Chapter Text
The first band practices resume only a week or two after everything… happened. It’s strange, to step into a familiar room, almost like deja vu. But it’s comfortable there, safe, full of fond memories. You get there first except for Rain, who’s sitting over on a short stool with his bass, making sure it’s in tune. He glances up at you and smiles but the expression flickers away after a second and he goes back to staring at his instrument, a little too focused.
“What’s wrong?” You ask.
He mutters a reply but you can’t make out a single word.
“Rain?” You ask, but he still doesn’t look up at you, “Raiiiny,” You drag the word as you approach him, holding his chin so he has to meet your eyes. “Tell me what’s wrong, my dear.”
He blushes. “It’s nothing,” He says, “Something stupid.”
“If you were Swiss, I’d agree,” You joke, “But I’ve never heard you say anything stupid literally ever, so what is it?”
He looks a bit torn, opening his mouth and then changing his mind, not speaking for a while until he finally spits it out.
“You know that song that everyone really, really likes right now?” He asks.
You don’t actually know where he’s going with this until you say the name out loud, “‘Mary on a Cross’?”
Oh. You start to understand what he’s getting at. He twitches, almost flinches at the name, before nodding.
“Well, I was- I wanted to-” He sighs and you give him a moment to collect his thoughts, “I wanted to make sure,” He begins slowly, “that you’d be ok when you have to sing it. Or hear it too, I guess. I know that it sounds stupid, but names have a lot of power and even I hate hearing my old name from before so I-” He stops and looks at you as you brush your thumb over his cheek, “I didn’t want to mention anything in case you were just going to ignore it, but are you going to be ok?”
You chuckle a little at how nervous he seems, his wide eyes melting your heart.
“Thank you,” You tell him, leaning down so you can kiss the top of his head and then kneeling in front of him.
“For what?” He says as you take the bass from his hands and lean it to the side.
“For watching out for me, for worrying about the little things,” Wrapping your arms around his slender shoulders, you pull him so tightly against you that he half-wheezes. “It means so much to me, Rain,” More than you could ever explain.
You place a small kiss on his cheek and pull away as the door swings open behind you. Mountain is always the next into the room, but today he walks in with Sunshine.
Their chatter falls to silence as you lean in one last time to whisper in Rain’s ear. “I’ll be ok,” You tell him, “promise,”
“Everything alright?” Sunny asks.
You feel a slight amount of concern radiating from Mountain too. But you just give them both a genuine smile.
“We’re fine,” You say, snatching up your guitar and plucking a few strings as you begin to tune it. “Just chatting,”
They eye you but you’re an open book these days, they can see exactly what you’re thinking, and they can see that you really are ok. So, after a beat, you see Sunny relax and Mountain goes to sit with his drums.
Aether comes in next, walking side by side with Cumulus and Cirrus. Papa is a beat behind them, and then you all have to wait. Swiss and Dew tend to run late rather than early, but none of you really minded. At this point, practice is more of a formality. You all know the songs by heart, you can play them with ease. You’re the newest member and even you don’t really need to practice. So it’s less than formal, mostly just a group of friends and family hanging out with some music to bring up the mood.
They do show eventually though and practice begins in earnest. Mary on a Cross is usually one of the last songs you all rehearse together and the entire time leading up, you feel Rain eyeing you. And when Papa finally says the name of the song, prepping everyone to play, everyone glances at you furtively.
You chuckle a little as they all try to hide the moment, but even Papa noticed and looks around.
“Is something wrong?” He asks the room, before looking straight at you, “Tesoro?”
You smile at him, taking a very deep breath, “Everything is fine,” You say, looking back at everyone, “Let’s just play,”
The drums rumble in the opening before the rest of the band kicks in. You play along in time, your own sound barely audible but somehow making a difference as the music swells around you. You’ve always loved playing this song, hearing the passion that Papa sings it with, reveling in the way all of your instruments blend together to make a beautiful, powerful harmony that can enchant an entire stadium. You never knew why though, why it had such an effect on you. It makes so much sense now. Swiss sings along to the song, voice balanced perfectly against Papa’s.
We were speeding together
Down the dark avenues
But besides all the stardom
All we got was blues
You can’t help the way your foot taps along to the rhythm and you watch as Swiss dances with delight, eyes closed as he belts out the lyrics.
But through all the sorrow
We were riding high
And the truth of the matter is
I never let you go, let you go
You find yourself dancing along too, not nearly as well as Swiss but you’re grinning from ear to ear. You want to scream the lyrics out, you want the entire abbey to hear this song, but it’s not your turn yet, not until that special chorus.
We were scanning the cities
Walking to greater dues
But besides all the glamour
All we got was bruised
But through all the sorrow
We were riding high
And the truth of the matter is
I had to let you go, let you go
Here it comes, you feel your chest seize but you won’t let it stop you as you belt out the chorus, feeling so connected as all of your voices mix and melt together into something beautiful.
You go down just like Holy Mary
Mary on a, Mary on a cross
Not just another Bloody Mary
Mary on a, Mary on a cross
If you choose to run away with me
I will tickle you internally
And I see nothing wrong with that!
Cumulus’ voice swells in the air, mixing with the rest of you as the music keeps going, and you feel tears prick in your eyes. A whole world of emotions swirls in your chest but you just keep playing, the song never having sounded better. Rain steps up behind you and his presence alone makes the tears in your eyes fall finally.
We were searching for reasons
To play by the rules
But we quickly found
It was just for fools
And after all the sorrow
We'll be riding high
And the truth of the matter is
I'll never let you go, let you go
The music grows and grows, your heart aching as it does, Rain pressing closer. And then… quiet
You go down just like Holy Mary
Mary on a, Mary on a cross
Not just another Bloody Mary
Mary on a, Mary on a
You refuse to let your tears stop you now as the music rebuilds itself and you let the next lyrics pour from your lips, liberation, and ecstasy in every word.
You go down just like Holy Mary
Mary on a, Mary on a cross
Your beauty never ever scared me
Mary on a, Mary on a cross
You can see yourself for a moment, standing in front of a mirror, just a child, so young. Beautiful. No one ever called her that, at least, not in a way that was for her. People called her that because it made them feel good, powerful. But Mary was beautiful, she was infinitely more than that.
If you choose to run away with me
I will tickle you internally
And I see nothing wrong with that
Nothing wrong with that
Mary on a, Mary on a cross
Nothing wrong with that
Mary on a, Mary on a cross
You choke a little now on your tears as the music finally quiets, Rain holding you from behind, arms wrapped around your shoulders. Everyone comes near, touching you, holding you, setting their instruments aside as you cry for the beauty of Mary. Not for her death, or her revenge, or her eventual salvation. But for who she was, for who she should have been allowed to be.
“Cara mio,” Papa says, face screwed in worry. “What is wrong? Are you ok?”
You don’t have the words to tell him everything, to explain any of it really. So you look him in the eye, pleading that he might understand as you ask, “Can you finish the song, Papa?”
He doesn’t do his joke ending, there is no final laugh for the audience, he just lifts the mic to his lips with a look of confusion as he sings, his voice that of a fallen angel, as beautiful as Lucifer’s himself.
Mary on a Cross.