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My devil is the devil that's inside

Summary:

"Iris West." He purred, his voice silky smooth as he stepped towards her. Iris froze, her heart pounding in her chest. The Flash was dangerous. He had killed more people than Iris had known. Iris raised her gun, a reminder that they truly weren't on the same side anymore.

Barry took a step back in mock fear. "Oh, Iris. Do you really think you can hurt little old me? I'm the fastest man alive, darling. There is nothing that can hurt me anymore. I made sure of it." Iris hated this. Hated the sorrow that crept inside her for the man in front of her. After Barry Allen had lost his mother and father too young, her dad had taken him in. But Barry.. He was never the same. He changed and Iris.. Iris missed the boy that was her best friend. The man, here and now, he wasn't her friend. He hadn't been in years.

Or, on Earth 28, Barry Allen's story starts off a lot differently.

Notes:

Title is from 'Shadow of Mine' by Alec Benjamin.

Fic is highly inspired by 'Innocence Is Gone' by Asukachan07. Their fic is absolutely amazing and I 100% recommend reading it because within the first 5 seconds of reading it I was obsessed with it, so their work inspired me to write this <3

Chapter Text

𝘕𝘰.

 

No, Iris West couldn't believe her eyes as she stared at the man in front of her. The man, also known as The Flash, was one of the most dangerous criminals. He had killed officer after officer, meta after meta. He was more than just a serial killer. He was worse.

 

But worse yet, Iris couldn't believe she was staring at the face of her former best friend, Barry Allen. He was alive. After all these years, letting her believe he was dead, he was alive the whole time. He was alive and he was the most dangerous criminal Central City had ever faced since.. Well, since Clyde Mardon. He was worse. Mardon hadn't pretended to be a hero in the city's eyes, just to betray them later on. He'd been a criminal from the very beginning, but The Flash.. 𝘉𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘺 had pretended to be the hero this city needed. He'd harnessed his speed, saved the people of this city, only to turn on them when they needed him the most.

 

And this whole time, the city's betrayer, was her former best friend. A keen sense of betrayal filled the cop inside. This was worse than finding out The Flash had betrayed the city. Because Iris now knows it was 𝘩𝘪𝘮 who had betrayed the city. The one person Iris thought she could trust had left her alone, let her believe he was dead and then he comes back as the monster. The city's former hope, former saviour, turned villain.

 

Iris felt sick. She felt sick that Barry Allen, who had once been kind and nurturing, was capable of doing something like this, turning into a monster. She knew, vaguely, it had to be because of his past. Barry Allen had lost his mother when he was only 11 years old. His father had been sentenced to death because of the crime. Barry had lost both of his parents in the span of 6 months, all the while dealing with bullying. Her father, Joe West, had taken him in and tried to raise him as best he could, but Barry.. He was never the same. He was darker, saw the world in a different view. Sometimes, Iris remembers back to those first few days of Barry moving in, of the yelling and the cursing and the anger. All she'd seen was a troubled boy who was lost and alone, but CPS didn't see it that way.

 

They'd given him a chance to figure out his behaviour, but Barry didn't fix it. In fact, he only got angrier. He was removed from their home when he was 16 and Iris hadn't seen him since. Well, until now that is.

 

Iris West stared at the boy she had once been able to read so clearly and.. she couldn't read him at all. He was shut off, colder, more distanced. Iris couldn't stop looking at him no matter how hard she tried to look away.

 

She jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Turning, she relaxed when she saw it was just her father. Her father, who was looking at the same broken, damaged kid he had once tried to save, tried to look after. God.

 

"I can't believe it's him." Her father started. He looked at Barry, whose eyes didn't meet theirs once. "I can't believe he turned out to be someone so cruel and vile." Joe added, feeling sorrow bloom in his chest.

 

He tried to raise the kid as best he could, for Nora and for Henry, but it was difficult. The curse words, the aggression, the venom hurled his way. It was no surprise CPS stepped in when they did. If they hadn't, Joe would've feared for the safety of his daughter. But he'd also feared for Barry's safety when they'd taken him away. Joe knew the foster care system could be.. rough, to say the least. It was why he'd stepped in and taken Barry before anyone else could. But after he'd been removed from Joe's care, Joe hadn't stopped wondering where Barry had ended up. At least.. at least now, he got that answer.

 

He was a monster now.

