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Chapter Text

• Clarke

Clarke and Lexa had been best friends since they came out of the womb. So obviously Lexa didn’t take this decision lightly.

Lexa knew Clarke. She knew Clarke would be okay with it. She knew Clarke would still support her any chance she got.

It didn’t stop Lexa from being doubtful. She sat on the edge of Clarke's bed, a lump in her throat that did not disappear no matter how sure she was that everything was going to be totally fine.

Coming out was always going to be hard, no matter how supportive someone may be. She knows that and she wished it was different.

She wished the world was different.  

But it wasn’t and it would never be, thus Lexa found herself struggling to speak her mind. 

“Lex, you’re scaring me…” Clarke mumbled eventually, minutes after Lexa had told her she needed to admit something to her. The tension in the room had brewing ever since Lexa had walked inside, but in those few minutes of silence it seemed to have reached its limit 

“Sorry, sorry I-” She gulped, eyes closing on instinct. Clarke was looking at her like she was a fragile little thing. Lexa hated it when Clarke did that. “I just don’t know how to say it.”

Clarke placed a hand on hers and carefully stroked her fingers over Lexa’s skin. “It’s okay. I won’t judge. Promise.”

Lexa tentatively opened her eyes again. If it wasn’t for the reassuring smile in her face, then it would be the absolute honestly she found in Clarke’s eyes. 

There was a faint thump in her chest where her heart should’ve been, but she found the area completely numb as she took Clarke’s hand in hers.

The air seemed to go warmer around her, a heavy flush settling on her face. 

“Okay, so I- I..”

The tears sprang into her eyes despite her trying to push them back down. They rolled down her cheeks, and they itched as they dried on her chin. Clarke looked distraught, probably contemplating whether she should hug Lexa like always or wait to hear what Lexa had to say. 

“Clarke,” She sobbed, finally. The words she’d been keeping to herself for a very long time finally tumbled past her lips, an immense relief following. “I’m a lesbian…”

It mustn't have been such a surprise as Clarke simply smiled and pulled her into her. 

Lexa squeezed Clarke tight, a silent thank you Lexa had always preferred to use. 

“I’m so proud of you, Lexa. ” 

She was a bit embarrassed by the way her snot and tears were staining Clarke’s perfect sweater, but Clarke’s tears soaked her sweater too, so she ignored her shame and buried her face in the crook of Clarke’s neck. 

“Lexa, you’re my best friend. Nothing you ever say to me will make me stop supporting you. You are who you are and I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to share that with me.”

"Thank you,"

****

• The parents

"You can do this, Lex. I believe in you." The blonde held her hand tight in hers, something that comforted Lexa more than it probably should’ve. 

Determinedly, she nodded. She’d been building up to this night for a really long while. For nights on end she had rehearsed how she was going to come out to her parents.

Most practices ended up with her crying and her texting Clarke at 3 a.m. in the hopes that the girl would be awake.

Clarke had been there then and she was going to be there now.

She was practically vibrating from the anxiety as they took a seat at the dinner table. Her parents were still in the kitchen, probably having a quiet conversation about work. 

It took a minute, but finally they sat themselves down in front of Clarke and Lexa. Her dad was over the moon to learn that Clarke would be staying for dinner. It had been a while since Clarke had last stayed over. Sometime before Lexa came out to her a few months ago.

Clarke gave her an encouraging nod when her parents finished scooping enough food up on their plates.

“Mom, dad, I need to tell you something-” It felt like her airway suddenly closed off. She choked on air, face going red in the process.

And her parents looked at her with worry, something they barely ever did. “Lexa, sweetie, are you alright?”

She swallowed thickly, but the lump in her throat would not leave. “Yes- yes I’m fine, I guess, It’s just… I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a long time.” 

Her mom reached across the table and placed her hand on Lexa’s. “We love you no matter what, Alexandria.” Her dad nodded along with her mother, putting one arm around her mom’s shoulder as he sent Lexa a soft smile.

Lexa made a vague noise of surprise, not expecting what her mother was implying. 

With her other hand, she reached to the side to grasp at Clarke's with her trembling fingers. 

She sighed, “I’m a lesbian,” As the words finally progressed in her mind, Lexa let out a deep breath. Once again, she was struck with immense relief. It felt like every time that she said the words aloud, she could breathe a little bit better again. Like a bit of the pressure was finally taken off her shoulders. 

