Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

[Season 3 opening credits]

In the not-to-distant future

Next Sunday A.D.

There was a guy named Joel

Not too different from you or me

He worker at Gizmonic Institute

Just another face in a red jumpsuit

He did a good job cleaning up the place

But his bosses didn't like him so they shot him into space!

"We'll send him cheesy fanfic!

The worst we can find! (la la la)

He'll have to sit and read them all

And we'll monitor his mind!" (la la la)

Now keep in mind Joel can't control

Where the fanfics begin or end (la la la)

Because he used those special parts

To make his robot friends

Robot Roll Call (all right let's go)

Cambot! (Pan left)

Gypsy! (Hi, girl!)

Tom Servo! (What a cool guy!)

Crooooow! (Oh, wisecracker!)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes

And other science facts (la la la)

Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a MSTing

I should really just relax"

For The Mysterious Fanfiction Theater 2000!

[This scene opens with the Bridge of the Satellite of Love. Everything is festooned with crepe paper. Joel and the Bots are throwing a funky party complete with music and cake.]

JOEL [grabs a piece of cake]: FOOD FIGHT!

[tosses cake at Tom]

TOM: Hey, no fair! What'm I supposed to do, bump into the cake and hope it lands on your foot?"

[Mads light starts to flash.]

[Deep 13 Laboratory]

DR. FORRESTER: What's taking them so long, Frank? They're gonna suffer for this!

[SOL]

[Tom notices flashing light]

TOM: Hey guys, Akane and P-chan are calling!

[Joel pauses in his effort to cover Tom with cake and hits the button.]

[Deep 13]

DR. FORRESTER: Finally! You had me worried, Joel.

[SOL]

JOEL: Sure, Doc. If you say so.

[Deep 13]

DR. FORRESTER: No, really! I honestly thought you might have wandered off somewhere! At any rate, let's get exchanging, shall we?

[SOL]

JOEL: Crow, grab the invention, will ya? Our invention this week is for fanfic authors who find that they've written their favorite characters into corners they can't get out of.

[Crow enters, carrying a big yellow box with a Remington typewriter, a big lever, and a whole bunch

of dials and knobs attached.]

JOEL: We call it the DEUS-X Machine. For example, let's say that you have a boomer with only one tiny weak spot, and Nene is the only one left standing. Let's see…

[Begins adjusting some dials.]

JOEL: We set paradigm to Sci-Fi, situation to 'target practice', shooter rating to 'lame', and target to 'machine', and…

[Machine begins to make odd sounds. After a while, a sheet of paper comes out. Tom reads the sheet.]

TOM: We have the ghost of Nene's dead mentor tell her not to rely on her computers and to trust in the Force. Huh?

JOEL: (sheepishly) What do you think sirs?

[Deep 13]

DR. FORRESTER: (laughs) Well, Joel, it looks like you still have some bugs. Speaking of which, Frank?

[T.V.'s Frank walks on screen.]

FRANK: Don't you hate it when bugs get into your hard written program? Boy, I sure do. Especially those moths! When a moth gets into your code, it's bye-bye program.

DR. FORRESTER: Right, Frank. That's why I've invented a new language that deals with bugs by incorporating them into the programs. Infinite loops and logic errors are fundamental to its operation. What's more, once this language's compiler has been installed on your computer, it erases all the others, and nothing written in it can be erased or edited! It's sheer genius! I call it Bug-ROM.

[Dr. F begins to cackle madly.]

DR. FORRESTER: Now, as to the experiment. I've decided that since you kept me waiting earlier, something special is in order. Your experiment this week is 'The Separation of the Four' by The Ikran Rider. In that it's long, boring, concerns the clash of godlike powers, and has nothing to do with 'Fantastic 4'. Send'em the fanfic, Frank.

FRANK: Consider the hot irons applied, sir.

[SOL]

[Lights flash, buzzers buzz and pandemonium erupts.]

JOEL: AAHH! WE'VE GOT MOVIE SIGN!

[Joel slams random button]

[We cut to the opening door sequence]

[6][5][4][3][2][1]

[Inside the theatre]

[Joel carries Tom to his seat on the left, while Crow sits to Joel's right]

TOM: It's…

The Separation of the Four

CROW: And that's not all.

An Fantastic 4 Fanfic Story

TOM: In the same sense that DUNE was "based on" the book by Herbert, maybe

by The Ikran Rider

TOM: If you see this man, report him immediately.

It was a brisk, clear night when the cruise ship sailed on the Hudson River. It was a huge honor of the heroic actions done by the Fantastic Four. The members included Reed, Sue, Johnny, Ben, and his girlfriend Alicia. Their new addition, Terri, has performed two songs; one for the team, and the other for Reed and Sue's engagement. Johnny was very impressed of her vocals, and she only said that it was a small gift she has.

The team settled down for their celebration dinner, and a man with a bald head and a toothy grin served the entrees, including a drink of what looked like berry wine.

Terri made a toast to them using fancy glasses of wine."I would like to make a toast, to those who defeated Victor, and made New York a better place."

"I would also like to make a toast, so there will be no more fighting." Ben added.

TOM: Not much of a void, then, is it?

"I would, too, like to make a toast to stick together through thick and thin. And be as one." Sue said.

"I'd make a toast to have some fun while we do all this superhero stuff, instead of being so serious all the time. Otherwise we'd never get anything done." Johnny mused.

JOEL: Like this fic?

"Let's make a toast to everyone who made this team possible." Reed spoke.

They all raised their glasses and drank after Reed declared. "To the Four!"

CROW: Ah, yes. The old "indescribable evil/might/force/beauty/etc." trick.

A few minutes later, Terri became nauseous and wondered if she was either seasick, or it was because of the wine. Then her skin turned pale, her skin was clammy, and she felt dizzy. She excused everyone as she went to the restroom, which was at a far back corner from the serving tables. After a brief hurl along with some deep breaths, the queasiness started to pass and she realized that it was the wine since she was never sick on a cruise.

The next day Terri felt like a million bucks as she headed off to work. Her apartment was a few blocks away from the office she recently applied in. Ever since the Fantastic Four came around, it became very busy making signs, mags, banners, even news ads for them. She loved her job but she was also annoyed since she wasn't in any of the franchise.

CROW: WOOHOO! Kegger!

A few nights ago, she lead the crowds to safety while the team took down Victor as he was gathering electricity. He became superheated then frozen and hasn't become a threat. Everyone cheered for them, then Terri had a flashback from the time they made their astounding stunts at the Brooklyn Bridge. Since then she was filled with both envy and gratitude.

On her way to work, she saw a trail of blood leading to a manhole in an abandoned alley, but it was actually the berry wine she had last night and a flock of pigeons started to drink it. Relieved, she arrived at the office.

Back at the Baxter Building, a few blocks down, the team also became affected by the wine but in a different way.

JOEL: What about 'em?

Reed saw the others fight each other, then he tried to break them up. When he did, they paused and then a strong force pushed him to a huge wall unit. He fell to the floor and he was trapped from the rubble. No one was there to help him, instead they just left when the smoke cleared.

When he came to, he noticed that the wreckage was crushing his legs. He pulled himself free and rushed everywhere to find his friends, despite the pain. Next he looked out the window; suddenly hours have passed and there was no sign of the team returning.

Terri has just finished her shift and was on her way to the Baxter Building when she felt a strong pulse and then a cold sweat. She had those symptoms before, and she realized that something awful must have happened there. Ever since she went into space with the group and was hit by an unknown form of solar radiation, she possessed the ability to move objects with her mind, telekinesis, and a "sixth sense," telepathy. Unfortunately, she doesn't remember the incident, nor her capabilities.

Suddenly she heard some high-pitched screeching coming from the same alley she found the wine trail. A bunch of pigeons were attacking each other, and she tried to break them off by swinging her coat. They did and a few raging pigeons started pecking and scratching her while she kept swinging.

They flew away and she came to the conclusion that the wine must have affected the team the same way, and because she was sick she hasn't changed at all. Scared of going back to the Baxter Building, she decided to go inside the manhole.

TOM: Ignorance and apathy?

JOEL: Abbot and Costello?

CROW: Lingam and Yoni?

[Joel gives him a stern look.]

CROW: Hey! You let me say it!

JOEL: Only because it was in another language, Crow. Don't push your luck.

She climbed down a rusted ladder and found an underground lab filled with containers, syringes, and big pots of blood and wine. Everywhere she looked there were walls stained with blood and lab equipment. Her hairs on her neck stood up, she turned around, and saw a sinister, vile man emerging from the darkness.

He almost looked like a zombie and very familiar. He had a bald head, yellow teeth, a piercing stare, and dark clothes covered with blood.

ALL: Eeew.

He stated to Terri that he was one of the servers on the cruise ship after he completed his creation. The wine was actually a blood drink from murdered victims in which, if anyone consumes it, can turn people erratic and violent and could sometimes kill themselves or others around them. And depending on their mind set, the signs can stick to them in a matter of since he knew about the Fantastic Four and Terri for so long, he wanted to wreak havoc over the city and spread the epidemic.

He put a stronghold on her and forced her to drink the blood. She fought him with all of her strength and he finally went down. She headed to the ladder and called for help, but the hole closed and she was trapped. Then she was stabbed in the back and a huge gush of blood oozed out. She started to panic and kept saying to herself that she can't die like this, the same way that her mother did.

Meanwhile at topside Reed, in his uniform, searched for Sue, Johnny, and Ben. He was on his way to find Terri when he heard a piercing scream coming from an alley nearby. He went to it and found a closed manhole. He opened the lid, stretched down, and heard the scream again. He recognized the voice, it was Terri and someone was stabbing her in the backroom of the lab.

As soon as the assassin made the final blow, Reed snuck behind him and pulled him by the legs and wrapped them with his extended arms. He tightened his grip and threw him into a big steel pot covered in boiling blood.

CROW: Sure sounds like most siblings to me!

He found Terri laying up against the wall and tried to wake her up. After a few attempts calling her name, her eyes fluttered, and then she was in his arms. He felt blood coming from her back and then he carried her up and out of the manhole.

Just as he was stretching up, the killer went after them. When they reached the top, Terri felt his presence and used her telekinesis to remove the ladder. They both went down in a heap, and she could smell gas and fire from the lab.

Reed and Terri took cover underneath a car before the manhole blew up. People screamed while everything shook and debris started to fall all over the place.

JOEL: Oh. Well, that makes perfect- huh?

When the sound quieted, everyone came out of their havens. Three police cars and am ambulance came to the scene and Reed asked the personnel to take Terri to a hospital close by to heal her wounds. At times her breathing became short and she slipped in and out of consciousness until the bleeding stopped.

Moments later, the wound started to heal but she could feel excruciating pain. The doctors said that she was lucky to still be alive or not paralyzed. When she rested her back, Reed told her about the team's separation then she stated to him the cause and the effects of what the conflict would entail.

Later, night started to fall all over the city and Reed and Terri were back at the Baxter Building; they've decided to resume the search after dark.

TOM: [singing] You're so vain…

The sun rose over the busy city and a heat wave began. The temperature reached over 90 degrees as Reed and Terri searched for the Fantastic Four members, Sue and Johnny Storm, and Ben Grimm. They weren't sure how or why but they lost their way and ended up inside a cornfield.

He checked her back and the big cut nearly disappeared, her skin was cool to the touch upon healing. Recently they met a madman in an underground laboratory and inflicted that kind of damage. The lab exploded and they both escaped. After that, they discovered that the team separated because of an exotic drink served on the cruise two nights earlier.

Later Terri grew weary because of the sweltering heat and the angst of endless corn, so they sat down and took a short break. Then Reed heard an agonizing scream and what sounded like aluminum bats hitting. At first he thought it was Johnny but he immediately thought different, as he could start engulfing himself into flames, hence he had an alias known as the Human Torch.

Terri went on all fours and slowly peeked through stalks of corn. She saw a white and blue car, then five thugs beating the daylights out of two other people. They looked old and very ravenous. One of them heard the rustle of the stalks and looked at the intruder.

Terri gasped and immediately stepped back and told Reed what she saw. They stood up and he decided to give them a little talk. The thugs already hit the two guys senseless and they certainly didn't want him to intervene.

CROW: So how did they try to control it?

One of the guys kept threatening him to back off then at the last moment, he knocked Reed to the ground with a bat. He was hit several more times and then he started to taste metal. Terri watched helplessly, then he gave him a final warning to back away. He replied with a groggy voice that he should kill him first.

Then a whoosh of energy pushed the thug far back. The others looked at what might've happened. It was Terri breathing heavily, raising her hand, and making a statement that if they touch Reed again she'll kill them right on the spot.

So one by one they charged at her and every time she used her telekinesis to take them down. One thug crashed through a white car window, and two them landed in a little ditch of sand where lies a naked body and broke their backs.A white hair, wrinkled thug rose and made a last attempt to whack her and then his body fell to the ground in half. Then a short-haired thug charged to her and when she said, "Back off!" a strong pulse lifted him high off the ground and he dropped him, landing to his death..

She put her hands down when the fray was all over and Reed called her name weakly to get her attention, she rushed to his side and carried him on her back.

They've made it out of the cornfield and onto a highway. She hitchhiked and a maroon van pulled up and took them to a hospital. Luckily the driver knew exactly who the desperate passengers were.

Reed was laid on a stretcher and then he started to cough up blood. He concluded that his spleen was ruptured from the attack, and he was in pain whenever he took a breath. He was taken to the OR to repair the damage.

All: Dah-dah-DAAHHH…

Terri ran to his side while he was injected with anesthesia. In short breaths, Reed told Terri that if he can't make it, she'll find the team and she'd be an honorary member of the Fantastic Four. She reassured him as he was drifting off.

CROW: Oh, I get it! It's an addition problem! Two linefeeds plus Chapter 1 equals a bad fic!

Eight hours have passed and Terri was in the waiting room along with an old friend. John Myers was a short blond, mild-mannered private investigator. Like Terri he is the same age and he also wanted to become involved with the team, even though he didn't participate in the space mission.

Together they waited until a nurse came over and called Terri over. She went to the Recovery room and saw Reed hooked up to a machine monitoring his pulse and an IV tube. She walked to his bed and sat down along with John. He was very sorry to see him like this. They both held hands tightly and she began to reminisce.

Dusk settled and they talked about everything that has happened from the mission to now. With one hour left of visiting time, Reed started to stir. Terri, John, and the nurse crowded around the bed as he opened his eyes. He thought the team was with him, but he sighed when he saw only Terri, John, and the nurse.

TOM: AIEE! Daylight!

All: (make hissing and burning noises)

When he awoke he noticed that his abdomen felt somewhat different; smaller, but less painful. The nurse explained that his spleen has been removed and she warned him that he could be more vulnerable to illnesses. When visiting hours were up Terri and John left and said to Reed that he'll have a goodnight's rest.

A couple days later Reed and Terri were on the move again to search for their missing persons, only this time she made a map. It displayed every known place around the city along with a legend that represents each member by a symbol: A flame was Johnny, he can be located in any sports arena because she describes him as an "adrenaline junkie." The rock is Ben, he could be found in any place in which sculptures are made because Alicia also worked in one of them. And the silhouette was Sue which is the most difficult to look for because she can turn invisible, and they can't decide where she could be located. On each area Terri pasted signs for anyone to find them, she made them at the office job she had. John too wanted to participate as he and his crew searched for them.

Days went by and on one night, Reed made surveillance throughout the Building including heat and motion sensors. He was so exhausted from finding the group so Terri wanted to keep an eye on the place.

She played around with the cameras to see how they worked. She kept zooming in and out and she turned them left and right on the controls. Eventually she got bored until she found a stranger approaching the lobby.

She couldn't make out what he and the lobbyist are saying but she did see a gun come out of his jeans pocket. He shot him and then she frantically went upstairs shouting Reed's name. She knocked on the door quickly and then opened it, turned on the light, and told him everything she suggested to take the stairs because the elevator would be easily noticed.

In their uniforms, he stretched down and Terri slid like he was a rope. They peeked in and the shooter was still there. He recommended to go first to create a distraction and give her the signal to step in.

Slowly, he opened the door without detection and grabbed the shooter's legs from behind. He dropped the gun and he was wrapped tightly to prevent him from reaching it.

JOEL: As opposed to a light blue 3:00 p.m. or a pale green midnight.

Terri called for help as she watched everything unfolding in the next room. He struggled against the strong grip and reached for a small dagger, he pulled it out and stabbed him in the abdomen where the stitches were. In agony, Reed dropped his grip and the shooter reached for the gun, pointing at him. He froze and then the killer kept taunting him about the irony that he can save others, but he couldn't save himself.

CROW: The clock's word is holy. Obey the clock.

Just as he was about to say goodbye and pull the trigger Terri stuck out her hand, curled her fingers, and a magnetic pull yanked the pistol out of his hands and into hers. She ripped out the bullets and closed the handle and the shooter came charging to her holding the bloody blade. He rammed into an invisible wall and fell to the ground. Dazed and confused he got up then Reed enveloped him with his body, and in a fury he tightened it as much as he could and started to strangle him.

Reinforcements arrived, he unwrapped himself, and the killer was arrested for first-degree murder.

Calm and collected, she headed to Reed and surveyed the damage. He encouraged her that he'll be alright.

When she asked about the lobbyist, she was already answered when the officers finished the examination; he was dead. As he looked at the body being lifted on a stretcher and covered with a white sheet, they were stung by grief and sorrow.

Terri had lost her mother years ago, to her it was a familiar though painful sight. But to Reed, it was a first.

She started to take quiet sobs and his hand rested on her shoulder, then the two went to the elevator. As she was wiping away her tears he recalled the courageous duties she made. He stated that from now on, she is an official member of the Fantastic Four. Her breathing returned to normal and then they settled down for the night, with her close to his side.

TOM: Well, that's a mighty odd shape for a textbook.

The lobbyist's funeral took place at the Madison Square Gardens Funeral Home on a rainy afternoon. A white tent was raised in the middle of a cemetery and the priest was making his prayers. Everyone was wearing dark clothes and carrying a red rose. They all took turns going around, saying their last words, and put a rose along with a special gift onto the buried coffin. Reed and Terri were the last ones to do so. They squatted and put a rose and their emblem onto the soft, moist soil. They left without saying a word.

Later on the rain poured against the windows as Reed and Terri stopped at a private table in a diner nearby. She insisted that she can pay whatever comes to them, since he was still recovering from bankruptcy. Then he recalled again how she faired during the shooting last night.

Then they started to reminisce until the death and funeral of the lobbyist was announced. During the news break she wanted to make a confession.

CROW: That's a pretty good description of this fic, actually.

She joined the space crew just to make a difference, she wasn't quite interested in math or science; after all, they were her greatest weaknesses. She felt her life was at a dead end and all she wanted was to push her limits. When she met Reed and Ben, she heard of the endeavors they were making.

After the presentation she became all agog about what was yet to come, except for Victor. She went with her gut never to trust him, and hadn't since. Reed understood completely, then she pushed on.

She referred to Victor that he was powerful, had lots of money, and could do whatever he feels like which always leads to anarchy. She had bad experiences because whoever had these characteristics often becomes malicious. All except for her cousin; however, she does at times feel jealous.

And that's when she mentioned that Reed, on the other hand, was unique and it's not because he had the same ingenuity but not the respect, or he didn't have as much money or power. But because he was pure of heart and of mind, he had never been corrupted. From that moment on there were no opposites, but a strong bond that would last in years to come.

The rain stopped as night descended and Reed wanted to take Terri to one of the places he loved to go. She had to close her eyes though because it was a surprise.

She did as they went inside an illuminated, spacious room. He let go of her hand and told her to open them. She looked up and saw a painted dome of the universe. Then she saw huge planets hanging from a nearby mobile. Stars were gleaming and comets can be seen soaring through the space background. Everything almost looked so real, it was like being inside a spacecraft. She even found a clip of Neil Armstrong.

In awe she followed Reed to the place he liked the most. An enormous telescope sat in the middle of the dark room along with several seats. They took the front row just as the room started to turn dark. Above they could see numerous stars and comets soaring by, then the sky started to change colors. It was an aurora and they started to sit back and said it was the best night she ever had.

Next they saw the sky darken again only this time planets went by. Then the sky started to light up, as if morning was coming. Although it was still dark outside, they returned to the Baxter Building and gotten ready for tomorrow.

Days have turned to weeks and there were still no progress on finding the team. Everywhere they looked, there was no sign of any of the members. Reed and Terri started to become more and more discouraged, and he muttered that if they couldn't find the Fantastic Four, he would have no choice but to leave it to just the two of them.

When they got back, Reed went to his lab and found an old picture displaying him and Ben in front of NYU, where they first met. Then he started to have flashbacks at what he and the others have been through, from the time he failed to turn Ben back to normal, to the time when the big conflict started.

JOEL: Of the Lambs.

Then he remembered his engagement to Sue and then he realized he still had the broken gasket.

Last, he looked back on the night the lobbyist had died. That was when he feared that Sue and the others were never to return.

TOM: Hey, neat! He's explosively decompressing the main character!

Depressed and lonely, Reed decided to take a nice long walk around the city. He stopped at a faraway bench in Central Park. He rested there for a long time until he heard a soothing choir in the distance. He went to a church and since he had nowhere else to go, he went inside.

JOEL: Crreeeaaak...

Sacred writings were engraved all over the walls along with big stained glass images. He sat on one of the long benches, sighed and closed his eyes, folded his hands and bowed his head.

JOEL: WHAM!

When the song ended, a reverend came over to him and told him to look up. He asked if he was looking for faith or forgiveness. Reed breathed in deeply and rose his head. His eyes started to glaze as he told him that he wanted to get his friends back and stay strong for Terri. Then he explained what happened to them and the lobbyist's death as hot tears streamed down his eyes. The reverend assured him that as long as he stays strong and never gives up hope, he will find them.

He walked away and then Reed looked up and saw a painted mural of angels flying amongst the clouds. It was so beautiful, he couldn't stop looking at it. The reverend noticed and he asked if it's real. He replied that it could be as real as he wants it to be, all he has to do is to believe in it. Then he started to close up and Reed looked up again. After what seemed like forever, he fell fast asleep.

CROW: Wax on, wax off.

When he awoke, he noticed he was still in the church. He didn't remember himself dosing after looking at the mural. He left in a hurry and headed to the Baxter Building.

Terri walked around the gravel path looking for him and out of nowhere they almost collided into each other. Both out of breath they apologized. Then Terri told him great news; Sue was found up north in a place where there were trees everywhere. He realized that the place was in the Bronx.

CROW: He keeps talking about the head doing this and that. Is a body involved here anywhere?

She called John Myers to give them a lift...or call a cab. He came first, however, and they were on their way after she described the place Sue was found. He's been to that place during his childhood, a lot of boys used to play manhunt there. Unfortunately, it's been deserted for so long because of a murder; no one ever came there again.

When they got there, John wished them good luck and make sure that she is brought to the car safely. The forest is so perfect for hiding, anything dangerous could happen. They started looking and when Reed started to question Terri of Sue's whereabouts, she was found laying back on a big stone. Then they saw what appeared to be a sorceress. Sue started to moan as the mesmerizer's eyes glowed.

Terri told Reed that he has to get her out before she gets hypnotized, whatever she might do. He immediately rushed to where Sue was sitting and stood in front of her. He demanded to take him because he's the one the wizard wants. So she did, then Terri went to Sue's side and whispered to her.

TOM: His eyes are independently sentient? Cool.

She woke up and they were held in each others arms. She couldn't stop telling her how much she's been missed and that she was looking for her for days. Sue was also looking for Reed while she was in Long Beach, where she lived when she was a kid. All of a sudden she'd been attacked and then woke up here.

Terri said he's here now. When they looked, he was standing at the same spot but his breathing was slow. Then he started to walk toward a huge war craft, something wasn't right.

Terri and Sue both saw a flash of light and before they knew it, Johnny and Ben showed up. She rushed around the rock and ordered them to stop, like as if she was directing a car. She wanted them to follow her, Sue realized that what Reed done was not by accident, he sacrificed his mind to protect her. She decided to go after him because she could find a way to bring him back.

He sat down and the sorceress laid her hands on his shoulders. He exhaled and his head dropped. Sue attacked her from behind with a force field and when she faced her, she tried to mesmerize her with the gaze. Terri shouted for the others to cover their eyes, the huddled together and the gaze failed. Sue made another force field to toss her through the control board. The rest of them charged and took down the ship.

While the ship was destroyed, Reed was in a dream state. He was in darkness and then heard Sue's voice that he failed to protect her and he wasn't the man she thought he was. He looked around frantically, though he couldn't find her. She continued taunting him when he was severely burned by Johnny, constantly beaten by Ben, then shocked by electricity from Victor still in his cape and was lying on the ground until he saw a bright light. He raised his hand and it felt warm and comforting.

Then he woke up and stumbled out of the ship. Sue rushed to his side. "Sue...I..." then he closed his eyes and stopped breathing. Terri felt his heartbeat stopping and said he was gone.

She found out that the gaze was actually a spell in which his heart attacks the mind, then it shuts down to stop the body. The only way to revive him is to "reunite his body and soul," her love would break the death hold he had, unless if she waits too long.

All: (striptease trumpets)

With tears flowing from her eyes, Sue whispered for him to come back and how much she loved him. While she was kissing him the others gathered around, including John Myers. Wishing for a miracle, the sun broke then Reed started to breathe.

She felt his pulse and his heart and his eyes fluttered. After he said her name, she held him in embrace. While he was dead for a few minutes, he recalled hearing her voice in the dark but couldn't make out the words. She said that she couldn't stay away and how she missed him very much, including the team. She also said that she would always be with him no matter what.

They were all thankful to have him back on his feet...or so it seemed. He kept slipping in and out of consciousness, so John suggested to make camp. .Sue and the others became worried of Reed's condition; Terri recommended that he should have a lot of rest, that way he will no longer feel lethargic. At the crack of dawn he was wide awake and the team left along with a few spare parts.

When they got back, there was a big welcome home ceremony and the Baxter Building was being remodeled. While Reed was on the mend, Sue made a re-engagement. The"spare parts" from the ship were used to build the FantastiCar. And then he got an urgent message from General Haeger, but that's another story.

THE END

Tom: Wow, That's a story.

Joel: Come on, let's get out of here.

[Joel picks up Tom, and the three leave]

[1][2][3][4][5][6]

[Joel and the Bots are back on the bridge. They are shaking their heads sadly.]

[Deep 13]

Dr. Forrester: How was it, booby, another piece of trite trash for your
viewing excitement?

[SOL]

Joel, Crow & Tom: Yeah, that was awesome story!

[Deep 13]

Dr. Forrester: Why, thank you, boobobulous.

TV's Frank [in background]: My Show! What...have you did...to my show?

Dr. Forrester: Shut up Frank! [presses the button]

{psssssscht}

[The screen goes black]

Clayton: (off-screen) Aboard the Starship Enterprise. Starts Right Now.

[Roll Credits to Mighty Science Theater]

Disclaimer: MST3K and related characters/settings/situations are the
property of Best Brains Inc, however they had nothing to do with writing this up.
This mystification was done for the express purpose of entertainment,
and is not meant as a personal attack on the original author(s) in any
way.

Chapter Text

[Season 3 opening credits]

In the not-to-distant future

Next Sunday A.D.

There was a guy named Joel

Not too different from you or me

He worker at Gizmonic Institute

Just another face in a red jumpsuit

He did a good job cleaning up the place

But his bosses didn't like him so they shot him into space!

"We'll send him cheesy fanfic!

The worst we can find! (la la la)

He'll have to sit and read them all

And we'll monitor his mind!" (la la la)

Now keep in mind Joel can't control

Where the fanfics begin or end (la la la)

Because he used those special parts

To make his robot friends

Robot Roll Call (all right let's go)

Cambot! (Pan left)

Gypsy! (Hi, girl!)

Tom Servo! (What a cool guy!)

Crooooow! (Oh, wisecracker!)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes

And other science facts (la la la)

Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a MSTing

I should really just relax"

For The Mysterious Fanfiction Theater 2000!

[The Sence opens with Bridge of the S.O.L. Tom and Crow are arguing]

Tom: Will you cut that out, Crow?

Crow: Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam...

Joel: [walking in] Hey, guys, what's going on?

Tom: Crow is stuck in British humor mode and now he won't stop!

Crow: Nudge nudge, wink wink, know what I mean?

Joel: That's terrible! I'll start working on it right away. [starts

fiddling with Crow's head.]

Tom: Thank you!

Crow: I know it's bad to speak of the dead and everything, but you're

still a smeghead.

Tom: I'm not dead!

Crow: Oh, right.

[Mads light starts to flash]

Joel: Looks like the Mads are calling. [slaps the button]

Tom: The Mads?

Crow: No, just some mads. Haven't you heard? They come in six-packs now.

[cut to the inside of Deep 13 Laboratory]

Dr. Clayton Forrester: Good morning, Papadapolus. We've got such a hot invention this week

that I think we'll go first. Frank?

T.V. Frank: Thanks, Doc. [turns to face the camera] Well, Joel, as you know,

people are always rushing to and fro. Never a calm moment. Heading

up, up, up the ziggurat.

Dr. F: Get on with it, monkey breath.

Frank: Right. Sorry. Anyhow, after reading Winnie the Pooh,

we came up with a little communicator badge

similar to the ones used by other stories. Anyhow, instead of

playing the messages instantly, it records them as text and prints

them out later. That way, you don't have to receive annoying calls on

the car phone or go home to hear your answering machine. Plus, since

they're text files and not waveforms, they're much smaller and you can

hold more of them.

[cut back to SOL. Joel is standing there, holding Crow's head]

Joel: But that doesn't sound so unusual.

Crow: Yeah, where's the catch?

[Deep 13]

Dr. F: Well, this is the good part. The voice recognition software this

baby uses is based on the handwriting recognition software from the

Apple Newton! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Frank: Oh, I love this man.

Dr. F: I bet we can trick a couple thousand unsuspecting MacAbusers and

some downright sadists into buying it. Well, what have you come up

with this week?

[SOL. Crow's head has been screwed back on]

Joel: Well, our invention is also based on a piece of Rainbow Magic

technology. It's a transporter beam [takes out a small

hexagonal pad connected to a control box]

Tom: That's right, a transporter beam. Go anywhere you want, anytime you

want, with your new transporter beam! Faster than the bus, and

environmentally friendly!

[Deep 13]

Dr. F: Wait, if you built a working transporter beam, why didn't you use

it to get off the Satellite of Love?

Frank: Yeah! And what about Scarecrow's brain?

[SOL]

Crow: It's only a model.

Tom: Yeah, did you really think we could warp the laws of physics and make

something like this? Boy, are you gullible!

Joel: I think we got them, boys!

[Deep 13]

Frank: I think...you're going to die, Joel!

Dr. F: That's my line, stupid! Just for that, you deserve this one, Joel.

It's another television series. But it's not anime series

this time. It's "Three Little Ducklings," and it's an insipid

little number. I hope you don't enjoy it. [presses the button]

[SOL]

[Lights flash, buzzers buzz and pandemonium erupts]

Joel: Aaaah! We've got movie sign!

[Joel slams random button, and we cut to the opening doors sequence]

[6[5[4[3[2[1]

[Inside the theatre]

[Joel carries Tom to his seat on the left, while Crow sits to Joel's right]

Joel: Are you feeling OK, buddy?

Crow: I feel fine.

Tom: No more British humor?

Crow: Nope

Walt Disney Pictures Presents...  Winnie the Pooh meets the Three Little Pigs

Our story begins as we see a child's room with toys and games.

There are a lot of interesting toys in here, one of them of course was a lavender elephant-like creature, one a donkey, and the other a pig; one of them are kangaroo toy with a child one near it by the doorway.

Now we see a orange/black striped stuffed tiger doll, a grey gopher toy, and a owl toy.

Tom: But that's okay, my lack of originality has never bothered me.

As we see a clock with a bird that goes coo-coo repeatedly, we hear the John Cleese-like voice (who is our narrator) speaking,

"Now, while this could be the room of any boy, it just happens to belong to a boy named Christopher Robin."

The camera goes over to an open window as the narrator continues on, "Like every boys, Christopher Robin got toy animals to play with, with them living together in a world of make-believe."

We zoom in to a toy male teddy bear sitting near a red book which is labeled in golden titles which reads; Winnie the Pooh meets the Three Little Pigs".

"But perhaps his best friend, other than his baby sister Baby Hazel and his girlfriend Shanti, is a bear by the name Winnie the Pooh, or Pooh for short. Now Pooh has some unusual adventures which happened right here..."

Crow: How about during?

The book slowly opens to come into some sort of new world.

The narrator said," ...in a place called the Hundred Acre Wood."

We see a boy swinging on a swing in the book itself.

He was a young, small, slender boy, about 12 years old.

He is handsome, had brown hair, fair skin, thin black eyebrows and beady black eyes.

Joel and the Bots: It's a load of crap!

He was clad in yellow polo shirt with white collar and trims on his short sleeves, blue shorts, white socks, brown Mary Jane shoes, and had a British accent.

His name is Christopher Robin, one of our heroes in this story.

As the boy plays on, a chorus sings in the background.

Chorus:Deep in the Hundred Acre Wood

Where Christopher Robin plays

You'll find the enchanted neighborhood

Of Christopher's childhood days…

Now we see someone playing in some grass a bit gloomily.

It is a gloomily slender gray toy donkey, who is old and had black mane, both light gray muzzle and underbelly to his legs, droopy eyes, long ears, pink ear innards, thick black eyebrows, and detachable tail with black mane, pink bow, silver tack on his tail to his buttocks.

Tom: What an unusual emoticon. What do you think it is, Joel?

Joel: It's probably a man without a lower jaw, so he can't smile.

Tom: Aaaaah!

Crow: That's scary.

His name is Eeyore

A donkey named Eeyore is his friend

Next up, we see a kangaroo working in the garden while her child runs around playing.

She is a slender brown female kangaroo with pink belly and porch, and beady black eyes.

Her name is Kanga.

Joel: Nooo! He's back!

Crow: (speaking slowly) Bring me my gun.

The last one is a small and slender brown joey with beady black eyes, 2 hairlines, blue long-sleeved T-shirt.

His name is Roo, Kanga's son

And Kanga

And little Roo

Next, we see someone leaving his home while smiling. It is a slender rabbit with yellow fur, white muzzle, buck teeth, white chest, pink nose, skinny arms, and a white cottontai.

His name is...well, Rabbit.

Tom: Data on what?

Crow: I think he means the android, Ribbit.

Joel: But why should he pay attention to the android data? Since when was

Picard interested in robotics?

Crow: How should I know? Maybe he's wondering how Data gets his skin so

nice and shiny.

Someone appears next to Rabbit as the two look at each other.

It is a small and slender piglet with pink skin, both rose ears and snout, thin black eyebrows, matching beady eyes, and wore a magenta jumpsuit with black-hairlines stripes.

Crow: But depending on what happens on the way, it will seem more like

forty-five minutes.

His name is Piglet.

There's Rabbit

And Piglet

Now we see someone sitting on a tree branch, grinning at someone else below.

It is a slender wise old owl with brown feathers, both cream belly and legs, both orange beak and feet.

His name is Owl.

Joel: All right, sensors getting some action!

JtB: Whooo! Yeah!

And there's Owl

But most of all…

Winnie the Pooh

Now we see someone peeking out from behind a tree grinning at the camera.

Crow: To pointing what?

It's plump male teddy bear with both black beady eyes and nose, brownish gold fur, and wears a red short-sleeved shirt.

His name is Winnie the Pooh, or Pooh for short.

Tom: Who says it's intercepting you? Talk about self-importance.

He then hops on some letters spelling his name as the song continues.

Winnie the Pooh

Winnie the Pooh

Chubby little cubby

All stuffed with fluff

Joel: I Like that.

A butterfly flies around Pooh, making him laughs as he tries to catch it but fell off the letters, landing on the ground in the progress.

Joel: It says, "Help! We're stuck in a crappy fanfic!"

He's Winnie the Pooh

Winnie the Pooh

Will nilly silly old bear

The butterfly finally lands on Poohs nose. As he sneeze it off, the Pooh goes, "Pooh," playfully then chases it.

Crow: Would that be an intercept course with Starbase One or with the

unidentified vessel?

Tom: Who cares?

Winnie the Pooh

Winnie the Pooh

"Pooh," Pooh chuckles as he chases the butterfly some more until it flew away, escaping him. Of course, the teddy bear just wants to play with the butterfly, not capture it after all.

Chubby little cubby

All stuffed with fluff

He's Winnie the Pooh

Winnie the Pooh

Tom: Are we supposed to assume that this means we see a cinematic fairy, or that the author is having a blackout fairy.

Joel: Either way, I recommend a psychological evaluation, and quick.

Pooh arrives at some sort of house, smiling as he sat on a log in front of his home. What fun that the bear had today! The song soon came to an end.

Willy nilly silly old bear…

Joel: It's very simple. All you have to do is warp all the laws of physics

and then you can travel that fast.

"Now...before we begin, I like to let you know that there ARE new characters in this story you might like to meet first before we start. And one of the main characthers were three heroic ducklings you about to her from..." The narrator explained as the scene fades in darkness for a bit, it then shows the glimpse of one of the first characters.

It was small and slender anthropomorphic male duckling with orange bills and legs, light blue eyes with black pupils, white feathers, and brief white hair on his head and wear a red baseball hat and matching shirt. His name is Huey, the First and Smart little Duckling.

Tom: Perhaps we should write them a ticket?

"Huey is the wisest of the three...He's not afraid of working hard and you can always depend on him."

Crow: I can think of several, but they're all pretty disgusting if the

crew of the other ship isn't duck.

Joel: Crow!

Another duckling, who is sleeping, was snoring peacefully. This one were a green baseball hat and shirt. His name is Louie, the laziest and youngest of the three.

"Louie is the laziest of the three...And he likes to eat pizza, cookies, cakes and candies. He spends his days dreaming and relaxing..."

The last of the three is minding his own business, stretching back and forward.

And this one was wearing a blue baseball hat and matching shirt. His name is Dewey, the middle of the three, who loves songs and music...

Tom: Is there such a thing as an incomplete circle?

"The final is Dewey, middle of the three. He's the Prince of Rock and Roll, He loves to spends his time playing music and singing. Now I Would Like To Meet their Friends.

Joel: Of course, those two events are probably not related.

Then we see the group of friends, standing together. The first one was a three foot tall black anthropomorphic mouse with big round ears, peach colored face, black nose and wore a red shorts with two white buttons, big yellow shoes, and white opera gloves. His name is Mickey Mouse.

The second was a anthropomorphic rabbit with white and grey fur, long ears, pink nose, buck teeth, and wore only white gloves. His name is Bugs Bunny.

The third was a anthropomorphic duck with black feathers, orange bill and feet and a white collar. His name Is Daffy Duck.

The fourth was a slender, light brown, handsome and muscular anthropomorphic rooster with brown hair with a red crest, blue eyes, Elvis-like voice, and wore a green bandana, white shirt, blue pants and black belt. His name is Chanticleer.

The fifth was a white kitten boy with a brown mark on his left eye and some blond hair. He is wearing the toy coon hat with light brown pioneer shirt. His name is Edmond.

The six was a male brown and tan anthropomorphic Beasst Hound wearing only blue pants, red shoes, black and white stripped socks, and a backwards belt. His name is Patou, Chanticleer's friend.

The seventh is a anthropomorphic magpie with black feathers, white overgrown gloves, black shoes with red digging socks, a tuxedo bib, a blue bow tie on his neck, grey pants and orange beak. He has grey hair on each side of his head and wears a red shirt. He is known as Snipes.

The eighth is a chubby female anthropomorphic mouse wearing a pink bow, yellow glasses, pink shirt and skirt, green poofy pants and black and white shoes. Her name is Peepers.

The ninth was a tiny red Chinese dragon with blue horns, had a long golden mustache, a big red nose, and a spiky back and fluffy tail. His name was Mushu. And with him is a Chinese cricket named Cri-Kee.

The tenth was a red parrot with blue feathers on his wings and tail, white around his eyes, yellow eyes, black eyebrows, and a big yellow beak. He was known as Iago.

The eleventh one was a yellow anthropomorphic sponge with green holes all over, blue eyes, four eyelashes on each eyes, dimple cheeks, and wore a white dress shirt with short sleeves, a red tie, brown pants with black belt, white socks, and black shoes. His name is Spongbob Squarepants.

And his other friends with him are an anthropomorphic pink starfish with green pants with purple prints named Patrick Star and a frowning teal-colored anthropomorphic humanoid squid with yellow eyes, big droopy nose, and wore brown shirt named Squidward Tentacles.

The twelfth was an anthropomorphic German Shepherd mixed breed with light brown fur while his underbelly is a light tan, green eyes, brown muzzle, dark brown ears, his right ear had two holes in the lope, while his left ear always leans down, ruffled hair on his head, and has a long, dark brown stripe that starts from his head, reaching almost down to his bottom with a mole on each side of his face, and wore a golden heavenly pocket watch on light blue ribbon/sash around his neck like a necklace. He was known simply as Charlie B. Barkin.

The thirteenth is a anthropomorphic dachshund with brown fur while his underbelly, muzzle, paws, feet and tip of his tail is light brown, long dark brown floppy ears, dark brown nose, and wore a red baseball cap and green sleeveless shirt. His name is Itchy Itchiford.

The fourteen and fifteenth ones were a purple and white squirrel with brown eyes named Surly and a teal-colored rat with brown eyes named Buddy.

The sixteenth on was a male anthropomorphic meerkat with tan fur, brown ears, fingers, toes, stripes, and tip of his tail and red hair. His name is Timon.

The seventeenth one was a red warthog with black turf on his head, and tail turf, and yellow eyes. His name is Pumbaa, Timon's best friend.

The eighteenth one was a thin, large headed Australian fruit bat with big yellow and red eyes, black large ears with pink inners, a pig-like nose and a clearly visible antenna in his head. His main body was dark brown, with large black wings and black feet, along with light brown hair on top of his head. His name is Batty Koda.

And the ninteenth and the last one was an anthropomorphic orange fox with yellow top muzzle, eyebrows, belly, feet and tail and wore a blue mask and gloves. His name is Swiper the Fox, and like Huey, Charlie, Itchy, Iago, and Squidward, he is the smart one was well.

"And here is their good friend, Mickey Mouse, and here are Huey, Dewey and Louie's faithful friends, Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Charlie Barkin, Itchy Itchiford, Spongebob Squarepants, Patrick Star, Squidward Tentacles, Surly, Buddy, Batty Koda, Mushu, Cri-Kee, Iago, Timon, Pumbaa, Chanticleer, Edmond, Patou, Snipes, Peepers, and of course the wise young fox thief named Swiper. They have never let them down, not even a bit."

Tom: Dum de dum de dum...this is boring

Crow: They're getting longer, Joel.

Joel: Is there a doctor in the house? The author is in need of psychiatric

attention!

Then we got a glimpse of a cat and a skunk, holding hands.

The cat had blue fur, light blue fur on his muzzle, tummy, and paws, a black nose, pink ears (and one of them had a hole in it), and his tail was bandaged. His name is Furrball.

And a skunk had purple fur and white fur on her face, muzzle, chest and stomach, with a matching stripe on her tail. She had a pink nose and light blue eyes and fluffy, light purple hair. She was known as Fifi Le Fume.

"But who is this, following Christopher Robin were ever he goes? Awwww, it's Furrball, Christopher's new pet cat. And there's Fifi Le Fume, a kind and gentle French skunk. Cute and adorable ones, aren't they?"

Crow: How dare he?

We now see an glimpse of our main villain of our story.

He is a portly and obese black furred, anthropomorphized cat (often confused for a dog) with peach-colored shaven muzzle w.

He had white eyes with black pupils, black nose, had four hippo-like teeth, and five o clock eye shadow. He wore a white business suit and matching pants, black shirt, purple tie, grey shoes, a long black cape and a black top hat. (His outfit is siminar a mixed with Mickey's House of Mouse outfit and Ratigan's cape and hat). His name is Big Bad Pete, a villainous cat.

"Ooooh, now you may know this one, It's Big Bad Pete, the evil cat, And he is a main antagonist of this story. Now he may be Mickey's archenemy, who is big, mean, greedy and very strong...but not the smartest villain in the world, you see."

Tom: As opposed to around, over, or betwixt the intercom.

We Now See An Glimpse Of Two Villians.

One is a slender dark gray woozle with yellow eyes, black nose, light gray stomach, torso, chin, and lower nose, purple bags under eyes, with a red cap, yellow vest, blue pants, black shoes, red and white polka dot tie. His name is Stan.

The second was a obese orange heffalump with black vest, large tooth, yellow torso, stomach, and chin, burnt orange colored square patch on the knee. His name is Heff.

"These guys are Stan Woozle And Heff Heffalump, the major but minor antagonists of this story. They've always trying to steal hunny as well as trying to fool Pete and always getting into trouble. And now, our story really Begins...the story of "Winnie the Pooh and the Three Little Ducklings."

Joel: Wow, he really wasn't kidding when he said he'd be right there.

Once upon a time, a long time ago...far from the Hundred Acre Wood where Christopher Robin, Pooh and their friends lived...the was a farm. Were all the animals lived. they were pigs, horses, ducks, cows, chickens and even donkeys and they were sleeping peacefully.

Inside the bed, was Mickey Mouse who was dreaming about cheese. On the end of his bed was his yellow furred dog name Pluto, and he was dreaming about a stick bone. They were snoring peacefully too.

On the three beds...were non other then Huey, Dewy, and Louie. And they were sleeping peacefully as well.

Huey dreaming about being the smartest duck of All.

Dewy was dreaming about him lazing around.

And as for Louie...he is dreaming about being a singer.

Outside the sun rise up and suddenly...A familiar rooster begin to sing.

Chanticleer: (singing) COCK A DOOOOOOOOOOOOHOHOHO!

Tom: Because, of course, the personal cloaking device hasn't been

developed yet.

Joel: Wait, Look! It the Opening of Rock-A-Doodle!

Crow Tom: It Is!

Whoa!

Yoddle-la-heee-heeee!

He jumped down the fence.

Chanticleer: Cock-a-Doo, What a day.

The sun was shinin' brightly.

Cock-a-doo, sunny day.

Down here on the barn...

He noticed a storm cloud getting ready to cover sun, So He Dashed Off To The Barn And Sang To The Cloud, sending it away.

Chanticleer: Cock-a-doo, Stay away,

You big ol' little raincloud.

Or I'll cry it out with this voice of mine!

He jumped down the fence and smiled at some of his friends, who woke up and are happy to see him.

Joel: Let's Dance, Everybody!

Chanticleer: Sun Do Shine.

Animals: Sun do Shine, Sun Do Shine.

Chanticleer: Sun Do Shine.

Animals: Sun do Shine, Sun Do Shine.

Chanticleer: Sun Do Shine.

He noticed a pigpen with mama pig feeding her babies.

Pig: Sun Do Shine, Sun Do Shine, Sun Do Shine!

Chanticleer: Well, My Daddy Thought Me How To Sing

And That's Why This Voice is Every Thing.

Sun do Shine, You Better Shine

(You better Shine)

When the Sun do Shine, You Better Shine

(You better shine)

Crow: I Feeling Dancing!

When the Sun do Shine, You Better Shine

(You better shine)

You Better Shine

(You better Shine)

You Better Shine

(You better Shine)

You Better Shine

(You better Shine)

Then he went To Patou's Doghouse where the hound is up too and was busy trying to tie his shoes...again, much to his annoyance.

"Hi, Patou, whatcha doing?" Chanticleer asked with a smile

Patou replied with a frown, showing his feet; "I'm trying to tie these dog-gone shoes."

Joel: Is it this not look good? Make up your mind!

"Ha, again?"

He heard clucking, noticing the hens arriving to him.

Chanticleer grinned "Well hi, ladies."

"Ooooh, he's so handsome." The big hen said with a sigh

"He seems like a dream." added the middle hen as the rooster grinned, making a click motion at the water reflection on the dog bowl.

"He's dreamy." The small hen added, dazed

The weird hen the slides near them; adding; "And he's single, too."

The girls whooed a bit while Chanticleer resumed his dancing and singing around the farm.

As he does he past a pool where Snipes were sleeping on his inflated floatie.

Chanticleer: Sun Do Shine, Sun do Shiiiiine!

Peepers sweeps the dust off the mouse hole...and dust accidently landed on the bird, waking him up.

"HEY!" Snipes snapped as he dusted himself off.

Chanticleer, On The Other Hand, pulls out his guitar as he played with Yokel Squirrel

Tom: Oh, that's just poor acting. Ignore it.

Chanticleer: Well, My Daddy Taught Me How To Sing and That's Why This Voice Means Everything

Sun Do Shine

You Beter Shine.

(You better Shine)

When the Sun do Shine, You Better Shine

(You better shine)

You Better Shine

(You better Shine)

You Better Shine

(You better Shine)

Joel: Wait, how does Sin Do Shine know all this stuff?

Crow: Perhaps he has a copy of "The Junior Encyclopedia of Space" too?

You Better Shine

(You better Shine)

You better Shiiiiiine

Sun, you better SHIIIIIIINE!

Yokel finishes the banjo while Chanticleer finishes it with a scat.

Digidigidigidowdow!

Once the song is over, the crowd laughs happily. It's going to be a great funny day. A pleased Chanticleer fix his head a bit, he enjoys doing what he himself does best

All: Yaaaay!

Joel: Way to Go, Rooster! Bravo!

Inside the house, a alarm clock suddenly rings, waking the others and made them tired and annoyed, including Dewy and Louie.

"Turn off that racket!" Dewy snapped as he throws a pillow at it to shut it off. Some of the laziest ones groans with annoyance. Hewy, Swiper, Iago, Charlie, Itchy and Squidward, on the other hand, was up, fresh and happy as the red-clad duckling yawns and rubbed his eyes, to get the sleepiness off of it.

Hewy smiled as he called out; "Guys, get a move on! we got a big day ahead of us!"

"Ugh, everyday's a same story..." Louie grumbled.

Mickey then woke up with a yawn as Pluto, stood up. Then he leapt on Mickey, licking him as he bark, making a mouse laughed; "Ha-ha! Hoo-hoo-hoo! Cut it out, Pluto. Hoo-hoo, gosh!"

Swiper, after waking up, started to do some morning exercises..."One and Two. one and Two. One and Two. One and Two. Now the left leg, One and Two. one and Two. One and Two. One and Two. 1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4..."

Tom: Great! At that rate, we'll never see it!

"That fox is completely crazy..." SpongeBob remakes watching him.

Squidward, also a happy mode dispite his usual grumpy ways, dressed up and brushed his teeth as he called out; "Hey, Iago. Turn on the radio, and see we can hear some news as well as a music so I won't be bothered by SpongeBob and Patrick."

J&tB: He's Drowning!

Iago, also woke up, turns a radio on to hear some news.

Radio: On Top Story Today, Birds Are Heading back from South For The Summer...And now the news flash..." Then Iago heard some disturbing news, that made him scared, "Word Has It, That The Grand Duke of Owls Is Escaped from Maxium Security Prision...and Big Bad Pete, has been sighted in the forest and Is Still At Large.

Crow: Hey!

And the police are still looking for a dangerous and murderous criminals. If You See Them, Call The Police straight away.

Iago frowns and turns it off.

Iago: Well, it's a good think for us that The Grand Duke or Pete ain't around here. Otherwise, We'll Be Dead Meat.

Tom: Kill fast, kill often.

"Well, you'll never know if you can't be too careful." Swiper replied, knowing how dangerous the Duke or Pete can be.

Mickey: Yeah.

Charlie then added with a nod; "And besides, we've had our famous rooster with us to keep the sun shining, since most owls HATE the sun or light."

"Being eaten alive! Just think of at becoming lunch!" Batty complained, dramatically.

Patrick then got up and asked stupidly and hungrily; "Did somebody said 'food'?"

"Just a Figure of Speak." Batty sighed in annoyance

"No." Mushu said with a chuckle "But it IS time for breakfast."

"What do you think we should have for breakfast?" Huey asked"

Dewey thought for a moment and replied; "I perfer Bacon and Eggs.

Swiper smiles as he remarked "Sounds great! And I thin we should have hash brown and pancakes to go with them."

"Yeah. I'll go put the coffee on." Charlie said as he goes to make coffee with breakfast

To Be Countined...

Joel: Perhaps we can convince him not to give the remaining parts away...

Crow: Can we go?
Tom: Yeah, let's get out of here.

[Joel picks up Tom, the three leave]

[1][2][3][4][5][6]

[Bridge of SOL]

Crow: Geez, Joel, that song was so great!

Tom: Yeah! Why is it that all these song from 1992?

Joel: Well, my little friends, it's because the authors of the fanfics
try and capture the stereotypical essence of the characters instead
of capturing the actual essence.

Crow: I don't get your point.

Joel: Look at it this way: Whenever Captain Picard is used, he is old and
cantankerous, speaks with a broad European accent, has a beautiful
woman fall in love with him, ends every order with the phrase "Make
It So," violates the Prime Directive, and has Borg flashbacks. But
never once does he have the actual Picard angst that makes him such
a three-dimensional character. Never once does he ponder deep and
philosophical matters of life, find alien civilizations "strange and
wondrous," or worry about the fact that he's as bald as a cueball.

Tom: I think I see what you're getting at. So, if a fanfic author were
to use Commander Riker, he would be referred to as "Number One," and
a beautiful woman would fall in love with him, and he would play
poker and smile broadly and lead the away team. But we'd never see
the sensitive side of him that writes poetry or feels frilly and
dresses up in women's clothing.

Joel: By George, I think he's got it.

Crow: And if they use Worf, they'll mention his tortured family history,
the discomfort he feels because he's the only Klingon in Starfleet,
and his confrontational attitude, but forget to mention his
embarrassment of his human parents or the awkwardness he feels because
he has those large bumps on his head.

Joel: Sort of, but...

Tom: Or if they used Troi, they'll be sure to mention her large breasts,
tight lycra outfits, and ability to read other people's emotions but
neglect to mention that's she's actually chunking up quite a bit
from eating too much chocolate.

Joel: Not really...

Crow: Or if Data appears, he'll be emotionless and as strong as ten men
but they'll forget to mention his oddly glowing skin and the fact
that he's a tactless schmuck.

Joel: Well...

Tom: Or Doctor Crusher! They'll mention that she's a doctor and has these
deep ethical crises and that she has this platonic love thing going on
with Jean-Luc but won't mention at all that she's really wearing a
wig!

Joel: Bu...

Crow: And Wesley!

Tom: Oh, get off it, Crow, when was the last time a fanfic author used
Wesley in a serious role.

Crow: Haven't you read "The Talent Show Cycle" part two?
Joel: Hey, Crow, we don't mention that kind of stuff here. This is just
getting way out of hand. [Mads light starts flashing] What do you think,
sirs?

[cut to Deep 13. Frank is there, wearing his communicator badge. It
beeps loudly and he slaps it once.]

Frank: [reading the piece of paper that comes out] "Flank, punch the
bellboy." I wonder what that means. [the communicator beeps again and
Frank removes a second piece of paper] "Plush the butthead." That's
odd. [the communicator beeps a third time and Frank removes another
piece of paper] "Flush the bunker." Huh? [you get the idea] "Lunch
the muffin?"

Dr. F: [walking in] If you want something done right, you've got to do it
yourself. [presses the button]

{psssssscht}

[The screen goes black}

Frank: (voice-over) Oh! "Push the button!" (there is a loud snapping
noise) Owie owie owie owie...

[Roll Credits to Mighty Science Theater]

Disclaimer: MST3K and related characters/settings/situations are the
property of Best Brains Inc, however they had nothing to do with writing this up.
This mystification was done for the express purpose of entertainment,
and is not meant as a personal attack on the original author(s) in any
way.

CRUSHER - "Sir, the vessel has changed course again and is now ...
Captain it appears to have taken on a rather erratic flight pattern"
WORF - "Confirmed Sir, and it has just begun to send out a distress
signal"

Chapter Text

[Season 3 opening credits]

In the not-to-distant future

Next Sunday A.D.

There was a guy named Joel

Not too different from you or me

He worker at Gizmonic Institute

Just another face in a red jumpsuit

He did a good job cleaning up the place

But his bosses didn't like him so they shot him into space!

"We'll send him cheesy fanfic!

The worst we can find! (la la la)

He'll have to sit and read them all

And we'll monitor his mind!" (la la la)

Now keep in mind Joel can't control

Where the fanfics begin or end (la la la)

Because he used those special parts

To make his robot friends

Robot Roll Call (all right let's go)

Cambot! (Pan left)

Gypsy! (Hi, girl!)

Tom Servo! (What a cool guy!)

Crooooow! (Oh, wisecracker!)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes

And other science facts (la la la)

Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a MSTing

I should really just relax"

For The Mysterious FanFiction Theater 2000!

[Instead of the Bridge of the Satellite of Love, we cut right to the Lab in Deep 13]

[Dr. Clayton Forrester is examining the read-out of a scale, upon which stands T.V.'s Frank. Said man has looked to have gained a bit of weight.]

DR. FORRESTER: Eureka! It works! [rises a fist into air] And those smug, snobby, dietitians and nutritional know-it-alls think they're better than me?! HA!

FRANK: Do you think it will wow them Dr. F?

DR. FORRESTER: Of course, it will Frank. If that insignificant pimple in the buttcrack of the universe, Joel Robinson, can come up with a better invention than me this week, why I'll... I'll...

FRANK: Come up with a better one next week?

DR. FORRESTER: Well, of course- [suddenly] BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT! Joel thought he was REAL cute trying to invent something last time that appealed to the riffraff out there.

FRANK: You mean, his bottomless salad container?

DR. FORRESTER: Yes. But my point is, TWO can play at that game. If he wants to play hardball with me, my baseball bat awaits his pitch. Oh yes. [rubs hands together] Call them up, Frank.

[Bridge of the Satellite of Love]

[Joel, Tom, and Crow are all behind the counter]

JOEL: Good evening, sirs.

[Deep 13]

DR. FORRESTER: Greetings, my little Lemmings! Are you ready to fall off a cliff, build bridges, and even blow yourselves up to please your favorite player?

[SOL]

JOEL: [sarcastic) Just point and click the way, sir.

CROW: Do we still win if only 50% of us, survive?

[Deep 13]

DR. FORRESTER: (chuckling) I'm glad to see your sense of humor hasn't diminished boys. It will make my victory all the more satisfying when I blow you out of the water with my latest invention. But where are my manners? You may go first, Joel.

[SOL]

JOEL: Uh... okay. [pulls a microphone out from behind the counter] Over the past few years, old rock bands have been coming out of retirement to cash in on their lasting popularity. Unfortunately, some of these bands no longer possess the golden throats they once had. Now, I don't want to mention any names, since I'm not the type to *KISS* and tell, but these bands, great as they were, just can't reach those high octaves anymore.

[holds up the cordless microphone]

TOM: Now, thanks to this, all those bands will be able to sound exactly the same as they did in their prime! Inside this microphone is a special filter that fixes any and all problems with harmony, diaphragm control, dynamics and word emphasis of the voice being used to sing. You simply program the song into the mike with the help of this little keypad…

[Joel opens a little compartment in the side of the mike where the numbers 0-9 are visible.]

CROW: The tiny microchip contained in the base of the mike has a complete data record of every song in existence. You just push in the number and start singing.

[Deep 13]

DR. FORRESTER: Interesting... but how do you tell the microphone which section, the person singing, is in?

[SOL]

[Joel opens another compartment on the opposite side. There are four switches marked alto, soprano, tenor and bass.]

JOEL: Right there, sir. This mike takes care of everything. I've decided to call it, M.I.K.E!

CROW: (aside) Why does that seem like foreshadowing?

JOEL: M.I.K.E stands for Mighty Impressive Karaoke Emulator.

TOM: What do you think, sirs?

[Deep 13]

DR. FORRESTER: (low laugh) Well, Joel, my invention is for all those people out there who want to lose weight.

[Walks over to a large treadmill where Frank, still bloated, gasps for breath as he runs in place.]

DR. FORRESTER: As you can see, I forced Frank to eat triple helpings of his breakfast, lunch and dinner for the past two weeks. Now, he is running on this treadmill, trying to work off the weight, or so it would seem. However, [adjusts his glasses] muscle is heavier than fat and thus he would GAIN some weight before he started to lose it. Do you follow me so far, Joel?

[SOL]

JOEL: [warily] I think so...

[Deep 13]

DR. FORRESTER: Now, this treadmill has a special computer that measures just how long and how hard Frank has to use it in order to gain some weight right up until the point when he starts to lose some weight. Then, once it has processed this information, the treadmill then proceeds to run normally until the subject, Frank, begins to lose some weight. Once that happens-

[The treadmill suddenly comes to a halt. Frank gasps, falling to his knees.]

TREADMILL COMPUTER: YOU HAVE REACHED YOUR LIMIT. DO NOT USE THE TREADMILL AGAIN UNTIL SPECIFIED.

[SOL]

JOEL [scratching head]: I don't get it?

[Deep 13]

DR. FORRESTER: Frank's workout is done for the day and as you can see, he's very happy about it, as will most overweight people be glad that they don't have to run anymore. A couple of days will go by, during which time the overeater will be dying to pig out, and then the machine will tell him to run again, only to stop when the user begins to lose weight again. The process continues until finally the user gives in to his cravings or the person slowly gains enough weight to have a heart attack and die. Either way, the world will never be the same again, until they surrender to ME that is! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

[SOL]

[Joel and the Bots give each other a 'this guy is a total loon' look.]

JOEL: Oh, that's evil, Dr. F... really...

[Deep 13]

DR. FORRESTER: Glad you think so. Now for today's experiment, I've decided to shy away from giving you another film and instead am sending a fanfic. However, after last week's Gamera film, you'll be staying in the Land of the Rising Sun, with another one of its creations: Japanimation!

[SOL]

TOM: (furious) Oh, you pleb, it's called anime!

JOEL: [to Tom] (comfortingly) Easy there Tom. [Back to camera] Actually sir, that doesn't sound too bad. I actually used by going Walt Disney World when I was a kid. In fact, it was one of my inspirations to one day build my own robots.

