eyes. She had heard that a million times, but she refrained from doing so because somehow it actually seemed genuine, as if the woman truly meant it.
“My name, as you probably know, is Mary Margret Nolan. I know my name can be a mouthful sometimes so most people just call me Mary. Anyway, this is my lovely husband David Nolan” she rambled as she gestured towards a tall, blonde man beside her who smiled at her with a smile that in a strange way almost felt soothing. A smaller, slightly less hysterical smile than his wife, but warm and kind nonetheless.
“Welcome Emma, we’re honored to have you in our home and we hope you’ll like it here in Storybrooke.”
Emma gave them both a small smile and a nod as a way of greeting but didn’t say anything. All she kept thinking about was how fucking ridiculous of a name Storybrooke was. She couldn’t even find it on google maps at first and she honestly thought it was a joke until she saw the papers from the social services. Turns out it’s a small town in the middle of buttfuck nowhere, Maine, with a population of 25 000 and nothing to show for as far as she could tell from the tiny amount of information she could find. Except surprisingly low crime rates.
~~~
The drive from the station to her new home was short and Emma was almost impressed by how much Mary managed to talk about during that time. They drove through town down Main Street and Mary pointed out all the stores, the pawnshop, a diner called Granny’s (“Oh Emma they have the best burgers you’ll ever have” which…doubtful but okay), the small apartment buildings, houses and of course her new school.
So all in all…not much. The town seemed almost idyllic and if Emma were to describe it with one word it would probably be picturesque. People smiling and greeting everyone they met, talking to each other in the middle of the street. The kind of place where everyone knew everybody and rumors spread like wildfire and Emma had a feeling it was going to be quite an adjustment, being used to Tallahassee where you moved unnoticed and unknown in the masses. Something Emma appreciated.
“Here we are!” Mary exclaimed excitedly as David parked in front of a red two story house with a porch circling from the front and around the right corner of the house. A hammock and chairs stood beside the front door, flowers in all colors imaginable decorated the yard and of course the picket fence that surrounded it all.
They made their way inside and Emma got a tour of her new home. The bottom floor was a huge open space, to the left was the kitchen and to the right the living room. The kitchen counters stretched along two walls, meeting in the far corner and a kitchen island in the middle with pots and pans hanging above it. The wooden dining table was placed at the opposite end of the kitchen area, decorated with flowers and the walls were bright with flowery patterns and light curtains framed the windows.
The living room was centered with a big couch facing away from the kitchen towards a TV mounted on the wall. A coffee table stood in front of it with two armchairs on each side. In the far corner of the room was a fireplace built into the wall with a loveseat in front of it, creating a little nook with a bookshelf that stretched along the wall packed with books, which according to Emma was a good sign. A staircase was situated between the two rooms and led up to the second floor. There were pictures scattered everywhere, photos of Mary and David and other people that Emma assumed were family and friends. The house felt warm and homey and inviting in a way Emma hadn’t felt in any home she’d been in before.
“This first room is mine and David’s” Mary said as they walked down the hall on the top floor. “The second is the guest room with a bathroom next to it and this…is your room.”
Emma opened the door and walked into a bright spacious room, a queen size bed standing in the middle of the opposite wall from the door, to the left were windows facing the yard with a desk below them and to the right were two doors. One led into the ensuite bathroom complete with a shower and everything and the other led into a walk-in closet. Emma looked around in awe, never had she had her own room all to herself. To be honest she’d never been in a foster home alone without any other kids so this was a nice change. A really nice change.
“We didn’t know how much things you’d be bringing with you but we have stocked up the bathroom with the essentials and the beddings are new.” Mary looked at the one bag Emma had with her out the corner of her eye, not wanting Emma to feel scrutinized and continued in a cheery note. ”We also didn’t know what size in clothing you were and what style of clothes you preferred, so I figured maybe we could go shopping tomorrow and get you some new clothes if you’d like?”
Emma turned to Mary and David with a smile on her lips, one that didn’t feel forced for once but one of gratitude that reached her emerald green eyes.
“Thank you so much. This is perfect, seriously.” Emma then glanced at the bag at her feet, feeling slightly ashamed of her lack of...well everything. “I do have some clothes with me and I wouldn’t want to trouble you by taking me shopping.”
“Oh nonsense!” Mary gestured in the air as she spoke. “It’s no trouble at all. Tomorrow I’ll take you out and we can look around for clothes or anything else you might need at home or for school and then we can have lunch at Granny’s. Since I work as a kindergarten teacher my weekends are free, David on the other hand is the town Sheriff so his work hours differ throughout the week.”
Emma nodded her understanding. “Okay well in that case it sounds great.”
Mary smiled that megawatt smile again that seemed to light up her entire face and she announced that she was going to start dinner. David looked at Emma with a warm smile that reached his eyes, something she hadn’t seen in a man in a really long time.
“We’ll leave you to get settled, and we’ll call you when dinner is ready” he said and made his way to the door, following his wife. As he reached the doorway he turned around. “Welcome home, Emma” he said and closed the door.
Emma flopped down on the bed and took a moment to let it all sink in. Mary and David seemed like genuinely nice people that truly and honestly wanted her there, not for money or a way to stroke their ego nor to make them look better than others by showing what great people they are, not really giving a shit behind closed doors. It all just seemed so perfect and a small part of her was suspicious, whether it was the rational or the generally pessimistic part of her brain she wasn't sure. She felt herself doubting the words that were spoken to her, trying to decipher them to detect the lies within and find flaws in her surroundings that would suggest a crack in the seemingly perfect facade.
Try as she might, she couldn't, and she found herself angry at her self-destructive way of thinking instead of just accepting the fact that for once she might just have some luck. She promised herself that she would try, try to enjoy it while it lasts. In less than a year she would be free, and if shit hit the fan before then and this place turned out to be just like every other place she would just have to suck it up for the time remaining and then leave.
~~~
Dinner that night was comfortable, filled with small talk and good food. It had been a long time since she had an actual homemade meal and she had to stop herself from inhaling it in two seconds flat. She did have some manners after all, thank you very much. Mary and David told Emma about Storybrooke high, her new school that was about to start next Monday. Meaning she had a week to get settled and to get to know this town.
Because of her not so little breakdown leading up to the fact that she had to retake her senior year, Mary and David knew the reason why she was gone from school for a year but they didn’t know what caused her absence and hospitalization in the first place. They didn’t need to. Retaking her senior year also meant that she would be a year older than the other students in her class but it didn’t really bother her.
Emma never felt like she fit in with the rest of her peers, not only because she never got the chance to settle down long enough to actually make friends, but also because of the fact that she wasn’t really able to connect with them. Except Lily of course. More often than not she felt years older than her classmates, her less than educated guess was that she had to grow up twice as fast as the other kids her age, making her mature beyond her years. She had to learn how to take care and protect herself at an age no child should. She was dumped at the side of a road like a piece of trash, bundled up in a blanket just hours old only to be found by an elderly couple who took her to the police.
Since then she’d moved around all her life, passed on between group-homes and foster families, never finding a home. Never finding someone that actually wanted her, who took their time to see who she really was behind that brick wall of fake smiles, hidden emotions and somewhat blunt attitude. Never finding someone who could see past the baggage that she brought with her and still wanted her. If she searched deep within herself in that moment by the dinner table, she could feel a small glimmer of something long lost. A feeling of hope that made her think that maybe, maybe this was the place she would find what she deep down always had been searching for;
To find a place where she belongs. To find someone who will choose her because they love her, just as she is, unconditionally. To find a home.