It wasn’t much of a surprise to her that her parents barely seemed phased. Maybe it was the fact that she’d been distant for months. Maybe they’d seen it coming years ago. Neither would surprise her much.

“We’re glad that you told us Lexa. I hope you know that we accept you no matter what.”

Hot tears rolled down her cheeks as her parents left their seats at the table and embraced her. They held a hand out to Clarke, who joined them in their family embrace. She curled her arm around Clarke, grateful that the girl had kept her promise. Not that she’d ever doubted it.

“I love you guys.” She whispered.

“We love you more, sweetheart.”

Chapter Text

• Lexa

There was a faint ticking against the window, something that unnerved Lexa tremendously. Her pillow felt like stone and she tried her best to subtly move her head a bit without waking the sleeping girl next to her. 

Her arm was numb from where it lay beneath Clarke’s head, a position that was comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time.

Slowly, she pulled her arm back and shifted on the bed to try and turn around as quiet as possible. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy cuddling with Clarke. No, that wasn’t it at all. It was that she enjoyed it a bit too much.

She felt like she had betrayed Clarke. Even though her touches were innocent and always the same, never meant to be anything other than playful or a show of affection, Lexa couldn’t help but feel like she was crossing a boundary whenever she touched Clarke, or any girl for that matter.

She shook those thoughts away when an irritable, nauseous ache formed low in her stomach. She hated those thoughts more than anything.  

Sighing softly, she closed her eyes again, one hand clutching at the covers and the other beneath the pillow she shared with Clarke. Taking a glance at the tiny alarm clock, she noticed that it wasn’t quite the time to wake up yet as it read; 4:09 AM.

The sheets rustled beside her, and she could feel the bed squeak as Clarke turned around and buried her head into the crook of Lexa’s neck. “Lex…”

Lexa hummed, taking a hold of Clarke’s hand that had snuck around her body, again. “What are you doing up?” She asked.

“Can’t sleep.” Clarke muttered, cold lips pressing against her neck. Lexa felt a shutter make its way through her spine, but made no move to get away from Clarke’s lips. 

“Me neither.”

A sigh left Clarke’s lips and hot air blew against her skin. Goosebumps raised along her arms, an instinctive reaction Lexa wouldn’t be able to stop even if she tried too hard. 

“What’s bothering you?” She asked Clarke, her voice slightly more hoarse than she’d like it to be. 

Even if Lexa couldn’t see Clarke’s face, she knew her brows would probably be furrowed in that way only Clarke could pull off: A frown on between her brows, a pout on her lips and her eyebrows scrunched in a way that made her look entirely too cute.

“I don’t know…”

It didn’t sound very convincing to Lexa.

“You sure?”

Even though sleepiness was depriving her of the ability to think properly, Lexa still found unnaturally worried about Clarke.

“No.”

Lexa shifted this time, carefully turning around so that she was facing Clarke. 

She felt a blush creep up her cheeks when she opened her eyes again and noticed that they were just a tad bit too close for Lexa’s liking.

“What’s wrong?”

Clarke buried her face in the pillow–The one both Lexa and her lay on– and grunted, one had entangled itself with the covers. She pulled at them, effectively pulling a surprised yelp from Lexa, who found herself grimacing at the sudden cold after having the warm covers ruthlessly ripped away from her.

She could hear Clarke's muffled giggle into the pillow though, so if she had to be cold, so be it.

Clarke turned back around, folding the covers over Lexa's shivering body with a smirk. She pressed a single kiss against Lexa's nose and shuffled closer, an arm snuggling around Lexa’s waist to keep her close.

Lexa could one scoot closer to Clarke, her face flushing when Clarke tangled their legs together.

Clarke put her head on Lexa’s chest. “You’re warm.” She mumbled.

Lexa pulled Clarke closer in response.

They lay in silence, eyes drooping and breathing slowing but never falling asleep.

It took a good few minutes, but eventually Lexa could hear Clarke let out a deep sigh and the rumbling of the sheets as Clarke shifted her position slightly. 

“I want to tell you something.”

Lexa, knowing Clarke, didn’t say a thing. She stayed quiet, waiting for Clarke to open her mouth again. After years of knowing Clarke, Lexa knew when to stay quiet and when to talk. She knew when Clarke required space and when she didn’t.

Clarke’s words felt awfully familiar.

A shiver ran through her body.

“You remember when-” Clarke took another deep breath, "When you came out to me?" 

