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The dream has been the same for as long as he can remember, which is not all that long since he'd suffered the loss of his memory some years ago. It begins innocuously enough; someone beautiful is smiling at him. He lights up the entire stratosphere with that smile. His eyes hold a certain sadness despite it, and Jensen wonders if it is somehow because of him. The man is young, but the wisdom trapped behind that rainbow of amber, gold, blue, and green just feels like it could span eons. His beauty is leading him somewhere, telling him to stay with him, focus on him, and look nowhere else. Jensen is wondering why he would even need to tell him to do that; he has always been fixated upon Jared.
The dream changes just as Jensen thinks he is lost to the hypnotic blend of sunflowers, a sunset, and the sea. He hears his name, but it is not Jensen. He feels compelled to answer if only to make the correction. He stops and Jared, still smiling, simply nods in understanding with tears filling his eyes. It is resignation, failure, defeat. Jensen turns around. There is now nothing but infinite darkness and a voice calling him by his true name, demanding his presence. "Thanatos, return to your kingdom of silence and peace; return to your throne to reign over souls!" That was the voice of his brother, Oneiros, known by humans as the personification of dreams.
This brings Jensen confusion and steals his vision of beauty and quizzical happiness. He can no longer see Jared, but he knows something final and permanent has occurred. He is upset and growing more so by the moment. This dream is becoming a nightmare. He can hear his breath quickening, his heartbeat thumping loudly between his ears, and his blood rushing causing his pulse to race. He feels fear, heartache, and longing as a physical, unbearable pain for seemingly the first time. At least as far as he could remember, he wasn't sure he even knew what fear felt like, how any emotions felt. He screams in agony.
He awakens drenched in sweat. There were visions of the dead and the dying, but they were not at peace. They were in agony, lost and wandering an endless desert. He felt responsible for their suffering, but he couldn't possibly have been. He'd never caused pain, he…
The memories come flooding back in a flash.
His name was Thanatos. He was a god of death, a reaper. In fact, he’d been the first reaper in creation. After eons of just fulfilling his purpose, he’d been on a mission, despite his immortal family’s opinion that it was a mere holiday. He wanted to know why humans coveted the living realm so much that even when he’d come to guide them to peace in the realm of Death, they’d fear him, fight him, or barrage him with sorrowful, endless ‘Why?’. And this was after all the challenging and often times horrible things they’d encountered when they were living.
Thanatos was a deity born of the Night Goddess, Nyx, and Erebus, the Darkness. They were the youngest of the four primordial gods, offspring of Chaos, the origin of everything. Gaea the first had become Mother Earth. Tartarus the second became the Underworld. However, the union of the Night and the Darkness had given birth to luminaries such as the Divine Air and the Day, but also the more sinister known ‘Night Progeny’ that humans had conceptualized into things they feared about nature and life. At the edge of creation, they were the first beings in existence. Thanatos had come to be generalized by mortals as Death, but his purpose was more aptly to guide souls who’d succumbed to a peaceful death to the Underworld. Despite this specialized distinction, he, and his twin brother Hypnos (sleep) were associated with their more nefarious siblings, Nemesis (retribution), Geras (old age), Eris (strife), Oizys (Suffering), Moros (Doom), Apate (Deception), Momus (Blame), and Charon (the boatman who ferried the souls of the dead to the gates of the underworld on the river Styx).
Over time, as mortals multiplied and spread and beliefs evolved, there had come many incarnations of Death. Some were harsher and more frightening than others, but all were inevitable. There were also other incarnations of his siblings based on new mortal concepts: Dream, Destiny, Delirium, Desire, Despair, and Destruction. There were even other deities and gods that had come into being to represent light, hope, and love to the mortals. The Erotes were the winged love gods: Anteros, Pothos, Himeros, and Eros - the fairest of the deities.
Thanatos’ purpose was singular, fair, and tranquil. Those souls that he was in charge of guiding to their eternal rest never died in pain or from violence. There were plenty of others among his multitude of siblings who provided such archaic and nightmarish experiences. He couldn’t understand why mortals feared him. His mother had always been above the mortal questions and the rest of his family seemed to follow in her stead. Thanatos resolved that his only answers would come from the humans themselves.
