Chapter Text
Christmas 1993
Harry was in the middle of his third year at Hogwarts. They were getting closer and closer to the end of Christmas break. As much as he loved the school and his friends, he was always sad about leaving his homes.
When he had been 9, he had become aware of homeless people on a trip to London for the first time. After his dad had explained to him that they didn’t have a home, Harry had decided to consider himself lucky that he had two homes.
His mum and his dad didn’t live together. Other kids he played with, like Neville or the Weasleys, have always asked him why.
Simply put: They were not married. They were not a couple. So, they did not live together.
But they were a family. They loved Harry very much.
He used to spend 2 weeks at his mum’s place and then 2 weeks at his dad’s place when he was a child. His mum had insisted on a muggle elementary education. Because of this, his parents still lived close to each other.
When he had started Hogwarts, he had known he wouldn’t be able to see them as much anymore. But he did not prepare for how little he was actually seeing them. He had to split his holidays between them, too.
This year, Harry could at least persuade Lily and her husband (Harry’s stepdad) plus their child to spend Christmas with him at his dad’s parents’ house. His half-sister Daisy would start Hogwarts next year and Lily figured it wouldn’t hurt exposing her a bit more to an older wizarding family like the Potters. She and her husband lived quite muggle-like.
His parents were friends, and Harry’s dads liked each other, too. So, the whole ordeal wasn’t as awkward as it initially sounded.
Lily and her family had already gone home by now. Harry and James were still at the old Potter house. Harry loved his grandparents. They told a lot of funny stories from when they were young.
But whenever Harry asked what his dad was like in school, they all looked at each other and changed the topic.
„I still can’t believe your son is a Seeker,“ Grandpa Monty laughed. He has given Harry a new broom for Christmas. Harry had made the team his second year, but due to a growth spurt, he had to get a completely new set of Quidditch equipment.
„You were always a brilliant chaser, but you lacked the finesse for Seeker,“ Grandma Effie said, „I remember, he was such a brilliant Seeker, Reg-“ she stopped and quickly sipped her tea.
„Who?“ Harry asked.
„Oh, no one, I was thinking about an old schoolmate of mine. A real protégé. It's sad nothing ever came of it. Then again, many things never turned out how we thought they would with him.“
Harry looked at his dad, who in turn was looking at his mum with a pained look on his face.
Grandpa Monty cleared his throat, „Harry would you like another hot chocolate?“
„Hm? Yes, please.“
For the rest of the day, James wasn’t in the mood to talk about Quidditch anymore. Which was odd, usually he was always in the mood to talk about Quidditch.
„Granny, for how long did dad play Chaser for Gryffindor?“ he asked later when he was alone with his grandma.
„For how long? Huh, since 4th year I want to say. Yes, so 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th – four years.“
„Do you have pictures? I feel like there are barely any pictures of dad from Hogwarts. There are only pictures of me.“
„Well, you look way better in photographs, dear,“ she said with a laugh, „But we have photos of course. In the attic, I think. Your dad will gladly sort through them and show them to you. I haven’t been up there in years, you see.“
Harry didn’t want to annoy his dad, who was seemingly in a bad mood since their conversation this morning.
He went to the attic on his own. Many old boxes stood on top of each other.
Some had James‘ name written on them. Harry began his quest for photographs in them.
It took him about an hour, but he was successful. He found an entire stack of old photos of grinning and waving boys. Some of them had little notes written on the back.
Harry took them to his room to look through them properly.
He recognised very few of the people. There were Molly Weasley and her brothers. The Longbottoms. A picture of his mum. They all looked so much younger and so different Harry wouldn’t have recognised them if it wasn’t for the notes.
The majority of pictures that had his dad on them, however, were with the same set of boys.
Marauders 1976 Was written on one.
He recognised one of the boys as Uncle Peter. The other two boys, who seemed to be a couple, since they were kissing or gazing at each other in a lot of them, were unknown to him.