CROW: I'm just thankful, that you didn't build us with butt cannons.

TOM:(calmed) Not to mention, I've been keeping up on all the latest series of 2000's. And I gotta' say, some of those studio's produce is just magnificent.

[Deep 13]

DR. FORRESTER: Well, I love to disappoint, fire hydrant, but this isn't Studio Ghibli quality stuff you'll be reading. The fanfic this week is 'Pork Bun in Heaven' by weiss-raven, it's based on the anime and show Saiyuki which has gotten quite the following in the States. Enjoy! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Send them the fanfic, Frank.

FRANK: (gasp)... I... I don't think... (wheeze)... I...[passes out]

DR. FORRESTER: (sighs) They just don't make assistants like they used to. Now I know how Mr. Peabody felt.

[SOL]

JOEL: She understands. She doesn't comprehend.

TOM: (calmed) She feels everything.

[Lights flash, buzzers buzz and pandemonium erupts.]

JOEL: You'll have to tell us on the way. WE'VE GOT MOVIE SIGN!

[JOEL slams random button]

TOM [as he's running]: It all started when a teenager was thrown into a spring…

[We cut to the opening door sequence]

[6][5][4][3][2][1]

[Inside the theatre]

[JOEL carries TOM to his seat on the left, while CROW sits to JOEL's right]

TOM: …and so now he's cursed and has three fiancées.

JOEL: Gee, and I thought we were in a bad situation.

[Saiyuki opening theme plays]

Pork Bun in Heaven by weiss-raven

TOM: That girl is . . .

CROW: . . . not quite right.

The four friends, while journeying to the west, decided to go to a town where hot springs are found everywhere, since there are no interactions with demons with the past months.

"Oi Sanzo,"

JOEL: just a kid!

CROW: a precious commodity!

TOM: Windows 95... the only program that lets you multicrash.

"Nanda-yo? (What do you want?)"

" Why don't we go to that town and relax, I heard that this town has hot spring everywhere." Hakkai suggested while driving Harukyu (the dragon that turn to a jeep).

TOM: (as John Cleese) If you don't want to talk about my fanfic then

piss off!

" Sugoi!(Awesome!) Then we can eat." Goku's eyes sparkle while imagining different kinds of food.

TOM: (as John Cleese) If you don't want to talk about my fanfic then

piss off!

"Damare! (Shut up!) " Sanzo ignored the two.

JOEL: Plus? Please? Pupils?

CROW: (a la D-Day) This bitch is highly sensitive. We're talking TNT on PLS!

"Sanzo..Sanzo..." Pulling Sanzo's arm, like a child.

CROW: *** Philonline. Only $29.95 a month for 90 hours with Phil!

He hit Goku with a fan, "Yamero!"

"Oh, c'mon corrupt monk, you also need a rest. Look at your beautiful eyes there are eye bags underneath them." The horny water monster pointing at the eyes of the serious monk.

CROW: Well thanks, and I hope you enjoy The Famine.

JOEL: I'm particular to The Pestilence myself.

TOM: The purpose of war is to serve itself... kinda like a buffet!

"Ok..ok.." Sanzo nod his head with his eyes shut.

Goku sit up and shake Hakai's shoulder.

"Hayai (Hurry)... Hakkai... Hayai."

The group went in the nearest inn with spa and hot spring. The four undressed and wrap themselves with towel and headed to the spring. Goku splashed in the water without hesitation.

CROW: But comical to her friends.

JOEL: She's joined the Guardian Angels.

TOM: (singing) 100 girls will fight one day.

ALL: (singing) But only THREE... make the red BERET!

"Itai! Hot...hot...hot" His face turned red from the hot temperature.

"Hahahaha.. Bakazaru." Gojyo pointing at Goku.

CROW: Wouldn't that boil her alive?

Sanzo quietly went in the water, followed by the two. Goku become bored just lying around.

JOEL: Arms have legs?

CROW: Whoa, Goku bulking up!

"This is boring. I will become prune face if I'll stay longer. I'll go get something to eat." Goku went out the water and put on clothing.

CROW: Yeah, well, you know me real well.

"Goku... Don't go too far." Sanzo said.

CROW: One of the reasons I now Llave anime women!

JOEL: Now that I think about it, that name sounds vaguely familiar. Didn't Minmei sing a song with that name in it?

CROW: That's "Do you remember *LOVE*". I was thinking of that Mariah Carey song.

TOM: Oh! DreamLlaver!

"Hai!"

Goku left, leaving the three relaxing in the nice warm spring.

"Sanzo... You care for that Bakazaru (stupid monkey), but you're shy to show." Teased Gojyo.

JOEL: Wish I didn't.

"Hmpf... I'm out of cigarettes. " Sanzo changing the topic, decided to left.

"Yare yare desu ne (Oh dear)" Hakai scratching his face with his index finger with eyes closed.

TOM: Woah, girl! Ease off the cola!

CROW: Didn't your father teach you any manners?

JOEL: Nope, just how to sob and kowtow to old perverts.

Goku wanders off the inn finding some food to eat. In a table lies a very aromatic, buff, and hot pork buns. Goku drooled over the delicious aroma of the buns, making him starve even more. So he sneak under the table and grab a pork bun, unfortunately someone also grab the bun.

"Hey who's this?"

TOM: Judging by the stench of their rotting flesh, I'd say they were pretty close.

The owner of the buns grabbed Goku's hand. The owner was a little tomboy with an orange hair.

"Ririn!" Goku shouted.

"Son.. Goku?" Ririn surprised to see Goku. "What are you doing here?"

CROW: Pretty stars... pretty stars...

JOEL: You've been watching too much Dragon Half, CROW.

TOM: (Ranma) Need any help getting off, Nabiki? No, really, it's no trouble at all.

"Huh? I'm with Sanzo. You, why are you here? I thought Kougaiji don't like to let you out." Eating the pork buns he grabbed.

"Baldy Sanzo's here? Where is he?" Turning her head from left to right.

JOEL: We Don't know?. Half-brother of Wedge from Final Fantasy.

"He's with Gojyo and Hakkai resting in the hot spring. Are you alone?" He asked while chewing the pork bun.

ALL: COBRRRRRRRRA!

"No I'm with Yaone. She's in the counter buying something to drink" Pointing at the girl with violet hair/ eyes. "I'm going to see Sanzo." Ririn immediately rush out the inn and headed to the spring, while Goku took another bite to the last pork bun and followed Ririn.

Yaone spotted the two kids running. "RIRIN!" She followed the two.

In the hot spring, Gojyo and Hakkai are still resting, when Ririn came followed by Goku and Yaone.

CROW: There's Goku resting?

JOEL: Maybe Dining Table is the name of one of the mercenaries. Hey, if someone's named Drive, there's a good chance Dining Table is somewhere around.

TOM: No power in the `verse can stop me.

"BALDY SANZO!" Shouted the little tomboy.

Gojyo and Hakkai was startled. Thinking there's something wrong, they immediately stood up naked.

JOEL: Can't take it all, not built to contain this, has to let it out?

TOM: That's right. It's not the battles, or the wounded, or the screams of the soldiers under your command dying that makes war hell. It's the paperwork.

CROW: It's getting very, very crowded!

" Baldy Sanzo?"

"He left buying cigarettes."

When Yaone caught up, Ririn started running again. When she is about to follow, she was distracted by Gojyo and Hakkai standing up naked. The two instantly dive in the water upon seeing Yaone caught them naked. Her face turned bright red.

"Gomen nasia.." Bowing down very low, being embarrassed at the two.

"It's ok.. Don't worry." Hakkai replied smiling.

TOM: Now she'll have to be penalized a stroke.

Yaone immediately rushed outside; her face is still red from the embarrassment.

"Baldy Sanzo" Ririn shouts.

CROW: And where's Scooby Doo?!

"Sanzo!" Goku shouts.

"Baldy Sanzo"

"(sigh)... Sanzo..."

CROW: Grunts who have sex with their firearms. On the next Donahue.

"Oh no, Yaone! I forgot…I left her. She'll be really angry." Ririn grabbed Goku's hand and take him with her.

"Hey.. Where are you taking me?"

TOM: Somehow

CROW: It hurts to fight. She can't take it all — not now, not ever

JOEL: Maybe she will simply melt away.

"You'll be my hostage so baldy Sanzo wouldn't run away again while I'm finding Yaone."

"Huh?"

JOEL: (solider) Do as I say or I'll yell BANG!

The two searched for Yaone and Genjo Sanzo but can't find either of the two. Ririn and Goku was exhausted and decided to wait for Sanzo in the room. Goku fell asleep while Ririn waited for Sanzo. A little bored she make fun of Goku while sleeping. Then she noticed Goku's golden headband, a little curious she tried to pull the headband from Goku's head. She pulled really hard until it finally came off and she landed on Goku. Goku woke up, and in an instant transorm in front of Ririn.

Goku's personality changed and became wild. He looked at Ririn with a sly grin, and positioned to attack her.

CROW: So, I guess she's not a goer. Eh? Know what I mean, nudge, nudge, wink, wink?

JOEL: Say no more.

TOM: Please.

"Goku?" Ririn was shocked.

Goku jumped on her and tried to punch her, but she managed to grab his arms.

"YAONE!" Ririn shouted.

Yaone, Gojyo, and Hakkai heard Ririn's voice from Sanzo's room. The three immediately went to the room. There they found Ririn lying on the corner unconscious and beaten.

TOM: Too much killing, too many dead. Bodies are stacked, their corpses rotting. Blood dries and cracks in puddles, life slowly dripping, dripping, until there's not a single drop left.

"Ririn!" Yaone shouts.

"Goku"

TOM: The quality of peace or stillness.

CROW: If they wanted the women unhurt, why'd they send a shooter?

JOEL: Maybe the shooter had a *shooter* before he began?

Gojyo tried to hold Goku down. But Goku's too strong for him

"Yaone, please find Sanzo." Hakkai ordered Yaone.

TOM: (solider) Don't mind me... Just taking a short break...

Gojyo and Hakkai tried to stop Goku, but like Ririn they are beaten. Yaone had found Sanzo and led him to the room. There they found Hakkai and Gojyo bleeding and injured lying unconsciously on the ground.

JOEL: Jeez! Get that girl an aspirin!

CROW: Or at least some Preparation H!

"Goku!" Sanzo called the out of control child.

Goku looked at Sanzo and smiled at him maliciously. Slowly letting go of Gojyo's hair, he stood up. All of a sudden he attack Sanzo with great speed that the monk didn't have time to react. Sanzo's sutra was thrown away from the impact, but his gun was still on his hand. Goku hit the monk with great force, almost making Sanzo unconscious. Sanzo tried to put back the headband, but he couldn't make the boy stay put to place the control device. When the boy got tired of beating Sanzo up, he found Yaone and quickly ran to her. Goku started beating her. Sanzo pointed the gun to Goku, since he can't get up because of broken bones. At first he hesitated shooting Goku, but then he realized that many would be hurt next after Goku finish Yaone. He shot the boy, but Goku won't stop. Sanzo shot another to Goku's hand, but that doesn't stop the raging boy from beating Yaone. Sanzo looked at Gojyo, Hakkai, Ririn and Yaone, all unconscious. Suddenly he remembered Komyo Sanzo, his master. Sanzo felt sudden rage in his heart, remembering the person he couldn't protect. He rained gunshots in Goku's body and also went out of control, he pulled the trigger over and over until suddenly Goku collapsed.

JOEL: (singing) It's the end of the world as she knew it...

The manager of the inn went to the room hearing the gunshots and found six bodies lying on the ground, all bloody. He called for help and cured the six.

Hakkai was the first to wake up, Gojyo was next, followed by Yaone and Sanzo. Ririn was still unconscious, but already all right. Goku was in critical condition. Sanzo and the others have no choice but to wait for Goku to wake up.

CROW: (tearful voice) What good are these hands of mine?

TOM: (deep voice) They look like strong hands... don't they?

JOEL: She dared not act in the proper tense for fear of being grammatically correct.

All were depressed after the incident, especially Sanzo, who is currently in his room where the commotion happened. Hakkai was watching Goku, who's lying unconscious on the bed with Yaone and Ririn sitting beside him. The little girl is blaming herself for the situation of Goku.

"Bakazaru!" Gojyo whispered while holding back his tears. He didn't know what to do in this situation.

TOM: Carried? Dragged? Which one?

Sanzo was silent while smoking inside his room, looking outside the window. Suddenly the door opened. It was Ririn. She went inside the room avoiding eye contact with Sanzo.

"Gomen- nasai... It's my fault why Goku is in severe condition." Ririn's voice is a little shaky and her eyes were already teary.

Sanzo looked at the crying girl and looked back outside the window, emotionless. The girl cried even more, thinking Sanzo's angry with her. He stood up and approached Ririn and taps her shoulder.

" Baka, it's not your fault." Sanzo went out the room without even looking at the girl. Ririn fall on her knees and wails.

JOEL: Again? She's just asking for arthritis.

Sanzo lit a cigarette and went outside. Gojyo spotted him and clenched his fist, blaming Sanzo for what had happened to Goku. He grabbed Sanzo's neck and pushed him towards the wall and raised his right fist about to punch him. No expression could be read on the monk's face as he dropped the cigarette from his mouth. He was getting on Gojyo's last nerve but it seemed that the monk didn't care. Gojyo can't hold back his anger and punched the wall behind the monk, missing Sanzo's face.

"Baka-ja nai! How can you even stay calm in the time like this? Isn't it your fault why Goku's in this situation? You're the one you shot him without thinking of another option!" Gojyo yelled at him.

"Hmpf..." Sanzo quickly avoided Gojyo's angry stare.

Hakkai, upon hearing the commotion, immediately went downstairs. He saw Gojyo acting like a deranged man attacking the monk "Yare yare desu ne". He grabbed Gojyo's wrist that holds Sanzo's neck and asked Goyjo to released Sanzo. Gojyo calmed down and released the monk. Sanzo rubbed his neck and avoided eye contact with the two. He went outside and no one knows where he is going.

CROW: You think the feet are heavy? Just wait till the rest of the body arrives...

JOEL: I wonder how many times the author dropped a pair of feet unto a table before he decided on TOGGG!

TOM: BAM! No that's no it... CRASH! Nope, try again... BADOOM! No sir, I don't like it... PLINK! No, no, no...

"Gojyo, please don't blame Sanzo we all know he's the one who is mostly hurt in this situation, maybe he is also blaming himself, but he always hide what he feels inside." Hakkai tapping Gojyo's shoulder trying to stop Gojyo from being angry with Sanzo.

"I know that, but I can't stop blaming him for what had happened. He's the last person I expect to do that to Goku."

The two was downstairs talking while Yaone and Ririn stayed with Goku. Ririn was still crying and Yaone tried cheering her up.

CROW: Joel, do humans yell in their mind a lot?

JOEL: Hmm... now that I think about it... not to my knowledge.

"I'm sure Baldie Sanzo's angry with me...snif...snif... I never wanted to do this to Goku. I just wanted to beat them in a battle but not like this." Ririn was weeping and looking at Goku.

"Ririn-sama please don't blame yourself. And... We can't stay here much longer, I'm sure master Kougaji is worried about us already." Yaone explained their situation to Ririn.

"Wakatta (I understand), but can we stay here until tomorrow?"

JOEL: While the other half clapped and sang along.

"Hai, but only until tomorrow."

Hakkai went upstairs to check on Goku. He found Yaone and Ririn watching the boy.

"Hakkai-sama." Yaone whispered his name.

"Excuse me Yaone, I'll go downstairs to look for food, I'm already starving." Ririn wiped off her tears.

CROW: How the hell do you jump and land at the same time? I can't even walk and chew gum that way!

"Do you want me to come with you." Yaone stood up on her sit and was ready to leave the room.

"No, I can eat by myself. Just watch Goku." Ririn immediately left the two adults with Goku.

"Ririn-sama!" Yaone wanted to follow the little girl.

JOEL: Cool, finger foods!

TOM: You idiot! I said I wanted three fingers of *SCOTCH*

CROW: (English accent) Bloody severed hand! Never keeps his mind on his work, always daydreaming while twiddling his stubs...

TOM: Oh, how cruel are the fickle fingers of fate...

"Don't worry Yaone, Gojyo is downstairs he'll watch Ririn." Hakkai sat beside Yaone. "Yaone, thank you for watching Goku." Hakkai smiled at the violet-haired girl and she blushed upon remembering the incident in the hot spring.

TOM: (soldiers) Sixty bucks! We paid sixty bucks to see a guy bite someone's ear off!?

"I'm sorry for what had happened, but Ririn-sama and I must go back tomorrow." Looking down still blushing.

"Wakatta." Hakkai looked at the sleeping boy.

"I'm sorry for what happened earlier in the hot spring. I didn't mean to caught you and Gojyo bathing."

CROW: Oh my god! Skin on skin!

JOEL: Of course he's not bleeding! He has to drink a glass of water so dozens of holes can comically spill water out of him...

TOM: Maybe he's related to B.P. Vess?

"Don't worry about that. I'm sure Gojyo doesn't mind a girl staring at him naked." Hakkai laughing at his answer.

"And you?" Looking at her hands closed on top of her knees.

"Huh? Well the truth is I'm stunned when I saw you run inside." Hakkai scratches his face with his index finger and still smiling.

ALL: (soldiers) GREAT PAIN! GREAT PAIN!

CROW: (soldier) Ooh, do that again! Oh yeah, this beats the hell out of the usual whipping from the dominitrix down the street!

TOM: Cheaper, too!

JOEL: Guys…

Sanzo sat beside a calm stream and stared at the big dark sky. There are no stars that night, which surrounded the dim moon.

CROW: Machine guns screaming? Mercenaries named Drive and Dining Table? What's this world coming to?

TOM: A screeching halt?

JOEL: Good, I want to get off.

CROW: Touching, rubbing.

TOM: Maybe the soldiers are Imperial Stormtroopers without the armor?

" It's going to rain tonight." Sanzo whispered to himself.

In the inn, Gojyo accompanied Ririn while she's eating. He was still silent looking at the little girl. Ririn reminded him of Goku eating voraciously. The girl noticed Gojyo's staring at her.

"What's the matter? Is there a smudge on my face?"

"Baka... How can you eat so fast without being choked?"

"I don't know" Ririn looked at the window behind Gojyo ." Hey look, it's already raining."

ALL: (singing) Good morning SUNSHINE... the WAR says HELLO...

Goku is still unconscious. His friends doesn't know what he was experiencing while he's asleep, worse even, he himself don't know what had happened to him.

Goku found himself in front of a big open gate. There was a garden full of cherry blossoms on the other side. He didn't know where he is and what he was doing there. So he decided to search for Sanzo and the others.

"SANZO!...HAKKAI!...GOJYO!... SANZO!..." He was shouting at the top of his lungs, but no one answered him. Then all of a sudden an old man appeared in front of him.

CROW: Sayyyyyy...

JOEL: Don't even THINK about it, Crow. Just let it pass.

TOM: Semen? You're soaking in it.

JOEL: Tom!

CROW: That was MY joke, Tom!

TOM: Heh heh heh.

"Who are you? Where am I?" Goku innocently pointed at the old man.

TOM: She's a turtle!

JOEL: (singing) Na-bi-ki is really neat!

CROW: (singing) Na-bi-ki is full of meat!

ALL: (singing) We all love you, NA-BI-KI!

"I'm Jiroushin. My master wants to see you in her office. Kindly follow me." Jiroushin turned sharply and head on. Goku quickly follow and went beside the old man.

"Hey mister, where am I anyway?" Goku looked at Jiroushin with eyes wide open.

TOM: Fortunately, the rest of his body was unscathed.

CROW: Those soldiers aren't too bright shooting Kuno in the head. There's no vital organs there!

"You're in heaven." Answered back Jiroushin without even looking at Goku.

JOEL: She couldn't let it all out.

TOM: Jokes like that we can do without.

CROW: Come on!

TOM: We weren't talking to you.

JOEL: Come on...

"Heaven?" Goku silently whispered to himself.

Goku looked around the beautiful and peaceful place while following Jiroushin. People there seemed full of pride especially when they are walking head high. They didn't even notice or even bother to look at him they just look straight ahead and quietly walked.

CROW: If she's a stiff, I can only imagine the sights she's seeing right now.

TOM: 'Flatliners' comes to mind.

"Here we are." Jiroushin lead him inside. They went inside and pass through office. Straight-ahead was a pond or pool full of water lilies. A lady on a white dress was siting alone and watching the water. The woman slowly turned her head to see who's coming.

"You're late... Son Goku." The lady smiled and stood up and went in front of Goku.

"Nani (what?)?" Goku was confused at what the lady's talking about.

"Maybe you don't remember me, I'm Kanzeon Bosatsu- Goddess of Mercy."

" Excuse, can you tell me why I'm here?" Goku looked up the tall lady.

JOEL: Nor did she realize, determine or discover.

TOM: SHE'S FRIGGIN DEAD ALREADY!

CROW: She's becoming like Kuno!

"Well, don't worry you'll be back soon with Sanzo and the others. I'll just let you stay here for a while, to teach that baka nephew of mine. While you're staying here, feel free to do whatever you want to do " Kanzeon turned her back and went back to her seat. "JIROUSHIN...Take care of Goku while he's still here and watch him carefully."

Goku started roaming around the office while Jiroushin was always behind him. Goku was a little annoyed being followed by an old man all the time. So he decided to trick Jiroushin to leave him alone.

CROW: That's right. The dead come first. The rest of you bleeding and wounded soldiers will just have to be patient!

JOEL: Pvt. Hicks just croaked, move him up, move him up!

CROW: You with the ruptured spleen! BACK to the end of the line!

Goku turned his head and shouted. "HEY MISTER! I think I heard the Goddess of mercy calling you."

"I'm too old for old tricks. I wouldn't fall for that." Jiroushin felt proud for his wits.

Immediately Goku started running fast." Yeah mister your too old ...be- da! (gesture of contempt.)"

TOM: Brad Pitt SHE'S ALIVE! SHE'S ALIVE!

JOEL: She must have survived by eating the other dead soldiers.

CROW: And you call ME perverted, Joel?

"Kuso!( S#!+) come back here." The old man ran after Goku, but can't cope up.

Goku went inside a dark room.

"Yatta! (I did it), That old man started to bug me." Goku looked at the place and saw a person sited quietly in a chair. Goku slowly approached the person and was surprised to see it's a boy.

CROW: I'd shriek in pain too if I hit my back and it flipped over.

JOEL: Ouch! That's a heck of a spinal realignment!

The boy seemed lifeless and had a sad expression.

"Goku!" A familiar voice suddenly heard at his back.

"Yabai.(Uh-oh)" Goku turn his head slowly afraid to see who caught him.

It was Kanzeon; she bent over slightly and whispered something to Goku. "Goku, do you remember him?"

Goku stared at the young man seated. "Masaka(It can't be)... You have a son?"

"Baka!" She hit Goku's head. " He's not my son!" She crossed her arms and can't believe what she has heard. "He is Nataku, the killing puppet of the gods."

"Uso!(lie)... how can the gods do that to him?"

"Well there are things you don't know. Kuru!(Come) let's leave this room."

Goku feels sorry for Nataku being so lifeless. Kanzeon led him to his room to rest.

"This would be you room, until you come back." Kanzeon left Goku seated at the corner of the bed. Goku remembered the boy's face, he felt very sad for him, being lonely. In Kanzeon's office, She and Jiroushin were having a conversation about Goku.

"I expected this would happen. You can't watch Goku all day; he will just escape from you again. Maybe we should leave him alone."

"But what if he cause trouble?" Jiroushin defended.

JOEL: I wonder how much Wes Craven paid Nabiki for the free plugs?

TOM: Strange. I have a sudden craving for ice cream.

CROW: In space... no one can hear Nabiki.

"Shikata ga nai ( No way to avoid it) He'll just cause trouble even though you watch him carefully."

"But..."

"Don't worry, He just need to learn things by himself, we'll help him out if he needs our help."

CROW: Why not? She's been doing it to him for years...

It was already midnight. Goku suddenly had a dream about the boy, Nataku. Nataku was laughing with him and they are having fun. Suddenly the dream changed He saw Nataku walking down the aisle with the other soldiers.

"Nataku!...Nataku!...Nataku!" He called trying to get the attention of the boy. Luckily Nataku looked at him and smiled, but a god behind Nataku tapped him on his shoulder, so he tend to ignore Goku.

"Nataku..." Goku whispered sadly.

JOEL: ...ard Bell sucks?

CROW: ...up your troubles?

TOM: SMACK! Nope, no good... KAPOW! Doesn't swing... SLAP! Too onamonapia, try again... PACK! Perfect!

CROW: CAPOW! Well, that didn't work either. I guess I better jus' GRIT my teeth and bare it.

Goku woke up from his dream. "Masaka, maybe I'm just hungry. I haven't eaten since I got here."

Goku wandered around the place to find the kitchen, if they have one. It was taking a long time to look for the kitchen so he decided to go to the garden to find fruits to eat. Goku got farther and farther away from the place he was once been. Fortunately he found a tree with fruits in it. The fruits are a little weird in shape, but as long as he knows it's edible he would eat it. He grabbed as many fruits as he can in order to overcome his hunger. He was full after he ate almost all the fruits of the tree. When he was about to go back, he found a huge place full of mirrors. He looked in one of the mirror and saw a reflection of someone he didn't know. It was like seeing a movie. Goku looked and looked at every mirror. He was quite entertained in every mirror he looked at. Then suddenly in one of the mirrors he found someone familiar. Goku looked at the mirror closely, He saw a young boy picking up red flowers in a meadow.

In the palace, Jiroushin checked on Goku if he is asleep, but when he entered the room Goku wasn't there. He hurriedly went to Kanzeon's room, but she wasn't in her room either. So he went to look for her in the pool full of water lilies. Kanzeon was sitting there motionless.

TOM: The reader is getting tired. Of all these clipped sentences.

CROW: Bloody floor. Located conveniently between skin and bone. Be sure to check out our FABULOUS selection of tissue, vessels and clots, along with a VAST variety of cells...

"What is it Jiroushin? Why are you in a hurry?" Kanzeon said trying to tease his servant.

CROW: Uh oh. He may have a brain tumor!

JOEL: You need a brain for that.

CROW: Oh yeah.

"Goku is not in his room!" Jiroushin said panting.

"I know"

"Nani?"

"I know where he is now. He is in the place where we put peoples past."

CROW: That reminds me of another tasteless joke. What did Evander Holyfield say after the referee told him he had won the fight by DQ?

JOEL: What?

CROW: Exactly.

"But what if he went inside one of them? And ruin other peoples lives, this would be a disaster" Jiroushin was cramming and don't know what to say anymore while Kanzeon was still sitting, like she doesn't care whatever happens.

"Baka Jiroushin, You're so nervous. He wouldn't be interested in other peoples' past, so don't worry."

"What about his companions?"

"We'll that's what I'm waiting for...This would be entertaining." Kanzeon said smiling.

CROW: Uh... If I were Goku... there's one VERY important part of my arsenal under my robe that I'd want to protect at all costs.

JOEL: Yeah, his half-naked pictures of the pig-tailed girl.

Out of curiosity Goku touched the mirror making a ripple like effect and felt a cold breeze pass through his hand.

TOM: Uh, I think the author's got Goku mixed up with Mousse.

"Sugoi…" Amazed, he entered to the other side of the mirror. His golden eyes widen realizing that all are real. He approached the red hair boy and taps him on the shoulder.

JOEL: Yeah, who needs Kelvar when you've got wooden bokkens?

TOM: Ick.

"Oi.."

The boy was startled and the flowers he picked scattered everywhere.

CROW: Let's see... he called out TOGGG! for some weird reason... his feet landed on the table... he played *blender* with the soldiers until one of them picked him off... he tried to assassinate the floor... considered doing something bad with Nabiki and then slapped her with such force, it made a loud PACK! sound, which incidentally, is about three times louder than a sonic boom...

"Gomen nasai!" Goku kneeled as he picked the red flowers and hand them to the boy.

"It's alright…" The young boy looked and smiled at him cheerfully.

Goku immediately stood up and pointed at the boy.

"Horny water monster!"

CROW: Whatever hit him, it sure wasn't a clue.

TOM: They picked a helluva time to veg out.

JOEL: (as director) Psst! Nabiki! Your line is: *Let's go save my family!* Anytime you're ready...

CROW: Maybe it's one of those moments of introspection they put in all the *serious* anime...

"Wakaranai" The boy scratched his head looking at Goku. "I don't know what your talking about mister, but hope it's not me your referring to." The boy's crimson eyes gleamed as the rays of the sun shone upon him. "Uh-oh…Sorry mister but I must head back home." The boy ran towards a small house not very far from the field.

"Chotto matte!" Goku shouted. "What's your name?"

JOEL: OK guys, I call no more Tyson jokes.

CROW: How about Mick Foley?

TOM: Don't forget Beethoven.

JOEL: Beethoven didn't lose an ear! He just went deaf.

TOM: Okay... Freddy Pharkas?

JOEL: That's better... I think.

The boy turned and shouted back "Gojyo….Sha Gojyo!" Then waves goodbye.

"Masaka! Where am I?" He said to himself while catching up with the boy.

TOM: Make up your mind! Choose ONE.

Gojyo, while looking at the flowers entered the house.

TOM: Thank you!

"I hope mother would be happy to see this." He smiled faintly at the reddish flowers he picked.

Goku was watching him from the window outside, when suddenly a youkai woman entered the house. Gojyo hurried towards her and smiled, offering her the flowers.

"Mother… here I picked all of these for you. Aren't they beautiful?"

TOM: No no, it's not thy head yet thy ear!

CROW: Skip it.

Upon seeing the flowers, the woman suddenly wailed, and sliced through them reaching Gojyo's face. She practically went mad while Gojyo was petrified at the corner of the house looking at his stepmother crying.

"Red…like blood….taboo!" Her eyes were filled with tears while she approached the child. She raised her hands showing her sharp claws attempting to slash Gojyo.

CROW: And what's that terrible smell?

Without hesitation Goku jumped from the outside and made his way to grab Gojyo and quickly exits the house. Within his hands lies a terrified child while he ran towards the field where he first spotted him.

CROW: The pain beckoning him.

JOEL and TOM: (singing) He's a loser baby...

Meanwhile at the inn…

TOM: God, I hope it was the upper portion...

CROW: I'll bet he's got boxer shorts with a picture of Akane and Ranma-Chan imprinted on each buttock...

JOEL: Either that or "Home of the Bokken".

Everyone is asleep until…

Gojyo woke up and rubbed his head. "What a weird nightmare…." He saw Ririn sleeping peacefully with her head on top of a half eaten pork bun and another in her hand. He grinned and reaches out for the bun.

"Bakazaru…" He then took a bite from it. "Not bad for a monkey's food."

TOM: In Canada, he would have missed it by 1.6 kilometers.

CROW: So?

TOM: Just wanted to point that out for our non-metric readers.

CROW: Oh, okay.

"Who are you calling monkey…" Ririn unconsciously replied.

Gojyo almost laughed upon hearing the girl and tried not to wake the others. A sudden change of mood made him look at the window with a serious face. "It's still raining sigh."

CROW: How does one curse in pain?

JOEL: Maybe he means putting a curse of pain on her?

TOM: Just have him recite some of his poetry... that'll do it.

Goku gently put the boy down and gently rubbed the boy's bloody face with a piece of his shirt.

"Mother seems upset today…" Young Gojyo's red hair covered his face. Having a gloomy appearance. "Maybe she doesn't like red…like the flowers, my hair or my eyes… maybe she doesn't even like me because there are too many red in It seems funny when I think of it." His tears were mixed with his blood as they rolled down his cheeks.

Goku just kept silent listening feeling sorry for Gojyo.

"You know mister…the other kids call me a taboo. They say I bring bad luck so they ran away from me and sometimes they even hurt me, but I don't blame them…"

CROW: (looking feral and foaming) She's banging her tired body and Kuno's just sits there and watches. My GOD!

JOEL: CROW!

CROW (hissing) BITE ME!

TOM: Call Tyson for that. I hear he's available for the next year or so.

"Well Gojyo believe in me when I say, you'll end up just fine. Well not that fine coz you'll be a horny water monster who woo girls and wind up with some odd friends like a monk who by the way hits you with a fan when you did something wrong and also a gentle guy with a pet dragon that turns into a jeep and lets not forget the cute boy who you always call monkey."

"Huh- Mister I don't understand the things you just said."

TOM: That's good. Goku. Way to boost someone's confidence.

JOEL: Did anyone notice she didn't mention Genma being taken?

CROW: Who'd want him?

TOM: What?! Genma Saotome running away from the face of danger?! I... I'm at a loss for words...

JOEL: Be careful, Tom, or you'll overload your sarcasm sequencer again.

"Hehehe… you'll find it out someday." Scratching his head while smiling with his cheerful eyes shut.

"By the way…. What's your name mister?"

TOM: That doesn't make sense... does it?

CROW: He could be speaking metaphorically.

TOM: Ended up where I am standing... ended up... standing...

JOEL: Forget it guys, that sentence is too cryptic to riff.

CROW: ...where I am standing... this is going to bug me all day..

"Me? Just call me… Bakazaru laughs"

"That's an odd name. Don't you want to change it to something nice?"

"Trust me, It doesn't matter.()"

THE END

TOM: Hey guys! It's time to go.

CROW: Huh? But the fanfic isn't over yet!

JOEL: It is!

CROW: Good point... still, aren't we ending this a bit abruptly?

TOM: Heh, we ran a *little* too long with the intro.

JOEL: Yeah, I stayed up late setting up my invention and I need some shut eye. Besides, the Mads still have to push the button.

TOM: Let's just get out of here guys.

[Joel picks up Tom, the three leave]

[1][2][3][4][5][6]

[DEEP 13]

[Dr. Forrester is examining the still overweight Frank]

DR. FORRESTER: There's no two ways about it Frank... I'm going to have to slice off your love handles.

FRANK: Wait, Dr. F! Can't you just perform liposuction?!

DR. FORRESTER: Sorry, Frank. This show has a set budget and if I exceed that, I don't get my annual bonus. [picks up a pair of rusty scissors]

FRANK: B-but, think of the mess!

[Dr. Forrester pauses]

DR. FORRESTER: You have a point there. Go find some newspapers to lay on the floor and when you pass the control panel, push the button.

FRANK: (glum) Yes, sir.

[Frank walks over to the recycle bin, giving the button a low five along the way]

{psssssscht}

[The screen goes black}

[Roll Credits to Mighty Science Theater]

Disclaimer: MST3K and related characters/settings/situations are the
property of Best Brains Inc, however they had nothing to do with writing this up.
This mystification was done for the express purpose of entertainment,
and is not meant as a personal attack on the original author(s) in any
way.

"She knew that this might be her last moment on this earth, yet she knew

that all she had was her family and no one else. She bent her knees to

jump out under the table when, TOGGG!"

Keep Circulating the Fanfics.

Chapter Text

[Season 3 opening credits]

In the not-to-distant future

Next Sunday A.D.

There was a guy named Joel

Not too different from you or me

He worker at Gizmonic Institute

Just another face in a red jumpsuit

He did a good job cleaning up the place

But his bosses didn't like him so they shot him into space!

"We'll send him cheesy fanfic!

The worst we can find! (la la la)

He'll have to sit and read them all

And we'll monitor his mind!" (la la la)

Now keep in mind Joel can't control

Where the fanfics begin or end (la la la)

Because he used those special parts

To make his robot friends

Robot Roll Call (all right let's go)

Cambot! (Pan left)

Gypsy! (Hi, girl!)

Tom Servo! (What a cool guy!)

Crooooow! (Oh, wisecracker!)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes

And other science facts (la la la)

Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a MSTing

I should really just relax"

For The Mysterious Fanfiction Theater 2000!

[The Sence opens with Satellite of love. Everything is quiet. Not even a peep. Then it cuts to a asteroid. A noise gets louder and louder, which comes from Joel. He is crying as the three are on the asteroid. Tom is sitting near a rock, and finally Crow is at the far side]

JOEL That jerk.

[Tom kicking some dust angrily.]

TOM: That big fat dumb jerk. He used us! He planned it all along and we well for it!

[Mads light starts to flash.]

[Deep 13 Laboratory]

DR. FORRESTER: What's taking them so long, Frank? They're gonna suffer for this!

[SOL]

[Tom notices flashing light]

TOM: And now everybody hates us even more!

[Joel calms down when she hears a scratching sound coming from Tom's direction.]

[Deep 13]

DR. FORRESTER: Finally! You had me worried, Joel.

[SOL]

JOEL: Sure, Doc. If you say so.

[Deep 13]

DR. FORRESTER: No, really! I honestly thought you might have wandered off somewhere! At any rate, let's get exchanging, shall we?

[SOL]

JOEL: What does it look like I'm doing?

JOEL: I'm building a house, 'cause now we have to live here!

[Begins adjusting some dials.]

JOEL: Live here?

[Machine begins to make odd sounds. After a while, a sheet of paper comes out. Tom reads the sheet.]

TOM: Yeah. Don't you see? This can be the bedroom...

JOEL: .'.and this is my bed.

[Deep 13]

DR. FORRESTER: (laughs) Well, Joel, it looks like you still have some bugs. Speaking of which, Frank?"

[T.V.'s Frank walks on screen.]

FRANK: I don't wanna sleep on a rooooooooooooooock!

DR. FORRESTER: Well, maybe if somebody hadn't insisted on walking home from school so's we could run into the BIGGEST LIAR IN THE UNIVERSE!

[Dr. F begins to cackle madly.]

DR. FORRESTER: Now, as to the experiment. I've decided that since you kept me waiting earlier, something special is in order. Your experiment this week is 'The Bad Case of Stripes', the My Little Pony fanfic equivalent of 'Die Nibelungenlied'. In that it's long, boring, concerns the clash of godlike powers. Send'em the fanfic, Frank."

FRANK: We weren't allowed to use our powers, and you know it!

[SOL]

[Lights flash, buzzers buzz and pandemonium erupts.]

JOEL: AAHH! WE'VE GOT MOVIE SIGN!

[Joel slams random button]

[We cut to the opening door sequence]

[6][5][4][3][2][1]

[Inside the theatre]

[Joel carries Tom to his seat on the left, while Crow sits to Joel's right]

Joel: Are you feeling OK, buddy?
Crow: I feel fine.
Tom: No more British humor?
Crow: Nope.

The opening begins showing the beautiful city of Chicago as it shows the rainbow shining from it as it shows the title I'm Sweetie Belle appear on the screen

The camera turned on, revealing Button Mash standing right in front of it. He backed away, making sure the camera was straight. He smiled, then he walked to the left.

"Alright, Sweetie Belle! Sing the song!" he shouted.

Sweetie Belle peeked into the camera's line of sight, then gasped and backed off quickly.

"NO! I can't do it!"

"Aw, come on, don't be shy!"

"I can't! I just can't!"

"*sigh* Okay, how about this. You sing off camera, and just peek in from time to time. Okay?"

"O. . .kay."

"Good. Cue music!"

There was the sound of a cassette player being turned on, and guitar music started to play  as Sweetie Belle sang.

Helllllooooooo!!!!

I'm Sweetie Belle!

Sweetie Belle stepped out behind Button and sang a bit.

I’m super curious,

I'm eight years old,

I got a brother, a mom, and a dad.

Sweetie Belle jumped away quickly, and the camera changed to a shot of Button's mother snatching a hoof-held out of Button's hooves, much to Button's dismay.

The camera changed back to Sweetie Belle singing while half hiding behind Button.

My hair's light purple,

He drinks from boxes,

The camera changed again to Button drinking from a juice box.

And his model trains burst into flames.

Sweetie Belle stared at his parents' in confusion.

It switched back to Sweetie Belle and Button.

I Lived with My Monther Rarity

Little Brother Mash Buttons

Button threw his controller down angrily and jumped up and down on it.

And My best pup, Spike

I'm Sweetie Belle!!!

Sweetie Belle finished singing and quickly ran off screen.

Soon it shows the title of the episode along with the cast.

Tom: Data on what?
Crow: I think he means the android, Data.
Joel: But why should he pay attention to the android data? Since when was
Picard interested in robotics?
Crow: How should I know? Maybe he's wondering how Data gets his skin so
nice and shiny.

I'm Sweetie Belle!
Episode 1: The Bad Case of Stripes.

TOM: A bottle of wine, a loaf of bread, and three.

Sweetie Belle loved jelly beans. But she never ate them. All other friends hated lama beans, and she wanted to fit in. Sweetie Belle was always worried about what other people thought of her.

Today she was fretting even more than usual. It was the first day of school, and she couldn't decide what to wear. There were so many people to impress! She tried on forty-two outfits, but none seemed quite right. She put on a pretty red dress and looked in the mirror. Then she screamed.

Her mother ran into the room, and she screamed, too. "Oh my heavens!" she cried. "You're completely covered with stripes!"

JOEL: Stripes are great!

BOTS: Less filling!

This was certainly true. Sweetie Belle was striped from head to toe. She looked like a rainbow.

Rarity felt Sweetie Belle's forehead. "Do you feel all right?" she asked.

"I feel fine," Sweetie Belle answered, "but just look at me!"

"You get back in bed this instant," her mother ordered. "You're not going to school today."

Sweetie Belle was relieved. She didn't want to miss the first day of school, but she was afraid of what the other kids would say. And she had no idea what to wear with those crazy stripes.

TOM: On the carpet.

CROW: On the floor.

JOEL: In the house that Soun built.

That afternoon, Dr. Bumble came to examine Sweetie Belle. "Most extraordinary!" he exclaimed. "I've never seen anything like it. Are you having any coughing, sneezing, runny nose, aches, pains, chills, hot flashes, dizziness, drowsiness, shortness of breath, or uncontrollable twitching?"

"No," Sweetie Belle told him. "I feel fine."

"Well then," Dr. Bumble said, turning to Rarity, "I don't see any reason why she shouldn't go to school tomorrow. Here's some ointment that should help clear up those stripes in a few days. If it doesn't, you know where to reach me." And off he went.

The next day was a nightmare. Everyone at school laughed at Sweetie Belle. They called her "Crayon Belle" and "Colorful Girl." She tried her best to act as if everything were normal, but when the class said the Pledge of Allegiance, her stripes turned red, white, and blue, and she broke out in stars!

CROW: (as Sweetie Belle) If only they knew about the bomb!

The other kids thought this was great. One yelled out, "Let's see some dusty tartan!" Sure enough, Sweetie Belle turned all gold and brown tartan. Someone else shouted, "Checkerboard!" and a pattern of squares covered her skin. Soon everyone was calling out different shapes and colors, and poor Sweetie Belle was changing faster than you can change channels on a T.V.

That night, Mr. Harms, the school principal, called. "I'm sorry, Rarity," he said. "I'm going to have to ask you to keep Sweetie Belle home from school. She's just too much of a distraction, and I've been getting calls from the other parents. They're afraid those stripes may be contagious."

Sweetie Belle was so embarrassed. She couldn't believe that two days ago everyone liked her. Now, nobody wanted to be in the same room with her.

Her father tried to make her feel better. "Is there anything I can get you, sweetheart?" he asked.

"No, thank you," sighed Sweetie Belle. What she really wanted was a nice plate of jelly beans, but she had been laughed at enough for one day.

CROW: Say…

JOEL: Crow.

CROW: She said it, not me!

TOM: Hey, guys. When something grows between a couple, doesn't it usually mean they're coming apart?

CROW: Usually.

JOEL: Yeah.

CROW: Although some couples will still occasionally both be coming together.

JOEL: (pauses to think) CROW!

CROW: Hee hee!

"Hmm, well, yes, I see," Dr. Bumble mumbled when Sugar Belle phoned the next day. "I think I'd better bring in the Specialists. We'll be right over."

About an hour later, Dr. Bumble arrived with four people in long white coats. He introduced them to the Belles. "This is Dr. Crop, Dr. Sponge, Dr. Cricket, and Dr. Young."

Then the Specialists went to work on Sweetie Belle. They squeezed and jabbed, tapped and tested. It was very uncomfortable.

"Well, it's not the mumps," concluded Dr. Crop.

"Or the measles," said Dr. Sponge.

JOEL: Weren't they on Saturday Night Live?

"Definitely not chicken pox," put in Dr. Cricket.

"Or sunburn," said Dr. Young.

"Try these," said the Specialists. They each handed her a bottle filled with different colored pills.

TOM: A wombat's private life and feelings?

JOEL: A day in the life of Ivan Denisovitch?

CROW: A collection of pictures of-

JOEL: Crow, I'm not warning you again.

CROW: Oh, good. And I was gonna say "Sub-Saharan Africa".

"Take one of each before bed," said Dr. Crop.

Then they filed out the front door, followed by Dr. Bumble.

That night, Sweetie Belle took her medicine. It was awful. When she woke up the next morning, she did feel different, but when she got dressed, her clothes didn't fit right. She looked in the mirror, and there, staring back at her, was a giant, multi-colored pill with her face on it.

Dr. Bumble rushed over as soon as Rarity called. But this time, instead of the Specialists, he brought the Experts.

Dr. Gourd and Mr. Mellon were the finest scientific minds in the land. Once again, Sweetie Belle was poked and prodded, looked at and listened to. The Experts wrote down lots of numbers. Then they huddled together and whispered.

TOM: You were right! It was pictures of Sub-Saharan Africa!

CROW: Can I call 'em or what?

Dr. Gourd finally spoke. "It might be a virus," he announced with authority. Suddenly, fuzzy little virus balls appeared all over Sweetie Belle.

"Or possibly some form of bacteria," said Mr. Mellon. Out popped squiggly little bacteria tails.

"Or it could be a fungus," added Dr. Gourd. Instantly, Sweetie Belle was covered with different colored fungus blotches.

CROW: Which head?

JOEL: Okay. DEFINATE timeout. (Duct tapes Crow's beak shut.)

CROW: Mmph!

The Experts looked at Sweetie Belle, then at each other. "We need to go over these numbers again back at the lab," Dr. Gourd explained. "We'll call you when we know something." But the Experts didn't have a clue, much less a cure.

By now, the T.V. news had found out about Sweetie Belle. Reporters from every channel were outside her house, telling the story of "The Bizarre Case of the Incredible Changing Kid."

Soon a huge crowd was camped out on the front lawn.

The Belles were swamped with all kinds of remedies from psychologists, allergists, herbalists, nutritionists, psychics, an old medicine man, a guru, and even a veterinarian. Each so-called cure only added to poor Sweetie Belle's strange appearance until it was hard to even recognize her. She sprouted roots and berries and crystals and feathers and a long furry tail. But nothing worked.

TOM: Oi'm not quite dead yet!

One day, a woman who called herself an Environmental Therapist claimed she could cure Sweetie Belle. "Close your eyes," she said. "Breathe deeply, and become one with your room."

"I wish you hadn't said that," Sweetie Belle groaned. Slowly, she started to melt into the walls of her room. Her sofa became her mouth, her nose was a dresser, and two paintings were her eyes. The therapist screamed and ran from the house.

"What are we going to do?" cried Rarity. "It just keeps getting worse and worse!" She began to sob.

At that moment, Sugar Belle heard a quiet little knock at the front door. He opened it, and there stood an old woman who was just as plump and sweet as a strawberry.

"Excuse me," she said brightly. "But I think I can help."

She went into Sweetie Belle's room and looked around. "My goodness," she said with a shake of her head. "What we have here is a bad case of stripes. One of the worst I've ever seen!" She pulled a container of small jelly beans from her bag. "Here," she said. "These might do the trick."

JOEL: What else would he be muttering? Numbers?

TOM: Actually, I could see Jelly Beans doing that.

"Are those magic beans?" asked Rarity.

"Oh my, no," replied the kind old woman. "There's no such thing. These are just jelly beans. I'll bet you'd like some, wouldn't you?" she asked Sweetie Belle.

Sweetie Belle wanted a big, heaping plateful of jelly beans more than just about anything, but she was still afraid to admit it.

"Yuck!" she said. "No one likes jelly beans, especially me!"

"Oh, dear," the old woman said sadly. "I guess I was wrong about you." She put the beans back in her bag and started toward the door.

Sweetie Belle watched the old woman walk away. Those beans would taste so good. And being laughed at for eating them was nothing, compared to what she'd been going through. She finally couldn't stand it.

"Wait!" she cried. "The truth is ... I really love jelly beans."

TOM: Rrrip! (ow!) splut!

JOEL: Huh?

TOM: My impression of Sweetie Belle putting her Jelly Beans on the Chair.

"I thought so," the old woman said with a smile. She took a handful of beans and popped them into Sweetie Belle's mouth.

"Mmmm," said Sweetie Belle.

Suddenly the branches, feathers, and squiggly tails began to disappear. Then the whole room swirled around. When it stopped, there stood Sweetie Belle, and everything was back to normal.

"I'm cured!" she shouted.

JOEL: We have scroll, scroll, bra, and scroll; scroll, sausage, bra, and scroll...

TOM: But I don't like scroll!

CROW: (freeing himself) I'll take your scroll. I love it! I'm having scroll scroll, scroll, egg, sausage, scroll, scroll…

All: o/~Scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll...

"Yes," said the old woman. "I knew the real you was in there somewhere." She patted Sweetie Belle on the head. Then she went outside and vanished into the crowd.

Afterward, Sweetie Belle wasn't quite the same. Some of the kids at school said she was weird, but she didn't care a bit. She ate all the jelly beans she wanted, and she never had even a touch of stripes again.

THE END

OEL: (gasps) Wow! He didn't say "Sweetie Belle's expression was a smiling one"!

CROW: Let's split.

TOM: Yeah, I need some air.

JOEL: You don't breathe.

TOM: Whatever.

CROW: Let's go.

[Joel picks up Tom, the three leave]

[1][2][3][4][5][6]

[Bridge of SOL]

Crow: Geez, Joel, that one was so bad!

Tom: Yeah! Why is it that all these fanfics are so bad?

Joel: We weren't gonna get people to stop hating us by breaking rules.

Crow: I don't get your point.

Joel: Yeah, and using our superpowers to make a 'Help the Town and Make It a Better Place Machine'...WAS FOLLOWING RULES?!?

Tom: Well, if it weren't for you, we wouldn't be in this stupid mess!

Joel: By George, I think he's got it.

Crow: Uh huh, 'cause you know I'll whoop your butt!

Joel: I'm not fighting with you. And I'm not talking to you...EVER!

Tom: Well, prepare yourself for a long silence, girlfriend, 'cause we're gonna spend the rest of our lives here thanks to you.

Joel: Tom, what should we do?

Tom: I bet Miss Goody-Goody'll say we should take responsibility for our mistakes and go help everybody.

Joel: Who cares?

Crow: What do we do?

Tom: Nothing!

Crow: Ventus! [Mads light starts flashing] What do you think,
sirs?

[cut to Deep 13. Frank is there, wearing his communicator badge. It
beeps loudly and he slaps it once.]

Frank: Nothing!

Dr. F: [walking in] If you want something done right, you've got to do it
yourself. [presses the button]

{psssssscht}

[The screen goes black}

Frank: (voice-over) Basil!

[Roll Credits to Mighty Science Theater]

Disclaimer: MST3K and related characters/settings/situations are the
property of Best Brains Inc, however they had nothing to do with writing this up.
This mystification was done for the express purpose of entertainment,
and is not meant as a personal attack on the original author(s) in any
way.

Chapter Text

[Season 3 opening credits]

In the not-to-distant future

Next Sunday A.D.

There was a guy named Joel

Not too different from you or me

He worker at Gizmonic Institute

Just another face in a red jumpsuit

He did a good job cleaning up the place

But his bosses didn't like him so they shot him into space!

"We'll send him cheesy fanfic!

The worst we can find! (la la la)

He'll have to sit and read them all

And we'll monitor his mind!" (la la la)

Now keep in mind Joel can't control

Where the fanfics begin or end (la la la)

Because he used those special parts

To make his robot friends

Robot Roll Call (all right let's go)

Cambot! (Pan left)

Gypsy! (Hi, girl!)

Tom Servo! (What a cool guy!)

Crooooow! (Oh, wisecracker!)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes

And other science facts (la la la)

Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a MSTing

I should really just relax"

For The Mysterious Fanfiction Theater 2000!

[The Sence opens with Joel in Satellite of love]

Joel: No, Tom, please don't leave…don't leave—no, Joel! No! [kicks under the blankets]

Tom: No, Joel, don't save me…don't save me, I don't want to live Joel, just go, just go, please just—no, don't kill her—you…you…

Joel: Crow.

Crow: no, not Ginny.

Tom: Please not her, I'll do anything…anything—

Crow: Hermione? [He's woken up, dazed, uncertain] What time is it?

[Mads light starts flashing]

Joel: Ok, that's enough, Spunky and Brewster are calling.

[Joel smacks a random button on the console. Scene changes to
the Deep 13 Laboratory.]

Dr. Forrester: Joel. Are you ready for this week's invention
exchange?

[Satellite of Love]

Joel: Oh. Must've drifted off for a moment…last time I checked the clock is was three twenty-four.

Crow: {whispering to Tom} Tom, listen. you've got to have a proper rest. Let me take over—just look at the state of you! You're exhausted.

Joel: You're exhausted too, Hermione!

Tom: When was the last time you had a proper rest, or ate a decent meal, or laughed without looking like you were holding back tears? When was the last time you had a good dream or your eyes lit up like they do when you prove you're right?

Joel: I'm not thick, you know. You don't fool me with your blankness—I know you worry yourself half to death, and I'm not about to let you sit out here all night and wear yourself out even more!

Crow: You're one to talk. You get even less sleep than Tom, and I don't remember you eating at all yesterday! You think just because I'm tired or sad I'll let you go on like this? You need sleep, too, Joel.

Joel: It doesn't matter,

Crow: I want to make sure everything…everything's all in order. I want to keep us safe; I won't be able to sleep if I don't know you're…you're…

Joel: I know

Tom: I'm so sick of feeling like this,

Joel: Me, too,

Tom & Crow: I miss your teasing.

Joel: I miss your nagging.

[Deep 13]

Dr. Forrester: I see. Frank always has been a dear friend to you. Even as a driving force filling you with courage while you saved me at the Shadow Temple. You've always had feelings for him, as he did you. But ever since the other day, he seemed to have those yearnings as he wanted someone very close to him.

TV's Frank: Even with her at the village. I came first to the Castle, and he was talking to her while you were still searching for him; the princess was desperate to see him.

Clayton: Yeah..! But-I'm not sure if I'm right for Frank anymore. We're from two different worlds. I should probably leave Hyrule and head for Hoenn and Sinnoh since Mewtwo informed me that after seven years, those reigons had been discovered. Maybe i am better choice since they're both Hylains, and they've been wanting to see each other for so long when he decided to never travel back in time.

[SOL]

Joel, Crow & Tom: Nagging!

[Deep 13]

Dr. Forrester: Frank's been uneasy lately ever since he had those urges. It's best he shouldn't get involved with multiple women and turn into a polygamist. He's at that age now. He seems to be growing fast since he awakened at the Chamber.

TV's Frank [in background]: Dr. Forrester..?

Dr. Forrester: Shut up Frank! Joel, this week's torture is "A Crane's Bane" by The Ikran Rider. Set somewhere at Season 3, non-canon. An escapee from Purgatory unleashes traumatic events from Ichabod's long, lost past, as well as an impending threat to Sleepy Hollow.

[SOL]

Crow: And I am sure, Joel, that I've never called you a know-it-all.

Joel: And I'm sure I've never quoted Hogwarts: A History!

Tom: And I'm sure that I've never beaten the hell out of you at chess!

[Lights flash, buzzers buzz and pandemonium erupts.]

JOEL: WE'LL HAVE TO QUESTION REALITY LATER! WE'VE GOT MOVIE SIGN!

[Joel slams a random button]

[We cut to the opening door sequence]

[6][5][4][3][2][1]

[Inside the theatre]

[Joel carries Tom to his seat on the left, while Crow sits to Joel's right]

SLEEPPY HALLOW presents... A Crane's Bane by The Ikran Rider

This all started from a series of night terrors that plagued Ichabod. He remembered his early childhood when he was seven and still living in Britain. Back in 1758, he adored his mom, Celeste, who was a Wiccan. She was always looked upon by her former, estranged husband, Vladimir. He's a soul seeker, he was once a preacher. But he was also a tyrant, has a dark complexion, and was obsessed on getting rid of those who challenged his religious beliefs and authority, particularly witchcraft.

JOEL: Audience zero.

TOM: Ba-da-bing!

When he found out that Celeste had a son, he was searching for her and would eventually kill her. He was even described by Celeste herself as a walking nightmare. These dreams were in a series of events on how he'd done it. They had to relocate to many different places, until Ichabod saw him appear abruptly in front of him with his leering stare!

CROW: (as Author) Heheh...get it…Happousai…Happy…heh.

When Ichabod woke up, startled, there was a call from Abbie. He picked it up after a few more rings.

"Crane, I just found out something from the sheriff's department."

"What is it, Leftenant?"

ALL: Gyah!

TOM: Thank the Lord for small blessings.

"There's an abandoned church in the far north of Sleepy Hollow, but this isn't St, Parrish's church. It was under renovation, but something kept scaring people away. They say it's haunted and it's over 180 years old. So, of course it's up to us to investigate, and it's name is actually St. Vlad's."

JOEL: The whites and irises, however, were quickly defeated.

That triggered one of Ichabod's suppressed memories. "St. Vlad's..."

"Crane? Are you still there?" she asked.

He immediately recovered, "Ah, yes, Leftenenat. I'll be there."

CROW: (as Lefteneat) Until you stop feeding me old beans!

JOEL: Crow.

CROW: Well, wouldn't you start getting irked if someone fed you old beans?

"Alright, I'll meet you-" He hung up before she completed her sentence. She was driving a minivan with Gavin at the passenger seat.

TOM: (Lefteneat) Do you know how long those whippers took to make?

"What's wrong?" the greenhorn asked in concern.

"Crane...seems to be a bit preoccupied, I hope he's ready."

After about thirty minutes, they picked him up and arrived at their destination.

"This is it?" Ichabod queried.

JOEL: Are you a good demon, or a bad demon?

"Yes, this is it. Vlad's church. He used to own this place over 180 years ago."

CROW: Well, the carpenter said about two weeks…

The blanch settlement was standing on a hill and its walls seemed to have blended in with the overcast sky, if its large red door, black steeple, and patches of peel off didn't make it stand out. The paint was indeed falling off, as the church had been exposed to the elements for far too long.

TOM: No, Mr. Saotome. I expect you to die.

Gavin whistled, "This place is no better than an old shaft. Look at this dump. They could've bulldozed the place if they had to."

"Unfortunately it's wrong and sinful to do so," the former historian claimed. "He must've preserved this place for a reason..."

"And that's why we're here. Let's go."

JOEL: (as father) 'Cause if not, I'm turning back right now!

They decided Abbie would take the front, Gavin next, and Ichabod who seemed to be distracted with his findings. Along the way he noticed some strange markings on the old, moldy walls including a swirl being surrounded by sparkling stars. Through a closer examination, he noticed it was a symbol that his mom made when he was very young, along with finding a cardinal etching and even an archer. He had some flashbacks as his mom danced with him in a flowery woods then she soared through the air, then he was laying in his bed during a powerful thunderstorm as Celeste tried to calm him with a cardinal and cage spinning as one, then he suddenly heard his name in a melodic tone.

TOM: Oh. There you are.

"This place certainly needs repairs." Gavin commented. "Ah! The celling's leaking!" His face wrinkled as a drop suddenly landed on his scalp, then looked at his palm. "Whew, smells like a bayou," he held his nose in disgust.

"Stay sharp, they say it's haunted." Abbie warned. The sensations weren't affecting her at all as her mind remained as sharp as a steel trap.

Gavin looked around anxiously, "I don't see anything yet and...Hey where's Ichabod? He's not here. He's gone, where is he?"

JOEL: (as rock) Hey, watch it, bub! Like you're one to talk.

Abbie raised a hand, "Shh. Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"There's moaning behind that door."

CROW: (as Gavin) Yeah! I could be at Shampoo's, eating her hot, moist, steamy-

JOEL: CROW!

CROW: -ramen. Stop jumping the gun, Joel!

It sounded like a chorus of sorts as they glanced toward a door located to their right. That gave Gavin the jitters.

"Maybe there are zombies here. That would scare away some people."

JOEL: (Abbie) I don't know how to whooshhhhh. Couldn't I just fwashh or zzoooomm instead?

"We don't know for sure. Come on, I'll go first."

Abbie proceeded with the tyro close behind her. The door opened with a screech as it dragged on its rusty hinges. They beheld a darker room filled with people sitting on the dusty, wooden benches.

"Freeze! Turn and face us!" she exclaimed with her Glock drawn.

TOM: (as Wicked Witch) Who killed my sister? Was it you?

They found a tall, dark preacher giving a sermon. The crowd, who turned out to be zombies, were intrigued. Apparently, they rose from the cemetery nearby just waiting for their next meal.

CROW: (singing) The halftime air was sweet perfume...

"Who is he?!" Gavin exclaimed.

The ominous man chuckled. "My aren't you the spiteful ones. But I wouldn't be too hasty if I were you. Don't you know? I happen to be the reverend and the owner of this place. Vladimir Crane!""

The grotesque group stood up to them, then the priest ordered the undead to attack!

"Ichabod..."

TOM: And I'm sure I've never even thought of knitting hats for house elves!

JOEL: Well, maybe is a demon, like in Lemon Punch, and the other five Happousais aren't now visible.

The entrancing call led the Freemason to a secret room beneath the olive tile floor filled with candles, engravings, the works. It seemed to be quite warm in that orange, illuminating chamber. As he was slowly treading on the squeaky staircase, a mysterious woman with shoulder-length brown hair turned and he noticed she was his deceased mom, Celeste Crane. She came back to life with her full skin texture and shiny, opaque eyes.

TOM: Damn. Another good idea down the tubes.

CROW: I—I'm sorry

JOEL: So why didn't you mention it?

