Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The pink leaves grazed the air, as they made their way from their home to where they were going. Dancing in such a carefree way, they could take the rest of eternity to fall to the ground and it would be alright. How I wish I could be like them. Such carefree antics were not
possible in world as busy as mine.

Oh, I forgot to introduce myself, my name is Gira Peko Susano-o, 17 years-old, and my goal is to be ultimate blacksmith idol with the Ultimate Kagu-Tsuchi Belt. However, my goal right now is just to get to class on time because if Jones-Sensei catches me coming in late to class one more time... ugh, I don’t want to think about it.

Sweat dripped down my face as I ran down that same old road as fast as I could. Damn, why did I have to be such a Forged in Fire otaku every night? I dashed through the gate, as if metal bars could stop a late high school student, while glancing at the standard issue Japanese high school clocktower to see I had one minute left. Wait, ONE MINUTE LEFT! Oh, shit. I dashed through the entrance up three flights of stairs and as the bell was ringing, I dove through the open sliding door and straight into my best friend, Chihiro Fushimi.

“Ow, not again,” Chihiro said under her breath.

“Hah, sorry about that Chi-chan” I said through heavy breathing. As we both began to stand up, we heard a familiar Southern accented voice scolding us.

“Well, well, well, the most likely to drop out student in Japan has finally come to deliver her resignation form” a familiar voice chastised. Chi-chan and I quickly snapped to attention, as Tommy Lee Jones-sensei sipped on his Boss Coffee can. “So what’s the excuse today?” Jones-sensei said with a hint of legitimate disappointment, as he stood up and approached us.

“I-I, I was-s j-j-just” Chi-chan began to stammer.

“Fushimi-san, as usual, you weren’t late so just go back to your seat” Jones-sensei stated without a hint of enthusiasm, as he came to a stop, near me but facing Chi-chan.

“Y-yes!” Chi-chan said as she bowed, before dashing back to her seat. Jones-sensei, turned back to face me, before asking again, “So, let’s hear it, I ain’t got all day.”

A cold bead of sweat creeped down the side of my forehead as I hastily tried to come up with a retort. Come on, think, there’s gotta be some way to get outta this, I thought. Chi-chan was looking at me with her worried expression making clear her sense of horror, which, to be honest, was a bit overkill given that it was just a high school reprimanding. At the same time, Jones-sensei looked extremely bored, as if he wished I would stop looking around the room and just answer the damn question so he could get back to teaching us stuff that would definitely be important in our future careers. Wait, careers, that’s it!

“Well, I was actually studying for my future career” I said with the most confidence I could put in my answer, barely any at all.

“Really?” Jones-sensei responded.

“Yeah, I was watching something that explained how to work in my field. I was
watching, you know...”

“PORN!!!” Some dumb ass in the back shouted. Everyone turned to face the student in the back with flabbergasted surprise, all except for Jones-sensei, who turned with an angered death stare that could bore holes through a nuclear fallout shelter. Our eyes fell upon the biggest bastard in the class, nah -actually- the school, Keith Wood.

Wood-douche-bag was about to follow up his five star comedy with another sure to be class derailing joke but, right as he opened his mouth, Jones-sensei removed his glasses and turned that mother fucker to dust with his laser eyes. The class stared in horror at what use to be the class clown warm-up act on a bad day. However, I wasn’t staring at that. Cause I was in a heated debate as to whether the local junk yard would have any used copper on a Tuesday evening.

I snapped out of the debate as Jones-sensei, with a dead serious expression, stated “don’t worry, this ain’t no problem. I mean, he did write that trash about a guy wanting to fuck a fictional pony.” Ah, well, that’s true.

More importantly, though, I had a good excuse to get back to my seat and pretend that none of this ever happened. I mean, Jones-sensei was really busy getting over the grief of annihilating his student in a fit of rage, so he should be distracted, I thought as I began to tip toe towards my seat.

“Susano-o-san!” Barked Jones-sensei.

“W-welcome to Zoe’s cat cafe, meowster. What can I do to pawlease you?” I stammered out. Shit, no, that was my part time job slogan.

Jones-sensei sighed as a few brave students chuckled, completely unafraid of instant disintegration. “I’m not even going to ask. Just see me after class so I can show you the exact type of career that being late will lead you to.” More students began to laugh because that was pretty fucking funny. “Enough of that!” Jones-sensei snapped, as he slammed his book into the podium, turning it into dust. “And, if I find out there is a single perv in this classroom, with his mind in the gutter, I will personally bring you to the other world.” All the students shut their mouths and with that the day began as normal... except for one of the students being annihilated but you know.

