Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

WE HAVE SEX!! +sapnap

   Today at 6:27 pm

quack: hey sexys

karljacobs: hi yes im sexy

sapnap: you are

karljacobs: i am

george: ew not sapnap flirting on main

sapnap: im not flirting
sapnap: im simply complimenting him

quack: sap
quack: can u buy me stuff

sapnap: what kind of stuff
sapnap: i have like maximum 10 dollars rn

quack: food
quack: fast food

karljacobs: im literally your neighbour why dont i buy it
karljacobs: im hungry anyway we can share

dreamxd: i have money

quack: you always buy me food karl

karljacobs: yes. and

quack: fine since ur so obsessed with me

dreamxd: i can buy you fast food

karljacobs: where do you want me to order from

quack: mcdonalds

george: i thought u hated mcdonalds

quack: im craving fries

sapnap: enough talking about food
sapnap: have any of you seen skeppy today

dreamxd: no

george: why do you need to know

sapnap: i wanna talk to him

dreamxd: dont you have his number

sapnap: im blocked

quack: why lmao

sapnap: bc my messages were ‘distracting him’
sapnap: college students smh

karljacobs: i ordered it
karljacobs: what do you wanna talk to skeppy about

sapnap: u guys are asking a lot of questions

quack: ok???? answer them

sapnap: its about bad. nothing important

dreamxd: oh
dreamxd: boring

quack: karl when the food gets here pls eat with me
quack: also help me with hw plss

george: are you asking him to help you with homework or to let you copy off him

quack: what do you think

karljacobs: i’m actually the one copying off of quackity

sapnap: bad is calling me brb

george: imagine having an older brother

karljacobs: ikr

dreamxd: i just dropped my phone and now it has a crack

quack: HAAHAHA

george: L

karljacobs: george is on his toxic arc??

dreamxd: fuck

quack: next time dont drop ur phone
quack: idiot

karljacobs: foods here im heading over rn

quack: yay

dreamxd: george

dreamxd: can u play mc rn

george: im doing homework

dreamxd: doing hw but also on your phone?

george: yeah
george: Got a problem with it bozo

dreamxd: if i did i would be a hypocrite

quack: update we r watching the kissing booth

george: why are you watching the kissing booth

quack: to make fun of it
quack: karl also likes cringy romcoms

karljacobs: quackity get off your phone

quack: you could have saif that out loud

karljacobs: i didnt want to
karljacobs: watch the freaking movie

sapnap: im back what did i miss

dreamxd: i cracked my phone, george is procrastinating and karl and q are watching the kissing booth

sapnap: why

dreamxd: karl likes romcoms

george: how tf can anyone like romcoms

karljacobs: they can be funny, okay?????!?!??

sapnap: i guess they can
sapnap: sometimes

karljacobs: ty sapnap

dreamxd: karl hes just trying to makeout with u

sapnap: says the one trying to get with george

dreamxd: im literally not but ok

quack: that’s what they all say…

sapnap: AYYYY SKEPPY UNBLOCKED ME
sapnap: TY BBH

-

dreamxd, sapnap
today at 7:52 pm

dreamxd: hey

sapnap: hi
sapnap: whats up

dreamxd: you never talk to skeppy
dreamxd: and u seemed rly excited when he unblocked you
dreamxd: details pls

sapnap: i said it was about bad

dreamxd: is it about bad though

sapnap: okay so i might have lied

dreamxd: knew it

sapnap: i was asking for advice

dreamxd: skeppy isnt the best person to ask for advice dude

sapnap: ik ik
sapnap: but idk if i wanna tell bad just yet

dreamxd: you can tell me

sapnap: well
sapnap: i guess i could

dreamxd: ok so spill

sapnap: you wont judge me?

dreamxd: i cant promise that
dreamxd: im gonna judge you if its something wack

sapnap: its not that bad
sapnap: i was um
sapnap: asking if he could give me love advice

dreamxd: omg
dreamxd: who do u have a crush on

sapnap: this is the judgy part

dreamxd: is it me

sapnap: ew no
sapnap: no offense

dreamxd: i see how it is

sapnap: i didnt mean it as in ‘ew dream hes the worst’ i meant ‘ew dream hes basically my brother’

dreamxd: oh
dreamxd: who is it then

sapnap: its uh
sapnap: karl

dreamxd: oh shit
dreamxd: that makes a lot of sense

sapnap: is it obvious

dreamxd: yes
dreamxd: ur so whipped for him
dreamxd: if he told u to help him commit murder you’d agree in a heartbeat

sapnap: thats not true
sapnap: i do not condone murder

dreamxd: not murder then
dreamxd: arson

sapnap: .
sapnap: well

dreamxd: LMAOO

sapnap: stfu
sapnap: im gonna go eat

dreamxd: ok bae
dreamxd: smooch

sapnap: kiss kiss

WE HAVE SEX!! +sapnap
Today at 11:59 pm


george: i almost just set my house on fire

dreamxd: what
dreamxd: how

george: i left the stove on

quack: dumbass

george: you wouldn’t be saying that if i actually set my house aflame

quack: yes i would

karljacobs: i would call you stupid too

dreamxd: .

sapnap: i already call george a dumbass
sapnap: 24/7

dreamxd: are we all just awake at midnight

george: its friday

dreamxd: fair 

quack: sleep is for the week

sapnap: do you mean weak

quack: ermm

quack: no stay out of my buisssnes sapanap 

sapnap: u spelt my name wrong

quack: shut Up

george: ugh im bored someone entertain me

dreamxd: yes george anything for you george

karljacobs: simp

quack: karl dont say that 

karljacobs: what? simp?

karljacobs: why cant i say that? are YOU a simp??

quack: you’ll get banned on twitch.tv

sapnap: what

george: quackity please speak like a normal person

dreamxd: im listening to chase atlantic

karljacobs: dream literally nobody cares

dreamxd: shut up

sapnap: petition for dream to stop talking

quack: id sign that in a heartbeat

karljacobs: im going to make a gofundme

dreamxd: WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?

george: lol

dreamxd: GEORGE 

dreamxd: you’re supposed to be on my side wtf

george: did i ask

quack: YOO

quack: HE LITERALLY DIDNT HE LITERALLY DIDNT ASK

dreamxd: why do all of you hate me

sapnap: i dont hate you, dream

sapnap: i just strongly dislike you

karljacobs: preach

quack: i crave a positive parental figure 

george: quackity. i dont care. 

quack: just needed to let it out

karljacobs: are you okay :(

quack: i am now that youre here ;]

karljacobs: i’ve been here the whole time

quack: karl u r the Light of my life

quack: kisses you

george: ….

dreamxd: can we kick quackity out

sapnap: no he’s funny

sapnap: dream just wants everyone to stop being mean to him

quack: LMAOOO TRUEE

karljacobs: “im listening to chase atlantic right now guys!!!” 

dreamxd: :/

george “dont mind me guys ahaha just listening to chase atlantic stop bullying me or i’ll cry!!”

dreamxd: i think thus is a toxic friendship 

quack: Sry 🤷

karljacobs: quackity dont give in

quack: (I am not really sorry)

george: dream just dm’d me

[screenshot of george and dream’s messages, with dream pleading george to stop teasing]

sapnap: bros ego is hurt

karljacobs: this is really sad honestly 

quack: rly i thought it was funny

dreamxd: you’re all dead to me

sapnap: dream’s listening to mitski

sapnap: look at his spotify 

george: Oh my god. 

quack: LMFAOOAO

karljacobs: nah..

karljacobs: JOBLESS MONDAY.

karljacobs: DREAM

dreamxd: karl you’re hurting my feelings

dreamxd: please apologize if you do sapnap will also

sapnap: what

karljacobs: sorry

karljacobs: i guess??