 

"I just can't believe that the person who had loved everyone, who had tried his very best to be everyone's friend, who was the kindest, smartest person I knew, could turn into someone like this." Iris admitted. The words felt cold on her tongue when she spoke. It felt.. wrong.

 

Joe nodded. He understood. He had tried everything to save the little boy who was grieving alone, both of his parents, but he hadn't been able to. And now..

 

"Detective West, Officer West." Detective Eddie Thawne interrupted their conversation. "They're ready for you, Officer West." He turned to Iris, who shared a look with her father. She took a deep breath.

 

She'd handled criminals who had the ability to control the weather, controlled poison gas and she had won. The Flash, Barry, she didn't fear him. She never would. She could do this.

 

Iris turned to face Eddie and followed him awkwardly to the interrogation room. She took another deep breath as she prepared herself to face what would be probably the hardest interview in her whole career.

 

Opening the door, she closed it softly and took a seat as she faced Barry Allen for the first time in 7 years.

Chapter 2

Summary:

"What happened to you?" Iris demanded, her voice shaking. It was the only question that Iris wanted an answer, a real answer, to. What had turned Barry Allen into.. this?

Barry said nothing for a moment, as if pondering on what to say. "You could never begin to understand what did this to me, Iris. So stop trying, before someone gets killed."

Iris froze. This truly wasn't her best friend anymore. She'd waited years to see if she could find Barry again and she had. But at what cost?

Chapter Text

Barry Allen had changed. That much she knew, even before stepping into the room, but seeing him here and now? It truly registered in Iris' brain that this wasn't the person she had seen help people with their homework, or the person who'd helped her when she scraped her knee on the playground. This was the person who had murdered people in cold blood, human and meta alike. This was someone far more dangerous, far more colder, than anyone she'd ever known.

 

Barry said nothing, even as Iris' eyes narrowed on him. Did he remember her? After everything he endured, maybe he didn't. Maybe he'd blocked out the part of his life that was too traumatic or maybe he did recognise her and just didn't care. Iris would never know. She couldn't get in his head like she used to. Couldn't see everything he felt based on his facial expressions.

 

"Barry Allen." Iris spoke, her voice cold. She couldn't afford to be weak. That wasn't who she was. "You've been convicted of the following crimes: Homicide, kidnapping, arson, assault and burglary." As she read the charges against him, Barry's face contorted. She couldn't read the look on his face, but it seemed like.. Disgust? Hatred? She didn't know. She didn't know anything about Barry Allen anymore.

 

She continued on. "What were the motives behind your crimes?" She asked, and Barry finally looked up, meeting her gaze. Iris was taken aback by the look in Barry's eyes. His eyes were paler, colder, more calculated. His eyes filled with a loathing Iris didn't understand.

 

"Iris West." He purred, his voice silky smooth as he stood to step towards her. Iris froze as her heart pounded in her chest. She stood too, raising her gun at him. A reminder that the two of them weren't on the same side anymore. If they ever had been.

 

Barry took a step back in mock fear. "Oh, Iris. Do you really think you can hurt little old me? I'm the fastest man alive, darling. There is nothing that can hurt me anymore. I made sure of it." Iris hated this. Hated the sorrow that crept inside her for the man in front of her. After Barry Allen had lost his mother and father too young, her dad had taken him in. But Barry.. He was never the same. He changed and Iris.. Iris missed the boy that was her best friend. The man, here and now, he wasn't her friend. He hadn't been in years.

 

Barry laughed at the look on her face. His smile was colder now too. Darker. It promised death. It promised pain. Another reminder that he wasn't the person he used to be anymore. Neither was she.

 

She had changed too. Her arm rose as she aimed, prepared to fire when she felt a gust of wind by her side. When time returned, Iris' gun was gone and nor was she by the chair she had been sitting in. Barry held her by her neck and the fear she felt now wasn't feigned. She was terrified. Terrified of him. Of what he would do to her.

 

"I'm sorry, Iris. I didn't want to hurt you. You were the only part of my life before that made sense. You were different from Joe and the rest. You truly believed my father had been innocent and died for nothing when no one else did. And I still care about you. A lot. Which is why I'm going to let you go. But if you or your officers come after me again, I'll have no choice but to harm them. They'll suffer if you don't listen to my warning right now, Iris."

 

She felt like she'd been slapped at the sound of her name in Barry's mouth. Within seconds, Barry had dropped her and as Iris fought to get her breath back, she noticed a blue portal had opened up. This was her chance now.

