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Chapter Text

"Once upon a time, in a castle far far away, 
a child had been born to a queen and king, 
a beautiful baby girl.

"But upon the donning of night, they were terrified by the realization that their little baby had been cursed, to be a beautiful princess by day, and a horrid beast by nightfall.

"Scared, they locked their little girl away in a tower, there to await true love's kiss, the only remedy that could heal this curse, and wipe away the stain of loneliness from the young princess's heart."

"Years and years went by, and the princess had yet to find her rescuer. That is, until a mysterious, brave knight showed up, freeing her from her prison." 

"However, fate had yet to place a gentle hand on the poor girl, for her happiness drained away when she realized that her savior--" 

"--was an ogre!" one of the kids spat out, interrupting my narration. Annie -- who had stopped playing her blasende upon the child chiming in -- glanced at me and giggled. 

"And then they fell in love!" a little girl exhaled, resting the back of her hand against her forehead and falling back against Isolde's lap. 

"I wanna marry an ogre!" 

"Ew, that's gross, Marlene!" 

"You're gross!" 

The little group of rascals threw themselves into a laughing fit as the girls and I smiled between each other. 

"Bri can't finish the story if you aren't paying attention, guys!" Isolde laughed. 

"Frankly, I think they managed to finish it themselves." I piped up. 

"No!" 

"Go on!" 

"Fi-nish it! Fi-nish it!" 

"Oh, great," I beamed sarcastically in the noirette's direction, "Now I have no choice. Annie?" 

With a nod, the blonde continued on her blasende. I sighed, reopening the book from where my thumb had been holding the page -- keeping the rest of the book from closing in on it. 

"As the days went by, the ogre, his princess, and his royal steed--" 

"His name is Donkey! I think I met him once!" 

"Frankie, shh!" 

"--had made their way to the Kingdom of Duloc, where the princess was to be wed.

But throughout their time together, something in the princess's heart had changed, and she found herself slowly falling in love with the beast." 

"In an act of fear, she isolated herself with the steed, confessing of her true form, to which the donkey advised, 

"You must let him know! For how can one possess the ability to speak, only to keep secrets?"" 

""Nobody must know," said the princess, "Not even the beast. For how can one love someone who is so hideous and ugly?" 

But to their lack of knowledge, the ogre had been listening, and he didn't like what he had heard." 

""I shall never open my heart again!" the beast cried. 
"I will build a wall around my home, and keep out anyone who dares to trespass,
for how could I have let myself be so fooled by this human and this steed?"" 

"Get to the part where they get married!" Frankie interrupted once more. 

"Does the princess turn into an ogre too?" Marlene asked. 

"Don't spoil it!" another girl chimed in. 

Annie accidentally sighed into her blasende, and it made a low noise. Eyes wide, she took her lips away from the mouth piece. 

"That sounds like you from last year, Bri," Isolde remarked in mention of the story. I rolled my eyes. 

"Oh, har-har, you're sooo funny." I retorted. Isolde giggled, placing a hand upon her head as she looked to the sky. 

"Oh, how could I let myself be so fooled by this jock with B/O and family issues? I shall never let another boy into my heart!" 

I shoved her by the shoulder with a laugh. 

"In my defense, he was cute!" 

"Uh, so is Lance? How's that a defense?" another familiar voice asked. The three of us turned to see Guin and Britt approaching. Marlene ran up and hugged the tall blonde tight. 

"You're back from class! Are you staying here, now?" the little girl asked. With a giggle, Guin poked the redhead's nose. 

"Of course! I wouldn't miss storytime!" 

She glanced at me with a wink; Guin and I weren't really school rivals. You could say we were more like distant friends -- we never hung out too much, but the times we did were always a blast. 

She was nice...in a "too popular to fit in with but just chill enough to share iced coffee from Farbucks with" kind of way. 

Semi-closing the book once more, my attention was drawn by Annie poking my shoulder. 

"Look who's checking her out again." she whispered into my ear. I turned my gaze just slightly to the outer corridor entrance, where a familiar face had been leaning against a column, staring at Guin. 

I could feel my blood pressure picking up, which admittedly...wasn't the first time, since the school year began. 

Here we go again. 

It was bad enough that Annie had just been getting over her crush on him from last year, and now I had to shoulder the burden for her -- none of which was of my own volition. Turquoise eyes curtained by wavy blond hair on a 5'9" shell of jokes who was the center of insults and bullying. 

Artie. The school's chosen worm.  

Why my brain decided to look at him and go, "Yes. That one," I'll never understand. But this was a thing now, I guessed...so play along until it was over, I would. 

"She's lucky, I'll give her that." I whispered in return to Annie, who simply hummed. 

"I still don't get how he's so oblivious; everyone knows she and Lance are a thing." 

"Maybe he's just playing dumb; probably hasn't come to accept it." 

Annie rested her head on my shoulder. 

"Clearly." 

I grinned at her emphasis.

"Hey, Bri?" Guin piped up, and my eyes found her smiling at me. "What page are you on?" 

"Um..." 

Trailing off, I opened the book up to where my thumb had been holding the corner. I held the book out to her, to which she accepted the offer. 

"Mind if I take it from here?" 

"Knock yourself out; I think I'm gonna go take a walk." 

"No biggie!" 

Standing up, I let the blonde take my spot as Annie picked up her instrument again, playing it this time for Guin instead of me. 

"Aww, she's leaving?" 

"Bye, Bri! See you next Friday!" 

With a soft grin, I waved at the kids before heading off. I was greeted by Vivi as I passed by the inner courtyard. 

"Oh, good! You're here!" 

"Why is that--hey hey HEY WHOA!--" 

She dragged me by the arm into a corridor, a few feet from one of the columns. 

The exact one that Artie had been leaning on as he listened to Guin read. 

Oh no.

"Subject #86206 in perfect position, and you are the perfect one to lure him in!" 

I yanked my arm out of her grasp. 

"Uh, no, we're not doing this again," I declined. "Besides, the last time you tried this out, I almost got thrown out of the academy and I cannot risk my tuition again!" 

"Oh come on, Bri, that was just an accident!" Viv argued. "Besides, I have certified permission from the Spells & Viles Concoctions Club to test this at my leisure, and I know you can do it!........This time!" 

"Vivi, this isn't a good idea." 

"What's the worst that can happen? It's just Artie." 

"Wait, Vivi-- AGH!" 

My question went unanswered as I was shoved smack into the back of the poor soul, who had simply been minding his own business. 

Don't panic, don't panic, don't panic, don't panic--

The blond groaned after catching his balance, before turning around and giving me an offended look. 

...

For someone who I knew wasn't exactly the strongest in the school, he certainly was looking just strong enough to kick my ass, right now. 

"What was that for?" 

ABORT MISSION, MISSION ABORT-- 

"Sorry! Sorry, a-- I--" 

I cleared my throat. 

What was I supposed to say? Uh...shit, something about doing a spell? 

I glanced behind the blond at Viv, who had changed directions by the time he turned around, and was giving me a thumbs-up from near the school's entrance gate. 

"...I, uh..." 

She mouthed the first few words to me as I tried to watch carefully. 

A little too carefully, as Artie began to turn around. 
Eyes wide, I panicked, forcing his face back to me with my hand. 

"NO!" 

Shit, why did I do that now he was looking at me again this was all going wrong send help--

"Okay, okay okay, I can do this, uh--" 

I took a deep breath. 

"On behalf of the Worcestershire Academy Spells and Viles ConcooOH MY GOSH LOOK OUT-" 

I forced his head down (much to his dismay from the "OOF" I heard), just as a spark of fire whizzed past. It cracked me right smack in the nose, and I fell backwards onto hard ground with a thud. 

"Okay...that's my cue to never do that again."

I groaned in pain. 

"Uh, thanks for that...everything good, chief?" 

I looked up to see an open hand in front of my face. 
I looked further up to see the person responsible for it. 

Send help, send help, send help-- 

Or not. This is fine. It's all good. Just me embarrassing myself in front of my crush, no big deal, this is okay-- 

"Uh, are you with me?" 

"I wish." 

"...What?" 

My eyes widened at the onset realization of what had just passed through my lips, and I stumbled frantically onto my feet, keeping a hand over my nose. 

"I mean!-- I didn't mean that! I-- haha-- do you know where the school nurse is? I think I'm losing my mind--" 

...There was a sound. 

Someone chuckled. 

Was that him? Did he chuckle? 

Did I make him laugh? Am I that weird? 

Or was he that weird? Were we both weird? 

This was weird. 

"I can walk you there if you need it--" 

"No-- NO! It's okay, I-I can make it." I stammered, trying to redeem myself of my own stupidity. 

I didn't think it was working. 

"Uh...okay; thanks again, I guess." 

He did it again! He laughed! 

I made him laugh! Victory! 

Was I supposed to laugh, now? 

Uh...fake laugh; do the fake laugh! 

I faked a laugh as I backed away, hoping to whatever deity currently burdened with viewing this trainwreck of a conversation that the poor blond couldn't see the blood I felt dripping out of my nostril.  

God I was such an idiot-- 

"Yup, ah...no big deal! That's what friends are for-- ah -- not that we're friends or anything, I don't know you and you don't know me-- a-anyways, uh...bye!" 

I ran off, unaware of Vivian facepalming as I rushed inside the main school building to find Nurse Ennisi. 

What a start to the weekend. 

Chapter Text

"This is now the third time this semester that you've managed to get yourself into trouble, young lady," Nurse Ennisi remarked, her hand pressing a tissue against my bleeding nose. "One of these days, you're going to end up fish feed in the lake." 

"I wouldn't be surprised," I retorted. "Why am I always the test monkey for that stupid--" 

"Head down." 

"...club?" 

"Your guess is as good as mine but your best move would be to leave it!" the nurse scolded lightly. "You're a smart girl, Bri; don't be getting yourself caught up in others' troubles. I would've expected more from you than to go repeating the same mistakes, almost getting yourself expelled." 

"Look, it wasn't my fault, okay?" 

"Well someone certainly took a hit for that worm; did they not?" 

"We--I...yeah, you got me there." 

The nurse let out a "hmph", before taking away the tissue. It seemed the bleeding had finally come to a stop after fifteen minutes' worth of pressure. 

"Now that that's settled, I expect you to head back to class and not speak of this to your little friends," Ennisi instructed. "They may look wise to you but from the eyes of an elder woman, their lanterns are lit yet no one answers the door; couldn't tell a chamber pot from an old bucket."

Yeah, okay, that earned a laugh.
A small one. 

"Thank you, Nurse Ennisi." 

"Yes yes, sing your praises at a better time." she shooed. 

Soon as I was out the door, she shut it right in my face. 
Frankly, I was surprised she didn't bust my nose up all over again. 

With that out of the way, I began down my normal route to the next class in my schedule; the trip back to the main corridor wasn't too bad...

...until I realized classes had just been ending.

Within mere seconds, the halls were already flooded with students. 

 "Look who got a nose job!" someone taunted as I entered the cafeteria. I turned my head to see the owner responsible for the voice. 

I wasn't too amused. 

"Think I prefer the 'before' version!" Lance continued, only to be elbowed by his girlfriend. 

"She got hurt, it isn't her fault," Guin spoke in my defense. "Back off, Lancey." 

The noiret rolled his eyes. Slightly swollen nose and all, I nonetheless smirked. 

"Listen to Mommy." 

"You're one to talk." 

"Hey! My mom is cool!" 

"For a goose keeper." 

"Can you two babies argue later? My appetite is small enough." Nini chimed in as we began to scoot down the lunch line with our trays. "I don't need it being ruined by thine petty bickering." 

"Someone's having a bad day." 

"Can it, Duloc."

I heard a chuckle behind me following Ninian's warning. With a shake of my head, I decided to just catch up with Annowre, who had been sitting with Dagonet and another student from our English class, Enid. 

"Look who thine old cat hath draggeth in." Daggy joked as I sat next to Annie. "Heard you bit the ball for a buddy o' mine." 

"Heard from who?"

"Gareth was listening through the door." 

"Why am I not surprised?" 

"You did a nice thing," Enid chirped in. "And possibly saved Artie's face; kudos!" 

"Not like I meant to, anyways." I remarked, dragging my fork lightly around my lunch with one hand, as the other became a rest for my head. "It was just reflex."

"Bri's in love." Annie teased. 

"Uh, no. We're not riding this carriage, again; it's just an infatuation, that's it." 

When I didn't hear a response, I looked up to see all three staring at me, with shit-eating grins on each of their faces. 

"...What?" 

"You've been "infatuated" for six months now," Enid pointed out with a chuckle. "I think we're a bit past that stage, Tiny." 

"Yeah but it's not like I'm obsessed or anything." 

"Liar." all three collectively spat, their deadpan tones a polar contrast to the taunting grins on each of their faces. 

Defeatedly, I tossed my fork into my tray and sat my free hand on my lap, leaning back in my chair and rolling my eyes as Annie giggled. 

"Oh, har-har." 

"Sorry I gave you the Disease." 

"You don't have a drop of remorse in you." 

"And you won't regret it when some miracle inevitably happens," Enid chimed in once more, "You guys could always turn out to be like Shrek and Fiona; more in common than you might think!" 

"Speak of the devil," Dagonet piped up, and I noticed him looking behind us.
"Look who's doing it again."

We all looked over to see a dumbfounded Artie standing right in front of Guin; she had a confused look on her face. 

Seemed like her attempt at small-talk wasn't going well...not that we could blame her. 

I could see her mouth the words "Okay, then." before walking past him, leaving him frozen in place. 

Huh. Good on her. 

"He's never gonna get over her," Daggy sighed. "I'd feel bad for him, but his cockiness would never allow it." 

"He...is pretty overconfident for the chosen worm," Annie agreed. "Then again, it's doing him some good if he hasn't been killed yet, by this point." 

"My bet's on Gary and Xavier before the school assembly, today." Enid added. 

All I could do was frown, as we all turned back to face each other. 

"Aww, don't look so glum, Bri!" the narsinga player of the group continued encouragingly. "There's plenty of fish in the sea!" 

"No fish like that, though." 

"Daggy, be nice!" 

"Nice as I might beith, thine world be crueleth." 

"Uh, guys?" Annie queried. We all turned our heads in the direction she seemed to be facing. 

"Oh, wonderful," I chirped sarcastically. "Because this is exactly what I need, right now." 

Lance towering over Artie in the same place Guin left him. 

It didn't look too good. 

Visibly irritated with Lance's shenanigans, I stood up out of my seat. If no one was going to put a stop to it before it got worse, I would.

At least, I thought so...until Annie abruptly grabbed my wrist.

"Bri, no," she warned; her eyes darted between me and the students, who were watching the two half-brothers going at it. "Let them get in trouble; it's not worth it." 

"..." 
I yanked my arm out of her grasp. 

"Bri!" 

"There she goes, off to rescue the handsome Prince Charming."

"Ooh, a new player has entered thine arena!" 

...Yeah yeah, I know. It was impulsive, and most likely just me acting on a stupid crush, but Artie was one guy and had an entire academy of petty teenagers breathing down his neck at all times. 

I think it was safe to say that he probably needed some help, every now and then. 

I marched over to the two, standing in front of the blond. 

"Back off, Lance." 

"What? So you're his bodyguard now?" the noiret asked with a chuckle. "Probably best that you don't go around trying to play 'hero', princess." 

"Don't call me that. Leave him alone." 

"Or what?" 

"Or nothing. Just leave him be."

The jock threw me a dirty look; I rolled my eyes.

"We get it, alright? You're strong, he's not." I continued. "Can you back off, now? He's had enough trouble for one year." 

"..." 
Lance exhaled sharply through his nose, taking a step towards Artie. 

I stepped in front of the blond once more, acting as a shield. 

...Just in case.

"Other way, dingus." 

With a roll of his eyes and a shit-eating grin, Lance turned around. 

"Don't always expect someone to be your guardian angel, worm," he remarked. 

"Once a loser, always a loser." 

With that, he was back at his table with Guin. 

I finally relaxed my shoulders, looking to my own table. 

My three companions threw teasing grins in my direction, to which I responded with a perplexed face. 

"Uh...thanks...again." 

Oh, right.
That's who I was defending. 
Duh. 

I dared to turn around. 
...Possibly-steadily-bruising nose and all.

I ignored the slight ache I was feeling at the bridge of it. 

"..." 
I didn't exactly know what to say in return. You're welcome? No biggie? Call if you need me? 

So, simple solution. I said nothing. Just a simple nod and a nice walk back to my ta--who am I kidding, I flew back to that stupid table. 

Being the Chosen Worm was a disease in and of itself, something contagious that could be caught by the simple act of sympathy, and knowing that I was the one who stood up for him? To the most popular guy in the entire school? 

I now had a target on my back, and my friends understood that a little too well. 

"Congrats," Dag greeted upon my return. "Bri meet bus, you've officially thrown yourself under thine bus." 

"You don't have to rub it in." 

"You did the right thing, bestie." Annie reassured. "At least now, he won't be bullied alone." 

"That's a big cost with so much to lose," Enid added. "You've got a heart of gold, Tiny...probably not a good thing."  

For once in my life, I was actually anxious when the bell rang. 

---

It felt as though everyone's eyes had been following me, upon reaching the courtyard. Some people shoulder-checked me, others made dumb jokes. It was all Guin could do to give me a frown as she talked with Britt near the center of the courtyard. 

Now that the word had spread like wildfire, I knew that they couldn't be caught dead near me. I didn't blame them one bit. 