Padfoot and Moony sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G was childishly written on the back of a photo of the two teenagers kissing.
One of them actually did look familiar but he couldn’t tell who he was for the life of him.
They seemed to have been best friends of James. But Harry didn’t know them.
The last third of the photos surprised him.
They were pictures of a young, handsome boy with dark curls and grey eyes. He was rolling his eyes or holding up his hand, evidently not wanting to be photographed.
In some, he was actually smiling into the camera. Harry knew that face.
No doubt.
That was a young Professor Black. One of his Potion Professors at Hogwarts.
He never realised his dad and his professor had gone to Hogwarts together – knew each other! Neither of them has ever mentioned it.
On a photo of Professor Black on a broom in green quidditch robes, he read My Star.
Harry was even more shocked when he got to a photo that had been taken by James, who was holding the camera to himself, and Professor Black was kissing his cheek.
Following this were more pictures of James and Black. Kissing, cuddling, being on a double date with the other couple.
Reggie reading in the new flat for the 1st time was written on the back of one photo of Professor Black, not older than 18, sitting on a blue sofa, reading a book, seemingly unaware of being photographed. Harry knew the sofa.
The last picture in the stack showed James and Professor Black lying on a couch together, Black was reading in James‘ arms, James kissed the top of his head. It was taken here, in James‘ parents’ house. Harry recognised the couch and the painting on the wall behind them.
Harry ran to his father, who was sitting in his old bedroom at the end of the hall.
„Harry? Are you alright?“
Harry simply dropped the pictures in James‘ lap.
His mind hasn’t been able to come up with a coherent question as of yet.
James‘ eyes widened.
„Where did you get those?“
„Found ‘em. Who are those people? Why is my professor on there? Why were you dating my professor?“
James pressed his lips into a thin line.
„Harry, can we talk about this some other time?“
„I go back to school tomorrow. No, I want to know now!“
James sighed deeply and sadly. He patted the spot next to him on the bed.
„I feel uncomfortable telling you without speaking to your mum first. But… I guess you are old enough to know if you want to know.“
„I saw Uncle Peter on them. But who are your other friends? Why do I not know them?“
James sighed again, „Harry, you know, people make mistakes sometimes. I made mistakes when I was in my early 20s. If you really want to know, I will tell you about the biggest mistake I have ever made – but I don’t want you to see me with different eyes afterwards…“
„Biggest mistake?“ Harry repeated, „What happened? … Don’t worry, I’ll still love you.“
James smiled slightly and took the pictures up. He was looking through them and showed him one with him and his three friends.
„Well, it all began in school. You know your Uncle Peter of course. Then these two, this is Sirius. Sirius was my best friend from first year onwards. We were inseparable – worse than you and Ron. His family was a nightmare, so he even lived with us, here, for a few years.“
He gave Harry the picture.
„And this is Remus. My other best friend. I remember the day I took this picture. Sirius finally confessed his feelings for him after one year of pining,“ James smiled lovingly at the picture of his friends, „You should know him. He works at Hogwarts: Professor Lupin.“
It instantly made click in Harry’s head. Professor Lupin was viewed as the most handsome teacher at the school (his only real competition was Professor Black) – he looked much different now than when he was a teenager. But he had looked good back then too. Harry should have recognised those scars.
„And Professor Black?“ Harry asked in a quiet voice.
James‘ face took on the same pained look as before when Effie had mentioned the Seeker.
James put the other pictures aside, so he was holding only the pictures of young Professor Black.
„Regulus,“ James whispered and brushed his finger over the pretty face, „Sirius‘ younger brother… the love of my life.“
Harry looked at him surprised.
As far as he knew, his dad didn’t date. He always said he had no time for love in his life.
„Sirius freaked a little when he found out, of course. He has always been a bit of a drama queen. Well, both brothers have always been dramatic, but in different ways. Sirius eventually gave us his blessing but said should I ever hurt Reggie, he would never speak to me again.“
Harry had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had never heard of this brother-like friend Sirius, so Sirius must have followed through on this threat.
