Archive of Our Own ^beta

Doflamingo laced his fingers together, resting them behind his head as he walked through town. He was bored.
Earlier, he’d left the inn room he’d shared with a few of the guys who’d offered to help him “get back to normal”. Doflamingo had left a note in case they woke up and went looking for him, but he was probably just going to go back at this point. In fact, he’d been in the process of turning around when he caught a glint of light out of the corner of his eye.
Doflamingo found himself following after it, the light having felt like an eerily-familiar sight. Maybe he’d seen it before he’d been turned into a child with no memory of his past?
He’s not sure how long it takes to get where he’s heading but, the moment he passes through a particularly dense bush, Doflamingo’s jaw drops. He’s not tall enough to walk through the river to get to the other side, but he WISHES he was. Especially since the man bathing on the other side of the river is… Breathtaking.
His eyes were closed as he rested his back against the side of the river and- Oh! -Doflamingo wants to KISS him. Something about the strangely-familiar man with the scar across his beautiful face drew him in; a weird feeling heating up in his gut. Doflamingo took a step forward, something snapping under his foot. Golden eyes flew open, immediately landing on Doflamingo’s mismatched ones and causing him to swoon.
The man’s expression went from angry, to surprised, to confused, to realization, before settling on annoyance. “Doflamingo,” he sighed, “so it’s true that there’s a Devil Fruit user with the ability to de-age people. It looks like staying outside of town WAS the best course of action.”
“You- You know who I am?” Doflamingo grinned at the indescribable happiness he felt at this knowledge.
The man sighed. “Sadly.”
Doflamingo laughed. “I don’t know, I’m pretty happy about it!”
“Tch. You WOULD be, you stupid bird. You’ve been harassing me every day since we met. Even now you’re doing it and you don’t even have your memory at the moment.”
Before Doflamingo could respond, the man stood up and out of the river, not even bothering to cover himself or his amazing breasts. Not that Doflamingo was complaining. If anything, he was thanking any and every deity that would listen for this glorious moment.
“What’s your name?”
The man sighed in annoyance. “Crocodile.” He said without sparing a glance at Doflamingo as he dressed.
“Are you single?”
Crocodile froze, hand hovering over a bright, golden hook. “Excuse me?”
“Are you single?”
Crocodile was silent, finally looking back at Doflamingo as he attached the hook to his wrist. It was annoying, waiting for a response, but Doflamingo was willing to do so.
Eventually, FINALLY, Crocodile nodded. “Yes.”
Doflamingo grinned. “Then that means I have a chance!”
Crocodile snorted. “Not on your life.”
“It’s it because I’m a kid? You said it yourself that I was like this because of a Devil Fruit. When I’m back to normal-“
“By the time you find the Devil Fruit user who did this to you, I’ll be gone.”
Doflamingo pouted and crossed his arms. “If you leave, then I’ll just find you and MAKE you marry me!”
Crocodile’s eye twitched. “Tell you what, BRAT, if you still want to do that when you’re back to normal, I’ll even agree. No questions asked.”
“Deal!“ Doflamingo shouted with a finger pointed at the older man. “And-! And, not only that,but you’ll have to let me shove your face into your boobs whenever I want!”
Crocodile scowled at his declaration, a vein popping up on his forehead. “You-!” He cut himself off, clearly unable to figure out which part of Doflamingo’s words he had the biggest issue with. Finally, he settled on: “They’re not BOOBS!”
“Ha! It doesn’t matter what you call them! I’m gonna be your husband when I get back to normal and so you have to let me put my face AND my hands on them whenever! Even in public!”
“WHY do you keep adding extra stipulations to this?!”
Doflamingo crossed his arms and lifted his chin. “Because you’re obviously convinced I’m either lying or won’t keep my word later. So I’m gonna keep adding things I want until we agree on it completely. Then you won’t be able to say no when I remind you that you already agreed.”
Crocodile gave a harsh sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Ugh, FINE! But don’t expect me to just let you get away with anything if you DO try to pull that shit in public.”
“That’s fair,” Doflamingo nodded, “it won’t stop me, anyways. I can take a hit if you think I need it. Besides, if you REALLY have a problem with it, then I’ll just not do it.”
Crocodile huffed and shook his head. “I cannot BELIEVE I’m negotiating this kind of thing with a literal child,” he sighed, “whatever. It’s not like you’re going to keep your little promise when you return to normal, anyways. I’ll just chock this conversation up to lost time and leave it at that.”
Doflamingo frowned and tilted his head. “Why are you so convinced I’m gonna change my mind? Is it something I did before I got turned back into a kid?”
“Hmph. Not YOU in particular, at least. Regardless, I don’t have any reason to believe you, either, so I’ll leave it, and you, at that.”
Before he could ask Crocodile to elaborate, the man disappeared in a flurry of sand.
