Archive of Our Own ^beta

For the record, Dex didn’t think it was this bad. Linh and Tam called him early on a summer night, started the conversation with a surprisingly loud, “OKAY Dex, what was that about your ogre coding classes?”

That was when the trouble started. “What are you talking about? You don’t even take that class and without any backup knowledge how in the hell would you be able to comprehend anything related to it? Also…you guys hate when I go on rants about-” Dex replied sceptically, more than a little confused.

He was in the middle of a project with Tinker, and had to pay half his attention to the small mess of wires that Tinker had warned him could potentially blow up. The exact wording was, “you would like to keep your life, yes?”, so he wasn’t taking any chances. With Tinker, anything was possible.

“Sorry, sorry, SORRY. Sheesh, no need to give us an essay. We just needed an out to whatever the Gorgodon is happening over there-” Tam started, being interrupted by Linh halfway through.
“Dex, you won’t believe it. Sophie was, bless her heart, teaching us to do some human dances and then of course Soph fell. But like they were doing a walce- or walts-waltz-augh-something, anyway Sophie fell backwards and Keefe caught her. It was SOOOOOOOO ROMANTIC!!!!!!!!!! But then it got weird…”

“I’m sorry, weird?”

Tam took over, he brushed a hand through his hair, looked down and tucked his shoulders in then proudly said, “I shoved Keefe over and he landed on top of her.”

Dex turned bright pink and his eyes went through a midlife crisis. Big, Small, Slitted, Doe, Siren, Tall, Shrunken! Landing on slitted and thin, Dex glared slightly at Tam through the imparter.

“I don’t regret it either, so you can stop glaring at me, Decks. Those two have been dancing around each other long enough, and while I don’t like Keefe, if I hadn’t done anything my sister would have talked my ear off about them all the time at home. Now, she’ll only mention it when she’s in a bad mood about Wylie not returning her unsocialized attempts at romance.”

“Well where are they now?” Linh's hands curled together maniacally and her cheeks turned rosy red but Tams rolling eyes detailed that there was nothing good on the other end of the question.

“Sophie apparently mentioned some human foods, Keefe begged her to take him to get some and so they made a plan to sneak off to get someone after midnight. Now they're off waiting and fooling around by the cliffs at the Shores of Solace cause Sophie's parents are mad at her…….yikes…that was a mouthful…ahehe.”

“Why am I being called? I thought I was the one that failed with romance.” strangely though it wasn’t with a pang of sadness or longing; it was simply just…true.

“To be completely truthful, I think it’s because Tam wanted to come over and grab a hair dye to prank Wylie with but I’m calling to see if I can get an escape. ’Cause while I love my girl Sophie, if I had to watch her and Keefe act like love-denying idiots any longer, I’d sic a wave on them for being so OBLIVIOUS.”

“Well, I’m at Tinker’s so I can’t help right now. I’m nearly done with my project. I’ll leap over and pick you guys up, maybe even see what is happening in the SoKeefe Experience Of Embarrassment. I might even dye Iggy to say, ‘You like him. Admit it to get this over with.”

His project was shooting off sparks, and he was fairly sure that this was not the ideal scenario.

“Alright.”

---

It was worse in person. Dex hadn’t thought it could be worse, he was wrong. Very wrong.

Sophie and Keefe were both rolling around in the sand outside like toddler besties except with significant emotional trauma. “Oh, so you guys were not exaggerating…to be fair I think you guys might have been under-stating.” All the while Dex says this Tam simplys stands across the room from him, arms crossed, death stare engaged and emo hooded tunic pulled tightly over his head.

The rest of the day was spent distracting each other from the gushy and oblivious love…that was until Keefe ran into the house at one in the morning, hollering about cotton candy and pizza.

“Hey, guys, gal, and emo boy in the corner. Sophie and I got some incredible food from the human cities !” He shouted, and continued through the room.

Sophie came after, yelling at Keefe to get back here, before she Inflicted on him. This made Linh laugh behind her hand, and Sophie turned bright red, cheeks flushing vermillion. She quickly fled the room.

---

As Dex finished his project, he heard Keefe and Sophie giggling away in another corner of the library. They appeared to be studying elfin history, and Dex knew that Keefe despised that, so why were they laughing?

He approached, and saw that Sophie was actually sitting on Keefe’s lap.

“It’s homey here.” Sophie said, clearly fighting back a steady blush that was slowly creeping up her neck.

“What can I say? I’m the most homey guy around. And you’re beautiful.” Keefe replied cockily. Then, he realised what he had said.

He turned bright red and actually shoved Sophie off his lap, then dashed out of the room, leaving a very confused Sophie behind. She finally realised what Keefe said and hid her face in her hands.

Dex had enough. There was NOTHING that could make him stick around and try to matchmake these two anymore. He was done.