 

"What happened to you?" Iris demanded, her voice shaking. It was the only question that Iris wanted an answer, a real answer, to. What had turned Barry Allen into.. this?

 

Barry said nothing for a moment, as if pondering on what to say. "You could never begin to understand what did this to me, Iris. So stop trying, before someone gets killed."

 

Iris froze. This truly wasn't her best friend anymore. She'd waited years to see if she could find Barry again and she had. But at what cost?

 

When she said nothing more, Barry turned away from her and disappeared through the mysterious blue portal. Within seconds, the escape of the speedster became known. Iris heard officers cursing at what happened, at the malfunction of the cameras. No one but Iris knew what Barry had said to her and she intended to keep it that way.

 

Iris opened the door, leaving the interrogation room and everything that had happened in there. She needed a drink. Or 10, to forget everything that happened. As Iris rushed to escape the precinct, everyone in the precinct, she felt a hand on her shoulder.

 

She turned to see Eddie Thawne, her father's partner. HIs face was filled with sorrow. She was beginning to hate that word and that feeling.

 

"Iris, Joe told me who The Flash is. What he was to you. I'm sorry. It couldn't have been easy facing him again after so long, especially with what he's turned into." Iris felt her heart stop. Her father had told Eddie who The Flash was? Why?

 

Iris said nothing for a moment, before gratefully accepting Eddie's comfort. "Thank you, detective. It.. It was hard, to see him like that. When I knew him, he was kind. Smart, too smart for his own good sometimes. But he was special. His smile made everyone smile and he was just an overall amazing person. I can't believe he turned into someone like this. He was just always so.. quiet when we were younger." Iris said, her voice cracking.

 

"Yes, well. You know what they say. It's always the quiet ones."

 

Yes, people did say that. And Iris supposed it was true. She wished it wasn't, though.

Chapter 3

Summary:

"Look, Barry, I know you like her, but she's a cop, man. If she catches us, we're dead. If she even discovers where our base is, we're dead. You can't do this. You can't love her because if you do, you know what happens."

He did. He knew all too well what would happen if he loved Iris West. It would end with a vibrating hand through the chest, same as his mother.

"I know, Cisco." He replied, tiredly. But he couldn't stop loving Iris West, even if she hated him now. He would always love her, no matter what.

Chapter Text

Barry entered Star Labs with a deeper sense of urgency. With the CCPD onto him now, alongside the technology that Palmer Tech has provided, it would be harder and harder to find more of Thawne's army and take them down. Instead, the CCPD were targeting the wrong people. Barry was only trying to find those in Thawne's army that he was trying to build in order to destroy Central City. Sure, Barry's methods were.. extreme to say the least, but it was the only way to stop Thawne from gaining more power. By killing those who worked for Thawne, he was lowering the chance of an invasion of the city or the death of it.

 

But the CCPD didn't know that, did they? Everything he did, he did to hide from the people of this city, so they wouldn't see the true threat to their city, to their home. Instead, they saw 𝘩𝘪𝘮 as the threat, instead of the one trying to save the damn city. He protected the people from Eobard Thawne's rath and yet he was the one seen as the villain? It didn't seem fair to him, but it was the price to pay.

 

Barry paused. He thought of Iris, the girl he had loved ever since he'd been a kid. When he was 11, before his mother was killed and his father was given the death sentence, Barry had loved her. Even at that age, he'd loved her. It hadn't changed in the last 7 years since he'd seen her. He still loved her, but he couldn't see her. She couldn't see him like this.

 

But seeing her yesterday, seeing that her dream of becoming a cop became a reality, despite Joe's insistence that she choose a more safer career, well, it made Barry feel.. he didn't know what. It stirred a lot of feelings, ones he'd thought he'd buried deep down ages ago. In today's world, it wasn't safe to love.

 

Cisco had. Thawne had killed her the moment he found out about her. Thawne kills everybody that any of them care about. He'd killed Barry's best friend, Oliver Queen, in front of him. He'd killed Cisco's brother, Kara's sister, Allegra's boyfriend, Hartley's boyfriend. Whoever they loved, they were soon to be dead. It was pure luck that Thawne didn't know who Barry loved, at least like that. If he did.. Iris West would die just as bloody as his own mother had and he wouldn't let that happen. Never in a million years would he let the world be deprived of her talent, ever. If that meant he had to be the bad guy, then so fucking be it.

