Archive of Our Own ^beta

Big, begging, green eyes were going to haunt Levi until the day she died, and then send her down to hell.

And she was going to savor every second until then.

Levi had never been afforded luxury. She’d been born to a whore and, after the death of childhood dreams, became one herself. Diamonds and castles and gowns made of silk, hell, even a good night’s rest, were never in her cards, and she’d accepted the truth long ago.

This was her life. One without means or hope.

Enter Eren.

Levi had never been afforded luxury, but the closest she came to it were the moments before twilight. The sun bleeding in brilliant, ozone-fueled reds and oranges, winds cooling the upper half of the city, and Levi, leaning against the railing of her sliver of a balcony with a cigarette in hand.

That was, and had to be, enough. Until Eren, leaning over his homework on her couch and ranting with an enthusiasm that made Levi feel half her age, made it immeasurably better. That shard of happiness, with the world and sun and breeze behind her and Eren in front of her, was more precious than anything else she could ask for. And more dangerous. Much more dangerous.

Eren was 15.

Levi was 31.

Eren had found her there a year ago when he’d gone outside to do his homework. Carla, his mother, was making dinner inside. The scent of sauteing vegetables had risen up to Levi’s apartment. A painful reminder that she didn’t have the money to go grocery shopping this week. It wasn’t the first time that month, but it was going to be the first time Carla brought her their leftovers.

Levi had accepted them, and subsequently Eren, gratefully.

Back then, Levi’s feelings for the teen were innocent. She was living in static, selling her time and body at night, and sleeping through the day. Seeing nothing but darkness and the dregs of society. 

But Eren was different. Eren looked up at her, smiling without the lechery of her customers, and asked her if she was any good at math. As if she could be good at anything academic. As if she could be good at anything other than sex.

Levi wasn’t all that good at math, and certainly not probability, but that hadn’t deterred the boy from asking questions. Enjoying Levi’s sarcastic responses. Turning the conversation to sports and classmates and TV and…

It was the first time anyone had engaged Levi in any sort of talk further than a passing remark about the weather in years. The first time someone had seen Levi as something greater than a pair of holes and tits since her mother’s death.

With Carla’s delivery of dinner that first night came an unlikely blessing that brought Eren, her downfall, into her life.

“Eren needs some friends,” Carla had told her, and at the look Levi had sent her direction, gave a soft smile. “He rarely takes a shine to someone as fast as he has with you.”

“I’m a whore,” Levi deadpanned, expecting the normal reaction. Some familiar mixture of moral outrage, disgust, and morbid interest. Not a snort with a look that said ‘no shit.’

“Then maybe you need a friend too,” Carla had replied, and patted her on the shoulder. “I’m sure he won’t get in your way, and if he does, feel free to kick his ass out of your apartment.”

She was stubborn and so, Levi soon learned, was Eren.

The next morning, Levi had barely brewed her evening coffee when Eren showed up at her doorstep. Backpack slung over his shoulder, he just looked up at her with a wide grin and nudged his way past a speechless Levi into her apartment. He splayed his schoolwork across her coffee table, sitting cross legged against her couch, and that was the beginning of the end for Levi.

Because day after day, visit after visit, conversation after conversation, Levi fell.

Eren looked up at her from his seat on the floor, complimenting the cleanliness of her apartment, and Levi fell.

Eren brought veggies and meats, praised the food Levi made with it, and Levi fell.

Eren sat silently, chewing the cap of his pen and furrowing his eyebrows at equations that might as well be a foreign language, and Levi fell.

And then a year later, Eren stood there in front of her, gangly teen body grown several inches taller since she’d first met him, shoulders beginning to fill out into something stronger. More dangerous. A faint blush of red brushed across his face, mouth set and posture hardened in that teenaged, reckless determination. Levi knew what was coming before Eren even spoke.

“Levi,” Eren said, fists clenching and unclenching. “I love you.”

Those three words were the blows that hammered the nail into Levi’s heart and damned her soul to hell. Levi loved Eren too, in all his teenaged sincerity and foolishness.

The lord might have forgiven Levi for her profession, for all the sins of her past and future, but loving this untouched, pure, brave boy was surely unforgivable. She felt a lump in her throat, and was suffocating.

Levi did not say ‘I love you’ back, but instead, for the first time in a year, kicked him out of her apartment, tacking on a strict order to never return.

It had been three days since Levi had banished Eren, and it was the third day he’d come out onto the balcony below to try to talk to her. He seemed to know that knocking on her door wouldn’t produce any results.

