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No matter how Wednesday turned the problem in her head, she couldn’t find a satisfying solution. She had been stuck on this particular dilemma for a couple of weeks now. She didn’t used to be accustomed to the feeling of failure. However, ever since she had started at Nevermore, she was getting uncomfortably acquainted with it. Frustration clang to her like petroleum to the wings of a seagull after an oil spill. It felt like the answer was dancing just outside of her reach, mocking her and her abilities.
“Wednesday? Are you even listening to me?”
Enid’s voice brought Wednesday back to the present, which consisted of a very mediocre meal pretending to be Mexican food in the pentagon with Enid and Ajax.
“I stopped listening when you set out to recount the excruciating details of your most recent date for the third time.”
Enid huffed and Ajax hid a smile behind his hand. He proceeded to kiss Enid’s cheek in a disgustingly sweet fashion. Wednesday wondered if the ‘fajitas’ would look better the second time around.
Only slightly mollified, Enid went on. “Anyway. I was just asking if it didn’t bother you that Xavier was eating lunch with Bianca?”
Wednesday turned to watch the table where Xavier was currently laughing at something Bianca was saying. The sight of their merriment did nothing to improve Wednesday’s mood. It would only be polite for people around her to display acceptable levels of misery when she was herself feeling aggravated. Though, she had been told that was an unreasonable expectation to have.
“No. Why would it?”
“Wouldn’t you rather that Xavier was eating with us?”
“Xavier and I have agreed on a schedule for when we would spend time together, as to decrease the chances of us getting weary of each other. Lunches were not included.”
Enid, who spent every waking moment either with Ajax or talking about him, looked shocked. Her eyes grew wide and her mouth dropped. Ajax, for his part, chuckled. “I am guessing it was your idea?”
It had been, but Xavier hadn’t fought her too hard on it, so he must have seen its value. She just stared down Ajax in response, who shook his head in obvious amusement. She was getting tired of being on the receiving end of that patronizing attitude. Ever since she had started dating Xavier; Enid, and Ajax by virtue of always being around, had taken to giving Wednesday romantic advice and judging her choices. As if this was the one instance Wednesday should conform to popular wisdom and customs. At least, Xavier didn’t have the same expectations. But Enid’s continued ‘subtle’ hints that he wouldn’t be happy that way for long were like the smell of vanilla and pastels, persistent and migraine-inducing.
“Okay, whatever your ‘arrangement’ may be“ -Enid managed to both roll her eyes and do actual finger quotes at that- “he is eating with Bianca. Doesn’t that bother you?”
Wednesday was infinitely more bothered by this conversation than by Xavier’s choices in lunch companion.
“No. Xavier is free to spend time with whomever he wishes when I am not around.”
The same wasn’t true when they were together. The number of people Wednesday deigned to be around, though larger than it used to be, was still fairly small.
“But it’s his ex-girlfriend!” Enid was practically vibrating on her seat. “Aren’t you even a little jealous?”
Wednesday looked back at Xavier. He was wearing his hair in a ponytail today, which made it easier to appreciate the details of his angular face. He and Bianca were now in discussion with one of Bianca’s fellow sirens, whose name Wednesday couldn’t be bothered to remember. As if sensing her gaze, Xavier turned in her direction. He smiled faintly before raising an eyebrow in askance. Wednesday ignored the fluttering sensation in her abdomen the sight of his smile triggered and shook her head at him. He nodded, still looking unsure but went back to his conversation regardless.
“No, I am not,” Wednesday responded after a while.
“I don’t know how you do it. I feel like I am going to wolf out anytime Ajax even speaks to a girl.” Seemingly realizing what she had just said, Enid abruptly turned to Ajax. “But I am not trying to control you! I am working on it, I swear.”
Ajax just smiled beatifically. The boy was truly unflappable. Wednesday couldn’t help being impressed, showing this degree of detachment was something to be admired. However, it was time to terminate that conversation.
“Enid, I am no more threatened by Xavier spending time with Bianca than I am by Professor Snyder trying to correct my Latin.” That man couldn’t remember his declensions to save his life. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have matters to attend to.”
Wednesday walked briskly to her room. She still hadn’t solved her problem and she tried to focus once again. This kept happening, people were constantly interrupting her with inanities that derailed her creative ventures. She wasn't used to interacting with so many people. And while she couldn't deny anymore that she enjoyed spending time with Xavier or with Enid, albeit for different reasons, it was at times chaffing. She barely had time for herself anymore, and her work had been detrimentally affected. Wednesday abhorred compromises, yet there she was, trying to reconcile her personal endeavors and her newly formed relationships, and apparently falling short at both.
