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Chapter Text

He wasn’t surprised that he thought he was hearing ghosts in a dead colony; he was surprised they turned out to be real.

He knows what Commander Shepard looks like and she’s staring him right in the face. This is probably one of the most unexpected things to ever happen to him on a mission. He can roll with it though.

He gives them a rundown of their situation, his situation. He doesn’t lie to Shepard about not dying to his suit puncture. Right now at least. He’s about drowning in his sweat and his headache is getting worse, but his aim is still true. He’ll be fine.

Shepard’s head peeks out over the cover before ducking back down. “I guess this is the perfect test run for the Cain. A colossus, Garrus!”

“Kinda hard to miss it, Shepard,” the turian behind her responds. Garrus then. He doesn’t get a name for the other human in yellow armor.

“The Cain?” He questions. Shepard’s grin is sharp, her grey eyes alight, as she holsters her pistol. To replace it, she grabs the gun on her back.

It’s big, bright yellow, and it’s got hazard symbols on it.

Oh.

“The Nuke gun. M-920 Cain,” Shepard supplies, sounding awed as she gazes down at it. She looks back up at the field. “You guys distract it while this thing charges up.” She pats the gun and then looks at him. “You stay here-”

“I can still fire a gun-”

“And that’s why I need you guarding our backs in case the geth decide to leave us a present. They like doing that.”

He nods. Reasonable. “Affirmative,” he states.

Shepard gives him a sharp nod and then turns in her squat to face her squad. “Alright, Zaeed go right, Garrus left. I’ll go down the middle and get close enough.”

There’s a deafening boom, it blocks everything else out and shakes the ground. His ears ring and he closes his eyes against the nausea. He’s not gonna throw up. He’s not gonna throw up. He’s not gonna throw up.

He swallows the pooling saliva in his mouth and peeks out over the barricade. Garrus and Zaeed are standing on their respective perches, waving their arms through the dust cloud. He spots Shepard on the ground and for a second his heart stops.

The Savior of the Citadel did not just die on his watch.

She didn’t, thank the ancestors.

She’s pushing up to her elbows and letting out a whoop that turns into a cackle. Sure enough, when he checks his radar, all target signatures are gone.

Keelah.

“Goddamn!” Zaeed calls. “You mean you did this while hunting Saren?”

“Well- normally, I ran them over. In a tank.” Shepard stands, grabbing the gun from the ground and holstering it. “This was more fun. Didn’t expect that much kickback though.”

“It’s called a nuke gun for a reason, Shepard,” Garrus replies.

“Yeah, yeah.”

“C’mon, let’s go see if you made these ruins fall into lava too.”

“One time, that was one time,” Shepard mutters but her comm picks it up.

Kal is helplessly confused.

“I need to hear that story,” Zaeed prompts though he doesn't get a response. They make their way to the bunker door and Kal finds it in him to heave himself off the ground.

He gives the colossus’ corpse a rude gesture as he walks past. They’re already talking when he stumbles in, rocket launcher on his back and an arm around his chest.

“Maybe not the whole rest of your team, ma'am."

"Reegar! You made it!" Seeing Tali alive and well is like a balm to him. Something went right.

"Your old Captain is as good as you said. Damn colossus never stood a chance." Not with a nuke gun. He’s still not over it.

Tali looks over at Shepard. "She is." She turns back to him. "I'm going to be joining up with Shepard, Kal."

"As long as that's your choice."

“It is.”

“We have Quarian specific medical aid for you, Kal’Reegar, if-” Shepard starts.

“Our ship-”

“Don’t tell me you expect me let you go home alone while like this.”

“Well, now that just hurts my feelings.” Tali’s head rolls with her eyes.

“Your ship probably already has geth crawling all over it,” Shepard adds. “We can offer you a ride home and medical aid.”

“Kal,” Tali’s pointed stare leaves no room for disagreements.

“Alright, I’m not up for arguing.”

“Good, I’d win anyway.”

Kal smiles and then Shepard steps forward toward him. “C’mon, let’s get to the shuttle.” 

He stops short when he gets a good view of the shuttle. The Cerberus logo stands proud and tall on the sides.

“Kal…” Tali starts.

“Cerberus?” Tali’s old Captain, Savior of the Citadel and repeller of geth armies, works for Cerberus? Faked her death for Cerberus? Tali’s joining Cerberus?

“It’s complicated, Kal.”

“I don’t see how it is.”

“We need to get off the planet, Shepard,” Garrus says.

Tali and he remained locked in their stare down. He almost wants to say that he’d rather take his chances with the geth and his ship, though he knows that’s a death sentence. But Cerberus? 

“Reegar, while I don’t know what exactly happened between the Quarians and Cerberus, you will be under my protection until we can get you to where you want to go.”

“And I’m supposed to take you for your word?”

“No, take my word for it,” Tali responds. He looks away from Shepard and back to her. “Trust me, Kal. You know I wouldn’t be joining Shepard without a good reason. Now, we can argue as much as you want, but let me get you some medical treatment. Please.”

His vision is starting to swim and it’s getting harder to stand. His headache is getting so much worse.

“Alright.”

Tali’s sending her own antibiotics through his suit once they get into the shuttle, and it really only helps with the nausea. He practically falls into his seat with Tali right next to him. The others sit across from them. 

“So, what could possibly be happening to have Cerberus snatch you up?”

“I’m joining Shepard, not Cerberus.” Tali’s voice is sharp, and he wishes he pushed for more information when he asked about her pilgrimage.

“Have you heard of the Collectors?” Shepard asks.

“That space tale?”

“Not a tale.” Shepard leans forward to brace her elbows on her knees. “They’re real and they’re abducting human colonies. I’ve seen it with my own eyes.”

“It’s what happened to Veetor,” Tali quietly states, eyes skimming her Omni-tool.

“Shit.”

“Cerberus is offering me resources to stop them. The Alliance isn’t doing anything, and the Council sure as shit isn’t either. I can’t sit by and let innocent people get abducted for whatever the Reapers have in store for them.”

“The Reapers?” He questions.

“We found proof that they’re definitely working together.”

“That’s not good,” Tali responds, leaning forward. “Do you know why the Reapers want humans? And only humans? They want all advanced civilizations, are they doing it one by one because we stopped the signal?”

Shepard shakes her head. “Don’t know why they’re only picking up humans yet.”

“Whatever it is, it can’t be good,” Garrus states. “We’ve encountered new reaper enemies.”

“Keelah,” Tali whispers, ducking her head and shaking it.

“That praetorian is a piece of shit,” Zaeed comments.

“Oh my god,” Shepard groans, sitting up and banging their head on the shuttle wall. Kal winces, that did not seem light. “Don’t get me fucking started on that fuckhead. It’s worse than a goddamn hopper.”

“Really?” Tali asks.

“It floats and shoots lasers out of it eyes and follows me around.”

“You wanna know what else follows her around?”

“Garrus.”

“She’s got a Reaper admirer.”

“What,” is Tali’s deadpan response.

Shepard smacks his shoulder. “There’s a Reaper that possesses the Collector’s bodies and basically only targets me when he arrives.”

What the fuck. Kal looks at Tali and she even seems stumped. She’s supposed to know what Shepard’s talking about.

“Harbinger,” Garrus nods.

“For some reason, he’s obsessed with me.”

“I thought we were ‘rudimentary creatures of blood and flesh’. And that we’re an ‘accident’,” Tali asks.

“That’s what I thought too, but they seemed to think I’m a big enough threat to get personal with me and yet they still say that humans are lesser than them. I don’t get it.”

“Do we truly understand the Reapers? I mean, they are ‘above our understanding’,” Garrus mocks. 

Tali snorts. Shepard’s head thunks back against the shuttle. To his relief, Zaeed looks just as confused as he feels. So, it’s not just delirium.

“Harvesting advanced civilization every fifty thousand years seems pretty understandable to me,” Tali responds.

Shepard takes off the visor across her face and rubs at her eyes. “But we don’t even know why.” She sighs. “They are some questions that we don’t have answered yet. Hopefully, while stopping the Collectors, we get some.”

“I’m with you, Shepard.”

Shepard smiles at Tali, and it makes her seem less tired now, less heavy. It’s close to the smile she had when she used the Cain. It’s a very nice smile.

“Thank you, Tali. It’s good to be back with you again.”

“Of course, it is. I’m a treat.” Shepard laughs. Tali then turns to Garrus. “Also- what the fuck happened to your face?”

Shepard’s laugh turns into a cackle.

“He ate a rocket,” Zaeed comments.

“Iron deficiency, you know how it is.” Kal snorts, and oh he should not have done that. A pulse of pain shoots through his skull.

“Prepare for docking,” the pilots voice sounds over the comm.

“I’ll tell you another time.”

“You better.” Tali leans back in her seat. “And it better include why you went radio silent, bosh’tet.”

“Wait, wait.” Kal sits up from his slouch. “You died.” He points a finger at Shepard. “Right?”

Shepard winces, rubbing the back of her neck. “I did.”

“But you’re here now.”

“She didn’t fake her death.” Garrus is looking at him now, gaze and voice hard. That’s something.

“Cerberus did more than just give me resources to fight the Collectors.”

Kal blinks. Surely this is his fever talking. Because she is not saying she actually came back from the dead. But his eyes stray to the glowing cracks in her face. 

The shuttle jerks and he sways, Tali’s hand coming to his shoulder. His stomach lurches. “We need to get you to the med bay.”

“I already messaged Chakwas.”

“Chakwas?” Tali helps him stand. “I didn’t know she was here.” They make their way to the shuttle door.

“Same with Joker.” It takes him a second to determine where exactly the floor of the shuttle bay is before he steps down.

“Joker?”

“Hello, hello my fine Quarian friend,” a voice over the comms says.

“Joker! It’s good to hear you.”

Shepard is suddenly at his side and slinging an arm over her shoulder. Their armor pieces clink together, and her grip is strong around his waist. It makes him even hotter.

“And you as well. It’s a good thing we came to pick you up ’cause you missed our check in.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Check in?” He mumbles.

“Gossip nights,” Shepard supplies.

“They’re not gossip nights,” Tali denies.

“Don’t pretend.” Zaeed and Garrus pile into the elevator with them.

“Just how much have you not told me about your pilgrimage?”

Tali looks at him and he knows she’s smiling. “I’ve barely even started.”

He doesn’t have time to comprehend that before he passes out.

Chapter Text

When Kal wakes up, it’s to the familiar look of a clean room. But- the tile in the ceiling isn't right, and the metal is wrong. The lighting is too bright, and the bed too soft. So, he's not on the Flotilla.

Haestrom. Tali. Shepard.

Cerberus.

Right.

He takes in account his body. He's feeling much better, his side not burning anymore, only a dull ache, and he’s less hot. He's got a fuck awful taste in his mouth, but he isn’t nauseous anymore. Must have gotten the good stuff. He turns his head and past the plastic wall, he sees a human at a desk typing at a terminal. They seem female, with silver hair.

Its then, that she looks up and spots him. She stands, slipping on her scrubs and then entering the room. "Kal'Reegar, it’s good to see you awake."

"Good to be awake."

"I'm Doctor Chakwas, the primary doctor on the Normandy."

"Nice to meet you. What's the verdict, doc?"

"Well, you're going to live, and make a full recovery it seems." She hefts the datapad in her hand. "The hit you took wasn't bad physically, it was just the fever that knocked you out. And the adrenaline crash. Both Tali and Shepard were glad to hear it."

She looks down at her datapad again. "I'm going to keep you here to run some tests, after that you should be good to go. Tali has been wanting constant updates." He huffs, not surprising.

"How long was I out?"

"Three hours, seems like you needed some sleep." He definitely did. "Tali can visit you after we run the tests." Chakwas goes over to the cart in the corner, setting down the datapad.

"Fantastic." Chakwas laughs at his dry tone.

After the tests and food, Tali appears.

"Chakwas says you can be released soon, as long as you take it easy."

"That's what she said yes." Tali takes a seat on the stool next to his bed. Now that he's had time to think and go over everything that's transpired, he's got a lot more questions. "Listen, the ending of the mission gets a little fuzzy for me, but did Shepard admit to coming back from the dead?"

Tali laugh's is more a sigh. "I've asked her about that too but- she died. And she wouldn't fake her death for Cerberus, she hates them." Kal raises a hand to gesture around them. "I know. But they brought her back and said they needed her help. The Alliance and the Council aren't doing anything about this and when she asked, she got stonewalled."

Tali shakes her head, "So much for being the Alliance's hero. I saw the reports too, I’ll show them to you. But the Reapers and the Collectors are working together. I'm not leaving Shepard to fight them alone, and certainly not with Cerberus at her side." Tali has a bite to her words, the ferocity that she doesn't really let show all that often. It’s something that he admires in her, the loyalty that stems from it.

"The Reapers aren't going to stop with humans, or the council races. They're going to come for us too."

"How can you say no?”

"Exactly."

They fall into silence, and he thinks. He thinks about what she just said, what he heard on the shuttle, the news and reports, the stories Tali has already told. His job is to protect the fleet. Foreign and domestic, he's a marine.

So is Shepard.

"Tali."

"Yes?"

"Tell me everything about the Reapers." 

He sees Shepard again late in the ship cycle. The ship’s… AI (and hell, is that something. It’s almost enough to dissuade him, but he’s already trying to join Cerberus so what’s another slight against his people?), guided him to where she was: the starboard observation lounge. She turns her head as soon as the door hisses open, and then stands.

“Reegar,” she greets. She's in tactical pants with a white t-shirt tucked into them.

“Captain.” He walks forward and the door closes. 

“You can just call me Shepard.”

“Of course, ma’am.”

“How are you feeling? I apologize, I didn’t get the chance to check on you before you were released.”

“Don’t worry about it, ma’am, Captain duties. I know the drill.”

“Something like that, yeah.” Kal takes a seat on the left couch and Shepard takes up her previous seat on the right one, next to from him.

“I am fine, though. Fever’s down and no more nausea.” He’s still fighting a headache, but it’s not a migraine so he’ll take it.

“Glad to hear it.” Shepard swivels so her feet are in the aisle, directly looking at him. This close he can see the orange scarring again, the dots that spread across her face. “I know being on a Cerberus ship isn’t exactly… comfortable, but I’m willing to drop you off wherever you want to go.”

That snaps him out of his stare. “I actually wanted to talk to you about that.” He too turns towards her. Their feet nudge each other.

One of Shepard’s eyebrows cocks up and she asks, “Oh?”

“Tali fully explained what happened during her pilgrimage, gave me some reports to read over. Lent some light on the conversation in the shuttle.”

He might just be a little bit terrified. Sentient machines emerging from dark space set out to destroy civilization. It’s nightmare fuel. Especially with what the Reapers do to people. All their technology… he’s still trying to fully wrap his head around it.

“So, you understand why I’m working with Cerberus.”

“Yes. I also wanted to ask if I could help.”

Shepard rears back a little, sitting up from her slight slouch. “I- pardon?”

He almost laughs. “I want to help you fight the Collectors.”

“You do know this is a suicide mission, right?”

“So is going into geth territory. Tali and Garrus explained what this was about, what you guys were doing. And I’m of the same mind as Tali, the Reapers and the Collectors are a threat, to the galaxy and the Fleet. I signed up to protect Quarian lives. We’re not getting anywhere by throwing ourselves at the geth.”

His entire squad is dead now, for some damn data. He takes a deep breath to shove away those feelings. Later. “I can make a difference here.” He tilts his head. “That is if you’ll have me.”

He’ll understand if she says no to him, you can’t just join a crew. He doesn’t even have anything to offer besides himself right now and she wanted Tali, not him. Maybe he shouldn’t be making rash decisions after losing his squad and almost dying, but this feels right; this feels like he can actually do what he signed up for.

He saw what Shepard did on Haestrom, he knows what she did two years ago. She’s got Tali’s loyalty practically locked in and that means something to him.

Shepard smiles. “Kal’Reegar, I would greatly appreciate it if you did join my crew.”

Shepard extends a hand, and he shakes it.

“Welcome to the crew.”

“Glad to be here.”

He’s got no idea what he’s going to tell his mom.

Chapter Text

Chambers leads him to the armory, the doors hissing open before them at her press. “And in the armory, we have Operative Jacob Taylor.”

Taylor turns at her voice and smiles when he sees them. “Hey,” he stretches out a hand and Kal steps forward to shake it. “Pleasure to meet you.”

“Good to meet you too.” Kal’s glad for his mask because it’s easier to fake his voice than his facial expressions.

“With Kal’Reegar’s talents it seems best to have him stationed in the armory.”

“Of course, I can take it from here Kelly.”

“Perfect! Jacob can help you get settled in and of course,” she lays a hand on his shoulder and almost Kal shakes her off. “If you need anything, don’t hesitate to come to me.” Her smile is wide and Kal nods.

“I’ll keep it in mind, thank you ma’am.”

“See you later you two!” Kelly gives a wave as she walks away. Kal gives a slight roll to his shoulder.

“Well, it sure is good to have an extra set of hands in here.”

“Armory duty that hard?”

Taylor gives him a smile like they’re sharing a secret instead of Kal not using his filter. “We have a lot of ground crew and we’re still picking up new people.” Taylor steps around the worktable in the middle of the room. “And Shepard keeps collecting not only heavy weapons, but a bunch of different types of upgrades. I hope you’re up to date on your experimental technology.”

Kal’s really not. He’s up to date on the Fleet’s developments, but not fully on the galactic front. He won’t pass up a good read, though. “I’m willing to learn.”

Taylor points at him and Kal follows him to the lockers. “That’s what I like to hear.”

The morning consists of Taylor showing him around, detailing his schedule and routine, and explaining more on how the Normandy is run. It feels nice to do something finally instead of just stuck resting. Moving and doing things is how he works, keeping still lets his mind wander and right now that’s the last thing he needs. He'd much rather his brain be filled with new science than the whispers of his dead squad mates.

Maintenance for their basic weapons and armor he already has, it’s the experimental weapons and upgrades that leave him confused. He reads until lunch, eagerly consuming all the new information. Learning how the Cain works is the highlight of his day, so far.

But lunch comes around eventually, and he gladly sets his datapads down for food. The screens are starting to make his headache worse. Food though, is the basic packs that the galaxy serves quarians. At least they have different flavors.

Kal sits down across from Taylor and finally opens his omni-tool. He checks his friend’s message’s first because he’s a coward like that.

Kann: What do you mean you’re joining Commander Shepard on a mission!?

Zaar: When was Shepard in play!?

Zaar: How is Shepard on Haestrom??

Cila: Maybe the geth hacked his tool

Kal snorts at that and eats more of the paste.

Kann: The geth did not hack his tool.

Zaar: What mission even is this? You abandoning us?

Cila: Isn’t Shepard dead?

Zaar: YEAH

Kann: I swear Kal, if this is some sort of fever induced prank because the geth shot you, *I’m* gonna shoot you.

There’s a lull in the messages going by the time stamps and it picks up a couple hours later.

Zaar: KAL ANSWER YOUR FUCKING TOOL BOSHTET

Cila: So everyone dies and you join Shepard?? Who’s not dead??

Kann: And Tali’Zorah! What the fuck is going on Kal?

So, they must have seen his and Tali’s reports. They worked on them while he was still in the med-bay to help pass the time. He’s reminded that he needs to see Chakwas after he’s done eating.

The three of them devolve into speculation and shouting at him while calling him names.

Kal: What’s going on is what I said in the reports. Tali and I are helping Commander Shepard with a mission.

He gets a ping a minute later. He sets down his packet.

Zaar: BULLSHIT

Zaar: Don’t act like we can’t see through the heavily edited reports. What. Happened.

Kal: The Collectors are kidnapping human colonies and Shepard’s stopping it.

Kann: Where do you come in? 

Kal: The Collectors work for the Reapers. The Reapers aren’t going to stop at humans so I’m helping.

Cila: And the Reapers are??

Zaar: Aren’t they what Shepard was talking about back during the Saren and geth business?

Kal: The Reapers had control of Saren and the geth and used them to try to get control of the citadel so they can start wiping out organics.

Kann: I thought the reapers got disproved?

Zaar: Oh come on you don’t actually believe that do you

Kal: They’re very real

Cila: Tali’Zorah proved it with the memory banks remember?

Kann: Right.

Kann: Still, Kal, your squad dies and now all of a sudden, you’re requesting leave to do a mission with a dead spectre. You can see why we’re concerned.

Kal winces. And sucks down more paste and types, I get it but it’s fine. Shepard’s not actually dead either

Kann: It’s not fine. And if they’re not dead, what have they been doing for the past two years? They died in a geth attack.

Kal cringes again. What Shepard’s been doing is… being dead. He doesn’t want to flat out say that Shepard was dead (he can’t quite wrap his head around it and his friends will take it entirely the wrong way. Though, can it be taken the wrong way if it’s perfectly natural to not believe in resurrecting people?) so he just says they were heavily injured in the attack for the past two years. ‘Shepard’s ship was attacked but by the Collectors not the geth.’ More paste. It’s actually starting to taste good now.

Cila: Who the fuck are the Collectors?

Zaar: Yeah aren’t they like some stupid spacer tale or smth?

Kal sighs as he continues to explain the Collectors and how they’re linked to the Reapers. He also explains what they’re planning on doing for the mission. He’s not sure if he should mention Cerberus to them. They might actually hunt him down if he does. He eats more.

Zaar: Okay hold on

Zaar: This is a suicide mission!!

Zaar: KAL

Kal: I went into geth territory and you didn’t react like this

Zaar: That is different!

Kal: Mmm

Zaar: Even with the reapers and collectors what the fuck kal? You just immediately sign on?

Kal: yeah

Cila: Your report said you got shot.

Kal: And it also said that I have minor infection. I’m already feeling better. And the physical wound is minor.

Kann: I don’t really think you’re in the right head space to be making these decisions.

Kal: We’re talking about the whole galaxy here. What does it say about me if I don’t even consider helping save innocent lives? Human or otherwise?

Zaar: You don’t need to prove yourself Kal

Kal: That’s not what this is

Cila: Then what is it?

Kal: I just said!

Zaar: Kal you can be honest with us. Lie to the board and your mom all you want. Just not us. Please.

Kal wants to drop his head on the table, but Cerberus personnel are all around him. Taylor is also starting to give him looks with every sigh he heaves.

He can hear Zara’s pleading voice in his head, and he said please. Damn him.

Kal: I’m prefacing this with saying that I know what I’m doing. Cerberus is funding this hunt for the Collectors and I don’t really want to leave Tali alone to deal with this. Tali’s told me everything she knows about the Reapers and honestly it’s terrifying. They need to be stopped. Whatever they’re doing with these colonists it can’t be good and it’s nothing short of brutalizing. So yes I offered to join along with Tali to help Shepard stop the Collectors

The chat remains silent for a few agonizing moments before all hell breaks loose. There are multiple swears and shouts, just repeated messages of ‘CERBERUS’ with varying punctuation, and insults to Kal’s ancestors.

Kal: Guys cmon

Zaar: SHUT UP

Kann: I’m gonna shoot you with a bazooka BOSHTET!

Cila: Kal I knew you were protective and self-sacrificing but I didn’t know it was this bad. I would have made you go to therapy if I did.

Kal: CILA

Kal: I do not need therapy!

He considers that message. Before Haestrom he didn’t think he did. Now though…

Cila: Don’t act like you wouldn’t have to go through a psych eval after Haestrom. Ancestors Kal

Cila: You’re a Fucking idiot

Kal: That has been established

Zaar: Does your mother know?

Kal: If she knew I would be back on the fleet by now. She is not to know I’m working with Cerberus. Don’t make me regret this.

Zaar: You need to talk to her

Kal: I will

Zaar: Now. She’s worrying you ass. Answer her.

