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Chapter Text

Obi-wan Kenobi gasped, lungs struggling at the press of the Darkness that flowed out of the open door of the Sith temple they were investigating. He had been expecting it, but the strength of it had still taken him by surprise.

A white and orange bucket turned his way. Wooley. Obi-wan latched onto the familiar Force signature in an attempt to ground himself.

Constancy, like all the clones, but Wooley was distinctly playful and mischievous, with the characteristic overtones of a younger sibling that enjoys their position.

“Are you alright, sir?”

Obi-wan smiled, forcing his lungs to regain their normal rhythm. “Quite all right, thank you my dear.”

Wooley, nodded, and returned his attention to the temple in front of them, clearly aware of the danger even though he couldn’t feel it as not a single clone was Force-sensitive, just as Boil and Waxer returned from scouting.

“There aren’t any other entrances, sir,” Boil said, gesturing to the thick purple jungle surrounding the grey stone building that seemed to grow out of thick shadows. “We worked our way all the way around, and it’s just solid walls the whole way. There’s always the possibility of a secret entrance, but we couldn’t spot one from the outside.”

“The one thing we could find was giant plants that I could have sworn were trying to eat us,” Waxer muttered. He was picking pieces of plant material out from the crevices between the armor plates on his hands.

Boil tipped his head in a way Obi-wan knew meant exasperation and swatted at his vod as Wooley muffled a snort. Obi-wan smothered a smile as he nodded.

Though, knowing the types of planets he generally ended up on, it was entirely possible that the plant was trying to eat Waxer. It would be just his luck.

“Very good.” Something inside him cringed away from the thoughts of entering the dark depths past the open stone doors. What light made it past the heavy foliage seemed to stop abruptly at the threshold. “Only way through is in then, I suppose.”

Wooley shifted beside him as Waxer and Boil exchanged glances.

“Sorry sir. Are you certain this is necessary?” Wooley glanced at the temple and shuddered. “It just seems an unneeded risk for a High General.” He paused, fingers tapping against his blaster. “Or any Jedi at all.”

“And a waste of time besides,” Waxer added, orange helmet on a swivel to watch the deep purple jungle and any possible dangers within it around them as the heat and moisture pressed down.

Obi-wan knew what they meant. He had a bit of a bad track record when it came to seemingly small side missions. And Sith temples were always a risk, especially with only three troopers and extraction still several hours away if anything went wrong.

He stroked his beard, considering. “The Council ordered me to investigate the source of the Darkness on this planet that I felt when we landed,” he reminded them. And himself. “And we couldn’t afford to pull away any more men, with the fighting being so split up.”

He felt more than saw all three men grimace, body language clear even with the full armour and helmets. Cody had thrown what for him was an epic fit when he realized he couldn’t afford to send even a full squad with Obi-wan, given how spread out the fighting was and how their landing craft had been split up upon entry to atmosphere. The fighting hadn’t been overwhelming, so Obi-wan had been able to leave as per orders, but it was steady enough that he couldn’t send anyone else. Even without his orders, Obi-wan had been distracted by the pull of the Darkness as soon as he had landed. Attempting to fight in that condition would have been manageable, but since he trusted his men to handle the pockets of fighting, he had taken a few men and investigated immediately.

Obi-wan attempted a small smile. “Besides, the sooner we finish here, the sooner we can get back to your brothers.” With that statement, he straightened his robes, ensuring his lightsaber was in reach, though not in his hand. He didn’t want to accidentally trigger some sort of guardian protocol by walking in with a weapon in his hand.

The jedi could still feel the disapproval and caution radiating from all three of his troops as he strode up the stairs towards the open door. It had taken much of the hike here to convince his men that he had to go in first, regardless of protocol. He was a Jedi, much more prepared for going against whatever Sith trick they would find in the temple. Besides, confronting the Darkness was his duty, not theirs. He wouldn’t drag them into anymore danger than absolutely necessary.  

Obi-wan shivered as the last of the sunlight fell away, leaving him in the deep shadow of the small stone temple as soon as he crossed the threshold. It was almost artificially cool in the building, despite the heat and moisture of the jungle outside. The Darkness was definitely stronger in here, almost as strong as the initial spike he had felt when entering atmosphere.

He had staggered on his feet in the transport ship and would have fallen without Cody beside him propping him up. He had called the Council before they had even landed and had been ordered to investigate as soon as possible. Anything that Dark that was able to pinpoint someone off planet needed to be investigated, especially as none of the men had felt anything, which meant that it was targeting Force-sensitives specifically.

Obi-wan’s eyes caught on a faintly glowing object sitting in an alcove off to one side. He approached cautiously, mindful of where he stepped, seeing that the small pyramid on the pedestal was glowing faintly purple, almost the same colour as some of the plants outside.

He frowned. Purple was an odd colour for a Sith artifact. He tilted his head, careful not to get too close. It seemed as though there was writing on the surface of the pyramid. The Jedi stepped closer, leaning forwards to try and make out the writing. He knew quite a few languages, maybe he could recognize it to try and determine whether or not it was dangerous.

It was almost a familiar script, but not quite enough that he could read it. Obi-wan shook his head, trying to remember where he’d seen the language before, when his legs gave out. As he fell to the stone floor, legs folding underneath him, the purple glow of the pyramid seemed to swallow his vision until it was all he could see.

Chapter Text

Purple was all that Obi-wan could see. Rich glowing purple, the kind of light that tricked the eyes into thinking they saw something there with swirling shades.

But, no.

There was something there.

Dream-like images began to flash past Obi-wan's eyes, glimpses paired with strong emotion changing too fast to wrap his mind around what he was seeing.

What was this?!?

Oh kark, the Sith artifact had got its claws into him, hadn’t it?

You see it, don't you, Obi-wan Kenobi, Jedi High General.