For the year Eren had visited Levi’s apartment, she’d enjoyed his presence while she took her evening smoke. Cool wind, calmed nerves, and Eren at twilight had become a routine more addictive than any drug she could buy off the streets. To deny it now, to quit cold turkey, was torture.

At least that’s how she justified not going inside.

“Levi,” Eren called up, voice wavering in half-calm, half-desperation. “Please talk to me.”

Levi bit her lip, taking another drag from her cigarette, trying to block his voice out. Trying to ignore the way her heart jumped at the way he said her name. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him. See the expression on his face, like she was someone to be cared about.

She didn’t trust herself not to fall back into his eyes.

“You know,” Eren continued, undeterred by her silence. Probably spurred on by Levi’s inability to turn back inside. Her need to take this, the near twilight sky, the smoke in her hand, and Eren’s voice desperate for her attention, as the little luxury it was. “I had that history test today. I passed.”

Levi hummed to herself, too quiet for Eren to hear, but pleased all the same. History was Eren’s least favorite- and worst- subject. This test meant the difference between a B and an A for him, and when he’d left his notebook at her place one night, she made flashcards. Quizzed him for an hour and a half the next day. She’d never learned about the Bubonic Plague when she was young, but was left with the impression that she hadn’t missed much.

“Actually got a 96. Teacher gave me a sticker, like I’m a child, but Armin was proud of me. So that’s something.”

Eren paused, letting a silence stretch out where Levi’s answer would normally go. A ‘good job’ and pat on the head, probably.

Levi’s hand gripped the railing a little tighter.

“It was all thanks to you. I kept your flashcards with me, studied them right up until the test.” A pause, then in a quieter voice. “I could hear your voice in my head as I wrote the answers.”

Levi violently put out the cigarette she’d been smoking against the rail and then lit another one.

Eren kept talking, about school, his few friends, life, and when he finally stopped, he sat there quietly on the ledge, doing his homework. Levi stayed outside long after the winds had uncomfortably cooled her skin and her pack of smokes had been emptied, only going inside when Eren did.

The next day, Eren came out again, and when he said Levi’s name, there was fortitude to his voice.

“Levi,” he said, short and strong. Restrained, but not angry. The kid had a short temper, he was trying. “My dad came to visit today.”

Levi let out a long exhale, looking out into the barrier of buildings. Trying to see through the cracks.

It hadn’t taken Eren long to talk about his father. Grisha. The rage had boiled over one afternoon, the words spilling out of him like he’d held them back too long. Levi would later learn that the man was a forbidden topic in their apartment.

Eren was the son of some rich doctor worth north of a few dozen mill. Carla was his mistress, a ‘meaningless fling’ to his wife, but the declared ‘true love of his life’ to her face. Levi didn’t believe such lip service, and doubted Carla did either. Eren certainly didn’t.

The building they lived in wasn’t the dump Levi had grown up in, she’d done well for herself, but it also wasn’t the Ritz. Nothing like what the mistress of a rich man should be living in, and certainly not suited for the love of said man’s life and their child.

Levi had long since learned how to sniff out a sleaze, and Grisha stank.

According to Eren, the best thing Grisha had ever done for them was provide the money that allowed his mom to quit waitressing and focus on her life. He’d even set up a trust fund for him, but money didn’t mean much to the kid. The man’s actions, follow through, hell, even his presence, meant more, and those were lacking.

In short, Eren hated him.

And whenever Eren was required to see him, he would always rush to her apartment, ready to tear someone’s head off.

“He wanted a progress report on school,” Eren bit out. “Was less than impressed with my 90 in history. Happy with my chemistry and math grades, though. Said he’d make a doctor out of me yet, just like Zeke.”

Levi cringed. The man already had a son 10 years Eren’s senior following his path. Eren hated him too.

“I hate him, his wife, his son, his money.” Levi could hear the anger and poorly restrained tears in his voice. “It’s all so fake. He’s such a fucking phoney and god, I don’t know how mom deals with him. She just fucking giggles-”

“Eren!” Carla’s angry voice cut through Eren’s rant. “Get back in here!”

The metal balcony rattled under Eren’s feet as he stormed inside. A moment later, Carla stepped out in a huff. Levi could let herself look at her.

“I’m sorry.” She frowned up at Levi, still holding a serving spoon. “He’s a pain in the ass.”

Levi heard a whined ‘mom’ from somewhere inside the apartment and the woman lashed out with the spoon. There was a thwack and Carla tacked on “and a brat!”

Levi could imagine Eren’s crinkled nose and exasperation at the term and hated how much she wanted to see it.

“Look,” Carla said. “I don’t know what happened between you two, but you really are his best friend.”

