Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Every story needs a beginning. A starting point. A big bang where everything that could be becomes.

Chapter Text

Mom used to read me bedtime stories every night.

I'd lie, tucked into bed, stars in my eyes as she took me through worlds of knights, dragons and castles. Of princesses and thieves, pirates and whales. Every night was a new world for me to explore, a new adventure for me to take.

As I grew older, history books taught me how our world came to be and older, classical literature showed me the art of words.

Maybe it was inevitable that I'd start writing my own stories.

A young girl lost on an island.

A boy discovering love.

A murder and a detective locked in a battle of wits.

A history of men and kingdoms with tales of how they came to be.

And among them.

The story of the Hollow Knight. (Title work in progress)

A kingdom of bugs, soul, dreams and void. Of wonderful gardens, bubbles, mazes and mud.

Mom had agreed when I told her I thought this story was by far my best. In fact she'd been so impressed that she'd thought of introducing it to a publisher. We'd burn the midnight oil brainstorming of the bugs history and its great kingdom. Slowly bring a new world to life. It was one of the last things I'd done with her.

We'd never got to finish it.

I hadn't touched it since.

Until now.

I stared at the notebooks, covered with dust. There was some fraying at the edges but apart from that they were in pretty good shape. I'd hidden deep in our attic after what had happened to the flute.

I run my fingers over the mixture of handwriting; clunky crooked letters (gods my handwriting was terrible back then) mixed with smooth, elegant cursive.

Even know years later I couldn't hope to compare it to mine.

I miss you mom.

Shit.

I fumble for my pocket and bring out the small glass bottle. Unscrewing the lid I pop a single pill into my mouth.

Tranquilizers or something. They'd given me a prescription after I'd spent the first days at the hospital in a hysterics. I used to calm down, so that I could think more clearly and stopped my limbs from shaking like a rusty engine - for the first few days anyway.

I still used it just like I did moments before, to stop my hands from shaking, but recently I'd been having them so I could enjoy the sense of numbness and ease it gave me.

Maybe this should be worrying but even without the pills it was hard to feel anything these days anyway. The psychiatrist had said something about Alexithymia? Flat affect? I hadn't bothered listening properly. The important thing was I was more numb to emotions, for now at least. They'd said I'd get better but honestly I hoped it didn't. Getting better would mean that I would have to face my problems.

My thrice timed death.

The hospital bills.

The school.

...dad.

I flicker through my notebook until I find the page.

-no mind to think.
No will to break.
No voice to cry suffering.-

It was better like this. My shoulders relax slightly as I imagine the pill breaking down inside of me, releasing its payload, calming down my nerves. I won't feel the actual affects for a few minutes but imagining it was almost as good.

Yes. Much better.

"Taylor!" the voice calls. Time to go.

I tuck the notebook under my arm and take one last look around the attic before I leave.

The notebooks are already pushing it. I don't want to touch any more fragile memories.

I go down to the kitchen to see dad and there's a flash of relief on his face. He's like that every time he sees me now. He needs to be reminded that I'm still alive. Or that I haven't run away yet.

My lost of emotion wasn't the only thing that had been in the psychiatrist's report.

It was infuriating.

Where was all this before?

"I made lunch?" he says hopefully but I'm already going back up the stairs.

Before the locker, I would've liked it. Maybe even loved it.

But that was then. Now? I hate it.

I...

I miss the dreams already.

I don't know why I keep dreaming of Hallownest, why I dreamt of my childhood creation during my brush with death (A small part of me thinks it's mom from beyond the grave giving me the strength to carry on).

But I'm not complaining. I'm glad  I was reminded of it. At this point I'm thinking it's the only thing keeping me sane.

I go to my room, stripped of everything personal now, all shoved into a box under my bed.. I'm not sure why I did it. I just couldn't stand...

I place the notebooks on the empty desk and lie down on the bed, ready to force myself to sleep. Hoping that I dream and never wake up.

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Time is against us my king.

The king looks upon his reflection in the blue lake. His crown, long pale and elegant, and just like his cloaks and wings, basked in an ethereal glow.

The pale king. Founder of Hallownest. Giver of mind. Watcher of the future.

The three dreamers stand behind him, dwarfing him in size but not in presence.

Monomon the Teacher. Lurien the Watcher. Herrah the Beast.

The preparations are complete. the king says, Our champion will be ready. Our path is clear.

The Torrent isn't our only enemy. Monomon says. The Seer and the Eruption threatens us also.

They will come for us. Herrah continues, You have forseen this my king.

We need not be without allies. Herrah finishes, The great threats must take priority. The others will answer the call.

Others? I let out an involuntary squeak of confusion.

The four beings immediately turn to me. One resigned, two amused, one annoyed.

Oops.

I immediately run, confident in my ability to escape.

I may be young but I'm already among the fastest in the kingdom. My talent with my needle is- oh that's so not fair.

Oh dear child. the king floats down in front of me, his wings folding back into his cloak. How much have you overheard?

I pout. Flying is so not fair. I want wings too.

Father chuckles. Maybe later child. He does that sometimes. Reads my mind even when I don't say anything. Mother says it's because I show my emotions on my sleeve but that's silly. I'm a warrior. My mind is the strongest fortress around.

He takes me in his arms and we're flying through the air, through the foliage of Greenpath, past the bricks of the Crossroads and we're at Hallownest city.

We hover over the city. And I can see everything. Some parts are still being built and even the ones that have need inside decorating- interior designing? Lurien had called it I think- that would take several more cycles.

This is our home. he says, Our kingdom. One that we must protect.

But I want to see more! I protest, You've told me of the Surface kingdom above. I want to see it. And the great threats! I want to fight! I'm strong!

Patience. father chides, Strength has nothing to do with it but do not worry. Everything has it's time to shine.

He flies further now, away from Hallownest towards the caverns of Deepnest where... Midwife is waiting.

Oh troublesome child. she chitters. I hope she wasn't too much trouble Pale One?

Midwife is different to the others. Others will bow and grovel. Even Herrah, her mother, will show respect to the founder of Hollownest but Midwife, in the face of the most powerful bug in Hallownest, stands straight and talks back. I like that. I like Midwife. Doesn't stop me from running away every time but I like her.

Father thinks for a moment. I think it's time for her to learn the ways of a proper warrior.

I'm already a proper warrio- wait what? I perk up. Until know I had to practice my moves in hidden rooms and dark shadows but... could it be?

Midwife cackles. Oh so soon! So soon! Things must be getting quite worrying for you Pale one!

My child is getting bored with Hallownest. Father says dryly, It is getting quite worrying indeed.

I am not that bad!

Quite worrying indeed! Midwife cackles again. Very well then. she turns to me and takes me into her arms, Come child. If you are to become a warrior then I'll be sure that you follow the way of the needle. Nothing like those nail wielding idiots or Weaver forbid a hammer wielding brute. No! You'll be a proper warrior!

She chitters on, maybe a little excited as we go further into Deepnest and I look back at father.

I think he looks proud.

Chapter Text

I swallow a pill.

I watch as raindrops splatter down on the windowsill.

Pitter patter pitter patter.

The city seemed to be crying, shedding tears where I couldn't.

I went back to my notebook, writing down Hornet's latest adventures.

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Learning the path of the needle was hard. It took speed, precision, wisdom, constantly moving, attacking and defending at the same time.

Dodge. Parry. Weave and strike.

I thought I was fast before. I thought I was strong before. I was wrong.

I'd learnt from the other Weavers. Fought them. Defeated them. Proved my worth.

Now here I was in the heart of the Mantis village. Standing before the Sisters of Battle, perhaps the greatest trio of warriors in all of Hallownest.

I close my eyes inhaling deep.

----------⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅----------

I open my eyes.

I'm sitting in a comfy couch with someone, a man, who's giving me a strained smile. He perks up suddenly. "Taylor? Are you back with us?"

I look down where my notebook rests in my hands. I flip open it to see fresh ink staining the pages.

Hornet's childhood in first person. That's a new one. I should think about that more.

I swallow a pill.

"Taylor." the psychiatrist, oh right he was my psychiatrist wasn't he? "Can you focus on me for a moment?"

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Focus.

These aren't simple bugs thou face. True warriors stand before thee.

The Mantis Lords are proud. Fail to prove thy value and forever lost will be the chance to dance amongst them.

I brandish my needle at the Sisters, unveiling my challenge.

The three Lords rise from their thrones.

I look up at them without fear.

----------⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅----------

I look up.

"-comes and goes." the doctor was saying to dad, "I suspect depersonalization disorder but we'll need more tests for that. Honestly I'm a little baffled. It's rare for cases to get worse."

Dad thanks the doctor, takes my hand and guides me through the clear glass doors, to our car and we're driving somewhere. Probably home.

"Everything's going to be fine." he says, "We're going to go through this together. We're going to beat this."

I swallow a pill.

----------⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅----------

I don't beat the Sisters. I got so close though.

I catch the First Sister with a feint. A jab to the shoulder but in truth, a swing to the legs which knocks First Sister off her feet.

Third Sister I beat in a straight up duel. A vicious series of blows which I triumph over with a throw of her needle but Second Sister's there as soon as Third Sister falls and then I'm down on the ground, the nail-lance resting against my forehead.

Impressive little one. they say, but not yet. You still have-

----------⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅----------

"-much to learn." Blackwell says, "Don't let one unfortunate accident-"

"Accident?" dad explodes, "My daughter's heart stopped! Look at her! Does this look like-"

"And we sympathize greatly but-" Blackwell says the same thing over and over again. Not enough evidence. A simple prank gone wrong. Winslow will refuse to take responsibility for my hospitalization.

I imagine her as a Maggot. A big head, small stumpy arms. Worthless.

My hands twitch and I realize that I don't have my notebook with me. Probably smart. Nothing good survives Winslow. I start imagining the creature in my head and ultimately decide that my Maggots would be nothing like Blackwell. I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now but I think I hate her too much to associate her with any of my creations.

The meeting ends where it began. Absolutely nowhere.

All that time wasted and for what?

I swallow two pills.

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Wasted? Midwife scolds her, One loss does not equal to a waste little weaver. I thought I taught you better.

I lost. I say, All my training and-

Not even your father is not without loss. Midwife brushes aside my words, It's not the loss that bothers you child, speak of it.

I don't. Speaking of it would only ensure that I'd never be able to bring my plans to fruit.

I refused to wait any longer.

----------⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅----------

My pen pauses.

I'm back at my desk writing again.

The Mantis Lords.

Leaders of the Mantis tribe and its finest warriors.
They bear thin nail-lances and attack with blinding speed.

The Mantis Lords, like the rest of their Tribe, are proud warriors who have kept the beasts of Deepnest confined to their territory, killing those who would intrude upon the village. This duty was part of a truce with the Kingdom. They grant passage into Deepnest to any who would defeat them in a fair challenge, in an improvised arena in their throne room.

There are sketches, notes about the Mantis Lords and their village. There's even a map sketched out onto a page.

How long have I been doing this?

How much worse was this going to get?

I swallow a pill.

It had seemed fine at first.

My daydreaming of Hallownest was a nice way of passing the time in the hospital, one that stayed with me even when I was discharged and sent home. It didn't seem that nice when one night dad had to shake me free from my daydreams, literally.

We'd chalked it off as a result of stress but it happened again on the next day. Twice on the day after. Double that on the next. I was getting lost in my dreams of Hallownest more frequently and longer. Thankfully what remained of my consciousness managed to get through daily life without question but it was barely more than an empty shell.