After an extremely long and boring day of learning what was supposedly Japanese language and arts, history, math, etc. but was mostly dumb fact of the day questions directed at some blue haired emo kid and his robot groupie, I went to Jones-sensei’s office. Unsurprisingly, I found Jones-sensei there and Chi-chan, biting her nails out of worry for me. Damn, I really shouldn’t worry her like this. I opened the door and entered his office.

After entering, I noticed Jones-sensei drinking a Boss Coffee and the dust remains of Wood-douche-bag’s parents... wait, no, that’s just some regular dust cause the janitor hasn’t come in yet. Huh, dunno why my mind went there. Anyway, Jones-sensei beckoned me in and I closed
the door and sat in one of the chairs, facing his desk.

He then turned to me with a serious, what a surprise, expression and said, “do you know what type of career kids, who drop out of high school, get?”

“Um...” I began, “sex wor...”

“Dammit girl, I already told you to get your head out of the gutter” he quickly reprimanded. He then briefly took a breath, to calm down, before speaking again. “Janitors. They become janitors and that’s what you’re going to be doing for the next hour.”

“Oh, okay, I’ll do my best sensei,” I said before I started for the door to go to the janitor’s closet.

“Hey,” Jones-sensei said in a far less matter-of-fact tone than usual. I stoped and turned towards him. His face showed a bit of emotion, imagine that, and it... kinda had an air of empathy. “Nothing, nothing. Just don’t be late alright, heh.”

“Yes, sensei” I said as I left to... wait, be a janitor. Ah shit, this sucks. But at least Chi-chan won’t be too worried.

After an hour of applying my unbelievable blacksmith skills in janitorial duties such as cleaning toilets and wiping up vomit, I finally returned to Jones-sensei’s office.

“Well, you certainly smell like a janitor” Jones-sensei said with a pleased look on his face.

“Thank you sensei,” I said with what little non-sarcastic enthusiasm I had left.

“Ah, perfect tired attitude,” he began. “I do believe, you know how shitty it is to be a janitor now” he deduced using big brain skills. “Anyhow, you did work though, and work deserves pay” he said as he stood up and walked towards me. “You can consider this your first, non-cat cafe, paycheck” he said as he handed me a DVD box.

Ugh, what could this be, some kinda sleep habit instruction video or perhaps an anti-TV sermon or... a Forged in Fire Episode! I couldn’t believe my eyes, in my hands was a white disc with the words: ‘Forjed in Fire: LOST EPISODE: Forged in Hell. Only $4.99’ how could he, how is this...

“I know you liked the show, so when I found this, I thought you would enjoy it” Jones-sensei said.

“Thank you so much, w-where did you find it?” I stammered out with real enthusiasm this time.

“Well, I was on my way to work through the usual cemetery and...” I stopped fan girling for second and gave him a ‘what the fuck’ look. “Look, my route is hard, okay? Anyway, I found it on the way to work and something made me pick it up.”

I, eventually, dropped my 'what the fuck’ look and smiled. “Thank you” I said. “I’m really sorry for coming in late, it won’t happen again.”

“People make mistakes, what’s important is what you learn and what you change. And, I know you can change.”

“Thank you... well, I need to take a shower but have a nice day sensei!”

“See you tomorrow, Susano-o-san.”

With that, I walked out of the room with a smile and crashed into Chi-chan, again, cause I wasn’t looking.

“Ow,” she whined.

“Sorry, again, Chi-chan” I replied.

“I-it’s okay, anyway, you okay, now? How did it go? Did anything bad happen?”

“Nope,” I said confidently. “Actually, I just got the best encouragement possible.”

“Really, what?”

I gleefully took out the DVD.

“Oh,” Chi-chan began without much enthusiasm. “Well, look at the time, I guess you’re okay so I better get, you know, home...”

“Please, Chi-chan, my best friend ever?” I said with the eyes of a puppy begging to eat your entire dinner, after already eating your entire lunch and breakfast.

Chi-chan sighed, knowing she had no resistance to this form of attack. “Okay, Gi-chan.”

“Yay!” I said, before hugging her and then dragging her home to indulge in some high-quality Doug Markaida action.

