Chapter Text
“What the fuck did I just watch?” Wally asked slowly as Danny turned around with the proudest grin.
“That? My ongoing war with some bitch-ass motherfucker who calls himself the greatest thing since sliced bread,” Danny smirked with a content sigh as he made like he was dusting his hands off.
“I mean, come on though,” Wally shot back without thinking. He felt his heart drop in his chest as he watched Barry’s face steel in its resolve. Against what, he had no idea, “Sliced bread? It's the perfect invention. How stuck up is that dude?”
“Super stuck up, Kid,” Danny nodded sagely as he texted Wulf a thank you. Tucker’s phone pinged back a smiley face not two seconds later. He laughed and pocketed his phone with a shake of his head, “God, Wulf is fucking great. Down for anything. Ten out of ten, no notes.”
“Is that the roommate?” Barry asked lightly as he slung an arm over Danny’s shoulder with a carefree grin.
“Yep! He may get his fur everywhere, but his nose? Unmatched. It's an unmatched precision instrument.”
“Mmmm, I don’t know. Supes can smell when brownies are baked on Earth,” Flash teased as he watched Wally’s brain catch up to him and panic over staring into hell. Dick was taking it like a champ though.
Damn.
He didn’t know how to feel about how quickly he was adjusting to Danny giving him heart attacks.
Maybe the real hell is the acclimation you encounter along the way. He’d rather not know, however. Wally shunted that idea beneath the usual sass and let his fingers fly across the screen of his phone.
“Supes? The big S-Man? I… don’t know if I like him, but I think that’s just the rib cage talking.” Danny scrunched his nose, “Besides, my friend can smell through dimensions, so I think he wins.”
Barry, realizing everyone else seemed to think Danny's statement was coming from a childish need to one-up the person he didn't like, artfully refused to point out the very real possibility of a Hellhound.
“Oh shit, Superman. I fucking forgot about him,” Wally groaned as he tossed his head back with a dramatic sigh.
Dick smirked and bumped his boyfriend’s hip and nodded towards the security cameras with a sense of mirth, “I don’t think you need to wait long to find out if he forgot or not.”
Danny pouted as his eyes crossed the sea of monitors, landing on the familiar red and blue-clad man who was pacing the length of the just past where they could see within Main Control. He reached back out to Kid Flash as if hiding in his arms would save him from the S-Man.
It would. Wally would guarantee it. Danny didn't know that though.
The red head scooped him up without a second thought when he saw Danny reach out, and stole him straight from under Uncle Barry’s arms. That was his little guy now.
“So I can’t just pretend like nothing happened and not talk to S-Man for ruining hide and seek and breaking my ribs? I mean yeah I'm the one who moved, but he was doing nonconsensual chest compressions, so I figure that's on him and not me.”
“I think,” Barry started amicably, “If you talk with him, he’ll back off? He’s making the floor shiny with his pacing.”
“Fine,” Danny huffed as he freed himself from Kid Flash’s arms, dropping the diva behaviour as he floated to the middle of their group, “Do you think he’d prefer me dead or alive?”
Even with two speedsters watching, the door that Clark was behind was a meager blur as it blasted off its hinges.
Hottest Nephew: Hey.
Hottest Nephew: So.
Hottest Nephew: Good news: we’re adopting
Hottest Nephew: Bad news: we’re stealing the kid from Constantine and he might actually be here to cause the end of the world in some way?
Hottest Nephew: Who’s to say, but he’s cute.
Hottest Nephew: Batkid cute.
Hottest Nephew: Dick is growing attached before my very eyes.
Hottest Nephew: I bet he’s gonna get a batphone for Christmas.
Coolest “Nephew”: oohhhhhhhh
Coolest “Nephew”: this is so crash
Coolest “Nephew”: finally i am succeeding at being a big sibling wow look at me go
Hottest Nephew: Nah, he’s an adult.
Coolest “Nephew”: new to the family it still coconuts we win these
Coolest “Nephew”: counts
Coolest “Nephew”: sorry speedster brain im so hungry
Hottest Nephew: Honestly, I didn’t even question it.
The sheer panic on the blue-clad hero’s face was a mood as a half. Danny watched as large hands grasped his shoulders before letting go like he was made of glass, and settling once more on his shoulders.
“Please,” S-man begged in a whisper. Judging by the lost look on his face, Danny figured he didn't know what to say, “I… Don’t die. Kid, there’s a lot to live for.”