Artie and I shared a glance as he entered through the gate to the jousting field, following his brother. As he looked in my direction, I could see his crestfallen expression. 

My stomach dropped. I wouldn't be able to tell if it was crippling anxiety or absolute butterflies.  

The blond offered me a small smile. 

It suddenly became both. 

Redirecting my focus (and trying to hide how suddenly jelly-legged I'd become -- fuck you, Artie), I quickly joined Annie, Daggy, and Enid in a spot on the grass to discuss the situation in the cafeteria. 

"It's not exactly like we can hop in and defend her," Annie pointed out, drawing in the soil with her index finger. "Once you choose to guard the worm, you become connected. It's like a virus that can clone itself through other people." 

"In other words, I'm stuck." 

"Hey, it's your crush." 

"Hey, it's your best friend," I retorted. "I didn't see you helping him out." 

 "What, you think I wanted to watch him get bullied by his own family?" Daggy inquired of me. "We've got enough targets on our backs just by being in the band." 

I sighed. 

"You make a fair point. Enid?" 

"I got nothing, kid." she piped up. "It's a sticky situation; it's good that you stood up for him, but...it probably could've waited until you weren't being watched by our entire student body." 

"...You think it's a good idea for us to even keep hanging out like this?" 

I noticed the eyes of other students dwelling on us; glares from some directions, and snickers from others. 

"Of course it is," Enid encouraged. "It's not like we're gonna get out on a clean slate anyways, may as well go down together." 

I could lose my friends and become the new Worm, or lose the worm crush who was already in love with someone else anyways. 

It was a lose-lose situation. Peachy.

With a small smile, Annie stuck her hand in the center of the group. 

"I'd rather have a few close friends as a pest, then no friends at all." 

The few of us grinned to each other. 

"Are we starting a new club, now?" Dagonet asked. 

"Heck yeah! Club Worm! Let's do it!" Enid cheered, sticking her hand on top of Annie's. 

Daggy and I looked to each other; I giggled as he stuck his hand on top of the girls'. 

"Can't be any worse than this hellhole, I presume." 

"Bri?" Annie asked. 

"..." 

With a big grin, I stuck my hand on top. 

"Club Worm it is." 

---

Student upon student had flooded into the gymnasium after our free hour outside.  

And student upon student threw me a dirty look as I found a place on the bleachers next to Annie, who had been standing with the rest of the marching band and awaiting the start of the assembly. 

"Just Say Nay." 

The same drug spiel that had yet to make a change in the school. I was honestly convinced at this point that the principal had lost all hope, and was mostly just recycling the same garbage so that he didn't have to work as hard for his paycheck. 

The speech by Professor Primbottom was the same as always, with fake crocodile tears and stories about kids on drugs who had hard lives, yada yada. It seemed the rest of the school had been as bored of the message as I was. 

"Thank you to Professor Primbottom, and his invigorating lecture on how to Just Say Nay!" Principal Pynchley spoke into his megaphone, to which a couple of students applauded. 

"Now, let's give a warm Worcestershire hoo-sa-hah to the winner of our new mascot contest! The...!" 

That was when the double doors burst open. 

None of us were expecting the guest who walked through them.

The star of the famous "Beauty and the Beast" story himself, the "Night One Way, Day Another" infamous fairytale with a twist ending: Shrek.

A 6'4" ogre in a vest that reeked of swamp water and rats, along with his donkey partner and feline friend in a hat and boots. 

Pynchley looked almost dumbfounded that there was a literal celebrity just...strolling about on his schoolgrounds, and the look on his face was absolutely priceless. 

"...Ogre?!" the principal finished lamely. Students began to mumble amongst themselves, only to be interrupted by the beast. 

"That's right! I'm the new mascot!" Shrek announced pridefully.

"So let's really try and...beat...the other guys! At...whatever it is...they're...doing!" 

...Something told me he hadn't been a candidate in this vote.
Nonetheless, the band played as students cheered aloud and applauded him. 

"Woo! I love you, Shrek!" 

The principal tried to say something in opposition, only to have the ogre snatch his megaphone without even so much as breaking stride. 

Shrek lifted the mouthpiece to his lips. 

"Now, where can I find Arthur Pendragon?!" 

...
The group and I looked between each other; I couldn't decipher whether my friends were baffled, astonished or both. 

Why Artie? What did he want with Artie? 

Was something going on? Did something happen? 

"Hey-- wait!" a familiar voice pleaded, only for an "oof" to follow as he was dropped from behind the backboard of the basketball hoop, hanging only by the net-chains. 

The other students were sent into hysterics as Daggy, Annie, Enid and I shared the same concerned look. 

"You should be ashamed of yourselves!" Donkey scolded Lance and his friends. 

"I didn't do it!" Lance remarked defensively, pointing to the rafters above the hoop. "They did." 

On the balcony of the rafters, overlooking the audience, stood Gary and Xavier -- the school nerds -- laughing and snorting to themselves. 

Until Xavier caught a nosebleed from snorting too hard. I could see him pinching his nose. 

Enid's smirk just screamed, "Told you so."
The dirty look I sent her quickly wiped it off, though I could hear her giggling quietly. 

With a shake of his head, Shrek lowered Artie to face-level by his arm. 

"Please don't eat me." 

"Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him!" 

The ogre yanked the blond to the floor by the same arm. 

"I'm not here to eat him!" he shouted, much to the dismay of the students as choruses of "aww" spread around the gymnasium. 

Shrek turned to face Artie, and gave him a big grin. 

"It's time to pack up your toothbrush and jammies! You're the new king of Far Far Away!" 

One could hear a pindrop from the silence of the room, before it was filled only with gasps. 

Lance cut a thick knife through the tension with a hearty laugh. 

"Artie a king? More like the mayor of Loserville!" 

The sackbut player sounded a few scaling notes to the amusement of the students, who were once again in hysterics. I gave the noiret a dirty look. 

"Absolutely!" I could hear Shrek answering to the blond. "Now go clean out your locker kid, you've got a kingdom to run." 

I tried to listen for what else was being said, but it wasn't until Artie walked to the center of the gymnasium that red flags began to go off in my head. 

"My good people," he began. "I think there's a lesson we can all learn from this. Maybe the next time you're about to dunk a kid's head in a chamber pot, you'll stop and think." 

He turned to face a few students. 

"Hey, maybe this guy has feelings. Maaaybe I should cut him some slack; 'cause maybe, just maybe, this guy's gonna turn out to be, eh I don't know, a king?!" 

...Something told me that he'd been waiting to say these words for a loooong time. 

"And maybe, his first royal decree will be to banish everyone who ever picked on him!" 

He turned and pointed at Lance.

"That's right! I'm looking at you, jousting team!" 

Lance suddenly had an uncomfortable look on his face, as Artie turned to face the girls. 

"And Guin? Oh, Guin...I've always loved you." 

"Ew." 

"Well," Artie continued. "It breaks my heart but, enjoy your stay here in prison while I rule the free world, baby!" 

"Alright, let's not overdo it." Shrek encouraged. 

"I'm building my city, people? On rock & roll." 

The ogre scooped up the new king, and carried him out of the gymnasium.

The group and I looked to each other. 

"What are you doing?" Annie spoke lowly. "He's getting away!" 

I gave a panicked shrug, looking between them and the door. 

"Go, you fool!" Daggy scolded. "It's my job to jest, not yours!" 

"This could be your only chance before he's gone forever!~" Enid added teasingly. 

Fueled solely by panic and indecision, I stood and shuffled past nearby students to the end of the bleachers, hopping off of them and rushing through the doors with an added push from Annie and Dagonet. I gave them a nod and a quick wave goodbye as I left, running down the hall before freezing in place. 

They were just ahead, and Shrek had just set down the blond. 

Stealth mode, or walk right up and say what I want? 

Nah, that was a stupid decision; he just finished confessing his love to Guin. 

But stealth mode was even creepier; maybe act casual? Just taking a stroll down the corridors of this lovely high school, no big deal! 

"Oh, hey, it's you!" 

OKAY BIG DEAL, BIG DEAL, HE'S LOOKING RIGHT AT YOU-- 

The blond ran back in my direction (much to the confusion of Shrek and company), with a small grin on his face. 

"I never really returned the favor for sticking up for me back there; I definitely owe ya one." 

"W-- Oh, uh...yeah, it was nothing, really, heh..." 

I trailed off. 

"Just ah...doing my civic duty, I guess." 

"Hey, what's your name?" 

"I...huh?" 

"Your...your name?" he asked. "Maybe when I become king, I can invite you to one of my awesome royal parties!" 

"Right..." I trailed off. "In that case, uh...I'm Bri." 

"That's it?" 

"What's it?" 

"Nothing fancy? No weird spelling? Just Bri?" 

I grinned. 

"Right, my bad," I sarcastically corrected myself. "It's actually Gerald B. Wallincia the Second." 

HAHA, HE LAUGHED AGAIN -- I'M TOO POWERFUL-- okay, calm down. 

"You're pretty funny! Man, this party's gonna be huge!" 

"Well, definitely be sure to invi--" 

"Alright, we get it, you found your consort," Shrek interrupted. "Can we go now? You've got things to do, kid." 

"Punctuality, kids!" Donkey added. 

Instantly, my face went beet red, Shrek what the fuck--

"Huh?"

"Wait what?" 

The blond let out a nervous chuckle.

"No, I-- you guys got it all wrong, we're just--" 

"Welcome to the club, kid," the ogre cut off, shoving me along. "Now enough chit-chat, let's move." 

Oh god, this wasn't happening, this wasn't happening, this was not happening. 

It was not in the plan to actually leave the school grounds, now everybody was gonna wonder where the hell I was at send help-- 

The front gates locked shut as I was shoved in front of the gang. Artie and I shared a frown; Shrek didn't exactly seem to be listening to us, rather busy chatting with Donkey and Puss. 

Eventually, after multiple attempts to get the beast's attention, the two of us finally gave up trying to send the message, and we came to an agreement together that it was better to explain -- when we got to the castle -- that I was just an extra party who wasn't meant to come along. 

Easy, right?...







...Who were we kidding?
I was doomed. 

Chapter Text

Oh god, this wasn't happening, this wasn't happening, this was not happening. 

It was not in the plan to actually leave the school grounds, now everybody was gonna wonder where the hell I was at send help-- 

The front gates locked shut as I was shoved in front of the gang. Artie and I shared a frown; Shrek didn't exactly seem to be listening to us, rather busy chatting with Donkey and Puss. 

Eventually, after multiple attempts to get the beast's attention, the two of us finally gave up trying to send the message, and we came to an agreement together that it was better to explain -- when we got to the castle -- that I was just an extra party who wasn't meant to come along. 

Easy, right?...

…Who were we kidding?
I was doomed. 

---

I stared out in disbelief with my arms resting on the rail of the deck, watching as the school slowly dissipated among the horizon. It was late at noon; Annie, Daggy and Enid were probably sitting in our last class together wondering where I was, if I was even okay. 

Or they were being yelled at by Primbottom for passing notes again; wouldn’t surprise me in the least. 

I assumed that Far Far Away’s new heir had caught the look on my face, the crestfallen gaze I held as I was forced to say goodbye to the place I called home…then again, it might’ve been a good thing to leave. 
I defended the school worm in front of god and everybody; I may as well have caught Ye Old Cheese Touch. 

There was no way I would be welcomed back by any of those students; Lance most likely resented me since the cafeteria. Guin and Britt knew that their reputations would be trashed if they even so much as blinked in my direction. 

My three friends were all I had, and I couldn't help but feel afraid for them. They were the last ones seen hanging out with me since I stood up for Artie.

How would they fare?
All they had was each other. 

What would my parents think? They were expecting me to walk through our front door in the late afternoon. I wouldn't be showing up until after Artie was crowned, which would possibly take days depending on the trip. 

Would they make a call? Would they come after me? Would they come after him, or Shrek, or anyone from Far Far Away?

A million thoughts, and I had little time to focus on any of them. 

I was suddenly taken out of my trance by someone elbowing me. 

“Hey!-...” I began accusedly, only for my irritated glare to drop when my eyes met Artie’s. 

“...Oh…hey…” I repeated softly, the remorse in my tone blatantly obvious as I quickly realized that I was about to make a fool of myself yet again. 

Do it, Bri. I dare you. 

“You seem worried.” 

“You think?” 

I rested my head in my arms. Artie leaned against the rail beside me.

It wasn’t hard to see his confusion. 

“I wasn’t…trying to leave.” I explained, before groaning into my arms. "Why do I always screw myself up like this?" 

The blond huffed, throwing a smug grin. 

“You don't seem too happy to be outta that prison.” 

“...” 

Okay, that earned a smile.
A small one. 

"I guess I'm just...worried how everyone will react." 

“Hey, at least you get an early Spring Break, right?”

I hummed, raising my head to see that we were now even further away; I could just barely make out the roof of the school’s tallest tower, poking out just above the horizon line where the sky met the ocean. 

“Hopefully the break lasts a while,” I answered after a moment’s hesitation. “...I already know what to expect when I get back.” 

“You’ll be the new worm.” 

“...” 

I turned my body to face him, though my eyes only met the deck floor. Keeping an arm on the rail, my free one picked at the hem of my sleeve nervously as I watched him turn to face the water. 

The air felt thick enough to cut through. Beyond the splashing of the currents overlapping one another, there was only a heavy silence between the two of us. 

For a moment, all I could do was glance up at the new king. Much as I wanted to stare, wanted to take in the wavy locks and turquoise eyes, his laid-back stance as his gaze found the sky’s…the moment was interrupted. 

We could hear footsteps. 

He slowly fixed his gaze on what was behind himself with a smile, coming face-to-face with Shrek. 

The stern look on his face changed to one of disbelief, as if a bell had chimed in his ear to remind him of what was to come.

“...Wow,” he finally exhaled. “Me a king? I…I mean I knew I came from royalty and all, but I just figured everyone forgot about me.” 

“Oh, no,” the ogre answered. “In fact, the king asked for you personally.” 

The blond grinned. 

“Really? Wow…” 

The burden of responsibility seemed to suddenly catch up to him. Quick as his smile had come, it dropped even faster as his eyes climbed to meet the beast’s. 

“Look, I know it’s not gonna be all fun and games.” 

“It really is all fun and games, actually.” 

The ogre leaned an arm against the deck rail with a reassuring smirk. 

“Sure you have to knight a few heroes, launch a ship or two. By the way, make sure you hit the boat just right with the bottle.” 

The blond and I gave the ogre a perplexed look. 

“Boat with a bottle? Any idiot can hit a boat with a bottle.” 

I could spot a nervous smile forming on Shrek’s face; he turned his gaze away, chuckling sheepishly. 

“Well, I’ve heard it’s harder than it looks...” 

Just as quick as the excitement died, Shrek’s words seem to quickly be reigniting the blond’s spark. 

God that smile. 

“Whoa, this is gonna be huge! Parties, princesses! Castles!...... Princesses!” 

“It’s gonna be great, Artie!” another familiar voice chimed in; we looked over to see Donkey climbing up the steps to the deck with Puss behind him. The feline jumped up on the rail as the animal continued. “You’ll be living in the lap of luxury! They got the finest chefs around waiting for you to place your order!” 

“And fortunately,” Puss piped in. “you’ll have the royal food tasters.” 

He seemed to pique the blond’s interest further. 

“Oh yeah? What do they do?” 

“They taste the food before the king eats. To make sure it’s not, uh…poisoned.” 

Aaaaand fire’s out. 

“Wh– Poisoned?” Artie repeated. 

“OR too salty!” Shrek stepped in, giving a look to the cat. 

“Don’t worry about it!” Donkey reassured, unnoticing of Shrek’s attempt to shut him up. “You’ll be safe and sound with the help of your bodyguards!” 

“Bodyguards?”
Artie glanced at me with eyes that just pleaded for help, for a sudden escape from all of this.
There was nothing I could do; it was much easier to stand up for him at the school. I knew what responses to expect. These three had faced a dragon in legend, had defeated powerful enemies and were close with powerful people.

There was no telling what they could do to me if I stepped out of line. 

All I could do was return his glance with a panicked shrug and gritted teeth. 

“All of them,” Puss continued. “Willing at a moment’s notice to lay down their own lives out of devotion to you.” 

“Really…” the blond trailed off. 

“Si, and the whole kingdom will look to you for wisdom, and guidance.”

I could see Shrek mouthing the words, “Guys! Stop!” 

The animals didn’t seem to be taking the hint. 

“Just make sure they don’t die of famine!” 

“Or plague!” 

“Oh, plague is bad!” 

“The coughing, growling, the festering sores–” 

“HAHA!” the ogre finally jumped in, shoving Artie out of the way. “Festering sores!” 

He gave Puss gritted teeth, pointing a big green finger at him. 

“You are one funny kitty cat.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the “king” running up to the helm of the ship, getting ready to grab the steering wheel. 

Oh-no. 

Rushing up the steps as the three bickered to themselves, I quickly gripped onto his wrist. 

“What are you doing?” I whispered. 

“Getting us out of here!” 

“Artie, it’s not your decision to make!” 

“It is, now!” 

He yanked his wrist from my grasp, taking the wheel. 

“Artie no!-” 

I clasped a hand against my mouth, but it was too late. I already drew the others’ attention…though Artie did most of the work. 

He gave the wheel a big shove, swinging it around. The ship fought the waves as it curved back towards Worcestershire.
Everyone on-board went sliding to the right side of the boat…except for–

“ARTIE!”  