Levi took a deep breath, letting her cigarette dangle over the railing. Wrist limp. Looking at it, Levi could still see the bruises from a few nights ago. Faint purpling marks that stood out against her skin. She was too pale, and would need to cover it for tonight. One of her regulars wanted to take her out and Levi didn’t turn down a free meal.

Levi lived a very different life than an illegitimate child with a waiting trust fund.

“His best friend shouldn’t be a whore,” Levi said, half contemplative, still staring at her wrist.

She was dirty, bruised, patterns of black and blue against pale skin. But Eren wasn’t. Not yet.

And Levi refused to be the one responsible for staining him.

“Neither should his mom.”

Levi looked down at Carla, startled, and pulled a face. She put out her cigarette and raised an eyebrow at her.

“You sleep with one man,” Levi deadpanned. “To raise his child. Not much different from a married woman.”

Levi realized, belatedly, that her words might sound harsh, but after a moment’s surprise, Carla just laughed up at her. Full-bellied and beautiful. Even Levi was stunned for a moment.

“Well, I’m assuming they actually had a ring at some point,” Carla said, grinning up at Levi with the same eyes as Eren. “And, ya know, that their ‘baby daddies’ weren’t already in a long-term, public marriage.”

“Eh,” Levi said. “Being actually married seems pretty shitty. Most of my clients are, and look how I know ‘em.”

That brought out another laugh from the woman below and that night, Carla brought up a pan of lasagna. Levi wasn’t able to eat it before her ‘date,’ but the scent and Carla’s words as she delivered it, followed her through the night.

“For what it’s worth,” Carla had said as she handed over the food. “I don’t think Eren’s one to cheat.”

Levi’s cheeks burned as Carla walked away.

Carla was bright, like Eren. They were a constantly burning flame, warm and intoxicatingly comfortable. It’s what drew cold people like Grisha and Levi to them, hungry for their warmth and energy, like it might spark something in themselves.

For the next two weeks, Eren’s determination never faltered.

Some days, he would talk to Levi like he was in her room, impassioned and animated, narrating stories of classes and bullies and after school fights. About Mikasa holding him back from fists and Armin’s genius, or stupid, new ideas. He was so loud, Levi was sure the whole apartment complex knew his business.

On other days, he would sit there on the uncomfortable, thin wire pattern of the metal balcony with his homework, seemingly content if it meant sharing the same air. And when Levi was certain he was focused, she would chance a glance. Would watch the wind as it rustled his short hair and track the cap of a pen between his teeth, wishing she could just reach out and touch him. Fix his hair and lecture him for destroying pen caps.

It was torture, but the taste of a luxury she craved all the same.

It was at the end of those two weeks that Eren decided to try a different approach.

It was only 11 in the morning, but Levi’s insomnia had kept her up, thoughts filled with Carla, Eren, and the lasagna. Like every other night that week.

Eren wouldn’t cheat, and of course he wouldn’t, he was fathered by a man who ruined two lives with infidelity. Knowing Eren, he’d remain faithful out of spite if nothing else. Levi didn’t have to think on the surface of the words.

It was how Carla had said it. Her wink before she closed the door. Levi had turned it over in her mind relentlessly. It wasn’t just that Eren wouldn’t cheat, it was the implication that Eren wouldn’t cheat on her.

Levi knew it was dangerous to linger on those words, to linger on Eren.

But it was impossible to stop.

Resigned to another sleepless day, Levi rolled out of bed in her nightgown and headed to the balcony, hoping to find the solace it had given her before Eren. That somewhere between the buildings and through the smog, she could find an answer to a question she didn’t know.

Maybe without Eren’s presence consuming her senses she could find some clarity.

Stepping out, she ignored the jeering from a man below as the wind rustled through her gown and lit up. She was used to it, and a nightgown was far from the most scandalous thing she’d ever worn. It was, however, her favorite. The article itself was meant more for appearance than sleep, but the fabric was smooth against her skin and she liked the thin straps and lace. At stupid as it sounded, it made her feel pretty.

Her apartment was on the sixth floor, with walls probably full of toxic insulation and vents infected with black mold she couldn’t reach. Her view, the one she’d cherished before Eren, mainly consisted of gray cement and her neighbors’ curtain’d windows.

For a moment though, in her nightgown on her small balcony with wind smelling of gasoline and cigarette smoke, Levi could close her eyes and imagine herself at some fancy hotel. Nicer than the motels she’d stayed in with her mom, better than the ones her clients booked. 

She’d be alone, breathing in lungfuls of fresh air, until arms circled around her waist. Strong and familiar. The only arms she’d felt in years. Of someone she loved. Someone she could devote her whole heart and body to without regret or worry.

