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"You have nowhere to run now. You have to tell me the truth."
Dazai sat on a stool in a dingy bar.
He almost startled, but not quite. He clearly wasn’t expecting anyone to disturb him there, and certainly that someone to be Kunikida.
Kunikida wouldn't want to be there either, for that matter.
Dazai forced him to be there.
The last time Kunikida tried to get an answer out of Dazai it was at the park, he said it was an excellent time to jog and started running. The bastard was surprisingly fast when he wanted to.
The time before that, they were at the dorms. Dazai said it was a wonderful day for suicide and launched himself from the window. (As this accident happened more than once, it was a unanimous decision to have him live on the first floor out of concern for his health.)
Prior to that, they were on a shopping errand for Yosano. When asked, Dazai said to have an urgent need for the toilette and never returned.
There was that time at the pharmacy, at the river, on a mission, in a flower shop, in a library…
But the most surprising instance was when they were in the agency building. Dazai voluntarily started working on paperwork instead of fleeing like he usually would. Needless to say, Kunikida didn’t want to interrupt this activity outburst from the usually lazy man and didn’t press for answers.
That’s to say, Kunikida ended up following Dazai to the bar.
And now he couldn't escape. Finally.
The bar was small and cramped with furniture, it had only one exit and no windows since it was built in a basement. (Did this place even fit the construction norms? Kunikida made a mental note to check better later)
Kunikida blocked the only path to the stairs, so Dazai was trapped and this time he couldn't escape. Kunikida was even ready for him to make a scene and to deal with it and its consequences.
But Dazai surprised him once again. He did something that Kunikida couldn't have predicted.
He stayed silent.
He didn't even turn around to acknowledge Kunikida.
Dazai sat on a stool in a dingy bar.
A whiskey glass sat in front of him untouched, the ice started to melt and gain an unrecognisable shape. Soon the drink wouldn't be as inviting as it was now.
Another whiskey glass sat on his right. This one, too, was untouched and the ice was in the same condition, meaning they were ordered at the same time. The drink was clearly not meant to be drunk at all, there were flowers in it.
The silence stretched so much so that Dazai's eyes started to unfocus.
Kunikida for the first time got the impression that his partner wasn't really there. That he was lost in his mind and that he wasn't aware of his surroundings.
He knew for a fact that Dazai was always aware of his surroundings even when he was in the comfort of his own house and that he was such a light sleeper that the softest noise could wake him up and make him aware again.
So the fact that he was lost in his thoughts was new.
And new with Dazai never meant something good.
"Dazai"
No response.
"Dazai. We have to talk."
Nothing.
"Well, if you won't talk, I'll talk. When did you plan on telling me you're ex-mafia? Were you planning to tell me at all?"
In any other public place Kunikida wouldn't have dared to say those words. But the drunks' laughter and chatter were loud enough that no one was paying attention to them and the bartender wasn't in sight.
Kunikida slowly walked closer to Dazai.
"Dazai. We've been partners for two years now, I trusted you! How can you hide something like that from me? You said everyone at the agency knew. Everyone except me."
Dazai's eyes were still far away. He didn't seem to be paying attention to Kunikida's words at all.
Even so, Kunikida continued talking. He was talking for himself, to let out his emotions. It was selfish, to talk like that to his partner and not care if he was listening. To let out his rage in an uncontrolled way.
For once, Kunikida didn’t care about it.
“Even the kids. They all knew it before me. They all knew, but me. Why didn’t you tell me?”
The ice clinked in the glasses.
“Is it because of my Ideals? You have read them times and times again without my consent, you should know them by now. You should know that I believe in second chances and in true repentance. And if you still believed I wouldn’t forgive you, you could’ve changed your mind after Kyouka came to the agency. I’ve never faulted her for the things she did. They manipulated her into doing those things, she never wanted to kill. I’m sure, Dazai, that it was the same for you. After all, you came to the agency of your own accord, right? You were only a teen, too, when you were in the mafia, am I wrong? So why? Why would you not trust me as much as I’ve always trusted you? Why would you-”
And Dazai did something unexpected again.
Kunikida by no means claimed to understand the man, but he thought he knew him at least a bit by now. That bit that helped them work together so well, and that let Kunikida sometime predict the unpredictable man.