“Wednesday!”
She stopped in her tracks and cursed whatever deity had blessed this day to be as enjoyable as a warm day of spring. She turned and tried to reign in her annoyance. This was, after all, not entirely his fault. And blaming others for your shortcomings was apparently frowned upon within members of a couple.
“Hello, Xavier.”
“I tried to text you, but I guess you didn’t see my messages.”
Her phone was currently on her desk by her typewriter. While she valued some of the abilities the device afforded her, she refused to give others the means to have unrestrained access to her. She took the phone with her only when she deemed it necessary. And when she remembered.
“Was there something you needed?” She knew her tone was icy, even by her standards. But there was only so much she could hold back.
Xavier frowned, clearly aware of the dark storm hanging over them all.
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
While his intention was well-meaning, it was badly timed. She had a limited opportunity before she had to go back to class, and she didn’t want to miss the chance to make headway on her issue.
“I am perfectly fine.”
“Come on, Wednesday. I am not blind.” He came closer and Wednesday was reminded of how much she disliked having to look up at him. “Is it because I had lunch with Bianca?”
This again. Her aggravation officially graduated to simmering anger.
“I do not care that you had lunch with Bianca,” she spat out through gritted teeth.
Xavier flinched back. “Right, because it clearly looks like you are unbothered.”
“I would probably be less bothered if everyone ceased to make assumptions about the state of my mind.”
“Sometimes, assumptions are all I have with you. Besides, you were the one who insisted on spending lunches apart. I was just adhering to your rules.”
She saw in her mind’s eye Ajax’s little smirk, and she hated that he had been right. She hated a lot of things right at that moment.
“Not everything in my life revolves around you or some imagined petty jealousies. I have better uses of my time.”
His face hardened. “Oh, excuse for me for checking that you were alright. Sorry for wasting your precious time.”
Now, his irrational emotionality was getting the better of him. They would get nowhere this way.
“This is not what I meant.”
“No, of course.” He was clearly ramping up. “Why would I ever think you could be upset by something like me spending time with my ex-girlfriend. This is clearly beneath you.” He scowled.
She narrowed her eyes at his strange insistence on this subject. “It is almost like you want me to be jealous.”
Xavier recoiled like he’d been physically hit. Wednesday usually enjoyed inflicting pain on others, but she preferred for it to be deliberate rather than this trainwreck she had no control over.
He looked away at the window, then down. Anywhere but at her. Finally, in a calmer voice, he spoke again. “You might be right about that. I think I may have wanted you to be jealous. Then, I would have known you cared.” He looked at her again, cold hurt having replaced the burning anger in his blue eyes. “Because, let me tell you Wednesday, you don’t make it easy. Sometimes, I wonder if you even like me. Or if I am just one your experiments in the arts of human relationships.” He shook his head before turning his back on her and leaving.
She didn’t know how long she stood motionless in that hallway. There was no way she could work now. No, she had some plotting to do.
Wednesday waited patiently in the dark. Everything was set in place, and she just needed for Xavier to arrive. She knew that he used painting as an outlet for his many emotions, and after a day like that, he would definitely need it. So, she patiently bided her time in his shed. She remembered the first time she had posed for him there. She had been surprised at how much she had enjoyed the feeling of being observed, of feeling seen. She wasn’t sure Xavier knew how much of himself he had revealed while drawing her. He was expressive at the best of times, even explosive on occasions. But he was never as flayed open as when he was deep in the throes of artistic creation. She liked that she had been allowed into his inner sanctum, and she felt a great pride at being the singular object of his obsession.
As predicted, she soon heard footsteps outside and the door opening. Before long, Xavier was standing in front of the easel, probably regretting the painting of her he had started the week before. She had convinced him to portray her in her coffin and she was greatly anticipating to the final result. She heard him sigh, and from her vantage point of view, his back appeared despondent. He finally grabbed one of his brushes, and she heard the telltale sounds of the hairs caressing the canvas. Silent as a panther stalking her prey, she came out of her hiding place. She stepped on the stool she had put in the perfect spot, and in a burst of movement, she executed the stunning move her uncle had taught her, rendering Xavier unconscious within a second. She made sure to soften his fall. She moved on to the next part of her plan.
