Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Mew honestly didn’t want to take this trip. He honestly didn’t think going away from Bangkok was what he needed to find the inspiration he was apparently missing, but his management team obviously had other ideas. 

The suggestion was for him to, well, take a vacation of some sort, see new places, meet new people, that kind of stuff. Apparently, sending him in an unfamiliar place might help trigger those creative juices from flowing freely, but Mew couldn’t say he was totally convinced.

Still, for everyone’s sake, he agreed. He figured a vacation didn’t sound so bad, after all.

-

“Oh, good. I’m glad you made it, bro!” Tul exclaims, welcoming him into his best friend’s warm embrace. Mew didn’t expect the other man would be here to welcome him, but he appreciates the sentiment anyway. 

To be fair, one of the things that convinced him to come here is because of Tul. The resort is owned by his best friend’s family, and though this is the first time Mew’s been here, he likes the thought that he won’t be completely living at a stranger’s place for weeks.

He returns the hug with a smile, thumping his best friend heartily in the back. “Yeah. This is a nice place you got here, bro. I think I’m going to enjoy my stay here.”

Tul pulls away, but not completely, hands gripping his shoulders. “I’m glad you like it. Come on, let me show you to your room first and then I’ll show you around. We have plenty of places you can hang around in here and even more fun things to do in your free time. Right this way, come on!”

Mew lets himself be tugged away, hitching his shoulder bag up while one of the ground staff is there to follow them with his luggage. 

“Do you fancy the beach? I mean, if you’re bored at the resort, you can always check out the beach. Fresh air, white sand, that kind of stuff. It’s refreshing.” his best friend tells him on the way to his room, and Mew smiles despite himself. 

The beach sounds kind of perfect, actually. “Yeah? It’s not that far from here, then?” he asks, curious. Tul turns to him and winks. 

“I knew you’d like it. No, not far. You can actually go there by foot, if you prefer it that way, but of course you can use one of the resort’s cruisers, no problem. And there’s an island in there that I’d really like you to check out if you’re up for it. Well, if you get bored, that is.” his best friend explains.

He shrugs. “I’m supposed to find inspiration out here. Guess it wouldn’t hurt to mix business with pleasure from time to time, if you know what I’m saying.”

Tul grins at him. “Sure is, bro. Tell you what, all I’m saying is that you don’t need to force it. Now, I know it’s easier said than done, but you’re talented enough to make things work. Your management can go fuck themselves for all we care. They told you to have fun here, then have fun. Don’t force yourself. If something manages to inspire you here enough for you to create something, then good. Otherwise, leave it. We cool?” Tul says, reaching over with his hand balled into fist.

Mew returns the gesture and grins. “You bet.”

Tul pats him on the shoulder and beams. “That’s my dude. Come on, let’s drop your stuff off to your room. Then we head downstairs for a little tour and refreshment.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Great. Let’s go!”

-

It’s almost seven when he remembers to go downstairs after spending the rest of the late afternoon in his room. Tul has been wonderful enough to tour him around the resort, introducing him to most of the staff there and letting himself be acquainted with all the amenities the resort has to offer. 

Mew can readily say he’s already looking forward to his stay here, especially after learning about the existence of that private island and the beach. He’s always been a sucker for beach trips, and this time isn’t going to be an exception, he thinks.

He walks past the reception, appreciating the resort’s interior more now than he did earlier. The lights and the decorations are just perfectly complimentary that nothing seems out of place. He takes a moment to look around before he decides to go outside towards the pool area, glad that the place isn’t crowded with people the way he’d expected it to.

He sits on one of the reclining chairs under a shade, catching sight of a couple on the opposite side sitting by the poolside with their feet dangling in the water. Another guy comes strolling in from one of the backdoor carrying a tray of drinks and handing them over to the couple with a smile.

Mew watches him bow his head at them, smiling as he walks away. He’s tall and slim, and even from the relative distance, Mew can tell he’s good-looking.

Their eyes meet for a moment and Mew finds himself gesturing for the guy to come over. The action seems to startle the guy at first because his first reaction is to point at himself, as if he is confirming he is the one being called.

Mew doesn’t realize he is grinning and nodding his head until he is pointing at the guy again. “Yes, you. Come here, please?” he mouths, and to his glee, the guy starts walking towards him.

He’s getting closer now and Mew confirms his suspicion the closer the guy gets. He’s young, obviously younger than Mew and decidedly good-looking. His eyebrows are striking, given how thick they are, but his facial features are soft and almost girly. And his lips. God, they’re sexy.

The guy stops when he’s close enough and Mew keeps his gaze locked on him.

“Yes?” he asks. His voice is high-pitched and husky. 

Mew looks him up and smiles. “I’m sorry, I know you’re just walking away but if it’s okay, can I have the same drink as they have? You can charge it to the room. I’m from 314.”

The guy blinks at him as if he’s considering, and Mew wonders why. “I…Is there a problem?”

The guy says nothing for a moment, and then, “You’re asking me? For a drink? You mean, to get you. Is that right?”

Mew feels a little weird. “Um, yes. Is there something wrong? I mean, you did get their orders, right?” he clarifies, pointing at the couple at the other side of the pool.

The guy turns to the couple, and then back to him, brows furrowed. Then, he smiles and nods. “Ah. Yeah. Drinks. Of course,” he says, then somehow, he’s shaking his head. Mew wants to ask him again what is wrong but wisely bites his tongue and just waits. The guy continues. “I can do that. You want the same drink they’re having then? A flute of champagne?”

Mew nods. “Yes, please.”

“Anything else, Sir?” he asks, and Mew notes that he emphasizes the word ‘Sir’, grinning as if it’s somehow tickling him. What a strange employee. He should probably ask his name so he can ask Tul what is his deal. Is he an intern? Probably a new employee then.

“Um, may I ask if I can order dinner too? To have it along with the wine, of course.” he asks.

The guy gives him a look, smiles, then nods again. “I guess you can. Should I bring the food and the wine together, or do you prefer to have a glass to drink first? I can order two flutes for you, if you want.”

Mew nods. “That would be lovely, thank you.”

“Okay. What do you want to eat, then?” the guy asks. 

Mew tilts his head and considers the question. He honestly doesn’t know what he likes to eat, and there’s no available menu around so, “How about you decide? I’m not really sure what’s available on the menu tonight, so, yeah.”

The guy blinks at him. “Thai food?”

Mew smiles. “Hmm.”

“Oh, food to go well with the wine, right? Steak? Pasta? Both?” 

Mew likes this guy already. “Sure.”

The guy nods. “Alright. For room 314, right? Okay, I’ll be right back.” he starts to turn around, but before he can, Mew calls after him.

“Hey, wait,” he calls out. The guy turns back around, his mouth curling teasingly. 

“Yes?”

Mew points. “You don’t have your name tag with you. What should I call you?” he asks. 

The guy chuckles, shakes his head as if the question is amusing him as it is. Mew honestly doesn’t get it, but he likes looking at the guy’s face to even care. He waits patiently.

“Oh, it’s Gulf. My name is Gulf, Sir.”

“Alright, Gulf, thank you so much.”

The guy, Gulf, bows his head a little. “You’re welcome. I’ll be back with your order in a bit.”

“Great. Thanks, Gulf.”

Gulf grins. “Don’t worry about it.” and then he goes, leaving Mew with another cryptic smile that makes Mew grin despite himself.

What a strange guy, he muses to himself. Good thing he’s cute.

The thought makes Mew smile even more.

Chapter Text

Mew knows why he’s here. The reason why his management had been so adamant for him to leave Bangkok for a while, for a change of scenery to help with this block he’s been experiencing so far. Mew wants to be offended but part of him knows they are right.

The trouble isn’t about the inspiration he’s lacking. Or the will to create something because he’s always been willing to try, to do more. That’s not it, really. 

He knows it’s something else. Something he’s not that brave to admit even to himself. It’s not the inspiration he’s missing, but something else.

Someone else.

Or at least that’s what he’s certain of when he agreed to the idea and boarded the plane that would take him away from Bangkok. Away from all that reminded him of what was and what might have been. It’s not like he is stuck. It actually feels like he’s caught in an endless cycle of regret and self-pity, and he knows he can’t allow himself to stay there if he wants things to change. 

He knows he wants to.

He sighs, giving the paper sitting in front of him a look. There are words written down, and the melody he’s heard in his head from dinner earlier lingers. He smiles in spite of himself, remembering the face that triggered it. The smile that reminds him of flowers and sunshine. Of seas and breeze and white sands, of first love and first kisses.

Remember the waves when we were sailing down that open ocean

We didn’t care where we were going, heading anywhere

Feeling the wind in your hair, love was a breath of fresh air

He chuckles, closing his eyes. He has yet to know where he’s going with this, but he has a feeling he will soon. The words will take him there. He’s just getting started. He’s humming under his breath, chords already memorized. He can try it on the guitar later, but for now, he’ll repeat it in his head just to make sure he gets it right.

For now, those three verses are enough.

And if the memory of a charming smile keeps popping up in his head every other minute, he finds that he doesn’t mind.

In fact, he likes it. 

He likes it enough that he knows he might just keep doing it.

-

He’s planned to check more of the resort that morning, walk around until his feet hurt and eat like a pig when he comes back for lunch. The plan’s derailed the second he went downstairs and finds the guy from last night, Gulf, at the reception talking to people Mew presumes are guests.

He takes one good look at the younger guy and smiles. It’s kind of an involuntary reflex now, he muses, even though it shouldn’t be. He barely knows the guy, for god’s sake. He shouldn’t be acting like a boy going through puberty at the sight of a pretty guy with a sexy smile even though that is seriously what he is doing.

Good god, Mew, get a grip.

As if on cue, Gulf swivels around and wai’s at another couple heading his way, his dimples showing, his hair falling over his pretty eyes and Mew knows that whatever plan he has that morning just throws itself out of the door and rolls all the way outside for good measure.

He’s staying in the resort this morning, then. 

“Oh, it’s Phi - I mean, our guest from 314, right? Good morning,” Mew knows he’s smiling, and blushing, contemplating running back where he came from to hide or walk straight towards the younger man to worship the ground he’s standing on. Quite frankly, he likes the sound of the latter, but for both their sakes, he does neither and decides to stay where he is instead.

The lack of movement from his end urged Gulf to do something about it himself. Mew watches him sashays his way towards him, like a beautiful prey offering himself to his predator.

Mew chokes quietly on the thought and chastises himself for even thinking it.

“Hello. Going somewhere, Sir?” Gulf inquires when he’s close enough for Mew to hear him. 

Mew nods his head in affirmation. “Supposedly. I thought I’d walk around and see more of the resort while I can. But maybe another day. I’m thinking of going straight for breakfast now instead. By the pool, where the view is great. Are you busy or would you like to join me?”

Gulf looks taken aback once again, the same look he had last night when Mew had spouted an invitation without thinking.

He remembers the way Gulf had gone back with Mew’s order the night before with another uniformed guy in tow. The guy was helpful enough to assist Gulf, as if he knew Gulf needed it. It took Mew a while to realize why. Judging with Gulf’s awkward movements and the seldom times he’d simply stood there to watch the other guy as he set Mew’s table, Mew’s pretty certain Gulf was new at the job.

An intern, maybe? Mew believes Gulf can’t be older than twenty, but he’s not really that good at guessing people’s ages judging from their faces. But he knows Gulf is young, younger than him at least.

“Uh. I’m sorry, but I’m still working,” Gulf is saying, smiling awkwardly. Mew is once again reminded of last night, when Gulf was smiling shyly all the while they were setting up the food at Mew’s table. Mew found it charming enough that he’d asked for Gulf to join him once the other uniformed guy left, leaving Gulf to check on him, asking him if there was still anything he wanted aside from the food he’d ordered, but Gulf politely declined. The invitation was totally spontaneous, and maybe surprising, but he really just wanted to thank Gulf for his efforts.

Plus, if Mew is going to be completely honest about it, he didn’t want to let Gulf go just yet at the time. And not because he found Gulf really, really nice to look at. 

Okay, he might be lying a little. Because right now, he’s looking and he’s looking hard, focused and intent, blissfully aware of the way his staring is making Gulf blush, the red on his cheeks so adorable he wants to reach over and touch it. 

It shouldn’t make his pulse skip a beat, watching Gulf, but it still does. 

“Okay. How about lunch, then?” he reiterates, smiling wickedly at the way his question is rendering the younger guy speechless. And shy, judging with how red his ears are, his blush going all the way up there from his cheeks.  

Something is telling him he should slow down, but he doesn’t want to. He’ll be here only for a week, two tops. Not long enough to pursue something he knows he can’t bring with him back to Bangkok but today’s not the day he’ll let himself worry over the fact.   

Today, he’s going with what his instinct is urging him to, and that’s to make sure Gulf says yes. For lunch or dinner, or to just hang out, he’ll take it. He’s not that picky. Maybe he’s a little desperate, but that’s okay. 

He’s okay with it.

“Insistent, aren't you?” Gulf chuckles, shaking his head as if he honestly doesn’t know what to tell Mew. At least he’s not saying no, and Mew takes that as a good sign. 

He throws Gulf a conspiratorial wink. “I can be more if you want. You just have to say yes to my invitation first to know that, of course.” he tries again. “So, what do you say? Lunch or dinner or whatever, whenever you’re free, I’m up for it.”

Gulf looks like he’s considering things in his head, smiling as he does so. Mew really, really likes that smile on him. It makes him look older than his age, but twice as charming. That smile is lethal too. For Mew’s heart, at least. Man, he’s going to enjoy his stay here, he’s sure of it.

“As I said, insistent,” Gulf says, “Why do you think I should agree, though? I mean, this is just the second time that we meet each other. You don’t even know me.” 

Mew pretends he’s thinking, even though he’s really, really not. He’s just enjoying the view, and the proximity, something he’s planning on enjoying more of in the next coming days if given the chance. For now, though, he’ll behave. Show Gulf he’s not some creepy dude who wants his hands down Gulf’s pants immediately after their first meeting.

That doesn’t stop him from hoping he could, though.

“And that’s a problem we can solve easily if you agree to hang out with me. I’ll get to know you, and vice versa. See, easy.”

Gulf arches his brow in answer. “What if I say I can’t?”

“Is it because of your job?” he counters, confused. Is Gulf saying employees are not allowed to hang out with guests or something like that? Is that even legal? Or fair? Should he talk to Tul about it just to be sure?

The question seems to tickle Gulf for some reason. He shakes his head, his eyes turning into little adorable slits. Mew is so, so charmed he can’t help it.  “No, not really.”

The answer makes Mew frown though. “Huh. Are you saying it’s because of me?” he asks. Oh fuck. Maybe it’s because of him. Maybe because he’s really acting like the creep he’s honestly, honestly not - god, Gulf got it all wrong, he’s not like that, he swears -

“Late lunch, then,” Gulf is saying next, so quickly he’s effectively derailed Mew’s destructive thoughts before it spiraled into chaos. 

“W-What?”

Gulf gives him a look, then smiles that pretty, pretty smile of his that has Mew staring just because he can’t help it. The edge of Gulf’s chestnut lips curving mischievously, a glint in his eyes that says more than what he is openly letting Mew hear.

“I mean my shift’s done at two,” Gulf explains, “I’ll be having my lunch by then. You’re welcome to join me if you want.” he says. Mew watches him put his hand up to clasp it together in front of his chest, before bowing his head low.  

Then, he’s walking away. Leaving Mew no chance to reiterate or confirm if that is an answer to Mew’s earlier invitation or if that is Gulf throwing one out for Mew to take.

Mew grins and shakes his head. It doesn’t matter. That’s a yes and for now, that’s enough.

-

“So, have you found your inspiration yet?” his manager doesn’t even pretend she’s not fishing for information, and for once, Mew doesn’t immediately roll his eyes at her in answer. One of the main reasons he’s here is because of this woman, and this woman is acting like he ought to thank her for it.

He thinks of Gulf and their upcoming lunch, and somehow, he knows that he does. She deserves more than his thanks, really, for sending him here, for letting him meet Gulf. For allowing him the chance to take his mind off of things he can’t ignore back home. He owes her more than his gratitude, really, but he’s still pissed at her to say it now. And besides, he has plans to give her more than a word of thanks or two. No, more than that really. But she’s not going to get anything from him so soon.

Not even if she begs.

“I haven’t even been here for a day and you’re already asking? You’re cruel, P’Tasz.” he whines, dramatically at best because he knows he can get away with it. His manager doesn’t even bat an eyelash, and just gives him a mostly unimpressed look. 

He rolls his eyes anyway. “I’m working on it, okay? It’s not like there’s anything new to see here. I just stayed in my room all morning. I’m bored.”

“Mew, it’s only nine. What all morning are you talking about? Get your lazy butt out of there and, I don’t know, explore the place? You won’t get your inspiration staring at the wall or the ceiling for hours. You already did the same here, and we allowed you to because I thought that’s what you needed. Obviously, it didn’t work. Now, do me a favor and leave the room. Walk around, talk to people, just, do something! That song won’t write itself if you don’t do something about it.”

He sighs, knowing for a fact that she’s right. They’ve worked hard enough to get him where he is, doubly hard even when he said he wants to pursue singing. It had been such a difficult road getting here, but they did it, they’ve managed it despite every hardship they had to fight along the way. 

And he knows she’s not saying it to pressure him. She knows him better than that, knows him well enough to know forcing him won’t work. But it’s her job to push him in the right direction, her job to remind him where their priorities are and the reason why they are doing this in the first place. She has that much trust in him to stand by him no matter what. 

“The single is supposed to be released in a month, Mew,” she says after a long beat, reminding him yet again of the very reason they are in this situation right now. He’s certain she wouldn’t have resolved into sending him away if she feels it won’t work, but at present, they both know they’ve exhausted all those other options that they are left with just this one to see through.

“I know, Phi,” he tells her, and for a moment there, he sees the shadow of exhaustion pass through her eyes. For a moment there, he’s being brought back to that time when nothing feels right, when no one wanted to believe that someone like him is worthy enough of the chance he hopes to receive. 