I'd gotten used to it, coming back from my Dreams and reorienting myself but if things got worse, all that would be left would be that shell. An empty husk of a being only capable of going through the basic needs in life or doing what it was told.

An empty mould filled of void.

The doctors couldn't help much. At least not without our budget. The best they could do was take tell us that I needed a structured life, where even if my mind went wandering my body would be able to carryout everyday life without too much problem.

Then they took away my pills. Something about fear of overdosing.

Assholes.

'Things would get better' they'd said all smiles, 'You'll be back with us in no time.'

...but why would I want that?

I think of my life forward. Where could I possibly go from here on out?

I look and all I see is nothing. There's nothing for me left. I...

shit. My hands are trembling.

I reach for the bottle of pills hidden under my mattress. The ones I had hidden when I'd rightly guessed that they'd stop giving me any.

With shaky hands I count the pills - one, two, four, five, seven, nine, thirteen, fifteen.

Only fifteen left.

This could get me through the week or...

Steeling myself I finish the small bottle and throw the empty bottle in the trash.

Then turns off the lights and go to bed.

She could already feel the numbness settling in her stomach, could hear the clock ticking slower the wind blowing softer.

Cast in shadow. Cast in void.

Let me sleep. Let me imagine of Hallownest.

I imagine the great shadowed realm below Hallownest, below Deepnest, below the Ancient Basin. The darkest parts of Hallownest where the shades, the siblings of the Hollow Knight rested.

If there was a creature in Hallownest similar to her it would be the siblings. One of many. Unimportant, Hollow.

Nothing like Hornet. Strong and confident. She was what I wanted to be like.

I look out of the window towards the city lights wondering what Hornet would think of my world. It's ugly streets and-

-filthy air and-

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I stand above a building, barely distinguishable from the others, taking in the view.

It's nothing compared to the beautiful architecture of Hallownest city. Ugly compared to even Dirtmouth.

But beyond the architecture there's a beauty unparalleled by anything Hallownest could offer.

The sea of void stays undisturbed, held way up above by an invisible force lit by the endless spots of burning souls. The largest one, a giant pale orb outshone the rest, lighting the entire Surface City in a silver glow.

The sky and stars.

Beautiful.

In a place so ugly and grey it seemed so out of place.

Is this where you live little ghost? How do you live in a place so crude?

I leap from my perch free falling before I hurl my string dart and I'm flying through the narrow streets taking in the dull lights and exotic smells.

I slip through the shadows and spy on what I guessed was a food store. Green paper was being exchanged for something. Food? It smelled like food. And they were eating it so probably food. Is that the kind of substance the surface people consumed? Even from here I can smell the chemicals. Definitely harmful, possibly even toxic. Did they purposely eat those kind of foods or was the shopkeeper tricking them? Interesting. Regardless I knew Monomon would be interested in sampling the substances. I've seen her collection of poisons.

I want to see more.

I need to see more.

I explore the city.

There's a building in the middle of a great, nearly endless body of water, surrounded by a glowing dome.

Nearby, a collection of a several dozen boats, submerged and broken.

A market filled with even more smells and sounds.

There's a big rectangle with ever changing colors showing even more images of the city. I watch that one for a while.

A collection of little houses, all identical with little various of colors.

The surface dwellers are strange. Riding metal machines, eating their poisonous foods, talking in their strange language. Towns, song and clothing in a rainbow of colors with their lush gardens and small little holes.

I rest at the tallest tower the lands provide, dangling my legs on the ledge.

Ascending into a vast new world. Watching and learning.

It was exhilirating.

There was one thing I was missing though.

Perhaps the most important thing of all.

There's a sound behind me and I look back to see a surface dweller hovering behind me wearing a rust-red attire with a silver white trim and a shield emblem on his chest.

"Umm..." he says and somehow I understand his words, "Hi?"

He seems uncertain, shy? No. He's tense, his body locked into a stance that could spring into both fight or flight. His garb isn't like the other surface dwellers. It's tight while unrestricting, tough and durable with a number of barely visible scratches on the surface. Armor. His eyes are visible and they are locked onto hers. Waiting, like a predator ready to pounce.

Ah. A warrior.

I spring to my feet and point my needle at my foe.

Finall-

----------⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅----------

I blink.

There's sunlight on my face, wind in my hair but my cheeks are pressed on to the floor.

I fell off the bed and the windows open too.

I must have been sleepwalked while I dreamed.

Heh. Dreamwalked.

That has a nice ring to it.

I go downstairs, make a quick breakfast of eggs and toast.

I turn on the news and pause.

That's weird. It's been a while since I've gotten this far in the morning without 'Dreamwalking'.

It's a... change. Not sure if it's a nice one yet.

I watch the news waiting but nothing happens.

I don't fall into my Dreams.

My hands aren't trembling.

Dad's awake, "Taylor? Are you...?"

"I'm fine. I think" I say softly. I'm not sure how to talk to him anymore without Dreaming.

Suddenly I want to go back to the Dreams again.

Talking. I'm not used to it anymore and that was just...

There's a mug in my right hand and I steady it with my left until the tremble leaves again.

I really miss the pills.

I check the clock; 9:30 time for a short walk around the park.

I start heading back towards my room intending to grab a jacket and throw a quick glance back at the tv-

There's an image on the screen.

A red cloak.

A white mask.

A needle.

The mug shatters on the ground.

Chapter Text

I visit the store front and bought a sandwich from the Deli. Swallowed a bite down with a soft drink.

Full of chemicals. Hamful. Toxic. I almost giggle at the thought.

Quickly finishing my meal I continue to hunt.

It's difficult trying to remember the images from my dream yet I manage.

I visit the rig, watch it's force field sparkle in the moonlight. A building with a glowing blue shell.

I visit the boat graveyard. Empty and desecrated. A funeral for the metal bugs of water.

I visit the market. Smells and sounds.

I see the giant screen on 8th. Watch on ad about McDonald's latest burger.

The rows of houses near Acadia.

I don't find the tall building from my Dreams so I find the highest building that allowed me on their roof and went with that.

I sat on the ledge, watching the Sun shine down on the streets of the Bay. Light reflected of the glass windows, highlighting the stone and concrete. Colors and sounds saturated the streets while soft cotton candy clouds hovered gently in the baby blue sky. In the streets cars and people traversed through the streets like ants in their tunnels all working to maintain a system no matter how flawed they could be.

I remember a quote from George Sand, a French novelist, memoirist, and journalist. "Admiration and familiarity are strangers."

How true that was. I've seen these sights over a dozen times over my life, perhaps more, passing by them during my daily life without giving them second thought but today they seem so fresh, so inspiring. Whereas before I could see only the ugly of Brockton Bay, observing the city with Hornet's eyes gave me a newfound level of admiration for this city.

Which brought me back to my main problem.

I didn't know what my power was. My best guess was that I could 'change' into Hornet during my dreams. A weird kind of Breaker form? Or maybe a Changer form. But there weren't that many Breakers or Changers that I knew of that transformed into such a different, inhuman form. Could I be some sort of hybrid Case-53 where I could change into my inhuman form when I was Dreaming? (Was this how Case 53's were created? Slowly losing themselves to their power until they lost everything about themselves?)That could explain my Dreamwalking but then what happened during my other dreams? The ones not about Hornet. The ones about Hallownest?

And then my Dreams themselves. Were they because of my powers or because of my mental breakdown? They were rare now, my Dreams short, blurry and fleeting too but that was okay now. I didn't need them. For now.

So many questions. So many unknowns.

But the biggest one of them all.

How do I turn into Hornet again?

It felt liberating being Hornet. It felt exhilarating. It felt free. It was everything I wanted and then some.

I wanted to be Hornet again. I wanted to talk like her, move like her, fight like... 

That was a problem. The only problem.

Hornet wasn't one for mercy, she hadn't been trained for it. But more importantly she hadn't been trained to fight against humans. Humans were weaker than the bugs of Hallownest. The bugs had tougher shells, superior strength and speed while humans... didn't. I don't know how much of my story translated over to my power's version of Hornet (Dream Hornet maybe?) but it seemed enough got through. Her prowess with the Needle, her control over spider silk... my story's Hornet could sing, perform and talk to spiders. Maybe my power's Hornet - Dream Hornet could do that too but even without it she was deadly. That alone was problematic enough but reliving my memories of her it was pretty clear that she was young, much younger than what I'd originally wrote her as.

Dream Hornet was still in her years when she was still growing, learning, eager to escape from the shade of her parents and experience the world her own way. She was proud of her combat ability, believing that she was among the best warriors in Hallownest (she was or would be, but that wasn't the point), she seeked the thrill of battle and arrogant enough to believe she'd come out top every time. She was immature, enough that she'd start picking fights just because she could.

...like picking a fight with Aegis because she wanted to see how the warriors of the surface world.

I'd seen the fight with Aegis and it was... bloody. Extremely bloody. If it had been someone other than Aegis, an Alexandria package who could take the insane amounts of punishment that Hornet dished out, then I'd probably be at the end hunt of a witch hunt for killing a Ward.

I still could be.

As little as I knew about the cape world I knew that hurting a Ward was basically taboo. I'd be labeled a villain. Was I a villain? I would be according to the PRT. I'd attacked a ward in an incredibly brutish manner. They'd... they could...

Birdcage.

They'd absolutely Birdcage me.

HolyshitwhatdoIdowhatdoIdowhatdoIdowhatdoIdowhatdoIdowhatdoIdowhatdoIdowhatdoIdoshitshitshitshitshitshitwhatdoIdowhatdoIdo-

Fear

I gasp deep as I'm pulled back.

My emotions which had been collapsing in a downwards spiral was now just... gone. No, not gone. Muted. It was hard grasping them. Like a sight behind a curtain of fog.

I could think clearly now.

I'd hurt a Ward! Almost killed them! I couldn't control Hornet, or maybe I could. Was she sentient? She acted like she would in my stories. Exploring a new city out of curiosity and looking for a fight at her first chance. Impulsive. Brash. She'd mature later in the story but I didn't know enough about my power to tell if that would happen here too. Hell I didn't know anything about my power.

How do I control it?

No. There's a more important question.

How do I fix what I'd already done?

I look down at the city.

I could disappear. Run away where Hornet couldn't hurt anybody.

No body would miss me that much.

Objectively it was a good option, maybe the best. As of right now I had no understanding of my powers except of the fact that I was a danger to others.

Disappear...

I look down at the city. From here so high up it seemed so large but then again so very small.

"Quite a view is it not?"

I absolutely did not squeak as I whipped around to see the owner of the voice.

A tall thin man stood, wearing a dark blue hooded cloak, and beneath the hood a mask and a hat spotted with a few dots. In one hand he held a cane and in the other he kept a hold of his hat maybe to keep if from flying away in the wind.

"It's a beautiful city if one seeks to appreciate it." he continues in a voice thick with accent and slightly breathy with age but gentle like a song, "A land of wonders, of promise and dreams. Though it does not seem to be kind to the weak."

"Umm..." who the fuck and why? How?

"Oh, forgive me. I have forgotten to introduce myself." he laughs, "I am Boon. Explorer, student and artist! It is delightful to meet another wanderer appreciating these breathtaking sights. You seemed to have the look of one who'd appreciate the simple wonders in life so I decided to humbly invite myself to your roof."

"Artist?" I blink, "Explorer?"