“There you are!” An unfamiliar voice shouted, “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
The owner of the voice was visibly more familiar than the voice itself…
Doflamingo narrowed his eyes. “You- You’re the one who turned me into a kid!” He accused her with a pointed finger. The woman, a busty redhead with pink eyes, gave a happy laugh. “So you DO remember me, Doflamingo!”
“Hm, only vaguely, but yeah, I remember you.”
“Hm, good enough!” She chirped, “so! Do you want to return to normal?”
“Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?”
“Oh, I was just making sure,” the woman nodded, “you know, if I change you back, then you’re gonna have to repay the favour.”
Doflamingo didn’t like the sound of that. “In what way?”
“Marry me.”
Doflamingo REALLY didn’t like the sound of that. “Hell no! If I marry you, then I won’t be able to marry my Crocodile!” While he knew people could be in a romantic relationship with multiple people, Doflamingo only wanted Crocodile. And he had the feeling Crocodile was a one-person kind of guy, too.
The woman scowled, voice venomous as she spat. “Crocodile? THAT bastard? The one with the golden hook?”
Doflamingo bristled at her words.
“Don’t you call my wife a bad name!”
“Wife!?” The woman shrieked, voice so loud Doflamingo couldn’t hold back a flinch. “The only one you should be calling your wife is ME! Not THAT son of a bitch!”
“I told you not to call him a bad name!” Doflamingo shouted at her as he instinctively raised his hand.
He wasn’t sure why he’d done so, until he flicked a finger and an invisible string cut off one of the woman’s arms. Doflamingo stood there, staring at this strange woman he remembered, but didn’t actually know. But, as she rolled around on the ground, screaming and clutching her severed limb, all Doflamingo could do was wonder what to do. Should he kill her or would doing so render him a child, forever?
He was brought out of his thoughts by a person stepping up next to him. When Doflamingo looked up, he saw one of the guys who’d promised to help him get ack to normal. The swordsman with green hair.
Zoro, Doflamingo recalled. His name was Zoro.
Without a word, Zoro made his way to the woman on the ground. She looked up at the swordsman; eyes and cheeks full of tears.
“Hu- help…me…”
“Turn him back.”
“I-“
Zoro drew a sword, painting the tip of the blade at her throat. “Turn him back. I won’t tell you again.”
Despite the threat inherent in his words, Zoro sounded less cold and more emotionally exhausted. Regardless of the one his voice, both Doflamingo and the woman could tell he wouldn’t hesitate to kill her if given the excuse to do so.
Seeing she had no choice, the woman closed her eyes and mumbled something under her breath.
Doflamingo was too busy clutching his head in pain as his memories flooded back to hear what she’d said. The pain of his body growing back to its original height coupled with the sudden influx of images running through his head was what ultimately caused Doflamingo to pass out.

When Doflamingo opened his eyes, it was light out, the sun filtering in through the windows of the inn bedroom. He still had his sunglasses on, for which he was thankful.
Doflamingo sat up in bed. He recognized the room he’d left last night.
“Do you remember what happened while you were stuck like that?” Zoro asked from where he was sitting; in front of a table with three swords laying on a large, printed cloth.
The swordsman was focusing on wrapping them up neatly as Doflamingo responded. “Yeah. At least I do…” Crocodile’s face flashed through the blond’s mind and he jumped out of bed, cursing when his head hit the ceiling “Crocodile!” He shouted while flailing in the cramped space. Well, cramped for HIM at least.
At some other spot in the room, Luffy spoke up. “What about Crocodile?”
“He was there last night! I was talking to him at the river right before that bitch showed up!”
The blond with the curly eyebrow gave an indignant squawk from wherever he was. “Did you just call a LADY something so- so VULGAR?!”
Doflamingo frowned. “No. I called a bitch a bitch. If she was a lady she wouldn’t have tried to force me into a marriage by turning me into a child until I agreed.”
“What- you- that’s not- you can’t just-“ Sanji!- Sanji was his name! -stumbled over his words clearly but sure how to spin this situation in the woman’s favour.
“Not only that, but she called future wife bad names even when I told her not to. So she’s lucky she escaped with her life intact, let alone an arm.
Sanji paled. “Oh God…”
“Wife?” Luffy repeated, brow furrowing.
“Yep! Crocodile said that, if I asked him to marry me after I returned to normal, then he’d say yes. No questions asked or anything.” Doflamingo grinned, nodding for emphasis.
“Whoa! Can I be the Maid of Honor?” Luffy’s eyes were hopeful.
“Of course! I’m sure Croc-chan will be happy to have you help him with things!”
“Shishishi! I hope so! Oh! Will I have to wear a dress, too? I’ll wear a dress, too? I’ll wear one, but I’d rather wear my sandals instead of heels.”
