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Chapter Text

Bright white light welcomed him as we woke up. He had a crushing headache and the neon above his head and its screeching sound wasn’t helping. It took him several whole minutes to completely open his eyes and when he finally got his eyelids to stay up the reality of his situation came crashing right through him.

Remus Lupin was laying on a hospital bed, machines beeping all around him, a profound detergent smell embedded in his nose.

“Remus?”

Slowly, he turned his head towards the left. James, who seemed to be asleep just an instant earlier, considering his messy hair and crooked glasses, was now standing right next to him, a worried look on his face.

“You feeling alright? The doctors were unsure you would wake up tonight.” He asked, playing nervously with his hands. “They told me to go home but I couldn’t leave you here alone. I know how you hate hospitals…”

Remus had spent two difficult years of his life between his home and a hospital bedroom. His mom died of brain cancer only a few years ago, it wasn’t quick and it wasn’t pretty and Remus was the only one at her side during it all. They had no family left that he knew of and his father never had been in the picture. Hope Howell could only count on her son during those years, like he only could count on her before cancer took her away.

He also got his leg amputated when he was four after being almost killed by a car while he was playing in a street with other kids from his neighbourhood, but he didn’t really remember that time in the hospital. He didn’t remember how it was to have his own two legs either. He often joked that it was like an extended family member who he never got to see and wouldn’t bat an eye if he died.

“´ine” He tried to talk but his throat was fucking soar. James didn’t waste a second and handed him a glass full of water before putting it back immediately on the bedside table when he saw Remus struggle to sit down. “Let me help you”

“ ‘m good” He waved him away and sat by himself, repressing a cry when the entirety of his bones felt like they had been crushed and then put back under his skin.

“Fucking hell” Remus finally breathed out with a raspy voice, grabbing the glass James was handing to him, and gulping all of the water in merely seconds.

James was eying him anxiously as if he could crumble down at any moment and honestly, he wasn’t wrong, Remus was a mess and felt like shit.

He took his time before talking again, trying to gather his thoughts, trying to remember why he was waking up in this room. Nothing came to his mind, the last thing he remembered was the concert in Le pot aux roses, the French café that let them play their silly songs every Friday and where Remus worked the rest of the week. They had been a lot of people and it went well, at least he remembered them doing great. So, what happened?

“Why am I here?” He finally asked.

James’ eyebrows furrowed. He started to chew the inside of his cheek and Remus knew him well enough to know that James was under a lot of stress. He started fidgeting and looked away while answering, “You- You don’t remember?”

Remus shook his head and regretted it immediately, it made the headache worse.

“We were done with the concert and gathering our things” James began slowly “And you and Sirius began to scream at each other, I didn’t quite catch why but you were really angry at him”

Remus had no clue about what they were bickering either. He tried to bring his memories back but his head was pounding like crazy and he gave up quickly, waiting for James to fill in the blank in his mind.

“I know you fight a lot but this was- I actually thought you were gonna throw punches at each other Remus, it was bad.” James kept explaining looking everywhere but into Remus’ eyes. “Sirius was crying and screaming at the same time and you too and I didn’t know what to do and Sirius left saying that he will never speak to you again and you screamed back at him that you were glad because he was, I’m quoting you, a fucking son of a bitch, which was, if I may Remus, not the best insult to use against Sirius.”

As James told the story, Remus would have thought the memories would have come flowing back but no. His brain had decided to stop working apparently.

“Well, I must have been fucking angry to not think of a better choice of insult because I have five different better ones coming into my mind right now and I just woke up in a bloody hospital”

James let a weak laugh escape his lips “Yeah, well I was a bit disappointed in you, not gonna lie”

“If I remembered I’d be disappointed in myself too” Remus joked before bringing his hands to his temples. He felt like someone was trying to crawl out of his brain through his eyes. It was not the best feeling if he was being honest. He fell back on the bed with a loud complaint. “And why did I wake up here then? Did Sirius try to murder me or what?”

“Um, actually… He slammed the door on his way out and you were even madder because his guitar fell and- well you tried to follow him I don’t know, but you fell from the stage and slam your head pretty hard on a speaker that was still on the ground” James began twitching his hands more than ever “I was so scared and Pete was screaming and you were passed out on the floor and I didn’t know what to do”

So the crushing headache had an explanation. James was still very agitated and kept going,

“Thank god Marlene was still in the back, she came to tell us to shut up because she thought it was still you and Sirius arguing then she saw you and immediately called for help. I- I don’t know what would have happened if she…”

“It’s fine James, I’m fine” Remus cut him, seeing his friend spiralling into anxiety.

“But you could not be, because I couldn’t react. The doctors said you have a grade-three brain concussion, and you should sleep right now. Fuck we shouldn’t be talking, you should sleep, Remus you-”

“James.”

“I’m going to head out now that I’ve seen you awake, see what Re- see if I can get myself some coffee” He added quickly “You must sleep Remus, it’s very important!”

The laying boy heard the stuttering in his friend's sentence but choose to ignore it for now and to take his advice. He felt himself drifting away rapidly anyway. James looked at him one last time and began to walk toward the white door.

“Hey James, try drinking something less nerves wrecking maybe. What about soup?” Remus called, his eyes shut.

“Uh, yeah- yes sure, I’m going now. Get some sleep.”

He did not answer, he was already too far gone, sinking in the impersonal hospital sheets. James turned off the light on his way out.

***

James released a shaky breath as he closed Remus’ door. He took his phone out of his pocket, it was three in the morning. He tried to call him regardless of the time, unsuccessfully.

Sirius I need you to answer your fucking phone.

Sirius I swear to god, I don’t care what you and Remus were fighting about tonight but now is not the time to sulk.

The messages were left unread. James sighed, hoping that everything was fine with Sirius. He hadn’t returned any of his calls or texts since he left earlier at the café. At least, Peter told him he heard loud music coming out of his bedroom when he went back to their flat. The only reason he wasn’t answering was because he was an annoying drama queen and decided to ignore his phone.

James was tired of him, tired of the incessant bickering between Remus and Sirius, tired of trying to live on his music. When they formed the band, there were only laughs and dreams and guitar riffs, now they all were adults with shitty jobs trying to survive in London and losing, gig after gig, the flame that got them together in the first place.

“At least, we’re still living together and as long as we’re together there’s hope” James thought.

They used to talk for hours about their future as a famous band and they tried to make it real, they really tried, they even got Marlene to be their part-time manager. And they got the weekly concert at Le pot aux Roses thanks to Remus but it was not enough. And now Remus had a bloody brain concussion, maybe it was time they all moved on…

“James, you’re alright?”

He didn’t notice it but he was sitting on the floor, head hanging between his legs, defeated. He nodded before standing up again and turning in front of the person who talked.

“Is he fine?” The black-haired man asked, designing Remus’ room with his chin as he was holding two steamy cups in his hands. “There, I got us some coffee.”

James grabbed the cup eagerly. He knew he told Remus he wouldn’t have coffee but he was addicted. It was his fault really, he made amazing lattes and gave him free refills every time he stopped by the café, which was every single day.

“Thanks, Regulus” He drank a large gulp ‘He woke up a minute ago and doesn’t remember anything before his fall but doctors said- well you were there, you know what they said”

“Memory loss, headache, and vomiting. He was lucky it’s not that bad even if he lost consciousness. He should be able to go home sooner rather than later” Regulus recited like a well-learned lesson.

“Yeah.” James said miserably.

“He’s going to be fine, I’m sure”

When the ambulance took Remus to the hospital it was Marlene that rode with him. James had been useless, just standing in the way of the emergency workers. Peter had to forcibly sit him down on a chair because he was freaking out. A useless friend in a failing band, that’s what he was.

When he finally came to his senses he had called Marlene to ask her in which hospital they were and then found himself dumbstruck as he realised he had no means of transportation to join them. Sirius left with the van they were renting for their materials, and it would take him hours to go there with public transportation considering what time of the night it was. He tried to call Sirius again and again but the man wouldn’t answer, resulting in his anxiety increasing considerably, worried for Sirius as well as for Remus now.

“What about Regulus?” Peter had suggested.

Regulus.

They knew each other from boarding school, it’s where he had met Sirius too. The two brothers always had a complicated relationship and it became even worse when Sirius was kicked out and ended up at James's parents. Their family was, a bit much, to say it politely, Sirius would probably have described them as “a fucking incestuous horde of psychopathic motherfucker”, he used these terms several times before in no particular order.

So when Regulus came to Uni in London, Sirius did everything he could to patch things up with him. They went out for tea first, then took long walks in parks, they talked about their life without each other mostly and Sirius had been a mess considerable times after their talks, but things were starting to look better. Regulus even came to one of their gigs once with some friends he lived with and they all went out for drinks afterward.

Regulus was very much still under his parents' thumbs and Sirius knew it was a sensitive topic to discuss but tried nonetheless to get him to leave them. When he did that, all the progress they made together was crushed as Regulus shut down instantly and refused to talk to Sirius for few weeks every single time.

Now was a time like this, so the chances for Regulus answering James were even thinner than usual. He tried to call him anyway.

.

.

“Hello?”

.

.

“Regulus?”

“What is going on James, is Sirius alright?”

The tone of his voice was tense. Of course, he would think something happened to his brother, why else would James be calling?

“Um, yes he’s fine- I think he’s fine”

“Is he with you?”

“No, I-”

“Listen, if it’s a stupid plan to get me back to talk to Sirius, don’t bother. I already sent him a dumb text yesterday anyway…”

“…”

“James?”

“You did?”

Sirius didn’t tell him that. But again they had been busy and Sirius was Sirius.

“James, what is going on?”

Right. Remus, unconscious. At the hospital.

“Do you have your car?”

“Uh, yes I do, why?”

James took a deep breath. “Please I need you to drive me to Whipps cross hospital, please.”

He heard ruffling on the other side of the phone, some keys jingling and a door slamming. “James, where are you? What happened?”

James proceeded to relate the events of the evening, while Regulus put him on speaker and drove towards the café.

“Sirius’ still not answering?”

“Peter went back to the flat to check on him, I- we don’t live far so he should give me news soon”

“Good”

The silence went on for a little while. James was now pacing nervously in front of the door, turning his head at every car driving down the street. Finally, a grey Volkswagen flashed its lights at him. He ran, really ran to the car, and threw himself on the passenger seat.

“Hi”

“Hi” Regulus answered, already driving away from the café, the map app on his phone showing him directions. James found himself obsessed.

Thirty-eight minutes.

Thirty-seven minutes.

Red light.

Thirty-seven minutes.

Stop sign.

Left turn.

Thirty-five minutes.

Right turn.

Red light.

Thirty-four minutes.

A text.

Sirius is home. Won’t open his door though.

Good. One less thing to worry about.

Thirty-three minutes.

Left turn.

“Was it Peter? Is Sirius fine?”

“What?”

James ripped out his eyes from the screen and blinked slowly towards Regulus.

“The text you just read, was it Peter?” He repeated patiently.

“Ah yes. Yes, Sirius is home and he’s fine. He won’t talk to Pete but he’s fine.”

“Good”

“Good”

His eyes fell back on the screen displaying the map.

Twenty-nine minutes. Gosh, why was the time so slow?

Left turn.

Stop sign.

Twenty-eight minutes.

Twenty-eight minutes.

Twenty-eight minutes.

Twenty-eight minu-

“James?”

“Yeah?”

For the second time, it took him an immense effort to snatch his eyes off the screen.

“Maybe you could choose a song?” Regulus suggested gently, gesturing towards the CD player. “I think I have a stack of CDs on the backseat, they were mostly chosen by Pandora and Dorcas but I’m sure you will find something you like, yeah?”

James looked down at his bloody nails. He had the bad habit of ripping the flesh off his fingers when he was stressed out, which was very often these days.

“Um, yeah sure”

He grabbed the CDs and started to go through them, still feeling a bit off. There was some good stuff, Lana del Rey, a compilation named “song that makes me want to cry”, the red hot chilli peppers, a very old disk of one direction, and the discography of Mamma Mia.

“What about this one?” James asked, showing a grey Cd without name, with flowers and hearts drawn in sharpies all around it.

“Whatever you want, I think this one’s Dorcas.” Regulus shrugged. “It’s an old car, it doesn’t have Bluetooth, sorry about that.”

“It’s fine, I like CDs, it makes me think of the car ride I use to take with my parents to go back to Hogwarts”

Hogwarts was the boarding school they’d been to from eleven to eighteen years old. He set the player on and Taylor Swift began to blast at full volume through the car. Regulus made a face.

“Ah yeah sorry, she had a phase three months ago”

“I love Taylor Swift!”

James was beaming, no longer peeling off his fingers’ skin. Instead, he was tapping his foot in rhythm and humming to Getaway car.

“I wouldn’t have thought you liked that kind of song”

“You’re kidding! She’s a genius.”

Three songs later they arrived at the hospital. Marlene met them at the front door and showed James the way to Remus' bedroom. He went up quickly, leaving Regulus with Marlene outside.

“So… Do you need a ride back?” James had heard Regulus ask Marlene as the doors of the lift were closing on him.

And now Regulus was back here, two steaming cups of coffee with him checking on James and Remus.

“You don’t have to stay, you know? Peter can pick me up tomorrow, or Sirius if he comes back to his senses.” James began,

“I don’t mind waiting”

Regulus was looking straight into his pupils, never breaking eye contact. His hair, usually very well combed, was falling onto his shoulders. He was wearing a simple green t-shirt and a Jean which was also highly unusual of him. James had never seen him wear anything but pleated trousers and shirt.

He was studying international business and marketing or something like that, James did not recall the exact name of his degree, but remembered Sirius complaining about how Regulus was a stuck-up who never wore jeans.

“You’re wearing jeans.” James blurted out, desperately trying to think of something to talk about. Jeans weren’t the best subject of conversation but he was still shaken by what happened tonight.

“Uh” Regulus furrowed his brows “Is this a statement or a question?”

“I have never seen you in jeans,” James added.

“ …”

“I mean you’re always so well dressed, I just assumed you didn’t own any”

“You just assumed? I- I mean- This one’s not mine but I do have jeans, a lot of them actually.” Regulus answered with an uncertain tone. “I really do have lots of jeans,” he added seeing James raise his eyebrows.

“Wow, No need to be so sensitive about jeans, I believe you.” James grinned then marked a pause before continuing, “What do you mean this one’s not yours?”

Regulus ignored his question and began to walk away, “How about we find a place to sit, yeah? This is probably going to be a long night.”

***

Sirius Black didn’t know a lot of things, but he did know for sure that Remus Lupin was infuriating.

He met him around the same time he met James and Peter, at school, and from the start, he had found him aggravating. Maybe it was the reason why they were such good friends. They’d bickered a lot, over nothing and everything but they always made up after, mostly because James and Peter would ignore them until they did so.

This time it was different.

Firstly, Sirius knew Remus would never ever forgive him for what he did.

Secondly, Sirius would never ever forgive Remus for what he told him this evening.

He was mad. So mad at Remus that he drove in the minivan leaving everything and everyone behind. He will have to go back. Eventually.

But right now all he wanted to do was scream at the top of his lungs on The Offsprings, fuck the neighbour.

“CHANCES THROWN NOTHING’S FREE LONGING FOOOOOR USED TO BEEE-“

“Sirius you there?”

“STILL IT’S HAAAARD HARD TO SEEE FRAGILE LIIIIFE SHATTERED DREAAAAAMS”

He heard Peter call for him but did not answer. What for? He probably heard him sing anyway, and the other boy seemed to take the hint because he did not try to investigate further.

Sirius raised the volume on his speaker and proceeded to throw his smelly clothes away from him before crumbling down on his bed. It was at this moment that he realised he had forgotten his phone at Le pot aux roses.

“Shit, Reggie.”

His brother had sent him a text earlier and he told himself he would respond after the concert. Well, he definitely will have to go back now. In the morning though. Right now he was still too angry to go back to that place.

He waited a bit, lying on his bed, waiting to hear the front door open just to be sure that James and Remus were home. Not that he cared about Remus, he could be dead in a black alley, and it wouldn’t matter. He deserved it, fucking stupid git.

Eventually, tired of waiting, he fell asleep, the music still blasting very loudly in his bedroom.

Knock knock.

“What?” Sirius mumbled under his sheets, still half asleep.

“We need to retrieve the instruments before the café opens. So please, stop pouting and come drive the fucking car!”

Sirius didn’t answer and hid under the cover, acting like a teenager that didn’t want to go to school.

“Sirius, I swear if you’re not ready in five minutes, I am going to make you confront the neighbour. I’m not joking, I will get Mrs. Dawson and she will be right where I’m standing and I know you’re scared of her.”

Fucking hell. He knew Peter wasn’t messing around, he had the very same Mrs. Dawson barge into his room one day and throw away all of the stuff he had on the floor (which was a lot, he was not a tidy person) just because he refused to clean the dishes once.

“I’m coming,” He said, before adding, just to be sure “Don’t call Mrs. Dawson”

It took him more than five minutes to get ready but eventually, he grabbed his jacket, tied his docs, and called “Peter! I’m ready, let’s go, I’ve been waiting forever for you!”

“Yeah sure Sirius, whatever you say,” Peter answered, rolling his eyes.

They were alone in the flat but Sirius wasn’t worried, it was already 9:30 in the morning. Remus must already have left for the café because he had to walk there. Not that Sirius cared.

James had Uni this morning so he probably left around eight even though his courses didn’t start before ten, he liked to be early.

“I hope Remus’s fine.” Peter started.

“I don’t want to talk about him”

“Still? What happened last night anyway?”

“I said I didn’t want to talk about it!” He shouted, feeling the anger rise again.

“Jeez, fine. But you will have to eventually.” Peter marked a pause “Aren’t you-“

“Pete.”

“Sirius.”

He pursed his lips, with no desire to keep this conversation going. Instead, he opened the door on the driver's side and proceeded to start the car.

He was going to see Remus soon enough regardless of the fact that he didn’t want to. The bloke was working at Le pot aux roses, and in ten minutes, he will have to confront him.

The thing was that Remus had all the right to be mad at Sirius, not that he cared, he was mad at him too after all.

“Fucking hell Sirius! You’re kidding right?”

Remus and Sirius were on stage, gathering electrical extension cords and Sirius had felt it was a good time to share the news with Remus. He couldn’t have been more wrong.

“We need the money! Don’t act like you’d better than me Remus, I know what you do online.”

Remus's cheeks became bright red.

“What I do is my business” he retorted, a dangerous anger rising in his voice, “However what you do with OUR songs is the band's business!”

“They needed help, I just gave them some indications to write better songs”

“You fucking sold them an entire text! What the hell were you thinking!”

Remus was madly angry now and he did not know the worst part yet, Sirius thought biting his nails nervously.

“It wasn’t even a good song, come on you know it.”

“But it could have been!”

“I know” Sirius stayed silent for a few seconds, Remus was still breathing angrily, he lowered his head, looking thoroughly at his shoes “and the label they signed with knew too”

“WHAT?”

“And they’ve asked me to write for them”

“WHAT?“

Sirius was sure Remus was going to hit him now. Surprisingly, he didn’t, instead, he chose to use his words,

“You know what? Maybe that’s for the better, you can fucking fail another band than ours.”

“Fail? Remus that’s not-“

“I’ve never told you but you’re terrible at this. I don’t even know how you became our lead singer, you fucking suck”

He delivered these lines with a heartless voice that broke Sirius' heart. He didn’t expect full support from Remus but at least some understanding. All he had found was hatred and it made him sad. And furious.

“Yeah? Well, maybe you’re just jealous because it wasn’t a song you wrote!”

“What are you even trying to say? You’re a fucking traitor and that is all there is to know!”

“At least I don’t have to sell pictures of me to pay rent”

“You fucking bitch, go fuck yourself”

Sirius knew he went too far. But heck, Remus had been fucking mean too. And if he thought that he was useless in the band… “You know what? Fine. I haven’t given my answer yet because I wanted to talk about it with you all but now that I’m aware of what you think of me, it will be easier.” Tears began to roll down his cheeks. He was shaking and his voice cracked a little.

“Good for us then. I hope I never see your stupid face again!” Remus delivered, half screaming, half sobbing.

“Good, I won’t ever talk to you again if that’s what you want!” He cried back, storming towards the door of the café.

“I’m glad you fucking son of a bitch!”

End of scene.

Sirius was outside, running to the car, ugly crying. Fucking son a bitch he had called him. What a moron, as if calling his mom a bitch would get to him.

She was a bitch.

And so was Remus Lupin.

“Sirius, are you listening?”

They were parked right outside the café and Sirius was trying to catch sight of Remus through the windows, “uh, what?”

“Doesn’t matter” Peter waved him off, “we need to get the stuff back before they open, in exactly ten minutes so get your ass out of the car, come on” He walked out of the car, and waited for his friend to join him. “Sirius, let’s go!”

Eventually, Sirius, unable to spot Remus inside, had to move out of his seat. Slowly, he made his way to the entrance, Peter was already inside, vividly chatting with Lily, Remus’ colleague. She looked horrified by whatever he was narrating, hands hiding her mouth, shoulders slightly shaking. “Terrorising the ladies Pete?” Sirius joked while pushing the door.

Neither of them answered. Instead, Lily cast him a cold icy look and left without a word to the kitchen.

“What’s her problem?”

Peter raised his eyebrows in disbelief, “Mate…”

“What?”

A buzzing sound snatched his attention away. His forgotten phone was on a table, alongside his guitar and James’ coat.

Did he walk back home in his shirt? It was freezing out. “James forgot his jacket?”

“I don’t think the cold was the priority for him”

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked, unlocking his phone. At the sight of his screen, the blood drained from his face. “Peter?” His heart was pounding so hard in his chest that he couldn’t hear anything but the loud thump in his head.

Ten missed calls from James.

Two missed calls from Regulus.

Three missed calls from Marlene.

His hands were shaking. He clicked on James’ messages.

11:28 Get your ass back here, Remus fell!!!!

11:29 I need the car Sirius

11:29 SIRIUS

11:47 Sirius I need you to answer RN

11:50 Answer your FUCKING PHONE

11:56 I arrived at the hospital

2:32 Sirius I need you to answer your fucking phone.

2:43 Sirius I swear to god, I don’t care what you and Remus were fighting about tonight but now is not the time to sulk.

2:54 Staying the night, I’ll call you in the morning.

8:25 Seriously?

8:27 If you ever cared Remus is out of danger.

Cold sweat gradually wetted his back. He kept going through his texts,

Saturday

9:35 I’m done for coffee tmw. I don’t want to fight anymore Sirius.

Monday

2:56 James tried to call you several times, he’s losing his shit ANSWER YOUR PHONE.

8:15 Forget the coffee, I don’t have time for a sulking prick.

Fuck.

A million questions were building up in his mind. How did Remus fell? Was it that bad for him to be driven to the hospital? What was Regulus doing with James? Was Remus alright? Why did he forget his stupid phone? Why didn’t Peter say anything?

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” He yelled, brandishing his phone on the explicative message Marlene had sent him right before cursing him and his descendants on six generations.

“I thought you knew!” Peter shouted back, raising his arms in desperation.

“And you thought I am such a pitiful man that I choose to keep ignoring Remus even though he NEARLY DIED?” He was completely out of his mind. To think that his own friends could believe that of him?

“How was I supposed to know? You always overreact!”

Sirius scuffed in disbelief. “He’s at the fucking hospital!”

“I know Sirius, I was there!”

But Sirius was already back on his phone, dialling James' number in haste.

Fuck

Fuck

Fuck

Why did he have to mess up everything every time?

Maybe Remus was right, he failed the band and now he was failing his friends. He was useless.

.

.

.

“…”

“James?”

Chapter Text

When Remus woke up, the second time, the sun was shining through the window of his bedroom. The headache was still here but not as crushing as it was in the middle of the night.

And he remembered. He remembered all too well.

The ardent furore he had felt the evening before was starting to rise again. How could he? Did James and Peter know? What a fucking motherfucking piece of shit of fucking wanker, a fucking scumbag and-

James knocked while entering “You’re awake?” With just one glance at Remus, he knew, “You remember”

“Oh I do” He answered, his face all scrunched up, “he’s a piece of shit and I never want to talk to him again”

James frowned, “Well I can only agree with you with the piece of shit part.”

“He told you?” Remus was surprised for an instant but James's blank face made him reconsider. Was he mad at Sirius for another reason?

“Told me what?” He asked, slightly raising his voice.

As furious as he was against him, Remus was aware that it wasn’t his place to break the news to James, “He will tell you himself.”

The brown-haired boy sighed and looked away from his friend. He sat down in the chair in front of the bed, head in his hands.
He looked tired, Remus noticed. He always looked exhausted on a certain level, but this morning, his eyes were puffy and he had even bigger dark circles than usual. He was still wearing the clothes from the day before, meaning that he spent the night at the hospital.

Remus was grateful to have James in his life, from his first day of school away from his mom to this day, he always had been there for him.
When he was being picked on because of his missing leg, he fought the bully back no matter how many detentions he would get. He asked his parents for a drum kit for his birthday because he knew Remus wanted to take lessons and he then proceeded to invite him over every weekend at his parent's house so he could practise. He was there when Remus’ mom was at the hospital. He was there when Remus had to stop going to uni because he couldn’t afford it and he even offered to pay his rent, which Remus refused. James had been there when Hope died, helping Remus with the funeral, lending him a suit, and staying with Remus for hours without talking when he felt like the world was crumbling all around him.

And James was here right now. Spending the night in a hospital waiting room for Remus.

James, who was now anxiously biting his nails, his gaze focused on the white wall over Remus’s head.

“Thanks” The bedridden boy started to say, feeling immensely grateful.

James still wouldn’t look at him but he asked nonetheless, “For what?”

“For everything” Remus sat on the mattress, leg hanging over. He tried to catch his friend’s eyes, “For spending an entire night alone in the hospital for me when I know for a fact you have class this morning”

He finally looked back at Remus “Oh, I uh- I wasn’t alone” His head drifted towards the door.

At this very moment, a familiar silhouette walked in. Shoulders-length black hair, thin body, pale skin, looking like Sirius without looking like Sirius.

“Oh, hi. I brought tea.” Regulus greeted them, “ I’ve read that green tea can help improve alertness, memory, and cognition after a concussion.” He marked a pause, “And it reduces anxiety.” He added, eying James disapprovingly, which made him immediately bring his nails down from his mouth.

“Regulus drove me to the hospital yesterday night,” James explained when he saw Remus' stupefied face. “Sirius took the car and he didn’t answer- still doesn’t answer his phone. Peter thought of Regulus because he’s the only one we know who owns a car and he picked me up.” He twitched his hands nervously “Marlene rode with you here, I couldn’t- I couldn’t react, I was- Fuck I was so scared and I froze, without Marlene I- I don’t-”

Remus was going to tell him that it was fine, that he did good, that he was here and it was all that mattered, but Regulus was quicker,

“You did what you could James. And you are a very good friend, I have no doubt Remus agrees with me.”

“You’re my best friend James. You being here when I first woke up and right now is the best thing you could offer”

“Yeah?” James timidly croaked.

‘OH OH I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22’

Every single person in the room jumped at the sound of Taylor Swift. James swiftly took his phone out of his pocket.

“Jeez, you weren’t joking when you told me you were a fan” Regulus laughed before spotting James' irritated expression, “Who is-“

The man stormed out of the room before Regulus could enunciate his question. Remus saw how he was left, standing awkwardly, hesitating to go after James but not wanting to leave Remus alone.

“Could you give me my leg please?” He asked, making a decision for the poor lad who seemed completely lost.

Regulus looked at him in disbelief “Your- your leg?!”

Remus grinned “Yeah, my prosthetic leg Regulus” He gestured towards the void under his left thigh and then showed him the prosthesis laying on the table under the window.