CROW: I didn't think you'd care.

He stuttered in shock and disbelief, "M-Mother? You're alive! But how? Have you been resurrected? Did you escape from Purgatory?"

She raised her index finger and laid it on his quivering lips, "Shh, calm yourself, my son. I've been waiting for you all this time," she whispered in a gentle alto.

His heart was racing as it hammered in his upper chest. "But, you've been slewed by my father. Please, you must come with me at once. We can leave this place, I can help you."

CROW: It's not like that's a tough group to ID, y'know.

She sulked and shook her head. "No, I cannot. I must not...I am safe here."

JOEL: (as Ichabod) Um...this is very friendly and all, but would you mind letting go?

"There are zombies everywhere! Aim for their heads!" Gavin declared.

The duo fought the advancing army off, spewing their black blood and guts as they severed their heads. The Glock and the Purgatory Sword were ideal for rendering the legion hapless. The main chamber eventually quieted, and they noticed the preacher leading them was gone.

Gavin came over to his partner, exasperated. "Abbie, are you alright!?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Gavin."

He puffed, "How do we expect to find Ichabod here? This place is ruled by his own father!"

"I'll look inside, you look out. I'm sure we'll momentarily find him. He's gotta be somewhere."

TOM: (Ichabod) Which of you six was it, anyhow?

"Right." They split up and searched the premises, but to no avail. "Ichabod! Are you there?" Gavin even looked through the boneyard itself, wondering if he was hiding behind a tombstone, or if he was dragged down by any of the undead. He soon came back empty-handed while Abbie was looking through the interior. "He's-he's not here!"

"Where...could he be?" For once she was stuck in a rut. "Wait, Gavin. Look." Something caught her wandering vision, "There's light between the floorboards. There must be a secret room down here." Sure enough, there was an orange-yellow glow flickering between a few loose squares hardly seen to the casual eye.

JOEL: (Ichabod) Amateurs.

"Ichabod's there?" Gavin wondered.

"Only one way to be sure. Let's move them."

They tried as they might, but they couldn't move the pieces an inch; it was almost like they were being magnetized to the ground floor.

CROW: Et cetera, et cetera, and so forth!

"Urgh, we can't move 'em." Gavin protested using all his strength. His fingers grew weary from those stubborn squares.

JOEL: (as Ichabod) I am inwardly amused and hilarified by dis occurance.

While the team were bashing through draugrs and desperately searching for their hero, he explained everything to what his mom never knew about. After several exhausting minutes, he finally concluded, "And that's why you must leave, Mother. We're in the midst of an apocalyptic war. It's not safe here. You have to go with us. Please." Ichabod begged.

The woman looked up and into his desperate eyes, "Alright, my son. I trust you." Her resonating voice put him at immediate ease. She then marched up to him and laid a hand on his left thigh. "I promise...I'll be by your side. Now and forever." During the embrace, she revealed a deformed hand. The warmth and comfort were just too mesmerizing and he couldn't let her go.

Suddenly, the ceiling began to creak above them, and a thin layer of dust rained.

"Leftenant?"

They noticed the light between the floorboards ignited, then "Celeste" hissed showing her fangs. Her face transformed into a bluish, dead one, then she bit his left arm and drained his lifeforce as his muffled cry called Abbie.

"Crane! They won't budge. Gavin, get something to break them. Hurry." He obliged, then a few moments later he returned with... "A crucifix?"

TOM: *SNAP* Oops…

"Hey, it was the closest thing I can find."

"It'll have to do."

With the blunt end she broke open the floor, quickly descended the old stairs, then she shot the fake Celeste. Her body burst and fell into a heap, much like the other unfortunate souls before her. Abbie hurriedly rushed toward his side, though she was too late as he saw his palid face.

She began to shake his arms, attempting to awaken him. "Crane. Crane!"

CROW: (Ichabod) Heh, heh... "There's been a mistake." You kill me!

Gavin met up with her. "What happened to him!?"

"That zombie must've drained most of his energy. We must carry him out."

TOM: No, Ranma I gather has the night off. I'm Ranma I get beaten up by Akane.

"Ok, I got his arm."

Together, they each took an arm and carried them over their backs as they lifted him up.

JOEL: I know

Several minutes later, the trio were inside the cabin in Trout Lake. It was an excruciating task as they carried in the unconscious Brit and laid him on the nearby bed.

"I hope Ichabod'll come to." Gavin whispered, his voice weak against his tight throat. He never laid off his eyes on him for a second.

"I'm sure he will." Abbie said in a more composed manner. She was also typing vigorously on a computer. "But look at this." A headline showed up on the white screen. She paraphrased the details, "Lord Vladimir Crane is his father. He fled to Sleepy Hollow just after the Colonial Wars. That's when he took over that church by force. No one was sure what happened. The former preacher was killed but they only suspected it was an act of war, and Vlad wasn't held responsible." She shifted to another webpage. "And take a look at this. He had an estranged wife named Celeste; she was a housewife. It's said she fled with her son but he eventually found them. She later was killed while he suspected her of witchcraft. But there wasn't any proof. That's when he had disappeared. No one was sure what happened to Crane, other than he escaped to an orphanage."

Gavin was deep in thought. "Celeste... She's almost like Katrina. Although I hope she raised HER son better." He certainly didn't want him to have the same upbringing as Henry did.

CROW: We're not supposed to. Nobody's supposed to.

"Shh. It's Crane. He's dreaming." They both looked over and saw his face quaking and his eyes fluttering. There were a few cries from him while his head moved and his breathing became shallow. Vlad had spoken into his mind during a dark, rainy night through a drenched window, "I finally found you."

Suddenly, he rose up like a Jack-in-a-box. Though Abbie was the first to come to his aid.

"Crane, it's ok. It was only a dream," she reassured.

TOM: *FWASH* AAH! My eyes!

Soon enough, his heart slowed its pacing and his vision became clearer. He then saw a familiar face before him. "Leftenant..."

CROW: I'm scared of missing things, I wanted so much—I'd hoped for so much!—and now

"What is it? What is it that you dreamt?" she whispered.

He regathered his thoughts and spoke quickly, describing his horrific experience. "I tried to save her but my father was too overpowering. He killed my mother. Because he caught her using magic. She was a child of nature, a Wiccan. Much like Katrina. In order to save herself and I, she hid her forbidden abilities."

They've concluded that Moloch brought Vlad to that church; the one he owned after he left Britain when he killed Celeste. Ichabod remembered his parents; his father at first took Celeste in because of her hidden abilities and he loved her.

JOEL: Some in rags and some in tags and some in velvet gowns.

"I was...so enthralled with her talents. Always comforted by her in every way. They were never meant for harm. But Vlad suspected her cause she was hiding from him. He wanted to execute her and take me in for himself. We were in hiding for many years. I took her necklace and always wore it, and hid it from him. I was seven when I lost her and my faith." He took it out and the charm shined within the dim light. It was known as a triquetra, also known as the Holy Trinity in Christianity, or some form of unity in Celtic, Norse, or Druidic cultures.

"Crane, we know losing a mother at a young age is never easy. And I'm sorry for your loss."

"It must be from that earthquake in Purgatory, Leftenant. Vlad has returned."

Later that night, Abbie and Gavin left Ichabod to sleep more peacefully. Lo and behold his slumber was disturbed by an ominous, vehement laugh. He then spoke in an arousing manner, "Rise up, my son. Rise up. No, you're not dreaming. I'm speaking to you. Telepathically."

Recognizing the voice, Ichabod sat up. "Vlad... Where are you!? Show yourself!"

Never taken aback, he replied, "Calm yourself, my son. I'm within your mind, Ichabod. At last, I found you."

"Ergh, what...do you want from me?"

TOM: 'Too bad', doesn't begin to cover this thing.

"Relax, I'm not here to slay you. I'm here because we have so much catching up to do, you and I. It's been far too long since Celeste kept you away from me."

The Freemason's voice rose in protest. "You killed her. I will never get caught up with you!"

Vladimir's reply was more subtle, "You haven't a choice, Ichabod. We have the same blood, like father, like son." He began to delve deeper into his mind. "You've once wanted a family. How you wanted one that Katrina and Celeste failed to provide." Opening past wounds, and literally causing an excruciating headache, Ichabod held it and tried to block out his enticing words.

"Stop! Stop talking to me!"

"Shh, settle down. We can make things right again. I will reunite you with your lost family You, Katrina, Jeremy. And even Abraham. I've escaped from the underworld looking for you. And I can do the same with the bonds you've lost. And your best friend is waiting for your destiny as a Witness and destroyer." Just then, Ichabod's throbbing started to subside as Vlad kept giving him encouragement. His words were becoming more and more irresistible. "But first, you must fulfill a task; to slay your cohorts. They will only interfere; we are the two Witnesses and destroyers. And I shall grant it." His son was beginning to feel lightheaded and more submissive. He then went on, "When they leave for the church, you shall slay them." Upon the words of destruction, his thirst increased and his fists clenched. "Art thou prepared?"

Ichabod's eyes gleamed in dead irises as he spoke more deeply, "Yes... I am, Father." Vlad had finally poisoned his mind, Then he got possessed.

The next day, Abbie gave her team instructions, "We'll head back to the basement. There may be some clues concerning Vlad and his curse over the place. We have to find a way to reverse it somehow. It's got to be beneath the tile floor." Her partner looked out of it. "Crane? Are you alright?"

"Yes, Leftenant. We shall stop him."

They searched the church for Vlad as they entered the same location where the pseudo-Celeste ambushed them. Ichabod was tagging further behind. Gavin spotted a large object shrouded in black lying across the floor.

"Uh, Abbie..? Is that a..."

"A casket. It must be his." Abbie took out a crowbar and jiggled it underneath the lid.

Gavin fidgeted with the locks. "Ergh, it's locked. We gotta open it." His partner helped him out while Ichabod just stood there, not moving an inch.

CROW: Hmm...B-O-R-I-N-G...I'm up to 68 points.

"Now's your chance, Ichabod. Do it now!" By obedience, his face glimmered again as he drew out a small dagger from his coat pocket.

The duo finally got the ancient lid removed, revealing a bloody red carpeting. "There's nothing in there." Gavin said, despite the thud making a cloud of dust. All of a sudden, thanks to the effect of the dim candlelight, he saw a shadow of a broad man raising an arm and holding a knife. "Look out!" The newbie tackled Abbie aside just seconds before the possessed murder made his mark. To his horror, he was none other than, "I-Ichabod!?"

His eyes brightened their deadly shade and bore his teeth, holding the hilt very tightly.

JOEL: Right?

TOM: How did you…how did you know that?

"Crane, what're you doing!?" Abbie cried in alarm.

ALL: (shiver)

CROW: Hey, throw another log on, willya?

"Fulfilling my father's wishes, Leftenant. To defeat both of you so I could reunite with my long, lost family again, and follow my destiny as a Witness."

TOM: How did you…how did you know that?

Gavin realized he desired to eliminate both him and Abbie out of the equation. "What?!"

"It's Vlad. He's taken over his mind. Crane, this is what he wants. Not you. This isn't who you are." she reasoned.

"This IS who I am, Leftenant. Ad my father knows this." he retorted. "Your ancestors attempted to reach the same end. They all failed, and so should you!" He rose the dagger again, but Gavin held his arm back.

JOEL: Okay, who broke the pentacle?

BOTS: Not me!

"No, Ichabod! I wont let you do this!"

He dropped his arms away from his grasp. "You dare to challenge me, Gavin? So be it!"

CROW: Bite me :E

The courageous blond drew out his Purgatory Sword and braced himself from Ichabod's direct onslaughts. The Whig's might was so much more quicker and stronger than his. Nevertheless, he alternated with every swipe, dodge, and block as he dealt with Ichabod's possessiveness. Gavin eventually became out of breath, then his betraying mentor saw an opening and cut his arm with one swift move.

"Gavin!" Abbie screeched.

His arm was left with a huge, bloody gash. All he did was clutch the wound, completely shocked of his actions.

JOEL: Because I feel the same way.

With Vlad inside his mind, Ichabod never backed down. "Say your last prayer. You shall perish!" he roared, diving in and raising the dagger once more.

"No!" Abbie screamed.

As he was about to kill him, an Onondaga threw in a flash bomb. Ichabod, despite the dark influence, coughed from the thin smoke emitting from it.

"Don't breathe, Ruby Crow!" Don't. It'll put you to sleep." he warned.

Sure enough, after a few minutes of wheezing, Ichabod succumbed to the effects, making him feel dazed and sleepy. He soon collapsed in a heap. Other tribesmen didn't hesitate to gather around him.

TOM: Oh no, it's Ruby Crow in disguise!

"We'll take him to the village. We have relocated here as soon as our Chieftain broke the news. Here, conceal the wound." He gave Abbie a damp cloth soaked in clean warm water. She wrapped it around Gavin's gash and applied pressure to halt the bleeding.

"Here take this." Gavin took the rag and she provided aid.

"I'm sorry, Abbie. I'm just shaking up. He almost tried to kill me!"

"I know. But remember, it's Vlad we're dealing with, not Crane. He swayed over his mind. We'll get him back. Don't worry."

"I hope so."

JOEL: Crow?

Vlad vanished above them after he made another snicker.

Night fell all over the wilderness, and inside the large center tent, Ichabod came around though his limbs were strapped. A small bonfire was blazing at the middle. He murmured, "Leftenant? Where are we?"

"We're in Turgado's teepee. His people relocated to Sleepy Hollow so they could help us when we needed them. And it looks like we do."

"Soaring Crane, you've awoken."

"Chieftain." He saw him walk up and explain everything.

"No time for greetings. You've been possessed by a dark spirit, your old man. Vlad. Through your mind. He's been hailing from the spirit world when Moloch died. Every spirit needs a vessel, and he's using you. And as a shaman, I will separate the two of you... through an exorcism."

Soaring Crane was in utter shock, and so was Gavin overhearing it.

CROW: Hey... I think we actually just passed a kinda cool sequence!

ALL: (applaud)

TOM: Maybe there's hope for this fic after all!

Suddenly, the eyes were gone and she could move again.

TOM: Yes?

Turgado knew who he was dealing with. Through Ichabod's mind, he became a fugitive from Purgatory. Time sent him through. As a shaman, Turgado figured the only way is to exorcise him. "It's painful, but he must focus on his heart, necklace and memories of his mom also in Purgatory.

JOEL: Meanwhile, on the set of the Batman TV show.

"I sympathize, Soaring Crane. But it must be done. At the right time, he'll be released from you. Focus on your mother's memories, for comfort. And this...keep it close to your heart. Be prepared, brave one."

"They're very serious about this." Gavin spoke.

TOM: Don't think, Don't be scared.

CROW: So who'll get that?

"I'm scared, Leftenant." Ichabod whispered.

CROW: Well, it wouldn't be much of a MSTing if we didn't!

"So am I. But...it's the only way."

"How would we deal with him if he does escape again?"

Suddenly, there was a flicker within the fire, and there was a brief vision of Vlad, glaring at him. "We must begin the ritual. Vlad is coming!"

While Turgado drew Vlad out, he resisted, then Ichabod forced him out with all his strength.

After a whisper in his mind, he gave a final push. "Do not give up. Finish it, Ichabod!"

He screamed at the top of his lungs. "Help me, PLEASE! Errraggh!" After a few seconds of pure agony, both his body and mind shut down.

"Crane!" Abbie cried as she laid toward him.

TOM: No, I won't.

"Oh my gosh, he killed him!" Gavin squealed.

JOEL: So who else can see the pounding Sleepy Hallow's gonna receive?

CROW: Signed…

After checking his vitals, she concluded, "No, he just fainted."

CROW: Sealed…

"He's in Purgatory. Imprisoned with his mother." Turgado clarified.

CROW: ...and delivered.

Gavin had an epiphany, "Then that means-"

"I am now free thanks to my son..." The group was horrified by his presence, his translucent spirit hovering over the flames.

JOEL: Sweet mother of Rutherford B. Hayes! HE DIDN'T LAND IN THE WATER!

TOM: THE END IS NIGH! THE END IS NIGH!

"What have you done to him!?"

"Ah, the second Witness speaks out. His body is no more than an empty vessel. Now his soul shall forever be mine!" He laughed and incapacitated them with his telekinetic abilities, pinning them to the deerskin walls. "Just a small testament from Moloch. Struggle all you desire, the hold is far too strong for you. And your pathetic weapons are no match for me. But rather...they are certainly a match for you."

With a few swipes of his hands, he moved the Purgatory Sword, Abbie's Glock, and Turgado's bow and arrow pointing toward the terrified trio!

CROW: I love you.

"Is there anything we can do?!" Gavin screeched in panic.

JOEL: You did it! God damn you all! God damn you all to hell!

"No. It's only up to Soaring Crane and his mother now." Turgado said, and braced for the worst.

"Ichabod." He noticed he wound up with Celeste as soon as he heard her familiar voice. "Come to, Ichabod, my son. It is me."

His eyes cleared up within a few moments. As soon as he noticed they were in a cave and being surrounded by candles, he then saw her. "Mother..?" They hugged each other tightly. "I've really missed you."

"Yes, so have I." She broke off and wore a more serious demeanor as she laid her hands on his shoulders. "But we've no time for a family reunion. Vlad hast finally broken free. And your friends are in grave danger."

Through the flames at the center cauldron, he saw them helplessly struggling against V"Is there any way we could help them?"

TOM: Man, don't you just hate those guys who insist you use their full title every time?

"Yes. I've been waiting for you. Both you and I are the only ones who can put an end to him for good. You have my necklace you've retrieved after I died and ended up here. This is an emblem of our everlasting love. A light against Vlad's evil. It shows a bloodline that's closer to mine as opposed to his. Our lineage along with this charm can help us win against him."

He then saw his friends cornered with their weapons.

"We must act post-haste, but we cannot let us at rashly. Only the two of us can defeat Vlad."

"I'm willing to do whatever it takes."

"Your mind is ready, but it'd be sound. Do you remember the incantations I taught you when you were just a boy?"

JOEL: I know, because I love you, too.

He shook his head in disappointment after he hesitated. "No. I believe I haven't."

"Then, you must follow my lead. Hold onto my words. Now...our spirits must unite as one single entity. Close your eyes, still your mind. Feel the mighty depth of my heart, my breathing, my essence. Our hearts, Ichabod, are in unison. Concentrate."

Vlad continued to snarl at them, "Your eyes are still free. Now gaze upon the face of Death."

Just then, everyone heard some strange tongues whispering in the wind. Gavin was the first to speak, "What's that..?"

"Is that, Crane?" Abbie added.

"Celeste. And Ichabod? No. How is this possible?! N-No! What is this?!" Vlad faltered as he held his head, trying to block out the irritating spell.

The Cranes held hands and chanted in unison, louder and stronger than before. Turgado heard them then joined in with Abbie and Gavin as they repeated the phrases. Vlad began to weaken greatly, then disintegrated as he screamed.

CROW: (as Bob Vila) Tonight on "That Old Fool", we'll be giving Happousai a new skylight, as well as repairing his deck. Also, we're going to show you how to fix the wiring on Rei's grandpa and install air-conditioning in Master Roshi.

They ended the ritual as soon as they saw Vlad fade away. Their hands parted. "It is done" Celeste said. "Vlad has been vanquished." She looked up and grinned. "You've done well, my son, and you've grown strong. How changed from what he once was. Thank you, for saving my spirit from this imprisonment And with Vlad finally away, I must depart."

TOM: (Calaste) Well, try to hold it in, willya?

Just like that, Celeste began to purify. "You're leaving?" Ichabod couldn't believe what was happening at the moment.

"I must. It's time."

His throat tightened as he implored her to stay. "M-Mother, no. I-I can't lose you again. You mustn't go. Please stay with me."

"Ichabod, I'll always be with you, no matter what. I'll always be in your heart. I've been watching over you for so long, even when you slept for 232 years. I always had while Vlad was working with Moloch, looking for you. But you have a blessed line and you must never give up on Abbie. You'll succeed as Witnesses, and soon you'll find the answers you need. You are the only surviving Crane, do not let your legacy fade. Return to you friends, this isn't goodbye. As I'm within your heart..."

He woke up with a hoarse breath. He then noticed his partner leaning over him. "Leftenant..."

CROW: (Vlad) Screw ki-blasts and magic. I've got a big rock!

"Welcome back." she greeted with a smile.

TOM: (baked) Dude. Like…whoa.

JOEL: (ditto) I hear you, man.

"Ichabod, you're alright." Gavin came over and hugged him. His arm was still throbbing with the large cloth on, though it was healing faster since Vlad was no more.

"Not quite."

Turgado came up to him as he loosened the straps, "Soaring Crane, your mother is ascending. I can guide her to the Great Spirit aloft. It'd be an honor if you'd escort her and assist me. Would you do this?"

Slowly, he sat up. "I shall...help her rest."

Abbie suggested, "Gavin, why don't you wait outside with your earplugs."

"I got my iPod instead." he said, showing her the red one in his inner coat pocket; even in battle, he still couldn't leave without it.

"Ok, we'll be done in a minute."

"Ok, good luck, Ichabod." he said cheerfully before he headed out. The Freemason gave him a thumb up.

CROW: INTENSE…FREUDIAN…ACTION!

TOM: Now that's a Senshi attack I'd love to see!

"Thank you, Gavin. And about what happened, I-" He stopped in midsentence, bashfully.

JOEL: (as Rocky) And now here's something we hope you'll really like!

"Soaring Crane, we're ready." Turgado said as he gazed into the fire once more.

"I'll keep an eye for Celeste." Abbie volunteered.

"Thanks, Leftenant" Ichabod stood up.

TOM: (German accent) But not funny.

"Alright, later guys." Gavin waved as he exited the tent.

Ichabod went to Turgado's side, "I shall use my experiences while I was with the Mohawk. I'm sure the rituals are quite similar."

"That may be. But you must follow along with the drums and my voice."

"Of course, Chieftain."

JOEL: (singing)I'm flying...

"Then let us begin."

As the ceremony started, Turgado ordered his fellow warriors to beat the drums accordingly; almost like a conductor commandeering his own orchestra. The drums went faster and harder as essences lifted.

"Crane, stop. Stop." Abbie suddenly saw Celeste's clear spirit appear above the flames. "I see her..."

CROW: (British accent) What is the air-speed/velocity of a coconut-laden swallow?

JOEL: (ditto) African or European swallow?

CROW: (ditto) I don't know that. (Beat) AAAAHHHH!

Ichabod followed her gaze. "Mother..."

She gave him a warm smile, displaying on how proud she was. "You never seize to amaze me, Ichabod. Leftenant Abigail Mills, Chief Turgado, take care of my son well. And tell Gavin the same. Look after him and help him fulfill his true fate. As a savior to Sleepy Hollow, and an honorable veteran he's known to be. I wish I can hold you in my arms one last time. I know Jeremy and Katrina were once a part of it, but they weren't. Now only you can pass it on." They see her for a brief moment, then she disappeared. Ichabod just sulked and was too saddened to say anything.

TOM: (singing) I...can't…help…falling in love…with…you.

Turgado eventually verified, "Ruby Wolf is right. You must not let this sacred bond be in vain. I know that you shall prevail."

He rose his head slowly. "Yes. Thank you, everyone."

"Take this, it's our offering to you. To keep her spirit alive. Do not use it until you're ready." an Onondaga handed him over a small statuette covered in a cloth of silk. The contact felt warm to Ichabod as he held it.

CROW: Take it from me, Crane: that never works.

"Crane? Do you want to head back?" Abbie asked.

JOEL: Read the FAQ!

"It's never too late to say goodbye." Turgado said.

Alone, at August's cabin, Ichabod started to ignite the fresh logs in the fireplace. Some sparks flew from them as they got caught in the flames. The cabin felt more warmer and the gentle glow was enough to make Ichabod reminisce. He knelt beside it and then made a silent prayer.

"Mother, I know you can hear me. May you rest in peace, and fare thee well. I know I will see you again, soon. Until then, please watch over me and my comrades. I shall thank you for everything. And I'll wait each day to see you again. Goodbye, Mother."

As a memento, Turgado gave him a small, thin wooden carving that looked very similar to her. He kissed the heartwarming object, and as he gazed into the fire once more, he then gradually shed his tears.

THE END

Joel: Perhaps we can convince him not to give the remaining parts away...
Crow: Can we go?
Tom: Yeah, let's get out of here.

[Joel picks up Tom, the three leave]

[1][2][3][4][5][6]

[Bridge of SOL]

JOEL: So what's this big idea, Crow?

CROW: You folks know the improv game 'Party Quirks', where each player takes the role of a different character and the host has to guess who they are?"

[Joel and Tom nod their familiarity]

CROW: Well, we'll take the roles of Author Avatars! It's brilliant!

TOM: Oh, come on! It'll be way too easy.

JOEL [shrugs]: Still, why not? We've got a few minutes to kill.

CROW: Great! Magic Voice, will you be the host?

MAGIC VOICE: Sure thing, Crow.

[Joel and the Bots head to the sides of the bridge, awaiting the doorbell.]

*DINGdong!*

MAGIC VOICE: Come in!

[In coming Crow. He eyes looking up at the roof, where Voice lives.]

CROW: Morning! Great Party, you think? I follow that Cheez Wiz for crackers.

MAGIC VOICE: Umm... sure. I think we have some Cheez Wiz.

*DINGdong!*

[Tom comed in next. He was wearing a costume 4 the part, cuz he had time 2 change.]

TOM: Hey, guys!

[Crow light up eyes at seeing Tom.]

CROW: What give many of Sprite?

TOM: No way dude! U wanna fight!

CROW: Make my robot day!

*DINGdong!*

[Joel walked in. From offstage. His expression was one of disgust at the scene before him.]

JOEL: Oh, ginger peachy. Those two are at it again. I especially hate when they both start fighting like this.

[Tom frogned in rage.]

TOM: Shut up! Feel my fists of fury! Hya!

[Crow vaulted.]

CROW: Bad Joke! But pain is many of furious anger! And that means you!

[Crow famous on Joel.]

[Joel's face winced in pain at the sudden shock, but the next thing he saw stole his attention entirely.]

TOM: SUPER SAIYAN TRANSFORMATION!

[Tom's hair became gold and up.]

*DINGDINGDINGDINGDING!*

[JOEL's expression smiled at the end of the round.]

JOEL: So, who were we?

MAGIC VOICE: Hmm...Tom was obviously Oscar.

[Tom bows and heads to the edge of the bridge.]

MAGIC VOICE: Crow must have been Lord Thinker.

[Crow, too, heads to the bridge's edge.]

MAGIC VOICE: So that makes Joel...William Shatner?

JOEL: Sorry, Magic Voice, but no. I was Darren Steffler from this week's experiment. Nice try, though.

MAGIC VOICE: Ah. Though I do have one question.

JOEL: What's that?

MAGIC VOICE: How did you three mess around with the stage direction's grammar like that?

Crow: What do you think,
sirs?

[cut to Deep 13. Frank is there, wearing his communicator badge. It
beeps loudly and he slaps it once.]

Frank: So, yeah, while I'm not a strong believer in love and romance, I still think that thru true friendship and time (as Sheik said), minus infatuation, it can possibly make the perfect equal.

Dr. F: Zelda II..? I choose you. [presses the button]

{psssssscht}

[The screen goes black}

[Roll Credits to Mighty Science Theater]

Disclaimer: MST3K and related characters/settings/situations are the
property of Best Brains Inc, however they had nothing to do with writing this up.
This mystification was done for the express purpose of entertainment,
and is not meant as a personal attack on the original author(s) in any
way.

Chapter Text

[Season 3 opening credits]

In the not-to-distant future

Next Sunday A.D.

There was a guy named Joel

Not too different from you or me

He worker at Gizmonic Institute

Just another face in a red jumpsuit

He did a good job cleaning up the place

But his bosses didn't like him so they shot him into space!

"We'll send him cheesy fanfic!

The worst we can find! (la la la)

He'll have to sit and read them all

And we'll monitor his mind!" (la la la)

Now keep in mind Joel can't control

Where the fanfics begin or end (la la la)

Because he used those special parts

To make his robot friends

Robot Roll Call (all right let's go)

Cambot! (Pan left)

Gypsy! (Hi, girl!)

Tom Servo! (What a cool guy!)

Crooooow! (Oh, wisecracker!)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes

And other science facts (la la la)

Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a MSTing

I should really just relax"

For The Mysterious Fanfiction Theater 2000!

[The Sence opens with Joel in Satellite of love]

JOEL: Hi, Crow.

CROW: Hi, Joel.

JOEL: You'll need a bird of prey, a wolf, some bug morphs. We need to go to the Gardens to get you a power morph and maybe a dolphin. But not today.

TOM: I think I'll skip the bugs.

JOEL [shrugs]: Okay, but you'll have to do them eventually.

[Mads light starts flashing]

Joel: Ok, that's enough, Spunky and Brewster are calling.

[Joel smacks a random button on the console. Scene changes to
the Deep 13 Laboratory.]

Dr. Forrester: Don't! If it is to be then it will be.

[Satellite of Love]

CROW: Why not?

[Cassie opened the cage and Joel acquired the bird.]

TOM: Sorry, I can't go with you when you try out your morphs.

CROW: Where is he?

[Deep 13]

Dr. Forrester: It's so late…I'm worried.

(The egg shifts and rolls, then a crack appears, then another. The Mother and Father watch in awe as a small head pokes out, followed by a tail out the bottom, and then the whole shell breaks)

Dr. Forrester: (picks up her newborn) Aw look at you… you look just like your father. (turns to him and smiles)

[SOL]

TOM: Sorry I'm late. I had to go out of my way to avoid a baldie.

[Deep 13]

Dr. Forrester: (smiles back)

TV's Frank [in background]: I think we'll call you … Ruby! (rubbs Ruby under the chin with her unclawed finger, the newborn laughs and snaps back playfully) You must be hungry.

Dr. Forrester: Shut up Frank! Joel, this week's torture is "The Inside Story of Terri Thatcher" by The Ikran Rider. Based on the events of the two films from my OC's POV. Terri is your average, everyday individual living in the Big Apple. Until one day, her life will be changed forever. This describes her life as she goes on numerous adventures with the superhero quartet.

[SOL]

CROW: Is there any where I can hide my stuff?

[Joel walked in. From offstage. His expression was one of disgust at the scene before him.]

JOEL: Okay, you can do this.

[Lights flash, buzzers buzz and pandemonium erupts.]

JOEL: OH MY GOSH! WE'VE GOT MOVIE SIGN!

[Joel slams a random button]

[We cut to the opening door sequence]

[6][5][4][3][2][1]

[Inside the theatre]

[Joel carries Tom to his seat on the left, while Crow sits to Joel's right]

The Inside Story of Terri Thatcher

An Fantastic 4 Fanfic Story

by The Ikran Rider

JOEL: Audience zero.

TOM: Ba-da-bing!

Hello, my name is Terri Grace Thatcher. Okay, first of all do NOT confuse me with Teri Hatcher. I'm not an actress, unless if you're referring to my good friend Sue. She always wanted to be an actress besides being a scientist alongside Reed. Anyway, this is my secret diary of my life, but I wouldn't recommend this to just anyone. It's between my friends and me and not to the fate of heart. I wouldn't reveal this to the outside world 'cause...well it wouldn't be a secret now would it? Here's my life in a nutshell.

CROW: (as Author) Heheh...get it…Happousai…Happy…heh.

2/29/2005

Dear Diary,

Where should I begin?

ALL: Gyah!

TOM: Thank the Lord for small blessings.

Well, I guess I should start somewhere since I'm writing my life's story. I'd probably start with this...

JOEL: The whites and irises, however, were quickly defeated.

I'm a young adult (Age? Completely unnecessary!) living in the heart of the Big Apple. I live in a shabby apartment, with a full-time job at an office called Papers & Profit. It's a small business but, hey, it's a start. I actually moved here a few months ago, and I decided that with my first paycheck, I thought I'd have something to record my personal thoughts in.

I was so relieved living my own life, instead of being pestered by parents and siblings...But then again, who doesn't these days? I do, however, miss my dog, Angela. She'll always be in my heart wherever I'll go...

It was a long trip from Jersey, and I knew I was going into great risks when I applied for a job faraway. But it was so worth it when I finally got my dream job! As an entry-level employee, I don't get paid as much as I'd thought. Other than that, New York's not so bad.

JOEL: Crow.

CROW: Well, wouldn't you start getting irked if someone fed you old beans?

3/17/2005

Happy St, Patty's Day! I'm not really Irish, but I do feel lucky.

I've recently met the most handsome, charming guy I could ever lay my eyes on. His name was John Myers, and he's roughly my age. He used to be an FBI agent, but he later joined the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense. When I first came to the busy city, I needed someone to help me get around, and he was the guy. He'd shown me almost everything the Big Apple had to offer, from the shortest routes to the restaurants that had the best cuisine.

He told me about his life and how he became enlisted in this new organization. From there he met some quite interesting people. First was Hellboy, who was the head honcho of the group; then there was Liz, who could turn herself into blue flames when provoked; and of course there was the shy, though admirable, Abe. He said it was harsh since he had to deal with the "strange and peculiar." I couldn't agree more since I too was the new kid, er adult, on the block.

Later on, he showed me his best leisure area, Central Park. It was very peaceful, unlike the constant traffic that you hear every second. All you could listen to is people walking by or taking their bicycles down the gravel path. Sometimes you could meet friendly dogs if you are able to stay there long enough. It was also eye-candy as you can sit on a wooden bench and just mellow out while you look across the river and view the city from afar.

JOEL: Are you a good demon, or a bad demon?

While we were there, we saw two people in a neighboring bench. One was bald, while the other was thin, had short, black hair, and was a bit of a nerd. John told me that he knew them as Ben Grimm and Reed Richards. He once heard about them in a local newspaper, but I forgot what it was about. With John, I introduced myself. Reed was quite on the timid side, like me. Though Ben was more outspoken. Then I came to realize that they first met in college, and Ben since became his personal friend and bodyguard. Just thinking of his name reminded me of the Clock Tower in London. I always wanted to visit there and see and hear the majestic clock up close. He and Reed also told me that that was the same college they met Susan and Victor. We eventually said goodbye, and John escorted me back to the apartment until he left for his new shift.

CROW: Well, the carpenter said about two weeks…

4/4/2005

Ever since John joined the Bureau, I've heard less and less from him, until recently. He said he was heading to Moscow to search for a cold-blooded killer who murdered Hellboy's father a few days ago. He went by the name of Grigori Rasputin. That name sounded weird to me, almost German-like.

TOM: No, Mr. Saotome. I expect you to die.

A few days later, I received some bad news. The good news, he was returning to New York again, and the manhunt was a success. Bad news? Liz broke up with him. He said he at first had feelings for her, but in the end she had a greater love interest for Hellboy. So I decided to invite him for dinner, so he could talk all about it. I figured it'd be better if we'd talk in person. It wasn't easy as it is, sending letters to each other from NY to Russia, and vice versa. Heck, calling wasn't even an option from that distance either.

We went to Capelli's and we talked the mission and the break up to death. In fact, it was kind of like death, for him anyway. I sympathized him that if he ever needs someone, it would be me. I had to return the favor since he helped me survive in this complex city! He also said that he was going to quit the Bureau and go back to the FBI. I assumed this was only a rumor since he was so drunk on the red wine.

4/24/2005

Well...what I was afraid was going to happen, happened. John Myers did quit the paranormal squad and was immediately drafted back to Square One. He was sort of devastated since he lost his girlfriend and his job. He was, however, glad to be back at his normal roots.

JOEL: (as father) 'Cause if not, I'm turning back right now!

5/15/2005

It took a long while to readjust to everything that's happened. I thought our lives, especially mine, were going absolutely nowhere. But it was on that fateful day I got an urgent call from Reed.

5/31/2005

My friend, Ben, has explained to me about a space mission involving how this solar radiation can fundamentally change people's DNA, save them from illness, and live longer. I'm not a big science freak so I'm not sure what it stands for. That event was supposed to take place in six weeks. He asked me if I wanted to go with him and Reed and I accepted. What can I say? I have a dead end job and my life is pretty dull, so it would be an excellent opportunity to "push my limits." I later followed Ben where Reed was giving a demonstration to Victor. I was never too fond of that guy; something about him makes me uncomfortable. I eavesdropped as I looked through a window. I met a woman with long, blonde hair who introduced herself as Susan Storm. She said that her younger brother, Johnny, is piloting the ship, which made Ben a little jealous. I started packing for the week in space. I was very thrilled about this!

7/12/2005

The day had finally arrived! I met Johnny before the big day; he seemed very cocky and he loved being the center of attention. At the shuttle Sue gave us these weird spacesuits and she said that Victor made them. When I looked at the tag, it said S. I told them a million times to make a medium! I was completely outraged, but I tried it on anyway. It was a tight snug, but it still fitted.

The journey was exhilarating! It was way cooler than the Mission to Mars ride at Epcott. I went there when I was a kid. I saw the Von Doom Space Station floating in the very reaches of space. We went inside and I immediately took out my Fujifilm camera and snapped some pictures. They would look great for the newspapers and mags back on Earth! I wasn't sure what to do when I got there, but I sure wasn't going to leisure around. I was too excited to settle down, then Reed offered me to help him. I accepted. We found what looked like a silver ring, but he said it was a broken gasket. I stated that he should give it to someone he loves very much, since it looked more like an engagement ring. But before I could finish, we saw a stunning sight. There was a lot of radiant energy heading our way. We rushed to Sue and Victor in the bridge. Reed said that the storm came sooner than expected! I grabbed my luggage and looked for an escape pod, which I forgot where it was! I kept yelling their names but I couldn't find them. You wouldn't realize how panicked I was as I kept running around like a fool! Finally I found one. I dropped my bags, closed and locked the door, and strapped myself in. I waited for it to pass but it was breaking in. I tried to hold it back with the door, then it knocked me back and everything went blank.

-2005

I woke up by a white light. When my eyes cleared it was only the flourescent lights overhead. I didn't see any of my friends; were they worried about me? A nurse watched me as I came to and she explained my situation. According to the MRI, there was an enormous hole at the center of my brain. She was glad that I was still alive after I was hit by the radiation storm. I didn't know what the nurse was talking about. I asked if my friends were okay but she said they left. There was only one place they could've gone to, the Baxter Building. I was going there after I delivered the brain scans to my neurologist who was in New Jersey.

TOM: Oh. There you are.

7/19/2005

I went to my apartment to take my bike. The only route to get there was over the Brooklyn Bridge but it was packed by massive traffic. I remember rolling my eyes. "Give me a break..."

To make matters worse, my bike fell apart. I then saw a humongous being made of stone rescuing a person who tried to commit suicide. Who was that guy? As I got closer to the scene I saw Reed looking for Ben. A fire truck was about to fall off the bridge but the stone man used his strength to prevent it. A firefighter was hanging on for dear life then he dropped and I couldn't believe my eyes! Reed extended his arms and grabbed the person as he brought him back up. Everyone was cheering for them and then I saw the blonde girl and her brother again. Of course I didn't recognize them at first because of the amnesia. Reed called me over and he re-introduced me to his comrades. I realized that the guy made of stone was Ben; I should've known because of the baldness. Then I saw numerous newsbreaks about him and the others, and from that moment on, they were known as the Fantastic Four. I was so proud, but also sorry for Ben since Babs dumped him as he showed me his engagement ring. Which was almost the same size as an ant in his huge palm.

A few hours later we arrived at the Baxter Building. There were a lot of huge crowds cheering for us, or rather for them. I ignored the fiasco. We were in an elevator and because of Ben's weight, we couldn't go up. So I went with him up the stairs. He said we were going to Reed's laboratory a few stories up. Upon the way, I told him that it wasn't his fault that Babs broke up with him. It was her problem because she shouldn't judge a book by its cover. If she truly loved him, then she shouldn't be so frightened of his appearance. I also told him about Mary Sheily's Frankenstein as an example.

Suddenly, I saw the lights flicker and I heard someone screaming upstairs. Even though I was a few feet away, it sounded like it was right in my ear! We went inside and I realized that it was Victor demanding Reed for a cure of the "symptoms" from the storm. I couldn't believe how huge this room was! Normally labs would be in a small cramped space.

JOEL: I have just the thing (turns to a nearby bush and plucks a bunch of berries with the end of his mouth) Sweet bubbles!

One of the experiments Reed used was on Johnny. He had the ability to turn himself into flames. He rumored that he could also fly, which I doubted. He was in a large heat-resistant box and the fire was growing out of control! Reed pressed a button as jets of foam extinguished the flames. He looked funny after he was covered in them! Sue said that he reached...100 Kelvin? Something like that; it was the same temp as the sun. And Reed concluded that he could destroy everything in the planet as he reached supernova!

I saw Ben getting his reflexes checked with a hammer, he didn't quite feel anything. Then his leg shot out and knocked an object clear across the room as he was hit by a pole. I then saw his body being scanned and Reed stated that his body was as hard as a rock, even his insides! Next I saw Sue getting examined. She had the ability to turn invisible and form force fields. Reed said that it was based on her emotions, whether it's shyness or anger. Then it finally came down to me.

I showed him my MRIs and he was astonished that I was still alive. I told him that the nurse said I have amnesia, but after my examinations were complete, he stated that I have telepathy and telekinesis! I was flabbergasted! I didn't even use my powers...yet. As he left for a few minutes, it seemed I had a hallucination. Victor was being examined too in a hospital and his bones were turning into metal. The doc was worried and wanted to stop the spreading, but he was killed by electricity coming from his fingers. I shook my head and denied myself that it wasn't real.

CROW: (laughs at the sight of her own reflection, before greedily gobbling the three bright red berries)

JOEL: CROW!

CROW: -ramen. Stop jumping the gun, Joel!

During dinner the team and I gathered together to listen to Reed's plan. He wanted to build a machine that can generate the power of the cosmic storm. That way, it could reverse our symptoms and turn us back to normal. I wanted to turn back because I was worried about my powers. What if they go off spontaneously as I go to my job? But Reed said that I should stay until he gets the machine built and tested. He also stated that the effects could even kill us if not done right. Ben started to get more irritated. Apparently he was the reason that Reed was so desperate. Sue said that we would stay for awhile until everything is under control. I called my boss and told her everything that's happened. She said she can find a replacement until I "feel better." What a sour note.

That night I had a nightmare of a hooded figure who was on another hunt. This time he killed a guy named Ned as he electrocuted him with his bolts from his fingers. It took place in a dark garage. To me, each dream was more real than the last. I was getting very scared. The sooner I turn back to my normal self, the better.

JOEL: (holds Crow closer as she falls asleep) Sleep well young one.

7/20/2005

I remembered helping Reed look for some missing tools as I passed a gigantic robot. It's eyes started to glow and I felt its presence. The hairs at the back of my neck stood up and I looked behind me. Somehow it was activated and it started to attack me. Reed said that he would distract it while I look for a switch on his back to deactivate it. Sure enough I found it, but before I could even touch it, it shut down and collapsed with a thud. He said that I used my telekinesis to make it work and make it inactive. I was so relieved and came to accept that he was right after all.

I was looking for something to do and I found the television blaring. It was one of those X-game competitions and I remembered that Johnny was an "andrenaline junkie." As I watched, he took off his outfit and revealed his spacesuit which had the number 4 on it! My jaw dropped and I rushed to warn Reed but Ben noticed it too. He was really mad at this. Soon enough, they came and saw what he'd done, goofing off with his powers. I listened to him giving us names like Mr. Fantastic, or Egghead; The Invisible Girl...er Woman; The Human Torch; and the most annoying ones like The Thing and Psycho. We all wanted to go and give a piece of our minds and knock some sense into him as Ben would love to do.

When we got there I tried to stop Ben crumbling up his car into a metal ball of rubble. Johnny confronted him and they got into a big fight. Sue and I separated them and Ben stormed off. We both followed and reasoned with him that Reed was trying his best to fix the problem, all we needed was a little time. Apparently time was something that Ben didn't have. We had no idea where he went since then.

TOM: Sharpteeth! No!

I couldn't sleep that night; I kept worrying about Ben and my powers. I even broke a lot of glasses as I tried to use my telekinesis to bring them to me. I had another nightmare about the hooded figure killing more people. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to tell Reed what's happening. Something was out there that must be stopped. The lights flickered and I thought it was him, but it wasn't. Reed was testing the machine on some samples in tubes. I watched and told him what was happening. He said that I shouldn't worry about my nightmares and I tried to convince him otherwise. I left sadly and sat and sulked. After about an hour I heard some clanking noises. Ben returned and he was madder than ever. Sue and I told him to stop fighting Reed and Ben left again as he said that we were on our own and that he's no longer our bodyguard. I was devastated. I told Sue about my troubles and we found Reed testing himself with the machine. He didn't look so good after that.

Before I slept the lights flickered once again, this time it was coming from across the street. There was a building similar to the Baxter Building but with a big V on it, and I knew it was Victor's place. At the top, lights were flashing as I saw a machine similar to Reed's. At that moment I knew everything. Victor was the mysterious hooded figure killing everyone with electricity. And I believed that he made the trip and the miscalculations so the cosmic energy could kill us and make him some kind of a demigod. I was right as I saw Reed tumble down the building after Victor attacked him. I frantically went to Sue and we headed there. We found Ben who was in his normal self again. Johnny came in too and according to Ben, Reed was captured by Victor. I told them all of my facts that I put together. They agreed. Just then I saw a missile heading straight for us, but then I realized it was after Johnny. I heard him shout "Flame on!" as he engulfed himself in flames, and flew away! He was right about being able to fly! Sue wanted me to stay with Ben and he decided to go back into the machine and turn himself back. He was hesitant but he wanted to help us defeat Victor. I agreed and he went for it.

CROW: What? Sharpteeth? Where?

I sensed that Sue and Reed were in peril so Ben crashed through the wall and I followed. "It's clobbering time!" he said. And he punched Victor toward a wall as it collapsed on top of him. It was amazing of what he could do in his current form! He smashed the ice tubes and Sue and I saw Victor close in on him, knocking him out of the window as they fell into a pool of water. It didn't hold their weight and they continued to fall further down. I couldn't take the suspense so I went outside the window as I saw a scaffold to the right. I tried to tread on the skinny frame without falling as I slowly stepped to it. At about five minutes I reached it and pressed a button which lowered it. Slowly it descended and it got stuck on the tenth floor. I jumped out as it fell and grabbed another frame from another story. My grip didn't hold for long and I fell on top of a green roof that was made by some thick material, almost like leather from one of those shopping roofs. I landed on my bottom and began to step down from it onto the street below. I looked right and saw Ben tossing a car at Victor. I ran to help him but I was stopped when someone grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back. It was Reed and Sue was right behind him! I hollered that Ben needed help, and they said only the both of them could do it. He said that I should keep the people safe while they defeat Von Doom. I lead everyone to safety, some poeple were rushing into a nearby building to cover themselves. Johnny reunited with the trio. Doom was gathering electricity and I told everyone to get down and take cover. Then I saw Johnny's supernova and Sue trying to hold it. I decided to help by using my telekinesis until he burst out of the funnel. Victor was glowing bright from the heat and then I heard Reed talk about Chemistry 10.101. Ben opened a hydrant and Reed guided the ice cold water toward the villian until he became frozen! I was astounded of what they can do as a team!

At that moment I remembered what happened at the Brooklyn Bridge, but I still couldn't remember the space incident. Instead of cheering for them I walked away. The team noticed me but I kept going. They were the Fantastic Four after all, not the Fantastic Five. I kept walking until a taxi stopped me. It honked and the driver offered me a free ride. I accepted and I told him to take me to Central Park. It was my favorite place to relax at whenever I felt down, such as now. I held back my tears and I spent almost an hour before I headed back to the Baxter Building to get my belongings. I went to my apartment and I cried myself to sleep. It was a horrible night.

7/21/2005

The next morning I woke up feeling completely drained. I felt like I never wanted to wake up, but I still had work so I reluctantly dragged my feet there. I didn't care what Reed said; he was the leader of that pathetic group anyway. And everyone, like Johnny, were embracing their new-found skills. So I decided to take my own chances. I didn't have a pleasant time at the office either. Everything the staff was making was about the superhero quartet. The worst part was, in all the papers and mags, I wasn't in ANY of them. I saved everyone while the four were battling Victor, so I should have at least some recognition. Unfortunately I got nothing.

I felt depressed when I left. I called John Myers so that I could talk to him about my issues, almost the same way how he relieved his. So we stopped at Capelli's again. It was sort of like a tradition for us. Savoring delicious Italian food while discussing our bad days. It sort of helped since I was devouring a hefty meal while talking to a good friend...Unfortunately, he was the only person I could trust. Reed and the others could just live their glorious lives without me. (sarcasm)

TOM: Come! We must run!

JOEL: (wakes up and cries out)

Unfortunately, since the city was in full throttle of the team, John's job was downgraded. Since the heroes were taking almost everything the NYPD and the fire department could do, emphasis on Johnny, he was reassigned to the private sector. I tried to reason with him that compared to his last job, at least he had more freedom and flexibility. He seemed a bit relieved about that fact. It was like a per diem thing. But then he said it got dull after awhile. Now we were both unhappy. We didn't finish our meals, and they just laid on our plates getting colder and colder. We didn't even ask the waiter to box them up.

I didn't have the mood nor the energy to change into my night clothes. So I flopped on top of the bed and let sleep take over me. That's all I ever wanted to do, since I felt I had no purpose in life. But then the phone rang; I refused to answer it. What was more punishing was that I heard Sue on my answering machine. She wanted me to come back to the team; I was like why since I was never in any of the headlines and such? I should've been since I saved all the citizens from Victor instead of fighting him directly. Then she changed the subject. She said that tomorrow night, there's going to be a cruise in honor of the Fantastic Four, and she wanted to invite me over! I was at first skeptical, but then I felt my face light up. It sounds like the team does care after all, instead of just stealing the spotlight.

7/22/2005

According to the message, Sue said that the ship would be at the Hudson Pier at 8:00 PM. The good news was, I was off work on that day. It has nothing to do with my jealousy or poor performance of any kind, so shut up! Anyways, since I was off, it gave me extra time to find something fashionable for the occasion. As you may not know, I'm not the kind of person that wears formal clothing very often. I'm usually very casual, so searching for something simple, like a dress, can be pretty challenging.

TOM: Damn. Another good idea down the tubes.

CROW: I—I'm sorry

JOEL: So why didn't you mention it?

CROW: I didn't think you'd care.

Nevertheless, I found a sleek, black dress (a freakin' medium!) that fitted me perfectly. I asked John Meyers to take me to the pier because...well, what can I say? I didn't have the directions for it. Plus he didn't mind, and it was way easier than taking a cab. It took almost thirty minutes to get there, and I arrived at a quarter ot eight. I also convinced him to come along, but he refused. He said that cruises aren't his cups of java. If anything, he'd take planes instead. I waved goodbye and I waited for the cavalry. Ten minutes later, they showed up. I took a sigh of relief since I saw them in decent outfits, rather than their uniforms.

It was everything I expected. There was a DJ, a huge buffet with a small bar, the room wasn't too crowded, and there was a massive deck if anyone decided to get some air. I reunited with Reed and the others, with a new guest. Ben introduced me to Alicia Winters. She was black, beautiful, very accepting with Ben's appearance, and...she was blind! I instantly loved her; she has a calm demeanor, and she's really into art. Kind of like me since I do photography an scrapbooking. But she particularly likes sculpting; she's kind of like Stevie Wonder but not with music. But most of all, she understands how people are different, especially Ben. In fact, thanks to her, that was why he wanted to stay as he is and still be a part of the team.

When Reed and Sue left, I looked out toward the deck. With my telepathy, I heard them talking from a distance. Then something amazing happened. Reed actually knelt and proposed to Sue. I saw her turn invisible, beside her clothes, out of nervousness and some joy as well. I somehow knew that she would eventually accept Reed as her man, unlike Victor whom she used to admire. It was a great choice on her part, and we cheered for them. Just then Johnny broke us up and took off in flames again, but this time, he was making our team logo. It was awe-inspiring, I just couldn't resist to take a picture!

CROW: It's not like that's a tough group to ID, y'know.

Everyone settled, but not me. I actually announced to everyone of Reed and Sue's official engagement, and I did two songs as a tribute. Johnny was amazed that I could sing very well. I said it was nothing, just a little skill. I, too, was shocked how it was that good. Four hours later, we were back to base. We said good night and Reed offered me to be a part of the team...but under the condition that I'd be trained first.

JOEL: Shhh…its okay dear (holds Ruby closer, she calms down)

The city was bustling with activity and anticipation of the most tremendous event in history. My best friends, Reed and Sue, will finally tie the knot! That is, if they tie the knot...

TOM: Quick…I'll take her!

You see, according to Sue who called me earlier today, they have been postponing it for every little thing that went wrong, and recently, they did it a third time which should've been the charm. They, along with Johnny, Ben, and Alicia, are stuck at an airport. Heh, I guess when you're the bride-to-be and the main hostess, it can get anyone's brows in a furrow. So she decided to have the ceremony here in the Big Apple instead.

On top of that, reports are going around there has been some unusual phenomenon affecting the whole planet: from snow in Egypt, to Japan's dried-up bay, to numerous blackouts. The newscasters were flabbergasted, and they can't figure out what's causing everything to shut down...even electricity. One even said, "the hand of God is at work." But, if anyone could analyze and prevent this disaster, it has to be Reed.

I was concerned and nervous, hoping my friends will make it in one piece. Then, as if my boss was reading my mind, I suddenly got the call. They've landed.

I had her permission to leave early and I immediately rode my bike to the Baxter Building. I can finally receive my RVSP. At the receptionist's desk, I checked off yes and I brought it up to Reed's lab, via the special elevator.

Through my telepathy, like many times before, I heard the groom-to-be discussing plans with Johnny. He also said that these strange causes were done by cosmic radiation, not the type that gave us our powers, though. I wondered what it could be until the Human Torch switched the subject to a bachelor's party.

This was a terrible idea as I've said directly, "Dancers that are exotic, are often hypnotic." Which was true. I greeted them and he left me with the lucky man. I gave him the invite and I had some good news:

John Myers has been invited to the wedding, but he regretted to say he'll be in charge with the security, which means he'll miss out on the action. I was disappointed, but grateful. I, on the other hand, am going to be a flower girl, along with a five-year old. Because I wasn't of age yet, I might as well bite the bullet.

JOEL: You won't make a meal out of me, or my daughter!

On the night before the big event, I remember practicing with Suri how to walk down the aisle and throw flowers. Of course, we were only using a small basket and scraps of paper. Thank goodness I saw Father of the Bride, which had prepared me how to do it.

Right together, left together, right together, left. I kept repeating the process to myself like a mantra.

Then I got a pang of edginess. While I was stuck here, the guys are having the time of their lives at a nightclub of some sort. Damn, I wish I could be there...

CROW: Et cetera, et cetera, and so forth!

John showed and said he'll see me tomorrow and I began to hesitate as I heard and saw the men jamming to some catchy tune. In order to see and hear what I have, I let him lay a hand on my head:

JOEL:Hah!

We had visions of Reed stretching out and showing off with a lot of women, while Johnny and Ben sat back and watched. Like the fire shard said, he does know how to loosen up. Then, the dance screeched to a halt as Sue along with a black military officer and a blondie showed up. Apparently, they had some very serious business to take care of. And he went by the name of General Hager and Army Captain Frankie.

We were taken to a back room and were told that their spy satellites have picked up some kind of comet. Of course, Ben, being the brainiac said the tail is all wrong. It's as if it's giving off its own energy. I was very curious as to who or what are we dealing with.

The general asked the leader to make some kind of probe that'll track it. But he had other plans, as he said he didn't have time 'cause of tomorrow's wedding. We were relieved and he suggested a replacement but that rigid right-hand man gave him the cold shoulder.

However, the machine was still being built and he made us promise not to alarm Sue about it. We all agreed unanimously and we really have a big day tomorrow!

6/16/2007

Ah, yes! Today is the day!

I got up at around 9 am. And since the RSVP said the ceremony will start at 10, and because the traffic was so heavy, I had to skedaddle. I was wearing a medium white dress which always glistened whenever I moved, along with a pair of white slip-ons with pretty pink bows attached to them. I thought the outfit was nice even though it was pricey.

TOM: *SNAP* Oops…

By the time I was ready, I saw a black Sedan park in front of my second-story window. John drove to the Baxter Building wearing a spiffy tux. We entered the registration desk but before we handed in our invitations, we saw an old man who was desperate to get in. He was wearing sunglasses and a tux, and had a balding head with short white hair and mustache. I think his name was Stanley, or Stan Lee...I dunno, but we did feel sorry for the guy.

We left the long line and went our separate ways. I met up with Reed who was still building the enormous sensor and, of course, the general kept dogging him about it. Ben and I were waiting until he made the final adjustments on his tablet. He murmured a little bit of "Here Comes the Bride," and I was about to add a hilarious joke, but the geek was ready. Then, his body became limp as it began to deflate like a balloon while we carried him out. I guess he must've had cold feet.

I saw Suri again and we both did a quick dress rehearsal. I'm certain we'd both get the routine done perfectly. Finally, we were at the back of the line, as Canon in D started to play from a live band. We did exactly what we trained to do as we walked down the aisle and littered it with dry irises. Reed was waiting patiently for Sue and Johnny, though the man of honor was a tad bit emotional. And the sight of the reverend was weird: he had red, fuzzy hair; thick, dark glasses; and he sounded nerdy.

As he spoke, a damn helicopter interrupted as a pilot congratulated the couple. He should be watching the wedding, not ruin it. Then he started a second time and the groom's tablet went crazy. Suddenly, I got nervous 'cause the alien threat was heading straight toward us! Then, I started to feel light-headed. It was as if my brain stopped working. I got really dizzy and held my weak head, hoping the sensation would pass. But it just kept getting worse as everything became blurry. I couldn't hear anything, then at the last moment, I saw a comet zoom across the sky; however, it was several feet over us. And then everything went blank.

CROW: Earthshake!

When I came to I felt strong hands on my shoulders. I was lying on the couch and John was watching over me with a worried look. He asked if I was okay, I only wondered what happened, and why did that comet make me pass out. He didn't know but the courtyard was in shambles. Thank goodness no one was hurt, but Johnny took off after it. Actually, he corrected, he just came back, but he was very groggy. He said I was out for nearly six hours.

I slowly sat up and for a minute, I felt as if Reed's recreation room was spinning. When my cranium felt like it wasn't stuck in a tornado funnel, John explained:

TOM: It's okay, It's alright.

He said a helicopter was malfunctioning and the tail propeller destroyed everything in its wake. Ben had to break it off just as soon as it was heading toward Alicia. Myers was escorting everyone to safety as they ran back from the courtyard, but Reed, Sue, and Johnny were left. Then he pursued when that comet passed us.

According to him, he had some difficulty using his powers on his way back. He mentioned he saw a "silver surfer," a being with a lustrous body riding an actual board made of the same material. He figured it was the one responsible for all this mayhem, including those global disturbances. But he never had a chance to meet it as it somewhat made his abilities weaker and more sporadic.

JOEL: I know

What the hell did that thing want!? And why did he, or it, wanted to destroy us? What did we do to deserve this?!

I was washing my face down with cool water, trying to clear my head more. Then I heard some woman screeching for help and I rushed to the tall window, I looked down and I saw Sue's body completely covered in flames, and she was uncontrollably hovering in the air! Johnny, on the other hand, turned invisible. How was this possible?

I twisted the handle to open the window using my telekinesis, and I heard the spectators below mock her. Reed was no help either, so I hurriedly returned to the bathroom, found a rusty pail at the bottom of a nearby closet, and filled it with cold water in a shower. I ran back and immediately dumped the water on top of Sue's body which thankfully extinguished the flames. But it did leave her soaked for a couple moments. I immediately turned away from that horrible image of her bare, wet body. Yeek! Then she touched Johnny's body, and cameras took their shots before she disappeared.

I was so humiliated. I couldn't imagine how she must've felt during and after that catastrophe...

CROW: We're not supposed to. Nobody's supposed to.

I'm not sure how touching Johnny's body could make us switch their abilities, so once again we went to Reed's laboratory to find out.

Mr. Fantastic was doing some tests on Johnny. According to him, he said that his encounter with the surfer has altered his body molecules; they're in constant flux. We weren't sure what that meant until-

Ben touched him and he was ecstatic that he looked normal again, something that hasn't happened in over two years! But, he was actually able to conjure fire, while Johnny on the other hand...was covered in thick stone head to toe!

JOEL: Some in rags and some in tags and some in velvet gowns.

Myers and I cracked up at his reaction! But the fun was short-lived when he decided to switch back, leaving Ben disappointed. So, now it all made sense. It reminded me of the radiation the alien gave off; it was similar to the one that gave us our powers, but rather it alters us in a strange way. We should never touch Johnny's body, just stay away from him until we could somehow change him back. Maybe after the surfer is destroyed, before it could wreak our planet apart.

6/17/2007
I really felt sorry of what Johnny went through. Avoiding contact with him was even worse than any alien encounter; it kind of reminded me of Rogue for some odd reason. But that doesn't mean I can't at least talk with him.

Then we overheard the so-called couple discussing about Sue's desperation of having a normal life. That really irked us because it would mean that we have to split up. And to make matters worse, Reed was agreeing with her. He wants to move out of the Baxter Building leaving Johnny, Ben, and I in the dust, and we'd be perfectly fine without them when all this is done with.

Outraged, we talked with Ben and Alicia. The good thing was that he was on our side, but she actually wanted us to accept that! How messed up is that?! They could've told us to our faces rather than abandon us behind our #%^&**(* backs! So, what the hell are we now, the Terrific Trio or something!?

Just then, the conniving know-it-all showed up. We visited his lab again and he was talking about the planets the surfer dude wrecked. Some were broken and shattered, while others were obliterating into space dust! Everywhere he goes, a planet gradually erases from existence within eight days. Then he showed us the craters that bastard made. So far, it made two of 'em and they're appearing in numerical order. The last one was made in Greenland while this one is currently being formed at some kind of latitude and longitude. Put it all together and the third crater is taking shape in...London?!