Danny nodded in agreement as he let the hands phase through him, “Sure, but, alas, I am dead. Also alive, but dead. You know what they say: Puberty changes you.”
“Puberty?! I don’t think that was puberty, young man,” Clark urged as he looked between his hands and the white haired boy from the window even as his hands fell through him like mist.
“I mean, no,” Danny agreed as he smacked his chest and spread his arms as if he was on display, “That’s the natural result of a couple of people having sex. However, my puberty ended and started at fourteen. Arguably, one weird ass puberty that came with a cool costume.”
Danny winked over at Flash like he was sharing a secret as ethereal white rings spread out around him.
Please, Flash begged, Please, if there is a god… And I know they exist because I’ve worked with some…
The rings expanded over his body, leaving behind the same fluffy star pajamas and NASA hoodie he’d arrived in.
Like magic (though Barry knew better), the rings at Danny’s extremities vanished with a bout of jazz hands. Clark’s expression pinched as he lunged to pick Danny up to check him over.
“Your heart!”
“My ribs!”
As Barry watched Danny chuck Superman over his shoulder like he was a kid on the basketball court joking around and taking a backwards shot, he figured the only thing he could thank the universe for was the fact that Bart wasn’t around to see it.
Danny gripped S-man’s fists mid-reach and refused to let the man get any closer even if it meant pushing back against him. When the man didn’t budge, he twisted his hands, and flung the hero up and over his head. The halfa turned with a sheepish grin as the Man of Steel crashed against a couple of the monitors.
“Maybe don’t go to grab me anytime soon,” Danny warned with a smile, “My roommate bites, and I will kick your ass to hell and back if you come anywhere near my ribs and leave you as a present for that Leviathan asshat who won’t stop sending me fan mail.”
“Leviathan?” Dick asked quietly as he shot a look at Barry.
The Forensic Investigator didn’t have a reaction to that information. Dick bet he knew it already.
Barry sure fucking didn't, but squished his racing feelings up into a little ball in his chest with the plan to keep it there to scream out later. He could feel the grey hair.
“...Right. Sorry, I won’t do that again, and I sincerely apologize for your ribs and for panicking,” Clark apologized as he peeled himself out of the shattered screens.
Danny gave an awkward thumbs up, “We’re cool.”
“Supes, maybe for a while it's best you leave Danny alone,” Barry counseled and patted the invisible dust off of him, “He’s a tough kid. He won’t break.”
“He had no heartbeat,” Clark reasoned as he looked between Barry and Danny with concern etched deeply into the lines of his face, “And now he does, and clearly this is magic above my expertise.”
“What expertise?” Wally asked flatly as he stepped over to Danny. He slung a careful arm over Danny’s shoulder and pulled him close, “Between you and me, I have way more magical experience than Superman.”
Dick snorted, “Kid, you literally don’t have magic.”
“I literally know so much magic,” Wally defended.
“You’re a speedster,” Dick shot back, amusement etched into his smile as if from the joyous tone that told Danny he was barely not-laughing wasn’t enough, “You’re very sexy speedster with a gorgeous ass, but you’re not a magic user.”
“ You’re not a magic user,” Wally shot back petulantly. He reached over and jabbed Dick in the chest, “I was literally the magic user to end all magic users.”
“You zapped yourself with chemicals and lightning.”
“You did the splits,” Wally shot back with a smirk, “Sorry, thought we were understating how we got here.”
“You have the magical capacity of a baked potato,” Dick said with a longsuffering shake of his head.
“A loaded baked potato, thank you very much,” The speedster swung his head over and very pointedly looked into his boyfriend’s domino, “I put on a helmet and became a Lord of Order.”
“Mm, you mean Nabu?” Danny hummed in acknowledgement, “Not a big fan of that guy.”
“Dude,” Wally beamed as he squeezed him close and ruffled Danny’s hair, “Me neither! We are absolutely keeping you. You wanna be a Flash?!”
Danny grinned as he slung an arm up over Kid Flash’s shoulder, “Aw, hell yeah. I’m not exactly a speedster, but sure! Sounds like a blast.”
“Speed Demon,” Wally agreed with a smirk. He offered his hand as if he was making a deal, “Close enough, right?”
Dick was going to beat sense into his boyfriend about deals with demons later.
Danny would be the first and only exception.
If Wally ever made another deal with a demon again, his ass would be fucking grass. His boyfriend was not about to become Constantine Jr. It was bad enough that was already going to be the newest Flash Family Member.