“Oh, yeah right sorry.” He handed him the leg, “since uh- I don’t want to be indiscreet you can tell me to fuck off but what happened? Did it happen last night?”

“Yeah absolutely, I went in and out of surgery in one night. I'm really tough" Then, seeing Regulus was horrified, he added, "It’s alright. I was four and a moron almost killed me with his car. I don’t remember much to be honest.” Remus shrugged, “I could have been born with one leg it wouldn’t have made such a difference I think”

“Okay”

Remus could see that Regulus didn’t know how to keep the conversation going and was very uncomfortable even though Remus had just made a great joke. Unluckily for him, he was shit at small talk too, so they just stood there, like two idiots for several minutes without talking.

“Um, I’m going to check on James.” Regulus finally said.

Remus nodded and watched him walk out of the bedroom, to the corridor. From where he was sitting, he could catch a glimpse of azure walls but couldn’t see his friend, nor could he hear him.

He had guessed that the phone call was from Sirius, and considering the angry look James gave his phone screen, he was pretty mad at him too.
And he still didn’t know about the song Sirius sold, and about the label, and about the offer he got from them.

He didn’t know how he betrayed them.

***

“…”

“James?”

The voice at the other end of the phone sounded miserable. But James was angry and wasn’t going to indulge Sirius.

“I am so so so sorry, I had forgotten my phone at the café and Peter thought I knew so he didn’t tell me anything and I just learned what happened and I’m so sorry, please talk to me.”

He really did sound desperate. His voice was cracking as if he was crying a bit. James still didn’t speak.

“James, please…”

“Is there something I should know?” He eventually asked bluntly, blood thumping loudly in his ears.

“James I- Did Remus-”

He took a sharp breath, “He did not say anything if it’s what you care about. And he’s awake and as well as a person with a concussion can be, thanks for asking.”

This time, it was Sirius' turn to stay silent. James knew he couldn’t blame him forever for ignoring him all night, even more, because he didn’t actually do it on purpose but for now, he was resentful. And Sirius still had a confession to make.

“What have you done, Sirius? He’s been angry at you ever since he remembered what you told him.”

“He had memory loss?”

“For fuck sake Sirius! He’s at the hospital with a fucking brain concussion! Of course, he struggles to remember things!” James screamed in the deserted corridor, his voice echoing on the blue walls, “so now tell me, what did you do?!”

He heard him swallow his tears “Listen, I- We needed money and we were- The band is going nowhere and I-” A sob escaped his lips. “I’m sorry but- I did what I thought was right and I don’t know.”

“Sirius.”

“I sold our songs to another band” Sirius cried out, “then they signed with a label thanks to it”

Okay, that was bad. James definitely understood why Remus was angry. More than half of their songs had been written by the both of them. When he wrote, Remus poured his all soul into his words, and Sirius did the same.

Those words were their bleeding hearts pouring onto paper.

“And-“

“And? And? There’s more?”

“They’ve asked me if I wanted to write for them. The label.”

James' head was buzzing, his heart pounding loudly in his chest. They asked him if he wanted to work for them. A label wanted to hire Sirius. That meant leaving their band. It was maybe the opportunity of his life, he had to seize it, it won’t be offered twice.

He would have to leave the band.

He would finally be financially independent. James knew for a fact that he didn’t feel good about Euphemia and Fleamont lending him the money he needed for uni and the flat. He had said to them that he would pay back everything, and he got a part-time job as soon as he arrived in London.
Of course, James’s parents waved him off, explaining that he was like their son and that meant not giving them a pound back. But Sirius was Sirius and he was saving every last pound for them.

Writing for a band that had a contract was gold. It would mean he would have a contract with the label too.

It would mean he’d have to leave their band.

He would have to leave.

Leave.

“James?”

His voice sounded raspier than usual, “yes?”

“Say something.” Sirius’ tone was pressing, his words falling apart, breaking a little, “James?”

“It’s-” James breathed in, “It’s fine Sirius, I’m not mad”

“You’re not?”

Truth is, he was furious, absolutely infuriated. Not really at Sirius; or maybe a bit because he forgot his phone when he needed him the most, and he did sell their songs after all.
But mostly, he was infuriated with himself. Feeling like a failure, sensing he was losing to adulthood, getting sucked into the eternal hell of the daily grind.
He was chewing the inside of his cheeks so hard that he was starting to distinguish the familiar metallic taste on his tongue, welcoming it as an old friend. His belly was hurting, and he felt very nauseous.
Not a very good feeling overall.

“I need to sit down”, he thought, looking for a chair or a stool. He didn’t find any so he settled down for the floor, sliding slowly on the wall, bringing his knees together under his chin, struggling to breathe.

“I’m not angry with you Sirius, you-”, he was going to puke, “I’ll call you back later, yeah?” He did not wait for an answer and hung up.

Okay.

It was okay.

He was not going to throw up.

He wasn’t- Fuck, he needed to find a bathroom.

He stood up carefully, pressing his hands against his abdomen, and started to make his way through the corridor.

He couldn’t be sick in the middle of the hospital. He just had to find- There. The green sign was hanging from the ceiling right in front of him. He tried to walk faster, desperately failing at it. Tears gathered on the brink of his eyes.

A few metres left. He could do it.

Why was he so bad at this? Why did his body have to react like that? What was wrong with him?

He grabbed the handle, stumbling inside the loo, and threw himself above the toilet bowl, unleashing all of his anxiety in the form of puke.
Charming.

How long did he stay there, crumbled up above white ceramic and bleached water? He had no idea, but the sound of someone coming in got him to raise his head.

“You’re alright?”

Regulus.

It was Regulus.

He attempted to answer, but he ended up throwing up again.
Fuck.
James shakily wiped his mouth with the bottom of his shirt. It was disgusting but there wasn't any toilet paper and he didn’t care right now.

Gentle knocks resonated in the small space, “May I come in?”

James couldn’t answer but he pushed the door open, revealing himself curled up on the floor, head on the wall, eyes closed, probably a little greenish with a very unsteady breath.

“You’re not well, ” Regulus pointed out in a very astute observation.

“I’ll be fine” He managed to say, sounding not fine at all. “It happens”

"It happens?" Regulus crouched down beside him and took a tissue out of his pocket, but instead of handing it to him, he started to clean his face, delicately pressing the textile on his forehead, moping away the sweat and the tears, gently drying his cheeks.

James was a bit surprised, “uh… Thanks”, he whispered, not letting his gaze drift away from the black-haired boy.

They stayed like that for a while, Regulus focused on getting James’ face clean and James hypnotised by Regulus. Eventually, their eyes met and Regulus seemed to realise that he was sitting on a bathroom floor, helping his brother's best friend after he just vomited.

"Are you feeling better?" He asked him, breaking eye contact and standing up awkwardly.

James was still dazzled by what the younger black brother was doing a moment ago. Weirdly, he felt better. Sirius' revelations were still at the back of his mind but they didn't hit him as hard as before.

Regulus walked back towards the sink “What did he do?”

“Nothing important”, James muttered, still sitting on the cold tiles.

“I have a hard time believing that when a minute ago you were still puking your guts above the toilet”

He bit his lower lip, “I don’t really want to talk about it,” Regulus' phone began to buzz in his pocket, “Someone’s calling you.”

Without haste, the younger man got his mobile phone out and stared at the screen, emotionless. He waited for the sound to stop, then put it right back in his jacket as if nothing happened.

“Who was-“

“My mom, probably wondering why I’m not in class right now. One of my cousins likely alerted her of my absence.”

James’s face, which didn’t have a lot of colour, to begin with, became as white as a sheet, “You’re missing class, Regulus you have to go! Why are you still here?!”

“It’s alright James”

“No, no it’s not. Your parents are calling and they are going to be mad and it’s my fault because I asked you to drive me here. You should go! You have to go.” James was frantic, feeling nauseous again. “I don’t want you to- You can explain to your parents that it was my fault, they hate me already. I don’t want them to be angry with you because of me, I-“

“Hey James, it is fine” Regulus was once again next to the anxious boy, “I am a grown man, I don’t live with them anymore and despite what Sirius thinks, I know how to stand up to them” He offered a hand to James, “I told you I was going to wait with you and drive you back, and I intend to keep my words”

“But-“

“James.” His tone was not harsh, almost too kind. It anchored him back to reality.

“Sorry” He graciously took Regulus’ hand and stood back on his feet, still feeling a little bit dizzy. His skin was warm and he felt a bit ashamed of his sweaty and probably stinky palm but he didn’t want to let go.

“Don’t be sorry James, it’s fine, I told you.” He answered, sadly dropping his hand to his side.

James must have stared a little too long at Regulus’ arms because he suddenly put them in his pockets and cleared his voice, “We should go back to Lupin’s bedroom, the doctors must have cleared him to go. Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah, you’re right.” James approved, “I am feeling better”

Regulus nodded, suspiciously eying James who still looked very sickish. “If you want to vomit again, try not doing it on me please.”

***

They were back in Lupin’s room and he was in a bad mood.

“I won’t go back to our flat James.”

The poor brown-haired man had lost several skin tones since the evening before, which was a shame according to Regulus' mind. He quite liked how James’ face always looked sun-kissed even in the middle of London’s winter.

“I understand but, no offense, you don’t really have friends to live with apart from us.”

“There’s Lily.”

He still looked good though, Regulus thought for himself. Even after an anxious night without getting any sleep and being sick and miserable in a hospital bathroom, he still looked insanely good.

"She's your coworker."

"And my friend"

"And if I remember correctly she lives with her girlfriend in a studio flat."

Lupin grumbled. When James and Regulus had come back in the room, the doctor was leaving after telling Remus he was good to go and should at least get one week of rest. The issue was that he didn't want to live with Sirius again, and, honestly, Regulus couldn't blame him. His brother was a pain in the ass.

"You literally have no other choice"

"I'd rather sleep on Lily's floor than see him in my kitchen."

Lupin was making James anxious again, Regulus noticed, not happy about it.
He was vigorously biting his nails, which were already way too short and bloody. He had seen them when James took his hand earlier.

"Remus, you don't have to talk to him but please, come home."

"No"

Honestly, it wasn't like Regulus at all to act as he did with James. On a daily basis, he disliked people, he found them obnoxious, nosy, and loud, with the exception of his flatmates and best friends even though some of them were also a bit loud and nosy.

When James had called him the day before, he was fighting with Barty about trousers. His friend was mocking him for not wearing jeans and he had hidden all of Regulus' trousers, or maybe he had thrown them all away, you never know with Barty. His only choice had been to wear what his "friend" had handed him, jeans. Then James had called, and after staring at the screen in disbelief for a good minute, he had come back to his senses thinking that the reason behind the call was Sirius.

But no. Or at least not directly.

James needed him.

And yes, maybe he was the last resort but James had called him anyway.

"No? What are you going to do, buy a tent and go camping in Kew gardens?"

"I do not wish to see him. You have forgiven him very quickly and I am not as good as you I'm afraid"

"I did not forgive him, I just decided not to be angry with him"

"You are too nice for your own good James"

He was. James was the nicest person Regulus knew. Well, he and Pandora, his other friend and flatmate.
Regulus remembered all these times at school when he stood up to bullies. He remembered James being friendly and kind the first time he had met him. And always asking how Regulus was doing after the holidays. And keep trying to talk to him even when Regulus didn't want to, after Sirius left. He remembered how he acted as if nothing had changed when he moved to London and reached out to Sirius to patch things up.

"So, what are you going to do then?" James asked, crossing his arms on his chest, visibly irritated.

"You could stay at my place if you'd like."

Both men turned their heads towards Regulus who had been quiet from the beginning.

"We have a sofa that you can turn into a bed and I don't think any of my roommates would mind"

"I think Sirius would." James started to say, fidgeting harder than ever, "He would mind a great deal."

"Good" Regulus and Remus spat in harmony.

If he could do something to anger his big brother, he had to seize the opportunity.
Sirius had been acting like a jerk lately, especially the last time he had seen him. He thought he was ready to forgive him, one more time, but considering the fact that he still hadn't answered his texts, he had decided to ignore him a little longer. Who did he think he was?

"We have space, and annoying Sirius is a plus," He said, "and I heard from my brother that you were a cook so good that, I'm quoting him, if you put poison in his food, tell him and then bring him a plate, he would eat the entire dish anyway"

"Yeah, well maybe I should do that" Lupin grumbled, but his cheeks grew significantly pinker.

"Remus, you should just come back, things will get better, they always do…"

"What if I don't want them to get better?"

The sadness that appeared on James's face broke Regulus' soul a little. Maybe he shouldn't have intervened… But having Remus at his flat meant seeing James more often, and without Sirius' presence too.

Regulus liked James. He liked him a lot if it wasn't clear already. He also thought about him a lot but sadly, he didn't see him as much as he would have liked.
Evan, his other flatmate, and oldest friend, had called it a crush.

A silly thing really.

He was allowed to like people and talk about them to his friends.

Pandora had told him that going on a picnic as a first date was perfect.

That was nice of her but Regulus didn't want to date James, even though the idea of a picnic wasn't bad. But not as a date.

Barty and Dorcas, the last two he was living with, were menaces. They had promised him to investigate on James Potter to gather sensitive information in the case scenario where he would break Regulus' heart. And that they would beat the shit out of him.

Which was the worst thing he'd ever heard. And James would never hurt someone voluntarily anyway.

And he would never break his heart because Regulus did not have a crush on James Potter.

Crushes were silly and he didn't have time for that kind of silliness. And what would his parents say?

Not that he cared about their opinion. No, not at all. He wasn't what Sirius thought he was, Their lovely little clone , that’s what he had called him the last time.

No.

"I'd be glad to cook for you and your flatmates if you let me live with you for a little while."

“Good! I can drop James at his flat and then we’ll go to mine!” Regulus didn’t know what had gotten into him. For the first time in his life, he was making effective decisions all by himself.

“Perfect! James can bring me some of my stuff tomorrow after uni.”

“The flat should be quiet this week, everyone is either working or studying. You will have all the time you need to rest.”

“Thank you very much Black”

“It’s my pleasure Lupin”

“What am I witnessing?” James intervened, looking distressed, “Remus, you can at least come by to get some of your clothes. What are you going to wear tonight?”

“I can lend him something” James looked at him in disbelief, Regulus was way smaller than Remus, “I mean he can borrow something from Evan, they’re about the same size. I think.”

“You think?” James was now pacing nervously from one wall to another, “What am I going to say to Sirius? And Pete?! Gosh, I forgot about Pete, does he know? He’s going to be mad at Sirius too! Remus don’t- Don’t leave please...”

Regulus saw the hesitation in the man’s eyes. James was a mess and Remus seemed to be in a dilemma.

James was a very beautiful mess.

“James… I- You know I can’t. You know me.” Lupin whispered, “but I’ll be back, I promised. Just- Give me a week and I’ll think about it. But what he did. James, that was our song, the one he sold was ours. I helped him write it. He had no right and-“

“I know Remus…”

“And I don’t know if I’ll be able to forgive him.”

Regulus saw James’ eyes shine with tears but he nodded anyway, letting his friend go despite what he was feeling. Regulus would have hugged him if it wasn’t the most unlike him thing to do.

Okay, maybe he did have a crush after all.

***

Peter did not like being taken for a fool and apparently, everyone thought he was one.
The kid he was giving piano lessons to, keep telling him that he had practiced this week, which was the most obvious lie considering his fingerwork,

“Okay, that was- How about you listen to me play this passage so you can hear what it should sound like, yeah?

While he demonstrated to the little liar how Debussy's Golliwog's Cake-walk normally sounded like, he was thinking about his friends.
He had learned what Sirius did at the same time he told James because he was there when the phone call had been made.

He had ignored Sirius while tidying the space where they played the evening before, when nothing had come to jeopardize their friendship and their band yet.
Sirius had cried a lot after James hung up, but Peter did nothing to make him feel better.
From what he heard, what he had done was unforgivable.

When they first started music, being in a famous band wasn't Peter's dream. It was Sirius and Remus who talked about it endlessly, ignoring their homework and writing shitty lyrics about whatever came into their minds.
Time passed and he got more and more involved. He practised day and night, and moved in with them in London despite his father's will for him to work in the family business. He was the one who first brought the idea of what the band was now called The marauders
He studied musical theory at the University of Arts, found piano students to make money and he was the one to find the flat they shared, which had been a very difficult task, housing in London was a nightmare.

And today, here he was, seeing the band he brought together destroyed by the egoism of its members. He was not only talking about Sirius.
The way Remus acted, as if he was the only one impacted by what their friend did, was the epitome of selfishness.

And apparently, he didn’t want to talk to Sirius anymore, and refused to come back to the flat.

That was just perfect.

“Uh- M. Pettigrew? I think you’re not playing the right piece anymore”

Indeed, Peter was angrily stomping the keys not following the partition anymore, going with the flow of his irritation.

"Lesson's finished. See you next week and please practise this time."

"But, my parents paid you for another thirty minutes-"

"Well, next time will be a free lesson, consider it a Christmas gift" It was the middle of February and the boy didn't even celebrate Christmas but Peter was not in a good enough mood to teach talentless children, “See you!”

He came down the stairs quickly and ran to the door, the fresh air felt like a liberation on Peter’s face. He was choking earlier, couldn’t find his breath, struggling to fill his lungs and it was a little easier now that he was outside walking back to the flat.

The street was too crowded, he put his headphones on.

Don’t wanna live as an untold story, rather go out in a blaze of glory,
I can’t hear you, I don’t fear you

No. Way too catchy for his current mood.

My castle crumbled overnight, I brought a knife to a gunfight-

Fuck no. James was blasting Taylor Swift non-stop already.

Time takes a cigarette, puts it in your mouth

What the actual hell?! Bowie? Really? The all-time favourite of Remus and Sirius? The one thing they agree on? Was the universe trying to pass along a message? Or was he cruelly mocking him?

He skipped one more time,

The birds have left the trees, the light bores onto me, I can feel you lying there all on your own,

That one was alright. It fitted his sadness and didn’t bring back any unwanted memories.
Apart from that one time after their first gig, when they were still in the Sixth form and they had to sneak into the city and–
Okay, so not this song either.

Peter realised that finding a song not related to his friends was an impossible quest. He turned off his phone but kept his headphones on. It wasn’t because he couldn’t listen to music that he had to hear the people around him.

Maybe he could keep them on until Sirius and Remus figured their shit out.

***

“Here we are!”

Remus was out of shape and Regulus’ flat was located on the top floor of a six-storey building. No lift.

“Shit, I wouldn’t have thought rich people had to lose a lung to get home” He managed to say, clearly out of breath.

“Oh gosh, I didn’t think about your- Are you alright?”

“My leg, or more like the absence of it, isn’t the issue” He joked, “I’m just a very lazy person who smokes way too much and has the lung capacity of an eighty years old grandpa”

Regulus seemed to relax “My grandfather went regularly swimming until he was eighty-seven. He had to stop because- Well, because he died.”

Remus burst out laughing, “Shit Black, you’re funny! Sirius told me you were a killjoy but clearly, he was wrong”

“It’s not my fault my brother has the sense of humour of a three-year-old” He grinned, visibly pleased to see him laugh.

“He does” Remus chuckled, “I think we’re gonna get along really well”

“I have no doubt Lupin” Regulus answered while opening the giant green front door of the flat.

A big living room appeared before his eyes, a dark wooden floor under soft oriental carpets and two dark green sofas welcomed him. In addition, a giant window let the light shine on the numerous plants scattered across the room.

“These are Pandora and Dorcas love children,” Regulus explained, “They buy each other plants every time one of them does well in class. No need to tell you that they are both at the top of their classes”

“What are they studying?” Remus asked, interested and intrigued by the two friends.

“Pandora’s in Chemical science and Dorcas is in Astronomy and Astrophysics, they are both working on their dissertations right now. They have brilliant minds truly but they can be a bit scary at first” The black brother looked at Remus apologetically, “Don’t take personally anything they say”

Remus nodded, still dazzled by the beauty of the living room. Oh to have rich parents.
As he thought that, he immediately cringed, he knew how Sirius had been treated in his childhood, money did not buy everything.

“Here’s the bathroom, towels are under here, you can take whichever you want but the Spongebob one, this one’s Barty. He’s very attached to it. Don't ask”

“Down this corridor you have, my bedroom, then Evan's, and at the end Dorcas’s.”

“This way there’s Pandora’s room. The kitchen is right next to Barty’s and we have a second bathroom right there! No one uses it for showering though.”

The flat looked very different from the one he was living in. For starters, it looked like it had been cleaned recently, it was well arranged with decorations and useless but beautiful art objects. His flat looked more like a melting pot of burning passion they each had from time to time. You could find pottery pieces from Peter’s sculptor era, hanging black and white paintings from James, and drawers full of wool when they all decided to knit a giant blanket (no need to say that this giant blanket was never finished). The floor was always a little dusty and it never smelled of detergent in the bathroom.
Regulus’ flat was a nice improvement from where he came.

“This is the couch that you can turn into a bed, I’ll go get you some sheets so you can lay off a little bit. Doctors say you need a lot of sleep.”

"Thanks” Remus wanted to add the ‘mom’ but it seemed a little rude when he reflected upon it, “Thanks Regulus”

“No worries”

At this moment, the sound of a key unlocking the front door made Remus' head turn. Two men, one with short blond hair, the other with ash brown streaks, barged into the living room, loudly arguing,

“I told you already! I don’t want to do what they want me to do because I hate what they ask me to do!”

“Barty, Barty, Barty… You literally don’t have a choice! You put yourself in that position in the first place, now it's time you face the consequences! Hey Reg!”

“But Evan! I didn’t mean to do it! It was a joke!”

“And yet you have been chosen”

“I know I’m good looking but I am not a model, and I won’t take pictures for an underwear brand! Hello stranger!”

“You will because I said yes to them already.”

Regulus cleared his throat and Evan and Barty stopped bickering immediately, “This is Remus Lupin, he will be staying with us for at least a week, Remus these are Barty and Evan, they live here for now but if they don’t stop fighting they’ll have to move” He added, sounding ready to fight them both.

The two boys immediately stopped squabbling, “You could have warned us before bringing back a gorgeous bloke Reg, come on, I would have put my good shirt on”

“I’m not going to slutshame you Reg, but Barty is right, a bit of a heads up would have been nice, I would have cleaned my room” Evan added with a wink towards Remus.

Regulus grew several shades redder, “This is not–“

“And what about James? I thought you went to pick him up last night, I even let you borrow my favourite jeans!”

“Barty!” Regulus burst out, and Remus could have sworn he was about to pass out. “I picked out James to bring him to Remus at–“

“Is this some sort of weird love triangle? Can I join?”

Regulus’s friends were funny, Remus had to give them that, though the Black brother didn’t seem to find it amusing.

“He was at the hospital and that’s why James called!” Regulus shouted, his face redder than a tomato, “He has a concussion and needs sleep, and I did text you this morning to tell you he was coming and explain the whole situation!”

“No you didn’t,” Evan said, taking his phone out, “Ah, yes you did, our bad then”

“But still, you did not explicitly state that you would bring a beautiful, beautiful man into our living room. How did you hurt yourself, if I may? Did you fall from heaven?”

“Barty,” Regulus warned with a groan.

Remus answered anyway, “Uh– I fell after our gig-“

“You’re in a band?!”

“Only in my free time, I work at Le pot aux Roses usually“

“And a barista?! Could you even be more perfect?”

“Evan!” Regulus looked like he’d rather drown himself than be in this room.

“I think I’m in love”

“Me too”

“Well, anytime lads” Remus winked, grinning at them, "I'll be right there, in your living room" He was really enjoying himself, and seeing Regulus' face decomposed was so worth it.

“Lupin! Don’t play along, they are not joking!” The black-haired boy looked like he was going to cry if they didn’t stop, which wasn’t going to make him end this.

“I’m not joking either”

With that, Regulus gave up. He threw his arms in the air and let out a loud sigh “Fuck this, I’m going in my room”

“We’ll try to be as silent as possible but put your earphones on, better be safe than sorry!” Barty called.

Regulus flipped him a finger “Lupin if you shag any of my roommates I’ll call Sirius and make you both sit down until you’ve either resolved your quarry or killed each other, I’m not kidding, don’t make me regret my offer”

Remus shivered, Regulus could be quite scary. He smiled nonetheless and nodded, he just came back from the hospital, it's not like sex was his top priority right now.

He had other things to take care of before.
He had to call the café to tell them he wouldn't be able to work this week, James was supposed to come by tomorrow with his clothes and toothbrush so he had to text him the address.
Peter had tried to call him too and send him a message to ask how he was doing, and Remus hasn't responded yet.

But he was so tired.

He decided that all of this could wait and he walked to the sofa, sinking into the comfortable cushions.

"Do you want a blanket?"

"I can make you some tea, are you allowed tea?"

"Evan, you should give him your fluffy onesie!"

"Oh yeah! Don't move!"

With that, both men disappeared in two opposite directions. From where he was, Remus could hear the kettle boiling and someone ruffling through his stuff. A loud bang followed by a muffled “I’m fine” made him laugh a little.

The sofa was very cosy. He shut his eyes slowly soothed by the white noises around him.

He will take care of everything later.

That could wait .

Chapter Text

Who decided to voluntarily live in a flat on the top floor of a six-storey building?

Sirius' brother and his friends apparently.

Peter was catching his breath on the fourth floor, a heavy bag hanging on his shoulders. He had been missioned to bring Remus his stuff but no one warned him about the fucking stairs.

He was a pianist, not a freaking sportive.

He kind of regretted being the one to send a text to Remus asking him what he needed for his convalescence. The man had sent him back a massive list.

As if he was going to read Wuthering Heights when it had been left untouched on the dusty bottom shelf of his library for two years.

Fucking moron.

When he finally made it to the sixth floor, he was sweating and cursing Remus for six generations, one for each floor he had to climb to bring him his useless things.

Remus had said to ring the bell of the big green door on the left.

He knocked because he hated ringing bells. It made too much sound for nothing. Knocking was efficient in the same way, and much less annoying,

He waited.

One second, two seconds.

The door flew open.

Sirius' brother appeared before his eyes, cheeks red for a reason Peter ignored, maybe he was cooking something.
The younger Black frowned, looking surprised to see Peter,

“Uh, hi”

“Good morning” He showed the backpack behind him, “I have Remus’ stuff”

“I thought James was supposed to bring them to him,” Regulus said, frowning slightly.

"James wanted to come by after uni but since I was free this morning, we figured it would be easier like this." He explained, clearly seeing deceit in Regulus’ eyes, not really knowing why "and I wanted to check on Remus too"

"Yes, of course," The boy moved away from the frame of the door. "Come on in. Do you want some tea? The kettle's on"

"Uh, I don't know, I don't want to bother you"

"It's fine, no worries, it's almost ready anyway"

Peter stepped inside the flat and Regulus showed him to the living room.
The curtains were shut so the room was very dark, but Peter could make out a mass shaped like Remus on one of the sofas.

“Sleep is the best remedy for concussion” Regulus informed, very professionally as if he was a doctor, “I’m making green tea because I’ve read it’s good for brain injury too”

“Wow, are you like his personal nurse or something?” Peter joked, a bit staggered by how much Regulus was invested in Remus' recovery.

“I’m just trying to be nice” The boy muttered, visibly vexed by Peter’s comment. He walked out of the living room to another door and Peter followed,

“I’m a bit surprised, that's all. You’re not at all like Sirius describes you” He remarked making Regulus's head snapped toward him,

“What did he says?”

They were now in the kitchen.

“I’m not sure I should-“

“Yeah you’re right, I’ll ask him myself. Tea?”

Maybe he was a bit like Sirius had described him after all, and seemed to have the same bad temper as his brother. He did look a lot like Sirius physically too, even more now than when they were still at school.