Kal: Fine

Kal exits out of the chat and pulls up his mother’s contact.

Shaera: I thought Commander Shepard was dead, Kal. What mission could you possibly do with her? And this is very sudden. I can get you the leave, I just need more than this.

Shaera: Kal, I just read your and Tali’Zorah’s reports. Answer me.

Kal bites his cheek. His food is gone so he can’t even stall with that right now. His fingers hover over his ‘tool.

Kal: I know this is sudden, mom. But Tali and I both agree that Shepard needs our support in her mission. We’re taking down a galactic threat. I’m not slated for any missions after Haestrom so I’m not balking at my duty.

Taylor stands then and Kal looks up at him. “You done, Reegar?” He asks. Kal nods and stands too, grabbing the empty packet.

They get rid of their respective meals.

“Everything okay?” He asks.

“Just talking to my friends and my mom; trying to soothe their worries about this.”

“You tell your mom about Cerberus?”

“You tell yours?”

Taylor remains silent and Kal takes that as his answer. He goes to the med-bay and Taylor the elevator. He gives one last sigh and rolls his shoulders before pressing the button for the door. His head pounds.

His mother’s response comes to him when he’s reading about the M-622 Avalanche. He sets down the data pad and opens his ‘tool. He’s only supposed to be doing light duty, so he doesn’t worry that he’s answering it now.

Shaera: I’m not saying you’re abandoning your post but a galactic threat? What is this threat you speak of? You were shot too Kal, how are you feeling? Haestrom was a rough mission, you understand why I’m concerned, yes?

Kal: Have you heard about the human colonies going dark? The colonists being kidnapped? Shepard’s hunting the people who are doing it, the Collectors

Shaera: They’re real? I’ve only ever heard of them being a myth.

Kal: Yes.

Shaera: How are you feeling?

Kal: Like I said in the report. Minor infection and physical wound. I’m healing nicely.

Shaera: I don’t want to know how you’re doing from a report, Kal. Your whole team is killed in action and then I learn you’re requesting leave to go on a mission against something I haven’t even heard of.

Kal: I understand you’re concerned. You just don’t have to be.

Shaera: This is such a radical decision after a traumatic event. Have you thought this through at all?

Kal: No mom I’m completely just winging it and putting not only my life at risk but my career

Kal: Of course I’ve thought this through

Shaera: Completely?

Kal snorts. He didn’t think it through completely, but his gut is telling him this is right. And she’s always told him to follow his gut. It’s why he’s still alive.

Kal: Yes.

He picks up his data pad again. He gets through another page of the manual before his mom responds.

Shaera: You didn’t even talk to me before doing this.

Kal: Well I am an adult

Shaera: An adult who regularly talks to me. I know you’re not telling me everything. Neither is Tali’Zorah. I don’t like this.

Kal: I’m not expecting you to. I’m just asking you to trust me.

Shaera: I do trust you, Kal. That’s why I’m getting you the leave. I’m just worried.

Kal: I know. Thank you

Shaera: Thank me by not dying. Or making any other stupid decisions.

Kal: Will do.

Shaera: I love you.

Kal: Love you too.

A weight lifts from his chest as he disengages his omni-tool. Getting the leave and his mother’s acceptance is a blessing and will make this much easier.

He goes back to reading.

Chapter Text

A beeping sounds from Taylor’s work table and after he shuts it off he hears him groan. Along with several pops.

“Alright, Reegar, it’s dinner time.”

“I’ll actually just grab a packet later, I’m still in the middle of this,” Kal responds, not looking up from the manual.

“I know you’re new here, but we do things a little differently here.” Kal looks at him at that, swiveling in his stool.

“Oh?”

“The Commander has all the ground crew eat dinner together. Every day.” Taylor doesn’t look entirely thrilled about it.

“Why?”

“Team bonding? It’s a show if nothing else.” Well that’s ominous. “She says that we need to be able to trust each other on the field.”

“So dinner?” Kal still stands and they make their way out of the armory.

“I’m quoting Shepard here that, if we can’t handle a meal together how is she supposed to trust we can handle a fire fight.”

“A meal and a fire fight are two different things.”

“See, Vakarian said that, and she said to handle it. So.”

Kal shrugs and steps into the elevator. “Have fun you guys!” Kelly calls over her shoulder and Taylor gives her a wave. Kal presses the button and the door shuts.

“Team dinners every day for bonding time. At least it’s not meet the parents.”

“There is that. So awkward.”

Kal hates that he wants to smile at that. They continue the short ride in silence.

Joker, Zaeed, and Lawson are already sitting at the table when they emerge. Taylor goes to Rupert and Kal simply goes to where the packets are. Tali appears next bringing Jack, Grunt, and Shepard with her.

Kal sits down in the middle of the table, Joker at one end and Lawson at the other. Taylor takes the seat between him and Miranda and Tali quickly sits down next to Joker.

“So where we heading next, Shepard?” Kal turns his head at Jack’s question. They’re both getting their trays of food. Past them, Garrus is walking down the gangway from the battery.

“Illium. We got an assassin and an asari Justicar to pick up.”

“That sounds exciting,” Garrus states. Shepard shrugs at him.

“Who’re you takin?” Zaeed asks as Shepard and Jack head to the table. Jack takes the end seat on the other side and Shepard comes to sit next to him and Tali.

“Decide when we learn more. But I’ll probably be taking you Kasumi.” Shepard looks at Zaeed and he’s confused for a split second before Kasumi suddenly appears next to the mercenary.

“I don’t like this habit of yours.”

Zaeed jumps, brandishes his fork. “Oi! Fuck off! You’re gonna get stabbed one day.”

Kasumi just stares at him, giving him a smile that’s more grimace. “I’m sure I’ll manage,” voice sickly sweet. She winks out. Grunt sits down next to Zaeed with Garrus take the seat between him and Jack.  

“So, you weren’t lying when said there were ghosts on the Normandy,” Tali says to Joker.

“I don’t know why you think I lie to you guys!”

“You told me unicorns were real,” Garrus deadpans.

“And you tried to convince me that the asari’s head tentacles move,” Tali adds.

“Okay, okay! I get it. But I don’t lie about ghosts,” he points at them. Kal snorts.

“No, you just lie about mythical creatures,” Garrus responds.

“Dinosaurs aren’t mythical,” Grunt suddenly speaks.

Shepard takes this one. “No, Grunt.”

He nods looking back down to food. “The extranet lies sometimes.”

Kal hears Joker mutter, “what the hell?” Kal wants to ask but figures it’s better not to.

“Anyways,” she turns back to the table at large. “You can treat us docking at Illium like leave. Though I will be having a secondary team on standby when we start the missions. Other than those people, you’re free to do as you wish. As long as it’s within the law. Am I clear?”

“I wasn’t arrested,” Jack points her fork at her.

“Yet,” Miranda states. Kal makes a face and he hears shuffling under the table. Jack is instantly glaring and Shepard cracks her knuckle.

So, this is what Jacob meant by a show. He sucks down more paste.

“So what’s this about Liara being on Illium?” Garrus cuts in.

“You tell me,” Shepard asks.

“She went radio silent just like you.”

Garrus looks at Tali. “You’re not letting that go any time soon, are you?”

“You’re lucky I didn’t shoot you with my shotgun.”

“I would pay to see that,” Zaeed pipes up and Jack nods. Kal smiles, violence brings these people together. Good to know.

“She hasn’t contacted you?” Garrus asks, looking at Shepard. 

“Nope,” Shepard answers around her food.

“Weird.”

“Like I said, radio silence.”

“Who’s Liara?” Kal asks.

“An asari who helped me stop Saren,” she responds, scooping more food onto her fork. “She’s now, apparently, an information broker and not an archeologist.”

“Identity crisis?” Jack offers.

Shepard snorts around her fork. “Maybe.”

“Yeah, you really rocked her world.”

“Garrus!” Joker cackles at Shepard’s shout. “How many times do I have tell you, nothing happened!”

“Oh I believe you, this is just funny.” He gestures at her.

Shepard leans her elbow on the table and points at him. “Don’t make me fuck up the other side of your face.”

Garrus cocks his head, innocent like. “But that one’s already injured?” That gets most of everyone laughing now. Kal shakes his head with a smile. 

“Are most of your dinners like this?” Kal leans in to Shepard, voice low.

“Some what. There’s a lot more threats usually,” she whispers back. “And attempted stabbings. They’re on their best behavior for some reason.”

“Oh!” Joker suddenly exclaims and Shepard jumps, leaning away from where they had ducked their heads together. He didn’t realize they got that close. “Shepard got a pet!”

“What!?” Tali shouts. “After all this time you got a pet and you didn’t tell me!?”

Shepard throws her hands up. “What?”

“So many attempts to get a pet and you got one when I wasn’t even here!?”

“So many attempts- you wanted me to bring a pyjack on board!” Kal almost bursts out laughing. Where the hell did they see a pyjack?

“They’re cute!” Garrus coos.

“And the fucking space beetles. What was with that!?”

“Those were interesting!” Tali responds. 

Shepard points at Garrus. “And just because you lost a hundred credits to a space cow, somehow, doesn’t mean I have to bring it on board!” Joker and Tai are laughing again and Kal watches as everyone looks at Garrus.

Jack full on swings her head at him. “What?”

“I don’t know how that cow did it, but it stole my credits.”

“Cows don’t steal credits, man,” Jacobs states.

“What the fuck?” Jack asks, but there’s a smile spreading across her face like this is the best thing. “You lost credits to a fucking space cow? Even I wasn’t that dumb.”

“I still don’t believe you lost it to a cow,” Shepard states.

“It was shifty looking.”

“Then why did you go near the cow?” Jacob asks.

“I didn’t- I wasn’t expecting to get robbed by a cow!” Kal laughs then, and Shepard joins him a second later, finally laughing. Kal watches her from the corner of his eye.

“Am I honestly hearing right?” Kasumi speaks from behind him and Taylor jumps with him. “My competition is a cow? What has the galaxy come to?”

“Well given that it’s stuck on Ontarom, no; you’re competition is not a cow.” Kal looks back at Garrus. His mandibles are all flared out now.

“Good. I was going to be seriously concerned.” She disappears.

“Eat something!” Shepard calls out after her.

“Shifty looking space cows, running geth colossus’ over in tanks, a nuke gun. What have I signed up for again?”

“A lot fun,” Kasumi appears right next to his head, voice a purr, and he rears back away from her. She’s got a hand on his back and a smirk on her face. 

“Kasumi,” Shepard scolds.

“Right, right, he’s all yours.” She disappears once again before he can ask what that means.

Shepard splutters only a bit. “Kasumi!” Her responding laughter sounds further away.

Kal turns to Shepard. “She is going to get stabbed one day.”

“And it’s going to be her fault.” Shepard looks away from him. Her face looks a little more red than he thinks it was, but he just goes back to eating. “Wait, where the fuck is Mordin?”

Chapter Text

Kal disengages his omni-tool, last condolence letter sent. He feels like a coward doing it like this. He should be there, at the very least on the Fleet, with the families of his squad mates. Instead, he’s on a Cerberus ship on another suicide mission. He ran away, no matter how righteously he justified it.

He’s a coward.

Kal’s breath leaves him in a burst, him leaning his elbows on his knees and burying his head in his hands. He made it this far without breaking down. He can continue on. He’s got to.

His eyes burn and he hates himself. His entire squad is dead because of him. He should have been better.

The mission was a success though. Tali is still alive. The data is sent. That damn data. He had a bad feeling about the mission from the start and now here he is, dead squad mates and a terrorist ship. He can’t even give them a proper burial. Can’t even give the families closure with their bodies.

This was him team, his orders, his mistakes. Everyone else is dead and here he stands with Tali alone. His damn fault and his responsibility. He was supposed to lead the mission and succeed yes, but he was also supposed to bring them back home.

And he failed.

A sob escapes him as his tears finally escape and he raises his head. The tears roll down his cheeks instead of falling to his mask.

Fosin was going to get married when they got back. He was so excited.

Asrin was working on a quilt for their dad.

He sniffs, trying not to let the snot that’s building up run. He knows he couldn’t do anything else except have precognitive abilities. He did everything he could, everything that he should have but it just… wasn’t enough.

His hands curl. His head is pounding.

There’s a bitterness in him that’s building, and he doesn’t like this. Doesn’t like how his squad mates practically consume his thoughts when he’s sufficiently distracted, how he’s constantly thinking about what happened and how and why. He doesn’t like how the mission ended, didn’t like it in the first place, didn’t want this to happen-

He sobs again and he bites down on his lip. He can’t let anyone know that he’s crying, especially not the Cerberus crew and that just makes him think the damn AI is listening in. There’s no privacy on the Fleet but it’s sure all hell better than an AI listening in.

Did he make the wrong choice? Is he irrationally making choices like his family thinks he is?

He is. He definitely is and it won’t do him any good to not recognize it. He’s here now, he has to live with this decision like he has to live with Haestrom. He’s committed, he made a promise to himself, to Shepard, and a silent one to Tali.

His squad flashes through his head. He was committed to them too. He gives a harsh shake of his head, and more tears fall.

Kal has to get himself under control.

He’s a marine. He’s lost people before and he continued on. He continued on for them. He’ll continue on for Fosin, and Asrin, Rulo, Jeetor, Meera, and everyone else. He’ll help Shepard save colonists and the galaxy by stopping the Collectors.

Kal stares out at the stars, face settling as a numbness takes over him. Tears rolls down his cheeks. He’ll do it on a Cerberus ship with a dead spectre. This is not a retreat; this is an advance.

He sags back against the couch in an undignified slouch. He's tired, bones and spirit feeling like dead weight with his head feeling like there's a knife in it.

There's nothing he can do except wait for his tears to dry against his face. The stars float by.

 Being alive is exhausting.

Chapter Text

Dantius is one of the exact reasons he hates Illium. People with too much power and too much money that they can use to throw people's lives away. These innocent civilians slaughtered all because they were working. The familiar burn of fury and bitterness fills him, and he thought he was past this. But salarian blood coats the floor and it just reminds him of Zihal. It reminds him of his own hands coated in the dark green liquid.

"You good?" Shepard asks and he lifts his head from where he was staring at the pool of blood.

"Let's just say I know what these workers are feeling." All too fucking well. He slides a new clip into his rifle. "If this assassin doesn't kill Dantius I just might." He meets Shepard's eyes and maybe that was too much. He never seems to have a filter when he's angry. He won't put his anger before the mission, of course not, but Shepard doesn't know him and damn, he just fucked this entire thing up, didn't he? Shepard won't trust him during this. Shepard blinks. With the visor in the way it’s almost hard to decipher her expression, but she's considering him, he knows. She doesn’t seem tenser than the situation requires for, so he takes that as a win.

She's silent and eventually she turns to head further into the building, but he swears he sees an uptick at the corner of her mouth.

In the next room there's more mercs and the damn dogs. He takes pleasure in exploding them. It’s like he's back to when he was twenty, stumbling around the galaxy and finding trouble. Illium is a trouble that he couldn't shake- still can't, apparently, because this mission and the factory are all too similar; mercs and mechs and a fury that fuels him. Though, now he has two highly trained soldiers by his side instead of terrified slaves.

He's been here before, inside gleaming walls and harsh work, with a boss who sees them as pawns instead people.

He nails a merc right between the eyes.

They continue on, making their way through the tower and the troops.

There's the quiet murmuring of two troopers and for a second he thinks they're right behind the corner but- a body falls from the ceiling. They all stare at it for a second before lifting their heads to the vent above them. Nothing else falls with no sound either.

"Looks like he's busy," Kasumi comments.

"C'mon." Shepard walks forward and Kal steps over the trooper's head to follow.

"On your six."

Finding the next group of Salarians is hard. Detailing their work environment, the attack, Dantius, the assassin. Ancestors, this place hasn’t changed at all. It’s almost too much - almost - but he’s not gonna fail his first mission with Shepard. That’ll be embarrassing and he’d rather fling himself out of the damn window.

More mercs, mechs and then an elevator with a krogan. Good chance as any to use his ballistic blades. Shepard gets his barriers down enough and Kal fires them off, hitting the krogan and one of the mercs near him. When they first hit, the krogan only takes a step, that is until they explode, and he goes stumbling along with the merc. The merc screams, the krogan roars, and Shepard hits him with another warp. Kasumi pops up behind the merc to stab them in the back of the neck.

The other mercs are quickly disposed of when the krogan finally falls and they stand from cover to walk to the elevator.

“Your blades explode?” There’s that same grin on her face from when she used the Cain, and he can’t help that his eyes fall to it.

“You can never go wrong with explosions, ma’am.”

Shepard wags a finger at him. “You know, I’m starting to like you, Reegar.” She presses the button for the elevator and the doors slide open.

“I aim to please, ma’am.”

Shepard slides him a look, that damn smile still on her face as they turn to face the doors. Kasumi presses the button.

There’s a merc at the end of the hallway they enter, pacing back and forth with a hand at their ear. They haven’t noticed them. Shepard raises a hand to still them from outright shooting. They quietly walk forward.

“We don’t need any reinforcements.” Kal can feel a smirk tugging at his mouth. “I’ll take care of it. It’s under control.” They stop in front of the window. “I’ll go down there myself.” Poor fucker has zero situational awareness.

Kasumi raises her pistol to the merc’s head and Kal readies his blades. Overkill yes but threatening. “Turn around very slowly,” Shepard orders.

The merc half turns and Kal would pay to see their face. “Damn it.” Kal holds in his snort.

“Tell me where the assassin is, and I might let you live.” Shepard walks closer to the merc. Her footfalls are heavy and her voice low.

The merc takes several steps back as they speak, “If I knew that, I wouldn’t be wasting my time talking to you. You’re not one of Nassana’s mercs. Who are you?”

Shepard continues to invade their space, slow confidence as she walks. “You’ve got two ways down-” the merc walks backwards as Shepard waves a hand towards the window. They then look over their shoulder at it, “express or coach — your choice.”

“Look pal, even if I knew where he was, I wouldn’t tell you.” Kal has to give them credit, he can barely hear the waver in their voice.

She gets in their face. “Not the answer I was lookin’ for.”

The merc crosses their arms. “I’ve got nothing more to say to you-” Shepard shoves him out the window. Glass shatters and they fall with a scream.

Shepard takes a single step closer to peer down the ledge to watch them fall. “How ‘bout goodbye?” She drawls.

He should not find that hot. Bad Kal.

Shepard turns away and they go back to doing what they do best: killing people. And mechs too. Though, Shepard finds a storage disk on the floor that’s worth keeping.

The gun wielding Salarian looks so much like Zihal he almost freezes. “Get back! Get back… I’ll shoot!”

“Hey, relax, we’re not the bad guys here,” Kal says.

“I don’t want to hurt you… but I will. I said get back! I’ll do it! Please… don’t make me do it.” Kal’s heart twists at the pain in their voice. Zihal didn’t want to do it either. None of them did.

“Hey, like he said, we’re not the bad guys here,” Shepard raises a hand, voice soft. “What’s your name?”

“I… I’m Telon. Don’t… come any closer.”

“Telon, I’m Commander Shepard. I don’t work with the mercs, and I don’t want to hurt you. I’m here to help.”

“I… alright. Here.” They hand the gun over, but their hand goes to their head. “I… don’t feel so…” They collapse to the floor and one of the salarians runs over to him. They raise their guns at them. 

“Telon! He’s my brother,” they say, kneeling down next to him. Their eyes are wide as they look up at them. “I just want to see if he’s alright. Are you the ones who… shot the merc?”

They look over to the body in the room. Shepard holsters her pistol leading to him and Kasumi standing down. “I’ve shot a lot of mercs today, but I can’t claim that one. What happened exactly?”

“The merc found us and shouted at us to move. We panicked, and he shouted more. I thought he was going to kill us… then… his head just exploded.”

“Sniper?” Kal offers.

“Telon picked up the merc’s gun, but we were too afraid to leave. Then you showed up.”

Shepard questions the group, and they don’t really learn anything new about the assassin or where he is. “There are still mercs up here. You should get to the lower levels.”

The salarian stands, hauling up their brother. “No need to convince me.”

They leave and Shepard squats down near the merc and… loots them. Kasumi follows the workers out like his Captain isn’t hacking a dead man’s PDA. Kal stares. She’s done is less than half a minute. The PDA clatters to the floor when she done, and she leaves too.

Well.

He’s already dead, he supposes.

“Where is everyone?” The hunted woman calls from a terminal as they walk up to it. Shepard presses a button. “It’s about time! What’s going on down there?”

“I’m afraid your men aren’t able to respond, Nassana.”

“Damnit!” The feed cuts out.

He’s still getting used to the fact that Kasumi manages to pop in next to him to hand off the dropped thermal clips. She seems to delight in spooking him even though he’s primed to shoot her when she does.

He takes the clips though.

The bridge is up next, with more memories resurfacing in his mind. The bullets flying at him helps keep him focused on the here and now. He focuses on the turrets after the first round of mercs while the other two deal with the troopers filing in. He fires a shot. The turret’s shields now completely down on the one turret. Shepard hurtles a ball of biotics at two troopers and they both go flying off the edge.

He smirks.

Dantius shouts over the speakers as they get across the bridge. The commandos are brutal, but Shepard is quick to get their defenses down for him and Kasumi. He sets one of the troopers on fire with his ammo and Kasumi’s well-timed overload cause them to explode, making their partner stumble. Kal uses it to land a headshot.

There’s nothing left between them and Dantius now.

“Shepard? But… you’re dead!” All of their weapons are out besides Dantius and Shepard’s.

“I got better.”

Fuck.

Kal focuses. There’s only three mercs in the room, two commandos and a trooper. They wouldn’t be that hard but there’s minimal cover and he’s got no idea about Dantius’ biotic capabilities. Kasumi could probably cloak, take out the trooper quickly while Shepard gets the commando in front of her, leaving Kal with the man on the left. Dantius would probably get into cover and only fight when she realizes there’s no one’s left to fight for her.

“And now you’re here to kill me.”

“Maybe I just missed you.”

“Screw you, Shepard!” She waves a hand out as she spins to face the windows.

“Charming as ever.”

“I’m sure you find this all very ironic.” Dantius stares out the window. “First you take care of my sister, and now you’re here for me.” She turns around. “Well, you’ve made it this far. Now what?”

“I wouldn’t waste time hunting you down, Nassana.”

“What do you call this!?” She paces in front of them. “You’ve practically destroyed my towers!”

“I wasn’t looking for you.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Is it credits? Is that what you want? Just tell me your price so we can make this problem go away.”

Shepard settles on a hip, tilting her head. “Name your price.”

Kal wants to look at her, ask her if she’s fucking serious, but keeps his eyes on the men in front of him. She’s stalling - gotta be - but for what? For the assassin to emerge? Giving him time?

Dantius smirks. “Double whatever you’re getting.” 

“You really think I’m that cheap?”

“Triple!” Kal hears a dull thud in the ceiling and so do the mercs because they’re raising their guns. “What?”

“I heard something,” the asari commando answers.

“Damnit. Check the other entrances!” She points and the asari walks away. Dantius moves her finger to point at Shepard. “You… stay put.”

The assassin drops from the ceiling.

They use the other entrance to escape from the towers and whatever mercs are left. Along with the police now deciding to arrive. Kal rolls his eyes. Krios takes off on his own after Shepard sends him the Normandy’s dock.

He stares out across the horizon in the sky car Kasumi got them. It’s getting darker now, blue, and black crushing the orange and pinks of the sunset down the horizon line. The blue-toned view screen makes it seem even darker now. He should probably be glad that they’re in Nos Astra and not there. He figures he should be easier on himself because he never expected this, but Shepard wanted Tali, not him- knows Tali, not him. He doesn’t want to leave so he needs to get his fucking act together.