quack: half assed apology 

george: it’s what dream deserves 

dreamxd: george all i do is love you and treat you with love and respect 

quack: i actually cried reading that

george: same

quack: dream he doesn’t want you he wants ME

george: i don’t though 

quack: holy shit he’s drooling all over me rn

quack: dream come get ur man!!

karljacobs: quackity are you a dnfer

george: what the hell is a dnfer

sapnap: someone that ships dnf 

dreamxd: what’s dnf

quack: fuck dnf

dreamxd: WHATS DNF

karljacobs: dreamnotfound

george: ok

george: all of you are getting blocked Goodbye

dreamxd: NO

dreamxd: GEORGE DONT BLOCK ME

quack: “georgeee don’t block me :( ;( T-T”

dreamxd: quackity i think u should consider death

sapnap: dream

sapnap: that’s not nice

karljacobs: Pretty fucked up ngl..

quack: wow dream.

quack: didn’t know you had it in you.

dreamxd: YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN BULLYING ME FOR THE PAST TEN MINUTES 

dreamxd: BUT AS SOON AS I START DOING IT IM THE BAD GUY

sapnap: yea

Chapter Text

WE HAVE SEX!! +sapnap
Today at 4:21pm

quack: cuddling with george rn

george: dude

george: dream’s gonna kill you 

karljacobs: gogy ur lucky

karljacobs: quackity gives good cuddles he’s like a teddy bear

quack: Karl you are Embarrassing me rn

george: he’s blushing

quack: shut up george

dreamxd: you’re doing WHAT with george rn

sapnap: dream. take a minute to collect yourself 

quack: don’t kill me i have a family 

dreamxd: who is ur family.

quack: uhh karl will be really sad and he’ll cry :(

karljacobs: dont kill him ill be so sad :/

sapnap: yeah dream he’ll be so sad

dreamxd: quackity’s trying to steal my man

george: I am not your man

george: hello???

quack: yeah he’s not your man dream

quack: who is cuddling him rn?? 

dreamxd: …

quack: Yeah thats what i thought 

sapnap: holy shit do you have a death wish

george: im also not quackity’s man???

george: Im nobody’s man

sapnap: george independent woman arc

karljacobs: guys i had the best milkshake today 

karljacobs: it was so good

quack: my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard…

george: what kind of milkshake 

karljacobs: uhh

karljacobs: milkshake 

sapnap: i think he had a milkshake guys

dreamxd: can we go back to talking about quackity and george cuddling?

george: we weren’t even cuddling

george: We were sitting on opposite sides of the couch?? not even touching

quack: george

quack: atop 

quack: stop

quack: pslss this was my moment

dreamxd: did you say that to make me angry 

karljacobs: q every moment is your moment you are my favourite 

sapnap: ok .

quack: its ok sapnap

quack: you can be my favourite if you want

sapnap: okay

quack: just remember that karl is my actual favourite 

sapnap: so i’m just your fake favourite 

quack: Well

quack: yea ^_^

sapnap: ill settle for what i can get

george: am i anyones favourite

dreamxd: you’re mine george <33

george: anyone else

sapnap: you can be my fake favourite 

george: who is your real favourite

sapnap: yo mama LMAOOO

dreamxd: i know who his actual favourite is

karljacobs: WHO

karljacobs: spill your guts dreamie

dreamxd: well

sapnap: ahah dream this isn’t about what we were talking about the other day right !!??

quack: what

george: omg

george: dream who is it

karljacobs: im really curious now

dreamxd: its wilbur soot 

dreamxd: hahah 

dreamxd: kidding

sapnap: wow dream you are such a jokester

dreamxd, sapnap

Today at 4:45 pm

sapnap: TELL THEM ABOUT KARL ILL KILL YOU

sapnap: VIOLENTLY

dreamxd: I WONT 

dreamxd: WHAT DO I SAY

sapnap: literally idc just do not tell them about what i said about karl

WE HAVE SEX!! +sapnap

Today at 4:46 pm

george: omg they’re being weird 

karljacobs: right like i probably wouldn’t even care if they weren’t freaking out about it

quack: LMAOO

dreamxd: his favourite is quackity 

quack: WHAT

sapnap: WHAT

sapnap: umm i mean yes!!

sapnap: i love quackity:)))

george: i wasnt expecting that LOL

george: i thought it would be karl

karljacobs: i thought it was gonna be dream??

dreamxd: why

karljacobs: cause u two are like besties

karljacobs: and it would make sense for u to know ur his favourite if it was you

dreamxd: actually that makes me think

dreamxd: sapnap why aren’t i ur favourite :/

sapnap: cause ur stupid 

sapnap: next question !

quack: im eating some kids halloween candy

george: what??

george: whos candy are you eating??

quack: idk

quack: i told this kid that kthulu the world eater was going to kill all of us if he didn’t sacrifice his halloween candy to me

karljacobs: oh my god

karljacobs: quackity thats really messed up

karljacobs: are there any snickers?

quack: yep!

karljacobs: omw!! 

dreamxd: how do you manage to always be doing something weird

dream: like cant you have a nice normal monday afternoon 

sapnap: quackity can i have some candy

quack: idk can you 

sapnap: dipshit

quack: i thought i was ur favourite:/

sapnap: you are and i love you sooooo much

sapnap: give me candy

quack: when have u ever done anything for me

quack: fine u can have some i gues…

sapnap: this is why ur my favourite

dreamxd: hey george wanna come over??

dreamxd: im gonna watch a movie

karljacobs: dream HE DOESNT WANT YOU!!

karljacobs: he wants me

dreamxd: oh my god karl not you to

dreamxd: unless quackity is on your phone

quack: NOPE LMAOO

karljacobs: its time 

karljacobs: i’m breaking my silence 

george: are you gonna say the thing..

karljacobs: i kissed george

george: you are

sapnap: WHAAT

sapnap: GEORGE?? IS THIS FR??

george: listen 

dreamxd: i

quack: holy shit

george: we were just playing 

quack: playing WHAT bro skull

karljacobs: why are you typing the word skull

quack: i meant to press the emoji

george: we were like joking around 

george: and i was like lol what if we kissed

george: and karl was like sure

sapnap: YOU initiated it ?!?!??

quack: what emotion am i feeling rigjt now

dreamxd: i just fell to my fucking knees

dreamxd: i’m numb

dreamxd: how can i go on after this?

sapnap: are you okay…

dreamxd: i will never be the same

george: you are so dramatic 

george: chill

george: it didn’t mean anything 

dreamxd: ok!!

karljacobs: what he said 

karljacobs: im single and ready to mingle btw!!

quack: thank you for clarifying karl

sapnap: dream how are you feeling 

dream: like a butterfly in the wind

george:…okay

Chapter Text

WE HAVE SEX!! +sapnap

Today at 2:32 pm

karljacobs has changed the group name to Dickgrabbers

karljacobs: hey girls!

quack: LMFAO

sapnap: this name is so much better than the other one

george: you’re just saying that because you don’t have sex shrug

dreamxd: he’s just saying that because karl changed it

dreamxd: what happened to bros before hoes

sapnap: karls not a hoe

karljacobs: well
karljacobs: anyway

george: this name is inaccurate
george: i dont grab dicks

dreamxd: i can change that ;)

quack: dream was twirling his hair and kicking his feet typing that

george: dream i’m so close to blocking you srsly

dreamxd: what about quackity he does this too

george: i’ve had quackity blocked for a month

quack: ???

karljacobs: i haven’t blocked anyone
karljacobs: to be clear

sapnap: i thought you had wilbur blocked

karljacobs: umm whos wilbur??
karljacobs: (shut up sapnap)

quack: why do u guys hate wilbur
quack: he’s literally a single teen mom trying his best :/

dreamxd: that’s just not remotely true

quack: it literally is………
quack: i’m co parenting with him

george: what’s the baby’s name

quack: Mr. snuffles

sapnap: wilbur’s kid is named mr snuffles…?