Tied to his chair, Xavier awoke slowly. Wednesday saw him look around in confusion before his eyes landed on his bound arms. He tested the restrains, and while she had used silk rope that would be soft to the touch, her knots would not give away any time soon. She stepped out of the darkness.
“Hello, Xavier.”
His head shot up, his eyes found hers and comprehension dawned on him at once. He surrendered back in his chair, probably accepting the ineluctability of his situation.
“Wednesday. What’s all this?”
He didn’t sound angry, just resigned. Well, she was angry enough for the both of them.
“It is my understanding that you wanted me to experience jealousy.” She pointed at the chair with her head. “This is how I would react if I ever thought you were being unfaithful.” She narrowed her eyes. “Isn’t that what you were hoping for?”
He winced. “This is definitely not what I was hoping for.”
“Did you want me to throw a fit, demand a public display of loyalty in front of the school? Or would you have preferred me to quietly lament in my room, barely hanging on to my self-esteem?”
“That’s unfair, Wednesday. I never said that.”
“You said plenty.”
Unlike now, where he remained silent. She could see the wheels turning behind his eyes. She was never one to shy away from uncomfortable silences. She let him gather his thoughts.
“I didn’t really want you to be jealous. In that moment, I guess I wanted some tangible proof of your feelings for me.”
“Proof?”
He grimaced. “Not proof. More like, something to hang on to.”
“If you were hoping for a girlfriend who liked holding your hand in the halls and writing your initials covered in hearts in her notebook, it was never going to be me. Yet, you chose me. So, you only have yourself to blame for your disappointed expectations.”
“I am not disappointed in anything.” He sighed. “It’s just that…”
“What? You had quite a lot to say earlier, please don’t censure yourself on my account.”
“I’m sorry, okay! I shouldn’t have said what I said earlier. I know those are my insecurities and I shouldn’t put them on you.”
“You insinuated I didn’t care about you.” She glowered. “I have smiled in your presence more than once and you dare doubt my feelings for you. I went to an art exhibit for you.”
“Wen…” he said imploringly.
“That, right there. Do you know how many people have called me Wen and lived to tell the tale? And yet, you go unmaimed every time you insist on doing it.”
“Unlike the time I tried to call you baby,” he muttered.
She refused to acknowledge she had ever been called ‘baby’ in her life, but if she had been, any violent act she might have perpetuated in response would have been self-explanatory.
“Please tell me what you want from me.”
Xavier sighed once more. “Any chance you’d be willing to untie me for the rest of this discussion?”
She raised her eyebrows.
“No, didn’t think so. I’ll admit this is partly my fault.” He smiled ruefully. “I asked for the wrath of Wednesday Addams. I can’t be too surprised that I got it.”
This was the most sensical thing he had said all day.
“The truth is that I really enjoy dating you. It feels like everything is heightened where I am around you. And you bring out a version of me that I like, most of the time. I love that you are different, that you know what you want and that you are not afraid to get it. Even if it means getting me arrested or drawing up a chart of when I am allowed to spend time with you. But I have to admit, it can be hard sometimes, not knowing what you think. And I have moments of doubts, where I believe that maybe you don’t feel as much for me as I feel for you.”
Wednesday thawed infinitesimally. “I will never be able to give you grandiose demonstrations of affection, if this is what you require.”
“No, that’s not what I require.”
“Then what?” She pressed urgently.
“Is there any room between grandiose demonstrations of affection and finding a way to privately verbalize your feelings, on occasions? Just to know we are on the same page?”
He looked hopeful and sincere. It made her want to vomit, in a good way. And the fluttering was back in her abdomen.
“Xavier.” She took a deep breath. “I like spending with you, more than I ever thought possible. Your smile is like an intrusive thought that will not leave me. I even like it when…” She braced herself, there was no coming back from this. “When you call me Wen.”
Xavier’s smile appeared like an eclipse, slow and blinding. Some of his hair had escaped his ponytail, falling on his face. She stepped closer, and with the same care and precision she had executed her stunning attack, she put back the unruly strand behind his ear, her fingers tingling at the contact with his skin. He leaned into her hand.
“Are you satisfied now?” she asked in a whisper, towering over him for once, and rejoicing in the role reversal greatly.
“Yes,” he breathed out. “And just to put my cards on the table, you do know I am in love with you, right?”