"I have something of an obsession with uncharted places and interesting thing." Boon explained, "My brief stay has taught me that there are quite a few fascinating mysteries to be solved in this city."

Brockton Bay? Interesting? Mysterious? This guy was either hitting the happy juice a little too hard or belonged in a mental asylum.

My confusion must have been clear on my face because Boon laughed once again.

"Mysteries need not be quite grand little one." he gestured to me, "Even a simple one like 'what is a little girl doing on a rooftop all alone?' can be quite rewarding to solve." he looked to the city, "I do so love a good mystery and who knows what other marvels there are to uncover."

Mental asylum. Definitely. I decide to move onto a different, more saner subject. "You're new to this city?"

"Quite new." he nodded, "For so long I've felt drawn here. So many tales some full of wonders and some full of sadness. I simply had to see it for myself. And what a time I chose to arrive! This city has come alive with activity, so lively and energetic. "

...Hornet. He was talking about Hornet.

I look away with guilt at the thought of the maimed Ward once again. The question intruded my thoughts once again. How do I fix things?

"But enough about me." he continues, "What is a young little sprout like you doing in such a place like this. Not many of your age would not be seen doing the same."

"Maybe I'm just different." I suggest neutrally. I definitely was.

"Maybe." he allows, "But you've a look of sadness to you and I hoped that I could be of some help to a fellow explorer."

Help. I looked at the masked man. How could he ever... mask.

"You're a cape." I say feeling stupid.

"I have been called that." he admitted, "I believe that I was called a 'rogue cape' during my talk with the masked administration but I've found that I prefer the term 'tourist' much more agreeable with me."

"You're not a hero?" the question came out more as a instinct than anything else. I'd spent half my life idolizing capes. It was hard not to think of anyone not becoming a hero if they weren't going villain.

"I never said that."

I blink confused, "You said you were a rogue!"

"Ah!" he raised a finger, "But can a rogue not be a hero? Or perhaps you adhere to the definitions of the masked administration? I personally disagree with their categorizations, along with methods. I've found them to be... incomplete."

I begin to protest, trying to defend the PRT (that was the masked administration he was talking about right?) but...

I hadn't caught up with the news yet but I was sure that the PRT had labeled me a villain by now. But I wasn't a villain. I couldn't be. I hadn't meant for Aegis to get hurt. I needed help. I needed to learn to control my power. To solve the puzzle of my Dreams. I...

Boon looks at me curiously. "You must be carrying quite a burden for one so young. I rarely see eyes that have such anxiety like yours do."

"What do you know?!" I snap, suddenly angry at this stranger butting into my life, "I don't know you and you don't know me."

Boon raised his hands in surrender, "I simply meant-"

"I'm not some puzzle for you to enjoy." I snarl, "I look sad? Don't judge me!"

"..."

"I'm not... I..." my knees wobble as the anger leaves me, and suddenly I feel like crying, "I can't..."

I didn't want to be a villain. I didn't want to go the jail.

I didn't want to leave.

I'm worthless.

I can't do anything properly.

A waste of space and time.

Before I was a loner with no friends. Now I was freak.

Everyone would be better off if I was gone.

Emma had been telling it to my face for months.

I wondered when I'd begun to believe it.

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It does not know its strength.

...

It must learn before it is too late.

----------⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅----------

There's an unfamiliar weight on my shoulders as I begin to cry.

I wanted to see mom.

I wanted to go home.

----------⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅----------

Perhaps... a small glimpse.

Open thy eyes little ghost. See what thou must face.

An explosion of gold.

A battle of feathers and minds,  of Hopes, Dreams and Nightmares.

It can play the game. The tournament for the divine.

The battle that ended in the past, began in the present and is happening in the future.

No rules are set. No limits barred.

To watch upon it is to abandon Hope and seek Despair. To revel Beauty and accept Horror.

To be victorious is to ascend further.

To lose is to be eaten by the void without mind.

Loss is unacceptable.

Ţ̵̧̢̢̛̘̹͕̫̼͔̠̲̪̹͖̪̹͔̳͈͉̰͙̼̝͔͚͈̝͊̃̒̎̏͑͗̅̓̒̐̀͋̊̄̿̑̍̈́́̅͐̔̇̆͂͗̓̒̀͂̆͑͛̔̏̾̀́̚̕̚͠͝ȟ̷̢͎̟̜͎̰͙͎̹͕̱̥͎̳͉̘͇̼͈͙̫̯̦̫̼͙͖̣͉̺̫̫̦̇̌͐̊̈́̓̄͆̋́̀́̀́̑̑͂̔̒̅͌͒̓͋̏̽̃̊̚͘͜͜͝͠ͅͅͅë̶̛͇̤̺̩̞̣͔́͑͆̔́̅͐̊͌͋͜͜ ̶̳̋̽͒̋̍̄͋̉͗̄̋̃̽̀͒̕̚͝͠͠͝͝Ŕ̴̡̨̧̢͍̪̝̥̫͔̺̜̬̼̯̻̲͕̺̳̦͉͙͉̜͍̀̔̍̑̚ä̷̢̧̧̢̧̛̺̬͖̜̤̦͚̹͎̤̝̩͍͍̖͇͉̦͖͕̼̮̣̠̤̭̞̬̲̠͇̲̼̥́̓̔̃͂͛͑̄̇̾̾͒̒̄͛̂͛̓͂͆͂̅̈́̿́̕̕͠͠d̶̨̨̧̟̪̻̪̲̥̝̖̩͇̥̼̞̣̺͈̻̙̹̼̳̪̠͎̣̹͉͚̣̺͔͐͆̍͒͂͜͜ͅį̷̡̡͔̥͚̹̯̩̺̗͎̭̘̠͍̟̙̹̦̟̈́ä̸̢̧̛̟̭̱̆̆͑̍̉̇̐́̉͜͜͝n̴̨̢̡̨̖͙͉̭̙̯͉̦̫̠̥̣͙̦̝̟͙̤̤̗͈̱̳̖͉̺̯̜̘̜̯̪̜̯̺͐̀͂̈́̓̈́̿͂͋̊̍̈̈́̑̇͑̆̇̚͝͠͠͝ͅc̶̡̧̡̡͖̻͉̭̖͓͚͍̰͔̤̲͖̮͇̦̬͈̤̞̦̳̦͈̯̮̠̠̺̔̆̈́̑͑̓̄̎̉̇͗̽̈́̚͝ͅę̴̛̻̤͎̪̘̘͚̼̖͉͔͙̻̭̪͚͍̫̱̗̲̼̞̲̲̥̱͙̿͂͌͗̅͑̑̍̀̎̽̃̽́̾̚͜.̵̨͈̳̺͛̐͂̑̋̀̈̈́̐͛͌̀͋̂͐̔͠͠ ̵̡̡̡̘̼̗̹̣̲̞͇̼̯̦͓̦͇̱̘̔̆̋͐̅̏̎́͗̈́̑͘̕͜͜T̶̡̡͙͉̞͍͔̬͌́̽̀̋̏̋͌̀̇̿́̑̅̏͛͑͂̊̈̀̊͌̾̄̓̕̚͘͝͝h̴̨̡̢̡̡̝̥̫̮͈̝͍̥̜͍͎̲͙̲̘̤͚͚̞̜̼͉̤̟̲̥̲̘͍̬̺̋̒̎̽̆̔̉̐̂̓̇̿͂̌͑̕͠ͅȩ̴̢̢̢̨̛̜̥̳̟͙̤͚̫̬̦̻̼̘͉̥̗̬͚̗͈̻̲̥̼͖̗̬̠̠͕̄̂̒̓͆̋̆̂̀́͐̊̍̀͛͋̄͗̀͗̎̽̔͊͒͘͘͘͘͜͜͝ͅͅ ̶̢̳̹͖̺̪̗͂̂̇̓̈́̅̄̔̏̆̽̔͛̅͛̔̇́͌́̾̀̍̌͌̚̕͘͘͝G̶̨̢̧̤̳̻̹̭̝̺͎̳̝̩͙͔͈̊́̅̋̆̀͠r̵̡̢̨̢̧̢̧͖̭̙̭͍̲͍͍̯̘͎̥̥̞͔̹̣̟̳͓̺̮͉̲̰͔̞̻̠̩̟͉̙͉͎͖̪̮̀̌̾̈́͋̀́́̒͌̈́̋̂͛́̃̎͊̍̓̀̕͜͝͝į̶̫͇̥̥͊̐̓̍̔͑̐̋͋͂̑̎̍̉̌̂̆̂͊̽͝m̷̢̠̙̭͚̖̞͓̙̼̻̬̘̻̞̠̱͎̭̻̳̱͖͇̟̟̘̦͈̗̼̘̠̊͋͋̏̍̀͛͑̔̿͂̀̓͊͂̿́̒͠m̴̢̢̧̯̰͍͓͚͈̮͔̳͙͔͖̩̖͚̭͇̱̣̑̒̀͒̉̈̈́́̀̓͌̎̑̊̽͂͋́͐͂̆͂̂͛̀̕͜͠͝͠ͅ.̸̛̹͍͈̣͓͙̲̯̻̩̺͐́̈͊̈͋̐̓̈́͗͒́̓̄͊̈́̒͆́͑̂̂̀͑̓̋̈́̕̕̕͜͜͝͝͠͠ ̴̧̧̨̰͈̙̹̹͈̩̼̯͔̥͍̺͓͇̣̩̳̭̞͙̘̼̳̝̲̲͇̲̻̗͚̦̀̊̈́̍̀͆̈́̈́̿̆͒̂̍̑͐̀͆͑̈́͗͒̎̀͐̏̌͐̕͝͠ͅŢ̴̨̨̨͉͕͉͇̠͕̤̝̮̦̲͚͖̱̩̮͍͚̬͙͕̝̹̙͚͙̪͇̭̣̯̉̄͜ͅͅͅh̴̨̪̤̃̐̏̓͂̃̄̈́̈́͂̾̋̑̾e̶̡̢̨̢̡̨͈̳̟̳͚͍̱̟̭̬͖̪̦̩͇̪͔̠͌́̉̊͗͊̑͒͠-̸̢̨̡̧̡̡͕̙̭͈̠̣̤̳̳̜̣͚͍̪̺͉̼̯̣̼͓̘͈̠̥̺͔̲͂̃̿̂͜ͅͅͅͅ

[Query?]

----------⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅----------

I open my eyes.

My Dreams are back in full.

I blink as I slowly take stock of my surroundings trying to remember where I am. It's late now, near dusk. I've tucked myself into a little ball and there's a cape covering my shoulders and I'm leaning against...

I scramble away from Boon. "I'm so sorry." I begin to apologize, "I didn't mean to... I have... I mean... I'm-"

"You are correct. I do not know the reason for your distress nor do I have any right to interfere in your buisness but it is clear you are suffering." Boon said, "But never give in to despair little one. Always have faith." he gestured at the setting sun, "The sun will fall and the world swallowed by darkness but that need not mean that the world will be one of gloom. The stars will shine, the moon will smile and even before that, the setting sun is ever so beautiful. Things are only so grim when you believe them to be so."

I look at the horizon.

It is beautiful. A symphony of oranges, reds and yellow all perfectly blended together with the clouds and the sea.

Boon doesn't talk any further only gesturing to the spot next to him.

Together we watch the colors fade into darkness.

Chapter Text

My path forward was obvious.

I needed more pills.