The only one she’d have to hold for the rest of her life.

Then that someone was leaning in, soft brown hair tickling her face, and then she was leaning back, meeting his body with her own. Tilting her head back to rest on his shoulder. A mouth next to her ear, whispering-

“Levi!”

Levi’s eyes snapped open, back to her harsh, gray reality. Startled, she turned to the voice, meeting Eren’s determined expression for the first time in weeks. A grin split across Eren’s face. He was probably proud at having finally caught Levi’s attention. The little shit.

“What the fuck are you doing home from school?” Levi asked, something inside her crumbling at having met those eyes again. Like an addict getting a fresh hit after being denied their drug of choice.

Eren dug around in his pocket before producing a box of cigarettes and a lighter. He held them up proudly. Idly, Levi thought that he must have bought them at the corner store at the end of the block. They never check IDs.

“I,” Eren struggled with the plastic around the box. “Am going to smoke with you. I thought I was going to have to wait until much later, but this is better.” He bunched up the plastic and shoved it in his pocket.

Levi was left speechless as Eren lit the cigarette and took- or at least tried to take- a drag before he broke out into a coughing fit.

“Impressive,” Levi deadpanned.

“Shut up!” Eren spit out between coughs. Levi smiled despite herself. “I just wanted to-”

“You wanted to get lung cancer and die?”

Eren scowled up at her, the effect somewhat diminished by the reflexive tears welling in his eyes. It looked more like a pout than any sort of glare.

“You smoke,” Eren pointed out.

“And I don’t care about my health,” Levi countered. She’s long since ruined her body. “I’ve got enough to worry about without you picking up my bad habits.”

Eren’s back straightened, like a dog who’d just caught a scent. Levi could practically see his ears perk up as a lopsided grin took over his face. He slowly repositioned himself to lean against his rusty metal railing, turning his face up to see her better. His eyes shone and Levi realized her mistake.

“So you care about my health,” Eren said. “You worry about me.”

Shit .

“No.” Eren lifted an eyebrow and hummed. Levi pursed her lips. “You’re just some little punk who doesn’t understand ‘no’ and-” Eren lifted the cigarette back up to his mouth. “Stop that.”

Eren managed to get the whole breath in, and out, with only pulling a face this time. He was a quick learner.

“Not,” Eren croaked. “Until you do.”

Levi stared at him for a long second, and she crushed the cancer stick against peeling black paint and flicked it onto the street below.

“Now you.”

Eren happily obliged. He craned his head back up expectantly, like he was waiting for praise.

“Are you really that desperate?” Levi asked.

Eren, to his credit, didn’t look the least bit ashamed.

“My attendance at school has been perfect,” Eren said defiantly. “If this is what it takes to get your attention-”

“Just- just stop,” Levi said with a sigh. “Fucking reckless, you know. You could get in trouble.”

Eren’s eyebrows furrowed.

“I’m not sorry,” he said, hands clenching. The cigarette box crumpled in his fist. “I needed to talk to you.”

And that, the fact that Eren would cut school and smoke cigarettes to get her attention, was proof enough that just by loving the boy,  Levi was ruining him. She didn’t need to talk to him, didn’t need to confess or kiss or fuck him to ruin his life. All she had to do was stand there, unable to give up on hearing his voice in the evenings.

Unable to ever truly give him up.

Levi was selfish.

“No,” Levi said. “You don’t.”

“Yes!” Eren shouted back, reflexive and angry. People looked up from the street. “You- you actually listen to me, Levi. You help me with my homework, and study with me, and don’t call me emotional, and let me sleep on your couch when I’m tired, and you! You’re perfect!” Eren’s voice was rising in intensity, his words rushing out of him like they only did when he was incensed about something at school. “You’re funny, and caring, and-”

“I get it,” Levi said, hoping to cut him off. Eren made a frustrated noise.

“No! No, I-” Eren’s voice broke as he caught himself. He looked down at his sneakers. They were still a bright white, his father’s latest attempt to care.

When Eren spoke again, his voice had gone soft.

“I know you love me too,” Eren said, voice so small that Levi ached. “You have to, to do all that. To look at me the way you do.”

Levi clenched her jaw, wishing for her cigarette. For Eren to have stayed in school, to have forgotten about her, to have never fallen in love or spoken to her in the first place.

“No.” It hurt. Worse than anything she’d felt before. “I don’t.”

 Silence.

Levi swallowed hard, mouth suddenly feeling dry and tacky, emotion prickling behind her eyes. She fixed her gaze somewhere into the horizon, daydreams of unobtainable suites and fresh air long gone.