He’d known that he’d have to immerse himself fully within the human condition as much as he possibly could in order to get the answers that he sought to not only his questions, but possibly to those souls who inevitably found it difficult to accept that their time had come. He’d fashioned himself a human visage and made it visible and tangible with help from Apate. He’d had Geras help him with aging like mortals tended to do as he was not sure how long this journey would take.
*****
He began his life as Jensen Ackles with the first shocking breaths and triumphant cries of a newborn infant. He went through a blessed, but average, childhood with loving human parents. He went to school, lost baby teeth, scraped his knees and elbows, fell from a horse and broke a leg, and had other human milestones. He experienced the seasons as they took their turns each year. Fall was his favorite. He experienced fun and boredom, pain and pleasure, disappointment and accomplishment, and finally remorse, rejection, and loneliness. He soaked in everything from the mundane to the most life-changing parts of human nature. He found that he loved Creative Arts and often enjoyed a calming night at the theatre.
Jensen became a Mythology professor because he felt this would keep him grounded and in sight of his purpose. He felt that he was beginning to understand all the things that he hadn’t as Thanatos. He experienced friendship and community and formed bonds with many humans outside his familial circle and that gave him an attachment to the mortal coil he wasn’t able to comprehend as Thanatos. He knew of all of these human concepts as his immortal siblings had been the origins of many of them. In the darker ages, humans once made sacrifices and tributes to either ward them off or to receive their bounty.
In his life as Jensen, he felt the pull or will to live despite knowing all too well that his mortal form would eventually meet the same fate as any other mortal. He figured the only thing missing from mortals coming to terms with death and greeting their guide as a friendly face was this understanding. And then he met Jared, and everything changed.
Jared Padalecki was an up-and-coming young talent. He was bright, effervescent, and constantly positive no matter what happened. As a child he was always smiling, helping other kids when they felt sad or scared. He was generous and always felt better when he was bringing others happiness. As a teen, he started figuring out emotions and attraction and how that worked differently with people in his family versus friends, acquaintances, and strangers. He understood the concept of love and could never comprehend how a person could hate another person. He grew up in a world surrounded by strife and suffering, despair and destruction, and he still felt that he could offer so much more to it than that.
Jared found his passion in theatre, dance, acrobatics, and writing. He had no desire to acquire fame from any of it, but he did well and so the fame and fortune found him. He welcomed it because it helped him to continue to spread love and caring to others. Nothing gave him more joy though than the sense of elation he got from people who enjoyed his performances on stage. His solos in plays drew applause well before the end. He moved people to tears with the grace that flowed freely from his limbs during a ballet or an aerial silk performance. And it was during one of those surreal performances that he met Jensen.
Jensen watched as Jared pirouetted and leapt across the stage. He’d been captivated with the young performer for months. In plays and musicals, he had a soft baritone voice that was strong and booming, and yet immensely calming. It drew anyone into each act he had a speaking or singing part like the Sirens of old. In ballets and cirques, he lifted ballerinas with effortless strength, towering above them and yet just as svelte and streamlined. He balanced and twirled in massive hoops that were lowered down from the rafters.
On this night Jared had a solo flight in which he hoisted himself up in the air by long, white, flowing sheets and completed death-defying stunts and breathtaking aerial feats. He swung above the audience and the silk flowing behind him from his powerful arms looked like wings. Jensen sat in awe, gasping in amazement at this beautiful being that all at once made his heart flutter and his eyes brim with unshed tears. He suddenly longed for the whole of the underworld. Tartarus and Elysium in all their contrast, were home to him. He missed his family as dark as the majority of them were.
Jensen also longed to know the man who inspired such a guttural reaction within him. He felt an intense connection to Jared suddenly that he hadn’t noticed before and then he remembered that he’s never missed one performance of his since the first time he saw him. He was a considerable patron of that theater and had standing balcony tickets; two seats were always reserved for him and a plus one. The thing is, on nights when Jared was on stage, Jensen never brought anyone with him. At any other time, he was constantly trying to get his friends interested in the Arts, so there would be one person or another with him. Jeffrey Dean Morgan, who reminded him so much of Hypnos with his dry wit and sleep-inducing base, always tried to accompany him if he happened to be in town. Danneel Graul, she was a special one. They’d been friends for years. If he hadn’t known better, he would have thought Nemesis had possessed her as feisty and vengeful as she was, especially if someone was a bit too cocky. She went to a play with him once and decided right then she wanted to be an actress. After that, if she wasn’t Jensen’s plus one, she was someone else’s as she networked her way toward her career.