A giant green hand shoved the blond aside and his back hit the wall beside me. 

“What are you doing?!” Shrek interrogated with no hesitation, turning the wheel back in the direction of Far Far Away. 

A shuffleboard stick slid between us. I tried to pry it from Artie’s hands with no success as he snatched it back and quickly stood. 

“What does it look like?!” he snapped in return, jamming the stick into the wheel and throwing the ogre off balance for a moment. Once again, the ship lurched as he grabbed hold of the wheel handles and turned it towards the school. 

Shrek wasted no time in rising back up and trying to regain control. 

“This really isn’t up to you!” he attempted to explain. 

Everything was going in one ear and out the other for the blond. He fell underneath the beast, picking himself up and shoving the steering wheel in the opposite direction of the ogre.

“But I don’t know anything about being king!”  

Right.

“You’ll learn on the job!” 

Left. 

I held to the rail of the helm, trying to regain my balance as I watched Donkey and Puss roll helplessly against the deck.

I whipped my head back around just in time to see the fight heating up, as Shrek gripped onto the wheel, forcefully swinging it opposite of where Artie had demanded. The blond clung to one of the handles in desperation, wrestling with the ogre for control. 

“Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m going back!” 

“Back to what?! Being a loser?!” 

In just a split second after the words left Shrek’s lips, I noticed the change in the glint of Artie’s eyes. 

Too far. 

In a mix of clear anger and resentment, he let go of the wheel. It was only then that both Shrek and I seemed to realize just how much force he could actually pull, how physically strong he actually was.

With the balance of both their strengths having suddenly been shifted, the ogre ripped the column from the decking. 

He threw Artie a glare. 

“Now look what ya did!” 

“Oh, look what I did?! Who’s holding the mill, chief?!” 

Their quarrel was suddenly interrupted by Donkey. 

“Uh, Shrek?!” 

The three of us looked ahead to see a path of jagged rocks leading to an abandoned shore. Panic wrote itself upon Shrek’s face as he jammed the column back into its hole, trying to steer the ship away from the rocks. 

The boat didn’t budge as we drew closer, and closer…and closer… 

Crash. 

“Land ho!” 

---

I declined the offer to stay on the ogre’s back with his feline and donkey friend, deciding on my own to swim to shore. It wasn’t too bad of a trip…if you didn’t count the cold water soaking into the already-thin-enough school uniform with a helpless underdress to layer. 

Being the only girl in a group of rage-motivated boys was not very festive, so far. 

Artie dragged himself onto his feet and against the sand, shaking the water from his hands and helping me to stand. Shrek carelessly tossed Puss and Donkey onto the ground; clearly tired of the water and visibly shivering from the cold, Puss tried to shake himself dry.

His fur puffed up into a fro. 

“How humiliating.” he muttered as he stumbled along. The ogre raised himself by his hands, lifting his head to glare daggers at our new “king,” who had already been storming off...with me in tow why Shrek help me–

“Oh, nice going, Your Highness!” 

The straw that broke the camel’s back.
Artie whipped his head around, letting go of the (frighteningly tight) grip he had on my wrist. 

He’d had enough. 

“Oh, so now it’s Your Highness?!” he snapped, gesturing to the crashed ship with his arm as the ogre stumbled to his feet. “What happened to loser?! Huh?!” 

“Hey!” Shrek scolded, marching up to him. “If you think this is getting you out of anything, well it isn’t! We’re headed back to Far Far Away one way or another!” 

He pointed a meaty finger in the blond’s face. 

“And you’re gonna be a father.” 

“...” 

“...What?” 

Donkey cleared his throat. 

“You just said father.” he emphasized through gritted teeth. 

“I-” the ogre stammered. “I said king! You’re gonna be king!” 

Artie scoffed, turning around and mimicking the ogre. 

“yOu’Re gOnnA bE kIng! Yeah right.” 

And off he went. I looked between him and Shrek, before finally deciding to go after him. 

“Artie, wait!” 

“Where do you think you’re going?!” 

“Far Far Away! From you!” 

“You get back here young man, and I mean it!” 

Chapter Text

"Y'know, there are much better ways to decline offers of kingship than...crashing a probably-super-expensive royal ship." 

Since the bickering with Shrek had come to a halt -- via Artie's refusal to just listen to the ogre -- he hadn't uttered a word. 

It was understandable; he was hurt. And wet. And probably tired. 

And wanting to go home. 

Something we had in common. 

Then again, we were now shipwrecked and walking through unknown territory; I wasn't exactly fond of the blond's brilliant idea to storm off into the woods and hope for the best, though it seemed to be working out so far, since we hadn't been kidnapped just yet. 

I'd spent the next few minutes trying to make small talk, and bring him out of his bubble. 

"...You think bills for castles include literal shipping? Probably something to worry about since Shrek is insisting on you taking the crown." 

"..." 

"Get it? Shipping?" 

...

My comedic timing wasn't exactly the best. 

The air between us as we walked felt thick, and heavy. I was beginning to think that -- with the millions of thoughts already running through my head -- Artie could've given me a run for my money. 

And won.

As we made our way up a mountain trail and into the deeper part of the forest, I looked back to see if the others had caught up yet. 

They were coming around, slowly. 

I sighed; Artie wasn't budging, and I would admit that I was growing a little impatient at his stubbornness. The longer the silence went on, the more awkward, and uncomfortable, and just downright sad I was beginning to feel. 

He was acting as if he was the only one dealing with things at the moment, the only one with weight on his shoulders.

"..."

I finally had enough. 

I ran ahead and stopped in front of him. He halted in his footsteps with brows furrowed. 

"Hey." I snapped, flipping the side of his hair abruptly before watching it fall back into place.

"Can you talk to me? I'm not Shrek." 

"Why should I?"

He snaked around me, and continued in his movements.

"Because you're the reason we're in this mess in the first place." 

The blond stopped again, and turned to give me an offended look. 

"Hah! Funny!" 

He gestured to himself with one hand.

"Last I checked, I was trying to get us home! It's not my fault he ruined our chance!" 

"What chance? There's no way you're going to outrun this, Artie!" 

"Oh yeah? Watch me." 

"Yeah, because that worked out real well, the first time!" 

"You know, you didn't have to come along in the first place!" 

"What, you think I wanted to? I was never trying to leave, I was only trying to tell you that--" 

...
Hearing footsteps, we fixed our gazes around the corner to see Shrek approaching.

I clicked my tongue, shoulder-checking the blond. 

"...Forget it."

"Whatever."

"Whatever." 

The two of us walked on. 

"Listen, Artie..." I could hear Shrek begin. 

"...If you think this whole...mad scene ain't dope, I feel you dude." 

.......
What the fuck did this ogre eat while he was back there. 

"I mean, I'm not trying to...get up in your grill or...raise your roof or whatever-- What I am screaming is--" 

Oh god, make it stop, make it stop--

I turned my head back just for a moment, to see the same bewildered expression on Artie's face that I had on mine. 

His eyes screamed at me to just keep walking.

"Yo, check out this...kazing, thazing...kazaby! I mean if it doesn't groove, or...what I'm sayin' ain't straight trippin' just say, "Oh no you didn't--""

Artie picked up his pace, stopping for just a split second to mumble into my ear: 

"Grab my hand." 

"Wh--" 

"Now."

"..."

I gave him a perplexed look, but did as told.

Like I would've declined the offer anyways--

"And then I'll know it's...then I'll know it's whack--URGH!" 

Artie launched a nearby branch into his face...
...before running as fast as he could with me in-tow. 

"SOMEBODY HELP! WE'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED BY A MONSTER TRYING TO RELATE TO ME!!" 

....
The girl was too stunned to speak. 

It was such a stupidly-clever, last-minute plan that I was honestly speechless for a moment.

I had to give the blond credit: he was smart when he wanted to be. 

We ran into a clearing with Shrek & co. hot on our tails, and Artie began pounding his fists on the door of the only cottage in sight, where a small pot of...something...boiled over an equally-small fire. 

"Artie, wait! Guys!" 
Shrek tried to hush us, to no avail. Artie kept knocking on the door. 

"Come on, come on! Help, help! Hello!" 

A burst of light shot through the candlebox that hung near the door, and the blond's theatrics were brought to an abrupt halt. We backed away, and I kept close behind him, peeking over his right shoulder with gritted teeth. 

Free human shield; it was now or never...sorry, king. 

A colorful image of a wizard's head projected out of the box, into the center of the clearing. 

Donkey screamed in terror. 

"Greetings, Cosmic Children of the universe!" an echoing voice greeted-- wait, why did that old man look so familiar--

"And welcome to my Serenity Circle! Please leave any bad vibes outside the healing vortex. And now, prepare!--"

...
The image suddenly fizzled away to the sound of a bloop. 

The cottage door opened, and out stepped a tiny, twig-thin old man in blue robes. 

...I knew it.

The man groaned. 

"I knew I should've gotten that warranty--" 
He smashed the box with his fist, only to be met in return with a swift zap to his forehead. 

"...Mr. Merlin?" Artie finally piped back up.

"You know this guy?" the ogre pondered. 

"Yeah, he was the school's magic teacher...until he had his nervous breakdown--"

"AH! TECHNICALLY!" Merlin butted in, adjusting his glasses. "I was merely a victim of a level three fatigue, and at the request of my therapist -- and school authorities -- I have retired to the tranquility of nature...to discover my divine purpose." 

...
A fly landed on his head, and he promptly smacked himself. 

The few of us looked between each other. 

Merlin chimed in once more. 

"Now, can I interest anyone in a snack or beverage?" 

"Ah, no." Shrek answered for us. 

"Sure you don't wanna try my famous... rock au-gratin?" 
The old man scooped up a tray of rocks and...stuck them in his mouth (oh god, no, ow--). 

"Itsh organic!" he continued with bloody teeth. 

"Oh thanks, I just ate a boulder on the way in," the ogre dismissed, suddenly gripping Artie's forearm with one hand, and mine with the other. "What we need are directions back to Far Far Away!" 

"What's with the "we?"" the blond interrupted, yanking his arm out of the beast's iron hold. "Who said we were going with you?" 

"Ah, well actually--" 

"Oh, I did!" Shrek cut me off, jabbing a meaty finger at the blond. "'Cause there's a lot of people counting on you, so don't try to weasel out of it!" 

"If it's such a great job, why don't you do it?" 

...
There was a moment of awkward silence. Shrek released me from his hold, looking between us. 

"Understand this, you two, it's no more Mr. Nice Guy from here on out." 

"Oh, so that was your Mr. Nice Guy." Artie mocked. 

The ogre gave him a fake smile that made my stomach drop.

Artie, just shut up already--

"I know, and I'm gonna miss him." 

"You know what? Why don't you go...terrorize a village, and leave me alone?!" 

"Oh, is that supposed to be some kind of crack about ogres?!" 

The beast got in the blond's face, with a complexion that just begged for an excuse to beat this poor boy into a pulp. 

"You'll get your royal highness back to Far Far Away before I kick it there!" 
Shrek turned to fix his gaze on Merlin. 

"Now, which way am I kicking?!" 

"Oh, I could tell you," Merlin began to explain. "but since you're in the midst of a self-destructive rage spiral, it would be karmic-ly irresponsible."

"Self-destructive ra-- look, are you gonna help us or not?" 

"Most definitely." the old man finally answered. "But only after you take...the Journey to Your Soul!" 

"Uh, no." 

Merlin's expression fell deadpan. 

"Look pal, it's either that, or some primal scream therapy." 

The man inhaled, and just began shrieking when Shrek covered his entire face with one hand. 

"Alright, alright. Journey to the Soul." 

---

Since Merlin had been making us wait until nightfall to do this whole soul-searching project thing -- whatever it was -- we decided to bide our time for the next few hours by sitting around the small fire and making some small talk. 

Well, Shrek and his friends were. Artie and I just kind of...sat in silence. 

It was awkward at first, but the more ways we'd found to entertain ourselves during the wait, the more comfortable the quietude began to feel. Soon enough, it felt just like I was hanging out at Annie's house again, reading in silence while we enjoyed each other's company. 

I found a place near the fire where the heat shimmer didn't affect my eyes too much, and began drawing with a stick in the sand-mixed soil near one of the logs where Artie sat. Despite noticing the distant look on his face, I figured...it was better not to ask. 

I knew the last thing he probably needed was some nosey girl trying to pry his thoughts out of him. 

He must've seen the look in my eyes. 
I looked away. 

He cleared his throat.

"...Uh...so..." he began, "...how did you get to Worcestershire?" 

"Hm? Oh! Walking." 

"..." 

"..." 
When I didn't hear an answer, I looked back confusedly. 

Artie looked absolutely dumbfounded. 

And it was honestly kind of cute, no I'm not obsessed shut up--

"...Oh, you meant why I was going there, I--" 

I smacked the palm of my hand against my head, and grinned up at him sheepishly. 

"I'm...sorry, I'm so out of it, today..."

Dammit, Bri. Get your shit together.

The blond chuckled with a shake of his head. 

"It's been a long day..." 

"Heh..." 
I averted my gaze, digging my index finger into the sand as an awkward silence overtook once more. 

I cleared my throat, cutting through it. 

"Ah, I...wish I had an answer for you, other than educational stuff...I guess..." 

The blond hummed. 

"Not that we ever learned anything." 

"Says you, Mr. "Drama Class is My Passion.""

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

"Guin told me all about the moat incident."

"She knew?!"

"..." 
I gave him a shit-eating grin. He shoved my head away, and I laughed aloud, unaware of any attention we had drawn to ourselves. 

"It wasn't that bad." 

"Whatever you say, king." 

"Heh..." 

Our voices died slowly as a breeze flew by. The sizzle of the fire quickly became the only thing breaking the quiet. 

"...Did...Guin ever say anything?" 

"..." 
I fixed my gaze back on the blond; a dusty red hue began to blow across his otherwise-pale cheeks. 

"About me, I mean..." 

"Oh, uh..."
I trailed off; Guin never really talked about Artie from what I knew, other than occasionally calling him a worm behind his back. Everyone did. 

But, I didn't want to break the poor guy's heart; weird as his approach with her always was, it wouldn't be fair to hurt him like that. 

He was just as obsessed with her as I was with him. 

Then again, this could've been my chance to spill my guts, my chance to try and win him for myself. All I had to do was tell him the truth, right? That she loved Lance, and not him. It wouldn't have been like I was gossiping; they were still a thing when we left. 

"I mean..." 

...
No. 

It was wrong. Even though it was true, it would've crushed the poor soul, and that wasn't what I wanted. 

"...You mean?" the blond egged on, leaning forward in his seat. 

"..."
Maybe...Maybe, I could've gone about this a different way.

I was never good at speaking what I felt, especially after the disaster that was my last relationship.
So maybe...this could've been my way of saying what I wanted to...without actually saying it. 

With a small smile, I stood up, and sat next to him. 

"She could've made a list a mile long about you." 

The light in his pretty teal eyes brightened, and while it was...absolutely crushing to see...a part of me couldn't help but want him to feel happy, after all the chaos we'd been through so far. 

He...He needed this. Even if it meant he would never know. 

"Really?" he asked with a tone dripping of intrigue; I couldn't help but giggle at the giddy smile on his face. 

I nodded. 

"She always talked to us about how beautiful of a smile you had, and that your laugh could light up a room, or about how she could always spot you in class, drawing little suns on the edge of your sleeves when you were bored." 

I averted my gaze; no one needed to tell me. 
Even I knew my face was turning red. 

Relax, Bri...he's totally oblivious!
...Right? 

I looked back over. 

...Right. 

Cool beans... 

The blond chuckled under his breath, glancing at the sleeve of his arm. 

"...I thought I was invisible to her. She never really said anything, you know?"  

"Well, she was afraid to." 

"Her? The most popular girl in school? Afraid of me?" 

Artie laughed aloud. 

"There's no way." 

I grinned. 

"I know, I know, it sounds crazy knowing her, but..." 

...
I trailed off, eyes half-lidded as they found their way to the fire where the pot boiled.

My smile died. 

"...she was just...scared of what you would think...what other people would think. So, she just kept it between us and herself." 

The blond frowned. Copying his expression, I took his hand gently. 

"She wanted to say a lot of things to you, Artie..." I reassured him, before turning my head away once more so he couldn't see how red my face was getting send help-. 

Thank god for male teenage oblivion. 

"...but with so many eyes watching, she just...couldn't find the way to do it." 

He leaned in close, if only to draw away listening ears, and as I watched his turquoise irises stare soul-deep into my brown ones, I could've sworn I was ready to pass out, courtesy of my now-racing heart. 

Why are you doing this to me, blondie, I'm begging you-- 

Neither one of us seemed to notice how quiet Shrek and Donkey had grown. 

"...You think...I should've talked to her?" 

...
God, this was soul-crushing. Why did I think this was a good idea-- 

"...I think she would've loved that." 

...

That was why. 
Because the warm smile he wore made the heartbreak worth it. 

Chapter Text

Nightfall had donned on us, and it was time for...whatever shenanigans Merlin had planned. 

The fire sizzling between the logs in the clearing was now blazing, and we all sat around it (with the exception of Shrek, who opted to stay standing), listening to the old wizard ramble. 

He held a handful of dirt as he spoke. 

"Now, all of you!" he began. "Look into the Fire of Truth, and tell me what you see! Yah-ha!" 