That was the place I've been wanting to visit! I remember fantasizing about it when I was younger, seeing and hearing the Clock Tower chime, riding the Millennium Eye. Only this time, I wasn't gonna be there for sightseeing. We have a mission to do, separated or not. I just can't wait to tear the Silver Surfer a brand new one!

Soon, our world will be completely destroyed, along with my cherished place. This is like the freaking Apocalypse, man! It also reminded of how another intergalactic demolisher, Frieza, can do the same thing in an instant in Vegeta, or slow it down to a couple weeks in Namek. This was real, I remembered going nearly berserk! Thankfully, Myers was there for me while the rest of my friends were shouting their goddamn heads off at each other!

TOM: 'Too bad', doesn't begin to cover this thing.

Before I forgot, I almost instantly set up my stopwatch for the seven-day time limit, and we were off about a couple minutes later.

6/18/2007
(6 days, 22 hours remaining)

It was a long-ass ride when we were in a military chopper from NY to the UK. And it was just unbearable 'cause a) The team wouldn't shut the hell up about their bickering, and b) GI Jerk is there with us! It was a painful experience, until five hours later, we arrived at last.

What we saw was horrifying! The River Thames was draining into the massive crater. It was probably the same size as a football stadium, maybe two! Then the shockwave hit the Ferris wheel, and it started to topple over. We all headed out and we got to work.

The Wheel was split into two parts. Reed was stretching all around the Eye to keep it intact. Sue used her force fields to keep it from falling into the bay. I helped her with my telekinesis. Ben was lifting the second piece to the Eye. And Johnny immediately soared toward the Surfer as soon as we saw it!

Reed pleaded him to stay put, but instead, by touching him, they switched powers again! The Ferris wheel started to collapse and Sue and I had a difficult time! Then, Flaming Fantastic used the fire to make the second part attach to the center of the Eye. Sure enough, as Ben did the rest, the magnificent ride was normal again.

Reed switched back and told him to stay away from us, or else he'd get us killed. We saved the people from the Eye, but we could never have believed what we saw next...

The River was all dried up, leaving behind numerous sea-life carcasses and an excruciating stench! The ground looked almost as grey as...what a brain could look like! All we saw was the damage along with that colossal crater that could go as far as the Earth's core! It was almost like something straight out of a horror movie! The hole was almost trying to mock us, saying that we have failed. Which...we did.

(15 hours remaining)

We were at a military base and that GI Jackoff wouldn't stop bashing us about our failure to catch the Surfer. I really had enough with that Obnoxious Officer, it's not even funny! Apparently, he was no longer confident in us, or what we're capable of. Which was why he enlisted someone to assist us. And that person was...

The man we've frozen over two years ago, the one that gave me endless horror through my visions, our nemesis we thought he'd never be alive again but somehow is! Victor Von Doom..!

The general wanted his help, even though he's our enemy. We were so awe-struck, but Ben wasted no time trying to suffocate the evil air out of him! Guns were drawn, and Reed reluctantly told him to let him go. How on God's green Earth could he still be alive!? He avoided the subject, and he just wanted to help out, save the world. Obviously, he was our dark ray of hope since he actually had some intel of what we were dealing with.

We went to some auditorium, and Vic the Dick demonstrated his encounter with the Surfer at Greenland, the location of the second crater. What was amazing was that he could talk, in our own language. And he knocked him back with telekinesis that could overmatch mine tenfold! I was beginning to understand why I passed out earlier.

He slowed down the footage and it turned out the energy was coming from his board. Thus, if we somehow separate him from it, we'll stand a better chance against him. Unfortunately, the rest of us will sit this one out, while the eggheads work on a device that'll do the job. We have less than a week left, so what choice do we have?

CROW: Hmm...B-O-R-I-N-G...I'm up to 68 points.

Before I lost my sanity again, I called Myers from across the pond. Yes, the call was expensive, but I didn't give a damn. I really needed to vent to someone!

6/18/2007
(5 days, 3 hours remaining)

We were at some English pub, and Johnny was still furious of the fact that we had to make a crazy alliance with Victor. In fact, he was so ticked off, he immediately extinguished a flaming dart with a cup of beer. He assured he'll pay for the damage. The guys decided to drink, but I for one didn't want to take a chance, even though the legal age here was eighteen. So I got myself a British soda, which was actually a lot sweeter than any regular soft drink, and has a decent amount of caffeine.

Aside from our anger with Victor, we were all worried of what the end of the world would be. Johnny asked that if Reed is right, even though we can't get involved with the contraption being made back in NY, he asked how would we spend our last minutes:

JOEL: Right?

TOM: How did you…how did you know that?

Ben said he'd probably go off fighting, let the rage loose. But in all hindsight, he'd rather spend his last moments holding Alicia. I couldn't blame him for a millisecond; I, too, would spend mine with Myers, with everyone, and tell my family and my dog, Angela, that I'd love them dearly.

ALL: (shiver)

CROW: Hey, throw another log on, willya?

Mr. Hot Shot just kept rambling about why Ben should be with her, as just being attractive. We forced him to "get to the point." And what he meant was, that he was glad that we finally have someone to come home to. We definitely second that as we clinked our glasses together. I finally had a glimpse of Johnny's sensible side, and from that moment on, I began to actually bond with him.

TOM: How did you…how did you know that?

6/22/2007
(48 hours remaining)

A few days have passed and all we were doing was just waiting at some British hotel with our fingers up our arses. Until we heard from Reed at the Baxter Building. He said the machine was ready, and a chopper will pick us up very soon. We'll be taken to the Black Forest in Germany, where the last crater will be located.

About the machine, the eggheads were making, it's to generate a Tachyon pulse that would separate the Surfer from his board, rendering him powerless. Four pods have to be activated in order to make it. We must stop him before he causes any more deaths and destruction. When the call ended, I updated Myers.

JOEL: Okay, who broke the pentacle?

BOTS: Not me!

Ok, sure, it was going to cost a fortune since we're contacting internationally, but I disregarded the hefty bill for the moment. I had bigger things to worry about than some minor financial woe.

(36 hours remaining)

Soon enough, we landed and reunited with our comrades, along with the Backstabbing Bastard, and the black, bossy officer; he still couldn't understand what kind of trouble he'd get us into. And...when I saw our arch nemesis, I sensed he had an ulterior motive. As if he wanted-

My reverie was interrupted by the black dog barking out orders for us to stay put, and calling us freaks. How #^&^%%$* dare he!

JOEL: Because I feel the same way.

Then he said something about Reed not attending football in high school, which he didn't. And then, he stood up to him, in a way I'll never forget: He just stayed in his classes like a good, little nerd would. But 15 years later, he's considered one of the highest minds in the 21st century, engaged to the hottest woman on the planet, and the jockey that actually played quarterback wouldn't do a damn thing unless he tells him to. So if he were in his shoes, he would treat us with more dignity and respect. As we would him considering he's a foolish, petty, gun-happy GI!

I remember admiring him greatly after that little speech, and I promised to never doubt him again no matter what happens.

So, he organized a plan: The team will be split up, and everyone will go to their assigned coordinates, while I stay in the middle. It was a way for me to use my telepathy to find the Surfer, but something was wrong. I couldn't sense his presence at all, like he's not even here. It was as if his board was creating some kind of blockage! Then Sue, via the communicators, had noted that he was here! She found him, and I ran to her and saw an incredible sight.

Standing nearly 6 feet tall, hovering on a titanium-like board, and made entirely of some metallic, lustrous body that casted our reflections, there he was. I could hardly make an accurate description of that guy! Oddly enough, he never wanted to attack, but he penetrated her force field seamlessly. She asked why he'd want to destroy our world, and he replied he doesn't have a choice.

Then Reed and the others showed up, and Sue considered him there's always a choice, but he sadly didn't budge. He also stated that he isn't the destroyer, and...for some strange reason, I actually believed him as I felt his pain.

TOM: Oh no, it's Crow in disguise!

But the army never listened as they fired a missile toward him. Then he did something really astounding! He lifted his board and it completely absorbed the incoming warhead without leaving a single blemish! Next they fired a barrage of them, and the Surfer knocked them away as if they were nothing but plastic toys. The scene was horrific, I almost forgot about the pulse being activated. Moments later, down he went. We could easily tell he was spent, since he looked so dull and lackluster. Quite literally.

He tried summoning the board back with his telekinesis, but Victor beat him to the punch. Er, shock, rather. I felt sorry for him, and apparently Sue did as well. But before I made a beep, my mouth was covered from behind and I was dragged back to a bush.

I tried screaming through his hand and he calmed me down, assuring it's only Myers and not some random rapist. Thank goodness, it was only Myers, and he wanted to drag me away as the soldiers approached and took the alien away by force. My friends were also being escorted to a nearby chopper and everyone left, not even caring about me.

I begged where they were all going, and he was like a superspy. Without detection, he found out that as soon as General Hager caught the lost soul, he'll be brought to a heavy-surveillance facility in Siberia of all places! That almost reminded me of his past mission when he was looking for Hellboy's father's assassin in Moscow. This was his second visit to the cold-hearted, Communist country! Apparently, the people wanted to brutalize the so-called-non-destroyer, or so he claimed to be.

Myers has persuaded me to go with him to Siberia using his own helicopter with a few of his fellow FBI agents. I felt a sigh of relief. We actually waited about thirty minutes, and it was time for lift off.

JOEL: Crow?

(30 hours remaining)

We were nearing Siberia as I got dressed in the lavatory. I could tell because I felt a slight, sharp pang of frigid air. I was wearing a pair of boots which reminded me of feet from an Albino rhino, two thick, woolen scarves, two winter caps, and two enormous coats. Luckily, there was a heating patch underneath them, so it made me a little more comfortable.

I eventually emerged and the snow made it barely visible. Thankfully we landed without crashing, as we were a few yards away from the facility. The agents wished us luck as Myers and I left the cockpit. The environment was so cold, I could barely feel my poor, numb hands!

Eventually we reached the prison as we dodged searchlights ducking behind snow dunes and miscellaneous junk. Then our next obstacle was shutting up those goddamn snarling dogs. I tried to think of a plan when all of a sudden...they all fell asleep. We couldn't believe what the hell just happened! I was very impressed! Maybe while I was staring up at them, and when I was thinking of how to get past them, I guess hypnosis entered my mind causing them to fall down, I dunno. Either way, it was amazing!

While we leaned up against a brick wall, Myers felt soothing, warm air. He said I could fit in the vent after I unscrew it; no problem with my telekinesis. I climbed in and it was a good thing I'm not a claustrophobic. Though I was a tad nervous of the possibility I could catch asbestos.

Through my telepathy, I heard people talk about various things, but nothing about my friends' or the Surfer's fate. However, I did see through a vent, the alien was standing up, strapped. A scientist was holding a syringe, and Holier-Than-Thou Hager was with him. But the important thing was my comrades, so I pressed on until a vent collapsed underneath from my body weight. Thank goodness there was a full laundry bin of sheets to break my fall.

I couldn't see anything until a sheet was removed from my face. It was Sue, they were here! Johnny asked why the weird disguise, but I didn't want to talk about it. We don't have a lot of time, and the army trapped us in here like rats. Reed said they didn't want us to interfere with their methods. Of course, someone has to talk with the mysterious life form and find out what the hell is going on.

Sue volunteered as she ventured to the hostile room, using her invisibility, while Johnny asked if there's some form of entertainment since they'll be here for a long time. A guard said yes, as she slipped away. I used my telepathy to overhear her conversation with him. It was very clear. Luckily, the guys left, and Sue asked who the Destroyer was. He was a servant of something, and then she persuaded him to explain everything in order for us to help him.

CROW: Hey... I think we actually just passed a kinda cool sequence!

ALL: (applaud)

TOM: Maybe there's hope for this fic after all!

Suddenly, the eyes were gone and she could move again.

TOM: Yes?

Then he described a planet eater, known as Galactus, a devourer of worlds. In order to survive, it has to feed on a planet's own energy, both thermal and organic. Sue was shocked on how he serves it without going &(*%$^( mad! Apparently he has to in order to save his people and his loved one from utter annihilation. Then she asked why he protected her from the missile. Of course, Johnny was right mentioning to him she was cute, as he said she reminds him of the one he cherishes. I wonder if she does look like her, and what she's capable of, and what their' threatened planet's like, what his real name is...

JOEL: Meanwhile, on the set of the Batman TV show.

My mind started to wander until I heard that the board is responsible for drawing Galactus to our world. In deep space, it follows that beacon coming from it. Now that we've gotten all the pieces to the puzzle, she came back and we discussed everything. Johnny wondered how on Earth we could deal with a planet eater. Reed suggested we should bring the board back to the Surfer since he's willing to save us, but we must hurry since we have about 24 hours left.

(5 hours remaining)

I became very agitated as I watched the countdown. We have nearly 5 hours 'til Galactus scoffs down our world while we're still imprisoned. God only knows what Victor was plotting; whatever it was, it isn't good as I had a familiar sensation. Lights began to flicker and I had a buzz coursing through my body. It was a sign that he was storing up energy. Then, as Ben met up with the guard outside, my head felt like it was gonna explode! It was almost the same pain I had during the wedding, when I had an excruciating, sudden headache, and intense disorientation.

TOM: Don't think, Don't be scared.

CROW: So who'll get that?

We just had to get outta here, and when I started to lose myself, I gave the guard a neck pinch. It wasn't like the one Spock does, but as I did it, my head cleared. I suppose I was transferring my pain to him, which as a result, he collapsed a few seconds later. We immediately stormed out, free at last! But debris was flying toward us! We scattered and hit the floor, then everything went quiet despite the alarms going off. Ben was crushed by a huge chunk of rock next to a wall behind us, but he was unharmed. Unexpectedly so was Reed. He inflated himself and we saw the damage.

CROW: Well, it wouldn't be much of a MSTing if we didn't!

Everything was in shambles, and all the army members had their bodies completely mangled, especially Hager's. Good goddamn riddance, but we still need to get the board back. It's quite obvious that Victor wanted the board because he was so power-hungry! How were we going to catch up to him? Thankfully, Reed had an idea as his fingers typed so fast on a tablet of some sort.

We incapacitated more soldiers in our path and released the Surfer. I couldn't forget Ben commenting him that this must be the "luckiest day of your life." Double that!

Just then we met up with Frankie, the Army Captain I saw several days ago. She was demanding what happened with a gun pointing at us! General Hager's dead, and if we don't get out soon, we'll all die too. Then Johnny stepped in and begged her to let us pass as the world is literally hanging in the balance, and that she should trust us. Lo and behold Myers returned and gave the short scoop: as we have an ally who'd assist and keep us safe from Galactus. We're all superheroes, and we don't have the time for 20 questions. Three FBI agents are at the ready, so let us through, or else.

It was then when we headed toward the top of the roof where Reed's vehicle landed. He called it the FantastiCar, which was a decent name since it had four dome-shaped windows, and the exterior is light grey and flat. Ben and Johnny started to fight over who should fly it, and I whistled and gave the ultimatum. If Reed built it, he flies it. I was exhilarated that he could do both! So the nerd took the cockpit, Ben sat at the rear, Sue was with the Surfer, and I sat beside them. Johnny ignited himself, and we were on the pursuit for Victor.

(1 hour remaining)

It was down to the wire as we were searching for the diabolical Doom. And Ben started to rant of our situation:

We're officially enemies of the U.S. (since it's valuable army was killed), Victor's somewhere out there who's nearly invincible (cause he has the board), and we have a giant, interstellar force that would gobble down our planet in less than an hour. He asked if he missed anything, and I replied, "No, you pretty much got everything right." Reed got the coordinates of Victor's location in Shanghai and we were on our way!

The Surfer, also known as Norrin Radd, told us his real name. But it was like he remembered it just now. Still I was amazed and I knew that he does have his own name!

TOM: No, I won't.

Out of nowhere, Victor hit us and Reed kept imploring him to give up the board as it's drawing Galactus here. Of course, he refused, then the FantastiCar split into quarters! I had my own pod with my own controls. I was very nervous as I've never, ever flew a real aircraft before! Then I realized it was almost like playing a shooter or a flight simulator, but there were no weapons. I felt very disappointed; we were only supposed to defend ourselves with our own abilities? Well...it kind of made sense.

JOEL: So who else can see the pounding Sleepy Hallow's gonna receive?

CROW: Signed…

I nearly crash-landed but thankfully my telekinesis saved me. Then I almost collided into a huge wall of water as Johnny was being tossed! I managed to catch him and Reed eventually spoke to Victor again to relieve the board. But he never listened, and whatever we did seems to have no effect. Together we closed in on him, but he didn't waver as we were being thrown around in a maelstrom! We all fell toward the busy city filled with lights and exotic symbols, but I made it out okay as my powers leveled my descent. "I guess that's why they call it 'Black Hawk Down'", I muttered.

CROW: Sealed…

I got out and amongst the panicking crowd, Sue and Norrin were where Victor wanted them. He was holding what looked like a spear made of metal, and he threw it to the alien's chest, but she instantly blocked it, penetrated her force field, and was stabbed! All of us gathered next to her, and Ben held Johnny back before he touched her. The pole fell out, and her pulse was dying down. She can't live for very long...

CROW: ...and delivered.

Then we heard a very ominous noise, like the beginning of a cyclone, only it was Galactus. To us, it was a colossal storm cloud, with beastly hands reaching toward the craters. Hesitantly, Reed came up with a solution: Victor has a gizmo linking him to his board. If it's disabled, he'll be separated. However, we cannot do it individually as he could beat us to the punch whenever we got a chance. We'd have to work together, or rather as one. The Human Torch had this crazy idea that we could merge our powers with his! It was our only hope, so we put our hands together, and he touched us. Then he lifted off with all our powers in him!

For a second I felt light-headed, but as it cleared, Ben led me to a crane, after he covered his bare chest with a red coat. He operated the control panel as we gazed upon the battle between the two demigods. It was stunning that Johnny can stretch his body, harden it, turn invisible, and conjure fire and telekinesis simultaneously! With all that effort, he detached the machine and the board with him at last. Then I gave the signal for Ben to knock Victor down using the contraption, and he just sank like a rock.

JOEL: Sweet mother of Rutherford B. Hayes! HE DIDN'T LAND IN THE WATER!

TOM: THE END IS NIGH! THE END IS NIGH!

We caught up with the duo again and I was thrilled what he did back there as we regained our abilities. However it was short-lived as we saw Sue's limp body. I felt absolutely nothing from her; it was as if she was a cold, empty shell. She was gone, and I could barely keep my tears back. He seemed almost antipathetic when he brought back his board using his telekinesis, and he climbed back on it, regaining his lustrous body. His face filled with sorrow as he touched Sue's face. He knew what he had to do, and he wanted to embrace her one last time. Then his parting words were that we should cherish every minute with her, and tell her that we do have our own choices to make.

That was the last time I ever saw the mysterious, heroic entity I used to know. God speed, Norrin!

(15 minutes remaining!)
Time was running out as Galactus gradually darkened the sky, and descended toward us. I was horrified by the sight of it, and everything around was being demolished, even the ground as it exploded in certain spots! Johnny left to assist Norrin and the time was ticking rapidly! What was he trying to do?!

CROW: The World is about to end?

As we had a mere minute left, I cowered to the ground as I had squeezed my eyes shut, and covered my head! I thought I'd pressed them so hard, blood would run out. My body was shaking immensely, as the world was coming to an end!

JOEL: It's got It! God damn you all! God damn you all to hell!

Then the next thing I knew, everything was silent. Until I was interrupted by the high-pitch beep from my watch, signaling the countdown was over. I slowly rose and we were still on Earth; we didn't die. The sky was clearing up, power was returning to the city, everyone was safe. And even Sue was alive and well! She wondered what she missed, I was pondering the same thing. Then Johnny landed and he said Norrin did it. He sacrificed himself and blew up Galactus to save our world and the one who reminded him of his lost love. That was just...valiant. It struck a cord so deep, there were no words.

It seemed that upon Norrin's death, Johnny's body was back to normal. We can touch him again without the fear of switching powers. He was his flamboyant self, although whether it was good or bad is open to interpretation. We've reunited, but Ben opened a sore wound. Since the world is saved again, we have to go our separate ways.

But that was no longer part of the agenda. If it wasn't for us, we would be going through extinction. Sue realized now that this is who we are, and what we do best! Just as Johnny and I kept saying. As for having a normal life, a family? Being an everyday person was just overrated. Hell yeah, double that!

So, Reed had a spectacular idea. To resume the wedding here, and perhaps take a few special guests with us.

6/25/2007

By Shanghai noon, literally, we were all ready for the occasion. The inhabitants didn't really mind getting themselves settled in such a short notice; they love formal celebrations like this. Thanks to some courtesy from Frankie, we were able to transport Myers, Alicia, and various other guests using her private helicopters, while we took the FantastiCar.

TOM: Man, don't you just hate those guys who insist you use their full title every time?

Even the funky reverend showed up as he said his lines. Of course, like last time, it was interrupted by Reed's tablet. He said that Venice is sinking into the Adriatic. I'm not quite sure what we should do in a time like this, but Ben said it was gonna be a doozy. So again, like last time, we hurried to the very end. Reed and Sue got their wedding rings, and the reverend gave them permission to kiss. And we rushed off.

But not before the bouquet toss, that is. I promised not to use my telekinesis and draw in the flowers toward me; I'm not quite ready to be engaged to someone yet. Even though, Johnny kept bugging me in the past that Myers happens to be my boyfriend. It was heading toward his girlfriend, though, and...he burnt it! He said it was an unexpected reflex, but it was quite ironic since he's not ready either.

We ran to the FantastiCar and Reed actually invited Myers along. It was very intriguing on how he said "Grazie!" I was happy that he now had the chance to work directly with us, not be at the sidelines. However, I wasn't completely thrilled; part of me felt lost on that night when Norrin sacrificed himself in order to save us from his master, Galactus.

That kind of willpower is what made him a true hero. And he was the one who got us through, even though we encouraged him in a way. I would look up at the night sky, and wonder whether or not the Surfer is still here, or back at his home world. Sometimes I'd even think about what his people or his loved one would do the same thing.

I no longer see the Silver Surfer as a threat anymore, almost like an anti-villain if there was such a thing. Nevertheless, I'll always remember his last-minute gallant effort. Thus, we'll just say it was the rise of the Silver Surfer. He'll always be in my heart forever, even if I have longing if he would finally return.

THE END

Joel: Perhaps we can convince him not to give the remaining parts away...
Crow: Can we go?
Tom: Yeah, let's get out of here.

[Joel picks up Tom, the three leave]

[1][2][3][4][5][6]

[Bridge of SOL]

JOEL: Do you think we made the right choice?

CROW: Of course we did… I knew he was different from the moment we found him.

TOM: But leaving him with those fast runners…

JOEL [shrugs]: He belongs with them… not with us. I can only hope that when he grows up someday, he will be something great.

CROW: Well your certainly getting better at this… maybe I'm not wasting my time.

TOM: (lustfully) How could I do wrong with you teaching me? You're the best at everything.

CROW: (caught by surprise) Well… I… ah…

TOM: Well it worked. (And she kissed him on the cheek)

CROW: (calls up) Hey you two, break it up! Some of us are trying to eat down here.

JOEL: Oh…um hi Mr. Threehorn. (waves timidly) …Sorry we just…

TOM: (yells down) Bite me hornhead!

CROW: (drops the roots in his mouth) WHAT did you say to me?

TOM: I guess your thick skull must be blocking your eyes too… deaf old fool.

JOEL: Dumb kids… (and he grabbed a grapefruit and took out his rage on it by snapping it in two)

MAGIC VOICE: How did you three mess around with the stage direction's grammar like that?

Crow: What do you think,
sirs?

[cut to Deep 13.]

Frank: of music, you do not know me?

Dr. F: You known me you do but do not I place very well ... [presses the button]

{psssssscht}

[The screen goes black}

[Roll Credits to Mighty Science Theater]

Disclaimer: MST3K and related characters/settings/situations are the
property of Best Brains Inc, however they had nothing to do with writing this up.
This mystification was done for the express purpose of entertainment,
and is not meant as a personal attack on the original author(s) in any
way.

Chapter Text

*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*

(Where applicable)

[Season 3 opening credits]

In the not-to-distant future

Next Sunday A.D.

There was a guy named Joel

Not too different from you or me

He worker at Gizmonic Institute

Just another face in a red jumpsuit

He did a good job cleaning up the place

But his bosses didn't like him so they shot him into space!

"We'll send him cheesy fanfic!

The worst we can find! (la la la)

He'll have to sit and read them all

And we'll monitor his mind!" (la la la)

Now keep in mind Joel can't control

Where the fanfics begin or end (la la la)

Because he used those special parts

To make his robot friends

Robot Roll Call (all right let's go)

Cambot! (Pan left)

Gypsy! (Hi, girl!)

Tom Servo! (What a cool guy!)

Crooooow! (Oh, wisecracker!)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes

And other science facts (la la la)

Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a MSTing

I should really just relax"

For The Mysterious Fanfiction Theater 2000!

[Instead of the Bridge of the Satellite of Love, we cut right to the Lab in Deep 13]

[Dr. Clayton Forrester was so preoccupied over Rosa's well-being, Frank left it up to the fleetmaster to decide for him. So he relied on the twins.]

DR. FORRESTER: Alright Frank, listen up! Cecil has left me in charge to make the decision on who should be the next Lord Captain of the Red Wing army. Since you both are my most entrusted colleagues, I'll leave the obligation to you guys.

FRANK: Ok, we'll do our very best!

DR. FORRESTER: If you are afraid of something..?

FRANK: Bah! No need to worry about that. He's already nerve-wrecked as it is. His job is to watch over Rosa who's about to give birth real soon.

DR. FORRESTER: Still can't sleep?

FRANK: You want to talk?

DR. FORRESTER: They're just nightmares.

[Bridge of the Satellite of Love]

[Joel, Tom, and Crow are all behind the counter]

JOEL: Good evening, sirs.

[Deep 13]

DR. FORRESTER: No...I just wish... I just wish I knew what I should do, if anything should happen to you delivering our child. That's all. I just wish we were more prepared of what's to come. I'm always afraid that perhaps-

[SOL]

JOEL: [sarcastic] That was a great sleep, Dr. F. Ahh... We should do more like these.

CROW: Yes. Indeed, we should.

[Deep 13]

DR. FORRESTER: (chuckling) Joel, I'm not like your mother. I'm a White Mage, I can take care of myself. And we have the most skilled students in the land if need any help. You may go first, Joel.

[SOL]

JOEL: I was thinking... Maybe, someday. We should probably move here instead of staying at Dampe's hut.

[He paused for a few moments and encouraged her to lean into him.]

TOM: Really? Are you sure? I mean...there isn't a lot of places to settle here, and building a house can take months to complete.

[Joel seemed thrilled about it when he looked into his eyes.]

CROW: I know. But I feel this place would be a lot more suitable for us. Or perhaps, somewhere deep within the forest.

[Deep 13]

DR. FORRESTER: Are we ready?

[SOL]

[Joel could never forget that night when they traversed through the tumultuous Water Temple toy]

JOEL: No, Dr. F. That's all in the past now. This is the time we should create a brighter future for us.

CROW: (aside) I would like that.

JOEL: Whatever you want to do, Crow, I'll be with you

TOM: What do you think, sirs?

[Deep 13]

DR. FORRESTER: (low laugh) We're already late, Joel. Move your keesters.

[When they got to the main hall, they were met by an enormous crowd: Black Mages, White Mages, Cid, and even some of the Red Wing soldiers mingled as they were discussing the preparations.]

DR. FORRESTER: What is it, Frank? Do you follow me so far, Joel?

[SOL]

JOEL: [warily] Mantine.

[Deep 13]

DR. FORRESTER: I don't know...But I feel something's not right. Stay here, I'll take a look.

[Two Treadmill Computers in purple armor blocked the entrance.]

TREADMILL COMPUTER: What business do you have with us?

[SOL]

JOEL [scratching head]: Hey, it's been so long since we've seen you.

[Deep 13]

DR. FORRESTER: Yeah, what brings you here from afar?

[SOL]

[Joel and the Bots give each other a 'this guy is a total loon' look.]

JOEL: Dr. F! We've been invited to Princess Zelda's coronation the night after tomorrow! It's finally time, Link. She will be Hyrule's queen..!

[Deep 13]

DR. FORRESTER: Glad you think so. Now for today's experiment, I've decided to shy away from giving you another film and instead am sending a fanfic. However, I'm looking for the Paladin, Frank. He must be here, with another one of its creations: Japanimation!

[SOL]

TOM: (furious) You are coming, aren't you, Dr. F?

JOEL: [to Tom] (comfortingly) Easy there Tom. [Back to camera] Of course, Dr. F. I would never miss it for the world.

CROW: [wearing navy blue top decorated with the beady collar, the maroon long sleeves, his opal tights, and shiny, jet-black boots] How do I look?

TOM:(calmed) You look splendid, just like an actual squire.

[Deep 13]

DR. FORRESTER: Ah-I think he went southeast, to the village. The fanfic this week is 'Crash and Verona: Coco's Inside Story' by xandermartin98, it's based on the comic and One day, Nitros Oxide decides to get revenge on Coco Bandicoot for the fact that she has rather-recently beaten him in a kart-racing tournament...by giving her a fatally extreme case of COVID-19 named Verona Chong. Enjoy! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Send them the fanfic, Frank.

FRANK: Never heard of him.

DR. FORRESTER: (sighs) Why do you need him?

[SOL]

TOM: (irate) By the power vested in all of Satellite of Love, you are hereby ranked from prince to king.

JOEL: Hail, King Me! Long live the King!

Bots: (calmed) Long live the King!

CROW: [intrigued] It is an honor, an opportunity, and a privilege to be addressed as Satellite of Love, just like my late mother. She would be very proud for me carrying her prestigious title, and so shall the new Royal knights as well as this entire kingdom as they bare witness. Its renovation has been strenuous and time-consuming, but we were lucky to make it all happen, thanks to all of you.

[Lights flash, buzzers buzz and pandemonium erupts.]

JOEL: IT'S MOVIE SIGN EVERYONE!

[JOEL slams random button]

TOM [as he's running]: Come forth, King.

[We cut to the opening door sequence]

[6][5][4][3][2][1]

[Inside the theatre]

[JOEL carries TOM to his seat on the left, while CROW sits to JOEL's right]

COCO'S INSIDE STORY

by XanderMartin98

(PLEASE NOTE: This story takes place in a slightly modified version of the world of Crash Bandicoot 4: It's About Time and therefore basically uses said game's character designs.)

TOM: What, did he miss the first time?

The night during which this story began (at roughly 2:45 AM, to be more precise) was rather-unimpressively one of the most quiet and peaceful ones that N. Sanity Island and its residents had ever been treated to. As Crash and Coco respectively (and fully-clothedly) slept on the floor and main television-watching couch of their house's living room in the midst of said tropical "paradise", how sweet their resulting dreams must have been was blatantly visible on their carefreely smiling faces; as for Aku-Aku, he was just-as-merrily sleeping in midair right next to Crash's television (knowing him, however, he probably was doing so as a form of meditation).

Naturally enough, however, said peace was actually rather short-lived; as the latest addition to the surprisingly large trophy collection in Crash's basement clearly proved, Coco had far-too-recently beaten Nitros Oxide in a kart-racing tournament. While most of the other villains in the Crash Bandicoot franchise probably would have reacted to such a loss in an at-least-slightly reasonable way, Nitros was (considerably) even more of a petty jerk than most of the other Crash Bandicoot villains when it came to always needing to be a better racer than everyone else.

CROW: Time to end this fic? Sure!

JOEL: No way.

"HMPH...I'm MORE than willing to bet that Coco is already peacefully and 'innocently' dreaming about how much she has utterly humiliated and defamed me as we SPEAK! Let me TELL you something, my DELICIOUSLY evil little friend; the mere EXISTENCE of someone with such utterly APPALLING audacity makes me absolutely SICK...which is EXACTLY what you and I are ALREADY about to LITERALLY make HER become as we SPEAK!" Nitros indignantly and ridiculously-theatrically whined into the main communication microphone in the main cockpit of the incredibly stereotypical UFO that he was flying directly toward Crash's home planet (Earth) as he spoke. Although Nitros rather-clearly appeared to be the only completely alive thing (let alone the only person) in the rather-disturbingly alien-blood-stained interior of said UFO, the "person" that said microphone somehow was directly connected to the brain of (while her mouth was just-as-directly connected to his UFO's main cockpit's main communication speaker) was none other than Corona-Chan...I mean, Verona Chong, a rather sexy-looking but downright-repulsively sadistic normal-human-woman-shaped virus whose deadliness as a disease was rivaled by practically nothing other than how incredibly cool-looking and useful her flight-enabling bat wings were, how shamelessly extravagant her clothing was, and how downright-insultingly blatant of an "Asian Alpha Bitch" stereotype caricature she was (not to mention how small she was; in fact, she quite-literally was microscopic).

"Oh, for CRYING out loud, WHY is this such a big freaking deal to you? You've gone from getting to call yourself 'the best racer in the galaxy' to having to call yourself 'the second best racer in the galaxy', Oxide; it's basically like me going from getting to spend thousands of dollars on my clothes to having to spend hundreds of dollars on them because my parents are stingy old meanies who think that donating to charities is somehow 'IMPORTANT' and 'MEANINGFUL'!" Verona incredibly-brattishly explained to Nitros, making several completely un-subtle sarcasm gestures with her fingers (despite the fact that she quite-literally was "just a voice that was coming out of one of his UFO's main cockpit's speakers" from said alien's point of view) as she did so.

"Oh, I'll freaking TELL you what is IMPORTANT and MEANINGFUL, you SICKENINGLY revolting WENCH; me utterly DELETING every last living creature that even DARES to call itself a better racer than THE GREAT NITROS OXIDE from EXISTENCE! Well, um...with help from YOU, of course! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA- (cough, cough, gasp) -AAAH!" Nitros maniacally and diabolically laughed, surprisingly-smartly remembering to invisibility-cloak his UFO in the process as said UFO (which had already reached Earth as he spoke) far-too-rapidly approached Crash's/Coco's aforementioned house. Meanwhile, inside the seemingly empty medicine bottle in which Nitros had imprisoned her within the almost-infinitely "bigger on the inside" front (Hammerspace) pocket of his shirt, Verona exasperatedly rolled her eyes and whispered "WHEN will this freaking guy change" to herself (while also just-as-exasperatedly flying around the inside of said bottle with her arms crossed over her chest) in response to said gloating.

"Well, as long as I get to viciously slaughter a filthy sub-human AMERICAN- I mean, ANIMAL from within his/her own PRECIOUS little internal organs in at least one of the most BEAUTIFULLY sadistic ways that I am capable of in the process, you'd better freaking BELIEVE that I'm going to make Coco CROAK-o, ya FOOL! OOHOOAHHHEHEHEHEEH!" Verona blushingly, droolingly and increasingly-excitedly laughed with utterly depraved delight as Nitros's UFO finally (and impossibly-silently) reached its destination...Crash's front yard, of course!

TOM: Yeah, I'm sure the mighty demon with over ten thousand years of experience can't adjust the path of his sword by millimeters.

"You know, I usually am MORE than willing to forgive other people and whatnot for doing and/or saying some SERIOUSLY heinous things, but that LAST thing that you just said is UNQUESTIONABLY one of THE worst puns that I have EVER heard in my ENTIRE freaking life! You should be utterly ASHAMED of yourself!" Nitros threw his arms out beside himself, rolled his eyes and aggravatedly yelled at Verona, disappointedly shaking his head back and forth as he did so.

"HMPH! You'll have PLENTY of time to criticize MY jokes after I've killed YOU from within, Mr. Here's A Little Surprise! As long as you don't mind rotting in HELL, go ahead and mock me to your heart's content!" Verona arrogantly sneered at Nitros, who understandably-fearfully shivered in response.

"Um...actually, I don't exactly HAVE a heart, you see; instead, my, uh, species has-" Nitros pointed his left index finger straight up into the air and rather-meekly began pointing out, causing Verona to very-annoyedly roll her eyes and mutter "oh, for crying out loud" to herself in response.

CROW: Be careful out there.

"Would you like to know what I do NOT have right now, Oxide? Any interest in what you are talking about right now! Now PLEASE hurry up and send me into Coco's body before it's too late!" Verona placed her hands onto her hips and increasingly-impatiently told Nitros, causing said alien to rather-reluctantly nod his head and say "at ONCE, your foulness" in response.

"Alright, now LET'S see where that insipid little 'angel' is sleeping...OH, OF COURSE! HERE!" Nitros nervously thought to himself as he invisibility-cloakedly teleported himself into Crash's/Coco's house and then just-as-nervously-and-invisibly looked around said house's living room, in which Coco indeed was soundly sleeping on the main television-watching couch while Crash was just-as-soundly sleeping on the floor (and Aku-Aku was fast-asleeply floating right next to Crash's television).

"As for YOU, Verona, here's your chance to deal some SERIOUSLY major damage to Coco's insides! Do NOT disappoint me, you nasty little SKANK!" Nitros smugly thought to himself as he pulled out the aforementioned medicine bottle in which Verona was being kept from his shirt's also-aforementioned front (Hammerspace) pocket and then incredibly-quietly opened said bottle using his hands.

"YES! FREE AT LAST! HEEYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAH!" Verona overjoyedly laughed with blatantly sadistic delight as she immediately flew straight out of said bottle and then flew straight into Coco's remarkably cute little nose from there while Nitros impressively-carefully pointed said bottle directly toward said nose.

"WOW… judging by what I've seen so far, this cuddly and blonde-haired hottie actually IS quite-literally almost as perfect on the inside as she is on the outside…" Verona gaspingly and amazedly thought to herself as she incredibly-rapidly flew all the way through Coco's shockingly clean left nostril and almost-instantly reached the fleshy, bony and rather-ironically humble abode of said bandicoot's precious award-winning brain as a result.

JOEL: (as blade) Okay, WHAT is going on here? I never saw you before yesterday, and now you keep showing up everywhere. AND NOW YOU'RE MY NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR? WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

"Go ahead and stay asleep, you adorable little big-brained angel…" Verona lovingly whispered as she lecherously stared at Coco's wrinkly, juicy and extremely powerful-looking brain for at least ten entire seconds before then playfully-gigglingly flying over to her eye sockets and finding a relievingly-tightly closed pair of eye-shaped windows in said eye sockets.

TOM: This is why you should always use a doctor-recommended saline solution.

"I sure do hope that you enjoy becoming fatally ill as you do so, sweetness…" Verona increasingly-arousedly thought to herself as she flew back into Coco's nose and then flew straight down her nasopharynx (followed by the rest of her delightfully moist and tender-looking throat) from there.

"MAN, this girl's body is such a nice place...despite the fact that I absolutely cannot believe that I'm saying this, I almost DON'T want to have to destroy it from within…" Verona regretfully thought to herself as she flew into Coco's right lung and therefore realized how refreshingly clean (most of) the air that Coco breathed actually was. Unfortunately, however, Verona's sadism fetish was so horrifically extreme that it basically caused her to have an alternate personality that absolutely NEEDED to kill everyone and everything in sight, so she stopped being/acting calm and merciful pretty quickly to say the least.

"Oh, WHO am I kidding? NONE of this 'look at how pretty this girl's insides are' JUNK is arousing enough to sate my REAL desires!" Verona irritatedly admitted to herself as she increasingly-excitedly flew around in Coco's aforementioned right lung and droolingly gazed at all of the lovely-looking and rather-extremely literal "breathing branches" that said lung contained.

CROW: (as Coco) You suck, you damn dorky hippie fanboy!

TOM: (as Verona) Do not!

"Destruction...DESTRUCTION is what REALLY makes the LIFE of a miniscule and miserable CREATURE such as ME worth LIVING! Destroy...destroy...DESTROY...LET'S DESTROY EVERYTHING!" Verona suddenly began maniacally and bloodshot-eyedly yelling and screaming as she rather-disturbingly-passionately rubbed her gorgeous red-fingernailed hands against the inner workings (in other words, the branches and inner walls) of Coco's lungs while superhumanly-rapidly flying around in said lungs.

"HEE-YAAAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAH!" Verona overjoyedly laughed as she flew back down onto the floor of Coco's right lung and then sadistically-smilingly began falling asleep in a cross-legged and incredibly smug-looking face-up position as her germs alarmingly-quickly began spreading all over Coco's lungs while she (Verona) ever-so-seductively unbuckled and removed her high heels and then began surprisingly-gently pressing her mesmerizingly beautiful but extremely stinky red-toenailed bare feet against said remarkably-comfortingly soft and squishy floor just to spread even more germs onto it (and, of course, give said feet the rest that they deserved).

MEANWHILE, BACK IN OUTER SPACE, SLIGHTLY ABOVE EARTH...

"Well, at least she clearly HAS reached her destination, I suppose…YEESH..." Nitros (who had basically-immediately re-closed the medicine bottle that he had been keeping Verona in and then very-gently inserted said bottle back into his shirt's front/Hammerspace pocket before then totally-immediately teleporting himself back into the main cockpit of his UFO for a good old-fashioned take-off while Verona was busy very-unwelcomely exploring Coco's nervous and respiratory systems) rather-nervously and downright-uncomfortable-lookingly sighed as Verona's words rather-unfortunately continued to automatically get relayed to him through his UFO's main cockpit's main communication speaker.

EIGHT-AND-A-HALF HOURS LATER, AT ROUGHLY 11:30 AM…

"HMPH! Let's see how effectively these precious little LUNGS of yours are able to defend themselves against my MORNING breath, SHALL we?" Verona suddenly woke up from the rather-adorably long and comforting nap that she had just treated herself to inside Coco's right lung (due to Nitros using his UFO's communication link to her to extremely-angrily yell "WAKE UP, YOU IDIOT" directly into her brain as his way of functioning as an alarm clock) and then immediately began ever-so-spitefully jeering as she quickly placed her high heels back onto her feet and then rather-disturbingly-merrily flew around in Coco's already-rather-thoroughly-infected lungs while forcefully blowing an almost-uncontainably massive amount of horribly rancid and toxic "germ gas" into said lungs using her weirdly clean-looking mouth. Needless to say, the effect that said completely-harmless-to-Verona action had on Coco herself was rather unpleasant to say the least.

"CRASH! PLEASE WAKE UP, YOU CRAZY FOOL!" Aku-Aku frustratedly yelled at Crash while Coco was busy chokingly, coughingly and gaspingly rolling and writhing on the floor of her own house's living room due to how devastatingly-majorly Verona had just impaired her ability to breathe.

"Whaddayahowa?" Crash incoherently mumbled and slurred as he finally DID wake up, somehow still not noticing how much utterly agonizing pain his dearly beloved sister was experiencing as he did so. Luckily, however, Aku-Aku did not hesitate to make him notice said problem.

"For crying out LOUD, Crash, your sister is about to DIE!" Aku-Aku disbelievingly scolded Crash as said bandicoot scratched his head using his left index finger and confusedly said "HUH? Why?" while just-as-confusedly looking at his clearly-about-to-suffocate sister in response.

JOEL: (Coco) For one thing, he's holding the wrong end!

"MY (choke) LUNGS, CRASH! MY FREAKING (cough) LUNGS HAVE BECOME (gasp) LETHALLY INFECTED! CALL THE NEAREST (choke) DOCTOR! CALL THE NEAREST (wheeze) DOCTOR RIGHT FREAKING (cough) NOW, PLEE-HEE-HEE-HEEEASE!" Coco extremely-horrifiedly screamed and cried, helplessly squirming on the aforementioned floor of her own house's living room and rather-tightly clutching her neck using both of her hands as she did so.

"Well, to be fair, you DO seem to actually be choking to death rather slowly right now, but I still very-sincerely doubt that we even have enough time for what you're suggesting right now...also, whatever the thing that you've been infected by actually is, saying that it definitely seems to be far too powerful for normal doctors to even be able to defeat would be QUITE an understatement." Aku-Aku very-regretfully explained to Coco, who suddenly began to look even more scared in response.

"Also, the Quantum Masks presumably are out for lunch right now, and I REALLY do not want to bring them into a situation like this one…" Aku-Aku blatantly lied, causing Coco to exasperatedly roll her eyes (while Crash agreeingly nodded his head and said "I sure don't") in response to said utterly bald-faced lie.

"Therefore, since we clearly do not have any medicine that is powerful enough for something like this, and my healing powers sadly cannot actually cure extremely advanced and deadly illnesses such as whatever this one is yet…" Aku-Aku dejectedly began explaining, causing Coco to rather-snarkily think "explains a LOT" to herself due to Crash's ongoing mental retardation.

"...I'm QUITE afraid that the only thing that we really CAN do at this point is send Crash directly into your body and then blindly hope that he doesn't accidentally kill you in the process of literally fighting this new disease of yours!" Aku-Aku very-nervously explained to Coco, causing said (poor) girl to horrifiedly scream "WHAT?!" in response while Crash immediately began running straight into his basement in order to dig his magical flying space suit out of said basement for hopefully obvious reasons.

TOM: I hate to bring up a technical point, but even that won't help if you don't know how to use your sword.

"Now, now, don't worry; I'm sure that Crash will handle your internal organs VERY gently and carefully, Coco! You have absolutely NOTHING to worry about, I PROMISE!" Aku-Aku very-sarcastically explained to the extremely frightened-and-exhausted-looking Coco as he used his "invisible hands" (which were also known as telekinesis) to firmly press her body against a nearby very-conveniently decoration-lacking wall (that Crash's jetboard had rather-recently been taken off of and then moved into his house's basement) before then using his "imprisonment" powers to fasten magical "energy chains" (that somehow were connected to said wall) around her wrists, ankles and waist so that her body would become totally stuck to said wall in what basically was a perfectly upright "X" shape.

"READY!" Crash far-too-excitedly informed Aku-Aku after finally (and space-suit-wearingly) running back out of his basement and into his living room, causing Coco to become even more visibly horrified in response while Aku-Aku used his magical eye beams to shrink Crash to what could only be described as "a microscopic size" so that said bandicoot would become able to properly fit into her body.

"D'OH!" Crash yelled in pain as he flew straight into Coco's lips but rather-amusingly ended up bouncing off of said lips as a result due to how absurdly-tightly she had closed her mouth in order to prevent him from entering it.

"Coco, COME ON; you KNOW that you're even-MORE-probably going to die if you DON'T allow Crash to enter your body at some point in the next five minutes that this clearly devastating new disease of yours spends inside it! What else could you possibly be WAITING for right now, huh?!" Aku-Aku increasingly-frustratedly scolded Coco, causing said girl to exasperatedly roll her eyes and exhaustedly groan "FINE" in response before then proceeding to very-widely open her mouth and quite-literally say "AHH" so that Crash would become able to enter her body through said mouth.

"WHEE!" Crash far-too-excitedly yelled with joy as he flew straight into Coco's widely open mouth and then flew straight down her throat from there while the poor, POOR girl rather-loudly said "GULP" out loud in response.

"So tell me, Coco; on a 1-10 scale, how would you rate how 'stressed out' you are right now?" Aku-Aku curiously asked Coco as said girl audibly trembled in her restraints while having a facial expression that was quite-easily one of THE most traumatized-looking ones that he had ever seen.

CROW: PEARL BANG!

JOEL: SHAKE AND BAKING!

TOM: BIG MIGHTY SWING!

"25." Coco chokingly-but-flatly said while having eyes of which the pupils were quite-nearly microscopic themselves as Crash flew into her right lung and then immediately thanked the heavens for the fact that his space suit's helmet worked so incredibly well as a gas mask when its visor was closed.

"Greetings, my filthy and flea-ridden friend; tell me, what is your opinion about this lovely new HOME of mine?" Verona incredibly-loudly-and-smugly greeted and asked the utterly disgusted Crash while lazily (yet very-attractively) sitting atop one of Coco's numerous "breathing branches" (which rather-clearly were already beginning to extremely-rapidly wither and rot as said virus spoke).

"BLEAUGH!" Crash stuck his tongue out and revoltedly told Verona as he immediately flew straight up to where said virus was sitting and then just-as-immediately began hatefully glaring at her while also firmly and surprisingly-sassily placing his hands onto his hips in order to express how much her existence frustrated and disappointed him even more thoroughly.

JOEL: (Coco) It's my lake, ya big meanie!

"HMPH! You know, I could just-as-easily say the exact same thing about YOU, you stupid and gluttonous little SKUNK! Do you even know what being cultured and sophisticated IS?" Verona increasingly-angrily mocked and asked Crash, already knowing that he probably wouldn't even be able to answer said question as she did so.

"Redundant?" Crash shrugged his shoulders and rather-annoyedly asked Verona while Coco loudly choked and coughed and increasingly-nervously thought "WHAT IS CRASH WAITING FOR?!" to herself.

"Well, yeah...pretty much…" Verona shrugged her own shoulders and reluctantly admitted.

"...but PLEASE allow me to explain it to you in greater detail! You see, I was raised by an extremely rich royal family in a huge-to-me-but-ridiculously-tiny-to-you alien country that is known as Xyna and is populated by micro-organisms such as myself, and thanks to the aforementioned wealth of my parents, I've had access to both an S-class education and practically everything else that anyone could ever want to buy for pretty much my entire lifespan so far." Verona disgustingly-smugly began explaining while Crash blatantly pretended to actually be interested in what she was talking about.

"Because of how utterly spoiled I was and quite-frankly still am, I eventually began to develop an alternate personality in which I whole-heartedly believe that if other people in/from larger worlds such as yours aren't at least halfway as fortunate and beautiful as I am, then I might as well KILL said people and therefore save them the trouble of having to spend year after year putting up with their own unbearably pathetic mediocrity! And now, as a result of said belief, I'm about to kill this disgusting, putrid, jungle-dwelling RAT that you call your sister! Go ahead and TELL me, Mr. HERO; how could I POSSIBLY have picked a more BEAUTIFULLY fitting victim for such an arousingly cruel and lethal delivery of poetic justice, HMM?" Verona incredibly-arrogantly-and-mockingly explained to Crash, causing Crash to become increasingly-visibly furious as she did so.

"How about 'by picking someone who ISN'T MY FREAKING SISTER', you sadistic TART?!" Crash enragedly yelled at Verona as he suddenly pulled out a comically large can of extremely chemical-loaded anti-virus air freshener from his space suit's Hammerspace pockets and then immediately began wildly spraying the rather-highly toxic contents of said can all over the extremely delicate inner workings of Coco's lungs using the flight ability that said suit gave him. Naturally enough, Verona immediately began fleeing/flying into Coco's Wumpa-fruit-digesting stomach while incredibly-loudly yelling "COCO'S STOMACH, HERE I COME" in response.

CROW: (as Crash) What the…mustard?

"PHEW!" Crash shoved his aforementioned giant can of air freshener back into his space suit's Hammerspace pockets and relievedly thought to himself as he finally finished filling Coco's lungs with said can's aforementioned "deadly gas" contents, thankfully cleaning Verona's "germ gas" out of said lungs in the process...but also causing Coco to quite-nearly finish choking to death in said process!

"Oh, dear...I think that I really have made a GRAVE mistake by sending Crash into this poor girl's body…" Aku-Aku extremely-worriedly thought to himself as Coco extremely-loudly-and-frantically-and-blue-facedly began coughing out a rather-disturbingly large amount of air freshener gas. Luckily, said gas actually did NOT absurdly-persistently "linger" in Coco's poor little lungs, unlike the aforementioned "germ gas" that it had just cleaned out of said lungs.

"NOPE! I'M TOTALLY FINE, I SWEAR!" Coco eye-twitchingly and increasingly-mentally-unstably laughed as Crash immediately flew straight into her aforementioned (delightfully soft and spacious) stomach, in which Verona already was remarkably busy spreading her germs into the incredibly numerous Wumpa fruits that Coco had extremely-recently eaten in order to help herself overcome the illness that said virus had given her by rather-weirdly-erotically licking the chewed-up remains of said fruits while said remains were being broken down by Coco's stomach acid.

"OH, no you don't!" Crash impressively-smugly teased Verona, causing the literal cartoon episode that he was in to suddenly begin fast-forwarding itself as he pulled out (comically large) bag after (comically large) bag of laxative-and-ghost-pepper-laced dietary fiber from his space suit's Hammerspace pockets, pouring quite-literally all of the contents of every single one of said (roughly thirty) bags directly into Coco's aforementioned stomach acid pool and then throwing said bags themselves into said pool as he did so. Meanwhile, Verona just hovered above him and disbelievingly (not to mention head-shakingly and actually somewhat sympathy-for-Coco-feelingly) watched as he utterly tormented the digestive system of his own sister. Once Crash had FINALLY finished said process, "Coco's Inside Story" itself also-finally returned to its normal speed.

"Oh, puh-LEEZE; do you seriously think that you causing this lovely new host of mine to prematurely DEFECATE is going to stop ME? Give me a freaking BREAK before I cause this lovely new host of mine to prematurely stop being a LIVER!" Verona ever-so-arrogantly laughed as she rather-predictably flew/fled into Coco's liver while Crash immediately began chasing/flying after her in response. Meanwhile, Coco's stomach was agonizingly-intensely throbbing and cramping due to what Crash had just done to it...and as for her face, let's just say that quite a few tears came out of it.

"OOOOOOGH...let me tell you something right here and right now, Aku-Aku; whatever has just happened to my stomach is somehow making it hurt even more than some of the food I've eaten at Dingodile's Diner does...CONSIDERABLY more, in fact…OH, SWEET MERCIFUL JESUS, THE FREAKING STOMACH PAIN THAT I AM EXPERIENCING RIGHT NOW IS ABSOLUTELY UNBEARABLE!" Coco meekly whimpered in pain and then suddenly very-loudly screamed in agony (startling Aku-Aku quite a bit in the process) as her aforementioned digestive system suddenly began working massively faster and harder than it was supposed to. Meanwhile, inside Coco's thankfully clean and healthy-looking liver, Verona was continuing to prove that absolutely nothing was safe from her wrath...or Rule 34's all-encompassing-ness, for that matter.

TOM: It's technically grammatical, but dang! That's got to be the single unwieldiest sentence I've ever seen!

"Alright, listen up, PAL; if you don't IMMEDIATELY strip yourself down to your underwear and then join me in this poor little girl's liver blood for a good old-fashioned viral selfie, I'm going to start filling this adorable little liver of hers with the contents of SO many freaking bottles of poison that even if you somehow DO manage to count all of said bottles, she basically will already be dead by the time you finish doing so. Do you understand what I'm saying right now, ya fool?" Verona surprisingly-sternly explained to Crash (while the two of them rather-reluctantly stood right next to each other on the flesh/blood border of Coco's "liver beach") as she far-too-eagerly readied herself to pour the extremely purple contents of a rather-intimidatingly large and very-cartoonishly skull-and-crossbones-labeled "wine" bottle that she somehow had just "cellularly constructed" into her hands (which would then be followed by the basically identical contents of copy after copy OF said bottle) into the built-in and bloodstream-fed giant swimming pool of blood that Coco's liver rather-interestingly contained. Due to basically having no other choices that were as inanely "fun" as he seemed to always need absolutely everything that he did to be (and also not actually being allowed to kill Verona until his upcoming "boss" fight against said virus began, due to said virus's plot armor), Crash rather-humiliatingly decided to comply with Verona's clothing-removing order.

"WOW, Crash...I must say, you really are managing our affairs with SUCH poise!" Verona rather-surprisingly complimented Crash, "cellularly deconstructing" her aforementioned bottle of poison out of existence in the process as said bandicoot pulled out a pair of comically large water hammocks from his space suit's Hammerspace pockets and then immediately tossed said water hammocks into Coco's "liver pool" while said virus ever-so-teasingly stripped herself down to her bikini (throwing the clothes that she had removed from herself onto the "solid ground" portion of Coco's aforementioned "liver beach" in the process, of course).

"Naturally; after all, so are YOU!" Crash even-more-surprisingly complimented Verona as he pulled out his thankfully indestructible super-tablet from "the future" from his space suit's Hammerspace pockets and then weirdly-trustingly handed it to Verona so that his own hands would be able to more-easily remove said space suit (before then throwing it into the exact same place that Verona had just thrown her own freshly removed clothes into) and therefore reveal the fact that he actually WAS naked (not counting his underwear) underneath it; presumably, said almost-naked-ness was a result of Crash having played far too much Ghosts 'N Goblins / Ghouls 'N Ghosts during his lifetime.

"OOH!" Verona lovingly(?) grinned and flirtingly teased Crash as the two of them began sexily lying right next to each other using the aforementioned water hammocks that Crash had just tossed into Coco's also-aforementioned "liver pool". Thank God that Coco wasn't able to see the two of them doing this (yet, at least)…

CROW: Spaghetti-Os!

MEANWHILE, IN OUTER SPACE…

"UMM…" Nitros extremely-uncomfortably-and-embarrassedly said to himself as his UFO's main cockpit's main communication speaker incredibly-unsettlingly relayed the audible portion of all of the unbelievably awkward and gross flirting that Verona was doing with Crash inside Coco's liver to him.

MEANWHILE, INSIDE COCO'S LIVER…

"Rawr…" Crash also-flirtingly "growled" at Verona as said virus handed his aforementioned super-tablet back to him so that he could unlock said super-tablet using its very long password that he extremely-surprisingly hadn't forgotten.

"Alright, now say CHEESE!" Verona merrily laughed as she very-abruptly snatched Crash's super-tablet right out of his hands using the incredibly strong and extendable tentacles that her hair somehow was able to transform itself into before then using said tentacles to hold said super-tablet a rather-impressively large distance away from said bandicoot and herself while also aiming its front camera directly at the rather-disgustingly-scantily clothed two of them.

TOM: Say it…say it...

JOEL: SEGA!

"CHEESE!" Crash playfully laughed, rather-disturbingly-eagerly joining Verona in the act of "posing for the camera" in the process as said virus far-too-proudly took a "selfie" photo of said bandicoot and herself almost-nakedly lying together on a pool of said bandicoot's own sister's liver blood while literally being inside said sister's liver. Sadly enough, Crash then immediately posted said photo onto his versions of Facebook and Instagram so that Verona wouldn't try to kill him and/or Coco.

CROW: WOW! That's quite a ways to lift your sword, Darren!

TOM: Pretty impressive for someone wielding it for the first time.

JOEL: You guys...

"Oh, dear...it would appear that a photograph that is rather-extremely disturbing and gross has just been posted onto two of Crash's favorite social media websites." Aku-Aku very-worriedly sighed as he finally finished checking Crash's Foolnook and Instagrat pages using Coco's own thankfully indestructible super-tablet that she had somehow managed to build in "the present" and then used the exact same "invisible hands" that he had been using in order to do so to turn the screen of said super-tablet directly toward Coco's face and therefore show her the utterly freakish horror that Crash and Verona had just caused to appear on said screen.

"OHHHUOHHH...UGGGH!" Coco quite-loudly and utterly-revolted-lookingly retched, sticking her tongue out and quite-nearly actually vomiting in the process while Aku-Aku very-agreeingly groaned and shook his head in response (not to mention abject shame). Meanwhile, Crash and Verona were already re-dressing themselves back into their previous outfits and re-pocketing Crash's loose belongings back into his space suit as Coco desperately and extremely-humiliated-lookingly tried to pretend that what she had just seen did NOT, in fact, exist.

"Ugh. Barf." Aku-Aku incredibly-flatly said as Verona flew/fled straight into Coco's rather-unsurprisingly large and understandably-intensely-and-rapidly beating heart while Crash oh-so-predictably chased/flew after her.

"Now that we're inside it, let's see how much abuse this poor little girl's poor little HEART actually CAN endure, shall we?" Verona (who somehow was able to breathe underwater) incredibly-sadistically thought to herself as she extremely-rapidly flew/swam straight over to the rather-impressively huge heart rate adjustment dial that Coco's heart rather-weirdly contained while the thankfully space-suit-protected and therefore also-able-to-breathe-underwater Crash did the exact same thing in response.

"PERFECT." Verona devilishly-grinningly thought to herself as she examined the even larger control panel that said dial was on and therefore saw the massively meaningful "skull and crossbones" label that said dial's maximum "heart speed" setting was indicated by. Needless to say, said thought of hers was immediately followed by her grabbing onto said dial (which was almost as tall as she was) using both of her hands and then forcefully turning it toward said maximum setting (right) while Crash just-as-forcefully turned it toward its minimum setting (left).

TOM: (Crash) That's the biggest dang splinter I've ever had!

"OOOGH...AGGGH...I think I'm about to literally have a heart attack…" Coco light-headedly and utterly-exhaustedly groaned in pain as she suddenly began to rather-disturbingly feel the effects of how much Crash and Verona were causing her heart rate to fluctuate. Luckily, however, Crash was able to keep Coco's heart rate balanced at roughly its normal (medium) setting for just long enough to where Verona thankfully lost her patience and therefore ended said Tug Of War game by rather-abruptly quitting it and then immediately fleeing/flying straight back into Coco's throat (which Crash, of course, immediately followed/chased her into in response after rather-surprisingly-carefully returning Coco's heart rate to its exact medium setting).

"Hmm...you know, your heart actually sounds pretty normal right now if you ask me." Aku-Aku oh-so-relievedly pointed out as he flew over to Coco's chest and very-lovingly listened to her suddenly-normal-again heartbeat while Crash and Verona very-angrily confronted each other right next to her voice box. Surely enough, despite being the one who had caused most of the actual trouble between the two of said nuisances, Verona was considerably more angry than Crash was.

"Watch where you're GOING, ya FOOL!" Verona extremely-frustratedly-and-hypocritically yelled at Crash, shaking her left fist at him in the process as the two of them increasingly-impatiently floated around in Coco's throat while Crash rather-worriedly waited for Verona to finally make her next move.

"Why don't YOU try doing so, 'ya' freaking BRAT?!" Crash threw his arms out beside himself, rolled his eyes and exasperatedly yelled at Verona, causing said virus to cross her arms over her chest and resoundingly say "HMPH" (while also secretly thinking "SIGH...fair enough" to herself) in response.