Jensen and his friends often went out for a drink after a performance and on this night, despite being alone, he decided to go again to the pub at the end of the block closest to the theater. He enjoyed food and drank to be merry, but this was the first time he considered drinking to excess. He was discomfited by how emotional he was over one performance, albeit beautiful and surreal. The hold that Jared Padalecki seemed to have over his thoughts was something he hadn’t experienced before, not as a human, and certainly not as Thanatos. He tried to include the brisk fall evening as a catalyst, but it just didn’t make sense.
The bell at the pub door rang signifying a new customer entering. Lo and behold, as if he’d been summoned, in walked Jared Padalecki. He was even more of a force of nature off stage. His frame filled the doorway, long and lithe. He was bundled in a beautiful silver scarf and dark, double-breasted wool peacoat, gloves and trousers. His soft, chestnut waves, once freed from a silver beanie, caught the dim lighting like satin. When he saw the party he was meeting with, he smiled and the brightness of it completely changed the ambiance of the room. Jensen was almost envious of the two people he was walking toward. The blond man stood up and heartily hugged him, laughing at something the Adonis said. Then the dark-haired woman reached up from where she sat to greet him with a kiss on both cheeks.
Jensen started when he realized he’d gotten caught openly staring as the bartender, Chris, recognized his regular customer without his friends and was trying to ask him what the occasion was. “I’m sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt your show there, bud.”
Jensen pried his eyes from the group to focus on the now teasing grin Chris was wearing. “You saw nothing. I simply recognized him from the show earlier tonight.”
“Yeah, sure my man, that recognition seemed a bit more like star gazing, but hey; your secret’s safe with me, alright? I was just wondering what brought you in tonight alone since you usually have a friend or two along. I guess that’s answered huh?”
“Haha, funny man. Yeah, I suppose you caught me, but that’s not why I came in tonight. There’s just something on my mind. I guess I’m a bit homesick, for lack of a better term.” As if on cue, Jared’s laughter floated across the room to Jensen’s ears and he felt that jolt again that he never really noticed as anything before. He felt that every time Jared had a singing part in a musical. As if his soul would take flight if he had one.
Chris plunked a shot glass on the bar in front of Jensen and poured him a shot of his best bourbon, on the house. “That, my friend, sounds like love if I believed in that sort of thing. Didn’t expect it from such a level-headed guy as yourself. In times like these, just stumbling onto it like that is rare as hell, man.”
Jensen gratefully took the warming spirit and was mid-shot when he heard the word ‘love’. The burn got caught between its destination and his windpipe and he started coughing and sputtering uncontrollably. Chris tried to offer him water, but it just wasn’t helping. After a moment, Jensen felt a large, solid object gently clap him between his shoulders and a soothing warmth spread through his body. His lungs felt like they were starting to recover, and he was able to take a decent breath.
He looked around at his savior and met concerned mercurial eyes. “Hey, man are you okay? It looked like that really hurt. Drink went down wrong? Here, man try a little salt. I don’t know why, but it helps.”
Jensen was dumbfounded for a moment, but then Chris was there with a salt shaker and Jensen followed the advice. Jared remained in his space, looking a bit flummoxed also, and then he huffed a laugh and shyly smiled. “Sorry, uh, I don’t mean to stare. You just seem really familiar.”
Jensen cleared his throat and had the presence of mind to try humor. “What, have you saved my life before?” When the laughter began in earnest and that familiar floaty feeling started again in Jensen’s chest, he knew he had to find a way to keep this man laughing. He held out his hand for a shake introducing himself, “I’m Jensen, and I’m sorry to monopolize your time this way. Weren’t you just with friends?”
“Oh! Yeah, but that’s okay. Neither Chad nor GG were in danger of falling off a ridiculously high barstool because of a choking hazard.” He sent a mischievous look toward Chris and caught the bartender’s relieved smile turn to an instant glare. Quickly turning back to Jensen, he stammered and he shook the man’s hand, “Um, okay then. Jared, Jared Pa-”
“Padalecki, I know. Um, I’m kind of a fan. I saw the show tonight. It was amazing. Honestly, I don’t think I have missed one of your performances,” he rambled as his hand was consumed by a massive warm grip. This, he realized, was what was hitting him and then massaging circles between his shoulder blades once the cough slowed down. He was hit with an instant longing to have both Jared’s hands warming every square inch of his corporeal form.