He suddenly wasn’t sure anymore if he wanted to hear what his dad had done.
„This was when Regulus and I moved in together. The first thing he did was open up a box with books, sit down and read,“ He smiled fondly at the picture of Regulus on the blue sofa.
„That day I decided I want to marry him one day. He was perfect.“
„What happened?“ Harry whispered.
„I was dumb and young and… well, I was an arse,“ He cleared his throat, „We were fighting a lot near the end. We were both saying stuff we shouldn’t have said. One night was particularly bad. He told me to fuck off. I did. I went to a bar. I got drunk. I met an old friend from school. I did not tell her I was still with Regulus. I went home with her…“
He put the rest of the pictures face down on the mattress.
„One night, and I lost my boyfriend, my home and the future I thought I would have.“
He looked at Harry.
„It is the worst thing I have ever done. It is the worst thing anyone can do to anyone. I hope you will never make the same mistake.“
„You cheated on him…“ Harry whispered, he couldn’t help but feel disappointed in his father, „Did you at least tell him? Had you at least the decency of being honest?“
James looked away from his son, „I wanted to. But when I came home, he apologised for the fight. He said he has been worrying about me all night. He promised to do better and that he loved me and didn’t want to lose me. And I… I couldn’t tell him. I didn’t want to disappoint him. I didn’t... want to hurt him. I thought if I just ignored it happened maybe it would be like it never actually happened.“
„But he found out,“ Harry felt bad for Regulus. How betrayed he must have felt!
„Yes, you see… the woman I cheated with came to our place… she was pregnant.“
Harry stared at his father with big, green eyes now.
„You cheated with mum?“
„Yes… I hurt her too, just as much as Regulus. She liked Regulus, she didn’t know we were still together, and she never wanted to hurt him. She blamed me for that – rightly so. Your mother is a good and decent woman, she would have never even flirted with me if she had known.“
„So… mum told you she was pregnant with me and then you told him – he must have been so hurt! Dad!“
„It was even worse. She told me at the door, and he overheard. He looked like I used the torture curse on him.“
James was staring blankly ahead.
„Of course, Sirius never spoke to me again, after punching me in the face. Peter was very torn and now is seeing either of us not very often.“
James blinked and looked at his son.
„I know you must think I am a terrible person. But it was 14 years ago. I grew up. I would never hurt someone like this again and I hope you at least learn from it and won’t do it either… All I can really say is, as much as I regret everything I have done to Lily and Regulus, I love you and I don’t regret becoming your dad.“
Harry didn’t know what to say to that.
☆☆☆
January 1994
Harry had a plan.
It was more like a loose idea formed in his head since the day before. He needed his friends to turn it into an actual plan.
On the train back to Hogwarts, Harry made sure to have a compartment for him and his friends alone.
„I have to tell you all something,“ He said to Ron, Hermione, and Neville, „I found out a secret about my dad.“
„Your dad?“ Ron asked. Ron adored Harry’s dad. Has ever since they were kids and their parents let them play with each other. He liked talking about him. For Ron’s sake, he would not tell him the details about what James had done.
„I found pictures at my grandparents’ house from when he was in school. Look“
He had brought a few of the photos with them. He handed over the photo of the four teenage boys, grinning mischievously up to them.
„This is my dad when he was young,“ the four crowded around Hermione who was holding the picture.
„That’s Peter, I know him. And that,“ He pointed at Remus, „Believe it or not is Professor Lupin.“
„Oh My!“ Hermione exclaimed and promptly turned pink, „I mean, he was handsome.“
„They all were,“ Neville nodded, „Merlin, Harry, you really look just like him.“
Harry pointed at Sirius, „This used to be my dad’s best friend. Do you see how he’s looking over at Lupin? They were dating.“
„Cute,“ Hermione said, „Do you think he’s his husband now? Lupin is married, right? He wears a ring and everything.“
„I was in his office once,“ Neville announced, „There’s a wedding picture on his desk – I could swear that guy is on it.“
„Do you want to hear something funny? Sirius is the older brother of another professor.“
„Oi! Yeah, I thought he looked familiar! Professor Black, right?“ Ron asked.
