Archive of Our Own ^beta

‘Can you control it?’ Derek asked, as the gold faded from Stiles’ eyes. When he’d come back to Beacon Hills this had been the last thing he’d expected to find and he didn’t like it.

Elbows resting on his knees, Stiles bowed his head and stared at the floor. Derek could hear his heart beating even faster than usual. ‘Kind of.’

Derek had no idea what had happened, what circumstances had led up to Stiles getting the bite, but if he’d been there, maybe he’d have been able to stop it from happening. Anything to stop the misery that was thick around Stiles. ‘Did you ask for it?’

Stiles shot him a highly unimpressed look. ‘What do you think?’

They’d never actually talked about it, but Derek had always sensed the bite wasn’t something Stiles wanted. Not unless he was literally dying, and possibly not even then. ‘No.’

‘Yeah,’ Stiles agreed. ‘That.’

His stomach soured and Derek forced his hands to not curl into fists. ‘How did it happen?’

Stiles gave himself a shake before looking Derek in the eye. ‘I, uh, Scott.’

‘Scott did this?’ Rage flashed through him, but he locked it down quickly. The last thing Stiles needed as a new wolf was to feel Derek’s anger. It would only worsen his control.

Stiles’ head jerked, like he was trying to nod. ‘He was losing control and I tried to calm him down.’ He laughed bitterly. ‘As you can tell, that didn’t go so well.’

Derek sat back and rubbed a hand over his face. ‘Shit.’ Even when he’d been at his worst as alpha, biting Stiles had never even entered his head. He’d always suspected that Stiles had no interest in becoming a werewolf and the fact that this had been forced upon him, by his best friend, no less, made Derek want to punch things.

‘Yeah. You could say that. Dad, he… he had to shoot Scott to stop him from killing me when Liam and Kira weren’t able to hold him back. They both got pretty torn up.’

‘Why did Scott -?’

‘A warlock, of all things.’

‘He made Scott lose control of his wolf,’ Derek concluded, wishing he’d been better at teaching Scott control when he’d had the chance. Then, maybe, Stiles wouldn’t be sitting in front of him, obviously terrified of what he could now do.

‘Not exactly. He tapped into how much Scott hates being a werewolf.’

And they all knew how much Scott hated being a werewolf. Although, Derek had always wondered how Scott would deal with losing the perks of being a werewolf, because he seemed to really like those.

‘Put that in charge of the wolf. And, well, you can probably imagine.’

Derek could and it wasn’t pretty. ‘What about Scott now? Is he -’

‘Oh, he’s alive. Fine, really. Dad shot him with regular bullets and it was enough to shock him out of his fury. Lydia made a spell, made an amulet, really, that suppresses -’ Stiles waved his hand about vaguely in the air and frowned ‘- he’s not human or anything with the amulet, but he can’t access any werewolfy power while he wears it.’

‘Which is good for Scott -’ Because, god, if Scott hadn’t been able to stop himself from attacking Stiles, no-one was safe.

‘And everyone around him,’ Stiles interrupted. ‘While we work out how to get Scott’s control back.’

‘And everyone around him,’ Derek allowed. He didn’t bother pointing out that the only way Scott was ever going to get true control of his wolf was if he accepted the fact that he’d never be human again and embraced being a wolf. Stiles no doubt knew that, just like he probably knew that that was something Scott was never going to accept. He’d probably always be a danger to those around him because of something his sixteen-year-old self couldn’t let go of. But that was no longer Derek’s concern. ‘But what about you? How is your control without your alpha?’

‘My control is so-so,’ he said, holding out his hand and shaking it back and forth. ‘And Scott isn’t my alpha.’

That did surprise Derek and his eyes jerked to Stiles’ in surprise. ‘What?’

‘Which bit?’ Stiles asked, smirking a bit like his old self; before Peter, before Gerard, before the nogitsune. ‘The control or Scott not being my alpha?’

'Both, but let's start with Scott not being your alpha.’ It was the one he was most curious about, because he was fairly certain he knew how Stiles’ control was going.

Worrying his hands, Stiles nodded sharply. ‘I woke up healed -’ Derek took a moment to sag with relief that Stiles hadn’t ended up rejecting the bite ‘- and I didn’t feel the pull that Scott said he felt to Peter or Isaac felt to you.’

‘But he bit you.’

‘Derek, I don’t have all the answers. Or, even, any of them.’

‘But -?’ Because Derek was positive that Stiles at least had a theory or two.

‘Well, you know. Magic. It does the wacky.’

‘Really? Magic does the wacky? That’s your explanation?’ He shook his head. ‘I expected something more, to be honest.’

‘Well, it could be a true alpha thing, combined with a spark thing.’ He worried his lip between his teeth. ‘Along with -’ His scent turned embarrassed ‘- the fact that I never stopped thinking of you as, uh, my alpha. I didn’t know Scott was playing you, so when he said we were with you, I meant it.’