That was how I connected to Hallownest better. That was how I became Hornet.

Not turning into Hornet wasn't an option.

Should I steal them? But then I'd be a vill-

Oh, right. Maybe I should probably decide whether she wanted to be a hero or a villain first (I ignored the path of a rogue because that was just a fancy word for unemployed, indecisive and isolated all in one).

I probably wanted to be a hero but then there was that whole thing of attacking Aegis, a ward.

Not exactly a squeaky clean resume.

And considering the scathing notes on my medical record it'd be pretty hard for me to get my meds through medical means which meant I'd have to steal them or buy them from some shady people(criminals). Once again , illegal stuff.

Did I care?

I thought about it.

Not really. 

I really wanted to be Hornet again.

So. Where. To. Get. The. Goddamn. Pills.

I wouldn't be able to buy them. I didn't trust myself not to get myself involved with the Merchants in my desperation for my rebirth as Hornet. I didn't want to become one of those junkies that were stuck in their own hellhole, addicted to the 'medicine' the Merchants provided.

So stealing them it was.

But where?

Foolish! Absolutely Foolish! R eckless, witless, dimwitted-

I sulked as the king's voice reverberated endlessly in the (for once) mostly empty halls of the white palace.

I glare at Ogrim the Defender who shrugs sheepishly, leaving me to my fate at Father's wrath. I had been so close to returning to Hallownest undiscovered.

So so close.

Stupid Ogrim and his seismic techniques.

Father stops shouting.

Eventually.

-were you thinking child?

I glare defiant and proud. His rage didn't scare me (mostly) and I was a grown bug now I could do whatever I like.

He sighs. The surface world is dangerous child. It is no place for-

The surface world is beautiful. I interrupt, I saw a world of eternal light, an endless body of water and enough green to fill our even darkest of caverns. We could have that!

You saw the forbidden fruit in it's most alluring form. You failed to see the dangers crawling underneath the skin, waiting for your sign of weakness, ready to swallow you whole.

I fought the dangers! I argued, Their warriors are frail and dim. Whatever threats are there-

You fought nothing The king's voice was in a low whisper but it was more crystalline than any other words he'd said today, his shadows were dark and looming, his glow heavy and dim. He looked like a king. but the fading embers of a dying city.

You are but a child playing who thinks the world can be understood through blood and steel.

You know nothing of age. You know nothing of danger.

You know nothing of strength.

I wince as I waken from the Dream, as the cortisol and adrenaline hit me hard.

My eyes are shut tight, my muscles are stiff, there's a ringing in my ears and my lungs can't get enough oxygen and godI'mbackthereandIcan'tbreatheandit'sallovermeandthesmellissobadandI'vebeenthereforhoursand-

Stopstopstopstopstopstop- STOP!

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Slowly, keeping my eyes closed, I loosen my clenched fist. It was easy to forget the depths of my characters over my love of them.

Actions have consequences and the Pale King wasn't one who'd easily forgive such a wrong. Even his- no especially his daughter.

Wyrms were terrifying when enraged.

I didn't think that I'd ever feel that fear in person.

Gently, I open my eyes.

I'm in a bench on... I actually don't know.

I'm on a street where there's a bakery I can smell behind me and... I immediately zero in on the pharmacy on the opposite side of the street.

Right. I was looking for pills. My body must have fixed on that last thought and had come here as a result.

Helpful but... actually. Very helpful.

I knew this pharmacy. It was smaller than most but it was almost isolated in its location and as far as I knew there weren't any police stations nearby. If I came at night and found a way inside, maybe break a door or window open, I could sneak inside, take as many pills I could and disappear without anyone the wiser. The problem was I didn't know how many tranquilizers they usually stockpile and that I probably wouldn't be able to return for more.

I pictured it in my head, wrote it like a story.

I wait until the dead of night, sneak out of the house hoping for once that my Dreams wouldn't take me. I'd go to the pharmacy, check for cameras, rattle the back doors, looking for a safe way in. A vent maybe? I was skinny enough that I could probably squeeze my way in. If that was an option I'd need tools, screwdrivers, both flathead and crosshead if I wanted to be thorough. I'd find my way in, find the pills stuff them in a bag, a dufflebag, fill it to bursting and then find my way back to the streets, disappear into the midnight crowd.

It was easy in theory. But then everything was easier in theory.

There was something missing though.

I needed a mask.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

I swung my needle viciously at the dummy, rattling it's hollow shell.

Your needle will suffer if you wield it so violently princess. Ogrim winces as he's put under the scrutiny of my glare.

We were at the beach of the Lake of Unn. The great body of acid shimmered, bubbled tenderly emitting a glow that lit both myself and the Great Knight in a Fern green shade.

It hadn't need suffer if one had learned to stay silent on certain matters. The dummy rattles once again. I've proved my worth in the ways of the needle. I've proved that I am capable of returning from the Above unscathed.

A formidable achievement considering your age. Ogrim agreed, But the king is a father and it is only natural for fathers to worry of their daughters.

The head of the dummy went flying with one vicious blow. One could argue that a parent should trust their child.

Ogrim considered her words for a moment. I remember when I was but a little shell of a creature. Small and frail but strong like you were. I was confident in my strength in which prompted me to leave the shelter of my parents and venture out into the great world.

I paused in the deliver of a blow because despite my (very justified) anger against the Great Knight I was curious. ...what happened?

He laughed a loud boisterous laugh which shook the walls. I met Isma, kind and understanding. I mistook her selflessnes for weakness and was defeated. It was quite humbling, and even more embarrassing considering I was defeated in a challenge that I proposed.

Isma the kind, another of the Five Great Knights, the strongest warriors of Hallownest (barring the Mantis lords whom refused to be associated with the other kingdoms which I had yet to understand). I'd noticed that Ogrim seemed to be especially close to the guardian of the Royal Waterways but I'd never heard why. Was this how their story began?

Ogrim sat down heavily cross legged and patted besides him and offer which I hesitantly accepted. Once I overcame my arrogance and rash behavior we became quite good acquaintances and over the years she became the living embodiment of a valuable lesson that she imparted onto me.

And what would that be? I prompted.

Power does not equal to strength! Knowledge does not equal to wisdom! Ogrim proclaimed, They are different beasts entirely which you must master and constantly tend to, vigorously!, if you wish to be great!

...Is that what his majesty, I said the word with distaste. It felt wrong on my tongue, meant when he said that I didn't know strength? I trained mind and body with might and main! I studied every silk scroll, filled my mind with literacy from even the darkest caves beyond Hallownest!

Ogrim laid a gentle hand on mine, his high spirit gone for once, His majesty is more knowledgeable of the Above than you think. He knows of the beauty you saw, the ether of eternal fireflies, the unending blue that is called the ocean, the great greens that have grown under the yellow star. He has also seen the horrors of it.

What horrors? I scoff, The Above is-

-a dead city filled with desperate creatures ready to cannibalize on each other at the first chance. Ogrim's voice was heavy and serious, Teacher Monomon has been studying the Above and its inhabitants and while privy to her findings I may not be the it has convinced the king that the surface world has more shadows than it seems. A forsaken place he had called it, too dangerous even for the greatest of us Knights.

A forsaken place? Is your world such a fearful one little ghost? A place so dangerous even the five Great Knights are barred from leaving? What did Monomon uncover? What did Father see to instill such fear?

What does he fear? I question, If it is such a great threat, one so close to our home than surely something must be done? 

Once again I am not privy to the findings of the Teacher and the knowledge of the King. Ogrim bowed his head, All this humble knight knows is that the King has been preparing Hallownest's defense and that when his daughter was discovered traversing the Above he found himself fearing much.

I contemplate his words in silence, letting Ogrim watch over me with serene eyes. Is he angry that I fought against the Surface Dwellers?

I suspect that is part of the reason. Ogrim thought carefully, Antagonizing those unknown of loyalty and ability is not a wise thing regardless of where they are from.

...I wanted to test their warriors, I look away sheepishly and add, and myself.

Oh, the woes of being young and impatient! Ogrim laughed, A relatable impulse, though if I may say so, one quite hazardous for a princess such as yourself.

I bristle ready to speak to defend myself but Ogrim raises a hand. Princess, as a bug who has lived in Hallonest and has found unending meaning in its grand roads I confess my failure to understand your impulse to find something beyond its borders and I know that despite recent events... or perhaps because of it you will seek to explore the Above once more.

That, I try to deny(more out of manners than anything) but Ogrim keeps on speaking.

Of course I, or any other loyal to Hallownest will try our upmost to foil your flee but should we fail, when we fail... please vow to be more cautious in the future. Much more cautious. I fear Hallownest would be shattered should it lose its princess.

...there's a whole world above us Ogrim. I say eventually, A world unlike one we've ever seen before. Maybe I could live my entire life under my father's roof, safe and sound but... I don't want my beginning and end to be Hornet the princess, daughter of the Pale King. I want to see something more, be something more! I know I can be!

And you think it's at the Above. Ogrim says regretfully.

I don't think. I say thinking of my dreams, I know.

I run my hands over the mask.

It had taken quite the effort to create but here it was and now I was ready.

As a whole it looked like a rectangle but the edges were curved the lower half more than the upper. Bone white, with the eyes large and pitch black, placed lower than a human's would, complete with a set of horns not unlike the jaws of a stag beetle.

The mask.

My mask.

I hug it close, feeling the smooth texture on my chin. Some sort of material, plastic maybe. I didn't care.

It was perfect.

It was mine.

Gently I put it into my pack and hid it under the bed.

Tomorrow I'd have the pills.

Tomorrow I'd be Dreaming again in full.

Tomorrow I'd be something more. 

Chapter Text

----------⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅----------

Air folds into itself and there's a rush of fresh air, a silent buzz unheard to except the most keen of ears.

A door opens and a warrior clothed in colors of stagnation (were she aware of the irony I wonder), steps forth.

The scholar awaits her, stoic and silent and together they march through the caverns until they reach the hollowed shell once again.

I do not hold any particular value upon mine old skin. It is a thing of the past, a relic, something to look back upon and be proud of how far one has achieved since.

These aren't mere stragglers happening upon mine shedding by chance. These are surface dwellers. Raiders poor in morality, rich in greed. The shedding alone would mean nothing but a few more clues put together and then...

Hallownest shall bear none that wish it harm.

My knights creep in the shadows, ready to tear the intruders apart but something stops me, an instinct that has not fail me yet.

Something...

something...

...ah

Recognition blooms as the puzzle solves itself once.

The door. The warrior. The Doctor.

...and her.

The pathfinder.

The host of the usurper.

It's them.

Perhaps this annoyance was a blessing in disguise.

Watch them.

Watch them close. 

As you wish

I awake on my throne, rising from my slumber. A servant immediately comes to heel waiting with bated breath for my orders to fall.

I ignore him for but a moment, closing my eyes and recalling my visions and the sight of Hallownest's newfound enemies.

Summon the Dreamers. I rise from my throne. I will see them at the Sea of the Abyss.

---

The air grows still and a sense of emptiness pervades.

Foul and tarnished. No normal life can thrive in such place.

The fragile limbs rise from the sea without reflection, reaches out to him, their grasping limbs flailing. Even while he's beyond their reach he can feel its very essence slowly draining him.

To be touched by it...

To be swallowed by it?

There was a reason the void had yet to be called forgiving.

Yet here they stood.

At the brink of its mercy and prepared to go deeper yet.