It was both a voice and not a voice. Deep and cruel and rattling his bones and coming from deep within his mind.

He shuddered.

You see the ends of so many.

The flashes of images slowed just enough for Obi-wan to be able to distinguish some of the figures within.

Anakin, burning in pain.

Mace, screaming as he fell in pieces.

Aayla, collapsing under a storm of blaster fire.

Plo, lungs burning as his ship fell to shrapnel around him.

Quinlan, consumed by the Darkness until there was nothing left.

Ahsoka, running from blaster fire as her ship fell from the sky.

Wooley, side of his helmet missing after a sniper round found its mark.

Helix, careful hands in too many pieces after shelling hit the medics' station.

Waxer, a hand stretched out in terror as the ground beneath him disappeared.

Cody, turning to look at him before his light blinked out of existence.

More and more and more, death after death after death.

Obi-wan didn't know if he was weeping, didn't know if he even had a body in this awful place, but knew that the grief he held was far too big to contain.

The reality of this would hollow out his heart and crack the very foundation of him.

And you've seen them before.

This time, the voice sounded delighted.

It was true, much as he despised it. Obi-wan recognized many of the images flashing before him as having come from visions he had had as a youngling before his shields grew strong enough.

Before he managed to make his mind his own.

Before he cut himself off in an attempt to keep his sanity.

He'd never seen their faces before though, just indistinct figures.

Then, he had grieved for all the death he had seen as a child, for the loss of his innocence, for all the people who would die, and for what those deaths would mean.

Obi-wan had seen a war coming for a very long time.

Now, he grieved for those he loved as he watched them fall from life.

As the pain and fear and terror from those moments flashed through him.

Forced through him.

The voice broke into his grief.

But what if they didn't have to end that way?

Anakin, whole and shining in the force, head tossed back with laughter.

Mace, hands folded inside his colourfully painted sleeves, trying not to laugh at Master Mundi being the next to be splattered with colourful paint by a group of younglings.

Aayla, shrieking and laughing as she was tossed into a fountain in the Room of a Thousand Fountains.

Plo, talking very seriously to Master Yoda, a gaggle of laughing younglings attempting to hide under his robes.

Quinlan, tossing tidy dreadlocks back over his shoulder, a fond smile on his face as Aayla gestured excitedly.

Ahsoka, padawan beads long and colourful, landing an Ataru jump perfectly with both lightsabers lit in a training salle and smiling broadly.

Wooley, running away cackling, being chased down a Temple hallway by a furious and paint-splattered Cody.

Helix, hands and clothes clean, falling asleep on a table spread with textbooks and notepads.

Waxer, with Boil beside him, tucked into a diner booth and trying as much food as they could get their hands on.

Cody, a group of vode laughing beside him, with three Jedi younglings hanging off of his limbs as he attempting to walk towards a pool of water in a lush garden.

All you would have to do is reach out.

Obi-wan shook his head frantically. He wouldn't fall, he wouldn't! He wouldn’t reach for the Dark Side! He wouldn’t hurt people like that!

But the point wouldn't be to hurt people, young jedi, the voice murmured.

The Dark Side always hurt people, Obi-wan knew that to his bones. Just look at Dooku, willing to watch his own grandpadawan get executed.

The Dark Side had twisted him, hurt him, and used him to hurt everyone around him.

Look at Maul, and his obsession with Obi-wan that was tearing him to pieces and dragging all sorts of people down with him.

But little jedi, you could use it to save them.

Anakin, grabbing at Obi-wan’s wrist and landing safely beside him with a smirk and sarcastic comment.

Mace, giving Obi-wan a triumphant grin as he put away his lightsaber.

Aayla, startled by a warning in the Force, blocking bolt after bolt as her troopers rushed to down the enemy.

Plo, landing his ship safely in the 104^th’s cruiser and being greeted by Wolffe, with Obi-wan only feet away.

Quinlan, kneeling beside his Master, safe in long arms, weeping, a slim redhead wrapped around his back.

Ahsoka, bouncing up to Obi-wan with a smile and a cheerful chirp, Rex steps behind her.

Wooley, giving Obi-wan a grateful smile after being pulled out of the way just in time

Helix, smiling at Obi-wan from the Healing Halls in the Coruscant Temple, a MedCorps insignia on his shoulder.

Waxer, safe beside Obi-wan as they watched the cliffside crumble away

Cody, a warm hand on Obi-wan’s shoulder paired with a fond smile in his direction.

Everything that made up Obi-wan in this strange not-place trembled.

It doesn’t matter! He shook his head. It can’t! I cannot Fall!!

Don’t you Jedi espouse compassion?

Obi-wan shook his head, the rest of his body shaking with the strength of it.

And kindness?

Not at that great of a cost!

And self-sacrifice for the greater good?

Obi-wan froze.

The voice trailed away, a satisfied tone to its silence as the all-encompassing purple glow faded away into blackness.

Chapter Text

The first thing Obi-wan noticed as he rose from into wakefulness was the familiar light of Ghost Company’s medic Helix, bright and determined and spread wide as he tried to keep watch on as many as he could.

That alone told him he was safe, and when combined with the calm sounds of movement and beeping around him, meant that he was back on the Negotiator.

The next thing that hit him was the impression of pain and death that thoroughly permeated the medbay and meant that Obi-wan avoided it whenever possible, but especially when his shields were weakened or down entirely.

Like when he was sick, or injured. Or now, apparently.

Obi-wan twitched slightly with the memory of what, exactly, had happened to give his shields a hit.

That karking Sith artifact.

Footsteps drew near, drawn by his movement, and Obi-wan stuffed the tangle of emotion and memory down to examine it later.

Or never, that would be good.