quack: i came up with it
quack: its only fair we made it together

karljacobs: ?

george: oh my god

dreamxd: i’m sick of you

quack: do you guys not make build a bears
quack: what kinda lame ass life are u all living

sapnap: oh my god its a build a bear

sapnap: i actually just thought you were pulling shit out of ur ass

quack: there’s nothing in my ass

karljacobs: LMAOOO

sapnap: permission to make a joke

george: no

sapnap: i can
sapnap: i can put something in ur ass big q
sapnap: sorry
sapnap: that was so bad im so sorry

dreamxd: goodnight….

karljacobs: sapnap :(
karljacobs: i thought you were better than this

george: quackity is silent
george: for once

karljacobs: LMFAOO SAPNAP

dreamxd: you broke quackity dude

sapnap: IM SORRY

quack: i’m actually at a loss for words
quack: u did not just fucking say that to me dawg

sapnap: erm
sapnap: i had to
sapnap: q u say worse things to george and karl
sapnap: why is this freaking u out

quack: IM NOT USED TO IT BEING RECIPROCATED???

george: sorry nobody loves u q

sapnap: kys george

karljacobs: i love quackity

dreamxd: not more than sapnap apparently

george: omg fr
george: first he’s saying quackity is his favourite
george: now he wants to sex him up

quack: never say “sex him up” ever again

sapnap: LET IT GOOO
sapnap: im not sexing anyone up

karljacobs: for sure

sapnap: are you being sarcastic

karljacobs: What is sarcastic??

dreamxd: LMAO

quack, george
Today at 3:09 pm

quack: help

george: omg not you

quack: literally fuck you LMAO
quack: help though actually

george: ?

quack: i have a dilemma.

george: ok
george: idc

quack: stfu
quack: let me talk

george: hmm

quack: i think
quack: that sapnap
quack: has a crush on me…….

george: oh
george: idk

quack: Thanks!!

george: What do you want me to sayy

quack: i dont know!!
quack: arent you supposed to be his best friend!!

george: he hasn’t told me anything about a crush

quack: ok well
quack: do you think he does

george: idk

george: he might
george: i wouldn’t put it past him

quack: ugh
quack: i literally don’t know what he wants from me

george: is this about the joke he made earlier?

quack: kinda
quack: its a bunch of things
quack: he js acts like weird around me

george: and the favourite thing

quack: yeah

george: do you want him to?

quack: what?

george: have a crush on you i mean

quack: um
quack: i don’t know
quack: maybe?
quack: i hadnt thought about that

george: well think about it
george: maybe this could be good for you

quack: idk
quack: thanks though
quack: ill think about it

george: ok

george, dreamxd
Today at 3:23pm

george: dream

dreamxd: heyyy

george: hi
george: do you know if sapnap has a crush on quackity

dreamxd: uhh
dreamxd: where did that come from

george: quackity thinks he does

dreamxd: oh
dreamxd: um

george: i think he actually might

dreamxd: you do??

george: yeah i mean it makes sense
george: but i also thought sapnap liked karl
george: so idk

dreamxd: does quackity like sapnap?

george: he doesnt know
george: i asked him that he said he’d think about it

dreamxd: i kinda thought q liked karl
dreamxd: kinda

george: yeah
george: me too but i didnt wanna say anything

dreamxd: i um
dreamxd: i hope they figure that out though hahaha

george: yeah
george: we should just bully sapnap into telling us who he likes

dreamxd: lol

Dream closes his phone and sets it on his dresser. He debates texting Sapnap and telling him about the conversation he just had, but would that just make things worse? Maybe it’s better to let it sort itself out.

Still though, Dream can’t help but feel like this is maybe a little bit his fault. He did say Quackity was Sapnap’s favourite. Dream can’t believe this is happening. And after Sapnap trusted him with his crush on Karl?

Hopefully Quackity and George will just forget about it. And hopefully Karl doesn’t start asking questions about Sapnap’s love life too.

Chapter Text

Dickgrabbers
Today at 1:09am

karljacobs: hi
karljacobs: oh shit its 1 am
karljacobs: awkward!

quack: hi karl :3

karljacobs: omg hi q baby my shining star ur awake
karljacobs: why are you awake

quack: studying
quack: i have a test tomorrow ive been studying for like 3 hours

karljacobs: ok crunch studying. i see u

quack: why are you awake
quack: ?

karljacobs: just lost track of time ive been re-reading the hunger games trilogy
karljacobs: katniss is so based. 12 year old me was so right for being obsessed w this

sapnap: uuughhh shit
sapnap: hey guys we’re all avoiding sleep tonight

quack: heyy sapnap
quack: whats got u up

sapnap: ive been trying to sleep ive been tossing and turning for hours i think

quack: hope karl and i’s yapping didn’t disturb you
quack: i bet dream and george are out cold rn

sapnap: you guys didnt disturb me lol
sapnap: sorry im so dry i'm just So tired rn but i was sick of not being able to fall asleep

quack: yeah

karljacobs: Am i sensing tension in the gc rn or what
karljacobs: your calm demeanours are freaking me out fr fr

quack: SORRY LMAO
quack: don’t you get sleepy karl

karljacobs: NOPE! :p
karljacobs: i am BUILT DIFFERENT

sapnap: go do your english hw freak
sapnap: i know you’ve just been procrastinating

karljacobs: damn didnt have to clock me like that
karljacobs: one more chapter… then i will go to bed… suzanne collins your words have entrapped me

quack: oookaaay

sapnap: q are you still studying?

quack: yeah but i think im gonna finish up
quack: i dont want to fall asleep during the test either..

sapnap: what class?

quack: chemistry UGH

sapnap: thats easy
sapnap: just think about us and you’ll ace it

quack: Man

sapnap: do you get it
sapnap: cause we have chemistry
sapnap: get it

quack: i get it bro
quack: its just not good LMFAO

sapnap: you’re right i should just make butt sex jokes

quack: those are only funny when i do them
quack: back off my material……

sapnap: you can do me instead

quack: Woah.

karljacobs: ok i was joking before but what is with the tension rn
karljacobs: am i reading this wrong or do you FREAKS need to take it to dms
karljacobs: actually a gc with just us three

sapnap: i dont see dream and george complaining

dreamxd: ALL OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sapnap: nvm i guess fuck

karljacobs: DANG
karljacobs: shut up dream you’re interrupting the yaoi

sapnap: the FUCK do you mean yaoi

quack: if our notifs woke you up you probably deserved it

dreamxd: george is trying to sleep. dont you care about him getting his beauty rest

sapnap: ? no ?
sapnap: nobody gaf about george’s beauty sleep

karljacobs: right😭damn

quack: i dont even think george cares about his beauty sleep
quack: dream took a course in loverboyism 101

sapnap: dream ur not slick
sapnap: we all know what you are

quack: a lot coming from you

sapnap: what?

quack: nothin

dreamxd: i cant believe all of u are so anti george

karljacobs: he makes it too easy
karljacobs: dream tell me im not the one one who can feel this tension

dreamxd: um
dreamxd: idk what ur talking abt

karljacobs: ik im not crazy
karljacobs: did q and sap fuck or smth bc whats happening

sapnap: NO??

quack: thats it im going to bed

dreamxd: karl where did u get that idea
dreamxd: i think everythings normal

quack: ok dream why are you being weird

dreamxd: IM being weird???????