He really thought so, but he must have been wrong.
Dazai started laughing.
For the first time, he acknowledged Kunikida's words and his response was to laugh .
Kunikida even started to think Dazai had somehow gotten drunk without him noticing.
But the drinks were still as full as before and the ice more water than ice at this point.
Dazai turned around and looked Kunikida right into his eyes.
Kunikida couldn’t help but remember the first time he saw him. Those brown, cold and calculating eyes that were there only for a moment. A trick of the light, he thought for a long time.
It was the same expression.
But this time it couldn’t be confused with a trick of the light. Dazai’s eyes seemed so natural like this. Like they were supposed to be this and that goofy expression was nothing but a farce.
Kunikida couldn’t disagree with that sudden thought.
Dazai had proved his intelligence before. Could the goofy act be really just that, an act?
“Kunikida. You seem to be misunderstanding the situation” he continued giggling while maintaining that same expression. A shiver ran down Kunikida’s spine “I am not like Kyouka, not at all. I’ve never been like her, nor will I ever be.”
That cold tone and the laughter seemed to bring a sudden chill into the bar.
It was a fitting aura for a mafia member, not so much for a detective.
Kunikida swallowed his rage in an instant and a sudden fear washed over him.
It wasn’t like the times he had encounters with the Rabid Dog of the Mafia. It even wasn’t the same fear he felt while in front of the Port Mafia Boss.
It was a deeply reaching fear. Something that didn’t stem from names, titles or stories. It stemmed from his primordial instincts. It was the fear of a prey in front of a predator. The fear that made you freeze, but wanting, needing , to flee.
“Kunikida. Go away now.” He returned to his staring-into-the-void.
Kunikida felt like he could breathe again. He tried to assimilate the few words Dazai had shared with him.
He wasn’t like Kyouka? How could that be? Dazai had been barely twenty when he joined the agency. That meant he had to be a teen, a kid , when he was in the Mafia.
The boss and the executives personally knew him, just like they knew Kyouka. Certainly, they wouldn’t know him if he was just a goon.
Conclusion: He was used for his ability by the higher-ups of the Mafia.
That was the only acceptable and credible conclusion.
So why did he say he wasn’t like Kyouka? Why did he insist on telling him he misunderstood?
He needed answers.
Even more now than before.
“Dazai, what do you mean? I know it’s hard to accept, but you were used for your ability like Kyouka. It’s incredible that you had the courage to escape that”
Kunikida found that his selfish rage was gone with the fear (The irrational fear. After all why would he be afraid of his partner?).
His tone was soft and gentle. Like when he was talking to Kyouka about her time in the Mafia.
Dazai sighed.
“Kunikida?”
“Yes, Dazai?”
“I wasn’t used for my ability.”
“It’s a terrible thing to do to a child, but for your health you should at least acknowledge it. I know it’s-”
“I was an executive. The youngest one, the best one”
“What”
Kunikida couldn’t believe his ears.
“What do you mean- You- Why would you do that?”
“You got your answer, you can ponder on them. Kunikida, go away now.”
Dazai's calm voice was all that Kunikida could hear at that moment. All of the noise in the bar was just ringing in Kunikida's ears. The laughter and the chatter, the clink of glasses and bottles of alcoholics.
Kunikida thoughts were all wiped out and he could hear only Dazai’s voice, echoing again and again in his head.
His body moved without his consent. He got a fistful of Dazai's shirt and made him get up forcefully.
"What did you do, Dazai?"
Although his movements were full of rage, his voice was desperate. Desperate for an explanation. Desperate for his partner, his friend , back.
Dazai looked at him with a bored expression. He was inviting him to punch.
And Kunikida would have done that. He would have ignored all of his Ideals and the voice in his head screaming to help, not to do even more damage.
The bartender's voice stopped him.
He should've expected the workers to stop any brawl, any respectable bar would be against those.
He just didn't expect this dingy bar to be a respectable one.
He didn't really pay attention to the man's words, but he got the general meaning.
Get out and don't come back, we don't want any fight in here.
Fair and expected, thought Kunikida.
But then why? Why was Dazai's expression that?
It was what distracted Kunikida from the words spoken, what made him unclench his fists and untense his shoulders.
Dazai's expression was one of fear .