The fluttering was at an all-time high.
“I know. That’s why I was never bothered that you ate with Bianca. You have never given me any reason to doubt your commitment to me. Your affection towards me is well documented.” She made a point of looking at three different paintings of her present in the room. He followed her gaze and chuckled.
“Fair enough.” He pulled a face in confusion. “Then, what was the problem earlier? If it wasn’t Bianca. Or me.”
She felt her scowl come back just thinking about it. Feeling more magnanimous towards Xavier, but not to the point of untying him, she decided to sit on his lap, bringing herself to his eye level.
“I am having some difficulty with my novel.”
His face was very close to hers; she could feel his every breath on her skin.
“What kind of difficulty?”
“No matter what I try, I can not get to the next part organically.”
He hummed and she felt the reverberations through her body.
“Do you want to tell me about it? I can be your sounding board.”
She didn’t share her work easily, especially not the unfinished ones. But none of her usual techniques were working, and she did trust him.
“Viper was undercover in a coven of witches who were fomenting a plan to enslave all werewolves as their attack dogs. She had to befriend one of the witches’ son to get access to his mother’s book of shadows. To be able to steal the book undetected, she set him up to take the fall before escaping. And that is where I am stuck. Now she needs to use the book to stop their plan, but it doesn’t work. All my ideas come across as contrived and untrue to her. Everything I write feels like ersatz Viper de la Muerta.”
“Ah,” Xavier said knowingly.
She narrowed her eyes at him. “What?”
“Any chance Viper might be feeling guilty about her friend who got accused because of her?”
She frowned. “Viper is highly skilled at compartmentalizing.”
“Be that as it may, she is not infallible. Maybe this is the one time her compartmentalizing fails her, and she needs to go right that wrong.”
Wednesday thought about it, Viper could go back and help Adam. She could discover in the process a sub-cell within the coven trying to foil the plot, same as her. They would work together while she endeavored to make Adam understand the necessities of her actions. The more she thought about it, the more it came to her, obvious and right. After two weeks of struggle, she finally had it.
Elated, she kissed Xavier fervently. His mouth opened under hers immediately. She pulled his hair in a tight grip, and she felt him moan. She stroked his tongue with her own and got lost in the sensation.
Ultimately, she pulled away and basked in the glow of having successfully solved a grueling puzzle while spending some quality time with her boyfriend.
Xavier kissed her neck softly and she exhaled in pleasure.
“How long were you stuck? With Viper?”
“A couple of weeks.”
“You could have told me.”
For once, unwilling to break the moment they were having, she chose her words carefully.
“It has been somewhat difficult navigating our dating engagements, mandatory bonding time with Enid and my novel. My writing time has been cut short, which was already bad enough. But it was compounded by the fact that I got… stuck.”
Between the midnight picnics at the cemetery and other boat rides on rainy days with Xavier, and the coffee outings and the various social gatherings Enid forced her to participate in, Wednesday had no choice but to admit to being slightly overwhelmed. While she had enjoyed those activities more she had originally imagined, she might have overestimated her capacity to manage this newfound sociability. And there was nothing she hated more than feeling inadequate.
“You know, we don’t have to go out for all our dates.” Xavier said. “If you wanted, you could write here, while I paint. I promise I wouldn’t bother you. I’d just be happy to be sharing that time with you.”
Wednesday looked around, surveying the satisfyingly gloomy atmosphere of the shed. Between her recent encounters with Tyler and Xavier here, she had started to make some very positive associations with the place.
She turned back to Xavier and let herself smile at him. He smiled back dazzlingly and kissed her.
“Any chance you’re willing to untie me now?” he asked against her mouth.
She ascertained he had deserved his liberation. She rose almost reluctantly and started working on the knots.
“And can we agree in the future that all bondage should be agreed upon beforehand and not used as a method of conflict resolution?”
Wednesday stopped what she was doing to look at him. That was plainly unacceptable, though she understood some compromise was necessary.
“What if I agreed to use it only in the direst situations?”
He laughed. “Can we negotiate what falls under the dire situation category at a later date?”
She went back to working on the knots. “I would be amenable.”
He laughed again as she got the last rope and at last, he was free. He got up, looming over her once more. And as much as she loathed that, she loathed even more the part of her that liked it a little.
“Never change, Wednesday Addams.”
“I hadn’t planned on it.”