“Oh, wow,” Jared said, blushing, “That is… thank you! I can’t tell you how great it feels to actually hear that someone likes a performance of mine. Could I replace your drink or something? Would you like to join us at the booth?”
Jensen accepted the invitation, clearly avoiding the knowing look shot at him from Chris the bartender. He was usually a pretty serious guy, but after mere minutes with Jared and his friends, Jensen was laughing up a storm and getting on as if he’d been part of their group for years. For an immortal deity, he seemed to have a lot in common with this human man and that only made Jensen’s attraction to him stronger. As the night wore on, Chad and GG said their goodbyes. They genuinely liked Jensen and it was clear he and Jared already had a secret language between them and might never be done talking.
Once they were alone in the booth, it seemed they were alone in the universe. “I have a confession to make,” Jared said in a near whisper. “I recognized you; when you said you’ve never missed one of my shows. I’ve seen you in the wings before. I just figured you really liked theatre, or maybe one of the main performers in the troupe. I never imagined it was me that kept you coming back.”
Jensen looked down at his hands as they demolished the label of a beer bottle that happened to be left and then looked up through his lashes at Jared. “Yours were the only shows I went to alone. I never assumed I would meet you in person, especially not like this.”
“You have amazing eyes, such a striking green. I don’t know why, but I am so drawn to them. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be so forward-”
“Kiss me.” Jensen either couldn’t help himself, or was done trying. Jared was so close, it seemed such an easy thing to do to allow those plush lips to fall against his own, but then Chris entered their little bubble. “Um, guys, I hate to interrupt but it’s closing time. I got a pillow I made a promise to, you get me?”
Jared offered to walk Jensen home since it wasn’t far. As they left the seemingly empty pub, they were unaware of three pairs of disembodied eyes watching them from a shadowed corner.
Jared in his warm wools and Jensen in his fleeced leather jacket and gloves walked the ten minutes to Jensen’s apartment in a comfortable silence. A small shiver crept up Jensen’s spine, a feeling that they weren’t alone, but he saw nothing when he looked around. Jared noticed the shudder and put his arm around Jensen thinking it was the brisk night.
The warmth radiating from Jared was all-encompassing. Jensen felt like he was floating those last couple of minutes to his building. This was so unlike him, but with Jared’s warmth and scent surrounding him and flooding his senses, Jensen had no thoughts to spare for his worries. He led Jared inside and to the elevator. As soon as the doors shut and they were alone with their reflections on the mirrored back wall, Jensen pressed Jared against it and deeply kissed him. He wanted to climb him like that great oak tree that he’d grown up shaded by when he was a child. He distantly remembered one, that they had yet to press the button for his floor, and two, there was probably a security camera in the elevator. That gave him just enough pause to wait until he heard the ‘ding’.
Pulling the young man from the elevator, Jensen tumbled toward his door and fumbled with the keys. He worked extra hard not to drop them since Jared was once again in his space, trying to get his massive, gloved hands under Jensen’s jacket. “Man, I cannot wait ‘til you can lose those. They’re frickin’ scratchy!”
Jared whispered low and dark right against Jensen’s ear, “Only on the outside. They’re hot and silky inside, hopefully like-”
The door opened and they practically fell in. Laughing a bit breathlessly, they looked at each other and could see the absolute lust in each other’s eyes. “Tell me this isn’t a dream,” Jensen breathed out.
At the same time Jared huffed, “Tell me this is okay.”
Jensen stepped closer, took Jared’s hand and led him one step at a time, removing an article of clothing each bit closer they got to Jensen’s bedroom. Each glove was tossed carefreely toward a separate corner of the living room. Then Jared caressed Jensen’s face before pulling him in for more kisses. They both removed their shoes and kicked them back toward the door. Jared’s coat slid from his shoulders and landed next to Jensen’s jacket in back of the couch. Two pairs of trousers, the button-down shirts, and tees underneath fell in heaps trailing down the hall. Each time one removed an item from the other, he made a point to feel a newly exposed bit of skin.