 

He would be the bad guy to keep her safe. It was the only way.

 

"So." A voice drawled, startling Barry out of his thoughts. "How'd you, The Scarlet Speedster, get caught?" Hartley Rathaway's voice came from the speed lab entrance. Barry said nothing as he sped around again and again. He needed to reach a faster speed than Eobard Thawne, but he just.. couldn't. He didn't understand why.

 

"They had those cuffs. You know, the ones you gave to them." Barry snarled, coming to a halt right where Hartley was standing. Anger filled Barry's features. "Why would you do that, Hartley? You better than anyone understand what they can do with those cuffs. Remember? Or do you need a reminder of what Ray Palmer did to you?"

 

Hartley's eyes filled with rage as he slammed Barry into a wall. The latter only smirked as Hartley's chest heaved. "Don't you ever mention what happened to me, ever again, you fucking dick." His voice growled as Barry's lips tightened.

 

"I may be a fucking dick, as you so like to call me, but at least I didn't betray this team. At least I didn't give cuffs that could stop us to a person who wants to see every meta human like us locked away for good. Call me what you want, Hartley. Just don't pretend what you did never happened." Barry said, removing Hartley's hands from his throat. "Also, if you truly wanted to intimidate me, maybe don't try for a throat grab. I was the one who perfected that move, Rathaway." Barry added as a warning, before speeding away.

 

Hartley was left alone in the speed lab to think. God, he hated Barry Allen so fucking much. But he hated Thawne more. He chose the lesser of the two evils, but the minute this was over, Rathaway would make sure Barry felt every bit of suffering that he'd felt.

 

 

"Wow." Cisco said when Barry entered the room. He could practically feel the anger radiating off the speedster. "Let me guess. Hartley." Cisco questioned. It was easy enough to tell there was a feud between Rathaway and Barry. Cisco himself had seen the worst of it. He'd seen how bad Barry had left Hartley when Hartley had tried to question his sanity. God, Cisco shivered at the thought. Barry was ruthless when angry. But ruthless was the only way to get through this war.

 

"It's almost as if the dick doesn't realise we don't need him. He's only here because his mommy and daddy would've cried themselves silly had he not been part of the team to help stop Thawne, after everything he took from them." Barry said, bitterly. He, better than anyone, understood the need for revenge. But at least he admitted it. He wasn't a coward, unlike Hartley.

 

Cisco nodded. He, too, didn't like the former Mercury Labs employee, but without his way in to Mercury, they wouldn't have half the stuff they did today. He knew that without Hartley, their team wouldn't have the necessary equipment to take down half the metas Thawne employed.

 

"Whatever. Did you get anything on our next target?" Barry asked, switching the conversation, which Cisco was glad for. "I was able to find out where Thawne plans to go next, but nothing on the target. There are at least 5 different metas he could choose from."

 

Damnit, Barry cursed. They didn't have the luxury to play which one would Thawne would pick. They had to do something and fast. Thawne's army had depleted slightly, after the mass explosion in the warehouse, but he was slowly rebuilding again. It wouldn't be long before he had his army back up again.

 

"Fuck." Barry muttered. This was going to end very, very bad, but he knew what he had to do. Cisco knew it too, by the look of dread on his face.

 

"Barry.." Cisco started. "We have to, Cisco. If we don't, Thawne gets another meta in his army and we get closer to losing. We have to take them all out." Barry said. It filled him with disgust that he'd have to do this, kill 5 innocent people, but there was no other way. If there was, Barry would've found one by now.

 

"Fine." Cisco snapped. "But you're not going alone. The last time you did, you were caught." He added with a knowing look. He knew, of course Cisco knew. Everyone on their team knew, they weren't blind. They knew the way Barry felt for the cop, where it would lead if he ever told her the truth about what was happening in this city. Thawne would find her.

 

Cisco sighed. "Look, Barry, I know you like her, but she's a cop, man. If she catches us, we're dead. If she even discovers where our base is, we're dead. You can't do this. You can't love her because if you do, you know what happens."

 

He did. He knew all too well what would happen if he loved Iris West. It would end with a vibrating hand through the chest, same as his mother.

 

"I know, Cisco." He replied, tiredly. But he couldn't stop loving Iris West, even if she hated him now. He would always love her, no matter what.