“Sure, thanks!”

They stood there a little while longer, just sipping tea and staring at each other. Peter did not find it uncomfortable, but he had very low standards regarding what situations were unbearable. He just didn’t care enough to be worried about what people thought in general. James told him it was a chance, but he didn’t quite agree. It was hard to figure out life when you didn't care for anything.

“Hello there!”

Remus had appeared in his vision frame, laying on the door, arms crossed, a crooked grin on his face,

“Do you want tea?” Regulus asked, already pouring him a steaming cup and handing him immediately afterward.

“Thanks, Regulus.”

Remus looked more rested than Peter had ever seen him. His usual dark circles were very thin now. He wore a fluffy green onesie with big knitted socks and seemed very pleased with it.

“Hiya Remus, you feeling alright?"

"Never been better" He said, stretching his arms above his head.

"I brought you clothes, a toothbrush, and the books you asked for,” Peter told him, judging hard the attire he was wearing, what was that ugly green thing? “and proper jammies too.”

“I quite like these ones” Remus muttered under his breath, gently stroking the onesie like a little child. He seemed very displeased by the disapproving look Peter was giving him.

“I’m sure Evan won’t mind if you keep it,” Regulus said, rolling his eyes, looking so done with something Peter couldn't understand.

Remus proceeded to nod in agreement before bringing his hands to his eyes.
Yeah, James had said that he would probably still have a headache. Peter rambled through the bag, “I’ve got some medicine for you”.

He handed him two little boxes, prescribed by the doctors at the hospital.

“So this one, you can take any time your head hurts but only one every three hours,” he explained, “and in the yellow box, it’s one before every meal for one week”.

Remus took both boxes, got the headache pills out and gulped it with his tea immediately, “my head still hurts”

“Yeah, well you have to wait for a bit, it doesn’t work right away,” Regulus said, looking very concerned by the fact that Remus did not seem to know that.

“He’s joking, I think,” Peter said.

What was wrong with this boy? He seemed to take everything literally. Sirius was quite the opposite, always using irony.

“I am”

“Oh.”

They stood there in silence, Remus sipping his tea, Regulus suddenly very interested by what was in the sink, and Peter eying them both, waiting for someone to say something.

Eventually, he decided to put them out of their misery. At least for a few seconds. Seeing that Remus seemed well rested, he considered now was a good time to bring up the stuff he actually wanted to talk about,

“So, what are you going to do? You're leaving the band or what?”

Remus looked absolutely outraged by that. He stared at Peter for a couple seconds, mouth opened in shock. When his lips finally moved, his tone sounded a bit narky, “Why would I leave the band?”

“Oh, I don’t know?” He said sarcastically, “Because you don’t want to see Sirius anymore? Because you won’t even come back to the flat?”

“He’s the one who should leave.”

“Well, is not leaving the band”

“But aren’t you mad at him?” Remus asked, raising his voice.

“I’ll be in my room if you need anything” Regulus intervened, immediately leaving without waiting for an answer.

“Of course, I’m angry with him! And I’m angry with you too!”

“Why would you be angry with me? Is the one who-“

“You just left,” Peter cut, “we’re all in this together and you act as if you were the only one affected by what he’s done. You’re not”

“The song he sold had been written by the both of us.”

“Yeah, and I arranged it for James’ bass, Sirius’s guitar, your drums, and my keyboard. James added the solo part of that song. It is our song too, don’t pretend you are the only one caring because it is simply not true.”

Remus did not answer, so Peter kept going,

“And now, you are leaving James and me behind. James, who is a total wreck right now because he thinks both of his best friends are leaving the band. I had to get him out of bed this morning and walk with him to uni. Sirius is in a state where is not talking to anyone, and we don’t even know if he accepted the contract or not yet”

“Surely he had” Remus mumbled, “it’s a good opportunity, and he doesn’t care about hurting the people around him”

“You know that’s not true”

“Do I?” Remus sat down at the kitchen table and looked straight into Peter’s eyes, “he needed money, he did what he had to do. As you said, it doesn’t only affect me but everyone in the band and he knew that. He knew that and he did it anyway.”

“Honestly, I don’t think he thought this through. He was fucking miserable when he told James.” Peter intervened, “he cried a lot too, and he feels guilty about your concussion I think”

“The fact that he didn’t even think how it would affect the people around him proves my point”

“Yeah, and the fact that you don’t want to talk to him, putting the band in jeopardy, proves that you two are very similar” Peter pointed out.

“I’m not the one who started this”

“Thanks for proving my point! You both act like ten-year-old kids and that will lead you nowhere!”

Remus went silent. Sirius did that too when he wasn't agreeing with whatever you were saying. Fucking morons.
They stayed in complete silence for a couple more minutes, Peter knew how it made Remus uncomfortable. The only sounds they could hear were Remus loudly sipping his tea and water running in the distance, someone was probably taking a shower.

“Uh, so…” Remus cleared his voice, having no more tea to sip, “Uh, I- He’s James okay?”

Peter sighed, it had been hell to get James out of bed this morning. The last time he had been in this state was when he failed his exams at the end of the spring term last year. Turned out it was only a mistake but until Peter actually dragged him to uni to check with his professors he was in bed for five full days. And at that time he had Remus and Sirius to cheer him up a bit.
He couldn’t let him sink into misery again, so this morning, he woke him up, gave him some clean clothes, pushed him in the shower, and walked him to his class.

He had known James almost his whole life and saw how growing up took a toll on him. He went from a carefree kid to an anxious teen and a very distressed young adult. He did his best to hide his struggle from his parents so they wouldn’t worry. He once told Peter that his parents gave him everything and he turned up totally messed up anyway, and he didn’t want them to think it was their fault.

“You know how he is, and you and Sirius not talking doesn’t help”

He was guilt-tripping Remus a bit, he knew that, and Remus just got back from the hospital the day before, but fuck, he had to get his shit together. Peter was hoping that at least, at the end this week, he will be back at the flat and willing to discuss things with Sirius and all of them.

“I’m sorry. It’s just that- I can’t talk to Sirius, not yet anyway. I- I will, eventually. I will.”

Peter nodded and stood up. There was nothing more he could do. He spoke his mind, and Remus had heard him, now it was up to him to fix things. And up to Sirius.

“Okay then, I’ve got to go, I have classes in half an hour. Text me if you need anything”

“Will do” Remus said, looking shattered by the talk they just had, “Thank you”

***

Regulus did not mean to hear what Peter was saying to Remus, but they were both loud talkers.

And he had very good ears.

Pandora said it had to do with growing up in an unstable household.

He liked to think of it as some kind of superpower. Sounded better than abuse.

Anyway, he did not want to think about his parents today. He still hadn’t called his mother back but he had sent an explanative message telling her that he had to catch up with some other class for his finals. A lie, but he couldn’t really tell her that he had spent the night at the hospital for the friend of his brother’s best friend with the say best friend.

He stepped out of his bedroom as soon as he heard the door slam behind Pettigrew. He found himself stopped by Dorcas, standing right in front of him, hair soaking wet, waiting in the corridor.

“Hello Reg, slept well?”

He knew her. She wouldn’t just wait for him to say hello. She had something on her mind,

“I did yeah”

“So, we had a chat with Pan and we think that this Remus lad should introduce himself properly if he's gonna stay with us for a bit"

"No, absolutely fucking not" Regulus intervened immediately.

He knew exactly what Dorcas meant by proper introduction and he wasn't going to put Remus through that.

"Come on! Then he'll be one of us!"

"First of all, he can't drink right now-"

"We don't have to bring alcohol into this" Dorcas cut, a devilish grin growing on her face.

"Dorcas no."

"Well, I say we take a vote," she already had her phone out and texted the group chat of their apartment.

Of course, everyone replied within a minute and naturally, everyone voted yes.

"It's settled then! Tonight, Remus has to introduce himself, I'll let you fill him in on the rules"

"Gosh, why am I living with you lot?" He complained, well aware that Dorcas was going to seize the opportunity to bully him.

"We are the only people that can actually bear to live with you"

"I return the compliment"

Dorcas chuckled and made a rude gesture with her finger, "Okay, I've got to go to the library now, Pan's already waiting for me there, don't forget to warn Remus about tonight!"

"Yeah…"

"Oh and maybe you can invite the Potter boy too" She winked at him, "I'm sure he'd love to come and see his friend make a complete full of himself"

Regulus blushed hard while Dorcas laughed loudly, waved goodbye, and slammed the front door.

Gosh, he really had to make other friends, who wouldn't bully him constantly.
That said, Dorcas had a not-so-bad idea. He heard what Peter said about James, and maybe it could help take his mind off of the things he was stressing about.

Yeah, he was going to invite him. In his house. Totally normal thing to do.
He tried to take his phone out but remembered he left it in the kitchen. With Remus.
Remus, who was sitting at the kitchen table, back facing the door, so Regulus couldn’t see his face. But he could see how he was holding his cup of tea, so strongly that his knuckles were turning white and his arms were shaking a bit.

“Uh, you’re alright?”

He did not answer Regulus’ query.

“Remus?”

Still no answer.

His phone was on the table, right next to him.

The screen lit up.

Remus still didn’t move.

Regulus was not a really good empath. If Remus was feeling bad, well… he did not know how to act around sad people.

James had been an exception.

He slowly walked back towards his bedroom. He could wait, texting James and asking him to come tonight was not that urgent. Right?

Right?

He was about to step foot outside of the kitchen when he banged his little toe on something,

“Putain de merde de la race de sa mère!”

Somehow, french insults brought Remus back to reality, his head snapped towards Regulus who was holding his foot in his hand, still cursing under his breath,

“Fucking door, we don’t even need a door here, who even needs doors in the kitchen?”

“Regulus?” Remus finally spoke, looking a bit lost, “What did you say?”

“Uh- Nothing. I’m just getting my phone,” he grabbed it quickly, “so…" Ah yeah, before asking James to come by, Remus had to be on board with the whole "introduction" thing, "Dorcas told me that she wanted to uh- I mean there’s something we all did when we first arrived here and- Well, Pandora and Dorcas thought- and then everyone voted yes. I tried to tell them no but- I’m sorry.”

Remus let go of his teacup and looked up at him, eyebrows furrowed.

“Basically we are all going to watch you while you do a little performance to introduce yourself. Something that represents who you are. And then, we’re gonna judge you and give you a grade out of ten. If you’re bad at it you will have to do all the chores.”

“Okay.”

“I know it’s the worst, but- okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll do it. I mean it’s their flat and I haven’t met any of your friends properly yet and since I’m living here at the moment, it makes sense” Remus said, “I’m up for it”

“You can refuse easily, having a concussion is a good excuse,” Regulus remarked, horrified but impressed by the immediate acceptance.

“It’s fine, besides performing is my job. I’ll just have to write a silly song”

“Fair point I guess…”

Regulus took a good minute to think, then he added, “do you think James could come?”

The man gave him a weird look, and he immediately felt his face heat and cheeks growing pink.

“You know because he’s your friend and all”

Remus flinched at that, he looked like he was going to return to the state Regulus found him in, a couple minutes ago. He did not, thankfully.

“Sure, I’ll text him”

“Oh, I can do it, no worries”

Remus raised an eyebrow “Is there something I’m missing here?”

“Nope, nothing”

“Did you spend the night at the hospital the other day?”

Gosh, Remus was so annoying. And catching up on things quickly as well. He would have thought having a concussion would make you into a slow thinker.

“Well, yes, I had to drive James back”

“He could have taken the bus or called Peter to bring the van around”

“Yeah well, I told him I would bring him back so I did”

“You could just have come back in the morning”

“For fuck’s sake why are you asking so many questions?!” Regulus yelled, “Can’t you just be grateful you have a roof over your head without Sirius around?”

Yelling was a bit much, he knew it. But he hated people asking questions. Especially about stuff he didn't really want to acknowledge.

“I am grateful, thank you very much for that Regulus” Remus did not seem disturbed at all by his screaming, “Do you want to shag James?”

“Oh. My. God. Fucking hell. You’re so much worse than Barty, I’m leaving now”

He marched right out of the room. Probably redder than ever.

But apparently, Remus wasn’t done because he followed him out.

“You do! Fuck, you fancy him!”

“Leave. Me. Alone”

Regulus was not the violent type, but he could have punched Remus right now.

“Everything makes so much sense now! I was so lost with Barty’s comment yesterday but it all became clear! Does James know?”

That was it. He turned around and pushed him back to the wall, “James doesn’t know because there is nothing to know! I do not fancy him, or men, or anyone! And if I hear you talk about it again you’re out of here! Is that clear?”

Why were people so keen to ask about his love life suddenly? He did not want to talk about it or even think about it.
Remus was several centimetres taller than him so he probably looked a bit ridiculous shouting at him like that but he didn’t care.

Because even if he was right there was nothing he could do about it.

Because he couldn’t.

Even if all of his friends teased him about that, even if they all knew about it, it was not a possibility,

He couldn’t.

He was going to follow in his father’s footsteps and take over the company his great great grandfather founded.

James.

Even if right now, he was freer than he’s ever been, it wouldn’t last. Eventually, the family tradition would burden him. And then, it will have to burden his children.

Which he was supposed to have with his wife.

James.

Which he was supposed to marry right after graduation.

James.

Which had been already chosen by his parents.

James.

He couldn’t.

“Okay, I see that anger issues run in the family, I won’t talk about it anymore”

Regulus was infuriated, Peter had been so right in saying Remus was acting like a child. It was pitiful of him, but he decided that he was going to infuriate him back,

“No. Let’s talk about you and Sirius instead”

It worked right away, Remus’ eyes lost their focus,

“What about me and Sirius?”

“I know what happened. I’m not talking about your last fight”

That was very pathetic of him to bring something that happened years ago, but here he was, spilling his venom.

“What happened?” Remus asked, looking unsure about what Regulus actually knew.

“Sirius’ seventeenth birthday”

He swallowed loudly, his breath becoming less steady “how do you know about that?”

“I just know”

He was not about to explain to him how Sirius had invited him to that birthday at school, that it took him almost two hours to gather the courage to go and that once he had been ready to enter the door behind where he could hear loud music, he had been distracted by laughter just around the corner of the corridor.

And that was where he had seen them.

“Did Sirius tell you? Does anyone else know?”

Remus was frantic and it reminded Regulus of James at the hospital, which reminded him that he had to send him a text about tonight.

And he also wanted to know how he was doing.

You’re the heir of the Black family

He had the right to wonder how he was feeling, he would have done that for any of his friends.

“No one knows anything”

“But you do” Remus was starting to sweat, he could see a drop forming on his forehead, “how would you know?”

“Nothing happened that night and nothing is happening with James, am I clear?”

But Remus didn’t listen, he was too preoccupied, “It was ages ago and didn’t mean anything. We were drunk and Sirius doesn’t even remember it I’m sure, and we were drunk, so so drunk like properly drunk and-“

“Jeez, Lupin” Regulus cut out, “ you shouldn’t go and tease people when you’ve got your own secrets, it could really backfire someday”

“It was five years ago…” Remus added miserably, “did you tell anyone?”

“I didn’t and I won’t as long as you leave James out of our discussion”

“Yeah, okay, fair enough”

“Good then”

***

10:13 am
“Hello James, my flatmates want to throw a little welcoming soirée for Remus and even if I told him that he did not have to do it, he’s up for it. You are welcome to come. I figured since Remus is your friend, it should put him more at ease, even though he already seems comfortable enough in my flat. Anyway, feel free to join us tonight around 7.
Regulus”

James, who had been spacing out of his lecture for the past thirty minutes or so, stared at the screen of his phone which just lit up.

He read the text quickly and couldn’t prevent a little chuckle from leaving his lips when he saw how Regulus had very formally written it.

“Mr. Potter, would you like to share with the class what it is that is so funny in the life of Romans?”

The entirety of the room turned their heads toward him. He started fidgeting anxiously, “Um… did you know that Roman used powdered mouse brain as toothpaste?”

A general laughter rose through the classroom, which the teacher dismissed quickly and easily.

“Thank you very much James, this is true but has nothing to do with the article we’re discussing right now”

“You asked me to tell you what made me laugh” he shrugged, “I cannot control what my brain thinks at all times”

“Okay, thanks James, let’s get back to Alan Griffiths now. As I was saying, Griffiths assumes that Romans were largely inspired by Greek contemporary events in the telling of their early historical events, creating prestige in their history but he also points out major gaps in his argumentation…”

James did not hear much more than that, already dissociating from his body. He didn’t really like the sensation, feeling like he was a little bit above his body to the left, but he couldn’t help it.

He wanted to sleep.

He would have stayed in bed all day if it wasn’t for Peter. The lad had woken him up this morning and walked him all the way to uni.
Gosh, he wanted to bury himself under his sheets and never move from here again, and instead, he was in this stupid classroom, listening to some random fact about ancient history just to get a bullshit degree that will get him a shitty job.

He hated growing up.

Who the fuck could be satisfied by adult life?

Sometimes, he missed the old days when he was dreaming of becoming a famous musician and being internationally renowned. He missed believing in that story.
There was a time when he thought they really would have the life they dreamt of.

Reality had caught him back quickly.

Way too fast if he was honest.

They had tried though, they were all living together and got to play every week at Remus’ workplace.

But it was not enough.

And now Remus and Sirius were not talking.

He was losing his friends, losing his dreams and losing to adulthood.

Fucking hell.

“James? As much as I appreciate your burning passion for my course, I don’t think you really want to stay in this amphitheatre for the next two hours?”

James came back to reality in an instant, realising that he was the only one left in the room and that his professor was now getting ready to teach another lecture.

“You’ve caught me, Sir. I just really want to ask you on a date, maybe we could grab lunch together later?”

“You’re very lucky you’re one of my best students James”

He laughed softly, gathered his things, and walked out of the room after waving goodbye and promising the old man to take him on a date next week.

He liked that professor.

He also really wanted to go back to bed now.

He had one more lecture this afternoon, but honestly, it wouldn’t matter if he missed it. And he didn’t feel like eating in the student restaurant. He didn’t feel like eating at all if he was sincere.

He kind of wanted coffee though.

He strolled out of the building and hopped on a bus. Le pot aux Roses was on his way back home, he could just stop in front of the café if he wanted and walk back to his flat afterwards.

He popped his earphones in his ears. The journey toward coffee lasted twenty-seven minutes exactly.

They tell you when you’re young
“Girls, go out and have your fun”
Then they hunt and slay the ones who actually do it

He felt as if he had forgotten something.

Criticise the way you fly when you're soarin' through the sky
Shoots you down and then they sigh, and say
"She looks like she's been through it"

It was probably nothing. His mother used to tell him that if he could not remember it, it probably wasn’t important. Life had proved her wrong quickly but James never had the heart to contradict her.

Lord, what will become of me
Once I've lost my novelty?

Lily was probably at work at this hour. He always had liked her even though she had hated him at first. To be fair, it was five years ago, when they first moved to London and he was kind of a prick back then. He also used to have a crush on her at that time, and was using every single occasion he had to flirt.

Until, one day, she was so fed up with him that she took him to the back of the café to “have a chat”.
She then proceeded to explain to him that what he was doing was not okay, that she didn’t fancy him and had been clear about that a lot of times. And that if he didn’t stop, she would pour poison into his coffee. Not to kill him, but just enough so he would have to stay in the bathroom for a whole week or so.

The menaces were not necessary, he would have ended it anyway. He genuinely thought she was flirting back.

After that, they slowly became friends, and now, he couldn’t imagine his life without having her in his life.

I've had too much to drink tonight
And I know it's sad, but this is what I think about
And I wake up in the middle of the night
It's like I can feel time moving
How can a person know everything at 18 but nothing at 22?
And will you still want me when I'm nothing new?

Remus often made fun of him for liking Taylor Swift. But really, she was one of the rare singers to make him feel something.

How long will it be cute
All this crying in my room
Whеn you can't blame it on my youth
And roll your eyes with affеction?

Oh shit.
Regulus’ text.
That was what he had forgotten.

And my cheeks are growing tired
From turning red and faking smiles
Are we only biding time 'til I lose your attention?
And someone else lights up the room?
People love an ingénue

He drew his phone out of his pocket, unlocked it, and stared at the message box.

“Hey |

He didn’t really want to go out.
His bed was much more appealing.

“Hey, I don’t think I can make it tonight |

…

“Hey! I don’t know if I can make it yet, I’ll let you know :) |

Maybe he could go, for Remus. Maybe he could bring something to thank Regulus about the night at the hospital. He rewrote the text for the last time,

“Hey! Sure, love to! You want me to bring something? :)”

He didn’t even have to wait a minute for an answer,

“Very good then. No need to bring anything we’re all set. I’ll see you at seven I guess. Have a good day,
Regulus :)”

Gosh, he was bad at texting, James thought, half smiling at the signed name of the boy at the bottom of the message.

He put his phone back in his pocket but less than a second after, he felt it buzzing again,

“Are you feeling alright?”

Uh? What?

“yeah of course! |

James was about to hit the send button when he stopped himself, and without really thinking about it, he erased the words and began typing again,

“Been feeling a bit shitty these last few days :( Honestly, if I could stay in bed, I would “

Send

Read

Typing…

“It's okay to feel bad”

Okay? He didn't really get Regulus' point.
But, apparently, he wasn't done typing,

“and you are allowed to talk about it, especially to those who care about you”

Since when did Regulus become an expert in mental health?
Since when did he care about James' mental health?

“I don't think my problems are that important, some people are dying out there”

"Middleton Road" Said the voice of the bus lady.

Shit, that was his stop.
He flew down the stairs and jumped out of the bus, right in the middle of a puddle.

"Fuck"

Great, his feet were soaking wet now.
He stood there on the pavement, not moving, head up towards the sky. He was so fucking tired of life.
It was cloudy, like it always was in London.

Sometimes, he thought to himself that if he moved to a sunnier place he would be happier.

"Oi mate, move, you're blocking the way!"

"Oh, right, sorry…"

He started walking, music blasting loudly in his ears.

oooooh, all the choices I've made for you
Wonder if we'll ever really feel it
Life was nothing, you and I will never truly fit
'Cause now I'm gone, still don't have a clue

Please, don't say we wanted it all
We used to cry so well together
Please, think of that lonely winter
Remember that day, the rise, the stand, the fall

This was their music. Written by Sirius, composed by Peter, sung by him and Sirius, and arranged by Remus.

He really did not need to hear that today, seeing that the band was probably going to disappear in the near future.

He turned off the music.

The café was only a few metres away from the bus stop, he pushed the door and walked in, leaving wet footprints behind him.
Apart from one lonely student in a corner, it was empty.

Good.

"Hiya James! Oat latte?"

Lily was standing behind the counter, all smiley, drying some glasses.

"Sure, thanks lils"

He sat down at his usual table, right next to the small stage where the café hosted an open mic every Monday, a book club on Wednesday, poetry reading every other Friday, and their silly band on Sunday.

"How's Remus? I haven't heard much from him besides the call he gave me this morning telling me that he wouldn't be able to come to work this week, which I already assumed" Lily asked, almost screaming over the milk she was steaming.

"Well, he only spent one night at the hospital so it's good. He will need to go back later for some extra exams though"

"Good then! Are you still playing on Sunday this week?"

"Uh-" Honestly, James didn't ever think of that. It all depended on his friends really, "I don't know yet"

"Have you called Marlene?"

"Uh" Damn, Lily asked the questions about all the issues he should have been preoccupied with instead of being centred on his own little person.

"I do think Sirius already called her now that we're talking about it" She continued, pouring the milk into the cup, "or maybe Peter?"

"Yeah... Sounds like something Peter would do"

She brought the latte to James' table and sat right in front of him.

"What's bothering you?"

He didn't want to talk about it. Who had said that he was allowed to share his troubles again?

"Nothing. Anyway, how is everything with Mary?"

Lily blushed hard. She had been with Mary Mcdonalds for almost two years now and they had been living together for almost three months, but she still went red whenever Mary was mentioned in a conversation.

James thought it was beautiful to love someone like those girls loved each other.

"Awesome! We have a cat now" Lily told, "we found him behind a dumpster recently, all alone in the cold"

"Oh wow, so you're basically a mom now"

Lily laughed, "I guess I am! His name's Harry"

"Weird name for a cat," James commented, grinning a little.

"Oi! Do not judge, or should I remind you of your full name James Fleamont Potter?"

That was a low blow, he had told her his middle name, that one night after a concert where he had been totally wasted "That's my dad's name you're criticising here, careful"

She laughed again. She laughed a lot generally and it always brought comfort to James.

"No but really, what is going on with you?"

The smile that was beginning to rise on his face fall immediately, "Just worrying about Remus and Sirius I guess"

"Come on, you know they always make up"

"Remus did not come home"

"What do you mean?" This time, it was Lily's turn to sound concerned.

"He didn't want to talk or see Sirius at all. And Regulus was there, Regulus is Sirius's brother," He added, "he told him he could stay at his flat if he wanted to"

"Fucking morons, the both of them" She swore angrily, "how do you feel about Regulus letting him stay?"

"Well, that was nice of him. He didn't have to do it…"

"But?"

"But I kinda wish he hadn't offered him the opportunity" He whispered, ashamed of even thinking that, "if Remus went straight home, he would have had to confront Sirius, but at least, we would be over it already"

"James, he will be back eventually"

She was trying to reassure him, but she couldn't know that he would come back, no one could, Remus was a mystery.
For all he knew, he could decide to find his own flat, to move away from London, to find a better job elsewhere, to leave them. To leave him.

Yeah, he probably shouldn't think about that.

"Regulus invited me to come over this evening"

"Cool! That would be good for you and Peter to think about something else" Lily said.

"Oh," James hesitated, "I don't think Peter has been invited actually…"

Which was weird now that he was thinking about it. Peter was their friend and Remus would have been happy to see him too.

"Oh" She sounded a bit surprised, "Are you going alone then?"

“No, I mean yeah, yes. I said I was coming.”

"You don't sound like you want to go"

"I-“ James sighed, he was not difficult to read, and Lily could see right through him.

“For what it’s worth, I think you should go,” She added, “Sirius was telling me the other day about the fact that you never wanted to go out anymore”

Great, they were talking about him when he wasn’t around, “He should mind his own business” James grumbled, “Fix his own issues before trying to think about mine”

“James, he’s just worried”

He did not bother answering. Instead, he drank his coffee slowly and stared at the floor. Lily kept looking at him for a minute, then gave up and got back to drying glasses again, “Honestly it’s a wonder why none of you are in therapy yet”

He didn’t need therapy.

He was just a bit anxious sometimes, but that was not a problem worth bringing to a professional.

“It’s too expensive and I don’t have time for it”

Lily nodded slightly, giving him a sad smile from behind the counter, “you can always talk to me if you need to”

“Okay”

He probably would not.

Chapter Text

In all honesty, Remus was kind of excited about the evening. He still hadn’t properly met Dorcas or Pandora, only caught glimpses of them, but the way Evan and Barty described them made him think he might appreciate them,

“And so I told her that she couldn’t “borrow” my jumper anymore, because she never returned them and she just laughed at me, stared straight into my soul and took it anyway”

The three of them were in the living room, talking about how Remus should never let Pandora anywhere near his clothes, ever.

“Are you talking shit about our beloved friend Evan?”

Dorcas had just entered the room, holding three beer bottles in one hand and a glass of water in the other.
Evan's face became livid,

“I would never do that” Evan gasped, one hand on his chest, dramatically lying, “who do you think I am?”

“Drop the act Evan, not one soul in this room would fall for your blatant lie, not even Remus and he’s been living here for less than two days” She handed him the glass of water, put two of bottles down on the coffee table and throw herself between Barty and Evan, pushing them both at t opposites ends of the sofa.

“Oi! Be careful! I don’t want any beer spilled on my couch!”

