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Taxian-Jun thrusts into Chu Wanning hard, making him grunt a little. He watches greedily as the air is forced out of Chu Wanning’s lungs through thinly parted lips, his eyes mostly closed and brow furrowed in concentration.
“Come on, baobei, cum for this venerable one.”
He thrusts again, this time timing the thrust as he glides his hand over Chu Wanning’s cock, already dark and leaking. His other hand is flat on the bed besides Chu Wanning’s ear so he can lean over the man as he fucks him. He wants to be able to take his lips into his own and invade his mouth too. He wants to watch every expression, especially when Chu Wanning finally cums for him. He wants to take in all of Chu Wanning.
Chu Wanning’s breathing hitches again as the cock is forced deeper into him this time, cum from earlier in the night pressing out of him with an embarrassing noise.
Taxian-Jun is growing desperate himself. He’s in a strange mood tonight. He’s frantic for any signs of affection from anyone but Song Qiutong. The only person he could go to besides Song Qiutong for attention is Chu Wanning. So he’s here for the night. The whole night. All he wants is Chu Wanning to acknowledge him and admit he wants him. He doesn’t even want to hurt Chu Wanning right now.
He just wants Chu Wanning to feel something for him, and the only thing he knows how to give him aside from pain is pleasure.
Pure pleasure. Not drugged pleasure. He wants Chu Wanning to feel pleasure to wash over him because he allowed it, even though he never does. He then wants Chu Wanning to hold him and whisper sweet words to him, but he knows that will never happen.
But it’s been hours. Taxian-Jun has shocking stamina, but somehow Chu Wanning’s unyielding nature is stronger, even as a broken, coreless man. Taxian-Jun has already cum twice and can feel himself on the precipice of cumming again, while Chu Wanning has somehow managed to stop himself from cumming at all, instead letting himself serve as a cocksleeve rather than the partner Taxian-Jun finds himself craving.
Taxian-Jun keeps his frantic pace trying to stimulate Chu Wanning enough to let go of himself. He just needs to be acknowledged.
“Please,” he starts to beg as he fucks the man under him. “Just for me, baobei. Just once.” He feels as though he’s the one begging Chu Wanning for release rather than demanding Chu Wanning to give in. It only makes Taxian-Jun beg more.
Chu Wanning’s face scrunches when Taxian-Jun continues fucking his ass and rubbing his cock, finally bending forward to suck on the pink bud on his chest.
Even when he realized he somehow still loves Taxian-Jun and even when found out about the long hatred flower, he still does not allow himself to cum when Taxian-Jun fucks him. He spent too many years refusing it. If he gave in now, Taxian-Jun’s suspicious nature would know something is wrong with his concubine. So he tenses his entire body to focus on the pain instead of pleasure.
It of course does not work. The pearl of blood embedded within the soft flesh of his ear takes his pain and amplifies it into bursts of pleasure, sending deep rooted tingles down his spine to curl his toes. To make him arc his back and spread his legs wider for Taxian-Jun to fuck him harder, hurt him more to create more pain twisting into orgasm.
He wants to. He wants to give in.
“Baobei,” Taxian-Jun whines again, half muffled from being pressed against Chu Wanning’s chest. The vibrations of his words into his ribcage to his heart send a new sensation through his entire body. He has to throw his arm over his eyes to keep from letting himself get swept up in the wave of pleasure right then and there.
The movement inside him slows and hand grabs the arm hiding his face. Taxian-Jun flings it aside and pins it above his head. He stares straight into Chu Wanning’s eyes as long, slow strokes pass over his abused prostate making his body ignite further. Taxian-Jun’s other hand plays with the head of his leaking cock, running a thumb over the slit to toy with it.
“Please.”
They whimper at the same time, both asking for the same thing, although Taxian-Jun does not know it.
Chu Wanning forces himself to look up at Taxian-Jun. His breathing is heavy and face is red from working so hard. Sweat clings to his collarbones to glisten in the candlelight as he continues fucking his husband. His long hair is loose, once thrown behind his back has now fallen forward to tickle Chu Wanning with every movement. There’s a desperation in his eyes that Chu Wanning is both familiar and unfamiliar with. A pleading, as if he truly wants Chu Wanning to let go for reasons other than to humiliate him.
When Taxian-Jun clenches his eyes to try and keep going without cumming inside Chu Wanning yet again, a tear creeps out to slide down his face.
Chu Wanning doesn’t know what possesses him to reach up and wipe the tear away but he does. It’s the first movement he’s allowed himself all night to reach out to Taxian-Jun with his unpinned hand. Taxian-Jun lets go of Chu Wanning’s cock to grab the hand, holding it in place on his face.
“Wanning,” he whimpers once more, “Why can’t it be like this? Why did you have to kill everything this venerable one loves.” His hips slow until he’s stopped inside Chu Wanning, clinging to his hand on his cheek like a life raft.
Chu Wanning searches for words but can’t find any. A denial would only anger Taxian-Jun and ruin the soft moment. An admission would be too much for his heart to bear, knowing he failed to find the flower until it was long too late.
He rubs his hand along Taxian-Jun’s tearful cheek then slowly starts to pull away. Fearful, Taxian-Jun follows the hand with his whole body like a dog on a leash until he’s draped over Chu Wanning, their faces close enough they can feel the others’ hot breath.