“Something on your mind, Reegar?” Shepard asks.

“Hmm?” He jerks his head from the window to look at Shepard. “No, ma’am.”

“You sure? I can hear the wheels turning.”

He has to think about what that means for a second. But he gets it. Maybe if he explained she wouldn’t think he’s fucking useless- “I hate Illium.”

“Oh?”

He looks away from her and back out the windshield. Sparkling towers fly by. He chews his cheek. “The red tape and contracts will strangle you just like a pair of hands.”

“You say that from experience?”

“I’ve spent time here, yeah.” Far too much time. “It’s just like Omega here, they just try to be civilized about it.”

“Sounds rough.”

“It’s the past, Captain.” He turns back to her to find her still looking at him. “It always is.”

The rocket launcher thunks against his worktable and he glares down at it.

“Mission go bad?” Taylor asks.

Kal closes his eyes. “It went rather well,” he says once he’s bitten back his instinctual response.

“Doctor Chakwas did clear you, right?”

“No, I’m disobeying her orders and lying to Shepard about being fit for duty.” Kal rolls his head to stare at Taylor. He lifts his hands and turns away. Kal almost feels bad. Cerberus, he reminds himself.

Kal sighs as he picks up the launcher to put it in the locker. Just because he doesn’t like Taylor doesn’t mean he can take his bad mood out on the man. He’s done nothing but be civil this entire time, Kal can he an adult. He’s done it before.

Zihal and Jaenu filter into his mind unwittingly and he grimaces. They’re ghosts, he needs to lay them to rest. He should comm Lineen and Zelos. See if they’re still on Illium. He’s failed at keeping in touch with them over the years. Do they even want to talk to him? Surely, they’ve moved on. If he contacts them after years, wouldn’t he just be dredging up bad memories?

Kal checks the safety of his rifle and then puts it in the locker.

These are thoughts for another time.

Chapter Text

Kal sees Shepard stomp down the stairs from an office as he heads to the bar. “Reegar!” Shepard calls. She seems surprised to see him.

“Captain,” he greets.

“What’re you doing here?”

He tilts his head at her, confused. She gave them permission to roam about. “Seeing if the bar has any good options.” His bad mood has persisted and its nighttime now on Illium. He needs a beer. Or three.

“Oh.” She looks towards the direction of the bar then to him. “Mind if I tag along?”

“No, ma’am.”

They fall into step, and Shepard’s got a nasty scowl on her face, so he doesn’t try for conversation. Bad days are just going around apparently. She seemed fine earlier, before, during and after the mission. He thinks that’s the office that her friend uses, and he wonders what happened.

Together they silently head to Eternity. He doesn’t want to talk about his problems and doubts she wants to talk about hers. Maybe instead of being alone to wallow in his sorrows, he'll get a drinking buddy. Hell, not entirely his first idea of bonding with his new Captain, but he's found alcohol has a good way of bringing people together.

They start down the stairs and there’s an asari in the little in-between room. “I’m gonna have that asshole arrested,” she grumbles.

“Is something wrong?” Shepard asks.

“Yes! I’ve got some idiot making a scene in my bar! Something about N7 and red sand and wanting to buy the place. I don’t fucking know! I’m gonna install security cameras, I swear.”

“Joy and rapture,” Shepard grumbles but she trudges up the stairs anyway. Kal’s not excited that his hope for a simple bar run is now ruined but if Shepard’s gonna start a bar fight…

They find the problem soon enough; a human man at the bar standing in armor and talking to the bartender. Loudly. He’s of average height and build, with blonde hair. “You want to see how far I’ll go? I learned how to shove guns in people’s faces from-”

“Conrad?” Shepard asks. Kal turns to look at Shepard who’s staring wide eyed at the guy and then back to Conrad.

“-Commander… Shepard?”

“Hey, if you know this idiot, can you reign him in before I slap his ass with a singularity?”

“Shepard? Is it really you? It’s me, Conrad Verner! We met on the Citadel! I wanted to become a Spectre. Oh, uh, and then you shoved a gun in my face,” he jabs a finger at Shepard and not only does she look confused but offended. “You showed me what it meant to be truly extreme. I learned that lesson well. So, you’re alive, huh? I’ve heard it goes like that in the biz.” Who the hell is this guy?

“Why don’t you sit back and watch how it’s done? I’ve got some asses to kick.”  

“First of all, Conrad.” Shepard takes a step forward and he takes several back. “I didn’t shove a gun in your face; I insulted you. Two different things, and unless you want me to actually shove a gun in your face, I’d appreciate it if you stopped spreading lies, dipshit.” He hastily nods. “Now, tell me why you’re trying to get the deed to this place.”

“This place is actually a front for a red sand dealer. I need to take it over to crack the ring!”

“What? Who the hell told you that?” The bartender asks.

“The owner of that weapons store near the carport! She's an undercover cop! She told me about it when I introduced myself.” Kal looks skyward for a moment and takes a breath. Shepard shakes her head, dropping it to her hand and rubbing her forehead.

“Listen, crap-for-brains: first, we don't sell red sand. Second, red sand is legal on Illium! You just need a license!” The asari waves a hand, and she looks very pissed. How can one person be this stupid?

Verner pulls her into an argument on whether or not she would notice if her employer was selling red sand.

Kal leans closer to Shepard. “You know this guy?”

Shepard leans back, hand rubbing at the back of her neck. “He’s a… fan.” She sounds very pained when she says it, still looking at Verner.

“A fan?” He looks at Verner and then back to Shepard. “That’s… cosplaying as you?”

Shepard’s hand drops and she turns to him with a look of pure horror and disgust. “Oh god, don’t ever say that to me again.” She looks sharply back to the guy. “Verner!” She barks, cutting into their argument. “Listen, I’ll talk to this undercover cop and see what’s going on. Don’t do anything else.” Conrad nods.

“Thank you. If I kill annoying customers, it usually involves property damage. That comes out of my pay.” Shepard waves a hand at the bartender and then points at a stool, snapping her fingers. Conrad sits down on it.

Shepard storms off and Kal chooses not to follow. She feels like a power keg about to go off right now. This Conrad guy certainly didn’t help her already shitty mood. Kal sighs and sits down on a stool too. Thankfully, no one else is at the bar so he can have some space between Conrad and him.

“What can I get you, hun?”  

He skims over the menu. “A Denorian beer, please.”

“You got it.” Kal pulls out his credit chit for her.

“So, you work with Commander Shepard!”

Ancestors. “Uh-huh.” He rests his forearms on the bar.

“I almost worked with her. But she said I would be better help at home.”

“So why are you here?” He shouldn’t encourage this - he shouldn’t - he wanted some time alone, but hell, it’s like watching a crash; he’s gotta look.

“Shepard died! I thought. I need to pick up where she left off!”

“Do you have any actual combat training?”

“I’m saving the galaxy! I don’t have time for training!” He throws his arms out and almost hits the bartender. Kal stares at him. “I’m surviving off my wits and my nerves.” He stabs the bar with a finger.

She slides the bottle to him with a straw. He nods to her. “Thanks.” He keeps the bottle on the other side of his body. He starts the filter process.

“Shepard showed the other races that humans mattered. And then she died. The galaxy needed someone like her, we all did.” His voice grows faint. “I had to do something!” He’s earnest, Kal’ll give him that.

“How’d you get the armor?”

“Oh, they make some pretty convincing replicas these days.” He runs a hand down his bicep. Kal wants to hit his face against the bar. “If you’re willing to pay. Getting the whole getup was pretty expensive. But my wife was really supportive.” Kal does a double take. Someone married him? The bartender shakes her head in her hands.

“She even paid for my shuttle ride off world.” Kal would bet actual credits that she did.

“So, you just wander the galaxy righting wrongs?”

“Hey, don’t say it like that! I talk to people, y’know. Ask them if they have big problems that only I can solve! You’d be surprised at how many people that are just waiting for someone to talk to them.”

“So, become a therapist. A counselor. Doing things like this will get you hurt, and if you can’t finish what you promised someone you’ll do because you’re injured, or dead, it’ll hurt them too.”

Conrad looks down at the bar. “Huh.” Fucking hell, this guy. “I didn’t think of that.” The bartender bangs her head on the wall once before walking away.

“Shepard was right when she said you can help at home. You don’t need to shove a gun in people’s faces to help others. There are plenty of other ways.”

“Like what?”

Kal almost collapses against the bar. “Hell, fundraisers, volunteer areas. You can work in rehabilitation. You said it yourself, when you go looking, people want the help. The extranet is there.” Conrad immediately pulls up his omni-tool and Kal is grateful for the resulting silence.

He sips his beer; he didn’t expect this when he went looking for some alcohol. He wanted some peace, and instead his Captain seems pissed to hell and he’s trying not to get a guy killed. He sighs. Illium. The wildest things happen here, and it seems he can’t catch a break. Neither can his Captain, it seems. Idly, as he sips his beer, he wonders what’s gotten her in a twist.

“Er, Mr. Verner?” Kal doesn’t move but perks up at the new voice.

“Oh! Hi! What are you doing here? Did you need me to do anything else?”

“Actually, that’s why I’m here. My case is complete because of you, thank you. I don’t need your help anymore.”

“Really?”

Really?

“Yep! So uh, I gotta go deal with that now. Bye.” Kal turns just in time to see an asari scurry off.

“Wow, I can’t believe I actually helped!” He can’t either. “I gotta go call my wife! And thanks for the help, Mister! I’ve got lots of ideas.” Kal waves his fingers and Conrad walks off.

Shepard finally collapses onto the stool next to him, arms on the counter. She hunches forward and she still seems troubled. 

“Well, you looked like you’ve had a rough day. What can I get for you, babe?” Aethyta asks.

“You got any schnapps?”

“I’ll look.” She walks off to the other end of the bar.

“Nice work with Verner, ma’am.”

Shepard rubs at her forehead, and then at her cheek. Over her scars, he notes. “He’s an idiot, but he doesn’t deserve to get killed because of it.”

“Still, getting the shop keeper to keep the lie?”

“Yeah well.” She shrugs. “I got a discount out of it so.”

“Ah.”

“Don’t ah me.”

“You’re in luck.” Aethyta thunks the bottle down on the bar.

“A shot, please.” Shepard places her credit chit on the bar.

“Ah, this one's free. For getting rid of the nuisance. And not leaving blood on the floor while you did it.”

“Well, he’s kinda my problem so.”

“It’s not your fault he decided to play pretend,” Kal responds.

Shepard doesn’t say anything to that, face giving a quick grimace and then sips her shot. They sit together at the bar, slowly drinking from their respective drinks.

“So, Thane’s interesting,” Kal says when the silence gets awkward. To him at least. Fuck, he needs a distraction. Verner helped, surprisingly, by keeping his thoughts at bay.

Shepard snorts, sipping. “He’s a character, for sure. Joker isn’t happy.”

“Wasn’t he only happy when Tali joined?”

“Ha! Yep. But I mean, it’s Tali.”

“True.”

Shepard looks at him. “How long have you two known each other?”

“Only a couple of months, ma’am. We did a mission together before Haestrom. We got back to the Flotilla right before she was sent to Freedom’s Progress.”

“Ah.” She doesn’t say anymore, and he goes back to his drink. “You mind if I ask you a question?”

“You can always ask, ma’am.” She get an interesting look on her face. “Yes?”

“Nothing, just- I normally say that too. But uh- just wanted to know what gets a Quarian to join the marines.”

He should have expected that, honestly. Quarians aren’t known for their soldiers after all. She takes a sip as she waits, looking at him. It takes a second for him to remember his formulated response. After all, most people have heard of the name Reegar and assume why he joined. “I come from a military family. And I wanted to protect the Flotilla, not just serve it. I do better with weapons than tech.”

Shepard nods. “And you decided to protect the Fleet by joining me.”

“Yes, ma’am. Hell, I finally understand what Tali meant about you.” He swivels a little in his seat to face her more.

“Oh?” She turns more too.

“She said that you got things done. And that you’re very persuasive.”

“I don’t think I can persuade the Reapers to stop.”

“Well, no one’s perfect, ma’am.” He doesn’t intend for his inflection to lift, for his tone to go flirty almost. Having a drink instead of just buying a bottle and going back was a mistake. Shepard just raises an eyebrow though, looking more amused than before. And well, it’s not that Kal doesn’t want to flirt with Shepard.

She drains the little left in her shot and places it back on the counter. “You know,” Shepard braces an elbow on it, same hand dangling. She clears her throat. “You don’t have to call me ma’am, Reegar.”

“And you don’t have to call me Reegar, yet here we are.” He would love to hear his name come off her tongue.

“I’ll stop if you stop.”

“You have a deal, Captain.”

“Oh, come on!” Kal laughs. “I’m not a Captain.”

“You’re the CO of the Normandy. Ergo- Captain.”

Aethyta comes back to them before Shepard can respond.  “You want a refill, doll?”

“Nah, I’m good thanks. Been wanting to ask though, why is a matriarch in a bar serving drinks?”

“You always this nosey?”

Shepard gives her a charming grin. “I’ve made it this far because of it.”

“Right,” Aethyta drawls as she takes the shot glass. “This is better than what most other matriarchs are doing. Look at that screw-up with Saren and his geth!” Aethyta doesn’t look at him when she says that which is nice. Shepard’s mouth twists and if Kal remembers correctly, Shepard killed said screw-up. “Their ships were hanging bare-assed in space when Saren started shooting. If it weren’t for you humans, we would have bought it right there. And I warned them! Told people on Thessia what was coming, and they didn't want to hear it.”

“What didn’t they want to hear?” Shepard swivels back to facing forward and Kal takes a drink.

“That art and philosophy and political prowess-” she mockingly waves a hand in the air near her head, “-wasn't going to cut it. We can't go a single asari lifetime without some big war breaking out. We need to get our daughters working earlier, not spending their wild maiden years strippin’ or in merc bands. When I started talking about making new mass relays ourselves, they laughed the blue off my ass. So now, I serve drinks.” She scrubs at the bar harshly.

“How long?” Kal asks.

“Been a couple years now. It’s steady work, which is something. Get to see new faces all the time. Of course, there are the regulars. Sometimes I like ‘em.”

“What’s it like living for nearly a thousand years?” Shepard asks.

“Violent. Wars break out, colonies get destroyed. Sometimes you hear good news, like that colony on Feros surviving. That's the exception, though.” She tosses the rag over her shoulder. “You find peace in whatever arms will hold you. Turian, elcor, hanar... Even had a pureblood daughter. I was the father. Didn't work out.

“Then one day you wake up, your figure's gotten matriarchal, and everyone else is too young to remember how you quarians-” she jerks her head at him, “-looked inside those suits without the extranet.”

“You know what I look like?”

“I know what all of you looks like, hun. Don’t worry, I don’t need a refresher.” She winks at him and Kal blushes. He ducks his head to look at his drink, finishing it off. Someone calls for Aethyta and she walks away again.

“Well, I should get out of here.”

“My company that bad?” He jokes.

“Nah, it’s my company I’m worried about. I’m not in the best of moods.”

“Yeah?”

Shepard heaves a deep sigh, and then rubs at her shoulder. “Yeah, I-” she looks at him. “Sorry, you don’t need to hear about my problems.”

He almost reaches out to her but thinks better of it. “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know.”

She stares at him for a long moment, grey eyes locked onto his. Her jaw clenches. “I learned Liara is how Cerberus got my body.”

He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. What do you say to that? “Oh,” is what he settles on.

“Yeah, that’s- that’s what I felt for a moment. Before I started shouting.” She winces for a moment. “I walked out on her.”

“And then had a shot.”

“And then had a shot.”

“Eh, you kinda deserve one.”

“That’s what I thought.”

He doesn’t even know how he would react if he learned someone he trusted gave his dead body over to a terrorist organization. Not good, he would reckon.

“Okay, now that I’ve got that off my chest, I should still head back to the Normandy. We got a Justicar to pick up tomorrow.”

“I’ll walk with you. Plannin’ on leaving soon anyway.” He doesn’t quite want their little meet up to end just now. Especially when Shepard didn’t shut him down when he flirted with her. He’s feeling much better than earlier too. Shepard proves to be a nice distraction.

“All right, I won’t turn you away.”

Good to know.

Chapter Text

Shepard sends the coordinates off to Joker and gets an acknowledgment moments later. There’s merc activity she got a tip about and she wants to get a feel for Samara. Shepard waves off Chamber’s reminder that she has unread messages and heads to the elevator.

She pauses when she hits the crew deck, tilting her head as she hears shouts.

“Go, go!” She rounds the elevator and takes in the view in front of her. Cerberus personnel along with Jacob and Zaeed are huddled around one of the tables. “Come on!” Goldstein shouts.

She’s witnessing an arm-wrestling contest.

Shepard spots Kal leaning against the wall, arms and ankles crossed, head tilted as he watches the match. She lets her eyes roam up and down his figure, but the slam of a hand jerks her gaze back to the match. Cheers erupt at Hawthorne’s win.

Shepard places her hands on hips and waits. This’ll be hilarious. Hawthorne spreads his arms for his cheers and Hadley gives a dramatic groan.

“Best two out of three!”

“That’s not what we’re doing!” Hawthorne throws back.

“Move it's my turn- Commander!” Goldstein calls. The others jump and Jacob falls into a salute. She raises an eyebrow and tries not to laugh at their wide-eyed, sheepish expressions.

She lets them sweat a moment as she looks at them all. Zaeed doesn’t seem to give a damn which is to be expected, but Kal straightens from his slouch against the wall, sadly. She looks away from him and to the Cerberus group. “Who’s winning?” She finally asks.

“Me!” Hawthorne gladly proclaims.

“Not for long,” Goldstein fires at him. “Move Hadley.” She takes his spot and positions her arm. Shepard walks closer and stands next to Kal. Hawthorne grabs her hand.

“On three!” Patel starts the count down.

“Is there money on this?” Shepard asks Kal, crossing her arms. They begin to wrestle.

“Of the candy variety, ma'am.” Shepard shrugs in response. She’ll take it. “Winner gets a whole box.”

It takes maybe half a minute, but Hawthorne puts down Goldstein. She swears and he laughs at her.

“Who’s next?” Jacob gives her the quickest look she’s ever gotten as he steps forward. She bites her lip. She has no idea how he’ll react if he learned what happened with Admiral Linton.

“All right, step aside.” Goldstein gets out of her seat and Jacob rolls his shoulders as he sits down. He sets his arm up and Hawthorne’s cock-sure smirk wavers just a bit as they clasp hands.

Patel does the countdown again.

“No biotics!”

“No shit.”

Shepard almost rolls her eyes. Hawthorne would have a broken hand if Jacob used biotics. She doubts he has that fine-tuned control of his biotics. Not many do. The Alliance doesn’t train them for delicacy.

It doesn’t take long before Jacob is slamming Hawthorne’s hand to the table and the cheers from the rest of the personnel are louder than before.

“Son a bitch.” Hawthorne shakes out his hand.

“Move, cupcake,” Zaeed suddenly orders, and Hawthorne scrambles out of his chair.

“Really, Zaeed?” Jacob asks.

“A man can’t want some goddamn candy?” He places his elbow on the table. Jacob shrugs and grips his hand as he scowls. Shepard leans forward a bit as now it’s interesting. Kal does the same, bringing them just that much closer. She steadily ignores that and focuses on the match.

Patel counts. It takes a long moment before they waver, Jacob’s hand falling. Patel and Hadley cheer for Zaeed while the others spur Jacob on. Zaeed’s hand starts to fall. Jacob grunts. It goes back in favor of Zaeed, both men straining and then a slam!

Zaeed wins. He throws his hands up in victory which both Patel and Hadley high five. He looks hilariously shocked for a moment.

“All right, all right,” Kal says, once the noise dies down a bit. He draws everyone’s attention as he steps forward. “Let me show you how it’s done, Taylor.” He cracks his knuckles.

“You can’t even eat the damn candy!”

“Afraid you’ll lose?” Zaeed’s face goes stubborn and oh, Shepard wishes with everything in her that Kal wins. It’ll be the best thing she’s seen in a while. Shepard eyes Goldstein. She’s been doing a pretty good job of hiding the recorder. She’ll definitely need to ask for a copy. 

“Okay, Reegar. Let’s see what you’re made of.”

Patel counts down.

Shepard feels her heart rate pick up just that much. She’s excited, she realizes. Not just amused, excited. She pushes all the other thoughts from her head as she wants to stay in this little moment. She wants to ignore the Cerberus logos everywhere and just bask in pure human – and Quarian – ridiculousness.

Kal’s hand wavers, and Zaeed smirks as his hand ever so slowly goes down. “Oh, don’t just give it to me so easily, Reegar.”

Kal’s head tilts and their hands go back to straight. And very apparently Zaeed starts losing. Shepard smirks. They’re at a standstill for a long moment, Zaeed’s hand halfway from the table before it goes slamming down. Shepard clenches her teeth together to stop a noise from escaping. Good lord.

There are hollers and cheers from around them and Kal meets her eyes. She smiles as claps her hands. Patel jostles his shoulder.

“Bloody hell,” Zaeed grumbles but he doesn’t seem too upset which is good. He seems almost impressed she would guess. Mathews shoves the container of blue candy into Kal’s hands, and he stands. He and Zaeed shake hands over the table.

Shepard walks past them and to the galley for the actual reason she was here. Rupert shakes his head at her but he’s smiling as he hands her the most recent list. She quickly skims it, nothing on here seems too expensive, and honestly, she’s actually interested in what Rupert is thinking of cooking up with these.

“As fun as this was, break's over for me.” Kal gets a couple of boos. “Captain?” She looks over at him. “You got a sec? There was something I wanted to go over with you.”

“Sure.” She follows Kal back to the elevator.

“So, uhhh,” Kal hefts the skinny container between them, “what exactly is this?” Shepard huffs, and leans in, grabbing the other end of the container. Kal doesn’t let go so they end up standing close together.

Her eyes roam the bright packaging. “It’s hard candy. Blue raspberry flavored, it looks like.” It looks delicious, and fuck, Shepard can’t remember the last time she had a piece of candy. She hasn't thought about it after she woke up.

“Blue raspberry?”

Shepard grins up at him. “The best artificial flavor in the galaxy.” The elevator doors open, and Shepard lets go to step in. Kal pushes the button for the CIC. “And I’ve tried all of them.”

“All of them?”

“Well, almost all. I haven’t tried any dextro flavors.”

“I sure hope you didn’t.”

Shepard almost laughs. “I’m not that allergic to dextro.”

“That’s not- that’s not how that works.”

“I think it is.” Kal slides her a look, and she chuckles, tucking her hands behind her back. “Listen, I’ll try practically anything. But twice? That’s the real question.”

“Okay, so you went on a candy splurge of artificial flavors?”

Shepard gives him a nod. “Yep.”

“Why?”

She looks towards the elevator doors. “It was after Elysium. My friends spoiled me. Felix likes daring me to eat all kinds of food and well, there are a lot of artificial flavors out there. The history is actually quite interesting, human’s at least, and how they go about making it.” Kal doesn’t say anything for a moment, so she looks back at him. “I watch a lot of documentaries.”

“Good to know.”

The doors slide open. In the armory, they head to Kal’s worktable, and he drops the container to the side. “I was looking through the upgrades that we have, and one caught my eye.” He boots up his terminal, quickly navigating to some simulations. “I managed to integrate it into our heavy weapons.” She peers over his shoulder at the screen as the different weapons she’s picked up slide by. Kal turns around then, and Shepard’s eyes jump to him.

He leans back against the workbench and one hand grips the edge of it. Shepard can’t help it when her eyes flick down his torso. He cuts an impressive sight, and the pose is doing nothing to hinder it.