“Gosh Barty, you’re becoming worse than Regulus” Dorcas laughed, while dangerously leaning her bottle to one side, “where is he anyway?”

“He said he needed ‘a change of clothes’” Remus informed her.

Even if he wasn’t allowed to talk about what he wasn't able to talk about in front of Regulus anymore, he still could make fun of the way the boy acted in his head. And Regulus knowing James was coming around was as fun than painful to watch.
He had come back from uni two hours earlier and had been frantic ever since.
The first thing he had seen was the beers in the kitchen and he had been very mad at Dorcas for buying those, even though he said no alcohol, which she had been dismissing by saying that he didn’t have to drink them if he didn't want to.
Of course, Regulus got even madder and Remus had to intervene saying that it was fine with him if he was the only one not drinking.

That’s when Regulus, fuming, disappeared into his bedroom, which he had been in for the last fifty minutes or so.

Yeah, so he definitely had a thing for James.
It seemed a little odd to Remus though. He never saw them interact that much.
Sure they went to Hogwarts together, but it wasn’t as if they were in the same year or had the same friends, or even share a class.
He didn’t even remember them talking once before last Sunday and the incident.
Talking about his little fall, his head was killing him right now. He swiftly took a pill out of his pocket and swallowed it quickly.
He was also really tired and all he wanted was to sleep at the moment. It was a little too late to tell everyone that though.

“Yeah, a change of clothes” Barty sniggered, “Honestly it’s a wonder why he is so obsessed with James? I mean, I’m right here!”

“I’m obsessed with you,” Evan said, battling his eyes in a very flirtatious, almost comical, way.

Honestly, Remus couldn’t follow if these two were joking, or in some sort of relationship. They were always together, but they could have been just very good friends.
He spent a lot of his free time with Sirius himself and they tend to act a bit like that too sometimes.

Before his betrayal anyway.

“What about you Remus?”

“Um, what?”

Dorcas batted her eyes at him, waiting for an answer, but Remus hadn’t been listening. Too busy watching Evan and Barty.

“We were wondering if you had a special someone?”

“Oh, uh… I don’t have anyone, no”

“But you have someone in mind, right?”

Dorcas was a bit nosy, but he couldn’t blame her.
He really did not have anyone in mind actually, even if his last conversation with Regulus was still in the back of his head.

Sirius’ seventeen birthday

“Nope, no one”

Barty glanced at Evan, the both of them sharing a knowing look, “Well, we’re here for you Remus. You know if you ever need something or ... you know where to find us”

“For fuck’s sake” Dorcas swore, “you know you two are making people uncomfortable, right? Not everybody wants to join in your little- I don’t even know how to name it”

So they were in a relationship?

It made sense actually.

Remus thought about the conversations he had with them and oh he blushed immediately, They, really, weren’t joking.

“We don’t do labels”

“We don’t do labels” She mimicked Barty, “anyway, stop bothering Remus because I actually appreciate him, he baked cookies this afternoon”

“Who baked cookies?”

A tall blond girl just entered the living room, looking knackered. She laid down on the carpet, face facing the ceiling, her pink bag under her head “I want cookies”

“They’re in the kitchen”

Pandora rolled up on her elbows and stared straight at Barty, “Go get them for me”

Barty kept staring at her for a little while, lips pressed against each other like he was forbidding himself to say anything. He finally got up and went into the kitchen without a word.

“Be careful of what you say to Pan, she is the kind of person you want to share your whole life story with but she will use every bit of information she has against you” Evan said, leaning towards Remus, almost touching his ear with his lips. He was clearly doing it on purpose “I don’t know what Barty told her but this had been going on for weeks”

“Wow okay, I will be careful”

It’s not like he had anything to hide anyway.

Regulus finally came into the living room and Remus mentally told his brain to shut up because he indeed had things to hide.

He could have lived his entire life without ever thinking about that night again, but no, Regulus had to remind him.
Not that he didn’t think about it on his own, it happened sometimes. When they were alone together in a room, occasionally he remembered that night and wondered, what could have happened if they had talked about it?

He had tried at the time, he cornered him after class and attempted to reach out for him,

”About last night…”

”Best day ever mate and I don’t even remember half of it!”

Oh.

Yeah, that was about it.

He had a crush on Sirius before that Birthday kiss, and he still had a crush on Sirius after the kiss. But that was ages ago. They grew up. They were friends. Well, not anymore. He was a dick. His head was hurting, why was he thinking about that?

Remus had very few conquests between that kiss and today.

One of them was a girl named Nymphadora who hated her name so everyone called her Tonks. It went on for four months before she had to move away to Sweden, and they both decided not to do long-distance. He was barely eighteen.
The other was a boy named Dave, with gorgeous hair and awesome bone structure. A jerk too. It lasted almost a year before Remus succeeded to put an end to it. Fucking Dave.
That was five months ago and Dave still sent messages to Remus, begging him for casual sex.

He wasn’t that desperate though.

Well,
He only gave in once. Or twice maybe. Okay, seven times to be exact, but it was fine. It wasn’t like he was the one asking for it.

Fucking Dave.

“Who’s Dave?”

Dorcas and Evan were watching him curiously, Pandora was the one who had asked the question, and he was the fool who had spoken out loud. He blamed his head injury.

“No one”

Regulus sat down on the couch across from them, “who’s Dave?”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, no one, I didn’t mean to say that out loud”

“Is he like, your sexy ex-boyfriend who you’re still having sex with from time to time?”

Remus looked weirdly at Pandora. Did she know, or did she just spit out totally random words and got it right?

The long silence following that question gave him away anyway.

“Oh my god! Pan, you got it right!”

“She always gets it right,” Regulus pointed out.

“She really does” Dorcas approved, “Was he a nice guy you broke up with and now you’re doing pity sex?”

“Uh” Remus really did not want to be part of that conversation. What was it with the people in this flat and uncomfortable situation?

“No, he’s a dick but Remus thinks it’s the best he can get” Pandora intervened again.

“Oi! That last part is not true!”

“The part when she says he was a dick or the part about your self-esteem?”

Luckily, he did not have to answer that question as the doorbell rang at this exact moment.

Regulus, who was now wearing a pair of black jeans (Barty's) and a simple white shirt, stood up in a second from the chair he was sinking in an instant before.

"Relax Reg, it's probably the pizzas I ordered, it's only twenty to seven right now and you told James seven o'clock, right?" Barty said, throwing a cookie at Pandora while walking out of the kitchen to answer the front door.

"Thanks very much, love," Pandora laughed, catching the cookie mid-air, looking very cool, as if catching a flying biscuit was a normal thing to do.

"Oh right yeah, pizzas…"

Remus heard the door opening, Barty saying thank you to the pizza guy, and the door closing.

Then two sets of footsteps.

Regulus didn't seem to notice though, he was diving back on his chair, really focused on the beer Dorcas was holding.

"Don't spill that on the-"

"Pizzas!!" Barty announced joyfully, barging into the living room followed closely by another person, "and James!!"

Pandora, Dorcas, and Evan swerved their heads toward Regulus with subjective glazes.

Remus didn't dare to. Instead, he stood up, and went to greet his friends,

"Hiya James! So glad you could make it"

James looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here, "Yeah no problem mate"

Peter hadn’t lied, James seemed even worse than that time after he got his grades. He had purple baggy eyes, he was very pale, with his shoulders so tensed that Remus could see it in his posture, and shaky hands, giving away the massive amount of coffee he must have drunk. He looked like shit.
Remus heard Dorcas whisper to Evan, “Is he okay?”

Suddenly, Remus felt very bad about himself. Seeing James so wretched and knowing that part of it was his fault, didn’t feel good.

“You look like you haven’t had a good night's sleep in days,” Pandora remarked very bluntly, “or maybe you’re trying to get the perfect burned-out student look? In that case, you should ask Reg for advice, he’s a pro”

Pandora really needed to get a hold of herself thought Remus, trying his best to tell Pandora to stop talking through his eyes. Regulus didn't bother to be subtle about it,

"Pan, shut it. Please" He added after seeing the deadly look the blond girl gave him.

How did Regulus only have such scary friends? They were all terrifying, and Remus was sure they all committed felonies at least once in their life, if not several times.
Dorcas already told him about that day she stole her lecturer's computer because she was being a bitch about a 2000 word essay they had to write in a week. Not that she would have started earlier than the night before but still, not fair.
And he was sure that was not the worst thing she's ever done.

"I'll consider asking Regulus then" James answered half grinning, making the boy blush immediately.

Boy, how could Remus not have seen it before?

"Uh- I, yeah uh-, Nice to see you" Regulus stuttered, still very red. "I told them to not get any alcohol because Remus can't have any but no one ever listens to me so yeah- sorry. Do you fancy a beer?"

That was peak comedy, if it had been a series, Remus would have watched it and laughed at the stuttering.
Alas, it was real life and he was far too afraid of Regulus to even smile.

“Uh-“ James looked down at his shaky hands for a second, then at Remus “I could use one, yeah, but only if you don’t mind Rem?”

He didn’t mind. Not really. He just wasn’t sure if it was a good thing for James to drink while being this heavily caffeinated. Peter would have probably told him not to, but Remus did not feel like he had any right to stop him.

“No problem mate”

Regulus seemed to sense the hesitation in Remus' answer because he raised an eyebrow at him, waiting for some kind of counterargument.
Seeing that Remus was keeping his mouth shut, he popped open a bottle and brought it to James.

Their hands brushed for a short moment but Remus could have sworn that Regulus wasn’t the only one blushing.

Interesting.

He couldn’t talk about it with the Black boy but speaking to James was another thing.

Or maybe he should focus on his own business.

Yeah, no thanks.

“Come on in Potter, sit, make yourself at home!” Barty pushed James towards the sofa where Regulus just sat himself.

“So, James, we are very happy to have your friend with us, he’s very well behaved”

It reminded Remus of his old teacher-parent meetings.

“Very fit too, he’s a pleasure for the eyes”

Not that. His mother would have been concerned if a teacher told her that.

“I know, the main reason we miss him at home is because he’s the most good-looking of us all” James smirked, “don’t tell Sirius I said that though”

“You’re not-“ Regulus stopped himself mid-sentence, side-eyed James, looked back at the table, then opened a beer for himself before taking the longest sip Remus had ever witnessed.

He kind of wanted a beer too now. Maybe he should have said no to James in the name of friend solidarity or something.
It was too late now anyway, James had already chugged down the entirety of his drink.

That was a bit concerning to be honest, he wasn’t a heavy drinker usually. And he was already going for a second one.

“Alright! Who wants pizza?” Evan opened the lid of one of the pizza boxes, “Seriously Barty? No one likes fucking broccoli on pizza!”

“I do,” Barty retorted, taking a slice and chucking the whole thing in his mouth. “Fucking delicious. Remus, you have to try it!”

“Uh-“ He wasn’t keen on trying but Barty already had a slice in his hand and was trying to feed him by force. All he could do was open his mouth and taste the abomination.

It was the worst thing he had ever eaten. Who was the sick mind who had the idea to put broccoli on pizza in the first place?

“Barty’s creation,” Pandora said, as if she had read his thoughts, “they don’t have that on their menu, he’s the one who specifically requests it”

Ah. It made sense then.

He had only properly met Barty two days ago but he quickly understood that the man just said and did whatever came into his mind. Which was worrying most of the time, and kinda hot too.

No, it was not, what the hell was he thinking?

“I’m sure there’s a broccoli-free pizza somewhere, do you want some?” Regulus asked James, taking the opportunity to stand up, away from him. He was looking very sweaty.

“I’m not really hungry but thanks”

That was very concerning.

James was not one to refuse food usually.

“You’re sure?” Remus questioned him. He then gestured towards his shaky hands, “you look like you could use something to eat”

“I said I was not hungry”

“You might feel better after eating though”

“Remus, I don’t want to eat right now”

“Not even a slice?”

Everyone else was silently following their little chat. Remus was being pushy but every single thing James had done since he set foot in that flat was worrying.

And he was worried for his friend.

“No”

“James, please”

“I’ve already eaten”

“You’re a very shit liar”

“ For fuck’s sake I am not hungry Remus, just leave me alone already! Don’t make a big deal out of it!” James burst out, “I don’t force you to eat when you’re not hungry either!”

“You kinda do though”

“Alright! How about we all watch Lupin here make a total fool of himself?” Evan cut, clapping his hands, clearly uneased by their bickering.

“I wanted to see them fight” Dorcas pouted, “it would have brightened my night”

“My bet was on Remus winning”

“You would have lost your money then,” James declared, arms crossed, still visibly mad.

Which, once again, was not like him at all. James could get angry sometimes, and be crossed with someone but not over something so insignificant.

“Okay! Lupin, if you will," Evan cut again, offering him his hand to help him stand.

Remus took it graciously and went to stand in the middle of the room, facing everybody.

Pandora was still on the rug, Barty and Dorcas sat on one of the sofas looking avidly at him, which was a bit intimidating. James was on the opposite one, scowling and doing everything not to cross his eyes with anyone.
Regulus was still standing by the table where the pizzas were, clearly uncomfortable, not knowing what to do with himself. Evan walked toward the awkward man and forced him to sit down with him, next to Pandora, putting an end to his misery.

"Alright, folks! For your pleasure tonight I shall share my thoughts, henceforth I put my hand on a pen and wrote poetry"

"Wow! Go Lupin!" Dorcas and Pandora cheered, "you're gonna kill it!"

"Sorry but, you write poetry too? Do you want to marry me?" Evan asked, "marry us?" He added quickly because Barty looked outraged to be forgotten.

"Shut up, both of you” Regulus snapped seeing that Barty was going to add something, “Remus, you can start.”

He cleared his voice, not stressed for the least. He was feeling good with them, and it felt nice to get along with people who were totally different from his usual friends. Not that he didn’t feel good with James and Peter. And Sirius.

It was different, good different,

“Somehow I’m lost to myself, surrounded by the people I know.
And my mind begs to grow, while I cannot focus on my breath
And I’m drowning slow
We can find no scar, but internal indifference where the meanings are
I fled with the sun and found myself ashore, the wind gently pushed me aside
And I fell.
I’m falling.
A thousand dreams within me softly burn: from time to time my heart is like some oak
Whose blood runs golden when a branch is torn”

As he spoke the last word, he noticed that he had forgotten to breathe. He took a deep inhale and faced his audience.

“Well shit”

Remus stole some lines from the American poet Emily Dickinson and the French poet Arthur Rimbaud but it wasn’t like anyone was going to notice. And he wrote a great deal of it himself too.

“You’re officially my friend now Remus,” Pandora said, “you’ve earned that right before Barty, you can be proud”

“How am I not your friend? We’ve known each other for seven years! We are living together!”

“I don’t consider you my friend either”, Dorcas added, a mischievous grin on her face.

“Sometimes it might be better not to have any friends,” James muttered, killing the mood instantly.

“James?”

***

James was quite aware that he was being the worst guest ever. And a bad friend. He really didn’t care though.

Well, he cared but…

“What Remus?” He jerked, “I- I just- you and- It’s just that- aah fuck it”

Sharing his feelings was not his strong suit. He was the happy guy, the ‘always in a good mood’ friend, he was rarely angry, forgave quickly, and stood out for what he believed in. He never used to stutter before.

It happened a lot now.

“Sorry,” He said, then, turning his head towards Regulus, “Where’s the loo?”

He definitely needed a break. Regulus had been watching him during Remus’s whole presentation but James hadn’t said anything. It felt nice to have his gaze on him.

Regulus gestured towards the corridor, “First door on your left”

He got up, considered his half-empty bottle, shrugged and drank the rest in two sips, looking straight into Remus’ eyes.
This had been a very bad idea, he hadn’t eaten anything since the evening before and was only awake right now thanks to the three double shots of espresso so he had earlier.
He stumbled a little while leaving the living room and was well aware of everyone looking at him, but nobody dared to say anything.

He shouldn’t have said yes to Regulus in the first place. He didn’t really want to see Remus, or Sirius for what it mattered. He should have stayed all night with Lily at the café.

He just wanted everything to go back to normal.

What did Regulus say again? First door on the left?
He raised a very shaky hand to the handle and opened the said door. He found himself in a gigantic bathroom, full of plants for some reason, “why am I in a jungle?” He giggled to himself, before immediately stopping, imagining how weird it must look from the outside.
Not that they were other people with him but still.

He sat down on the edge of the bathtub, watching closely the tiles of the floor. One of them was in the wrong spot, it made his skin itch.

Apart from that, the room was spotless. Which was a bit creepy, to be honest.
Every single towel was folded correctly, there was not one water stain on the mirror, the faucet was shining, and everything looked untouched.

“So weird, maybe they're all vampires and they don’t need to take showers or to have a wee,” He thought aloud, “maybe Remus is gonna turn into a vampire as well. Or a werewolf.”

A soft knock made him shut up, “James? You alright? You’ve been in here for ages”

Remus the werewolf… He needed to act chill.

“I’m good, thanks, how are you?”

“Uh- good? Are you on the phone or something? I can hear you talking”

“I’m not talking”

Nailed it. The werewolf was probably going to leave anytime now. The handle started to turn, good thing he locked the door.

Except, he apparently didn’t because Remus was all of a sudden standing in front of him.

“James, I’m- I am sorry”

What was he apologising for? Was he sorry about his weird poem or about the fight he had with Sirius? Or the fact that he left their flat? Or that he let him and the band down?

Maybe James was a bit dramatic, he only had been gone for three days but still. It fucking hurt.

“I’m sorry I’m never here when you need it yet you always are for me”

Yeah, that too.

“It’s fine Rem, honestly don’t worry” He articulated, which was harder than he would have thought. For some reason, his throat hurt.

“Except it isn’t. I mean, look at you”

James looked at his shaky hands on his legs, “what?”

“You’re clearly not fine, and I was way too wrapped in my own little shit to even see how fucked up you were before Peter clearly enunciated it to me” Remus spoke, now sitting next to him on the bathtub, “you are not fine James, but because you always stood up for me, stood up for everyone and you always have that strong facade I just assumed that you would always be that”

“… I’m fine” was the only words James succeeded to say.

“I know you always tell everyone you don’t need help but it’s okay to let go. I mean, look at me, look at Sirius, we always count on you to pick us up when we fuck up, and I want you to know that we are here too, we’re your friends and you can let go”

James nodded slowly. If he kept talking, Remus was going to make him cry and he didn’t want to cry.

He didn't like crying,

He was way too heavily caffeinated, and the lack of food plus the alcohol was not helping him thrive in the pursuit of being the master of his emotions.

His eyes began to tear up and Remus was still at it,

“Believe it, I know we can be a lot, Sirius and me, and I’m so sorry that you feel like we- that I let you down, I promise you I’m not. I just needed some space but I am not leaving the band, I am not leaving you, I’ll always be here James”

“Shut up,” James whispered, his face all wet with tears now.

“What?”

“Shut up, I know okay?” He repeated a bit louder, “you’re only making me cry, you can stop talking now”

Remus grinned, “Oh, but that was my goal all along. Making you cry is my greatest achievement in life”

“Shut up” James laughed through his weepy face, “I’m sorry too by the way, for the way I acted earlier”

“Don’t you dare apologise”

“I should really eat something though, I’m feeling a bit dizzy”

“You don’t say” Remus ironized, “then you should get out of the bathroom because, even though Regulus is trying to save you some food, all the pizzas are almost gone”

“I really don’t mind if your boyfriend’s pizza has already been eaten”

“You mean the broccoli atrocity?”

James raised an eyebrow, “No denying?”

“About the pizza? No, it really is atrocious”

“Remus”

His friend hesitated, “Honestly, why not. They’re nice to me and seem to appreciate me. And I can’t deny that they’re both gorgeous too”

James was glad they had something else than his emotional state to talk about, “so which one then? Evan or Barty?”

Remus drove his eyes right at him, “Both James, why would I choose?”

James was not sure if he was joking or not, but he didn’t have the time to enquire because Regulus came barging into the room.

“Hi, sorry to interrupt your” He marked a pause, observing James' wet cheeks and Remus's arms around his shoulders, “uh, yeah sorry I don't mean to interrupt but both your phones had been ringing at least a dozen times each”

He handed them their mobiles, “Someone named Marlene’s been calling you”

At this exact moment, James' phone lighted up and their manager's name appeared on the screen, he answered and put her on speaker,

“Hiya Marlene, how are you?”

“James, finally! Is Remus with you?” Marlene's voice sounded very excited at the other end of the line.

“I’m here Marls”

“Alright listen up, both of you! I’ve got the best news of your musical carrier ever”

James tensed up immediately, and his gaze met Remus’s.

“We’re listening,” Remus said,

“Your band has been selected to go through the contest to be the opening gig at the Weird sisters' concert at the O2!”

James was speechless. This was huge. That was all they dreamed of.
The Weird Sisters was an internationally renowned band, and the O2 arena was the biggest music venue in London.
It was big, and it could really give their band the spotlight they deserved.

“One minor inconvenience though,” Marlene said.

“What is it Marls?” Remus asked as he was the only one able to talk.

“Because that dumb bitch of Sirius signed with the label and the other band, they have the exclusivity on his words, which means you can’t sing anything that had been written by Sirius, even co-written”

Now it was Remus's turn to be speechless,

"I thought he didn't sign it yet?" James asked

"He signed a clause saying that he could have a contract if he wanted. He did not sign the actual contract yet but this clause is still making the label the owner of Sirius's words"

“But that’s almost all of our songs!” James exploded, “they can’t do that, he wrote them all before signing that stupid contract!”

“I was on the phone with them for an hour James,” Marlene sighed, “it is in the contract, they send it to me and there’s nothing I can do. If only stupid Black knew how to read.”

“Fuck this shit”

“I know James, but it’s the chance of our life there, so don’t fuck that up! You need to come up with a solution, new songs, or covers. I don't know, whatever you think is better, but the contest is in three weeks. And they want a thirty-minute show.”

“Fuck” He swore again.

“And one last thing, I already had a go at Sirius, so we can move on now and focus on that opening part now, alright? The only way to win this is if you’re all friends again. We can do it, you’ve got the talent for it, I know it.”

“Yeah, alright Marls, thanks so much!”

“I want to see you tomorrow evening at the café James! Peter and Sirius already know”

“See you tomorrow then”

“What about me?” Remus asked eagerly.

“You just got out of the hospital, I’ll see you on Sunday, go get some sleep Lupin”

Remus tried to talk back, but she had already hung up the phone.

“I hate Sirius,” Remus said instead, quickly followed by a lot of insults James didn’t register, “Let’s go back to the living room, you need to be fed and I need- Well I’m going to make a proper move on the guys. Regulus you don’t mind do you?”

James had completely forgotten that Regulus was still there, standing in the middle of the bathroom, arms awkwardly hanging on both sides of his body, “uh, yeah, no, I mean, I’m not their chaperone, they can do whatever they want as long as I, you know, don’t see anything gross and I don’t hear about it either”

“Fair enough”

James was left flabbergasted. Joking about it was one thing, and he had no doubt that Remus actually had it in him to flirt with these men. But acting on it?

And Regulus was… alright with it? It just didn’t make any sense.
Sirius told James about Regulus’ reaction after he came out to him in a lot of detail and tears, a few years back.
James remembered the story very clearly,

”Don’t tell anyone, Sirius! You shouldn’t -“

”Fuck you, I’ll tell whoever the hell I want.” Sirius had answered, vexed, “I thought you, of all people would have understood”

”It’s not against you, it’s just… Why would you make your life more complicated?”

”Because you think I have a choice? Fuck you Reg”

”Think of our parents, what would they say?”

”Fuck them too”

”Why can’t you just go with what they want? They’ll find you a spouse and you can marry her, make them one heir, and then do whatever the hell you want or whoever, but stay hidden, please, for your sake.” Regulus had begged,

"I can’t Reg, that’s not a life. That is not what I want”

"Who cares what you want?” He had exploded, “you think I want that for you? For me? Absolutely fucking not but hey, we don’t get to choose! That's how life is!”

"No that’s not Reggie! That’s what they want you to think but that’s not what life is!” Now it had been Sirius' turn to get mad, “the truth is that you don’t have to do what they want you to do! Don’t get trapped by their expectations!”

” I can’t” Regulus had answered, “please Sirius… Don’t tell anybody”

And the rest was history. Sirius had left home, went to live with James’ parents, and had been disowned. Meanwhile, Regulus had become the heir and only son of the Black family.

So yeah, it didn’t really fit the character for Regulus to approve of whatever the hell was going on with his friends. And Remus.

.
.
.

Anyway, they had other things to worry about now, Remus could do whatever the hell he wanted.

They had three weeks to come out with good songs. New songs. Maybe they could do one or two covers, but they definitely couldn’t do the whole gig with other people's songs.

James was trying to think but his brain was very fuzzy at the moment. Probably linked to the coffee. And the alcohol. And the lack of food.

And the fact that Regulus was staring straight at him.

Their eyes met.

His heart missed a beat, but for once, it had nothing to do with anxiety.

Oh fuck

Chapter Text

When Remus woke up, this Sunday morning, one week after his injury, he felt good.

His head had stopped hurting him non-stop and he wasn’t feeling like taking a nap every two hours, which was a nice change. He probably slept for more than a hundred hours this week and still felt tired every single day.

But this morning, he just felt good.

He stretched his arms above his head and slowly cracked his neck.

“Hmm, is it time to get up already?” A sleepy voice asked on his right.

“It’s still dark outside Lupin, go back to sleep,” A much angrier voice said on his left. Then a bright light brightened Evan’s face, “For fuck’s sake! 6 fucking o’clock!”

“I’m just not tired anymore” Remus answered, grinning widely at the two boys beside him.

Evan growled and buried himself under the sheets but Barty was suddenly wide awake,

“You’re not tired anymore”

Remus rolled on his side to face him, “I am not”. Then, he slowly let his finger trace Barty’s lips. And his nose, and his chin.

Leisurely, he made his way onto his chest before gently bending over to kiss Barty’s bare skin.

At this moment, he felt a cold hand on his back, softly crippling to his hair and massaging his head tenderly. Evan seemed to have gone over his morning temper. He felt his body getting closer to him and the touch of his mouth on his neck.

Meanwhile, Barty had decided to drunkenly kiss Remus’s knuckles.

Yep, Remus felt good this morning.

They’ve all been sleeping in Barty’s bed since the evening James came over.

As promised, Remus had acted on the flirting.

James had to leave not long after his breakdown, he also had to eat two slices of pizza under the sharp gazes of Remus and Regulus. Luckily for him, he was gone before the gross part of the flirting, which Regulus, Dorcas, and Pandora had to witness.

It had been messy and quick. Because Remus had nothing to lose for going headfirst into whatever this was, and because Barty and Evan knew what they wanted, they rapidly moved on to the sex part.

Quickly, a routine, kind of, settled down between them. The two boys had uni most of the days and Remus was sleeping anyway most of the time, but as soon as the three of them were together, something was happening.

They slept together every night in Barty’s bedroom because he had a massive bed. They ate meals together every evening, cooked by Remus of course.

It only had been one week but Remus felt as if he was committed to a long-term relationship with both of them.

It really felt amazing. Barty and Evan were fighting from time to time but they seem to resolve their issues quite quickly every time. Generally, Barty would forget that he was crossed with Evan and it was over.

And they were both very thoughtful of Remus, always asking if he was alright, if what they did was okay, if he needed anything. And Remus tried to do the same for them.

And right now, with Evan and Barty around him, he felt like all of his troubles had vanished and that nothing could ever bring him down.

The first notes of 505 echoed in the room and Barty painfully withdrew himself from the two other men to turn off his alarm.

“Shit it’s ten to seven already, I am meeting people at the library at 8”

“Oh well, have fun learning how to become an accountant and make a shit tonne of money while I’m going back to sleep” Evan yawned, drawing the blanket under his chin and closing his eyes.