Doflamingo nodded. “That’s fine. Your dress is probably gonna be long enough to cover most of your legs, anyways. And, if not, then we can just find you one that’ll work WITH the sandals, instead of against. You know, I’ve dabbled in fashion design, too. So I should be able to whip up something.”
Luffy cheered. “Nice! Will you be designing Crocodile’s outfit, too, do you think?”
Doflamingo nodded again. “I’m definitely going to try; what do you think, Mugiwara, should I design his dress with or without a boob window?”
“Without. Definitely. If his dress had a boob window then people would stare at his chest instead of the wedding.”
Doflamingo gasped. “You’re right! There’s no WAY anybody would be able to resist if I did that and I don’t want anybody staring at his cleavage but me if I can help it.”
The two were so focused on planning, neither of them noticed Sanji’s soul leaving his body or Zoro finishing up his packing preparations.

***

Crocodile only intended to go into town long enough to pick the book he’d ordered over the Den-Den Mushi. He ignored the worried looks from a multitude of townsfolk; including that of the bookstore owner. If the book in question hadn’t been so rare, then Crocodile wouldn’t have even bothered with it. Not when the looks of disbelief that he received were so numerous.
It wasn’t as if the content had anything particularly out of the ordinary. The book was only rare because of a manufacturing defect, that caused the cover’s colours to be inverted. Crocodile didn’t have a regular copy of the book either, so that was all the more reason to buy it.
“Is- is the book to your liking, Sir?” The store owner asked while looking at his feet.
Crocodile hummed. “Yes. The binding still intact and the cover itself is in good question as well. None of the pages seem to be missing or torn, either…All right. We agreed on one thousand Beli, correct?”
“Ah- um, ye- yes. We- We agreed on that number…” The bookstore owner shifted on his feet. His expression spoke volumes to how much he wanted to say something, but refrained.
Crocodile narrowed his eyes, but handed over the money.
“Thank- thank you, Sir. I hope you enjoy your- uh -your purchase.”
“I intend to. Argram’s epistolary novels are usually well-written.” Crocodile said without thinking much about it.
The owner’s jaw dropped. “You know what an epistolary novel is?”
“EXCUSE me? Who doesn’t?”
The man reared back at Crocodile’s glare. “Oh, that’s, I just- I didn’t mean anything bad by it. I just- didn’t expect a man of your- your-“
“My stature? My physique?” Crocodile finished for the other, who flinched, looking contrite. “You’re not the first person to assume such things and I can assure you, you won’t be the last. That said, I suggest you train up your poker face if you want to stay in business, or you’ll find yourself running afoul of someone with far less patience than I do.” He spat, turning away and heading for the exit.
Said exit would have been rather grandiose if not for the opening of the door by none other than a full-grown Doflamingo Donquixote. Doflamingo, who had taken one look at the shocked Crocodile, grinned, and shouted, “Croccy! There you are!”
“Dof-!”
Luffy popped up from behind Doflamingo, his usual wide grin on his face. “Hi Dad!”
“What-? Mugiwara! When did you-?!”
“Cro-cyyy! Don’t ignore me! I’M your future husband!”
“Dof-!”
Luffy laughed and turned to Doflamingo. “Don’t worry, ‘Mingo! He’s my Dad! It’d be weird if WE got married! Besides, I like Torao way more, anyways!”
Crocodile felt an unfamiliar emotion well up in his chest. One that he REFUSED to identify as protectiveness. “Who’s this ‘Torao’? You can’t just marry a guy you never even introduced me too.” He growled, crossing his arms.
Doflamingo laughed this time. “You remember Law, Sweetheart! He’s my late brother’s adoptive son!”
“Law? Trafalgar D. Water Law? THAT Law?”
“Shishishi! Yep! Torao and I are dating!”
“Since when?!”
“Since Marineford! Torao ’s the one who saved me back then!”
Crocodile hummed. “Well, if he’s THAT important to you, then I guess I can let it slide. But I’m still going to have a word with him before you take your relationship any further.”
“Sure! Maybe he’ll even agree to be my date to the wedding! It’s been a while since I got to see him, anyways.”
“Wedding? What wedding?”
Doflamingo gasped as if hurt. “OUR wedding, Croccy!”
“I never agreed to marry you!”
“Yes you did! Just last night! Don’t tell me you forgot already!”
Crocodile winced. Oh. Right. He HAD agreed to marry Doflamingo. Hadn’t he? And that wasn’t the only thing he’d agreed to either, now that he thought about it…Crocodile sighed and held his book in the crook of his left arm in order to pinch the bridge of his nose. “I can’t believe you actually want to hold me to that, you stupid bird…” He groaned.
Wait…
“And I’m not your Dad!”
“Shishishi! Of COURSE you are!”