Is it on purpose?

Focus Commander, you’re in the middle of a conversation.

“-and so, I think I can upgrade your ammo capacity for them.” His other hand falls to his side after he’s done and fuck, Shepard doesn’t want to look away. He’s not even doing anything special.

“That’s great, Kal, should help a lot. I keep running out of rockets.”

“And you can two-shot the Cain.”

Shepard closes her eyes for a second. “Oh, the Cain.”

“Y’know-” Kal shifts so his arms are crossed, “-for how much you love that weapon you don’t take it out a lot.”

“I don’t wanna get too used to the experience of watching things dissolve in a mushroom cloud. I wanna keep the awe every time I use it. Makes it more fun.”

Kal chuckles, shaking his head. “And here I thought you were gonna say something like ‘not everything requires a nuke’.”

“Says the guy who brings a rocket launcher everywhere!”

“So do you!”

Shepard laughs and Kal follows. It’s a nice laugh, throaty and deep and she wants to keep hearing it. “Really though, given the Cain is a one shot kinda weapon, I don’t wanna bring it, use it, and then need it again.”

“Well-” he spreads his hands, “-problem solved.”

“Apparently,” she breathes out. Neither of them speak as they just stare at each other. She grapples for something to say. She should ask how, ask about the mechanics and the tech because it would be a boon to know but it’s like every time Kal looks at her like this, gives her his whole attention, her brain seems to just- stop. This might become a problem. She doesn’t know why he has this effect on her. Yes, she considers him attractive – and his voice – but she’s been attracted to other people, and she’s done a pretty good job of it not affecting her.

“So, you want these?” The container is now in Kal’s hand, and it jolts her out of her stupor. Shepard blinks as she looks down at it. Focus, Commander.

“Oh, no you won those fair and square.” She can’t just take his earnings.

“I still can’t eat them.”

“Better to gamble these-” she taps the box with her finger, “-than your credits.” It’s not a big deal, it’s not, but the words are coming out of her mouth anyway. It’s a damn box of candy but he’s giving it to her when it’s his and-

Kal doesn’t say anything for a moment, and she agonizes over the fact that she messed up somehow. She thought she’s grown out of this thing she has about gifts- where they seem bigger than they are because they were -but this is one of the things that’s still embedded in her from Earth.

“All right, I’ll save it.” He slides the box back on the table. She gives a nod and then rubs at her shoulder.

“Commander, we’re about to hit the Crescent relay.”

“Roger that, Joker. Tell Samara and Grunt to suit up.”

“Affirmative.”

Shepard looks back to Kal. “I should go.”

“Good luck.”

Shepard leaves to get her armor on and she can feel Kal’s eyes on her until the door closes.

Chapter Text

"The turians disabled it?" Garrus' voice is as dry as a desert.

"That’s what TIM said, yes."

"Tim?" Miranda asks.

"The Illusive Man." Kal holds in his snort, though Jack doesn't. Miranda's eyebrow twitches but she doesn't say anything else. "I want to take half of you with me, leaving a team behind to stay with the ship. Zaeed, Kasumi, Samara, Jacob, Miranda, and Tali, you'll stay here. Everyone else suit up." 

They head into the armory and group around the tables, selecting weapons and sliding on armor.

"You do know this sounds like a trap, right Shepard?" Garrus asks. His voice is low, but Kal is close enough to hear. He doesn't know if Garrus doesn’t notice or if he doesn't care if Kal hears this conversation.

She doesn't pause in fiddling with her visor as she connects it to her helmet. "So, we spring the trap."

"That's not really want I wanted to hear."

"Trap or not, it’s the Collectors, we have to investigate it."

"But the turians?"

"Wow, great show of unity for your species."

"That's not what I meant, and you know it.'

"I know, but Garrus really? What you want me to do? Say no? TIM is right in that we need a way through the Omega-4."

"Just wish it wasn't like this."

"Careful what you wish for Garrus," she slaps his shoulder and then leaves to change. Garrus meets his eyes. So, he was supposed to hear.

"Spring the trap," he offers as he shrugs. He doesn't have much else.

Garrus shakes his head and manipulates his rifle. "I hate it when we do that."

Kal hops off the shuttle with the others. The ship is a disturbing blend of metal and organic material.

"Love what they've done to the place," Garrus comments. Kal flicks on his incendiary ammo.

EDI gives them the nav point and they head down the hallway with their guns ready. Its dead silent apart from their footfalls and when Kal walks, the organic parts of the floor squishes just a bit. He grimaces, but unfortunately, most of the floor seems to be organic.

"Shepard, I have compared the ship's EM signature to known Collector profiles. It is the vessel you encountered on Horizon."

"Joy," Shepard grumbles. "Maybe the defense towers softened it for the Turians." He's not sure he believes it.

"The missing colonists might be aboard. If they're still alive," Garrus responds.

Chills creep over him as they continue on, and they see a pod. "Hey, check it. Aren't these the same containers that were on Horizon?" Jack asks. Mordin nods.

"Horrible; trapped in these pods. Completely at the mercy of the Collectors," Garrus says. Kal may not be claustrophobic, but if he were trapped in there he would start to be.

This whole ship - the entire mission - feels wrong. It's like the walls are closing in even though they have plenty of room. He feels like something will crawl out of them to attack.

The continue on, and eerie, insect like formations are along the walls. They round a corner and the pit in his stomach just get worse when they see the pile of bodies. They're all in different stages of decomposition and looking like they were simply tossed here. Jack stands close enough next to him that he can hear her sound of disgust. Kal grimaces too, at least he can't smell them. Mordin stands in front of them with his omni-tool out.

"Why would the Collectors leave a pile of bodies?" Thane asks.

"Test subjects, most likely. These…” Mordin sucks in a quick breath, audible through the comms, “did not pass.” Kal shakes his head. They're no longer suffering now.

"We can't help them now," Shepard states. "They're better off."

They follow the hallway sloping up. There seems to be a thick webbing sticking out from the walls to the floor and around on corners. Kal feels antsy as his fingers clench around his rifle. They still haven't seen anyone. Alive, at least. This ship should be swarming with Collectors, and it's been silent. Evidence is pointing more and more towards an ambush. Mordin scans some technology and Kal stays with him till he's done.

He freezes though when the two of them step away, along with everyone else when a retched, high-pitched sound of what feels like something awakening echoes around them. It’s straight out of a horror vid and a jolt goes through him, down his arms and legs. Looking around, he sees the others have heard it too. He wants to pass it off as just the ship but it’s very hard to do so.

"That's just what we needed," Jack mumbles. Through her helmet, she looks as put off as he feels.  

Shepard walks over to a console near some pods, and he stands next to her with Mordin and Garrus. The two of them activate their omni-tools.

"Collector. Appears to be experiment on own," Mordin states.

"EDI, I'm uploading the data from this terminal. See if you can figure out what they were up to."

"Data received. Analyzing. The Collectors were running baseline genetic comparisons between their species and humanity."

"Are they looking for similarities?" Shepard asks. Her and Kal walk closer to one of the pods where a Collector lays.

"I have no hypothesis on their motivations. All I have are the preliminary results. They reveal something remarkable. A quad-strand genetic structure, identical to traces collected from ancient ruins. Only one race is known to have this structure: the Protheans."

"Fucking hell," Shepard gasps, taking a step back from the pod. Kal feels like the ground has been swept out from under him as it sinks in. "The Protheans didn't just get killed, they're also working for the Reapers now." Shepard looks at him and he looks back, the implication spreads between all of them.

What other races weren't just turned into foot soldiers, but servants - thralls - to serve the Reapers? To continue to commit atrocities in their name for countless years? Fifty thousand years for the Protheans, how long for other races?

"These are no longer Protheans, Shepard. Their genes show distinct signs of extensive genetic rewrite. The Reapers have repurposed them to suit their needs." Now, Kal feels sorry for them which is not something he needs. They have just enough sentience to conduct experiments on their own, but not enough to stop themselves from serving the Reapers. Terrible fate.

"You'd think somebody would have picked up on this," Shepard says with a shake of her head, looking back to the Collector.

"No one has had an opportunity to study the Collector genetic code in this detail," EDI reminds Shepard. "I have already matched two-thousand alleles to recorded fragments. This Collector likely descended from a Prothean colony in the Styx Theta cluster." Ancestors. "But there are signs of extreme alteration. Three fewer chromosomes. Reduced heterochromatin structure. Elimination of superfluous 'junk' sequences."

"The Reapers turned them into monsters and enslaved them." The true horror of the cycles; not just everyone dying a gruesome death, but that the suffering doesn't end there. "Still, they're working for the Reapers. We have to stop them."

"I'd like not to get turned into a bug creature, thanks," Jack tells Shepard.

"You'd be turned into a husk," Krios corrects.

"And what would you turn into?" she fires back.

Shepard rolls her shoulders. "Let's find what we need before the Collectors show up to salvage this vessel. Move out."

"On your six," Kal responds.

They remain quiet as the discovery hangs over all of them. Pods line the hallway and the new room they enter. Standing up, tilted, or laying down; there doesn't seem to be an order to them unlike-

"The ceiling," he calls when his eyes go up. "More of the pods." They're sticking out like some sort of gaping maw. "How many are there?" What kind of organization is this? Why are so many pods just scattered about? How many pods are there?

"How many do you think are full?" Krios asks instead and really, he was trying not to think about that. Damnit, Krios.

"Too many," Shepard grounds out.

"I detect no sign of life in the pods, Shepard. It is probable the victims inside died when the ship lost primary power." That doesn't make it better, but at least they don't have to try and crack open all of these pods.

They go up the twisting ramp that has glowing sacs above them. He has no idea what this cursed ship is made from. He's sure he doesn't want to know no matter how curious he is. Mordin scans some more tech and again, Kal stays with him, eyeing the way they came. The hallway turns into another ramp, wide and with natural barriers sticking into the middle of the pathway. They would make good cover, he notes. Though, he hates having to duck into cover on a slope.

"Commander," Joker's voice sounds. "You gotta hear this. On a hunch, I asked EDI to run an analysis on this ship."

"I compared the EM profile against data recorded by the original Normandy two years ago." Kal does not like where this is going. "They are an exact match."

Shepard stops. "The same ship dogging me for two years?" She finally asks, sounding angry. "Way beyond coincidence."

"Something doesn't add up, Commander," Joker responds. "Watch your back." Kal already is. Shepard cracks her neck and starts forward again.

Past the ramp is when the reality of everything truly hits. A large cavern that must be part of the hull stretches out before them with pods lining the entire thing. He saw the specs for the ship, he can barely do the math in his head. Especially since it stretches past where he can see.

"Holy shit," Jack breathes out.

"This is unbelievable," Garrus comments. Shepard stands still just in front of him with her head tilted up and rifle hanging limp from her hand. "They could take every human in the Terminus system and not have enough to fill these pods."

"Earth likely target," Mordin responds. Biggest group of humans, crammed into these pods and at the mercy of the Reapers. Kal shivers.

"Not if we stop them," Shepard argues, voice hard. She stalks down the path. Kal continues to look around as they move forward. Pillars stick out of the hull with pods seemingly in them too. He doesn't even know how this was made.

A pentagonal platform greets them at the end of the path, a green console lit on it.

"Where are the bodies of the Collector crew?" Kal asks. If this ship is the one that hit Horizon, then there should be those Collectors here. "Careful, Shepard," he can't help but call as they step onto the platform. "Something isn't adding up about this." The others nod with him.

She waves at him to signal she heard while walking up to the console, activating her 'tool. "EDI? I'm setting up a bridge between you and the Collector ship. See if you can get anything useful from the data banks."

"Data mine in progress, Shepard."

There's the softest sound of static in the comms before Joker's voice cuts through. "Uh… that can't be good." The console then flashes which blinds them for a split second. The tubes around them activate, metal clanking within metal.

"What the hell is happening?" Shepard asks.

"Major power surge. Everything went dark, but we're back up now." Kal almost sighs and his stomach twists in anticipation. He meets Garrus’ eyes.

"I managed to divert the majority of the overload-" Kal hears movement and turns around to look up at the ridge, "-to non-critical systems." He doesn't see anything but still he flicks off his safety. "Shepard, it was not a malfunction. This was a trap."

Just because he suspected it, doesn't make it any nicer to have it confirmed. He and Garrus look at each other again. It was just a matter of time, truly. He clenches his jaw for a moment. The platform quickly surges into the air, and they all go stumbling. He slides his rifle onto his back. "We need a little help here, EDI!" Shepard calls.

"I am having trouble maintaining connection. There is someone else in the system." What's the point of having a super-duper AI if it can't do its job? Though, ‘someone else’ might be a Reaper. Fucking hell.

They go slamming into another platform and he grabs Jack’s bicep before she falls to the floor. Mordin is already pushing himself up when he turns to him. There's a whine in the air, and on the horizon, he sees another platform flying towards them followed by another.

"Company!" He shouts, pulling his rifle out. Adrenaline surges through him and his nerves spark. 

"Something to rip and tear!" Grunt shouts. Kal huffs. At least someone is now having fun.

"Connection reestablished. I need to finish the download before I can override the systems."

They fall into cover with weapons out. "Then you better get it done fast, EDI," Shepard orders.

The Collectors fire on them.

Fighting the Collectors is unlike anything else he’s fought. He’s fought mercenaries, raiders, pirates. Geth. The Collectors are horrifying. Twisted flesh woven into chitin and armor with barriers to boot ‘cause why not? Chirping noises and eerie glowing eyes. There’s no cybernetics coming out of them and armed with the newly discovered knowledge that they’re not just transformed… it settles in that they’re practically an entire new species.

A species that’s flying onto their platform, taking to the skies, and firing hell onto them. Kal ducks into cover as a beam slams into it.

The scion makes an ear grating sound as Shepard, Krios, Garrus, and Mordin focus on it (which is nice because it’s very disturbing with its distorted, staring, human head) while him and the others focus on the three Collectors. He hits one of them with a carnage round and its body jerks before slowing turning its head to look at him with a tilt. Its eyes find his and it only manages a step closer before Kal’s firing his rifle.

Fuck that.

The three collectors fall easily under their barrage, and the damn scion’s platform oscillates in front of them. Jack gives a hard pull, with Krios and Shepard hitting with a warp and throw respectively as it floats. It causes the most glorious explosion.

“Down for the count!” Garrus calls.

Another platform connects in, left, and Grunt hops onto it. He grabs a Collector by the face and chucks it at the other. They go hurtling over the edge. Kal tilts his head as he slides in a new clip. That’s one way to do it.

“That all you got!?”

“Don’t tempt it!” Shepard and he bark out at the krogan.

Grunt charges forward at the new platform sliding in then, and Kal uses the distraction to hop onto the previous platform. He feels a jolt of a another, to the right but Kal focuses on the Collector that’s firing at Grunt as he pummels it’s buddy in the face. He fires his rifle in bursts, and its barrier shimmers under his assault. It quickly turns to him to aim its particle beam.

“Big guy incoming!” Garrus shouts and when the attack on his cover stops, he peaks. On the other new platform, one of the Collectors is floating, body poised in a way it seems like it’s ascending. Cracks form in its body, lighting shining through and the eyes glow even more. What the fuck.

“Thane!” Shepard calls out. The Collector shimmers blue with biotics warping and Shepard chucks out two hurling balls and the damn thing drops to the floor with a bang.

“So that’s Harbinger,” Kal mutters. He turns back to his own group when he hears a concussive blast sound. The glowing Collector doesn’t stand up again. He hears the groan from another scion. The others tackle it while he, Jack, and Grunt deal with the new platform.

One of the Collectors goes flying in the air and he calls it out. Jack shoots a hand to yank it towards her. Grunt grabs its legs and swings it into another one. Jack’s shockwave goes flying past him and the three Collectors get flung off the platform. "I like that!" he shouts and Jack laughs.

Their side now clear, the three of them move closer to the center where a new group of Collectors fly in from below. Kal picks up two new clips and tosses Jack one who slaps it in her shotgun. He changes his out too.

Harbinger hurtles a dark mass towards Shepard as it leisurely walks towards her. “I know you feel this,” its voice is deep and grating and he didn’t know it spoke. Its ball doesn’t even hit her and yet it’s arrogant. Kal understands why Shepard hates it. He’s immediately hating it too. He runs forward to get closer to the targets.

Kal fires at the Collector just past Harbinger as it gets set on fire and then explodes. He takes his chance. Switching his attention to Harbinger as Garrus shoots the one he just was, he fires his blades. Harbinger staggers at impact and when they explode, he stumbles back even more. Shepard then jumps from the taller platform, body glowing blue as she lands on Harbinger to knock him to the floor. Blue energy crawls across his skin from her hands, flesh getting warped, and then she’s stabbing it right in the face with her omni-blade. It crumbles to dust under her. 

There’s faint blue wisps surrounding Shepard as her corona dissipates and a ripple goes through her tech armor. Fucking hell… that will forever be burned into his memory.

Shepard looks over her shoulder at him. “I love those bolts of yours.”

He helplessly grins at her. “I love explosions,” he breathes out. Shepard stands and he does too, looking around.

The rest of the Collectors are dead with Grunt kicking a severed head off the platform. Kal gives a little shake of his head and picks up the thermal clips from the ground. There’s few and he passes some to Mordin.

“Shepard, you must manually reestablish my link to the command console.”

Shepard makes her way towards it, simply hopping over the barriers. Kal looks over the rest of the squad and besides from the gunk on Grunt, everyone else seems fine. They go to stand on the original platform.

EDI’s hologram pops up on the console. “I have regained control of the platform, Shepard.”

“Good work.”

“I always work at optimal capacity.” Kal bet it does. The platform begins to rise. At the slower rate that EDI guides their platform, he can more clearly take in his surroundings. Pods line the walls like a hive, and it stretches so far… It’s cavernous yet feels suffocating at the same time. 

“Did you get what we needed?” Shepard asks. 

“I found data that could help us successfully navigate the Omega-4 relay. I have also found that the turian distress call that served as the lure for this trap.” Kal snaps his head to the console, but its image isn’t there anymore. “The Collectors were the source. It is unusual.”

The platform slides back into the ground.

“Seems logical to me that they would have sent the initial message as bait.”

They all huddle around the console as EDI pops up again. “No, it is unusual because turian emergency channels have secondary encryption.”

“Son of a bitch,” Garrus spits out right as EDI says, “It is corrupted in the message. It is not possible that the Illusive Man would believe this distress call was legitimate.”

It’s silent for a moment, Kal grinds his teeth, and Shepard steps closer to the console. Kal can’t make out her expression with the breather helmet on, but she seems stiffer than usual, shoulders high. Her middle finger twitches against her thigh. Kal’s curious as to why EDI’s telling them this. What’s the point? Its Cerberus, so why further their reasons for not trusting them?

“Why are you so sure?” Shepard grounds out. 

“I found the anomaly in Cerberus detection protocols. He wrote them.”

“He knew it was a trap? Why send us into a trap?” Joker’s voice filters in over the comms.

“Cerberus is not known for keeping faith,” Krios states. 

“Son of a bitch.” Shepard makes an aborted move to rub at her head. “We’ll question him when we get the hell out of here.” Shepard turns and they stalk off the platform. Of course, they didn’t land where they took off from.

“Let’s do it,” Jack says, brandishing her shotgun.

“On your six,” Kal says.

“Uh… Commander, we’ve got another problem.”

“You know I love bad news.”

“The Collector ship is powering up. You need to get out of there before their weapons come online. I’m not losing another Normandy!” Joker’s voice cracks over the word Normandy and if that doesn’t twist his heart. He jerks his chin to the side quickly, not the time.

“I do not have full control of their systems. I will do what I can. Sending rendezvous coordinates for shuttle extraction.” If Kal didn’t know better, he might call its tone rushed.

“Hustle people!”

They drop down several ledges with the curving walls guiding them deeper into the ship.

“Around the corner take the door on your right.” They pass several crooked pods as they go on.

Through the door, and Mordin scanning more tech, is a big room, with metal barriers sticking out. They use these to fall into cover as Collectors drop in. It’s only four, which is almost disappointing, but they take them out before Harbinger can possess one.

There’s more resistance down the ramp. Him, Mordin, and Garrus go up the side ramp while the others stay with Shepard. Harbinger is quick to show up though, already possessed sadly. They watch the flank and the upper balconies across from them while the others deal with Harbinger and the ones crawling in from their side.

Mordin and Garrus do an incinerate explosion on one of the drones and the radius causes the next drone to stumble. Kal quickly gives it a headshot. He and Mordin set them on fire, with Garrus quickly chiming in with a well-timed overload. He’s gotta talk to Garrus about chaining. It’ll be so cool. 

Their lot is dealt with, and Harbinger explodes with an echoing, “evolution cannot be stopped.”

A small wave of abominations come crawling from the walls and Grunt roars as he charges forward. He’s got the shimmer of his fortification which seems to help with the whole exploding thing. Kal wonders if he truly needs help with them - he doesn’t - so he simply stands to watch.

Grunt grabs the closest abomination and slams it to the ground to stomp its head in. The next abomination gets its arm broken off and then Grunt shoves it through the roof of its open mouth. It drops to the floor. He punches the next, then slams his fist on top of the skull, and its head goes into its shoulders, collapsing. Grunt fully twists the last’s abomination’s skull around before tossing it back over the ledge.

He doesn’t seem bothered by the explosions. 

He stands in the middle of the room, shoulders moving with his breath and covered in blood. Kal’s glad Shepard brought him with them. That was entertaining.

Shepard walks past Grunt and pats his shoulder. “Good job.” They pick up the dropped thermal clips and continue forward.

Around the corner is where things get interesting. Kal and Krios finally meet a praetorian. It is so creepy, with its floating abilities and belly full of skulls. The two husks get taken care of quickly by Jack’s shockwave. Kal squats next to Shepard along the ridge and the praetorian screams.

“It’s gonna follow me around, Kal.”

“I remember.”

“Laser eyes.”

“Like it’s making a damn slushy out of your brain, Jack said.”

“Thane!” Shepard calls. Her and Krios hit it with simultaneous warps, and its barrier shimmers. Kal fires into it as it floats closer. It finally fires it laser and both him and Shepard duck back into cover as Krios sets off the warp.

He can hear more drones arrive and Shepard directs Grunt, Garrus, and him to focus on those while the others get the praetorian. Kal shuffles away from Shepard, dropping down into the room, and ducking behind another organic barrier. They gotta get these drones outta here before Harbinger shows up.

It’s not many, but barriers take more time without biotics. The praetorian floats over them when the last of their drones falls. It slams into the ground with a screech and Grunt goes stumbling from the radius.

“Grunt!” Shepard shouts. He grabs one of its legs as it rises back into the air to stop it and Kal doesn’t think as he switches out his rifle for his rocket launcher. Shepard evidently has the same idea because they’re both firing rockets at it.

Krios hits it with another warp, Shepard sets it off. Mordin incases it in fire and Garrus sets that off. He crouches and slides another rocket into the tube. One more rocket, another combo, and a thermal clip later from them, it’s dissolving into ashes.

The door they head to closes in their faces. “EDI? We’ve got a problem here.”

“A temporary setback on Firewall 3217. Rerouting commands through Firewall 7164.” Kal doesn’t give a damn which firewalls it uses; it needs to open the damn door. “I have successfully opened a door on the opposite wall.” They turn and sure enough, that door is sliding open. “I will keep it open as long as I can.”

They pass through and- “Down there,” Krios points out before he can. “That’s where we came aboard, isn’t it?” It’s where they saw the Collector in the pod.

“We must be close to the end,” Kal says. They hurry on past. He’s glad Mordin can scan quickly because there’s apparently two things he’s interested in, and Kal watches their six with Krios.