The old man let out a war cry after throwing the dirt into the fire. 

"Ooh, charades!" Donkey chirped excitedly, leaning into the flames as Puss held his knees. "Okay, I see...a dutch fudge torte! With cinnamon swirls!" 

Merlin looked to the ogre. 

"Okay, monster! Go for it!" 

Shrek looked closely into the fire as Artie folded his hands in front of himself, fixing his gaze elsewhere. 

He seemed lost in thought; whether that was my fault or Shrek's...I chose not to think about it. 

The ogre suddenly began trying to blow out the flame. 

"Uh...I see a rainbow pony." 

...Something in that fire made him uncomfortable, and I took that in and of itself as a bad sign. 

"Excellent! Now the kids!" 

"This is lame..." Artie mumbled, only to be whacked in the back of his head by Merlin. 
He let out a groan. 

"You're lame!" 

The wizard then turned to me with the sweetest little grin...as if he hadn't just smacked my friend in the head. 

"Alright, little lady! Go for it!" 

I glanced between him and the blond, and then looked into the fire. A crowd of blueish, smokey figures stood around a smaller one -- which I assumed to be me. The group seemed so happy, and lively, from the looks of it. One figure appeared whiter than the others; mine reached out to it, only for it to disappear.

Another, darker figure followed behind it, blending into the flames until it was nonexistent. 

And then another. 

And another.  

One-by-one, every figure in this smokey crowd began to slowly dissipate; the group kept getting smaller, and smaller...

...until there was only one left in the center. 

They dropped to the ground, hugging their knees; wisps of smoke flew from their hands as they began falling back beneath the surface, deeper and deeper into an endless void, unable to grab anything to hang onto in order to save themselves until finally--

--I let out a nervous laugh, trying to blow out the flames in the same way Shrek had, just moments before. 

"Oh, just..."

I cleared my throat.

"...all good things, but uh...maybe this isn't the best idea after a long day, we're all tired and it's been a lot and uh...haha, ah..." 

The look on Shrek's face -- along with his friends and Artie -- was enough to cease my rambling. 

I swallowed. 

"...uh...yeah..." 
My nervous grin died, replaced quickly by a grim line as I averted my gaze via dipping my head.

Merlin looked to the blond. 

"Okay, go for it!" 

Finally, it was Artie's turn. 

"Okay..." 
He leaned forward to get a closer look. 

"There's...a baby bird, and a father bird sitting in a nest." 

The wizard began beating on a drum, as the blond tried to focus his eyes. 

"Yes, stay with it! Stay with it!" 

"Wait, the dad just flew away; why did he leave the little bird all alone?" 

I bit my lip. 

"I-It's trying to fly but...it doesn't know how to!"

The tempo of the drum picked up, getting faster and faster. 

"It's...I-It's gonna fall!" 

Silence. 

Artie seemed to catch onto what he was saying. His head dipped slightly, and you could just barely make out his facial features in the light of the fire. 

No one in the group said a word... 

...until Merlin piped back up. 

"Whew! Proper head case you are, aren't you?! Really messed up! Whoa..." 
The wizard made his way back inside his cottage. 

I looked between Shrek and Artie; the blond had a bitter look to his complexion. 

"Yeah, yeah, okay, I get it! The bird's me! My dad left!...So what?" 

I tried to rest a hand on the blond's shoulder, only to hear a "psst!" from someone. Turning around, Donkey and I shared a glance. 

"..." 
He nodded his head to the ogre. 
I took the hint, switching places with Shrek. 

Once again, the quiet was beginning to feel heavy as the beast sat down. 

"...Look, Artie...um--" 

A loud song suddenly began playing behind us. 

All eyes turned to Merlin. 

"Just thought I'd set the mood!" the wizard called with a giddy grin. "You know! For your big, heart-to-heart chat?!" 

...
When he finally took the hint from the annoyed looks on our faces, he shut the music off, isolating himself inside the cottage once more. 

For possibly the hundredth time today, the silence became awkward. 

"...I know what's it like to not feel...ready for something." Shrek began, as I passed behind the log, and onto the other side of the blond, who looked up at him. 

There was a distant gaze on Shrek's facial features, and it had shown the most as he eyed the starry sky above us. 

"Even ogres get scared," he confessed. "...You know...once in a while." 

"..." 
Artie looked ahead at the campfire. 

"...I know you want me to be king, but I can't," the blond lamented. "I'm not cut out for it and I never will be, alright?..." 

"..." 

Artie continued in the silence. 

"Even my own dad knew I wasn't worth the trouble. He dumped me at that school the first chance he got, and...I-I never heard from him again." 

"My dad wasn't really the...fatherly type, either." 

"Well, I doubt he was worse than mine." 

From the smirk on the ogre's face, I knew he took it as a challenge. 

"Oh yeah?" Shrek asked. 

"My father was an ogre. He tried to eat me." 

That caught the blond's attention. 
He frowned up at the beast, who merely kept his eyes on the sky. 

"Now, I guess I should've seen it coming -- he used to give me a bath in barbecue sauce and put me to bed with an apple in my mouth." 

The blond chuckled softly, beginning to poke at the fire with a stick to keep it going. 

"Okay, I...I guess that's pretty bad." 

I couldn't help beaming at the sound -- yes, keep laughing, you're so pure-- 

"You know, it may be hard to believe with my...obvious charm and good looks, but...people used to think that I was a monster." 

The two of us found ourselves staring at the ogre. Whether it was in awe or secondhand hurt, I couldn't tell. 

"And for a long time," he continued. "I believed them." 

I rested my head on the side of Artie's thigh as Shrek spoke; the blond stroked the top of my scalp lightly with his free hand as we listened quietly. 

"But after a while," the beast explained. "You learn to ignore the names people call you, and...you just trust who you are." 

"..." 
Artie poked at the embers of the fire once more with his stick. 

"You know...you're okay, Shrek," he said with a small grin, before finally tossing the wood into the flames. "You just need to do a...little less yelling, and...use a little more soap."

"...Thanks, Artie." 

"The soap's...because you stink." 

He lowered his voice to a whisper. 

"Really bad."  

Shrek grinned. 

"Yeah. I got that." 

---

"Nope, you can see the belt right there; those three big dots." 

"...That's not Orion; you're seeing things." 

"Excuse you, I passed my astrology class with flying colors. Did you?" 

"Astrology is barely a class, chief." 

Artie rested his hands behind his head as we continued our playful bickering over what constellations we could see, tonight. Shrek had still been sitting in his spot while we lay next to each other against the center log, wary that our feet didn't touch the campfire. 

Besides the noise of our conversation and the crackling of the flames, the only other audible sound within our vicinity was the chirping of crickets in the dead of night.

"You're just mad that Guin didn't tutor you the way she tutored Annie." 

"So what if I am? Eat me." 

"Is that an invitation?" 

"..." 
The look on his face as he turned to me read "Annoyed Mom" and I couldn't help but burst out laughing. 
Artie himself let out a chuckle or two. Our giggling fit ended with a couple of exhales. 

There were a few beats of silence before the blond piped up again.

"...Hey, what were you trying to say earlier?" 

"Hm?" 

I sat up on my elbow. 

"What do you mean?" 

"Back where we wrecked," he reminded me. "You said you were trying to tell me something, and then--"

He gestured to the campfire with one hand.

"--all of this happened." 

"..." 

All of my blood seemed to go straight to my face, and I prayed that he didn't see it as anything more than just the light from the fire. 

I thought he would've forgotten, by now. 

"...Oh..." 
I trailed off. 

"It's...I just..." 

Artie raised a brow, patiently waiting.

.... 
There was no way I could do this. 

"You've got a heart of gold, Tiny...probably not a good thing." 

Enid's words from the cafeteria echoed in my head at that moment.
I was beginning to think she was right. 

I exhaled through my nose before laying on my back, looking up at the sky and folding my hands atop my chest. 

"...It's stupid, don't worry about it." I finished lamely.

...
I hated that I could feel his eyes on me. Defeatedly, I glanced back at him. 

He looked crestfallen. 

"...I was thinking about what you said earlier...about Guin..." 

"Yeah? What about it?" 

He shrugged, looking back up. 

"Been tryna connect the dots, but...I just can't," he explained. "She was always so distant at school, like she wanted nothing to do with me." 

My lips formed a grim line as I listened in silence. 

"Why would she be so..." 

"...cold?" 

He sucked in his cheeks, nodding. I shook my head. 

"...Sometimes, when a girl likes someone," I continued. "she...isolates herself from them; we hate the feeling of rejection, so we choose not to take the chance..." 

I exhaled softly, trying to swallow back the lump in my throat. 

Good god, not in front of him, don't you dare cry in front of him--

"...Sometimes, it's better not to love." 

I could've gotten whiplash from how quick the poor blond turned his head. Ironically, it gave me the perfect opportunity to study his features. 

Aside from those ocean eyes that I could've gotten lost in, you could see a few freckles dusting the center of his face-- if you looked closely enough, a stark contrast to the rest of the smooth, pale skin that covered the surface area of his cheeks. The dim light of the flame gave way to the roughness of his jawline, light imprints just barely visible where he was possibly scratching before, and the dry, pinkish-redness of his bottom lip had clearly been a result of him nervously gnawing on it.

Whether that was Shrek's fault or Guin and Lance's was up for debate. 

His bangs fell in front of his forehead, golden, wavy arches that tauntingly hung just above his brows, like a fishing line that reeled you in every time he flipped his hair out of his face. 

I hated how mesmerizing he could be, just by merely existing; frankly, it sort of pissed me off. 

He had me wrapped around his finger and he didn't even know it. Fuck you for being such a prettyboy, Arthur.

I didn't understand how someone so beautiful could be so tortured by other people. 

His voice threw me out of my trance.

"What do you mean?" 

"..."

I gave him a shrug as my eyes found sudden interest again in the pitch black above us, something of a distraction. 

Which...I'd clearly needed, at the moment.

I hated how he was so unaware of what he was doing to me.  

"You don't have to worry about being left behind...nobody can hurt you." 

The blond stared at me in stunned silence.

I decided to try and make the moment a little lighter. 

"That, or...she's just loyal to Lance, heh..." 

...It didn't seem to work. The sad facade of a smile that I tried to keep quickly dissipated.

"..."

Artie wrapped his left arm around my shoulder, pulling me into a tight embrace as he exhaled through his nose. 
Biting my tongue, I rested my head on his chest.

You know...as friends do. Normal friend behavior. Perfectly friendly. 

"Maybe...getting hurt is just the first step to being happy...you know?" 

"...Maybe..." 

Oh look at that: my heart rate picked up. What a surprise. Please send help. I am ascending. 

Sike! The high wore off, just as quick as it came.

It was a breathtaking nice feeling, but...the pain outweighed the warmth a million-to-one. This wasn't my person; he wanted to be someone else's.

I was getting in the way, and I didn't want to risk the fiasco that was last year, didn't want to risk the same cons with a different person. 

I didn't want to get hurt again.

So, reluctant as my body was, much as I wanted to just enjoy his company, enjoy the warmth of his arms as they kept tightly locked around me, indulge in this moment that I knew I might not ever receive again...I instead pried myself off of him.

"I-I...I-It's getting late," I nervously stammered. "We should get some rest...it's probably gonna be a long day, tomorrow." 

Artie looked dejected. 

"...Right...yeah..." 

"Yeah..." 

I looked to Shrek and his friends; Puss had been curled up near the fire, sound asleep. Donkey lay next to Shrek on the farthest log. 

How I hadn't heard the ogre move was beyond me with his absolute titan feet, what the fuck-- 

The ogre himself laid with his back to us, and a hand beneath his head.

I gazed back at the blond, who turned on his right side, back facing me as well. 

"..." 

Fuck it; what did I have to lose? 

My dignity. 

With a soft sigh, I threw my arm over his shoulder, hugging him as tight as I could from behind. 

For all I knew, it could've been both the first and last one I ever gave him. 

"I'm gonna miss you so much at school." I softly confessed.

"Thank you for tonight; I needed it."

Away from the fire, and within the darkness, I could barely make out a dim glimpse of a tired smile. 

"I said I owed you one, didn't I?" 

"Don't act like you planned this all out." 

Artie chuckled. 
It was the perfect lullaby to fall asleep to. 

Chapter Text

I'd awoken the next morning with a crick in my neck, not unexpected while camping in the forest. There was a whispering breeze blowing about, an awfully quiet air compared to the windy ballads of Worcestershire's night that I usually slept to.

I wondered if the others would pick up on the noise.

The muscle ache I felt was a grim reminder of my shitty sleeping skills, and I tried pressing my head against my shoulder a couple of times to ease it. Whether the pain was from the log I rested my head on, the weird posture I'd fallen asleep in, or my face pressed against Artie's back was beyo-- WHOA WAIT WHAT THE FUCK-

I flinched instinctively, kicking myself away from the blond with my arm flying out from around his torso faster than I could even blink. 

I scooted backwards a foot or two. My head spun lightly from the frantic movements, and the sudden shock added into the mix wasn't helping my cause.  

What -- I -- when???
Was I being that obvious??? In my sleep??? 

I spent a minute trying to regain my composure and ease my panting. The panic was only made worse when my ears picked up the noise of someone chuckling softly behind me.

I whipped my head around. 

"Seems you were getting comfy in the woods." 

Shrek. 

Because of course my life had come to this. 

"Were you that cold all night?" 

"Har-har, you're funny." I retaliated irritably, rubbing my hands down my face with a groan before I forced myself onto my feet. 

...

I glanced back at the blond; he was still sound asleep. His head was dipped against the center near the now-blown-out campfire, resting on one arm while the other teamed up with his bangs to cover his face. 

It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out how beet red my own complexion was. 

The ogre came around, resting a (heavy, very heavy) hand on my shoulder. 

"Now I know you both are going to be king and queen, but you could at least wait until we get to the castle--"

"I know where you're going with this." I cut off quickly, in hopes that my stubbornness would be enough to end the conversation. 

There was no way that I was going to talk about this to Shrek of all people, and that very much showed in my blatantly uncomfortable expression.

...

Then again, he was the star of the famous Night One Way story-- NO, no. 

Nope. Not happening.  

I chewed my lip a second before finally tearing my eyes away from the sleeping blond.

"Oh, come on," the ogre insisted. "Don't think I didn't hear you two talking, last night; you sounded like you really connect." 

...

The memory donned on me. 

I wasn't even supposed to be here. 

Shrek still didn't know, and frankly...I was beginning to not want to go home, not just yet.

Going home meant saying goodbye to Artie...possibly forever. And that thought...  

I suddenly began to feel more dejected, the longer this conversation went on. The more I thought about everything, the worse the situation was revealing itself to truly be.

Not only was I lying to Shrek, I was lying to Artie, too. What would happen if he were to give Guin a call, and find out that I made up everything about her "feelings" for him? That it was actually me who watched him doodling on the cuffs of his sleeves in math, that it was me who memorized the sound of his laugh every single time that Dagonet cracked a joke? 

That I was the one who was consistently teased by Annie, Enid, and Daggy every time I so much as passed him in the corridors between breaks, that I was the butt of every High-School-Sweetheart joke that Enid made? 
That I was the one who was truly-... 

...

I swallowed; Shrek had been waiting behind me long enough for an answer. 

There was no debating it: I had to see this trip through, at least long enough to see him crowned. 

"...Yeah..." I finished lamely, with a sheepish smile in his direction. 

"He's... He's a good--" 

Our conversation came to an abrupt halt when we heard a loud crunching noise, as if a pile of leaves had been crushed entirely under the weight of someone's foot. 

Or something's.

We turned around; everything looked as it should have. 

We then made the mistake of fixing our gazes back on each other for a single second. 

The noise returned much louder than it had left, and drew much closer. I heard the thudding of someone's head smacking against the ground, followed by a groan of, "Ow!"

Artie's cry of pain seemed to have taken Donkey by surprise; he flinched awake.

Within the span of someone merely blinking, we had been surrounded. 

Ents. 

Many of them encircled us, approaching slowly. The group and I could hear the sound of piano keys filling the once-silent air, as a pirate in purple with a hook for hand came rushing to the scene.

The leader in purple built his song to a dramatic finale, before finally turning to us. 

"LOOK OUT! THEY'VE GOT A PIANO!" Donkey warned frantically.

"Kill 'em all!" the pirate ordered, pointing his hook-hand at Shrek. "Except the fat one! King Charming has something special in mind for you, ogre!" 

"King Charming?"

"ATTACK!" 

Even more pirates charged forward from all sides, with swords raised and aimed at my newfound friends. Shrek shoved Artie's head down at one of the pirates' swings, before lifting the blond into the air. Artie took care of the threat with a swift kick to the man's face, before landing on his feet next to the ogre. Knocking over another pirate, Puss tossed me the enemy's sword. 

"Today, you learn to fight, Your Majesty." 

I chuckled at the feline's words, before clashing the blade against the opposing weapon of another swashbuckler. 

"Who said I didn't already know how?" I remarked, doing a couple swift moves before knocking the sword out of the pirate's hands.

"I didn't take those fencing classes at Worcestershire for nothing!" 

I conveniently left out the part where I never even made it to the playoffs.

They didn't need to know that little tidbit. 

The cat gave a hearty laugh before he hopped over to protect Donkey. I paused at the sound of a short whistle behind me, and turned my head. 

Artie, who had taken up the sword of another pirate, had caught up next to me. 

"Never saw you as the fighting type; fencing classes?" 