He opened his eyes to see that it was indeed Helix, writing notes on his pad as he checked the various machines that Obi-wan is attached to.

“Hello, my dear.”

 The look Helix sent him was rather more stern then normal, and the medic ignored him by going back to his paperwork, still standing by the bed.

Obi-wan shifted on the bed, pushing himself up to a sitting position on the edge of it. He could feel the tugging of stickers and wires that seem to be attached to him at every possible point.

“Don’t you dare!” Helix hissed at him, tucking his pad under an arm in order to point a finger at Obi-wan. “You are staying right there in that bed until I am satisfied!”

The jedi was confused. He shifted in place, subtly testing motion and range. There didn’t seem to be any injuries, much less anything that would have Ghost’s medic quite this agitated.

He tipped his head to one side. “I’m afraid I don’t understand why, my dear. I seem to be perfectly fine.”

Helix tipped his head back and appeared to be mouthing words to himself.

Obi-wan waited patiently, well aware of the various methods his troopers used to calm themselves. That there seemed to be an unusually high incidence of them being used around him in the medbay, well, war was stressful, and the medics were under more pressure than most.

Apparently finished, Helix blew out a slow breath and fixed the redhead with a look.

“General. Obi-wan.”

Helix using his first name was never a good sign, and Obi-wan resigned himself to a lecture of some sort. Though on what, exactly, he still wasn’t quite certain.

“You were attacked by something which was specifically targeting Force users before you even made planetfall, you took only three troopers with you to investigate this attacking force, and when you discovered that it was a Sith temple, you then walked into it.”

Well, yes, but it sounded bad when he put it that way.

Helix was pacing back and forth in front of him now, gesturing emphatically.

“A Sith temple, which are generally littered with traps specifically tuned to Force-sensitives, and which you have had both considerable bad experiences with and strong reactions to in the not so recent past! You walked into it, alone, not knowing if your troopers would be able to get hold of anyone, and with backup over an hour away if, and only if, any of the transports could manage to find you in a jungle so dense that heat signatures were useless!”

The medic had ceased pacing and had both his arms crossed, staring at Obi-wan, who was maybe willing to acknowledge that he had not made the best series of choices, though he refused to budge on the necessity of investigating the temple.

“You then proceeded to investigate a Sith artifact and promptly collapsed and become totally unresponsive. Forcing, in turn, those three poor troopers, none of which had medic training, to carry you back through that stars-forsaken jungle until they could manage to reach a point where they could see enough sky that a transport could get to them! And then they had to explain to the commander exactly what had happened!”

Oh. Obi-wan felt guilt rise in him at that. He hadn’t meant to scare his men. Not in the least. He was going to have to apologize to Wooley, Boil, and Waxer.

“You have been out for over ten hours now, and I’ve only just convinced Harrow to go and sleep, considering that he was supposed to be off shift and hasn’t slept for over a cycle, but was so worried about brain function and possible seizures that he wanted to stay, given that we still don’t know what sort of effect Sith artifacts have on Force-sensitives, much less ones that go straight for the brain like this one did.”

Obi-wan’s guilt intensified at the thought of his medic and he lowered his head. He knew that the medics stressed about the Force-related issues that none of them understood, and he was trying to get them information from the Temple healers, but everyone was just so busy they hadn’t had the chance to put an information packet together.   

Helix sighed, and crouched in front of Obi-wan in order to move into his sightline. The edges of his face softened.

“He’s all right, just worried. We all were.”

Obi-wan just nodded.

A gentle hand rested on his knee before Helix pushed to standing, drawing Obi-wan’s gaze with him. The medic retrieved his pad and tapped through a few pages before raising an eyebrow at the jedi.

“All your readings look okay, and I know you don’t want to stay, so we’ll just run through a few questions and then I can let you go, alright?”

Summoning a gentle smile for the medic, Obi-wan nodded.

……………….

Obi-wan heaved a sigh as the door to his room slid shut behind him. He had managed to get from the medbay to his room without running into anyone. He desperately needed to apologize to Waxer and Wooley and Boil, and possibly Cody, but he needed the chance to work through what he was feeling first.

He moved through making a cup of tea without really paying attention to doing so, the familiar motions comforting and calming in and of themselves. 

The slightly bitter scent of the green tea he favoured for this type of meditation wafted up to him as he settled onto the floor, cup held between cold hands.

Eyes drifting, he considered both the situation and his reaction to it. The fear and pain he felt were related to the visions he had seen, which was nothing new. Rarely, if ever, had any of his visions been pleasant.

That he had directly seen the faces of many of those he cared about the most certainly hadn’t helped.

Though, a thought came to him, could he really trust the visions he had seen while the Sith artifact had a hold of him?

Sith, and their artifacts, were consummate liars, after all.

The temptation to fall was nothing new either. Every Jedi struggled with such a thing, and as long as he kept choosing to keep to the Light, there was nothing to worry about.

So really, despite the tangle of emotions the experience had dug up, he hadn’t gained any new information, and nothing really had changed.

Satisfied with his conclusion, Obi-wan set down the now-cold cup of tea without bothering to finish it and pushed to his feet, determined to go find his troopers and apologize to them.

Carefully ignoring, the entire time, the little voice screaming in the back of his head that knew the visions matched what he’d seen as a child, that knew they were true.

That knew something worse than the war was coming, and that he wouldn’t be strong enough to stop it.

Chapter Text

Despite his best efforts, the arguments made by the Sith artifact still lingered in the back of Obi-wan’s mind nearly a week later.

He’d tried meditation, he’d tried visualizing, he’d tried all sorts of things, but the redhead had still found himself wondering.

Wasn’t he, as a Jedi, supposed to do all he could to help others, even to the detriment of himself?

Hadn’t he learned throughout his life that the best thing he could do for others was self-sacrifice?