Chapter Text

I giddily ran over to the TV in my house, as Chi-chan slowly followed with that melancholy look of genuine care, mixed with the despair of finding herself within an endless cycle of being lured into my shenanigans. Hm, when I think about it like that it sounds really
terrible. Anyway, I quickly put in the DVD and sat on the carpet, bobbing up and down with
excitement, as Chi-chan followed.

“Look, Gi-chan, I’m sure this is gonna be great but I can’t be here for too long, you know? I have to get home and do my homework, and get all the student council documents in order, and make my spaghetti, and...” Chi-chan said.

“Hey, don’t worry. I can help ya with all that when we’re done” I happily said, as I beamed at her.

“Gi-chan... you’re so sweet but you also are... kinda horrible at everything I just mentioned. I mean, you still think when I go to the School Diet, that I’m trying to lose weight. You’re kinda pretty bad at all the homework that doesn’t have anything to do with metalworking, which is most of it. And when you tried making golden potatoes, you just tried grinding fools gold into powder, bought potatoes from the store, and then put the powder on the potatoes.”

“Aw, com’on, Chi-chan, real gold would have been way more expensive.”

“That’s no, I... ugh, point is I don’t think you can help that much with this but thanks for thinking of me, I suppose.”

“Okay, Chi-chan but it’s only one episode, so how bad could that be?”

After Chi-chan visibly went back and forth in her mind over the choice between viewing the heavenly craft of extensions of the soul with her other half and boring chores for boring people, she finally sighed and stated, “I guess, that shouldn’t be too bad.”

“Awesome Chi” I said, as I finally got the DVD player to start. Not a moment later, I quickly ran back to Chi-Chan and broke into a jump hug “Chiiiiiiiiiii-Chaaaaaaaaaan.”

“Oh, com’ooooooon” said Chi-Chan, as we both toppled over, only barely avoiding concussions thanks to the carpeted floor.

“Ow” Chi-Chan morosely whined as she slowly sat up, her hand balancing her head. “I really wish you wouldn’t...” she stopped as she noticed my arms hugging her torso and head resting with a goofy grin on her shoulder. It seemed, Chi-Chan was beginning to accept the facts of the universe and continued accordingly, “do that.”

In place of an answer, I just hummed “mhmm.”

Unsurprised, Chi-Chan rolled her eyes.

Shipping would have to wait though... wait, do I think of her like... whatever I don’t want to think about it. How about Forged in Fire, that’s way easier to think about. As such, I stared at the television with bated anticipation as the video began.

The video opened with a montage of, I gotta be honest, attractive images of Doug Marcaida faded in and out in a montage reminiscent of how cheap kids shows present fantasizing. Fitting the mood perfectly, it was accompanied by Kenny G’s masterpiece, Silhouette. Pictures included Doug as he slammed his hammer into a piece of steel as sparks flew directly into his eyes. Another, saw Doug at full sprint as his manly figure crumpled away from a tiny pink jellyfish. Several other hot pics passed by till a grand portrait of Doug, looking as dignified as ever, came into view as the camera panned towards it.

As the picture found its place at the center of the screen, text appeared in a cute pink shiny hue, which read “Doug Marcaida’s Soul Forge in the Fires of Hell: Keal Edition (Featuring Doug Marcaida from the Forged in Fire series).” Soon after the portrait of Doug began to move, as, I guess it was previously just a paused video.

“Hello, ladies and gentlemen” Doug began, “I am very happy to invite you to Doug Marcaida’s Soul Forge in the Fires of Hell: Keal Edition, featuring me, Doug Marcaida from the Forged in Fire series. Here you will have a chance to prove that you can prepare a weapon strong enough to withstand my ripped biceps. However we need new talent, some so that we may find who will or will not, keal. As such, if you or anyone you know are interested, please call this num...”
Without even a second’s hesitation, I had already dialed in the number.

“Wow, uh... pretty impressive speed” Chi-Chan joked between laughs. I responded with a slightly amused smile as the phone rang.

A couple rings later and someone picked up and... I heard Doug Marcaida’s voice himself! However, it was a bit strange. He spoke a tone very similar to the one he usually had but, I dunno, in a strange way the enthusiasm that filled his voice seemed different. I mean, the voice was definitely him but it was almost like a different version of him... or something. I was probably just looking into it too deep though, to be honest. Bet he’s just tired.

“Shall I cut that mask you stretched across your face?
Shall my blade separate what is not true?
My blade will reveal ‘you’ in this place.
My blade will make you remember too,” he said.