My King. I must protest! Monomon had argued, As desperate we may be this haste will do naught but harm us all! We-

The usurper's flock has found mine old shell. though my voice is soft it stops the Teacher's voice dead in its tracks. Our veil of secrecy will fail and once it does our resources to combat the collapse shall be beggarly. Hallownest will fall to an assault on two fronts.

That could not be allowed.

I would not allow it. Upon my claim as Holy King and The Great Founder of Hallownest. The night of bug kind shall not dawn.

I have been observing our champion. Lurien speaks and it is clear he had debated with Monomon at length. They are not ready. Already I doubt that their impending fight struggle against the Torrent will bear significant fruit.

They do not understand.

Cannot understand.

As chaste scholars in their study they could never understand.

I lock eyes with Lady Herrah.

She does.

My King knows what needs be done. She had said. Knows what my support demands in recompense. 

The Dreamers argue. Logic, fear, love war for dominance each one as important as the last.

The intellectual would have patience. But how much blood would patience demand of us? How fierce of a storm must we weather, how many bodies must chill until we awaken with the new day?

The Fool would act risks be damned. They would deny to still their hands when it could be of help. Even if it costs us the new dawn.

Logic dictates patience, it has kept us on the path

but foolery has survived for a reason.

The Dreamers had argued and begged but my mind had been made. The oncoming debt a great burden on my soul.

The coming days will extract a heavy toll. Pain will be sown, suffering will be grown and madness harvested.

The Soul Master free from his shackles. The Mantises their creeed. The Hive their kingdom.

The other gods will be called upon.

The Nightmare. The Sleeper. The Dreamer.

The path forward is clear Pale one.

Cleanse the doubt from your heart.

Keep it close. Hold it tight.

For Hallownest lasts eternal.

For Hallownest lasts eternal.

Such simple words.

Such heavy a burden and so great the clarity it brings.

Hallownest.

My Hallownest.

The Dreamers watch as my silver halo flares, a single star in a dead sky.

My steps cause ripples on the formless surface.

Oh wretched darkness. I whisper to my dark reflection. A word if I may. 

The darkness stills.

Chapter Text

I approach the sink and stare at myself in the scratched, stained mirror that was bolted above it. My dark hair is soaked enough that it clung to my skin, my hooded sweatshirt littered with blotches and streaks of purple, red and orange. My glasses were beaded with the same multicolored droplets of juice and soda.  A drip ran down my nose and fell from the tip to land in the sink.

Deep breaths.

Using a paper towel from the dispenser, I wiped my glasses off and put them on again.  The residual streaks made it just as hard to see, if not worse than it had been.

Deep breaths.

I told myself it wasn't so bad.

Deep breaths.

This wasn't even the worst thing that had happened.

Deep breaths.

It was just a- fuck.

I reach into my pocket and take the pill.

Sometimes the anticipation is better than the affects themselves.

I wait, then take another pill. Then one more for good measure.

That should last me until home.

I pick up my backpack and head down the hall and make my way out of the school. Stares and giggles follow me as I walk past, but with every step I feel them falling further and further away and by the time I'm on the bus the chill of early spring compounded by the discomfort of soaked hair and clothes is barely there. Everything begins to blur and my lips turn into a slight smile while my fingers tap against the small glass bottle, almost cheerily.

I barely remember walking the last few blocks and immediately heading for a shower the moment I'm in my house. It's muscle memory guiding me more than anything but muscle memory doesn't remember to take of my clothes before I enter the shower and through the trance I feel my clothes slowly gathering weight as they absorb the water from the shower. 

Meh. They're in need of a wash anyway.

I close my eyes as water splashes on my face, trickles down my hair, run down my cheeks like tears.

It's nice.

Calm

Peaceful

Warm

I blink as the-

Shit.

I'm on my bed, and I'm still wearing my clothes, completely soaked

I peel off my clothes, throw them to a corner and begin drying myself with a spare towel, giving a quick glare to my now damp sheets.

I'll... change them later.

But first things first.

I fish out my bottle from my soaked clothes and open my wardrobe closet, lifting the broken false bottom. I ignore the notebooks, hesitate at my mask glowing softly in the shadows, before I finally bring out a not so small box filled to the brim with... well.

I open the latch and slowly dip my fingers into the sea of pills. I bring one out, slip it under my tongue before I refill my bottle to the brink.

I hadn't exactly planned on stealing so much but sometime during the heist I'd blacked out and the next thing I knew I was holding onto an entire carrier bag stuffed with them. Much, much more than what I'd planned.

I planned on returning them... eventually.

I just needed them for now.

They kept me grounded.

And I couldn't give up my Dreams.

Not yet.

----------⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅----------

I hide in shadows.

Waiting.

It had been many moons since my talk with Ogrim and true to his word he and some of the other Great Knights had done there upmost to deny my return to the Above. Fortunately he had also spoken true when he'd predicted their failure and so I'd made many visits upon the Above since (although I heavily suspected Hegemol and Dryya to have turned a blind eye more than a few times, having been more than a little amused at my numerous attempts).

It hadn't been simple. No.

I'd had unearthed countless tunnels of various origins, some natural, some bugmade, some I'd dug myself. Entrances were discovered, caves were revealed. The discoveries I'd made since put my previous proclamation of 'master of the tunnels' to shame. No bug could contend with my knowledge of Hallownest's roads which meant no bug could ever hope to stop me.

Father had raved of course. Safety and honor, grace and a whole hive full of fancy reasons why I should stop, hoping to convince me that there was nothing for me up above.

He learned better.

Eventually.

He'd instead resigned himself to preparing me instead (which ironically enough put me off about visiting the Above more than anything else he had done).

My education had been elevated to new levels. Not just of my arts with the needle(and hadn't that been humbling annoying, learning that the Mantis Lords had been going easy on me) but also of history, diplomacy and soul theory. Countless cycles being spent with the Dreamers and their scholars, the Soul Master and his apostles, with Midwife and her endless, endless monologues.

I'd resisted at first and had been somewhat resentful for it, treating it all as a ploy to restrict me from the Above but then...

I watched my target of the night.

Twelve Above dwellers decorated in colors and ink which flaunted their allegiance with what I know knew to be the lizard.

They seemed a casual group at first glance and t he me of the past would have either ignored them or jumped into battle, eager for a dance of steel but the me of the present has grown a little wiser since then. I look beyond the pipes they smoke and I spot the weapons they poorly hid, smelt the reek of murder off their sweat. I study the largest one among them and I scowl.

Learning more of the world Above had seemed prudent after learning that the first warrior I had challenged and fought had been the equivalent of a royal knight in the Above. Midwife had spent (maybe a little too much) time hammering the virtues of patience, wisdom and diplomacy into my shell, shaming my reckless nature.

This  world of potential above Hallownest was dangerous and as a royal princess I had to choose my fights very wisely. I couldn't risk sparking an outright war between the two kingdoms.

So I'd watched and learnt.

Countless cycles spent under the moon learning of the culture and societal structure of the Above. Countless stake outs studying of how those of the Above lived and fought. What rules they adhered to, what laws they followed, what morals they took upon. I'd taught myself of the various clans of the kingdom Above and learnt to differentiate between their normal footsoldiers and their knight warriors.

I learned to listen to soul. And the form of the large Above dweller was almost bursting with the song of soul. 

The clan of the lizard had not many warrior knights. I'd fought one of them before; a warrior with a fierce mask who teleported with ash, knives and various explosives. He had been a fun challenge until I had solved the mystery to his dance. I also knew them to possess another who seemed to be a smith of some sort.

The warrior that I spied upon was neither.

Which could mean only one thing.

My lack of understanding of the Above language limited my understanding of his powers but it wasn't hard to guess what kind of being he was. The fear and respect that he held was something impossible to be lost in translation. He was a great warrior, a savage beast, a force to be reckoned with. A tyrant, ruling through fear and violence.

He was a powerful creature but a reclusive one, only emerging to present a show of force or to deliver a punishment to one who might have disrespected him.

Tonight he had emerged under the moonlight smelling of rage, poison and murder. It wasn't hard to guess his purpose.

Fighting such a feared being would be more than a little foolish, it would be going against my promise with Ogrim, quite possibly facing the disappointment of my father but who was I to turn a blind eye to a savage such as him? To let free a being who brought nothing but terror and tragedy upon this earth?

Many innocents had already died to his hands. Many more would.

Maybe even tonight.

Not on my watch.

----------⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅----------

It's morning and I look in the mirror.

The bags under my eyes, highlighting the void that occupies them.

Six months since I met Boon.

Eight since the locker.

I know it's not... healthy, this cycle.

Dreams. School. Pills. Dreams. School. Pills.

That there are hundreds of other ways to quite possibly solve the problem in a way that didn't...

I'm trying.

I'm trying.

I wipe at my eyes and glare at my reflection.

I am trying.

I haven't spent all that time just guz- knocking myself out so that I could be Hornet for a few minutes more.

Boon had said that things were only grim when I believed them to be and i'd taken this words to heart. Things were different from before.

After the locker, after I'd been forced back to school I'd expected the same if not more of the torment but they'd... backed off? The flunkies still bothered me at every corner; whispers, taunts, spitballs and such but Emma, the main source of my suffering, had seemed to have lost interest in leading the weird crusade against me.

It was... 

I don't know what it was but it was definitely better.

And the biggest difference of all. My powers.

I'd been exploring them, testing them. Trying to learn their limits and...

there didn't seem to be much I could do about my Dreams. They came when I slept and so far, while I had been able to dream of others, I hadn't been able to change into anyone other than Hornet.

But the Dreams hadn't been the end of my powers.

I raise a hand and-

Focus

I don't know much about powers but even with what little I managed to scrape together I knew my powers weren't normal. Powers weren't supposed to cripple me like this, they weren't supposed to be so... confusing, erratic.

Some of the Dreams had been getting weirder too and th

It didn't make sens

My mas

i

Ow.

I rubbed a hand at my temple, trying to quell the headache.

I don't know much about powers but even with what little I managed to scrape together I knew my powers weren't normal. Powers weren't supposed to cripple me like this, they weren't supposed to be so... confusing, erratic.

Weeks of experimenting had gotten me nowhere, especially so when so much of my time was eaten up by school.

That's why when I take the bus I pack my cloak, my boots, and most importantly my mask.

I don't put my costume on, wear my mask on a whim.

It was important that I didn't do that. It represented someone that was a hero and I didn't want to sully that by wearing it wherever, whenever just because I wanted to. It was a person on its own, an identity.

If I was going to wear it, I couldn't be anyone else other than who that mask was.

While I wore it I had to be the hero I promised my self to be.

I wanted to wear it. I wanted to be that hero.

But I couldn't do it alone.

I needed help.

And I think I found someone who could.

----------⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅----------

Blunt weapons whistle through the air chipping at the pavement below while their small canons spat metal and flame with the roar of an enraged beast.

Yet nothing hit me.

One thing about the Above was that its inhabitants were just... so slow, weak too and this isn't just my pride talking.

Compared to the average citizen of Hallownest the average Above dweller is larger and heavier. I myself was actually one of the taller inhabitants of Hallownest yet I was a full two heads smaller than the average dweller and I doubted I weighed half their weight. One would think that possessing those physical advantages or lacking a heavy shell would make them either faster or stronger but through experience I had learned that such wasn't the case.

They were clumsy, slow, weak and fragile. They tired easily, turning red when their bodies were pushed, bleeding the color when they were hurt. I doubted a soldier of the Above would be able to hold their own against a proud soldier of Hallownest.