Didn’t the people he cared about deserve him doing everything he could for them?

What if Falling was the only way he could help when he was needed?

Obi-wan shoved the thoughts away every time he was aware of them, but they kept creeping back in.

He watched his troopers, during downtime and training both. They were still so young, despite the age that experiences had given them. They didn’t deserve to be forced into this war.

The jedi was aware that he seemed melancholy, so he was mostly unsurprised when his commander called him out on it after a final strategy meeting prior to landing.

“Sir?”

Obi-wan turned his attention to Cody, who was approaching his position at the strategy table. Precious, clever Cody, who was holding his typical on-duty expression, but whose concern was evident both in the edges of his mouth and eyes and in the way his force signature, duty and consistency and careful caring and loyalty, reached towards the jedi.

The redhead dredged up a smile, though he was aware that it wavered at the edges.

The off-balance smile did not seem to reassure his commander even a little bit.

“I’m quite all right, Commander. Really.” Obi-wan’s smile strengthened at the minor disbelief that resulted in a raised eyebrow. “That incident with the Sith artifact still has me a little off balance, I suppose.”

Cody’s gaze sharpened, and his stance shifted.

Obi-wan laughed slightly, a real laugh. “I’m fit for duty, Commander. Promise.” He spread his arms. “Both Helix and Harrow passed me.”

Reluctantly, given how many chronic issues and poorly healed scars he had, but part of his deal with his medic was that those issues, unless actively flaring up, were not allowed to weigh against him passing a check-up.

Otherwise he’d never get out of the medbay, and he so very much didn’t have time.

Nor did he want to spend more time in there than he had to, given the sort of feedback he got from the Force.

Obi-wan tucked his hands back into his sleeves and smiled gently at his Commander, his Cody. “Just some philosophical questions it posed, Commander. Nothing more than that.”

Cody’s posture eased, and he nodded sharply. “As you say, General. I’ll go make sure the troops have started moving.”

He took a step towards the door before pausing and turning back to the jedi. “I’m glad you’re all right, General.”

Obi-wan inclined his head. “Thank you, my dear.”

He watched his Commander leave with the sharp, rapid steps that were typical of all his men, and ached at the thought that Cody would die in front of him.

He didn’t know if he could bear watching more of the people he cared about die in his arms.

Or just out of reach.

He didn’t know how he’d managed this far in the first place.

……………………

Their first real battle since the incident with the Sith artifact gave Obi-wan the chance to push away the things he’d been struggling with as he slid into the battle mentality that gave him such an edge.

He could focus on the campaign, and only that, and he welcomed the reprieve from his troubled thoughts.

It was a straightforward fight, and Obi-wan embraced the opportunity to throw himself at the waves of droids.

Fighting was simple, especially when against non-sentients.

Obi-wan had long since wrestled his shame at being so good at war under submission. It had never disappeared, but it had turned out to be so useful that it barely took any effort to ignore it.

The jedi wielded his lightsaber fluidly, moving around the battlefield as directed by both the Force and his Commander’s voice in the earpiece he had conceded to wear.

Finishing with the knot of droids he had dropped into, Obi-wan spun around searching for the next fight.

A chorus of chatter rose from his earpiece, and Obi-wan struggled to work out what was being said.

The droids had brought a singular heavy cannon onto the field.

It was close enough to hit their back lines, where the medics and evacs were set up.

Cody was ordering all units to fire on it.

The cannon blew apart in a burst of fire and smoke, but not before firing off a single shot.

Obi-wan traced its arc amid orders being barked over his comm to shoot it down, and replies coming in from their pilots that they were just over a minute away since they had been quite a distance away doing their own bombing run on a droid factory.

A minute would be too long. 

The jedi froze for the barest second, before breaking into a sprint.

He needed to be closer.

Counting down the seconds until the shot would hit, Obi-wan ran, hearing the rapid-fire orders being spit out to evacuate the target area, simultaneously knowing they would never get everyone away in time.

Calculating that he was as close as he was able to get in time, Obi-wan skidded to a stop and closed his eyes. He reached out with a hand and with the Force.

He was too agitated, too frantic to be able to fully redirect the missile, but he could prevent it from landing.

He would prevent it from landing.

The vision he had seen of Helix blown to pieces flashed through his mind, and Obi-wan pushed it away, refusing to falter.

He would be able to do this, and he wouldn’t use the Dark Side to do it.                

He had to.

He reached out, and grabbed it, and held.

The force of the missile fought his hold, but Obi-wan refused to allow himself to let go.

A sharp sound, a wash of heat, and Obi-wan opened his eyes.

The missile had detonated several hundred feet above the ground, far enough away that it did no damage.

He had done it.

Without using the Dark Side.

Obi-wan smiled to himself. He could do this. He could save people without losing to the draw of the Dark Side.

Chapter Text

The high and comfort of that incident did not last for very long at all.

They won that battle, and the next, and the fight for that particular planet was over, and Obi-wan immediately received orders to ship off to the next fight, several quadrants away.

He sagged slightly when he ended up in his quarters for the scarce hours of rest he would be able to have since paperwork and preparations had taken up the rest of the time.

He hadn’t had a break in far too many tendays to count, constantly being dragged from one crisis to the next.

The men had gotten a leave or two in, fortunately, but Obi-wan had had solo missions for the Jedi Council to carry out.

He knew Cody worried about him, but there was nothing the other man could do about his schedule.

Obi-wan slipped into a basic mediation pose, choosing to sacrifice part of his sleep time in order to get himself a bit in order.

The words of the Sith artifact lingered in the back of his mind, as they ever did, but he was able to push them back much more successfully with the memory of being able to resist using the Dark Side and still save the vode.

He managed to settle himself enough that he dropped off to sleep pretty much instantly, exhaustion dragging him down into a deep, dreamless sleep.