Harry pulled out the photo of the young Professor Black in his quidditch uniform.
Hermione chuckled, „Somehow I can’t imagine our Professor Black on a broom.“
She turns the photo around and reads the sentence on the back, „My Star.“
Ron snorted, „Whoever took that picture must have had a big crush on him.“
„Professor Black’s first name is Regulus,“ Hermione informed him, „That is a star, Ron. So is Sirius. Have you slept in Astronomy again?“
„No, Ron is right,“ Harry gave them a picture of James and Regulus, Regulus was kissing James’ cheek, „That’s what I wanted to tell you, actually. You see, my dad and Professor Black used to be a couple.“
His three friends were at least as surprised as he had been.
Even Hermione had nothing to say.
„Here is my problem: my dad really loved Black. I think he still does, actually. But he made a mistake about 14 years ago which cost him his relationship and his friendship to the other two.“
„What has he done?“ Hermione asked.
„Irrelevant,“ Harry said, he would not spread out his dad’s mistake to his friends, he simply refused.
„Okay… what do you want to do with this info now?“ Neville asked.
„I want to see if… well, if Professor Black would date my dad again.“
The three stared at him.
„What?“ Hermione exclaimed, „Harry, it’s been 14 years, don’t you think they’ve moved on?“
„Dad didn’t. You didn’t hear him talk about this relationship. He wanted to marry this man. I don’t think you just get over something like that.“
His friends were only 13 and 14 years old and had no answer to this.
„Man,“ Ron said eventually, „When you get them back together, you’re only gonna get good marks in potions. Maybe I should try to set up my parents with Professor McGonagall.“
☆☆☆
Harry knocked on the door to Professor Black’s office.
„Come in.“
Professor Black was sitting behind his desk. It was the most organised, yet full desk Harry had ever seen. Books and notes were stacked in neat piles, towering higher than the Professor’s head.
He looked up from his book. He was a very handsome man. He wore his hair shorter than in the pictures. He grew more into his face, looking like a man instead of a 19-year-old boy who was about to get his heart broken by James Potter.
„Mr Potter,“ Professor Black said, „What can I do for you? Come in, sit.“
Harry sat down in front of the desk.
He knew he looked like his dad. He wondered what Black was thinking when he looked at him.
„I, uhm, I have a question.“
„About your essay? Do you need an extension?“
„No, thank you. It’s not about the essay. It’s a… personal matter.“
Black looked at him surprised, „Maybe you should talk to your Head of House then.“
Harry shook his head and took the photo of his dad and Regulus out of his pocket.
„I was at my grandparents‘ house over Christmas. And I found some photographs,“ He carefully slid the picture over the desk, Professor Black’s polite smile fell, „I just wondered… well, my dad is terribly sorry and –“
„I will not discuss this with you,“ he said flatly. He turned the picture around so the faces wouldn’t look at him anymore.
„But just hear me out – he still loves-“
Black got out of his seat so quickly his chair fell down.
„I do not discuss personal matters with students. This is none of your business.“
„It’s about my parents, so I think it is my business.“
„You are a child. And that you are his child doesn’t change that. And I do not discuss things like this with children. There is no discussion all together. So, if this is all, leave my office and make sure to hand in your homework on time.“
„I just want to know whether you still love him.“
The Look on Black’s face was so icy cold, Harry almost shuddered.
„Out.“
Harry got up from his seat and walked to the door of the office.
„You forgot your photograph,“ Professor Black said when he reached the door.
„Keep it. It’s yours.“