karljacobs: dream you and i BOTH know theres some freak ass sexual tension in this gc right now and i WILL NOT rest until i get to the bottom of it

quack: um
quack: Okay Then goodnight guys

karljacobs: Goodnight my shining star <3333

sapnap: night big q :)
sapnap: good luck on your test tomorrow

quack: What
quack: okay
quack: bye

dreamxd: nvm i take it back quackity is being weird

george: quackitys always being weird

dreamxd: GEORGE
dreamxd: hiii

george: hi

sapnap: i dont think hes being weird its literally 1 in the morning hes probably just tired

karljacobs: george you agree with me
karljacobs: about the sexual tension

george: oh 100%

dreamxd: George.

george: i mean no

sapnap: if anyones being weird its dnf

george: ew

dreamxd: STOP REFERRING TO US AS DNF

karljacobs: Sapnap. *puts hand on shoulder*

george: oh my god

sapnap: …?

karljacobs: *leans in extra close*

sapnap: are we about to kiss rn

dreamxd: im
dreamxd: uncomfortable

karljacobs: *whispering in your ear*

sapnap: okay what is happening

karljacobs: if you ever
karljacobs: AND I MEAN EVER
karljacobs: break quackitys heart
karljacobs: you will never see the sunlight again

george: speak on it

sapnap: !!??
sapnap: where the FUCK did that come from
sapnap: can we roleplay kissing instead of this weird threat thing

george: oh i know someone you want to kiss

sapnap: fuck are yall talking abt
sapnap: im too tired for this shit GOOD NIGHT.

dreamxd: yeah ur all being weird
dreamxd: we should all go to sleep and stop talking about who sapnap wants to kiss

Dickgrabbers
Today at 3:26pm

quack: done my test
quack: holy shit im so glad ts is over

sapnap: how’d it go?

quack: um
quack: well idk i probably wont get it back for another week

sapnap: but how do you think you did

quack: not bad actually
quack: i think i'll get a passing grade

karljacobs: ur so smart cutie

quack: *blushes* aw shucks

sapnap: what about me karl

karljacobs: you’re hot

sapnap: not what i asked 😑

quack: is he wrong though????

karljacobs: IM LITERALLY NOT IM LITERALLY NOT WRONG

dreamxd: does anyone wanna hang out. w me

sapnap: yeah sure
sapnap: meet me at the skatepark
sapnap: george??

george: gimme a min

karljacobs: i promised my neighbour i would catsit:(

quack: the one with the siamese kitten??
quack: SEND PICS.

karljacobs: whatever u want darling

quack: stawwp im blushin !

dreamxd: ew
dreamxd: yall are gross

quack: Ur jealous karl loves me and not you

karljacobs: im pretty sure he’s just homophobic… :/
karljacobs: pretty messed of u dream

dreamxd: im not homophobic i just hate you two

quack: dream just private messaged me calling me a slur

dreamxd: WHAT???

karljacobs: get a load of this guy.!

sapnap: dream i didnt know u were homophobic like this
sapnap: i cant stand for this

george: Not cool dream

dreamxd: IM NOT FUCKING HOMOPHOBIC
dreamxd: george back me up

george: what

sapnap: oh my god
sapnap: is dnf real

quack: Gag

dreamxd: gagging at gay people? Pretty homophobic of you quackity

quack: you can’t turn this around on me i'm probably the gayest person in this group chat

george: no its definitely karl

sapnap: are you kidding
sapnap: its george

karljacobs: i was thinking sapnap

dreamxd: no way
dreamxd: sapnap gives off macho straight dude vibes

sapnap: that’s the worst thing anyones ever said about me

quack: sapnap is NOT a macho straight dude
quack: all he talks about his penis penis cock cock cock butt sex
quack: and skateboards

sapnap: pretty sure that’s you q

quack: not true
quack: i never talk about skateboards frankly they scare me

karljacobs: notice how nobody said dream’s the gayest

sapnap: oh he’s up there
sapnap: he wants george so bad

quack: dnf shippers dni plz

dreamxd: maybe i was the macho straight dude all along

george: 💀

dreamxd: what
dreamxd: why the skull

george: thats the biggest fib you’ve ever told

sapnap: fib
sapnap: omfg ur so british i hate you fuck

george: K
george: Y
george: S

dreamxd: how close are you two to the skatepark
dreamxd: ive deadass been waiting for 10 minutes

george: its what you deserve

sapnap: im here :)
sapnap: i see u dream

karljacobs, quack
Today at 3:57 pm

quack: karl
quack: are u busy

karljacobs: never too busy for you
karljacobs: whats up cupcake

quack: cupcake
quack: that's new

karljacobs: my little cheese pizza

quack: absolutely Not

karljacobs: sorry im hungry
karljacobs: whatd you need cutie

quack: um
quack: LOL this is so stupid

karljacobs: ?
karljacobs: are u ok

quack: ur pretty close with sapnap right

karljacobs: yeah i’d say so
karljacobs: why?

quack: so
quack: i was talking to george about this the other day

karljacobs: never a good idea

quack: will u stfu and let me type

karljacobs: oop sorry T.T

quack: dw about it snookums
quack: uh
quack: okay i’m 90% sure sapnap has a crush on me
quack: do you . Also think so

karljacobs: oh wow
karljacobs: i was right about the tension..
karljacobs: bro i was fuckin joking what the hell

quack: karl buddy im ngl u made my suspicion worse
quack: i feel like he just acts different around me

karljacobs: is that why you’ve been weird lately?
karljacobs: at lunch you were being awkward

quack: karl
quack: plz answer my question im freakin out

karljacobs: well its hard to say
karljacobs: he could have a crush on you?
karljacobs: he kinda acts like that with me too so i dont think its that out of the ordinary

quack: oh
quack: okay

karljacobs: why?
karljacobs: do you really not want him to like you that much

quack: well
quack: kinda the opposite actually

karljacobs: .
karljacobs: ?????

quack: when i told george about this he asked me if i wanted sapnap to like me
quack: and i didnt really know
quack: but ive been thinking about it for a few days and now i think i do

karljacobs: Oh
karljacobs: are you sure?
karljacobs: like you’re for sure crushing on him now?

quack: i swore i would never like another white boy after schlatt but oh god karl im down bad
quack: last night i dreamt that we worked on a farm and we were like harvesting corn and he kissed me and i LIKED IT

karljacobs: why did you dream you worked on a corn field

quack: IDK karl who gaf abt the details
quack: im so serious i want him so bad

karljacobs: wowzer

quack: i literally cant be normal around him

karljacobs: in hindsight this makes a lot of sense
karljacobs: you should ask him out

quack: NO
quack: ARE YOU SERIOSU
quack: yk what no he probably dont even like me like that im just dramatic and needy

karljacobs: no dont say that
karljacobs: you literally said youre 90% sure he does

quack: that still leaves a 10% chance of rejection
quack: if i ask him out itll ruin the friendship

karljacobs: quackity if you keep being weird around him itll ruin the friendship anyway
karljacobs: hes a good guy he wont go running for the hills if you ask him out

quack: idk
quack: well thanks i needed to talk to someone about this real bad
quack: thank u sweetie pie

karljacobs: yep
karljacobs: you’re welcome

quack: ?

karljacobs: sorry i have to go feed my neighbours cat

quack: oh okay

karljacobs: 👍

Chapter Text

Dickgrabbers
Today at 9:46 pm

dreamxd: Guess what idiot broke his fucking arm while trying to do a kickflick
dreamxd: (it was sapnap)

george: he just got the cast on
george: fucking loser LMFAO

karljacobs: WHAT

quack: wtf
quack: is he okay

sapnap: im fine
sapnap: well george hasnt stopped laughing at me so my ego is bruised
sapnap: it was a clean break

quack: i thought you were supposed to be good at skateboarding 
quack: THIS IS WHY IM SCARED OF SKATEBOARDS

sapnap: i am good at skateboarding

karljacobs: then why is your arm broken

sapnap: karl:((
sapnap: dream and george were cuddling in the er waiting room

quack: sounds about right

karljacobs: in public?
karljacobs: 🤢

sapnap: i know it made me wish i landed on my head instead of my arm
sapnap: if only karl was there to cuddle me…

dreamxd: SHUT UP
dreamxd: george just got tired because youre so selfish you broke your arm and didnt let him go home

george: to be transparent thats not what happened at all

sapnap: dream dont make me hurt you

dreamxd: whatchu gonna do w that broken arm😹

sapnap: STOP MAKING FUN OF ME

quack: can i sign your cast

sapnap: yeah ofc
sapnap: thank you quackity for being the only person NOT BULLYING ME

karljacobs: youre a big boy sapnap
karljacobs: you can take it

sapnap: youre so right
sapnap: im so strong thabk you karl

dreamxd: simp….