………………………

They made planetfall within two day-cycles; barely enough time for the men to cycle through medbay and get their equipment repaired and replaced and strategies formed.

Obi-wan was not pleased with the amount or quality of intelligence RepInt had provided them. He had complained about it to Cody, who had reciprocated equally with the type of language Obi-wan wished he felt free enough to use in front of anyone who was not Quinlan Vos.

He felt a sense of dread as the shuttle he was on entered atmosphere, his grip on the straps holding him to his seat tightening until his knuckles whitened.

This was not going to go well; he just knew it.

He was right, unfortunately.

RepInt had massively underestimated the number of droids on planet, and somehow completely missed an entire platoon of droidekas.

The vode died in mass numbers, lights blinking out all around him, and Obi-wan was never where he needed to be in order to stop the worst attacks.

Worse, Obi-wan received a blow to the head when a nearby tank blew up towards the end of the day-cycle that made more significant uses of the Force very difficult as he struggled to reach for it and focus in general.

Less than an hour after the blow to the head, Obi-wan was fighting with a group of vode near the base of a cliff. The droids had planted charges to make the cliff unstable, and they kept having to dodge falling rocks, Obi-wan doing the best he could to redirect them, though he was finding it increasingly difficult and painful to do so.

Obi-wan blinked the floating spots out of his eyes, ignoring the building migraine that grew with every loud noise or Force use, no matter how minor.

There was a cry of warning from one of the vode, and Obi-wan looked towards the source of the disturbance, swaying slightly on his feet as he deflected a blaster bolt while twisting around.

His eyes widened in dismay as he caught sight of the huge boulder that was tipping off the edge of the cliff. He tracked its trajectory and realized that it was going to impact with a Separatist droid transport studded with guns.

Which was going to explode with the impact, as they ever did.

Obi-wan reached for the boulder, trusting the vode around to cover for him as he tried to use the Force to at least redirect the massive chunk of rock that was slowly slipping over the edge of the cliff.

The Light Side slipped through his fingers like a greased Purcassian river eel.

He tried again, to no avail.

Obi-wan gritted his teeth and reached for the Force, determined to stop the destruction that was shortly going to be plummeting in their direction.

The Dark Side answered.

And only the Dark Side.

Obi-wan refused, even with the voice in the back of his mind whispering, ‘What if it’s the only way to save them?’.

He pushed the Dark Side away, and continued reaching for the Light Side of the Force. He was only vaguely aware of his body shaking, and the concerned call from one of the nearby vode.

“General? Are you okay?”

The redhead was too far into himself to answer, straining only to focus his slipping attention on grasping for the only side of the Force that he was willing to let himself use.

He reached, and reached, and had just managed to brush his metaphorical fingers against the Force when his body collapsed out from underneath him.

“General!”

Obi-wan was faintly aware of a vode hitting his knees beside his now prone and crumpled body as well as a distinct warmth steadily dripping from his nose.

“Incoming!”

Despite the darkness steadily encroaching on his barely lucid mind, Obi-wan registered the sensation of armor pressed against him as the vode covered the jedi with his own body.

The feeling of the clone was so familiar, but Obi-wan couldn’t place his name.

He couldn’t place any of the names of the men he couldn’t really feel around him anymore.

“General Kenobi is down! Repeat, General Kenobi is down! Seems to be some sort of Force osik, and we’re about to experience a fairly large explosion at close range! Send backup and medevac asap!”

“Take cover!”

A large thump reverberated over the area, followed by a split second of absolute stillness, before the world exploded and the blackness totally took over.

………………………

The blackness that had taken over his entire world receded, if only slightly, and Obi-wan became aware that he was somewhere surrounded by vode.

Still on planet, by the amount of dust he could smell, and most likely in the med tent, despite the fact that he didn’t have enough of a grip on the Force to identify any of the men around him.

He could just make out voices somewhere nearby.

“The General?”

“Force strain, I believe, to go along with that lovely concussion caused by what seems to be a fairly significant blow to the head, as well as some minor damage from that explosion.” A sigh. “He attempted to ignore the injury and then push past his limits. It didn’t go well.”

“It never does.”

A pause, and Obi-wan found himself drifting slightly before the voices caught his attention again.

“And the men that were with him?”

“Four dead, and eight seriously injured. Various minor injuries.”

“Thanks for the update, Harrow.”

“Anytime Commander.”

Four.

There were four men, four vode, dead because he hadn’t managed to prevent that boulder from falling.

Because he couldn’t reach the Force.

Because he refused to reach for the Dark Side when it was the only one he could reach.

It was his fault.

Was holding to his conviction really that important in the face of his men’s lives?

Obi-wan released his hold on consciousness and allowed the darkness to drag him under yet again.

Chapter Text

It was weeks later, and Obi-wan was barely keeping himself together. Guilt plagued him, both from the war in general and from the death of the four vode he had failed to save. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t push it from his mind.

If he had only reached out using the Dark Side, he could have saved them.

But he shouldn’t use the Dark Side, he knew that.

Right?

The redhead could feel his steadfast conviction on the issue crumbling the more time passed. The more vode died, while he was there and wasn’t there and could help and couldn’t reach them.

(Could have reached them.)

Obi-wan sighed, sucking in a deep breath to try and centre himself. They were only hours away from their next target, some sort of space station that was preying on Republic cruisers, including supply ships for the armies.

That, unfortunately, meant it was his problem.

He shoved away the building disquiet at that thought and refocused on the battle plans and supply requests laid out on his desk. He needed to get at least some of the ever-present paperwork completed before it was time to begin.

Obi-wan blinked up from the pad in front of him, trying to focus on what had dragged him away from his paperwork. Swearing, he leapt from his desk and ran as the incessant alarm registered.

The fleet was under attack.