They paused to just admire each other, entered the bedroom, and Jensen spun them round backed Jared to his bed. He ran his hands up his slim waist and broad chest before mischievously grinning, pinching a nipple, and then pushing gently. Jared laughed as he fell lightly onto his back on the bed and his beanie slipped off. He braced himself on his elbows in time to see Jensen swivel his hips as he slowly pushed his boxer briefs down and left them on the floor. As he stood, manhood thick and acclivitous, Jared smiled and gestured a come hither. Jensen just grinned, shook his head, and proceeded to bend down and latch his teeth onto Jared’s elastic waistband. Jared gasped, but smoothly lifted his hips to make one of the sexiest things he’s ever seen easier. His full manhood laid bare, it heavily curved up toward his navel, throbbing from the air’s exposure.
Jensen felt proud; instead of shyly withering under Jared’s hungry gaze, he stood tall and returned the appraisal, licking his full, flushed lips. He made a triumphant grunt and then made his way over that well-muscled yet lean, tall drink of water on his hands and knees. He felt and probably looked every bit the panther on the prowl. As their hips aligned, they each felt the other’s slip-slide of warm, velvety skin and the contrast of coolness at their tips. They moaned at the barely there tease of contact and Jared shivered when he felt the dewy drops of pre-come on his skin from the man straddled above him. He was so sensitive from the anticipation of everything the shock of it was like hot candle wax and ice at the same time.
Jensen paused, swiped a finger in the moisture that collected from the both of them, and brought it to Jared’s waiting lips. That finger was all but devoured as Jared made a show of sucking it clean. While Jared was occupied, Jensen used his other hand to grasp both their lengths and slowly stroke them. They both groaned, mouths agape from the much-needed pressure of Jensen’s grip. Jared gripped fistfuls of the blanket.
Jensen took his hand back from Jared’s panting mouth and caressed the hard plane of his chest and got Jared to focus on the grounding touch. “Shhh. Easy, tiger. Enjoying yourself?”
“Immensely,” Jared growled out.
“Wanna give me a hand?” Jensen asked with a sly, crooked smile.
“I’d love too. How is your mind not mush right now?” Jared asked with awe in his breathless voice.
“I have a gorgeous distraction that I am enjoying watching as he comes apart by my hand.”
“I really hope to return the favor one day. I would love the chance to watch the ecstasy on your face make you even more beautiful.”
“Oh, you’ll get your chance. I want this…” He gave a slight squeeze, “... inside me sooner than later.”
Jared gasped and then covered Jensen’s hand with his own and together they created the most surreal and delicious friction. They were so amped up and consumed with each other that they didn’t need any help making the glide easier; both their hands were practically drenched as they began to move together.
As they crested wave after wave of increasing pleasure, Jensen finally allowed himself to let go. His eyes rolled as he threw his head back and moaned, his body tensing with blackout levels of bliss. Jared watched his pleasure and followed soon after, back arched as his chest gleamed with their spend.
Jensen fell forward, just catching himself with his free hand on Jared’s chest. Jared selflessly and thoughtfully reached above his head to find his escaped beanie and used it to brusquely wipe down his torso and clean off their hands. Then he wrapped his arms around Jensen pulling him the rest of the way down as they kissed while they came down. He grabbed the side of the blanket they were on and pulled it over them, and this is how they fell asleep.
Sometime in the night, Jensen awoke and although it was really tough leaving the warmth and comfort of Jared’s arms and the pillows of his chest, he slowly dislodged himself. He needed to stretch his legs since he was pretty sure he hadn’t fallen asleep in that position since he was an infant. He found their underwear on the floor, put his on, and placed Jared’s where he could find them if he woke up and placed the blanket back over him. He was shocked about the ‘chivalrous’ sacrifice of the poor beanie and grabbed it from where it fell to the floor. He put it in cool water for a soak knowing that was the gentlest way he could clean it.
He went to the bathroom and then snuck out to the kitchen to grab something to drink from the refrigerator. He felt amazingly relaxed, but he was very thirsty. While he poured himself a glass of juice, he felt Jared close in behind him and place his hands on his hips. “Got enough for two in that glass?”
“Mmhm,” Jensen replied as he took a deep sip. They shared the glass until it was empty, and Jensen rinsed it and left it in the sink to deal with later. They walked back to the bedroom and Jensen smiled when he saw that another perk of having Jared there was turndown service.
“To thank you, for saving my beanie.” He chuckled.
“It will be so nice to properly stretch out,” said Jensen as he began to yawn.