Denying it, after so long, to Eren’s face made it real. A closure she didn’t want.

Levi was glad that Eren, probably reeling from his own heartbreak, wouldn’t see her face.

“You’re lying.”

Yes. “No.” Levi fought to keep her voice from wavering.

“Yes! I know what I saw. I- I’m not delusional.” God, he sounded hurt. Like he was going to cry. Eren was a raging tempest of emotions, always showing each and every feeling like he didn’t know how not to be genuine. Levi loved it. Levi loved him.

“Eren,” Levi said measuredly. With a delicacy she didn’t normally possess. “I just don’t-”

“Then say it to my face,” Eren demanded, cutting her off. “Look me in the eyes and tell me that.”

He was so fucking stubborn.

“You’re below m-”

“Then look down.”

Levi took a deep, steadying breath in, and then released. Eren wasn’t going to let this go, he never let anything go. She took another breath and let it out in a shaky exhale.

“Lev-”

“Yeah okay.”

She’d mastered a poker face, a mask, years ago. She had her polite smile, her salacious smirk, her innocent dimples. A straight face for the discussion of kinks before, a face of ecstasy to fool men into thinking they were good, and a face of terror for the sickos.

While she would never be able to manage one of hate or disgust for Eren, she should be able to handle one of indifference.

Then she looked down into his eyes, took in his expression, so poorly hidden and shattered, and the first tear fell.

And a smile as bright as the windows of the skyscrapers at night spread across Eren’s face.

“I knew it,” Eren said, a bit breathlessly. Levi closed her eyes and straightened her back, feeling stupid as she furiously wiped the tear from her cheek.

Levi cursed silently to herself, debating turning around and going inside. Really wishing she had that cigarette and piece of mind she’d stepped out onto the balcony to get.

“You love me too,” Eren said, pointing out the obvious. His voice was equal parts accusatory and wonderfilled, almost as if couldn’t believe it himself. As if, despite being the certain spit-fire that he is, Eren hadn’t been fully convinced by his own words.

“You’re too young,” Levi said, hating the second tear even if Eren couldn’t see it from this angle.

“I can make my own dec-”

“It’s illegal,” Levi stressed. “I’m practically double your age.”

Not that it had ever mattered before. Not when she was dropping out of high school at 15 to work the streets or neglecting to check IDs. She was usually a good judge of age, but she’d have no way of knowing if anyone slipped through the cracks. And well, money was money.

Eren, though, he was different. Levi didn’t want to do to him what men did to her.

“I don’t c-”

“I do,” Levi said, voice rough. “People do. The police, neighbors, your parents.”

Levi tried not to think about Carla’s earlier words. The implication behind them. Because maybe she didn’t care. Maybe that list of people was shorter than Levi thought.

Afterall, every time Levi saw Eren, she was certainly rethinking her own position.

“No one gives a shit about me,” Eren said, and Levi could imagine his face. Jaw clenched and eyes hard with indignation. “Well, my mom does but she knows.” Levi took a deep breath in. “She knows I like you, she told me you were good.”

Levi’s lungs burned before she allowed herself to breathe again.

“I-” Levi stopped short. She didn’t know what she wanted to say.

“Please,” Eren said, and he really sounded like he was pleading. “Can we just talk once, face to face. Just- just one time. Please.”

“Eren,” Levi said warningly. She clenched her fingers and her nails caught on the old paint, flecking it off.

“Anything, and I mean anything, that you want to… talk about, or do.”

She could hear the teenage boy in his words. Even living as a rich man’s bastard son with an apartment under a prostitute with neighbors who likely did worse, he was innocent.

“Eren, I don’t-”

But she had given him an inch and he was going to take a mile. Eren wasn’t persuasive enough to talk this way around excuses, but he could bulldoze through them.

“I will do anything.”

Levi knew he would. Just as she did for men, only he wouldn’t even get the money.

The old scars that littered her skin ached, but Levi wouldn’t- would never- do any of that to him. She was better.

“I know,” Levi said, voice quiet enough that Eren could probably barely hear it. “But you are fifteen, and I’m a whore for fuck’s sake.”

Eren, in some fucked up twist of fate designed to stab Levi in the gut, seemed to get the wrong idea.

"I really do mean that we can just talk, we don’t have to… you know.” Eren made some vague motion with his hands. Levi’s breath hitched. “I miss you so much that just seeing you, on the same floor for once, would be enough. To just hold your hand, hug you, be in your presence…”

Fuck.

Levi wanted to have sex with him, in a way she never wanted to anymore, but Eren’s insistence that he didn’t just want sex twisted something in her gut.