He reached the bridge only moments later, Cody waving him over as he entered the room.

The next few hours were a blur of trying to coordinate between the various ships of the fleet, trying to figure out where the enemy ships were coming from why there were so many of them, trying to navigate through the stars-be-damned asteroid field they had been pulled out of lightspeed into, and trying to figure out how to function without the majority of his Force-senses due to the looming nebula nearby.

Obi-wan was glad Anakin was there, even as they argued tactics over the comms; his former Padawan a gifted pilot who was putting a dent into the enemy’s forces all on his own, and their bond strong enough to be a comfort even with the distortion of his ability to sense things with the Force.

It took longer than Obi-wan wanted (it always did) before they were able to find the space station that the pirates’ fighters had been originating from, the same one that they had been ordered to bring down.

It took Anakin almost crashing into the space station before they realized it was there, its cloaking combined with the asteroid field and the nearby nebula enough to fool the ships’ sensors and the Jedi’s sensing.

Obi-wan held his breath as Anakin led his men in a run to destroy the ship.

“Mission successful, General!”

Obi-wan rolled his eyes. “Thank you, Captain Rex. The incoherent cheering from Anakin’s com was not a clear response.”

Captain Rex chuckled. “Sounds like him, General. The bulk of our forces are heading back towards the ship now.”

Obi-wan’s shoulders relaxed slightly as he turned to Cody. “Commander, I’m going to head down to the hanger to see them in.”

Cody nodded back at him, a small smile on his face even as Obi-wan struggled to feel him in the Force. Stars, the sooner they were out of the range of this nebula the better.

It didn’t take Obi-wan long to reach the hanger, though navigating the chaos that was the returning fleet, mechanics, and medics, took a while longer.

Obi-wan paused where he could, spoke to anyone who wanted to speak with him, and tried to ignore the way his heart clenched at the empty places where there should be fighters and their pilots.

He soon reached the command station for the hanger, and slipped in behind the desk to listen to the comms and see when his Padawan would be coming in. He could sense that Anakin was alive through their bond, fortunately, but not much more than that. Certainly not where he was, not with that dratted nebula running interference.

Obi-wan resolved to put some sort of marker on the Jedi’s maps, as the outer range of the nebula was clearly not documented properly! They weren’t supposed to be anywhere close enough for it to have this sort of effect!

After several minutes, with Anakin and his squad still not yet returned, Obi-wan stepped forwards enough to ask one of the vode manning the station.

“Did Anakin and Captain Rex get sidetracked on their way in?”

One of the clones responded without looking up from his screen. “Yes, General. A small group of pirates appeared, so the General took his men in pursuit. They should be coming into range of the ships’ guns any moment now, if the radar is correct.”

Obi-wan looked up to see the man was correct. Through the ray-shield spanning the hanger door, he could make out a small group of ships racing into view, closely followed by Anakin and some of his men.

The Negotiator’s guns engaged a moment later, and the pirates’ ships were blown to pieces. Obi-wan smiled as the men in the hanger cheered at the sight.

The smile dropped off his face a moment later as the vode at the hanger’s station in front of him burst into action, flipping switches and calling through to different pilots.

The dread began building in his chest even as he asked what was wrong.

One of the techs answered, though his attention never wavered from his screen. “General’s ship was hit by some of the debris, and he’s not responding to com calls, though his flight suit is still reporting strong vitals.”

Obi-wan’s heart stopped. Anakin.

The tech continued. “Captain Rex is attempting to get a tether onto his ship to tow him in, as the tractor beams don’t reach where they are, but the asteroids are making it difficult.”

Obi-wan strained his eyes out of the hanger to attempt to see what was going on, trying to reach with the Force at the same time.

He couldn’t see. With his eyes or with the Force. In fact, with the distortion of the nearby nebula, the only part of the Force he could reach was once again the Dark Side.

A tiny part of him not occupied with trying to reach for his Padawan screamed at the unfairness of it. Why was the Force testing him so?!? Why did this keep happening to him?!

One of the techs swore, and the part of Obi-wan that wasn’t occupied with wrestling with the Force snapped to attention.

The tech began explaining without him even asking. “The General’s ship has floated into a very asteroid-dense area, and Captain Rex hasn’t been able to make contact with it yet. He’s reporting that the General’s ship is looking like it’s going to get caught between two asteroids shortly if he can’t get him out.”

Terror flooded Obi-wan. He couldn’t lose his Padawan like this! He reached for the Force once again, but the Dark Side only laughed at him and reached back.

He recoiled hard enough that he staggered back a step.

He….he…..he couldn’t!

Not even for his Padawan?

Obi-wan froze.

Not even for Anakin? For the boy he had rescued, and raised, and was so very proud of?

The boy he loved dearly?

His brother in all but blood?

Not even then?

How…how could he possibly decide that?

Obi-wan felt as though he was falling, as though the ground had dropped out from underneath him, and beneath was only a terror-filled abyss with the Dark Side coiling around him on every side.

WHAT WAS HE SUPPOSED TO DO?!?!

The next second snapped him out of it, as the techs in front of him cheered.

“Rex got him!”

Obi-wan could only watch numbly as the remaining fighters returned to the hanger bay, as the medics swarmed Anakin’s ship and took him to the medbay, as the hanger doors closed.

If Anakin had died, killed between two asteroids in one of the ships he loved so much, while he stood and watched, wouldn’t it have been his fault? How could it not be his fault?

If he could have reached him, shouldn’t he have done so, no matter what it took?

Wouldn't be saving him worth whatever it took?

Even if it took reaching for the Dark Side?

Obi-wan stared into space, head spinning and heart aching.

What was he supposed to do?