Then, when no one dared to give him a second look, another chance to show his worth except for this woman. And he owes her more than the gratitude he’s ready to give, and he knows it.

“And I promise I’m working on it. Give me until tomorrow night, at least. I swear you’ll have something from me by then.”

Her expression barely changed but Mew knows she is listening. She blinks at him through the screen and nods.

“Tomorrow night, then,”

“Yes, I promise,” he says.

She tilts her head at him. “Very well. I’ll call you again tomorrow. Be safe there, okay?” then she ends the call. Mew sits there contemplating what to do. He still has about five hours to waste before he has to see Gulf. P’Tasz is right. He should go out. Walk around like he planned, see what other interesting things around the resort that he can find. 

He can do that. He should.

He sighs and decides to indulge his manager for now, swinging his legs and forcing himself to sit up. 

Maybe he should start by checking if Gulf is still down at the reception so he could flirt with him before he leaves. That’s a good idea.

He should start with that.

Chapter Text

However, the last person he’d expected to see at the reception area where he hoped he would find Gulf is Max. 

Mew knows him from the day before, because he was the one who picked him up from the airport. From the brief conversation he had with the man, Mew gathered someone else was supposed to do the job, but Tul personally saw to it that Max did it instead of the resort’s resident driver. 

One more thing he owed his best friend, really, even though he’s certain Tul will just wave it off as if it’s nothing.

Max spotted him right away, bowing his head low with his hands clasped together in greeting. He does the same with an easy smile. “Hey. I didn’t expect to see you here. Are you on reception duty today or what?” he asks.

Max’s answering smile is nice to look at. Mew finds it easy to smile back, his earlier quest to find Gulf briefly forgotten.

“Not really, but I was called in to take someone else’s place for a bit,” Max explains. Mew wonders if the person he’s referring to is Gulf.

“Ah, I understand,” he nods, before he turns to survey the place, already missing Gulf’s presence from this morning.

“Are you looking for someone?” Max asks after a moment, and Mew turns to him with an embarrassed smile. 

He shoves his hands to his pockets and takes a step back. “Uh, yes actually,”

Max blinks at him. “Is it Tul?”

Mew shakes his head, purses his lips. “No, no. I know he’s not here everyday, so, no. Not really,”

Max is smiling again, grinning like he knows something and he’s teasing Mew about it. “You want to tell me who that is so I can, I don’t know, let them know you’re looking for them if ever I see them later?”

Mew knows he’s blushing. His face feels hot and his ears feel like they’re on fire. He shakes his head.

“Uh, no, it’s okay,” he says. “I…I’m going to see him later anyway. I mean, we’re going to have lunch together so, it’s fine.” he says, biting his tongue a little too late. He looks up to find Max raising an eyebrow at him. He looks amused, if anything.

“Lunch, huh?”

He steps back, makes a face. God, trust his big, traitorous mouth for spilling things without him realizing it. 

“Don’t tease, please. It’s just lunch.”

Max chuckles at that, then makes a big gesture of zipping his mouth for show. Mew knows Max knows something. It’s obvious in the way he’s looking at Mew like there’s a secret he wants to share but knows that he can’t, or shouldn’t. It’s kind of confusing, really.

“Promise I won’t tell on you. I mean, it’s not like there’s anything to tell, right? As you said, it’s just lunch.”

He nods. “Right,” he says, stepping aside. He bows his head and excuses himself, before he starts walking towards the direction of the front entrance.

“Wait,” Max stops him before he can take another step. He watches as the other man struts forward, realizes he is looking at Max’s outstretched hand and the small piece of paper stuck in between his fingers. A little post-it paper, it seems. “Here, take this.” Max says.

Mew frowns. “What is this?” he says, looking pointedly at Max's hand, before taking his gaze back to Max’s face.

Max smiles. “You know what it is. Just take it. I was specifically told to hand it to you. Guy must know you’ll waltz in here at some point to expect this,”

“What?”

Max shakes his head. “Just take it, okay?” Max says, chuckling. When Mew still doesn’t make a move to reach out and take the piece of paper Max is offering, he reaches over and does the courtesy of putting said paper in Mew’s palm himself. Mew stares at it, catches the numbers written down and almost double takes when he realizes what the numbers are.

“Um, this,”

“Yes. It’s his phone number,” Max says. “And no, it’s not my job to ask. I have no right to judge either so, you know, don’t worry about it.”

Mew’s certain he is smiling. But he can’t really tell because his face is burning. Holy fuck. He closes his fist around the paper and shoves it into his pocket. “Thanks, I guess,” he says under his breath and starts walking. Thankfully this time, Max doesn’t feel the need to stop him as he reaches the front door in record-breaking speed, turning to his right towards the direction of the car he’s told he could use to tour around. 

He’s inside the car when he allows himself to take the paper out of his pocket, his phone next, and then types the number and saves it, hesitating only a moment before he decides to check. 

He switches app, adds the number there and immediately sees a familiar face as the profile picture. He types in a message and hopes for the best.

Hello. It’s me. I’m not a creep I swear, and I got your number from Max. Apparently, he was told to give it to me when he saw me. 

He pockets his phone and doesn’t think about the message again until he’s parked the car on the side of the road overlooking the beach. There’s a reply there.

I wouldn’t have considered giving it to you since you didn’t even ask for it. But I remember I invited you to join me for lunch but I’m not sure what time I’ll finish from here, so I figured I should let you know in case I won’t be able to make it in time. 

And don’t worry, I never thought of you as a creep. You’re too handsome and quite honestly so polite to be one. So, you know, don’t worry about it.

Mew knows he’s grinning so hard reading that. He types his reply, so eager to know more, to flirt with Gulf if he can get away with it.

You don’t have to worry about not making it to lunch. I know you’re busy. But we can have dinner together tonight if that’s okay with you. I decided to go outside, by the way. I think the public beach is nice too. The view is breathtaking.

Also, that’s a compliment, right? Right? So, you think I’m handsome. And polite. That means I’ve earned brownie points for my efforts, yay. And just so you know, I plan to earn more. If you let me, of course.

He stays in the car, contemplating driving a bit more to check the place further. There aren’t many people on the beach at this time, but he guesses that’s probably because it’s a weekday. It’s probably a completely different story on a Saturday morning, but that he would have to check.

His phone vibrates on cue, and he is already grinning when he sees the notification on the screen.

Dinner sounds good , was Gulf’s simple answer.

Mew is typing his reply immediately after reading it. You know any place near the beach where we could have our dinner later, then? Just, any place away from the resort.  

Clearly, Gulf must be free because the ellipsis appears almost immediately. Why? What’s wrong with us having dinner there?

He chuckles reading that. Nothing, really. I just don’t want you to feel like your co-workers are watching you while we’re, you know, eating. Also, I’d really, really like for us to walk along the beach after dinner, if that’s okay with you.  

Gulf’s reply is a simple, The beach, huh? 

Mew smiles. Yeah, the beach. And maybe one of these days, you can take me to that private island Tul told me about. I’d really like to check it out too. 

Fine. I know just the place. They’re open until about after midnight, so that should be perfect. And about that private island, we may need to do a raincheck on that with P’Tul first. Guests aren’t really allowed to go there without the owner’s approval, so there’s that. 

Ah, he gets that. It’s a private island after all. They probably need clearances and such to be allowed entrance or something.

I’ll take his approval, don’t worry. I won’t force you to take me there without it, I promise.

Good to know, Phi.

The reply makes him smile and want to tease Gulf for some reason. Ah, so I’m Phi now, huh? No more Sir, eh?

The ellipsis appears and disappears and the implication makes Mew laugh despite himself. He can imagine Gulf right now, lips pursed and his furry brows drawn together as he contemplates his reply.

You’re Phi when we’re chatting here. Sir when we’re at the resort. There, happy?

He chuckles. Fair enough.

You’re someone who likes to tease, huh? 

Ah, so they’re having this kind of conversation. To think that he’s trying to keep this part later, at least while they’re face to face and have already gotten past the awkward ‘Are we on a date right now?’ stage or something similar to that because he’s certain it is coming. When they’re sitting in front of each other and words don’t come out as easily as they are compared to how easy it is chatting like this.

Mew’s expecting it as much as everything else, of course, of course, but as it is, he won’t be here long enough to drag this out. If this dinner works out the way he hopes it would, he’ll decide then. For now, he wants to enjoy this - whatever the hell this is he has with Gulf and that’s that.

Only when I like the person enough to be comfortable around them, he replies. He knows it’s straightforward, maybe a little sudden, but something tells him Gulf would prefer it better that he is honest. 

And he is, at least about this and his feelings, he wants to be. But he knows better than to spearhead towards another relationship without properly thinking about it, without properly assessing the situation and the other person as well, but he figures he should save that for the next part. Flirting is such an enjoyable thing for him, and he likes Gulf enough to keep doing it. 

If things are to turn serious after tonight, then so be it. He knows there’ll be consequences, but for now, he’d rather not think about them. He is here to complete a song, to find an inspiration to finish it, and quite frankly, that’s exactly what he is doing.

And it sure seems like you’ve mastered the art of flirting too. Phi needs to slow it down or else…

The message is obviously a ruse. Mew knows better than to ask what Gulf meant, really, but that’s not his style. Totally not.

Or else what? 

Or else nothing. I’m being called now. Talk later. Probably won’t make it to lunch so, dinner? I’ll treat you to the best Gaeng Kua Kling you’ll ever get to taste here in the island. Promise it’s the best. 

Mew chuckles, amuse despite himself. Yeah, okay. Can’t wait to try it. Talk to you later.

-

“You should have told me you can’t eat spicy food,” Gulf probably wants to sound like he’s chastising, eyeing Mew and the food he’s ordered, but given the way he is picking up the menu and going through it again, Mew is certain Gulf is secretly laughing at him.

He pushes at a piece of meat on his plate, pouting. “I didn’t think it would be this spicy okay? Please don’t laugh at me.”

Gulf laughs anyway, and this time, he’s not trying to be subtle about it either. Mew feels like he ought to be embarrassed but he can’t, not when he’s looking at the unobstructed view of this beauty up close. More than anything, he feels more than a little ecstatic, awed at the way staring at Gulf is fastly becoming his favorite pastime the longer he stays in the company of the younger man.

“Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting this,” Gulf says, gesturing between them. Mew wonders what he means, but he still can’t stop looking. “I mean, look at you, I thought you’d be all okay with munching on them chillies like they’re nothing, but I guess I shouldn’t have let those big arm muscles of yours fool me.”

Mew finds himself snickering, hearing that. Really, he can’t help it. Gulf isn’t just pretty, he’s witty and he has this ability to make Mew giggle like a schoolgirl, it’s hilarious if not surprising. He can’t really remember the last time he’s enjoyed someone’s company like this. Just sitting next to each other and talking. It’s nice, really. More than nice, if he is going to be completely honest about it.

“I have a feeling I should apologize for the confusion but really, it’s my muscles’ fault?” he counters, chuckling.

Gulf shrugs. “Big guys with big bodies but are secret pussies. Really, I never pegged you for someone who’s scared of a little spice.” it doesn’t sound like a joke, and Gulf looked serious enough when he said it.

Mew wonders if he should feel offended, but how could he when Gulf is angling him a look that is anything but offending, at the same time he is gesturing the nearest server over. Gulf’s eyes glaze over him for a second, maybe three, his gaze lingering before he’s pointing at the menu in his hand and showing it to the staff standing next to him. The action has him swallowing hard, the gesture making him want to reach over and seal his mouth over Gulf’s just to see how he will react.

He does neither and keeps his mouth shut instead.

“Phi, can we have Khao Mok Gai and Gaeng Som, one order of each please. And can you make it less spicy too? Seems like my friend here isn’t used to it.” Gulf says.

The server notes it down and bows her head when she’s done. “Less spicy than normal, yes?”

“Yes, Phi.” Gulf nods. The server does the same before she turns around to leave.

Gulf turns to him with his brows raised. “Yeah, Phi,” Gulf says, his eyes tracing a line from Mew’s face to his neck and down his arms. “I think you do  need to apologize.” Gulf adds, his mouth curled with a smile that is both alluring and lovely, and Mew knows he’s fucked.

-

He’s not sure who’d suggested it, but somehow after they were done eating, they found themselves walking the path towards the beach, a bottle of beer in both their hands. He wonders if Gulf realizes this is exactly how Mew wanted their night to go, but figures he doesn’t need to open his big mouth for that and ruin the moment.

They trek the sandy path from the beachside restaurant, liking that despite it being relatively late already, this part of the beach is still lit up fairly decently. Like them, there are people walking around this area too. Clearly to enjoy the quiet, just like the two of them.

They’re walking side by side, their elbows touching from time to time. They’re not talking, but Mew realizes he’s enjoying the silence more than he’s dared to admit. When Gulf stops walking, he does too, turning to find Gulf facing the ocean, the light breeze kissing his skin, his hair. Gulf takes a quiet sip of his beer and Mew stands there, mesmerized at the sight of Gulf, breath catching in his throat as he stares the younger man over.

That melody plays in his head again, muted but still present. His fingers itch to play, to strum his guitar right now just to make sure he doesn’t lose it. He is still looking at Gulf, and then there are words playing in between.

Feeling the wind in your hair, love was a breath of fresh air

We had everything that we could imagine

Ah, shit. He needs to note that down. 

He scrambles for his phone, a smile playing in his lips, aware of Gulf’s eyes following his every movement. He looks up briefly to find Gulf looking at him, his mouth lilted with curiosity. God, he’s really beautiful, and his smile is urging that part of Mew’s brain to put Gulf’s beauty into melody and words.

He at least manages to get his phone after he’s put the beer bottle down on the sand, unlocks it. He taps on the note app and mumbles the words aloud, knows he must look crazed as he furiously types them down. He checks the words again two more times before he exits the app and locks his phone.

When he raises his head again, Gulf is still looking at him. “Should I ask what that was about?” Gulf asks anyway. Mew smiles at him in answer, remembering to pick his discarded beer up and takes a quick swig of it, watching Gulf watch him.

“Um, words. I have to note them down or else I’ll forget them,” he explains. It’s not really a good one seeing that Gulf’s frown deepen in answer. “Uh. I’m kinda writing a song.”

Gulf blinks at him, then he’s frowning again. Mew wonders if it means the younger man is trying to understand what he heard. Mew averts his gaze, thinking of a way out. 

“You. Writing a song,” Gulf repeats, “Wait. You mean you’re a song writer?”

He tilts his head, forces a smile. He knows it’s awkward, but there’s nothing he can do about that now either.

“Well, yeah,” he answers, pocketing his phone and then uses his newly-freed hand to scratch at the back of his head. “I kinda also, you know, have to sing it once I’m done writing it,” he says.

He wishes he doesn’t have to explain everything - it’s not an everyday thing that people don't recognize him, especially when he’s still in Thailand, but it did happen when he met Gulf the night before. It’s obvious the younger man has no idea who he is, and if that didn’t add to the younger’s charm apart from what is already there that piqued Mew’s interest, he’s certain the way Gulf is looking at him right now does.

“No, fuck, wait,” Gulf is mumbling, stepping back and almost stumbling Mew is quickly reaching over to steady him. He doesn’t get to Gulf fast enough, his hands catching air when Gulf takes another step backward, his outstretched arm stopping Mew on his tracks.

“Shit, no. I thought you looked familiar but -” Gulf shakes his head here. “You’re that singer, aren’t you?” Gulf says, then somehow, he’s singing a verse of his first single, and making a piss-poor job at it if Mew is going to be honest about it, because god, Gulf’s voice is so bad that it’s fucking beautiful knowing that he is trying, and Mew wants to kiss him right then and there.

“You’re Mew fucking Suppasit, Jesus fucking Christ, how did I miss that?” Gulf is swearing, eyes huge on his face. There’s that fucking melody playing in his head again, words accompanying it as well.

Oh every night I could see your face, 
I would never feel lonely

“Oh wow. Oh wow. I’m so dumb. I’m the dumbest guy there is, Phi, you have to forgive me, I didn’t realize it was you. I should, right? I mean, you’re - wow. I should stop talking now,” Gulf murmurs, then laughs as if he can’t help it.

Fuck. Fuck this. He’s throwing the bottle of beer before he can stop himself, crossing the short distance between him and Gulf, taking Gulf’s face in his hands and pulling him forward to kiss him.

Chapter Text

It would have been a total letdown if he ended up getting punched in the face for being so straightforward but given the way Gulf is humming softly into his mouth as he deepens the kiss, he guesses he has nothing to fear just yet.

He pulls the younger man to him, slotting one of his legs in between Gulf’s own, feeling the sand under his toes as he tugs Gulf closer. He nips the top of Gulf’s lips and a moan rips itself from his throat when Gulf lets him, feels Gulf’s hands migrating from his hips to his chest and gripping his shirt-front tightly.

He pulls away just far enough to breathe but his fingers stay on Gulf’s nape, thumbing the soft skin under the younger man’s jaw to savor this closeness as he breathes Gulf’s unique scent in.

“Phi, I -” Gulf whispers, pauses, and Mew has to tilt his head so he’s looking at Gulf and not trying to bury his nose into his cheek. “Shit. You kissed me.” Gulf mutters, like an afterthought, and Mew giggles at the way Gulf looks torn between being horrified and embarrassed. He can’t help it, he’s leaning in again before he can stop himself, thumbing at Gulf’s bottom lip before stealing his breath again.

He pulls away just as quickly, his eyes searching Gulf’s face. “Yes. But, are you busy or can I kiss you again?” he finds himself asking, belatedly catching Gulf’s movements before he realizes he is being tugged closer, Gulf keening against his lips as he nods his consent and kisses him, turning things around and making him lose his damn mind when Gulf parts his mouth and lets his tongue in.

-

“God, will you stop that?” Gulf mutters, reaching over to bat his hand away from his face, his fingers from touching his lips. He takes a moment to feel the warmth of Gulf’s touch before it disappears, glancing to his left to find the younger man blushing furiously as he refocuses his gaze out of the window probably so he won’t keep looking at Mew and embarrass himself further in the process.