karljacobs: i dont want to hear anything about simps coming from you dream

dreamxd: what does that mean

quack: you know what that means LMFAO

karljacobs: Starts with dream…. ends with NotFound

george: if any of you mentions dnf im breaking sapnap’s other arm

sapnap: LEAVE ME ALONE
sapnap: bbh is crying

quack: why

sapnap: he thinks im made of glass ong
sapnap: a broken bone is not gonna kill me
sapnap: when i was 12 i broke my leg after george pushed me out of a tree and i was fine

dreamxd: i remember that
dreamxd: you were crying so hard you passed out from exhaustion 

sapnap: Ha .

karljacobs: why did george push you out of a tree

george: he was being annoying

quack: i think someone needs to check george’s anger issues 

george: shut up quackity or you’re next

quack: o_o

karljacobs: george i would really love it if you pushed me out of a tree ;)

george: ew…

quack: all we need to do to get george to stop bullying us is flirt with him

george: yes because youre all disgusting 

dreamxd: oh…..

sapnap: oh my god dream dont start

dreamxd: i didnt even say anything

sapnap: yep and i dont want u to

george: wow im so tired
george: this is all sapnaps fault

sapnap: you looked pretty comfortable cuddling dream
sapnap: in the ER WAITING ROOM btw…

quack: gag

george: we werent cuddling

dreamxd: well i wouldnt say that

karljacobs: whys everyone in the gc being so gay and stupid lately

quack: pretty much the norm

sapnap: wait wdym everyone have i been gay and stupid

george: yes everyday of your life

dreamxd: yeah sapnaps one of the gayest and stupidest

karljacobs: TRUEE

quack: dream is way stupider

dreamxd: not nice
dreamxd: quackity be nice challenge

quack: im nice

quack: karl tell him

karljacobs: quackity is perfect❤️

quack: see

sapnap: irrefutable evidence

quack: wow see sapnap knows how to spell words like irrefutable
quack: hes smarter than dream

george: youre actually such a simp

dreamxd: yeah shut up quackity

sapnap: nono lets all talk about how smart i am

karljacobs: if you were smart your arm wouldn't be broken

dreamxd: LMFAOOO

george: try to come back from that sapnap you cant

sapnap: wow
sapnap: quackity….

quack: youre on your own for this one

sapnap: WOW

sapnap: whatever i hate you all i'm going to bed with my BROKEN ARM and my HURT FEELINGS

sapnap: fuck my stupid gay life

dreamxd: i hope you have a terrible sleep full of bed bug bites

karljacobs: wish i was one of those bed bugs

quack: so true karl

george: i hate you all.

karljacobs: george notfound back again with the homophobia

quack: what else is new

george: you say that like i'll deny it
george: im homophobic only to you three

dreamxd: not me? :D

george: youre on thin ice

dreamxd: D:

karljacobs, dreamxd
Today at 10:00pm

karljacobs: yo

dreamxd: ?
dreamxd: hi karl

karljacobs: hi dreamie
karljacobs: i need some gossip from you

dreamxd: okay

karljacobs: idk how to ask this so i’ll just be blunt
karljacobs: do you know if sapnap has a crush on anyone

dreamxd: umm
dreamxd: why??

karljacobs: promise you wont tell anyone 

dreamxd: okay??

karljacobs: i mean it dream what im about to tell you
karljacobs: keep it to yourself 

dreamxd: i promise

karljacobs: quackity has a crush on sap

dreamxd: oh
dreamxd: wow ok
dreamxd: why are u telling me this

karljacobs: i need to know if sapnap likes him back
karljacobs: its eating up at q and that’s makin me crazy

dreamxd: umm
dreamxd: idk let me think

dreamxd, george
Today at 10:05pm

dreamxd: GEORGE
dreamxd: GEORGE
dreamxd: GEORRRGEE I NEED HELP

george: ????
george: what js wrong with you im trying to sleep

dreamxd: do you remember what we were talking about the other day
dreamxd: about umm quackity qnd sapnap

george: omg do u have an update

dreamxd: uh
dreamxd: so i just found out quackity has a crush on sapnap 

george: i know

dreamxd: you do??

george: well hes not that subtle about it
george: yesterday i went and got ice cream with both of them and quackity could not get out a full sentence without becoming a blushing mess
george: i dont know how sapnap doesn’t notice but i genuinely think he doesn’t 

dreamxd: his head is full of rocks
dreamxd: um karl was asking me if sapnap had a crush on quackity and i dont jnow what to say
dreamxd: also dont tell the guys i told you this it was supposed to be a secret 

george: omfg dream
george: just say you dont know if you dont know

dreamxd: okay but
dreamxd: i do know

george: …?

dreamxd: do not relay this information to anyone
dreamxd: confidential 

george: well what is it

dreamxd: sapnap has a crush on karl

george: WHAT
george: the drama…
george: i have got to tell hannah and tina about this

dreamxd: GEORGE
dreamxd: CONFIDENTIAL

george: right right 

dreamxd: what do i say to karl
dreamxd: he’s blowing up my phone

george: just say you don’t know

dreamxd: fuck
dreamxd: okay

karljacobs, dreamxd
Today at 10:10pm

karljacobs: dream??,,??
karljacobs: helllo?

dreamxd: idk
dreamxd: sorry

karljacobs: why did that take so long

dreamxd: i took a shit

karljacobs: what

dreamxd: it helps me think

karljacobs: . Okay

dreamxd: why does this matter so much to you anyway

karljacobs: wdym

dreamxd: why do you care so much about if sapnap likes quackity or not

karljacobs: um
karljacobs: because quackity is my friend and i care about him

dreamxd: he and sapnap are my friends too and i dont care this much

karljacobs: it’s different for me

dreamxd: ?
dreamxd: what do you mean
dreamxd: Karl

karljacobs: nvm
karljacobs: forget it it doesnt even matter

dreamxd, george
Today at 10:12pm

dreamxd: george :((

george: what now

dreamxd: so update
dreamxd: karl 100% has a crush on quackity 

george: ???
george: did he tell you that

dreamxd: no but like
dreamxd: it’s obvious 
dreamxd: i dont know how we never noticed before

george: this just keeps getting better

dreamxd: this will literally end my life

george: dramatic

dreamxd: you cant tell any of them about any of this
dreamxd: what do i do this is insane

george: you dont have to do anything
george: let them figure it out

dreamxd: they’re never gonna figure it out on their own
dreamxd: fuck my life

Chapter Text

Dickgrabbers
Today at 2:29pm

sapnap: 1 day without skateboarding
sapnap: i thinjk im dyinh

george: your dramatic ass

sapnap: bad has banned me from the skatepark

dreamxd: probably cause you broke your arm
dreamxd: loser

quack: we should hang out
quack: its friday guys please

sapnap: yesterday i was hanging out with dream and george and i broke my fucking arm