Another large room with ample cover. More drones, more husks, and more Harbinger. Oh! And a scion because why not?

He focuses on the drones, not wanting Harbinger to jump to another. He tracks it though, as he fires past it. It hurtles another ball of dark mass at Shepard. “Embrace perfection,” it calls out. “My attacks will tear you apart!”

“Tear this apart!” She does a warp-throw combo all on her own. Her body moves like a hard wave as she throws her biotics out. Glorious.

Kal moves further into the room, shields getting hit but slides into cover before they fall. He switches to his blades and then fires at the group in front of him. With his radius, it manages to catch Harbinger as well. He should expand it more.

The enemies eventually fall leaving them only tired and with less clips.

“Uh, Commander, I hate to rush you, but those weapons are about to come online.” They turn the corner, heading down the hall. “Might wanna double-time it. You know, so we can leave before they blow the Normandy in half.”

Groans and yelps sound from both husks and abominations as they get closer to the nav-point. Grunt charges forward with Jack at his heels and they cock their shotguns. Kal switches from his rifle to his pistol.

Concussive and carnage blasts from Garrus and he, Mordin freezes them, Krios and Shepard knock them down like ragdolls and Grunt and Jack… Well, Grunt grabs a husk, tosses it to Jack and she grabs it with her biotics before tearing it in half and throwing it out at the horde of husks in front of them in a shockwave. The two bits of the corpse hit two husks and the shockwave pushes back the rest of them.

They sprint for the shuttle that’s now in sight.

Shepard shoves Kal in the shuttle and hops in after him. She turns, glowing fist smashing through a husk's skull before the door slides closed.

Kal turns to the rest of the group with Shepard. Jack flicks gunk off her shoulder - the same gunk that Grunt is covered in - and it drops to the floor with a wet plop. He feels the shuttle pick up in speed and he grabs one of the overhead handles. Shepard crashes into his side, and he instinctually wraps an arm around her.

Their eyes meet as one of her hands grabs his bicep. They stare at each other for a moment before Kal instinctually checks her over, but he doesn’t see anything amiss in her armor. Or in his HUD display. Shepard looks and steps away as her hand raises to grab a handle of her own. She looks over the rest of the squad. He simply continues to stare.

Her tech armor glimmers over her which makes her glow in the small space. She’s beautiful as she fights, managing to make her brutal attacks look elegant. He could watch her fight for hours. Her glowing body of orange and blue, the hard planes of her armor, the fluidness of her movements. The scowl that he can make out from behind her helmet’s visor. She seeps confidence and destruction on the field and its intoxicating.

The shuttle docks moments later and Shepard sprints for the elevator as soon as the door opens. Alarms are sounding on the Normandy and the ship jerks from the barriers getting hit. Ship's up and running then. The jerk of the ship jumping to FTL almost sends them to their asses.

He's getting tired of being jerked around.

Their group heads to elevator with Grunt, Jack, and Krios stepping off at the crew deck. The rest of them travel up to the CIC and when they emerge, he can't see Shepard. Mordin is quick to drop off his weapons and as he walks to the tech lab, he already has his omni-tool out. Kal shakes his head.

"Sounded like a hell of a mission," Taylor states as he walks up to him and Garrus.

"Fucking Harbinger," Kal grounds out and drops his weapons on the table. The other two laugh at him.

"I told you," Garrus teases and he sets his sniper down.

Taylor shakes his head, hands going to hips. "The thing's creepy."

"Annoying more like. 'Evolution cannot be stopped' and 'I know you feel this'." Kal mimics, dropping his voice. "Fuckin- 'embrace perfection'. Go fuck yourself." He throws down a shoulder piece. Taylor laughs. "I hate it and I hate praetorians."

Garrus groans, tilting his head back. His neck pops. "Nasty bastards. Why does it have to screech along with everything else about it?"

"Because the universe hates us," Kal responds.

"Well, this should be an interesting report to read."

"It will be. Especially since your boss sent us into a trap."

Taylor looks genuinely shocked, and Kal’s shoulders relax just a bit more. He didn’t really think he would keep this from them if Taylor was told at all, but that’s probably why he didn’t know. Lawson though… he’s interested to see her reaction. "What?"

"Collector ship wasn’t as derelict as TIM made it seem.” Garrus examines his pistol. There’s a dent from when he pistol whipped a husk. “Wanted to trap Shepard there. Especially since it’s the same ship that’s been chasing Shepard.” He looks at Taylor from over the pistol and Kal knows he’s just as pissed about this as he is.

"And the Illusive Man knew this?"

"That it wasn't derelict? Yes. I don't know if he knew it was the same ship though," Garrus answers. Kal wouldn’t put it past him if he did, honestly.

"That doesn't make any sense. What's the point of not telling Shepard you guys are walking into a trap?"

"Because it could ‘tip off the Collectors in any number of ways’.” Shepard’s sudden appearance has them all looking at her. Her hands drop from her quotations. Her helmet’s off, clipped to her hip, face stoic. “TIM had confidence in our abilities to get out of the trap.”

"Not enough to trust that we wouldn’t have tipped the Collector’s off,” Kal points out. Shepard tilts her head in agreement and walks to him and Garrus, avoiding Taylor. She starts taking off her weapons.

"I gave it to him, but he’s not called illusive for nothing.” She sighs as her rifle thunks down. “How am I supposed to destroy the Collectors if he doesn’t tell me what I need to know?” The rocket launcher joins the pile. Garrus reaches out as she brings out her SMG. He unclips her back piece and her armor seals hiss. Shepard looks at Taylor. “Did you know?" Her voice is calm, like she’s asking if he had something to eat.

"I would have told you if I did."

Shepard nods like she expected that answer and her pistol joins the pile. “Yeah. Most important thing is that we might have a way through the relay.”

“That’s good.” Taylor looks hesitant, like he’s not sure what to say. Can’t imagine the position he’s in, your boss sends your Commander into a trap; what the fuck you say to that? Well, Kal definitely has opinions.

It’s not that he’s shocked or feeling betrayed, per se, it’s just why the trap? Why not tell them? They managed just fine, yes, but would it have truly changed the outcome if they had the upper hand? Kal shakes his head. What ifs get him nowhere and besides, Shepard deals with the Illusive Man - TIM, he reminds himself because he’s sure that the man wouldn’t like it - not him.

“Waiting game for now.” Taylor nods at her. Shepard turns to Kal. “You good?”

“I’m fine, Shepard. The Collectors and their ship are wrong in all kinds of ways, but now I’ve fought them. Makes it easier in the future.”

“Good.”

“Have to say too, haven’t set off that many explosions in a fight before. Quite a sight.”

“A man after my own heart. They’re very fun.” She gives him a quick grin before turning to Garrus. She lays a hand on his elbow, and they exchange nods. “All right, you two get something to eat and rest. Taylor, as you were.” Taylor salutes and Shepard leaves.

“Oh, Garrus.” Kal waves a hand toward him and then resumes taking off his armor pieces. “I wanted to talk to you about chain overloads.”

“Not you too,” he groans, body sagging.

“Pardon?”

“Shepard and Tali are already on my ass about it. A heavier overload is the way to go. Especially with the Nexus ‘tool.”

“If you use a Savant-”

“Not that!”

“I’ll leave you guys to it.” He ignores Taylor’s goodbye.

“I’m just saying- being able to cause multiple explosions with the chain is advantageous.”

“But the heavier hits are advantageous too. It gets damn near close to fully stripping YMIR mechs and does more damage to barriers where chaining doesn’t.”

“But explosions, Garrus!”

“Spirits, you sound like Shepard.”

Kal grins. “Is that a bad thing?”

Garrus gives him a look. “I’ve managed just fine without chaining; I think I’ll manage now.”

“Fine. Be boring.”

“I swear, I don’t know how the two of you are like this.”

“I’m not-”

“I’m leaving!” Kal laughs as Garrus walks out with his hands raised.

Chapter Text

It’s silent on the bridge as she scans. There are only a few crewman on the CIC and technically she should be sleeping right now. But every time she closes her eyes she’s back in that damn ship. She knew it was a trap. Knew nothing good would happen and that was fine but it’s the same ship- they almost- again-

Her hands twist around the handlebar. She doesn’t remember much of her death. Most likely due to the trauma and the oxygen deprivation and the dying- but she still gets flashes that are so similar to the visions. Burning images and turbulent emotions and it’s terrible when they decide to collide into an amalgamation of horror that infects her brain. She can’t catch a damn break.

The Collector ship seems to have brought more memories to surface. She now remembers floating in front of the wreckage of the Normandy with the Collectors above them like a shadow of death. Their beam attack almost blinded her.

She’s glad she was already dead when she hit atmo. Would’ve been a long way down. And on fire.

The radar spikes and she sends out a probe.

“Captain?” She whips her head to the side to see Kal standing at the armory door.

She straightens from her slouch over the map. “Kal. Everything all right?” He should definitely be asleep. She’s not one to talk but do as I say, not as I do and all that.

“Yes, Captain. Just wanted to finish analyzing the tech for Doctor Solus.” Shepard tries to contain her grimace. She knows it’ll be beneficial but it’s the Collectors. “What are you doing?” He walks forward to stand in front of her terminal.

She fully turns to face him. It’s a relief to not hear any judgement in his tone when he asks. They both know they should be sleeping but he doesn’t have that concerned undertone like Garrus and Tali do. Or Kelly’s analyzing eyes.

“Planet scanning. With all the upgrades we’re acquiring we always need more minerals.” Dear god, they always need more eezo.

“Sounds kinda boring.”

Shepard makes a face in agreement and waves a hand toward the map. “It’s actually not that bad. It’s… calming almost. Mindless.”

“I get that.” She meets his eyes again and they’re both silent for a moment.

The radar pings again and she looks at it. “Here.” She jerks her head as she enlarges the display. Kal steps up onto the platform. The familiar dull humming sounds from the large amount of iridium and she moves around the scanner to find the sweet spot. A little to the right spikes just a bit more. She sends the probe away with EDI confirming it.

“Seems simple.”

“It is. Like I said, mindless.”

Kal side eyes her but she continues to manipulate the scanner. “Something you’re trying to get off your mind?”

“You wanna remember the Collector ship?”

“Fuck no.” She almost laughs at his adamant refusal. “You take me to such nice places.”

“Only the best for you.” The humming picks up. Palladium this time. EDI’s voice sounds again.

“Do we have any updates on the data we got?”

“Not yet.” She doubts that TIM’s people could work that fast. She’s sure, though, that when he does learn something, she’ll only learn about it when he wants her too. Waiting game.

She hates waiting games.

Kal sighs like he’s thinking the same thing she is. Another spike and she lifts her fingers from the controls. “Here. Try it out.”

Kal looks at her. “Really?”

“It’s not that hard. Technically, this isn’t my job. I just like doing it.”

“And the person who’s supposed to be doing this?”

“Helping Rupert. He needs it.”

“Ah.” Kal nods and then looks back to the hologram. He slowly lifts his hands to it and Shepard walks him through it. He picks it up quickly - like she said, not hard - and he marks another cache soon enough.

“So, Tali told me how exactly Cerberus pictures into this.”

Shepard’s jaw clenches and they both keep their gazes on the scanner. “Yeah?” She’s interested in seeing where he’s going with this. She’s not gonna give him what he wants but it’s a good chance to see where his head is at.

“The Alliance isn’t doing anything about this?”

“Nothing like what Cerberus is doing. And whatever they’re doing they won’t tell me.”

“Right. Because of… your absence.”

Shepard almost snorts. That’s one way to put it. “I think it has more to do with me working with terrorists.”

“I mean- couldn’t you have just told Cerberus to fuck off?”

Shepard gives a humorless huff. “I died, Kal. And the abyss didn’t keep me. What else am I supposed to do?” Her family thought she was dead, as did the Alliance and the whole damn galaxy. Things aren’t what they used to be, and she’s reminded of that every day. The different Normandy, the uniforms, the people. Garrus and Tali. Joker walking now.

She turns to look at him. “There are just too many people depending on me. I can’t rest. I can’t let them down.” Innocent colonists. Her dead crew members.

She hates that she’s been pulled into this. That she’s been made into a puppet who’s getting its strings pulled. There’s too many things she doesn’t know but she knows she has to stop the Reapers. Every time she even thinks about not doing any of this her body violently rejects the idea. She gets sick. Damn beacon.

It’s not just because of the beacon. It’s the right thing to do. She’s definitely not going to roll over like Saren and let the Reapers just harvest them.

Harbinger and Sovereign are dicks too, so.

“You’re a marine, Reegar. Surely you understand that.” She knows he doesn’t like Cerberus and she remembers his reaction on Haestrom. But he offered to help. She didn’t ask him for it. She doesn’t want to trap anyone else in this. 

“I do. I just didn’t know the Alliance’s perspective entirely. I know the Council tried to cover the Reapers up. Tried to say that Sovereign was a geth ship. Quarians know geth and they haven’t gotten that advanced. Besides, if you look at geth ships and Sovereign, they look nothing alike.”

It’s so good to have that verbal agreement. “The Alliance just fed me bullshit.” Anderson fed her bullshit and that was more a slap in the face than anything. Not much to see her ass. “They’re in denial about it too. But they are investigating the colonists.” Horizon and Kaidan flicked through her mind. A giant cluster fuck if there ever was one. He barely gave her a chance to explain.

“Doesn’t seem like they’re doing much.”

“Nope.”

“See-” Kal turns to her, and his hands fall from the controls. The planet spins on. “-I wanna know how early these abductions were happening.”

“Around the time I died.”

“Oh.”

“Why?”

“Because if Cerberus got your body and then the Collectors started kidnapping people it puts it in a different light.”

Unfortunately, that’s a haunting thought she had the displeasure of already having. The Collectors already started attacking when Cerberus got her body - thank you for that Liara - so she hopes that was their original plan. She doubts that’s the only plan they have for her. She is one of their investments after all. Shepard doesn’t know what Cerberus will want from her when the Collector threat is over. When she does defeat them. There's no if, she knows.

If she dies, they can just bring her back and point her at the Collectors again. Again and again. No matter how long it takes. Would there be a point in which she isn’t herself? She’s already noticed differences now- what about the second time? The third? Tenth? How many times can she die, and they bring her back? How many times until she doesn’t? How many times until she’s not herself anymore and the person they bring back isn’t Shepard?

“Shepard.”

She jerks her head to look at Kal. It’s then that she realizes that she’s gripping the metal bar so hard her hand hurts. She lets go and gives a quick shake to her hand that she hopes Kal doesn’t notice. He probably does. Her heart rate is quicker, and she takes a subtle deep breath to help settle it.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have just brought it up.”

“Don’t be.” She can’t keep her eyes on his face, so she looks back at the planet. They’ve circled it. “It’s fine.”

He doesn’t say anything and it’s probably worse than if he called her out on it. He doesn’t really have the standing to do it like Tali. Or Garrus. She eyes the cockpit, but Joker isn’t there. He’s sleeping. She should be sleeping. She’s not gonna get any sleep. Especially not now.

Shepard reaches forward and sets the route for their discharge in the system’s gas giant. Kal stays silent by her side as she does. She’ll plot an actual route tomorrow and plan their next step after picking up the probes. Lawson wanted to talk about something too, so she has that to do. 

“We should get some sleep, Kal.” She steps off the platform. He doesn’t follow her.

It takes a second for the doors to close after she gets in. He still stands on the podium with one hand on the railing as he gazes down at the galaxy map.

The thoughts are heavy tonight.

Chapter Text

Shepard places the bottle down and breaks the seal. She twists the cap off and as she unscrews it, her eyes lift to gaze over the port lounge. Thane and Tali are discussing something on the couch with their omni-tools out with Garrus standing behind them. Kal and Kasumi are by her painting, and Shepard assumes that she’s telling him the origin story. It’s then that his eyes meet hers.

The cap comes off and she looks back to her task. She pours the whiskey in Jack’s glass. Again, when she screws the cap back on, her eyes lift back to Kal. It takes only a moment for him to look back. Tali shouts something and Kal turns to Kasumi. Shepard scowls as grabs the pear juice.

This staring thing they got going on keeps happening and she isn’t stopping it. For some reason. She doesn’t have time for whatever they’re doing or hurtling towards. She’s on a Cerberus suicide mission and she doesn’t need to complicate that with feelings. Not that she has feelings for Kal. She doesn’t, truly. But something could happen, and she’s already got rocky relationships of her crew to deal with. She doesn’t need one that involves her. Kal doesn’t seem the type of man to make this a problem, though. Even though there’s nothing to make a problem.

Shepard drizzles in the butterscotch now. This is only a simple attraction thing between them, but the thought of Kal being attracted to her has her stomach twisting. In exhilaration. Damnit. She slides the now finished drink across to Jack and her eyes helplessly raise again. Kal is staring right at her already, walking forward and Kasumi plops herself on the couch next to Tali.

Kal heads to the other free stool. "Mm! This is good," Jack says. Shepard's eyes jerk to hers as she remembers she was supposed to be watching her reaction. "I like it." She takes another sip.

"Great. I hoped I could replicate my friend's recipe good enough."

"Did you like it?"

She grabs the whiskey bottle because she definitely needs something to do with her hands now. Shepard makes a face as she puts it back. "I didn't not like it."

"Right, right." Jack rolls her eyes just as Shepard turns back. "You drink fucking Everclear. Of course.”

"I don't know why-"

"Listen, I'm fucked in the head too but at least I don't drink Everclear."

'It's not like I drink it all the time!"

"You drink it though. That's already too much."

Garrus appears as Shepard grabs the butterscotch. "You're talking to the person who drinks ryncol."

She slides the bottle at the end of the bar with the others. She doesn’t once look at Kal out of principle. "Ryncol doesn't actually taste that bad." She goes back to standing in front of Jack who now has Garrus and Kal sitting either side of her. Shepard places her hands on her hips.

"Shepard, it smelled worse than the stuff Pakti made." She wrinkles her nose at the memory of Pakti's attempts. As earnest as they were, they did not make any good moonshine. It didn't kill them but it damn near tried. Wrex was always forced to drink the leftovers.

"Who the fuck is Pakti?" Jack asks.

"Old crew member of the SR-1." With Shepard not having to respond as Garrus answers, her eyes flick back towards Kal. This is a problem. He's looking at her, but his eyes seem trained on her hands. Huh. She's gotten the habit of wearing gloves most of the time, after awakening. Her hands are so different now. Thin lines trace up her finger bones and the flesh on the back of her left hand is cracked open liked a fucked-up sun burst.

Kal is staring. Hopefully in a good way.

"Had a habit of trying to make alcohol on board but it was just bad. And that's saying something because alcohol made on ships is always bad. That stuff was nuclear. Probably why Wrex liked it."

"He didn't actually like it," Shepard responds to Garrus as she looks back to him. Kal still hasn't look away. She's getting hotter. "He just could handle it."

"You mean he was lying?"

She leans to place her hands on the counter as a test. Kal’s head moves to follow. "When it came to you, Garrus, he always lied." Garrus head hangs as he sighs, and she chuckles. Wrex took a lot of pleasure from fucking with Garrus and quickly learned how to not get her to intervene. “You sucked at calling him out on it.”

“I called him out all the time!”

“And then he managed to talk circles around you. Which you made you lose.”

“That damn whiteboard!” Shepard throws her head back in a cackle.

The whiteboard was hilarious. Wrong, but hilarious. Garrus never got a point in his and Wrex’s verbal spars. Kaidan kept track. The little whiteboard stood on their weapon lockers and every time it got broken or lost a new one would show back up. Joker mentioned that they should reinstate it, but they haven’t actually decided whether to or not. Garrus isn’t getting into that many arguments like he did with Wrex. Jack tries though. Garrus’ hide as gotten thicker under Wrex’s barrage so he’s not rising to her bait. Yet. He’s very much used to being called birdman. That was Joker’s favorite.

“That was cruel.” Garrus points her finger at her like it was her fault Kaidan started a whiteboard tally.

“What was cruel was the fact that you couldn’t land a good insult. You were a cop, Garrus, and he managed to crawl under your skin every time.”

“He’s a jackass.”

“I’m not saying Wrex is not. He’s just funnier than you.” Jack laughs at that and Garrus looks to the ceiling. “And better at cards!” Shepard couldn’t get her last sentence out without her voice cracking in a laugh.

“I hate it here,” he mutters.

“You got so poor!” She hunches over as she wheezes.

“Two years and you still suck at cards, huh?” Jack asks.

“Spirits, it’s the SR-1 all over again. Everyone gang up on Garrus!” Shepard covers her mouth to try to stifle her laughter. She doesn’t want to be mean.

“If I need credits I know where to go.” Kal’s comment spurs another laughing fit, and she looks at Kal, who’s already watching her.

“Not you too,” Garrus groans.

“Oh! The newest episode of Dog or Not is up!” Tali announces and Shepard’s attention goes to her. 

“Fuck yeah!” Jack exclaims as she grabs her glass and swivels her stool to step off. “Pull it up!” Kasumi’s already pulling the shutter down for the projector. Garrus quickly heads over too. 

Shepard turns to Kal. “Looks like we’re watching Dog or Not.”

“Looks like.”

Again, Shepard is the one to turn away. She walks out from behind the bar and helps Garrus position the couches. Garrus is quick to take one end of the couch and Shepard simply sits down next to him as Tali boots up the episode. Kal sits on the other side of her. Shit. There’s plenty of room on the couch, it’s just the three of them after all, but she’s all too aware of him next to her.

He crosses an ankle over his knee, and that bent knee is almost touching her but not quite. He’s so close. His beer bottle dangles from his fingers in his lap. That just draws her attention to his thick thighs. He’s not wearing his armor so she can see the scarves stretching across them. He scoots his hips forward a bit to settle more against the low back of the couch. Christ. She clenches her jaw and jerks her gaze away to at least the floor in front of them.

The opening theme of the show starts. This’ll be a long episode.

Chapter Text

Kal’s not expecting anyone to be in the armory when he trudges in. It’s early by marine standards so Taylor isn’t even done with his morning workout yet. Kal’s got a warm cup of tea already filtered and he’s ready to lose himself in some scientific datapads. Though, he stops short when he steps through as he sees Shepard in the armory.

Nothing unusual beside the hour but she’s on top of one of the tables along the walls. She’s sitting crisscrossed on top of it, a gauntlet in one hand and a paintbrush in the other. Faint music plays. It's now that he realizes this is the first time he's seeing her arms. Big biceps, thick forearms. Moles and freckles dot across her skin. Scars. More surgical scars trace up her arms, mimicking the ones on her fingers. He wonders why these ones don't glow.

The others are like nothing he’s ever seen, appearing like glowing webbing across her face. Added to the ones on her face and hand, there’s one on her right forearm. One curls around her left bicep and her t-shirt sleeve hides the rest of it.

Its enticing.

“Captain,” he calls stepping forward.

Shepard’s head jerks up. “Kal. Hey.” She turns down her music. Sounds like rock. “You’re up early.”

“So are you.” He walks up to her table. Her armor gauntlets sit in front of her along with her breather helmet and shoulder pieces. There are two jars of paint as well: red and white. “You must really like painting if you’re doing it this early.” Is she a fellow artist?

Shepard shrugs. “It’s relaxing. Simple. Besides it helps with my motor function.” She looks back down at her gauntlet. It doesn’t take long to put that together.

Kal nods. “You mind if I join you?”

She meets his eyes again. “Not at all.”

He climbs onto the next table and settles at the end closest to her. This way she’ll still have room and he’ll be able to lean against the wall as he reads. Shepard stares. “You said I could join you.”

“No one really gets on the table with me.”

“They’re missing out. This is the best spot to be.”