Doing this, taking a battering ram to Levi’s reasonings, making her overlook her explanations with sincere little declarations of love, was Eren’s charm. He didn’t need to persuade her, he only needed to make her forget.

Levi licked her lips, looking back out to the faint horizon she could see between the buildings. She thought about the small luxury of smoking out on the balcony in the evening, made a million times better by Eren’s visits to her apartment.

About Eren’s scattered papers and ranting. About Eren’s smile when he got a good grade, his silent rage and self-depreciation when he got a bad one. About his awkward, earnest confession. About Carla’s words.

“For what it’s worth, Eren’s not one to cheat.”

About Eren’s own admission of Carla’s support.

Eren was still staring at her, patient and fervid. Green eyes on Levi with the focus of a teenager whose hopes rode on her next words. Hands tapping anxiously at his side with a near-vibrating pace. He was rocking on his feet, shirt bunching from where he was moving against the railing. He was so tense that Levi was afraid that if she took her eyes off him that he would topple right off onto the street below.

God, Levi was going to do this. The only way she knew how.

Slowly, Levi spread her legs, closing her eyes and praying no one on the street was paying attention.

When Levi went to sleep at night, she refused to wear underwear. Those were for normal women who still thought of modesty and clients who preferred a show. She preferred the freedom, the knowledge that no one could see.

No one except, now, Eren.

Silence for a beat, then another, and then Levi heard Eren speak.

“Levi,” Eren said, slow, deep, and Levi knew he’d seen through the thin metal grate. “I swear to god, I will climb to your balcony.”

Levi’s heart was racing, threatening to beat out her chest, and her hands shook. She was on the cusp of a beautiful mistake, but she only took a few seconds before she damned herself.

“Just use the door.”

Levi swore Eren ran, slamming the door to his apartment shut with a bang Levi heard from outside. She’d barely even stepped back inside her apartment when the three short knocks came. The same cadence, rhythm, that she’d gotten used to over the past year.

“Come in,” Levi called out, knowing damn well she was too nervous to open the door herself.

The knob turned, and then Eren was there, looking for the life of him like what he wanted and what he knew how to do were at odds. Levi half expected him to jump on her, restraint was never his strong suit, but instead he just stood there, standing, as the door slammed shut behind him.

Eren’s breathing was softly ragged, cheeks flushed, and Levi could see the over-eager boner tenting his pants. He’d been here, in her apartment, dozens- even hundreds- of times before, but never like this. Never with their desires so clear and out in the open. Eren, for all that he belonged here, looked like a stranger in this new light. With Levi’s new knowledge.

A familiar stranger who controlled the beating of her heart.

This part Levi knew how to do, had done it countless times before, but this was Eren and everything was different with him.

Slowly, Levi walked over to Eren and took his hand in her own.

Eren shivered.

“We really can just talk,” Eren said, repeating what he said earlier. “If you want.”

Eren licked his lips, nervous, and Levi watched.

This close, with the weight and heat of Eren’s hands in her own, she could read every little micro expression on his face, smell the mild, clean scent of his soap and the faint lingering smoke of his cigarette.

Levi didn’t know what to say, didn’t know if she could say anything. They could talk, but it would be useless. Eren, even as young as he was, was all consuming. Overwhelming. So instead, she just leaned in, pressing her lips against Eren’s own.

Eren let go of Levi’s hand, reaching up with both arms to circle them around her shoulders. His hands were uncertain against the skin of her back. Guiding, Levi pushed one arm up to her hair, and another down to her hip. His hands immediately grasped like a baby blindly latched onto everything within its reach.

His lips moved against hers as he tried to kiss back, awkward and clumsy, and Levi took it in stride. She made an encouraging noise as he pulled her closer, letting him push his knee between her legs and rub the bulge of his erection against her thigh.

Now would be when Levi would place a hand on her client’s chest, tell him that they should take it to the bedroom. But this was Eren.

Eren.

Levi didn’t do much of anything as she let Eren take the lead, plastering his body to hers. His lips, arms, torso, legs. Then he was pushing and pushing Levi against the empty space of her apartment, forcing her back until she was stumbling, tripping over her feet and taking them both to the ground with a thud. 

Levi felt the air rush out of her lungs as Eren landed on top of her, but then wanted to laugh, an unexpected joy blossoming in her chest. Sex had never been so wonderfully messy and real.

Eren quickly pushed up for where he’d landed on top of her, cheeks red with both arousal and embarrassment and eyes wide with horror. He rushed to apologize, almost tripping over his words with the rate they fell out of his mouth, and it was goddamn endearing. Levi reached up to tangle a hand in Eren’s hair and tug him down for another, chaster, kiss.