My blade clashed with the tip of another. 

"They offer them in the summer," I explained. "Why skip a golden chance to kick ass?" 

The blond chuckled, and my own laugh would've followed, had it not been for us suddenly being pushed.

Artie fell.

The split-second moment of joy was very quickly overwashed by the sudden-onset realization of what was happening in front of us. 

"Ready the plank!" I heard the hook-hand pirate yell, and I heard Shrek fall backwards soon after. My foolish looking-over in curiosity became the perfect distraction for the enemy, but by the time I'd noticed that they were purposely backing us towards the Ents, it was already too late. 

Within the blink of an eye, Puss, Donkey, Artie and I were scooped up in a net. 

Trapped. 
And I lost my sword in the process. Dammit. 

We looked in front of us to see a cannon staring right in our faces. 

My heart dropped into my stomach. The fun was over just as quick as it had begun.

Without hesitation, Puss protracted one of his claws, trying to slice through the net as hastily as his paw would let him. 

"Shrek!" 

"Help!" 

The pirates lit the fuse on the cannon as Shrek burst open out of the treasure chest they had failed to trap him in; he stood up with it still stuck to his backside. 

"SHREK!" Donkey shrieked again. The ogre looked over to see us -- ready to be blown into smithereens hELP -- and hopped to it, grabbing two pirates and shoving them into the chest. He tossed it onto the other end of the plank, and catapulted himself in front of the cannon. 

The fuse was getting smaller, and he only had a few seconds left to act. 

He pried at the weapon, trying to redirect its aim towards the pirate playing the piano. All hearts pounding, we all ducked our heads, burying them in a sorry attempt to shield ourselves against what was soon to come... 

...only for us to hear an explosion on the opposite side. 

The Ents seemed to quickly realize their defeat, as they plopped us smack onto the ground and fled; the rest of the pirates followed suit. The leader, visibly aggravated, shook his hook-hand in the air. 

"YA COWARDS!" 

"What has Charming done to Fiona?!" Shrek suddenly chimed in, marching towards the pirate with a look on his face that I hoped to never be the cause of someday aH-- 

Artie pulled me back by the shoulders, seemingly in an act of protectiveness from the stranger. 

...Or from Shrek. Who knew, at this point?

"She's gonna get what's coming to her!" the pirate warned, before being scooped up by the back of his collar onto the branch of a fleeing Ent.

"And there ain't nothing you can do to stop him!" 

"..." 

When the coast was clear, we all collectively ran up to the ogre. 

"We've got to save her." Puss warned. 

"But she's so Far Far Away!" Donkey pointed out. 

Shrek turned to face us. 

"...Get yourselves back to Worcestershire, kids." 

" No, Shrek! Hold on a second," the blond protested. "I-I've got an idea." 

He turned his gaze to Merlin, who sat cross-legged in the middle of the clearing and was currently attempting to meditate. 

"I'm a buzzing bee, buzz buzz buzz--" 

"Mr. Merlin!" the blond interrupted as he approached the old man. "We need a spell to get them--....I-I mean us ...back to Far Far Away."

The wizard's expression was deadpan as he fixed his gaze on Artie. 

He looked at Shrek. He looked at Shrek's friends. 

He looked at me. 

"...Forget it," he finally dismissed. "I don't have that kind of magic in me anymore, kid." 

He opened his arms wide. 

"How about a hug instead? That's the best kind of magic!" 

The blond folded his hands in front of the old man. 

"Mr. Merlin, please! I know you can do it." 

"I said forget it!" 

"But!--..." 

And he turned around, retreating right back into his little lonely cottage... 

...only to hear the sound of someone sobbing. 

Artie was in tears. 

Shrek and I could only glance at each other, absolutely bewildered. 

"O-...What's with you?" Merlin asked. 

The blond continued to cry, getting in the elderly man's face. 

"It's just so hard...you know?" 

Artie gestured to us. 

"They really need to get back! B'cause their kingdom's in trouble! 'Cause there's a really bad man...and it's just so hard!" 

Visibly uncomfortable, Merlin tried to reach his arms out to the blond, who sobbed aloud. 

"C'mon, take it easy!" 

"NO!" 

Artie shoved Merlin's hands away. 

"I don't think you understand!" 

...Yeah, okay...he was totally making a scene.

I was pretty sure that the ogre recognized it, too, as Artie's breakdown picked up strength. 

"There's a mean person doing mean things to good people!" 

"Oh, have a heart, old man!" Shrek insisted. 

"And they really need your help to get them back! So why won't you help them?!" Artie finished, dropping to his hands before grabbing the wizard's leg with one.

The look on the old man's face was absolutely priceless. 

"Oh..." 

The blond blubbered something indecipherable, and flopped onto his stomach, burying his face in the soil while both hands now gripped this poor man's ankle.

"O-kay...I'll go get my things..." 

Merlin trailed off, before yanking his leg free and scurrying into the cottage. Artie stood back up -- looking as if nothing had happened, mind you -- and cleared his throat into his fist. 

"...Piece of cake." 

I'd never be able to tell if the grin on my face stemmed from the satisfaction of the blond's performance, or a growing exasperation at his theatrics. 

"Well well, well," the ogre said, resting a hand on his hip. "You want some eggs with that ham?" 

I circled to the other side of the blond, resting an elbow on his shoulder to lean against him.

"So..." I chimed in.

"You weren't that bad, huh?" 

With a roll of his eyes and a smirk, he playfully shoved me off. I giggled and Shrek grinned, just as Merlin returned holding a spell book. 

"Now, I am a little rusty, so there may be some side effects." the wizard explained, reading a page in the book. 

That warning seemed to catch Donkey's attention. 

"Side effects?" 

"Don't worry!" Merlin reassured, tossing the book. "Whatever it is, no matter how excruciatingly painful it may be, it'll wear off." 

As he cracked his knuckles, a bolt of lightning shot out from between them and blew up a rock. Donkey and I yelped in reflex.

I threw a glare at the shit-eating grin Artie gave. 

"Oops." 

"Are you sure this is a good idea?!" the "royal steed" of the group inquired of the ogre. 

"Look, if Artie trusts him, that's good enough for me," the beast confirmed. "Even if his robe doesn't quite cover his--" 

"Alacratious! Expeditious!" Merlin interrupted the ogre, hands outstretched to us. "A zoomy-zoom-zoom! Let's help our friends get back-..." 

The old wizard stopped to think for a second, bowing his head momentarily before lifting his gaze back to us. 

"...um..soon!" 

A blue light shot out from around his fingers, evolving into a bright, colorful ray as it enveloped us, and rocketed us into the sKY WHAT THE FUCK HELP-- 

The few of us screamed in terror as we watched the forest we were just camping in disappear from our view, a canopy replacing it.

I just barely gripped onto the cuff of Shrek's sleeve as we hurtled towards the ground, though my hold quickly slipped as we ping-ponged between branches, landing in a heap just a few feet from each other. Artie and Shrek had landed on their backs. Puss and Donkey were nowhere to be seen. 

I ended up hung over a branch in an apple tree, which was not very comfy, lemme tell ya--

"That's gonna hurt in the morning..." I groaned in pain, before trying to pull myself up so that I could jump down. 

Big mistake.

The second I lifted myself by my arms, I flipped over the other side of the branch, and fell to the ground. 

"Wh-AGH!" 

"OOF!"

Well, what I thought was the ground.

Artie had just sat up, only for me to knock him right flat onto his back. 

"...Sorry." 

"No worries; it's just my spleen." 

As if it couldn't get any worse, an apple fell right onto my stomach, knocking my head back into the soil.

"Man, I haven't been on a trip like that since college." Donkey...remarked? 

As Shrek, Artie and I sat up -- and I moved off of the poor blond's lap because help help help this was not my intention aH--, we looked over to see...Puss? In a hungover state against a bush. 

"...Donkey?"

Maybe we were all dizzier than we thought.

I shook my head again and blinked a couple of times to see if it would fix my vision. 
...
"What? Is there something in my teeth?" 

Nope; it was still Donkey's voice coming out of Puss' body. 

He looked down at himself; his eyes became the size of dinner plates. 

"Huh? WHAT THE?-!!!" 
He did a couple turnarounds before gasping in horror. 

"OH NO! I'VE BEEN ABRACADABRA'D INTO A FANCY FEASTIN' SECOND-RATE SIDEKICK!" 

We heard someone crash from a tree, right next to D--...Puss? Donkey? 

This was gonna be hard to get used to. 

Puss groaned, lifting himself in his new body. 

"At least, you don't look like some kind of bloated, road-side piñata." 

 Shrek and Artie glanced between each other, and began trying to stifle a couple of laughs. 
They were failing miserably. 

I looked between the two groups from where I sat on the ground, sucking in my cheeks to keep from grinning. 

"Yeah, and you should think about getting yourself a pair of pants!" Donkey nagged, covering himself with his paws. "I feel all exposed and nasty!" 

The ogre and the blond couldn't hold back anymore, and they broke out in a laugh.
I covered my mouth with the side of my hand, so Donkey couldn't see me smile. 

The two animals scowled at them. 

"OH! So you two think this is funny!" Donkey sneered, before glancing at me. "Bri! Say something!" 

I knew if I opened my mouth that I'd end up giggling too, so I instead shook my head in protest. 

Thankfully, Shrek and Artie managed to get themselves together. 

"Ah...I'm really sorry, guys." the blond apologized, only to be shut down by the ogre. 

"Don't be. You got us back, kid." 

Chapter Text

"Seriously, ow! You need some comfort inserts or arch support, or...something." 

The canopy we fell into following Merlin's aid gave way to the road leading into Far Far Away; the welcome sign had seemingly been replaced with a different plaque atop a wooden stake that read "Go Go Away." 

Stepping through the kingdom's entrance gates, what we saw was nothing alike to what Artie and I had heard back at Worcestershire; the rumors of a beautiful, glorious kingdom, welcoming guests with open arms, had been replaced by an unruly hellzone, overrun by dwarves, witches, and thieves. A horse whinnied from a distance, slamming the carriage it pulled with it into a glass window and shattering it upon impact. 

It was clear the girl in the front seat had lost complete control of the reins, and she could do nothing more than scream helplessly as she sped past us, the carriage essentially tipping over and almost collapsing atop a drunk dwarf, who stumbled out of the way with an empty glass bottle in-hand. 

"AY! Watch it! I'm walking here and I'm...gonna keep going..." he slurred, blatantly unaware of the red-hooded girl pickpocketing him of a small coin bag. 

A wheel from the carriage rolled by in flames. Shrek's eyes caught wind of something.

"Pinocchio?" he asked in recognition, his footsteps rushing him to the large music box where lo-and-behold, the living puppet had been forced by-string to dance to a song inside the booth. "Pinocchio!" 

"SHREK!" the wooden boy shrieked, as the ogre placed his hands against the glass. "Help me!" 

"What happened?!" 

The puppet wasted no time in explaining himself. 

"Charming and the villains have taken over everything! They attacked us, but Fiona and the princesses got away, and now she's--" 

"She's what?!" the ogre barked, banging his fist on the glass as the red curtain atop began to drape down, before it fully covered the box and hid the puppet away from us. "SHE'S WHAT?!" 

Then, he noticed the small change-insert at the bottom of the booth. 

"Five Dollars." 

Shrek whipped his head around to Donkey Puss. 

"Puss! Loan me five bucks!" he ordered the donkey... 

...God this was gonna throw me off for a while-- 

Puss Donkey turned to fix his gaze on the mule. 

"Come on Puss, you heard the man!" Donkey insisted. "Help the brother out!" 

Puss turned to face the feline. 

"Do you see any pockets on me?" 

"...Hold on a second!" Donkey reassured us in sudden-realization, before removing one of the boots and flipping it upside-down. 

A coin pouch plopped out of it and onto the concrete. 

No wonder Donkey was complaining. Puss scoffed nervously, his justification stumbling out of his mouth in a breathy laugh as Puss Donkey handed the pouch to Shrek. 

"I-I had no idea! I- really! I swear!..." 

The ogre dumped the coins into the box, and the curtain rose. 

"Quick, Pinocchio! Where is Fiona?!" 

"Charming's gotta her locked away someplace secret! You gotta find him! He's probably getting ready for the SHOOOOOOW!!!" 

The curtain dropped again, much quicker than it did the last time around. 

"Wait, wait, wait, Pinocchio! WHAT SHOW?!" 

A white wooden hand dipped out from underneath the velvet, pointing us to the alley on the right side of the music box. We made our way over to check out the scene, only to find a wall that had been plastered with a dozen of the same poster. 

"It's A Happily-Ever-After After All." Puss read aloud. 

"Shrek's Final Performance?" the ogre finished. Donkey was suddenly beaming. 

"Wow, Shrek! I didn't know you were in a-- a play!" 

Annoyed, the beast stroked his chin, his free hand on his hip as he momentarily entertained the shenanigans. 

"Well, I guess I've been so busy I forgot to mention it!" he sarcastically retorted. The games were put on-hold by another voice, calling from outside the alleyway. 

"It's the ogre! Get him!" 

Guards; they directed their spears right at us. 

"Don't worry, jefe; I got this." Puss reassured, before approaching the knights. 

He sat on his posterior, looking up slowly, and giving the biggest eyes he could... 

...It didn't work out too well, seeing as Puss was no longer a cat, at the moment. 

"Augh, kill it!" the captain of the knights groaned in disgust. 

Artie suddenly interjected. 

"Look!" he argued. "Don't you know who he thinks he is? How dare you!" 

...
Artie what the fuck-- 

"Donkey, we're dealing with amateurs." the ogre remarked in a monotone voice, completely unfazed from the looks of it, as he turned away with a hand on his hip. The blond ripped one of the posters off the wall, shoving it in the guards' faces. 

"He's a STAR, PEOPLE! HELLO?!" 
Visibly panicking, he fixed his gaze on the beast. 

"I am so sorry about this, Mr. Shrek!" 

"I'm gonna lose it!" the ogre threatened. 

"I blame you for this!" the blond continued, prodding a finger against my chest with a scowl. 

What was he ta--Oooh.
I got it. 

I returned the same dirty look, shoving him back. 

"How is this my fault?!" I countered. "Maybe if their agents had better handwriting--" 

I pointed at the knights, who -- out of the corner of my eye -- were beginning to look very uncomfortable. 

Someone was getting fired, today.

"--I would've been able to get the correct address, and we wouldn't be late for final rehearsals!" 

"Speaking of rehearsals, you!" 

My blond comrade glared daggers at the captain. 
Ballsy move, Pendragon. 

"I assume you have everything ready for tonight? You did get the list for the dressing rooms?!" 

"Yeah!" Donkey agreed, marching towards the troop with his paws folded behind his back. "The breakfast croissant stuffed with seared sashimi tuna; or please tell me you at least have the saffron corn with jalapeño honey butter, because our client CANNOT GET INTO HIS PROPER EMOTIONAL STATE, WITHOUT HIS JALAPEÑO! HONEY BUTTER!" 

"I just lost it." Shrek commented, defeatedly tossing his hand in the air before slapping it against his side. 

"Oh, uh..." 

"Maybe they should talk to Nancy in Human Resources?" a soldier in the back suggested. 

"Oh, we'll have much to say to Nancy! I PROMISE!" Puss threatened as the knights let us pass without another word. 

Soon as they were out of sight, Artie and I shared a fist bump. 

Mission accomplished. 

---

Charming's dressing room made the dormitories at Worcestershire look like a complete and utter joke.

The room was lined wall-to-wall in red velvet curtains. To the side, a large, three-mirrored vanity stood as the shelf for an almost infinite amount of makeup boxes, perfumes and colognes, special oils, and in the center of it all stood a tiny wooden doll of Fairy Godmother. 

A large (and dangerously sharp-looking, hhhhhhh no thank you), golden chandelier hung high from the ceiling, adorned with pearls and diamonds. Its height above opposed the large, rounded carpet in the center of the room that covered the majority of the polished floor. 

"Can't tell if this is a dressing room or an outdoor-master-bedroom." I commented quietly. Puss scoffed with a smirk. 

"He does love his shiny things, si." the donkey responded in the same tone. 

"To think," Artie began. "This is what my room's gonna look like when I'm king." 

"I thought you didn't wanna be king." I pointed out; the blond's face reddened.

"Been doing some thinking," he explained with a sheepish grin. "Maybe...it won't be so bad." 

"Least you'll have Guin." I reminded, elbowing him playfully; he chuckled. 

"Yeah..." he trailed off with a grin, and it almost seemed like a glint of pain took over his expression for a moment. His eyes found mine for a second. 

I watched as the light in his ocean irises died, alongside his pretty smile.

"Yeah..." he repeated in an even quieter tone, taking a sudden interest in the polished floor of the room. A slight pang jolted in my heart at his aversion.

Why did things have to be so bittersweet?...

"Stick to the plan, everyone," Shrek instructed softly, interrupting the conversation. "Wait until I grab him, then stick together." 

"Guys, wait." Artie paused, his eyes fixated on the double-doors; he approached the wall, leaning his ear against it. 

His skin went pale in the dim light of the room. 

Well, paler than it already was, at least. He gave Shrek a nod. 

"Hide!" the ogre ordered in a whisper. We scattered. 

Artie and I hid beneath the cape of a mannequin towards the back wall (why Charming had it, I had no idea because this thing was SO CREEPY, HELP--)

Puss and Donkey took to hiding behind one of the draped ends of the curtain lining, and Shrek did the same with the opposing side. The ogre had managed to hide just in time for Charming to storm through the doors, slamming them behind himself.