quack: what if we hung out and then didnt break any bones

karljacobs: yeah sapnap idk why you didnt think of that

sapnap: my freaking bad i guess

george: sapnap should break his other arm

sapnap: what if i killed myself george

george: id laugh

quack: :(

sapnap: quackity is the only one whos nice to me

dreamxd: im nice to you
dreamxd: and karl is
dreamxd: george not so much

karljacobs: georgenotnice

sapnap: instead of being mean to me we should be mean to george

karljacobs: omg truee
karljacobs: george you have a stupid face

dreamxd: hey now
dreamxd: his face is beautiful 

quack: *pukes on you*
quack: dream youre disgusting 

dreamxd: okay somehow quackity always manages to turn it around on me

karljacobs: you had that coming Ngl

george: dream is such a glazer
george: quackity is too but not for me

quack: did anybody fucking ask george

sapnap: No i dont believe anyone did🤔
sapnap: who does quackity glaze

dreamxd: oh my god 

karljacobs: this is sad to watch

quack: im killing myself in front of all of you

sapnap: :(

george: can i film it

quack: remember when i asked to hang out and nobody answered me

george: i can hang out

sapnap: careful he’ll break your arm too
sapnap: i cant hang im sorry bbh has me under house arrest

quack: dream and karl

dreamxd: yeah ill hangout 
dreamxd: where we going

george: lets go to the mall 
george: we should buy matching claires jewelry 

quack: karll 

karljacobs: uh
karljacobs: i cant sorry

quack: what
quack: why ur no fun

karljacobs: i just cant

quack: but whyy

karljacobs: cause i just dont fucking want to quackity

quack: geez
quack: i just just asking 

sapnap: uh

dreamxd: umm 

karljacobs: sorry

george: erm
george: So ignoring that
george: dream can you drive me to the mall i dont have a ride

dreamxd: yes
dreamxd: big q do you need a ride

quack: no
quack: i can walk im near the mall rn

george: ? where are you

quack: im at the gas station thats like a block away

sapnap: LMFAO why are you over there

quack: they sell robux gift cards 

dreamxd: i bet karl wishes he didnt just snap out at you
dreamxd: man creams his pants at any mention of roblox

quack: .

sapnap: dont be like that dream
sapnap: he’s probably upset and so is q

quack: can we not

dreamxd: shit sorry 

sapnap: have fun at the mall you guys

george: dream when will you get here

dreamxd: like 5 minutes have some patience 

sapnap, karljacobs 
Today at 2:46pm

sapnap: hey
sapnap: are you okay

karljacobs: yeah
karljacobs: yeah im fine

sapnap: are you and q fighting? :(

karljacobs: no
karljacobs: i am kind of
karljacobs: idk upset though

sapnap: do you want to talk about it?

karljacobs: um

sapnap: you dont have to

karljacobs: i probably should
karljacobs: i just dont know how to start

sapnap: take your time
sapnap: im here for you and stuff

karljacobs: “here for you and stuff”

sapnap: dont make fun of me asshole
sapnap: sorry continue 

karljacobs: i havent really said this to anyone before so i dont know how to

sapnap: no rush man

karljacobs: ill just start from the beginning 
karljacobs: so the other day me and q were talking and he told me he had a crush on
karljacobs: uh
karljacobs: someone

sapnap: why did that upset you
sapnap: no offense but why does that matter

karljacobs: uh
karljacobs: i kinda
karljacobs: like quackity 

sapnap: ah

karljacobs: like romantically
karljacobs: and i guess i have for a while but i never really noticed until he told me he liked someone else

sapnap: oh

karljacobs: and now im mad at him but i feel guilty because its not his fault
karljacobs: do you know what thats like

sapnap: i have an idea

karljacobs: i feel really bad about what i said to him
karljacobs: i just want to be his friend without dying inside
karljacobs: sorry for dumping this on you

sapnap: don’t be sorry
sapnap: i told you that you could

karljacobs: thanks for listening 
karljacobs: its just been stressing me out
karljacobs: its worse cause im friends with the guy quackity likes and im pretty sure he likes him back

sapnap: who is it

karljacobs: you dont know him
karljacobs: im upset about it but i also want them to get together because i want quackity to be happy

sapnap: that's really selfless of you

karljacobs: idk
karljacobs: as long as i can be his friend i'll be happy yknow

sapnap: yeah

sapnap, dreamxd
Today at 3:00pm

sapnap: i know youre at the mall but i just got the worst news of my life

dreamxd: whats up
dreamxd: george and quackity just got kicked out of the furniture store for throwing pillows at eachother and now we’re in the food court so i have a minute 

sapnap: karl just told me he has a crush on quackity 

dreamxd: what
dreamxd: oh noo where did that come from

sapnap: did you know??

dreamxd: no of course not
dreamxd: are you okay

sapnap: i think im dying

karljacobs, sapnap
Today at 3:03pm

karljacobs: anyways
karljacobs: i dumped my soul onto you i think its only fair you do the same

sapnap: what do you mean

karljacobs: do you have any love problems right now
karljacobs: this can be our thing

sapnap: you know what i actually dont think i do

karljacobs: really???
karljacobs: are you crushing on anyone

sapnap: not really no

sapnap, dreamxd

Today at 3:05pm


sapnap: IM SERUOUSLY DYING

dreamxd: oh god
dreamxd: do you want me to come over

sapnap: no ur havinf fun with quackity and george

dreamxd: yeah but this is more important
dreamxd: q and george can hang out with eachother 

sapnap: did you not drive george thwre

dreamxd: oh shit i did

sapnap: its fine dream

dreamxd: ill come over later okay
dreamxd: and ill bring ice cream and candy and chicken wings

sapnap: good combo
sapnap: dream i dont know what to do

dreamxd: well
dreamxd: at least you know?

dreamxd: so you wont waste your time trying to pursue something that wont happen

sapnap: i guess
sapnap: rn i just feel like cryinf so

dreamxd: im sorry man
dreamxd: shit sucks

Dickgrabbers
Today at 6:40pm

quack: guess what i bought today

george: i was there

quack: not you george shut the hell up

george: Eat glass

sapnap: what did you get

quack: i got this t-shirt with a really cool panda on the front

sapnap: i love pandas
sapnap: theyre my favourite

george: i hate them theyre stupid

karljacobs: theyre actually very intelligent

george: i actually dont care

karljacobs: i hope you get eaten by animals 

dreamxd: sap what kind of ice cream do you want
dreamxd: oh this isnt dms

george: you guys are having ice cream without me

dreamxd: i asked you if you wanted to join and you said no

sapnap: rocky road
sapnap: please please please please please

dreamxd: ALRIGHT

quack: cookies and cream better

george: you would say that

quack: shut up george you like mint chip

karljacobs: whats wrong with mint chip
karljacobs: i like neapolitan

quack: i was going to say because its basic but youve got him beat with that one

dreamxd: i like butterscotch

sapnap: ew who likes butterscotch ice cream

dreamxd: i do
dreamxd: i just said that i do

george: nobody cares

dreamxd: george youre so romantic
dreamxd: it’d be funny if we kissed

george: Choke

quack: i would take a picture and add it into next week’s edition of the school paper

george: and this is why nobody likes you

karljacobs: i like you quackity

george: that doesn't count

sapnap: well

quack: what

karljacobs: nvm
karljacobs: actually qmeister can we dm for a sec

quack: sure……?

karljacobs, quack
Today at 6:59pm

karljacobs: hi

quack: hey

karljacobs: i just want to say im sorry
karljacobs: i shouldnt have snapped at you earlier
karljacobs: i’ve just had a bad day and i took it out on you
karljacobs: im sorry :(

quack: are you mad at me

karljacobs: why would i be mad at you

quack: you’ve been acting weird
quack: like ever since i told you about sapnap

karljacobs: ohh

quack: karl be honest with me
quack: do you like him?