Shepard shakes her head with a small smile. She goes back to painting. Kal takes a sip of his tea as he watches her work for a moment. Her hand barely shakes as she continues to draw the red outline. He apparently has a thing for her hands, what with him staring the last time he saw them.

Her fingers are long, combine that with the glowing scars on the back of her left hand, he likes them. Both her hands have neat, thin barely-there scars tracing down the bones in her hands. She dips the paintbrush into the white jar and it’s elegant in a way that has him captured.

He wants to know what she can do with a real knife.

Kal has to pull himself together. He thinks humans consider it rude to stare. He definitely doesn’t want her to think he’s staring at her for the wrong reasons. Does he want her to know why he’s staring at her?

He blinks. It is way too early for him to be thinking these things on this little sleep. He takes a sip of his tea before setting the cup down and booting up his datapad. Scientific journals his savior.

They continue their tasks in silence with Shepard’s music quietly playing. It’s nice just sitting together with the gentle humming of the ship around them. There’s not a lot of peaceful moments to be found during this mission where something can just take his mind away from everything going on around them.

The mission, Cerberus, his family, the crew, Shepard herself… He gets along fine with the other personnel and the ground crew, but he’s drawn to Shepard, he’s realizing. This is a pretty heavy attraction. He just wants to spend time with her. Learn more about her. He’s getting that right now.

Well, the spending time together part. He doesn’t know as much as he wants about her. He knows what she’s like in combat, and how she mods her weapons. Her drinks of choice and that she can move along a conversation without actually being the center of it. She does well with guiding people how she wants without them realizing, he’s noticed.

She herds Jack and Thane away from Lawson and Taylor respectively, gets Kasumi and Mordin to engage with them, gets Garrus out of his own head. She seems to know them all well, but he doesn’t think he knows her.

He knows there’s a lot weighing down on her shoulders, of ghosts and tombstones and memories. He only knows what he’s got from the extranet back when she was in the feeds and from when Tali was recounting her pilgrimage.

He wonders what her favorite color is.

He hears cracks and when he turns, Shepard’s cracking her fingers and then rotating her wrist. Her gauntlet lays off to the side now and the wet paint glistens. Silently sighing at himself, he realizes that he’s stopped reading. He was almost finished too. Though, this could be his chance.

“You know, I don’t really know a whole lot about you,” Kal states as he tilts his head at her. Might as well be blunt about it.

Meeting his gaze again, her grey eyes seem to shine at him. “I’m sure you can find whatever you want to know on the extranet.” 

“True, but I want to know what you want to tell me.”

Shepard stares at him for a moment. “Well, let’s start with what you want to know, and I’ll decide if I want to answer or not.”

“Fair.” Kal leans back against the wall and drops his pad to the side. “When and why did you get into model ships?” He heard her talking about them with Joker the other day at dinner.

Shepard raises her eyebrows. “Uh, early in my career. My first leave actually. I didn’t have many friends or a family to hang out with. And I saw a model while I was out. The rest is history.” She flicks her fingers. “As for why, I don’t know. I like making things. I like painting them.” She splays her hands toward her armor.

He tucks his knees to his chest. “What was your first model?”

“It was a small little fighter. F-61. I then went on to try and find the model of the ship that I first served on. SSV-Einstein.”

“Did you find it?”

“Yep. Then on I made it a habit to get models of the ships I served on.”

“Yeah?” he smiles. “You lug them around each deployment?”

“I did. Not many though. But one of my friends bought an apartment when she married, and she lets me display them there. That was years later though.”

He tilts his head at that. She hasn’t talked much about who she knows outside of the Normandy. “Must be a close friend.”

“Very close. We graduated N7 together and I even did a speech at her wedding. She’s- she’s like a sister to me.”

“When did you graduate?”

“Seventy-six.”

He nods but then- “wait, how old are you?”

“Are you counting the years I was dead?”

Kal pauses at that because technically she wasn’t living and developing when she was dead so she wouldn’t actually be that age but- “Yeah.” Kal wasn't going to bring it up, especially with what happened the last time he decided to just open his mouth- but she brought it up first.

“I’m thirty-one. But I died when I was twenty-eight.” Kal can feel his heart break. She didn’t even make it to thirty. Shepard rolls her shoulders. “Woke up seven days after my birthday.”

“No shit.” She missed her birthday? He missed her birthday?

“Yes shit.”

“When was your birthday?”

“April eleventh of the Earth calendar. So, like over thirty days ago. I don’t know.”

Keelah. He doesn’t even want to imagine how it would feel to be born again on your birthday. “Well, happy belated birthday.”

Shepard grins at him and it might be a little sad around the edges, but she’s still smiling. “Thank you. How old are you?”

“Thirty.” Kal shifts to sit crossed legged on his end of the table, fully facing her. “Turning thirty-one in a couple months.”

“I’m older than you!?”

“Technically! But you’re not!”

Shepard raises a finger as she responds with, “uh, I believe I am actually.”

“Does it count if you were dead for two years?”

“The government considers me thirty-one, so.”

“Okay technically, yes.” He points at her and then continues to move his hands as he speaks. “But would you consider someone thirty-one if they weren’t actually experiencing all thirty-one years of their life?”

“I don’t remember the first couple years of my life-”

“But you experienced them!”

“How much of your life is sleep?”

Kal throws his hands up and Shepard laughs. “We’re not talking about sleep!”

“But I was asleep at some point. I wasn’t dead and then immediately cognizant. I was in a coma for some time. I uh,” she raises a hand to rub at her shoulder. Something pops. “I uh, remember seeing Miranda one time before I actually woke up.”

“Huh.”

“I haven’t necessarily finished reading my file. Chakwas says everything seems to be in order. Besides the-” she waves a hand to her face. The scars, he notes. The glowing ones look jagged and angry. It looks like it hurts. How bad? And does it hurt when she moves or talks or chews? If this much is on her face and arms, what about the rest of her body? How much pain is she constantly in? What about everything else they did to her body?

“But yeah, I’m thirty-one. And older you.” She gives him a pleased little smile, and- this is her playful. Oh. His heart skips a beat because he’s ridiculous.

Kal snaps himself out of his thoughts. “You’re gonna hold that over me forever, aren’t you?”

“Yep.”

“I shouldn’t have ever said anything.”

“You should have been there when we found out that Garrus was twenty-five back on the SR-1.”

“This man can’t catch a break.” Shepard slightly hunches over as she silently laughs, and he wishes he could actually hear it. He likes hearing it.

“He can’t.” Shepard shakes her head with a smile. “Tali might’ve been the youngest, but he was in our hearts.” 

He hears the door hiss open, and when he looks over his shoulder, he sees Taylor walking in. His footsteps barely falter but he cocks his head as his face twists in confusion. He comes to a stop in front of them.

“Commander,” he salutes. He nods to Kal, “Reegar. What’s going on?”

“Painting,” Shepard responds.

“I was reading.”

“Right,” he draws it out. “And is there a reason why you’re on the table?”

“Is there a reason you’re not?” Shepard shoots back.

Taylor considers her for a moment before turning and placing his mug on the worktable in the middle of the room. He grabs his terminal off his table and hops up onto the same worktable as his mug. Crossing his legs, he settles the terminal in his lap. Kal stares, surprised. He honestly expected more judgement.

Kal looks back to Shepard who’s smiling down at her armor pieces. She picks up her shoulder piece and the paint brush and starts touching up the paint there. Kal twists to grab his datapad. He lays down, making sure to keep his feet on his table and holds the pad above him. He goes back to reading about hardened weaves.

Time passes in comfortable silence.

Chapter Text

Shepard's tech armor detonates like a whip, and the Blue Suns Commander goes stumbling. Kal uses the opportunity for a headshot. The turian falls with a thud and after checking the radar, they stand from cover.

Shepard looks toward them as they holster their weapons. "Nice shot!"

His chest warms, mimicking her grin even if she can’t see it. "Appreciate it, Captain."

Shepard walks over to the crates and he and Garrus leave her to her looting tendencies to collect the usable thermal clips. Though, when Shepard makes a noise, he looks up at her.

She discards the PDA she’s holding with a clatter. “Looks like we got a lead, boys.” Kal slides the last thermal clip into his belt. “We get to hit a ship next.”

“Sounds fun,” Kal responds. They make their way to the last door.

“As long as it’s only Blue Suns this time.”

“Wrex had fun with the husks,” Shepard responds to Garrus. There's definitely a story there. They found a ship full of husks?

“Because he can plow through them and turn ‘em to paste. Of course, he likes husks.”

“You remember when he broke that one husk’s arm and then impaled its own eye with the broken bone?”

“Liara had nightmares, Shepard.”

“So cool.”

Kal just shakes his head. Unsurprisingly, there are no mercs in the room but the artifact sure is interesting: a pyramid halfway buried in the ground. Crates are stacked against the walls and there's a terminal in front of the artifact.

There’s a weird humming coming from it, though. It’s nothing like he’s ever seen before, black metal with glowing red details on it. Shepard walks to the terminal and presses a few buttons. Suddenly, there’s a bright flash of light that causes him to squint, and he raises his hand against it, instinctively stepping backwards. The light flashes again but he can make out how Shepard’s body goes stiff.

“Shepard?” Kal asks as he reaches for her.

“Wait!” Garrus barks and he stops. Shepard spasms and falls to the ground on her hands and knees. Kal and Garrus drop down next to her. Fingers dig into the loose dirt as she heaves in breaths.  

“Shepard?” Kal asks again, hand hovering over her back, heart pounding. Garrus puts a hand on her arm, so he lets his own fall on her. He looks over her to Garrus. “What the hell was that?”

“This… happens.” His mandibles flutter out for a second, before going tight to his face. He can’t hide this worry from him though.

“Happens?" He repeats, voice almost going shrill. This is not normal, and he has no idea how Garrus is this clam. "Was this a seizure?”

“No, nothing like that.”

Kal looks down at Shepard’s face. She’s blinking at the ground. “What-”

“I’m okay,” Shepard breathes out. She pushes herself up so she’s sitting on her haunches and then she stares at the artifact. Kal looks to it quickly. There’s nothing different about it, he just now wants to chuck a grenade at it.

“Was this a vision?” Garrus asks. Shepard nods. Ah. "This doesn't look Prothean. The metal and lighting are different."

"C'mon Garrus, shouldn’t you know by now the Protheans leave more questions than answers?" Her voice sounds almost the same, just a faint waver to it.

"Yeah, yeah." He looks back to her. "Think you can stand?"

She nods and does so with both him and Garrus keeping their hands on her. She sways just a bit, eyes squeezing shut and a hand coming to her head.

"You okay?" Kal can't help but ask. His thumb rubs up and down her elbow.

"Yeah, just whatever they put in my head did not like the vision." Kal doesn't even know where to start with that.

"Let's get you to Chakwas." Garrus lets go of her, but Kal keeps his grip around her elbow. She drops her hand, turning her head to him and giving him what he assumes is supposed to be a reassuring smile. Its more grimace than anything. Still, he takes it as the sign it is and lets go.

With one last considering look to the artifact, they go. He watches her the entire way back.

She's out of the armory before the two of them, probably to get the check up with Chakwas out of the way. He turns back when the door hisses shut and when he does, he meets Garrus' eye. He knows he's been caught.

"She'll be fine, Reegar. The aftereffects of the visions usually aren't that bad and don't last very long."

“That’s not necessarily as comforting as I think you were going for.”

He gives Kal a look like he knows and hell, he does. He’s been dealing with this longer than Kal has. “You’re gonna have to make it comforting.” With that, he exits too, leaving Kal with weapons, armor, and a whole lot of questions.

He takes care of his duties and then heads down to engineering to talk to Tali. She’s further in the room, down the little gangway near the core. Which is good as he doesn’t want the others to listen in. This isn’t something Cerberus should hear.

“Ma’am,” he starts.

Tali doesn’t pause in her typing. “Hello.” He stares at her and eventually she side eyes him. “What do you want to ask?”

“Does that happen a lot?”

She sighs and finally lifts her hands away. “No. But honestly, Shepard doesn’t give you a chance to do anything but accept it.”

“You tellin’ me you never freaked when you saw her have a vision?”

Tali’s silent for a long moment, gaze still on her terminal with her hands resting on the edge of it. “The only time I saw her have a vision was on Virmire,” she says eventually, voice soft. “She- it-” she then twists her fingers together, “-it was… creepy. Green energy surrounded her, and she floated.”

“Floated?”

“Floated,” she turns to him finally. “Pulled into the air like the beacon had a tether on her chest.” Tali shakes her head. “She got right back up though when she dropped. And then proceeded to kick both Geth and Saren ass. She was cognizant too, when we spoke with Sovereign, so.” Kal blinks. Sometimes he forgets that they talked to the damn ship.

“She doesn’t talk about it a lot. What the visions do to her. What she sees exactly. How… bad it truly is. But she knows how to handle them, I trust that. Don’t worry too much.”

He worries about her a lot, he’s coming to realize.

It’s late in the ship cycle when he exits the crew’s quarters. He’s been tossing and turning for hours, and the little sleep he did manage was occupied with nightmares of either his squad on Haestrom or Shepard twitching the fuck out.

So now, he’s making tea. Though, when he rounds the elevator, he spots someone already at the table. He freezes, he definitely doesn’t want company and he’s sure whoever it is doesn’t either, but- it’s Shepard he realizes.

“Shepard?” he calls, walking further in so that she can see him in the dim lighting. 

Her head lifts. “Kal? Hey.” Her voice is low, soft. She looks as haggard as he feels.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

She shrugs, “got tired of scanning.” She then narrows her eyes at him. “What are you doing up?”

He gestures an arm at the galley. “Gonna make some tea, ma’am.”

“Oh.” He doesn’t answer, just walks over to get it started. He catches a glance to the sleeper pods and quickly looks away. Always freaked him out.

Shepard doesn’t say anything either as he fills the kettle and starts the boil. He doesn’t know what to say; what do you say to someone who you were having nightmares about? It’s kind of weird now that he’s thinking about it.

“I take it we’re up for the same reasons?”

Kal gives her a look. “Are we?” Shepard stares. “Yeah,” he surrenders. “Nightmares.”

“Maybe we should start a club.”

“You’d just have everyone there. Be no different than the day-to-day, except now everyone’s talkin’ about feelings.”

“Not everyone.” Kal turns back to her. “Grunt doesn’t have nightmares.”

He almost laughs. “Of course, the one child who doesn’t have nightmares is an eight-hundred-pound, tank-bred Krogan.”

“Of course.”

“Of course.” Shepard looks back down at her cup, looking little bit looser.

He slides into the seat across from her when his tea is ready. They sip from their respective drinks in silence for some time.

Shepard’s voice almost causes him to jump some time later. “You wanna talk about it?” She asks.

“Do you?” He fires back. She looks away and sighs. He almost does too. It’s just- she has too many things to worry about and he doesn’t want to burden her with his own problems. But well, if he wants to help her, then he’s gonna have to let her help him too. “It’s just of my squad mates again.” He’ll give her that, but definitely not that he’s having nightmares about her.

“They gettin’ any better?”

“Less frequent,” he offers.

The corner of her mouth twists. “I’m sorry we didn’t get there sooner.”

“It’s not your fault, Shepard.” It’s mine. “It is what it is.”

“Losing people under you, especially your whole squad, is hard.” They’re both silent for a moment. “I wish there was something I could do for you.”

“This is enough.” She meets his eyes then. “I might not be stopping the geth, but they were marines. They’d understand me doing this. There’s nothing else to do but continue on.”

“Yeah.”

He knows and so does she. Right now, they’re just two tired soldiers, sitting together with the deeds of their past mirrored in each other.

“What about you? You wanna talk about it?” It’s a stretch that she actually will, but hopefully if she ever wants to talk about anything, she knows he can come to him.

“You saw what happened with the artifact.”

“Yes. But that only answers one question though.”

“What’s your other question?”

He has many. “What does it do to you?” What is it doing to you right now?

Shepard stares for a long moment and it’s long enough that he doesn’t think she’s going to answer. “It… The vision normally sticks around a couple days and… takes over my dreams.”

“Is it always the same?”

“The vision, yes. The dreams just take from the source material.”

He takes a sip from his mug. “What does the vision show?”

“The images show the Protheans getting turned into what I now know are the Collectors. It… shows me images of corpses, of mass graves, devastation. The location of Ilos as a last, despairing attempt to give hope.”

He swallows. It’s enough to see that kind of stuff in person but to have it burned into your head? Multiple times? “Does it give you anything else?” He didn’t miss that part.

She looks up at him as she leans back in her chair. She looks exhausted. Her voice remains steady and even, like she’s reading a report and not giving him a look into what she has to constantly deal with. “It gives me the feeling of utter agony. Of killing my friends and family that have turned, of turning and changing and killing. Of over whelming depredation and loss. Anguished panic. It’s not just images, but emotions too. The Protheans were so desperate for it to stop, for someone to help, to warn others.”

The dying plea of a lost race. It wasn’t going to be anything but horrendous.

“I can’t imagine what it’s like.”

“It’s definitely not fun." She rubs at the scarring on her cheeks. It must be bothering her.

Kal watches her and he can’t help but think why she’s telling him this. Tali said she doesn’t talk about it. Even Shepard seemed hesitant at first to talk about anything that dealt with her- so why? Why him? It gnaws at him, and he turns his mug in between his hands. He doesn’t mind, of course not, and he’s happy to help her, just why? His curiosity - and confusion - has him opening his mouth. Because he’s an idiot.

“Why are you telling me this?”

Shepard’s eyes jump to his and as she continues to remain silent, he thinks that he ruined it. He doesn’t want her to think he doesn’t want to listen to her - he did ask - but-

She leans forward and runs a hand through her hair, “I don’t know. We basically just met and yet…”

“Yet?”

“I don’t know what it is about you but you’re…” her gaze falls to the table, “like a star. You make everything… warm and bright.”

Oh.

That’s probably one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to him.

“I’m glad I can help.” What else could he possibly say to that? What other words can he say to show that he’s glad Shepard’s confiding in him? That Shepard chose him?

He wants her to keep choosing him.

Chapter Text

Jacob finds them in the battery. Tali is instantly glaring at him, which is getting easier to ignore, and Vakarian still turns to him with that civil look.

“Look, I get that you two don’t like me, but if I have to suffer through the two of them flirting within ear shot, and not have someone to complain to, I’m gonna shove an omni-blade in my ear.” There’s silence after his mini rant, and then Vakarian and Tali look at each other. They’re clearly having their own conversation, and Jacob wonders how exactly you can have a silent conversation with someone wearing a mask. 

It ends though, because Tali gives a very dramatic sigh as she activates her omni-tool. “I’ll add you to the group chat. Joker and Kasumi are in it too.”

“You made a group chat?” He hoped for a bitching session but a group chat? Hell yeah.

“Tali was drunk.” She slaps Garrus’ arm. Jacob’s ‘tool buzzes with a notification. He looks, pressing accept and raising an eyebrow at the group’s name, ‘Kill us already’.

Kasumi sends a little wave in the chat.

Joker: finally caved huh?

Jacob: There’s only so much a man can take while standing five feet away.

“I don’t have to say that this will not be mentioned, yes?” Tali asks.

“My lips are sealed.” An idea hits him then. “Hey, are you guys doing bets?”

Vakarian grins at him.

“So, you’re telling me this rite was a puberty thing?” Garrus asks.

Shepard nods next to him. “Yep.”

“And instead of buying the kid a dance you took down a thresher maw for him.”

“He did most of the heavy lifting fighting it,” Shepard shrugs. She lifts her bottle to her mouth, but Kal can see the curl of her lips.

She, Grunt, and Jack had a blast taking down the thresher maw. They didn’t even hesitate when it erupted from the ground like he did. They had whooped together when it fell, had cheered, and hugged and then turned their euphoric adrenaline onto the krogan that dared to squander them.

Shepard’s grey eyes are alight in the glow of the fires around them. Her shoulders are loose, her smile is easy, and she throws her head back when she laughs. It’s probably the alcohol running through her, because of course she’s drinking ryncol and not keeling over. But she looks so alive like this, and Kal soaks it up like a man starved.

She slouches in her makeshift rubble chair with easy confidence as she regales their group of taking down a thresher maw on Trebin. Her thighs spread and all it does is fill his head with thoughts of burying himself between them.

He snatches his gaze, and his head, away to drink more from his own bottle. He should stop probably— definitely because he’s getting these thoughts. They’re supposed to stay locked away in his mind; not come rearing its head about whenever he looks at Shepard.

Her knee knocks against his when she starts bantering with Garrus. He chugs. He’s used to shoving these thoughts away by now. He thought maybe with time they would dissipate but they’ve just gotten worse the more time he spends with her. He can’t bring himself not to.

And he’s helpless in how his eyes go back to her. Always drawn, always looking. He can never get enough of her.

Shepard’s words are coming fast and she’s not slurring her words, just using a lot of them. It’s very different than her usual demeanor and he’s enchanted. Her face scrunches exaggeratedly — adorably — at something Garrus said. He’s lost track of the conversation now, but it’s her and Garrus, they follow the same track for the most part.

She’s talking and he’s staring, and his chest is warm as a smile takes over his face. He doesn’t want to look away. He wants her to turn that bright face towards him and have her foot kick his own in that playful manner and- oh shit.

He knows this feeling. This thing in his chest that’s burrowing in his ribcage and settling in his bones. It’s what makes him all too aware of what’s he’s doing around Shepard, makes him notice when she’s nearby.

Oh, fuck.

He stares down at the ground between his feet. Someone cackles. He has feelings for Shepard. Romantic feelings. For his Captain. Because this is exactly what he needs, making this mission even more complicated. He can’t let this affect him. He won’t let it affect the mission.

What if Shepard feels the same way though?

He looks at her and her foot is still against his. She leans forward to talk to Wrex who’s sitting in front of her. Would he take the chance if she did? Would he take the chance if she wanted to?

Yes.

The answer is irrevocably yes.

He wants that. He wants whatever she’ll give him. Whether that’s his feelings returned, or not, or just her foot pressed against his; he’ll take it. He’ll take being able to watch her throw her head back in a laugh, or her smirk when she causes an explosion, or her righteous scowl and hard eyes. He’ll take all of it. Just as long as he’s never far from her side. 

It’s only been weeks and here he is yearning and pining like a moron.

He can’t find it in him to stop.

Jack pulls him over to see varren matches and he goes because he needs space from Shepard. She makes his head spin, and he definitely needs a distraction. He feels pity for the poor animals but the krogan actually seem to take care of them. Grow a Quad and Easy on the Ryncol are up next and Jack’s practically on her toes to watch the fight. He hopes she’s not actually betting money on this. Jack cheers next to him as the fight starts and he finds himself invested as it continues. Grow a Quad wins which causes him and Jack to fist bump.

They watch a couple more matches to which he learns that Jack is not betting but likes to shit talk the krogan. He’s sure Krogan see fighting at a party an actual event but he’s not sure Shepard would appreciate it if Jack got into fight. No matter who won — and he doesn’t see it ending without death — it would cause problems. So, he stays to make sure Jack doesn’t go too far.

The krogan take it as well as they can dish it out though.

Jack punches his shoulder and tells him that she’s gonna get another drink. He nods and she walks off. Wrex appears at his side moments later. They clear the arena for the next fight, and Kal presses his lips together. What do you say to the Krogan Battlemaster that’s hosting the puberty party for your squad mate?

Wrex crosses his arms. “So, how long have you liked, Shepard?”

Kal blinks and then turns to Wrex. “Pardon?”

Wrex doesn’t even look at him. “You heard me.”

Kal flounders for a moment. Surely, he doesn’t mean— “Shepard is very admirable. She hasn’t given me a reason to not trust her.”