"Because this is what I LIVE for, YOU freaking poorly educated and blatantly racist numbskull! I'm WARNING you, PAL; if you don't stop fighting against me RIGHT freaking now, I'm going to show you just HOW far I'm willing to go in order to get what I want! In other words, the entire body of this appallingly spoiled little 'princess' that you call your sister will become as utterly devoid of functionality as your worthless and pathetic little BRAIN! ERAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!" Verona maniacally ranted and laughed, causing Crash to furiously and completely-deservedly slap her across the face using his right hand in response. Although said slap wasn't exactly the most forceful one in the world (despite how angry Verona had quite-evidently caused Crash to become) and also had been given to Verona using a gloved hand, Verona definitely was NOT the type of "person" that professionally/maturely reacted to being criticized/punished by other people.

"SO-HO-HO-HO...you want to GO a few rounds?! Let me TELL you something, BUDDY; when this is over, we'll SEE who the REAL spoiled BIMBO in this DISGUSTINGLY primitive house of yours is! EEYAAHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEH!" Verona maniacally laughed with increasingly sadistic delight before then immediately flying/fleeing straight up into Coco's mouth while Crash increasingly-horrifiedly chased/flew after her.

"Catch me if you CAN, you pathetic piece of white- I mean, orange TRASH! UWOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHH!" Verona maniacally laughed some more, playfully poking Coco's uvula with her left index finger and secretly-fascinatedly observing her actually-rather-impressively clean teeth and tongue in the process while Crash extremely-frustratedly growled "oh, believe me; I freaking WILL do so" at her in response.

CROW: Eh. Overly-elaborate limit break.

"I can already SMELL Coco's FEAR from HERE! EYOHEHAHEHAHEHAHAHAHAAH!" Verona maniacally laughed even MORE as she flew straight up the exact same nasopharynx through which she had entered Coco's lungs and then flew equally straight through the inner workings of Coco's nose from there, with Crash incredibly-persistently chasing/flying after her all the while.

"AHH...Coco's precious award-winning brain...beautiful, isn't it?" Verona ever-so-teasingly asked Crash as the two of them finally reached the center of Coco's head, in which said girl's adorably fragile and squishy brain was headache-inducingly-intensely throbbing due to how desperately she was struggling to not wildly freak out about the fact that Crash and Verona were both inside her body. Needless to say, Coco definitely was not going to be able to keep her "cool" (or her sanity, for that matter) for much longer.

JOEL: (singing) Come on, baby do the twist!

"OH...so THIS is why Coco is so much smarter than me…" Crash amazedly thought to himself as he speechlessly and slack-jawedly stared at the superhumanly powerful-looking brain that Coco's skull had been hiding within itself (and, of course, beneath her utterly gorgeous blonde hair). Meanwhile, Verona was droolingly and almost-fingering-herself-ly fantasizing about the sheer amount of damage that she had rather-disgustingly-excitedly been planning to deal to said brain.

TOM: Say when!

"Let's see what she's LOOKING at, shall we?" Verona ever-so-playfully teased Crash as the two of them flew over to Coco's eye sockets and then took a brief but very informative peek through the aforementioned (and extremely worried-looking) literal windows that her eyes were. Surely enough, what the two of them ended up seeing through said eyes was Coco almost-motionlessly staring across her house's living room while also staring at Aku-Aku in the process. As for what Aku-Aku was doing...well, let's just say that he was incredibly-intensely trying (and rather-surprisingly NOT completely failing) to keep Coco calm.

"You must not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. You will face this new enemy of yours. You will unflinchingly keep your inner peace as she travels through your body. Once she has reached the climax of said journey, you will open your inner eye to see her true weakness. Where the virus has gone, there will be nothing left of her. Only you and Crash will remain." Aku-Aku incredibly-calmly explained to Coco as his ever-so-soothingly fatherly-sounding words rather-amusingly echoed directly into the poor girl's head through her ears, somehow causing the literal "third eye" on the back of her suddenly-much-less-panicked-looking brain (which actually was said brain's secret entrance rather than being an actual eye) to suddenly open itself in response as he did so.

"Hmm, let's see here...no secret entrance here...no secret entrance there...AH, HERE WE GO!" Verona increasingly-impatiently mumbled to herself as she and Crash very-carefully flew around the outer surface of Coco's brain in hopes of finding a secret entrance somewhere on it...then suddenly yelled with delight as she immediately flew straight through the secret entrance hatch that Coco's completely motionless "third eye" almost-insultingly-blatantly was while Crash also-immediately followed/chased her through said hatch. Surely enough, what Crash and Verona found behind said hatch was the ludicrously spacious and futuristic-looking core of Coco's central nervous system.

"WOW...this brain of hers really is SO freaking beautiful and amazing…I'm actually rather JEALOUS right now, I must say..." Verona droolingly, blushingly and extremely-arousedly thought to herself as she and Crash both loudly gasped in slack-jawed amazement after finally setting foot on the internal floor of Coco's brain and therefore also-finally getting to see the sheer amount of space-station-esque technology (not to mention overflowingly electricity-loaded brain cell transit wires that covered its walls and ceiling like breathtakingly massive and intricate spider webs) that the absolutely gigantic brain-shaped control room that inexplicably was inside said brain contained. Surely enough, the interior of Coco's brain being a giant bio-mechanical control room also meant that a ridiculously powerful Central Nervous Super-Computer (of which the log-in password rather-foolishly was the exact same one that her Froogle account had) had somehow been built into the inner wall of her frontal lobe in order to very-effectively serve as the cockpit of her brain.

"Don't tell Verona about how painfully obvious the way in which you're going to defeat her is...DON'T tell Verona about how painfully obvious the way in which you're going to defeat her is…" Crash's own brain increasingly-nervously begged itself as Verona guided him directly to Coco's aforementioned Central Nervous Super-Computer for some good old-fashioned "hacking into it".

"Alright, so HERE'S how this is going to work, PAL; you are going to tell me what Coco's CNSC's log-in password is RIGHT freaking now, or else I am going to mercilessly electrocute you to death using Coco's 'brain wires' and then utterly tear this ENTIRE squishy and pathetic little THING that she calls her brain apart, PIECE BY FREAKING PIECE, until she quite-literally is nothing but a drooling, bloody-nosed and anthropomorphic-bandicoot-shaped VEGETABLE! Do you freaking understand what I'm telling you right now, my obnoxious little SLAVE?" Verona unbelievably-sadistically-and-hatefully sneered at Crash in a rather-shockingly serious-sounding tone of voice, causing Crash to extremely-horrified-lookingly nod his head and say "MM-HMM" (followed by "GULP") in response.

"Well, yes, but uhh...to be honest, I don't really KNOW what Coco's CNSC's log-in password is!" Crash shrugged his shoulders and regretfully admitted as he somewhat-reluctantly took his seat in front of Coco's CNSC while adorably-fascinatedly examining its keyboard, levers, buttons and whatnot as he did so.

CROW: (Aku-Aku) How about a game of Parcheesi?

"Well, then, why don't you try CONTACTING her, ya FOOL?" Verona annoyingly-impatiently scolded Crash as said bandicoot used Coco's "Inner Voice" microphone (which surprisingly still worked despite him not actually being logged into her CNSC) as a rather-disturbingly effective means of doing so. Needless to say, Coco was thoroughly startled (and also generally frightened and uncomfortable) when she suddenly heard Crash speaking directly into her brain.

"HEY, COCO! IT'S ME! CRASH!" Crash far-too-loudly yelled at Coco in order to let her know who he was.

"Yes, yes, I know who you are…" Coco exhaustedly and aching-headedly groaned through both her mouth and her CNSC's main communication speaker, almost being afraid to even ask about where Crash was contacting her from (despite being PRETTY freaking sure that she already knew the answer to said question) as she did so. "Where are you contacting me from right now, pardon my asking?" Coco extremely-nervous-soundingly asked Crash after finally swallowing her pride.

"Your BRAIN, of course!" Crash ever-so-merrily teased Coco, causing the pupils of said girl's eyes to suddenly and very-rapidly shrink to QUITE-nearly microscopic sizes as she helplessly shook in her restraints and began repeatedly, very-loudly and increasingly-horrifiedly whispering "don't worry, Coco; Crash OBVIOUSLY knows what he's doing; your brain definitely is in VERY clean and careful hands right now" to herself while Aku-Aku regretfully shook his own head and exhaustedly groaned "oh, dear" in response.

"And if you don't at least TRY to tell us what the log-in password of said brain's Central Nervous Super-Computer is within the next TWENTY FREAKING SECONDS of your 'life', then I sure do hope that you enjoy having to kiss said brain of yours GOODBYE, sweetness!" Verona suddenly interrupted Crash in order to extremely-sincerely tell the absolutely "scared out of her mind" Coco. Just to make Coco even MORE stressed out, Verona then immediately and very-ominously began counting said seconds straight down from twenty to zero in real time.

TOM: As opposed, of course, to an angular ball.

"TWENTY...NINETEEN...EIGHTEEN...SEVENTEEN...SIXTEEN...FIFTEEN…FOURTEEN...THIRTEEN...TWELVE...ELEVEN...TEN...NINE...EIGHT...SEVEN...SIX...FIVE...FOUR...THREE...TWO...ONE…" Verona seethingly whispered into Coco's "Inner Voice" microphone, beginning to sound progressively more angry and aroused as she did so. As much as Coco wanted to believe that she "would rather die than become Verona's literal flesh puppet", said countdown was what officially pushed her to her mental breaking point.

"OKAY, OKAY, JESUS CHRI-HI-HI-HIYYYST! I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I THINK THAT MY FREAKING BRAIN'S LOG-IN PASSWORD PROBABLY IS! JUST PLEASE DON'T HURT ME, PLEE-HEE-HEE-HEEEASE!" Coco bloodshot-eyedly and horrifyingly-frantically-and-desperately screamed and cried, wildly shaking in her restraints in the process while Aku-Aku hung his head in shame and extremely-regretfully thought "poor, poor thing" to himself in response.

CROW: (Verona) I refuse to believe that this is accepted chiropractic technique!

"As long as you follow her orders, she DEFINITELY won't! We very-sincerely PROMISE!" Crash surprisingly-non-sarcastically explained to Coco while Verona ever-so-teasingly whispered "wanna BET?" into his left ear. After taking several extremely deep breaths in order to finally regain her composure, Coco finally gave Verona the answer to her "what is your CNSC's log-in password" question.

"It's...it's...I think it's Rainbows And Sparkles (R41n80w54nd5p4rkL35)…" Coco extremely-reluctantly-and-embarrassedly began explaining while Crash and Verona both uproariously laughed at her (as if she hadn't already been blushing brightly enough) in response.

"Hey, WAIT a minute; why isn't your password working?!" Crash frustratedly ranted at Coco after typing out exactly what she had just said (with all three of the words being capitalized, no less) but rather-thankfully still being unable to successfully log himself into the CNSC of said dearly beloved sister of his. Needless to say, Verona very-angrily-and-impatiently growled at both him and Coco in response.

JOEL: Whee!

"SIGH...FINE...if you really want me to do so THIS badly, then I guess that I WILL list every single freaking character of my Froogle account's utterly idiotic 'Rainbows And Sparkles' log-in password for you, including which ones of its letters are lower-case and which ones of them are upper-case!" Coco rolled her eyes and exasperatedly sighed while Crash clapped his hands exactly three times and incredibly-childishly said "YAY" (and Verona rolled her own eyes and exasperatedly groaned "I really DON'T get paid enough for this crap, do I?") in response.

CROW: And frankly, who can blame 'em?

ONE PAINFULLY LONG LIST OF PASSWORD CHARACTERS LATER…

"ALRIGHT! FINALLY! WE'RE IN!" Verona overjoyedly laughed, rather-surprisingly high-fiving Crash in the process as said bandicoot finally finished using the log-in password of Coco's Froogle account to very-surprisingly-successfully log himself (and Verona) into said girl's CNSC, causing Coco to audibly and downright-horrifiedly tremble in her restraints yet again as she regretfully and head-shakingly whispered "WHY can't Crash be more like a normal doctor?" to herself due to strongly suspecting that Crash and Verona would hear said question if she thought it to herself (due to the existence of her CNSC's main communication speaker, however, said nuisances rather-amusingly still were able to hear said question anyway).

TOM: (Veona) Inflicting pain is fun!

"You...uhh...you guys aren't planning to take CONTROL of me, are you?" Coco extremely-nervously and twitchy-eyedly asked Crash and Verona, closing her eyes and repeatedly (and remarkably-loudly) whispering "PLEASE SAY NO" to herself immediately after she had finished doing so. After getting a few more disgustingly cheap laughs out of how much they were utterly torturing the poor girl, Verona and Crash finally decided to give her their answers to said question.

"Well, uhh...I don't really want to, but Verona apparently does!" Crash shrugged his shoulders and rather-awkwardly chuckled as Verona far-too-proudly nodded her head and blatantly-sadistically grinned from ear to ear in response.

"However, due to how much sympathy I quite frankly am starting to feel for you, I've decided to at least be somewhat fair here by giving you and Crash what I like to call a sporting chance!" Verona ever-so-arrogantly laughed, causing Crash to rather-confusedly scratch his head using his right index finger and say "HUH?" (while Coco just speechlessly shook in her restraints) in response.

"Um...what does THAT mean, pardon my asking?" Coco nervously and tiredly asked Verona.

CROW: (makes raspberry noise)

"Basically, it means that unless Crash wins the fight that I am about to challenge him to, you will be EXTREMELY lucky if I actually DO decide to take control of your body rather than simply shutting said body down in order to KILL you in the process! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!" Verona maniacally and downright-diabolically laughed, causing Coco to become utterly frozen with fear in response. Needless to say, Crash DEFINITELY did not approve of what Verona had just threatened to do to his own sister, and he also was EXTREMELY ready to fight her after what she had already done to said sister of his for practically no actual reasons other than "because making Coco suffer aroused her".

TOM: (Verona) Feel my death pootie!

"Alright, THAT'S IT; I have VERY-truthfully tolerated FAR more than enough of your utterly outdated and offensive existence, 'ya' freaking obnoxious little PARASITE! GET READY TO BE EXTERMINATED LIKE THE UTTERLY HEARTLESS AND REVOLTING LITTLE PEST THAT YOU ARE!" Crash utterly-furiously yelled and screamed at Verona as he rather-impressively-menacingly stood on the floor of Coco's right brain hemisphere and faced himself directly toward said virus while said virus just-as-menacingly stood on the floor of Coco's left brain hemisphere and faced herself directly toward him.

"ARRRRRRGH! NOW you're on MY last NERVE, you little SKUNK! JUST FREAKING GIVE UP ALREADY!" Verona even-more-furiously yelled and screamed at Crash as the two of them suddenly began repeatedly flying into each other in a downright-ridiculously large number of different directions while also-repeatedly punching and kicking each other Dragon-Ball-Z-style in the process...well, until they realized that said tactic actually wasn't going to work on either of them (due to Crash's incredibly-thoroughly-and-powerfully body-protecting space suit making him far-too-nearly invincible while Verona's actual body recovered from external injuries far too quickly and therefore hilariously-ironically was a body that Crash was going to have to totally ruin the inner workings of instead), at least. Naturally enough, their extremely over-the-top fight against each other required the two of them to damage each other using an also-extremely-over-the-top method...hitting/throwing each other into Coco's brain cell transit wires, to be exact!

"IT'S NO USE! TAKE THIS!" Verona enragedly yelled as she suddenly very-tightly grabbed Crash using her "hair tentacles" and then VERY-forcefully threw him straight into the brain cell transit wires that covered the inner wall of the left side of Coco's brain using said tentacles, ironically causing Crash to actually get mildly (but still very-shockingly and bone-revealingly) zapped right through his magically "100%"-electric-shock-proof space suit in the process while also causing Coco herself to briefly but rather-frighteningly become more than a little "cuckoo" as a result of said brain damage.

CROW: Ack! It was a death pootie!

"TWENTY-ONE TIMES TWO EQUALS FISH!" Coco dizzily and cross-eyedly yelled, sticking her tongue out and drooling for at least five entire seconds after doing so. Meanwhile, Aku-Aku regretfully shook his head and whispered "I sure do hope that Coco makes it out of this alive" to himself in response.

"AGAIN!" Verona ferociously yelled as she attempted to grab Crash using her "hair tentacles" yet again. "Nice try!" Crash smugly laughed as he surprisingly-deftly dodged said grabbing attempt and then brutally rammed himself straight into her using his famous "spin attack" technique. "NOOOOOO!" Verona very-hammily screamed as she was sent flying straight into the brain cell transit wires that covered the inner wall of the right side of Coco's brain, causing her (Verona) to get horrifically-intensely electrocuted in an extremely cartoonish and skeleton-revealing fashion that rather-amazingly was going to have to happen to her ELEVEN more times in order for it to even-nearly kill her.

"I AM FINE! THIS IS FINE!" Coco dizzily and cross-eyedly yelled as her brain became even more damaged while Verona's own internal organs quite-literally "felt the burn" from HOW horrifically-intensely she had just been electrocuted. Meanwhile, Aku-Aku rather-snarkily muttered "are you SURE about that, Coco?" in response.

Amusingly enough (and quite-possibly as a result of rather severe electric-shock-induced damage to her OWN brain), Verona somehow allowed her rage to consume her so ridiculously-thoroughly that she forgot to even properly change her attack pattern mid-fight, so the entire remaining portion of Crash's laughably easy and downright-unbelievably one-sided fight against her was basically just Crash using his almost-comically simple "dodge Verona's tentacles, then spin her into Coco's brain cell transit wires" strategy in quite-literally THE exact same way over and over and OVER again, with Verona rather-pathetically not even managing to properly hit Crash more than one additional time for the entirety of said remainder of said fight. In fact, the only thing that Crash really had left to worry about was the sheer amount of brain damage that he was causing Coco to experience in the process of utterly destroying Verona.

"CUCKOO! CUCKOO! CUCKOO!" Coco dementedly yelled while respectively rotating her left and right eyes around and around in goofy clockwise and counter-clockwise circles and repeatedly sticking her tongue straight out in the process; surely enough, Crash had just spun Verona straight into the brain cell transit wires on the upper inner wall of her frontal lobe.

"THE GOVERNMENT IS ALWAYS WATCHING US! ALWAYS!" Coco increasingly-light-headedly continued rambling as Verona threw Crash straight into the brain-cell-transit-wire-covered ceiling of said poor(, POOR) girl's brain using her "hair tentacles" (still barely even hurting him at all in the process, naturally enough); at that point, Aku-Aku wasn't even able to be surprised anymore.

"THE CORONA VIRUS IS MERELY A RIDICULOUSLY ELABORATE ILLUSION THAT WAS MANUFACTURED BY CHINA AND THE UNITED STATES IN ORDER TO INCREASE GROCERY SALES!" Coco continued rambling as Crash spun Verona straight into the brain cell transit wires on the inner wall of her occipital lobe; you would not BELIEVE how much I wish that said "fact" was true.

JOEL: Unfortunately, he was using a standard controller instead of a joystick and wound up breathing fire instead.

EIGHT MORE OCCURRENCES OF VERONA GETTING SPUN STRAIGHT INTO COCO'S INCREASINGLY DAMAGED AND MALFUNCTIONING BRAIN CELL TRANSIT WIRES BY CRASH LATER…

"DURR, PLANT! DUH HUH HUH HUH HUH!" Coco droolingly, slack-jawedly, head-swayingly, dangling-tonguedly and cross-eyedly moaned and laughed as Crash flew/ducked underneath one last extremely desperate one of Verona's "grabbing him using her hair tentacles" attempts and then spin-uppercutted (Shoryukened) her straight into the aforementioned brain-cell-transit-wire-covered ceiling of Coco's brain while actually yelling "SHORRR-YUKEN" at the top(s) of his lungs.

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Verona ridiculously-loudly-and-hammily screamed in agony as she and her internal organs were electrocuted the one last blatantly-heart-attack-causing time that finally caused her to become totally exhausted once and for all. Needless to say, Coco completely passed out due to the sheer number of her brain cells that Crash and Verona had just utterly destroyed in response (luckily enough, however, when Aku-Aku extremely-horrifiedly checked the unconscious Coco's chest for the sound of a heartbeat, he actually did hear a quite normal-and-healthy-sounding heartbeat...in addition to a REALLY upset-sounding digestive system that probably was going to need to get emptied out rather-quickly to say the least).

"PLEASE hurry up in there, Crash…" Aku-Aku increasingly-nervously thought to himself as he used his "invisible hands" to prop Coco's head up(right) so that Crash would be able to properly finish his work inside said head. Thankfully, however, said "work" barely even qualified AS work at that point.

TOM: Yeah, creating a tornado is a great way to hide your true power.

"Is there anything else that you would like to say and/or do before you die, sweetness?" Crash rather-mockingly asked Verona as the two of them finally lowered themselves back down onto the floor of Coco's brain, on which Verona immediately began helplessly crawling toward Crash at a snail's pace in a downright-miserably failed attempt to make herself look "innocent" and "misunderstood" while Crash was busy pulling out an anti-virus injection syringe (that was loaded with the most powerful medicine on Earth) from his space suit's Hammerspace pockets and then oh-so-eagerly readying himself to quite-literally stab Verona right in the back with it. If there was ANYONE who deserved such a thing happening to him/her, said "person" definitely was Verona, and Crash clearly was NOT afraid to admit that he completely agreed about that.

"GAHHHHHH…" Verona pathetically moaned in agony as Crash forcefully-yet-gracefully injected his "ultimate medicine" directly into her back, causing Crash to disgustedly and extremely-sarcastically tell her "oh, you poor thing" in response. Truly, as how incredibly-reluctantly he shoved his aforementioned anti-virus injection syringe back into his space suit's Hammerspace pockets after touching Verona with it clearly showed, Crash had absolutely never been more disgusted by someone else in his entire life (no, not even after watching N. Tropy flirt with himself).

"I just want to admire my utterly irresistible BEAUTY one last time...PLEASE…" Verona grabbed Crash's legs using her hands and ridiculously-desperately began begging like a dog due to how shamelessly narcissistic she was. Despite REALLY not wanting to, Crash exasperatedly rolled his eyes and groaned "FINE" while also pulling out a comically large and fancy-looking rectangular mirror from his space suit's Hammerspace pockets in response. Indeed, Verona was so disgustingly self-obsessed that she even died while ogling herself to her utterly cold and black heart's content.

"OHHHHHH...I LOVE YOU SO FREAKING MUCH...OOOOOOGH...YOU'RE THE ONLY REAL FRIEND THAT I'VE EVER HAD...UGGGGGGH…" Verona increasingly-loudly-and-arousedly moaned to herself as she revoltingly-intensely kissed her own mirror reflection until she literally couldn't do so anymore due to the fact that the medicine that Crash had just injected into her had already caused her to quite-literally crumble into dust. Needless to say, Crash's resulting facial expression was downright-pricelessly disgusted-and-confused-looking and absolutely screamed "what have I just seen?".

"BLECH...good riddance…" Crash disbelievingly stuffed the aforementioned mirror that he had just pulled out of his space suit's Hammerspace pockets straight back into said pockets and head-shakingly thought to himself as he finally returned to Coco's Central Nervous Super-Computer and then immediately activated its "Brain Repair" program. Surprisingly enough, said program's loading screen actually was a rather short one.

JOEL: (Crash) Ha! Behold the power of RUST!

ROUGHLY ONE MINUTE LATER…

"Oh, dear GOD, what just happened to me?" Coco rather-nervously asked Aku-Aku as she finally woke back up and got her intelligence back...while unfortunately still being trapped in her restraints in the process. In response, Aku-Aku decided to immediately let go of her poor little head and begin saying "WELL…"

"Me and that blatantly sadistic virus that must have somehow snuck into your body while you were asleep last night decided to fight each other, and I WON! In other words, said virus is officially DEAD now!" Crash ever-so-merrily explained to Coco using her "Inner Voice" microphone, causing her to rather-creeped-outly say "Um, o-KAY?" in response due to how remarkably (and understandably) uncomfortable Crash literally being inside her brain made her feel.

CROW: So…the point of putting it into the tornado in the first place would be…?

JOEL: Dramatic effect.

"Well, uh, the virus that I got attacked by today is gone now, I suppose...that DOES mean that you can FINALLY let me out of these restraints now, right?" Coco exhaustedly asked Aku-Aku, who relievedly-smilingly nodded his head and said "yes" in response. As Aku-Aku finally removed the magical "energy chains" with which he had trapped Coco against the former jetboard-hanging wall of her own house from existence, Coco had literally never felt more glad to be free from something...what she unfortunately WASN'T free from, however, was needing to poop.

"Uhh...we'll finish this conversation later, okay?" Coco extremely-embarrassedly explained to Aku-Aku before then immediately running straight into her house's very-recently added bathroom, pulling her pants and underwear down (with her vagina being thoroughly censored as she did so, of course), plopping her butt onto the toilet that said bathroom contained (with her vagina being thoroughly censored as she did so, of course), and then finally taking a downright-ludicrously sloppy-sounding off-screen dump that apparently was so unbelievably painful that it caused her to scream loudly enough for said scream to echo a considerably long distance away from her house.

MEANWHILE, INSIDE COCO'S BRAIN…

"Yeah, it probably WOULD be better for her mental health if she forgot about the fact that something like this has happened to her…" Crash regretfully sighed as he clicked his way into Coco's CNSC's memory bank(s) and then somewhat-reluctantly deleted her memories of what he and Verona had just done to her so that said memories wouldn't be able to cause any more trouble for him and/or her. Surely (and interestingly) enough, Coco's CNSC actually said (yes, SAID) "THANK YOU" to Crash as her immensely traumatizing memories of said utterly horrific abuse instantly flew straight out of her head as if they had never even been there (causing her to no longer even be aware of the fact that Crash was inside said head of hers, amusingly enough).

"Man, I sure do wonder what could have led to me taking such an INCREDIBLY nasty dump…" Coco rather-embarrassedly wiped the poop stains off of her butt (which was an action that the show thankfully avoided actually showing by only showing the toilet-paper-grabbing that led to it) and thought to herself, causing Crash to rather-childishly giggle in response as he suddenly realized that Coco no longer even knowing that he was inside her brain basically meant that he was able to do whatever he wanted with said brain of hers as long as she didn't find out about the fact that he had snuck into it. If most other people/creatures had been given an opportunity such as the one that Crash had just been given by said unawareness, they probably would have simply used it to make a lovely blonde hottie like Coco strip herself naked and/or show off her feet for them, but...well...let's just say that Crash had far grander ambitions.

TOM: Oh no! It's the invasion of the killer gerunds!

"OOH; what do we have HERE?" Crash incredibly-teasingly laughed as he dug even deeper into Coco's CNSC's memory bank(s) and therefore completely invaded her privacy (as if he hadn't already done so) by finding a downright-scandalously large amount of information about her secret crush on N. Gin hidden within said memory bank(s). Needless to say, the result of said discovery was a rather-extremely disastrous and humiliating one to say the least.

"Oh, dear…" Aku-Aku regretfully sighed as Coco came out of her bathroom with swirly eyes and a painfully-obviously being-controlled-from-within-by-Crash body. Meanwhile, inside Coco's brain, Crash downright-evilly grinned from ear to ear as his own brain was visited by an absolutely-hilariously (wonderful and) AWFUL idea.

MEANWHILE, IN OUTER SPACE…

"CURSES! FOILED AGAIN! WHAT MAKES THIS EVEN MORE HUMILIATING IS THE FACT THAT I TOTALLY WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH WHAT I DID TO COCO TODAY IF IT WASN'T FOR THAT MEDDLING CRASH!" Nitros Oxide could be heard crying and screaming from an incredibly long distance away (in outer space, no less) as he utterly-defeatedly flew back to his home planet (Gasmoxia) using his UFO after finally realizing that his communication link to Verona Chong had completely ceased to exist due to Verona herself also having done so.

CROW: To destroy all life in the universe?

JOEL: To write the Great American Novel?

TOM: To prepare a delicious five-course meal with only six hours lead time?

A FEW HOURS LATER, BACK ON EARTH…

ALL: Ohhh.

JOEL: Seems awfully specialized to me, but to each his own.

"Tee hee hee; tell me, Coco, would you like to rev up your N. Gin?" a rather-awkwardly dressed-up-as-a-pretty-little-princess N. Gin rather-creepily asked an incredibly-adorably swirly-eyed, blushing and smiling Coco as the two of them lovingly and tea-partyingly sat RIGHT next to each other at a picnic table (one that was right next to Crash's/Coco's house, no less) of which literally all of the other occupants were stuffed animals. Well, at least the two of them weren't NAKED (yet), I suppose…

"Oh, believe me, I would absolutely LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE to do that! TEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!" Coco overjoyedly sang and giggled as she and N. Gin extensively and downright-sickeningly-sweetly cuddled each other while Dingodile (who very-unfortunately was standing right in front of said "sweethearts" and their precious picnic table) understandably-laughingly recorded said debauchery using an incredibly high-quality video camera. Meanwhile, Neo Cortex and Tawna (who were standing right next to both each other and Dingodile) were increasingly-desperately struggling to not vomit as they watched N. Gin and Coco flirt with each other.

"Let me TELL you guys; YouNoob is going to absolutely LOVE this!" Dingodile merrily chuckled while clearly-deliberately looking directly at the show's audience in the process. Needless to say, the video in question actually DID end up becoming extremely popular...and let me tell YOU, Coco had NEVER been more humiliated (or more mad at Crash) at any point in her entire lifetime.

CROW: Oh, no! He's making…Hot Water!

TOM: You're forgetting what series we're dealing with here. In Crash, that could be devastating.

"Tawna...do...do you THINK that God stays in Heaven because he, too, lives in fear of what he's created?" Neo Cortex surprisingly-thought-provokingly asked Tawna while still being completely unable to believe what he was looking at in the process. As much as Tawna wanted to give Cortex a more complex and sophisticated answer to said question of his, the only truly perfect answer that she was able to give to said question was this one:

"Yes, Cortex. Yes, I do."

THE END

[The Bots both edge away from Joel.)

JOEL: Anyhow, let's get outta here and see if we can fix your head Tom.

[JOEL picks up Tom, and the three leave the theater]

[1][2][3][4][5][6]

[Bridge of the Satellite of Love]

[Joel is busy replacing Tom's bubble head, while Crow watches.]

JOEL: Well guys, that's another fic down.

TOM: Yeah, well I certainly hope we don't have to go through another self-insert story like that again.

JOEL: Unfortunately, I don't think the Mads are going to allow that to happen.

BOTS: *groan*

JOEL: Sorry, but I don't like it anymore then you guys do. So, I guess we're just going to have to build up an immunity to them.

CROW: Joel, why do author's like to put themselves in works of fiction in the first place?

TOM: Yeah, can't they just let the story play out by itself, instead of mucking around with the character's lives?

JOEL: Well guys, back on Earth, lots of people live boring lives. So that imagining oneself in some fantastical work of pop culture is a way to escape from life's daily monotony.

CROW: How pathetic.

JOEL: Well, while that's true for some, quite a few literary touchstones have been self-insert fics.

TOM: (dismissive) Sure.

JOEL: No, really, there's Dante Alighieri in his Divine Comedy, or Kurt Vonnegut in Slaughterhouse Five. Heck, even Charlotte Bronte's heroine Jane Eyre was based on Bronte's life.

CROW: (snidely) Next you're going to tell us we can learn all this and more at our local library.

JOEL: *chuckles* No, all I'm saying is, just because most self-inserts are like today's experiment, doesn't mean all of them are bad.

[Joel finishes replacing Tom's broken bubble head with a shiny new one.]

JOEL: And done. How does it feel?

TOM: Like a breath of fresh air.

CROW: You don't breathe.

[Joel turns to Cambot]

JOEL: What do you think, Sirs?

[Deep 13 Laboratory]

[Frank is sitting at the computer console, while Dr. Forrester is jotting some things down on a clipboard]

FRANK: Uh, Clay?

DR. F: (inattentive) Mhm.

FRANK: (nervously) You remember the new Microsoft Office suite you installed?

DR. F: (still inattentive) Yes.

FRANK: The one with all the blackmail letters to Nintendo of America, Dairy Queen, and the like?

DR. F: (taking notice) Right…

FRANK: It's gone.

DR. F: What?!

[Dr. Forrester rushes over to the terminal and starts typing in commands]

DR. F: What is- want a minute! Frank! The Bug-ROM must have escaped the ZIP file we stored it in!

FRANK: What do we do?

DR. F: (starting to calm) I think I have a floppy disk with some Binary Raid on it. I'll go find it, meanwhile you press the button. [turns to camera] Until next time Joel.

[Dr. Forrester walks off to find the floppy disk, while Frank pushes the button]

{psssssscht}

[The screen goes black]

[Roll Credits to Mighty Science Theater]

Disclaimer: MST3K and related characters/settings/situations are the
property of Best Brains Inc, however they had nothing to do with writing this up.
This mystification was done for the express purpose of entertainment,
and is not meant as a personal attack on the original author(s) in any way.

The anger she had felt at

being made

to feel helpless, and then ignored completely as a minor annoyance,

was rapidly

sinking into hesitation as Ranma-chan saw the lack of results of the

attack.

Keep Circulating the Fanfics.

AN:

And another successful archiving.

Just so you know, the original didn't have a closing host segment. I didn't think that was right, so I made one up myself.

Sorry if Joel's little talk about self-inserts in literary history came off as a little lecturing. However, Joel always seemed to try and find ways to appreciate the movies on the show. So, I figured he'd give the concepts in these fanfics the same benefit of the doubt.

Anyway, hoped you all had a laugh!

Chapter Text

*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*

(Where applicable)

[Season 3 opening credits]

In the not-to-distant future

Next Sunday A.D.

There was a guy named Joel

Not too different from you or me

He worker at Gizmonic Institute

Just another face in a red jumpsuit

He did a good job cleaning up the place

But his bosses didn't like him so they shot him into space!

"We'll send him cheesy fanfic!

The worst we can find! (la la la)

He'll have to sit and read them all

And we'll monitor his mind!" (la la la)

Now keep in mind Joel can't control

Where the fanfics begin or end (la la la)

Because he used those special parts

To make his robot friends

Robot Roll Call (all right let's go)

Cambot! (Pan left)

Gypsy! (Hi, girl!)

Tom Servo! (What a cool guy!)

Crooooow! (Oh, wisecracker!)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes

And other science facts (la la la)

Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a MSTing

I should really just relax"

For The Mysterious Fanfiction Theater 2000!

[The Sence opens with Joel in Satellite of love]

JOEL: Hi, everyone. Welcome to The Satellite of love. Lately, I've been checking out some fanfics that you guys wrote about my game and other games including Bendy and the Ink Machine, Five Nights at Freddy's, Hello Neighbor, and Undertale. I've been hearing about this one called Giantess Toriel x Asriel: Motherly F-ery. I've never read it before, so it better be interesting.

CROW: Um, Joel? I think you're better off not reading it. It's totally dirty and twisted, and it'll give you nightmares for weeks!

JOEL: How come?

TOM: I really don't wanna tell you at this point. But please, whatever you do, don't read that story!

JOEL [shrugs]: I really don't understand what Mugman's talking about, but whatever seems disturbing in the fanfic better not be disturbing for me.

[Mads light starts flashing]

Joel: Ok, that's enough, Spunky and Brewster are calling.

[Joel smacks a random button on the console. Scene changes to
the Deep 13 Laboratory.]

Dr. Forrester: How about the story of the noble dog who saved the king from the wicked wizard. Once upon a time-

[Satellite of Love]

CROW: Okay, so Asriel's going to Alphys' lab

TOM: Wait, what? Eh, maybe it's just an expression

CROW: Alphys vs Undyne? I've never heard of that series

[Deep 13]

Dr. Forrester: Oh, Mother, please. Are there any stories about the little people?

(Dr. F explained and flipped through the book.)

Dr. Forrester: They are little, just like me. But…but what are those? [curiously pointing to the picture.]

[SOL]

TOM: Fetishes? You mean like, it's some kind of weird porno? Doesn't sound appropriate for a child to watch

[Deep 13]

Dr. Forrester: They're wings, Joel. These are fairies and fairies have wings so they can fly. Not only those, but the Ninjas of the Leaf Village."

TV's Frank [in background]: Dr. F, have you ever seen a fairy?

Dr. Forrester: Well, I thought I did once. Joel, this week's torture is "The Search for Shalla-Bal" by The Ikran Rider. Norrin Radd has returned and realized he's on exile, which means he won't see his beloved and his home again. But Terri has a plan and Shalla-Bal has gone missing. Now its up to the team to bring her and the Surfer back where they belong.

[SOL]

CROW: By the description of it, I'm afraid to ask what those giantess scenes were

[Joel walked in. From offstage. His expression was one of disgust at the scene before him.]

JOEL: Did he just call his mother by her first name?

[Lights flash, buzzers buzz and pandemonium erupts.]

JOEL: Something doesn't feel right here! WE'VE GOT MOVIE SIGN!

[Joel slams a random button]

[We cut to the opening door sequence]

[6][5][4][3][2][1]

[Inside the theatre]

[Joel carries Tom to his seat on the left, while Crow sits to Joel's right]

The Search for Shalla-Bal

An Fantastic 4 Fanfic Story

by The Ikran Rider

TOM: Ah, clumsy Asriel

It's been two years since Reed and Sue tied the knot. During that time Terri has been preoccupied on finding Norrin Radd, also known as the Silver Surfer. So far, there has been no luck. A few years back Reed made the FantastiCar, which is a huge jet that can travel on land, water, and air...except in space. In response to that, Terri has sent an aircraft that has these capabilities, the AstroWing.

It had been five years since she last used it. By that time Reed constantly figured out what makes the AstroWing and the FantastiCar unique from each other. When it finally came a few weeks later, Terri noticed how unsanitary it was. In order for it to work properly, she has to clean every nook and cranny both inside and out.

CROW: Time to end this fic? Sure!

JOEL: No way.

After several hours of dusting, sweeping, vacuuming, polishing, cleaning the residue and emptying the trash from the cockpit while listening to Johnny's mix CDs, she was almost ready. All she had to do was to make sure that there was enough fuel, LiquidO2, and to do that she needed to make an equal amount in each wing. Sometimes she had to jump on them lightly until its caller, Lucille, confirms that it s ready for takeoff.

One night she was looking through a huge telescope trying to find Norrin but all she saw was a silvery capsule. She thought it was space trash left from the team's DNA mission, but she wasn't certain. The lens didn't give it a clear view so she zoomed in closer. While she was looking very hard, Sue touched her shoulder and they both yelped.

They apologized and Terri said she was using the telescope to "look at the wind, you know. Being creative." They both said good night to each other then she looked again, only this time the silvery object was gone. She waited for tomorrow night to use her AstroWing to see the object up close.

The flight went smoothly then Lucille warned her that there is unknown radiation ahead. Whatever it was looked like a comet traveling fast, but she could tell it was making it's own energy. She heard the phrases: unknown radiation...making it's own energy, then it came to her; Norrin is here.

TOM: Hmmmm, a flyer?

She started to give chase and then she saw a figure shining through, it looked like someone on a surfboard. Like a trucker, she kept calling his name and to stop moving. The steering handles started to jiggle and she heard something shoot out. Somehow Lucille made the AstroWing shoot a bomb automatically. It hit the board and in response Norrin released an energy blast and the ship went down.

The handles went back and the nose dove and spun out of control, but Terri managed to keep the nose up as it crashlanded on a stormy, snowy terrain. Terri was unconscious then Norrin came to see who shot him. He opened the AstroWing and took the air mask off, then he realized who it was. After a few minutes of comforting her, the ship was closed and then he left.

The next morning Terri came to. She was covered in thick blankets and the inside of the ship was very warm. She immediately understood that someone was in the ship, but there were no footprints.

CROW: Oh, so she's having a sleepover, and who's AstroWing?

She frantically looked around but no one showed up. Then she tried calling the team saying she'd been stranded somewhere at the Arctic Circle. When she looked again the ship began to power up.

Curious, she went to it and she felt her hairs on her neck stick up. She looked behind and demanded while holding a crowbar, "Hold and turn or you will be hit by a crowbar!"

Then the figure looked up; to her surprise it was Norrin. When she found her words, she was amazed he was alive after he blew up Galactus. She invited him inside the ship and began a long discussion.

At this time, Norrin wanted to go back home and reunite with his people since he's been gone for so long. But as he reached the end of the universe, he can't go any further. She asked why not and then he hesitated. Then it all made sense.

Because the Sliver Surfer was in exile, Terri was outraged and has decided to make a secret mission in which she and a copilot would travel to his universe and retrieve his loved one by the name of Shalla-Bal.

She picked two members, Reed and Ben, but because there wasn't a lot of room she has to choose only one person to go. First the team casted their votes: Sue, Frankie, and John Myers chose Reed while Johnny, Alicia, and Norrin picked Ben. Since there was a tie Ben suggested an arm wrestle, then she said it would be one-sided and he would win it for sure.

JOEL: Wait, did he suddenly get aroused? I'm so confused

Next she declared a rock, paper, scissors competition: Whoever gets the best out of three matches first is the winner. After that Reed became Terri's copilot for the mission; however, he still has to pass the flying simulation while she gives the AstroWing itself some test flights. They've done their parts and the liftoff was scheduled for a dark, chilly Monday evening.

TOM: Wow, Alphys was there the whole time

After a hearty meal, Reed and Terri tested their skills on her new flight simulator. First they did a team mission, then they had a fast-paced face off. In the end, Reed became champ and she congratulated him for his great combative skills.

Then they started to pack their bags for a one and a half week journey to Zenn-La and back. He made the calculations that it would take 6,000 light years to get to their destination. With only five minutes to spare, they said their last goodbyes to their friends and then it was off to the cockpit.

Norrin said he will assist them going through the atmosphere as they leave Earth behind. Terri told him that he will wait for them when they come back with Shalla-Bal, along with some memos of the times they shared before he served Galactus. They fastened their seat belts as the AstroWing ran down the runway.

CROW: (as Reed) You were so clueless, Terri

TOM: (as Terri) Are you serious about that? He's too young to do that, obviously

As Terri gained 150 mph, she signaled Reed to shift the nozzle down so it can go off the ground. The wheels folded in, the wings extended, and she pulled the controllers up as the aircraft took flight. After a shaky start, thanks to the turbulence, they were pulled back by the G-force as they entered the atmosphere with Norrin just ahead.

A couple minutes later everything started to become smooth and calm. Reed and Terri were alright and she in awe looked out the side window to see the big blue planet close by. Norrin was waiting for them and they started to follow him as they made their first foot on their perilous mission. Not only that, but it was also the first time in history that any human can see Mars, venture through the asteroid belt, discover the outer planets, and leave to another distant universe.

As Reed and Terri watched their home planet disappear, she called Susan and told her that they have started their mission after exiting the atmosphere safely. Even from another solar system, the AsttroWing can contact people from anytime, anywhere, just as long as they had fuel in their tanks. One crisis entailed that if they run out, they would also lose oxygen. In case of an emergency, Terri organized a closet consisting of a 5-foot space suit and a pair of 6-inch magnetic boots, along with a 6-foot space suit and a pair of 7 inch boots.

In the back section there was a small microwave oven and a refrigerator loaded with snacks and portable goods, even freeze-dried ice cream which had chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, and Terri's favorite, mint chip.

While they were finished listening to "Space Cowboy" by N'sync and Lisa "Left-Eye" Lopes, the AstroWing went into hyper speed. Terri kept a wary eye on the fuel gauge, because the longer they stay in hyper speed the more fuel it uses. She also kept an eye on the virtual map as well.

After a couple minutes the ship slowed down. When the song ended they were passing Norrin's new home, Mars. Terri wasted no time taking pictures from every angle with her little Fugifilm camera. She informed him that it is still underway on making it a better place as soon as most of the CO is removed, and that the algae is inserted to make more oxygen.

Once they passed Mars, it was time to hit the sack. They've called home and wished them a goodnight's rest now that they're away, and Sue and the others said it back. Then Reed took two sleeping bags out of his tote, and stated that they were used for low gravity so that people can comfortably float around inside them when they rest. Next the ship shut down but it was still moving. The lights dimmed and the engines became quiet and faster.

Reed and Terri were quite curious on how Norrin slept while he was Galactus' herald. The truth is he didn't so she asked if he wants to sleep in the AstroWing. He said he would only use his board by going inside of it.

They slept until the alarm sounded at 9:00 am. A brief breakfast was made as Terri announced what was yet to come. Lucille warned her that the asteroid belt was less than a light year away and that she had made the necessary arrangements for the dangerous encounter. The shields were up, the weapons are full, and the engines were steady.

JOEL: So Alphys has two labs?

When they returned to the cockpit, Earth called and wished them good luck for their journey into outer space. When it was just Sue and Reed she told him that it's her and Johnny's mother's anniversary of her death and wished he would be there. He already made plans for this moment when he said he, Alicia, Ben, and Terri made a fresh bouquet for her as a surprise. All agog she appreciated it very much and she would call them back as soon as they go through the belt. She wished them good luck before the small screen went blank. Reed told Terri and Norrin about the call and before they knew it, they have entered the asteroid field.

Norrin materialized outside of the AstroWing and said to follow him and to never lose him in the asteroid belt. They did as Terri separated the maneuvering controls and the weaponry. Since Reed was a skilled copilot on the flight simulator, he was steering it while Terri was shooting whatever was in their way, sticking close to the Surfer as possible. Some were easy to destroy while others were more difficult and must be avoided. Sometimes they had to brake or go faster because some asteroids were in their way and bumping into each other. It was a wild roller coaster ride but they still maintained their course.

Just as they thought it was over, there was an enormous asteroid heading for them, one that it was at least a mile wide. The lasers had no effect so Terri told Reed to keep the ship steady while she aimed for the core of the rock.

She murmured, "Time for another Big Bang."

She did it as a bomb shot out of the ship's nozzle and then the asteroid made a humongous explosion spewing space dust and small debris everywhere. Just ahead, Norrin looked behind him as it blew up, wondering if the AstroWing and the others were okay. They've gained speed and approached him at the end of the field. Relieved she thought that they lost him when the asteroid headed for them. After a brief reunion they resumed their journey.

TOM: Yeah, she probably did if she's a scientist

They've called Earth five minutes later and she told them the AstroWing went through the asteroid belt, and Reed's an amazing copilot. The two controls were now one and they made a little celebration as they had a hearty meal in the ship. A few hours have passed and it was time to rest once more.

Terri woke up to a thunderous sound as they loomed closer and closer. She looked around the ship as it moved slowly nearer to the noise, so close that the ship at times shook which awakened Reed. He said maybe it's the power trying to turn back on. But they immediately saw Jupiter in the distance and that sound was coming from its Great Red Spot.

As a yearning explorer, Norrin wanted to actually visit Jupiter and its Red Spot as soon as the mission is accomplished, while Terri once again got out her camera and started shooting numerous photos. It was an astounding sight. The excitement didn't stop there, however, as the AstroWing passed her favorite planet, Saturn.

In awe and all agog she shot many pictures of its fabulous rings and the planet itself. Reed informed them that the rings were made by rock, ice, dust, and other space matter. As he did, her camera zoomed in as close as it could to take images of the small chunks left from the rings. The engines of the ship sped up and hours later, they came across Uranus.

It was one of Reed's favorites because of its unique structure. Unlike Saturn it tilts and orbits on its side; they weren't sure why it came to be this way but he mentioned that while the solar system was made, a protoplanet collided with its rings.

Soon they passed Neptune and watched the planet start to churn with its fast, violent winds. By that time, Terri realized that her camera was almost full so she made a quick check to keep her best planetary images from the worst. Some of the pictures she kept was actually from the wedding and the numerous projects her office job did. Then she mentioned to Norrin that they were almost at the end of the solar system, which he already knew.

CROW: What the heck?! That's clearly child abuse!

JOEL: Oh, NOW she's apologizing to him

TOM: This "True Lab" doesn't seem very exciting

She said, "We just need to pass one more heavenly body, which was formerly the last planet, Pluto."

It was quarter to 11:00 pm as they went by the dwarf planet and as they did, she explained why it was no longer the final planet, but instead it was Neptune. She even mentioned that one time Neptune and Pluto actually switched places from each other.

They've slept until there was a strange, fuzzing noise coming from the outside of the AstroWing. Then they realized that Norrin reached his limit. Frightened, Terri ordered Lucille to stop the ship before she crashed into him. Then there was a long silence as he sadly sat down on his board.

JOEL: (Terri) By the way this looks so far, I think I'd have to agree

With his voice caught in his throat, he stated it was up to them to finish the mission, head to Zenn-La, and find Shalla-Bal. While Terri was close to sobbing, she and Reed said they would make that promise and he could wait for them on Earth. When the tears fell, they said goodbye.

Reed and Terri left Norrin behind and then he began to reminisce on all the times he shared with Shalla-Bal, while they looked back at their memories they had. After that they told the team about what just happened.

While they were approaching the unknown universe, Terri had a nightmare: It took place in a dark, hot, devilish place as the AstroWing was tracking down Shalla-Bal. The heat was intense and the AstroWing was constantly attacked by hidden monsters all around. But it still looked for Shalla-Bal. She was in the cockpit with Sue, Johnny, and Ben who was human instead of in his usual rocked body. He explained that he changed due to the combinations of their powers and that Reed is outside of the ship. Then it was held down by a gravitational pull and she saw an enormous demon-like creature attacking Reed and the AstroWing.

It was losing the bout and just as the ship was going to self-destruct from a final blow, Terri woke up with short, scared breaths. Still wide awake, Reed asked if she was alright, then she explained everything. She worried that Shalla-Bal might not be at Zenn-La but rather in that horrid place. He assured her it was a dream and he was hopeful that she'll be found safe waiting for Norrin. She went back to sleep and the vessel continued on its course.

The next night Reed had one too, but it was much different. This dream took place at the center of a rounded garden. The outside was covered with exotic flowers while the middle had a brick floor. The weather was gloomy and Shalla-Bal had finished watering just as an enormous demonic creature came up from the ground. She faced him with wide eyes and pale skin. Then she got up and asked it to leave. He stood there and then she started to jump-kick him. No matter how hard she tried, she didn't hurt him. Then she attempted to punch him, but he twisted her arm and kicked her in the side twice. Next he raised her arm and she pleaded to let her go. As he did, he tripped her and she fell to the ground. He became still for a few seconds then used one of his pointy body parts and stabbed her deeply, in response she screamed in pain. Then she was held like a hostage and the creature said that her soul is his. In response she yelled for her lover's name. When he said he will be next, he was about to bite her just as Reed woke up.

Terri asked to see if he was okay, then he told her everything that's happened. Next he ordered her to set the AstroWing to travel in hyper speed, even though they were going to miss many of the heavenly bodies the Deneb universe had.

CROW: (as Terri) Sounds like Deneb has rabies

They traveled as fast as its wings could carry them and during the rush, one out of two fuel tanks was used up. Lucille gave an alarm to let her know she's used half of the oxygen, so she immediately used a refill in the empty fuel tank. When she did it was still draining quickly. She hoped that at this pace they could reach Zenn-La and back without the risk of running out of oxygen.

Meanwhile Norrin returned to Earth and told Sue and the others that the AstroWing will arrive at its destination shortly.

Back at the vessel Reed opened his eyes and saw a small light-blue orb in the distance. He woke up Terri and said that this orb could be Zenn-La. Willing to find out they slowly steered the AstroWing toward it. Just then Lucille announced that they have finally reached their destination. It was a light-blue planet with clouds circling it along with a big dusty, rocky ring in the center. Being that the inhabitants, the Zenn-Lavians, have never heard of them before, they've decided to land discreetly.

The AstroWing had no trouble when it went through the atmosphere, in fact it was much less toxic and thinner than Earth's atmosphere, though. But like their home planet the environment was lush and very fertile. Much of the vegetation was able to grow twice as much as Earth's plants. And the creatures there looked and sounded a lot different, like as if they went back in time to see the dinosaurs reincarnated.

Suddenly there was a high-pitched, screeching noise and the AstroWing took a dip. It landed on top of a thick branch in one of the enormous, thick sequoia trees.

Terri stated, "I think we're here..."

They both looked down from the cockpit and they saw that they were still high above the ground. The trees were so high, they could still see the clouds circling it. Slowly they brought the ship down on the unusually rich soil. Terri sighed with relief now that she's finally on the ground again. They exited and stretched as they took in their new surroundings.

TOM: It's too bad Terri couldn't join in

Just then they heard guns being pointed at them and they were encircled by people in heavy artillery and air masks. One of the guys scowled, "Freeze! We have you completely surrounded!"

They stepped in closer and more of them emerged from the thickets with red beams shining at them. Then the same person said, "What have you done with the disappearance of Shalla-Bal? Answer me or we'll shoot! You have disturbed the peace of the Zenn-Lavians, surrender now!"

Terri tried to convince the footman that they have never been here. At a moment's notice, a silver-haired woman emerged and said, "You can put all that stuff away, boys. You've heard them, they've never been here before. Always causing trouble, huh, Fennan?"

She apologized and introduced herself as Elmar and so did Reed and Terri. Then she asked why they were here. They've explained that they had a mission from Norrin, her son. She told them to follow her to Shalla-Bal's place where she was last seen.

CROW: Hey, they're all asleep, they won't make any noise

When they approached an old, big palace they met a grey-haired man who said he was Norrin's father, Jartran. He knew someone would come and look for his son's lost love. They introduced themselves as he took them to the same place she was last seen, at a circular garden.

Reed asked Terri to gather all of the memos Norrin had in the AstroWing while he investigates on her whereabouts, Elmar assisted her.

"This is the place?" he queried.

Jartan replied "Yes. This is where we found her body."

"What happened?" Reed asked.

TOM: Why would a shrink ray be in her bed?

JOEL: So Reed had the shrink ray all along?

"After he left and served Galactus, she made this garden in her despair. And then she went missing just last night. Everyone was looking for her, they think she had been abducted. There were many cases and, every time this happened, they were never seen again."

CROW: Okay, that was really unexpected, Tom

TOM: Why are you afraid to land on your neck? The bed isn't hard

JOEL: You guys...

Reed asked if they had some kind of surveillance since he discovered that the planet was in high alert.

Jartran said, "They don't always have to use it to find victims. Sometimes we use premonitions."

Reed became bitter and he said it was nonsense that they could use their dreams as a guide for solving mysteries such as this. Jartran stated that they all do it, "Including our son."

Then Fennan in his uniform went to Jartran with a shiny ring, engraved on the back were the words: " I'm yours forever" in hieroglyphics.

He said to put it somewhere safe, then Jartran showed Reed the inside of the palace where Terri was packing the mementos. He introduced Jartan to Terri then they heard crying in the distance. He said it was Elmar, so he went to her. Fennan went to the two guests, introduced himself as Norrin's half-brother, and stated that he was just as worried as the others were.

TOM: (Jartan) Actually Reed, she's normal-sized, you're just really small

A few hours went by and Fennan, Jartran, and Elmar concluded that their premonitions led them to the following places where Shalla-Bal may have disappeared to. As a footman, Fennan discovered a place that had very dense vegetation that anyone can be hidden, that it was inhabited by reptilian and amphibian-like creatures, and was ruled by a monstrous carnivore for centuries. He came to the possibility that Shalla-Bal was taken there.

Elmar stated that her premonition led her to a place where it was like Zenn-La early developed, when almost everything was covered with sharp rocks and molten lava. There was even an enormous dormant volcano at the center of the mysterious planet. Jartran described a place in which it was used for heavy artillery, weaponry, and fortitude. Not too many people were able to visit it because they would always be shot down as they even tried to approach its atmosphere.

Terri stepped in and said, "I'm sure she wasn't captured and then taken to this forbidden place in the universe."

And then she stated about her dreams before she and Reed set foot on Zenn-La. They were shocked when she was finished, and they all started chattering at once. Reed quieted them and Fennan in horror said that could be the leading possibility of Shalla-Bal's disappearance, but then he added he can still visit the other planets, though.

He wanted to send groups of his men to help them search for her. So they did while Reed and Terri stayed for a few days in the palace before they went back to Earth. Fennan, Jartran, and Elmar wished them good luck as they lifted off into the clear blue.

They made it back with no setbacks and although many thoughts raced through their minds, they barely spoke. It took almost a week until they flew back; it took almost a fortnight to get to Zenn-La and back. And they didn't hesitate to tell all the things that transpired during their short journey. Norrin was very disappointed since Shalla-Bal went missing somewhere unknown in the Deneb galaxy, and that there was no way he could reach her...unless if they did one thing.

Reed had an idea that the Aurora Borealis was coming at the Arctic Circle. He suggested that by the middle of April, they can fly into it and maybe emerge at the Deneb galaxy without detection. The team tried it a few weeks later, after Reed finally had the material he needed to make the FantastiCar bigger and better, they were on their way to reunite Norrin with his long lost loved one, Shalla-Bal.

CROW: Why would you give her head that much description?

It was a cold April afternoon and Terri and John were sitting on a bench in Central Park. He said that Reed wanted him to stay at the Baxter Building with Alicia and Frankie while the Fantastic Four lift off through the Aurora Borealis. It was unlikely since he did so much for the team. They walked to the Building and then kissed before they went to Reed's laboratory.

In the FantastiCar, the team went through the Aurora at the Arctic Circle while Terri followed with the AstroWing. Norrin was right behind them and after they left Earth's atmosphere, they saw a huge mother ship. Fennan sent many of the military off from Zenn-la so he and his troops would assist the team during their search for Shalla-Bal. They were in awe as they approached the vessel, which could hold up to a crew of a hundred people. It also has fuel tanks that could last for thousands of light years.

JOEL: What is he talking about here?

Johnny, trying to be humorous, said, "This place is a bigger showoff than the Von Doom Space Station."

TOM: Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of this

Terri immediately explained, "Well at least it's just as durable. This mother ship was made from the finest resources of what Zenn-la has to offer. The people have worked really hard to make this ship."

Before they knew it, they were there. The FantastiCar entered through a slot underneath the ship followed by the AstroWing and Norrin. They parked, the slot closed, and Fennan welcomed them. Next he and Norrin reunited like they were lost brothers. He introduced himself to Sue, Johnny, and Ben as the group walked to the enormous cockpit.

It was ten times bigger than Reed's lab. Fennan showed them a brief tour and then a skinny figure in uniform showed up. In a perky voice he introduced himself as Trake, Fennan's first commander of the Zenn-la forces. He was very fond of Reed when he was introduced as the right-hand man for the mission.

When the tour ended, Fennan offered the team to make themselves at home before they reach their first destination, the planet Reptilyx.

Each member used a separate room to settle and store their belongings. Reed and Sue, however, shared one as a request from Fennan.

A few hours have passed and Trake announced that they've reached their arrival. In the cockpit, the team saw a small green planet with dark green patches which are tense vegetation according to Trake.

Fennan warned "This location is inhabited by very ferocious creatures. I want you all to be very careful while you search for Shalla-Bal."

CROW: (Fennan) Ugh, gross!

Then Johnny added, "Let's hope we won't become victims of a feeding frenzy," as he laughed. He received dirty looks by everyone and then he became somber.

Fennan stated that he has their permission for takeoff, then Reed suggested that Terri should leave with the AstroWing along with Norrin and any member of the group. She said she'll send a member of the team later whenever she needs help during the expedition. The crew said good luck and they were off to Reptilyx.

After they entered the atmosphere, Terri ordered Lucille to open the wings then check the shields to the AstroWing. Then she and Norrin saw what looked like a small gray military vessel. He nodded to Terri to proceed and she said, "All systems are a go. Let's rock and roll!"

They descended on a body of water and a small school of flying fish attacked them. Some were underwater while others broke the surface.

"Terri! Get back!" Fennan said over the speaker, to make sure she stayed close to Norrin as they arrived at the military vessel.

TOM: Eeeeeeeeeeew! Joel, why are you doing that?!

A lot of reptilian-like creatures attempted to shoot the travelers, but they used a volley of lasers and energy blasts to make a clear path. Soon they left and came across two wooden bridges which were accompanied by a few mutant-sized frogs.

One landed on the AstroWing but it shook it off. Then there was a humongous school of flying fish attacking. After a tough, long shootout they approached a gigantic cannon which fired on the AstroWing and Norrin.

CROW: (Norrin) STOP! I like Chinese dinners! I don't want to think of them in a bad way!

Terri arrived and shot a bomb inside the cannon and in a few seconds flat, it exploded along with the lizard shooter and the ship he was standing on. They resumed their course and Fennan told them they were approaching an area with dense vegetation, he suggested to fly overhead and Terri said it was a good idea so they can find Shalla-Bal easier.

They did after they dealt with another school of flying fish. They flew over some trees as Lucille was scanning for Norrin's lost loved one. Suddenly the trees started to shake violently. There were numerous birds fighting them. Some were flocks of archaeopteryx, others were gigantic pterasaurs. In addition, there were many tanks and cannons firing from below.

Next they came to a big desert and an enormous block kept shooting at them with a variety of lasers. Terri had no effect on it as she kept firing at it until she used another bomb to destroy it. The block was still standing and ready to blow as Norrin used an energy blast and Terri's telekinesis. As if it wouldn't take anymore, the block bounced backward and then incinerated.

JOEL: Whee!

Fennan said, "The vegetation shouldn't be so dense now. Head for the jungle and search for Shalla-Bal there."

CROW: Yuck! Why would he eat that?!

The speakers shut off and then it was off to the ancient ruins of Reptilyx.

Sure enough they were at a moist, hot jungle with not a lot of vegetation as the last section. Fennan was right, they can fly through the jungle with ease. It was like a noisy rain forest as they encountered more flocks of archaeopteryx and some venomous bats. There were some reptilian forces similar to the ones they dealt with earlier and there were so many annoying primates. They swung from one tree to the other and, out of nowhere, one landed on top of the AstroWing.

TOM: (Fennan) There's no reason for you to say some Shakespherian monologue!

"Stay away from me, you barbaric baboons!" cried Terri.

She shook and shot off each one. By then her shield gauge indicated it was half empty, but luckily Norrin was there to refill whenever she needed it. He assured her that he can take care of himself against enemy attack; he hasn't fallen off his board yet.