Unfortunately for my foes, I was no normal soldier.

I wove between them effortlessly, knocking their weapons out of their hands, staining their soft shells red, bounding them with my silk or throwing them against their own allies.

My foes can do naught but yell, cry and fall in my wake and soon they lie at my feet, defeated.

Only the lizard remains.

(What the fuck) (-shut up!)

He towers above his fallen allies, two glowing eyes burn behind his steel mask. He speaks, or maybe growls is a more appropriate description, in the foreign tongue but I get the message all the same.

It's a promise. A promise of pain, violence and retribution.

I leap up onto a lamppost and point my needle at the beast.

Hear me savage of the Above! You stand before Hornet of Hallownest. Turn back lest you wish an end to your fate.

He most likely doesn't understand but he gets the message all the same.

The lizard lifts a foot and brings it back down, roaring like the animal he is as flames burst from his husk. The space around him shimmers as heat saturates the air, while an orange halo wards back the night sky.

His challenge wakes the slumbering and though my eyes do not leave his I spy faces peak through windows. 

Fools. The incapable should learn to flee when sounds of danger are heard instead seeking it. The beast says something , probably thinking similar lines of thought, laughing as he does so.

He breaks eye contact to look at said fools(what an idiot) and I lunge.

My needle flashes out and impales itself in his neck and he screams as red spills from the wound. It's deep enough to cause significant damage but not enough to kill. He'll be incapacitated for a while-

The lizard reaches out to grab my needle but a quick tug and it's already back in my grasp. Is he and idiot? Does he not know that removing the blade could be lethal? The lizard growls seemingly shaking off the wound before throwing a ball of flame at my shell. I leap away using a precise string string of silk to add to my momentum and I swing away before using the same momentum to fly back at him at twice the speed.

I cut his out reaching arm as I use it to land on his shoulders, impale his shoulder, deep this time, and swing away before he has a chance to even scream.

(-etale what-?) (I'm thinking.)

Three blows in six heartbeats. The first should have been sufficient to fell him alone but my opponent is not like most.

He stumbles at the blows but he does not fall and... his wounds are gone. How?

I duck under a whip of flame, twist above a right hook- he commits an inch too much - my needle finds purchase in his leg and he screams.

Dodging his retaliating blow I narrow my eyes as I observe his wound stitch itself together.

So that was his soul ability. Was that all?

No.

He seems - was bigger, now easily twice my height. Bulkier as well. His once soft shell now gleams like forged plate, his claws long and sharp like a well oiled nail. The heat he emits, once only barely noticeable is now uncomfortably high. No doubt his flames were hotter too.

 So regeneration along with the ability to grow in bulk and ferocity.

Interesting.

and annoying.

It seemed like I would need to use more... inventive methods.

Reaching into my cloak I pull out a small bottle and let a single drop of its contents fall upon my needle giving it's tip a dark purple glow.

The lizard roars again, wreathing himself in flame before he lunges again. He's definitely faster but still... far too slow. I jump, springing onto a ledge before propelling myself down needle first. His shell is much tougher than before, close to one of bug but it still fails to provide apt protection and a bloody streak is painted on his back.

He doesn't relent, his attacks quickening at an ever improving speed, his body wreathed in flames as it continues to grow. I can finally see how this one could command leadership over others.

But what matter is his size and strength when he lacks the mind to back it up? His strikes never had any finesse to begin with but now he attacks like a drunk puppet.

And he's still too slow.

His every misstep I charge him blood, every offbeat I punish his flesh.

It's a straight stab to his stomach that awakens some sense of intelligence back to him. At this point his thrice my size, many times more in more bulk and wings have sprouted from his back. It would be impressive...

-if he wasn't covered by countless cuts and wounds that covered his entire body. His limbs were weeping red as was his torso which looked like it had more holes than a royal beehive while his wings were worn and tattered like an old curtain.

Finally he seems to notice and I worry that this might be the first time someone has managed to counter his soul ability. It doesn't bode well for the intelligence of the dwellers.

He looks down at his ruined form, his hideous face contorting into what I would could only guess be a baffled expression. Several emotions flicker through his eyes; surprise, anger, disbelief, fear...

He does what every beast does when they're cornered- he screams a battle cry only slightly tinged with desperation and lunges for my form, his flames burning more brighter than it had ever before.

He keeps his form wreathed in flame denying me a chance to strike with my needle but that is no matter. He is not the only one able to use soul.

I leap upwards over his misshapen head and with a burst of focus a lance of silk around my needle, enforcing it, sharpening. Then with careful aim I stab downwards letting the construct fly.

It withstands the orange tongues and its unbearable heat and drills into his hard shell, piercing the lizard's spine, like soft dirt.

(we should run)(no!)

He falls to the ground limp, his flames extinguished.

...was that it?

No, he's rising again.

I hurl another silk spear at him again. Then twice more for good measure.

I wait.

He groans.

-so I impale him.

This was getting slightly tedious.

He twitches which prompts me to stab him again?

Then a couple more more times for good measure.

This was becoming really tedious.

He stops moving.

Eventually.

As I stand above his fallen form I consider sending him to his makers right then and there. He's not a threat to me, never to me, more of a nuisance but someone would feel the consequenses of tonight regardless.

He's already shrinking in size, his shell soft once more. It would be easy.

A quick stab to the jugular and he'd pop like a balloon.

I rest my needle upon his throat and let myself ponder.

No.

Instead I turn my back on him and let a squadron of spiders descend on him, cocooning him from head to toe.

This wasn't Hallownest. The Above had their own royalty, their own rulse, their own morales and they seemed to get ever so upset whenever I seemed to contradict their beliefs (no matter how primative they were). I already had a rocky relationship with their royalty, and I doubted that carrying out their executions would do null but harm it even further.

No, better to leave him to the judgement of his own kind.

(-can take her!)(Did you not just see-)

Ah, of course.

I turn to face my sneaky audience and they scurry for cover like rats. All but one.

A female dweller, dressed in thin armor of a gentle lavender, a small mask covering her eyes. There's mischief in those eyes, sly and cunning. Something else too, something I hesitate to name

She ignores the hand that tries to tug her to safety and instead raises a hand and waves.

I wave back.

----------⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅----------

Chapter Text

There's three of them. All wearing casual clothing.

A boy with a mop of black curls, fairly good looking- almost pretty actually- with light blue eyes. He looked French? Italian? I wasn't sure. Another boy who was taller than me by at least a foot, with dark chocolate skin, shoulder length cornrows and that masculine lantern jaw you typically associated with guy superheroes.

And a girl, with dirty blonde hair tied back into a loose braid, freckles scattered on her face and a grin that... unnerved me. There was something familiar about her that just set my teeth on edge.

I wish I remembered their names. Details were always a bit spotty after my Dreams.

"Oh. You don't remember our names?" the girl frowns, "Ouch. I'd thought we'd made atleast a decent impression."

I try not freeze. She'd pulled a similar trick earlier, knowing I was near the library when we were talking over the phone.

Don't panic. You knew what you were getting into.

The boy, the skinny one, seemed to brighten with glee at that, "She forgot about you?! Oh! Bug girl you just made my-"

"All of us Regent. Definitely including you." the girl said dryly, rolling her eyes.

I struggled to recall my Dreams. I know they had introduced themselves, atleast to Hornet. What was it? E? no. T- something. Tats- Tale- 

"Tattletale." the girl- Tattletale supplied helpfully gesturing at herrself, "And that's Grue-" a point to the big one, "And Regent." a point to the skinny one, "But tonight we're Lisa, Alec and Brian."

I open my mouth then close it. What was I supposed to say? Hi. I'm Taylor/Hornet. I think I saved your life yesterday and I want your help?

Shit. it's been so fucking long.

How do you talk to people again?

"Uhh..." Grue glanced at Tattletale who just smiled.

"She's just shy." Tattletale said, "Juuust a little bit, right?"

"Okay?" Brian waited me to answer before realizing that I wouldn't, "Umm...  We... " he glanced at Tattletale-Lisa who gave him a nod, "You are Red Hood right?"

I blink, then shook my head.

"You aren't?" he looked alarmed, "Lisa?"

"What he means is; you are the one who helped us fight off Lung last night, right?" T- Lisa said.

I scowled. Red Hood? Was that what they'd named Hornet? I hadn't been keeping track of my own presence on the city, and for some reason I'd just thought that everyone would know that Hornet's name. That was something that needed fixing. "Her name is Hornet."

"Hornet?" Alec said, "Isn't that a type of bee?"

"That's adorable." Lisa's smile widened at my shuffling, "No, not in a bad way. It really is kind of adorable. Honest!"

I fidgeted with the edge of my cloak. Adorable? Hornet would hate that. A lot. Did I hate that too? Yes.

I was starting to regret coming to the roof.

"Hornet. Okay." Brian echoed, "Hornet. In short, we owe you for saving our asses last night. So that's why..." he brought out a plastic lunchbox, holding it out to me, "Here.

It's bright colored plastic, with a hero stamped on the front- one of the Trimuvate, I forgot her name- I hold onto it akwardly, unsure of what to do. It's slightly heavy, I could feel its contents rolling around inside. "...thank you?"

Lisa smiled one of those unnerving grins again, "Open it." she prompted.

I do.

And almost drop it.

Stacks of bills, tied with paper bands with each of the paper bands had a number written on it in permanent marker. More money than I've ever spent, I've ever seen in my entire life. If I'd had this money when I was still in the hospital...

"Two grand." Lisa says, "And this is the part where we offer you a job."

"A job?" I echo. My fingers are still gripping tight onto the lunchbox, desperate not to embarass my self by dropping it. Nothing today had been going as I'd expected. First creepy smiley girl, then a lunchbox full of money and now a job?

“You have two choices,” Lisa explained, “You can take that as a gift. A thank you for, intentionally or not, saving our collective asses from Lung last night. And maybe as a bit of an incentive to count us among your friends when you’re out in costume and doing your culling of the herd."

I flinch at those words. I knew that Hornet wasn't exactly merciful but calling it a culling...

"Shadow Stalker's probably not happy that you took her spot as the Badass Vigilante of the Bay." Alec smiled while Brian scowled muttering something unpleasant under his breath, "Especialy after what happened to Lung."

After what happened to Lung?

Lisa smirks as she seems to read my mind again, "You don't know what happened to Lung?"

Dread piled in my gut. "...what?"

"Whatever kind of poison did you use on him? It's really really good because I'm pretty sure that Lung has never needed to go to surgery before." Lisa laughed, "I mean, if that isn't Karma for all of the shit he's done-"

I close my eyes, trying not to let my imagination get to me. Unfortunately, I didn't need to imagine much. "Surgery?" I whisper recalling white rooms and lights too bright.

"Large scale tissue necrosis, along with muscle paralysis that reached his heart and lungs." Lisa counted them off her fingers, "That's along with the shredding he got from your strings and sword-"

"-needle," I correct weakly, more instinctively than anything. I felt like throwing up as the memories came back to me.

Walls. Lights. Darkness. Smell.

Needle drawing blood and

Deep breaths

"I wouldn't feel too bad about him." Lisa's smile was one too gleeful, "It honestly couldn't have happened to a better person. He's responsible for kidnappings, murder, extortions, slavery along with a hole bucketlist full of charges and as soon as they're able the PRT are gonna shove him into the        , lock the door and forget all about him. He's "

"-staying there until you've learned your lesson-"

-Hornet?"