Barty raised an eyebrow and smirked, “Actually I asked if I could change degree. I am now on the path of becoming a primary school teacher, that’s why I’m going to the library on a Sunday morning, I have things to catch up on”

This had the merit of immediately making Evan sit up on the bed, “What the hell Barty?” He exclaimed, “You are so going to scare the kids! And what do you make of ‘following your father's footsteps’?”

Barty shrugged, “I feel like I could be an awesome teacher”

“I feel like you’re gonna commit murder on one of those brats during your first year of teaching”

“Oi! I wouldn’t kill a child! I don’t say I’m not against making them believe I’m some sort of evil wizard that could turn them into a ferret if needed and scare the shit out of them, but I wouldn’t kill them.”

“For what it’s worth, I think you would make a great teacher Crouch”, Remus stated, earning him a mean nudge in the side from Evan.

“Don’t fucking encourage him!”

“Thanks Remus, I think you would make a great teacher too”

“I doubt it but thanks nonetheless”

Evan rolled his eyes and sank down on the bed once more, firmly decided to ignore them. Barty winked at Remus before quickly putting on some pants and trousers, as well as the same t-shirt he was wearing the day before, and swiftly left the room.

Remus looked at Evan, who was already fast asleep, and after considering his options, got out of bed and put on some old jumper before going to the kitchen.

He grabbed his phone he had left on the table the evening before, while Barty put the kettle to boil,

Hiya, just wanted to check on you
keep me posted about the meeting tonight!!

James did not answer straight away but it was still early. Remus had made it a habit to check on James every morning and to make him talk about whatever was troubling him at the moment. And jeez, Remus wondered how his friend did not die of anxiety already.

He was about to put his phone down on the table because there was a small chance that James was actually going to answer on a Sunday at 7 in the morning but, surprisingly, his phone rang anyway.

But it was not James.

***

Can I call you?

Sirius had meant to send this message way before this morning. He wrote it at least a thousand times since Remus got out of the hospital and never got the balls to send it.
But now, they were going to see each other and it was probably better if they settled down their quarry before tonight.

It had been Marlene that asked Sirius to call Remus because they couldn’t lose whatever chances they had at actually getting famous over some pity fight.

Sirius had answered that Remus probably did not see it as a pity fight considering that Sirius had basically betrayed his trust, especially because he signed the stupid agreement making the label owner of his words right after Remus got mad at him the week before, out of anger.

Marlene didn’t want to hear anything Sirius had to say, she just asked him to make peace and to “fuck each other if that could help ease the tension” before moving on to something else.

He had been supposed to call Remus on Tuesday.

Sirius was not mad at him anymore. He had not been mad at him since he learned that he was in the hospital a week ago.

But fuck he was scared.

Because calling Remus and facing his anger was worse than just fighting. Because he knew he was in the wrong and that Remus had every good reason to be mad at him.

He didn’t want Remus to never talk to him anymore and, because he had been putting back the call, their fight never felt real. It was as if Remus was on vacation somewhere with no reception to use his phone and everything was still fine between the two of them.

He stared at his phone screen. At least, he’ll probably have a couple more hours before Remus answered him. It was 7am on a Sunday.

He couldn't have been more wrong, apparently, Remus had become an early bird during the past week,

Fuck off

So Remus was clearly not asleep. As he read his answer, Sirius’ heart sank to his feet, and he felt his eyes water.
Fuck, now was not the moment to cry.

pls Marlene s gonna be mad if I don’t call you before tonight

The message had been read.

Sirius waited a couple minutes, then wrote to Remus again,

I want to talk to you too, please, I can’t text you my apologies

.

.

.

.

There is nothing you can apologise for

Sirius’s lips started trembling, his throat hurt, he felt tears starting to build up and gather at the edge of his eyes.

He really fucked that up, didn’t he?

It had happened before. Them, fighting. But somehow, they always found a way to get over it.

It had happened a lot actually. It was just how their friendship worked, and Sirius would have lied if he said he didn’t like seeing Remus's ears go red every time he apologised for the things he had said in the heat of the fight.

Moony please

He hadn’t used that nickname in a long time. In fact, he remembered the exact moment he stopped using it, five years ago.

Remus didn’t even bother opening his text.

Was it pathetic of him to cry for a friend who didn’t return his text?

Probably.

Sirius was sitting on the floor of his bedroom, back against his bed, face flooded with tears. He felt small. He felt miserable.
All of the sudden, he was five again and his parents forbade him to play outside with his brother because he had done something to deceive them.

It was maybe because he was in this state, that he answered the unknown number calling him. Also because a small part of him had hoped it was Remus.

“Hello” He replied, half sobbing, voice still shaking.

“Sirius.”

Sirius froze. He knew that voice. That voice still gave him nightmares every other night. He did not answer, but he didn’t hang up either.

“Your brother hasn’t been answering my calls. I know what you’re trying to do”

“Maman”

“You have fucked up your life already, don’t try to do the same thing with Regulus. The boy has an actual chance of becoming someone, a better chance than you ever had”

Sirius started shaking.

“I’m asking you to not talk to Regulus anymore. It’s not because you're miserable and a failure that you have to make him miserable. He’s the only heir of the Black family and fortune and he’s promised a bright future”

“I’m not,” He muttered.

“I didn’t catch that Sirius. Didn’t I teach you how to speak clearly? I guess you’re not even capable of expressing yourself. It must be the influence of your little friends, I always said that they’ll drag you down and I was right”

“I’m not a failure”

“Oh oh,” His mother laughed, “but you are darling, you are mon plus grand échec et tu es destiné à une vie de misère, parce que tu es né minable et que tu resteras minable jusqu’à la fin de ta lamentable vie où tu n’auras réaliser aucun de tes pitoyables rêves.”

Somehow, the fact that she said that in French made him feel even worse. He wished he had forgotten how to speak that language during the few years he got to live away from the Black house.
But he remembered everything. He had spoken French his whole life, it was his birth tongue as much as English.

“Ca fait plusieurs semaines que je ne lui ai pas parlé”

“Why has he been skipping his classes then?”

So French was used only to insult him apparently.

“How would I know, I’m not his fucking mom tracking every single one of his movements”

“Ne me répond pas Sirius”

He had to take a deep breath here. She really knew how to make him fucking mad.

“ Fine. If this is what you want, je n'adresserais plus la parole au dernier membre de la famille qui n’est pas encore complètement pourri jusqu’à la moelle like the rest of you.”

“C’est tout ce que je voulais entendre”

She was the one to hang up.

He wished he could have had the strength to hang up on her the minute he heard her voice but the sad truth was that she still got power over him.

He was going to do what she asked. She was right, he was a failure and his brother didn’t need him anyway. And it wasn’t as if Regulus wanted to talk to him.
As for the fact that he skipped his lectures… Well, it was not Sirius’s problem.

He slowly curled up on the floor and started tearing apart the piece of paper he’s been holding in his hand since he woke up this morning. Ideas of lyrics for a new song. The band didn’t have to tell anyone that he had written it. Peter could take the credits.

First, he very neatly ripped it up into two identical pieces.

Then in four pieces of paper.

Déchirer.

A failure.

Tearing up.

Paper.

Paper.

Paper.

Minable.

Pathetic.

Small pieces of paper everywhere.

It looked like snow.

He kept ripping them up. Again and again and again.

And again.

“Sirius, are you home?”

Someone opened his bedroom door.

Paper.

Shredding everything apart.

“Sirius?”

Friendly eyes were facing him. James had laid down on the floor, body parallel to his.
He carefully took the tiny white chunk of paper in Sirius’s hands and tossed them away.

None of them said anything for a long time.

“Why am I like this James?”

Sadness veiled the gentle gaze his best friend had on him. James grabbed his fingers and held them tightly.

“You’re my best friend, you are amazing just the way you are”

“I’m just a waste of space”

James shook his head vigorously, “you are so loved Sirius, you are not a waste of space.”

Tears were starting to shine in the corner of James’ eyes.

“I talked to my mother”

His friend didn’t say anything. Instead, he nodded his head, still holding his hands, gently encouraging him to keep talking.

“She asked me to stop speaking to Reggie, she said I’m driving him down the wrong path”

Real tears were rolling down Sirius’s cheeks now, creating a small puddle on the rug where they were lying down.

"I'm gonna do what she asked," he said, swallowing his pride.

It really was what was the best to do. Regulus hated him already anyway. Sirius has been compelling him into seeing each other, but he knew Regulus didn't truly want to see him or speak to him. He probably felt pity towards Sirius and indulged him to stop his brother from harassing him.

"You can't do that"

That caught him by surprise, because? What?

“What do you mean?”

“Regulus needs you as much as you need him. Don’t let him go.”

Sirius was sure it wasn’t true. He was broken, in desperate need of therapy, addicted to weed, with several mental health issues. Why would anyone need him? Everyone hated him and they were right to do so.

“Sirius, listen to me, you are loved. I can’t live without you and I’m sure Regulus feels the same way.”

He probably didn’t, but Sirius nodded anyway to make James happy. Anything to make James happy.

“You’re gonna call Regulus and explain to him what your mom asked you to do”

“He hates me right now. Everybody hates me. Remus hates me”

“That is not true,” James answered with the most serious expression on his face.

“Why won’t he let me apologise then?”

“You know him,” his friend sighed, “he will come around eventually, you’re one of his best friends”

Was he? One of his best friends? Maybe back when they were still in school, but at some point, something changed.

Probably after this specific birthday.

“You’re gonna see him tonight anyway, you’ll be able to apologise then”

“Yeah, you’re right”

Sirius really hoped so, but the truth was that they were very slim chances for Remus to ever talk to him again.

***

It was already five in the afternoon. They were all supposed to meet at Le pot aux Roses in an hour but James was getting restless.

For once this week, he wasn’t feeling as anxious. Talking with Sirius earlier made him feel better which was kind of fucked up on his part but helping people go through their shit really did make him happier. He felt a sense of purpose when people needed him.

Which was maybe why he send this text to Remus,

You need to make amend with Sirius

They were going to see each other in a short time, he needed to sort that out.

Did he ask you to text me?

Fuck Remus, give him a little credit

He would tho

Yes, he would have, thought James. But he didn’t this time. James just wanted to help out.

He really wants to apologise, he feels like shit

Not my problem James

Come on Remus, you can’t stay mad at him forever

I can try

They were infuriating but James preferred being furious than anxious, and luckily he could only process one emotion at a time. So right now, he was upset at Remus.

If you don’t let him apologise I’m ignoring you

you’re not physically capable of ignoring someone

James was bluffing. Remus was right, it was impossible for him to ignore someone for more than ten minutes.

try me

He waited a couple minutes before Remus answered,

fine. I’m calling him now

And that made James happy. He was feeling useful and needed.

It was his own fucked up way to fight anxiety and it worked, so why seek someone else's help?

Cheerfully, he started packing his bass, humming a melody Peter had been working on this past week, then went into the living room where Peter was napping.

“Peter, wake up! We’ve gotta go!”

The boy opened his eyes, looked at the watch on his wrist, and mumbled,

“Fuck off James we’ve still got half an hour”

“We should go now, Marlene will be pleased if we’re early”

Peter sighed, “Alright then,” he got up and stretched his arms above his head, “where’s Sirius?”

“Uh…”

Actually, James had no idea. Sirius disappeared after what happened earlier. He wasn’t in his bedroom, or in the flat. He was sure of it because he couldn’t hear any shootings, and god knows they would have been shooting because he was probably on the phone with Remus right now.

“He must have gone out. Remus is meant to call him right now so I reckon we shouldn’t wait for him”

Just as he said that he heard keys turning and Sirius made his way quietly through the front door.
His hair, which he usually kept in a bun when he was not on stage, was sadly hanging around his face. He was drenched because it was pouring rain outside and he obviously thought he was too cool to carry an umbrella.

“Hey Sirius,” Peter called.

Sirius looked startled by that, and jumped a little, “oh, hi, I didn’t see you there”

James and Peter were standing in the middle of the living room, surrounded by big music gear. It was impossible to miss them.

“Did you have Remus on the phone?” James asked.

Sirius nodded.

“Could you apologise?”

He nodded again.

“Are you both good now?”

Again, a nod.

“Alrighty,” James didn’t know what to do. It was obvious that the phone call hadn’t met Sirius’s expectations. Peter cleared his voice, coming to their rescue,

“Should we go then?”

Sirius fucking nodded. Again.

***

Marlene had been working with the boys for over four years now. She didn’t give them much of a choice, to be honest. One day, last year of sixth form, she came up to Peter and Remus, and handed them a piece of paper with the address of a pub where she booked a gig for them.

She had listened to their music and had thought that they were good but that they were all fucking idiots. They could never go on to Ally Pally if no one took the band into his hands, so she became their manager.

At first, she did it for free. And yes, because at the time she had a small crush on Sirius but come on, he was a singer and guitarist in a teenage band. And he had long hair and was fucking cool.

Anyway, that was before fully understanding that she didn’t actually like men.

She stuck with them anyway, after school, to London. She went to uni, enrolled in a BA in music management, and refused to live in their bloody flat when James offered.

She was renting her own little room in uni accommodations and had been living here for the last few years. She needed her privacy and come on, living with four men, as nice as they were, it was out of the question.

However, she made them buy a convertible sofa for the occasional late night she would spend working with them and requisitioned Peter’s bedroom (the nicest honestly) if, eventually, after a gig at the café, she had someone to bring home.

It had happened before despite what James and Sirius said. They wouldn’t have known, they were shit-faced every time.

She cared for them a lot, and she was probably the sanest of the lot as well, making her the mom friend a bit too often. She knew their favourite food, favourite songs, she was aware of their issues because for some reason they liked to confide in her.
She knew they all cared for each other very much and what was going on between Sirius and Remus, even though both of them were persuaded they were the only ones to know.
She knew James was an anxious mess trying to hide his struggles behind big smiles and problematic people-pleaser behaviour.
She knew Peter pretended to be fed up with his friend a lot but that he would die for them at any given moment, that their teenage dream became his dream as well.

So yeah, when she asked Sirius and Remus to resolve their quarry it was because she knew they were being petty.
Yes, Sirius had made a bad move but it was understandable, to be honest, and he did share it with Remus looking for support and advice.
Remus’s reaction was valid too, and falling off stage and having cerebral commotions made it okay for him to take a break but not pout over an argument for a week. The doctors said he miraculously didn’t even have any serious damages.

And now they had this amazing opportunity.

They could do an opening act at the O2 Arena, for the weird sisters' nothing less, which was everything they never dared to dream of.

Yes, small details, they had to win the band contest first, and they had to come up with songs Sirius didn’t write in only a couple of weeks but Marlene was a hundred percent sure they could win.

She had listened to their opponents on YouTube and they weren’t half as good as the Marauders.

And they didn’t have her.

“Yo Marls!” Peter shouted from across the café, making everyone turn their head toward the three men entering.

Sirius looked miserable, James too but slightly less than when she had seen him earlier this week. Peter just looked tired, but he always was.

James went straight to Lily to order, black americano for Sirius, cappuccino for Peter, and probably a very sugary latte for himself, the usual.
Meanwhile, Sirius and Peter walked towards her table with their instruments in their hands, bumping into the clients and their tables and whispering sorry every two seconds.

“I’m not gonna ask how you’ve been because you all look like shit”

“Thanks Marls, you too look amazing, as always” Sirius grumbled, carelessly putting his guitar case on the floor.

“Your cappuccino Pete, and Americano for you, Lily’s bringing ours Marls, you wanted an oat matcha right?”

Marlene smiled, “yeah, thanks James”, she then turned to face Sirius, “Where’s Remus?”

“How would I know”

Just as he answered, the tall brown haired man appeared outside of the café window. He wasn’t alone though.

Marlene watched Sirius’s mouth falling wide open while Remus was being languorously kissed goodbye by both of the friends he came with.

Marlene was about to die of laughter, Sirius looked like he was about to cry. James and Peter were exchanging knowing glazes, discreetly eying Remus, then Sirius.

After a long minute, Remus’s friends took a small step back and while the blond one opened the door for him, the other gave him a quick shoulder massage.

Marlene looked back at Sirius who had closed his mouth and swallowed his tears, and now looked absolutely mad,

“He’s not going to bring them, is he?” Sirius said loud enough for everyone in the café to hear.

Lily came to their table with their order, visibly struggling to contain her laughter, “oh wow, living with your brother suits him well Sirius”

Sirius glared at her with death in his eyes.

The three of them kissed one last time before going their separate way, and it was a flushed and happy Remus who came to greet them.

“Hey everyone!”

It was surprising that it was the one that had been hospitalised a week before that looked the best between all of them, but here was Remus.

“Hot chocolate Rem?” Lily asked, a wide smile on her face.

“Yes please Lils!”

He sat down between James and Peter, facing Marlene, trying his best not to look at Sirius.
But Sirius was staring right at him, and at the many marks on his neck, witnesses that he had a good day, and probably a good night as well.

“Okay, so now that we are all here, what have we got?” Marlene intervened before Sirius decided that the future of the band wasn’t worth seeing whatever they just saw.

Extraordinarily, no one made comments about Remus’s friends and they all got to work. Peter and James had come up with several rhythms and Remus had written some lyrics down. Sirius too, because who would know he was the writer behind it?
They already had one complete and personal song that Sirius had never touched, written two years ago by Peter and Remus.
They all decided to only play one cover, which was “Could have been me” by The Struts. So they had a seven minute show with both of these songs.
They only needed to come up with twenty three more minutes of songs, more or less seven new songs. In two weeks. They had to learn and master them in that lapse of time too.

Yeah it was a long shot.

The clock had just hit two o’clock in the morning when Marlene decided that they would not get anything out of their brains anymore. Lily had left the café several hours ago, after kindly preparing coffee after coffee. She had left the key with Peter because she trusted him the most even though her boss would absolutely fire her if he knew she was doing this.

“Are we all getting back to the flat?” James asked, stretching his legs and yawning.

Marlene nodded, she absolutely did not want to do a forty-five minute journey by bus at 2 am.

“Actually, someone’s picking me up,” Remus said, while typing something on his phone, “Dorcas had a shift at the pub where she works not far from here, and she’s done now so…”

“You’re not coming back?” Sirius said with the most miserable voice Marlene had ever heard.

Remus looked at Sirius for the first time of the night, or at least Marlene thought it was the first time. He raised an eyebrow and in the slutiest possible voice, said, “I’d rather have a good night's sleep”

Sirius’s face flushed immediately, and it was probably the first time Marlene saw Sirius uncomfortable. He didn’t answer anything, which was probably for the best.

“How’s Regulus?” James asked instead, tapping his fingers on the table, visibly distressed by the situation between his two friends.

“Uh, good. He’s been staying at home quite a lot this week to catch up on work I think, because I haven’t seen him going to uni much”

Marlene observed Sirius' mouth open and closed like he wanted to say something but someone stole his voice.

“Actually I think I forgot something last time,” James said, scratching the back of his head, “Do you reckon I could hitch a ride with Dorcas and you tonight?”

“You forgot something?” Peter said, frowning, “And you’ve just noticed it now?”

“At 2am? Just tell me what it is and I can bring it back to you tomorrow?”

“No, no don’t bother,” James retorted, “you’re right it’s the middle of the night I don’t know what I was thinking, I’ll come by tomorrow morning and we can head to rehearsal together after”

Marlene didn’t understand one thing about what was happening. Obviously, Sirius and Remus had stuff to work on, but at least they were both in the same room and not screaming at each other. And regarding James…

A loud knock made her jump out of her seat.

“Oi, lover boy! You coming or what? I haven’t got all night!”

A face, probably Dorcas’s, was stuck to the window, and she was vigorously waving.
Remus unlocked the front door, and invited her in,

“Sorry I still need to pack my things, I’ll be ready in five”

“Okay, if you’re not, I’ll leave without you, I’m knackered”.

Marlene took a step forward, drawing her hand out, “Hi, how you’re doing? I’m Marlene”

“Good Thanks” She didn’t shake her hand but instead made a B-line to James.

That was so rude. And yes, maybe it was weird of Marlene to offer a hand to shake but come on.

“Potter! How have you been since last time? Regulus was quite worried about you” She said, winking heavily.

And that’s when it clicked in Marlene’s brain. Regulus spending all night in the hospital (James told her), James talking about him wearing jeans (they had quite a conversation about Regulus two days ago), him asking how he was doing.
At first, she thought he was just worried about the two brothers, and he made it seem like it too, always bringing out Sirius in the conversation, saying that he was worried about them, which might have been true, yeah, but she sensed there was something else.

And now she knew.

She side-eyed James, who was babbling nonsense, and caught Peter’s eyes in the process. He pursed his lips and nodded slowly in Marlene’s direction, confirming her fear.
Because if James liked Sirius’s brother, and he liked him back, it meant more shit was about to go down.

Chapter Text

Only five days left before the contest.

Peter was on the verge of screaming. He was very close to losing it every single minute he had to stay in the same room Sirius and Remus were in. Which had been every day for the last few weeks.

Remus still refused to talk to Sirius about what happened and Sirius was starting to get angry about it, after crying for days.

Fortunately for everybody, Sirius had to go to work three days a week, which gave a break to everyone from the incessant rambling and pouting the two boys were pulling instead of focusing on the band and the contest. The thirty minutes that were going to define their entire future as musicians.

Remus wasn’t working though. His doctor told him to get a month break from the café. He was still helping Lily sometimes though, when she was very busy, or when he didn’t want to listen to Sirius anymore. And also when Barty or Evan asked him for coffee because apparently “it was their dream to have a hot barista boyfriend”.

No need to add that Remus was still living with them.

Right now, they were on stage, trying to fix the arrangements of the last song they came up with. And Remus was crossed at Sirius for not “singing with his soul”, whatever that meant.

“I am leading, you need to follow me”

“You should be able to adapt the rhythm to my singing”

“I could, but all I hear is you, screeching”

“Fuck off, at least I can sing”

“You call that singing?”

Peter climbed off the stage. When they started, it could take ages before they get to the playing music part again.

“Not my fault if the lyrics you write are not singable”

Peter sighed. The lyrics were good enough, the melody too. But Remus was hammering his drums too loudly, sinking Sirius’ voice behind cymbals, and Sirius was performing at least two octaves too high, which, in Remus’ defense, really sounded like screeching.

“Can you get me a mocha please Lil’s?” Peter asked, taking his phone out of his pocket, ready to pay.

“It’s on me,” Lily said, already starting to steam the milk, “what’s up with those two? They still haven’t worked it out?”

“They should just shag”

Peter turned his head towards Marlene, raising an eyebrow. “Why do you think everything can be resolved in bed? And besides, Remus seems perfectly happy in the little situationship he got himself into”

“Don’t get me wrong Pete,” Marlene took a sip of her tea, “I know Remus thinks whatever’s going on with Crouch and Rosier makes him happy and feel complete or whatever nonsense he’s been telling us. And they are sweet to him, which is all I could wish for Remus but-”

“There is not but” Peter cut. He knew what she was about to say. The elephant in the room ever since Remus and Sirius met each other back in school.

“Come on Pettigrew! You can’t tell me that it wouldn’t release some tension. They are so oblivious and seem to think that no one can see what’s going on.”

“It would just make things harder for everyone”

“As if it wasn’t already” Marlene pointed out, eying the two boys and James in the middle, trying to smooth things up, “I can see James’ hair greying every second he has to keep your friends from jumping at each other throat”

“Sirius wouldn’t. He’s already blaming himself too much for what happened to Remus”

“Maybe Remus should hit him. I’m sure Sirius would let it happen without batting an eye”

Marlene and Peter turned towards Lily, who just suggested violence against everything she stood for, “ I’m just pointing out the obvious” she shrugged.

“Well, maybe you’re right,” Marlene nodded, “because if they keep going like this, we stand no chance of winning next Saturday.

Peter couldn’t contradict what she was saying. He gave a quick look at his watch and stood up, swallowing his coffee quickly, burning his tongue, “I have a lesson, I have to go” Then, watching the fight still going on, he added, “Keep me posted if their bickering end up in murder so I can find a new lead singer or drummer”

“I will,” Marlene assured him.

He waved goodbye to the girls but didn’t bother to say anything to the three men still standing on stage and rushed through the door, late for the music lesson he had to give a little prodigy girl who was way better than he was.

His eyes were riveted on his phone, writing a text to the parents apologising for being late and that’s why he didn’t notice the other guy walking toward him and slammed right into each other.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, not even looking up.

“No, sorry, it was me” The other guy answered, then “Pettigrew?”

At that, Peter looked up, “Oh. Black, hi. I’m sorry, I’m late, I didn’t mean to push you”

Regulus shook his head, “No sorry, I wasn’t looking either” He gestured towards the sky, “I could have sworn I saw a parakeet flying”

Peter raised his gaze towards the clouds, “It’s possible. Apparently, Jimi Hendrix freed two of them back in the ’60s, or they escaped from a movie set in the ’50s, I can’t remember which is true”

He shook his head, “Anyway I have to go, I’m really late”

Regulus nodded, “Yes sorry, see you later”

Peter smiled politely and rushed walking past Sirius’ brother. He managed to reach the corner of the street when a hand grabbed his shoulder, making him stop.

A very out-of-breath Regulus was standing behind him. His cheeks were flushed from running to catch up with Peter, “Wait, I’ve got a question, can we talk? I don’t know who else to ask and, well, you were always nice to me, even back at school”

The boy seemed desperate, Peter thought. He was really late for his lesson though.

“Err…”

“Please Pettigrew, I’ll pay for lunch”

Peter looked at his phone quickly. The mom had answered back,

It’s fine honey, if you can’t make it we can reschedule.

She was a really sweet lady, raising her daughter almost on her own as her husband was always away. He felt bad for cancelling the lesson.

“You can choose an expensive place if you want,” Regulus pleaded.

“Everywhere is an expensive place in London”

“Fair enough” Regulus smiled, “is it yes then?”

Peter weighed his options. Finally, he wrote back to the mom,

I’m so sorry for the late cancellation. It seems I will not be able to make it today. We can reschedule any days that are convenient to you. My apologies again.

“Fine, let’s go, take me to the most expensive place you can think of”

***

In truth, Regulus didn’t have any questions to ask Peter. He was just feeling lonely and sad and had an essay to write due the next day.

And Peter seemed like a good man. And he was friends with James.

Regulus shouldn’t think about James. He just couldn’t help it.

He led Peter to a very posh restaurant in the neighbourhood, one he used to go as a kid with Sirius and his parents. He didn’t have a lot of happy memories in this place, but it was the most expensive he could think of at the moment.

“Wow. I would have gone home to change if I knew you were taking me there”

“It’s fine, they won’t mind, my family has a table here”

“You know, sometimes I forget that you are the heir of one of the wealthiest families in England. Sirius’s fault really.”

As promised, no one made a fuss about the ripped jeans, black nails, and band t-shirt Peter was wearing, and they led them right to the Black table in its usual corner.

“Est ce que messieurs désireraient la carte des vins?” The waiter asked.

“Do you want wine?” Regulus translated for Peter.

“Uh- I’ll have whatever your drinking”

Regulus was not the best at making decisions. Luckily, he saw his dad order a thousand times in that place, “What would you recommend?” He said in English so that Peter wouldn’t be lost.

“If I may, I think you would enjoy your father’s favourite, Monsieur Black”

“We’ll have this one then”

The French waiter nodded and left swiftly. He probably understood that Regulus knew nothing about alcohol and was kind enough to not point it out.

“So…” Peter began, “What did you want to talk about?”

Regulus' brain went blank. Right, he told him he had questions.

“I just wanted to talk about…” He started slowly, “Uh, about Sirius.” He blurted out.

It felt like it was something he should ask about, and Peter seemed to think it too because he immediately shook his head,

“Listen, I’m sorry about his behaviour. I know it isn’t easy to talk to him sometimes but he really misses you.”

