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“Oh, so this is a competition, huh? Well, my guy is part ape.”
“So what? Mine was known as a demon. A demon.”
Bulma furrowed her brow, conceding to that statement and thinking of something else to counter with. All at once, her eyes sparkled with excited confidence. “Vegeta’s a prince!”
“Hmph,” Gamma Two smirked and crossed his arms over his chest. “Piccolo’s a king.”
“Damn it. I forgot about that….Well, uh.….oh yeah?! Vegeta trained with a literal god!”
Two rolled his eyes. “Fine, I’ll give you that.”
Gamma One came to sit on the arm of the couch, bag of potato chips in hand, and began spectating this pointless game of one-upping each other on who had the better partner and sex life. Gohan was also seated in a chair nearby, face buried in a book and seemingly oblivious to the energetic exchange.
“We had sex and we barely even knew each other.”
Two scoffed. “That’s not kinky; that’s just poor judgment.”
“It worked out at least!”
“Oh sure – if you don’t count all the years it took to get there. At least Piccolo didn’t leave the planet after we slept together.”
“Speaking of sleeping together, I can’t imagine you have better sex than we do. You’re still way to naïve, and I don’t think Piccolo is well-versed, either.”
“Wanna bet?” Two challenged, a deviant glint in his eyes and tone.
“Fine. Let’s put it to the test. One can be the judge, right One?”
One stopped mid-bite at the sound of his name, his eyebrows raised in surprise at being dragged into this.
“No way,” Two argued. “He has no basis for comparison to know any better. He’s a total virgin.”
One felt embarrassment flood his entire body. She doesn’t need to know that! he silently scolded his twin.
“Oh,” Bulma replied, her voice containing what could be interpreted as pity. “Sorry, One.”
One sighed and shook his head. “Just….leave me out of this.”
“I’m sure you’ll have stories to tell one of these days! Maybe we can help you find someone,” Bulma offered encouragingly, which just made One feel more humiliated.
“That’s okay,” One assured hurriedly. “There’s no need.”
“As I was saying,” Two continued, returning his attention to Bulma, “I hardly consider myself, or Piccolo, naïve. Someone who’s naïve doesn’t have sex almost five times in one night. Or fuck on The Lookout without getting caught by the guardian of the entire planet.”
“Well we fucked in zero gravity, and I ate his cum that was left floating in the air.”
“We had sex in the sky above the city – right there in the open for anyone to look up and see.”
As the ridiculous back and forth continued, One glanced over to Gohan, amazed at how he was able to tune them out so successfully in order to focus on his reading. However, the young Saiyan abruptly stunned them all when he casually dropped his own bombshell experience.
“I ripped open Cell’s chest with my bare hands, tore out his heart, ate it, and then fucked his unconscious body.”
The three of them turned to stare at him, mouths hanging open and eyes wide in utter disbelief, disgust, and slight concern. Gohan put down his book in response to the new silence and met their horrified stares with a bashful smile.
With a light chuckle, he asked innocently, “Does that mean I win?”