They were passing the ancient ruins when they heard a thunderous noise. At times the ground shook and after a while, they were heading to a clearing when they saw an astonishing sight.

"Holy smokes! Look at this!" Terri exclaimed as she took photographs of an enormous dinosaur footprint. "This track must be close to six feet deep! If there is living proof in which dinosaurs have existed, there it is," she said to Reed at the helm of the mother ship.

CROW: (makes raspberry noise)

Fennan then responded, "There has been no sign of Shalla-Bal anywhere on this planet, regretfully. Return to base, the scanning's complete."

TOM: (Verona) Feel my death pootie!

Just then they heard trees toppling over and the sound loomed closer and closer. She and Norrin stopped to see what was causing all that ruckus.

They saw a green 50-foot T-Rex roaming around. Terri said in a startled voice not to move as the T-Rex could see them when in motion. Soon it came close to the AstroWing and then it let out a piercing roar. Terri covered her ears and she saw that it's teeth were like gigantic knives, almost 50 inches long. It looked closely inside and then it tried to swap at it like as if the ship was a fly.

The T-Rex, Reptyle, missed and she declared, "If it's a fight you want, it's a fight you'll get!"

CROW: Ack! He's going to her breasts now and…

Norrin and Terri made a break for it, then Reptyle gave chase. Lucille, at Terri's order, initiated the ship for all-range mode instead of just going one way. The wings extended and the vessel went faster and more agile.

"Bogey on my tail. Ben, I need your help to shake him off!" Terri said.

Fennan replied that he's on his way.

Reptyle tried to bite the AstroWing but it sped up, turned, and started shooting a volley of lasers; it nearly affected it though. Then the T-Rex was slapped in the face and started to chase Norrin. This was her moment to fly away and search for Ben, but he never showed up.

Suddenly, Reptyle opened its mouth and an energy beam shot out toward the AstroWing.

Terri avoided and said, "Whoa! Even its breath is a weapon!"

The vessel made a half-loop U-turn as she tried to shoot at Reptyle again. It chased her with fury. The AstroWing took damage and started to slow down, then Ben grabbed the T-Rex's tail and let out a high-pitch scream. It tried relentlessly to shake him off and then Terri went around and headed for the "bad boy."

JOEL: AAAAGH! THAT'S DISGUSTING!

"What are you doing?" Ben asked.

"I have an idea," Terri responded.

The T-Rex opened its mouth and immediately closed it, then swallowed what was in its mouth. The AstroWing descended and opened the hatch.

"Quick, Ben! Get in!" Terri commanded.

TOM: Okay, I REALLY don't like the sound of that!

He immediately stepped in and off they went with the Surfer behind them. Reptyle looked up and realized what was inside was a bomb Terri shot. In agony, it let out a menacing roar then its body exploded. Norrin and the AstroWing stopped and looked at the damage being done. They were in awe and then the clearing was covered by ants, actually it was the entire mod squad checking the mess.

"Maybe we should leave," Terri said.

In response, Ben said it was a good idea.

The gang left Reptilyx and returned to the mother ship through the under slot. She parked and went to the cockpit along with Ben and Norrin beside her. They walked to the main room where Fennan, Trake, and the others welcomed them with glee.

Johnny chimed in "That was one cool stunt you pulled!"

JOEL: (Johnny) What's Alphys doing with him now?!

Terri thanked him for the compliment.

Fennan sighed, "Well, looks like Reptilyx didn't have her, but don't get discouraged," he said to Norrin. "Our next assignment is this heading," he said showing a red planet. "This is the place where Elmar had her premonition...I hope Mom's right."

Because of the environment, Terri requested that Johnny should go; however, she was uncertain whether or not her AstroWing could take the heat for the second mission.

CROW: So…the point of putting it into the tornado in the first place would be…?

JOEL: Dramatic effect.

Five days have passed when the group reached their destination, Xandar. It was blood-red like Mars, but this one was all covered with molten lava and sharp, rocky landscapes.

"Just like in the vision..." Fennan said referring to Elmar's premonition.

Terri has decided that Johnny should go with Norrin since they can both take the heat, but she on the other hand was uncertain. "You guys can go if you want to, but I'm gonna skip this one out."

Trake looked up with a puzzled face. He asked, "Why don't you want to go?"

She replied that the AstroWing might not be suitable searching for Shalla-Bal in dry heat. She went to Reed, who was at the controls with Fennan, Sue and Ben. She repeated what she said then he confidently stated that he has installed air conditioning from the coldest areas in space.

TOM: Oh, crud! This isn't good!

"I see no problem with it, just as long as it stays cool."

Terri nodded and thanked him, then she was off to the cockpit.

"Another world awaits.." Norrin said as she and Johnny climbed in.

The crew wished the trio good luck and then they entered the red planet. After they went through Xandar's atmosphere, Terri stopped and asked Johnny, "Think you can handle this by yourself?"

CROW: WHAT?! OH, YUCK!

JOEL: don't do it!

TOM: Are you serious?! That's just cruel and disgusting!

He responded, "Of course, you know me. I can take on anything."

ALL: Ohhh.

JOEL: Exactly, he's 100% insane!

"Okay, let's get started," Terri said.

She opened the hatch and he jumped out turning himself into a human flame. It resumed its course with Norrin close by. Fennan was right; there was a lot of lava and rocky terrain everywhere they looked. Terri let Norrin and Johnny take the lead as they took down anything that stood in their way. Creatures kept peeking and shooting from the ragged cliffs, some fought in large groups as they closed in.

"Watch out! Some of these guys would be appearing from the lava, even they're not scared on taking the heat," Terri warned.

CROW: I really don't want that image in my mind!

TOM: Oh, so he's been through this before?

She made a dirty look as she saw Johnny engulfed in flame playing in the lava; although she was surprised that it didn't bother him at all.

More enemies emerged from the lava and some of them ducked, reloaded, and shot again. As soon as the crew came to a section where there was almost nothing but lava, they saw a tall, skinny volcano connected to a narrow cave.

Terri asked, "What do ya think? You think Elmar's right about her being in this hot place?"

TOM: STOP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

JOEL: YOU COULD DAMAGE HER EARDRUM DOING THAT!

BOTS: you really do need medication!

Determined as ever, Norrin proceeded to it.

She got a call from Fennan, "That area's an oven. Don't go burning that AstroWing. Be reasonable, Terri."

"Don't worry, cadet. I'll be careful," she responded.

She thought out loud that the cave is so narrow that she and the others would have to stay in single file. She drew forward behind Norrin, then Johnny trailed behind her.

"I got your back," he said.

They went and Terri complained when the air conditioner would turn on. As if on command, Lucille activated it and she felt immediate relief.

CROW: Why would you do that again if he just licked your inner ear?!

Sure enough they made their way through narrow paths in the cave. There were a few basins of lava where enemies tend to splash out and attack; the rest were in sharp, ragged flooring. Some bogies approached from behind where Johnny used his flames to destroy them. At times the small group felt earthquakes and a few loose stalactites fell. They slowed to a crawl so they wouldn't be clobbered. She had to give a signal so Johnny wouldn't burn the tail off. Most of them were shot to make them fall without any risk. The Surfer, the AstroWing, and Johnny sped up as they entered a wider area of the cave where they roamed more easily.

In the distance, they heard a roar similar to an enormous dragon. Then they felt more quakes and fireballs were thrown toward them.

"Allow me," exclaimed Johnny as he went ahead and pushed the embers aside with ease.

The team wandered to a path leading upwards where the volcano stood. They saw an enormous pool of lava and suddenly it started to ripple. The ground shook then lava began to tower over them. When it came down, they saw what looked like a human sphinx. It was indeed Pyreus Kril himself.

Reed announced over the speakers that the analysis was complete and the enemy goes by the name of Firelord. It refused to let them pass. It groaned and swiped at the AstroWing like a fly. The wings were burning so she made a few barrel rolls to put them out. The team took turns attacking it, but nothing affected it. Johnny did most of the dirty work as he kept lunging toward it and releasing embers.

"It appears we're at a standoff," Terri concluded.

Then Johnny thought about turning into a supernova. As if she read his mind, she immediately said it won't do any good since the enemy is immune to their attacks. Finally the AstroWing set off an alarm to ensure that it can't take many more blows.

Suddenly she had an idea. She opened a big unit of the controllers and saw a lot of wires intertwined with each other. She followed the wires until she found one leading to the lasers and another from the newly installed air conditioner.

Johnny looked at Terri while Norrin kept fighting Firelord and said in a panic, "Terri! What are you doing?!"

TOM: (as Terri) don't do that!

JOEL: Wax snowball? Seriously? Snowballs are supposed to make you happy, not sick!

TOM: Oh, come on! Not the eardrum again!

She connected the two together, looked up, and said, "It's a risk I'm willing to take!"

She closed the unit, aimed directly at the enemy and pounded and held on a big button. Just then, an ice beam shot out from the ship and Firelord started to get weaker. It moaned in agony and the entire place began to freeze. Johnny hurriedly took cover under the AstroWing so he won't get hit.

Terri held onto the button with all her might and in the process used her telekinesis to make the onslaught more powerful. Five minutes later, everything grew silent. The team saw everything, except the lava, encased in ice. Then the frozen Firelord rocked and fell back into pieces.

TOM: Uh oh, you're in trouble now!

"Oh my god," Johnny whispered.

Terri in the cockpit breathed heavily and then collapsed on the controllers.

Johnny and Norrin heard the thud coming from inside the AstroWing and looked to see what happened. They saw Terri lying face down on the motherboard. Johnny tried to open the ship until he found a button that allowed him access.

CROW: That can't be good for his colon!

"Terri! Terri!" He yelled as he tried to wake her up.

She was the unlucky one since he's used to the heat thanks to his powers, and it wasn't a problem for Norrin because he had the board to protect him. Again Johnny shook her and called her name but it was no use, then he heard an alarm go off. Lucille gave a warning that it can't hold up in the intense heat, even though everything was frozen. Frantically, Johnny tumbled into the cockpit, carried Terri to the copilot seat, fastened their belts, and attempted to fly the ship out of the volcano..

Suddenly it was going down into the lava, but thanks to Norrin, he was able to leave the fervid place and head back to the mother ship.

Terri began to stir as Johnny kept calling her name. He was sitting on her bed along with Reed, Ben, Fennan, and Norrin close to his side. In a weak voice she wondered where she was and when she realized it, she started to panic.

"What happened to the ship? Where's the AstroWing?!" she cried.

Reed calmed her down and assured her that it was safe. Relieved, she took deep breaths, grabbed the glass of ice water from Fennan, and drank it quickly. She coughed then Reed used a thermometer on her forehead. She had a temperature of 101, but fortunately it was going down. He told the others to scoot as he gave her more water. He suggested she should rest and drink more so everyone would finish the mission in one piece.

JOEL: What the-?! Uh-oh….

Terri realized that Shalla-Bal was not yet found. As she laid down, she made a confession. "Do you remember when we first defeated Victor a few years ago, when he was super heated then immediately became frozen? Chemistry lesson 101 I think it is?"

Reed nodded and she explained. "With that in mind...I had no choice because we were at a standoff. I figured the only way to wipe out the Firelord is to use an opposing element. It was a risk I was willing to take."

"I understand. The AstroWing's outer haul was burnt but the rest of it is okay."

Then she remembered Sue didn't show up. She asked and he said that she left along with the overnight crew; they went to a rest stop which is almost twenty light years away. Terri felt worried at the thought then Reed reassured that as long as they're not in another planet, there will be no trouble. He also told her that the mother ship will go into hyper sleep, meaning the air pressure would turn on and then it will be on auto-pilot to save energy, almost like being in a jet. After six glasses she slept, then Reed made his way to the cockpit.

Fennan already taught Reed how to set up the auto-pilot and activate the air pressure. Norrin's half-brother asked if he could sleep inside the ship for a change then Johnny chimed in, "I just hope you make it before you dose off. See ya, guys."

TOM: How did she know he was inside her ear?!

He and the others left Reed working at the controls. He twisted a knob and then a hissing sound was heard. The air was on. The next destination was a rest stop to refuel and restock on supplies for the remainder of the mission. He looked at a wedding portrait of him and Sue before his eyes became heavy. Then he rested on the dashboard as the others settled. The ship, without a pilot, was on its way to its next destination.

JOEL: AAAAACK! EW! GROSS!

CROW: Wait, is that even possible?!

TOM: Defecating on an eardrum is worse than licking one!

CROW [shudders]: Now I understand the meaning of black comedy….

Several light years away, a small vessel carrying Sue and the overnight crew was on its way to the rest stop. There was anger, fear, and a little comfort as she wondered if she was going to be okay without the team. She hoped for the same for Terri. One of the troops came in and saw agony on her face. He rested his hand on her shoulder and said they'll be fine. He turned off the lights and closed the door as she slept in her cot. It was small, but comfortable.

After a while she woke up to a high-pitched noise and then a roaring sound looming closer to her. Thinking she was still at the mothership, she kept calling for Reed and searched through the room. He wasn't there, then she saw dark matter coming from underneath the door. She stood guard as it was forming into a standing figure.

She made a force field to protect herself and it somehow broke as the dark matter grabbed her tightly. She struggled to break free, but it was useless. She saw the door open slowly and then a white light illuminated the hall as the same person who calmed her walked through, along with the rest of the crew and a strange, old man with long, thick white hair. Her eyes began to glow red as he stood in front of her and said hypnotically, "We have come to take you in, Susan Storm."

She became pale then her body was shaking. The man, Possessor, grabbed her shoulders as she looked into his eyes. She closed them, she didn't want to be next. Then the dark matter went inside her. She started to panic as it forced her to open them. When they did, the man flashed his eyes at her. She screamed Reed's name, and then he woke up with a jolt and a cold, shaky body.

Everything was quiet and still, except for his heartbeat. He looked around then turned off the air pressure. Everything was alive again. He took a deep breath and heard Terri stepping into the cockpit. She walked to him and asked if there was anything she could help him with.

He replied, "No...no, let's help all of us." They trotted to a radio, he pressed a button, and he cried, "Red alert! Everyone wake up! Hurry!"

The whole mothership flashed red and everyone came running to the cockpit. Fennan asked "What is it, Reed? Why...is there something wrong?"

TOM: I didn't know he could still turn into Flowey

Reed told everyone that Sue is in trouble, he could feel it. He regretted leaving her. He ordered Terri and Norrin to head for the rest stop while the others follow close behind. It was a light year away. That made Johnny uneasy because he was desperate on going in the AstroWing and save her sister. She got into the AstroWing and then she and Norrin went to their destination, even though, on all of their minds, it could be a trap.

Meanwhile, not too far from the mothership, the overnight crew were finishing their installments inside the rest stop. Telepath she was, Possessor could hear the leader bow and say, "Your plan is working. Our traps are ready for the intruders, it is now up to you to decide their fate."

He looked toward Sue who awakened abruptly, as if she took a jolt. Then her eyes glowed. They were ready for action.

Terri, also a telepath, sensed something awry. She felt a chill and told everyone what she was feeling. Fennan warned them that the troops have to be hiding somewhere in the base. They took it into account as they trekked toward an ambush of a small, fast fleet. "He's quick, be careful," he said as she fought through it.

"We're getting close to the base," she replied.

CROW: This is not going to end well!

JOEL [starts to speak, but realizes that Crow didn't actually say anything.]

CROW [seeing Joel's discomfiture]: Heehee!

They came to an enormous base that looked deserted and destroyed for quite some time. When she and Norrin entered it slowly, they saw and recognized many of the weaponry installed from the overnight crew. Terri was amazed how quickly they made them. A few more of the fast-acting fleets attacked the two explorers along with the weaponry found at the floors and ceilings. After they went through a small melee, they came across a lot of ancient statues along with other artifacts. Some were sitting on pedestals with their bodies held close like a fetal position.

Terri muttered, "Wow. I didn't know she was a big intergalactic collector."

As if on cue, the still-lives became active. One jumped from its board and attacked the AstroWing. She shook it off with a few barrel rolls as others began to close in. One by one they went down and the vessel and Norrin suffered numerous blows. Fortunately it took a second for them to recover.

"I owe you for this," Terri responded.

TOM: Well, think back! Where did you leave him?

Out of control, she came to a halt outside of the base. The attack was still active since she can't regain manual control. Everyone looked in awe as the overnight crew were floating in front of them. The head of the gang rose his head, flashed his eyes, and said, "You're time has come. The end of your endeavors start here."

TOM: (singing) To everything, turn, turn...

The group turned and bowed down to Possessor as he approached. "We have come, Master Kamo," they said in unison.

The other guys were taken back, realizing it was none other than Kamo Tharrne, a librarian who turned crazy with all the vast knowledge he wielded; little did they know someone entered the mothership. At the end of the chute where the vessels enter, Trake woke up when it started to open. He immediately looked inside, gun drawn, but no one was there. "Excuse me, how did you get in without a ship? Halt, show yourself!" he cried.

Trake was attacked from behind by a force field, and as Sue became visible, he was pushed back and then crashed to the end of the chute.

CROW: Exactly, brain damage is really fatal!

Fennan yelled, "Trake! No..." as he charged to her, then his head hit a force field and fell unconsciously to the ground.

She headed to the cockpit in a trance. When she got there with glowing eyes, Johnny was trying to warn Reed but it was too late. She got him in a strangle hold. He escaped when he tripped her.

"Calm down, Sue. Look, I'm not gonna hurt you," he said.

But she kept fighting with every tooth and nail. Ben and Johnny looked outside and he volunteered to step out while Ben takes care of business. In an inflammable spacesuit, he charged to Possessor and the small army were fixed on him. They were just about to make their move until they were captured by an energy field. The day crew brought them to the little ship they were using.

Possessor asked what the guy in the suit was. He said, "Nobody messes with my sister, but me. Flame on!" Then his whole body engulfed in a fiery body.

He kept attacking him along with Norrin. As they held him back, Terri wasted no time to retreat to the mothership. Ben was holding Sue as she struggled to break free while Reed was firing at Possessor using the controllers. Then Johnny had an idea to become supernova. He gathered energy and encased him in a big ring while Norrin kept it steady. Terri came and Sue escaped from Ben's grip. Then it turned into a tug-of-war of telekinetic energy. Reed extended and held Sue while Ben kept Terri back. With an idea in mind he let her go and tackled Sue to the floor. There was a mini catfight, then she slapped her square in the face.

Sue laid still and Terri watched for any movement. She screeched and was hit again. She told Ben to get the big mirror from Sue's room. Reed watched in horror as Terri held Sue down. "Look at yourself and smile to me," she repeatedly ordered. Sue did as Ben held the mirror over her.

TOM: Right through the window. Ouch!

The reflection banged against it when Terri took it outside while wearing her spacesuit and dropped it at a nearby space rock. When it smashed into pieces, Possessor became weaker and a bomb shot out. He exploded then Reed caught Sue in his arms. She looked into his eyes one minute and the next she fell into a coma. Terri, Johnny, and Norrin came in and she said to Reed, "You did it. You destroyed him!"

All: Wah-wah-wah-waaaahhh...

He responded sarcastically, "Yeah, and destroyed Sue too." They became speechless as he continued his tirade over Johnny being foolish defeating Possessor. Terri tried to defend him but he never budged. He took Sue to the room they shared and covered her in blankets. He shut the door and everything went quiet as he watched her constantly, expecting to come around.

Fennan and Trake entered, moaning from the pain and asked what they missed. Everyone chimed in as they waited for Reed and Sue to return to them.

The mothership was being refueled and reloaded so it can carry on the next mission. The day crew just started their shift and Reed was still a constant visual over Sue. Fennan and Trake decided they should become more careful both in and outside every planet they go to until Shalla-Bal is found. Soon enough it was off to the next course.

JOEL: Shouldn't he just be unconscious with little swirlies in his eyes?

A few hours have passed and Reed woke up when Sue squeezed his hand. She opened her eyes, and he kissed her forehead as he said," I knew you'd come back."

Outside the room, Terri mumbled as she opened the door that she's going to look, whether or not Sue is still comatose. She was just sitting up when Terri entered slowly, then she cried, "Sue! You're awake! Guys, come here and look at this!"

Sue grinned as Terri knelt by her bed and apologized of what transpired. Johnny entered first in glee and said, "It's about time you came back to Earth."

CROW: How'll he come back? You broke his spine in twelve places!

TOM: Nah, he'll be just fine in the next scene.

Sue responded, "We're not actually on Earth, yet."

Then Ben, Norrin, Trake, and Fennan came and greeted her. "It's about time you awoke. Man, I was worried," Fennan stated as he hugged her.

Then Terri asked if she remembers anything. Sue only recalled the dark matter entering her, seeing the horrible red eyes, then losing consciousness after she met Possessor. No matter what happned, they were all grateful that Sue's back in the game.

TOM: See?

CROW: Yeah, yeah.

The mothership came to a planet that was gray and, according to Fennan, polluted. It was so infertile, and the air was like toxic. It contained methane, carbon monoxide, and sulphur. Reed suggested that everyone should go together, even the ship. He'll take the FantastiCar while Terri and Norrin will follow. They did after they entered the heavy, thick atmosphere. It was identified as Skrullros.

JOEL: Okay guys, I call no Shatner jokes.

BOTS: Aww...

Everywhere they looked they saw machine guns shooting at them. The mothership, too, was attacking, it was like a war zone. Then after what seemed like forever, they came to a fortress that was so high, the tower went through the gas clouds. The analysis shown that 78% of the inhabitants are just machines and weaponry. Norrin's board, the AstroWing, and the FantastiCar landed while Fennan and the others kept tower clear from enemy assault.

The code was encrypted and had to be entered in order for the doors to open. No matter, Ben took the opportunity to bash through them. The team entered and he became curious as to what the fortress would bring since there weren't many human-like inhabitants. The answer came when they heard a clang behind them and they were trapped as a huge wall from the ground shut them in.

As they trailed on, swords and arrows shot out from the walls. They hesitated but Sue made a protective energy field to deflect them. She said, "See, you couldn't have survived without me. Besides I can go under the radar if it has any."

TOM: You should listen to her, Joel!

"Yeah, and I can feel what's coming," Terri added.

Suddenly they heard a roar and a wall of fire came toward them. The Storm siblings took guard as they tried to keep it back. Then he said he can take the heat by himself as he persuaded them to move. They ran just as Sue was trapped in a net from the floor. It was heading up through the celling just as Reed stretched to get her free, but because of the incoming firewall, he let it loose. They ran and tripped as they saw fire hoses coming from the walls.

Ben exclaimed, "This place must be booby-trapped!"

They continued and jumped through an opening, which immediately closed as everyone, except Johnny and Norrin, made it through. Out of breath, they looked around where they found gold and jewels. In the center there was an opening through the ceiling where Sue was captured and a green gargoyle descended from a motorized highchair.

Outside Fennan and Trake were pointing out orders as the day crew who were shooting the fortress. Unfortunately, it was protected by an energy field. The mothership overhead tried shooting from above, but with no luck.

JOEL: Panties are to protect a girl's modesty! Using them for perverted purposes is unacceptable! In the name of the moon, I'll punish you!

[The Bots edge away.]

CROW: Umm…Joel?

TOM: Are you alright?

JOEL: Yeah, sure. Why?

"There has to be a way to disable the force field somehow," Trake said.

TOM: Back to the Bat-Cave, Robin!

Back trapped inside, the gargoyle called himself Emperor and wouldn't let go of their friend at any cost. They took turns attacking: Terri went first with her telekinesis but he deflected it and sent her flying back. Ben charged at him and he did the same. Reed attempted to rescue Sue but he became severely electrocuted. Emperor stood over him and just as he was about to finish him, Norrin materialized from outside the trapdoor and caught his arm. "You sly devil," he muttered.

Then he was pushed back and the net fell to the floor. It opened and Sue came out to help Reed. The others stood up and he said the controls need to be altered to disable the traps. Ben came right to it as he played around with the buttons and levers. Finally the force field disintegrated and the firewall shut down. The mothership was destroying the tower and it started to collapse. The trapdoor opened and the team escaped.

They saw three tunnels leading out. Reed and Sue took the left tunnel, Ben and Johnny went straight, and Norrin carried Terri through the right. Everywhere the fortress closed in on them and Fennan ordered the cavalry to fall back as they watched the fortress come down in a heap. Terri and Norrin quickly came to them.

When the smoke cleared, Terri and Fennan frantically looked for the others. She kept calling their names as the ruined fortress was still dropping. They saw a hand coming through the rubble. Then Reed came out and they removed it to save Sue. She coughed as she stepped out from the heavy debris. Ben pushed through the pile of rubble and said he wasn't hurt after the demolition.

CROW: And the psychotic panty vigilante is...

Next they pitched in remove the mess and found Johnny lifeless. In shock, they pulled him out and Terri volunteered to use mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Reed told Fennan to get some water, when he came back he tried to make Johnny drink it. Just then he began to cough and sputter as he tried to breathe once more. He opened his eyes, as Sue constantly assured him that he was going to be all right.

He kept saying he'll be fine as he was carried back to the FantastiCar. Everyone cheered for them as they made it back to the mothership. Meanwhile, Trake looked at the scanners and found no trace of Emperor or Shalla-Bal. Norrin became depressed as he slowly walked away with a knot in his throat. Terri assured him that she will be found but he didn't budge. The ship left the gray planet as they wound up back where they started.

JOEL: You deserved your whuppin'!

It was during the wee hours. Terri woke up with a chill, meaning that something was wrong. She realized that Norrin was missing. She frantically searched the entire ship and kept calling his name, but with no results. She saw the night crew and alerted them that he ran away. The head of the group told her that they are arriving at a new destination which was five light years away, he was certain that Norrin would be there looking for Shalla-Bal.

Just then Trake, Fennan, and the rest of the gang stepped into the cockpit. Sue asked Terri what she said was true. Fennan replied that Norrin was so desperate, he left to pursue Shalla-Bal alone. The mothership went into light speed and arrived at their new location in less than 30 minutes.

TOM: If only you knew how sorry you are.

It was a dark, blood red planet that looked like it was dying as they saw explosions coming from the surface. Telepath as she was, Terri held her head as she told the team that she kept hearing screams of brutal agony. The strangest thing was that the planet was dying, but yet it remained still. It was as if it was destroying itself repeatedly. "Norrin has to be at that horrible place and I think Shalla-Bal is there, too," Terri said. Determined about his welfare, she said, "Let's do it!"

They've trusted their instincts and Reed and the foursome ran to the AstroWing. They couldn't use the FantastiCar because the planet's condition was too intense.

Terri whispered to Reed, "I think this is the place where we had those dreams. Unlike Fennan's, Elmar's, and Jartran's, this could be the one."

CROW: But you just mentioned them!

He nodded and the AstroWing headed to the perishing planet with the mothership close behind.

It was like flying through Jupiter's Great Red Spot as the vessel entered the atmosphere and then it felt a strong pull dragging the guys inside. She lost control for a few seconds and they saw demon-like creatures emerge from the ground and nearby tunnels. Johnny wanted to take the fight outside as he engulfed himself into a flame when he jumped out.

At the mothership Fennan ordered, "We're under attack, fire at will."

The AstroWing traveled slowly as it shot at the attackers with their piercing eyes, fierce teeth, and razor-sharp claws, but not all of them went down. Their speed was incredible and at times they adapted to the weapons. One of them jumped onto the fighter jet and Terri told her passengers to hold on as she knocked them off with a few rolls.

Johnny had some difficulty too as he became more and more exhausted from fighting the menacing creatures. They were fast, but also strong.

When the AstroWing passed below some of the little caverns, it was held down by a powerful gravitational force. She tried to hold it up with her force fields but it was almost no use. Just as they couldn't take the pressure, Terri was able to control it again but this time it was Norrin who saved it. He lifted the AstroWing as they encountered more pressure, even the mothership which was only miles away.

ALL: GAH!

CROW: Steffler really has a knack for unwanted images, doesn't he?

Soon the ship stopped safely as the guys talked to him of his whereabouts. He explained that Shalla-Bal must be imprisoned somewhere in this planet, he could somehow feel it that she's in desperate need of rescue and that she's expecting him to come. He insisted that he should lead while the others follow, but before they make their move, he had an idea. He wanted someone to merge their powers into one like they did last time.

Johnny refused, "Oh, no! I'm not going down that road again! Surely its dangerous, but do you have any brighter ideas?"

Then Reed stood up and said he'll go this time. He's confident that he'll use their powers wisely. With that said, Norrin went through the entrance and made Reed very flimsy. He became light-headed and his breathing became shallow. Later when Norrin was done, he fell to his knees and breathed heavily. When his head cleared, they put their hands in and Reed touched them. He felt a jolt run through his arm then he took it off and felt like he was invincible.

Ben and the others looked and felt different as they realized their powers were gone. Reed decided to lead the way with Norrin and off they went. Shortly they met more of the creatures and Reed realized that he was stronger and faster with his new abilities.

TOM: Oh, I love that blend!

Just as they were in the clear, they felt an even more powerful pull, but this time it was crashing into the obstacles ahead on the ground. They heard a maniacal laugh and saw a big devil in front of them. Terri and Reed recognized him from the dreams they had before they went to Zenn-la. He said in an evil tone, "You've made it this far, but you'll never be able to pass me. You've come to the right place, and it will be your final resting place as it was Shalla's."

In response, the Surfer's expressions went grim and he asked in a weak voice, "What did you say?"

"I know you. You're Norrin Radd, a herald who disobeyed Galactus. You went into exile and so you were unable to see your loved one again. Becasue of you, she belongs to me."

In disbelief he told him that he could still feel her presence, alive and well, until he saves her.

"You've come too late! She belongs to me!"

Norrin lunged toward the demon, but he fought back with a punch. Holding his arm, he tried again but with Reed by his side and the AstroWing shooting him. It was as if they were having no effect on him. The vessel took severe damage and the duo were getting more weary every minute.

They stopped and Terri requested to head back to the mothership, since it can't take much more abuse. Just as she was about to give up, the demon swiped at it like a fly, that was enough to let it shut down. Norrin and Reed watched helplessly as it crashed and burned to nowhere. In shock and fear, Fennan and his crew observed everything that transpired.

"We're dead meat, that was Mephisto they just dealt with. We can't give up, we must save Shalla-Bal. Trake, it's now up to us. We must take the fight to them," Fennan said. "There may not be a winning chance, but I can tell you this. As long as there is a single breath in Norrin's body, he will not give up...and neither can we," he added as he and everyone else pitched in to save Shalla-Bal and fight whatever's in their reach.

Hidden somewhere, the AstroWing crash-landed in a heap. A few hours have passed before Terri regained consciousness and used her hand to lift up the rubble. She found Sue who didn't wake up yet. She called her name but there wasn't any luck. Then she cried out wondering if there was anyone left to help her. Fortunately, Johnny responded and even though she liked him the least, she was glad to see him. She told him that his sister's still out of commission.

Then they heard a moan coming from the wreckage. It was Ben, still in his human form. They assisted and asked him if he was okay. He was "a little dizzy, but intact." Relieved and thankful, they wondered how they're going to fix the AstroWing and stop that demon.

JOEL: All at once? Jeez.

"It was Mephisto. I heard his name a couple times while I was out," Terri said.

Never the worrier, Johnny responded, "Whoever he is, that demon is one serious fighter to beat."

TOM: Aaah! *splat*

"We've got to do something, guys. We won't survive another minute from him," Terri said. "I have an idea. We stay and repair the ship, or at least try to, while one of us searches for Shalla-Bal."

CROW: Oh, really?

TOM: Of course! The tree fell on him!

JOEL: Cut it out, you two.

Ben chimed, "Yeah, we have those buttons on our uniforms where the emblem is. Reed, just installed them just before we came here."

Terri in horror concluded, "You're leaving me, by myself?"

"You'll be fine, we're here," Johnny answered.

She sighed and said, "All right, one of us should keep an eye on Sue just in case." Ben made a small utility belt for Terri to use, consisting some tools, a flashlight, even a Taser. "You certainly are a handyman, Ben," she bragged.

"If you need us just hit the button, but press and hold to talk to us," he explained. The duo wished her luck as she searched for Shalla-Bal alone, or worse find herself in Mephisto's shadow.

Meanwhile at topside, Reed and Norrin trekked on. At times they got into a debate.

CROW: Stuff? Hmm...

JOEL: Won't work, Crow. It really is her panties.

CROW: Dang.

"We should check on Sue and the others." Reed said but Norrin refused. The longer they wait, the less chances that Shalla-Bal may still be alive. Reed tried using the alarm, but the signal went blank. He sighed and hoped they'll be okay. They saw a bunch of corpses moaning and they split up as they went through passages with flames thrown at them. Shortly they went on together.

Terri at times called Shalla's name to see if she's nearby. With a flashlight in one hand and the Taser in the other, she wandered while avoiding burning coal. She stepped on a small pile of broken glass and saw a torn vent. She went on all fours, struggled to take off the cover, and shined her flashlight inside of it. She removed a big cube blocking the vent and smelt something that was rotting like a corpse. She yelped when she saw it in the corner. Her heart quickened as she went out and pressed on.

"Did you find her yet?" Ben asked over the alarm. Terri pressed the button, and said there was no luck, but she did see a lot of corpses and the place was giving her the jitters.

TOM: Having gone straight past the Tendo dojo.

She ventured to what seemed to be a hallway with a series of doors. She felt her way, tapping on all of the walls for some kind of secret passage. She tried the first door and went down the stairwell to a dark room. She heard moaning and there were zombies coming from the wall. She called for Shalla-Bal but there was no answer. She remembered Norrin's words: that it almost looks like Sue since at the Russian prison that she reminds him of his lost love.

JOEL: Wait. Wouldn't it make more sense for him to drop the stuff off first, to minimize the chances of Akane seeing and clobbering him?

CROW: But isn't the clobbering the whole point of this scene?

Terri turned back and stepped on a stick which broke and woke up some of the zombies. They groaned louder and she tried to break from the walls. Frightened, she grabbed her Taser and shocked one. A cracking sound came as she made contact. She ran and shut the door behind her.

Breathless, she tried the second one at the right. She came to another stairwell and walked on wood. In some spots the flooring was flimsy as she heard a squeaky noise telling her the boards may be loose. She found a rusted, long sword and heard a thump from the top floor. She whispered for Shalla-Bal then hit the button on her uniform. A buzzing sound came off signaling the others that she needed help.

She immediately looked behind her with the flashlight, tripped, and fell through some base boards into a pool of putrid water. It was so disgusting she felt sick to her stomach. Just then the water drained to reveal corpses floating. Frsntically, she tried to find a way out. She felt a hand touch her shoulder and yanked it off. She stood and pushed herself up to escape. She grabbed the sword and wished she'll take a nice, long shower after this mission.

Johnny and Ben were repairing the AstroWing, along with a few more supplies. They were actually using dead demons as tools.

"These body parts may be very useful. At this rate, it can actually fly again," Ben said.

TOM: Since, as we all know, Kasumi and Akane never leave the kitchen.

Johnny added, "I don't like the looks of this. This place is like Stephen King's or Stan Lee's worst nightmare." He was holding Sue in his arms when she began to stir. She didn't quite open her eyes, but kept calling Reed's name. He told her to quiet down and then she said that he must be careful and that Mephisto is a soul snatcher. He assured her that she'll be all right while Ben put some touches on the ship.

TOM: Never to return.

Reed and Norrin came to a hot, dark place which almost resembled a throne room. Reed stopped abruptly as he felt a pulse. Thanks to Terri's powers, he sensed that Sue just woke up and was calling his name. He hit the button on his uniform and whispered to Norrin what he discovered.

Suddenly they heard a piercing scream. He thought it was just a sound effect to trick them, but Norrin knew it sounded like Shalla-Bal's voice. He whispered in a hoarse voice for her name and reached for the back of the throne. It quickly turned and Mephisto pushed him back. They skidded to a stop and he said in a maniacal voice, "You're so predictable, Norrin Radd. Like a damsel in distress."

Suddenly he no longer felt Shalla-Bal's life force and realized what happened.

JOEL: Urd?

CROW: Priss?

TOM: Queen Deva?

"You...you killed her?" Norrin said startled.

CROW: No thanks.

Reed immediately told him, "Norrin! Don't listen to him! She's not dead. You told us before who she is and what she looked like. It was good enough because I can sense her presence. She's here, Norrin! She's here!"

"Not for long..." Mephisto said as he raised his hand, pushed Reed back, and felt as if he was being squeezed. "Not if I take your soul first..."

Norrin realized that he's immortal and grows stronger with each soul he takes. Even though the board was from powerful Galactus, he may not stand a chance. As Reed was screaming in agony, he did the unthinkable. He charged and Mephisto and fought with everything he had.

During the clash, Terri heard a female voice. "Shalla...Shallla," she kept calling.

She found her at last with her arms raised up in chains. Her mouth was covered by tape and she looked 99% like Susan, just the way Norrin described her! She used her sword to cut off the chains and Shalla-Bal took off the tape.

"Susan...no you're Shalaa-Bal!" Terri exclaimed.

She asked how she knew and Terri said that Norrin sent them. "They'll come later, they're fighting Mephisto." Shalla-Bal gasped and said that they won't survive, she too fought him but was close to dying. Terri carried her to the AstroWing as they talked more about her loved one who wasn't seen in years.

After a short duel, Norrin went out of breath. Apparently, the board wasn't as strong as Mephisto. He looked at Reed who was being squeezed to death.

"All right...If I have to offer a soul to you, let it be mine."

JOEL: Okay. We won't.

Reed gasped at what he said.

Norrin stepped off his board, walked to Mephisto, and knelt down. He let go of Reed and said, "I knew you'd see reason. I could use a drone instead of a corpse, you seem to be more valuable." He wanted to use the Surfer as a servant, like Galactus, not to destroy, to dominate. He grabbed a shiny, red spear and was about to throw it at him when Fennan stepped in.

TOM: Fwing! Right through the roof!

"Norrin! No!" he kept screaming and suddenly it impaled him. He fell into his half-brother's arms. Out of nowhere a bomb hit him and blew up in the throne.

CROW: That's exactly what I was thinking!

"Back and fully charged!" Terri announced in the cockpit. Reed ran to it while carrying a bleeding Fennan and Ben explained that the damage they'd withstand has been minimized by 50% thanks to the demons they found. The team reunited, Shalla-Bal stepped forward and called Norrin's name.

He looked up and was caught in her eyes. He stepped onto the board and looked closer at her. Then they were in each other's arms. "You came back..." he said while he was blinking back tears.

Mephisto started to rise as the room collapsed. They were trapped but Norrin knew the way. The AstroWing followed as he led them out. Demons and other creatures chased them, but luckily they escaped to the mothership.

JOEL: Y'know, that's a pet peeve of mine.

TOM: Being blackmailed? Me too. It's not that rare a peeve.

JOEL: Oh, Crow

CROW: So, you don't mind being blackmailed? Cool.

Fennan was taking short breaths as he told Norrin not to worry about him. "Good...luck, brother. I'm sorry that I...can't..." Fennan said as he closed his eyes. He sacrificed his life for Norrin while he was selling his soul.

There were a few sobs and Trake begged him to bring Fennan back, if possible. Norrin was in Shalla-Bal's arms once more. He tried to kiss her when he noticed something; he couldn't touch her. Shalla-Bal concluded that the reason was, even though they found her, she was missing something. They only found her soul!

CROW: Her baseball cards, her Digi-pet…it was tragic.

It was hard to believe, but it turned out that Shalla-Bal was right. Terri proved it when she tried touching her. She just saw her hand go right through and she felt nothing at all.

She asked, "Do you remember where Mephisto kept your body?"

Shalla-Bal shook her head; however, she did remember him saying that it was taken to an intergalactic graveyard.

Trake suddenly looked up and said that it was known as the Magik Domain. No one knew because nobody has ever been there personally. It was said that it was a distant universe in which a powerful ruler reigns over a mysterious junkyard of sorts. Rumor had it that a lot of black holes were created there, some of the junk was brought there by very strong cosmic pulses. No one has ever survived while being carried to this place.

"I suppose it's ironic since it doesn't seem to be magic at all," Trake thought sadly watching over his fallen comrade.

TOM: That's a mighty big sentence you've got. Do you know how to use it or is it just for show?

Recently Norrin came to Fennan's side and used his hands to make him breathe again but remain unconscious. According to the analysis, Trake and Reed concluded the Magik Domain was six light years south from where the group last visited. They wasted no time heading to the space graveyard.

When the mothership arrived a few hours later, Trake immediately shown Reed and the others an amazing surprise. The FantastiCar looked the same, but, from the exterior, it was different. Half of the day and night crews had remade the body so it could be able to travel in space. The group, in astonishment, can now use it to look for Shalla-Bal's body. They only went by themselves because Norrin was certain that he couldn't proceed in the other galaxy, since he was still in exile. He stayed with Trake and Shalla-Bal while they set off with the new FantastiCar and the AstroWing.

They were approaching unknown territory and then enemies started attacking them from everywhere. They were in large groups but they were lightning fast. The team managed to press on and saw a lot of space trash. Some were entire vessels, others were small parts of them. They all looked abandoned and destroyed. It was depressing like a cemetery, instead of tombstones there were ships engraved with their names and skeletons were seen inside them.

Just then meteors came toward the quintet along with a few asteroids. They realized the legends were true, since the ruler was defending his graveyard from intruders. After long bouts with the space rocks and some tricky pathways, they finally made it to the heart of the graveyard.

They could see stars from miles around. Red ones, yellow, blue, white, big and small, even red giants, neutron stars, and white dwarfs. The five grew in awe at their surroundings. Just as they saw Shalla-Bal's lifeless body inside a small glass jar. They heard a deep digital two-toned voice that said he cannot allow them to go any further.

JOEL: Why would they? Have they been on the rack?

A man with black short hair, a pale blue face, and a long dark blue and red cape emerged holding Shalla-Bal's prison. "This is what you came for, isn't it?" he said. "You've come to the right place, to be demolished just like many of the other ships that came here." Then in astonishment, he declared to keep the AstroWing and the FantastiCar since he was interested on adding the Fantastic Five to his collection.

"Such a pity that you must go down," he sighed.

He spread out his hands and an enormous volley of missiles and lasers shot out toward the team. The two vessels split up. Terri evaded some of the melee and shot at the oncoming missiles. The FantastiCar was protected by Sue's force field. Reed and Johnny fended off the onslaught, while Ben skillfully piloted his vessel. Then behind them, a short volley of honing missiles soared toward them. They've tried to avoid them but they were always being chased so they took turns wiping out every missile on their tails. Few of the missiles hit the ruler. They took a few hits but eventually the area was clear.

The ruler was impressed but then turned alert shortly as he changed into a humongous suit of armor built with every bomb and gun made from the universe. Once again they were in combat. Their wings were severely damaged and the weaponry he had was infinite. After a painstaking, brutal assault they stopped shooting.

"Intrigued...I'm no match for you...I admit defeat."

He turned away and Johnny chirped that he was lying through his teeth, if he had any. He immediately turned back and hollered. "You're not as stupid as you look!"

CROW: He's so cute when he explodes!

He spread out his arms again and his body started to glow and collapse into itself. Reed and the others gasped as they realized what was happening. They heard a whooshing sound growing louder every second and the stars were being sucked into the ruler of the graveyard.

All: *cough* *hack* *wheeze*

Reed ordered to turn their tails and run as the unthinkable was occurring. He was transforming into a black hole! He was sacrificing his own life to take in the entire universe. He became the singularity as the two vessels escaped with their lives after Reed snatched Shalla-Bal's body with a grappling hook.

The five were unsure they were going to escape since the wings were mangled and the fuel was running out. The black hole was closing in fast as they made their way to the mothership. From there, Trake ordered the crew to take the two ships in before they and Shalla-Bal get sucked in. It shot a tractor beam which pulled them in quickly. Norrin aided using his board.

The FantastiCar and the AstroWing materialized inside the parking zone along with Shalla-Bal's encased body. The mothership turned and at warp speed flew away from the black hole. The group sighed with relief after some long breaths and slowly came out, opened the container, and carried the body to the room where Fennan, Norrin, and Trake waited for them.

The body was laid on a bed beside Fennan. In a scared voice, Shalla-Bal hopes that she can reunite with her battered body. She climbed onto the bed and laid back into her body. The soul disappeared and Norrin put his hand on her heart.

"Come on, Shalla, you can make it..." he whispered.

He closed his eyes and a few minutes later, there was a light breathing and a pulse. He squeezed her hand and then she returned the pressure as she opened her eyes. He embraced her and Fennan was awakened too. He looked at his hands and realized he was alive again.

TOM: Put these on the lamp…those stapled to the ceiling...and these on top of my head! She'll never know the difference.

"Maybe I should just leave the sack and let Akane sort it all

out,"

CROW: (gravelly voice) Kill 'em all and let God sort it out.

The gang giggled and Fennan muttered. "Another family reunited." He tried to give his half-brother's attention but he was still holding Shalla-Bal close to him. "I think we should leave these two alone." he said.

They left and Norrin, for the first time, broke into tears. Shalla-Bal asked if he was okay and said soothing words as she stroked him. He promised that he'll never leave her side again.

JOEL: (Norrin) Shalla-Bal, don't do it! Please!

The mothership headed home as the two caught up and embraced each other once more.

Back where they started, at the Arctic Circle, Trake just got a message somewhere from deep space. He told Norrin and the others the news. "You know, I think your the first extraterrestrial to go off exile early for good behavior."

Terri shocked said. "Good behavior?"

CROW: He's filling her drawers with her drawers!

"That's what I'm calling it, if you got a problem with that call somebody who cares."

She laughed as she repeated herself but shortly fell to depression. "Well, then I guess there's one problem left."

Johnny asked and she answered. "How much I'm going to miss him."

He assured that it isn't the Dark Ages, they'll still see each other...someday.

Norrin thanked everyone and that he would owe them all his life.

Terri said, "A life is never owed when saved out of friendship." She shook his hand firmly and slowly before he and Shalla-Bal got on his board and left with the mothership.

The group along with Alicia, John Myers, and Frankie cheered as they watched them leave to Zenn-La.

Love sure conquered all boundaries. Aliens and mankind both its best and its worst accomplished the mission. Every evening they would look at the stars together and wonder when the one they loved will finally return.

THE END

JOEL: Anyhow, let's get outta here.

[JOEL picks up Tom, and the three leave the theater]

[1][2][3][4][5][6]

[Bridge of the Satellite of Love]

JOEL: Well guys, that's another fic down.

TOM: Great, now you're definitely humiliating yourself!

JOEL: Oh, now SHE'S enjoying this?!

BOTS: *groan*

JOEL: I'm trying not to puke myself here!

CROW: This isn't going to be good!

TOM: Yikes! He jammed his dick into her brain!

JOEL: That sounds like one pretty much messed up butt!

CROW: You're watching your own son have sex with your brain, DUH!

JOEL: Ugh! Ew! Ack!

TOM: (dismissive) This is all your fault of course, Joel!

CROW: You're such a jerk!

JOEL: (snidely) Great, now SHE'S become a sex freak!

[Joel finishes replacing Tom's broken bubble head with a shiny new one.]

JOEL: What's she up to now?

TOM: Ouch! That hurts my private parts just thinking about it!

CROW: There's no need for stupid puns, Toriel!

[Joel turns to Cambot]

JOEL: What do you think, Sirs?

[Deep 13 Laboratory]

[Frank is sitting at the computer console, while Dr. Forrester is jotting some things down on a clipboard]

FRANK: Really?

DR. F: (inattentive) Yes and here, the fairy prince and princess are having a wedding.

FRANK: (nervously) Don't ever wish to be anything, but what you are. Bedtime dear, it's been a long day. You must go to sleep now.

DR. F: (still inattentive) And they lived happily ever after.

FRANK: Most likely.

DR. F: (taking notice) Well, I guess it could work best if two people are about the same size.

FRANK: Yes, of course.

DR. F: Well that's not fair. I must be the only little person in the whole world. I wish I were big.

[Dr. Forrester picked up her tiny daughter and put her in her walnut bed in her giant cradle.]

DR. F: Sleep tight.

FRANK: Dr. F, will you please leave the book open?

DR. F: (starting to calm) I'd want to look at the pictures when I go to sleep, meanwhile you press the button. [turns to camera] Until next time Joel.

[Dr. Forrester put her walnut bed on the windowsill, while Frank pushes the button]

{psssssscht}

[The screen goes black]

[Roll Credits to Mighty Science Theater]

Disclaimer: MST3K and related characters/settings/situations are the
property of Best Brains Inc, however they had nothing to do with writing this up.
This mystification was done for the express purpose of entertainment,
and is not meant as a personal attack on the original author(s) in any way.

Keep Circulating the Fanfics.

Chapter Text

*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*

(Where applicable)

[Season 3 opening credits]

In the not-to-distant future

Next Sunday A.D.

There was a guy named Joel

Not too different from you or me

He worker at Gizmonic Institute

Just another face in a red jumpsuit

He did a good job cleaning up the place

But his bosses didn't like him so they shot him into space!

"We'll send him cheesy fanfic!

The worst we can find! (la la la)

He'll have to sit and read them all

And we'll monitor his mind!" (la la la)

Now keep in mind Joel can't control

Where the fanfics begin or end (la la la)

Because he used those special parts

To make his robot friends

Robot Roll Call (all right let's go)

Cambot! (Pan left)

Gypsy! (Hi, girl!)

Tom Servo! (What a cool guy!)

Crooooow! (Oh, wisecracker!)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes

And other science facts (la la la)

Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a MSTing

I should really just relax"

For The Mysterious Fanfiction Theater 2000!

[This scene opens with the Bridge of the Satellite of Love]

[Joel is at the desk reading a book]

*BANG*

[Joel is jolted out of his reading by the sudden noise. Gypsy enters from the left.]

GYPSY: Hey Joel, what was that?

*BANG*

JOEL: Beats me, Gypsy.

*BANG*

GYPSY: It sounds like something banging.

JOEL: I know that, Gypsy. Tom? Crow? What are you guys up to now?

*BANG*

[Just then both Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot enter the bridge from the right.]

TOM: Hey Joel, what's with all the banging?

CROW: Yeah, is Dr. F. using us as a target for that set of Deadly Ninja Throwing Christmas Fruitcakes again?

*BANG BANG*

JOEL: I don't know, guys. I kind of thought it was you two, but since you're here… [shrugs]

*BANG*

GYPSY: Uh, Joel? I think it's coming from outside the Satellite!

JOEL: Thanks, Gypsy. Let's check it out. Cambot, give us Rocket # 9.

[The monitor changes to show an exterior shot of the Satellite about to be hit by the mass of a flaming meteor.]

[Switching back to the Bridge, Joel and his robot friends exchange agonized glances before reaching the

same conclusion.]

ALL: HIT THE DECK!

*BOOOOOM!*

[The Bridge rocks wildly, sending Joel, Tom, and Crow sliding into a heap on the floor.]

TOM: OUCH!

CROW: Servo, quit mashing my face!

TOM: Well, take your beak out of my hoverskirt, Golden Boy!

JOEL: Guys, would you stop fighting and get us untangled here?

[Gypsy, who had become snagged on a conduit pipe, unwinds herself and checks a nearby console.]

GYPSY: No damage to the Satellite, Joel. But there's a whole shower of those things out there!

[Joel, Tom, and Crow get up off the floor.]

JOEL: Anything as big as the last one?

GYPSY: Negative. We'll be okay. But I can't say the same for the other five hundred satellites in orbit with us!

[Crow and Tom rush to the nearest window.]

CROW: AHHHH! THE HUBBLE!"

TOM: (awed) It's looking like Swiss Cheese.

CROW: Ooh, ooh, look at the Anik E1! It's spinning out of control!

TOM: What about Mir? They're really getting bounced around out there.

CROW: Joel, you have got to see this! This is the coolest thing to happen up here in years!

[Before Joel and Gypsy can make their way to the window, the Mads light starts to flash.]

JOEL: (sighs) Hold that thought, guys. Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton are calling.

[Deep 13 Laboratory]

[Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank have their arms linked together and are dancing a hoedown in the middle of the laboratory. They are laughing and waving pieces of paper in the air, before spotting Joel and the Bots on the viewscreen.]

DR. F: Ah, hello again, Meteor Men. [Approaches the console.] I apologize for our good humor today, but Frank has managed to do something right for once. [Holds his paper up to the camera.] This little beauty here is a check for more than five million dollars! We won the lottery! Now I can invest all those winnings into bad fanfics and movies, keeping you in that theatre around the clock!

FRANK: And the sauna in the lab, Doc. Don't forget the sauna.

DR. F: I certainly won't, Frank! BWAAAAHAHAHAHAH! [clears throat] Well now, before we go and claim our winnings, let's conducts the Invention Exchange. Do you have yours ready?

[SOL]

[Joel is stretched out in a webbed deck chair, while cooling himself with a hand fan.]

JOEL: Here it is, sirs. You know how, when it's summer out, you just want to sit somedays in the nice, warm sun with a good book? We all do. But before too long, what happens? You're all warm and the mosquitoes find you.

[From above, strings drop with plastic flies on the ends, landing on Joel's face and body. He waves at them, knocking them away only to have them swing back in.]

JOEL: Soon you're using your book as a swatter and it gets so bad that you rush back inside and your day is ruined. Well, no more hassle with our Airy Deck Chair!

[He reaches over and presses a button on the arm. From both the sides, head and foot, large house fans emerge. With much whirring, they all start up. Joel has to raise his voice to be heard over their noise.]

JOEL: YOU SEE, ANY BUG THAT TRIES TO GET CLOSE TO YOU WILL BE BLOWN STRAIGHT UP INSTEAD! AND IT REALLY COOLS YOU OFF, TOO! WHAT DO YOU THINK, SIRS?

[Deep 13]

DR. F: Not bad, Joel. Kind of hard to get into your little Volkswagen Beetle for picnics, though. But you'll love our little invention.

[Dr. Forrester picks up a card]

DR. F: It looks like your average greeting card. When in fact, it's the result of a little kit we've put together down here. Now, say you've just been laid off. It happens to the best of us. And you're rather unhappy about it and want to let the boss know how you feel. With the Forrester Instant Nasty Card Helper, or FINCH, relief is just a short note away. See, it even comes with crushed dead rose petals on the front.

[SOL]

JOEL: Uh, Dr. F, that doesn't seem too evil…

[Deep 13]

DR. F: Oh, that's right. I neglected to mention what happens when your boss opens the card.

[Leaning back, Dr. Forrester uses the tips of his fingers to open the greeting card. A small spray of blue gas hisses out from a hidden nozzle in the fold.]

DR. F: It's the ultimate in poison pen letters! One whiff of this and your boss will be hospitalized for months or worse! Who knows? They may even need someone to take his place. It comes in both gas and hidden poison darts, so there's always a way to say, "I hate you".

[Placing the card aside, Dr. F starts to chuckle again.]

DR. F: Anyway, my little lab mice, for your experiment today, I've decided to give you a break from Pippi Longstocking as Equestria Girls style.

[SOL]

Joel & the Bots: Hurray!

[Deep 13]

DR. F [wicked smile]: No, today you'll be looking into the saccharine world of Mike, Lu, and Og.

[SOL]

JOEL: *groans*

TOM: [pained] No!

CROW: [excited] Yes, short skirts galore!

[Deep 13]

DR. F: Ah, so I see your familiar with the lunar menace and her authoritarian squad. Well then, you'll be happy to know it also features a self-insertion. FAWAHAHAHA! Frank, let's knock them for a loop!

FRANK: As you wish your green clad madness.

[SOL]

[Tom is beginning to hyperventilate while his dome begins to fill with smoke.]

JOEL: Easy their Tom, deep breathes, deep breathes…

[Lights flash, buzzers buzz and pandemonium erupts.]

JOEL: AAHH! WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!

TOM: AAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH!

[Joel slams random button]

[We cut to the opening door sequence]

[6][5][4][3][2][1]

[Inside the theatre]

[Joel carries Tom to his seat on the left, while Crow sits to Joel's right]

PerkyGoth14 presents

TOM: Shortly after bumping my head on the shower nozzle.

an Nelvana production

Mike Mazinsky Meets Pippi Longstocking

JOEL: (as author) I have complete and utter control over their destiny! HAHAHA!

It seemed to be a normal day in the city so far. Mike went to go check the mail and looked through the bills before she saw a letter that was from a place called Mascot Marsh before she came inside.

"Mascot Marsh?" Jamie asked.

CROW: Et al?'

JOEL: Maybe it's Luna's replacement.

"Oh, yeah!" Mike soon realized. "That's the place where those commercial mascots live like Ronald McDonald and Chef Boyardee."

"Who's the letter from then?" Jamie asked.

"Hmm... Wendy Thomas..." Mike looked at the name before opening the letter. "Wonder what she wants?"

TOM: (grumbling) Too late.

"You to be her boyfriend?" Jamie teased.

"Ha, ha, very funny, Jamie," Mike smirked and rolled her eyes. "Me and Wendy are just friends."

"Yeah, but didn't she like you for a while?" Jamie asked.

CROW: We're not offended just yet, but I can't say the same for Bane or

anyone in SMIRC.

"Yeah, but I think she got over that," Mike said. "I saw her at The Crazy Q Ranch with her Uncle Kyle and had a crush on that boy Jacob, so I'm hoping maybe she's hanging around him now."

TOM: We would enjoy it if enjoyment was in our contract.

JOEL: Tom, we don't have a contract. We're being tortured.

TOM: Oh, right.

Jamie shrugged before getting a quick bite to eat for lunch as Mike opened the letter to check it out.

"Hmm... Wendy wants me to come visit Mascot Marsh before she goes to see her cousin." Mike soon told Jamie as she skimmed through the letter.

CROW: Okay, you keep the blood and gore. Just give us the sex.

JOEL: Crow don't start.

"You gonna go?" Jamie asked.

"Yeah, might as well," Mike replied. "It's been pretty quiet in the city."

JOEL: Failing Authors Needing Final Insurance Coverage.

"You ever actually go to Mascot Marsh?" Jamie asked.

"The clos est experience I have is when I helped the mascots against Mr. Thomas's co-worker who turned rogue when we went camping before meeting Roselle: the Jolly Green Giant's daughter." Mike said.

TOM: Then that also includes the Boy Scouts.

JOEL: Why do I feel a self-insertion Sailor Scout coming on?

"Oh, yeah, I remember that." Jamie then nodded.

"But according to Wendy, it's a very nice place down there." Mike then said.

CROW: Unless my hair is on fire.

"Can't imagine how it couldn't be since a lot of people there seem nice..." Jamie said. "Except for maybe those kids who mess with the Trix Rabbit."

"I heard that Demi Rabbit from Nicktropolis is related to him and she stopped those kids from messing with her uncle." Mike replied.

TOM: A pen.

"Well, at least someone did it," Jamie said. "I like Trix cereal and all, but why do they gotta torture the rabbit?"

"I dunno, Jamie, I'm glad she did that too though," Mike replied. "Well, I guess I'll go and see Wendy and Little Debbie if she's there before we see her cousin."

CROW: Jesse?

"So you're going to Mascot Marsh first?" Jamie asked.

JOEL: Like "brains", "maturity"…

TOM: "Democratic", "morally complex"…

"Yeah, she wants me to explore and get to know the neighborhood a bit before we see her cousin and uncle." Mike nodded.

"You gonna take Lil with you?" Jamie asked.

CROW: "Go to your room"?

"If she's not too busy." Mike said.

"Hmm..." Jamie paused. "Only if she doesn't get crazy jealous from Wendy or Little Debbie if you see them. I know how much those girls used to like you before you met Lil."

JOEL: That's the second time she's said that. You guys think we'll enjoy it?

TOM: Depends. If it's ultimate god-girl self-insertion, someone's going to pay.

"Well, if Wendy is with Jacob, then it should be fine, but I don't know about Little Debbie," Mike replied. "I can already tell what's gonna happen in the background though; Phil will tease Lil and Lil will snap at him, then they try to kill each other. Lil says they've been arguing like that ever since they were babies."

"Maybe they won't." Jamie shrugged.

TOM: That is, once I dig myself out of this snowbank.

"Who knows?" Mike replied. "I'm gonna call Lil to see if she wants to come."

"Good luck..." Jamie said.

"I know I'll need it." Mike rolled her eyes a bit before taking out her cell phone to call Lil.

TOM: Audience 0.

It seemed to be just another day in Nicktropolis, though Lil was visiting the Mall with some girl friends like Kimi, Ginger, Macie, and Courtney.

CROW: When first we met, I thought you were irritating. When second we met, I didn't even know you!

Lil then took out her phone with a smile and answered it. "Hey, Mike."

TOM: (as John Cleese) A bucket for madame?

JOEL: And ze cleaning woman.

"Ooh~" Kimi, Ginger, Macie, and Courtney giggled playfully.

Lil just smiled and rolled her eyes as she went back on the phone. "What's up?"

CROW: Tighten up on that leash, girls.

"Are you busy?" Mike asked.

"Just at the Mall right now," Lil replied. "Why?"

TOM: She's also slurping that drool from earlier.

ALL: EWWWWW!

"I'll make this quick then," Mike said. "But I'm going to Mascot Marsh to visit my old friend Wendy Thomas if you'd like to come along."

"Wendy?" Lil paused for a moment. "I haven't seen her in a long time since that time we went to see Shaggy's cousin Tawny. Sure, I'll go there with you."

CROW: Oh, but what did she "snort"?

JOEL: She's got a point. A klutz with an ice cream cone in a fancy dress shop? Can we say, "collision course of wackiness"?

"You're alright with this, right?" Mike asked. "You know Wendy is just my friend, right?"

TOM: "No Serenity, No Sailor Scouts, No Service"? ... the hell?

"You can trust me, Mike, I've grown up a bit." Lil smiled.

JOEL: Singing strange songs starring Sissy Spacek.

"Okay, I just don't want there to be too much drama," Mike said. "Wendy's a sensitive girl."

TOM: Just a guess: An ice cream shop?

CROW: (as Serena) Well, those slave dealers on the corner of Takahashi Avenue are always open!