“Oh, does he now?”

“I won’t pretend to know what happened to you both. All I know is what he had the kindness to share with me, and it was enough for me to tell him he should see someone to talk about his issues”

Regulus shouldn’t have talked about Sirius. Peter did not have any boundaries apparently and Regulus did not like the way this conversation was going.

“Okay,” He simply answered, hoping to put an end to it. But it seemed that Peter was not done with his amateur psychoanalysis,

“He worries a lot, about everything really, but I think you are the number one thing he’s worrying about the most.”

“Well, he didn’t bother to talk to me these past two weeks, Ben though one of his best mate he’s staying at my place” Regulus answered, bitterly, before he could hold his tongue.

“Well, James told me that your mother has asked him not to talk to you anymore. Something about you not going to uni”

Yes, Regulus had been missing a few classes lately but he didn’t know his mother was aware. She surely didn’t say anything to him.

No, not to him but to Sirius instead. It really upset him for some reasons

Peter did not notice the weird face Regulus was making, “He has been pretty shaken by this last call, and his quibble with Remus is not helping either. He often talks about you, you know?”

“He listened to her?”

“What?” Peter's brows furrowed.

“Sirius had never once in his life listened to our parents”

“I think it’s more complex than it looks like”

“I don’t want to talk about Sirius anymore,” Regulus uttered abruptly. “It seemed he finally made the decision to cut out every person linking him to his past. I shouldn’t be surprised really, it was only a matter of time”

“Regulus, I don’t think-”

The assassin's eyes Regulus drove on Peter made him shut up immediately.

“ Château Rayas Châteauneuf du Pape, mis en bouteille en 2008”

The waiter had come back, holding a bottle of red wine looking very expensive. He poured a little into Regulus' glass, and Regulus, who watched his father do it a billion times, soaked his lips in the alcohol.

“C’est parfait,” He said to the waiter even though he had no idea if it really was.

The waiter poured the wine into both of their glasses and put the bottle down on their table, “If I may, le gigot d’agneaux et grisets de Ventoux would go perfectly with it”

“Very well then, we will both have it”

Peter looked lost.

“What are we having?” He asked, confused.

“Lamb and something else. I don’t really know what it is but a big part of eating in these posh restaurants is pretending you know what you’re ordering. I can bet than half of the people here have no idea what they are actually eating”

Peter guffawed, earning them a couple of irritated stares from the clients around them. Regulus could recognise some of the people here, partner of his parents or old friends of the family. This lunch will eventually be known by his Orion and Walburga. He shivered just thinking about what they would think when they’ll hear that he was here, with a “weird-looking boy”. He pushed that idea away and instead focused back on the wine, sipping it like he would drink water.

“Regulus, are you alright? Is there anything else you want to talk about”

He was, in fact, not alright. The pressure he felt from everyone was crushing him a bit more every day. Because of the classes he missed, he had a lot of work to catch up on, not to mention that finals were coming. His parents sent him letters with lists of potential brides. He had to take extra lessons with a private tutor who was teaching him how to handle the money he was going to inherit one day. Even though he pretended not to care about his brother, Sirius’ silence hurt him.

And also, he couldn’t take James out of his mind and it really bothered him because his mind and heart were failing him miserably.

He used to be able to control it. But ever since the hospital, he just couldn’t get rid of the image of James. He was seeing him in everything and everyone.

But he couldn’t.

“I’m alright. What-”

“Do you want to talk about James?”

Regulus stared at Peter for at least a minute, mouth wide open with shock. When he finally spoke again, it was in an accusative tone, “Have you talked to any of my flatmates? Did Remus said anything?”

“If you think any of them told me about your blatant crush, your mistaken”

“I don’t have a crush. I’m not twelve years old”

Peter raised an eyebrow in disbelief and Regulus felt his heart stumping faster in his chest. How could he know?

“If you don’t want to talk about it it’s fine, I just think you should know that James has taken his anxiety issues to someone, finally. And I think it’s a great deal thanks to you.”

“I’m glad he wants to get better but don’t lie to me, I didn’t do anything”

“He talks a lot about you”

“No, he doesn’t”

Peter shrugged, “I’m just telling you what I’m noticing. I’m a great observer and listener. And I’m very nosy but I’m sure you already noticed that”

“You’re so weird,” Regulus told him before thinking better of it, “sorry”

“It’s fine, you’re probably right. It’s just that I don’t really care. I just say what’s on my mind most of the time”

“Good for you”

Peter shrugged, again. “I’m hungry, any idea when we’re gonna be served?”

Luckily for Regulus, the food arrived at the same time, saving him from finding another subject to discuss than James.
None of them said much during the meal, besides Peter’s few comments on how it was the best dish he had ever eaten.

Eventually, their plates ended up empty. Peter grasped that opportunity to ask one of his very inappropriate questions, again,

“Why am I really here Black? You didn’t want to talk about Sirius, or about James. I don’t see why else you would have brought me there. Even though I appreciate the treat”

Regulus shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He had not even one good reason to give the man sitting across him. He didn’t even have an idea why he had asked him to come with him in the first place.
It’s just that he was there, he knew Peter wouldn’t have refused him and maybe he did need somebody to talk to.

“I don’t know,” He said silently.

Peter glared at him from the other side of the table, then shook his head,

“I think I should leave. I have to get back to rehearsal anyway”

Regulus nodded.

“Do you want us to share the check?” Peter added, gesturing towards the food.

“No, I’ll just ask them to add it to my father's bill”

He didn’t know if he could ask the restaurant to do that, but Peter didn’t know and it was sufficient for him. Regulus stayed sat, watching him leave, walking clumsily between the tables, looking very out of place.

And it stung his heart, because he knew that if Peter blatantly didn’t belong to this world, neither did Sirius, and neither did James.

While he was fitting in perfectly.

As if it wanted to confirm his thought, his phone buzzed in his pocket, his mother’s number weighing heavily onto the screen.

“Hello, mother?”

“Hello Regulus, dear. How are your finals going?”

“Very well Mother” Regulus sucked in a sharp breath, she knew he had been missing a few classes, the question was not innocent.

“I sure hope so” She paused for a while, “Have you been reading the letters I sent your way?”

Regulus thought about the huge amount of unopened letters on his desk, he didn’t need to read them to know they were all about his future as heir of the noble house of Black, “I must admit I did not find the time to open the last one.”

“It is fine dear. You ought to read your mail when you get home, the matter I’m addressing in my last missive is rather important”

“I will, Mother,” He asserted.

“There is something else I would like to discuss with you”

Here it was, as usual, she was going to talk about politics or money, or she was going to ask if he had any contact with Sirius.

“Your father is very ill”

This had the merit of surprising Regulus. His father rarely felt sick.

“Did he catch a cold during his last hunt in the Highlands?”

“No Regulus. He is very ill and has been for the last couple of months. We choose not to say anything to you so you would focus on your studies but I’m afraid he doesn’t have a lot of time left with us, the doctors said so.”

Regulus would have thought that when learning a news like this one, he would have cried, felt desperate. He didn’t.

“I am sending a car to your apartment, be ready to leave in two hours, we’ll be dining together tonight”

She was about to hang up when Regulus blurted out, “Have you told Sirius?”

A heavy silence welcomed his voice, “Why should I? He is not our son anymore, Orion isn’t his father, nor are you his brother”

Regulus swallowed with difficulty, “Of course Mother. I will see you tonight”

***

When Peter walked back into the café, Marlene felt a wave of relief wash over her.

“Oh fucking finally”

“What’s going on?” Peter asked, “Where is everyone?”

“James was feeling sick, he is currently throwing up in the loo. Sirius and Remus went to see if he needed their help”

They had barely practised today. Marlene was a bit crossed at all of them because they had been acting like fucking children and she didn’t want to play mom anymore. That’s why Peter was there.

He sighed, “How long has it been?”

“More or less thirty minutes,” She said, rolling her eyes in a way she wished was showing how done she was.

“I have to close in ten minutes guys” Lily came towards them, carrying a heavy tray full of empty cups, “I would leave you a key, but since Remus is supposedly on house arrest and Agnes already had a go at me for letting you stay longer than opening hours…”

“It’s fine Lils, I think we’re done for today anyway”

Lily glanced worriedly towards the bathroom where Peter just entered.

“I’ll have James clean his own mess,” Marlene added.

“Thanks, Marl” She hesitated, “I just hope he’s alright. I’ve rarely seen him like that”

She was right, Marlene thought. But after the contest, when they’re at the O2, it will all be worth it.

Or at least she hoped.

Someone opened the door of the café.

“Sorry, we’re about to close” Lily began, “Oh Dorcas hey! How are you doing?”

“Not bad, thanks!” The girl answered with a wide smile.

She had been picking up Remus every day for the last two weeks. As she saw that he was not in the room, she sat herself on the stool next to Marlene,

“Hiya Blondie”

Marlene thought she was infuriating.

“Remus is about to come out any minute,” She said, “I’ll tell him that you’re waiting outside”

“But I’m right here” Dorcas winked with a devilish grin on her face.

She did not bother answering her. Instead, she walked out of the room, to the toilets because the boys were taking ages.

She was not surprised to open the door on the four of them holding each other in a tight hug. They didn’t look as if they had been fighting nonstop these last few days.

“Marls, come here” Sirius called, raising one arm to let her sneak in between them.

“Lily has to close” She began, but Peter grabbed her arm and pulled her into their mish-mash of emotions,

“Lily can come too” He answered instead.

And even though Marlene hated impromptu physical touch and always felt uncomfortable in big displays of feelings, she gave into the embrace. Because she was tired, because she was stressed out, because she was simply happy to be with them.

Nonetheless, she was the one who put an end to it, “Alright guys, Lily really has to close and Dorcas is here for you Remus”

Sirius immediately tensed up, “You’re not coming back to our flat?”

All eyes turned towards Remus.

“Uh… I can’t just leave them like that. I promise that I would cook lasagna tonight”

“Ugh, I miss your Lasagna” Peter complained.

“And, this” Remus pointed to all of them, probably referring to the hug, “does not mean I accept your apologies Sirius”

“But we’re talking again, right?” Sirius looked desperate.

Remus exhaled, “Yes. We are talking again.”

A thin smile appeared on Sirius’ lip, and Marlene breathed out. It meant that the four days they had left were going to go easier. And fuck, she needed that.

They all walked out of the tiny bathroom where they had been crumbled out, feeling lighter than they were when they came in.

“What were you doing in there?” Dorcas asked suspiciously, “McKinnon?”

Marlene had no idea why she had asked her specifically, she waved her questions off.

“Band bonding”

Dorcas narrowed her eyes, and Marlene felt her cheeks flush because “Band bonding”? Why did she say that? That was probably the worst answer she could have given to someone who just saw five people come out of a tiny bathroom.

“I mean, uh- I mean nothing compromising” Which was probably worse to add, “We just hugged”

She was digging her own grave.

“It’s fine,” Dorcas finally spoke, “I’m not one to judge”

“It’s not- We’re not-” Marlene choked on her own words.

Dorcas ignored her, “Remus sweetie, you’re ready to go? I’m dreaming of this lasagna you said you would cook”

On his account, Remus looked embarrassed. He picked up his bag and walked to the door, followed by the most impossible girl Marlene had ever met.

“Oh and Sirius, I think you should give Regulus a call. He texted me saying he needed to go home for a week or so” She declared, “It seemed urgent”

“We’re not talking”

“He’s your brother, if you don’t call him, I will”

To everyone's surprise, or at least Marlene feigned to be surprised, these words came out of James’s mouth.

Dorcas gave James a thumbs up and pushed Remus out of the café, ignoring his protestation.

James did not wait for Sirius to register what he just said, “I’m walking home”

And just like that, he stormed out of the room. Sirius tried to articulate his thought, but he always had been a bit slow, Marlene shouted before he could say anything,

“I’m walking home too”

And with that, she ran out behind James. He was a fast walker so she was a bit out of breath when she finally caught up with him,

“James! Hey James! Wait for me please!”

The boy stopped his frenetic walk. Marlene put a hand on his shoulder, forcing him to face her.

He had been crying.

“Oh, James… is it-”

“Don’t tell the other please”

She didn’t know if he was talking about him crying or if he understood that she knew about Regulus, “Of course, I won’t”, she said anyway.

He gave her a weak smile.

“I don’t know why I felt how I did today, I’m sorry about that”

“It’s not your fault” Marlene shook her head.

“It kinda is though. I’m seeing someone but it’s not working”

“You’ve seen your therapist twice James”

They were walking now, not in the direction of the flat but walking.

“I shouldn’t have said that to Sirius, I don’t know what came into me”

“I think you care deeply for both of them”

At that, he shrugged, “I don’t really know Regulus that well”

“Tell me if I’m wrong James but-” She took a deep breath, Marlene was about to drop the bomb, “I think you might like Regulus a bit more than what you pretend”

He didn’t contradict her and began to chew his bottom lip.

“It is alright James, you know that right?”

“My therapist said I might have an anxiety disorder” He decided to switch subjects, to Marlene’s annoyance. She had to talk to him about Regulus at some point.

“And it only took her two hours to notice it, wow she’s really good!” She said sarcastically.

Marlene obviously hurt James' feelings because he stayed mute.

“Sorry” she apologised, “It’s good that you’re getting the help you need”

“I’m sorry too” he whispered so low that Marlene barely heard him, “Yes I do like Regulus a bit more than I pretend”

She had the tact to wait for James to go at his own pace, and she did not utter a word until he did so himself.

“And I know I’m completely insane, he is Regulus Black, heir of one of the most powerful and influential families in Britain, if not Europe”

“He is your best friend’s brother, I mean Sirius is basically your brother too, is it incest then?” She bit her tongue, but too late, she should have thought before speaking.

James gave her a sharp look, “That too, but not the incest part”

“Sorry, I only meant that maybe you should talk about it to Sirius?” She attempted, looking down at her shoes, ready to be dismissed.

“Yes, you might be right”

“What? I am?”

“Well, yes…” James lingered, “He probably knows him better than I do, and he knows me too. That makes him the best person to talk to…”

“But?”

“But what if he hates me for that?”

And here it was, Marlene knew exactly what to say because she’d been rehearsing it since she saw that glint in James’ eyes.

“He will never hate you for anything James. You are his family, you have an even stronger bond than a family because he chose you, you chose each other. In all honesty, I think he would be glad to see you with his little brother because that would mean that Regulus would be out of their parents' claws”

James’s face brightened up a bit, “you think?”

“I also think that he would be petty about it just for the sake of it”

“Ah.”

“But not for long though” She continued quickly, “eventually, he would be the happiest”

“Thanks Marls. But Sirius is not the actual issue” James replied sadly, “I can’t believe that Regulus would ever think of me the way I do” He cringed at that, “Ew, why did I say that, I sound so soapy”

Marlene laughed a little, “Yes that was unbearable to hear, I think my ears are bleeding”

“Shut up,” He said, but the corner of his mouth was unmistakably twitching, “I’m not actually gonna call him, it would be awkward”

“I think you should”

“What, why?”

“I think he likes you too”. She shivered, “Oh my god, I can’t believe I just said that. What are we? Twelve years old? Are we talking about our crush?”

He threw an arm around her shoulder and proceeded to mess her hair up, “You will always be the weird twelve years old who brought a frog to class to me”

“Of fucking course you remember that,” She said hitting him in the arm, “you’re the one who told me it was “bring a pet to school day””

“I was expecting a cat or a rabbit” He giggled like he used to do a lot when they were still in school.

“Well, I was not like other girls I guess. I was a fucking moron”

They laughed and eventually got back on to the right path to go to the flat. Marlene was happy with her day, it felt as if every trouble they had suddenly disappeared. She didn’t care if she was wrong, she wanted to believe it. And she hoped James believed it too.

Chapter Text

As promised, a car was waiting for him on the road next to the front door of his building. A simple black car from a private driver's company. A man in a suit was standing by it,

“Regulus Black?”

He didn’t bother answering, instead, he nodded stiffly and gave the driver his bag before opening the back door and throwing himself on the leather seats.

“Shitty weather, ain’t it?” The driver said, starting the car, not showing any sign that Regulus’s rudeness troubled him.

Regulus nodded again, conscious that the man couldn’t even see him. Maybe he would get the clue that he wasn’t in the mood for talking.

“So, going to the countryside for the holidays?” He asked nonetheless, “I would love to take a break from the city sometimes. London is a great place don’t get me wrong, but it wouldn’t bother me breathing some fresh air for a change”

“I’m going to see my parents”

“Oh that’s nice too, I haven’t seen mine in a long while, they live in Canada. Moved there a couple years ago when my mom finally got retired”

This was going to be a long ride, Regulus thought, listening to the driver's whole life story.

“-my mom went a bit crazy and stopped talking to me for 6 months when she learned that my girlfriend was pregnant, I must say that we were only nineteen. But eventually, the baby was born and she came around, she’s the best grandma now.”

“Okay”

“Being a parent really changes one guy I’ll tell you, you can’t do anything but love this little human being. When my daughter arrived, everything was upside down, but for the better. My parents thought of me as a failure, you know, dropping out of uni and all but look at me now, I have my own company and earn double the amount of money they were earning at my age”

“And you’re driving rich assholes around”

The driver looked at him through the rear mirror, “See the key word here is rich, because if they’re rich, they pay well”

Regulus shrugged and lay his head back on the seat, he was tired. He spent most of his nights working on his essays for the last couple of weeks and had barely got any sleep.

“Are you in university boy? Are you making your parents proud?”

“Trying my best”

“I’m sure they’re proud of you, parents are always proud of their kids even if they never say it, my parents were proud even if they thought I threw all of my chances away when I had my kid.”

“If you say so”

Regulus didn’t think he could ever make his parents proud. They were never satisfied, and they told him on a weekly that he wasn’t doing enough. Even though he had been one of the top students for the last two years.

It was never enough.

When they were kids, going to primary school, everything seemed to come easy for Sirius. He was always the best in his class, but he was also a social butterfly so no one ever made fun of him for being the teacher’s pet or whatever.

School had always been a bit more difficult for Regulus. From the start he hated it. He hated that they had to sit all day long, he detested the scream of the children in the playground, he disliked not being good in a subject, he loathed having to speak in class, and most of all, he despised the grown-up talking down to him as if, because he was eight, he was simple-minded.

But Sirius had been there for him at that time. He stayed with him during lunch break and kept the bullies away from him.
Until year 6 at least because when Sirius left for boarding school, everything changed for Regulus.

At school and at home.

He didn’t want to think about it now.

“So, did you grow up around here then?” The driver asked, turning left into a small town.

“No, my parents have a house in London”

“They moved in the country when you left for uni then?”

“Yes”

The truth was that the house he was heading to had been in the family for generations. It used to be their summer house but Orion and Walburga moved here permanently about a year before. Now that Regulus thought about it, it probably was linked to his father’s health.

“It’s a charming village, do you come here often?”

“Not really”

“Liking your independence eh. But you know, your parents are not gonna stay there forever, that’s what I told my daughter when she left for uni”

“That’s messed up to tell that to your kid” Regulus frowned.

“Yeah, my wife agreed with you, she told me ‘Victor, don’t burden her with your own insecurities’. She’s a therapist, my wife, it’s great but it can be a bit much sometimes”

The car turned into a long alley, leading to the familiar house. Regulus felt his guts churning in his belly. Victor pulled off a few feet from the entrance.

“Well, here you are kid”

Regulus couldn’t move yet. He was dreading coming back to that house, confronting Walburga and Orion and he felt sick to his stomach.

“Everything’s alright?”

He didn’t answer.

“Is it just your parents and you in that big house or do you have siblings?”

“A brother”

Talking was a bad idea, he felt as if he was going to throw up.

“That’s nice, is he younger? I’ve got a feeling that you’re the oldest”

“No” He shook his head, “he’s one year older”

“You must be close then!”

“Not really, he left me- I mean he left home when I was fourteen”

Victor turned his whole body towards him, which was a difficult task considering that he was sitting in the driver’s seat.

“I’m sorry kid, I shouldn’t have pushed”

“It’s fine, I’m over it” Regulus mumbled, grabbing the door handle because seeing his parents couldn’t be worse than talking about his relationship with Sirius.

“Wait!” Victor fumbled quickly in the coat on the passenger seat and got a little white card out, “that’s my wife's number, give her a call when your back in London, see if you can have a little chat with her”

“I don’t need a therapist”

“Everyone should see a therapist kid, and I’m not just saying that because my wife’s one. We’re all a bit fucked up aren’t we?”

Regulus stepped out of the car and with his bag, “I don’t need a therapist” he repeated before shutting the door a bit too harshly.

Victor stepped out as well, went to the back, and got Regulus’ luggage out.

“Just take it, kid,” He said, putting the white little card on top of the suitcase, “you don’t have to call the number but I won’t feel like my job is properly done if I don’t give it to you”

“Are you always so nosy?”

The driver shrugged, immune to the boy's rudeness, “I hope you have a good time with your parents kid”

Regulus watched him drive away, the card all crumbled in his fist. He didn’t have time to spare with a therapist, he already knew he had issues.

The front door opened behind him and his parent’s old majordome made its way to Regulus’s bags.

“Master Regulus, how was your journey?”

“It was hell”

And with those words, he entered the cold and dreary house.

It was awfully silent inside. It usually wasn’t full of noises but on this day, Regulus felt as if he entered a sensory deprivation box.

“Should I bring your bags to your room, Master Regulus?”

“Yes please Arthur”

“Your mother is waiting for you in the music room”

“I think I will clean myself up a little before meeting up with my mother”

Arthur pursed his lips, “I’m afraid it won’t be a possibility, your mother asked me to send you straight to her once you got there”

“It’s alright, I will go see her then” He let out a sigh, he wouldn’t have the possibility to do it once he’ll be in front of his parents, “How’s my father Arthur?”

“He is sleeping in his apartment, I believe, Master Regulus”

“Can you come and get me when he wakes up?”

“Of course” He bowed his head, retreating with Regulus’s bags up the stairs.

“Thanks Arthur” But he was already gone.

With another sigh, Regulus made his way to the music room.

It was his mother’s favourite room, the walls were soundproofed and pitch black. A grand piano occupied the space, along with a dark green sofa. And that was about it. When he opened the door, the sound of The Devil’s Staircase wrapped him up.

Regulus hated that piece, it was his mother’s favourite. To him, it felt like he was about to fall off a building in slow motion. He couldn’t help but feel his anxiety rise every time he was hearing those damned notes.

Of course, it was prohibited to interrupt Walburga Black when she was playing the piano, so he had to wait there, standing straight, back to the wall, hands behind him.

His mother went on for another five minutes before she finally stroked the last note.

“I’m home Mother”

She stood up and walked toward him, grabbing his chin and inspecting him closely. She was smaller than her son now but it didn’t stop her from being as intimidating as she was when Regulus was a small child.

“You look tired Regulus” It was more of an observation than anything and Regulus knew she wasn’t waiting for an explanation.

At last, she let go of his face, slowly detaching her long finger from his skin.

“I assume you are spending late night catching up on the classes you missed”

Again, she was not waiting for an answer. She walked back to the piano and gently stroked the keys. More gently than she had ever touched any of her children,

“I do not want to hear that you missed class again, compris Regulus?

“Oui Maman”

“Sit down,” she gestured towards the sofa on her left, “I want to talk about the important things now”

“How’s father?” Regulus couldn’t wait anymore.

His mother drove a sharp look at him, “He’s resting”

He wouldn’t get any more information from Walburga. He sat down.

“You are going to graduate at the end of next term, I expect with honours.”

“Yes Mother, and then I will go into my master’s degree”

“Yes you will, I already secured you an internship at your father’s firm”

He was going to be CEO of that company one day, it made sense so he nodded.

“Have you read the last letter I addressed you?”

He did not, “I admit I didn’t take the time to open it Mother”

“Well, I hope you’ll learn to read important mail in time” She reprimanded, “it concerns your future”

Regulus knew what that was about.

“You want me to find a wife”

Or maybe not, considering the expression he could read on his mother’s face.

“Arrangements have been made”

Regulus froze.

“It’s the daughter of your father’s chief financial officer”

“Alecto Carrow”

He had met her before. She was a bit… She was a lot. Her twin brother was mean and cruel. Regulus remembered coming for dinner at their house and having to watch Amycus display his collection of dead animals. Animals he killed himself.

Alecto was not as nuts as her brother was. Regulus’ only memory of the girl was her screaming at her nanny, when they were about twelve.

“You were to be engaged over the summer, but with the circumstances, the engagement party has been moved forward to Sunday, the wedding will happen over in July”

The circumstances being his father's illness, no doubt.

“Don’t you think it’s a bit too soon?” Were the first words that escaped Regulus's mouth, before he could control himself.

“Watch your tone Regulus” Walburga stood up, towering over him. “Your father is going to pass away in the days to come, we quickly need to secure a strong alliance to keep the company and the employees on their toes. Luther will fill in your father’s post until you’re properly trained, marrying his daughter secures your future position as CEO”

It was clever, Regulus couldn’t deny it. And it wasn’t like he could say no to his mother anyway.

“When am I to meet up with Alecto?”

“On Sunday”

So the day of the engagement. It was four days away. It was also the day of the band competition. Remus talked about it enough times for Regulus to remember the date. And also he had meant to text James to check how his anxiety was, and wish him good luck, or to break a leg whatever.

He was getting married. He had to tell James too.

Fuck.

He needed to get a hold of himself and stop thinking about James.

He wouldn’t call him, why would he?

“I want you to be on your best behaviour Regulus, you’re not a child anymore, you will be expected to know how to maintain a conversation”

“Of course Mother”

She held her icy gaze on him a little bit longer, “Good, you can go now”

He left without a word, mind racing quickly. He was about to get married.

He really needed to keep his thoughts in check, thinking about James was not a good thing. Why did he feel so compelled to take care of him?

Yes, he used to have a small crush on him at some point but it was nothing. Nothing he could have done anything about anyway, being the Black heir meant respecting traditions, marrying a woman from a good family who would bear children, who eventually would have to repeat the same pattern.

And Regulus was ready to do it, to withhold the tradition.

But he was still thinking about James.

He still wanted to call him, to hear his voice. Regulus needed to be there if James wasn’t alright. He desired nothing else but to get lost in his warm brown eyes, to spend days lazing around together. And in those moments, when his brain was making up plans that would never exist, he could almost taste James’ lips.

It could never happen.

So why was he still holding his name so close to his heart?

***

It was Friday morning.

James had been looking at his phone for the past thirty minutes or so. Sat on a stool in his kitchen. Everyone was still asleep.

He wanted to call Regulus, really, but also calling seemed somehow an impossible task.
He might not answer, or even worse, he might answer.

Maybe he was busy, and what would James tell him anyway once he answered the phone?

He should text, just ask if everything was okay. Yeah, he could do that, it will be fine.

He turned on his phone,

Morning! Dorcas said you left yesterday, is everything okay?

Fuck no. He couldn’t text that.

Hiya!

That was even worse, he erased it.

Fucking hell, why couldn’t he just do it? Everything seemed so easy for others. While he was feeling like his guts were fighting their own war inside his body.

He really had to teach his brain to differentiate between texting someone and being close to dying because, for some reason, his fight-or-flight response was the same in both situations.

He looked at the little phone logo on top of his screen. It would only take one small brush of his finger.

Yeah no, he was not going to do that.

“Morning sunshine!”

Marlene just entered the room, hair messier than usual and a big red mark on her cheek, witness of the deep sleep she had all night,

“Hey Marls, slept well? Do you want coffee?”

She nodded while yawning loudly, “You really shouldn’t drink coffee James, you’re already shaking and it’s not even 9”

He stared at his shaking hand, “yeah you’re probably right”

“I’m always right”

She sat beside him with a fuming coffee cup, James wanted coffee too.