Chapter Text

They were on yet another planet fighting yet another battle against the seemingly endless droid armies. Obi-wan didn't even know what planet it was anymore, the fighting had been going on for too long. He only knew that it was all cliffs and unstable earth and deep unseen canyons that took you by surprise.

They, he and about a dozen 212th troopers, were separated a bit from the main body of the army, fighting a platoon of droids that had climbed up the canyon that was behind them to flank their position.

Between the troopers’ blasters and Obi-wan’s lightsaber they managed to clear the platoon of droids in short order.

Just as they paused to take a breath, Boil, who had been several dozen meters away came running over to Obi-wan and Waxer, who was standing next to him to discuss their next steps.

"Sir! There are several companies of droids coming towards the hill," he pointed back in the direction he’d come from.

Obi-wan sighed. "Waxer, let the men know. I’ll go have a look." He turned to the trooper. "Boil, with me."

Waxer nodded and walked towards the knot of troopers a few meters closer to the cliff edge, checking to make sure no more droids were coming up.

Obi-wan and Boil headed towards the crest of the hill to scout the ongoing droids.

There was a thump, deep within the earth, more of a bone-deep feeling than a sound. It was followed immediately by a boom, and a cloud of dust and dirt thrown up out of the mouth of the canyon behind them. Obi-wan turned, knowing instantly that that had been a demolition charge, and it had been set within the canyon, probably by the droid armies before they'd climbed the cliff to engage.

To his mounting horror, Obi-wan saw the ground beside the canyon begin to crack. Right where the knot of troopers were.

Time seemed to slow. Obi-wan felt frozen in place as the ground under his troopers began to crack and fall into the canyon. Simultaneously, Boil gave a cry of warning as the droids behind him began to draw near enough to shoot.

Obi-wan met Waxer’s eyes. Waxer, who still had his bucket under his arm. Waxer, who was moving towards one of the shinies to try and get them to stable ground. Waxer, who looked totally resigned to his death with his vode beside him.

And Wooley, precious Wooley, who was just behind him, just starting to rise from a crouch with a startled look.

He could reach out and save them, hold the cliff long enough to get his men off. But the clankers were advancing rapidly, and if he ignored them to save the men from the cliff, more than likely they would all die anyways.

He could leave his men to die, and save himself and Boil, if they could even hold out against several companies of droids. Or he could save his men from the cliff, and then they could all die from blaster fire regardless.

He wasn’t strong enough to do both. Not fast enough. Not with how tired he was, with how long he’d been fighting already. Both on this planet and within himself.

Obi-wan closed his eyes. He made his decision. He’d had enough of his men dying because he couldn’t save them. All he had to do was reach out.

............

Boil had just called out a warning about the rapidly oncoming lines of clankers when the ground seemed to thump. Before he could turn, the very air began to go cold. He whipped around to see the ground under his vode starting to crack and fall into the canyon, but his attention was arrested by the general.

The general was frozen in place, one hand reaching towards the men. The air around him seemed to crackle with power, and Boil could have sworn that there was a wind whipping around him, despite the complete absence of breeze only seconds before. As he watched, the general opened his eyes, and they seemed to be glowing gold light, so bright that Boil couldn’t even look directly at it.

That was new.

A rumbling noise caught his attention, and he looked towards the cliff face and his vode. To his amazement, the general appeared to be holding the cliff face in place! He’d seen the general use his jedi powers to do incredible things before, but it was amazing every time.

The chunk of cliff faced trembled as it moved, the troopers perched on it holding perfectly still. It set down gently, several meters away from the still crumbling cliff edge. Boil breathed an adrenaline-laced sigh of relief. His vode were safe.

Boil whirled around in shock, a cry on his lips as he suddenly remembered the online line of clankers. They should have been on them already! His blaster was up and firing before he realized that were no companies of clankers to face. Baffled, he lowered his blaster. Somehow, the droids were all down, blown down and sparking, the ones closest blasted back in a circle and in pieces.

He and General Kenobi were the epicentre of the apparent blast wave, and he hadn’t even felt a twitch.

He turned back to General Kenobi in awe, in just enough time to see the general’s eyes flutter and his body start to sway.

Cursing, Boil shoved his blaster in its holster and lunged to catch the fainting jedi. Catching him around the shoulders and waist, he carefully lowered them both to the ground.

By the time the two of them were settled on the ground, the general’s head and shoulders on Boils lap, the rest of the vode had surrounded them. Waxer and Wooley were both on their knees flanking him, and the others had taken up defensive positions, murmuring to each other in disbelief at the sight of the destroyed droid army. Boil could hear Gearshift on his comms, trying to raise another company to get a medic.

Fortunately, the general came to after only seconds, twitching slightly before trying to stand. Boil restrained him carefully with an arm across his shoulders.

"Easy, general,” Wooley murmured to him, gentle hand on his lower arm. "You did it. We're all safe."

General Kenobi laughed softly. “Safe. Yes, you’re all safe.”

His eyes opened, and Boil saw that they were still gold, not blue, and unfocused. “At least you’re all safe.” They rolled back into his head once more and General Kenobi slumped, unconscious once again.

Boil met Wooley’s gaze and saw the same curious confusion that he was feeling.

“Gold?” he murmured.

Wooley shook his head, unsure.

Waxer spoke up. “Sith’s eyes change colour when they become sith.” He shifted slightly in place under the focused weight of the pair of vode. “Commander Tano told me. But she said it was usually a sickly yellow or red.” He leaned over the general, shading his face from the sun. “Not gold.”

“And Sith would never hurt themselves to help others,” Wooley said firmly.

“He’s still our general, regardless of what colour his eyes are.” Boil shared a fierce look with the other two.

“The other Jedi might care,” Waxer pointed out, tapping his thigh plate nervously.

Boil shook his head. “They never see him in person, only through holos, and you can’t tell eye colour through those.”