But the thing is, Mew can’t help it. He chuckles despite himself, and before he realizes it, he is reaching up again to touch his lips, remembering the way Gulf kissed him back as if he hadn’t been aware he was doing it. 

Oh every night I can see your face

I would never feel lonely, yeah.

The melody is playing in his head again, the same thing that kept on happening when he decided to throw caution to the wind and kissed Gulf earlier, at the beach, and it’s honestly clearer now, almost begging for him to sit down, take his guitar and have at it. But he doesn’t want to rush this yet, driving back to the hotel as slowly as he could manage it, wanting to spend every last bit of tonight with the man whose entire existence inspires him to write songs after songs while thinking about him. 

It’s surprising as much as everything about Gulf, and he likes it. 

“Seriously, Phi, stop,” Gulf complains, as if he knows Mew’s still retracing his lips even though Gulf is supposed to be looking away and can’t actually see him. “You’re being so…ugh, quit touching your mouth, please. It’s so…weird. Why are you being weird? It’s just a kiss, for god’s sake.”

He doesn’t comment on the fact that Gulf sounded breathless, or that he is still refusing to look at him even now. He decides to keep one hand on the steering wheel as he reaches over to take Gulf’s hand with the other, glad when Gulf doesn’t resist. 

“I’m not being weird, Nong. I’m just happy. I have  wanted to kiss you since the first time I met you, and you kissing me back just made it a thousand times better. I just. I want to do it again, if you know what I’m saying.” he confesses, grins when the admission makes Gulf’s hand twitch in his grasp. 

Gulf whines under his breath. “Was I supposed to push you away though?” Gulf counters, as if he’s just thought about it now and is seriously considering it. Mew giggles, can’t not, because the moment’s already passed. Gulf kissed him back instead of pushing him away and that’s that. Mew is glad for that. He’s more than a little pleased, really. 

“I mean, it wasn’t like I asked for it. If anything, that kiss was as surprising as me realizing who you are. Ugh, will you stop holding my hand? I can’t think properly when you’re -”

“When I’m what?” he counters, giddy, and Gulf acting like an agitated teenager in front of his crush isn’t helping. 

Gulf huffs in answer. Mew doesn’t have to check him out to know that the younger man is rolling his eyes at him in answer, biting his beautiful lips as he tugs on their joined hands to free himself but can’t do anything about it when Mew is being a complete pest by tightening his hold around Gulf’s hand instead.

“When you’re acting like a clingy girlfriend,” Gulf supplies with a smirk.

“You mean a clingy boyfriend, right? I have a dick, remember?” He counters, with a smirk of his own as he lifts their joined hands together and drops a sound kiss to the back of Gulf’s knuckle as if to prove his point.

“I noticed.” Gulf chuckles. 

Mew chances another glance towards the younger man. “Is that…a problem for you?” he asks, wondering if he should have cleared this part out earlier before he made his move. Frankly, he would have if he wasn’t so focused on wanting to get Gulf’s attention straight away, even from the night before. The limited time he has, the deadline his management had set for him to fulfill kind of urged him to forego the basics of flirting and went straight to business.

“What, that you’re acting like a clingy girlfriend or that you have a dick?” Gulf asks.

Mew rolls his eyes despite himself. “Both.” he said.

It took a moment for Gulf to answer, and when he did, he sounded shy, but certain. “Not at all, Phi.” he says, squeezing their hands together gently, before taking his gaze back outside the window, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

Mew draws a breath and lets it all out. “Okay, Nong. Okay.”

-

Later that night  - or technically very early morning, since they’d reached the hotel half hour after two -  he emailed parts of the song he was working on to P’Tasz. Not even five minutes later, his workaholic manager is video-calling him, as expected of the woman who seemed to be always awake when it  comes to him and their work.

He sighs when he answers, her unamused face the first thing he sees when the call connects.

“Don’t you ever sleep, Phi?” he asks when she doesn’t even bother saying hello and goes straight into asking him if he’s already working on finishing the rest. “It’s like half past two in the morning already.” he says, because pointing out the obvious feels like the better option right now instead of complaining about things his manager won’t indulge him with anyway.

“I’ll sleep after you tell me what I need to hear,” she says without missing a beat. Straight-forward as ever, Mew muses to himself. “So, tell me.”

He shrugs. “It’s going to be an upbeat one. You know, for a change.” 

She gives him a pointed look, something she’s so very good at. Mew rolls his eyes at her in answer. “But it’s a love song. Or at least that’s what it is supposed to  be.” he clarifies, just because he knows it’s what she wants to hear. The thing is, they have an outline of what he is supposed to write when they sent him packing, a general idea of what the song should be before he started conceptualizing it, but he honestly didn’t expect it to go the way it is heading in this particular direction now. He’s got the chorus already written out, and he’s thinking of asking his agency to find someone who can do the rap part since they are the ones who suggested it anyway.

She frowns at him through the screen and Mew knows it’s not a good thing. “What does that mean? It’s a love song but you’re not sure yet?”

Mew sighs. “It should be. Um, I don’t know how to explain it. Just. Just wait until I’ve written the rest. Actually, it’s almost done. Just need to tweak the chorus a little bit. The melody’s also a little messed up at this point but I plan to work on that once I’m done with the lyrics.”

P’Tasz doesn’t look too pleased but he knows that she’s keeping herself from commenting about it more for his sake than anything. 

“How long do you need to do it? Two days? Three?” she asks.

He bites the inside of his cheek and shakes his head. “Give me another week,” he says.

The way her eyes widen in answer tells him she’s not exactly expecting his answer. “You’re kidding, right? A week? But you said you’re almost finished with the song, why would you want to extend your stay there when you’ve been complaining -” she says, then stops. “Oh no.” she mutters.

Mew blinks, hoping against hope he isn’t smiling, or making a suspicious face because he knows she will be able to tell right away. “What?”

“Shit. You found your muse,” she breathes, and Mew swears she sounded awed, maybe a tad bewildered. “That’s why you were able to write the song in days. Holy shit, who is it?”

Mew takes a deep breath and shakes his head. “Don’t make me answer that.” he says.

“Oh my god, you’re blushing. You already made your move, holy shit. I need to meet that person so I can thank him personally. Does he know?”

Mew doesn’t know whether to be glad or ashamed that she can just tell his muse happens to be a man or both. Really, this woman is goddamn crazy. “Does he know what?” he grunts.

“That his face is the reason you’re inspired to write that song, what else? And if he knows who you are. Shit. Does he? If he did, how did he react? Did he… Oh wait. If that’s the case, I think I’m going to have to -”

“Hold that thought, lady, he’s not like that, okay? So maybe he recognized me, but that doesn’t have to mean anything. And before you asked, no, I haven’t even thought about it. Jeez, we just met, alright? It’s not like I’m already planning on taking him back to Bangkok to marry him or something. Calm your tits down please.”

She huffs at him at that. “My tits are never going to be calm so long as I’m working for you, Mew Suppasit, I hope you know that. And just for the record, I wasn’t worried about you planning on your wedding while you’re supposed to be on vacation trying to find your inspiration. I was just worried I would wake in the morning with your name flashing on every entertainment news channel with photos and videos of you and your muse getting it on for everyone to see.”

Mew doesn’t even want to think about it, but the kiss earlier at the beach…Oh hell, no. 

“Oh no,” she mutters, looking at him. “Oh shit. No, you didn’t. No. Please don’t tell me you -”

Mew makes a face. “Uh, I kinda did something, I think.”

P’Tasz isn’t having any of it. “Not in public. Please, not in public.”

“At the beach, actually.”

“Shit.”

“Uh.”

“Oh shit.”

“It was dark, okay? Maybe no one noticed. And I don’t think anyone here recognizes me anyway,” he’s making excuses, he knows it, but fuck, what if… what if someone did? “I mean, um.”

She’s not amused. She doesn’t look amused, and he understands her perfectly. “What did you do? Tell me.”

Mew looks down, chews on his bottom lip. “Uh, I kissed him.”

She doesn’t even bat an eyelid, hearing that. “Fuck.”

Mew bows his head, knows he should feel apologetic, or worried but honestly, he’s not. He’s not, and that’s the truth. He’s smiling despite his manager’s obvious agitation, hearing her sputtering about damage control and shit like watching out in case something pops up in the morning regarding him misbehaving earlier but he can only grin, can only remember the way Gulf allowed him another kiss before he lets him out of the car with the promise of meeting him tomorrow morning for breakfast.

“Mew, are you even listening to me? Hey, fuck, are you smiling? Oh my god, you are. What the hell? Have you not heard a single word I said, you little -”

“Have a goodnight, P’Tasz. I’ll see what I can do about the song tomorrow, for now, it’s late and I’m going to bed. You know, to sleep. It’s good. Maybe you should try it too. Ciao.”

He ends the call.

Then, he switches app and finds the last chat thread he had with Gulf and starts typing.

I miss you already, Nong. I wish you’re here with me so I can hug you and maybe let you hear the song I’m writing. But ah, of course it’s impossible. You must be tired and you’re probably already in bed so I won’t disturb you anymore. Just messaged you to say I enjoyed our evening together. 

The ellipsis appears almost as quickly as his message has been read, and he smiles, giddy despite himself.

As I said, a clingy girlfriend. Seriously, it hasn’t even been half an hour since we parted and you’re saying you miss me already? Is this how you charm the pants off of everybody you meet because I’ll tell you, it’s not going to work on me.

He grins. I don’t know what you’re talking about, Gulf. It’s not my hobby to charm the pants out of anybody, because usually, they’re the ones doing that to get my attention. This is a first for me, to be honest.

It takes Gulf a moment to answer, and when he does, Mew knows he’s giggling helplessly. 

What, you’re telling me I’m that special? No, shit, P’Singer. I’m not buying it.

I’m just telling you the truth, babe.

I’m not your babe, Phi. 

But you can be. 

A laughing emoji, then, Haha. No.

He’s smiling so hard it’s ridiculous. I have this week and hopefully the next to change your mind though. And I intend to, just you wait.

A thinking emoji, then, You’re just here two weeks?

Mew hums to himself and types. Maybe shorter if I finish the song earlier than expected. Why, you gonna miss me?

No. Why would I miss you? 

Oh, but you would, Nong. I will bet on this next single that you will. 

Hmm. Whatever. How’s the song coming along anyway?

Almost done, thanks to you.

Eh? What do you mean? 

He doesn’t answer that. Instead, he taps on the mic icon and records a line of the song he thought of when they were on the beach earlier, while he was looking at Gulf as he stood there, eyes closed as the chilly, ocean breeze blew lightly through his hair.

Feeling the wind in your hair, love was a breath of fresh air

We have everything that we could imagine, hmmm

And then he hits send.

He receives a voice message in return.

Are you sleepy already or do you want to sing this to me in person?

Mew is scrambling up from the chair before he can stop himself, heart beating so fast his fingers shake as he types.

Yes. I mean, no, I’m not sleepy yet. Where can I meet you?

Another voice message. Stay there. I’m on my way to your room.

Chapter Text

“Remember the waves when we were sailing down that open ocean 
We didn’t care where we were going, heading anywhere
Feeling the win in your hair, love is a breath of fresh air,
We had everything that we could imagine.” 

He hums the next part, looking up to see Gulf checking him out as well. There’s a small smile playing at the corners of his chestnut lips, and Mew feels the urge to taste that perfect mouth once again, but holds himself. He pauses to breathe, still strumming his guitar, repeating the chords he’s memorized without taking his gaze off of Gulf’s face.

“So, what do you think?” he asks after a moment, genuinely curious about Gulf’s reaction upon hearing the song, hearing him sing. He knows he’s blushing when Gulf tilts his head and looks him over, like he’s contemplating what to say. Mew wonders if it’s a good thing, the look on Gulf’s face, or if he’s expecting something else. 

Gulf looks thoughtful when he answers. “Are you sure you’re not going to be in trouble for letting me hear this before whoever needs to hear it hear it first?” Gulf asks, and Mew is once again totally smitten because, how can he not when Gulf looks torn between awe and worry that Mew finds himself barely resisting the urge to pull Gulf to him so he can kiss him again? 

“I mean -” Gulf is saying next, but Mew’s resisted for far too long. He’s putting his guitar down and pushing it aside before he can consciously realize what he is doing, fingers finding Gulf’s wrist and dragging him forward to mash their mouths together.

Gulf whines in protest, or maybe he’s whining for a completely different reason altogether, but Mew is too busy chasing the younger’s lips to even care or bother.

“Phi, stop. I can’t feel my lips anymore.” Gulf mutters a moment later, hands pressed against his chest and pushing him off, albeit weakly. Mew backs away reluctantly, but not after pressing one last kiss to Gulf’s willing mouth and smiling at the way Gulf hums softly back at him when their lips part for the last time.

“Can you stop? And answer the question, please.” Gulf says, rolling his eyes at him.

“You mean the song?” he remembers to ask, eyeing Gulf as he picks up his guitar. Gulf nods. “No, don’t worry about it.” he says. Gulf shifts back until he is completely leaning back against the headboard, looking thoroughly unamused as Mew eyes him back with a smirk.

“I’m not worried,” Gulf counters, like he’s thought about what Mew said and realizes he has to explain himself. “I’m just -” he says, or at least starts to, but cuts himself midway and shakes his head. “You know what, forget about it. I should probably go. Anyway, it’s late and -”

He’s putting his guitar back down on the bed and reaching over to pat the nearest part of Gulf he can reach - his ankle - and squeezes. “No, stay. Please? I…Why don’t you just sleep here?” he offers, hoping Gulf will agree. “No, no, don’t look at me like that, geez, I’m not planning on doing anything okay? I just. I think I will be able to finish this song tonight if you’re here.”

Gulf blinks at that. “What?” he looks confused. Mew wonders if it’s because he asked him to stay or because of what he meant when he said Gulf’s presence might help him finish the song he is writing. 

He doesn’t really know how to explain it, or if he even can without ending up creeping Gulf out more than he already does, but maybe he can try?

Or not, because then Gulf is giving him a look, the one where his eyes go soft, and Mew knows he’s swooning. Charmed all over again and Gulf’s just sitting there, looking him over. Fuck. Mew is seriously, utterly fucked.

“You have a deadline or something?” Gulf asks. He’s frowning, and Mew wonders why even that is enough to make his stomach tight with want. God, he’s hopeless. 

He swallows thickly and avoids looking at Gulf’s face lest he’ll do something crazy. Probably crazier than what he’s already considering from the moment Gulf walked in and demanded he sing for him. 

“A week, two max. Thought I already mentioned that earlier.” he mumbles, opting on watching his hand resting on Gulf’s clothed knee and almost regretting it. “You forgot, huh?”

Gulf chuckles in answer, and the sound prompts him to look up once again. The younger man is smirking, but there’s this softness in the way he is leveling him a look that says more than he’s letting on and Mew aches just looking at him. 

“I thought you were just talking about the duration of your stay here.” Gulf says, and it’s all Mew can do not to throw himself on the younger man and kiss him senseless. “But I guess it makes sense, somehow. Why would someone like you choose to stay here if it’s not just for vacation or something, right?”

Mew takes a moment to let that statement sink in before he realizes he is smiling, grinning when Gulf huffs as if Mew’s offended him. 

“No, uh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh at you. I just. God, you’re adorable, you know that?” he says, shaking his head and biting his lips.

Gulf opens his mouth to say something, then snaps it shut again. Gulf looks kind of hilarious, and maybe a touche too adorable for his heart to handle. He shakes his head and squeezes Gulf’s ankle again, scoots closer until he can easily reach over to cup Gulf’s cheek in his hand without stretching his arm too far. 

Gulf stays still and stares, searching his face. “Don’t freak out.” he whispers, touching the pad of his thumb across the soft expanse of Gulf’s jaw without breaking their gazes. 

“I’m not,” Gulf murmurs back, and fuck, Mew really needs to pull away now before he does something that might really creep the younger out if he’s not careful. He doesn’t though, and instead he’s scooting even closer until he’s pushing Gulf to his back on the bed and he’s hovering over him, breathing harshly. 

“But you’re seriously not making it easy for me right now,” Gulf whispers, fingers tight twisting against his shirtfront. “What…do you think you’re doing, Phi?”

Mew drops his gaze and chuckles, half-hearted at best because, fuck, how can one explain this shit without sounding like a complete lunatic?

“Just stay,” he pauses here and breathes, does it again for good measure as he leans towards Gulf and drops his head to Gulf’s shoulder, hiding his face from Gulf’s (not really) scrutinizing gaze. He’s bracing himself up, careful not to put his weight on Gulf as he concentrates on breathing.  “Please?”

There’s the sound of a sharp intake of breath and the feel of Gulf’s body curling closer to him as if the younger man isn’t even aware he is doing it.  “I can’t.” Gulf is saying, but he sounds like he’s not certain it is what he wants either. Mew unburries his face from Gulf’s shoulder and pulls up just enough until he is looking at the unobstructed view of Gulf’s face and has to swallow hard again at the way Gulf is looking up at him, his eyes glazed over, and his lips parted slightly.

Then, as if Gulf can read his mind, he drops his gaze and shakes his head, smiling as he does so. “I work here, you know?” he says, as if the reminder will somehow make a difference. Mew shakes his head, ducks down to press a soft, chaste kiss to the corner of Gulf’s lips. 

“So, employees are not allowed to sleep in one of the rooms here, is that what you’re saying?” he asks, but he’s certain that’s not it. Gulf huffs and pushes at him lightly in retaliation.

“Not really -”

“Then there’s no problem,” he counters readily. “Don’t you want to know if I can really finish the song if you stay?” he dares, but it sounded like a plea even in his own ears. 

Gulf rolls his eyes at him but at least he’s still not pushing him away or making a move to leave. Mew takes it as a win, at least for now.

“And why should it matter to me if you do?” Gulf chuckles, and God, he really needs to get his shit together, and maybe try not to lose it altogether just because the reason he’s so inspired these days is daring him right back. As if Gulf knows his presence means more than just him trying to keep the younger man here for the heck of it. 