“So, have you called Regulus yet?”

“Uh, …”

Damn, she always knew what he was up to.

“Come on James” She gently pushed his index towards the call button, “you can do it”

“I don’t think I can Marls”, He whispered miserably, “I want to throw up already”

“You were way more confident yesterday evening when you told Sirius that you would call him”

“It was- I don’t know, I felt like I could do it yesterday. Not today though,” he added hesitantly, turning off his phone.

“I feel like half of my job is pushing all of you guys to call people. Last week it was Sirius and Remus, now you”

“I’m sorry”

“Maybe you can do it after rehearsal?”

James shook his head, he couldn’t do it. And it was fine, right? Why would he call Regulus in the first place, they weren't even friends.

Just to prove him wrong, his cell phone started to ring. He was about to look at the screen that he just had put against the table but Marlene was quicker,

“Oh my god” were the only words she said before looking at James dead in the eyes while picking up.

James snatched it back from her and stared blankly at Regulus' name on the screen.

“Hello?”

Marlene mouthed the words, “Answer him” and James put the phone against his ear,

“Yes, hello, Regulus? Is everything okay?”

He was shaking,

“Sorry, is it a bad time to call? Did I wake you up? It’s fine I can text you later or something, sorry” Regulus blurted out, sounding a bit distressed.

“No no it’s fine, I was about to call you anyway!”

Marlene shook her head at his lie. But he was not lying, not really.

“Oh”

“I wanted to see if you were okay, Dorcas said you left in a hurry yesterday” James explained.

“Yeah I got a call from my mother, I’m just going to stay with my parents for a little while,” Regulus said vaguely.

James never met Walburga Black but he knew enough to hate the woman.

“Are you okay Regulus?”

James heard a quiet sigh from the boy, “Yeah, yes I’m fine. I too, wanted to check on how you were, with Sunday approaching, Remus and Sirius and all”

“I’m good actually. Sirius and Remus apologised to each other-”

“They did?” Regulus said, sceptically,

“They decided to stop fighting for everyone's sake” James did not add that his puking in the café’s loos influenced heavily their decisions, both boys being very distressed by James’ health.

“That’s good”

Neither of them said anything for the next minute or so. James started to get uncomfortable. He was finally about to speak when Regulus cut him off,

“I’m engaged”

The news came to James like a punch to the guts, he already felt his throat closing and bile building up in his stomach. He was about to be sick,

“Oh, congrats” What was he supposed to answer? Did Regulus only call him to share the news? Since when was he dating? Sirius said that he never dated. But Regulus probably didn’t tell everything to his older brother with whom he was still trying to rebuild a relationship.

“I mean, I’m getting engaged on Sunday so I won’t be able to be there for the band contest”

“What is he saying?” Marlene mouthed silently, sitting on the brink of her stool.

James ignored her, “That’s fine Regulus” His stomach was still in knots, “That’s fine, that’s okay, you didn’t have to come, I wasn’t waiting for you to come, that’s alright, don’t worry”

“Oh, okay then”

He could hear a point of resentment in Regulus' voice but James couldn’t gather why. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I would have been glad if you could have made it”

“But I can’t”

James nodded silently, not registering that Regulus couldn’t see him anyway, “why did you leave in such a hurry if the engagement is on Sunday?”

He didn’t answer straight away,

“Regulus, is something the matter?”

“You have to promise to not tell Sirius”

James started to bite his nails nervously, “I can’t promise anything, he’s my best mate”

“It’s just that… I need to tell him myself. Our mother forbade me to do so but he needs to know. I- I have to be the one to tell him”

“What is it, Regulus?”

What could possibly be worse than the engagement, that he didn’t want Sirius to learn from James?

“Our father is ill. He’ll be dead in a few days. That’s why I came home rushing and that’s why I’m getting engaged on Sunday”

James didn’t know what to say. Regulus needed to tell Sirius soon because he wouldn’t be able to keep that a secret for too long.

“I-”

“Don’t tell Sirius please” Regulus’ voice was pressing, almost begging, “I will- I’m gonna tell him. Soon. After the gig on Sunday, I’ll call him”

“What if it’s too late?” He managed to say, “What if he wants to say goodbye?”

James was unsure that Sirius wanted to go back there but, it was his father who was dying after all. Maybe, just maybe he would have liked to see him one last time before he passed.

“I highly doubt it,” Regulus said coldly, “and I do not think that Walburga would allow it anyway” James heard someone called Regulus’ name in the background of the phone call, “I have to go”

“Yeah, I heard”

“You’ll get first place on Sunday I have no doubt. And I’m not saying that to cheer you up, I would never say something I didn’t mean. You’re good James. Truly. You’re all good, don’t tell I said that to Sirius, he’ll be unbearable”

James let out a small chuckle “Yeah I don’t know about that, he might need to hear it”

“Is he okay?”

“Not actively fighting with Remus is helping” James sighed, “the call with Walburga was harsh on him though”

He heard Regulus suck in a sharp breath, “What she said never bothered him before, I don’t see why our mother forbidding him to talk to me would affect him. He took that decision on his own”

“You know about it?” James was surprised.

“I met Pettigrew, he told me” He marked a pause, “I really have to go James”

“Yeah right, sorry for keeping you” James apologised, shuffling a bit on his stool. “You won’t be there for the battle of the band then?”

“I won’t, but you’ll do great. And I’m sure Barty and Evan are going to film it anyway, they might stay focused on the drums though”

James didn’t want to hang off. He let the silence settle between them.

“Bye James?”

Regulus had to go.

“Sorry, yeah bye, take care of yourself and call me if anything happens”

James didn’t know if he actually could help Regulus. The younger Black would never let him anyway.

“Bye James” And he hung up.

.
.
.

Marlene snapped her fingers, freeing James from the dissociation that was starting to settle in his brain “Alright tell me everything”

***

On Sunday morning, Remus woke up, as usual, in between Evan and Barty. One of them was fully lying on him and the other had entangled his legs with Remus’s.

He yawned loudly, trying to gently push away the two men from his body.

“Don’t get up yet” Evan said drowsily, still half asleep.

Remus pushed one of his blonde curls out of his face, “Why won’t you come with me to the contest today?”

Evan opened one eye lazily, “Would your mates be okay with that? You all barely started to speak to each other again, I would hate interrupting that fragile balance”

“You wouldn’t”

“Can I come too?” Barty was now drawing small circles on Remus’ stomach, I’ve never seen you play the drums before”

“I bet you look hot”

“Alright time to get up then” Remus cut before anything could happen. Not that it stopped Evan and Barty who were now kissing where Remus had been laying down a moment before, “I’m making tea, if you want some, be in the kitchen in five”

“Can you still feel your leg even though… “Barty did not listen to what Remus had said a second ago and gestured towards the missing limb instead.

“I used to” Remus looked towards his knee, “for a bit. I was four so I hadn’t ‘fully integrated my body schema yet’ according to the doctors. I felt pain but it didn’t last long, and I don’t even remember it, I only know because my mum told me about it”

“What a weird question to ask at 8 o’clock in the morning Barty, leave the poor man alone!”

Barty shrugged and pushed Evan to the side to get out of bed, “Okay I wanna see Remus’ band today, I’m totally into musicians and maybe we can convince one of your mates to join our situationship?”

“I vote for Potter” Evan piped in,

“Regulus would kill you”

“Remus, don’t be such a bore, how would he know? He’s not even there. Besides, he can join too if he wishes”

He shook his head, half grinning, thinking silently, “Have you got any news from him? He’s not answering my text”

“I wouldn’t take it too personally Rem, when he goes back there it’s always difficult to hear from him” Evan explained, frowning a bit.

“He left in such a hurry though,” Barty added.

“Didn’t even say goodbye”

“Just texted the group chat about him not being here for a few days”

“His bedroom is a mess, which is not very common for him”

“You went into his bedroom?”

“I just wanted to check if he wasn’t lying to us and hiding in there. He did it before”

“Yeah you’re right”

Remus’s gaze kept going back and forth between the two, watching them put clothes on, while discussing Regulus' weird behaviour.

“Anyway, Remus? You said you were making tea?”

Remus waved the tea situation away, “Shouldn’t we be more concerned about Regulus ?”

“ Don’t worry Lupin, he’ll probably be back tomorrow anyways his parents wouldn’t want him to miss too many classes”

“I wouldn’t even be surprised if he came back tonight”

While talking, they walked into the kitchen. Pandora was already up and toasting a loaf of bread.

“Hiya Pan, slept well?”

She nodded while taking some butter out of the fridge and spreading it on her toast, “ Are you ready for today Remus?”

“Uh… I really hope so. We need to be at the venue at eleven this morning with our stuff so we can set everything up and try out one song to make the final arrangements”

“We’re coming with him” Evan pitched in, throwing his arm around Remus.

“The whole day?” She asked, frowning slightly, she then turned to Remus, “Is the band okay with it?”

“Haven’t asked yet, but I don’t see why not. We’re allowed to invite up to four friends during the day. Lily, my colleague, is coming as well”

“What about Sirius?”

“What about Sirius?” Remus repeated a bit too aggressively.

Pandora blinked slowly and stared straight into Remus’ eyes, “I guess it’s your problem” She spoke very softly so that only he could hear. Barty and Evan were too busy trying to catch grapes with their mouth anyway.

“The gates for the general public open at seven right?” She continued, unbothered by Remus’ death stare, “I’ll be there with Dorcas” And just like that she left, eating her toast.

***

Sirius had been gritting his teeth all day long. First of all, Regulus wouldn’t answer the multiple texts he sent him after Dorcas told him he left to their parents. On top of that, James seemed to avoid him altogether every time he tried to talk about his worries concerning Regulus, which was highly unusual, but with the gig coming, he put the weird noises his best friend made every time he started talking on anxiety.
So when Remus arrived at their flat to help load the car with their gear and he saw who he came with, it was the fucking cherry on top of his bloody week.

He gritted his teeth when Remus gave them a tour. Said nothing when Evan almost dropped one of their speakers. Looked away every time one of them would flirt with Remus or worse. He stopped himself from throwing his guitar at Barty and Evan when they whistled through practice. Why Lily and Marlene joined them was a mystery to him.

James kept checking his phone all through the day, which was frankly, quite annoying. He was not really there during practice and kept glancing at Sirius when he thought he wasn’t looking. It was unnerving.

But Sirius kept his anger to himself and didn’t say a thing at all. Today was about the band and he let them down one too many times to hold a grudge against any of them today.

So he gritted his teeth.

“You feeling okay Sirius?”

It was now five in the afternoon. The gates would open two hours from now and people would start to flow through the venue. The Weird Sisters would arrive shortly to greet the bands and take their spot as judges.
Sirius had been sitting outside, chain-smoking, away from everybody, seeing it as the only solution to not explode on any of his bandmates, especially on Remus. They barely were on speaking terms again and he didn’t want to lose his friend due to his bad temper. He also still held himself accountable for the wound that landed Remus in the hospital.

Peter appeared from nowhere and sat right next to him.

“I’m fine” He drew on the end of his last cigarette before tossing it away, “what about you Pete? I’m sorry, these last few weeks have been crazy and I've never even once asked how you were feeling”

“Don’t beat yourself up mate, it’s okay, I’m alright”

“How do you do it?” Sirius asked, reaching for another smoke before realising that he finished them a minute ago.

“How do I do what?”

“Putting up with us, with our shit, keeping us together. I mean if I were you I would have left long ago to fulfill my own successful career. You’re the best of us”

“You lot are my success story. You are my friends and I wouldn’t be anything or anywhere without you”

“See? I am whining again and you’re the one cheering me up. You’re the mom to three young adults acting like teenage boys, honestly, you should give up on us, I wouldn’t hold you accountable”

Peter chuckled, “Do you want me to leave the band Sirius?”

Sirius’ face blemished, “Oh fuck no, sorry that was not what I meant at all, please Pete don’t go! Unless you want to but only if it’s your own decision. But for information, I don’t want you to”

“Relax, I’m not leaving. Yet” Peter laughed, “You’re gonna be stuck with mummy a bit longer I’m afraid”

“I’m glad then”

“Okay, I came here to take you back inside, it's going to start any minute now and we’re going on third so better be ready”

“Okay” He stood up, “lead the way, Mum”

“Fuck off”

***

Peter had at heart to check on everyone throughout the day. Remus looked taken care of, both Barty and Evan hovering around him all day. He saw how it bothered Sirius but luckily, he seemed to think it wasn’t worth starting a fight. If pretending that he did fine worked for him today, that was perfect. They had a light talk, laughed a bit and Peter didn’t need anything more to be sure that Sirius would make it through the day.

James was another issue.

As the afternoon went by, James was growing more and more twitchy. At first, Peter thought it was because of the show but something didn’t feel quite right to him.
He was looking at his phone a lot, and typing furiously on it every hour or so. During rehearsal, his phone kept buzzing and he wasn’t focused at all.
Also, he kept avoiding talking to Sirius, which was probably the weirdest part. They usually couldn’t be seen one without the other.

He tried to get a hold of him all day long, but his friend was particularly skilled at brushing off every conversation he attempted to have with him.

And now, there they were, backstage, all in the same smelly room, ten minutes before their cue.

“James I swear to god if you don’t stop shaking that leg, I won’t be the only one with a cutout limb”

“Sorry Rem” He mumbled trying to stay still, but Peter could see the ring he was sliding on and off his fingers and his mouth twitching every time he chewed on his cheeks a bit too hard.

“Well lads, this is it!” Marlene barged into the room, making all of them jump on their feet. “Wow, I can sense some tension, relax guys, you’re good we’re gonna ace that audition!”

Peter had a very discernible feeling that this did not help release any of the anxiety his mates were feeling at the moment.

“Thanks, Marls, it’s all thanks to you”

“Oh Pete, sweet Pete. I know that. Now let’s go, we’ve got to make our way upstairs! Chop chop!”

The boys moved slowly toward the exit. Remus first, followed closely by Sirius. James looked one last time at his phone before getting up.

“You should leave that here,” Peter said.

“Sorry, what?” James looked up, genuinely lost at what Peter said.

“Your phone. It’s been distracting you all day. I don’t know what’s going on but do you think it can wait until after the show?”

Peter didn’t want to be rude. It was just that James wasn’t alone in risking everything today.

“Oh yeah… Sorry” He trailed off a bit “Can I talk to you about something quickly?”

Peter looked at the time, “Can you do it while we’re walking?”

“Yeah sure” James turned off his phone, put it down on the table, and followed Peter through the corridor “I know something about Sirius’ family. But I can’t tell him yet. But it’s important” He sighed “I promised I wouldn’t tell him before he does but I feel like I’m betraying him. But if I do tell him I’ll break my promise ”

“Especially because the one asking you to keep quiet is the brother Sirius loves to hate, right?”

James glared at him, “How do you know it’s Reg?”

“Kind of obvious James” Peter rolled his eyes, “Is someone dying?”

He said that jokingly but James’ face made him reconsider, “Oh fuck, who? Regulus?”

“No! No.” James quickly denied, “Orion is”

“Fuck, his father? Did Regulus say how long he had left? If he’s there this weekend it’s probably because he’s close to the end. Why would he not tell Sirius immediately?”

“I think he’s scared of his reaction. And also he’s angry that he stopped trying to reach out because their mother told him to. And probably the fact that he knows telling him before the gig would mess him up” James enumerated, “I don’t actually know if Orion is that close to death, the main reason for Reg to be at his parent's place is because… Well, because today he’s getting, uh” James breathed in before letting out a word, barely audible, “engaged”

“Engaged!”

“Yeah…”

Peter would have liked to talk a lot more about that situation. It made sense as to why James had been on his phone today too.

“Peter! James! Come on! You need to be on stage in five minutes!” Marlene walked toward them, “Sirius and Remus are okay?”

“Yeah, I don’t actually think they talked it through together but …” Peter stopped when he saw that Remus was angrily talking to Sirius, pointing to the stage. Sirius only looked mortified, “Nevermind”

“Fuck you, Sirius, did you know about that? That’s OUR FUCKING LYRICS!”

Peter immediately understood what was happening. The group Sirius had sold the lyrics to, was there and they were singing a song he and Remus wrote.

“THE MELODY DOES NOT EVEN MAKE SENSE! IT WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE SAID LIKE THIS!”

“I know…”

“If they win…”

Marlene stepped in, “They won’t, their drummer is shit and the singer sounds like he’s having a seizure. You’re the best band here, you’re going to win. The lyrics aren’t even the best you wrote, it’s just some cheesy comments about love”

Peter nodded behind her and James put a calming hand on both Remus and Sirius's shoulders, “Let’s show them who the Marauders are alright lads?”

***

Marlene was so proud of her boys. The second they stepped on stage, all the issues they had even a second before seemed to disappear. They were all glowing and not only because Sirius forced them to wear highlighter. They were the moment.

They were everything.

Music was everything to them and it showed.

From where she was standing she could see the main singer of the Weird Sisters smile and whisper something to his guitarist to his right.
Marlene wouldn’t say that to anyone but she always had a tiny bit of a crush on the guitarist. She had very long jet-black hair and the eyes to match it. She looked a bit like Dorcas if she thought about it. That’s why she didn’t think about it.

The boys owned the stage, Sirius’ voice had never been that good. If they didn’t win, Marlene would force the judge to listen again and again until they admitted that their music was lifting souls away from anyone lucky enough to listen to them

She was never going to say that to The Marauders though, their ego was already big enough.

She looked at the public. Everyone seemed to enjoy the show. Especially Barty and Evan who were whistling and screaming and also lifting up a big cardboard where she could read WE ARE SHAGGING THE HOT DRUMMER. Very classy. She hoped Sirius wouldn’t see it.

But Sirius was in a trance, nothing around him mattered anymore besides his bandmates. He was walking around them, sometimes sharing the mic with James or Peter. He looked like he had done that his whole life. He walked behind Remus, letting his fingers trailed off on the shoulder and the neck of the tall boy.

Everyday, living hell, that’s where I am. I would love to leave, run away no regrets, from this mad people's world and go who knows where. This world is shocking me, crushing me, burning me, killing me, won't let me live within my soul

That was one of the few songs that wasn’t actually written by them. Sirius had listened to this French song and tried to translate it the best he could while complaining that the English language didn’t have half the words he needed to get the emotions the French artist was pouring into his words. Peter found some arrangements that felt a bit more like their kind of music. The words were sad, the rhythm not so much.

Turn me in what doctors call crazy and then maybe blurriness will help me see. So, dear Mister G, help me, love me, I can’t do it myself in this world that I see. In this world of struggle, love is nothing more than quarrels and disputes.

And just like that, their show was over. People stood up from their seats to give the only standing ovation of the night. Dorcas, Evan, Barty, and Pandora greatly contributing to the applause in the room. It lasted for a while and the host had to forcefully remove them from the stage as Sirius and Remus put on a show of drums and guitar riffs accompanied by James and Peter who were leading the scream of the public.

When they stepped backstage, Marlene threw herself at them “Oh my God! You did it! We fucking did it!”

“Calm down Marls” James laughed, hugging her back, “We didn’t win yet”

“You’re kidding, right? You fucking lit up the whole room! Fuck I even saw freaking Bagway smile and that man never does. You were only the third band to go and you sure did leave a bloody good impression”

“All thanks to Peter who killed those new arrangements and did it in such a short time too,” James said a huge smile on his face.

“We are a band, James, it was all of us”

Sirius and Remus were about to agree with James when someone interrupted them,

“Hey, Black!”

Marlene saw a tall bulky guy, followed closely by a black greasy-haired one, make their way to Sirius. She recognised them because she had done her job as the band manager. They were two of the musicians to whom Sirius had given some of their songs. The one who had signed an album with a label thanks to those.
Marlene thought they were shit. Even with Sirius and Remus’ words to help them, their music sucked hard. The only reason they struck a deal was because three of them were nepobabies, born to people already in the music industry, no one big enough to get them famous fast but perfect to create a good-selling disc. Pure capitalism.

“Mulciber. Hi,” Sirius didn’t even look at the small man behind.

“Heard your show, I thought you weren’t allowed to write for anyone but us now? Didn’t you sign a contract?

“I did”

Marlene could feel anger fill the atmosphere. Remus and James were standing around their friend, ready to throw a fist. Marlene really hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

“What was that just now then? New songs?”

“I’m not the only writer here”

“I doubt any of your mates have enough sensibility to write anything. Between a cripple, an immigrant, and a fucking queer” The small black-haired man had talked, he gestured towards Peter's purple nail polish at the same time.

“Shut the fuck up Snape” Marlene stepped up. She knew his name thanks to her incredible gift for stalking on social media.

Maybe she would be the one to hit someone first.

At the same moment, Sirius stepped up to Snape, snatching his arm. “You really have nothing going for you, you’re such a miserable talentless racist ableist and homophobic shit. Shit talk us all you want but at the end, tonight, your shitty band will lose to ours”

Snape struggles to get out of Sirius's grip. When he finally did, Marlene saw the red mark he had left.

“Whatever, you’re still writing for us, don’t forget it, Black”

“No, I’m not”

“You can’t” Mulciber argued.

“Watch me” And with that, he stormed out of the room, quickly followed by Peter and, surprisingly Remus.

Snape turned towards Marlene, “You’re his manager, remind him that he needs to follow through with the contract he signs. The label will sue”

“If not I will”

A new person had arrived. Marlene recognised him immediately.

“Mister Malfoy”

“I see you did your research, Miss McKinnon”

He glared at her with disdain before turning to James who was still here to Marlene’s right.

“Mister Potter, you might want to consider stepping up from…” He trailed off, “Let’s say that if you actually want to fill stadiums one day you should work with professional” He handed him his card, “You can always call me if needed”

James took the card to Marlene’s horror.

“Thanks, you’re right I should only work with professionals” He ripped the card in half, “Not charlatans trying to steal musicians right in front of their manager”

M. Malfoy pursed his lips, “I see how it is then. I hope you enjoy mediocrity M. Potter, good luck with your future”

And just like that, he left with Mulciber and Snape trailing off behind him.

Marlene still had her eyes riveted on the ripped card in James’ hands, “I thought you were gonna bail on me for a sec”

James looked hurt, he made a big show of showing it too, “How could you think that even one instant?” He gasped throwing his arms around.

“Oh shut up” She rolled her eyes, “You’re not the only one allowed to be insecure in this band”

“Wanna join the other in the lodge?”

"I actually think they went in the public to sit with our friends while the other bands played"

***

After listening to every musicians trying to impress the Weird Sisters tonight, Sirius needed a small break before the big results.

Their show had been great. Amazing even. He hadn’t felt that alive since, well since probably the first time he picked up a guitar at ten years old in the old music room of their boarding school.

It had felt like a dream and even Mulciber and Snape's words couldn’t get to him because his bandmates had his back. Remus got his back again. And it didn’t matter that he was doing whatever he was doing with Regulus’ flatmates, he would be back at their place soon anyway. He had tried very hard not to look at the sign Evan and Barty were holding throughout their gig but he had failed. It was alright though. Remus was his friend again.

That’s why, when he saw his brother's name show up on his best friend's phone he didn’t think too hard about it. He was still high on adrenaline, his brain all foggy from what just happened.

He had walked back to the lodge with everyone, to drink and eat a bit before the final announcement. It had been time to go back upstairs pretty quickly.

“You’re coming, Sirius?”

“Just fixing my hair a bit, I’ll be right behind you”

He tried to french braid his hair quickly, struggling a bit. Marlene was the one who usually did it but she was gone with the rest of his friends,

“Fuck why is this so hard?” He mumbled to himself before being cut out in his complaint by Taylor Swift.

James’ phone, with his very recognisable ringtone, was buzzing on the table, Regulus’ name showing up on the screen.

Sirius stared at it.

Why would Regulus call James? Why would he text him in the first place? His brother wasn’t even returning the message he sent him the day before, going against his mother’s order.

He stared, the screen went black.

He could hear the roar of the public and the host starting to welcome back everyone on stage.

The phone rang again.

Sirius was paralysed. His blurry thoughts finally getting clearer. Regulus talking to James really didn’t make any sense. Maybe he was trying to reach Sirius and couldn’t get a hold of him?
Swiftly, he took his phone out of his back pocket. No calls, no texts.

He watched the screen as it went black then lit up again as his brother called for the third time.

Thank you all for the INCREDIBLE show you put on for us tonight!

He slowly got closer to the table. James had received fifteen texts, all from the same person.

It is with great delight that I will give my microphone to Sara Krosh, lead guitarist of the Weird sisters!!

The public screamed in joy.

The phone rang again.

His own phone buzzed in his hand, it was Peter, asking him to hurry the fuck up.

And tonight’s winner, the band that will go on tour with us and open our shows all across Europe is …

Sirius answered the call.

“James” Regulus was crying, Sirius did not utter a word, “He’s dead and I-“ His voice was shaking badly, “I ran away. He died right before the engagement party and my mother still wanted to go through with this nonsense and- I don’t know what came through me, one moment I was at the party, making polite senseless conversation with my bride, and the minute after I was gone”

THE MARAUDERS !!!
“James, I don’t know where I am I ran without looking back”

Sirius didn't need to hear more.

“Send me your location I’m coming to get you”

“… Sirius?”

Chapter Text

Regulus was getting cold. It was the end of winter and the British countryside was even colder than London.
The fact that he wasn’t wearing a coat did not help either. Or a jumper for what mattered. And the fact that it was drizzling. And also, his dress shirt was soaked with sweat.

He had left his parent’s house an hour ago. Well. He had run away from his mother’s house. Considering that he was not supposed to leave.

And that his father was dead.

People might have found it weird but the reality of his death had taken ages to sink into Regulus’ mind.

Even now, on an unknown road, in the middle of fuck knows where, drenched to his bones, he still couldn’t really grasp that he would never see his father again. Not that he would miss him. Not really.
The man had always been a cold unloving human being, towards his wife and towards his children.

“Orion Black has passed away this morning Sir. I will be waiting for your instructions outside of his bed chamber”

His mother hadn’t even bothered to tell him herself. Arthur did.

And because his father was gone, he was now the master of the house, he was the one who would have to make the decisions concerning his late father’s fate.

Regulus had taken its rightful place as the heir of the most ancient and noble house of Black.

He had not cried when he heard the news, nor when he saw the body of Orion.

“Where is my mother?” He remembered he had asked the butler.

“She’s attending to the preparation for your engagement’s dinner. She already said her last goodbye”

“Must have been heartbreaking” Regulus had mumbled ironically, “The engagement is still happening?” He had hoped that everything would be cancelled.

“She will be expecting you for lunch to talk you through the soiree”

“Just perfect”

“What did you say, Sir?”

“Sorry, nothing. I’ll need some time to myself Arthur please” He gestured towards the bedroom, “Has the doctor been called yet?”

“He’s on his way as we are talking Sir”

The rest of the morning was all blurry in Regulus’ memories. He remembered the silence after Arthur had left him. The kind of demeaning silence that makes people go mad if they spend too much time alone in the room.

A small puddle was starting to form at the bottom of his feet. The cold was really starting to get to him now that the adrenaline from running away was starting to leave his body. He was badly shivering and couldn’t see any place to shield himself from the weather.

He still had his phone with him, he had been texting back and forth with James all day. He hadn’t told him his father was dead though, no need to worry him on such a big day.

He looked at the time. Eight o’clock.

When he thought about it, he wondered why he hadn’t left that damned house earlier.

Instead, he had dressed up, welcomed the guests, made small talk, and had supper with his fiancée and her family. It had been a living nightmare but Regulus had put up with it, politely smiling at bad jokes, saying what he needed to say at the right time, and inquiring about Alecto’s life.

He had tried to act as his new position as head of the family required, the thing he had been trained his whole life for.