As they climbed into the bed, Jared agreed, “Yeah, I can’t tell you the last time I fell asleep with my feet on the floor. It’s murder on the spine.” He suddenly gasped and held his head in pain.
“Hey, you ok? Do you need anything?” He watched concerned as Jared doubled over and seemed to look smaller, even younger, and he felt useless to help him.
Jared laid back, breathing heavy with his eyes firmly shut. “I’ll be ok, I just have to let it pass. It shouldn’t be long. I’m sorry, I didn’t think-”
“Why’re you apologizing? There’s nothing to be sorry for. Hold on, I’ll get something cool for your head.” He rushed to the bathroom to get a washcloth and dampened it with cold tap water. He brought it back to Jared and placed it on his forehead. The sigh of relief from his lips helped Jensen to breathe a bit easier.
“Thanks, that feels much better. Wow, I was hoping that you wouldn’t have to see me looking pitiful like this for a long time yet.”
Concerned, Jensen’s brow furrowed, and he asked, “Does this happen often?”
“Well, it started right after my twenty-first birthday. I would have these awful headaches and my parents thought it was allergies, migraines, all kinds of things. Then I met Chad and GG and they hounded me until I finally got a brain scan a couple years ago; turns out it’s an aneurysm. At Jensen’s shocked gasp, he raised a hand and said, “It’s self-contained for now and it’s treatable, but not able to be fixed surgically without drastic consequences. Chad and GG are the only ones close to me that know aside from my parents; they are the only ones who don’t treat him differently or make him feel like he’s made of glass. I know enough about it to know that my life is likely going to be short, at some point something will happen, and I will die.”
“Jared-”
“No, it’s fine, because it totally made me aware of how I wanted to live my life. While I am healthy and keeping my health on track, I am trying not to take it all for granted. I live like each hour is my last, which is how I now find myself in the bed of a practical stranger I felt instantly, undeniably attracted to.
“Why didn’t you tell me last night?” At Jared’s faint blush, Jensen recalled the night and corrected himself, “Well, I meant earlier when we were all there, or even alone in the pub. It just sounds so serious.”
“Didn’t want to ruin the mood. Plus, I didn’t want pity, or to scare you away. I wanted us both to have great memories of that time.”
“Oh, the memory of THAT time will not be in vain, I can guarantee it.” They shared a brief laugh. “Can I ask you something? Would you find it strange if I said I was in love with you?”
“No, that would make me a hypocrite. I never even thought I would have the time to feel this let alone say it to anyone or have it said to me. I’ve just gone with what feels right at the moment, but with you, there’s this pull and everything feels right.”
Later on that next morning, after Jared had Chad pick him up (and what a walk of shame that was), Jensen thought back to what Chris said. Love? How? He just officially met the man! Plus, that was a human concept, one of the many emotions he didn’t believe he was capable of feeling. Chris had come to know him well, observant little shit, and he was right about Jensen being level-headed.
This love thing, however, was a shock. He knew of it, but aside from his human parents he had nothing else to reference it by. He’d been fond of certain mortals growing up, but he blamed that on the hormonal chemicals in his human brain that encouraged procreation and continuation of the species. Even after he learned about basic physical attraction, that never became more a fleeting rush of pleasant feelings. What had stumped Jensen about this was the feelings he was experiencing were bone deep as though the connection had always been there.
Then, there was the fact that Jared might not have much time left. He surprised Jensen, he was not fearful or resentful of the concept of his mortality. He accepted the inevitable. It actually made him pursue life more. It made Jensen even more that they were somehow meant to be together, but how could that be?
He decided to consult the Fates.
The Fates, known in myths as Atropos – the past, Clotho –the present, and Lachesis – the future. To Jensen, their names were Ruth, Alaina, and Felicia. The Fates agreed to meet Jensen at their tailor shop nearby to discuss his strange feelings. When he arrived, he took his place at the quiet table where they instructed him to sit. He brought tithes of sweets and cordials, and several ghost peppers. He noticed all manner of sewing, weaving, and twining going on. There were endless amounts of threads. Then, two women came from the back. They looked mortal if one had no idea what to look for.
“Come, son of Night. We have been expecting you,” said Alaina. Fair-skinned, with bright, red lips; her sharp looks made her look fierce and intimidating. She was pure logic, no sentiment.