I honestly didn’t know how to respond so I just tried to play it cool. “Um, okay, what ever you say. I’ld love to hear more about your... poetry but I’ve kinda gotta get setup for this contest, so...” The phone hung up, abruptly.

I sighed a bit as I put the phone on the table. Hm, I was honestly kinda expecting Chi-chan to reassure me or something but, ah, I probably shouldn’t spend my time talking to poetic tele... Chi-Chan is gone.

“Can you keep everyone alive? KEAL if you will?” said a voice behind me. I quickly turned, fists drawn just to see the television still playing. “Or will you not make the cut?”

Seriously, where could Chi-Chan have gone at this point, my house isn’t even that big.

“It should not be surprising, given your past and your contempt for it.”

Ugh, I should probably turn off this television, if I want to be able to think straight. I reached down to turn off the television and just as I did, I heard foot steps behind me and before I could muster any sort of defense, they had drop kicked my ass into the television and, with that, I was on my way to the truth, which I had lost so long ago.

Chapter Text

“Hello gentlemen,” said a familiar voice. 

Where am I? In place of an answer, lights came on, revealing a room constructed of wood, brick, and concrete adorned with all manner of materials for metal and wood working in the center stood the man, the myth, the legend, Doug Marcaida… oh my G-d, I’m in the fucking Forged in Fire set.

“…and ladies,” so it was Doug’s voice, “welcome to the Forged in Fire: Soul Forge in the Fires of Hell: KEAL Edition.” 

I finally figured out what was going on as the excitement of being on FORGED IN FUCKING FIRE YAAAAAAH… sorry. Within this room there were four groups of two, I was paired with… “Chi-Chan!”

“Gi-Chan!” she said as we hugged each other out of fear of being brought to a different dimension against our wills with no warning, whatsoever. 

“Seriously, shut up, I’m trying to talk” said Doug with a smug tone of annoyance. I initially thought about protesting but… well, what I’ve wanted all my life so. 

“Sorry about that,” I said.

“Um y-yeah, sorry, sorry,” Chi-chan chimed in.

“Excellent, now, like I was saying, each team will be tested to see who the greatest blacksmithing team is. You will be given a set amount of time, in which you will build weapons that KEAL and when the time is up, you will have your blades judged by me. There will be no exceptions made, if you are caught continuing to forge when the time is up, I will cut. Now, I will judge your blades and decide who will make it to the next round. If your blades are deemed worthy of KEALing you will be one step closer to the title of Ptah, Ikenga, Ogun, Qaynan, Ribhus, Vishvakarman, Kagu-tsuchi, Pisatao, Kothar-wa-Khasis, Brigid, Gobannus, Gofannon,  Goibhniu, Lugh, Wayland, Athena, Hephaestus, Hadúr, Kurdalægon, Vulcan, Sethlans, Svarog belt but we call it the Ultimate Kagu-tsuchi Belt for short. If you do not make the cut, you will have to surrender your souls and become part of the forge.” 

Um… well this is a slightly more intense version of the game but ohmagosh the ULTIMATE KAGU-TSUCHI BELT this is literally a dream come true, especially the nightmarish death games part. But wait, something is missing in this picture.

“Any questions?” Doug asked us to which I raised my hand and was called.

“Where are the other judges?” I asked.

“A great question, for once. Unfortunately their skills were to blunt and unrefined and so they lost their slice of life and became forged into the forge, making the ultimate sacrifice for the ultimate episode of Forged in Fire. Any other questions?” No one raised their hands. “Alright let’s see who our contestants are today” he said as he pointed to a television above him, which had just turned on.

The television faded into the standard television interview format, which these types of shows generally have as the beautiful sound of Kenny G’s masterpiece, Songbird, gently flowed out of the speakers. When the fade ended, an extremely muscular man sat to the right and some twink stood to the left, while the bottom of the screen revealed that they were Mark “The Undertaker” Calaway and Ryoji “Literally Death Himself” Mochizuki of team LOL Die.

“I am the Undertaker, this is Literally Death Himself and we are team LOL Fucking Die. So, I got one question for you. Why put off kicking your ass to next week, when I can do it right now?” The Undertaker screamed in that typical wrestling sort of way. 

“Yeah, and we’ll fuck her right in the pussy” said the pervy douche on the left, apparently called Ryoji.

“Shut the fuck u…” the Undertaker began before he was cut-off by the transition to the next interview. 