“Bedroom?” Levi asked.

Eren, eyes still hazy with lust and mouth shocked closed, nodded. And, after a moment’s hesitation, bent down to peck a quick kiss on her lips before scrambling to his feet and taking Levi with him. He didn’t even need direction to find her room, not that there were many options. All the same, Levi felt her lips twitch up.

“You little shit,” she muttered. “Knew exactly which room, huh?”

Eren at least had the decency to seem mildly apologetic, with a look Levi took to mean that he’d been imagining this for a long time.

Levi’s heart clenched a little. Being desired in the short term, strong enough for a few hundred bucks, was normal. But never had she specifically, Levi, been the centerpiece of the fantasy. It was less daunting than she’d imagined, and infinitely more exciting. Levi was far from perfect, but to Eren, she was it. As close to perfect as he could want.

In her room, Levi kissed Eren again, pushing him back when he tried to pull her close.

“Clothes off first,” Levi whispered, kissing down Eren’s neck as she slipped her hands under his shirt.

His breath stuttered as she caressed his sides, fingers gliding over the ridges of his ribcage, and then waited as his own hands searched Levi’s nightgown for the hem. He toyed with it, anxiously tugging, and Levi leaned into his ear.

“It’s okay, you can touch,” she whispered. “I’m yours tonight.” 

She ran the flat of her hands up Eren’s back, bunching up his shirt. Eren whimpered and his grip on her nightgown tightened.

Levi pulled off Eren’s shirt as he stripped her of her nightgown. Bare chest for nudity. An even trade for Levi; Eren was beautiful. With muscle definition beginning to peek through his skin, toned from sports, and running, and simply being a growing teenage boy. Levi wanted to touch. She could touch.

“Gorgeous,” Eren whispered, and Levi shook her head with a smile. She ran her hands down Eren’s tanned chest to the waist of his jeans, dipping her fingers beneath the fabric to feel the jut of his pelvic bone.

“I think,” Levi said, popping open the button and zipper that held the denim together. “That’s what I should be saying.”

With one well-practiced maneuver, Levi knelt down and pulled Eren’s jeans and boxers to his ankles, revealing his erection. It was hard and proud, head a ruddy red with a drop of precum at the tip. She licked her lips, mesmerized. This was it. Eren in all his glory, excited and wanting. Eren eagerly kicked his pants off.

Normally, Levi would now mouth up his leg. Lay worshiping kisses along the skin as if the man in front of her was more and Levi less. She was an actor, and this was a show.

Instead, Eren was pulling her up, kissing her hard again, and rubbing his hands along her sides, around her back, down to her ass. Slowly, reverentially, his hands wandered Levi’s body. Mapping. Learning. Listening for a surprised gasp, an unwitting moan.

His hands were warm, exploratory, and Levi found herself letting go. Allowing herself to enjoy the right now, to put aside the show and just feel.

Eren was a fast learner and it wasn’t long until he was touching all the right places and herding her back against the bed. Pushing her down to the mattress, playing every part of Levi’s body that he could find. Palming her breasts, pinching her nipples, lightly scratching up her back, squeezing her ass.

Levi was a mess before she knew it, clinging desperately to Eren and grinding her hips up to meet his cock, amazed by the smooth heat of his skin. Kissing him was messy and addicting, slobbery and sensual.

She was putty for a teenaged boy who probably didn’t even know what a clit was.

“F-fuck,” Levi said as she felt the tip of Eren’s dick rub against her enterance. Eren swallowed the swear happily, and she could feel his hips searching, his dick teasing her cunt.

She wanted to let him just push in, ride him bareback and feel his cum drain inside her. Fill her. But he was 15 and she was a whore.

Levi gently pushed Eren back from the kiss and nearly melted when she saw him. His flushed cheeks, kiss swollen lips, dark eyes. She wanted him. Always. With a desperation even she didn’t quite understand but called love. Even so…

“Condom. We need- condom,” she said. Eren whined but stopped, dropping his head to breath against her shoulder.

With a trembling hand, she opened the drawer to the bedside table, and tossed one to Eren. The packet hit his arm and the teen quickly ripped it open, leaving a cold spot on Levi’s chest as he sat up. His own demeanor was cracked and needy as he tried, and failed, to roll it on his dick.

The realization hit Levi hard. Eren didn’t even know how to put on a condom.

Levi’s breath was shaky with sin, even as she reached for another one and rolled it on Eren herself. She rested a hand on his shoulder to steady herself, and guide him back down.