"Well Raye," Ami answered

ALL: Eh-Eh! Wrong answer!

TOM: Once again, your answer must be in the form of a question.

"I won't and I'll make sure that no one hurts her." Lil promised.

"That's what I like to hear." Mike smiled.

CROW: (as Daffy Duck) I would like? I would like a trip to Europe!

"Thanks," Lil smiled back. "Uh... Where is Mascot Marsh anyway?"

JOEL: (as Mike) None of us can afford it, but it's nice to dream...

"Eh, let me worry about that," Mike said. "Just glad to have you aboard."

CROW: (Lil) Artemis shredded the last one.

"Thanks," Lil replied. "So when do we leave?"

TOM: (Mike) We're going to the Edge and back!

"How about we meet up later in the day tomorrow and we can get going?" Mike suggested. "Wendy wants me to sleepover too."

"Hmm... All right, I think that'll be fine," Lil replied. "Uh, as long as I run it by Mom of course."

CROW: If she says 'of my old boyfriend'...

"Sure thing," Mike said. "Luckily Mascot Marsh isn't too far away, then hopefully we'll meet Wendy's cousin there."

The two then hung up.

[ All three give blank stares]

JOEL: Who are you and what have you done to the real Mike?

"Where you going with Mike this time?" Kimi asked.

TOM: ...who was hands down the most boring stiff I've ever run across!

"A place called Mascot Marsh." Lil replied.

"Ah, yeah, that place where TV Commercial Mascots live." Courtney memorized.

CROW: (as Courtney) Would you mind changing the ribbon on that stereotypewriter?

"Yeah. Her friend Wendy invited us to go down there and meet her cousin." Lil replied.

"So, you gonna go?" Courtney asked.

TOM: So do we.

CROW: In many and various ways.

JOEL: Mostly through the distorted eyes of deranged fanboys.

"Yeah, why not?" Lil replied.

TOM: (evil voice) Allow me to hurt you...

"Because you always get hostile whenever Mike is around another girl, whether it's an old friend or just some girl who bumped into her by accident." Ginger said like it was obvious.

"I don't do that anymore," Lil replied. "I'm grown up now, I don't get jealous anymore. Trust me."

CROW: Touchy-feely, you mean.

JOEL: With her strength? I'd hate to be her alarm clock.

TOM: *RIIINNNGG* *SMASH*

"Well, I certainly hope so," Courtney said. "Otherwise you're gonna start making Amber Browne in the girl's room look good, especially whenever Danielle Spencer's around."

JOEL (Lill): Yeah, let's fool the owners into thinking we're gonna buy something!

"Ugh, don't get me started on Amber," Lil rolled her eyes. "I'm not sure who's worse, her or that little sister of hers."

TOM: As soon as you girls leave the area.

CROW: (as Lil) I dunno, but those dates and times stuck up on the front door usually mean something.

"Trust me, I know about Ashley all too well whenever she acts so cutesy and innocent so she can come over to play with Blake." Courtney said.

"Well, I'm not like that," Lil insisted. "I've changed."

JOEL: Hey, an interactive muzak. Cool!

"I know, Lil," Kimi replied to her best friend. "You go ahead and have a good time."

"Thanks, girls." Lil smiled to them.

TOM: Showing lungs, ribs, and intestines.

"We just don't want you to end up losing Mike..." Macie said with a sniffle. "Being jealous all the time like that can be unattractive."

JOEL: Then locked the door behind them and swallowed the key.

"Oh, you mean like how Dodie got when we were still friends and I invited Darren to eat lunch with us a few times?" Ginger asked.

CROW: And the point of that chapter was?

"Oh, definitely," Macie nodded. "And we all know how well that turned out."

TOM: Audience still 0.

"I promise you guys that I won't do that." Lil promised.

"Let's hope." Kimi said.

The girls then went to get back to their shopping as Mike packed up her things to go visit Mascot Marsh with as she began to mail a letter back to Wendy to say that she would be coming to visit and sent the letter to Mascot Marsh right away so the girl would get it very soon.

TOM: (as Lil) But in your case, I'll make an exception.

Mike's phone then rang and she answered it. "Hello?"

"Hey, Mike, it's me," Lil replied. "I talked with my mom and she said that it was okay to go."

CROW: (as store owner) Oh, just a convenient plot device, why?

"That's great." Mike smiled.

JOEL: The grunge look doesn't exactly endear the customers.

"I'll meet you later then." Lil said.

"That's great, Lil," Mike beamed. "I'm really looking forward to meeting this cousin of Wendy's."

"Yeah, I'm a little curious myself." Lil smiled.

TOM: Did you get a good look at her? Did you see her face? Could you spot her in a parade?

And with that, both of the girls hung up and went back to what they were doing. Both were pretty excited about the trip.

CROW: Translation: Bride of Frankenstein hairdo.

Down in Mascot Marsh, Wendy met her friends in the park.

"Hey, Wendy, hear back from Mike yet?" Little Debbie asked her best friend.

JOEL: ...or possibly intoxication.

"Not yet, hopefully soon though," Wendy smiled. "I really hope Mike and my cousin get along.

All: (singing in deep voices) For she is...one thousand years old!

"You two were like best friends, huh?" Little Debbie asked.

CROW: (store owner) ...get to pay myself too little money and curse myself under my breath!

"Yeah," Wendy replied. "We played together a lot when we were kids."

"I hope you're not replacing me with family." Little Debbie smirked playfully.

TOM: What, she gives sewing machines pet names?

JOEL: (store owner) And that over there is my refrigerator, Bob!

"Ah, Deb, you know you're my best friend," Wendy giggled. "It'll be nice for my cousin to make some new friends too aside from Alonso and Mr. Nilsson."

TOM: Trapped in a crappy fanfic.

"Hey, girls," Roselle greeted as she came over to her friends. "What's up?"

"Hey, Roselle." The girls greeted.

CROW: And Sneezy, and Grumpy and Doc and Torgo, who takes care of the place while we're gone!

"Just invited Mike to meet my cousin." Wendy smiled.

"Mike, huh?" Roselle asked. "That kid who saved us from Scott Wakefield?"

"That very same," Little Debbie giggled. "Wendy's really soft on her."

TOM: (Little Debbie) The complete lack of material between the neck and the waist, for example.

"Ah, Deb, you know I have a boyfriend now!" Wendy blushed a bit.

"Mike is cute, but not my type." Roselle said to them.

"Where were you yesterday?" Wendy asked the green girl.

CROW: (as Wendy) The machine used me!

"Oh, sorry, girls," Roselle replied. "My dad wanted me to watch over my kid brother, Sprout."

"Sprout? Oh, yeah, I think I've seen him." Little Debbie said.

"Heh, he wants to grow up big and strong like Dad." Roselle chuckled.

TOM: In combat to the death!

"Yeah, but I bet he has to eat his vegetables first, knowing your dad." Wendy smirked playfully.

CROW: The tooth fairy had a field day.

"Yeah, he seems to enjoy his vegetables a lot." Roselle nodded.

"Part of your legacy, I guess," Little Debbie said. "Like me with snack cakes."

ALL: Jinal?

"Or me with old-fashioned hamburgers." Wendy added.

TOM: (Wendy) Yes, many's the time my stitch saved nine.

"Also me and Duke with Uncle Jay's baked beans," Daisy said as she went down the slide. "That crazy dog always trying to tell people the family secret recipe to our family's baked beans."

"Or Aunt Flo's insurance company," Alyssa spoke up. "She wants me to follow in her footsteps."

JOEL: Progressive.

"I hope we can be good mascots someday like our relatives." Roselle said to them.

TOM: Ice cream figured heavily in breakfast, it seems.

"I'm sure we will," Wendy smiled. "Also, I want you guys to be nice to and have fun with Mike when she gets here. I promised she could stay for a bit until my cousin and uncle come by for their big trip. I hope she likes boat travel."

"I'm sure she does since she's always the adventurous type." Little Debbie nodded.

CROW: (nervous Roselle) Okay Gem, you distract them, I'll go for the phone.

"I guess now I just have to wait for a response," Wendy smiled. "I'm hoping we can go to the hang-out spot and then Chef Boyardee can make us a very awesome dinner."

TOM: Is this the same type of creative as is used to describe Dr. Thinker's grammar?

"Chef Boyardee makes the best food, and I heard that his grandson is gonna be helping him." Roselle said.

"Who Alyssa has a crush on." Wendy added in.

"Who said that?" Alyssa asked bashfully as she blushed from that.

CROW: So she got impaled through the back of the head instead.

"I think we've seen you guys in the hallway together." Daisy giggled a bit.

"You and Nathan looks so cute together." Roselle added.

JOEL: Let's see...fake passports, I.D., money, and keys. Yep, you've got everything you need to defect from this fic and return to Sweden.

"Like Big Boy and Dolly." Wendy said.

All of the girls giggled while Alyssa looked bashful to her friends.

TOM: We're looking for the finest computer geeks available!

A postman was soon coming with glasses, who was an old time mascot for POST Alpha Bits cereal, whistling to himself before smiling and waving to the girls. "Hello there, girls!"

"Hi, Mr. Lovable Truly!" The girls greeted.

CROW: Hammer?

JOEL: Billy Crystal?

TOM: Whoopi Goldberg?

"How are you girls doing?" Mr. Lovable Truly asked.

JOEL: Nope. He's on first.

"Fine, sir, how about you?" Roselle replied.

TOM: (sighs) Who else?

JOEL: I knew I caught a whiff of foreshadowing on that self-insertion.

"Oh, I'm alright," Mr. Lovable Truly smiled. "You all seem to be in a good mood."

"I'm hoping my friend Mike from Cartoon Network City can come visit to meet my cousin who I haven't seen in a very long time." Wendy smiled back.

CROW: Bet you anything that before this series is over, Tux Boy will be buying his outfit from her.

TOM: You're on.

"Ah, yes, I sent your letter out to her, and hopefully she can," Mr. Lovable Truly chuckled a bit. "Sounds like a lot of fun."

"I'm thinking of maybe inviting her to Chuck E's place, Chef Boyardee said he'd cook a treat for us all." Wendy beamed.

CROW: (Mr. Lovable Truly) Pretty please, with Fabio on top?

JOEL: (as Roselle) All right! Geez, now will you quit clinging to my ankle?

"Oh, that sounds like fun," Mr. Lovable Truly smiled. "I hope that you girls enjoy it."

TOM: Oh, she's in pain.

"Thank you, sir." Wendy replied.

"Did Mike send a letter back?" Little Debbie asked.

"It'll probably come in tomorrow, I'll see you around." Mr. Lovable Truly said before walking off.

CROW: (Mr. Lovable Truly) But I'll try my damndest anyway!

"Okay... Bye..." Wendy said before sighing a little. "Maybe I should've asked for Mike's number when I had the chance."

"Yeah, or ToonFace." Roselle suggested.

"I forgot about that." Wendy said bashfully.

JOEL: The writers of the dub.

TOM: I think Mr. Lovable Truly got hold of a thesaurus somewhere for synonyms on the word "said".

"Try friending her on ToonFace," Little Debbie giggled. "Who writes letters anymore?"

TOM: So, Tux-Boy isn't special? Well, at least we agree on that.

"Ha, ha, you're so funny, Deb." Wendy teased before taking out her phone.

"I know I am," Little Debbie giggled innocently. "I can still meet your cousin and uncle too, right?"

CROW: Breakaway?

JOEL: Crow!

CROW: Just kidding. Lita, I wouldn't mind. Wendy's? Ugh.

TOM: Fanboy.

"Of course you can," Wendy smiled. "You're my best friend."

Little Debbie smiled back before hugging her. Wendy hugged her back.

TOM: (Announcer) Oh the men are down! The referee is calling for the bell and this match is over! The winner, by knockout, the dress!

JOEL & CROW: *Huzzah*!

"Aww..." The other girls cooed from that before laughing a little together.

ALL: (gasps of surprise)

TOM: Oh my God...how could she!

CROW: Yeah! Instead of meatballs, go for baguettes!

JOEL: *sniff* Years of meatballs, gone! Forever!

Eventually, the next day came, and it was the big day, and Wendy beamed as she soon got a letter back from Mike saying that she would come over and was going to bring Lil along to meet Wendy's cousin.

TOM: I'll goooooo!

CROW: I'll goooooo!

JOEL: I'll goooooo!

ALL: (3-part harmony) I'll goooooo!

"All right!" Wendy cheered. "She's bringing Lil too!"

"I hope you kids have fun." Dave smiled to his daughter.

TOM: (Wendy) Say, a burlap sack?

"Thanks, Daddy, I'm sure we will." Wendy smiled back.

CROW [produces little black book]: Let's see...I know they're here somewhere.

JOEL: I worry about you sometimes…

"Your cousin and uncle will be here very soon." Dave then said.

Wendy beamed from that as the doorbell rang.

TOM: (Wendy) Come around to the back door, give the secret knock, and when they ask you for the password, say "Negaverse." Oops. Gave myself away.

"Maybe right now." Dave then chuckled as he went to get the door.

Meanwhile, Mike and Lil were meeting up and they were soon on their way to Mascot Marsh together.

All: (as Schwartzenneger) ...baaaaack!

"Mascot Marsh shouldn't be too far from here." Mike said to Lil.

"Yeah, it's pretty close compared to your town or Disneyville." Lil nodded.

JOEL: (British accent) Ta! Don't forget to come back for scones!

"Thanks for coming with me." Mike said.

"Thanks for inviting me." Lil replied.

JOEL: On the menu today: Fried or cooked horsemeat, for $14.95!

TOM: Poison Toadstool Salad, for $2.75!

CROW: And for dessert, a block of ice for only $1.95!

"I just want you to promise you'll be mature around Wendy or Little Debbie since they were the closest to me here." Mike said.

TOM: *KABLOOIE*

ALL: EWWWW!

"You always had a way with the girls, huh?" Lil asked.

CROW: It's me, the little Meatball Head of Happiness!

TOM: Warbled? Warbled? Warbled? Sure, she's birdbrained, but...

"I have no idea why honestly." Mike shrugged.

"But you have my word," Lil vowed. "I won't do anything; I'll be on my best behavior."

"That's what I like to hear," Mike said. "We're almost there."

JOEL: (Mike) Oh, NO! You brought the pink fungus with you!

Eventually, the two made it over and came to the town of Mascot Marsh, passing through as they saw Postopia Towers.

"We don't need a hotel," Mike told Lil. "Wendy said she and her dad have enough room for us, her uncle, and her cousin."

"That's nice of her." Lil said.

"It is, and I gotta say, this is a pretty nice town." Mike replied.

TOM: Uh-oh. Looks like Wendy got scrambled in the transporter.

CROW: Not a bad combo idea, though.

TOM: Fanboy.

JOEL: Somewhere, Mike Inverse is crying...

The two soon walked around for a bit as Mike took out Wendy's envelope to look for the address, passing by the various popular TV Commercial Mascots on the way.

Lil yelped before getting hit by a water balloon filled with paint. "Hey! My new shirt! Who did that?!" she then glared.

JOEL (Mike): Well...no.

When Lil turned around, there was a kid made from candy which was a Sour Patch Kid who threw the balloon before offering her a towel to clean herself up.

"Aw... It's okay..." Lil said, taking the towel.

TOM: First there's sour.

JOEL: Actually, that should be *nice* twin sister. Ronnie's already evil.

TOM: True.

TOM: Evil twin sister of Ronnie of the Archies.

The Sour Patch kid hugged her with a smile, then walked away.

"What was that all about?" Lil asked.

CROW: then there's sweet.

JOEL: This is a self-inserter, Crow. Don't ask. You won't like the answer.

"Sour Patch Kids," Mike replied. "Sour. Sweet. Gone."

The Pillsbury Doughboy was coming to the girls with a tray of cookies.

TOM (Lil): That's the person that gets to handle all the complaints and angry guests.

"Oh, thanks, buddy." Mike said, taking one before poking his belly a bit.

The Pillsbury Doughboy giggled from that.

CROW (Lil): Oh, bite me. It's impossible to make you look good, anyway!

"Mm... Reminds me of Dad's cookies a little." Lil smiled from eating her cookie.

The Pillsbury Doughboy also handed them both some cinnamon rolls.

"Aww... You shouldn't have." Lil said.

JOEL: She made an *edible* dress?

CROW: (Mike) Yummy! *CHOMP*

TOM: (Mike) You weren't supposed to EAT it, ditz!

"Really, we have enough sweets as it is, we gotta meet someone, but thanks." Mike said, walking off with Lil.

The Pillsbury Doughboy tipped his hat to them on the way.

JOEL: Sure thing. Uh, which one is Joy?

"Now if only people in CN City could be that friendly to each other." Mike muttered slightly.

A white dog with orange patches sniffed around in his backyard underneath a peach tree before smiling and wagging his tail at the two girls.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say that tree was made out of money." Lil commented.

CROW: True confessions of a push-up bra user.

JOEL: Crow, that was just...(exasperated) never mind.

The dog then went up to the girls, nudging up against their hands.

"Aww... Aren't you adorable?" Lil cooed as she pet the dog.

The dog beamed to them.

CROW: (Mike) Sure, my boss could use some fresh meat...

"We're gonna go see a friend," Mike smiled. "You're such a good dog."

JOEL: No, we're all suffering the same amount in this fic.

The dog then licked their faces as he seemed to like them.

CROW: Reenie, sic her! *GROWF*

"That tickles!" Mike laughed from that.

"We gotta go, Doggy." Lil told the Peach Tree dog.

The dog pouted a bit, but came back into his backyard.

"Don't worry though, we might come back." Mike smiled, deciding to scratch behind his ears to perk him up.

CROW: (as Lil) Oh, exceptionally well...

JOEL: Quiet. [points at Lil] Come on, no one gets along with that!

The Peach Tree Dog soon smiled from that, his foot tapping up and down happily before he went back under his tree. Mike and Lil then walked away to go back to seeing Wendy.

"Cute dog." Lil remarked.

"Yeah, I'd adopt him, though I'm sure he has an owner." Mike nodded.

TOM: As she flew screaming over the castle wall.

JOEL: No, Tom. "Capitulated", not "catapulted.".

TOM: Ah.

Eventually, they found Wendy's house and knocked on the door.

Wendy soon answered it with a smile. "Oh, Mike, it's so good to see you again!" she then beamed before hugging the tomboy.

"Hey, Wendy, good to see you again," Mike smiled back. "You remember my girlfriend, Lil?"

CROW: (Lil) Their names are Larry, Curly, Moe, and Shemp.

"Hi, Lil!" Wendy beamed before hugging the female DeVille twin.

"Are you always a hugger?" Lil asked.

JOEL: Oh, come on. You've got four girlfriends, none of whom are capable of doing hair? I find that hard to believe.

"Yeah, I love making new friends!" Wendy smiled. "Especially friends of Mike's."

"So, are we eating here or what?" Mike smiled back.

CROW: Yet another aspect of a self-insertion character rears its ugly head.

"We're gonna meet Chuck E pretty soon, but I wanted you guys to come over to see my cousin before we'd walk off together." Wendy said.

TOM: INTENSE EXCLAMATION ACTION!

"Is Chuck E still dating Mouscedes?" Lil asked, remembering the trip to Boo York. "That girl was interesting."

JOEL: But how long can she think and run at the same time?

Oh, yeah, I think she's with him at his place actually." Wendy smiled.

"I liked that girl," Mike replied. "She was pretty cool and helped us out a lot."

ALL: (Mike) IT'S FOOD!

"Yep." Lil agreed.

JOEL: Our first nominee for faceplant of the week. Six out of ten.

CROW: Seven out of ten.

TOM: Oh...nine. It wasn't very sound technically but there was such heart in it.

"Cous! Mike and Lil are here!" Wendy called out.

TOM: Faster than a speeding bullet! It's SuperShoe!

"I'll be right over!" Wendy's cousin replied.

CROW: Oh, good aim.

TOM: Calling convenient Darien entrance...you have an opening…

A monkey soon came on the floor, looking up at Mike and Lil.

CROW: Leaving footprints on the infamous Dick Tracy Villains "Red-Faced" and "Ready To Apologize".

"Wendy, you got a monkey in your house." Mike commented.

"That's my cousin's monkey, Mr. Nilsson." Wendy smiled.

TOM: (as voice) Are you still a klutz?

The monkey smiled at the two werewolf girls and waved to them.

CROW: Joel, would you dip your eyes in liquid nitrogen?

JOEL: No, I don't think so...

"Well, he seems nice." Mike waved back to the monkey.

Eventually, another girl came in with pigtails a lot like Wendy's with freckles on her face with a blue top over her short-sleeved red dress shirt, a long purple sock on one leg with a red and yellow striped sock on the other with dark gray boots.

"Mike, Lil, this is my cousin," Wendy introduced. "Pippilotta Delicatessa Windowshade Mackrelmint Ephraim's Daughter Longstocking."

CROW: SHE'S A EQUESTRIA GIRLS STYLE!

Mike and Lil blinked from the very long name.

TOM: That came from San Bernardino!

"But you can call me Pippi." Wendy's cousin smiled to Mike and Lil.

"Nice to meet you," Mike replied. "I'm Mike Mazinsky and this is my girlfriend, Lil DeVille."

"Hello." Lil greeted.

TOM: Why doesn't Pippi care? Film at eleven.

JOEL: Man, talk about your mood swings.

CROW: That wasn't a mood swing, Joel. That was a playground.

"Nice to meet you both," Pippi smiled. "Oh, I see you met Mr. Nilsson."

JOEL: (Mike) Not since this show was dubbed into Swedish!

"Yeah, he seems cool." Mike smiled back.

CROW: (Mike) I'm infertile!

TOM: (Lil) What about Tommy and Annika?

CROW: (Mike) Oh, she's just an anomaly!

TOM: (Lil) Well, at least we agree on that point.

"Alonso's back home though." Pippi then said.

"Alonso, huh?" Lil asked.

JOEL: Marriage Counselor?

CROW: Music Champion?

TOM: McDonald's Courier?

"Yeah, he's my horse," Pippi smiled. "I ride with him almost everywhere, especially back home in Villa Villekulla."

Mike and Lil looked at each other from that.

[Everyone picks up a hand of cards]

JOEL: Got any exclamations of surprise?

CROW: Go Fish.

"Oh, um, that's nice." Mike then said.

"Is something wrong?" Pippi asked.

TOM: Too? Did Pippi get asked while we weren't looking?

JOEL: And, ladies and gentlemen, our MC...she didn't want to be here, but fortunately, we managed to hold her family hostage...Astrid Lindgren!

"Why do you ask that?" Lil asked.

"It was just the way you said that." Pippi said.

CROW: Ah, "the park". A vital part of any Pippi Longstocking fanfic.

"Oh, well, I guess it's because we don't know where that is." Mike shrugged.

"Oh, it's in Sweden." Pippi then smiled.

"Sweden?" Lil asked. "I didn't know about that."

TOM: It's where Astrid Lindgren lived!

"Ah, that's okay," Pippi smiled. "I can tell you about lots of things from my home."

CROW: If so, please send $1,000 and your idea to Crow T. Robot, Satellite of Love, Space. Many will enter, none will win.

"That's very nice of you, Pippi," Mike smiled back. "You know, you and Wendy could even pass as twins."

"Everyone thinks that." Wendy giggled.

"So, where are we gonna eat?" Lil asked. "I'm pretty hungry."

CROW: (Lil) My skirt always rides up when I go inside.

"Oh, just a sec," Wendy smiled before calling out. "Daddy! Uncle Ephraim! We're gonna go out and meet up with some friends!"

"Okay, girls, have fun!" Dave called back.

JOEL (Pippi): Okay. We'll keep. You eye on her.

Wendy, Pippi, Mike, and Lil soon left the house to go through Mascot Marsh to get to Chuck E. Cheese's place.

"There's gonna be a big special meal," Wendy smiled to Mike and Lil. "Chef Boyardee and his grandson did most of the catering."

CROW: (Pippi) Arribaaa!

JOEL: Crow, that's supposes to be somber, not sombrero.

CROW: Oh, spoil the joke for the readers, Joel.

"Chef Boyardee has a grandson?" Mike asked in surprise.

JOEL: (Mike) Yeah, breaking and entering is fun!

"Yeah, his name is Nathan," Wendy replied. "He's one of the best cooks like his grandfather. Alyssa Progressive also has a crush on him."

"Now, now, you shouldn't tease your friends like that." Lil smirked playfully.

TOM: Well, there's the 'breaking' part...

Wendy just giggled as they went inside of Chuck E. Cheese's to find Chuck E and Mousecedes, laughing and talking to each other.

"Ah, there's Mouscedes." Lil smiled.

JOEL: (as voice) ...cheese steaks? We must have the cheese steaks.

"You liked her from Boo York, huh?" Mike asked.

"Oh, yeah, she seemed cool for a mouse girl," Lil replied. "Thankfully she's not like The Mouse King from The Nutcracker Suite."

CROW: (Mike) Have you prepared the mint sauce?

JOEL: Wait...she's evil?

TOM: Hey, this fic's rating just went up in my book

"Tell me about it." Mike nodded from that.

"Ah, Wendy, good to see ya." Chuck E smiled to the red-haired girl.

"Yep," Wendy smiled back. "Mike says you met her and Lil in Boo York when they visited with the Monster High crew."

JOEL: At least, not until the next chapter.

"They sure did," Chuck E replied. "They were a couple of nice girls."

"If it weren't for them, we wouldn't be here right now." Mouscedes added.

TOM: "Trust me, I know what I'm doing."

JOEL: "What's the worst that could happen?"

CROW: Uh, what are "Famous Last Words", Alex?

"Everyone else is on the way, so you can get settled a bit." Chuck E smiled to Mike, Lil, Wendy, and Pippi.

JOEL: (voice) And bring me some donuts!

"Thanks, Chuck," Mike smiled back. "Always great to see ya."

"You play an instrument?" Chuck E asked.

JOEL: She turned inside out and turned into a driveway.

"Uh, I once played the recorder in fourth grade?" Mike shrugged.

TOM: (Chuck E) Why, then, do I feel a draft somewhere?

"Oh, that's okay," Chuck E said. "You should see me in the Make Believe Band."

JOEL: (Chuck E) I'll make Welsh Rarebit if it's the last thing I do!

"That sounds like a name Barney the Dinosaur would come up with." Lil mumbled.

TOM: Joel, can we leave now?

"Well, the band is real, and Chuck, you could play for us if you want." Wendy then said.

JOEL: 'Fraid not.

"Sure thing, kiddo." Chuck E smiled.

CROW: Couldn't shovel the snow away from the titles.

JOEL: Did you notice that all these titles have four words?

TOM: (as Chuck E) Ze reasen for zis is because you zink zat you should be in ze Holy Trinity along viz ze Fadder, ze Son and ze Holy Goat...

"Ah, I love watching you guys play," Mouscedes beamed. "Chuck's great with a guitar."

"Everyone else should be here soon," Chuck E told Mike and Lil. "Feel free to have a look around."

TOM: Oh my God! Chuck E's turned into a hotel room! Oh, the horror, the horror!

JOEL: Not the honeymoon suite, I hope.

"This is my first time in this town, but it seems pretty friendly, especially with that sun." Mike replied.

"Ah, yeah, Sunny's pretty cool." Chuck E nodded.

TOM: (as Lil) But I really have to go!

Mike and Lil then decided to have a look around the restaurant. Chuck E and Mouscedes then went to go out and greet more guests who would come around.

"The Lunchables Brigade?" Lil asked, seeing a poster of a trio of kids who looked like crime-solvers, wearing red and yellow uniforms.

CROW: (Chuck E) Ah welcome, Mr. Bond...I mean, Meatball Head.

"They help out with school lunches like with Chicken Dunkers." Wendy smiled.

"Cool." Mike said.

"Yeah, they are pretty popular." Wendy nodded.

JOEL: (Mouscedes) You should have asked! I'd have given her to you, free!

"These Postopia kids look pretty cool too, almost like the Power Rangers." Lil said, seeing a poster of four kids.

"Yeah," Wendy smiled. "Chelsea, Nick, Kiki, and Zander."

ALL: Let it happen, let it happen, let it happen...

"I should visit Mascot Marsh more often, it feels so nice around here as long as Scott Wakefield isn't around." Mike smiled back.

"Hello there, Chuck E, I'm not too late, am I?" Chef Boyardee smiled.

"Nah, come on in, Chef," Chuck E smiled back. "We can't wait to eat what you and Nathan brought."

CROW: (Mike) Because she's my little princess!

"Come on in then, son." Chef Boyardee smiled as he came in, carrying a sealed container with his grandson who followed behind him.

JOEL: I'm the author, you fool!

Alyssa then saw Nathan and blushed. The other girls noticed this and smiled.

"So, this is Alyssa." Pippi smiled.

TOM: Right now, she's pinned down by a knight and a bishop.

"Hello there, Pippi, I've heard a lot about you with the others in school." Alyssa smiled back.

"You don't smile as big as your Aunt Flo." Pippi giggled.

CROW: And as we all know, Lita can deliver a hefty hipcheck. *Mrow*

JOEL: Crow...

"Oh, Aunt Flo loves to smile," Alyssa smiled. "I think she was born smiling all the time."

"I can believe that." Wendy giggled.

Mike, Lil, Wendy, and Pippi played some arcade games until the kid mascots were coming to the party to welcome Pippi into town as Chef Boyardee began to prepare a special feast with his grandson.

JOEL: It has two buttons: Stop and Go. Or is that too complicated?

Mike then noticed a young tigress, wearing a jersey shirt along with blue shorts who was playing a video game who she did not recognize. "Hey, Wendy?" she then spoke up. "Who's that orange tiger girl?"

"Oh, that's Tony the Tiger's daughter, Catarina," Wendy replied. "She can be feral like a normal tiger, but she's pretty cool once you get to know her."

"Hmm... I guess I could try to talk to her." Mike said.

TOM: (Alyssa) Like those things on the front...with letters and stuff on them.

CROW: (Pippi) The keys?

TOM: (Alyssa) Yeah, that's it! The keys!

"Tigers and wolves don't hate each other, right?" Wendy asked.

JOEL: Let alone a fan belt or carburetor.

"Well, I don't, I'm pretty neutral towards them." Mike shrugged as she went to meet the tigress.

"Be careful, Mike." Lil warned.

TOM: (Mike) Hmm...according to this...hey, Mina, you're not a natural blond!

CROW: (Wendy) Am too! Want me to prove it?

JOEL: Guys...

"Uh... Hi..." Catarina said, looking distracted from the game.

"I'm Mike, I'm not from here, but maybe we can be friends." Mike said.

"Kinda busy right now," Catarina told her. "Hold on just a second. I wanna beat my high score."

"Oh... Sure..." Mike replied.

TOM: Technobabble generator is going off the scale, sir!

JOEL: "Mike Mazinsky meets Pippi Longstocking", rewritten for 1997 film.

"See ya then." Catarina said.

TOM: (Mike) Hey, this doesn't do anything, it's just a prop!

CROW: Like Mina?

TOM: Well...yeah.

"I guess." Mike shrugged as she walked away from the young tigress.

"She can be like that sometimes," Wendy said to Mike. "But you can talk to her when it's time to eat"

JOEL: (Catarina) Really? (aside) Gee, do you think that's bad?

"That's true." Mike shrugged.

Alyssa decided to go talk with Nathan when she had the chance, looking a little shy on the way. "H-Hi, Nathan."

TOM: (Mike) That's what's written in the script. Blame the author.

"Oh, hey, Alyssa," Nathan soon turned around to her with a smile. "What's up?"

"So, that's Nathan." Mike said to herself.

"He seems cute." Lil commented politely.

CROW: Hey, those Oxypads are really working!

"Uh, you want some help?" Alyssa offered to Nathan. "It's my job to help out friends in need."

TOM: (Mike) Oh, cause the author decided to turn me into a Trekkie. *mumble mumble mumble* death to Trekkies *mumble mumble*.

"Well, if you insist." Nathan smiled patiently.

"My mom and grandma taught me how to cook with some food." Alyssa replied.

TOM: Right...you must be one of those people who thinks Elvis isn't dead.

"We should be good, but alright," Nathan smiled to her. "I'm just jealous I can't bake as good as Elizabeth or her grandmother, Betty Crocker."

"Yeah, they're the best, but your cooking is great as well." Alyssa replied.

"It's a family instinct, I think," Nathan smiled. "You know, like Daisy's uncle's baked beans."

JOEL: So in other words, it's just a telephone with a really bad connection?

"You think he'll ever tell us that secret ingredient?" Alyssa giggled bashfully.

"Maybe someday, I know Duke is trying." Nathan laughed a bit.

CROW: (Mike) Because you remind me of my schnauzer at home!

"Ooh, Wendy, it seems to be going well between those two." Mike smiled to her mascot friend.

"Me too," Wendy giggled. "I think they will go out together sooner than we think."

"When do we party?" Pippi asked.

"When everyone else gets here," Wendy smiled. "I hope we have fun tomorrow too on your dad's ship."

ALL: As usual.

"I'm sure we will." Pippi replied.

"Ship?" Mike asked.

"Oh, didn't I tell you?" Wendy replied. "Uncle Efraim sails around the world."

TOM: Yeah, CURE.

"No, I don't think you told me that." Mike said.

"Well, yeah," Wendy then said. "That's what he does. He came by to stop in Mascot Marsh to visit before he and Pippi go back home together. I hope you don't mind boat travel too much."

JOEL: (Alyssa) Do you think I'm that shallow? Well...you're right!

"Ah, I'll be fine," Mike smiled. "It sounds like a great adventure."

"Thanks again for inviting us." Lil added.

"Oh, it's no problem at all." Wendy replied.

TOM: With a handy leather dress.

CROW: Ooo, kinky.

Catarina seemed to be entranced by her game.

TOM: Unfortunately, they never thought to look in the stewpot.

TOM: Three stars? Hardly.

"Man, that girl's hooked," Mike said. "Video games, huh?"

JOEL: Snow in May? We must be in Canada.

"And you know a video game character." Lil replied.

"Yeah, might meet some more later like Mario and Luigi." Mike said.

TOM: Mario and Luigi and the Artist Formerly known as Prince and...

JOEL: How did he seen The Super Mario Movie trailer?

"Yep." Lil chuckled.

CROW: Whoa! Sex change operation!

"Come on, Cat, you can do this." Catarina told herself as she was almost beating her high score.

Mike merely glanced over as Catarina's mind was elsewhere.

"Not sure how I feel 'bout that, but at least she's happy." Chuck E shrugged.

TOM: He noticed that all his beer was gone.

Then soon enough, all of the Kid Mascots came and the party then started for everyone.

"All right, everybody, let's groove!" Wendy called out.

CROW: (as Lil) Oh, Miss October...

JOEL: Crow...

"Aw, yeah! Let's kick it!" Daisy laughed as she put on some music to dance with. "Uh, you didn't invite Bonnie, did you?"

"Now, Daisy, we're all friends, even Bonnie." Wendy told the girl.

JOEL: (as voice) I beg your pardon sir, but...GET OFF ME!

"Hmm..." Daisy paused for a moment. "Okay, as long as she keeps cool."

A blonde pigtailed girl wearing her school uniform beamed.

"Uh, who's that?" Mike asked Little Debbie.

ALL: (Groan) VERY SUBTLE HINT, SANDRA.

"That's the Brawny couple you see on those paper towels' mascots' daughter, Bonnie," Little Debbie said. "She's a bit of a geek."

"Oh, okay." Mike said.

TOM: The Macarena will continue to spread unchecked!

"Kinda reminds me of Chuckie a little bit." Lil commented about Bonnie.

CROW: Hopefully six feet under.

"Hot chocolate?" Sanna smiled to Mike and Lil, offering two cups.

"Thanks." Mike smiled back, taking the cup.

"Yeah, thanks." Lil added, taking the other.

JOEL: Awwww. (coughs) Excuse me. There was something in my throat...probably bile.

The two then clinked their cups and shared some of the famous Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate together.

CROW: As she saw a fire hydrant coming up.

"This is my all-time favorite hot chocolate." Mike beamed.

TOM: (Mike) I mean, it's gonna take so long to search all thirty square feet of it!

"Why, thank you." Sanna replied.

JOEL: (Little Debbie) Gregorian chanting? ...The hell?

Everyone had a lot of fun at the party so far, especially Wendy and Pippi.

"Who wants some frozen seafood?!" An old man in a raincoat soon grinned as he appeared, carrying a box of frozen fish. "Trusted since 1849!"

Everyone then raised their hands with a smile. Nearly every mascot was there as they all had some fun.

TOM: We must restart the great and powerful Wizard of Of!

"This is the best party ever," Pippi beamed. "Thank you, everyone."

"It was our pleasure of course," Wendy smiled to Pippi. "Only the best for my cousin."

JOEL: What's left of her is, at least!

CROW: (Mike) No, Sanna, honey! Don't eat the poison ivy!

"I really like this Daminals yogurt," Mike said. "You know I'm more of a meat eater, but it's pretty nice to drink."

Wendy beamed that Mike had a good time too.

TOM (Mike): Hey, Meatball Head, do you mind? I was going to say something!

"Do I know you? You seem familiar..." An elf girl said to Mike as she stood with Snap, Crackle, and Pop.

ALL: Try and cover this Nelvana!

"Uh, I don't know." Mike shrugged.

"Hmm..." The elf girl paused.

TOM: Huh? Who was that last one?

CROW: Maybe it's like, you know, "Girl Power"?

JOEL: Nah. Pippi Longstocking already covered that one.

"Come on, Jewel, there's still time for one more dance." Pop told his girlfriend.

"Okay, Pop." Jewel replied.

Mike smiled to that, then looked around to see all the mascots are having fun; she was little surprised to see Joel's brother and Nick's friend: Andy is dancing with one of the Doublemint twins.

"So, which one are you?" Andy asked his dance partner. "Tina or Mina?"

CROW: In fluent Klingon, of course.

"I'm Tina," The girl smiled. "Mina's dancing with Jake from State Farm."

JOEL: Not a word, Crow.

"You guys should probably wear name tags or something to tell you apart from each other." Mike said.

"Yeah, maybe." Tina smiled as she had fun with Andy.

"This is better than when Red and Ned would fight over us all the time." Mina giggled to her twin sister.

CROW: We need something to go with the potatoes!

"I know, right?" Tina beamed back.

Mike looked over to see Little Debbie was dancing with Cracker Jack who was smiling and blushing a little bit. "Well, it's good to see she found someone." she then smiled.

TOM: No, taking your skis through a revolving door is impossible. This is just unlikely.

"Yeah, so, you wanna dance with 'em?" Lil asked.

"Why not?" Mike smiled. "It'll be great. Just don't get mad if I step on your feet."

CROW: (Mike) Andy...why do still have your Japanese name?

"I'm sure I won't mind." Lil smiled back as they went to join in on the dance as Mouscedes and Chuck E began to lead the others into the dance as they started.

CROW: Whoa, whoa! Wasn't she, like, tied up?

Pippi looked around as she felt a little left out from the dancing as everyone else seemed to have their own partners. There was a teenage boy with black spiky hair, dressed in white shirt, black skinny jeans with chains, a green jacket, white shoes, and a dragon tattoo and his ears and nose were pierced and he soon noticed Pippi all alone, so he came over to the girl.

TOM: *WHACK*

JOEL: (referee) How many fingers can you see?

CROW: (Mina) Thursday. *THUD*

"Hi, there, I'm Bryson Clean," The teenage boy greeted. "Mr. Clean's nephew."

"Hi, there," Pippi blushed a little. "I'm Pippi Longstocking."

"Would you like to maybe dance?" Bryson offered.

TOM: And Dr. Forrester can't find us in the dark.

"Oh, uh, sure," Pippi smiled. "That sounds nice."

Bryson then held out his arm to her and she took it as they went to dance together with the other mascots. Pippi smiled at Bryson and soon began to blush.

JOEL: Read: Youma fodder.

"You seem pretty nice." Pippi said to Bryson.

JOEL: I'm sick of hearing about someone ruining your plans! Someone's ALWAYS ruining someone's plans. Can't you just stop planning and be spontaneous for once? Or, even better, make a new plan? STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT PEOPLE RUINING YOUR PLANS!

TOM: Hey, nice rant, Joel.

"Oh, I do what I can," Bryson replied. "Beats getting sent to jail."

"You've been in jail?!" Pippi's eyes widened.

CROW: Whose wrists?

TOM: (Pippi) Bryson, could you rub my hands next? They're cold.

"No, I'm just kidding." Bryson chuckled.

"I believe he's just trying to play around since you two seem to be becoming friends and you should get to know each other better." A man said to them.

JOEL: Anyone for stew?

ALL: (singing) TWINKLE, TWINKLE, LITTLE STAR...

"Thanks, Captain Obvious." The two deadpanned to him.

JOEL: (as 'he'): Hey, it's the ice cream truck!

"Anytime." The man replied before walking away.

TOM: ('he'): Ah well. Better go back to sleep.

Bryson and Pippi looked at each other, smiling at each other.

Eventually, the song ended as everyone then clapped after the song before it was getting dark.

"It's getting a little late," Chuck E said. "Thank you all for coming. Wendy, have a lot of fun with your cousin, alright?"

CROW: ...so badly that it would make Sylvester Stallone green with envy!

"I'm sure I will, Chuck," Wendy smiled to the mouse. "Thanks for having us."

"You're welcome, and you're always welcome to come back." Chuck E replied.

TOM: ...and Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny were playing Strip Poker in the back room.

"All right, we should get back to my place," Wendy smiled. "I'm sure my uncle will wanna get us up early for a voyage out to the sea."

"Sounds like my old adventures with Lu and Og," Mike replied. "They taught me a lot about island ways like traveling by boat, catching food, and just about everything."

CROW: (Bryson) Oh, they're gone! But they left me all these nice carrots!

TOM: In this case, I'm calling Finders Keepers for Bryson.

"Sounds like Gilligan's Island." Lil commented.

"Yeah, I guess it does." Mike chuckled.

JOEL: Uh-oh, she's gonna blow...!

"This way, guys." Wendy said, leading the way out with Little Debbie.

Mike and Lil began to follow behind Chester Cheetah's nieces as Kelsey played her video game always.

CROW: (as voice) Ha ha! Widdle girl wants her mommy!

"That girl and her games," Little Debbie commented. "Wait, where's Alyssa?"

TOM: Brain purge!

They looked over to see that Alyssa was talking to Nathan. Chuck E began to clean up with Mouscedes along with the other members of the Make Believe Band which were Helen Henny, Mr. Munch, and Jasper T. Jowls.

JOEL: We know the secret to the Caramilk bar.

"I had fun with you, Nathan," Alyssa smiled. "Um, you sure know your way around the kitchen."

"I guess you could say I was born in the kitchen." Nathan chuckled a bit.

CROW: Okay, who dropped a scantily clad Tuxedo Mask into the midst of the Sailor Scouts?

TOM: Look, there's Oscar... and there David Kintobor... and there's Marrissa…and...

"Think you could show me how to cook better?" Alyssa asked.

TOM: Oh, thank you!

JOEL: Let's move out, guys.

[JOEL picks up Tom, and the three leave the theater]

[1][2][3][4][5][6]

[Bridge of the Satellite of Love]

[We are greeted by a close-up shot of Tom's head]

TOM: Owww!

JOEL [off-screen]: Hey, hold still and it won't hurt! Besides, you're a robot; you can't feel pain.

TOM: (angrily) How would you know that Joel?

JOEL [o.s.]: I made you, Servo.

TOM: Oh, right. Ow!

JOEL [o.s.]: Oh, for...! Hold still, Servo! Damn! It ripped! Hey, Crow, pass me one of those garter belts...

CROW [o.s.]: Oh, sure thing, JOEL...

[Cambot pans back, to show that Joel and the Bots are... making dresses. Crow disappears under the table briefly then swiftly appears again.]

CROW: Here y'go!

[As Joel takes it, Tom looks over]

TOM: Hey! That's blue! I wanted a green one!

JOEL: You just made me rip the last the green one, Servo.

CROW: Oh, come on, Servo! Take it like a Bot!

TOM: (insulted) Hey, can I help it if unlike you I actually have some dress sense?

CROW: Yeah, right! You've got the dress sense of a dead mule!

TOM: Yeah, well, you've got the dress sense of a suffocated alley cat!

CROW: Well, you've got the dress sense of a moldy zucchini pie!

TOM: Well, you've got the dress sense of Dr. F. and Frank! Nearly!

CROW: Why, you...! [attempts to tackle Tom]

JOEL: Come on, guys... [breaks the two up] Servo, go to the back room and see if you can find any more green garter belts. Crow, turn around...

CROW: Joel, I would like a strapless evening gown.

TOM: Crow, you always say that.

CROW: I just like them is all. Anyway, why are you still here?

TOM: (sarcastic) Oh, sorry. I...

[As the two of them start to argue again, the Commercial Sign starts to flash]

Joel [over the Bots argument]: Why don't you folks check out some of these deals on clothes, while I smooth things over here.

[Presses Commercial Sign button]

[Commercial Bumper]

Chapter Text

[Inside the theatre]

[Joel carries Tom to his seat on the left, while Crow sits to Joel's right]

TOM: Well, you still think shoulder pads are in vogue!

CROW: Yeah, well you-

JOEL: Enough!

"I'd be more than happy to." Nathan replied.

TOM: Audience still 0!

"Come on, Alyssa, it's time to go home." Wendy called playfully.

JOEL: ...states that the world was created when the comic book guy from Simpsons ate one too many burritos.

"Heh, guess I better go," Alyssa smiled sheepishly to Nathan. "This was great, Nathan."

TOM: (as Nathan) Yaggedity, yaggedity, yaggedity.

"Yeah, I had fun too," Nathan replied. "You can come over sometime and I'd love to teach you how to cook."

"I'd like that." Alyssa smiled.

TOM: Nathan, Gotham city needs you!

CROW: ...for medical experiments.

"Come on!" Wendy laughed, pulling on Alyssa's arm. "You know how your aunt gets."

JOEL: Along the way, though, she had a minor run-in with a semi.

"Oops! Gotta go, Nathan, see ya!" Alyssa called out as she was suddenly pulled away.

TOM: She had to burn off some of that pink sugar.

CROW: Run, Allyssa, run!

Nathan smiled and waved to the girl before went back to the kitchen to help his grandfather clean up.

"So, how did it go with you guys?" Little Debbie smiled.

CROW: Ahh, Revenge of the Babysitter.

TOM: (as evil voice) Now you'll never wet the bed again...

"Uh, well, sometime, he's gonna help teach me how to cook," Alyssa smiled bashfully. "You think Aunt Flo would be alright with that?"

CROW: And she was forced to fill it out in triplicate.

"I don't think anything makes your aunt unhappy except for maybe Lily Adams." Wendy replied.

"Yeah, Lily and my aunt never got along when they went to school together," Alyssa shrugged. "I don't know why."

CROW: And then it forced itself on her.

JOEL: Ugh! Crow!

CROW: Yecch! I grossed myself out with that image.

"We should get to bed early tonight," Wendy told Mike and Lil. "My uncle's a bit of an early riser."

"Yeah, good idea," Mike agreed. "Coming here and having an awesome party made me kinda tired."

"I'll show you guys the guest room," Wendy said. "Follow me."

JOEL: Oh, it's started.

TOM: What has?

JOEL: The putdowns, the insults...

"See you in the morning, Wendy." Little Debbie smiled to her best friend.

"See you then, Deb." Wendy smiled back.

[Joel and the Bots sweatdrop]

TOM: Is it just me or did the youma just say…

CROW: Oh, I've waited for this day, when Pippi gets punished in the name of the moon.

TOM: Fanboy.

"Good night, Mike," Little Debbie said. "Night, Lil."

CROW: (as Wendy) Bite me.

JOEL: Hey, that speech is below regulation length! Add another twenty lines!

"Good night, Little Debbie." Mike and Lil replied.

"That wasn't so bad, now was it?" Mike asked Lil.

"Heh, I guess I was alright as long as she was with that Cracker Jack boy," Lil replied. "They seemed cute."

[J&tBs eat popcorn contentedly]

"Oh, yeah," Mike chuckled. "I think that they would make a good pair together."

CROW: It felt a waft of... something coming from Reenie...

Wendy soon showed Mike and Lil the guest room while she would stay with Pippi in her room.

"Nice guest room," Mike said. "We even have our own TV and bathroom."

CROW: Ah! A tetanus shot.

"I just wish I could make you guys an Automatic Frosty Machine." Wendy giggled.

ALL: *groan*

JOEL: Can someone please go shoot Sandra's gag writer?

"Oh, that would be awesome," Mike smiled. "I love your dad's Frostys."

"Thank you," Wendy smiled back. "Dad always tries his best to make people happy."

"Night, Wendy." Mike smiled.

TOM: (as Lil) Oh my God! According to this it's... a palm tree!

CROW: (as Freud) Now, ven did you first feel zis hostile urge towards zuper-deformed characterz?

"See ya, guys." Wendy smiled back, going to get some sleep with her cousin.

ALL: Nooooooooo!

"Ah..." Mike sighed in relaxation and rest. "That was a nice party."

TOM: Followed by a vicious volley of floating ribs!

JOEL: Oh, wonderful. A youma with no backbone of its own.

"I know," Lil replied "Thanks again for letting me come."

The two then went to get comfortable and to get some sleep as they were warned about an early morning wake up call from Wendy's uncle in the next morning. It was a very peaceful night for all of them.

[J&tBs continue eating popcorn]

CROW: This is sorta fun, actually...

JOEL: Action sequences guest-written by Nav.

The next morning came rather early around 6:30 in the morning.

"Rise and shine!" Ephraim called out loudly to wake up his daughter, niece, and their friends. "Time's a wastin'! It's time to get to Villa Villekulla!"

CROW: (as Wendy) MOON…SPIRAL…HEART…ATTA…Gack…

Mike and Lil grumbled a bit as that was earlier than they thought it would be. Wendy soon came in to check on them.

JOEL: Mike's certainly got Lil's wonderfully original and captivating speeches right.

"Man, Wendy, you weren't kidding when you said your uncle was an early riser." Mike muttered.

TOM: Whoops. Sinkhole.

CROW: Now there's a speech that's certain to induce fear into the hearts of her enemies.

"I tried to tell you guys." Wendy reminded.

"Ugh. How about five more minutes or maybe a couple of more hours?" Lil groaned.

"Sorry, girls, but he wants you to be ready by 7:00." Wendy replied.

CROW: (as Ephraim) ...why are you throwing those at me?

"And I said-" Lil was about to say.

TOM: (Ephraim) What light through yonder window breaks?

"It's okay, Lil." Mike stopped her before she would have an anger meltdown.

"Don't worry, Dad is gonna cook breakfast before we leave." Wendy then reassured.

JOEL: A compost heap?

"Okay, sounds good," Mike said with a yawn. "We'll be down in a couple of minutes."

"Yeah, yeah, I guess." Lil mumbled.

TOM: (as Mike) Uh, I'll have a scoop of chocolate, a scoop of vanilla, and a scoop of Reenie.

Mike then went to the bathroom to get herself ready while Lil came out to start her morning while checking her phone a bit, mostly texts from her father worrying about her, but that was just a dad being a dad and all.

CROW: That is, in their natural state.

"Oh, Dad..." Lil muttered. "I swear, I'm always six to him."

After a couple minutes later, Mike came out of the bathroom dressed in her usual outfit and then Lil went into the bathroom next to get ready herself.

Mike checked her own phone to see a lot of crazy texts from Eddy which made her roll her eyes a bit before she opened the window with a small smile. "It always seems to be a great day in Mascot Marsh."

"It's always a great day with two scoops of raisins, Mike." The sun smiled before taking out two scoops filled with raisins and pouring them all over the town.

TOM: ...a crater where she had been before.

CROW: And there was much rejoicing.

JOEL & TOM: (weakly) Yeah.

"You must be Sunny from Raisin Bran." Mike smirked.

JOEL: ...a plot hole?

"Oh, you know it." The sun smiled.

JOEL: Close enough.

"You do this every morning?" Mike asked.

"Sure do," Sunny chuckled. "I love it."

CROW: Yeah, he already threw his roses. After that, he's pretty useless.

JOEL: But he didn't make a speech. That could have made the difference.

"Well, have fun with that," Mike said. "Do you do anything on rainy days?"

"That's usually when the Morton Salt Girl comes out," Sunny replied. "She loves rainy days."

"I guess that makes sense." Mike replied.

TOM: There was her Groucho Marx, her Richard Nixon, and her Bill Clinton.

Soon enough, Lil came back out, dressed in her usual clothes.

"Ready?" Mike asked.

CROW (Mike): E= M...no, wait. E= MC...um, no. E=...

"Yeah." Lil nodded.

ALL: (as others) Well...no.

The two soon came downstairs as Dave cooked eggs and bacon with toast for breakfast as fast as he could.

CROW: (Mike) We were just mentally undressing you...no, wait, that's not what I meant to say...

"You're trying at least." Ephraim chuckled to his brother-in-law.

JOEL: (as Mike) ...and treat her to a long, painful death.

"Yeah, Lori was a much quicker cook than I ever could hope to be." Dave smirked.

CROW: (Mike) I want you to know that I've decided to dump you for Raye. She does things for me that you never could...

Wendy and Pippi then came downstairs as well.

ALL: (singing) For every season, turn, turn, turn...there is a reason, turn, turn, turn...

"Morning, Dad. Uncle Ephraim." Wendy greeted.

"Ah, girls, good to see ya." Ephraim smiled to his daughter and niece.

CROW: (Dave) I'm having an affair, Darien!

TOM: (Ephrsim) Oh? With whom?

CROW (Dave): Anyone who wants to. Right now, it's...mmmmph!

[Joel closes his beak.]

JOEL: No details, please.

"Oh, breakfast smells good." Pippi said.

JOEL: ...socked him in the jaw.

"Luckily I was able to make it fast enough." Dave said as he soon gave them their breakfast plates.

TOM: ...except for a small spot by her left shoulder blade.

"Thanks, Dad." Wendy replied.

JOEL: (Wendy) How dare she dump me? I'm supposed to dump her!

"Thank you, Uncle Dave." Pippi beamed.

"You're welcome, girls." Dave smiled to them.

TOM: Why? There's tons of backbones lying around after that fight.

Mike and Lil ate mostly bacon since it was the only meat they could get a hold of and only a little bit of eggs and toast. Dave decided to sit with them while he still could before he would go back to sleep before going to work to see them off.

CROW: ...because he was wearing a frilly pink tutu.

"So, uh, is your mother in Villa Villekulla?" Lil asked.

"I don't know where she is, but I'll find her someday." Pippi smiled.

Dave and Ephraim looked soft from that, but didn't say anything as they really knew what happened to Pippi's mother, but the girl never really understood what happened and always thought her mother was just missing somewhere in the world.

"When are you going to tell her?" Dave whispered to his brother-in-law.

JOEL: In other words, marry her?

"She knows, she just doesn't understand." Efraim whispered back to Dave.

TOM: ...and fell right over the edge of a towering cliff. The end.

"Oh. Gotcha." Dave replied.

JOEL: (as Dave) The brat will come back and haunt us for all eternity!

CROW: (singing) The brat came back the very next daaaaay!

"Well, that was a good breakfast, Dad," Wendy smiled. "I'm full."

CROW: (Mike) Whatever it is, I want in on the action!

"So am I." Pippi then said.

TOM: For new partners.

CROW: Wait, Pippi, Tommy and Annika as a style of Equestria Girls? Certainly explains a lot.

"Alright, then time to go," Efraim said. "My ship's by the docks where the Gorton Fisherman hangs around."

"I'm so excited," Pippi beamed to the other girls. "Aren't you?"

They smiled and nodded from that.

TOM: I am finding myself cogitating that this excerpt is eminently attenuated and monotonous and that it should be liquidated forthwith.

CROW: You can say that again.

TOM: Ummm...no thanks.

"Yeah, it sounds pretty cool," Mike said. "So your dad's traveling all around the world?"

"Yeah, we came to stop here for a break before coming back home," Pippi smiled. "I know that Alfonso will be happy to see us back home."

"I'm sure," Lil nodded. "I know a family back home that used to travel all around the world all the time since the dad hosted his own nature show and the mom would shoot it for TV."

CROW: (as Wendy) Oh, great! That means all we've got to do is search the whole planet for her...damn!

So once they were set, everyone grabbed their bags and went to get going to head to the ship. Some of the others looked out from their homes to see what was going on since it was a bit bright and early and all.

"Come on, Mr. Nilsson." Pippi smiled to her pet monkey.

JOEL: (Efraim) Would someone please kill me before I become an android?

Mr. Nilsson soon came out to go with her and then climbed up onto her shoulder as they left Wendy's home.

"Well, a brand new adventure awaits for us." Mike proclaimed.

CROW: Actually, I think Selina's going to be the one that needs rescuing from Reenie.

"Yep, sure looks like it." Lil replied.

They soon came onto the boat and some raincoats were handed out.

JOEL: Uh, then why don't you just follow Mike? She's still in sight.

"What're these for?" Mike asked. "There's not a cloud in the sky."

"Rain's in the forecast for later." Efraim replied.

TOM: Science and Mythology, working hand in hand!

"I guess Walter Nichols didn't broadcast that if you're so sure." Lil commented.

"Golly." Pippi replied.

CROW: (as bystanders) Ay caramba! We've been streaked!

Everyone then grabbed their raincoats to put on just in case it would start pouring.

CROW: (as Eddie Murphy) Hey, is this the illegal chop shop?

"Who's Walter Nicholas?" Pippi asked Lil.

"Weatherman in my hometown, Nicktropolis," Lil replied. "He almost always gets the weather wrong. I feel bad for him sometimes."

"Oh, yeah, isn't he like Drake and Josh's dad?" Mike asked.

CROW: (Lil) In the taxidermy collection!

"Josh's dad, but Drake's step-dad," Lil said. "Drake and Josh are step-brothers."

"Oh, yeah, I know Drake and Josh a bit now." Mike said.

TOM: (Mike) I swear, putting up with interfering busybody superheroes is so draining!

"Yep," Lil replied. "Debbie and Tuesday's boyfriends."

"So who's Megan's actual brother?" Mike then asked.

CROW: Shouldn't have eaten that chili then...

"Drake is," Lil explained. "Josh is the step-brother of Megan."

CROW: One-eyed jacks and suicidal kings wild? What were you thinking?

"Good to know." Mike then nodded.

Little Debbie soon came along as she promised her best friend that she would come along. The two hugged and it was then time to go. Eventually, they were set to go and the boat took off. Everyone soon waved goodbye to each other.

JOEL: (Lil) Couldn't you do better than putting a carrot in a noose?

"So who wants frozen fish treats?" The Gorton Fisherman grinned to the others who stayed behind on Mascot Marsh.

The remaining mascots looked to each other before shaking their heads.

CROW: (Lil) You're the self-insertion character! You're supposed to have all the answers!

"Ah, well," The Gorton Fisherman replied. "More for me."

JOEL: (Lil) You are sleepy...sleepy...your eyes are feeling heavy...

The boat soon sailed out while Pippi had a lot of fun on deck with her father.

Mike smiled a bit as she saw the father and daughter bonding together, though she wondered if she and her father would get along like that. Luckily, it was still sunny for a while as Pippi, Wendy, Little Debbie, Mike, and Lil soon explored a bit. Mr. Nilsson soon wandered around, looking for Pippi, then found her in the crow's nest and came out to see her before the girl smiled and hugged her pet monkey.

TOM: (Lil) But only if we inject this into our veins first!

"Hold on the main sheet!" Ephraim called out to his men.

JOEL: (a la Paid Program Show Host) Hey, who wants to see this baby make lemonade while it predicts the future?

BOTS: (as Studio Audience) OOOO!

"Hold on the main sheet!" The first mate repeated.

CROW: It's sucking their brains out. Just like TV.

The girls soon came to take a closer look out into the ocean.

"Gosh... This is amazing!" Lil smiled.

JOEL: (as Ephraim) Beats me. Anything else on the fire? Change the channel.

Little Debbie pulled out her phone and took a picture.

"This is a pretty sweet view," Mike said. "I bet Lu and Og would love this like their ancestors on the Good Ship Betty Anne."

TOM: (as Pippi) I mean, we have a pair of twos! That's a good hand, isn't it?

"Betty Anne," Lil chuckled. "Sounds like one of those kids who call themselves The Off-Beats back home."

"It's been a long time since I came out here." Wendy commented.

JOEL: (Ephraim) Why not just let her do it?

Pippi soon climbed around with the shipmates and they had all sorts of fun while Ephraim told them what to do once in a while since he was the captain.

"So, Wendy, you still talking with that Jacob kid?" Mike asked.

CROW: Mascot Marsh to Sweden, quit the Mike/Pippi crossover.

JOEL: Getting a little obscure there, Crow.

CROW: Can't help it. This fic calls for it.

"Yeah," Wendy smiled. "We're officially boyfriend and girlfriend."

"Oh, that's good," Mike smiled. "I thought you guys seemed happy and cute together. Sorry we couldn't be an official couple when we saw each other at The Crazy Q Ranch since I was with Lil."

TOM: Wow, convenient timing for that thar gala, huh?

"You guys look cute together too." Wendy said.

"Thank you," Lil replied. "And sorry if I've been jealous to you or around other girls who were friends of Mike."

JOEL: (Lil) Then again, I could be wrong.

"It's all right," Wendy said. "I would like to be friends with you. You seem pretty cool."

"You seem nice enough," Lil said. "So, you're the same Wendy with those old-fashioned hamburgers, right?"

TOM: Yeah, no crying, no stuffing her face…

"Yeah, we're in competition with McDonald's and Burger King sometimes, though I don't mind being friends with Tika," Wendy smiled. "She's really smart."

"Is Tika like a descendant of Ronald McDonald?" Mike asked.

CROW: Hey! Don't brainwash Mike. Then she'll be like the rest of you!

ALL: Urgh.

"Oh, that's right, you haven't met Tika," Wendy said. "Maybe you'll see her next time you come over. She's a very smart and friendly girl, I think she might be the smartest girl in Mascot Prep. She hangs around Ronald McDonald a lot, especially with his friends: Grimace, the Hamburglar, and Birdie the Early Bird."