“Neat, never had a big brother. Evil selves from other universes don’t count,” Danny bemusedly shook Wally’s hand, “Danny Phantom, nice to… well, not meet you.”
“Wally West,” The hero beamed, “Nice to adopt you.”
Dick snorted and crossed what little space there was to plant a kiss on Wally’s. He glanced down to the pajama clad hero tucked under his arm. The eldest Robin poked Danny in the forehead with a mischievous smile.
“Dick.”
“I’ve been called worse,” Danny said with a shrug.
“No, it’s him,” Wally said with a wave of his hand.
“Aw hell yeah,” Danny celebrated as he let go of Wally and scratched his jaw with a lazy motion, “New brother to defend my honour. This is great. I would’ve settled for not basically being the only superhero, but I'll take you standing up for me.”
“No, that’s Dick Grayson, Wally’s boyfriend,” Barry chuckled. He put a hand on his hip and brought the other up to pull his hood back. The elder speedster took a deep breath and sighed, “Man, I wanted to be the one to say we were keeping you. No fair, Wally. Also, Bats isn’t going to be happy that we’ve started using names, right?”
“Oh, absolutely not,” Dick confirmed, “But he can’t say shit if it’s family.”
“Well, he’ll definitely give Uncle Barry shit for de-masking, at the very least.”
“He can try,” Barry nodded sagely, “But if he’s gonna leave me on less-than-Read, then I’m going to do what I want. It’s called growth.”
“It’s called ‘a lack of supervision,’” Danny smirked as he stuffed his hands into the pocket of his sweater, “And who needs supervision? That’s so last timeline.”
“Bruce is going to have that ‘I am extremely disappointed in you” expression when he finds out about this, isn’t he?” Clark asked teasingly, though respectfully kept his distance.
“Clark, my man,” Barry grinned and gripped his shoulder, “He is going to be so incredibly disappointed in me. You have no idea. I’ve seen him make expressions the Batkids could only dream of.”
“Dude, I will literally get all your paperwork for the quarter done for you,” Bart begged as he clung to Tim’s neck and hung off his back.
Tim gagged as he pitched forwards and pulled Bart further up his back by the back of the little shit’s shirt.
“Bart!”
“Hack the Watchtower!” Bart pestered as he let himself get pulled forwards off of his teammate's back. The speedster flopped pathetically against the brutal tile of Titan Tower’s living room. The speedster let out a pathetic wail.
“I already am, dude!” Tim yelled over the whining, “I practically run the security updates myself when Cyborg doesn’t do it! It’s as easy as logging in, just please stop crying!”
All Tim felt was a stiff breeze as Bart moved back to his side as if he hadn’t just spent several minutes trying to annoy Tim into opening the security cameras.
As Bart excitedly bribed Tim with the promise of inputting data for WE’s upcoming financial season in order for him to hack the Watchtower’s cameras to see his new little brother, he realized just how essential the Dibs System was.
The Bats weren’t getting this one.
Wally, Dick, and Barry were standing as a group. Wally didn’t even bother to hide how defensive and tense he felt, and if Tim didn’t know dick as well as he did, he’d say that the Bat was the only one wo wasn’t reacting in anyway to the situation, but the slight twist Dick had in his hips told him that the first Robin was ready to react to anything he needed to. Barry… Barry look resigned, as if he knew the outcome, but hoped he would be wrong.
Bart watched the one with white hair and suit transform into a Batkid and flip Supes over his head into some of the monitors in a shower of sparks on Tim’s laptop.
The speedster lost his fucking mind and shook Red Robin like a god damn ragdoll.
“Dude that was so crash!” Bart screamed with the biggest smile etched on his face, “Mission Status: Sick as hell!”
“I… take it that's your guy?” Tim asked as he pointed to the sheepish dude in the NASA hoodie.
Bart let out this involuntary sound from his chest as he stared at the scream in wonder, “ Oh, that’s my little guy, alright. I gotta go grab some stickers to bestow on him. We gotta kick start the Speedster Sticker Collection.”
Flash: Hey Bruce, just letting you know that I’m adopting a demon from hell.
Flash: He’s a sweetie.
Flash: Ignore the damage to Main Control. I swear I can fix it.
Flash: Also I thought the reaction to adoption would be a lot more dramatic?
Flash: Like your brood tends to try and kill the others or otherwise devolve in some way.
Flash: Evil Mastermind Style.
Flash: Bestie, it’s not ✨normal✨
Flash: This is your wake up call.