And well, it’s not like he hasn’t just made it entirely too obvious about that either, because, seriously, he can’t seem to keep his big mouth shut when Gulf is around. Maybe he should but fuck it if he minds it so much because he doesn’t. He doesn’t. If it’s to keep Gulf close, to get him to stay just to be around him, then he’ll be honest. He’ll lay his cards and let Gulf decide if it’s worth it to be around him as well.

“I mean, you still have to finish it anyway, whether I’m here or not, so why should it matter if I stay?” 

He is quiet for a heartbeat before he nods. “You’re right, I still have to. But it won’t be easy and to be honest? I wouldn’t have been able to even get around and start writing it if it wasn’t for you.” he whispers.

Gulf blinks once. “I…What?”

He smiles at that and braces himself on one arm as he thumbs Gulf’s cheek softly. Then, he pulls away completely, away from Gulf and the warmth of his body beneath his own before he can talk himself out of it.

“You heard me.” he says. He picks up his guitar, then remembers something so he puts it down and gets up to find his phone. He unlocks it, searches for the app he needs and sets it, then puts it back down, picks up his guitar again and starts strumming.

He spies Gulf sitting up from the bed, frown etching his beautiful face, and for a moment, Mew wants to regret leaving him there in favor of sitting here by the edge of the bed and singing the rest of the song, his gaze never leaving Gulf’s face.

“Oh, every night I could see your face
I would never feel lonely, yeah
And in the middle of the summer breeze
You would takе my hand and hold me, yeah

Wherе are we now? The seas are storming
Can't make it out if I'm dead or I'm living
And where do we go when the sky keeps on falling?
Rain is pouring, and we're stuck in the middle.”

He pauses to catch his breath, smiles when he realizes Gulf is watching him, his hands fisting the sheets. The younger man looks like he can’t decide whether to be amazed or amused or something else and Mew shakes his head and looks away. The momentary pause gives him the courage he needs, only vaguely wondering how many songs he’ll be able to complete while he’s here, enjoying his supposed vacation and Gulf’s company. He peeks down and makes sure his phone is still recording, smiles. Well, at least he doesn’t have to write the words down as he comes up with them on the spot. Technology’s really goddamn helpful at times like this, it’s awesome.

He clears his throat and continues playing, closing his eyes as he sings the next part. 

“Forever love, whatever love could be
Tell me that you believe in our forever love now
Forever love, whatever love could be.”

He finishes, side-eyeing Gulf and throwing him a wink.  “There,” he says. “Almost done. I may have to add a few lines later though - woah! ” he scrambles to put the guitar away to catch Gulf, surprised and equal-parts giddy when Gulf settles on his lap, hands finding his face and leaning down to kiss him. 

“Unff, wait, Nong -”

“Shut up, P’Mew, just shut up and let me kiss you, god, you’re too much, shut up, fuck -” Gulf is muttering into his mouth, but Mew doesn’t let him finish. He’s kissing Gulf back with all he has, one hand resting at the small of Gulf’s back and the other buried on the younger’s hair to pull him down, close, closer, swallowing all the sounds Gulf makes and then doing it all over again.

-

He’s a little unsure if the look Tul is giving him means he knows something, but for his sake, he figures it is better that he pretends there’s nothing to tell. His friend scoots closer though, when instead of telling Tul what he wants to hear, he opted on focusing his attention on his barely touched lunch instead.

“What?” he snaps when he can’t take Tul literally breathing down his neck anymore. 

“Dude, you really want me to ask, huh? Seriously, just spill it. It’s not like you can keep it to yourself any more than you should because everyone here knows about it already. But I still want to hear it straight from your lips so, out with it. Come on. I’m listening.”

He shakes his head at that and takes his gaze back on the meat on his plate, but not before he looks around in search of a familiar face, his disappointment overshadowing his hunger when the only familiar face he sees is that of Tul’s stupid boyfriend.

“There’s nothing to tell, okay? Stop nagging and let me eat my lunch in peace. I’m paying for this shit, you know?”

Tul giggles at that. “You’re not even eating it,” his stupid friend comments blithely and Mew feels entirely justified for wanting to sock his grinning face. “Goodness, now you’re sulking. Is it because you haven’t seen your boy around? Uh, I think that’s my fault. I send him on an errand and -”

He is looking up so fast, hearing that, frowning at Tul and effectively cutting him off. “You what?”

Tul raises his hands in the air. “Woah, calm down, calm down. Please put the knife down first, yes, like that, right, okay, are you calm? Are you sure you’re not going to stab me in the face? I’m going to explain myself, okay?”

He is still frowning, but he realizes how he must look right now so he tries his best to look away, breathe in, breathe out, and try to calm down as his friend mentions Gulf’s name first. He’s looking back at Tul again before he  can stop himself, making a face when the first thing he sees is the stupid grin on his friend’s face.

“You should have told me you want to keep him around, P’Mew. I had no idea, okay? It wasn’t until Max mentioned it to me earlier before I found you stabbing that meat like it’s done you an injustice that I realized my idiot boyfriend wasn’t lying.”

He tries not to react harshly on that and instead asks, “What do you mean?”

Tul has the audacity to roll his eyes at him in answer. “Oh, are we going to pretend you didn’t hear me? Or should I ignore the fact that my cousin just happened to spend the entirety of last night with you and that he came out of your room this morning looking freshly fuc-”

“He’s your what?” he is hissing before Tul can finish what he is about to say, ignoring everything his friend might be hinting at and focusing on the one thing he’s certainly he would have remembered should he hear about it before. But no. He’s certain he’s just hearing about it now, what the fuck, is that the reason why Gulf had acted that way the first time they met?

“Who, Gulf? He’s my cousin. Why, you don’t know?”

How the hell is he supposed to know that if no one is going to tell him? “How would I? It’s not like I’m aware of your family tree, you bastard. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Huh? I didn’t think it was important?” Tul reiterates. “I mean, I figured by now, since you’re acquainted with each other and all that, he’d have told you already. You mean he didn’t?”

Mew feels like tearing his hairs out of sheer frustration. “No, he didn’t. So that’s why he… fuck, no wonder he was looking at me like I was crazy when I asked him to come over to take my orders that first time. Oh fuck.”

“You what?” Tul asks, his voice high-pitched and his laughing. The bastard is laughing, and Mew wants to punch him. 

He doesn’t though. He’s busy recalling that moment and the embarrassment makes him want to dig himself a hole and stay there forever. “The first time we met, I thought he was a server. Then, the next day when I saw him at the reception, I thought maybe he’s taking on different jobs at the hotel. Like an intern or something. Are you saying he’s not? Oh shit.”

Tul laughs. “Well, not exactly, but he does help out sometimes. He’s here on vacation too, you know? He’s still in University, though. It’s his last year, but they’re on break so his parents asked him to come here to, you know, rest. But he normally helps around, like you mentioned. Sometimes driving our guests around or welcoming them. But you’re saying -”

“Yes,” he says, burying his head in his hands. “Oh god, I’m such an idiot.” he mourns.

“There, there,” Tul pats him on the back, like he understands his pain (or in this case, his shame) and is hoping to ease it by saying, “You didn’t know, okay? And I don’t think Gulf minds it anyway. Otherwise, he would have corrected you then and there, but he didn’t. Guess he has his reason, my friend. So, you know, don’t sweat it. Just apologize for your mistake and, I don’t know, make it up with him or something. I’m sure you know the best way to do that.”

He groans into his elbow and doesn’t dare look up. “What are you even saying? I don’t think I can ever face him like this, I’m so ashamed. My god, he must think I’m -”

“What, Phi? Hey, are you crying, P’Mew? P’Tul, what did you do? What in hell happened?” 

It’s Gulf.

Oh God. Please kill me now.

Chapter Text

“Is he crying? P’Tul, did you make him cry?” Gulf keeps asking. He sounded genuinely worried that the thought of the younger man fussing over him as Mew refuses to look up, asking him to raise his head so Gulf can look at him properly only serves to make the embarrassment twisting in his gut worse. 

Next to him, his bastard of a best friend sure is having the time of his fucking life judging by the sound of his giggles. Mew wishes he can punch him on the mouth to make him stop but doesn’t want to risk Gulf seeing his face just yet. 

“He’s crying isn’t he?” Gulf asks yet again and Mew feels like crying for real now.

“I don’t know, maybe? I swear I didn’t do anything!” Tul quips unhelpfully, the jerk. Mew’s this close from throwing the first punch really and the only thing stopping him is the fact that Gulf is there, close enough to see him lose his shit because of his stupidity. 

He groans into his folded arm. “Shut your mouth, Pakorn, if you know what’s good for you. And go away before I forget you’re my friend and punch you in the face for being such a prick.” 

“I’m the prick?” Tul counters, sounding completely unperturbed. He swings his hand out in answer hoping his curled fist will somehow find its way to Tul’s jaw but instead, a warm hand catches it mid-swing and keeps it.

“Aww, Phi, don’t be like that. You’re hurting my feelings!” Tul counters dramatically as the hand that catches Mew’s own holds it down, fingers rubbing soothing touches across the backs of his knuckles tenderly.

“P’Tul, stop teasing please,” Gulf is saying next, which Tul returns with a playful huff. 

“I’m seriously not doing anything, Nong. It’s obvious P’Mew is overreacting.” Tul says defensively. Mew can even picture the bastard raising his arms in mock-surrender just to prove his point and really, sometimes, he can’t help but wonder how he ended up friends with the jerk.

Gulf’s answering sigh is both worrying and heart-warming it almost prompts him to lift his head just to watch him closely. 

“Let me be the judge of that, Phi,” Gulf says. “Um, that being said, is there anything else you needed from me? Otherwise, I’ll be taking my lunch break now, if it’s okay with you.” Gulf adds. 

“Awww, I see how it is, right, of course. Yes, Nong, sure. I’ll be taking my leave now. Let me know if you need help with anything, okay? And P’Mew? Uh, never mind. I’ll talk to you later.” 

Then, there’s silence, the sound of Tul’s fading footsteps the last thing he hears until Gulf speaks softly as if to remind that he is still there, holding his hand and keeping him company.

Another pause, a little longer this time that if it's not for Gulf’s hand still holding his own he would have thought Gulf already left. He screws his eyes shut, still feeling that phantom shame coursing through his veins and concentrates on breathing for now. He knows he will have to face Gulf at some point; he just needs the additional courage to do that, obviously. 

“P’Tul’s gone already,” Gulf whispers just loud enough for Mew to hear, the feel of his thumb rubbing soft touches across Mew’s knuckles.  

“It’s just the two of us here now, P’Mew. Just us. Are you going to tell me what’s going on or am I gonna have to squeeze it out of you?”

-

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks, hoping he doesn’t sound as anxious as he feels. He doesn’t mean to sound like it, but the longer he sits next to Gulf as he takes him for a slow drive along a familiar road, the harder it is to pretend he’s not presently considering throwing himself out of the moving car and suffer the painful consequences later. 

“I mean, you could have told me about it then but you didn’t. Why?”

Gulf must be frowning at him because of the question but Mew doesn’t bother checking. It is also highly probable that Gulf isn’t particularly bothered about the shit Mew’s currently beating himself up given his reaction earlier when Mew told him what was really bothering him, but seeing the indulging smile on Gulf’s face, he has a feeling he might be beating himself up for nothing.

Gulf sighs. “I didn’t think it mattered? I mean, it doesn’t. I’m used to it, alright? I swear there’s no harm done, so you know, just forget about it.” Gulf sounded unfazed and Mew can bet he looks like it too.  

He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “I mistook you for an employee, Gulf,” he starts, wondering if he does sound as frustrated and apologetic as he feels. “I asked you to do things for me from the very first time I met you because I thought you’re one of the hotel’s staff when you’re supposedly not. Oh my god, I’m so stupid.” he says.

He doesn’t mean to sound upset - he isn’t, he isn’t ; it’s certainly the embarrassment talking, so there’s the difference - although he’s pretty certain with the way he is making these elaborate hand gestures as he talks, Gulf will have a hard time telling the goddamn difference.

He doesn’t want to think he’s making a huge fuss over this matter but he can’t help it. He’s honestly still cringing at the memory of his stupidity and it doesn’t help that he feels like he owes Gulf more than the apology he deserves that he’s already given, and is very much willing to give again if he has to. Still, there’s a part of him that stubbornly refuses to take all the blame. That it’s not fair to pin this all on him when Gulf is obviously partly to blame, too. It’s not entirely his fault he thought Gulf’s an employee of the hotel when he’s not, that he’s actually the owner’s cousin and is just there at the hotel for vacation, just like Mew is.  

He also refuses to acknowledge it’s his fault that he finds Gulf attractive and that flirting with him feels like second nature to him, or that he enjoys hugging and kissing him for that matter because, how can he not? Gulf cannot seriously fault him for enjoying the younger’s company either - it’s obvious to anyone with eyes the feeling is mutual - though in all honesty, Gulf doesn’t really seem like he cares what anyone thinks, all things considered.

That last bit is obviously just an excuse for the way he’d simply couldn’t stay away from the younger man, something he had bravely admitted the night before when he’d asked, more like begged, for Gulf to stay. It’s an excuse, yes, but a valid one he tells himself to justify his growing affection and attachment to the younger man. 

But acknowledging he’s smitten over the younger man is one thing and realizing he’d unknowingly offended Gulf from the very beginning is another. 

“So stupid. I’m really sorry, Nong,” he breathes, keeping his eyes on his hands. Gulf says nothing and the ensuing silence makes him wince. 

He doesn’t even realize the car has stopped moving and that Gulf has also somehow decided to pull over at the beachside until they are there, Gulf shifting sideways to face him and calling out his name. A quick look outside the window tells him it’s the same spot he’s gone to the day before, the previous morning he decided to go for a drive after he’d gone out of his room in search of the younger man. 

Gulf looks at him, really looks at him, before he reaches over to take his hand and squeezes. 

“Gulf -”

Gulf shakes his head and cuts him off with a curt, “You’re not stupid, P’Mew,” his voice and his eyes pleading Mew finds it hard to look away. “So seriously, stop. It was my fault for not telling you, or anyone for that matter. I just…I don’t normally go around telling people that I’m related to the owner of the hotel simply because I don’t think it should matter. And it doesn’t, Phi. I mean, P’Tul and his family’s always been kind enough to let me come here when I’m on break from school, and I help out because it’s the only way I can repay him and his family for their kindness.”

Gulf pauses to breathe. It takes Mew a moment to really understand what Gulf actually means as he explains himself. The sincerity in the way he speaks of Tul and his family, and the underlying gratitude in his every word. There’s no mistaking it. 

Gulf casts him another look. “Being his cousin doesn’t mean I have a part in whatever P’Tul or his family owns, P’Mew. So, you know, if you’re feeling bad because you think you’ve offended an heir, don’t worry because you didn’t. I’m just a poor relative of the hotel’s owner. I’m here because P’Tul is kind enough to let me stay here, as a courtesy to my parents. So please quit making a big deal out of this little misunderstanding. You didn’t offend anyone, least of all me just because you thought you'd mistaken me for an employee. If it will make things easier for you, then just think of me as one, I don’t mind, I promise.” Gulf says, smiling like he means every word. If Mew’s going to be honest about it, knowing Gulf, he probably does.

He gives Gulf a look, certain that the warmth settling in his chest as he gives Gulf a quick once over means his affection is turning into something much deeper now despite knowing it shouldn’t be. Everything Gulf said explains why he doesn’t even seem the least bit upset about Mew’s honest mistake, or why he didn’t even bother correcting Mew the first chance he got. 

“I get what you’re saying, Nong, believe me I do, but it still doesn’t make me feel any less embarrassed for the way I treated you the first time we met.” he says, cringing inwardly at the memory of their first encounter, of Gulf’s reaction when he’d waved the younger man over to ask for a drink.  

Gulf chuckles at that as if he can’t help it. Mew watches the way Gulf’s chestnut lips curl into a smile, taking his breath away at the sight of it. 

“Okay, I must admit that that was pretty funny. It wasn’t exactly the first time someone called me over for something but it was certainly the first time I was called over to bring them drinks and dinner. Usually, guests have called me over to ask me about how to go to this place and that, sometimes to check if I can help them with their reservations but never once I’ve been mistaken for a server. So imagine my surprise when I saw you waving me over and asked me to get your order. I thought for a second you were calling someone else, but no. You really thought I was a server, didn’t you?”

He slaps a hand roughly across his face and groans against it. “Yes, but you could have said something then!” he grumbles, masking his embarrassment with annoyance. 

Gulf laughs, humming softly under his breath as he taps Mew’s clothed knee in a way he supposed should be reassuring. “Oe, oe, oe,” Gulf says, “Hey, I’m just teasing you, Phi. As I said, it’s not your fault. It’s just that you’re so cute when you’re shy. Come on now. Are you still upset with me? How do you suppose I should make it better?”  Gulf inquires, and for a moment there, Mew finds himself unable to keep from smiling. 

He figures there really isn’t any reason why he should be worried when Gulf clearly is not. There’s no sense in letting himself wallow in it and waste the limited time he has with Gulf by sulking. That is stupid.

So, he won’t.

He’s still smiling when he shifts sideways to face Gulf, this time catching him by surprise by tugging him roughly forward to him, his other hand shielded against the gearshift just to make sure it won’t jab Gulf on the hip. The momentary pain against his own hand compensates for the way Gulf’s focus narrows on him in an instant, his heart pounding hard through his ribcage as he crosses the tiny distance between them to nip at Gulf’s bottom lip lightly.

“With this,” he whispers hoarsely, this time giving Gulf’s upper lip the attention it deserves. He even lets his tongue join in the fun and is soon rewarded with a breathy moan for his efforts. When he pulls back, Gulf’s eyes are lidded heavily, his cheeks flushed with crimson. 

“Right,” Gulf’s voice trembles at the word and Mew wants nothing but to dive back in and kiss him again. He feels fingers working their way from his elbows up to his forearms, before finding their way to the front of his shirt and gripping it. “Is that enough though? You’re not mad anymore?” Gulf asks, lowly.