He opened his Imparter and said, “Show me Marella Redek.”

---

<-Hi Dex
->SAVE ME

<-What is it now

->Their oblivious love is getting ridiculous! It is killing me, you are hereby responsible for putting a plaque next to my tree in the wandering woods that says I was killed by second hand embarrassment.

<-Will do. What about now though?

->Come to the shores of solace and help me to force the truth out into the open.

---

“LOVEBIRDS! Get out here right now!” Marella announced her arrival with a loud anthem of orders.

“Dex, did you call Marella?” Sophie asked, confused; while Keefe, who acted like it was completely normal, held her over his shoulder similar to how Sandor would.

“Yep,” Dex responded. Completely and utterly done.

Marella stepped right up to Sophie, confidence radiating like the auras in the seat of eminence. “You are in love dumbasses, go get a room. Dex has suffered long enough, just because I’m a lesbian does not mean I can not see straight love. Your love is as obvious as it is that I'm a virgin.”

As their jaw dropped, Sophie and Keefe simply apologized, feebly shaking in slight fear of her. A pop of gum and an eye roll later Marella grabbed Dex’s arm and shouted backwards as she strutted out, “Come join underneath the cliffs at Havenfield when you’ve decided upon your relationship status, kids.”

---

As Marella led them away, Dex thanked her over and over again, to which she replied, “Don’t mention it. I’ve wanted to say something for MONTHS, but I could never find the chance.”

Dex and Marella were tossing stones into the rough sea below, and Dex couldn’t help but feel the familiar tang of fear. Marella was beside him though, so the fear never completely overwhelmed him.

Relatively quickly, Sophie and Keefe walked towards them. “Okay,” Sophie said, blushing a brilliant scarlet, “We talked about it, like you said, and-” “WE’RE DATING!” Keefe interrupted, his ears practically glowing crimson.

Marella and Dex let out a cheer, and both of them high-fived each other.

“...Have we really been that obvious about liking each other?” Sophie asked.

“Yes. yes always. You two are without question the most OBLIVIOUS people I have met ever, and I’ve seen Linh and Wylie.”

Sophie buried her face in her hands and groaned, Keefe burying his now-red face in her shoulder and hid what little was still able to be seen.

—

“We need to tell them soph, I know it'll change things but it's not fair to them or…to me to pretend.” Sophie sighed and looked down, the idea of pushing this away as another procrastination to fix later tempting her like a cat toy. Keefe touched her chin and guided it to face him. His eyes, so excited to love her and so relieved the hiding was over…she couldn’t disappoint him. And so, she agreed to go public.

“Let's start with Fitz and Bianna, logically they should find out pretty quickly and I think you’d agree it would be best if they found out from us.”

The leap from Havenfield after the day proved to be exceedly difficult, it was taking all Sophie's concentration to keep her word, much less on keeping her body together. The light headedness travelled with her as she made her way through the glittering, extravagant and ridiculously immaculate hallways of Everglen to Biana’s room. Both Keefe and Sopgie agreed she would be the easier one to tell; they figured as she had always been so interested in both of their love lives she’d be excited. Slightly concerned or annoyed sure but…they didn't expect her actual reaction.

They walked in on Biana laying stomach down on her bed, reading a book on the history of Elven governing. She immediately perked up and threw the book down when they walked in….deep breaths.

Thank the lords Keefe got in the front of the whole situation by throwing himself onto the sparkly, purple, swivel seat and scooting to just before Biana and then said, “soooooooooo we need to tell you something.”

Biana eyed them both skeptically….”let me guess, you guys are pregnant and want to name the baby after me?” Her mischievous smile covered lightly with her one perfectly manicured, slender hand on her chin;squinted features fighting back giggle lines.

Sophie’s face immediately became the human version of a tomato, while Keefe spluttered and covered his ears, which were bright pink.

“NO NO NO! I was gonna say we’re dating!!!” Sophie quickly replied, shaking her head.

Biana started smiling, a knowing look on her face. “Well, yeah, duh. You guys were two inches closer than you normally are, and Sophie looks like she’d rather be literally anywhere else. I’m so excited for you guys though! Can I choose your ship name?”

They started protesting loudly, only for Biana to steamroll them with wedding plans and who else needed to be set up, which so far was only Linh and Wylie, or Elwin and that one mallowmelt clerk elf, which Biana declared was ‘one of the most adorable couples ever, sorry you two.’

As Fitz walked in, Biana was loudly exclaiming that Sophie and Keefe were the most oblivious lovers that Marella and her had ever had to set up. He took one step in before pausing, giving a thumbs up, and saying with a brotherly smile, “Congratulations you two, I’m gonna leave before Biana ropes me into another matchmaking session with her and Marella, bye” before turning on his heel and running out of the room.

Biana jumped up and followed him, leaving Sophie and Keefe to find their way out and leap home.