Scott’s betrayal, once exposed to the harsh light of day, hadn’t been such a surprise. But he’d always wondered about Stiles; how much he’d known, how he’d been such a masterful liar in that one moment. That he hadn’t known it was a lie on Scott’s part, had assumed it to be true and had really meant it, explained why Stiles had been able to convince him. Knowing Stiles hadn’t been lying to him was more of a relief than he’d expected it to be.

‘But I’m not an alpha anymore,’ Derek pointed out, reeling as he tried to get his head around the fact that Stiles had just told him a version of a werewolf fairytale that his nan had loved to tell when he, Laura and Cora had been younger.

‘Thanks, Einstein, but I already know that.’

In the fairytale, rare individuals had been able to choose their alphas once bitten. Never once, though, had his nan said anything about a newly bitten wolf being able to choose someone who wasn’t an alpha. That certainly had never been a part of the story.

There had been a whole true love component to the story, like most fairytales, not that Derek thought that was what was going on here. Not from Stiles, anyway. But his nan had always said that fairytales came from a kernel of truth. When Derek had asked her what she thought the kernel of truth was for this one, she’d said that something had probably happened between an alpha and someone magical who had been bitten against their will, and the tale had formed from that.

Derek didn’t think Stiles would appreciate such a story yet. He’d save it until Stiles was more himself and able to appreciate the weirdness of it.

‘You know,’ he said slowly. ‘I felt something pulling me back here. It was - I couldn’t ignore it. Maybe it was you, this happening, that did that.’

Stiles’ face fell and he hunched in on himself. ‘Shit, Derek, I’m so sorry. I know you never wanted to come back here, that you went away for a reason. I didn’t. I never meant to pull you back.’

Stiles was starting to breathe erratically and Derek hurried to kneel beside him, wrapping his hand around the nape of Stiles’ neck. ‘Breathe,’ he ordered. ‘Breathe with me.’

It took a few minutes, but Stiles’ breathing finally evened out, though he was still a little shaky. He sagged forward and rested his forehead on Derek’s shoulder. ‘Sorry,’ he muttered.

Derek gave his neck a reassuring squeeze, liking the weight of Stiles resting against him. ‘No need to say sorry.’

‘But -’

‘Stiles, I mean it. But I think this might be the perfect time to talk about your control.’

‘It comes and goes,’ Stiles said, sitting up straight and dislodging Derek’s hand. Derek stayed kneeling where he was just in case Stiles panicked again.

‘Do you have an anchor?’ he asked.

Stiles froze, looking not unlike a rabbit frozen in the face of a predator. Which was a somewhat amusing comparison considering what Stiles now was.

‘You don’t have to tell me,’ Derek assured him. Although he couldn’t think what Stiles wouldn’t want him to know. It couldn’t be the sheriff, because Stiles wouldn’t be embarrassed about his dad or happier family times being his anchor. It wasn’t Scott because, well, things obviously weren’t well between them at the moment. It wasn’t Lydia because they’d finally fallen into being good friends and it wasn’t Malia because over the last six months Stiles had talked to him at length on the phone about the general fucked-up nature of their hooking up and resulting relationship. ‘I just need to know that you have one and it works.’

‘I -’ Stiles coughed. ‘I do and it does.’

‘But?’

Stiles slumped forward and huffed in exasperation. ‘My ADHD, it messes everything up. I thought, maybe, it’d cure it, but it’s only made it worse. My brain jumped all over the place before the bite, but now there are about another billion things for it to latch onto. I can’t concentrate on anything. And when I can concentrate something else comes along, like a new noise or a new smell, and smashes it all to hell.’ He met Derek’s gaze. ‘I don’t want to hurt anyone, Derek. What if I hurt my dad?’

‘Stiles, you won’t hurt your dad.’

‘I got Lydia to line my windows with mountain ash.’ Stiles kept talking as though Derek hadn’t said anything. ‘And Dad puts mountain ash down outside his room before he sleeps.’

Derek scowled. It was a safe thing to do, but it still didn’t mean he liked it.

Stiles shook his head. ‘I told him to. I told him I’d hide out in the preserve if he didn’t.’

That sounded like something Stiles would do. It was also the complete opposite to how Scott had reacted. It made him wonder all over again how much easier everything would have been if Peter had bitten Stiles instead of Scott. It was hardly the first time Derek had thought about that, but this time it made him feel even guiltier because Stiles had been bitten, by someone he’d trusted, and he was miserable and afraid.

‘I have an idea,’ Derek said slowly. ‘For how to help with your control.’

‘You don’t need to,’ Stiles said quickly. ‘You didn’t want to be here and I didn’t mean to force you into being, I dunno, my werewolf Mr Miyagi, or whatever.’