Mew knows a dare when he hears one. 

“Fuck no.” he grunts before he’s surging forward to seal his mouth over Gulf’s own once again, stealing the breath straight from the younger’s mouth and shoving his tongue past Gulf’s lips for a thorough taste.

-

He’s not gonna lie, he honestly didn’t expect things to turn out this way when Gulf proposed they go for a drive. He’d been so embarrassed that he couldn’t even look Gulf in the eyes, worried he’d see something in those pretty eyes he loves staring at especially when he’s certain Gulf’s not looking.

“Phi, please, I -” the tremor in Gulf’s voice propels him to be brave, braver than he can ever be, in public, because that’s exactly where they are right now, holy fuck. He’s holding Gulf close to him, a hand pressed against the small of Gulf’s back as he licks his way from Gulf’s collarbone to his chin, nipping his way up to the corner of Gulf’s mouth before slanting their lips together for a hard kiss. Gulf sways on his lap like he wants more than what Mew’s all ready to give, grinding his hips in a way so filthy and driving Mew out of his mind with want.

When they pull apart, their lips smack wetly that the sound of it goes straight to Mew’s dick. He’s so hard that it’s borderline painful, and judging with the way Gulf’s crotch is bumping against his stomach with every forward roll, it’s evident that he is, too.

Gulf turns to nuzzle his cheek as Mew winds both arms around Gulf to stop him moving, lips searching Gulf’s own. It’s so warm in all the places they are touching, and it doesn’t help that Gulf is making those noises even when Mew’s halted his movements by grounding him.

“Phi, why are we stopping?” Gulf whines, low and needy, and it’s all Mew can do not to pull him down for another kiss. He’s trying to control himself but Gulf isn’t making it easier. “Come on, just let me…I want to -”

“I know, Nong, but are you sure you want to do it here?” he wheezes, reaching up to touch the corner of Gulf’s mouth hoping he’ll be able to calm him down by doing so. He looks up and finds Gulf already staring him down, his eyes so dark they are almost black with want.

“In the car, here at the beachside, in broad daylight?” he adds, just to remind Gulf where they are and how bad of an idea this is even though a part of him is finding this side of Gulf so damn sexy he might even end up forgetting his own common sense if Gulf says he doesn’t care.

Gulf looks him over and bites his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood, and Mew stares at it contemplating what to do. 

“Are you saying you can wait until we’re in the privacy of your hotel room to do this? Because I can’t, Phi.” Gulf says matter of factly, lips curled with fierce determination as he drags a hand through Mew’s hair and tugs until Mew has no choice but to lean up, baring his neck to Gulf for more access.

“It’s the middle of the afternoon. We should be safe, P’Mew.” Gulf says, tongue licking a wet trail from Mew’s jaw to his throat. 

Fuck it. 

“Touch me, Phi. Please touch me.” It sounded like a plea and Mew knows he’s lost even though it doesn’t feel like it.

Chapter Text

“Like this, Phi,” Gulf is breathless, his voice high-pitched and ragged. He sets his hand on top of Mew’s own, guiding it where he wants it. Mew’s breath hitches the moment his palm touches the bulge tenting the front of Gulf’s pants, warming him all the fuck over at the feel of its overwhelming heat under his fingers.

“Touch me like this, please.” it sounds like a plea and a command rolled into one. Mew doesn’t have it in him to refuse Gulf when he’s pleading for it this way, as if he’s going to physically combust if Mew doesn’t touch him the way he wants to be touched. 

And Mew wants to give it all to him, everything the younger wants in this moment, but something tells him to hold back, breathe through the almost debilitating haze enough to stop. He stills his hand rubbing Gulf’s cock through the fabric of his trousers and feels more than hears all the frustrated noises the younger man tries not to make when Mew halts all movements, yet unable to stop himself from smiling when a whine slips through Gulf’s perfect mouth just the same.

“Phiiiiiiiii, come on!” Gulf whines anyway, tugging at their joined hands and urging him to continue. Mew lets him do what he wants for a moment, casting his eyes downward to where Gulf is guiding Mew’s hand over the length of his cock through his pants and moaning, before he pulls his hand away completely.

“Phi - !” this time, Gulf doesn’t only sound frustrated, he looks like it too. Mew feels bad for him, he does, but he knows he has to do this first lest he’ll lose the nerve. 

“Shhh, I know Nong, I know , but there’s something I need to talk to you about first, okay? Please, please, I…will you hear me out?” he asks, certain he’s the one who’s pleading this time around, but he doesn’t really care. Using the hand he’d tugged away to touch Gulf earlier, he caresses Gulf’s cheek, his jaw, brushing soft touches across the underside of Gulf’s eyes hoping the gesture will be enough to calm him down. 

It does, but just barely, especially when he can still feel the thundering beat of Gulf’s pulse under his fingertips when he sets his palm across the younger’s nape. 

Gulf pouts in answer - childish and yet charming and so, so beautiful - and Mew has to summon all restraints just to keep himself from pulling Gulf right back and ravishing him with a kiss. Instead, he swallows past the urge and sets Gulf back on the seat next to him, needing his warmth and his presence away from him for a moment so he could think.

This time, the look Gulf gives him is so telling Mew wants to regret wanting to talk this out, but he soldiers on.

“I need to tell you something,” he says, or at least starts to, keeping his eyes locked on his hands fidgeting on his lap despite the urge to keep looking at Gulf’s face instead.  

“That better be more important than what we are doing previously or I swear to God I’m gonna be pissed.” Gulf mutters, with feelings, making Mew snort derisively despite himself.

He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “Before we take things further, I need you to know the reason why I’m here.” he says, bile rising in his mouth at the words. He honestly didn’t plan on talking about it, but something urges him to. 

He looks at Gulf briefly, sees the confusion on the younger’s face. Part of him wants to forget it all, back up and tell Gulf it’s not really that important - it shouldn’t be, and Gulf doesn’t have anything to do with it anyway - but he knows it’s the opposite. Being with Gulf here, in the island, at this moment in particular, makes him feel like he owes Gulf more than just the portion of the truth he’s told him the night before. 

And it’s not that it should even matter now when he can’t even remember how it feels, the pain he thought he’s never going to get over with. Can’t even remember the face of the person he left Bangkok to forget now that he thinks about it. He draws a breath and slowly lifts his eyes to where Gulf is, finding him looking back at him quizzically. The blush on his tanned cheeks that goes down to his neck and up and his ears, his perfect mouth parts slightly as he breathes. 

He chuckles to himself and shakes his head. This isn’t part of the plan, at all. He told himself he’s going to just let things be, enjoy the time he has with Gulf until he has to return home to Bangkok knowing it’s just temporary. And it had been that way at first. He knows the deal, after all. Knows he’s not supposed to complicate things further by letting himself in deeper than he knows he can handle. But being with Gulf like this, the feeling that he’s at the right place at the right time when Gulf is kissing him? It’s just different and he knows it. Like the universe telling him he won’t ever have this again if he loses it.

“I thought it’s because of the song you’re writing, or did I also mishear that part last night?” Gulf asks.

“That’s part of the reason, yes,” he says, remembering that conversation and the way it left him feeling hollowed out, empty. “But it’s just the result of the real reason why my management decided to send me away. I couldn’t write anything at home and they kind of need me to or else we’d be in trouble.”

“So, you need to find your inspiration to write and it’s not happening back home?” Gulf is asking next, obviously trying to understand what in hell Mew is getting at. “Is there any particular reason why?”

He bites his lips and nods. “I was…heartbroken.” he says, and the unspoken ‘Well, I thought I was’ remains unsaid.

There’s a pause, followed by an awkward silence he seriously wishes he can dispel right away but couldn’t. 

“...okay,” Gulf agrees, breaking the silence with a noisy clearing of his throat. “I see.” he says as he pushes away, very slightly as if he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it, but Mew notices it anyway.

He sighs. His hands itch to reach out, pull Gulf back, close, but he knows he can’t do that unless he’s properly explained himself. So, he doesn’t, and does his best to hold himself back, moving his hands under him and sitting on them instead just to be safe.

“We weren’t together though,” he begins, glancing up at Gulf, watching his eyes narrow in confusion. He looks down, trying to find the right words to explain it but realizes that he can’t. 

“It’s complicated.” he settles on the one that doesn’t sound like a lie and leaves it at that.

Another long stretch of silence, then Gulf breaking it again by asking, “What exactly do you want me to say, Phi?” he questions. The truth is, Mew has no fucking idea either. “I mean, if you want to tell me you’re feeling guilty for making out with me while you’re here, then it’s fine, we can stop. It’s not like I’m forcing you to -”

“Gulf, no, it’s not that, okay? Stop. Please, it’s not -” he cuts in, and now he’s frustrated too, but that’s his fault, isn’t it? He’s blown this shit out of proportion because of his stupidity and his inability to explain things properly and seeing and hearing the answering frustration from Gulf isn’t helping. 

But, fuck, that’s understandable too.

He bravely reaches over before Gulf can flinch away, working his fingers around Gulf’s wrist, tentative at first before tightening his grasp completely. Gulf thankfully doesn’t pull away but the look on his face tells Mew he’s considering it.

“Hear me out. Please?” he asks, tasting regret in his tongue. Fuck his stupid big mouth for ruining this. Ah, damn it. “Please Nong?” he squeezes lightly and gets a big, deep huff of breath in answer. 

Gulf nods, in resignation or something else Mew doesn’t know but he’ll take it. So long as Gulf listens, he’ll be more than glad to get it all out of his chest.

Well, here goes nothing.

-

“You do realize you still have to record this, right?” once again, P’Tasz doesn’t bother with the niceties. Reminding Mew that he has a job he needs to go back to, and that slacking isn’t an option, no matter how hard he’s denying it. 

“And you have to shoot for the MV. The jacket cover and all the other shit to get that single out.” she adds, eyeing him through the screen like she knows he’s about to come up with an excuse to justify his plans on extending his vacation. “We can probably make it in two weeks, but less than that isn’t gonna work and you know it.”

He sighs, barely resisting the urge to tell his whining, cold-hearted manager off. “The recording will only take at least two days, woman, what are you even saying? And the MV shoot should be done in a day, it’s not that complicated.” he reiterates. “Give me another week. You owe me that much at least.” 

“Three days,” she counters, unapologetically. “Take it or leave it.”

He snorts. “Well in that case I’m taking it,” he says, grinning at the way she glares at him through the screen. “What, you gave me a choice. So, I’m taking it. End of discussion.”

“Mew!” she screeches, looking like she’s trying her hardest not to pull her hair out of sheer frustration. “You’re not thinking clearly. You know you can’t do that. You’re going to jeopardize everything just because -”

He sighs and lifts a hand to cut her off. “I just need a few more days here to think, Phi, is that too much to ask? And we can always postpone the release of the single. We did it before, we can do it again, right?”

She looks at him as if he’s crazy. “Is it because of the guy?” she asks, blunt as ever.

He looks away. “No.”

“Mew,”

He heaves a sigh. “Fine. Yes. Okay, yes,” he admits, shaking his head. The silence takes him back to this afternoon, in the car, by the beachside, talking to Gulf and literally baring his soul for Gulf to see, hoping he’ll understand. “I just…I need more time to figure shit out, Phi.”

Silence follows, a brief stretch of it that allows Mew to think back on what he’d said, what he’d proposed. Gulf’s answering silence hurts, but he knows better than to take offense. To be fair, he gets it. The reluctance, the need to pull away so he could think. The space to breathe. To slow down because clearly, things are going too fast for their liking.

And he didn’t mean things to get there so quickly but he can’t help that either, so before everything goes to hell because of his stupid heart and his stupid emotions getting in the way, he has to talk it out.

So, he did.

Guess he just didn’t expect things to turn out this way, all things considered.

“What’s there to figure out anyway?” she asks, once again pulling him out of his quiet musing. “Is he giving you trouble? Is this what it’s about?” she makes that face that says she’s already in defensive mode. Mew chuckles back at her, partly amused by her reaction.

“He’s not, okay? And if anything, I think it’s my fault. I may have said something he’s not ready to hear, so that’s on me.” it probably is, and now it is his job to fix it. 

He’d tried. He really did, earlier, but it wasn’t to be, at least not yet. Gulf’s phone going off stopped him, and then the next thing he realized was Gulf shifting to open the door to his side and letting himself out of the passenger’s seat.

Duty calls, was the only explanation he was given, and right then, it was enough. He followed Gulf out to sit back at the front, spending the entire car ride back to the hotel in relative silence. They parted ways at the front of the hotel, Gulf excusing himself, briefly giving him a look that spoke volumes. Mew could only stand there, watching the younger as he walked away feeling like his heart had been ripped out of his chest as he followed Gulf’s retreating form until he was out of his reach.

“You didn’t…ask him to marry you, or did you?” she asks, looking like she’s actually terrified this might be the case. He sputters, both in amusement and in surprise. “What? You said you told him something he’s not ready to hear, so I’m just trying to guess what might have happened okay? So, you didn’t propose?”

“I didn’t, what the fuck are you even saying?” 

She snorts at that. “Alright. So, what happened?”

He shrugs. “Maybe I scared him away? I don’t really know.” he says, although a part of him kind of does.  

“Or maybe you’re just overthinking things. You tend to do that a lot, you know? How about you try and talk to him again? If it still doesn’t work out, maybe it’s for the best.” she quips, eyeing him through the screen thoughtfully. “You're sure it’s not because he found out you’re a celebrity?” she asks then, like an afterthought.

He shakes his head in affirmation. “He found out about that before we kissed. Remember, at the beach?”

She rolls her eyes at the reminder. “Ugh, don’t remind me. I’m still on edge just thinking about it. I’ve actually been wondering how there’s no video of it circulating the internet but I want to think you’re just lucky. But just in case, I’m still on the lookout. You never know with these things. One day you’re just calmly scrolling through your feed and then the next, BAM! There’s you sucking face with someone just to drive us crazy.”

“It was just one time, and we were just playing!” he bristles, remembering that video with him and his classmate in acting class. He didn’t even know who leaked the stupid thing, and it happened long ago that he’d almost forgotten about it. 

“Huh, could’ve fooled me, really.” 

He sighs at that. “Whatever. Anyway, one more week. Tweak your calendar a bit, I’m sure you can do it.”

She gives him another look. “Five days.” she all but growls at him in answer.

He narrows his eyes but the look on her face tells him she’s serious. “Fine. Five days. But if you can wrangle that extra two days for me, I’ll love you forever.”

She scowls at that, as if the very idea is offending at best. “I don’t need your love, Suppasit. How about a raise?” she asks sweetly.

“Go talk to my mother, then.” he says with a grin, and ends the call before she can say anything.

Five days. That should give him plenty of time to work things out while he’s here. Talking is one of them. Get Gulf to see what he meant when he’d shared that bit about himself and that person. The almost-relationship that messed him up and why he’d rather not make the same mistake twice.

And well, he was planning on getting to the part where he wishes they could try. That maybe, this thing that they have doesn’t have to be just this - like a brief encounter, a forgettable summer affair like any other. Mew knows it’s going to take a lot of hard work to be able to do it, but he wants to.

Truth be told, he refuses to leave the island - and by extension, Gulf - with all these complicated feelings wearing him down. Part of the reason he agreed to leave Bangkok is to forget, but he can’t use the same excuse going back home knowing it’s not going to work. He won’t only be leaving with memories of him and Gulf together if he does that, but more. 

Maybe this time if he did leave, it’s not just his job that will suffer. He might really be going home with a heart so broken that there’s no way to ever fix it if he doesn’t make an effort to do something, anything, to make Gulf understand that he wants this, whatever this is between them right now. He wants it here and he wants to take it with him when he goes back home.

But the question is, does Gulf want the same thing or is it just him?

-

He doesn’t feel like leaving the room. He’s hungry but he doesn’t feel like eating. The events from today are gnawing at him like a plague and it’s not a good feeling, especially with how he’s supposed to have decided to do better.

He doesn’t even want to check his phone to see if Gulf’s replied to the message he’d sent after his talk with his manager. Part of him is scared he won’t find any, and the other part is terrified there’s an answer but one that will put an end to everything he wishes he doesn’t have to forget.

He’s lying on the bed on his back, contemplating things in his head and scaring himself in the process. Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything. Maybe he should have just left things as they are and let fate do its work. After all, he and Gulf found each other here, met each other and are having a damn good time together only to be halted by his stupidity.

Maybe he should apologize. Tell Gulf he’s fine with whatever he’s willing to give. He can’t promise to be there everytime Gulf needs him anyway so maybe that’s what he should do. 

That’s right. He should do that.

He pulls himself into a sitting position, eyeing his phone charging on the nightstand, contemplating snatching it but thinks better of it and takes the keycard instead before dragging himself towards the direction of the door. He fixes his hair and straightens his shirt before he pulls the door open.

And stops.

Gulf is standing there, looking furious. Or worried, or scared or both. At this point, he can’t really tell anymore. He’s stepping forward before he can stop himself, hands reaching for Gulf, finding his elbows first and holding on. 

“What - Nong? What’s wrong -”

Gulf pushes forward, wheezing, barely managing to close the door behind them before his arms fling around Mew and effectively startling him. Lips pressed against his neck, arms worming around him so tightly, and somehow, Mew’s world rights itself once again, with Gulf here in his arms, his scent surrounding him as Mew breathes him in.

Chapter Text

“Nong, is everything okay? Did something happen?” he tries to be gentle, he wants to be, as he cards his fingers through Gulf’s raven black hair. Gulf shakes his head but doesn’t let up, doesn’t let go either and instead his arms tighten around Mew in answer, face buried into the juncture between his neck and shoulder.

He figures he can ask questions later as he backs them slowly inside, an arm around Gulf’s waist and the other round the back of his neck, cradling his head in place. 

There’s so much he wants to say, to ask, but at this moment, nothing feels more important than making sure Gulf is alright. 

And he’ll make sure of it. Even with his heart beating crazy fast in his chest like this, even when he is terrified and equal-parts melting at the feel of Gulf’s body pressed against his own.