karljacobs: er

quack: its okay if you do
quack: i just dont like it when you dont talk to me

quack: you mean more to me than my crush on sapnap

karljacobs: i dont like him like that
karljacobs: its not about that

quack: then what is it about karl
quack: i miss my friend

karljacobs: im right here
karljacobs: its not about anything
karljacobs: ive just been stressed lately

quack: okay
quack: yk you can talk to me right

karljacobs: ofc!
karljacobs: ily

george, dreamxd
Today at 7:30pm

george: ok i need you to tell me whats happening with karlnapity

dreamxd: karlnapity,,,?

george: if they get to make a weird name for us i can make a weird name for them

dreamxd: okay fair
dreamxd: sapnap found out karl likes quackity

george: this is like my own telenovela
george: i’d like to lock them in a room and watch them interact like zoo animals

dreamxd: what
dreamxd: okay sure ig

george: i bet if all three of them just had a conversation they’d sort this out

dreamxd: you have too much faith in them
dreamxd: none of them are smart enough to do that

Chapter Text

Dickgrabbers
Today at 12:00am

george: morning bitchesss

sapnap: its midnight

george: idgaf

sapnap: ok

quack: sapnap play fortnite with me

sapnap: my arm is broken

quack: ok???? make it work???

sapnap: man ok
sapnap: gimme 5 minutes

quack: who else is awake
quack: karl….
quack: dream….

george: what about me

quack: i dont want to play fortnite with you

george: why

quack: well no offense but ur trash

sapnap: hes right…

george: sapnap literally has a broken arm and ur asking him to play

sapnap: i play better with a broken arm than you do with all your bones intact

george: this is why ur a single loser

sapnap: youre single too

george: by choice
george: you think the hoes arent lining up to kiss my feet??

sapnap: thats disgusting i might block u for that

quack: not even i would kiss georges feet and thats saying something

karljacobs: you guys are fake freaks 💔

quack: NOW you come online

karljacobs: i saw you guys were talking about george’s feet and i got excited

sapnap: karl :/

karljacobs: so when dream and quackity objectify george its ok but its bad when i do it

george: its bad when any of u do it why am i a victim

sapnap: dream and quackity do it so much i dont even have the energy to question it

quack: YOLO
quack: george i hope u know i dont actually want you

george: …💀
george: Oh i Know alrifht.

quack: wish i could say the same for dream

sapnap: why does everyone get cryptic when quackity’s love life is mentioned 

quack: UM
quack: idk its so weird theyre literally obsessed with me lmaooooo

karljacobs: its because his love life is nonexistent and its like we’re telling ghost stories

quack: FUCK OFF??????

sapnap: wait fair

quack: omfg
quack: crazy coming from u 2 dorks

sapnap: i get crazyy bitches

karljacobs: why are you lying

sapnap: IM NOT

george: provide one example

sapnap: Well you see

quack: LMFAOO

sapnap: any volunteers??

george: hard pass

karljacobs: considering……
karljacobs: thinking……..
karljacobs: 1, 2, 3…

sapnap: so probably a no from karl

karljacobs: What the hell, sure

sapnap: okayy 1 volunteer 🎉
sapnap: any other takers??

george: are we bidding now whats happening

quack: $500

sapnap: SOLD FOR $500 TO THE CUTIE WITH THE BEANIEEEE ;)

quack:  zczzcutie

george: lord…

karljacobs: what happened to me

sapnap: well you didnt offer any money so

karljacobs: $1k

sapnap: quackity i take it back

quack: YOU CANT DO THAT YOU ALREADY SOLD

karljacobs: i have the higher offer

quack: THATS NOT HOW BIDDING WORKS

sapnap: ladies ladies…
sapnap: i have two hands

karljacobs: woag

quack: to hold right

sapnap: sure….

george: DREAM
george: PLEASE COME ONLINE KARLNAPITY IS BEING WEIRD

sapnap: karlnapity….?

dreamxd: whats happening

george: scroll up

quack: what the fuck is karlnapity

dreamxd: why are u guys bidding on sapnap

karljacobs: omgg is that our ship name

quack: ship name??
quack: what for like all 3 of us??

sapnap: how does that work

dreamxd: its cause you guys are like a threesome

sapnap: WHAT

karljacobs: fuck yessss

quack: NOT the word i would use

george: you guys made us dnf
george: this is your payback

sapnap: its not the same because dnf is real 

george: it’s just not thoufh

dreamxd: oh ok

quack: LOLLL

george: we also came up with duo ship names for you guys

karljacobs: such as

dreamxd: karlnap quacknap honestly the karl and quackity one is still pending

george: its literally karlity

dreamxd: no that looks weird

george: it looks fine

quack: what is happening

dreamxd: do you guys ship quacknap or karlnap more

sapnap: why am i getting passed around

george: karlnap but only because sapnap’s dumb ass doesnt deserve quackity 

karljacobs: karlity

quack: sapnap all 3 of us are getting passed around

karljacobs: i like karlity :))

dreamxd: Oh im sure

karljacobs: shut up

george: i can guess sapnap and quackitys

quack: im not indulging this

sapnap: you know what
sapnap: im going with quacknap

quack: what really

sapnap: i like the way it sounds

karljacobs: nooo pick one with me

dreamxd: just pick karlnapity and call it a day 

george: they cant comprehend that

sapnap: how woukd that even work

karljacobs: quackity which ship is your favourite 

quack: man idk

george: im pretty sure everyone knows apart from one person

sapnap: what

dreamxd: seriously difficult to watch 

quack: HAHAHAHAHAH
quack: you guys are so funnyyy😂😂😂

sapnap: i never understand what u guys are talking about
sapnap: im eating a donut rn

karljacobs: sapnap is so funny i can never tell if hes being dense on purpose 

quack: literally not a single thought behind those eyes

sapnap: awww
sapnap: thanks quacky

george: not a compliment
george: idiot

sapnap: Ok and just like that im not doing your calc homework

george: wait no stop

dreamxd: ill help you george

george: we both know how that turned out last time

karljacobs: what happened 

george: none of your business 

karljacobs: thenn why did u say that in the gc nimrod
karljacobs: absolute melonhead 

dreamxd: karl always has the weirdest insults

quack: i think theyre cute

dreamxd: can you stop being gay for like 5 minutes 

sapnap: no hes right
sapnap: but like in a homie way obviously lmaoo..

karljacobs: im 90% dnf are secretly dating
karljacobs: or having an affair

sapnap: oh absolutely 
sapnap: no question about it

quack: i seriously think theyve fucked

george: stop making up scenarios about us

karljacobs: then stop giving us material 

sapnap: LITERALLY

dreamxd: george and i havent fucked

sapnap: not yet

dreamxd: BLOCKED

sapnap: hey :(

quack: soo that fortnite game sapnap

sapnap: oh right
sapnap: im ready when u are

quack: call meeee

dreamxd: can i join

sapnap: no this is quacknap bonding time

quack: yeah dream go suck ur bfs dick

dreamxd: STOP BEING MEAN TO ME

karljacobs: you make it so easy though

george: i should get new friends

quack: ur stuck with us georgie <3

Chapter Text

Dickgrabbers
Today at 12:18pm

sapnap: hey gang
sapnap: im bored someone come over and hang out

george: why cant you go out
george: Ohh wait its cuz u broke ur arm HAHAHA

sapnap: why do you wake up every day and choose to be a piece of shit

george: someone has to

sapnap: did your kindergarten teacher not tell you to treat others how you want to be treated

george: she did i just didnt care

quack: george was That kid in school 

george: and what does that entail

karljacobs: it means ur annoying 

dreamxd: no hes perfect.

sapnap: i cant with these two

quack: dream has a 6th sense for when we’re making fun of george 
quack: and then he comes into the gc like Dont worry kitten… Daddy will protect you

dreamxd: WHAT

george: 😐

karljacobs: is he wrong

george: YES??