Derek huffed in exasperation. ‘Don’t be such an idiot.’

Stiles barked out a laugh. ‘Still such a charmer.’

‘Shut up,’ Derek grumbled.

‘So what’s this amazing idea of yours?’

‘You’re done for the summer, aren’t you?’

Stiles nodded. ‘Though, I’m thinking of deferring at least my first semester at Davis. I’m not sure how I can go there if I can’t trust that I won’t murder everyone.’

Derek frowned and nodded in understanding. ‘When I left,’ he said, ‘after Kate and Mexico.’

Stiles was watching him with curiosity. For all that they had talked after Derek had left, there had been things that Derek hadn’t wanted or been able to talk about. Where he’d ended up had been one of them. The idea that anyone other than Stiles could have visited had stopped him from telling Stiles where he lived because he hadn’t wanted to ask Stiles to keep a secret from Scott.

‘My parents. There’d been some land they’d owned up in Wyoming. Laura and I didn’t go there because it was just land with nowhere to live and didn’t seem right, the possibility that we could lead hunters right to it. But this time, I went there.’

‘Okay.’

‘I cleared some of the land, built myself a cabin.’

‘Oh.’ The first genuine smile he’d seen in the last hour, appeared on Stiles’ face. ‘That’s pretty awesome. You like it?’

‘I do. It’s quiet up there. I don’t see many people, though Cora visits a lot. It would be a good place for you to learn control. If something went wrong -’

‘And it will,’ Stiles interrupted. ‘Because nothing ever goes right for me.’

‘Or maybe learning control is a difficult thing and you shouldn't beat yourself up when you don’t do it perfectly first time.’

Stiles rolled his eyes. ‘Stop being so logical and reasonable.’

‘My point is that if you did lose control there’s only me and wild animals for miles and miles.’

‘I could hurt you.’

‘No, Stiles, you couldn’t.’

‘I wouldn’t want to,’ Stiles said, starting to sound panicked again. ‘But I didn’t want to hurt Liam last week and I lashed out because I got suddenly angry. And when Scott tried to alpha voice me before Lydia’s amulet suppressed his powers, I tried to rip his throat out.’

Derek nearly laughed. ‘That doesn’t surprise me at all.’

Bewilderment flashed across Stiles’ face. ‘Huh?’

‘Scott never had the killer instinct and for whatever reason, he didn’t power up when he became a true alpha and unless things have really changed around here, he’s still not one for training and learning how to use his senses and abilities to their fullest. You, however, are always assessing people’s weaknesses. It’s just something you do. That you’d nearly be able to take out Scott even after nearly three years of him being a wolf isn’t all that shocking to me.’

‘Oh.’

‘It wouldn’t even be all that shocking to me if you weren’t a werewolf, either.’

‘It wouldn’t?’

‘If a human trains hard enough and long enough, the fact that we’re stronger and faster means little and put us more or less on an equal footing. If you have two werewolves, one who trains and one who is content to let their natural abilities be enough, then the one who trains -’

‘Will kick the other ones ass,’ Stiles finished for him. ‘But, uh, you...’ Stiles trailed off, but Derek knew what he’d been about to say and it was a fair point.

‘Before Laura died, I would have been able to wipe the floor with nearly everything that Beacon Hills threw at us.’ He shrugged. ‘The kanima maybe not. But I was a mess after Laura was killed.’ Everything had piled on and Derek hadn’t even started to get out from under it all until he’d seen his mom on the nemeton. It didn’t excuse all his shitty decisions or how much of a raging asshole he’d been, but at least he’d been able to recognise his mistakes and why they’d happened. ‘And, well, I wasn’t at my best emotionally, mentally or physically.’

‘That therapist is really working out for you, huh?’

Derek nodded. ‘I told you I was getting my shit together.’

‘So one of the things I’m getting from this is that you’re still no stranger to a punishing physical regime that would have weaker werewolves puking their guts out and that if I lose my shit, you’ll have no problem stopping me.’

‘You won’t hurt me Stiles.’

Tension drained out of Stiles and he scrubbed a hand through his hair. ‘And you’d be okay with me staying with you?’ Stiles asked, sounding confused. ‘Really?’

‘Of course I’m okay with it,’ Derek said. ‘I wouldn’t have offered otherwise.’ The idea of having Stiles on his land, in the home he’d built himself made something deep inside him settle and he was already looking forward to showing Stiles around.

Stiles stared at him. ‘You aren’t lying. I can hear your heartbeat. It was completely steady.’ He reached out slowly, and his hand hovered over Derek’s heart for a moment before he rested his hand on Derek’s Henley. ‘That’s kind of awesome.’

Derek grinned at him. ‘Yeah.’