“Nong?” he tries again, sitting them down on the edge of the bed the moment they reach it.

Gulf hums raggedly into his neck, his breath warm and real and there.  

“What’s wrong?” He purposely keeps his voice low, soft, coaxing Gulf out of his hiding as he threads his fingers through Gulf’s hair.

“You weren’t answering my texts, Phi.” Gulf answers simply, fingers tightening against the front of Mew’s shirt. He sounded desperate, breathless in a way that makes the skin at the back of Mew’s neck tingle, and for some reason, he feels a little desperate too.

Gulf’s voice falters just the slightest bit and Mew’s heart aches for a completely different reason altogether. 

“Or my calls. I thought… fuck, I thought maybe you left or something.” Gulf breathes into the juncture between Mew’s neck and shoulder, hands drifting to his hips and staying there.

He finds that he’s smiling despite the circumstances, setting his own hands around the small of Gulf’s back and pulling him closer.

“Without talking to you or telling you I’m leaving? That’s not gonna happen, Nong.” he says.

Gulf shakes his head in answer. “But you’re not answering, so I thought -”

“Sorry, I haven’t checked my phone,” he explains, quickly cutting Gulf off. “I was - am charging it.” he murmurs. He figures a small lie won’t hurt, and at this point, he’d rather do that than upset Gulf more than he probably already does.

Gulf hums in answer, shaking his head without moving away. “You’re…you’re not mad at me?”

He chuckles, completely unprepared hearing that question. “I’m not. Why would you think that?” he counters, shifting until he’s got Gulf’s legs up on his lap and tugging the younger man closer. 

Gulf looks up then and Mew has this strong urge to kiss his pouting lips. He doesn’t. Instead, he reaches up to stroke Gulf’s cheek, the corner of his mouth and offers him a smile. God, he can look at Gulf forever, can kiss him and hold him like this forever and - fuck, what in hell is he even thinking?

He breathes through his nose and files the thought away for now as he searches Gulf’s face.

“Because I might have upset you for what happened earlier?” Gulf says; it’s phrased as a question, but Mew wonders why it should be. For one, being upset is completely different from what he felt when Gulf walked away from him barely saying anything, and for another, he knows he doesn’t have any right to be.

He cups Gulf’s chin, keeping their eyes locked together and shakes his head. He’s going to have to talk things through with this guy even if it’s hard. 

“You didn’t.” he starts, caressing Gulf’s skin. “I know it was sudden and…and unexpected and I get why you felt the need to stay away for a bit, I promise I get it. I mean, I’m sure you didn’t expect I’d go all emotional on you when we were just, you know, making out like two horny teenagers just minutes before so, you know, it’s okay.” It isn’t, but for both their sakes, he figures he should just keep that to himself and instead opting on keeping things light, hoping his lame attempt at humor will work.

It probably won’t, but at least he tried.

Gulf blinks at him. “I mean it, Nong.” he adds, squeezing Gulf’s chin before he is leaning in to rub their noses together. 

Gulf sighs. “This is stupid,” he mutters, shaking his head. He’s turning red and this close, it’s so easy to spot the exact moment his face turns darker when he blushes. 

He laughs and pulls Gulf to him again, unable to contain himself. “I think it’s cute. You’re very cute, I just want to keep holding you. Can I?” he asks, as he drops a kiss to the tips of Gulf’s nose this time.

Gulf huffs, seemingly offended, but it looks and sounds half-hearted at best. His Nong is the cutest. So, so cute. 

“As if you’re not doing that already.” Gulf reiterates, pouting, and holy crap, he’s adorable.

“Hmm,” he acknowledges Gulf with a hum. “What if I want to do more?” he dares, gaze catching Gulf’s own. He’s braver now, bolder, and he wants Gulf to know that whatever uncertainty he was harboring prior is gone. And it’s place, this determination to have Gulf however he can have him, to beg if that’s what it would take to get his hands on him again.

Gulf chuckles, shifting to bury his face into the crook of his neck once again, his breath as warm as the rest of him. “As if I’ll ever stop you, P’Mew.” 

He chuckles back and drops a kiss to the top of Gulf’s head and smiles.

“Yeah. You wouldn’t, would you?” and somehow, he knows this is true.

-

He’s certain there’s a much bigger reason Gulf is here than just to make sure he hadn’t left or offended him for walking away earlier, probably to talk or something, but he’s thoroughly enjoying having the younger’s weight on him to even care. He’s smoothing a hand across Gulf’s back as they sit there breathing each other in, just basking on Gulf’s presence right here, right now.

It’s calming in a way he’s never experienced before, this lull that took place after that brief conversation they had. And he likes it. He likes it as much as everything else that he feels when Gulf is around, so much that he thinks he might be insane for hoping he can take it with him when he leaves the island to go back to his life. 

Back to Bangkok and everything he’s tried to run away from for at least a few weeks.

“We’re even now though, I think.” Gulf murmurs a little while later, rubbing his face against Mew’s neck as he speaks, his tone laced with thinly-veiled amusement, maybe embarrassment, Mew can’t really tell. 

“Hmm?” he hums his question, feeling much too content to be making an effort to speak, much more think.

Gulf pushes his face into his throat and sighs. “Because clearly, you’re not the only one who’s acting like an emotional woman on her period.” Gulf mutters, voice muffled into his skin that Mew has to strain hard just to comprehend what the younger man is actually saying.

He laughs because, how can he not when Gulf is being so adorable like this? He gathers him in and plants another kiss to his hair, working a hand around the back of his head, prompting him out of his hiding. Gulf does, blinking slowly up at him. God, he’s so cute and so pretty and Mew wants to kiss him, devour him with his mouth and do it all over again.

“Why? Are you being emotional now?” he counters, unperturbed, opting on keeping his tone light, teasing. He’s not sure where they’re going with this, but a part of him wishes they get there together.

Gulf’s grip against his shirt-front loosens visibly and his eyes dart elsewhere in answer. The pout he is sporting looks even more adorable up close and shit, he really wants to kiss Gulf right now he has to breathe through the almost blinding need just to take his mind off it. 

He has to, he needs to, despite the difficulty. 

“Can’t you tell?” Gulf says, blushing, his face all pink and pretty and damn, if it’s not an admission, Mew honestly doesn’t know what else it is. “I feel ridiculous, to be honest.” Gulf says mournfully, and there’s that tinge of embarrassment in his voice. Mew gathers him in, squeezes him tightly, helpless in the face of such cuteness.

“Don’t be,” he whispers, rubbing Gulf’s earlobe with the soft pads of his thumb and forefinger, loving the way the gesture is making the younger man hum back at him in answer. “I like you like this too. It’s very cute. So damn cute. My cute Nong.” 

Gulf laughs, open and honest, and God, Mew is so, so screwed. 

“Hmf. Remind me again why I’m here, please? Because I’m positive it’s not so you can shower me with compliments or whatever the hell it is you’re doing.” Gulf mutters as he pushes himself away from Mew’s hold, tsks when he tightens his arms around the younger’s hips on cue. 

“Let go, Phi.” Gulf scowls, but it looks and sounds half-hearted that Mew can’t help but work his arms around Gulf in counter just to feel him squirm weakly away from his grip.

“Why? I’m perfectly content right here, with you in my arms like this. You won’t hear me complaining, I swear.”

Gulf slaps him lightly on the chest in retaliation. “Oh yeah? Well, too bad because now I remember why I’m here and it’s clearly not to be cuddled like a fluffy teddy bear. I mean it, P’Mew. Let. Go. Of. Me.”

“Aww, but I want to keep holding you, Nong. You can keep talking and I’ll keep hugging you, it’s not a problem. Please na?”

Gulf rolls his eyes at him as if he can’t decide whether to smack him right on the face for talking. He doesn’t really care though. He’ll gladly welcome the pain if it means he’ll get to hold Gulf like this all night long. 

Oh shit, he’s doing it again. Fuck, he’s really, really screwed. 

“Oh my god, stop it. Why are you being so - argh, damn it. Damn you. How am I supposed to talk to you about…about earlier if you’re like this?” he mutters. 

He grins despite himself, feeling that overwhelming urge to kiss Gulf resurfacing yet again. “Like what?” he asks.

Gulf huffs. “Like a goddamn adorable koala. There. I said it. You should be ashamed of yourself, you know. Holy shit, you’re smiling? This isn’t a smiling matter, Phi! This is embarrassing and you’re -”

“Possibly falling for you, and God, I can’t really help it, can I?” he says, cutting Gulf off. Gulf shuts his mouth so quickly it looks almost hilarious if not for the way his eyes have gone as wide as saucers and his jaw dropped, his perfect mouth hanging open.

He keeps the smile on his face as he thumbs the corner of Gulf’s mouth, soft and gentle as he leans over to rest their foreheads together.

“Or maybe I’m wrong,” he whispers, and it feels like a confession and a plea rolled into one. He breathes harshly into the tiny space between their faces and bumps their noses together, smiles when Gulf lets out a whining sound from the back of his throat and closes his eyes.

He’s so beautiful like this, and Mew can’t help but reach over and stroke his cheek, the soft skin beneath his eyes, before setting his palm against the lovely curve of his jaw and keeping it there.

“Because I think I’m already there, Nong.”

-

Gulf is silent after that. 

It’s worrying, in a way, more so when it’s obvious his silence might mean several ugly things he honestly doesn’t want to think of right now lest he’ll scare himself. Gulf sits still and Mew can only hold him steady as they let the moment pass.

He knows better than to keep talking when he can literally hear Gulf’s heart beating rapidly in his ribcage, the sound rivaling the noises of his own thundering hard in his chest.

Gulf’s fingering the collar of his shirt as the minutes tick by. He must be thinking about the unexpected confession, about all the shit Mew’s been throwing his way since pretty much the first time they met and really, can he even blame him? 

No, he wouldn’t.  

He shouldn’t, but it’s still a little heartbreaking to sit here watching him, expecting the silence and equally dreading it.

“Please say something,” he whispers when the silence drags on longer than he is comfortable with. “Nong?” he calls, searching Gulf’s face for a moment before dropping his gaze on Gulf’s lips, caught up once again at the sight of that soft smile tugging at the corner of the younger’s mouth.

It’s surprising, to say the least, but the ache in his chest eases just the tiniest bit at the sight of that smile, allowing him to offer one of his own in return.

“Yes P’Mew?” Gulf whispers, his voice a little strange, a little high-pitched and breathy and that little knot forming at the pit of his stomach jumps and swirls in an almost giddy manner in answer.

He sighs heavily and leans over to plant a kiss to Gulf’s shoulder, before dropping his forehead there.

“You’re so quiet, I just…I can’t stand it.” he whispers. Maybe he’s whining, but at this point he finds that he doesn’t really care.

Gulf shifts a little to accommodate him, hums when he turns to nuzzle his nose against the fabric of Gulf’s shirt. Gulf’s fingers tighten on his shirt-front, chuckles softly in answer.

“What if I’m just thinking?” and there it is, an answer to the doubt eating at him. He hums in reply and buries his face further into the juncture between Gulf’s neck and shoulder, basking on the warmth he finds there. 

“About me going all emotional on you again, I bet,” he mutters, which Gulf answers with a good-natured laugh, giggling like he’s enjoying this, whatever the hell this is that’s happening between them right now.

“Hmm.”

He squeezes Gulf’s calf and rubs his face on his shoulder. He’s being a complete pest and he knows it. He’s acting like a clingy girlfriend and he knows that too. Gulf doesn’t seem to mind it anyway, and so he won’t, either.

“You’re laughing at me,” he means to sound accusing but it’s a little difficult to act the part when he’s feeling anything but. It’s ridiculous, if not embarrassing, and God, he’s hopeless. He’s absolutely enamored over everything that Gulf does, that Gulf is, and goddamnit, he’s absolutely fucked.

“Hmm.”

He sighs, shifting to unbury his face from Gulf’s shoulder, lifting his head so he could properly look the younger man over. He’s smiling; it’s soft and beautiful and a little heartbreaking.

“I like you,” he says, and this time he hopes to god Gulf knows he means it. He doesn’t look away, keeps his eyes on Gulf and repeats it. “I really, really like you, Gulf.” he whispers.

“Is it okay?” he asks, and this time, he knows he sounds a little desperate.

Gulf gives him a look, a smile, and his hand reaches up to cup his cheek, nodding just the slightest bit.

“Okay, Phi.” 

For him, now, it is enough.

-

“So you’re dating him.” 

He shrugs. They haven’t really talked about it, and as far as he is concerned, they are less likely to talk about given the circumstances. And it’s not like he much rather not put any label on what he and Gulf have at the moment, he just knows those things can wait until things are settled on both their ends to make it happen.

Tul eyes him contemplatively. “Alright, so you’re not dating him. But why the fuck not?” 

He chuckles and puts his guitar down to give his best friend the attention he deserves. 

“Not yet,” he says, hoping he sounds as hopeful as he feels. “It’s complicated.” and god, isn’t that the whole truth of it? 

And it’s not like he’s not sure of what he feels, he is, but there’s still this thing about himself that he’s not ready to face yet. He doesn’t want Gulf to feel like he’s a rebound or something, and the last thing he wants is to rush things with the younger man and regret hurting him in the end. 

And he might, he might just end up hurting Gulf if he’s not careful, if he can’t be certain he’s ready to dive into this without thinking things through. Admitting he likes Gulf is an entirely different ballgame from outright asking him out to be his , and he’s not that stupid to take that plunge so suddenly and risk fucking things up in the end.

“You’re still hung up over that asshat who thinks he’s god’s gift to the human race, aren’t you?” Tul inquires matter-of-factly.

“Jesus, no.” and on this he is quite certain, but maybe his best friend has a point for asking about it. “Rest assured, your cousin’s not a rebound. I’ve been over that person way before I even got here.” okay, that maybe is a little untrue, but Tul doesn’t really have to know about that little, irrelevant detail.

“Fine. Then, what’s stopping you from dating him? It’s your job, isn’t it?”

Well, that’s one, sure, and then the uncertainty of him not being enough. Or worthy, for some stupid reason. Gulf deserves to be given all he’s got to make the younger happy, and while he knows he can and is willing to offer that and more, he’s afraid he can’t always be there to make it happen.

“He deserves more than I can offer now, Tul,” he says and he means it, with all of his heart. He takes his guitar and starts strumming, remembering the way Gulf smiled as if asking his permission earlier is something he did not expect but appreciates just the same.

“And that is?”

He chuckles. “Forever love, whatever love could be.” he sings.

Chapter Text

“Phi, I have a confession.” 

It's not the statement itself that prompted him to stop fussing with his guitar but the tone Gulf used, and it’s somehow more interesting than the sentiment or the meaning behind it. 

He pauses and looks up, already to the sight of Gulf staring expectantly at him. Part of him wonders what that confession might be - is he finally getting an answer to his own confession not long ago or is this about something else? - as anticipation bubbles up in his throat before he can swallow it down.

The room suddenly feels suffocating, stuffy, but he's certain it's just him. Fuck, he needs to get it together if he doesn't wish to scare Gulf away for good.

“Yeah?” he wishes he doesn’t sound as eager as he feels, but it’s difficult to mask the excitement when he’s already twisting around to where Gulf sits, all the way across the bed, not that far from him but still there’s distance between them that he needs to cross to reach Gulf and he's already moving to do something about it. 

His guitar shoved aside, he crawls on all fours, only to be stopped when Gulf holds a hand up, his expression pinched. 

Mew’s frowning before he can stop himself. “But Nong -”

“Nope, stay there, P’Mew. Sit still. Don’t come any closer. I swear if I let you, I won’t be able to say what I want to say because you’ll be all over me again and that’s distracting as fuck. So, stop. I mean it, Phi.” Gulf says, even pushing himself further until he’s practically sitting right by the edge of the bed as if to show him he means it. 

It shouldn’t really make him giggle but it does, he’s laughing, warmth settling over him like second skin, mirth tumbling out of his mouth before he can stop it as he takes in the sight of Gulf pouting, making a face as he himself settles into a sitting position and keeps looking at Gulf from where he is.

“Alright, fine. I’ll sit right here, far away from you. I’ll behave,” he chirps, and adds, like an afterthought, “For now.” which earns him another good-natured eye roll from the younger man as an answer.

“So, what is it?” ah, he can’t really put a stop to it, this eagerness that he feels no matter how hard he tries. 

Gulf looks away, bites down on his bottom lip like he can’t help it. The sight brings those unbidden memories back into the surface yet again, that unignorable ache twisting in his gut as his fingers itch to touch, to pull Gulf closer and stop him biting his lips like that, fuck.

“So I - I looked you up.” Gulf mumbles, stammers, and god, he’s so cute blushing like that, eyes focused somewhere else instead of looking back at Mew like he wants him to.  

But, eh? What does he mean he looked him up? 

He’s frowning as he hums his question. “Hmm?” is this the confession? He honestly doesn’t know what to say as he blinks at Gulf. “What was that, Nong?”

Gulf keeps his eyes on the bed, or probably on his hands fidgeting on his lap and Mew can’t decide whether it’s adorable or unsettling. “I said I looked you up. Searched your name and all that shit and I - well, I know you’re a celebrity, a singer, right? But I didn’t know you’re so…famous.” 

Huh. Well, that. He won’t exactly put himself in that category, but, maybe he is? He honestly hasn’t stopped to think or even thought to categorize his status as a celebrity because why should he? It’s just a job, a career like any other. Just because he appears on TV or performs onstage doesn’t mean he’s different from all the rest because he’s not. 

He’s really, really not, and maybe he should point that out, explain it better so Gulf doesn’t misunderstand it or something. Yes, he should do that.

Fingers grip the bedspread, he kneels up properly and gives Gulf all the attention he can offer him without leaving the spot he is on. After all, Gulf doesn’t want him closer, not right now at least, so that’s what he will do.

He keeps his distance despite the difficulty, despite every part of him screams to get to where Gulf is, hold him in his arms and keep him there.