He finally looks at Kal but from the corner of his eye. Kal swallows. Wrex could break him with one hand. Kal stays perfectly at ease though, shoulders down and body loose. Wrex continues to stare but then he snorts. “You’re gonna have to try harder than that, kid.” Kal scowls. He’s thirty damnit. So, his… crush on Shepard makes him feel like he’s a teenager again but he is not a kid. He’s going to treat this like any adult would: by not acknowledging it.

The denial is on the tip of tongue. Are they calling each other’s bluff right now? How would Wrex even know? He doesn’t know Kal. He first met him at the party! He’s taking too long to answer, he’s basically confirming it with his silence.

“I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.”

Wrex’s arms fall and he turns to him with a sigh. Kal just raises his head to meet his eyes. Blood red eyes stare down at him, and he’s only felt this small a couple times in his life. He keeps himself perfectly still. “Listen kid, I don’t care but if you hurt her, I will bury you in the sands of Tuchunka for the wildlife to eat you alive. That is of course, if there’s anything left when she’s done with you. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir.”

Wrex slaps his shoulder hard enough he stumbles. His grip goes bruisingly tight and it’s what keeps him up right. “Good.” He walks away.

Kal stays in place while trying to calm his heart. He tries not to make it obvious that he almost died to the others around him. If Wrex already noticed, has Shepard? If she has, why hasn’t she said anything? IS it because she doesn’t feel the same and wants to keep team cohesion. If she didn’t though, she wouldn’t be doing all these things then. Seeking him out, sharing glances, touches. She’s not cruel- well, she wouldn’t be cruel to him about this.

“Suit?” He about jumps at Jack’s voice next to him. She raises an eyebrow as she smirks. “Don’t tell me the krogan are getting to you.”

He turns back to the railing and Jack takes back her place at his side. “Definitely not.”

She snorts, “right. Just don’t expect me to back you up.”

Kal fake gasps as he places a hand over his heart. “Are you telling me you wouldn’t avenge me?”

“Nope.”

“The betrayal!”

Jack turns her head to look at him. “You tellin’ me you’re backing me up in a fight against a krogan?”

His answer is immediate, “of course. But I think you would win.”

Jack’s face goes shocked and horrified before she’s whipping her head to face forward again. He watches as her face settles, as she clenches her jaw. He turns back to the match too. He knows Shepard’s been talking to her about teamwork and all that, but maybe that was too much for her. Oh, well. At least she knows. 

He looks away from the varren fight and over the large room. There doesn’t seem to be any fights involving his crew happening, which is good. Samara has the attention of several krogan. Some of them seem to have latched onto her when they found she was a Justicar, asking for her battle stories. Zaeed seems to be in the same boat, trying to impress the krogan around him. His arms move wildly. He’s steadily getting his way to drunk. The rest of the crew seem to stick near Shepard and Grunt mainly.

He finds Shepard easily and instantly meets her eyes. It’s almost hard to tell with the distance between them and the people but she gives him a wide smile. His heart flips for a betraying second and he jerks his head back to watch the match. Was she already looking at him? Or was it a passing glance like he was with the rest of the crew?

Not resisting, he looks over at her again. She’s still looking, and she makes a face. He can’t quite tell but maybe she’s wondering if he’s okay. He nods to her, hoping to convey that he’s fine. He’s not, but she definitely will not know why his head is spinning. She nods back and turns to her group of people. He goes back to the fight.

He’s gotta get this under control. It’s one thing for mere attraction, it’s another when feelings get involved. It gets messy when they are. He doesn’t want it to get messy. He doesn’t want his heart to get broken. Not by Shepard. She doesn’t return his feelings. Why would she? Why would she choose him to give her affection to?

Jack yells next to him and he jolts. She shoves his shoulder, and he barks out a mess of a yell. She doesn’t seem to notice. The other krogan are cheering or hollering and he lets the cacophony of noise wash over him to drown his thoughts. He’s supposed to be celebrating, not having a pity party. He can have his pity party in the dead of night like everyone else.

Right now, he’s supposed to be having fun. Fun it is.

Fun leads him right back to Shepard. He’d wandered away after a couple more matches towards Samara and her group, and then that had blended in with Zaeed’s group. More people joined to tell more stories and Shepard was sliding into place right next to him. Like it was hers. He’ll make it hers.

“One of the toughest goddamn asari I ever fought,” Zaeed wraps his bounty story up. A certain Asari merc that as soon as Zaeed said her name, he immediately knew who he was talking about. “Found out she died a couple days later. I tell ‘ya, if I find out who killed her, I’ll shake their goddamn hand.”

Well, Kal cannot pass this up. He steps forward with his hand outstretched.

Zaeed stares at him. “What is this?”

“My hand; so, you can shake it.”

Zaeed points his finger at him, and Kal drops his hand. “You goddamn liar.”

It’s taking everything in Kal to not burst into laughter. “Why would I lie? She’s got a scar going across her cheek.” He mimes it. Zaeed’s jaw drops. “Her armor was also green with an ugly orange.”

“What in the fuck?” Kal finally chuckles.

“Wait, you were on Stroloria?” Jacob asks.

Kal nods as he tucks his thumbs into his belt. “Yep.”

“How in the hell did you kill her?” Zaeed asks, sounding positively incredulous. Wonderful.

“I know how to snipe.” Given, he definitely had help but working Zaeed up is too much fun. Shepard snorts next to him and Kal turns to her. She’s got a hand covering her mouth as she turns her head away from the group.

“You motherfucker!”

He drags his eyes away from her to Zaeed. “That was a nice bounty, thank you.” Those credits had let him upgrade his gear. Finally.

“You took my kill!”

“Should’ve killed her first,” he shrugs. Shepard wheezes next to him. His grin is starting to hurt.

“That was a decade ago! How were you out of the Fleet?”

“How young do you think I am? I did that during my pilgrimage.”

“Your pilgrimage?” Jacob asks. “You took down an influential merc during your pilgrimage?”

“Tali literally helped defeat Saren on hers, so I don’t know why…” he trails off. “I did bounty work on my pilgrimage. I needed credits.” Among other reasons. “Is that really surprising?”

“No,” both Grunt and Shepard respond.

“I’m just saying bounty work isn’t the first thought that comes to mind when I think of you,” Jacob states.

“And what comes first?”

“You being a marine?” Kal has to give him that.

“How long were you a bounty hunter?”

“’Bout three, four years. Most of my pilgrimage.” Don’t ask, don’t ask, don’t ask—

“Why’d you go back to Fleet?” Jacob asks because of course.

“My dad got sick.” And then died and he was too late.

“Oh.” Now’s he’s brought down the room. Fantastic. His fingers curl into his palm and he should have gotten another drink before coming over here. Leaving now though would just make people concerned—

“What made you become a bounty hunter? Beside the credits.”

He latches onto Shepard’s question, turning to her because it’s easier than everyone else. “Well, I kinda got in a rough patch and ran into another bounty hunter.”

“Did you have a bounty out on you?” Grunt asks.

“Not at that time.”

“So, you’ve had bounties out on you,” Zaeed correctly guesses.

“Of course. I’ve pissed off a lot of people.”

“Hell yeah.” Shepard raises her fist, and he bumps it with his. “Bounty buddies!”

He chuckles at her enthused nickname. “You’ve had bounties out on you?”

“Oh yeah! I had two before I joined the Alliance, one after Elysium and another two- no three, during the hunt for Saren. Those assassins man. Whew.”

“You ran one of them over in a tank,” Miranda states. Kal almost chokes on his laughter.

“Hell yeah, I did. If they didn’t want to get run over, they shouldn’t have gotten in my way. Besides, they shot at Tali.”

“Well,” Kal crosses his arms, settling his weight on his back foot, smiling at Shepard’s flushed and grinning face. “That’s a lot more bounties than I’ve ever had.”

Shepard does a little fist pump. “Fuck yeah.”

“I’m not sure that’s an accomplishment,” he responds with.

“It’s not,” is Miranda’s dry response before she takes a long pull from her beer.

“Don’t be jealous.”

“Jealous of what? The fact that you’ve had more people trying to kill you?”

Again, both Grunt and Shepard say the same thing, “yes.” Miranda actually rolls her eyes. Which tells him how much she’s had to drink.

Thinking about drinking has him gaze going around the room again, trying to find Tali. There’s a krogan hovering over her shoulder as she shows them something on her omni-tool. Garrus is with her, so he doesn’t worry too much about her being drunk. What with her being a lightweight and all.

“I’m just saying, I know how to piss people off.”

“I know.”

“Yeah, I bet it was fun chasing down facts about me.” Shepard cackles and then downs her drink. “I need another.” She turns to him then, back of her hand slapping his bicep and then dragging down to his elbow before falling. He swallows. “You want one?”

“Yeah, I’ll come with.”

Together they make their way back to where they set up their drinks. There’s not much left of his dextro drinks, probably curtesy of Tali, but Shepard has a whole keg. He wonders if she can truly handle all of it. He probably could drink Ryncol as well if he had enough time to prepare himself.

He grabs another beer and Shepard fills her cup with the neon green liquid. It even looks radioactive. Of all the drinks in the galaxy, that’s one he has yet to try. He tells as much to Shepard.

“It’s actually not that bad,” she comments.

“Probably feels better when you’re already drunk.”

Shepard points at him with a finger as she takes a sip. “I am not drunk though.”

“No?”

“Gettin’ there. Should probably slow down though.”

“I hear its worse coming back up.”

“It is. And purple.”

“Purple?” he repeats.

Shepard nods, wiping the back of her hand across her mouth. “A truly horrid shade, and I love the color.” He makes a mental note of that. Shepard’s face then shifts into something almost chagrined. “Hey, I’m sorry if you didn’t want to talk about your bounty hunting days back there.”

He blinks at the sudden change of conversation but hurries to soothe her. “No, it’s fine. I don’t actually mind talking about them. They were a lot of fun, some of the best times of my life. It’s just uh— the whole thing with my dad.” And Illium. “So, really it’s just the beginning and ending of my Pilgrimage that are… hard.” Not to say those were the only rough spots during his time outside the Fleet, but they are certainly the worst. He doesn’t need to go into that though.

“I understand.”

“I don’t mind talking to you about it, though.” It’s out of his mouth before he even thinks it, and well. He’s not lying but— but Shepard is giving him the brightest grin he’s ever seen on her face, tilting her head to the side as she looks up at him. Oh. His heart twists.

“I’m glad,” she responds, as he silently stares, and she reaches out to touch his bicep.

His breath hitches. Sparks shoot from her touch. Her hand stays on his bicep, their gazes remain locked. Should he reach out too? Touch her bicep as well? Her shoulder? Her waist? She’d let him wouldn’t she? Let him touch her. Let him please her?

“Hey! Shepard!” Tali’s shout has them both jumping, turning to her. Garrus and the krogan are still with her, and he blinks as it looks like the krogan is closer to Tali. Huh. It’s then that he realizes it’s the mechanic. “Come over here and tell Khask about the ATM!”

“The ATM?” Kal questions. Shepard laughs, and then grabs his hand to drag him over with her. He goes willingly.

“You’ll enjoy this one, Kal.” Keelah, he loves the way her mouth curls over his name.

So, he goes, and sits next to Shepard as she regales them with a story about an AI stealing money. How that AI wanted to explode to kill them. He makes it through the entire story pressed to her side, and the next one, and then the story Khask wants to tell them. He sticks by Shepard’s side the entire time, watching her and felling her heat.

It’s enough.

This is enough.

Chapter Text

IDIOTS

Krios, Thane joined the chat.

Krios: image.png

ID: an image of Shepard and Kal facing each other, behind them is a waterfall and Kal’s hands are raised as he talks to Shepard.

Tali: sickening

Garrus: I might puke

Krios: Normally, being ignored is how I prefer things, but this was just rude.

Kasumi: welcome to the club

Tali: we gotta do something

Garrus: we don’t have a lot of room to maneuver here

Jacob: im sure theres a closet on the Normandy

Krios: A set up.

Garrus: for what

Jacob: exactly. We should set them up

Tali: we are hitting the Citadel.

Krios: That would be an opportune time to strike.

Garrus: a set up for what!?

Jacob: to get them together. At least on a date

Garrus: oh

Garrus: we’ll we have business on the Citadel but after that….

Jacob: right. Tali could you get Kal out and about?

Tali: child's play

Jacob: garrus?

Garrus: shepard's been harkin on me to get new armor so we'll go out for that

Krios: Perhaps you two can say you're all going to meet up later and then ditch them.

Tali: but what would we tell them

Kasumi: tell them I need your help with something

Kasumi: they won't want to know because of plausible deniability and all that

Garrus: might work

Tali: if we're normal about it

Tali: have you been working on your undercover?

Garrus: what is that supposed to mean?

Several people are typing…

Kal and Shepard watch Tali and Garrus walk away. “That was weird right?”

“Yep,” Kal responds. Tali was acting off the entire time they were on the Citadel. “I’m not sure I want to know what they’re up to.”

“And Kasumi’s in on it.” They look at each other. “Nah.”

Kal shakes his head with her. “Well, now that they’ve ditched us, what else were you going to do? You mentioned going to Citadel Souvenirs?”

“Yeah, I wanted to see if they got any new model ships in.”

They head down a couple floors to the shop and Shepard peruses the models. He looks over her shoulder as she scrolls past the different types of frigates and cruisers. They both freeze when she reaches—

“Sovereign?” Kal asks, practically aghast. He looks at her. She looks like she’s actually considering it. “Are you… gonna buy it?”

“I’m gonna make him look like an acid trip.” She hits the confirm button. “I’m gonna need paint though.”

“I know a shop,” Kal offers, and she turns to him. He shouldn’t be spending more time than necessary with her because it surely won’t help his feelings, but she makes it so easy. It’s too easy to stay in her space, to remain in her orbit. He just wants to spend time with her. He’s fully accepted that he has feelings for her during the late nights. Shepard makes it impossible to lose them.

“Yeah?”

“They’re not that expensive but the stock is good.”

“Let’s check it out.” Shepard then laughs as the asari grabs the box. “Vanguard of our destruction. Oh, this is too good.” Kal has to admit he’s interested in seeing what she’s going to do with it. He leads them to a cab terminal.

“So, what medium do you use for your art?” Shepard asks as they peruse the shelves. “I know you use a tablet but anything else?”

“Ink,” he responds. “Simple black and white. It offers a challenge; makes you think before you do something.”

Shepard turns and she’s considering him again. He keeps his hands behind his back, and body loose, tilting his head at her. He lets her get her fill. Maybe he can see if she has feelings too. See if she can get any. “That says a lot about you.”

“You think I think through my actions?” He steps closer to her, and he ducks his head down at their proximity.

“Definitely. I’m not talking about you actually listening to what you think about, though.” He barks out a laugh. She’s got him in tone. He likes it. She smiles, looking pleased. She turns back to the paints. He keeps looking at her. “So, ink and digital. Anything else?”

“I’ve taken a couple metal classes.” His eyes keep getting drawn to the way her sweater is bunched around her arms, just above her elbow. It leaves her forearms on display and he looks. “Haven’t given it enough attention but I like it. It’s a bit complicated to do it on the Fleet. But we make do.”

“Ah, yeah, art is a big staple in your culture. Even more so than before.” She picks up a jar of yellow. She gives him a quick glance before reading the label.

“Yep. Quilting and tapestry the most.”

“Right.” Shepard gives a quick frown to the jar and sets it back before picking up the one right next to it. This one is more yellow than orange, more neon too. Kal smirks. “One of my friends quilts. She likes embroidery.”

“I never managed to pick it up. My dad tried. He was really good at it.”

Shepard looks at him. “Yeah?”

“Yep. That and appliqué. He made my mom something for their anniversary every year.”

“That sounds nice.”

Kal thinks about the gift reveals he saw. All the ones that he didn’t. All the ones that he and his mom will never see. He wonders what his dad would have made him for his thirtieth. “It was.” She doesn’t give him that pitying look, just an understanding one. She opens her mouth but-

“What do you mean your foot is stuck in it?” They both turn to see a turian walking in, clearly on the comm. “Unstick it.” They both quickly turn back to the shelves so as not to get caught. “Stop eating the damn pie and— no, I can’t— I’m at the store!” Shepard slaps a hand over her mouth and Kal has to mute himself because of his laughter.

The turian walks among the shelves. “The art store. No, I’m not gonna ask if they have lube, what is wrong with you?” Shepard braces a hand on the shelf. “This is an art store! You got it in there somehow, you can get it out. Just, y’know… yank.” Kal puts a hand on Shepard’s shoulder as his legs grow weak. His stomach hurts with how bad he’s laughing. “This is your fault. What do you mean the pigeon— fucking punt it. I don’t—” Shepard wheezes and he looks up at her to see tears in her eyes.

“Spirits, fine! But you’re taking me out to dinner. And we’re not doing that park thing tomorrow either because you’re taking me back to the art store. Shit, the things I do for you. I’ll go buy some fucking lube.” Over Shepard’s shoulder he sees the turian leave. Kal squeezes her shoulder when he’s out of sight and she lets loose a burst of laughter.

“Oh my god!”

“Was that real?” Kal asks. Shepard shakes her head and throws her hands up helplessly. All that comes out of her is a noise and that sends them into another round of laughter. They desperately try to keep it contained, shushing each other, which just procure more giggles. Shepard leans her forehead against his shoulder for a brief moment and his breath catches. He could tug her into his chest like this.

“Fucking hell.” She’s out of breath and so is he. She wipes at her face. He takes a chance and slides his hand from her shoulder to the middle of her back. She doesn’t move him. “What the fuck was that?”

“What do you think their foot was stuck in?”

She grins at him. It’s so bright. “I think not knowing makes it better.”

“True.”

Shepard stares back at the jars of paint. “Fucking, punt it. I can’t…” She rubs at her forehead and Kal laughs again. “Punting a pigeon.”

“How much air do you think it’ll get?” Shepard wheezes as she lightly slaps at his shoulder.

“The pigeon doesn’t deserve that.” She reaches out and picks up a jar of neon green. “The things you hear in life.”

“I know.”

Shepard continues to pick out the neon variants of several colors. She asks after the ultraviolet colors, and he answers, telling her what they look like to him. It’s an interesting challenge and Shepard gets that interesting cock to her head that he always finds interesting. He still has his hand on her back, her almost tucked into his side. Like this, they could look like any normal couple on the Citadel. Ancestors, he wants it.

“Do you want to paint Sovereign in ultraviolet?”

He blinks at her. “Huh?”

“You wanna make him look horrible together?”

“Fuck yes.” Shepard laughs at his adamant agreement, and his eyes fall from her smile to her throat. She’s wearing a white t-shirt under her sweater; he can see the collar through the opened buttoned collar of the sweater. She looks so good.

“All right, pick out a color or two or whatever. You’re the one who can actually see them, so don’t steer me wrong.”

“Never.” He reaches past her, plucking a purple and then a green from the shelves.

“Kay, let’s go pay for these.”

He insists on paying for his paint, Shepard doesn’t give him the chance to actually pull out his credit chit, and the asari behind the counter is carefully wrapping their jars and putting them in a bag. He puts his arm back around Shepard as they walk out of the store, and she lets him. Together they join the crowds.

“Anything else you wanna do?” He’s searching for a reason to continue this, to continue to stay and have fun and watch her laugh and touch her. He wants more. Always. She’s letting him do all of this, so he doesn’t feel bad for pushing.

“I’ve completed my to-do list. You?”

“I got nothin’ else,” loathe as is he to admit it.

“Well…” Shepard draws the word out, “anywhere you want to go?” She offers because she’s perfect like that.

“Been a while since I’ve been to the Presidium.”

“You wanna go?”

“Will I even be allowed to?”

Shepard scoffs and starts walking with newfound purpose to the cab stand. “I’m Commander Shepard. I can get you on the damn Presidium.”

The Presidium is all gleaming white walls, artificial daylight, and clean air. It’s pretty, dazzling with water sparkling. The perfect topside compared to the wards. He sneers. He forgot how much he hated this place. Full of snobby politicians and elite. The view is probably the only good thing up here. Though, looking out on the Widow Nebula is just as nice.

“When was the last time you were here?” Shepard asks as they walk along one of the lakes. The fountain splashes in the middle of it.

“Back before I joined the Fleet. Had a contract for a turian who racked up too much debt.”

“You catch him?”

Kal lolls his head at her, catching her teasing smirk. “Of course, I did,” he drawls. She chuckles.

“Did you like bounty hunting?”

“Oh, yes. It was a lot of fun. I learned a lot. Not only with combat but just in how the galaxy works.” Ancestors, did he learn that lesson. “Took me all over the galaxy too.”

“Oh?” Shepard’s shoulder brushes against his and he resists the urge to wrap an arm around her again. He doesn’t want to push it even though she made no attempt to throw him off before. Small things.

“Yeah, all over. So many small worlds out there. Of course, Omega and Illium were popular rest stops, so most of our time was spent there. Along with the Wards. This is a big space station.” The amount of time he had to crawl through ducts in the wards…

“We?”

“Oh, uh, my mentor; Seko Brasmemon. Batarian biotic. Toughest lady I’ve ever known. Besides my mom, of course. She taught me everything.”

Shepard hums a little, and he looks back to her. “She sounds interesting.”

“I think you’d like her.”

“Yeah?”

He’s nodding before he’s thinking about it. “Yeah! You’re similar in a lot of ways. You’re to the point and don’t take anyone’s shit. You both can rip people apart with your biotics.”

“Oh, I have to meet her. Is she how you got your penchant for explosions?”

Kal looks away and watches where he’s going, “maybe.” Shepard chuckles in response. “She taught me about my bolts.”

“Definitely have to meet her so I can thank her for that.”

“Oh?”

“I love your bolts, especially since they explode.”

He chuckles, feeling pleased. “How did you get your penchant for explosions?”

Shepard’s smile dims a little and fuck, he just stepped on a landmine, didn’t he? “One of my childhood friends. She had a thing for it, and we did not have good supervision, so we just egged each other on.”

“Exactly what friends do.”

“Tell me about it.”

“I have a friend, her name is Cila, she’s really good with configuring weapons. So, I have to give credit to her for how good the bolts do. She can work a Punisher like no one’s business.”

“I never got into snipers.”

“They’re fun.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I can use ‘em. Well, in fact. And I enjoy them, but my fighting style just…” She gestures with a hand, making a noise.

“Yeah, you don’t really stay still long enough to set up a perch. Or stay far enough away.”

She points at him. “Got it in one.” Kal spots the empty bench coming up and then nudges Shepard’s arm with his own. He gestures towards it, and she nods. “I do pretty okay with a pistol and rifle.” He’d say more than ‘pretty okay’ with the things he’s seen her pull off.

They sit down on the bench, and Shepard tucks her bags under it. They sit somewhat in the middle of the bench, not close enough to touch but it would be easy to cross the small distance between them.

“And there are so many different pistols out there, oh my god.” Shepard shifts on the bench to lay her elbow on the back of it and twists her torso to face him. She bends her knee on it, and like this, all of her right in front of him, he gets to greedily drink in the sight of her. How loose she’s holding herself, how her hair glints under the artificial sunlight. He burns her image into his mind. He wishes he could sketch it right now.

“See, Garrus and Kaidan really liked the Spectre pistols. So, I gave them those, Liara stuck with the Karpov, and Tali used the Brawler.”

“What did you use?”

“A Razer.”

“A Razer?”

“It’s a good pistol!”

“It’s heat sink was shit!”

“Yes, but it also fired in bursts, which I liked.”

“Literally every other pistol you listed is better than the Razer.”

“Hey, the Brawler has less damage and the accuracy for the Karpov was lower too.”