‘I’ve been so focused on all the bad things that could happen now I’m all furry, that I never stopped to think about some of the cool stuff I can do now.’

‘Something tells me you’re going to be a terror while you find out.’

‘Yeah, probably,’ Stiles agreed with a slight quirk of his mouth. ‘So you’re definitely okay with me staying with you?

Derek growled and Stiles nearly laughed.

‘Okay. Cool. Uh, thanks. I don’t quite know what to say. But you came back and this is the first time in nearly a month that I haven't felt like I’m about to vibrate out of my skin. And you’re going to help me and dude, I. That’s huge.’

‘I want to help,’ Derek said quietly.

Stiles took a deep, shuddering breath. ‘Is. Is it okay if I, uh - Or, ummm, if you -’

Derek frowned. ‘If I what?’

‘My neck, I, uh -’

Understanding immediately, Derek lifted a hand and wrapped it around the nape of Stiles’ neck, squeezing gently. When he guided Stiles’ head back to his shoulder, there wasn’t even any token resistance.

Stiles just shuddered slightly, like he was no longer focusing his attention on holding himself still. ‘This is kinda embarrassing.’

‘Hey,’ Derek said quietly. ‘No, you don’t say that. You’re going to be more tactile now. Don’t fight it. If you fight it, try to keep to human standards of what’s acceptable, it can drive you mad.’

‘It’s like a craving,’ Stiles muttered.

‘I guess it is,’ Derek agreed.

‘I keep wanting to hug my dad and touch people more.’

‘That’s normal,’ Derek told him.

‘Okay.’ Stiles’ head shifted on his shoulder so he could meet Derek’s gaze. ‘Does this mean you like it too?’

‘Of course I do, idiot,’ Derek huffed.

‘So we can snuggle and it won’t be weird?’

‘It’s you, it’s bound to be weird,’ Derek said. ‘But yeah, we can.’

‘And it won’t be weird?’

‘Humans have this horrible habit of equating all intimacy with sex. It shouldn’t be like that, and it’s not for wolves. It’s comfort, belonging, family.’

‘Sounds nice,’ Stiles said softly.

Derek thought back to how he used to curl up with his parents and sisters, and how safe and loved he’d felt. ‘It was.’

Stiles gave him a sad smile before nuzzling back into Derek’s neck.

They sat like that for a while longer before Stiles broke the silence. ‘Can I ask a question?’

‘Could I stop you if I tried?’

‘How does it work, you being a wolf? Because you’re not an alpha.’

‘No, I’m not.’

‘But you’re not a beta, either?’

Derek wondered how many times Stiles had held back for asking questions when they’d been on the phone. ‘No.’

‘Are you an omega?’

‘Kind of. It’s fairly unusual, but you can get omegas that have a place to be, even have pack of a sort, but aren’t a traditional pack.’

‘So you and Cora would qualify?’

‘Cora, me and you,’ he said quietly. ‘I told you I felt a pull here.’

‘Oh.’ Stiles didn’t speak for the next few minutes, but Derek didn’t mind. Stiles was calmer now. ‘That’s. I wasn't sure, you know. After that stunt Scott pulled. And after I finally found out about it. I didn’t know if that meant I was out too or if you’d even want me in your pack after that. And then there was the alpha pack and everything that came after and I was too scared to ask and find out.’

‘You’re pack, Stiles. Don’t ever doubt that.’

Stiles hid his face in the crook of Derek’s neck and for about a second Derek could feel Stiles’ smile against his skin. But then Stiles seemed to realise what he was doing and pulled back, cheeks turning pink. He bit his lip. ‘Uh, when can we go? Because I’d really like to get to a place where I don’t feel like I’m seconds away from losing my shit and murdering a whole load of people.’

‘We can leave tomorrow, if you’d like.’ The sooner he got out of Beacon Hills, the happier Derek would be.

‘My dad?’

‘He’d be welcome to visit whenever he wanted,’ Derek promised. ‘But the first month or so, it’s probably best if it’s just me so you don’t have too many distractions.’

Stiles stared at him for a moment. ‘Right,’ he said. ‘No distractions. Got it.’

‘Is that going to be a problem?’

‘Uh, let’s go with no, but remember that everything distracts me at the moment, so I make no promises.’

Derek laughed and stood. ‘Duly noted.’ Stiles was staring up at him and he cocked an eyebrow in question.

‘Uh, this is the first time I’ve heard you laugh in person. Over Skype doesn’t count.’ He flushed red, but for the first time since Derek had arrived, he smelled happy. ‘And, uh, yeah. I like it.’

‘Come on,’ Derek said, pulling Stiles to his feet and putting his hand back on the nape of Stiles’ neck because that seemed to calm him. ‘Let’s go and see your dad. We’ll tell him what’s going on and pack.’

Stiles grinned at him, looking more like his old self. ‘I like that plan.’