Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Hey, Hotch didn’t order my take down recertification.” Derek looked towards Emily as she made her way from Hotch’s office, shouldering his bag from the day. “Do you want to tell me what’s really going on?” 

There it was. Emily was never one to beat around the bush, and he would have been a fool to assume that her time away would change that. 

“I just thought we could both use a refresher.” Even as the words left his mouth they felt like the wrong thing to say. Logically he knew it wasn’t a far away assumption. She had been away somewhere in Europe and who knew where else for the past seven months, but he hated that it sounded like he didn’t trust her. And he did. Derek trusted Emily Prentiss more than anyone else in his life. She was his partner. 

“You mean you thought I could use it. You’re nervous about me being back.” She said as they made their way to the elevator bank.

It had felt surreal for Derek to be back in the field with Emily, but for as much as he wouldn’t trade it for the world it scared the shit out of him. The anxiety he had felt going back into the field right after she had died was back with a vengeance. Derek had been scared of failing another member of his team, and he was even more scared of failing her again . The last time he had let Emily down she had ended up dead. Now, against all logical expectations, she’s back and he’s scared that he could lose her again. Derek Morgan doesn’t get distracted, he doesn’t get scared, but he had learned fairly quickly that when Emily Prentiss was involved all bets were off.

They had always had a special relationship that could only really be described as more than platonic, but there was no reason to try and define anything, they just were; per Penelope they were twin flames, and Derek couldn’t help but agree. So when a seemingly unavoidable awkwardness flanked their reunion, and neither could stomach looking the other in the eye it had thrown him. 

Even though the ice had first started to crack while they were in Oklahoma, Derek hated himself knowing that she had thought he was mad at her. He wasn’t and he had tried to make sure she knew that. For anything and everything Emily Prentiss was, is , and all the complexities that went along with it he could never be mad at her. Peeved, sure, they were humans who spent a weird amount of time around one another, but nothing about this situation warranted feelings of ill will for him. He was the one who had failed her anyway. 

“Emily…” Derek sighed.

“What,” Emily said with a slightly incredulous expression. “You think I’m gonna mess up the team's rhythm, I get it, but just come out and say it, Morgan.” 

Morgan. He was always Derek outside of the field. He really tried to not read too far into it. During the time she had been supposedly dead, Derek had put in a lot of work with his therapist regarding his guilt and grief, and while he had done a not horrible job of reminding himself that Emily would never blame him for what happened, having her here made him question it all. Why wouldn’t she blame him? 

“Okay,” Derek knew he could be vulnerable with Emily. Even after everything that had happened, Emily made him feel safe, and she deserved the truth, “fine, yes. I am nervous,” all of it. “But not about you, about me. Emily, I thought I lost you and I blamed myself. Now you’re back but I don’t want to be worried about losing you again and get distracted.”

Some of the awkward uneasiness seemed to melt away, and Derek could see that it did for Emily as well. There was a softness in her eyes that only ever seemed to be directed towards him. “So, you wanted some reassurance.” 

“Yeah, something like that.”

…

She knew their relationship was nowhere near what it had been and things wouldn't be fixed over night, but it was a start, and the goofy grins on both of their faces as the elevators closed was the best thing she had experienced in a while. 

They stood in silence for a while before she took a chance and interlaced her fingers with Derek’s, receiving a firm squeeze in return. “I really missed you,” she uttered. “And I truly am so sorry for everything.” 

Keeping ahold of Emily’s hand, a second passed before Derek leaned across her to the control panel, stopped the elevator and turned to look at her fully. He had a feeling the next few minutes wouldn't go without some deep emotions, and they needed some relative privacy. “Emily... thinking I had lost you was absolute and utter hell, but I need you to know that you have absolutely nothing to be sorry about.”

She stammered for a moment, obviously confused, “I-I was deceitful and lied… I put you in serious danger, and put you through a serious trauma… Derek, I...”

“Whoa,” Derek squeezed her hand again a little more firmly. “First off, for as much as I love Reid, I like to think that I understand that not all lies are bad and ill intended.” He took her other hand too. “I would rather be lied to and have you standing here, alive , than to have been told the truth and have you end up… not being here.” A beat. “Your well-being is infinitely more important than the assumed morality of the truth.” He cleared his throat, “Secondly, that wasn’t you, it was him .” Doyle. There was no point saying his name. 

Emily heaved a deep sigh — contrary to assumptions made about him, Derek had always been the voice of logic and reason between the two of them. He was her peace, her home, and she was his. For as much gravity as his words held, there was value in what he didn’t say. 

He was reminding her that despite everything that had happened and the way she and others may view her, she was inherently important, and for as much pain and trauma Emily’s supposed death had caused him and everyone else, she hadn't been left unscathed. 

He started again, “we don’t have to talk about it now, or at all, but if and when you want to, I am always here for you.”

She let go of his hands, and hugged him close, deciding that it was her turn to be vulnerable. Derek had a way of doing that to her. “Have I told you recently that I love you? Because I really, really do.”

Derek reciprocated the hug in full, “It’s implied, but for what it’s worth, I really, really love you too.” Before pulling away, he kissed the crown of her head and restarted the elevator, taking her hand back in his. 

While the rest of their descent took place in relative silence, as the doors opened, Derek remembered something that caused a wide grin to spread across his face. “So… you know mama’s peach cobbler that you love?” Emily furrowed her brows in question, “Well, I just so happened to whip some up a few days ago, and probably shouldn’t eat it all alone…”

That caused Emily to chuckle. “You probably shouldn’t be feeding me peach cobbler before I have to undergo recertification — which  you are running .”

“Fine, I guess I’ll just eat it all myself… with Clooney… and reruns of The Twilight Zone… ” Derek said with a mock noncommittal tone, as he slowly walked away, looking back at Emily with raised eyebrows.

“Hey, hey, hey!” She called, catching up to him. “I never said ‘no’. How dare you assume I’d ever refuse any one  of those things!”

“Good,” Derek smiled his million watt smile. “I seriously made too much cobbler, and I know Clooney will be beyond ecstatic to see his auntie Em.”