“Nong, I’m not exactly sure where you’re going with this but I can assure you, I’m not that famous. Famous is like, you know, people recognizing you everywhere you go, and obviously, that’s not the case with me. If you haven’t noticed it, no one actually pays attention to me around here.” he hopes that should be enough to tamp down whatever’s brought this up and if it doesn’t, well, he guesses he just has to try harder.

Gulf raises a perfect brow at him in answer. “This isn’t Bangkok though, Phi.” as if that should explain why no one is actually paying attention to him around here. He swallows past the uncertainty in his throat and shrugs.

“This is still Thailand though, Nong,” he counters, smiles, as if to point that tiny detail out. “And that should actually count because -” he stops, both of them startle at the sound of his phone blaring to life, an incoming video call, of all the fucking things to interrupt his time with Gulf.

“Uh, aren’t you going to answer that? Must be important?” Gulf mouths at his phone, catching sight of his manager’s face displayed on the screen.

“I, uh, that’s my manager.” he mutters, picking it up just as he caught sight of Gulf jumping off of the bed at the same time. 

“Hey, wait, wait, where are you going?” he asks, and before he can stop himself, he’s jumping off the bed too to follow the younger man, leaving his goddamn phone ringing on the bed, quickly catching  Gulf around the elbow and stopping him just in time before he reach the door.

Gulf looks above his shoulder, squinting. “Phi, your phone.” as if it’s obvious. The darn thing hasn’t stopped ringing, and he curses it silently as he shakes his head and tightens his arms around Gulf’s hips.

“I’ll call her back later. Why are you leaving?” he asks. 

Gulf chuckles and lets him bump their foreheads together, tapping him on the cheek when he sidles closer and makes a face at Gulf. 

“Not leaving, P’Mew. Just fetching our dinner from the restaurant downstairs. I thought you’d like it better if we have our dinner here. We can talk about what I found on my little google search about you while we’re at it, how’s that sound?”

He whines at that, just because he can. Also because he realizes he can get away with it since Gulf finds him cute enough when he acts cutely on purpose. 

“You can just ask someone to deliver it here, Nong.” 

Gulf huffs. “Or I can just do that myself so you’ll have the room to yourself while you talk to your manager. Call her back now, okay? Might be important if she keeps on calling you even when you’re obviously ignoring her. Message me when you’re done talking to her, alright?” 

He makes a face but figures Gulf has a point anyway, and he’d rather talk to her now than do it later when the chances of her ruining his night he plans to spend with Gulf is a possibility he can’t ignore, given that she’s calling now when he specifically told her he’ll be the one to call her and not the other way around.

“This won’t take long, Nong, I promise.” he pecks Gulf’s nose but still refuses to let go. “Wait, kiss me first?”

Gulf shakes his head but otherwise gives in, just like always, lets himself be pinned against the door as Mew kisses him, soft and chaste and lingering, hand on Gulf’s nape and doing it again. Helping himself for one, then another before Gulf pushes him away with a whine, complaining about his noisy phone and then turning around to open the door, quickly stepping out before Mew can catch him again.

-

He should have known the five days he thought she would allow him to have was too good to be true.

Of course it is. Otherwise she wouldn’t be calling him just to say his plane ticket back to Bangkok has been sent to his email and that his flight is on Thursday. 

This Thursday.

The day after tomorrow. 

That means he only has today and tomorrow to stay here, to be with Gulf. Two days instead of five. Or four and a half, if he wants to be technical about it.

Damn it.

“You said five days, woman. Why in hell are you taking it back now?” he knows he’s full on complaining but who the fuck cares? He’s allowed to complain when it's supposed to be his vacation she is mercilessly cutting short and for what? 

A job he didn’t even agree to take in the first place, that’s what.

She doesn’t even bat an eyelid at his very unprofessional outburst. “No. No, Phi. I’m serious. You can’t do this to me. Nope. I’m not going to lose my career if I don’t take that job and I won’t. You cannot force me to and I will not let you.” 

She’s still not reacting the way he supposed she should and it’s goddamn irritating. “I won’t do it, P’Tasz.” he says, hoping he sounds as determined as he feels.

She looks at him as if she’s considering the words she’s about to say next and Mew realizes he is bracing himself as he waits. It’s seriously aggravating when she’s like this, as if she knows exactly how to talk him out of his own stubbornness.

“I know you didn’t agree to take the job THEN when they offered it to you but that’s because the offer was for you and him. But now the offer is just yours, so I thought you’d like that. You wanted to work with this brand for ages, Mew. Remember how you always talked about wanting to represent their products, of seeing your face plastered on their stores all across Thailand? Think about all the other opportunities that will surely come next if you take this one. Isn’t that what you hired me to do? Get you these jobs first and ask the questions later? So that’s what I did. I got the job. Now I’ll ask you the question.” she pauses here and looks him straight in the eyes through his laptop, her expression just as determined as he initially was.

“Should I decline the offer and let them give it to someone else?” she asks.

Fuck. 

He pulls a face and she laughs in answer. “Fuck you, woman.”

She nods, her lips stretched in a huge smile. “I know, Suppasit. And believe me, I feel the same way,” her huge grin tells him she’s enjoying this banter immensely, and he can’t really blame her for that. 

He’s pissed but only because he knows she has a point, and she’s not even ashamed to flaunt it.

What an absolute pain in the ass.

“And while we’re at it, just so you know that I already have the draft of their offer with me so I’ll email you the details later. So whatever it is you need to wrap up there, do it quickly. We need you here on Friday for that scheduled meeting with the executives. It’s in the morning so you can’t say you’re flying back on the same day. It’s not gonna work, trust me.”

“Again, fuck you.” he all but growls, but she knows better than to take offense. She is still smiling because she knows that he knows this is an offer of a lifetime and he’ll be too stupid to turn it down. 

She won't be beaming at him if she didn't think she could convince him otherwise. 

Ah damn it. 

“I know what you mean and believe me, you’re going to be taking all of that back very soon.” she tells him sweetly, before she ends the call.

-

“Oh, that doesn’t sound good,” Tul looks like he either wants to laugh or make fun of him some more for the way he is scowling at his friend through the screen of his phone. Understandably so, because seriously, two days? How is he even supposed to tell Gulf he only has tomorrow and the morning of Thursday to spend with him when they’ve already planned to visit that private island on Saturday, on Gulf’s day off? 

He grips his hair, both in frustration and in annoyance. “Tell me about it. How do I tell your cousin I’m only gonna be here until tomorrow? Just when he finally agreed to take me to that private island I’ve been wanting to visit since I got here, this happened. Fuck it. I hate my life.” he doesn’t really, but right now, it honestly feels that way. 

Tul chuckles, but it sounds indulging somehow. “So you’re calling me just to vent, is that it? Or is this your way of asking me to help you do something about this little problem of yours?”

He lifts his head to give his friend a look. He feels helpless and stupid, and he honestly has no idea what he wants. 

No, scratch that. He knows what he wants but he obviously can’t have it, not right now, not like this, and clearly with his job on the line, it’s impossible to even imagine he’ll have it.

Shit. 

This is actually what he’s been dreading, isn’t it? This sinking feeling that’s making itself known the longer he sits here contemplating what to do. This is exactly what he’s been afraid of, even though he’s certain of his feelings for Gulf, of what he wants to do about it, knowing that this pending separation is what’s going to cause the drift in their relationship (if they even make it there) sooner, if not later.

“I don’t really -” he mutters, then cuts himself midway. Fuck, this is stupid. He meets Tul’s gaze through the screen of his phone and shakes his head. “I really like your cousin.” he says instead. 

The admission seems to make Tul’s smile grow bigger, if it isn’t already. “So tell him.” is what his friend says, as if that should answer all his problems right now. Like it’s that simple. 

He heaves a sigh and pushes a hand to his hair, more to distract himself than anything. “I already did, actually.”

“And yet you’re here thinking liking him isn’t enough assurance that you have an understanding once you leave. That’s it, isn’t it?” Oh, fuck this. He groans aloud but says nothing, groaning some more when Tul cackles as if he’s truly enjoying watching him suffering. 

“I hope you know that I hate you, Tul. Like so much, I want to strangle you right now if you’re here. I mean it.” he grunts, which makes Tul laugh harder, the bastard.

“Alright, I’ll stop. I won’t laugh at your pain anymore, fine. But just so you know, bro, the solution to your problem is really super simple. Talk to my cousin. Ask him what he really feels about you, then you’ll get your answer. And about the other stuff, let me take care of it. Just give me a moment to talk to some people and then you’ll have your answer soon.” Tul tells him.

“Wait, what other stuff?” he’s honestly confused, and Tul muttering about one thing first and then something else next isn’t helping. “What do you mean?”

Tul rolls his eyes at him. “The private island thing, obviously. You take care of your little problem with my cousin and I’ll sort out the other one, okay? Right, talk later, bro. Good luck!” he hangs up.

“Damn it!” he curses in frustration, head dropping on the table. He raises his head just as he remembers he hasn’t messaged Gulf yet and groans as he picks up his phone and quickly types one to inform him he’s done talking.

He puts it down and goes back to whine against his folded hands, frustrated and equal parts pissed.

His phone pings and he quickly picks it up, slides to unlock it to check Gulf’s reply.

On my way up. I hope you’re hungry. We’re having a mini feast and I’m bringing you your favorite wine too.  Yeah, I know, I’m awesome. You don’t have to thank me. 

He drops his phone and groans into his arm, before lifting his head up again to stare at his phone to re-read the message like an idiot.

“I really, really like you, you know?” he despairs, the message glaring back at him as if it’s mocking him.

He really needs to get his shit together and talk to Gulf properly.

After dinner, preferably. 

Yeah, he should do that.

-

He can’t do it.

He can’t even swallow the food he’s only shoving in his mouth for show, and he’s certain Gulf can tell he’s not enjoying his steak as much as he normally would since he’s barely even touched it.

Their eyes meet and somehow, he knows he has to open his mouth at some point and tell Gulf he’s leaving. Sooner than they both expected it, because of his job and he can’t really do anything about it.

“Are you sad about that - that bleeding meat or is this about something else?” and there it is, the question he is dreading to hear, Gulf’s quiet voice echoing from across the table. He watches, his stomach tightening itself in knots as Gulf drops his cutleries down and looks at him, really looks at him, as if daring him to explain himself, his actions.

“P’Mew, look at me and tell me what’s wrong. I’m listening.” 

He obviously can’t prolong this any longer. He squares his shoulders and lifts his head, catching Gulf’s inquiring gaze. His chest tightens and he does his best to swallow the lump that takes temporary residence in his throat. His bravery only lasts a moment, finds himself tearing his gaze away only so he doesn’t have to keep looking at Gulf as he speaks.

He clears his throat and breathes through his nose. “The call from my manager earlier? It’s just to inform me that they’re cutting my vacation short. Apparently, there’s a job waiting for me in Bangkok that I can’t not go back to.”

He is certain Gulf is still looking at him but he still refuses to do the same courtesy, scared he’s going to fuck things up even more.

“I guessed as much. When are you leaving?” asks Gulf, the question is short and straight to the point.

This time, he raises his head, braving that uncertainty lodging in his chest as he looks straight in Gulf’s eyes.

“Thursday,” he says, and at Gulf’s questioning hum, he reiterates. “This Thursday. The day after tomorrow.” 

Gulf is nodding his head thoughtfully, and then somehow, his phone is making an appearance, tapping on it without saying a word. The gesture is confusing as it is surprising, especially when the next thing Gulf does is stand up, his chair scraping noisily with the movement. Still not saying anything, he rounds the way towards Mew, moves him until there is enough space for Gulf to squeeze himself on his lap, arms winding around his shoulders before Gulf’s lips graces his throat lightly for a quick and teasing nip.

“Nong?” he is completely taken aback by the action but he’s not complaining. In fact, he is taking full advantage of this sudden turn of events, working his arms around Gulf’s waist to steady him.

There’s the feel of more licking, of Gulf’s warm tongue leaving trails of heat across the skin of his nape, up the line of his jaw and then back down again. He’s confused and aroused and very, very surprised, but to hell with it.

“Shh, keep still. I want my dessert.” Gulf whispers, and for a moment there, he tries to move away, mumbles about calling the front desk to bring them ice cream, does Nong wants ice cream, and if yes, what flavor?, but Gulf promptly tells him to shut up, grunts, “What the fuck do you think I’m doing?” 

It’s when he is moaning harshly and tugging at Gulf’s hair, wanting his mouth on his that Gulf stops, actually stops and stares at him, eyes searching his face. He’s panting hard, blushing furiously and gripping the collar of his shirt tightly, mouth lilted into a gorgeous smile with his eyes so dark it’s lidded heavily with want.

Pretty much the same way he looks right now, no doubt, as he bites his lips and reaches up to slide a thumb across Gulf’s bottom lip without waiting permission from his brain, heat spreading through him when Gulf parts his mouth and lets him slip the digit in between, and then Gulf is biting into it softly, just enough to make him feel it, but not hurt him.

“Shit, Nong,” he rasps out, and it comes out really breathless, kind of ragged, and fuck, he’s really, really screwed. He pulls the younger man roughly to him and watches, dazed, as Gulf smiles felinely and backs away very slowly.

And yet, and yet he’s rolling his hips on him, making him feel the way he’s so hard for him that it’s difficult to think straight. He wants those hands on him, Gulf’s lips on his neck again, on his mouth, his face, anywhere. But Nong’s talking and asking him a question he doesn’t want to think about right now, now when he’s burning up and hoping to feel more. 

“Were you planning on talking to me about this or were you thinking of simply leaving without telling me?” Jesus, fuck, but how, how is he supposed to answer this without messing things up or fucking up what they have here, on this island, this place that gave him more than he’s expected to find, right now, at this moment, because this is all he wants and god, he wants it with him, right here, and back home, take him with him to Bangkok, keep it with him forever.

How, how can he say these things without scaring Gulf, without making a mess of things, especially with his job and all that it prevents him from having? 

“Gulf. Nong. I -” 

“Just answer the damn question, P’Mew.” Gulf is firm, yet he is still doing that goddamn hip rolls that’s driving Mew crazy, driving him out of his mind wanting everything and anything Gulf can give him, everything and anything Gulf will allow him to have. 

“No, no, Gulf I would never - I won’t. Of course I was going to tell you, I just need - what?” He pauses here, his brain restarting itself and for a moment, he just stares at Gulf, gaping at him and feeling irrefutably stupid when Gulf chuckles and leans in for a quick, chaste kiss.

“P’Tul sent me a message, telling me I am excused from doing any work at the hotel starting tomorrow until Thursday.” he says, as if that should explain everything. 

It should, but Mew’s brain is slow on the uptake, it’s still fucking recovering and Gulf is giggling, hands framing his face and squeezing, making cooing noises and - what the fuck?

“What - eh?”

Gulf’s smile is so lovely, the sound of his laughter even more so. He’s pulling away but Mew’s arms have a mind of their own, stopping him before he can leave the comforts of Mew’s lap, tugging him right back and keeping him there. 

“Do keep up, P’Mew. I said I’m off tomorrow and Thursday, so that means I’m free to hang out with you until you have to leave. I can even drive you to the airport if you want, but since you still have tomorrow to squeeze in one more thing before you go, we’ll cross out that trip to the private island off your list first.” Gulf doesn’t even sound upset, he’s smiling, genuinely so that it’s taking every bit of his willpower not to ask him straight out, now, if he wants what he wants and if maybe they can try. He opens his mouth to say it, but Gulf beats him to it.

Gulf kisses him, slow and sure and soft, stopping him from saying anything. Then, he pulls back, still smiling, still taking Mew’s breath away as he sits there, so close and beautiful, but not his.

“Tomorrow,” Gulf is saying, whispering, and it feels and sounds like a plea. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow, Phi, okay?” and maybe it’s a promise too, so that’s okay.

He tightens his hold around Gulf and keeps the smile on his face, feels the exact moment Gulf ducks low to rest their foreheads together.

This is enough for now.

And he’s okay with that.

Chapter Text

He’s lying on his back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling like it holds the answer to all the questions he wonders if he’ll ever have the guts to even ask Gulf, sooner rather than later, promptly ignoring his phone ringing and the world in general. 

It is only his manager - he knows, the ringtone he set specifically for her immediately gave it away - sighing every so often as if doing so will help untangle the knots that twists uncomfortably in his chest in Gulf’s absence.

It doesn’t, yet despite it, he feels strangely - giddy, nervous and agitated, but not in a bad way. 

His excitement almost, almost overshadows his worries over his impending trip home, but only slightly because even in his glee, it is difficult not to think about the fact that he is leaving and he is leaving soon.

The fact that they had yet to talk about the status of their relationship or what they both want out of this always leaves a bitter taste in his mouth every time he thinks about it, knowing there is no use stressing over the fact yet he can’t seem to help it either.

He knows it’s not going to change the fact that he’s leaving for home sooner rather than later, but he at least planned to enjoy the remaining hours he has with Gulf instead of worrying about the things he has no control over, yet that’s clearly easier said than done.

So maybe it is just understandable to wish he had more time to spend here with Gulf than he actually has. A few more days to work up the courage to say what he wants to say, his job commitments be damned, but he knows he doesn’t have that luxury either. 

And the way he’d agreed to Gulf’s suggestion to leave the hotel room early the next day is a clear testament to his desire to stay with the younger man for however long he could, especially when he realized Gulf wasn’t planning on staying the night nor he could be persuaded even when he’d all but begged for Gulf to change his mind. 

And maybe it is deliberate on Gulf’s part, the decision not to spend the night with him after their very interesting conversation (and make-out session) right after dinner, obviously because he can’t seem to keep his hands to himself. Yet Gulf didn’t seem to dislike it, the way he’d been clinging to the younger man. In fact, he’s pretty certain Gulf had wanted it, welcomed it even, if the way the younger had gripped his hips and pushed himself closer to him was of any indication. 

But even then, Gulf still opted on leaving, saying something about making sure his work responsibilities are properly endorsed to the right people so he doesn’t have to worry about them when he spends the day away from the hotel the day after.