I grit my teeth. Not now.

The shadows at the edge of my vision dissasipate and everything seems so much clearer now, sharper.

Lisa, reaches out to me, maybe to touch my shoulder and I step back. "I'm fine." I say quickly, "I'm fine."

She seems surprised at my reply, maybe a little shaken. "Hornet-"

"Not Hornet. I'm not..." I say. I'm not sure what she wants to say. Looking at what she's said so far I'm not sure if I want to hear it. "Knight, when I'm like this."

I dare a look towards them. Brian's glancing between me and Lisa, his brow furrowed while Alec had picked himself up from his slouch and was staring at me. I avoid his eyes.

"You were saying something about uh, choices?" I say trying to drive the conversation away from my brief episode.

"Right." and I'm a little too grateful to Lisa for taking the change of subject in stride, "You can take that as a one off or you can take it as your first  monthly paycheck as one of us. Two grand a month to just be a member of the team, significantly more whenever we pull off a job."

One of them? I shifted my gaze between the three of them, looking for the catch. "There were four of you weren't there? What happened to the other one?"

"She's sitting this one out." Brian winced, "She was against recruiting you and... you creeped out her dogs last night." He shrugged apologetically.

"She didn't like that at all." Alec added much too happily, "She made sure we knew that. Very lou-"

"The reason we want you on the team," Brian said over Alec quickly, glaring at him, "There's going to be a lot of action in the coming weeks. With Lung gone the ABB's got a long way to fall and everyone's going to want a piece of the pie. We haven't decided on whether we want a slice or not but either way we're going to need firepower to weather it out. If we keep going like this it's only a matter of time until we're stuck in a fight we can't win."

I shake my head, "I'm not that strong."

"You, really kind of are." Lisa chuckled a little nervously, "It's half the reason the PRT haven't put you in- I mean your strength is half the reason the PRT haven't gone after you after the thing with Aegis."

I groan, bury my head in my hands. Fucking Hornet and her fucking attitude. It always came down to the thing with Aegis.

At least I'd learnt to direct Hornet away from fighting the heroes. Kind of.

It was a bit hard for her to tell us humans apart sometimes.

"It isn't that bad?" Lisa offered weakly, "These last few months have helped a lot you know. Taking down like half the gang members in the city and managing to take on Lung of all people?"

"Lung." I remember the burning monster from my Dreams, "Is taking him down really that impressive?"

"He beat every gang and Protectorate team in the city." Brian said, "Taking him down? I'd say it's pretty fucking impressive."

"...huh." I hadn't known that Hornet was that strong. Did that make me the strongest cape in the city?

"There's also a rumor that you might be a sociapathic killer." Alec said suddenly, "Lot's of broken bones left behind. Lot's of broken bones." I snapped my head towards him. Alec was staring at me, his whole body tense. He'd been laid back before, now he seemed to be deliberately antagonizing me? What had brought this on? What had changed?

Brian pinched his nose, "Alec, you planning on being the one to chase off the potential recruit this time?"

Alec locks eyes with me for a second before looking away shrugging.

"If..." I consider my words carefully, "You know Hornet has been taking on gang members this whole time. Targetting villains. Yet you want to recruit me?" I left the implications very clear.

"Six months ago the PRT Director was contemplating getting a kill order on your head." Lisa pointed out, "Six months ago you hadn't managed to take on every gang in the city and come out on top."

"You mean piss off every gang in the city." I counter.

"Which is exactly why you need to join a group." Brian said, "It doesn't have to be us. But after last night everyone in the city is going to want you on their side or out of the way and while it's really impressive that you've managed to do what you do all alone, you won't be able to stay alone for long. They're going to start coming after you. Hard."

I narrow my eyes. "That... sounds like a threat."

"It is. Just not from us." Lisa smiled grimly, "There are certain rules that capes follow that have been protecting you so far but... things happen."

"Accidents." I say understanding.

"Aciddents." she agreed.

"And joining you would negate that?" I raised an eyebrow, not that they'd see it behind my mask.

"It would help." Brian shrugged a little akwardly, "I told you about why we'd like you on our team."

"It would put a target on your backs." I pointed out, "What's stopping from 'accidents' happening to you?"

"Remember what I said about rules?" Lisa smiles, "A bit harder for accidents to happen if there's someone to watch your back. Honestly you should be-"

"-grateful that we only went this far because-"

I breathed. Cold air hissing between my teeth. My nails dug into my palms deep enough to draw blood.

Not now.

Not-

Metal, rot and blood.

Focus

My hands close around a soul dagger, hidden under my cloak.

Deep breaths.

Deep breaths.

I focus on the soul dagger's weight in my palm, its low hum of soul, it's razor sharp edge just for a moment before I dispel it, forcing myself to focus on the present again. 

Lisa's staring at me again, calculating, a little afraid. "...as for why you should join us." she began speaking again tentatively, "Maybe it's a bit much of us to advertise ourselves like this but we're one of the better groups in the Bay. We're mostly a hit and run crew with a top notch track record, in it for fun and profit. We try not to hurt people. We don't have any grand agenda. No real responsibility. Lot's of money."

"Like Robin Hood." Alec suggested, "Without the boring parts." Whatever hostility he'd had for me had bled out at this point. Or maybe he was hiding it. Two years of social isolation and torture had really fucked with my ability to read people but he seemed to be another puzzle entirely.

It didn't matter though. I know why I was here today

"Sorry but... no." I shook my head, "I don't think I can do what you do and I... really want to be a hero." -Brian and Alec both tensed slightly at that- "but that doesn't mean I want to fight you. Or not work with you." I added quickly. Lisa was the only who'd hadn't reacted much, only grinning a little wider.

"Go on." she encouraged.

"You're a thinker right?"

"I like to tell people I'm psychic."

"But you aren't." I said, "You're... I don't know how thinker power works but they help you figure stuff our right?"

"Sherlock Holmes cranked to eleven." Lisa confirmed.

"I don't mean to be rude but..." Brian cut in hesitantly, "Lisa should we be sharing our powers with someone who just  turned us down and fessed up to wanting to be a hero?"

"Hush you I'm negotiating." she shushed him before turning back to me, "Go on."

It was harder than I thought to bring the words out. "I... need help figuring out what my power exactly is."

Brian frowned, "It's a changer power isn't it? I mean, you look very different from last night and-"

"It is but..." I clenched my fists tight. Some small part of me was fighting really hard for me to stop talking, to not open myself up to the betrayal that I was so used to but I didn't have a choice.

Fuck was I pathetic.

Hornet could beat the strongest capes in the city and here I was barely able to finish a sentence.

"Your powers are weird and you need help?" Lisa guessed.

I sighed, "Pretty much yeah."

Lisa looked away to the horizon for a few moments, before turning to Brian and Alec and tugging them to the other end of the roof. They began whispering.

It was obvious what they were talking about.

I stood at the other end. Standing alone.

They're going to refuse. It was a stupid idea coming today. I sighed, and considered just leaving right now. Save everyone some time.

Before I can leave the three of them returned.

"I'm sorry." I speak first, "It was-"

"I'll help." Lisa said.

I blinked. Why?

"I'm going to be honest we- well me mostly- we're not doing this out of the goodness of our hearts." Lisa brought her hands together, "Having you around, having you being seen associated with us will give off the illusion that you're working with us which might be enough of a deterrent for the other groups to go easier on us, and we will spend some time trying to convince you to join us instead of the white capes-"

"I'm not going to join a villain group." I cut in immediately.

Lisa raised her hands in surrender, "I'm not saying you have to but... a month. To prove we aren't as bad as you think we are because we really aren't. After that, if you still want to join the heroes? I'll pull a few strings, get you in without being arrested. No pun intended."

I narrowed my eyes, "You have an in with the PRT?"

She tapped the side of her head, "Thinker remember?"

I knew that wasn't as small or simple as she pretened it was but calling her out on that wouldn't help me now. "How do I trust you? How do I know you aren't going to throw me to the wolves when I won't join your group."

"Other than the fact that by then you'll know enough about us to drag us down with you? Other than the fact that you'd probably bisect us in half?" Lisa shrugged, "You came to us remember? If you want our help you're going to have to trust us."

Trust.

The words taste bitter on my tongue.

The last time I trusted...

I couldn't remember the last time I trusted.

"Can I?" I speak trying to shake off the cold feeling in my stomach, "Trust you?"

Lisa's smile fades away, "No. If you could, you shouldn't trust anyone. Everyone will let you down eventually." another flicker of emotion in her eyes. Was that experience talking or something else. "But no one should live alone."

"Should." I agree and Lisa looks a little sadder at that.

"You don't want that. I know you don't want that." she says and for a moment she looks almost pleading, "You have to start somewhere."

I close my eyes, imagine my lives in front of me.

One was a life of Dreams.

Escaping Taylor, embracing Hornet. Becoming the Lady of the Spiders, fighting alongside Hallownest's chosen to vanquish the                                                                                                                                              Then when it was all done and dealt with I'd take my place besides the Pale King and eventually rise as Queen of Bugs. A lady soft as silk, sharp as a needle.

A world that I had forged with my own mind. Of royalty, bugs and pale light.

It wouldn't be perfect but what was?

And the other...

Stay in my hollow shell, take Lisa's offer. It'd be a constant struggle uphill; there were simply too many obstacles to overcome. School, home, PRT, dad. Choosing this life wouldn't mean the Dreams would go away either. The constant battle for harmony would be another battle that would weigh me down. And even then, even if I managed to wrangle my personal life together it could all be for nothing considering how the city seemed to be on the brink of collapse.

This life offered nothing but war.

Yet I was so heistant to abandon it.

What was it? Why couldn't I just leave?

Slowly I reached up and removed my mask, tucking it beneath one arm. The other reaches out. "Taylor."

Lisa's smiles as she shakes my hand. It's a nice smile. Honest. It reminds me of a shared sunset on a roof. "Taylor. I look forward to working with you. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Trusting me."

Trust.

That word again.

When was the last time I'd trusted anybody? When was it? Who was it that broke mine so thoroughly?

Who?

Red hair. A nice laugh. A lost sister.

Emma.

That's who Lisa had reminded me of. That smile that knew too much armed with words that could draw blood.

I hadn't thought about her in such a long time.

It had hurt so much when...

There's a red stain on my arm.

bleeding.

...

Hurt?

Deep breaths.

Deep breaths.

I'm not-

You can't hurt me here.

I yell as my arm twists in pain and the floor swallows me.

Home

The void begins to rise from the ground, hands of darkness reaching out to the sky, latching onto me like heavy anchors. Slowly pulling me down

down

down

down

It's dark.

It's so fucking dark.

Metal, rot and blood.

I'm... drowning?

I want to get out.

I want to leave.

I need to leave.

It's so dark.

...

...

...

Cold...

...

...

...

Waiting for me.

All this time.

...

...

I understand.

...

I blink hard as I'm wrenched away. Hard.

There's so much. Light. Smell. Sound. Screaming.

...screaming?

Stop?

Stop what?

My arm's still bleeding. It hurts.

I grip tightens on my nail.

Stop! Shouting!

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

I open my eyes.

There's a girl I don't recognize at my mercy, covered with cuts and blood,

and my Nail drawing blood from her throat.