Wooley nodded earnestly. “We’ll make sure he’ll be fine.”

Boil chuckled as a thought occurred to him. “Besides, it’s not like Harrow would let anything happen to him.”

“Well then.” Wooley pulled out his comm. “I’ll start looping the Commander in. It would appear that we have a plan.”

Boil adjusted his grip on the unconscious Jedi draped over his lap. Kenobi was their general, had pushed himself so far to keep them safe, and now it was their turn to help him, in whatever way they could.

Chapter Text

Obi-wan flopped down onto a crate, staring blankly into space.

General Grievous was dead.

Finally was dead.

He felt a spreading satisfaction at the fact, absolutely, but Force he was so damned tired.

So tired.

Kark this entire sith-forsaken war.

Obi-wan paused at that thought, and chuckled to himself.

The war wasn’t exactly sith-forsaken now, was it?

Not with him in it.

And certainly not with his suspicions of who was really behind this war.

Obi-wan heard the vague sounds of his men moving around the area, continuing clean-up and taking out the odd battle droid hiding in the caves. Something crackled through the Force, and he frowned.

Things had felt different through the Force ever since he’d Fallen, but that….

That was weird. And new. And bad?

Obi-wan turned to find Cody, seeking out his friend as he ever did, only to find Cody receiving a holo from a strange, hooded figure.

The weirdness in the Force intensified, and Obi-wan pushed to his feet as Cody finished the comm and moved towards him.

His commander and friend felt strange in the Force.

Obi-wan stiffened, tired body shifting back into a ready position and mind clicking back into action.

Cody stopped in front of him and saluted, picture-perfect. He hadn’t done that in front of just Obi-wan since near the beginning of the war. And the strain around his eyes; not new but somehow different.....

“Sir. Order 66 received from Chancellor Palpatine. Requesting orders to proceed in hunting down all Jedi traitors.”

What.

WHAT.

Just, WHAT!

Obi-wan forced himself to keep calm and think. Something was up. He reached out to Cody in the Force even as he answered.

“And who are these Jedi traitors, Commander?”

“All the Jedi are traitors, sir, as per the Chancellor’s orders.”

Something was very wrong with Cody’s mind. It felt wrong, like Sith-wrongness wrapped tight around him. Obi-wan could still feel Cody’s usual self underneath, but it couldn’t break through the slime covering it. He reached out for his other men, something deep inside already telling him what he would find even before it was confirmed with a touch.

And with what Cody was saying about Chancellor Palpatine giving the order……

“And me, Commander?”

“You aren’t a Jedi, sir. You’re Sith.” The single raised eyebrow, such a Cody expression, said he was an idiot.

Obi-wan nodded, a hand coming up to stroke his beard even as something inside him settled. “Ah, of course.”

Something around Cody’s eyes relaxed at the statement, and Obi-wan understood the game.

“Well then!” Obi-wan clapped his hands together, waving Cody over to his side. “Let’s pull all the men back to the ship so we can re-group and figure out where to go from there. I have several calls to make, so I’ll leave you to it.”

“Yes sir!” Cody saluted and marched away, already calling out orders.

Obi-wan stepped into a more private cave, gave himself exactly ten seconds to have a silent, terrified meltdown, and started making calls.

……………

Obi-wan shut off his comm and stared at the wall in front of him. He’d went for the Council immediately, calling Mace to see what the karking hell was going on on Coruscant. He’d gotten his commander, Ponds, instead, and Ponds had instantly thrown the comm over to Commander Fox, who’d explained about the karking control chips that were in all the clones’ heads.

Apparently, Commander Fox and Quinlan, his Quinlan, what the kark, had managed to find out about the chips a little while ago, and had started the process of getting the chips out of the clones’ heads even as they still tried to figure out what the hell they did.

Well. One question answered, at least. They made the clones follow the implanted orders without question.

Good thing that apparently enough of the Jedi had chosen to Fall for their men during the war that almost the entirety of the army turned to their Sith for directions instead of just going off to hunt down Jedi.

Obi-wan took a deep breath. Not processing that one right now, moving on.

Former-Chancellor Palpatine had been discovered cackling evilly in his chambers and throwing Sith lightning at Anakin, who he apparently had been brainwashing for the past several years with his Sith powers!

Fortunately, one of the clones had caught the entire thing on vid, and live-streamed it to all the news sites Commander Fox’s people could get it to, and that included Palpatine’s entire evil speech about how he orchestrated the entire war in order to become Emperor.

The part where Palpatine had been shot by approximately eleven different clone troopers and more than a few maybe-not-Jedi hadn’t made it to the news though. Funny that.

The many, many calls he’d fielded after that made it clear that no Jedi had died as a result of Order 66, and he’d given the order to rendezvous at the coordinates Mace had sent, to get the chips out of all the clones’ heads without risking anyone else.

Was he glad? Could he be glad about this?

The more-than-semi-hysterical cackle that began spilling out of him seemed to decide for him, and Obi-wan bent over under the force of it.

The war was over! Over! Grievous and Dooku were dead, Palpatine was unmasked as the mastermind and controller of the war and subsequently thoroughly executed, Anakin was rescued to the Healer's Hall and would get all the care he needed, and they had a viable plan to free the clones from the slavery they were trapped under.

Cody stuck his head into the cave, appearing concerned even under the influence of the chip.

“Sir? Are you alright?”

Obi-wan sucked in a deep breath, forced himself to stop laughing, and rose to his feet, waving off his commander. “Perfectly fine, my dear. Now, what do you say we get out of here and get this all sorted out?”

A glimmer of a Cody smile, rare and precious, appeared in the depths of his eyes. “Sounds like a plan, sir.”

Obi-wan smiled at him in return as he strode out of the cave and towards the waiting transport. “Doesn’t it indeed.”