Next came team Razor’s Edge with a teenager in giant bow pants to the right, Sasuke Uchiha, and something to the left that I couldn’t even describe until I read his name, Shadow the Hedgehog.

“I don’t even want to be here or whatever, but I guess I gotta prove who is best again” said a very snarky Sasuke.

“Let’s get one thing straight, I’m the ultimate lifeform and that means I have to show my superiority sometimes,” said a cocky Shadow. Wow, I already hate both of them. 

The screen then faded to the next interview, this time with team Special Smiths with a well-built man on the right, Son “Kakarot” Goku, and another twink, Takeya Ikuhara. 

 “My long sword is the answer to all unsatisfied people in the universe, it is the answer to all of those who cry as they sleep, it is the answer to all those who were widowed by war” Goku said… really? 

“Yeah and I’m bored and don’t like responsibility, aliens, or women” said Takeya, man he sucks.

Finally, came the last interview but I never was interviewed, so..? I saw something that answered my question as the screen cut to the final interview there was only one person on the left, and I know her. It was Fuuka “Oracle” Yamagishi from the class over in team Sword Divinity but she doesn’t even like forging and why is she alone?

“There are three enemies left and we are coming to get you.” She said with a wink. She seemed a bit more outgoing than usual.

“CUT THEIR HEADS OFF!!!!!” Screamed a voice from off-screen, I assumed this was who GPS on the bottom right was referring to but… GPS, does that mean the team member is literally a Global Positioning System or what? 

“Hey, cut it out, silly” Fuuka said as the video cut-out. 

“Now you know,” Doug said. “So, it’s time to cut to the chase and see who deserves to be the champion. You have two hours to create a free style knife, starti…” 

“U-um sir, where was our…” Chi-Chan started.

“Stop interrupting me!” Doug shouted.

“S-sorry” Chi-Chan said as she bowed in embarrassment.

“Alright your time starts, now!” Doug shouted. 

And, with that, we were off! It was a blur as I ran to the table grabbed some paper and quickly sketched out a Master Tanto style knife. All the while, Chi-Chan tailed me, obviously being a bit of a fish out of water in this situation. 

“Anything, I can do to help?” She asked, looking at me with pleading eyes.           

“No worries Chi-Chan, I got this,” I said as my instincts took hold and I began flying through the process. Chi-Chan looked a bit sad, but she knows why I don’t want her helping me on this. That scar still haunts me, ya know?

About half-way through the making of the knife, Doug shouted “Blade Smiths, you have only one hour left to finish your knives, or something cause you assholes can’t read a clock.” No worry for me, I’m right on schedule I thought. 

“We don’t even have anything finished cause you suck. You know what Goku?” Said that Takeya loser. 

“What could be so important that the countless lives I am destined to save with my gigantic sword must stop production. I don’t like distractions from the strengthening of my blade” Goku said angrily.

“Well, ya know what I like Goku? People who have dicks and don’t use them because fucking gets in the way of me being lazy. More importantly I don’t like aliens and I just looked you up on Wikipedia and found out you’re an alien, which if you remember is something that I don’t like. I don’t like you because you’re an alien, and…”  

 Without a second thought, Goku began charging up a shot “KaameeehaaameeeHAAAA” and fired it at that loser.

“Ah Goku, I don’t like yooooou,” Takeya said as he melted. In no time flat, Takeya was reduced to dust. Thank G-d. However, Doug was not pleased by this for some reason. 

“Goku, you have killed but you have not KEALed” he began. “Please surrender your soul and become part of the forge as you have been blunted.” 

To this, Goku began “My sword thrusts life into the…”

Before Goku could even finish his first sentence, Doug’s jaw dislocated with a horrific cracking sound, which continued as his mouth unnaturally grew in every direction. It didn’t even seem possible as his mouth just grew and grew as more bones, bones a person shouldn’t even have, snapped. I was terrified until he began trying to eat Goku because the sound his sucking made was… Kirby’s inhalation sound. 

Goku screamed as he was sucked towards Doug. As soon as he was close enough, Doug’s tongue shot through Goku. It was relatively easy, as he had a blade on the end of it, rusted, red, and decayed. Goku let out one final scream before being eaten whole.  All of us stared in shock and horror at Doug, except the Undertaker who didn’t seem to care. 

Doug turned to us, with a bit of blood on his lips and chin, which were now back to their normal size. He then said with a smile, “only three teams remain.”