“Look, Alaina, he brought gifts. Still so formal after all these millennia.” Felicia, youthful and humorous; she was passion and ever the optimist. She made grabby hands for the sweets while her eyes glowed emerald. Alaina plucked the ghost peppers from his hands and tasted one. Her eyes went black, and she smiled. “These are quite exciting; you know us well, Thanatos.”
A voice from the back called out, “Felicia, dear. Ye will be sharing a wee bit of your bounty with me, will ye not?”
“Aww, why doesn’t Alaina have to share?”
“I actually like to taste flavors, young one. Alaina’s tastes are far darker than either of us would like to explore.”
Jensen replied, “Ruthie, you didn’t possibly think I forgot about you.” He walked through the curtain of lives and destinies measured out in strands and gently placed the bottles on the small marble table separating him from the women who could give him some clarity. He hoped he was still right about their favorite things from the mortal plane. Given Alaina and Felicia’s reactions, all three fire-haired beauties had tastes that never changed.
“Ah, Jensen, I knew ye would’na let me down. Now, it will be more of a fair trade won’t it, Felicia?” Her eyes glowed a violet hue to express her delectation. She was hindsight and wisdom, a power that no one contradicted lightly.
Jensen took a seat and waited until the three were ready to address him. Time was one thing they did not waste, so he didn’t have to wait long. The issue was whether their cryptic counsel would provide him with the answers he needed or open more questions. He also didn’t have to utter a word of a question.
“Our very own deity of death has found himself a reason to live.” Alaina smiled as she teased him. “Love has been discovered personified. All of Tartarus has felt the shift in the Aether.”
Jensen was chagrined. “So, everyone knows, huh?”
“Aye boy-o, the entirety of the Underworld is aware,” Ruth lightheartedly continued. “But you seem troubled. Are you actually upset that you’re in love, or is it the fact that the adorable giant hasn’t long to live?”
“I suppose it’s both. I’m not upset, simply confused. I’ve never felt like this before, certainly not as an immortal and not during this life. And the draw to him is so strong. We were overcome by it as soon as we met. Was I drawn to him because he is, in a sense, dying? I thought I had learned quite a bit during this time on the mortal plane, and yet he makes everything I’ve learned seem obsolete.”
“You have learned more than you realize,” Felicia explained. “But you’ve also stumbled onto something much more critical. You have found one of our own which had been stolen from the world, hidden away for centuries, and then locked in a human cage without his knowledge.”
Jensen was shocked as realization hit him. “Wait, are you saying that Jared’s a deity? He’s dying, and I, a god of DEATH, just happened to locate him by pure coincidence because he ‘smells like home’? Do you know the irony? He’s gonna hate me. He’s gonna think I did this on purpose, or worse that our feelings for each other aren’t real.”
“There was no way of knowing within which mortal his essence was bound, but there is also no such thing as coincidence to the Fates,” Ruth provided. “Your mortal threads have been on a path gradually weaving ever closer to many others. Until your and Jared’s threads entwined, even we were not able to see which of the mortals you emotionally bonded with belonged to the vessel trapping our brethren.”
“Do you doubt your love is real, Jensen? He IS love; his mortal bones are bursting with its power,” Felicia said. “You were drawn to each other so powerfully because his essence is of Tartarus. He is Eros of the Erotes.”
“I have no doubts about Jared. I simply wish we could have more time.”
“His thread’s natural end was already set!” Alaina admonished. “T’was meant to happen with or without your intervention. It is merely a means to a mortal end and a balancing of the cosmos. There must be balance.”
Jensen knew the stories of Eros and his brothers Anteros, Pothos, and Himeros. He knew how they were the source of the many concepts of love in humans. If Eros were freed from his vessel and brought back to Tartarus, it was not likely he would see Jensen again.
“It is possible for your love to surpass the inevitability of time,” Felicia offered as if reading Jensen’s thoughts. “You could tell him everything. But that is a huge risk. Exposing a mortal to the existence of the immortal plane is normally forbidden. You would be expelled from your vessel and returned to Tartarus and your memories of each other would be erased. You are technically both immortals; he just doesn’t remember. But are you sure you want to chance it?”
Jensen had an incredibly difficult choice to make. To an outsider, it would seem simple. His want for Jared and him to remember their time together as mortals seemed entirely selfish, while his need to tell Jared why they felt so strongly for each other and what awaited him once their time was up seemed like a cruel test to put them through. But then he remembered something that Jared said, and he made his decision.
He told Jared everything.