I swallowed, my heart rate picking up as I tried to keep my breathing quiet. The prince grumpily marched toward the vanity, slumping into the matching red seat and sighing defeatedly. 

He eyed the Fairy Godmother doll, and gently stroked its head -- which glinted in the light of the vanity. The way he pet it could almost be read as a yearning, a longing for something (or in this case, someone) that was no longer around. 

There were rumors at the high school that Charming was Fairy Godmother's son; perhaps this was confirmation. 

"Our Happily-Ever-After is nearly complete, Mummy." 

I knew it. 

"And I assure you," he continued. "The people of this kingdom will pay dearly for every SECOND!--" 

I flinched, and it took Artie keeping a firm hold on my shoulder for me to remain still; the mannequin directly opposed the center mirror, and had Charming caught wind of its purple cape moving, we were mince meat. 

I couldn't tell if my heart was racing because of the blond who had just walked in, or the blond who was currently breathing down my neck as we silently listened. 

Pick a struggle, Bri. 

"--we've had to wait." the prince finished; he turned the left mirror to face him, revealing Shrek's presence. 

"Break a leg," the ogre greeted aloud, cracking his knuckles in anticipation as he approached the blond, who gasped. 

And rightfully so, because Shrek that was terrifying how did you do that teach me your ways-- 

"Or on second thought, let me break it for you." 

Charming shot up from his seat, backing against the vanity. 

"Thank goodness you're here!" he exhaled in terror, feeling around the vanity for something...most likely the doll. The rest of us moved from our hiding places, lined-up at the door to observe. 

"I was beginning to think you might not make it back in...time." 

The ogre lifted Charming into the air by his torso. 

"Where's Fiona?" 

"Don't worry," the prince taunted. "She and the others are safe. For now." 

Before anyone else could step in, a small swarm of guards burst into the room, gripping tightly onto Artie and me as Donkey yelped in fright. 

"Ow!" 

"Hey! Hands off!" 

Artie growled, trying to yank himself free of their hold. 
"Let her go!" he barked. 

Glaring daggers, Shrek set Charming down. He approached my friend with a smirk. 

"Hmm, let me guess."

It was as if there were venom on his tongue, as he said the name with blatant disgust in his voice: 

"Arthur." 

"It's Artie, actually." the blond corrected as he pried himself forward, only to be forced back. The prince's gaze found my glare, and I felt my stomach twist. 

"Young love, I see." he remarked. "Doesn't look worthy of a tiara to me." 

"And you were unworthy of mens' leg warmers to your mother." I fired back without thinking, my eyes pointed at the hot pink warmers wrapped above his boots. 

Yeah, don't think I didn't notice those, Princey.

Charming gave me a death stare, and I shrunk in my place. 

Dammit, Bri. Now you've gone and done it.

"Short temper, have we?"

The blond leaned in close.

"I'd watch my tongue if I were you, fair maiden." he warned. 

"Brave words coming from a man who plays with mommy dolls--"

I hitched my breath as he tilted my chin up with a firm grip between his index finger and his thumb.

As he quirked a smirk, I averted my gaze.

His grin was dark as he returned his focus to the ogre, dismissing my smartass remarks with a huff. 

"These kids are supposed to be the new rulers of Far Far Away." he stated mockingly, chuckling lowly.

Suddenly, he unsheathed his sword, pressing it against the skin of Artie's neck.
My gasp became stuck in my throat. 

"How pathetic." he sneered. "Now stand still so I won't make a mess." 

"Charming stop!" Shrek ordered. "Look, I'm here now, you got what you wanted; this isn't about them." 

That seemed to rub Artie the wrong way. Charming lowered his blade a moment. 

"Then, who's it about?" he asked, the guards yanking him back in-place once again, and the prince returning the sword to his collarbone. "I'm supposed to be king, right?" 

Shrek grimaced slightly, ears lowering. 

"You weren't...really...next-in-line for the throne, okay? I was." 

"But you said the king asked for me personally." 

"...Not exactly." 

Artie's expression fell deadpan. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

"Look, I said whatever I had to say, alright?!" the ogre confessed. "I wasn't right for the job, I just needed some fool to replace me! And you fit the bill! So...So just go!" 

Seeing the hurt look in the blond's eyes was a worse fate to me than death. 

Everything was a lie. 

Shrek had lied to us, to Artie.  

Artie wasn't meant to be king. 

This entire trip was for nothing. 

And the more that the truth sank in, the worse I began to feel; we had come so far, accomplished so much, and all at once, everything collapsed before our very eyes.

My heart dropped as the realization hit. The bullying, the gym prank. That was Artie's truth. 

I didn't know what was more agonizing: that the kids at school were proven right, or that the blond's dejected expression confirmed it. 

"..." 
Artie and I glanced between each other, before he fixed his heartbroken gaze back on the beast. 

He swallowed, his tone soft, his voice a whisper.

"...You were playing us the whole time."  

"You catch on real fast, kid," the ogre remarked. "Maybe you're not as big of a loser as I thought." 

I felt a lump in my throat.

Donkey tried to step in, only to be held back by Puss sticking a hoof out in front of him. 

The blond's voice cracked as he raised his volume. 

"...You know," he continued. "For a minute there, I actually thought you--" 

"What?" Charming cut off sharply. "That he cared about you? He's an ogre! What did you expect?!" 

Shrek averted his gaze from us. 

"...Let her go." the blond emphasized one last time. With an exhale through his nose, Charming waved two fingers at the guards holding me captive.

Free of their grasp, I let my arms breathe for a second, before fixing my focus back on Artie. 

With a growl directed at Shrek, he finally broke free of the knights' grip. Turning to me with a frown, he ran his hands down my arms and gave me a slight nod. 

It took everything in me not to break out a sob, as I watched him fixate a cold stare on the ogre. This couldn't have been happening. 

"...I'll wait for you."

Artie's tone was empty of any emotion, except for the resentment he now held towards the people who had betrayed us. It was almost scary, how cold he had suddenly become when just a mere three minutes ago, we were joking together about how his room as a king would look. 

It was a side of him I'd never seen, neither here nor at Worcestershire. 

That's when it hit me: this was him at his breaking point.

He'd been stabbed in the back at every point in his life -- whether it was by his father, by his friends at school, by his own half-brother, for god's sake. 

And now, he was tricked by Shrek. The one person he had found the courage to put his trust in again after so many years of having his heart broken.  

What did that make me? 

Was I all he had left? Even I was lying; for his own good, of course. But it was still lying. It was still wrong.

What would he think of me? I couldn't tell him the truth about Guin, now. Not after this. Not at all. 

Releasing his featherlight touch on my forearms, he finally stormed out, slamming the doors behind himself. Counting his footsteps as he left, I gave everyone in the room an expression of hurt, upon his absence filling the space where he once stood.

"...I was never his consort, Shrek." 

The ogre looked at me with stunned eyes.

"You what?" 

I swallowed again, as the tears that I had been oh-so-trying to hold back finally began to cascade down my cheeks.  

"...It was a misunderstanding." Shrek concluded. "That's what you guys were trying to say at Worcestershire, wasn't it?" 

I nodded, looking between the animals and the ogre. Charming was eerily quiet, and it only dampened my mood. 

"I'm not the one he loves... I'm just the one who loves him." I confessed, making my way to the double-doors. 

"Bri..." Donkey trailed off, crestfallen. With a shake of my head, I swallowed back a sob and glanced between them one last time, the tears on my face a vast betrayal of the sad smile I wore. 

My heartbroken grin died much faster than it had appeared. 

"...I never meant to tag along; I only meant to say goodbye." 

I left the room without looking back. 

I left the room ignoring Shrek's calling of my name. 

I left the room in the hopes that I would wake up back in the girls' dorm at Worcestershire, and that this would all just turn out to be one big nightmare. 

I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment. 

When I opened them, I was still in Far Far Away. 

Chapter Text

Just as he promised, Artie was waiting outside the dressing room, staring behind himself at the castle; I kept my head bowed as I joined him at the steps leaving the entrance route. 

The air between us was thick as we walked, but it wasn't the type where you felt encased, or unable to escape. This thickness was sad, yet comfortable. We kept each other company, the blond's palm resting on the small of my back to keep me close to him as our footsteps fell in-sync. 

It was a type of odd solace that was much needed at the moment. 

I kept my arms crossed, head on his shoulder as his hand climbed to meet the side of my hair, pressing my ear against the crook of his neck as I took the time to try and process everything that had just happened. 

It all went down so quickly, what with Shrek first revealing that Artie was never chosen to be king, then turning so abruptly on the both of us. 

And then my confession, which replayed over and over in my head with every step we took together.   

I wanted to collapse against the ground, just curl up in a ball and let myself be eaten by the wolves. 

Then again, Artie's shoulder was a much better comfort. 

A small part of me was admittedly happy with the notion that he hadn't taken the throne, not because I didn't want him to succeed, or because I didn't want him to find his own joy, but because I was so scared to lose him. He wasn't just a fellow classmate from Worcestershire; he was my friend. It never mattered to me whether or not he reciprocated any feelings I had, the bottom line was that he at least cared. It was a cliché story -- I loved him, he loved someone else, but the truth was there that we cared for one another. We'd been through so much in just the past few days.

Even though it was all thrown away by Shrek lying to us, the events still happened. We still rode that ship together away from the school, we still camped out in front of Merlin's cottage. 

I still defended him from Lance, from that prankster with the firecracker; it felt like forever ago when I was nervously stammering around the guy before reflexively forcing his head down and biting the bullet for him. 
And now, here I was, clinging right to his side like we'd known each other forever, as we left behind the broken remains of a once-grand kingdom. 

The "Go-Go Away" sign was a grim reminder of all that had transpired since we left Worcestershire.  

A pang tugged at my heart. 

I missed home.

I missed Daggy and Enid.

I missed Annie.

I missed storytimes with her and Guin.

Despite not being mentioned much, Guin still held so much value to the trip, much more than I cared to confess. 

I was jealous.
I was so jealous that she had someone so brave, and kind, and funny who loved her so much. 

I knew that as soon as we were back at Worcestershire, Artie was going to try and talk to her -- it was inevitable after the fable I had come up with to keep him content, and I couldn't even be mad at him. I was instead angry with myself.

Why couldn't I just talk to him? Why did I just...not tell him that even though he was in love with someone else, I was in love with him, but that I wanted him to be happy no matter what he did? 

Why didn't I tell him that Guin didn't look at him as anything more than the worm? 

... 
I was no better than Shrek.

"...What now?" I finally spoke up, as we traversed the long dirt road in front of us, lined on each side with lush larch and sequoia trees.
The blond's hand dropped back to my side. 

"Home." he answered softly. "We find our way back to Worcestershire, and...forget all about this." 

I could hear the regret in his tone; it was heartbreaking. 

"...What are we gonna tell everyone?" 

He sucked in his cheeks, slowing to a stop. 

"...I don't know." 

...
Watching the glint in his eyes change, my heart became caught in my throat. No one needed to tell me: even I knew that my scleras were becoming glossy. 

Crying was becoming an on-and-off occurrence, and by the way that Artie was frowning at me, it wasn't hard to figure out that he'd noticed.  

"Hey, come on Bri," he cooed. "Nothing to be sad about; we'll be okay!" 

I swallowed, averting my gaze. 

It didn't do much.
He tilted my chin back to him. 

"We don't need them," he tried to reassure. "We'll find our own way home, alright?" 

...
I couldn't take this anymore. 

All of the buildup, the lies, and goddammit the fucking way that he looked at me, how everything had crumbled around us and he was still stubbornly keeping his head up, and trying to heal what little that he could, that he even had the power to. 

This was killing me from the inside out. 

I didn't deserve him as a friend, or even as a fellow student. This type of admiration I had was excruciating, even without Guin added into the mix; I was so angry at myself for dragging her into the absolute mess that was my love life, for putting words in her mouth. 

For making Artie think she loved him. 

Why was I so fucking stupid? 

I gritted my teeth, squeezing my eyes shut and throwing my arms around the blond; tears leaked from the corners of my eyelids. 

"I'm so sorry." I sobbed into the crook of his neck. He wrapped his arms tautly around the back of my shoulders, cradling my head with one of his hands. 

"Pfft, why are you apologizing?" he joked. "I dragged you into this; it isn't your fault." 

I shook my head, pulling away just enough for him to see the dismal expression on my face.  

"...You don't understand, Arthur." 

It had to come out. 
This guilt was eating me alive and if I didn't tell him the truth now, while the air was already cleared, I was sure that it would haunt me. 

"...Understand what?" he asked wearily. 

Another few tears slipped their way down the apples of my cheeks.
I swallowed back the lump in my throat. 

It's now or never, Bri. 

"The stuff that Guin told me about you--" 

"Bri, don't tell me." 

"Artie--" 

He pulled away harshly, almost as if he were disgusted by me.  

It stung.

"What? So you were lying, too?" Artie interrogated, defensively. 

"Artie, you're not understanding me!--"   

"No, I think I understand plenty!" he interrupted, backing away and storming off. 

"You're just as bad as they are." 

No.
No no no. 
Not him. 
This wasn't how I wanted to say goodbye. 
PLEASE, THIS WASN'T HOW I WANTED TO SAY GOODBYE.

My mind was going haywire; it felt like I was watching my own sense of clarity dissipate with each pained step he took. My heart was pounding in my ears. I was on the brink of hyperventilating, my eyes were bloodshot from crying. 

The one person I was the most scared for was walking away. 

Don't let him walk away. 

I finally lost the little composure that I had been clinging so desperately to. 

"I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!" 

"..." 
Artie froze.

A sob wracked my throat; my fists were clenched, so hard that my fingernails dug into the skin of my palms. 

I gritted my teeth again, my eyes locked on the back of his hair and yet, when he turned back around, I dipped my head. 

I couldn't even look at him. I wanted to kick myself. 

"...Everything that Guin said," I explained. "wasn't actually her...it was me." 

I bit my lip, hugging myself, giving myself permission to cry. 

A sob broke out as I curved my head into my chest, my grip on myself tightening.

Relax, Bri... 

I took a moment to just breathe, to try and regain the ability to merely speak, before I explained everything. 

"You...Y-You asked what I was trying to tell you, back when we shipwrecked," I continued. "...I was only trying to say goodbye, tell you how I felt..." 

I tried to straighten my posture, but my body refused to move. It was as if my feet were glued to the ground.  

"...I always saw the way you looked after Guin from afar; but I couldn't bring myself to tell you what was real...so I replaced her words with mine..." 

I gritted my teeth, squeezing my eyes shut as another shaky sob broke free from the back of my throat. 

I felt so pathetic. 

"...I just want you to be happy." 

In the beats of silence following my confession, I was already sure that when I looked back, he would be gone. 

Thus, upon finally hearing his voice, I flinched. 

"...Bri."

"..."

Fearfully flicking my eyes open, I was greeted by the dusty pointed ends of Artie's shoes. 

I felt my chin being lifted and in a moment, I was gazing back into those familiar teal eyes. 

"...Is this true?..." 

Home.
Home home home home home home--

Frantically, almost desperately, I threw my arms around Artie's torso, burying my face in his chest.

"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't, you dingus." 

The blond chuckled softly, gently wrapping an arm around my waist, his free hand rubbing circles on the small of my back as I heaved a sob.  

"Aww, she does care." he cooed teasingly. "If you get snot on me, I'm making you replace this uniform." 

For the first time in a good minute, I laughed.
It was a small, sad laugh, but it was genuine.

This moment was something we both needed, currently. 

Something I needed. 

"So...Guin...doesn't love me?" he questioned in continuation when I finally calmed down. "Well...did she ever?" 

It took a few deep breaths (much to the blond's amusement) before I had regained enough composure to answer him. 

"You had asked me about it when we were at Merlin's and...I couldn't bring myself to tell you the truth," I explained. "She's always loved Lance, Artie..." 

Parting awkwardly (and hesitantly, to be fair) from the embrace, I rolled my eyes, kicking dirt. 

"...God knows she never shuts up about him; it's why I never sat with them at lunch, or hung out after school. It was bad enough with Annie and Daggy teasing me all the time about-..."  

...I didn't finish that sentence.

I opted instead to bite my tongue, directing my focus on the road ahead. 

The blond grinned, wiping his thumbs over my -- now, puffy -- eyes to rid any excess tears.  

Way to lose your self-control, Bri. You dingbat.

"...You know, those jokes Dagonet told me are starting to make a lot more sense, now." 

I gave him a perplexed look.

"What jokes?" 

He shrugged, taking a hold of my hand as we continued to walk. 

"Jokes about some short girl who likes to talk with Annowre about me." 

"He talked about me?!" 

Artie gave me a look, and I shrunk back into myself with a sheepish grin. 

"Ah, I mean, uh...pfft; some weirdos, right?" I corrected dismissively. "Like I'd ever gossip about you and your fancy hair." 

Artie paused with a smirk, proudly running a hand through his bangs. 

"You think it's fancy?"

BRI, YOU BLABBERMOUTH. 

I was just about to answer back when our conversation was interrupted, by a different voice shouting about us from out of the blue. 

"ACH TO LIEBER!" a german accent cried. "THERE'S SOME STRANGE LITTLE GIRLS OVER THERE STARING AT US!" 

A group of fairytale creatures were hiding behind a bush. 