Chapter Text

----------⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅----------

"My King!" The Soul Master bows low as I enter the sanctum, "I am honored that you woul-"

"Show me." I ignore his grandeur for what it is. There are more important things at stake than the posturing that he clearly loathes.

The Master reads my thoughts like dye on silk and smiles, one of trivial superiority and veiled triumph. "As my king wishes."

The labratory is vast and imposing, no expense being spared when the Master had been allowed his pursuits. Glass tools and metal measurements decorated the worktops, pots filled with glowbugs and shelves of pristine books lined the walls while the Master's apostles stood head bowed at their stations like guards would a palace. One could almost forgive themselves for mistaking it for a palace fit for a king.

I eye the bug as he commands his servants his bidding.

'Careful now little bug. I am not one to discourage ambition but greed however has consequences of its own.

...but I wonder, how is one to know the difference between the two?'

A small glass jar, bleeding soft pale light.

"Freshly harvested my king." the Master boasts, "The ancient carcass had been in poor condition but that did not deter us from uncovering its treasure from us . Their secrets are now ours."

I reach out to the small frail thing and watch in satisfaction as it shudders, responding to my presence.

I'd thought to leave the old behind. Shed my old shell and molt to a king anew. Free from the laws and rules that bind me, the rot that wished to drag me down to oblivion. I am now a king, greater than anything it could ever be.

But the cycle is too old to ignore, too large to flee and its collapse shall bring naught but ruin.

I have too much to lose now.

This shall serve the champion well but...

"We shall need more."

----------⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅----------

I sit deathly still, my hands clenched into fists resting on my knees, my chin tucked to my chest, my eyes closed.

Couldn't go a single night without maiming someone- FUCK!

I was painfully aware of the mask looking up at me. Judging.

I failed it.

I failed me.

The door opened and I looked up as Lisa and Brian walked in.

"Is she..." My knees barely support my weight as I stand to greet them but Lisa waves me down.

"She's-" Lisa blew her lips as she collapsed on a couch, "well not fine. She's pissed but she'll be okay. We sent her to a doctor we know. Someone who can help her quietly."

"That's..." fine? a relief? suspiscious?

I don't know what to say so I try to make myself smaller in my seat and hang my head low.

I shouldn't have come here.

Nothing good comes out of me trying to reach out.

There was... that... that thing at school.

Then the 'fight' with Aegis. Then today...

I don't belong here.

I'm learning that now. Far too late.

I should go home. 

"Don't... please." I jump a little as Lisa speaks suddenly. Right. Thinker. "It's fine if... Rachel honestly had it com-no not like that!" there must have been something on my face because she winced, suddenly changing the subject "Rachel's power changed her."

...

"Changed her." I echo slowly.

"It's not her fault." Lisa winced, looking away as if ashamed, "It's not yours either and, I mean-"

"It's not the fist time she's done this." Brian spoke up, "It's like Lisa said; she had it coming. Eventually someone was going to fight back."

"Brian..." LIsa groans dragging a hand over her face, "That's not-"

"You think my powers changed me." I murmer ignoring Brian, "I haven't even properly told you what they are yet."

"I didn't need you to tell me much for me to know that. Thinker remember?" she tapped a finger to her temple, "It's why you came to me for help in the first place. This is me, helping."

I consider her words.

"I maimed one of your teammates." I say slowly, "And you still want me around?"

'You still want to help me?'

"She's not that hur..." Lisa grimaced, "It's as Brian said earlier; it's not the first time she did it and someone was eventually going to fight back. It's, at the very least, as much as her fault as it's yours."

"She's your teammate."

"...she is." she sighed, "That doesn't mean we'll ignore her faults for what they are... the same way we won't ignore yours."

It's a consolation, a warning and a promise at the same time. A compromise too maybe. I glance at Brian who's standing by the side, watching us with tense eyes. He's still standing, arms crossed, brow wary while Lisa's lounges on the coach, spreading herself like a cat... and maybe to spring away like one. She still struggles to meet my eye.

They're terrified.

Of me.

Was there a time where I was so scared of a person like they are now? What had happend so that I'd cause such fear? Why? How?

When?

The pills grow heavy in my pocket and I resist the tempta-

I pull a pill out and swallow it, let the sinking feeling drag me away from the terrible buzzing.

Deep breaths.

Deep breaths.

"I'm sorry." I say again. For what? I'm not sure anymore.

"It was a mistake." Lisa's smile is a little sad, "Yours, and ours. I'm sorry too. Now can we please talk about your power now? This is getting a bit akward."

I realize it annoys me.

How easily they're trying to wrap this topic up. I've maimed one of theirs in the first hour of joining them and they're willing to let it all go under the bridge.

If actions speak louder than words than they're practically screaming right now.

I odn't want to change the topic. I've fucked up and I should be on my knees begging for their forgiveness, unworthy of their forgiveness nevermind this two way apology that's happening instead.

But I'm a coward at heart.

"What do you want to know?" I try not to shudder at how easily the words come.

"Let's start with what you know." Lisa said, "Most parahumans have some innate understanding of their powers and  even if yours a different than most you've probably still got some knowledge of the ins and outs."

"Maybe?" I think about it. I don't think I'd ever had to adjust to becoming Hornet before. Normally when my Dreams allowed me to become Hornet I'd... just be. And I don't think there'd been much difficulty in understanding the hows of manipulating soul when I'd discovered it. "I have a shaker -is that right?- shaker ability to manipulate so- energy into solid forms like blades or sometimes just a blast of energy."

"Shaker and blaster then." Brian nodded, "That's when you're awake?"

I nod pushing down the feeling of unease as I talk, "It's... uh unreliable though. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't."

"How's your control when it does?" Lisa asked.

"Oh, I uh, I can show you?" I extend a palm and focus. It's a strange feeling, of sharing while not giving, not uncomfortable but not a sensation that I would pursue... if it wasn't for the results.

Like bubbles reaching the surface a small bud of soul emerges from my hand and rises in the air, hovering. A small mental push and it blooms into a flower with petals of stark white and a heart as equally pale.

It's a beautiful thing, captivating both Lisa's and Brian's attention. Brian even reaches out to touch-

"No!" I quickly slap his hand away, immediately flinching back in both fear and embarrassment, "Sorry
! I just! - Uh, don't touch it please-it uh." A short mental command and the soul flower popped with a burst of light and smoke, "...explodes."

Brian blinks, "Okay. No touching the blaster constructs. That seems... really obvious in hindsight."

"Sorry for slapping you." I shake, "It's just that I didn't want-"

"It's fine." Brian shakes his head giving me an easy smile, "I should be thanks you for stopping me from burning my  own hand off."

Lisa's stare is fixed at where the soul flower popped, "How did you learn that trick?"

"...practice?" I shrug uncertainly. I'm not sure how to answer her question.

Thankfully she doesn't push any further, instead asking, "...and when you don't have control?"

I remembered the feeling of blood on my hands, a life at my mercy.

My hands clench as I muster the strength to say the words. I'd known that I wouldn't be uncomfortable sharing this  but what I was feeling now was nowhere near what I'd imagined. The scent of rot and blood, I could practically taste it.

No. I wasn't going to let it win.

"I don't know what happens then." I push the words out, "One moment I'm talking with you, the next I'm..." I trail off as I remember the slick of blood and the weight of a nail in my hand, "I don't know what triggers it."

I don't mention that it could have nothing to do with my power at all. A byproduct of my time in the hospital.

"Being threatened maybe?" Brian suggested glancing at Lisa, "Rachel going at you made you go all gung ho on her."

"If it was as simple as being under threat she wouldn't be here." Lisa murmured thoughtfully, "Let's shelve that for now, how's your other changer state? Hornet?"

"She's... difficult."

Lisa raised an eyebrow.

"She has an entire personality of her own. And she can do stuff that I can't. Different priorities, different powers..." I winced as I remembered her first disastorous night out, "I can kind of nudge her in a certain direction but that's probably it."

I don't tell them about the Dreams and the other things I see in them.

I'll tell them eventually.

Just... not yet.

"In summary: blaster, shaker when you're awake and changer, shaker -maybe thinker- when you're not so awake." Lisa hummed, "That's... impressive really. Much more than what I'd thought. I'd hate to be your enemy when you get your control down."

"If."

"When." Lisa said firmly, "We'll get there." She slowly reaches out, "Together."

I stare at the hand resting on mine and... find myself liking it, "So... you can help?"

"Just to be clear you want help on controlling your blackouts right? So you don't make- so you don't hurt anyone you don't have to?"

Control of my actions, over my powers.

I nod.

"There are, others like you, people with powers that work...uh," Lisa paused, chin resting on her fist as she searched for a word less crude than the obvious, "-Irratically. Ones that change you pyhsically and mentally."

"Like me."

"You, Rachel... and a couple of others" Lisa said, "Rachel's pretty tame compared to most if you can believe it. I'm talking like the ones at the Parahuman Asylum or the Bir- not that you belong there! I mean the extreme ones. Believe me you're nowhere close."

"You said that the PRT was planning on a kill order on me." I said, heart beating heavily. The very thought of being in a small cramped room...

I will not be trapped again.

Ever.

"Because you attacked a Ward not because you're cuckoo in the head." Lisa waved a hand in the air dismissing my concerns, "They take that stuff seriously but, like I said, you managed to buy enough goodwill during your cleanups. They don't condemn you like that unless you're high off your rocker, like Glastig Ugaine, you know who she is right?"

"Fairy queen. Trump. Power stealer." I think hard, ignoring the wisps of darkness that teased the edge of my vision, "She's birdcaged, right?"

"Yeah. One of the, if not the most, extreme cases of powers screwing the person over." Lisa said, "She calls powers fae spirits or something, considers herself a queen (hence the name), wears a tiara and a royal dress, talks like she's lived in Buckingham Palace all her life and just kills anyone and everyone that pisses her off in the slightest. That's the kind of crazy you have to be for them to consider the kill order or the birdcage, anything less and they'll scare everyone else off making more work for them."

Lisa was... almost excited now, less than a cat ready to scram and more of a puppy-no that didn't work. But it was glaringly obvious that she was much more comfortable than she was moments before. Maybe it was because of the talking? She was an obvious showoff. A know-it-all and a bit of a drama queen as well.

"And where does my powers fit on the spectrum?" I asked.

Lisa shrugged, "A bit further than Rachel, definitely less intense then the queen fairy." Lisa shrugged, "I'll need to see more to be totally sure but going by what I know your power's probably primed with a kind of fight or flight instinct that triggers when you're stressed or something."

I nod and wait for her to continue but Lisa doesn't offer anymore. "That's it?"

"It's what I have so far," Lisa shrugged, "I have theories, sure, but going forward and half-baked theories will probably do more harm than good in the long term."

Annoyance creeps into the corners of my brain. This was what I'd risked everything for? Opening myself up to some complete strangers just so that I could get some half assed analysis that I could probably get with a couple hours on the internet?

"Taylor, we've literally just met." Lisa sighed, "Even I have my limits. It's partly the reason I asked for the month. The longer I spend time with you the more I learn and the more I can help."

"Give her a chance." Brian said, "Tattletale's the brains of our operation and so far she hasn't let us down. Much."

Lisa punched his arm, "Thanks."

Time. Did I have that time?

I could give them more.

Tell them the truth about my blackouts.

Tell them about my Drea-

NO

Not yet.

Maybe never.

That was sacred.

Then there was only one choice left.

"I guess I'll stick around then."

---

"This is a mistake."

"I know."

"...god fucking damnit."