He’d whined and pouted just as Gulf was stepping out of the door, making himself a generally charming (he tried, he really did) nuisance by wrapping his arms around Gulf and pinning him there. Kissing him again and again, until Gulf firmly stood his ground and pulled away but not after stamping one last kiss to his lips, saying he really had to leave.

So despite his reluctance, he let him go, with the promise that Gulf would video call him later once he’s done with work or at least message him just to let him know he’s in bed and thinking of him. 

Gulf rolled his eyes in answer and shoved him gently away, chuckling when he pressed one more kiss to Gulf’s chin before he allowed him to leave.

When he turned around, he sighed, already missing the younger man. His scent, his warmth, Gulf’s presence in the room that he would be leaving soon, hoping that their last day together would be as memorable as they could make it to be. At least if things aren’t going to work out the way he wants them to, then he wishes they could at least remain friends. That he can still call or message Gulf if he wants to, see him if there’s a chance.

It’s not exactly what he is aiming for, but he figures it’s way better than not having Gulf in his life at all. As he’d already decided, he’ll take what Gulf could give him, even if it’s just friendship. 

He sighs heavily as he checks his phone, sees the bombardment of notifications from his manager but not even one from Gulf. The disappointment makes the ache in his chest worse as he lets his phone drop on the bed before rolling over to bury his face on the pillow with a muffled groan.

God, if this is how it would feel missing him, he wonders how he’s going to survive the days at home, in Bangkok without seeing Gulf or talking to him.

It’s all a goddamn mess and he knows it.

He is so fucked.

-

He doesn’t know he’s fallen asleep until he’s woken up by the sounds of insistent knocking hours later, realizing it’s just barely five in the morning when he jerked awake and grappled around the bed for his phone to check the time.

He stumbles off the bed next when the knocking continues, disoriented and equal-parts pissed for being woken up so suddenly. He reaches the door and yanks it open, ready to tell whoever’s out there off only to shut his mouth immediately after he realizes who it is.

It’s Gulf, and he looks so damn good standing there, arms crossed over his chest and smiling cheekily at him that the sight of him makes Mew’s stomach clench painfully with the need to touch, to get his hands on Gulf and just hold him. 

“Hi, Phi. Good morning, Phi. Did I wake you?” Gulf sing-songs, smiling in a way that takes Mew’s breath away so early. It’s unfair that Gulf looks unfazed, unaffected, while Mew himself stands there aching to pull Gulf close, kiss him, keep him in his arms and never let him go.

He reaches out before he can stop himself and grabs the first part of Gulf he can get his hands to, his elbows, and tugs him roughly forward until they are nose to nose. Then, he’s shifting to bury his nose into the side of Gulf’s temple to breathe him in.

“Nong,” he whispers, tightening his hold around Gulf. God, it feels so good to hold him. “Gulf.” he says again, to Gulf’s hair, feeling the younger’s warm breath against the skin of his nape.

“Umm,”

“I’ve missed you.”  he breathes and closes his eyes, enjoying the warmth of Gulf’s body, and the feel of his arms worming around him in turn. He supposes Gulf is expecting a different answer, but with the way Gulf hums back at him as he buries his nose into the juncture between his neck and shoulder, the younger doesn’t mind the one Mew came up with anyway.

“Mm, yeah, okay.” Gulf quips after a moment, squeezing his waist and pulling away in the same breath. 

He opens his mouth to protest but Gulf is quickly raising his hand to stop him. 

“Save it, P’Mew. Remember I’m all yours today so quit the act and start moving. Chop chop and go get yourself ready. Brush your teeth, shower and meet me downstairs in, say, fifteen minutes? I’ll take you to breakfast first and then we’ll be on our way to the island.” then Gulf is stepping backwards before he can grab him, laughing when he whines openly and pouts.

“Why don’t we head inside first and you can wait for me there?” he proposes, jerking a thumb behind the open door which Gulf answers with a smirk. “Well, because I might take longer than fifteen since I haven’t packed anything yet.” it’s totally not his fault. He fell asleep worrying about Gulf and this date and fuck, it’s too early and his brain is a mess, his emotions all over the place. 

“I - can you help me?”

Gulf actually raises a brow at that before shaking his head. “I know what you’re doing. You’re stalling, Phi. Whatever you have in mind can wait. I swear I’ll make it worth your time so just get your ass in there and get ready. And no need to pack anything. Just whatever you’re wearing and your phone and wallet if you can’t go anywhere without them. And your laptop, if you want to take that with you too. Otherwise, you really don’t have to bring anything.” 

“You’re serious?” he can’t help but ask, his curiosity getting the best of him.

Gulf nods and grins, then does this silly three-fingered salute that has him grinning back at the younger man despite himself.  “Very. I told you I’ll take care of everything so that’s what I did. I just need you awake enough to get yourself ready, can you do that for me, Phi?”

He sighs. He really wants at least a few minutes cuddle time with Gulf but it looks like he won’t get it even if he begs. 

“Sure,” he nods, “But I still need to put my stuff back into the luggage so I won’t have to worry about it later. You know I have to leave for the airport early tomorrow so -”

“It’s fine, Phi.” Gulf cuts in. “This is why I told you to just bring your important stuff with you. Your luggage will be packed and ready by tomorrow. It will be at the airport waiting for you when I drive you there, so you know, you don’t have to worry about that one either.”

He honestly doesn’t have an answer to that. His hotel room is still a mess, but he guesses if he wants to enjoy this day with Gulf to the fullest like he intends to, he figures he just has to trust Gulf.

“Alright,” he breathes, stepping back and watching Gulf’s eyes follow him. “I have fifteen minutes, right?”

Gulf tilts his head and smiles. “Take twenty if you need to. Just - we would have to be on the road by -” Gulf pauses here to check his watch. “Quarter before six?” it’s phrased as a question but Mew knows better than to take it as one.

He shakes his head. “No. Fifteen is fine. I can even make it to twelve if you give me a kiss, y’know?” he proposes and puckers his lips for show, wriggling his eyebrow suggestively and loving the way Gulf snorts in answer.

“Keep that up and I swear you’re not going to get that breakfast I promised.” Gulf threatens without heat, the corners of his mouth lilting just the slightest bit.

He makes a face at that. “That better be the best breakfast I’ll ever have, pretty Nong, or I swear I’ll want compensation.” he purrs, just because he can.

“And you will get it, I promise, but first you need to get moving.” Gulf mumbles, mouth lilted with amusement as he watches him take a step back, then another till he’s far enough for him to reach. “I’m serious, Phi. I don’t want to consider skipping breakfast just so we could cross out everything I have planned for us today, so, please?” he asks, gesturing with his hands, quietly asking him to go back inside his room to get changed.

He sighs. “Fine. Fifteen minutes.” 

Gulf tilts his head in affirmation. “I’ll wait for you downstairs.” and then Gulf is off, leaving him staring after the younger man’s retreating figure until he disappears from view.

-

They were in the car almost half an hour later, Gulf pointedly ignoring him as he squirms on his seat contemplating asking Gulf where they are going (again), or keeping his mouth shut instead. 

Part of him itches to ask. Yet everytime he opens his mouth, he realizes he doesn’t know how to begin. It’s frustrating in a way, but he’s certain it is mostly because he’s impatient. 

A chuckling sound breaks him out of his reverie and he whips around to find Gulf smirking. Even when his eyes are on the road, Mew knows that the younger’s attention is on him and it’s both pleasing and embarrassing if he’s going to be completely honest about it.

“What?” he mutters, curious, hands tugging on the seat belt like a goddamn neurotic.

Gulf shakes his head, still smirking. “Your squirming is mighty distracting, Phi. What’s up? Are you not comfortable? Do you want me to recline your seat or something?”

Oh god, that smirk is going to be the death of him. “No,” he mutters, without heat, warmth bursting across his cheeks in embarrassment. 

“Sure? I mean, if you need anything, you know you can just ask me, right?”

Pfft. As if it is that easy. “No, I don’t need anything.” he grumbles.

Gulf laughs as if he’s tickled, hand drifting from the steering wheel and down to his knee for a brief squeeze. “Grumpy. Just be patient, okay? You’ll have your breakfast in a bit. We’re almost there. Hang in there for me, Phi.”

“Hmmph.”

-

Breakfast is at this instagram-worthy cafe and restaurant by the beach, almost the same area as the restaurant Gulf took him to that first time to have dinner but just a little further. The ambiance is totally his style - the interior, the furniture, the staff, and especially the food on their menu. The almost familiar scent of brewing coffee was the first thing that hit him the second they entered the door, and though he’s not that fond of the drink, he can say for certain that he likes the smell enough to tolerate it.

Once there, Gulf simply let him choose what he liked to eat, but also pointed at the items on the menu which he said he ‘might’ like. Mew honestly doesn’t care; everything looks good so he ended up ordering all of Gulf’s recommendations.

Once they are seated and the orders come one by one, he’s certain he looks like a kid on Christmas morning. Probably. But it’s totally worth the embarrassment with the way Gulf is sitting there, a soft look on his face as he watches him devour the food with gusto, moaning in delight with every bite.

“See? Told you, best breakfast ever, right?” Gulf winks when their gazes catch, watching him, his cheeks bulging after a hearty bite of his awesome pancakes. He dimples back at Gulf but says nothing as he takes another bite, watching Gulf watch him.

-

It’s almost eight when they left the restaurant. He’s stuffed full and he’s certain he’d gained extra weight with all the food he’d managed to ingest for breakfast. He’d voiced out his complaints while they were trekking their way back to the car, and Gulf told him off with a giggle saying he was being silly.

“Don’t worry, P’Mew, you will lose all those extra pounds in our next destination. We’re going to walk around, after all.” Gulf says once he’s seated and rubbing on his stomach happily. 

The words don't sink in until Gulf has started the car and he’s reversing out of the restaurant’s parking.

“Eh? What do you mean we’re going to walk around? Aren’t we going straight to the island now?” he asks, confused.

Gulf shakes his head. “Not yet.”

He frowns. “Why not?”

Gulf chuckles. “It’s still early, Phi. And besides, I have the day planned out, well, at least the whole morning, so you’re just going to have to trust me. But don’t worry, we’ll reach the private island by lunch time, so you’ll have plenty of time to think about what you want to do when we get there.” 

He eyes the road, the beach, and gives Gulf a curious nudge next. “Okay, but where are we going now?” he feels confident to ask now that he’s got food in his belly and a smiling Gulf driving next to him. He’s giddy with excitement but he’s still careful not to show it.

Gulf gives him another of those cheeky, side-eye glances of his that makes him look so enticingly beautiful Mew finds it difficult to look away and shakes his head.

“You’ll know in a bit. Be patient, please.”

“You keep on saying that,” he mutters, pouting.

Gulf simply laughs and keeps driving.

-

Apparently, their next destination is the local market, still located by the seashore but a few kilometers away from the restaurant they’d dined in earlier. Mew spotted the huts from miles away, adorned with colorful merchandise and local items for sale on display.

He gives Gulf a look of surprise when the car stops next to another vehicle there, Gulf killing the engine next. 

Gulf shrugs. “I thought you might want to buy your family some souvenirs? This place has plenty, I’m sure you’ll find something worth buying.” he explains, and Mew feels that familiar tug in his chest at the gesture. He honestly didn’t even think about that, but apparently, Gulf had. He surveys the place from the window and is half-glad it’s still early; there aren’t many people around at this time, just like at the cafe earlier so the chances of someone accidentally recognizing is slim.

Not that he cares, really, just that he is with Gulf and if he can avoid unnecessary complications that might ruin his chance with Gulf, he’ll do it. 

They set out to look around first. He soon realizes that the huts are typical in the area, almost every store is identical, apart from the items they were selling. 

They move from store to store, checking the items on display and then moving on to another after lounging there to check the merchandise. Truth be told, he has no idea what to get - every other item on sale are things he’s not sure if his parents would even consider buying if it’s them, and the only thing stopping him from telling Gulf of his predicament is the fact that Gulf went out of his way to take him here and he doesn’t want to offend him.

“Nothing? Are you sure?” Gulf asks after he checks the fifth store and leaves a few minutes later, the younger man walking next to him as they pass another shop selling hand-woven stuff. 

He turns to give Gulf the puppy eyes. “I’m sorry, but can I be honest with you?” Gulf nods, smiling patiently. Mew has to breathe through the complicated knot in his chest at the sight of Gulf’s kind smile and gentle eyes.

“I - I’m not sure what to get them,” he whispers, wondering if he should be more specific and honest than that. “I mean, I have no idea what they want?” fuck, he’s so stupid.

Gulf gives him a look and his smile widens, pretty dimples popping up on his sun kissed cheeks. Mew wants to touch them, kiss them, nuzzle his nose against them, press close so he could breathe Gulf’s unique scent in and fill his whole head with it.

And then somehow, Gulf is stepping forward to stand on his left, lifting a hand and gesturing towards the store huts as if to show him what he’s missing.

“Maybe it doesn’t have to be anything you think they like in particular, but just some things you saw as you walk around and you think your family might suit them? Like that hand-woven hat, for example. I think it would be perfect for your father. Or that scarf, for your mom and sister?  Those items might not be as expensive as the usual gifts you normally give them but remember what they say, it’s the thought that counts, right?” Gulf’s smile is everything, just everything, and Mew wants him.

All of him. However he could have him.

“I’ll take the hat, then. And the scarf. Um, maybe five of them. In different colors, please.” he points at the merchandise without really looking at them, his eyes focused on Gulf’s face and the indulging smile he is sporting.

Gulf crosses his arms over his chest and nods. “We’ll take the knitted blanket too, then.” Gulf winks at him and adds, “For your Chopper, Phi. What, don’t tell me you’re not buying your dog anything? Such a bad papa you are.”

Oh god, he’ll marry this guy. He swears he will. 

He swallows hard and says, “Then, make it two, please.”

Gulf giggles. “I take it back. Best papa ever.”

Mew swallows the urge to pull the younger to him and kiss him senseless. He just smiles, even shoves his hands into his pocket for good measure. Gulf swivels around to talk to the tiny old woman selling the hats and the scarves, and Mew’s eyes follow him.

Fuck, he’s so, so screwed.

-

The drive to the island was quick if not awkwardly quiet, and Mew could either blame the nerves for that or his inability to contain his, err, excitement. He hadn’t been able to sit still, much like how he’d been behaving the entire car ride starting from the hotel and it’s both embarrassing and worrying, given the way Gulf had been throwing him glances every damn time the boy thought he wasn’t looking. 

When they finally stopped, it was in front of an obviously makeshift docks, smaller yet noticeably more modern-looking than the one on the mainland. 

They were welcomed by a pair of uniformed staff the second he and Gulf stepped out of the car, his belongings quickly being carried out from the backseat and onto a waiting motorboat anchored on the docks itself.

He is being guided onto the ramp and into the waiting boat when he stops, looking back just to check if Gulf is following. He does, nodding at him from where he stands, and generally making him feel like a kid who’s afraid of being left behind.

“I”m right behind you, Phi, go on.” Gulf nudges him with the softest of touches to the back of his neck, and he releases the breath he didn’t realize he is holding and steps onto the threshold.

-

If the car ride to the island is quick, then the boat ride is way quicker.

So quick he barely noticed or even enjoyed the entire trip there because he’d only been aware of Gulf’s presence next to him, their thighs touching, the warmth seeping through the material of their clothes separating them. The wind’s blowing so harshly yet he couldn’t be bothered by it, his focus darting between Gulf’s hand resting on top of his right knee and the way his own arm found its refuge around the curve of Gulf’s waist to settle almost permanently there.

Once they arrived at the rest house, Mew tried to listen to the exchange happening between Gulf and the boater, but found it difficult to absorb the rest the second Gulf’s eyes caught him looking. Then the boater bowed his head and said something about being at the docks all night just in case they needed them, before he left.

The moment Gulf is standing next to him, twirling the keys in one hand and his personal bag on the other, Mew feels himself shiver.

“Well, do you want to check what’s inside or would you like to walk around the property first? I’m flexible, Phi. Tell me what you want done and I’ll make it happen.” Gulf says, his voice pitched low that it’s doing so many things best-left unsaid to Mew’s senses. 

He tips his head and gives Gulf a look, sees the way the younger licks his lips and he swears his control is slipping out of his grasp so fast he needs a goddamn intervention right now or he’ll end up jumping him.

He swallows hard and grips the handle of his laptop bag, eyeing the soft contour of Gulf’s throat and almost regretting it.

“Yeah. Inside. Let’s go inside and check the place first, please.” 

Gulf smiles. “Good choice, Phi,” he all but purrs, and fuck, fuck, Mew is thoroughly fucked. “Let’s go then.”

-

He swears he’s planned to check everything, the interior, the bedroom, the kitchen, maybe even the bathroom, but all of that flies out of the balcony the second the door closes behind them and Gulf turns to him to ask what he wanted to see first.

His bag drops on the floor along with his control, everything fading in the background saved from the sounds Gulf makes when he pushes him against the wall to trap him there. His hands find Gulf’s hips at the same time his mouth makes contact with Gulf’s cheek, nipping the soft skin lightly, wetly.

“God, I want you. I’ve wanted you since this morning when you knocked on my door and said hello and I’ve been so hard for you since then, Nong.” he whispers, hotly, against Gulf’s cheek, lips trailing from his jaw to the underside of Gulf’s ear, tonguing the lobe with purpose until Gulf is panting back in answer, hands clawing his shoulders.

“Phi, P’Mew,” 

“Please, I want you. I want you, baby, can I have you? Please?” he’s begging but oh, he doesn’t care, barely keeping it together now that Gulf is throwing his head back and moaning for it in turn. His hips pin Gulf there, feeling every single thing happening between them, the answering hardness that makes his own head spin with want.

Fingers made their way to his hair and tugs, and then Gulf is huffing lightly into his temple and breathing, “I’m yours, Phi. Take me. Take me, please.” and if it wasn’t confirmation enough, then Gulf jumping up into his arms next stamped the statement clearly.

He doesn’t need to be asked twice.