And he didn’t even last one full day.

After all that acting, all those efforts for which he had been raised for, he threw it all away in seconds.

One comment from his fiancée’s father had unlocked some wires in his brain or something and it had been more powerful than everything Sirius had ever said to him to beg him to leave this place.

“Here’s to the new Mister Black, future CEO of the Black company and my soon-to-be intern and son-in-law”

He had raised his glass and everyone had cheered politely.

“And to Orion Black for letting new blood run the world, your old way dies with you”

Everyone applauded again.

Agrippa Carrow had looked so proud of himself, and as he had finished his sixth glass of wine, he had waved to Regulus to follow him out of the living room.

“I wanted you to know that you taking the rein is a great thing for the company, I’m sure you will do what is necessary”

Regulus had nodded, not really listening and trying to find an excuse to walk away from Agrippa.

“Your brother would have been difficult to tame, he’s too free-spirited even though his intelligence would have made your parents proud if he didn’t leave. It really is a shame though, I liked Sirius, but his temper, gosh. And your father was too narrow-minded, too stuck in the old ways. You, on the contrary, are young and you will listen to the more experienced”

“You mean you’ll be able to control me”

“Not at all, I’ll just share my knowledge with you so you can be your best self”

“And comply with what you want”

Regulus didn’t really care where Agrippa’s true intentions lay. But the fact that he thought that Regulus was so dumb that he couldn’t see he was so obviously manipulating him, hurt his pride a bit.

The man just laughed, “You’re cleverer than what your father told me you’d be”

Oh.

“I graduated top of my class for the entirety of my school career”

“School is one thing. You can do great in class and still be the dumbest person alive”

“My parents raised me so I would be able to rule the company one day”

“Sure kid. They raised a good little boy who would do as they say. And one day, in the near future I hope, when you impregnate my daughter, you will also raise a good little sheep. That’s how it’s been for ages in families like ours”

Regulus held himself back from gagging after hearing the words the man used to talk about his own daughter’s future child.

His child too.

The worst part was that he was right. He was born to be the heir, to keep the traditions alive. His parents never really cared about their children, all they wanted was for them to listen and do as they were told. That’s why Sirius had been outcasted so quickly because they had a spare. Two kids were safer than one.

Regulus was the surety wheel, he had been listening and he had been doing everything he had been told his whole life.
Raised to be second, brought to take first place in times of need.

He always had known what his life would be, and he had made his peace with it a long time ago. Even before Sirius left and he had been promoted heir.

For some reason, everything he had been raised for, started to crumble at this very moment. Why now and not earlier? Regulus didn’t know. He never really questioned his future before, it was just easier to follow the made-up path.

But now it was becoming all too real. His father was dead. He was engaged. His brother didn’t talk to him anymore. He was going to be exactly like his father had been with him and his brother, probably a horrible husband to his wife and die as a sad and miserable man whom no one ever loved.

He would still have his friend. Until he wouldn’t anymore because of the bitter man he would become.

And James would stop talking to him too.

Leaving would mean losing everything. Without his mother’s plan, he had nothing, he was nothing more than an empty envelope. A shell that was waiting for others to tell him how to act. He didn’t know who he was.

He had turned toward the front door.

“Will you excuse me an instant, Agrippa?” Regulus cut the annoying man.

He had stepped outside.

And he had run, and run. Clutching onto the only thing he had taken with him, his phone.

And now, there he was.
Tears started to fill his eyes, blending with the pouring rain.

His phone rang in his hand, Walburga was trying to contact him. His absence was probably noticed as it was time to greet the guests goodbye.

He hung up without any hesitation.

A car drove past him, blinding him with its flashlights and proceeding to drench him even more.

“Fucking asshole” He cursed, shivering and trying to dry his tears.

He got scared that the driver actually had heard him when he saw that the car stopped a few meters away. He froze, ready to run in the opposite direction.

The driver opened his door, a red-headed man smiled at him,

“You alright mate? Need a lift somewhere?”

He could have been a murderer but something in the warm smile the guy had offered pushed Regulus to walk towards the car.
And honestly, dying didn’t sound that bad to him at the moment.

“The nearest village should do,” He said as he opened the door and entered the car.

The man made a weird face, “You do know that there’s nothing but posh houses in Little Gaddesden. I highly doubt you’d find help there unless that’s where you live?”

“We’re close to Little Gaddesden?”

It was only a ten-minute car ride from his mother’s estate. Meaning that she could everyone there know who he was. The driver raised a questioning eyebrow,

“I’ll tell you what, I’m going home now. You can come with me, dry up a bit, change your clothes, maybe eat something and then think about what you want to do, sounds good?”

“I wouldn’t want to bother you”

And he was a bit scared that the man was really a cold-blooded murderer. Maybe he didn’t really wanna die.

“Nah you won’t, the kids will mostly be sleeping and my wife is always happy to have people around”

It’s not like Regulus had another choice anyway.

“Okay then”

The drive took five minutes long, during which they listened to a very old disc of George Michael. His “wife’s favourite” apparently.

They pulled up in the driveway of a very small house. All lights were turned off but one downstairs.

“Ah, Molly’s still up! Perfect!”

They got out of the car and rushed inside the house to avoid getting drenched. A wave of warmth immediately ran over Regulus’ still shivering body.

“Take off your shoes, Molly’s going to hate you if you wet the floors. Molly, honey I’m home! And
I’m bringing a guest!”

A little woman, red-haired as well, came out of a room and took a quick look at her husband and the unexpected man accompanying him.

“Oh gosh, darling, you’re soaked! Come on by the fire! I’m gonna get you some dry clothes and a towel”

Regulus was a bit disarmed by the easy welcome he had received from Molly.

“I blinded him with my car lights, he was standing on the side of the road a few miles away from here, he didn’t really know where he was so I assumed it would be better to bring him back there” The man explained to his wife who was now looking through a build in closet in the corridor where they were still standing, bare feet.

“You did well Hon. Come on now, what’s your name, young man?” She asked while pushing him gently towards what might have been the bathroom,

“Uh, Regulus”

“Well, Regulus, take these and go change in here before sitting by the fire, I’ll make tea. Unless you’d rather have hot cocoa? Yeah, I’ll make hot cocoa”

Regulus had no choice but to follow Molly’s instructions. Before he closed the bathroom door, he heard small footsteps coming from upstairs and a small voice,

“We want hot cocoa too!”

“Bill, Charlie! Back to bed right this instant! You’ve got school tomorrow!”

“But it’s not fair, I’m two years older than Charlie and I still have to go to bed at the same time!”

“Come on Molly, I haven’t seen them all weekend long”

“Yeah, listen to Dad!”

He didn’t wait to hear to end of the conversation and fully closed the door, muffling the voices away.
Molly had given him an old pair of brown trousers that would probably be too big on him, a simple white tee shirt, and a big jumper that looked hand-knitted.
He got rid of its wet suit, dried himself with the towel, and quickly got dressed. The jumper was the softest piece of clothes Regulus had ever touched. He wondered what the A on the front stood for.

When he joined Molly and her husband, he still didn’t know his name, in the kitchen, he saw two young boys sitting at the kitchen table, sipping on big bowls of hot chocolate.
Molly looked a bit angry but her gaze immediately softened we she saw Regulus,

“The trousers are a bit too big for you, I’m sorry but my Arthur is not quite as slim as you are darling. He grew a bit of a gut those last few years, these are too small for him now, you can keep them, same thing with the t-shirt and the jumper if you like it”

“ ‘s not my fault my wife is such an amazing cook”

She ignored him but Regulus could see a small smile that she tried to hide from her husband, “Charlie, Bill, once you're done, you go straight back to bed”

“But Mom! Dad said-”

“It doesn’t matter what your dad said or didn’t, you’ve got school tomorrow! Chop chop, upstairs now! Regulus come sit there darling while I’m finishing up your drink, we’ll go by the fire right after” She said fondly, “William don’t you think I see you spitting back some of your milk in your cup? That’s disgusting! Go to bed now!”

Both kids, ran upstairs, giggling.

“Don’t wake up your siblings”, she added a bit late, considering the noise they made. “I swear, if Ginny wakes up I’ll lock them up in their room for the rest of the year”

“She wouldn’t really do that,” Arthur told Regulus, a glint of amusement in his eyes.

“So you’ve got three kids?” He asked, trying to make conversation with the people who had welcomed him so nicely.

They both laughed. Did he say something wrong?

“Oh god no, it would be such a breeze”

“We’ve got seven, six boys and a girl. The oldest, that you saw, is twelve, and Ginny’s almost two”

“Oh, that’s - uh, that’s great!”

He didn’t know how to react. Luckily, both adults seemed good at maintaining small talk,

“We know it’s not for everyone but really, once you’ve got three, it’s more or less the same. You just have more birthdates and names to remember”

“Arthur!”

The man only shrugged and winked at Regulus, “I’m going to check on the kids”, he said as he left the room.

Molly rolled her eyes, “Never marry Regulus, trust me. Now come on, let’s sit by the fire so you can tell me how you ended up on the road in the middle of the night in pouring rain”

Regulus followed her and sat on the comfy armchair she offered him. The house was small but felt like a real home. Everything was warm and cosy and looked lived in.

He slowly sipped on his hot chocolate, putting back the moment he would have to talk. Molly did not seem like the patient kind, she asked questions right away,

“How old are you Regulus?”

“Twenty-one”

“Such a young age, I met Arthur when I was 21” She chuckled, “where do you live?”

“London”

“What are you doing one hour away from London then?” Molly asked looking quite worried.

“I was at my parent’s house”

She looked relieved, “Ah good, where do they live? Not far from here, I’m guessing?”

“I think it’s only a ten-minute car ride” He mumbled, why was she so nosy.

“Oh perfect then! Arthur can take you back once you’re done with your drink!”

“No!” He had raised his voice slightly and made Molly jump a bit, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just that… I can’t go back. I don’t want to go back”

She blinked slowly, then looked at the time on the big clock hanging above the chimney, “Do you have anyone you could call?”

“I- my phone’s dead” It had died during the car ride, leaving his mother's incessant calls go straight to his message box.

“Oh darling you should have told me earlier, you can borrow my phone’s charger” She stood up and fumbled through a drawer, “there you go”

“Thanks”

He took it, plugged it, and turned on his phone. Immediately, he saw hundred notifications pop up on his screen. Fifteen missed calls from Walburga, apparently, she had given up about thirty minutes earlier. She had left multiple voice messages though.

“I’ll give you some privacy,” Molly said, standing up, “I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me”

“Thanks Mrs…?”

“Just call me Molly dear, everyone does”

“Thanks, Molly”

She pat him on the head gently and Regulus did its best not to dodge the hand. He didn’t like being touched but it would have seemed rude to avoid this motherly gesture.

Alright, first thing first, he needed to listen to his mother’s messages.

He pressed the read button with shaky hands.

You are demanded at the front door to see the guests out

Okay, she probably hadn’t realised straight away that he had left.

Next one.

Where are you Regulus? The guests are growing suspicious regarding your absence. Mister Carrow told me that you left him in the parlor? That is simply unacceptable, we will discuss it tomorrow

Next.

I have been trying to reach you for the past ten minutes. The Carrow’s are leaving now, it is absolutely inadmissible that you are absent to say your goodbye. I expect to see you downstairs in the next five minutes

Well, he hadn’t been there in the next five minutes.

I’ve sent Arthur looking for you. How could you disappear on this day? Your father would be so disappointed. Be sure that I am too

She was delivering her message with the same cold tone she used for everything. She could have been listing groceries or cursing him, it would have been the same emotionless voice.

She hadn’t left any messages with the next ten calls.

He scrolled all the way up, to the last call, from 8:50pm.

Regulus Black, I do hope you are getting my messages. Agrippa Carrow called me to cancel the engagement and the internship at the family firm. He said that he didn’t need a son in law and an intern who would not see through his arrangements because of cowardice and lack of discernment. He also added that you were right like your father described you. He is going to ask your cousins hand for his son, who will, eventually, take the head of the company. Tu as tout perdu Regulus, ton travail, ton avenir, et ta famille. Inutile de te préciser que je suis plus que déçue de ton comportement. Sirius a réussi à te corrompre au final. Sache que je considère des aujourd’hui que je n’ai pas d’enfant, heureusement qu’Orion est décédé ce matin, tu aurais eu sa mort sur la conscience autrement.

She wasn’t done but Regulus was crying and he couldn’t make out every word Walburga was saying. He forced himself to listen.

Si, par un miracle, tu es blessé ou as une bonne raison d’avoir disparu, j’attends ton appel ou celui de l’hôpital. If not, consider you banished from my life. I’m cutting your funds and blocking your bank account. No need to specify that I won’t be paying for your lease anymore either, your friends' parents will be notified of your misbehaviour and I hope their children will be forbidden to see you again. Adieu Regulus.

His face was full of tears now. What had he done? He fucked up everything.

His eyes brushed through his mother’s call again. Should he go back? Should he find some lame ass excuse and go back to the life he had just fled?

James’s name popped on the screen under his mom’s, from their last call, two days ago.

He glanced at it for a while, hovering his fingertip above the little green button.

He thought back of his mother’s harsh words. Of his father’s death, tears still pouring down.

And finally, he called him.

He didn’t answer the first time, and neither did he the second time. But he kept calling and calling, shaking and sobering, until ultimately he picked up.

.
.
.

“Sirius?”

***

James was in absolute shock. There they stood, on stage, holding a golden trophy, people screaming, drowning them in applause. The bizarre sisters were shaking their hands, congratulating the Marauders profusely.

And Sirius was not there.

“James?”

Marlene had a wide grin on her face, James smiled back, “We won”

“We did it”

“Did you hear Sara? We are going on tour with them! Not just opening once!” Peter chirped in

James nodded, his heart skipped a few beats when he heard that, and stopped when Sara announced the winning band.

He looked left to see if Sirius had finally decided to show.

He was there. Standing straight, looking right at James.

Once he saw that James had noticed him, he slowly showed what he was holding in his left hand.

“Oh fuck” James blurted out when he saw the phone. Did Sirius see that he was texting Regulus?

He looked at Peter, who had seen Sirius as well who was now worryingly watching James.

What happened on stage after was all blurry in his mind, but he remembered that at some point the band members hugged them.

All he could think of was Regulus’ name on his phone screen. Was he alright? He knew he shouldn’t have left his phone.

At some point, the turmoil of winning and the screams of the audience stopped, and they were allowed to leave backstage. James rushed off to his friend.

“What’s going on Sirius?”

“WHAT’S GOING ON? Are you fucking kidding me right now James? DID IT EVER CROSS YOUR MIND TO TELL ME THAT MY BROTHER WAS GETTING ENGAGED?”

“I- I’m sorry, I told him to-“

“Fuck you James, I don’t care what you have to say” Sirius spat, “Marlene, would you be up for a small trip to the countryside”

“Uh, sure?”

“Okay let’s go, we’re taking Dorcas’ car, she already agreed to lend it to us”

James didn’t understand anymore, “Wait, you’re going to your parents’ place?”

Sirius looked at him dead-eyed, “But it would only be to my mother’s place now James, right?

He felt his blood drain from his face, “Your father passed away… He didn’t- I didn’t know”
Sirius stared at him for a few more seconds, probably trying to guess if he actually wasn’t aware of Orion’s death, “Never mind, what’s done is done, I need to pick him up now” And just like that, he left, Marlene trailing after him after she gave a sorry look to James.

No. It wasn’t about to let Sirius go to his mother on his own. And Regulus was still there. Did he text James about the death and Sirius saw? Did he try to call?

“Sirius wait!”

Remus had called the black-haired boy who stopped himself at the sound of his name,

“What is it, Remus?” His tone was far less harsh than the one he had used with James, he felt a sharp pinch in his chest. He should have told him everything.

“Why are you picking him up in such a hurry? Do you think he’ll be okay with you barging in the middle of his uh- his engagement?”

“Well, that’s the thing, Rem, he’s not getting engaged anymore”

“Does he agree with you?” James couldn’t help himself.

Sirius's dark gaze rested upon him, and for a minute James thought he was about to hit him, but eventually, he said with clenched teeth “He’s left the party”

James must have looked lost.

“He ran away” Sirius added softly, not really for James to hear. “He ended up at some people’s place in a village nearby, that's where we’re going, Dorcas is already in the car” And with that, he started walking again.

But James couldn't let him go alone,

“I’m coming with you”

“I don’t want you to come” Sirius’ words froze James in place. “This could have been avoided in the first place if you had told me about it!”

“Regulus wanted to-”

“I don't fucking care, James! I thought we were supposed to tell each other everything! I- I have been telling you everything!”

“It was not mine to share Sirius”

“Whatever”

“Sirius wait” Marlene stopped him, “James should go, not me. I don’t know why you even asked me in the first place”

It was pretty clear in James’ mind why he had asked Marls. He was not ready to spend two hours in a car with Remus yet and it was not a secret that Peter had very bad motion sickness. And it was not like he wanted James to tag along.

“Because you were the obvious choice?” Sirius said, lifting an eyebrow.

They were now facing the exit, James could see Dorcas’s car double parked through the glass door of the venue.

“James has his license, we don’t. He’s the only one who can help Dorcas with driving”

A traffic jam was starting to form behind the grey car, people were mad and honking but Dorcas flipped them off. When she saw them, she opened her window,

“Wouldn’t want to bother you but I’m gonna have to fight some dudes soon if you don't get in”

James glanced quickly at Marlene who shrugged, “There won't be enough space for all three of us once we get Reg back” She pushed the two men out the door “James you’re going with Sirius. I need to sort some things out anyway, we fucking won! Alright I’ll see you back at the flat”

Sirius shook his head, “Fuck you, James”

He opened the car door and sat next to Dorcas, leaving James on the pavement outside, still pondering if he should come or not. In the end, he didn’t have a choice anyway,

“James, I swear if you stay one more second staring at that car I’ll beat you up and then drag your ass myself in there”

“Yeah. Okay”

.
.
.

Weirdly, the journey was not as uncomfortable as he would have thought. He mostly stayed quiet but Dorcas and Sirius got themselves into a passionate conversation about how they both hated the countryside. Turned out they had shared traumas on long summers stuck in big houses, forbidden to do anything, and nowhere to escape to.

Then they played some music and sang along to Oasis and Guns n’roses. They were made to be friends, James thought while they were absolutely butchering “She’s electric” because known of them actually knew the lyrics.

“James, do you know that one?” Dorcas asked as the start of Cruel Summer played in the speaker, “Regulus said that you liked Taylor Swift, come on join our singing sesh!”

“I can’t sing” He muttered

At the same time, Sirius grumbled “I hate that song”

Dorcas didn’t say anything but James could feel that she really wanted to. Instead, she turned up the volume and sang on her own.

Fortunately, they didn’t have a lot of driving left according to the app on his phone. Ten minutes more or less.

He wished Dorcas kept singing until they arrived, but Sirius turned down the volume and after one hour without talking to James, he asked,

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“What?”

“About Regulus?” Sirius was looking through the window but James could see that he was also side-eying the mirror to see his reaction.

“He asked me not to” James' leg was bouncing up and down at growing speed.

“I thought we said we would say everything to each other”

“And I tell you everything, Sirius. But… That- That was not mine to say”

“Fuck that bullshit” He stayed silent for a few seconds, “Why didn’t he call me?”

James had no idea. It was true that he was not talking to Sirius at the moment but also running away was kind of Sirius's specialty. If he could say that. And they were brothers. Sirius might have been the only one capable of understanding what Regulus was going through right now.

“I don’t know-”

“Regulus was obviously in distress Sirius, and look at this rain, he probably was soaking wet, with barely any battery left, I don’t think he really took time to think. James’ number must have been the first one he saw that he trusted and he called”

Dorcas had a point. Why else would Regulus call James over literally anyone else?

“And James' number was also the first to pop on his screen when he learnt that he was getting engaged? And that our father was dying?”

“It’s just that uh- since the whole Remus and you situation… Well, he drove me to the hospital, and uh- I don’t know we’ve been talking. A little bit”

“Ah.” Sirius turned his face towards James, “Since the hospital… Why? To talk about how horrible of a human being I am?”

“Sirius-”
“What James? I know I fucked up okay? I just thought- I thought that you had forgiven me but- You… I know I’m hard to love but- I really thought you- Regulus he… Never mind. Why would anyone call me or trust me with anything right? I get it, I wouldn’t trust myself either”

James should have seen this coming, of course, it wasn’t only because of Regulus' phone call. He felt bad for not immediately understanding what Sirius was going through. They were almost brothers. He should have known.

“I’m so sorry, of course, I trust you, Sirius”

He was a shitty friend. He should have taken one look at Sirius and known.

“I think we’re here,” Sirius said, pointing at a little house in front of them. Entirely ignoring James.

Dorcas nodded, “Alright, I’ll go and get him, you can stay in the car in the meantime”

“I’m going too”

“Sirius, babe, you are wearing a skirt with a crop top and you have two big dark puddles under your eyes. You look like you’re under drugs, no offense but you’re gonna scare those people off”

“Fine” He crossed his arms and sank back in his seat. “James should go though, he called him”

James wanted to go but also didn’t feel like Sirius would really appreciate it. And he didn’t want to anger him more either. It was already his fault if Sirius was distressed right now.

“James?”

“I’m gonna wait with Sirius”

“Suit yourself. Also, you’re driving back to London so get your ass up there” Dorcas told him before slamming the door. She raced to the front porch to avoid getting too soaked.

James climbed around the driver's seat, thinking it was the better option than having to get out of the car. He almost hit Sirius with his left shoe in the process.

“Fucking hell” Sirius grunted, now getting out as well and walking towards Dorcas who was knocking on the wooden door, completely ignoring the girl's warning.

James hesitated a split of a second before running after him.

Dorcas was already ordering him to go back to the car when he reached them.

“But he's my brother!”

"I don't care Sirius, go back now!"

That's when the door opened.

***

Regulus was standing right behind Molly when she opened the door on the three dishevelled-looking people who came to get him. She closed the door on them immediately.

“Regulus, do you know these people? Or should I call the police?”

“Erm… I think that was my roommate, my brother, and uh- his friend. They’re in a band, my brother and James” He added like it was going to explain why they looked like that. Sirius looked like he has smoked half a stone of pot, which he probably did, and James looked- Well he was wearing a t-shirt that was saying with big red letters ‘Slut’, and black shorts with knee-high socks on red Converse. He had red eyeliner that was starting to wear off in the rain, Sirius probably did that.

Dorcas was the only normal-looking one. The two others should have stayed in the car, Regulus thought.

“In a band?”

“They had a gig just before I called. They don’t always look this way” Regulus explained apologetically.

“If they are the one you called,” Molly said dubitatively, before opening the door again.

Sirius was walking back to the car cursing in the wind about the fact that they had the wrong house. Dorcas and James were following, eyes on a phone, probably to check the address again.

“Sirius!” Regulus called, stepping outside so the three of them could see him. He saw their face lighten up under the rain and rush back to him.

“Regulus! You’re fine!” Dorcas hugged him tightly, “I’m so sorry, I asked them to wait in the car, I knew they would scare people off” She added for Molly, “I can tell them to wait outside while we get Regulus thing?”

“Don’t be silly love, you drove all the way from London, I'll make hot tea before sending you on your way” She looked at Sirius and James hesitantly, “You can borrow some old jumper, you boys must be freezing”

“That’s very nice of you but we couldn’t accept, we’re fine really,” James said to Molly with a smile, before looking at Regulus, “We just came to pick him up, we’re gonna head home now”

Regulus felt his heart give a flutter.

“I wouldn’t be against some tea,” Sirius said, rubbing his hands together in an attempt to warm them up. Regulus knew that his brother was always cold.

Molly seemed to pick that up too because she pushed them into the kitchen, put the kettle on, and disappeared after ordering them to sit down around the kitchen table.
She came back before anyone had time to even outer one word and handed three jumpers to Dorcas, Sirius, and James.

“Those are some old ones I was planning to give to the charity shop, you can keep them. They might be a bit scratchy but they’re very warm”

Sirius didn’t wait before wrapping himself in his, a greyish fuzzy cardigan, “Thank you so much, I will cherish it very much until the day I die”

Molly smiled politely, but Regulus could see that she did not seem to really appreciate Sirius. He couldn’t blame her.

On the other hand, Dorcas really got along with Molly. They were talking as if they had known each other for ten years. He was glad because he didn’t know if he had it in him to make small talk again. And Arthur never came back downstairs, probably fell asleep in the kids' bedroom Molly had said.
Sirius was trying to be part of the conversation too, it was almost painful to watch.

James, who was sitting opposite from Regulus, had given up on resisting the gift and finally gave in to wearing the green jumper. Although he didn’t look very comfortable in his borrowed clothes, he looked considerably warmer than before.
He was sipping quickly on his tea, hands wrapped around the hot porcelain, eyes stuck on the inside of his cup.

Regulus gently nudged him with his feet under the table, the other boy looked up and Regulus quietly mouthed “Are you alright?”

James nodded and gently smiled at him, “Are you?” He whispered back.

How did that boy, who was the exact opposite of him, could make him go pinkish in a matter of seconds was a mystery that no one could ever solve.

Regulus smiled for the first time since the beginning of the weekend. This nightmarish weekend. he shrugged and pointed to the other three to tell James that he didn’t really want to talk about it right now.

He wanted to talk to James though.

He couldn’t think about that.

Or maybe he could now.

“Alright, we have to go now, we wouldn’t want to overstay our welcome” Dorcas stood up, grabbed all of their tea cups, and put them down in the sink, “Thank you very much, Molly, for helping out Regulus and trusting us into your house”

“You can come around any time if you’re in the area sweetie, I love good company and when you’re a stay-at-home mum it’s always a pleasure to talk to actual adults”

She walked them in the hallway, “Can you thank Arthur for me? I don’t know what I would’ve done if he hadn’t picked me up earlier” He looked at the clothes he was wearing and the little bag in which Molly had put his soaked clothes “And thank you for… well, everything. I’ll send this back to you, I promise”

“Nonsense Regulus, you can keep it, it was too small for Arthur anyway. You can keep the jumpers as well” She added for the three others.

Then she did something Regulus wasn’t ready for, Molly pulled him into a tight hug.

“Take care”

First stiff, he slowly started to relax into the embrace. He wasn’t very good with touch, his friends often teased him for it because they were all, very much, very tactile.
But in sank into Molly’s arms and she didn’t let go until he did, which he was so glad for.

“Thank you” He whispered while letting go of what felt like a one-hour hug.

Sirius and Dorcas were already out but James was still holding the door for him to walk out.

Their eyes met.

No.

“I need some sleep, I’ll go in the back, you can call shotgun Reg.”

“Uh, who’s driving then?”

“I am” James dangled the keys in front of him “Just returning a favour I guess,” he said, winking.

Oh shit.

No.

“Sirius you wanna sit-”

“Absolutely fucking not”

He threw himself next to Dorcas and slammed the door. Regulus was about to ask James if he was okay but he spoke quicker,

“I’ll explain later” He sighed, “It doesn’t matter right now, we got you back and that’s what’s important”

How could Regulus ever-

No, no. He really shouldn’t go there right now. Or ever.

He had other things to worry about. Like finding a job.

It hit him all of a sudden. Walburga cut his funds and stopped the lease. Going to uni didn’t make sense anymore, he only went to please his mother. He never liked what he studied.

What did he like?

He had to find money. Somewhere to live, a job. He never worked a day in his life. Could he sleep in his bedroom tonight? Will his friends still allowed to talk to him? She said that she had called their parents.

But Dorcas was there. And she didn’t mention anything.
James drove past the road leading to the Black house.

There. His last chance to go back.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. Sirius's hands were burning on his flesh.

He squeezed it hard and didn’t let go until the car was kilometres away from the ghost of their father.