CROW: (as images) 'Scuse me, pardon me, coming through...

"Yeah, we would like that." Mike approved.

"I figured that you would." Wendy smiled.

TOM: ...and a persistent image of burnt toast was in the background.

"You and Ronald McDonald don't hate each other, right?" Lil asked. "Chuckie feels scared of him since he's a clown..."

JOEL: Chicago?

"Oh, no, no, Ronald's very friendly," Wendy replied. "It's just stiff competition, but at least he's not like The Burger King or his prince since they crave competition, especially with them being friends with Colonel Sanders."

TOM: (voice) And it's all your fault!

"Oh, don't remind me of them," Mike rolled her eyes slightly. "They once tried to capture my friend Chicken before."

"Yeah, I can believe that," Wendy said. "I swear Colonel Sanders has a couple of screws loose."

TOM: Called it.

"Hasn't he always?" Little Debbie replied before she and Wendy then laughed from that.

Pippi had a lot of fun as they explored the ship and even went underwater a couple of times.

TOM: What is this, fishing for the Sailor Scouts?

Mike looked around as they went diving under the sea briefly, though did a double take as she could had sworn she saw Biff and Jolene Cook from the Neptunes band together as mermaids along with a red-haired mermaid with a yellow and blue striped fish and a tiny red crab swimming together. "I've seen weird stuff before, but this takes the cake." she then said to the fourth wall.

JOEL: (voice) ...but if you help me, you'll get what's left of her back!

They then came back on deck after a while and began to play a board game together.

CROW: Insert blatantly obvious joke of your choice here...

"I'm not sure if Mouse Trip is the best game to play on a boat with it rocking back and forth." Lil said.

CROW: (voice) Like my laundry.

"It was either this or Monopoly and Monopoly with more than two people is pretty much a war zone." Little Debbie replied.

"Oh, yeah," Mike nodded. "I've heard of when Ed played Monopoly with his cousins, the Louds, and chaos just happened during that game."

CROW: The color of the sky. But you'll hardly notice that.

TOM: Little Debbie certainly won't.

"I'm sure it did, not helping with Lynn Loud's competition fit," Lil commented. "And people say I get intense during my soccer games."

"I heard she's toned that down a bit." Mike replied.

CROW: (voice) Except for the bits I don't like, that is.

"Let's hope so," Lil replied. "I get enough drama going into the girls' bathroom with Amber there and her cronies. Luckily Tammy ditched her and hangs out with Pelswick and her cousin Julie Shackleford now."

"Disneyville has something like that happen too," Mike said. "When I was a transfer student there for a week with Jake Long, there was this girl named Alana who pretty much ran a business in there with her friends Muffy and Loca. Raven Baxter, Chelsea Daniels, and Eddie Thomas warned me about that when I was in the hallway once."

TOM: (voice) D'oh! Knew I forgot something...

"We have a couple of bullies back over in Mascot Marsh," Wendy pouted. "One of them was Little Miss Sunbeam."

"Yeah, I remember that when Scott Wakefield revealed his true colors." Mike nodded.

CROW: Doing... [thinks for a second] No, wait...I don't need that image...doing the laundry, that's what I was gonna say.

JOEL: Good Crow.

TOM: (dreamily) Reenie on a stick, Reenie in a cooking pot, Reenie wrapped in bacon…

"Yeah, but if it weren't for you or your friends, Deb and I probably wouldn't be here right now." Wendy replied.

"So I've heard." Lil spoke up.

TOM: How unusual.

More time had passed and Wendy and Little Debbie came to help the cook prepare something as everyone was getting hungry. They also met Alonso who was a pretty friendly horse so far. Mike chuckled and gently pet the horse as he smiled to her, remembering how to handle a horse from her Uncle Jess's teachings.

"Alfonso likes you." Pippi remarked.

"I like him too." Mike smiled from that.

Alfonso let out a small snort while smiling.

TOM: Find O.J. guilty as charged!

"Mm... He smells funny though." Mike said.

"Then I think it's time for a bath." Pippi then suggested.

JOEL: And we all know what that would mean...

BOTS: Sequel?

JOEL: Exactly.

Alfonso was then being given a bath by the girls as they sailed along the ocean. Ephraim smiled as he saw his daughter and niece having a good time together before the sun was soon beginning to set. Lil was relaxing herself during the boat ride as she and Little Debbie ended up taking a nap.

ALL: (as Lil) Come again!

"It's about to get dark and it hasn't rained once." Lil soon said.

"Doesn't mean it won't," Wendy replied. "The Gorton Fisherman might be eccentric and a bit kooky, but he usually knows what he's talking about when it comes to the ocean or storms coming."

CROW: Remember, you can reach me at 1-800-PLTHOLE.

"I'll take your word for it." Lil shrugged.

"I wonder how much longer it'll be?" Little Debbie commented.

"It's getting dark," Lil said. "Maybe by morning."

TOM: In a limited series of fifty million.

"Yeah, maybe we should get some sleep." Wendy suggested.

JOEL: Discovered the city had removed all the manhole covers.

"Good idea," Mike nodded to that. "I'm getting tired."

CROW: With their Bingo Markers of Death.

"Me too." Wendy replied.

Eventually, they met Pippi in the lower docks and went to get some sleep as it was night time now. Luckily, even though they were on a ship, it was a peaceful night for everyone. Thunder rumbled outside with some lightning streaks. The clouds looked black as night as this only meant one thing: a storm was coming.

"Sort the sails, Gringo, it looks like we're getting ready to blow." Ephraim told his first mate.

ALL: (singing/chanting) We speak. In synch. We talk. Together. They think. We're weird. We all. Agree.

"Yes, Captain!" The first mate saluted.

Mr. Nission was awoken by the thunder and lightning then soon jumped on his owner's bed who awoke from the jump

TOM: (Little Debbie, monotone) I guess I am it.

"Scared of a little lightning, Mr. Nilsson?" Pippi smiled as her pet monkey woke her up.

Mr. Nilsson chattered nervously as he held onto her shirt, looking scared of the storm outside.

"All hands on deck!" Ephraim called out.

CROW: (Wendy) Now, who brought that bag of eyes?

The boat soon began to rock a bit more than usual due to the storm outside. Soon enough, the other girls woke up due to the noise.

TOM: (as Larry): Why, I oughta…

CROW: (as Moe) You oughta what?

TOM: (Larry) I oughta be a little more careful.

"What's going on?" Wendy asked her cousin.

"There's a storm right now." Pippi replied.

"Oh! Careful, Pippi, you might not wanna open that-" Mike tried to warn.

JOEL: (Pippi) Mmmmrrrr nnniissssiiiooonnn! You're MEEEAAAAAAANNNN!

Pippi soon opened the doors which flooded them all in a bunch of water.

"Well, I guess that could've gone worse." Mike coughed a bit and sputtered from the water.

All of the men on deck had on their raincoats and ran around in a panic as the storm seemed dangerous.

CROW: Hey, was that a crack at us?

JOEL: Nope. But it sure sounded like my mother.

"Maybe the men need some help." Wendy suggested.

CROW: Like beating the author of "Sailor Moon: Fantasy" senseless.

The girls went back inside to change back to their regular clothes while also wearing raincoats as well. Of course, Pippi wasn't worried about the storm, she still had the smile on her face.

"Breach the main sail!" Ephraim cried out while holding onto the helm.

TOM: Considering having Artemis fixed and hoping she could help.

JOEL: ...

"Breach the main sail!" The first mate repeated.

Four men began to move the sail while Pippi seemed to have fun in spite of the dangerous looking storm.

"Man, this storm and this ship is making me think of that legend of Tarzan: The Ape Man." Lil commented.

TOM: I don't think Mike even knows the meaning of that word.

Alfonso didn't care about the danger and was just simply eating hay.

"Come on, let's help him!" Mike told the others.

The girls soon helped the men out with the ship.

JOEL: It's her favorite kind of china.

"Hold tight, Pippi!" Ephriam told his daughter.

JOEL: ...and splattered onto it messily.

TOM: Just when you thought it was safe to walk down the block...

ALL: (hum Jaws theme)

"Hold tight yourself!" Pippi giggled to her father.

A giant wave soon splashed down as Ephraim steered, but the wave seemed to take him with it.

TOM: (as Pippi) Ever since she was replaced by a zombie from Alpha Centauri a few hours ago; why?

"Uncle Ephraim!" Wendy gasped then.

JOEL: Just like writing isn't Dr. Thinker's forte?

"Hey, Papa! This is fun!" Pippi beamed until she saw that her father wasn't there anymore. "Papa?"

CROW: Your digestive system will let you know if it's passable or not.

"Oh, no, he must've gotten swept away!" Little Debbie frowned.

"There he is!" Lil cried out as she pointed into the water.

"Pippi! Wendy!" Ephriam cried out as he drowned in the water.

CROW: Unfortunately, she used gasoline instead of water...

"It's the Captain!" The first mate alerted the others on deck.

"We gotta get to him!" Wendy cried out.

JOEL: (as father) Mmmm! Sulphur...

TOM: (father) Call 911. Someone in this house has made FOOD!

"But the sea is too high!" The first mate replied.

TOM: Is he going to heaven?

CROW: Somehow, I doubt it...maybe that should read "descent".

The problem soon got worse as the sail was shown to be ripped.

"You wait here." The first mate told Pippi before running off.

TOM: As she levitated above the board.

"We can't just leave him!" Lil cried out.

"High or low, I'm getting a lifeboat!" Pippi then suggested.

"Pippi, wait!" Wendy cried out to her cousin. "It's too dangerous!"

JOEL: "That" Wendy? Please don't say there's more than one…

"I've got to help my father." Pippi told her cousin as she went to get to a lifeboat.

JOEL: (Wendy) Except for me and 'Lina plotting to destroy you all, anyway.

"Go back, Pippi!" Ephraim called out once he saw what his daughter was doing.

TOM: (Lil) ...and in conclusion, the real culprits were Alvin and the Chipmunks!

Even Mr. Nilsson looked concerned for Pippi and covered his eyes.

CROW: (Pippi) I was certainly safer than I'd be with you.

Pippi then climbed into the lifeboat, getting into it. "Let go of the line, Mr. Nilsson!" she then told her pet monkey.

The monkey let go of the line then the line broke.

TOM: (Lil) So hold on while I get a leash.

"Pippi!" Wendy cried out.

"Come on, Wendy, wouldn't you wanna save your father too?" Pippi replied to her cousin.

CROW: (Pippi) I swear, you guys are so useless!

"Or at least someone professional do it in this kind of weather and danger!" Wendy replied.

"She's gonna drown!" Mike panicked.

"Pippi, catch!" Wendy called out as she grabbed a lifesaver and threw it out to her cousin.

TOM: (Ephraim) Oh, and then we saw Elvis, did I mention that?

Pippi soon caught the lifesaver, wearing it around her waist. Wendy and Mike soon pulled on the rope together to help pull Pippi on deck with them and out of the dangerous storm.

"Are you okay?" Wendy asked Pippi.

JOEL: She had been watching too much Sesame Street.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Pippi replied.

"Wish I could say the same for your uncle." Mike said in concern as Ephraim was still out in the water.

TOM: And everyone knows that's the best possible way to start a successful relationship!

CROW: Pippi with brain damage...

TOM: How could you tell?

"We gotta save him!" Wendy frowned.

"Papa!" Pippi cried out.

"Don't worry!" Ephraim called out. "I'm so fat, I'll float!"

JOEL: ...passing out on the floor drunk after their first date…

"Well, at least he has a way to look up." Mike shrugged from that.

"See you in Villa Villekulla!" Ephraim called out as he was swept away in the water.

TOM: Those last two aren't related, are they?

"It's okay, guys," Pippi smiled to the others who looked concerned. "Papa won't drown. Not him."

Wendy looked a little upset, but she knew that she had to be brave for her cousin. They soon continued to sail along that night until they went back to sleep.

JOEL: For those of you who missed the entire North American run of Sailor Moon.

"Don't worry, Pippi... I'm sure Uncle Ephraim will be back soon..." Wendy said softly.

Little Debbie looked concerned for her best friend and decided that she had to help her out the best that she could.

CROW: *snicker*

The next morning came rather early around 7:00 in the morning.

"Rise and shine!" Pippi called out loudly to wake up Ephraim niece, and their friends. "We're Here!"

TOM: ...out a window.

Mike and Lil also woke up as Pippi shouted. Wendy soon came in to check on them.

"Wendy, your uncle was an early riser." Mike muttered.

JOEL: Nice timing.

"I tried to tell you guys." Wendy reminded.

JOEL: I have decided to accept your request to become your son's fiancée.

TOM: However, couldn't you have found something better than a set of ears and a furry bikini?

"Okay, sounds good," Mike said. "I'll be packed up."

TOM: (deadpan) Cat burglar.

CROW: (as Wendy) I can leak this to the papers and make millions off it!

"Yeah, yeah, I guess." Lil mumbled.

"Ready?" Mike asked.

JOEL: ...into a snake-filled pit.

TOM: Watch out for snakes!

"Yeah." Lil nodded.

Little Debbie, Mike, and Lil soon came out of ship.

CROW: I take it Lita is not amused.

'Land-O!' Ephraim exclaimed, looking around at the beautiful scenery surrounding them. The rolling hills, lush forests, and crystal clear lakes took his breath away.

'Yeah, we're in Sweden,' Dave replied with a smirk, nudging his brother-in-law playfully.

Ephraim and Dave had been planning this trip for months, wanting to give their families a taste of the Scandinavian country they had both fallen in love with during their college years.

JOEL: (Mike) I mean, sure, it was fluorescent green but...

TOM: (Lil) ...and let's just ignore the taste...

'Yup!' Pippi said, her red pigtails bouncing as she sat down.

'Luckily I was able to make it fast enough,' Dave said, placing plates of breakfast in front of everyone.

TOM: Could have what? Danced the macarena at her?

CROW: Driven her nuts by reading the entirety of Asimov's library to her?

JOEL: Made her watch thirty straight hours of "the very worst of Hacksaw Jim Duggan"?

'Thanks, Dad,' Wendy said, grabbing a piece of toast.

CROW: The ending cruelly choked its life out at the end of a rope.

'Thank you, Uncle Dave,' Pippi beamed, digging into her pancakes.

'You're welcome, girls,' Dave smiled, ruffling Pippi's hair.

CROW: That means she's on the level, right Joel?

JOEL: Probably, yeah.

After breakfast, the group decided to take a walk around the city harbor. The harbor was bustling with activity, with seagulls cawing overhead and ships honking their horns. As they walked along the piers, Ephraim couldn't help but feel grateful for this trip and the time spent with his family.

As they approached an old houseboat, Pippi's excitement grew.

'Is this your houseboat, Pippi?' Lil, Wendy's friend, asked.

'It is!' Pippi exclaimed, her eyes lighting up. 'And this is Buster!'

CROW: (Wendy) Same game plan as before. Just us and Darien. Nudge nudge, wink wink?

JOEL: Crow…

Ephraim sighed and looked at Pippi, who was happily munching on her cereal. 'She knows,' he whispered back. 'She just doesn't understand.'

Dave nodded in understanding. 'Oh. Gotcha.'

CROW: Which cafe? Uncle Porkchop's International Hogfat Roastery?

Pippi then looked up from her bowl of cereal and smiled at them. 'Well, that was a good breakfast, Dad,' she said. 'I'm full.'

'So am I,' Pippi said with a smile.

'Alright, then time to go,' Ephraim said, standing up. 'So long, Pippi.'

CROW: Of "War and Peace"?

Pippi jumped up from her seat and ran to give Ephraim a hug. 'I'm so excited!' she beamed to the other girls. 'Bye!'

As Pippi skipped out of the Ship, Dave and Ephraim exchanged a knowing look. They knew that one day, Pippi would understand the truth about her mother. But for now, they were content with seeing her happy and carefree. And they would always be there for her, no matter what.

JOEL: Pseudo-Klingonese gibberish.

Pippi, Mike and Lil were standing on the deck of a beautiful ship, watching as the sun set over the horizon. They had been sailing for weeks now, heading towards Pippi's home, Villa Villekulla.

JOEL: Watch your intestines?

CROW: Watch your vertebrae?

TOM: Watch your sternum?

'So your dad's leaving?' Mike asked, breaking the peaceful silence.

Pippi nodded, a small smile on her face. 'Yeah,' she replied. 'I know that Alfonso will be happy to see us back home.'

'I'm sure,' Lil chimed in. 'I can't wait to see him again.'

CROW: Ah, an allusion to a deep, dark secret from the Silver Millenium?

TOM: So, do you think it'll prove to be important?

ALL: Naaah!

Pippi's father had been called away on business, leaving Pippi and her friends to sail back home on their own. But they were excited for the adventure and the thought of returning to Villa Villekulla.

As they continued to watch the sunset, Pippi suddenly had an idea. 'Hey, why don't we go for a ride on the horses?' she suggested.

CROW: Score!

JOEL: CROW!

Mike and Lil's faces lit up with excitement. 'Yeah, that sounds pretty cool,' Mike said.

TOM: (Mike) A dead mouse? How thoughtful, Luna.

Pippi grinned, knowing that her friends were always up for a little adventure. 'Let's go then!' she exclaimed.

The group quickly made their way down to the stables, where they were greeted by Dave and Wendy, the stable hands. Pippi had grown up with them and they were like family to her.

'Can we take the horses out for a ride?' Pippi asked eagerly.

CROW: And kicked his eyes back over to him.

Pippi's pet monkey, Mr. Nilsson, was also eager to join in on the adventure. He came out of his hiding place and climbed up onto Pippi's shoulder, chattering excitedly.

'Come on, Mr. Nilsson,' Pippi smiled at her little companion.

The group set off, with Pippi leading the way. They rode through lush green forests, past sparkling waterfalls, and over rolling hills. Pippi's horse, Alfonso, seemed to know the way back to Villa Villekulla, and soon they were approaching the familiar gates.

'Wow, a brand new adventure,' Mike proclaimed, taking in the sight of Pippi's eccentric home.

CROW: (Lil) You wouldn't believe how many pairs of dirty socks I had to dig through to get to it!

Pippi beamed with pride. 'Welcome to Villa Villekulla,' she said, as they rode through the gates.

Pippi's father and Alfonso were waiting for them, and they all dismounted and hugged each other tightly. It had been too long since they had all been together.

CROW: (Lil) Namely me! It's just a blank piece of paper that she tried to fool me into giving to you! But I saw through that trick...

'We're meeting at the cafe anyway, so why don't you at least listen?' Pippi suggested.

'Alright, I'll listen,' the two children agreed.

JOEL: (Pippi) ...and then we can both laugh at insecurities.

TOM: Assuming you can read of course.

Moments later, they arrived at Villa Villekulla, a quaint and colorful house. As they entered, they were greeted by a little boy with brown hair, wearing a brown shirt, blue jeans, and sneakers. He introduced himself as Tommy.

Another girl with blonde hair and a blue headband appeared. She wore a light blue short shirt, a blue skirt with a dark blue waistband, white long socks, and blue Mary Jane shoes. She introduced herself as Annika.

CROW: Two Children as Equestria Girls style.

JOEL: Crow!

'Welcome to Villa Villekulla, my friends! This is my cousin Dave, and here we have Wendy, Mike, and Lil,' Pippi said with a big smile.

'Hi, nice to meet you all! I'm Tommy and this is Annika,' Tommy replied, shaking everyone's hand.

Wendy, who was the leader of the group, immediately took charge and asked, 'Having fun?'

JOEL: (Mike) "They're all gonna pay...They're all gonna pay...They're all gonna..."

TOM (Wendy): "Dear Tuxedo Chris, I would love to marry you…"

'Lots of it!' Pippi exclaimed.

CROW: *SCREEEEEECHHH* *THUD*

TOM: That'll teach them to jaywalk.

'Gimme a break! Speak English, Lil!' Mike joked, causing everyone to burst out laughing.

Pippi and her friends were always joking around and having a good time. But their fun was about to be interrupted by a serious matter.

JOEL: As opposed to eating at McDonald's.

Meanwhile, Wendy and Dave were sitting on the couch, relaxing after a long day at work. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. They both exchanged a confused look before getting up to answer it.

To their surprise, it was their cousin Pippi, and she was accompanied by her two young children, Lil and Mike. Wendy and Dave welcomed them in with open arms, but their confusion only grew when they saw the state that Pippi and her kids were in.

'What on earth happened to you two?' Wendy asked, noticing the grass stains on Pippi's dress and the dirt on Lil and Mike's faces.

JOEL: (Pippi) How d'you feel about the idea of two-timing Lil?

CROW: Joel, you're coming around...

JOEL: [shrugs] If you can't beat 'em...

Pippi let out a laugh before explaining, 'Well, we went to the park and had a little picnic, but things got a bit wild when we decided to have a race. Needless to say, we all ended up covered in grass and mud.'

Dave chuckled, 'Well at least they are having a good time.'

Pippi nodded, 'Exactly! And now, Lil and Mike are starving, so I was wondering if your cousin would be ready to eat pancakes?'

TOM: The Nightmare Cafe.

CROW: Which lasted all of 26 episodes before being cancelled.

Wendy smiled, 'Of course! Let's head to the kitchen and whip up some delicious pancakes.'

TOM: (Mike) Even if they're not particularly useful ones, as heads go.

Back in the living room, Pippi's kids were already sitting at the table, eagerly waiting for their pancakes. Pippi, Wendy, and Dave joined them, and they all began to make the batter and heat up the griddle.

'I know, let's all make pancakes!' Pippi exclaimed, grabbing a mixing bowl and pouring in the ingredients.

JOEL: (Pippi) With her out of the picture, we need someone to think for us!

TOM: (Mike) ...and Forrest Gump was unavailable!

"We're meeting at the cafe anyway, so why don't you at least listen?"

TOM: (Pippi) What, you expect me to think while eating?

"Alright, I'll listen." The two children said.

CROW: (Pippi) When I'm not molesting the waitress at least.

The Door opened with A little boy with brown haire, wearing brown shirt, blue jeans, and sneakers. And other girl has blonde hair with blue headband, wears a light blue short shirt, blue skirt with dark blue waist around it, white long socks, and blue mary jane shoes.

CROW: Two Children as Equestria Girls style.

JOEL: Crow!

"My Name's Pippi Longstocking and this is my cousin, Dave and Wendy, and my friends are Mike and Lil! "

"Hello I'm Tommy and this is Annika" Tommy said.

JOEL: Parchment? Doesn't Sandra mean "paper"? Who uses parchment anymore?

Moments later on Living room at Villa Villekulla

"Having fun?" Wendy said. 

"Lots of it" Pippi said.

"Gimme a break! Speak English, Lil!" Mike said

"Oh, Mike. Now we got work to do. First, we'll spring the kid. Then, we'll take care of the old man. All right?" Wendy said.

"Yeah! That's right, man! He's family!" Lil said.

Back in the living room, Pippi, Tommy, and Annika were excitedly discussing what to do next. Pippi suddenly had an idea and exclaimed, 'I know, let's all make pancakes!'

CROW: Sam I am, Green Eggs and Ham.

"Grest Idea, Pippi" Mike said.

TOM: ...of Grayskull!

The three children began working together to make a wonderful lunch. As they were working, Pippi started singing a catchy tune called 'Recipes for Life'. Tommy and Annika joined in, adding their own harmonies to the song.

JOEL: Recipes for Life?

As Pippi sang, the pancakes were done, followed by new foods such as pink jelly, potatoes, oatmeal bars, apple bars, and chocolate chip cookies. Pippi, Tommy, and Annika proudly placed all the food on a bench outside.

CROW: Pancakes. Mmmmmm.

'Wow, you have quite the spread here!' exclaimed Mike, as he walked in.

TOM: Cookies

CROW: Oatmeal

JOEL: Disgust.

TOM: And the occasional flying shoe.

'We all made them,' Annika proudly stated.

'Who started off that 'Recipes for Life'? We could hear your singing on the second floor,' Wendy asked, curious about the catchy tune.

JOEL: They were broken up by a crappy game of charades?

'I did, well we were making foods!' Pippi said with a smile.

The children continued to sing and dance as they finished preparing the food. Pippi, Tommy, and Annika proudly sang the last verse of their song: 'Recipes for LIFE!' Their hands raised up in the air as they cheered, proud of their accomplishment.

JOEL: My breakfast...

ALL: Whoohoo! Nice Song! Whoohoo!

'Well, you have certainly done a good job,' Mike said, impressed by the children's teamwork and creativity.

TOM: And we're still alive!

JOEL: Let's move out, guys.

As they all sat down to enjoy their delicious lunch, Wendy and Dave couldn't help but smile at the chaos and joy that Pippi and her friends had brought into their lives. It was a playdate unlike any other, filled with laughter, music, and delicious food. And as they sang and ate together, they knew that they had created memories that would last a lifetime.

CROW: Does that mean Sandra knows her work is-

JOEL: Crow, be nice.

TOM: Well, since you haven't figured it out, we'll catch up with you in part 3.

JOEL: Good call. Let's scram.

[JOEL picks up Tom, and the three leave the theater]

Chapter Text

[Bridge of the Satellite of Love]

[Joel stands in front of the counter, a spotlight shines on him]

JOEL: (clears throat) And now, the crew of the Satellite of Love proudly presents, a poetry reading by Tom Servo.

[Joel steps to the side allowing Tom to hover into the spotlight]

TOM: Thank you, Joel. *Ahem*. A poem…

"How I wish to run free,

to see the green grass,

the flowers,

the blue skies,

and smell the fresh air of Earth.

Alas, I cannot.

Damn the evil scientist.

Damn the evil scientist."

[Tom bows in response to applause from Joel and Crow who are standing in the background].

TOM: Thank you. Thank you. Now, I would like to present my compatriot, Crow T. Robot.

[Moving out of the spotlight, Tom goes to stand beside Joel as Crow takes his place]

CROW: Uh, a poem…

"Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

When we get down from here,

Dr. Forrester, you're through!"

Well guys? What did you think?

[Tom and Joel look at each other]

JOEL & TOM: Ehhhh...

CROW: Oh, come on! I put my heart and soul into that poem!

TOM: Yeah, for all of thirty seconds.

CROW: As if yours was any better, Bubblebrain.

TOM: Why you...

[Before the two bots can start a full argument, Joel gets in between them.]

JOEL: Cool it, fellas. We still have my poem to read. Do you want to hear it or not?

[Silence]

BOTS: (subdued) Okay.

[Unrolling a piece of paper, Joel strikes a pose.]

JOEL:

"Every night,

I sit and stare out.

I see the stars,

I see the planets,

and I see my former home

Turning slowly beneath me.

I remember a life

that I once had.

And know that it is no more,

For this vacuum is now my home,

and my creations are my family.

And as I think of all these things,

I wonder "how much longer?"

Will I win or will I lose?

All I know is that I must

struggle onwards,

facing the challenges.

And annoying the mad scientist

until one of us can fight no more."

TOM: *low whistle* Saaaay, that's pretty deep, Joel. I liked it. Let's frame it and hang it on the wall for encouragement.

[Lights flash, buzzers buzz and pandemonium erupts.]

JOEL: LOOKS LIKE WE'LL NEED THAT ENCOURGEMENT RIGHT NOW! WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!

[JOEL slams a random button]

[We cut to the opening door sequence]

[6][5][4][3][2][1]

[Inside the theatre]

[Joel carries Tom to his seat on the left, while Crow sits to Joel's right]

CROW: Hey, I just thought of another poem, "There once was a man from Kentucky- ".

JOEL [places hand on Crow's shoulder]: I think that's enough poetry for one day.

"Ephraim!" Pippi ran into the kitchen as Ephraim visit Villa Villekulla. "Ephraim, I want to bake cookies for Mike!" Pippi jumped up and down, unable to contain her energy as she awaited her Ephraim's reply. Ephraim took her daughter by the hand and led her to the kitchen.

Propping Pippi on the stool, Ephraim took out the ingredients. "Hi Pippi! Do you remember what Mike?" she asked as she laid out the cookie cutters, the dough from the freezer, rolling pin, and the baking sheet.

Pippi nodded her head with pride. "Wendy says that the Mike and Lil ate dinner with their new friends the Indians."

Ephraim nodded her head, laying the cookie cutters in front of Pippi. "Pick your favorite ones," she instructed as she rolled the dough on the cutting board.

"Ummm," Pippi said to herself as she touched each cutter. Her family was bringing sugar cookies to Mike and Lil, and Pippi didn't want anyone to be sad over ugly cookies.

TOM: Nah. Keep writing. It keeps worse writers like Dr. Thinker and Chris Cadwell at bay.

"This one is my favorite," Pippi said with pride, holding a star shape for her mother to see. "Mike will love this one." Pippi placed the fish shape next to it. "For my cousins Wendy."

Ephraim kissed her daughter on the head. "The dough is almost ready for the cookie cutters."

JOEL: Unless they have a sudden coronary while reading any of this.

Pippi nodded her head somberly. "What did the Pilgrims and Indians eat at Thanksgiving?"

"Hmm," Ephraim said as she placed the rolling pin in the sink. "They probably ate a lot of the same things that we do at Dinner."

TOM: Hey, look! Rolling Pin!

ALL: (in awe) OOOHH!

CROW: We've never seen editing before.

"Pink jelly, Potatoes, Oatmeal Bar, Apple Bar, and Chocolate Chip Cookie!" Pippi screamed the last part, barely able to control her glee.

"Yes," Ephraim said. "Take the star shape and place it on the dough."

CROW: Sidestepping an Oscarish or American Kitsune moment or two.

Pippi did as she was told, with Ephraim placing her hands over hers to help her press down.

JOEL: Just as, in a way, we haven't totally minded reading this.

TOM: (sighs) I guess things could be worse.

"Once you see the shape in the dough, we pick up the cookie cutter and peel off the cookie, placing it on our baking sheet." Ephraim explained as she lowered the first unbaked cookie onto the grey sheet. "Now place the cookie cutter in the dough again," Ephraim instructed.

"Like this?" Pippi asked, wanting to make the perfect shape.

"Perfect," Ephraim complimented as Pippi picked up the fish shape, handing it to her mother to peel.

Father and daughter continued the pattern for the next few minutes, until the baking sheet was filled with cookies.

ALL: Don't worry, we won't!

"What next?" Pippi asked expectantly.

Ephraim carefully picked up the sheet and placed it in the oven. "We let the cookies cook in the oven."

"And then we decorate them?" Pippi asked urgently.

TOM: Some played the violin, some played the cello…

"Yes," Ephraim laughed. "That's the last part."

"It's the best part!" Pippi insisted. Her face quickly fell. "What do I do while the cookies are in the oven?"

CROW: Well, you could always mention us next time.

"How about we go in the living room and visit your friends Mike and Lil."

"And Tommy and Annika!" Pippi added excitedly darting into the other room, disappointment over waiting for the cookies now forgotten. There was just too much fun to be had.

ALL: (as Jim Carey) YUMMY!

"Friday evening. apple juice at seven and dinner at sever-thirty," Mike clairified. She listened for a moment. "How old is your daughter? Oh, that's quite all right. My youngest son will be fourteen in a week. I'm sure they can keep one another entertained." Privately she was not sure at all. Her youngest son Lil would be fourteen in a week but he barely looked eleven or twelve. He was tiny and skinny and so much shyer than the other boys his age but the pediatrician had assured her that would all change with puberty – which he had yet to show any sign of. Her Lil preferred books to sports and was happiest curled up in one of the overstuffed chairs in the family room with a piece of classic literature. His older brother Wendy affectionately – most of the time – called him a geek. Wendy, at eighteen, had recently graduated high school. He had already made it plain that he would not be attending college that fall and had instead chosen to work at Dixie Calhoun's garage, further allowing his obsession with anything with a motor and four tires to take over his life. Sometimes she thought if she could combine her two boys – Lil's brain and almost too pretty for a boy face with Wendy's physical strength and drive to prove himself as a man – she might have one perfect son. "I'll see you then," she said and hung up the phone a moment later.

TOM: Fanboy.

Tommy and Annika eating Cookies for launch.

CROW: Dead man.

Lil had offered to help but he had been shooed away, informed that the kitchen was for girls and his place was to stay out of the way. He had to remind himself that Ephraim did not know about Pippi, that no one knew about Pippi but Wendy.

ALL: Really dead man.

That meant she would not see him sitting backward on the couch on his knees with his thumb in his mouth and run to tattle. He folded his right arm atop the back of the middle couch cushion and rested his chin on it with his left thumb still in his mouth. He stared out the big etched glass window on the door.

Lil ducked his head to rub his eyes and when he looked up again the familiar black pickup truck was already parked in the driveway. His nervousness was not enough to keep him from wriggling excitedly as his brother climbed out and headed for the house.

Mike was met – or perhaps assaulted might be a better term – by a pair of big brown sad puppy dog eyes the moment he walked in the front door. Those eyes could only belong to Lil. "Hey, kid," he said, ruffling his brother's hair. "What's up?"

JOEL: Jesse?

"Momma's having a party," he pouted.

"Ah, damn. That tonight?" Mike asked. He hated his mother's dinner parties. There was nothing worse than having to sit around making small talk with his mother's friends and avoiding the advances of their daughters who saw him as the dangerous bad boy sort. His evening would be better spent driving Pippi out to the old Civil War cemetery and making love to her in the bed of his truck until she could not sit comfortably on the way home. He was sure Pippi – and by extension Lil – felt the same way.

TOM: And Haruka, for not killing me in a jealous rage.

Lil nodded silently in answer to his brother's question.

JOEL: (as Lil) That I could be a fanfic writer.

Mike sighed. He might hate his mother's dinner parties but Lil dreaded them. The younger brother was painfully shy around anyone he did not know well. New neighbors he had never met coming for dinner and most likely asking all the questions adults asked children – school, summer plans, favorite hobbies all included – and thinking he was strange when he answered that he was not playing any sports and his favorite hobby was reading Jane Austen. To make matters worse they were bringing a girl Lil's age. A week before Mike's fourteenth birthday his favorite pastime had been making out with Josie McAvoy in her treehouse and trying to get his hands on her boobs. Lil was four days from being fourteen and girls terrified him. "Yeah," Mike said finally, then, "all right," and "fuck it. I need a shower." Lil made a sort of whimpering sound and Mike took pity on him. "Ya wanna come upstairs with me?"

Lil gave another silent nod. He studied his brother for a moment. Then he held up his arms in Mike's direction.

Pippi talked constantly. She never shut up. There were times when her chatter got a little annoying. But Lil was shy and quiet even around his family. Still somehow Mike always knew what he wanted. He lifted his brother up over the back of the couch and stood him on his feet. A little giggle escaped Lil and when his feet hit the floor he did not look quite so hopeless anymore. "Ya feel better?" Mike asked. It was amazing how a little attention could bring out a whole new Lil.

Instead of answering Lil reached up and ran a hand over the stubble on his older brother's face. "Can I help you shave?" he asked.

"I don't know." Mike said as he started up the stairs, "how long till dinner?"

TOM: Oh, I know that one! Ottawa Sailor Moon Club!

"Momma said apple juice at seven and dinner at seven thirty."

CROW: Chibi Usa is Really Evil.

"So that's two hours-"

JOEL: Know that one. Psychotic Mamoru Supporters.

BOTS: (stunned) Flee in terror!

"Can I?" Lil persisted.

CROW: Plastic, Pliable Ami?

JOEL: Crow…

"Yeah, whatever." Mike did not see why helping him shave was so fascinating. When Lil finally started shaving himself he was not going to like it. If Lil ever started shaving. There were drugs out now that would stop transgender kids from going through puberty or halt it or whatever. Mike had no idea how it worked but Pippi had given him a long drawn out explanation about how the changes in Lil's body that would eventually turn him into the man he did not want to be were caused by a hormone. The first drug would prevent his body from creating it, in effect keeping him a child until he was ready to take another hormone that would give him a more feminine appearance though it would do nothing about his genetalia.

That had been a strange conversation ending with, "and I'm gonna have boobs, Mike! Real ones!" Fortunately it had been Pippi, not Lil who had made that statement. But there was a problem with getting Pippi the drugs she needed. On the black market a few months worth could cost as much as the 1962 Corvette C2 Mike wanted so badly. Obtained legally the insurance from their mother's real estate agent job would probably pay for them but that meant telling Momma about Lil's condition. And Momma with all of her southern Baptist beliefs was not an open-minded person.

JOEL: All 120 volts of them.

Mike pushed open his bedroom door. "Sit down and watch TV or somethin' till I'm out of the shower." Then something else occurred to him. "Ya need a bath too, doncha?" he asked.

Lil shrugged.

TOM: What my twisted mind can come up with.

"You had one yet?"

"No." The younger boy brightened suddenly. "Can I come in with you?"

ALL: WHAT!

CROW: (whimpering) No more Riker!

"No," Mike told him. "Course not." If Momma happened to come upstairs and catch them in the shower together…

CROW: Silly Intergalactic Game, which is sort of like Calvinball.

Well, come to think of it, it probably wouldn't be that strange because they had always taken their baths together when they were younger. Taking care of Lil was Mike's one and only household chore now that Wendy and Momma were married. It was going to be up to him to make his brother presentable at dinner tonight. Getting the two of them showered at the same time would be easier than showering, shaving, and then giving Lil his bath. "Well, okay," he reconsidered, "but Pippi better not come out and pull any funny shit." They had showered together a few times when Lil was Pippi and it hadn't mattered then because Momma and Wendy and Dave had been out for the day. But showering with Pippi was one thing and showering with Lil was something else entirely.

"I won't! I'll be good!"

TOM: Instead, we get both the boredom and the insanity.

"Yes!" He sounded way too happy but Mike was sure no one had given him any attention today and Lil was probably just excited because his older brother was paying attention to him.

Mike laughed. "Yeah, I reckon it'd be alright," he said.

Lil bounced – almost like Pippi – into the bathroom that connected Mike's room with his own. He had wriggled out of his tee shirt before his brother had time to think that a shower with an excited Lil – an excited naked Lil – might not be a good idea because when they were alone he had a tendancy to turn into Pippi at any given moment. When Pippi got excited she was like an octopus with her hands in places Lil's hands didn't belong. "Come on, Mike," Lil whined.

TOM: Note to Sandra: Cut back on the Chocolate Thunder.

Mike laughed again as he stood up and stretched. He watched his brother shimmy out of his shorts and underwear and knew suddenly that this was a bad idea. Mike had never had trouble keeping Pippi and Lil separate in his head. Pippi was his girlfriend and Lil was his brother. Pippi had poise, confidence, and those cute little dresses from the Goodwill store. Lil was shy and skinny as a stick with a face too pretty for a boy. He had never had trouble being attracted to Lil even though he and Pippi were technically the same person and Mike knew that skinny little body inside and out. There had been nights he had made love to Pippi out in the Civil War cemetery until neither of them could walk quite right then come home to give Lil a bath before putting him to bed. All those times he had never wanted to fuck Lil. Mike supposed this time it must be because he planned to take Pippi out tonight and presented with the same body he could not help thinking about it as 'Pippi.'

But he had promised Lil a shower. Mike willed his downstairs brain to behave itself and followed his brother into the bathroom. First he adjusted the shower to that perfect not hot but not cold temperature – the only one they could agree on because Lil liked his bath cold as ice and Mike preferred boiling hot. "Go on and get in," he said.

JOEL: She got a tape of Serena's brainwaves?

"But –" Lil started to protest.

"Do what you're told, Lil," Mike cut him a little more harshly than he had intended to. "I ain't got time to mess with ya now." Mike pulled his shirt over his head and, thus distracted, missed the look of distress that passed over Lil's face.

CROW: Uh, no. I don't want to know.

Momma yelled at Lil, especially when she came to wake him up for school and his bed was wet but he was used to that. Wendy ignored him but he had come to expect that too. But Mike never yelled and he always had his brother's full attention. This was new and Lil didn't like it. But he had no idea how to convey that feeling so, with tears in his eyes, he obediently stepped into the shower.

CROW: That, on the other hand, was just too easy.

JOEL: Good Crow.

Mike – still oblivious – knew what the bathroom floor would look like once they were finished. It was wet enough when he helped Lil with his bath at night but with both of them in the shower it was likely to be worse. He took several dirty towels from the basket and spread them out on the floor in front of the shower. They would soak up most of the excess water that got on the floor and Mike would have less to clean up later. He took clean towels out of the closet and placed them on the closed toilet seat within easy reach. Then he stepped into the shower with his brother.

Which was weird because while Mike was used to helping Lil with his bath and getting dressed they had not been naked together in a long time, at least not when Lil was still Lil.

JOEL: Well, PMS is kind of universal for women.

CROW: Joel!

JOEL: What, can't I say something off-color every now and then?

But Mike need not have worried about anything unusual happening with his brother. Lil stood in the shower stall, arms wrapped around himself and head down as he watched the water swirl away down the drain. Mike would have sworn he was crying but it could have been the water from the shower dripping down his face. "Hey." Mike placed his hand on his brother's shoulder. "What's wrong?"

Lil let out a surprised sob and spun around quickly. His feet slipped on the bottom of the shower and he slid right into Mike's arms. Another little whimpery sob escaped him and his fingers clutched at Mike's upper arms even as he did his best to hide his face against his brother's chest. "I'm sorry," he sobbed.

TOM: Mega Tuxedo Mask Dice?

"Sorry for what?" Mike asked. What had Lil done this time?

"What you yelled at me for."

CROW: (as Mike) Darn!

"I didn't-" Mike began before realizing that he had. "I ain't mad at ya, Lil. Ya didn't do nothin'. I'm just…I dunno. Tired I reckon." His arms came up and around his brother, hugging the younger boy to him. Lil was shaking and that never bodes well. "Then Momma had to go and have this damn dinner party and I forgot about it and was gonna see if Pippi wanted to go to the movies."

Lil sniffled. "Pippi wants a movie and McDonalds and ice cream."

CROW: Yeah. I know Greg. He's the ultimate Sailor Mercury fanboy. He carries a Mercury doll in his shirt pocket.

Mike's hands rubbed Lil's back and he could feel his brother beginning to calm down. "You tell Pippi I'll take her to the matinee tomorrow since I don't gotta work." Lil made a content little noise into his brother's chest. He relaxed further in Mike's arms and his thumb crept into his mouth. Mike didn't mind. He thought it was kind of cute. "Hey," he said, "ya ain't fallin' asleep on me, are ya?"

Lil's thumb slipped out of his mouth as he tipped his head back to look at Mike with big brown eyes. Pippi's eyes. Before Mike knew what he was doing he leaned down and pressed his lips to his brother's.

TOM: What happened so far? So she got hit once. It's her fault for tangling with a self-insertion character.

"Hi guys!" Pippi said to Everyone. Pippi to make herself useful, she followed Tommy and Annika outside the banch.

"Pippi this looks delicious! Did you cook everything yourself?"

Mike looked at her friend and grinned. Lil demanded to know the reason.

JOEL: Male PMS! It can happen to you!

"You, my dear, are desperately bored," replied Pippi "I am so sorry darling, but you know how Lil gets. He literally forces people to come to our house. I know he forced that friend of his to come. Ephraim hospitality."

ALL: (singing) Condorman!

"Farah don't worry about it. Here let me be useful. At least I won't be bored!"

TOM: I'll start putting out traps.

JOEL: What do you use for bait?

TOM: Tuxedo Kamen theme tracks.

Laughing and gossiping about the ladies, the two friends served dinner in Pippi's beautiful backyard, which Wendy has jazzed up with fairy lights and picnic tables.

"Are we there yet?" Lil asked impatiently. Her seatbelt barely restrained her; she had long learnt to manoeuvre it so that it gave her free movement. She knelt on the chair, sitting up and pressed herself against the window. Small hands were pushing against the glass as though she could reach out to the passing landscape outside.

"It's a bit further I think, by this map..." He glanced in her direction and he frowned worriedly. "Get back in your seat, the potholes here are bad."

CROW: Okay, now you're taking this Mike, Li, and Og obsession a bit far.

As he reprimanded her, she turned around with a disappointed look. Plonking herself back into the seat and twisting her neck to view their surroundings. The car jostled from a pothole that had been missed, he cursed very quietly under his breath.

TOM: (imitates whip cracking)

CROW: I didn't know Lil went in for that kind of thing.

JOEL: Guys...

"Can barely see those bastards. And there's too many small ones," He leaned up in his seat, looking over the steering wheel watching the road carefully and they were jostled constantly, with only a few hard bumps every so often. The surrounding gum trees and various low crawling shrubbery; it all felt too closed in somehow. The dirt track like road, was narrow, and would only allow one car to drive along it at a time. Yet away from the cleared track, the encompassing bush around them was not dense at all. The long spindly trees shot up high with patchwork and thin foliage above. There was room in between all the trees, the sky still clearly visible through the thin layers of leaves. It looked wide open, yet had a feeling of being encased in something far from civilisation. A lonely desertion.

JOEL: (Pippi) I haven't seen the carpet since Elvis died.

BOTS: Elvis is dead?

"What's that Pippi?" She pointed to a sign. He scanned it quickly, the large letters spelling out an Aboriginal name he could not pronounce for the life of him. But the finer print beneath it made much more sense to him.

"An Aboriginal burial ground." He shot a quick glance at her, seeing her about to form a question with small lips, but he looked back to the road and cut her off. "And no. We cannot go look at it. We'd be disrespecting their place. Plus I'm sure that's why the sign is there, to keep little thirsty eyed curious children -"

CROW: (Pippi) I'll reload and take better aim.

"Are those skulls on sticks?!" She squealed excitedly interrupting him.

"What?" He choked the word out slightly shocked and looked to her side. Her face was once again pressed up against the glass, little fingers pulling against the seatbelt to allow her more movement. Though whatever she had squealed about, were surely not skulls. To him it seemed more like torches, slightly odd ones. They could even be traditional tombstones, figureheads of some kind. He really didn't know very much about these things.

TOM: Hey, there's room up here to hide.

JOEL: Tom, no.

She sat back down sighing. "They really looked like skulls. How much farther? Can't we go faster?"

"No, this track is hard enough to manage at this rate." So the car slowly moved its way down the track, trees thickening and thinning randomly.

CROW: Uh, Tulip Trees Flying North?

JOEL: No, it's Tank Tops Yelling Loudly.

Grey clouds hung overhead, but the air was humid and warm. The perfect weather for thunderstorms. After ten slow minutes of driving another car roof came into view. For a moment he worried that the car was driving towards them, and there was no room for either to pull over to any side, as the track was completely flanked by trees. More cars appeared, and all were stationary, all parked, and in clear view as they crested the hill. The fencing of the reserve came into view.

"It looks locked!" She cried out, squirming in her seat and sitting up to get a better look. He turned the car in and parked the car, sighing as he turned the keys. If it was locked what could they do but turn back and slowly make their way through the dirt road back to the main. He looked at the fencing as he stepped out of the car. There was no barbed wire, which looked slightly promising he thought absently. She was already running for the gate as he locked the car up.

"Is it locked then?" He called out to her as he looked skyward, deciding it best to take their jackets seeing the stormy clouds above them.

TOM: Jesus, how many chapters does this damn thing have?

"No! It isn't! Come on Pippi!" Already she was inside and running off. He closed the boot and ran to catch up with her. Being not too hard, as her own legs covered less ground then his own long legs did. Once reaching her, he caught her, and fussed her with putting her jacket on as she squirmed unhappily, wishing just to run about freely. She didn't care much for the jacket anyhow; she loved the rain, and enjoyed feeling it fall upon her.

JOEL: Were snowed into their barracks.

"Which way first the Captain?" He asked with a mocking pirate accent.

CROW: Oh, Luna...tee-hee!

JOEL: CROW! [smacks Crow's head]

CROW: Thanks. I dunno what came over me...

She stood on her toes, raising her hands and feigning a telescope, scouting the area and humming in thought. She stopped spotting the huge black rock hills. She gasped and pointed about to squeal again, he turned and saw it.

"Arr, the black soulless place where no scurvy dog dares tread. Shall we brave it Captain?" He knelt down besides her, raising an eyebrow.

CROW: Oh, really?

"Yes we shall me heartie! To the black unknown!" He lifted her upon his shoulders and she screamed and then giggled with delight, enjoying the higher ground. He ran to the very base of the rocky hills. With her hands outstretched as he kept a firm hold on her legs. He placed her down upon the first rock. He smiled as he caught his breath.

TOM: (as Pippi) Oh, it's just that time of month.

JOEL: OK, I officially call no more menstruation jokes.

TOM: Well, you started it!

JOEL: Yeah, well…

"To the top Captain?" He asked.

CROW: Dear disaster: Please be kind enough to attend this party in your honor on the Twenty-second of August 1997.

JOEL: (Pippi) There'll be music and dancing there. Should we accept the invitation?

"Of course! Mike!" She immediately began to clamber up the smooth rock surface. It was levelled out like huge oblong stones, slanting against each other to make an easy climb.

TOM: (as Pippi) Oh, my aching back!

She climbed quickly, little legs scampering as he followed behind carefully, checking her own footing at the same time, but she was quite alright on her own ahead. She reached the top first, where remarkably, some trees and shrubs cracked through the hard rock and grew. She scanned the park with keen young eyes.

JOEL: A personal letter from the president of the U.S...

"Pippi look!" she yelled down to him, pointing.

He turned his head upward. "What is it?"

ALL: Huh?

"No, no, no, over there Pippi." She pointed again, insistently. Jumping this time as he tried to calculate his gaze to where her finger pointed. He still didn't see what she wanted to show him.

JOEL (Pippi): "You May Have Already Won..." Hmmmmm.

TOM: Please note, no fanmail.

"What's there Lil?" He asked, shielding his eyes and scanning the terrain.

"The Kangaroos Pippi, look," she began to scale down to him, jumping quickly eating up the distance quickly. He spotted them, as he looked closer. Their brown bodies seemed to almost blend with the ground. There were so many of them, a large pack, moving slowly, simply milling around.

"Lets go see them then," he said, but she had this idea already on her mind. Jumping across the smooth rock down to the ground. He followed closely behind her, not taking over and allowing her to lead ahead.

JOEL: Beltane.

Both of them ran until they were sprinting distance from the Kangaroos. Then slowed to a tiptoe pace. She tried to cautiously approach them, but they could see that they knew two fools were trying to sneak up. Within 20 meters the Kangaroo's turned and began hopping away from them. Both on instinct ran after them like predators, until the pack stopped again. Again trying to get close and failing, one of them was much closer than the others. Trailing a little way behind them, allowing both of them closer than they could get to the other Kangaroos. Lil tried as quietly as she possibly could to run up to it and touch it. But the pack moved immediately sensing her nearness, and the lagging Kangaroo bounced half-heartedly out of reach. Stopping, they turned to look at them after a few mere meters.

Lil could see it most likely a young Kangaroo, it was smaller than the rest of them, and Alan couldn't help himself but laugh inwardly at how all children were curious, alike in nature. So they followed the solitary Kangaroo that stopped every so often allowing them to catch up it would seem.

How long they followed the Kangaroo that trailed behind its pack, neither could tell. But the movement of the glow behind the clouds in the sky indicated it could have been between one and three hours. The flat plain of the reserve dipped into a valley. There the pack milled comfortably about as they both approached the lone Kangaroo still waiting a little way down the falling ground. It skipped away towards the herd. Quickly this time, and not with a moments regard to the two following behind it. Alan grabbed Lils arm before she could throw herself running down after it.

TOM: Enough to hang himself with.

CROW: Don't we wish.

JOEL: A little too dark fellas.

"That's enough," he looked at their surroundings and frowned. "It's darker than it first was Lil, and I think we've gone too far." Her face crumpled.

JOEL: Your local theater.

"It's that way isn't it?" She pointed directly behind them.

"No, we made a few turns through allot of bush, and I lost track of it. If there was a hill or something," he looked around but could see very little notable terrain apart from the dipping valley ahead of them. "I think the Kangaroo tricked us into getting lost." He mumbled dejectedly.

TOM: Really badly.

"No it didn't! It's just a Kangaroo."

"The sun's getting low Lil, and I'll get dark much faster now. Do you remember if that sign by the gate said anything about a closing time for the park?"

ALL: BEEP BEEP BEEP!

JOEL: Warning! Incoming Plot Device! Take Cover!

"I didn't read it." She replied thoughtfully.

TOM: Then came that sudden, tragic accident with the Weed Whacker.

"Thought so," he sighed. Looking around again. In the valley was a road, maybe a trail. A sign pointed towards their right, saying 'Tricibar Cottage'. He frowned again. Trying to think of the map, was there a name like that? The trail led up the side of the valley and deep into a thicket of gumtree's to which he couldn't see the end of. "We could always try jumping the first fence we see and following it. Or, we could head to that cottage."

"Hey Pippi look!" She cried out as the Kangaroo jumped over the rise and into their view. It paused, watching them, then hopped around them, passing them and heading back the way they had come. It stopped at a line of trees and waited watching them. It was the same small Kangaroo.

"Great, it's come to mock us." He said exasperated and ran a hand through his hair shaking his head.

CROW: (Lil) Hey, this seems to be brown paper!

"No, Pippi, I think it wants us to follow us like before."

"I don't know, it might get dark soon."

JOEL: (Pippi) Hmm...Eau de Sewer...

"Come on Pippi, it's a nice Kangaroo."

He sighed, "I hope so."

They followed for some time until Mike stopped and sat down on a rock. Seeing two paths, he shook his head. There were paths in the reserve and they had gone around gallivanting like fools and getting lost.

Lil sat down beside him, and then lay down on the ground, throwing her arm up above her head. "I'm tired Pippi."

"I know Lil, do you want me to carry you?"

"The Kangaroo's waiting." He looked up and there it was, scratching and waiting for them.

"Come on then," he picked her up giving her a piggyback and started to follow the Kangaroo drowsily. No longer paying attention to their surroundings or for landmarks, but only following the brown figure ahead. He had forgotten about the paths they had passed, and followed what his daughter believed to be right - follow the Kangaroo.

Eventually the Kangaroo stopped, to the point Mike got within a few meters of it. He stopped and looked around. It was starting to grey and the surroundings appeared dull from the lack of light. But he could see the darker shadow of a cross crossed fence, and the bright back of the gate sign.

"Lil," he jostled her gently.

TOM: (as Pippi) Okay...one plus two...carry the one...dammit, this is tough.

"I know Pippi," she giggled. "I wasn't asleep. I told you to follow it, it wasn't a trick, and it's a nice Kangaroo."

He smiled seeing the car, but it was the second last left. At the gate he turned around with Lil still holding on to his neck tightly. The Kangaroo stood in the first thicket of trees still watching them. In the darkening light he looked at it, it was a small Kangaroo, but now he doubted it was a child. Its eyes seem wise and old.

"Just like Dot and the Kangaroo Pippi, I knew it wasn't a made up story. I bet it was all-true. Thank-you Kangaroo!" She raised her arm and flailed it at the Kangaroo.

CROW: On top of that, none of them could win the new "Sailor V" game and they were all getting really P.O.'d!

JOEL: All in one twenty-two minute episode!

"Thank-you," he said smiling warmly at it, he waved with his daughter as it turned around and disappeared through the trees, gone.

Meanwhlie, Pippi looked out the window and when he didn't see any signs of wind, he decided it would be a fine time- and a fine night- for a tea.

Pippi boiled the kettle, poured his tea, and slipped his jacket on. He pulled up his boots, one at a time, of course- one, two- and as quietly as a mouse he opened the door. It made a low creeeek!, which made him wince as if to make himself smaller, and he squeezed outside.

TOM: (as Pippi) Now I can crash every computer on the planet from the comfort of my own home!

Pippi closed the doors behind him, listening for the latch to slide into the bolt. Clack! Pippi winced again and turned around to face the world. As he took the first step down from the doorstep, he noticed a sound to his left that was like the soft noise of television static in the distance; only it wasn't harsh and annoying like regular television static, oh no, this sound was quite the opposite. This sound was gentle and soothing like when you lay down with your ear against your pillow and you, vey lightly, draw tiny circles into the pillow slip. That kind of sound.

The next thing he noticed was the light sprinkling of snow that had been dusted onto everything in sight; and when he looked to the lamppost across the street, he could see it glittering as it slowly drifted down from the sky.

JOEL: And cook an egg in under a minute!

Pippi made his way over to the muskoka chair, set his tea down on the arm, then set himself down in the seat. He could feel the slight briskness of the chair through his pyjama pants, making him recoil for a moment before settling in.

TOM: (as Teacher) Hey! Will you get back on those adult websites where you're supposed to be!

Looking at the shadows by his closet a little boy started to cry. The shadow began to move away from the closet and turned into the figure of a man. The shadow then moved from one wall to the other and sat down next to the little boys shadow and rested his hand on his head.

"Yeah, your daddy sent me to watch over you so I'll always be with you watching, until you see your daddy again - now go to sleep."

"But what about the dark?" Wendy filled the room as Shadow got up and lifted his arms.

CROW: (Pippi) Nope. I watch "Star Trek"!

JOEL: (Mike) Hey, nothing's beyond my understanding! I'm me!

"Seriously, I am the dark kid - are you telling me you're scared of me." Shaking his head the little boy settled back against his bed.

TOM: For trying to date Darien on a school night.

CROW: Joel, your mother taught you how to track tachyon emissions, right?

JOEL: No, I'm afraid my education in that area was sorely lacking.

"You'll be here in the morning?"

"I will always be around, just look for a shifting shadow - and when you don't see a shift, it's 'cause I'm with your daddy telling him all about your mommy and you, now go to sleep." Tucking in the boys shadow, Shadow leaned over to brush away the hair from his face.

"You remind me of my brother. " Dave straight, Pippi looked down.

TOM: Went to call the loony bin.

"Yeah, how about you tell me more about him later, or even tomorrow."

"Pippi - did my daddy tell you my name?"

JOEL: (Wendy) Darn kid knows more than I do! Time to retire.

CROW: The teacher wanted her to suffer the bitter pain of disillusionment after years of heartfelt belief!

"Yes he did and before I forget, your daddy, he always says one thing before drifting off."

"What's that?"

JOEL: (as Dave) ...or not at all! Probably not at all.

"'Sweet dreams, Mike.'" smiling the little boy said goodnight to Shadow before turning on his side. Entering the shadows again, Wendy heard one sentence before silence took over.

TOM: I think we'll be sick before she is.

"Sweet dreams daddy."

"Sweet dreams, Pippi." And back into the shadows, Dave went watching over his little brother and keeping the nightmares away.

CROW: (as Dave) But what are these strange lumps?

The next Morning, Mike gets a drop of cookie batter on his nose.

"GOOD MORNING, MIKE!" Pippi shouted to Mike, rushing to Mike. "Oh, yes, sir. I do assure you everything is absolutely hunky. wouldn't go in there if I were you."

ALL: Book it?

CROW: Sergeants, book her and take her away!

TOM: Sergeant Booker, Sergeant Takera Way, nice to see you.

JOEL: The Bad Joke sketch, ladies and gentlemen!

"I, um, hope you won't think me rude, but do you happen to know... out of whose bowl you're eating?" Wendy said, also walk to Mike.

Tommy and Annika comes through the door.

"Pippi! Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready?" Tommy and Annika said.

CROW: No one died.

"For what?" Pippi said to Tommy and Annika

ALL: The end?

TOM: You know, I hear the ambient temperature in Hell is 12 Kelvin right now...

JOEL: Was that P-Chan flying by the window just there?

"Going to School. So, you ready or what?" Tommy said.

JOEL: (Pippi) *Ahem* My report on this fanfic: PUT ME BACK IN CHARACTER! WAHHHHHH!

Meanwhile, the Bus drives up to the Villa Villekulla with kids inside.

"The bus is here! The bus is here! C'mon, Pippi!" Tommy and Annika said, rushing to the bus.

TOM: Okay, okay! It's very unusual! We get the point already!

"Well, time to go. Don't want to be late. Have fun, bye bye." Wendy said, pushing Pippi, Mike, and Lil out of the house.

JOEL: (as Wendy) Damn it, if she starts doing well in class, she'll make us look stupid!

As soon as the bus leaves, Wendy and Dave peeks out of the bushes. Wendy and Dave comes out with shorts on and his nose with sunscreen on it and a chair. Unfolds the chair and sits on it.

CROW: Or at least seppuku.

"This is going to be the best five days of my life." Dave said.

TOM: Hey, wait! This is just the American Declaration of Independence with "United States" changed to "Sweden"!

Later, at the School, Pippi and Friends meet Mike and Lil to the classroom.

"All right, listen up. We checked it out. All we gotta do is" Mike said.

It's not? It's not?! Well, why not? What's the problem, Spot? Not good enough for you? I mean, do you even know who I am?" Pippi said.

JOEL: (as Pippi, theatrically) "My world is coming down around me..."

Pippi, Tommy, Annika, Mike, and Lil then arrive at his classroom.

TOM: Oh, she's shocked beyond belief...Okay, we get the point ALREADY!

His classmate was Willie, Karlsson, Svante, Emil, Karl Lejon, Jonatan, Holly, Anna, Peter, Mrs. Prysselius, and Chris.

CROW: My goodness. Characters from Soyuzmultfilm version ofKarlsson-on-the-Roof, Emil of Lönneberga, The Brothers Lionheart, and Care Bears Nutcracker Suite as EQG Style.

"Allow me to introduce: Mike and Lil!" Pippi said, give a classmate a two new students.

"Hello" Mike said.

"Hey!" Lil said.

TOM: (Pippi) It conflicts with the night I clean my toilet.

"You were very good." The other three students said. One of the Students was a white skin with light purple swirl hair with red-violet headband, wears a white tank top with pink stripes, a red-violet short jacket with belt, yellow medium skirt, and red-violet boots, an second student was yellow girl with red hair with bowtie on the back, wearing a yellow-green short shirt, short jeans, and light brown boots, and the last student was little orange girl with purple hair, wearing dark grey short hoodle, dark green shorts, and dark grey boots.

CROW: (gasps) It Can't Be! It's a same style as My Little Pony: Equestria Girls

"Hey, wait. What's goin' on, you guys?" Mike said.