sapnap: No

quack: im never wrong
quack: about anything 
quack: i dont even gaf

sapnap: he dont even gaf

george: can you hop off quackity’s dick?

sapnap: no i like it here

quack: kay…

karljacobs: is it getting hot in here?

dreamxd: sapnap man waht the hell is ur problem

sapnap: i got 99 problems without ya
sapnap: how come quackity never reciprocates my sexual innuendos 

karljacobs: idk its like he got baptized or smth

quack: its not usually towards me
quack: unless it’s karl which isnt new

karljacobs: 👅 Love ya!

dreamxd: get a room

karljacobs: are u feeling left out :(((

dreamxd: no im feeling homophobic

sapnap: i’m gonna tell the school counselor that youre bullying me because of my sexual orientation 

dreamxd: you do that

quack: omg he doesnt even care
quack: dream is about to snap

sapnap: remember 2 minutes ago when i asked for someone to hangout wirh me and nobody replied

karljacobs: ughh i cant rn
karljacobs: my grandmas bday is tomorrow so me and my mom are making a cake

quack: thats so cute karl

sapnap: awww

dreamxd: i cant either i have plans

sapnap: why do you all hate me

george: i cant either
george: i also have plans

karljacobs: why are you guys being ominous 

dreamxd: we’re not

sapnap: i will seriously set my house on fire guys please

quack: i can hang out

sapnap: YAYY
sapnap: quackity i love you

dreamxd: thats gonna be quackity’s jerk off material for the next month

quack: ??????

sapnap: dream you’re just jealous me and big q are gonna have so much fun while your mom forces you to clean your bathroom or something 

george: or something lol

karljacobs: srsly what are dnf up to

sapnap: actually yk what this is good
sapnap: i dont know when the last time me and quackity hung out alone was

quack: quacknap beach episode 
quack: except we’re not at a beach we’re in sapnap’s backyard smoking his parent’s medicine

george: his parents what

sapnap: my parents grow weed in the backyard 

george: ?? is that not illegal

sapnap: probablyyyyy

karljacobs: if you told me you had weed i would have cleared my schedule

quack: jesus karl
quack: we’ll be thinking of you the whole time

karljacobs: good 

sapnap: wouldn't have it any other way

george: christ you three

dreamxd: have any of you seen the movie Challengers

george: 💀

sapnap: yeah but i dont see how that correlates
sapnap: all i know is mike faist was fine as hell in that movie

quack: i never knew tennis players could be so sexy

sapnap: not to be needy but when will u get here big q

quack: gimme like 10 minutes king

sapnap: if im king will you be my queen? ;)

quack: why are u feminizing me
quack: sure whatever as long as dream is the court jester 

dreamxd: karl would be a better jester i once saw him snort a pixie stick up his nose

sapnap: god hes so whimsical

karljacobs: KEEP TALKING SHIT DREAM SEE WHERE THAT GETS YOU!!!!!!
karljacobs: thanks sapnap you’re the cutest guy i ever did see

sapnap: aaaaayay thags nice hahsd

george: im so close to faking my death and fleeing the country

dreamxd: type shit

quack: :((( what abt me karll :(((

karljacobs: sorry cookie ur so cute too i love u more than anything jn the world and id kill for you no joke hahahahhah

dreamxd: Smooth

quack: yay!!! :3
quack: Sapnap. im outside in the rose garden

sapnap: ? you can stand on the pavement 
sapnap: nevermind ill just let you in

karljacobs: and then there were three….

george: don’t you have a cake to bake

karljacobs: we ran out of flour so my mom went to the store
karljacobs: im watching Milf Manor this is kind of a weird show 

dreamxd: what the fuck is milf manor

karljacobs: its like a reality tv dating show but with milfs

george: why are you watching that

karljacobs: i cant stop
karljacobs: i think theres some higher power thats forcing me to sit on the couch qnd watch Milf Manor 

dreamxd: . okay

karljacobs: AHHHH WTF
karljacobs: THIS JS THE WORST SHOW IVE EVER SEEN
karljacobs: I CANT STOP WATCHING

george: so ignoring that
george: dream

dreamxd: yeah just give me one sec

karljacobs: ? what are u guys doing

george: nothing

dreamxd: we’re not doing anything

karljacobs: okay…..

-

Sapnap watches as Quackity takes a drag from the blunt, wondering if he’s always been this pretty or if this is some new development.

Maybe he’s just high. Maybe he’s just coping after learning there’s no chance Karl likes him back. Maybe, he can see why Karl likes Quackity.

Q passes him the blunt with a sigh, “Dude, I can’t believe your parents just give you weed.”

Sapnap shrugs and takes it with his good arm, “I think it’s because when Bad was in highschool, all he did was go to parties and drink and smoke weed and shit. I guess my parents just didn’t want me to do it behind their backs.” 

Quackity snorts, leaning back against the unfinished wall of Sapnap’s basement. “Like you’d ever go to a party.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means you’re a loser,” Quackity deadpans with a sly smile. “That’s okay though, I like you better that way,”

Sapnap looks down at the blunt in his hands, and suddenly realizes that him and Quackity sharing the same roll is kind of like an indirect kiss. Oh man, he’s so geeked. “Am I supposed to be flattered or offended?”

“Flattered! You being a loser means I get you all to myself,”

Strangely enough, Sapnap actually likes the sound of that. 

-

sapnap, dreamxd

Today at 4:05pm

sapnap: im in love again

dreamxd: oh my god what now

sapnap: hey
sapnap: i think you mean “Wow sapnap thats amazing, whos the special someone!”

dreamxd: its just that we do this every week can u take a break or something 

sapnap: i am taking a break
sapnap: this is how i get over karl the one who got away

dreamxd: omfg
dreamxd: okay ill bite whos your newest victim

sapnap: guess

dreamxd: britney spears

sapnap: well yes but guess someone we know

dreamxd: george 

sapnap: do you want me to throw up?

dreamxd: IDK sapnap just tell me

sapnap: drumroll….

dreamxd: 🥁🥁🥁

sapnap: its quackity!!!

dreamxd: .

sapnap: what do you think

dreamxd: are you insane

sapnap: i know its kind of messy 
sapnap: because i know karl also likes quackity 
sapnap: but i mean who can blame him ? q is fine as fuck

dreamxd: are you sure its not the weed talking

sapnap: YES
sapnap: well maybe a little bit
sapnap: but like if i crush on quackity maybe i can get over karl

dreamxd: dude what exactly is your plan with this

sapnap: idk

dreamxd: youre not going to try and date big q are you??

sapnap: idk i doubt he’d go out with someone like me
sapnap: ill just keep pining until quackity breaks my heart and then ill be over karl and moping about quackity instead

dreamxd: YOU ARE AN IDIOT

george, sapnap

Today at 4:10pm

george: if you lead quackity on i will castrate you

sapnap: DREAM ALREADY TOLD YOU??

george: im with him in person rn he had no choice

sapnap: i wont lead him on
sapnap: he doesnt even like me

george: are you stupid on purpose? 
george: how are you in ap calc like seriously?

sapnap: waht are you talking about

george: OH MY FUCKING GOD
george: QUACKITY LIKES YOU YOU STUPID ASSHOLE

sapnap: he what

george: he has a crush on you
george: i swear to god sapnap i wont let you play with his feelings

sapnap: are yoy serious?
sapnap: im not trying to play with him
sapnap: i like him

george: really because yesterday you liked karl

sapnap: can’t i like them both?

george: no because youre going to get all three of you hurt

sapnap: i cant believe q likes me
sapnap: is that why he’s been weird?

george: literally yes
george: and what about karl’s feelings in this? how do do you think he’ll feel when he finds out you and q are a thing after he told you he liked quackity 

sapnap: its not my fault quackity likes me

george: i cant do this rn
george: just stop being an idiot