Chu Wanning can’t bring himself to kiss Taxian-Jun, so he waits.
Just as he expected, Taxian-Jun presses their lips together, greedily biting at him before thrusting his tongue into Chu Wanning’s mouth. At the same time he starts moving his hips again, making Chu Wanning jump at the sudden reminder of how painfully over stimulated he is and how full Taxian-Jun makes him. He lets him let out a moan immediately swallowed by Taxian-Jun.
“Just cum for me,” Taxian-Jun begs between frantic kisses and strong thrusts. “Please. For me, baobei. Just once don’t make me be alone.”
Chu Wanning gives in.
He lets out another, longer moan and wraps his legs around Taxian-Jun so his whole body rocks into the bed as he moves. He finally lets himself go. He lets the pain and pleasure that has pummeled him for hours take over as he’s wanted to from the moment they began. He lets Taxian-Jun’s begging work so he doesn’t need to feel alone even when connected.
Taxian-Jun keeps fucking him through orgasm, but not much longer. He’s been fighting so hard to hold out for Chu Wanning to cum that he denied himself his own pleasure and lowered himself to begging his shizun. He thrusts in hard and releases, filling Chu Wanning more than he already was. At the same time Chu Wanning gasps loudly and contracts his legs wrapped around Taxian-Jun, pulling him against himself with what little strength he has.
Taxian-Jun continues to slowly pump in and out of Chu Wanning before trying to pull out, but Chu Wanning’s shaking legs won’t let go.
Taxian-Jun doesn’t care. He doesn’t mind spending the night inside Chu Wanning too.
After a long time, when he thinks Chu Wanning has fallen asleep, Taxian-Jun slowly pulls out. A small sound of discomfort at the massive cock inside him or upset at it leaving cuts through the air. Taxian-Jun kneels on the bed and looks down on his husband.
He looks so small. The muscles of the past are long gone to be replaced by the softness of inactivity and excess sweets. His body is tacky with sweat and other fluids while his ass is still tinged red from the hours of use.
He's curled in such a way that his hands and hair hide his face, so Taxian-Jun can't see his expression. He can only assume it's anger at finally breaking and being forced to cum undrugged on his disciple’s cock. Unsure if he actually wants to see the hateful expression, Taxian-Jun reaches forward and pulls away the hair hiding his face.
To his shock there's a small smile. It's tiny. More like a single corner of his lip curled up. But he's smiling in his sleep. Taxian-Jun decides not to imagine what he's smiling at for once and instead pretend it's because of him.
He gets up to fetch a cloth and wash basin. Ever so slowly he cleans Chu Wanning up. As he wipes away the mess he made he kisses the bruises he left. The newest ones are just developing. Some older bruises are deep reds and purples that, in this gentle moment outside himself, Taxian-Jun almost feels bad for having caused. Most are old and yellow and in need of being replaced with fresh markings.
He washes away his mess and rolls Chu Wanning over onto his stomach. It amazes him that when he first stayed into Chu Wanning’s bed the man was the lightest sleeper imaginable. His nights were as if he never slept and was always awake to guard himself. But over the years Chu Wanning's sleep patterns have changed. He's been worn down into tiredness. Now he can be manhandled and keep asleep.
Taxian-Jun looks down on the cum dried across Chu Wanning’s stomach. He doesn't truly want to wipe it away. He lowered himself to begging for it to be here. But that part of him that wanted to feel close to someone tonight and wanted Chu Wanning to accept pleasure also wants to take care of Chu Wanning entirely.
He mournfully wipes away proof that he can do something other than hurt Chu Wanning.
Finally he presses a kiss to Chu Wanning’s chest, just over his heart.
"We could have been this."
He knows it's a lie. For them to be like this Shi Mei would have to have not died, and for Shi Mei not to have died Taxian-Jun would be with him, not the man who hates him.
And he hates back.
Taxian-Jun takes away the rags and basin of water. While he's at it he grabs an armful of clothes from a pile on the floor to be washed. As quietly as he can he leaves the pavilion.
Chu Wanning opens his eyes. His hand unconsciously moves to his heart where Taxian-Jun kissed him.
He stays like this until he hears Taxian-Jun returns. Then he shuts his eyes and pretends to sleep again.
Taxian-Jun sets down a cup of sweetened tea by the bed. He lays down a small heat array to keep it warm until Chu Wanning wakes. For some reason, so long as he doesn't actually think about Chu Wanning, he wants to take care of him. But the more he thinks about him the more he has reason to hate and hurt him. So nights like these Taxian-Jun tries to keep himself from thinking as much as possible. He tries to just act.
He strips his clothes yet again and climbs into the bed, wrapping his arms around the man he dares not think about before quickly falling asleep.
Only when certain Taxian-Jun is asleep does Chu Wanning open his eyes again. Finally under the comfort of darkness does Chu Wanning carefully unpry one of Taxian-Jun’s large hands from around his waist to wrap it in his own hands. He wants to roll over and lay face to face with Taxian-Jun but knows he can't. It would wake him. He wakes whenever he senses eyes on him. So Chu Wanning can only lay with Taxian-Jun pressed into his back and hold his hand, wishing he didn't have to wait until Taxian-Jun begs in order to show what he's really feeling.