Puss and Donkey were in the mix. 

There went our -- somewhat decent -- moods.

"...Come on." the blond muttered, and I heeded his word without hesitation. 

"Artie! Bri!" 

"Wait, wait, wait, wait! HEY HO HEY!" 

Puss galloped in front of us abruptly, halting us from going on our way. 

"Where's the fire, señor?" 

Artie brushed them off, towing me behind him. 

"Oh, please!" he dismissed. "Don't act so innocent; you both knew what was going on the whole time, and you kept it to yourself." 

"Guys, it's not like it seems!" 

The blond laughed aloud.

"It's not? I think it seems pretty clear: he was using me. That's all there is to it." 

"Using you?! Man, ya'll really don't get it!" 

"Shrek only said those things to protect you!" Puss argued.

"Charming was gonna kill you, guys!" Donkey added.

...
The two of us froze in place; the memory donned on me of that sword teasing the blond's jugular.

I squeezed Artie's hand; his hold tightened.

"Shrek saved your lives." 

It was the final counter needed.
Artie and I shared a glance. 

He looked ahead for a moment at the open road in front of us. Loosening my grip, my hands climbed up his arm, fingers locking around his bicep as we turned to face the feline.

Puss would soon after introduce us to the animal crew, who had been watching us quietly the entire time. 

---

It was the premiere evening of Charming's play; the night sky had become the perfect background as the iron gates opened up the musical's first scene. A giant, fake moon hung in the background, the letter "C" embedded into its center. Below the fake moon stood a cardboard forest surrounded by clouds, overlooking a small creek. 

A candle lit a giant spotlight that was directed to the window of a large tower, where a princess with a long, golden braid of thick hair stepped into the light. 

Rapunzel. 
I'd always heard rumors that she was very reserved, and mostly kept to herself unless it was for special occasions. Isolde once told me of a cousin who got to see her in-person, and that while somewhat decent, there was a bit of selfishness shunned behind her kind words. 

In other words...she was the passive-aggressive type. 
Very fitting for someone associated with any project belonging to Prince Charming of all people. 

I would give her credit where it was due, though: she had a nice singing voice. 

"I wait alone up here, 
I'm trapped another day. 
Locked up here, please set me
free!
My whole life I almost see 
a castle! You and me, yes! 
A castle, you and me..." 

Artie and I hid off-stage with the animals, some of which blended in with the play characters. 

"Here's the plan," Puss whispered as the prince sang his part of the ballad. "We will confront Charming and try to free Shrek." 

"You guys will be our last resort," Donkey instructed. "If anything goes wrong, it'll be up to you two! Deal?" 

"Wait, why us?" I asked. "Charming has an army of villains running the show; what are we supposed to do?"

That question went unanswered when we heard fake roaring on-stage.

Shrek was about to make his "grand" entrance.

Puss and Donkey rushed back to their hiding spots; there was no time to go back over things. I sighed, running a hand through my black locks; my stomach twisted.

Just us two? Against an entire royal army teamed with powerful villains? 
Even if we had defeated one of them before, that was with help. We were still just high school kids. 

It would take more than a couple fencing classes at school in order to take on just a single Far Far Away knight.
And win. 

Artie punched my shoulder playfully, distracting me from my thoughts. 

"Don't be such a worry wart," he scolded jokingly. "All we gotta do is free Shrek, right?" 

"And how are we supposed to do that?" I opined. "There's thousands of them and only two of us."

"Just relax, chief," he reassured with a wink. "I've got a plan." 

"Like you did with the moat?" 

The blond rolled his eyes, socking me in the arm. 

"Ow!" 
I giggled softly as I rubbed the spot. The moment didn't last long, before quietude took its toll once more.

After a few seconds of silence, I exhaled through my nose. 

"...Look, Artie," I continued. "About what I said back there? I...I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that; I guess I just..." 

...
"...I guess I just..." 

Come on, Bri. English words. 

"..."
Status update: I could not find English words. 

With a sigh, I rested my head against the wall of our hidey hole.

"...You don't have to explain yourself," the blond dismissed. "Feelings suck...I would know." 

My eyes shot open as I whipped my head to face him. 
He averted his gaze, a grim line replacing the smirk he once wore. 

"..."
I frowned. 

"...I wish I could make this up to you." 

He shrugged. 

"Maybe you can." he suggested with a warm smile.

"Aunt Lillian and I are still gonna have an empty throne to fill." 

Chapter Text

Thank god the spotlight was facing the other direction, so he couldn't see how beet red my face had grown. 

Fuck you, Artie. Fuck you and your fucking funny jokes, and your fucking stupid handsome face and ahhhhhh someone punch him, I should've punched him-- 

"...You're not funny." 

"Who said I was joking?" 

"Wh-..." 

He grinned smugly in my direction. 

I didn't smile back. 

Like hell was I just gonna forget his spiel at the school. 

"...I thought you told Guin you loved her." I pointed out. 

"You're about to enter a world of pain with which you are not... FAMILIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!" 

The two of us plugged our ears at Charming's failed attempt to reach a high note. 

Good god, could this grown man get any more childish--

"I did," Artie confirmed. "But it's like you said: she's loyal to Lance." 

...

I stared crestfallen at the blond. 

He looked hurt. 

It showed especially as he turned his gaze away. 

"..."

Exhaling once more, I rested my head on his shoulder. He touched his cheek to my scalp.

A few beats of silence passed before I shared my thoughts. 

"...You've been through too much in just the past semester alone, Artie." I reminded him. "I think maybe, instead of a queen, you just need a break...and maybe a sandwich." 

He huffed through his nose.  

"Maybe you're right," he answered defeatedly. "I guess sometimes, I just...get scared of being--" 

"---alone?" I finished. 

For the first time since we met, I finally got to see how red his pale skin turned, finally got to be on the other end of this stick. 

Lemme tell ya: bashful Artie was the most adorable thing ever. 

He threw me a shy smile, which I returned with a warm grin. 

"Welcome to the club." I playfully continued. 

"Good to be here; any jackets?" 

"Ah, we're all out of the VIP ones," I informed, tapping my index finger to the tip of the blond's nose. "Some whacko wrecked the cargo ship delivering them yesterday." 

Artie chuckled softly, taking my hand and moving it from his face, gently tucking his digits between mine. 

"Bah, I'm sure they were just a fan who didn't know any better," he reassured, stroking his thumb against the back of my hand as we kept our fingers interlocked. "People change, right?"  

I was just about to answer back, when someone's yelling scared the everloving daylights out of me. 

"ENOUGH!" 

I flinched. Artie and I looked between each other. 

I forgot what the hell I was even thinking about, for a moment.

We peeked through a small grate on the other side of the blond to see Charming in a red leotard, raising his sword right at Shrek. 

He was wearing the king's crown. 

I stifled a gasp; before I could even say a word, the blade caught aflame. 

Did I ever mention Donkey had a wife? 

Because...he had a wife. 

And she was a dragon. 

Yes. Breathe it in. Freak out for a moment. 

Good? Good. 

Anyways. 

The dragon's fire melted half of the blade as she flew overhead with a loud roar, her neck chained with some sort of metal leash and reins. 

"HAHA!" the three pigs shouted, rolling on-stage in front of the prince and landing in different fighting stances. "SAUSAGE ROLL!" 

Pinocchio followed in the pigs' footsteps, flying overhead the prince and landing beside them. The Big Bad Wolf (or just "Wolf" if you don't have time) removed the head of the bear costume he wore, raising his paws half-heartedly. 

"Argh." 

Down Rapunzel's golden braid, a gingerbread man descended onto the stage floor with a war cry. 

The braid followed him, the "scalp" hitting the stage floor with a hollow thump.

A now-bald Rapunzel ran off crying, covering her head in shame as Artie and I clasped our hands over our mouths. 

We were lucky she didn't notice us as she passed. 

Dragon thudded onto the stage, Puss and Donkey atop her head. 

"Pray for mercy from Puss--" Puss began, hopping off-board. 

"And Donkey!" Donkey finished, unsheathing Puss' tiny sword, and swiping a 'D' on Pinocchio's backside. 

"Hey!" the puppet whined. 

Then, we had an unexpected surprise:  

Someone forcibly tore through the brown-paper walls of the scene setting. 

Queen Lillian marched angrily onto the scene with other renowned princesses in-tow: Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and the famed bartending queen herself, Doris. 

Shrek's wife, Fiona, kicked through the fake door to the ogre's "swamp." 

"That's her..." I trailed off quietly. I could barely make out Artie's smile from the corner of my eye. 

"Big fan?" he assumed. 

"Are you kidding?" I retorted. "She broke the stereotype completely of what it means to be a princess," I described. "I used to read about her to the elementary kids all the time at Worcestershire; she's such a role model..."

I let the sentence hang for a moment, before adding:

"I've always wished I could be like her...except for the whole ogre form, of course. Not personally my thing, but I respect it." 

"She's my cousin." 

"..."

I stared at the blond with my jaw completely agape. 

"She's your cousin?!" I repeated excitedly; he chuckled, hushing me softly as to not give away our position.

My inner child was screaming giddily as we watched the scene in front of us unfold. 

"Hi honey!" the redheaded ogre greeted perkily, resting a hand against her husband's brown vest. "Sorry we're late; you okay?" 

"Much better now that you're here." 

There was a loud applause from the audience as Shrek fixated his eyes on the prince. 

"So, Charming," he addressed, outstretching his cuffed hands. "You wanna let me outta these so we can settle this ogre-to-man?" 

"Ooh, that sounds fun!" the prince exclaimed mockingly. "But I have a better idea!" 

He clapped his hands.

His crew completely mobbed the stage.

The wicked witch grabbed Queen Lillian from behind, sticking a sword to her neck. Witches surrounded the rest of the princesses on all sides, save for Fiona who was currently being tied in ropes and pulled away from her husband. The three pigs were snatched into the air by dwarves while the gingerbread man was encircled by knights in dark armor.

Despite the intimidating fight she put up, Dragon was cornered by soldiers threatening her with crossbows. 

"FIONA!" Shrek called. 

"NO! LET GO OF ME!" she shrieked, fighting the ropes as she was dragged off to the side.

"Now." Artie ordered. "Let's go." 

"Now?" 

"Now!" he repeated, dragging me up by the arm. "Come on, we gotta hurry!" 

"You will not ruin things this time, ogre!" Charming warned, grabbing another sword from a nearby pirate. 

We had just made our way onto the roof of the tower. 

"Kill it!" 

The mob quickly approached, all blades pointed at the beast. 

They drew closer, and closer, until finally-- 

"EVERYBODY STOP!" 

Everyone halted in their footsteps, looking to the tower. 

---

"Oh, what is it now?!" Charming pouted as Artie and I heaved the spotlight onto him. 

"Kids?" Shrek softly inquired in recognition. 

I climbed onto one of the makeshift clouds, following the blond's footsteps as he slid off a rope and onto the side of the fake swamp, before skidding down and jumping to the stage floor.

I leaped down from behind, the blond catching me by the torso and setting me between him and the ogre.

He walked to center stage. 

"Who really thinks we need to settle things this way?!" he queried of the mob. 
They all raised their hands, keeping hold of their respective weapons; I crossed my arms. 

"You're telling me you just wanna be villains your whole lives?" Artie argued. 

"But we are villains!" the pirate in purple -- Captain Hook, as I'd come to realize -- interjected. "It's the only thing we know." 

"Didn't you ever wish you could be something else?" 

"Well it's easy for you to say," one of the two Ents observing chimed in. "You're not some evil enchanted tree." 

"Oh you morons, don't listen to him, ATTACK THEM!" Charming ordered, visibly frustrated; the second ent grabbed a taut hold of the prince, shutting him up with its branch. 

"What Steve's trying to say here is it's hard to come by honest work when the whole world's against you." 

"Right!" 'Steve' agreed. "Thanks, Ed." 

I hid my smile behind my hand. 

"Okay," Artie continued. "Fair enough, you're right -- I'm not a talking tree; but you know, a good friend of mine once told me...that just because people treat you like a villain, or an ogre...or just some loser..." 
He turned around, giving Shrek a warm smile. 

"...It doesn't mean you are one." he paused. The ogre returned a soft grin. 

"The thing that matters most," Artie continued, returning his gaze to the mob. "is what you think of yourself; if there's something you really want, or someone you really wanna be, then the only person standing in your way..." 
He trailed off a moment, pointing to a shorter man in the front of the crowd. 

"...is you." 

"Me?" the man asked. 

"Get him, lads!"

"YEAH!"  

Artie's teal eyes widened as a few of the villains and guards raised their fists, and he was quick to make a recovery. 

"NO, no no! What-- What I mean is," he interjected. "Each of you is standing in your own way." 

An echo of "Oooooh" ricocheted between everyone, before the Headless Horseman approached the front of the stage. 

"I've always wanted to play the flute." 

"I'd like to open up a spa!" The wicked witch giddily announced, removing her blade from Queen Lillian's vicinity. "In France!" 

"I grow daffodils," Hook confessed, stroking his hook hand comfortingly. "And...they're beautiful." 

With a quivering smile, the captain threw down his sword. 
His pirates copied him. 

Then, the witches followed, dropping their broomsticks. 

And the knights with their claymores. 

And the guards with their axes.

Everyone released their weapons; Puss and Donkey were set down to the stage floor. Fiona was freed from her ties. 

Artie grinned proudly at Shrek and me; unable to hold in my excitement, I made a beeline towards the poor blond, throwing myself into his arms -- much to his and the ogre's amusement as they laughed heartily.

The blond spun me around in the air before setting me down. It was only then that the high wore off, and the embarrassment began to set in because BRI WHAT ARE YOU DOING, BACK OFF YOU LUNATIC-- 

Eyes wide, I laughed nervously before clearing my throat, and pulling away. 

...Well, trying to, at least. 

He wasn't letting go. 

...Why wasn't he letting go?

I could feel a heat creeping up my cheeks as he stared, and every part of me prayed that the flooding redness on my face was blending into the lighting oh my god I bring shame to my people-- 

He quirked a smug grin and I flicked my focus to Shrek...who was now talking to Fiona. 

How fucking convenient. 

When I looked back, Artie's face was much closer to mine then it should've been. hELp I'm ascending--

Just to add some punch to the mix, I flicked his forehead lightly.

"Take me to dinner first, would ya?" I joked. He blew a raspberry, pulling me close and cupping the side of my cheek.

"Don't act like you weren't waiting for this." 

"Why do I feel like you're pranking me?" 

"Hey, mess around and find out." 

...Yeah, okay. That earned a laugh. 

A small one. 

However, things were far from over.

Right when I thought the best was yet to come...

"Bri, look out!" 

...Artie shoved me out of the way, and my back hit the stage floor. 

I didn't realize what was going on until I looked back up: 

Charming. 

He'd freed himself from the trees' grip, and charged at Arthur with his sword in-hand, ready to swing. 

I watched in terror as the blade came down...

"NO!" 

...only to never make an impact. 

In the span of what felt like a nanosecond, Shrek managed to free himself from the chains holding him to the floor, and they were wrapped around the blade. 

It felt like everything was happening in slow-motion. Artie yanked me beside himself and Fiona, out of the way of the fight as we looked over just in time to see Shrek whip the prince around in a circle by the now-chained weapon. 

Charming dashed forward. 

The blade stabbed right through the ogre.

Shrek winced, dropping to his knees. 

Prideful and arrogant as ever, Charming marched to the front end of the stage.  

"A new era finally begins!" he announced. Artie, Fiona and I kept our focus on the ogre... 

...He tilted his head up at us with a smirk. 

You motherfucker. 

I smiled giddily -- whether it was in eagerness to see him pounce the damn prince, or the overwhelming gratefulness that he was not, in fact dying from a stab wound, I would have to figure out later.
Artie and Fiona breathed a silent sigh of relief.

"Now, all of you! Bow before your king!" Charming demanded. Shrek snuck up behind the blond, and cleared his throat. 

The prince's face was priceless, as the ogre pulled the sword out from between his underarm and his torso. 

"You need to work on your aim." the creature suggested -- to the audience's surprise, judging from their gasps -- before grabbing the blond roughly by his collar and lifting him high into the air. 

Charming growled. 

"THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY HAPPY ENDING!" 

"Well, I guess you need to keep looking..." Shrek dismissed, glancing over at Fiona. 

She looked so relieved, like she could finally breathe.

I couldn't help but wonder what all she had gone through in the time that we were away.  

"...'Cause I'm not giving up mine."
The ogre shoved the blond a distance away from himself. Dragon knocked over the tower with her tail. 

"...Mummy?" 

The tower landed smack on top of him, knocking the crown off of his head.

The accessory rolled onto the center of the stage, where Artie stopped it with the sole of his foot. He picked it up, observing the green jewels adorning its outer walls as Shrek and I joined either side of him. 

"...It's yours if you want it, you know," the ogre reminded the blond. "But this time, it's your choice." 

"..." 
Artie fixed his eyes on me. 

With an inviting smile, he outstretched his hand. 
...
I wanted to. 

God, I wanted to so badly, but he'd never given me an answer regarding Guin; not only that, but I had a family, and friends to get back to. 

Annie, Daggy and Enid still had no idea where I was; they were still at the back of my mind. 

At the same time...Artie was right there. The one person in my life who had come to make sense; even if we didn't grow up together, even if we barely saw each other in or out of classes, we still had been through so much and despite the arguing, despite the secrets, I still felt much closer to him, Shrek, and everyone else I'd been on this crazy trip with. 
This was a once-in-a-lifetime journey, and I knew that if I said goodbye right now...I'd never see him again. 