Genuine fear that one should not experience for those simple words.
Kunikida could have sworn he saw Dazai's eyes growing moisty while he let go a shaking breath.
That should be the fear one has when death is mentioned, not when one is getting thrown out of a bar.
That should be the fear that one has when a gun is pointed at them, not when one is getting thrown out of a bar.
That should be the fear that one has when they fight against a dangerous ability user, not when one is getting thrown out of a bar.
That should be the fear that one has when they see a bloodied victim, not when one is getting thrown out of a bar.
That should be the fear that one has when children die in front of them, not when one is getting thrown out of a bar.
But Dazai, who never felt an ounce of fear when faced with these things, felt such a genuine fear at the prospect of being thrown out of a bar.
Such a vivid emotion for something so irrelevant.
They were out in the cold and dark alley a few minutes later.
Breathing in the fresh night air, Kunikida realized how much smoke was in the bar. Kunikida clothes were soaked with the smell.
Dazai always swore he didn't smoke, was this where the nasty smell came from? Kunikida just assumed he was lying all the time.
Suddenly a thumping sound came from behind his shoulders. Kunikida turned only to see Dazai on the ground. His face obscured by his hair and his hands shaking in front of him.
The scene made Kunikida wonder, what was so important in that bar? What was causing Dazai so much pain? More than anything, Kunikida wanted to take care of him and resolve all of his problems. He wanted Dazai to stop attempting or joking about suicide.
This desperate Dazai needed him and Kunikida's brain was asking him to be there for him.
But still, against his better judgment, Kunikida scoffed.
"What? That was your favourite bar? A real tragedy you got thrown out. Is it more worth to you than the lives of innocents? It's just a stupid bar"
A heartbeat later, the world froze.
The faint light from the neon sign of the bar vaguely illuminated the alley. "Lupin", it said, Kunikida hadn't noticed that before entering.
But he could remember every single little detail of that instant, an image forever printed in his head.
He could hear ringing in his ears, but at that moment he didn't recognise what it was. Only after replaying that memory for the umpteen time, he realised it was Dazai screaming angrily.
Dazai was launching himself at Kunikida. His fist ready to hit where it hurt with as much force as he could.
His eyes clouded with wrath.
No longer could Kunikida see the anguish in those eyes, no longer they were shiny with unshed tears.
But as Kunikida played and replayed that day in his mind, he could distinctly recall a wet streak on his cheek.
A drop of sweat fell from Kunikida's chin and hit his raised arm the exact moment he felt the impact.
The world started moving again. The moment ended.
Dazai was pinned to the ground easily.
Kunikida's palm was reddening after he blocked the hit. It would have hurt if it landed where it was supposed to.
Luckily for himself, Kunikida was a trained martial artist.
Dazai squirmed under the grip to try and get away but Kunikida held him firmly.
It was the same situation he had been in a thousand times. But this time Dazai wasn't behind him running his mouth with cheerful jokes and complaints, this time Dazai was under him in the place of the criminal.
But he was a criminal, right? He was an ex-Mafia member and an Executive nonetheless. He had mercilessly killed and extorted and tortured.
He wasn't the Dazai he knew anymore. He would never be.
"JUST A STUPID BAR, EH? YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING"
Dazai screamed and trashed in his grip relentlessly.
Kunikida wasn't really sure what to do now. His Ideals said that he had to apprehend any criminal and he had to give them to justice. He would do that with Dazai too, he and the rest of the Agency would eventually forget about him.
What about the second chance he was preaching about? What about true repentance?
Dazai escaped his grip and moved away. He was breathing hard against the wall.
His face was covered by his hair, but the drops that were hitting the ground were too frequent to be just sweat.
"Kunikida. You know nothing of me. Or him . So don't come here- Here at Lupin - preaching about second chances and repentance and all those things you don't really mean. He would know what to do now ."
Kunikida couldn't deal with all of it. Couldn't think straight.
"Kunikida. Go away now."
As he heard those words for the third time that night, he decided he would do just that.
Go away and not turn back.
Dazai sat on a stool in a dingy bar.
He couldn't go there anymore.
He could now only visit his grave and reminisce about the past.
Dazai sat on a stool in a dingy bar.
It was the last time he ever did.