“Not by a lot!” Shepard rolls her eyes. “Okay, okay, what did you use for an assault rifle then? Spectre gear?”

“When I could afford one. But then I found a pulse rifle on Virmire, so I started using that. Gave the rifle to Garrus, that way I didn’t have to buy another one for him.”

“Wait, how expensive is the Spectre grade?”

Shepard shrugs as she tilts her hand side to side, “eh, a couple hundred thousand?”

Kal whistles. “Shit. And you bought multiple Spectre gear?”

“Well, yeah, it’s the best shit on the market. Of course, I got weapons when I could afford them.”

“How did you even get that many weapons?”

Shepard grins, “Listen, mercs don’t really use their stock of weapons when they’re dead so…”

“You stole dead people’s weapons and then sold them?” Though, he’s seen her rooting around in lockers and opening safes and looting dead people, so he really shouldn’t be surprised.

“I also traded them for omni-gel.”

“Cold-hearted.” Shepard laughs, ducking her head and her hair falls like a curtain, becoming untucked from her ear. He wants to run his hands through it. He doesn’t know what hair feels like. It should be soft.

“Kal, I stopped caring about looting the places I found myself being in when I realized I didn’t have to worry about credits anymore when I started. I had hundreds of thousands of credits and then I died. And now I’m using Cerberus’ credits half the time because I’m fucking broke. Why is everything so expensive now?”

Kal can’t help but laugh. “I can’t even get my old shit back! I mean, I know our stuff got fucked because of the attack, but I can’t find any of the good shit anymore! Fucking— Kovalyov, Crossfire? Those are good fucking rifles.”

“When we switched to thermal clips a lot of things changed. Companies shifted their priorities and now we have these weapons,” Kal says. He hangs his elbow off the bench too, their arms are nearly touching now. Shepard doesn’t move away.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Garrus was very happy to go over this with me. He has a lot of thoughts. And don’t even get me started on the omni-tools! I had a goddamn, specced to fuck and back Savant, and Cerberus wanted me to use a fucking Logic Arrest.” Kal groans. “Get the fuck outta here.”

“Brutal.”

“I had to go to Omega to get even close to my old omni-tool. Took forever to refit it too and not even to mention everything is different now with the interface updates. Fucking hell.”

“Must have been hard, having to relearn all this stuff.”

“Eh,” Shepard looks back over the lake. “You wouldn’t think a lot of advancements would be made in two years, but they did it. Fucking omni-gel is obsolete; love that. Good thing I know how to hack.”

“Well, in case it needs to be said, I’m here if you uh, have any questions.”

Shepard gives him a small grin. “Thanks.” She gazes across the lake. A turian and their kid walk by holding hands, the kid skipping along. “Sometimes I forget how peaceful it can be here. How… out of touch.” Kal has to agree. “Sometimes I just see the havoc Saren wrecked when he attacked. How it completely just blind-sided them.” She gives a harsh sigh and a shake of her head. “And now it’s all fixed and beautiful and I can’t even really blame them for it. I don’t know. Sometimes, I just need the world to be beautiful. I know how dark and ugly it can be, but I just want to see something good—” she looks at him, “—and focus only on it for a few minutes.” He can feel his face burn at the implication, intentional or not.

“I get that,” he chokes out.

“That’s why I build the ships, beside from the motor function. Building models, painting them it… quiets my mind. Lets me focus on something else.”

“That’s why I draw.”

Shepard bends her elbow up on the bench to rest her cheek on her fist. “What do you draw?”

“People, mainly. The places I go. Abstract things. I sketch weapons sometimes. Ships.”

“Who’re your favorite artists?”

Kal sighs. “Oh, boy. Where do I start?” Shepard chuckles. “There’s Yaena’Finman vas Xeotol. They work in ultraviolet along with normal colors so as to make it pop. They blend it very well. Raene’Zill did beautiful tapestry. She would make her own thread, dye it and everything. People still use her patterns to this day. My dad was a big fan.

“Outside of quarians, Deelhin Losan — an asari — does great statues, sculptures. She manages to capture the folds of fabric so good, along with like pressure. It’s fucking phenomenal and I would love to see his statues in person. One of my favorite pieces of hers is she painted one of his statues to look like uh…” he snaps his fingers to think of the gemstone. White and shiny and it has so many colors— “Opal! That one. Fucking gorgeous piece.

“Oh, another all-time favorite is Nepitiria Palitus. She’s a turian who only works in grey scale and her shadows and values are so fucking good. She inspires me a lot. Lately, she’s been doing sculpting, mainly metal work. And she’s uh, like tying in organic elements; it’s really cool. Another artist I wanna see in person. She manages to capture mood very, very well. I’ve gotten emotional over some of her pieces.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Just— how she captures emotion with the shadows and light,” he sighs. “Gorgeous. Her piece Cutthroat is probably my favorite.”

“Oh?”

Kal activates his omni-tool. “Yeah.” He pulls up the painting quick enough. His arm drops from the back of the bench so he can lean closer to her. She leans in too, and her arm shifts so it’s laid out across the back of the bench. He can almost feel her arm on his shoulders. He goes very still.

Shepard’s other hand raises to lightly touch the underside of his raised hand to pull it slightly closer. “Oh wow,” she says. He stares at her. “This is beautiful.”

She’s so close. “Yeah.”

“I can tell why you like it. I love it. You weren’t kidding with her work on values and stuff.” Normally, he would go into detail about what ‘stuff’ entails but she’s oh so lightly touching him and his brain seems only able to focus on that like a traitor. She tilts her head, and he remembers to breathe. He’s smiling damnit and he forces himself to stop and look to his ‘tool. He said he would be normal about this.

“I actually have a print of this in my room, back on the Fleet.”

Shepard looks to him, smiling and eyes crinkling. This is just not fair. “Yeah? Sounds fun.” He can see her freckles. “You got any more art hanging?”

It’s such an opening that he can’t even take. “A couple yeah. I only have two that are physical media, I want more, but all of the others are holograms. I got a physical print of Yaena’s Blast, and the holograms are Nepitiria’s Glossover and another artist’s — Kasovamia Miro — The Deep.”

“I take it these are your favorite?”

“Yep.”

“Well, pull them up, I wanna see.” Shepard’s hand drops from his, but she sits even closer. His arm brushes against her as he types in the other works.

He searches for the other works, showing them to her. They talk in length about them, and he loves hearing her interpretations about them. His brain gives him the curtesy to get lost in their talk but he’s still aware every time she shifts against him, every time they touch. Her arm is practically around his shoulders now, and it would be easy for her to rest her head on his shoulder. He wants her to. They’re practically cuddling.

Maybe she does have feelings for him.

Maybe.

But she does this with Garrus and Tali sometimes.

How long has she known them though, compared to him? Of course, she would be more comfortable with them, given their history. Him, on the other hand, they’ve only known each other for a couple of weeks. Yet here they are. Plus, he catches her staring at him sometimes and it lights him up inside whenever she does. Does she feel the same way when she catches him looking? She doesn’t seem uncomfortable with how he’s acting- his advances. She’s never told him to stop or anything like that. He knows she can be blunt with that stuff.

But what if she’s worried about team cohesion if she does? He keeps circling back to that thought. To the what ifs. The unknowns. All the ways this can play out. Namely the negative ones. But if that’s the reason why she hasn’t said anything than she would definitely not be willingly pressed against his side right now.

So, feelings. Maybe.

He feels himself smile as she talks about different paper companies.

Hopefully.

Chapter Text

Shepard invites him up to her cabin on the day after their little get together on the Citadel, Kal picking up his tablet on the way up there. He feels like a teenager again, being invited into his crushes room for the first time; feeling jittery just like then, damn near bouncing on his toes as the elevator rises. They might have spent hours on the Citadel together only yesterday, but he is not at all tired of her company. He now actually has the chance to not draw her purely from memory.

The doors hiss open, he announces his arrival to EDI and then her cabin doors are opening before him. Her captain’s quarters are fancier than any ship he’s served on. Especially with a damn fish tank. He tilts his head at it, instinctually running the cost/benefit analysis of having something like this on a ship. It’s empty though. A squeak catches his attention and when he looks to the left, he sees a cage.

The hamster. Of course.

He takes a step forward, looking at the wheel it’s running on. It’s what’s making the squeaking noises. The thing’s going fast. It’s got a little dome in the corner, and a tube with fluff piled all around the cage.  

“Hey, Kal!” Shepard calls. He turns his head towards her voice. He sees her form moving through the glass display case.

“Hey! What did you say this guy’s name is?” His gaze follows Shepard through the glass and then as she climbs the stairs.

“Mister Spocket the Third.” She rounds the case and the desk.

“The Third? Did you have previous hamsters?”

She almost looks offended. It’s then that he realizes she’s just wearing a white shirt tucked into dark blue pants. The shirt is tight, across her shoulders and biceps. He swallows. “No, I just… name my pets Mister Spocket. This is my third pet.”

“Ah,” he nods. “And the ships?” The case is almost full, lovingly arranged and painted the standard colors. That’s all gonna change when she adds Sovereign in the mix.

“Well, obviously the two Normandy models, and the Destiny Ascension.” She steps closer to him as she points them out. “The UT-47 Kodiak drop shuttle. It’s what we’re using right now. The standard Alliance cruiser. I actually got this at a discount because I helped the clerk with her boyfriend issues.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, a krogan was spouting love poetry at her and I asked if she needed any help. She was debating on whether he was serious about having kids with her and all that. Helped her figure it out.”

“And what conclusion did you reach?”

Shepard looks at him. “That she either trusted him to be genuine about having kids or she didn’t. Then she would have her answer.”

He can feel himself smile at her. “All that for a discount?”

Shepard huffs, then shrugs a shoulder. “I didn’t actually do it for a discount, she offered. I wasn’t going to say no.”

“’Cause you’re a cheapskate.”

Shepard’s jaw drops and she looks mockingly offended. “Excuse me?” He laughs. “I prefer the term frugal.”

“So that’s why Garrus was telling me you swindled store clerks with your prestige?”

“Listen—” He laughs again, louder this time. “If they offer—”

“Because you nudge them in that direction!”

“Oh please—”

“Don’t act like you can’t persuade someone to do what you want. What’s your human expression? Honey tongue?”

“Silver tongued,” Shepard corrects but she’s smiling at him.

He snaps his fingers. “That!” He realizes how close they’ve gotten but stays put. “You’ve heard it before; I’ll say it again. You’re good at getting what you want.”

Shepard’s eyebrow cocks as she smirks, and this easy confident look is making him bite his lip. “Am I now?”

Kal locks eyes with her, and it must be the hours of time spent together, the fact that he’s in her room, that has confidence spilling out of him. “Well, are you getting what you want?”

Shepard looks him up and down and his heart flips the fuck out. She turns with a smile, “come on,” she calls. Leading him down the stairs, he sees the couch — couch! — with a small table in front of it. Sovereign is propped up; she’s got a light and a magnifying glass. Paints are lined in front of the model.

She sits down in front of it, and he settles next to her, giving her enough room to maneuver. “So, acid trip Sovereign is getting put into existence?”

Shepard nods, picking up a paintbrush dipped white. “Yep. I’m gonna give him fake nails.”

“Oh?” Kal boots up his tablet.

Shepard grabs one of the legs of the reaper, lifting it. It’s ending point of is white. “These are going to be hot pink.”

Kal grins. “Perfect.”

Lowering the leg, she then picks up another one, this one clearly only has one coat on it. “I thought so.” She paints and he opens up his drawing program. “So, what project are you working on?”

His latest was of her, but he’s not going to tell her that. Though, maybe if he asks, she’ll let him draw her right now. “Just of the ship. Drawing the main battery.”

“Yeah?” Shepard turns her head to him, and he holds the tablet towards her. He watches her expression, as her eyes move about the screen. It reminds him of back on the Presidium, when she was sat close. Then, they were on a bench. A couch is much better for cuddling.

Smiling, she says, “It’s good.”

“Thank you.” She goes back to painting, and he goes back to shading the piece.

Low music is playing over her speakers, rap it sounds like this time. Kal quickly gets bored of his own piece, instead his eyes keep getting drawn to Shepard. Like usual. Along with her hands, like usual.

She’s finishing up with the hot pink on the ends when he finally gets his ass in gear. “Can I ask you a weird question?”

Shepard pauses and then slowly turns her head to him. “Go for it,” she hedges.

“Can I draw you?”

She blinks, hand lowering and twisting her torso to him fully. “You… want to draw me?”

“Yes.”

She squints a little, looking to the side, clearly confused. “Okay.”

“I don’t have to.” He just wants to.

“No, no. It’s fine. I just don’t understand why.”

You’re a piece of art, he doesn’t say. “You’re interesting.” Seems safe enough.

Shepard’s head cocks for a second, and she goes back to painting. He opens a new canvas for her. “That’s one word to describe me.” There are multiple words he can use to describe her. It would probably be too much if he said them out loud.

So, he starts sketching her painting and she goes back to laying down white. For neon green, she explains. Her hair is tied back in her half up-half down look, tucked behind ears and he captures the swoop of it. The way only a few wisps fall into her eyes. Her jawline and nose, the curve of her mouth. Her freckles.

The lattice of scars on her cheek. Forehead. Chin. Her biceps and hands. The way her shirt hugs her muscles.

She’s adding in the neon green when he starts on the shadow work.

They both have finished their pieces of art a couple of hours later. Hours! Hours spent in comfortable company together. Kal actually needs to spend more time on the piece to get it to his definition of finished, but Shepard is giving him a shy smile when he shows her it. Blushing. If that's the response he gets he doesn't particularly care all that much. It’s as thrilling as a firefight.

Sovereign is properly looking like an acid trip, and Shepard hands over the reins for the ultraviolet colors. The ship looks horrible in a phenomenal way, and with the use of his paint, he makes him look worse. Artistically, of course.

Shepard’s relaxed against the couch, elbows hooked on the back of it, thighs spread enough to make it distracting. If only he could have sketched this pose. Still, he keeps himself steady as he adds highlights only he can see. The trust that Shepard is giving him here almost makes his hand shake.

“Can I ask when you got into art?”

“When I was a child. Six or so. I just kept up with the classes outside of the required teaching.” He stops for a moment, considering Sovereign, tilting his head. “It helped. Kept me distracted and out of trouble.” He looks to her to grin. “Mostly.”

She smiles back, slightly chuckling. “You weren’t a problem child?”

“Not fully. My mom would say that Zaar was the bad influence.” He was supposed to be better than the whims of Zaar. Being better wasn’t fun, though.

“You influenced each other?”

“Yes. I was just better at hiding it.” Shepard shakes her head. “It was actually my idea to start our band not his, but my mom will never believed it.”

Shepard gasps, causing him to pause in his painting, and she leans forward, elbows on her knees. “You were in a band!?”

“I was. Surely, I’ve mentioned it.”

“I would have remembered if you did! What did you do!?”

“I was lead singer and played uhhh,” he tilts his head as he tries to come up with the human equivalent. “It’s similar to your guitar. Electric of course.”

Shepard stares for a moment, still grinning and eyes still bright. “You were in a band. Lead singer. Oh my god. I’m seeing you in an entirely new light.”

He laughs. “A good one I hope.”

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that.” Why does she have to purr her voice like that? “Were you guys any good?”

“Oh, please we were teenagers. No.”

“Come on! Don’t sell yourself short! I’m sure there’s vid out there. Did you guys actually do performances? Wait, was it just you and Zaar?”

“Nah, two more, Cila— I’ve mentioned her, yes?” Shepard nods. “Her and Kann. Cila was on bass, along with doing vocals with me. Kann was the pianist. Did vocals when we needed a deeper voice.”

“What did Zaar do?”

“Drums.”

“Seems in line with that I’ve heard of him.”

“That’s why my mother thinks it was his idea. Because he just wanted to smash drums. Be loud.”

“Why start the band?”

Kal looks back to Sovereign, continuing to fill in his outline of stripes. “Rebellion?”

“Oh? Were you trying to be a bad boy?”

He gives her a sideways look and she just grins, leaning against the couch again. “I don’t know. Figured why not? It was something to do.” It’s the furthest thing from what his mom did when she was a teenager. “Besides, we took music classes with Cila and Kann so they would actually work on their skills. They’re the true musicians out of us.”

“Do they still play?”

“Yeah, but they’re military like me. We all joined up.”

“All four?”

“All four.” Shepard’s quiet after that and looks up to her. She’s considering him, and he wonders what for. What is she hesitating over?

EDI’s voice cuts through before either of them can say anything. “Shepard, Jack wishes to speak with you.”

“Now?”

“It is prudent, yes.”

Shepard heaves a sigh. “Is she fighting anyone?”

“Not yet. She seems… disturbed.”

She rubs at her brow and Kal can’t help but laugh. “I’ll let you get to it. Think I’ve done all I can, anyway.” He lays the paint brush down, giving an admiring look to the neon bomb that is Sovereign. He grabs his tablet, and Shepard stands with him. Together they head out the door and to the elevator.

“Thanks for joining me, Kal.”

“Anytime,” he quickly responds, looking at her as she pushes the button for the crew deck and then Engineering. “I appreciate the invitation. I had a lot of fun.”

“So did I.” She gives him a brief smile, and then the elevator moves. She doesn’t say anything else, and he can’t quite find anything either.

He steps out when they hit his deck, and he turns to her. “Talk to ‘ya later, Captain.”

A much more playful smile. “You got it, Kal.”

Chapter Text

Kal hears the doors swish open and the tell-tale sound of Shepard’s footsteps. He hears Jacob call out a greeting, but Shepard continues on to him with a reply. He quickly finishes what he was doing on his terminal – upgrades for the Arc Projector – before spinning around to face her.

“Captain. You need me?”

Her eyebrow cocks a little, and he processes that wording and well, he’s not going to take it back. She answers with, “wondering if you wanted to hit the MSV Strontium Mule; the ship the Blue Suns took over. Finally cracked the coordinates.”

He grins. “Taking over ships is always fun.” Along with being familiar. Some of the best training had been for sieges of ships.

“Glad you think so. Zaeed will be joining us.” Of course, he is. “Get your gear together.”

“Roger that.”

The mission goes smoothly up till they kill the captain and make their way to the artifact. They get pinned. A secondary team was apparently waiting to ambush them. Zaeed’s on one side of the hallway, him and Shepard getting forced together on the other. They’ve got a crate holding their left flank, with Zaeed holding their right, and the glass railing in front of them seems to be holding against the Blue Suns’ barrage of gunfire.

For now.

As one, he and Zaeed pull out their sniper rifles with disruptor ammo filling their barrels. Kal doesn’t have a good vantage point to brace his rifle and— an ion torpedo hits them. Shepard practically falls into him as her tech armor absorbs the hit.

“Shit!” Kal shouts, getting them both back into cover, practically pinning Shepard between him and the glass barricade. She’s between his legs, on her ass, him kneeling in front of her with one foot braced on the floor. “Careful there,” he says, head ducked close next to hers.

Shepard leans back a little, shaking her head, looking the slightest bit dazed. He looks out over the hallway, hearing the pops of Zaeed’s rifle and the cacophony of the Blue Sun’s. The Heavy pops out of again. Kal doesn’t hesitate. Bracing his rifle on Shepard’s shoulder and the edge of the glass, he fires. One— two shots and the Heavy falls. He ducks back into cover, lifting his rifle away from her. He meets Shepard’s wide eyes. There’s a slight flush to her face, a part to her lips.  

“Are you broken?” he asks. Maybe that torpedo did more harm than he thought. He can’t see any cracks in her armor, but she took the hit from the back. Her vitals are in the parameters, though.

“I’m—” She gets cut off by another torpedo hitting their cover and Kal instinctively hunches over her even through it doesn’t do anything. She would still get hit first. She would still take the hit.

The sound of glass cracking tells them all they need to know. Shepard’s face twists into a snarl, something that has his stomach jumping in anticipation, and he can see the whites of her eyes go black through her visor. She turns, stands— her ass gets right in his face and well.  

The sight of her yellow-orange tech armor mixed with the blue of her biotics is always something stunning, intricate. A light show. But now he’s seeing the flurry of her biotics and the ripples of the tech armor right up close and personal. His ears are crackling with the close proximity of her powers, can damn near feel it creeping along his suit. A front row view of her ass flexing as she takes a small step forward, as her waist twists with her arm lifting. Her armor does nothing to hide how round her ass is, how plush. It follows the curve of it, and he is a weak, weak man.

He's glad he has a cod piece.

She’s squatting back down in seconds, and he watches as the now lifted Heavy gets two shots to the head curtesy of Zaeed.

“That should take care of that problem,” Shepard comments, with a faint smirk. There’s no more Heavies, just the regular troopers, a Legionnaire, and a Commander. “I’m gonna get closer. Stay back here with Zaeed.”

Shepard switches to her Phalanx, and they brush against each other as she leaves the cover. Kal gives his own shake to his head, getting his mind back on the fight. Now’s not the time to go lusting after the Commander. Even if she did shove her ass in his face. What a glorious ass.

Shepard moves up closer, omni-tool out and pistol in hand. There’s three sudden dull booms, and the troopers are giving shouts, dropping their weapons. Backfire, his mind supplies as he picks them off. There’s the fizzle of an overload, rounds of her Phalanx going off — she’s hitting the Commander — and he starts bringing down the Legionnaire’s shields. It doesn’t take long. Especially when Shepard drains their shields for herself. Giving her the time to keep the momentum going. Keep the pressure up.

Him and Zaeed get the rest of the squad taken care of and he swivels to where Shepard is— is now going hand-to-hand with the Commander. They’re moving too fast for him to get a clear shot. It doesn’t seem any help is necessary as she gets an opening to kick the guy across the face. It causes him to topple over the railing and to the floor below. Kal stands, sliding his sniper onto his back and peering down at the target.

He can hear the guy’s groans from up here and he looks to see Shepard going to the railing as well. Body glowing blue, she hurls two dark balls down toward the Commander. He stops groaning. Again, after a brief glance to Zaeed to check in, he turns to Shepard. She’s breathing hard enough that he can see her chest moving through the bulk of her armor and her corona is fading out around her, the familiar hum in the air dulling. She blows a wisp of hair that’s fallen out of her half-bun out of her eyes, visor flickering as she does.

“I’m not seeing any more signatures. Let’s find this artifact.”

She starts walking off to find that previously locked room, presumably where the last squad was. He takes a second to watch her go, her shoulders and ass, before getting his own ass in gear. He and Zaeed join up and when they do, the human snorts at him.

“You’re like a love-sick puppy.”

“Pardon?” he asks, sliding the unused thermal clips from a trooper.

“Should’ve figured, you did faint in her arms when you first met.”

Kal flounders at that, truly not expecting the mercenary to say anything like this to him. Does he deny? What’s the point? “It wasn’t when I first met her!”

Zaeed makes a face, stepping on someone instead of over. “You fainted when we first met you.”

“Technically, the meeting was already over with. It was after, back on the ship.”

“You still fainted in her arms. That’s a romcom if I’ve ever seen one.”

“The fuck is a romcom?”

Zaeed doesn’t deign to answer which is probably for the best, especially since they meet back up with Shepard. Fuck, he hopes she didn’t hear their conversation. She doesn’t give any indication that she did, thankfully. They grab the artifact, Zaeed tries to convince Shepard to blow the ship up, which she sadly declines as it’s not an actual Blue Sun’s freighter, and then they get the fuck outta there.

All in all, a mission success.

He also got Shepard’ ass in his face which is always nice.

Chapter Text

Hey everyone! Wanted to post a chapter saying that this fic is on indefinite haitus and there is a rewrite that you can find here! (the first chapter is posted already)

I wanted to thank everyone for their support for this fic as it means a lot to me. I wouldn't be here without it so again, thank you!!<3