Lexa barely heard her, the words nothing more than an almost silent whisper.

Lexa moved her body slightly so she could look at Clarke, "Of course, why?" 

The room was dark for the most part, so Lexa couldn't see Clarke's face, she could only see the blue of her eyes and the way they avoided her gaze.

“It made me realize something.” Clarke whispered. “About myself.”

Lexa could do little to stop the frantic beating of her heart, the hope she’d lost long ago suddenly clouding her mind until she could do nothing but nod and grasp for Clarke’s hand, squeezing in reassurance.

“And it made me think about things. About us.”

Lexa swallowed the sudden lump that appeared in her throat. Anxiety crawled up her spine, a sudden insecurity wrapping around her heart as it pumped blood a little too quickly.

“It made me realize that I love you. That I’m in love with you.”

Clarke sat up straight abruptly, Lexa’s hand falling away as Clarke moved to face her completely. “And this doesn’t mean I expect you to love me back. I just wanted you to know that I love you and that you’ll always be my best friend, but that I’d also really like to be more than that but obviously you don’t have t-”

Lexa kissed her before Clarke got to say another word. She placed her hands on Clarke’s cheeks, humming in satisfaction when Clarke immediately moved to return the kiss. 

It was soft, perfect, loving and full of promises.

“I love you too. So much, Clarke.”

Chapter Text

• Raven

“And you’re absolutely sure that you want to do this?” Lexa questioned. 

Clarke was practically vibrating because of the nerves, and Lexa would be lying if she said she hadn’t noticed it. She pressed a kiss against Clarke’s cheek, smiling at the way Clarke’s ears reddened. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to, baby.”

“No, no…” Clarke breathed. She grasped at Lexa’s hand and swallowed, anxiety portraying her every feature. “I want to, I really, really want to. I guess I’m just… scared.” 

If possible, Lexa felt herself soften even more. She squeezed Clarke’s hand and used the other to brush a few loose strands of blonde hair out of Clarke’s face. “I’m scared too, Clarke, but I know we can do this.”

Clarke’s eyes almost seemed to sparkle. Nodding rapidly, Clarke squeezed her hand right back, the tips of her fingers messaging Lexa’s skin. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

Lexa’s body trembled as she leaned further into Clarke, the cold seeping into her bones uncomfortably. They stood in front of Raven’s front door, teeth chattering from said cold that the winter inflicted  upon their skin.

“We can do this.” She whispered reassuringly. Her hand was at Clarke’s side, thumb rubbing soothing circles onto the fabric of Clarke’s coat, though Lexa doubted that Clarke could feel it. “I know we can.”

Clarke nodded along with her.

When the door to Raven’s house opens, Lexa drops her hand and straightens her back, eyes flickering to Clarke’s, finding them already staring back at her.

“Hey!” Raven welcomed them, “Come on in!”

Raven’s couch was incredibly comfortable.

At least, Lexa thought so. Clarke didn’t seem to be enjoying herself at all. Though Lexa wasn’t much better off.

“Hey Rae?” Clarke said abruptly, cutting Raven and Lexa’s conversation off. 

Lexa assumed that Raven must’ve realized something serious was happening, as the giant smile slipped off Raven's face, instead an expression of worry taking over. “Yeah? Are you doing okay, Clarke? 

Clarke reached for Lexa’s hand and Lexa hesitantly took it. “ Yeah… Yeah I’m fine, it’s just- Lexa and I need to tell you something important and we’re not really sure how to say it.”

Raven tilted her head, blinking in confusion. “What is it? Are you guys dating?”

Lexa’s lips parted in surprise and she felt Clarke tense up. 

“Actually, uhm…” Lexa started. 

“Lexa and I are together, yes.”

Raven’s lips broke out in a wide smile, a loud shriek escaping her throat. Lexa winced, Clarke smiled back at Raven awkwardly. “Oh my god! Guys, that’s literally amazing! Hah, I called it!”

Raven sprang forward from her spot on a single chair in an instant, engulfing them in a hug before Clarke and Lexa had the chance to move away from her.

They hugged Raven back awkwardly until she pulled back, still smiling. “I’m sorry, I know how hard that must’ve been. Just know that I don’t judge and that I’m very happy that you’re together. “

To feel grateful would be an understatement, Lexa would say. Relief, gratefulness, happiness, all of it seemed to be fogging Lexa’s mind as she allowed herself to lean further into Clarke.

“Thank you, Raven.”