I didn't know what to do. 

"...If I do this...what about my family?" I asked. "What about Annowre, and Dagonet, and Enid...and Guin?" 

I couldn't leave my home out of this. 
I couldn't leave my family out of this.

I couldn't leave anyone I was close to out of this. 

"I remember you asking me if shipping was a big cost," the blond reminded me tauntingly. "Maybe, we can find out together."

"Artie--"

"Come on, Bri," he insisted, cutting me off with a breathy laugh. "You really think I would force you to never visit home again?" 

...Yeah, okay.
That was a good point.

I glanced up at Shrek, who fashioned a smirk. 

"May never get this chance again," the ogre warned softly, resting one hand on my shoulder and gesturing to Artie with the other.

"It's not often you find someone like yourselves." 

...

Artie and I shared a warm smile between one another. 

...Okay, so there was some semblance of truth in the ogre's words. Sue me.

Artie was so much more than just the school worm; I knew that good and well. He was brave, and caring, and kindhearted. He was funny, and his optimistic sass perfectly contrasted my (admittedly impulsive) pessimistic attitude.

He carried the traits of a natural-born leader while balancing the mercy of a saint. 

I'd gotten to learn so much more about him than I ever would have at Worcestershire. I learned his most-inner thoughts and fears, and he now knew mine. We shared the common worry of being left behind, left alone. 

Abandoned. 

...

His promise that we would return to our homeland won me over.

Moreso, his argument that he would never force me to leave it behind. 

Besides, I trusted him. Would I really start doubting the blond's words now, after everything we had been through? 

...

With a small sigh, I gave the blond an annoyed look. 

"You're lucky you guys are good negotiators." 

"Oh please, I'm sure you dream of me at night." 

"Excuse you, sir, that's not the point."

As the three of us shared a laugh, the blond and I each took one side of the crown, raising it high for the audience to see. 

Together, we crowned him as the rightful new king of Far Far Away. 

Chapter Text

The kingdom erupted in a mix of laughter and applause, giving a standing ovation to our new king. 

The three of us shared a smile between each other. Breaking into my own guffaw, I pressed my nose into the crook of the blond's neck. 

"Artie! Artie! Artie! Artie!" 

Artie had just turned his head, grinning down at me. He tilted my chin up, only to be swept away by two of Hook's crew members. I couldn't help but giggle as they scooped him up -- to his astonishment -- and carried him into the crowd.

Shrek seemed just as amused; he rested a hand on my shoulder as we watched. 

"So," he began. "Think you can keep him in check?" 

King Arthur was lost in the audience, beaming as he greeted his people with handshakes, waves, hugs to small kids who were watching. 

My heart swelled.

"It won't be easy, knowing him," I answered with a smirk to the ogre. "But, I think I've got it." 

"Then I guess that means this is goodbye." Shrek assumed.

My smile fell. 

Then again, all journeys had to come to an end, in order for new ones to begin. 

"..."
It didn't make saying goodbye hurt less. 

Tearfully, I wrapped my arms around the ogre's torso. 

Well, far as I could, anyways.

"I'm sorry for lying to you guys," I confessed. "I wish I could've told you all earlier, but there was so much going on and--" 

"Now come on, no need to cry over spilled milk." Shrek dismissed playfully, turning his gaze to Artie -- who had just been climbing back up the steps to the stage, after waving goodbye to some people. "Goodbye is..."

He trailed off, observing for a moment as the blond spoke with Queen Lillian.

"...Well...it's a hard thing to say." he finished. "But, ya know..."
He turned me gently by my shoulders, so that I was facing the king. 

"...one thing I've learned on this trip is...some goodbyes can lead to new hellos. You'd agree, wouldn't ya?" 

Artie flicked his eyes away from the queen for just a second. 
He grinned at me, tossing a wink before carrying on in their conversation. 

"Don't think I never listened to you two talking," the ogre continued. "You're both obviously closer than you might think; don't you think it's a wee bit...irrational... to throw away this chance over a bit of fear?" 

...

"You guys could turn out to be just like Shrek and Fiona! More in common than you might think!" 

Enid's words rang in my head.
I didn't know if I was mad that she was right, or mad that I proved it. 

I turned back around, and gave the ogre a nod. 

"See?" he asked rhetorically. "Now do me a favor, kid." 

I gave him a perplexed look; within a split second, his expression had switched from satisfied to...rather annoyed. 

I shrunk into myself a bit; seemingly amused, the ogre's frown flicked back to a warm grin. 

Playfully, he socked my shoulder. 

"Go be happy with yourself," he requested. "Don't worry so much about what comes next, alright? It'll fall right into place before you know it." 

I smiled, and returned the gesture. 

"Thanks for everything, Shrek." 

With a nod, a smirk, and a two-fingered salute, the ogre backed away a few steps before turning around, and meeting his wife at center stage.

I turned in the opposite direction, to find Artie waiting with his arms crossed. 

He gave me a shit-eating grin. 

"Hard goodbye?" 

"Least I had the decency." 

The blond chuckled as his hands met my waist. 

"Fair enough." 

I hummed. 

"So...what now?" I queried in his hold. "I know you've probably got a busy schedule ahead of you...being king and all." 

"Well," he began. "I talked with my aunt for a bit...she said she wanted to talk to you, too." 

The queen? What would she have wanted with me? 

I wasn't even meant to be here, right? 

"Am I in trouble?" 

Another laugh escaped from the back of the king's throat. 

"'Course not," he corrected dismissively. "She just...wants to meet you; see if you're fit for the crown, y'know?" 

I choked on air. 

I-- me? Crown? 

English-- help--HELP-- 

"A-wh--she--" I stuttered -- much to Artie's amusement from the sound of his laugh. 

I swear he did this shit on purpose. 

"I--I couldn't," I stammered, when I was finally able to form words again (yey), "I'm not a leader, I'm--oh god, I think I'm gonna pass out--" 

The king was absolutely beaming.
Jesus, he was just getting a kick out of this, wasn't he? 

I'd let it slide, because god he was so cute when he smiled hELp- 

"Of course you can! Are you kidding?" he corrected once more. "Bri, you literally stood up to a villain, and lived to tell the tale!" 

"Less that I stood up to him, and more that I just insulted him." 

"But you still had the guts to speak up even when he was threatening to kill you! You stood up for me to Lance, you defended Shrek when I wanted to go back to Worcestershire!"

My lips formed a grim line as I averted my gaze. The blond took me by the shoulders. 

"Bri, you were even brave enough to tell me how you were really feeling, the one thing you told me that you feared the most! You remember that, right?"  

"But all of that was just me acting on my emotions," I argued softly, my eyes finding his again. "I couldn't even tell you how I felt at school; why would any of what I've done count, now?" 

"Because it was you!" he laughed, gesturing to the stage, and to the audience. "Everything we went through, we went through together! Look at yourself! You were up and ready to fight a bunch of pirates without hesitation, yesterday!" 

...Okay, that earned a chuckle. 
A small one. 

"And even tonight!" Artie continued to ramble. "You had a whole kingdom handed to you, you were literally given the chance to be an actual queen, but you were so kind that you gave it up and chose your home and the people you love instead! Do you not see yourself, right now?"

The blond cupped my head in his hands. 

To say I was beaming would be a major understatement. 

"I don't think I'll ever find any other girl in this entire kingdom that has your sense of nobility, and bravery, and negative attitude, and you know I can't go without that! I bet Annie would call you a dingus if she were here, huh?!" 

My laughter picked up, and the king soon chimed in with his own. Just the sheer joy of being with him, combined with his kind words, I couldn't help but tear up.

His optimism was so contagious; he saw the good in everything and everyone, the good in me, and he wasn't afraid to make his voice heard, anymore.  

This was a complete 180 from the Artie that I knew in Worcestershire, the one who was so shy and reserved, and never spoke his mind, in fear of being bullied by his own peers. 

I didn't think he would ever stop being so admirable, and it made me fall in love with him all the more. 

I hated that only he could have this effect on me. 

Three speeches from Artie within the span of a single weekend; I had to say I was impressed. 

"Come on, Bri," he finished softly, wiping a few tears that had cascaded down my cheeks.

"You were made for this. Can't knock it 'til you try it, right?" 

"..."

I sighed, holding his wrists.

This entire trip, I'd seen and experienced so much. Hell, I went flying into the sky and landed in a canopy from thirty feet in the air.

And survived. 

Would my best friends really want me to reject this? To give up ruling a kingdom for them? 

To give up true love? 

...
"What are you doing? He's getting away!" 

"Go, you fool! It's my job to jest, not yours!" 

"This could be your last chance before he's gone forever~..." 

Those were my friends' last words to me before I left Worcestershire, and all they did was encourage me, because they knew that Artie was going to be gone, that I'd never see him again. 
They didn't want me to say goodbye then. So why would they, now? 

Why had I never stopped to think about what they would've wanted for me? 

With a grin, I found Artie's eyes once more. 

"..." 
I nodded my head. 

"Yeah?" 

"...Yeah." 

"Yeah?!" 

Another laugh erupted from between the two of us as my arms snaked around his neck, and I buried my head in the crook. He pulled away from the hug just enough to keep my chin between his index finger and his thumb.

I could feel my heartbeat picking up speed again as our foreheads touched. 

...
Fuck it, what did I have to lose? 

My dignity. 

Defeatedly -- and fine, I'll admit it: desperately -- I finally pushed upward and closed the gap between our lips. He tightly locked his arms around my waist and I cupped his cheeks.

If he could pull me any closer to him, I was fairly confident he would have.  

I was sure some deity above was delighting in my anxiety.
They could go fuck themselves; I was on Cloud Nine. 

The kiss was long, and deep, full of life and passion, and admittedly almost a fear on my half that if I parted, he'd disappear again, and I wouldn't be able to say goodbye. At the same time, it was sweet, and simple, and loving, something that could easily be read by onlookers as just two high school sweethearts in love, and unafraid to show it. 

It ended only upon someone clearing their throat.

I pulled away with a clashing combination of hesitation and haste, looking past the blond to the wing of the stage. 

Queen Lillian stared at us with an unreadable expression.

I couldn't tell if it was of shock or secondhand embarrassment that she'd walked in on something that was embarrassing enough by itself. 

Not the best first impression, Bri. 

Sheepishly, I averted my gaze. The blond chuckled. 

Lillian cleared her throat again, as if trying to regain her composure. 

That made two of us. 

"I...assume this is the young maiden you were speaking of, Arthur." 

---

"I hear that he actually managed to pull it off." 

"No way! You think that's where she must be?" 

"Last we saw her was during the assembly last Friday. That's when he left, is it not?" 

My eyes were already welling up as I tried to keep my footsteps quiet, which was hard to do in heels. Students in the courtyard were in absolute awe as I walked past, the red gown I wore being a fast way for me to stick out like a sore thumb.

It had been a week since I'd become antiquated with the kingdom staff, since Far Far Away became my new home. 

Just as he promised, Artie and I made our way back to Worcestershire to visit.
Walking arm-in-arm past the students who once judged us to our faces was an experience in and of itself. There was a sense of satisfaction the two of us shared, a newfound respect echoing from the school to us. 
To Artie. 

He made it. 

I beamed when I saw three familiar faces together in a spot on the grass, speaking lowly with one another. 

"You think that she'll be able to--" 

One of the girls gasped. 
The other turned around. 

There I stood, my king protectively behind me as I stared into the blue eyes of someone I thought I'd never see again. 

The blonde slowly stood from where she sat cross-legged.

With tears welling, we made a beeline for one another, before sobbing into each other's arms.
Enid and Daggy followed hastily, turning the embrace into a group hug. 

"You did it." my best friend whispered into my ear. I nodded, my grip around her upper torso tightening. 

"We did it." I confirmed with a shaky breath, ignoring the onlookers who gawked and glared. 

They could eat it. 

I parted halfway to face Annie, cupping her cheeks with a sad smile. 

"You don't have to worry," I reassured her jokingly, trying to ease the heartache. "I haven't been crowned just yet; that's gonna take some time." 

She and Enid laughed aloud. 

"Best guess is the spot's reserved, though." Daggy chimed in; with a beam and a nod, I threw my arms around his torso, burying my head in his chest with a giggle. Chuckling, he returned the hug tightly for a moment, before we parted. 

"And you said it was just an infatuation!" Enid taunted, looking between Artie and me with a teasing smirk. 

My cheeks could've given my dress a run for its money.

Artie's gloved hand snaked around my waist from behind. 

"What about an infatuation?" 

"Forgive me, my liege," Dag joked. "Seems your princess here was denying some serious allegations." 

"Oh really? What of?" 

"Something about being infatuated with you last week," Enid piped back up. "We tried to convince her to tell the truth, but I guess she just enjoys ye olde thug life!" 

"Huh..." 
I wanted to crawl beneath the ground at the taunting look on Artie's face, as he quirked a smirk. 

"I'm sure you're aware that this is a punishable offense." 

"You guys can stop at any point, you know." I pointed out, much to the amusement of the trio. The blond grinned into my shoulder. 

"Maybe," he agreed, pressing a kiss to my jawline. "But I kinda like seeing that pretty little blush." 

"..." 
I playfully shoved his head away; the few of us shared a laugh. 

"Anyways--" I dismissed, clearing my throat. "--we're not just here to catch up." 

I gave the king a knowing look. He simpered, turning his gaze to the group. 

"A few trade-n-sellers are gonna be on their way, this weekend," he explained. "Wanted to invite you to the kingdom, for when we set them sailing..." 

The few of them looked between each other, absolutely befuddled.

I hid my smile behind my hand. 

Artie grinned as he added: 

"We also talked about it, and agreed that...Far Far Away has a pretty big castle--" 

"Shut up--" Dagonet interjected. 

"--and we are kind of short on staff." 

"Are you serious?!" 

"You're joking. You've gotta be joking!" 

I gave them an excited smile. 

"Not many jesters and poets in the group," I chimed in. "We've also definitely been missing a member in Far Far Away's Royal Association of Witches and Wizards International -- you know, since Merlin left and decided to go off and find his spiritual purpose and all." 

"I swear to god if this is a prank, mates." Daggy threatened, though his emotion was easily betrayed by the giddy grin on his face. 

"We've got enough room for you guys," Artie added tauntingly. "Come on, whaddya say?" 

Annie looked to me. 

"My family is in the castle waiting to meet you, you know." I argued, in the hopes that this would be the persuasion she needed.

"Plus, we'll finally get to go over that spellbook you got for Christmas." 

"..."

Checkmate. 

Beaming, she pulled me back into a (deathly tight) hug. 

"I was right to give you the Disease!" 

I laughed aloud as I returned the embrace. 

"We'll wait for you after school so you can get your parents." 

The bell rang; free hour was over. 

Daggy and Annie smiled as they parted from us; Enid punched me lightly in the shoulder, giving Artie a wink. 

"I knew I picked the right person to be in Club Worm with." she quietly joked. 

God, I wanted to cry. I was so lucky to have friends like these. 

As everyone passed down the corridors -- some glaring, and others whispering -- Artie took me by the chin, visibly puzzled as he turned my gaze to his. 

"What's the Disease?" he inquired. 

I smirked, pecked his lips, and gently love-tapped his cheek as I passed. 

"You are, Dum-Dum." 

---

Our families and friends had gathered at the harbor to celebrate the day. It was a minor thing, but in a kingdom like this, where so much conflict had occurred on an almost regular basis, we couldn't help but celebrate any ounce of happiness. 

Artie and I took an oath that this would be the start of a bright era for Far Far Away; no more villains, no more destruction. Just people who could live out their dreams, who could follow their paths and be themselves. 

People who would get the chances that we never got, growing up. 

Having Annie, Daggy and Enid in the castle only made things so much livelier; their presence was something I could never live without, whether it was Enid's weekly reports on the events she found interesting, Daggy's obsession with wanting to break his juggling record, or Annie teaching me about different spells and potions, there was never a dull day in the kingdom, since Artie took the crown.

Had it not been for their final push, I never would've agreed to take this trip with him, and I never would've gotten the chance to see him when he was allowed to be himself, to see just how much more I could love him.  

He'd come so far from where he began. No one believed in him at Worcestershire, no one saw him as having the potential to be anything in life, and he was strong enough to prove them wrong, to prove that he wasn't just some hopeless loser.
To prove that he was better than all of them combined. 

I knew I wasn't the only one proud of him, but I'm sure I was certainly the proudest. 

I ignored the heat creeping up my cheeks as he took my hand and walked me down the dock. Upon reaching the edge, we set our eyes on a beautiful ship and an open, shimmering sea. 

"So about shipping costs?" he quoted. "Was wondering how many of these bad boys we'll have the chance to send off." 

I hummed, reaching my free hand up to adjust his crown. 

"Maybe, that can wait until later...chief."

The blond chuckled, pulling me close to his side as we looked to the people behind us, who applauded in anticipation; I rested my head on his shoulder, squeezing his hand in response to the soft kiss that he placed atop my head. 

The soft velvet of his red leotard -- mixed with the silk of the crimson, gold-lined cape that blanketed his shoulders and buckled into his belt -- made for a much comfier headrest than that dusty school uniform.

I knew from the gleeful expression on Annie's face and the hopeful look in Artie's eyes, that this would be the start of our Happily Ever After. 

And it began with a boat and a bottle.