Eren bit his lip, eyebrows furrowed as he, with one hand around his dick, fumbled around Levi’s entrance. He was so excited he was practically vibrating under Levi’s hands. It was adorable. Captivating. Levi felt charmed at the innocent excitement as he took one deep breath in and slowly sunk into her wet heat.

Eren looked like he might cry.

“Shh,” Levi cooed, watching Eren’s eyelids flutter, feeling his trembling form.

She reached around with one arm to Eren’s hips, pulling him until he was seated entirely inside her. He groaned loudly, head falling forward. Levi pushed aside a strand of hair, Eren’s brilliant green eyes meeting hers, and she froze.

Eren looked at her like Levi held his heart in one greedy, dirty hand. And all at once, Levi realized that she did. Just as Eren held hers.

Levi had fucked hundreds of men before. Overeager and insatiable, pulling at her hair and groping at her body. Men who would demand she talk dirty, tell them that they were the best lay she’d ever had. Men who beat her and demanded more than she was willing to give.

Eren was different.

Even as his hands wandered her body, Eren treated her like she might break under too much force, hands uncertain not only from inexperience, but also from care. Eren cared and Levi fell a little more.

Levi surged up, taking Eren’s mouth for her own once again, and felt like her chest might burst.

“Move,” Levi whispered against his lips, and Eren did. 

It was erratic, a desperate sort of dance that Eren was intensely trying to figure out. He kept trying to reach out, touch her, kiss her, lavish hickeys down her neck and collarbone, and as sloppy as it was, Levi found her hips canting up with every thrust.

Sex was perfunctory, a business she’d excelled in enough to put a roof over her head, and every fuck was another transaction. Other men paid her for their pleasure, most didn’t give a rat’s ass about hers.

Some did. Not for her sake, but for their own pride. Wanting to be ‘the best fuck a whore’s ever had,’ and Levi let them believe it. They were experienced, and good in the technical sense, but even those men paled in comparison to Eren’s teenaged sloppiness and fervent efforts.

Levi reached between them to rub at herself, biting her lip and desperately meeting Eren’s thrusts. Her hands clutching at his sweaty back.

“Levi, Levi,” Eren was chanting. “You’re perfect. Fuck, Levi.”

Levi wanted Eren with a desperation she wasn’t ready to address. Wanted his look of concentration as he listened to her speak. Wanted his smile when Levi ruffled his hair. Wanted his awkward groping as he tried to get her off to the detriment of his own half-rhythm.

She wanted it all, more than she’d wanted any man before, and when she came, she didn’t have to fake it.

“Fuck, shit.” Levi’s muscles clenched, spasming. “Eren!”

Eren made a whining sound in the back of his throat, falling forward to kiss her harshly, his own hips stuttering as he came. She felt the warmth of the filling condom, the softening of his dick, and felt at peace.

Levi wrapped her arms around his shoulders, tightening her grip until he fell atop her.

“Levi,” Eren whispered, burying his face into the crook of her neck.

Almost deferentially, Levi ran a hand through his hair. Petting him as she heard Eren sniffle.

By now Levi had heard Eren say her name hundreds of times. Each one a little different, special, enough to give her just a little more life.

Levi wondered if Eren felt the same.

“Eren,” Levi whispered and Eren gave a muffled sob. Her hand paused, tangled in Eren’s hair. “Are you crying?”

Eren extracted himself from Levi’s neck. His eyes were shining with unshed tears. He sniffled again.

“Overwhelmed,” Eren whispered. His hands, which had fallen uselessly to his sides, buried themselves in Levi’s hair, pulling her bangs out of her face. “Don’t make me leave again. Don’t let it only be for tonight.”

Levi sucked a breath in, breathing in Eren with it. She was dizzy. She pulled Eren back down to hide his face. Her legs instinctively wrapped around Eren’s waist, pulling him closer, keeping his soft dick inside of her. They were connected, and she wasn’t ready to let go of that yet.

“I won’t.” She grabbed Eren’s hands from her hair and held them in her own. This was it. “I love you too.”

Eren hiccuped into her skin and Levi felt the wetness of a tear.

She wanted to continue, warn him about being careful. About not telling his mother or friends. About staying clear at night if she brought a customer who wanted her time as well as her body home. But she stopped herself. There was time for that, and Eren had started peppering the skin he could reach with kisses. Feathery soft and loving.

Her hands skimmed his back again, kneading his muscles, and she thought of her evenings. Of the sunset and fresh breeze. A cigarette and Eren. The moment where she felt human.

When Eren looked at her again, Levi could see the flecks of gold and brown in the green, the corners creased in happiness. He loved her, she loved him, and she was going to hell.

But for now, for as long as Eren would have her, she was going to treasure every day of her sin.