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If there’s one ability Ray Molina has developed in the past two years— besides an exceptional tolerance for just rolling with the punches— it’s the ability to sense when there’s ghosts around. Even when the boys chose to be invisible, which is an incredibly annoying talent for your three teenage sons to have, Ray always knows when one of them is hanging around.
He can usually pinpoint exactly which one it is, too, and the boys sometimes turn it into a game to see if they can trick him into guessing wrong. The only time he’s ever failed was when Alex drew a mustache on Carlos’s face and Ray thought it was Luke. Alex hadn’t even been trying to trick him then; he just thought it would be funny to prank Carlos.
Regardless, the spirit hovering in Ray’s office right now isn’t playing any games. They’re nervous, if the way their energy moves around the room is any indication. They’re pacing, and normally that would lead Ray to guess Alex, but in the past few minutes the framed photos on the walls have straightened themselves out and his reading glasses have appeared on his desk right when he needed them.
Finally, Ray asks,“What’s up, Reggie?”
The energy stops moving. Ray blinks and suddenly there’s an eighteen-year-old boy standing in front of him.
“How’d you know it was me?” Reggie asks, fiddling with the sleeves of his flannel.
Ray holds up his glasses in answer. “What’s got you all worked up?” he asks.
Reggie chews on his lip for a moment before answering, “I wanted to ask you something.”
“Okay,” Ray says easily. “You can ask me anything, you know that.”
“I know,” Reggie nods. “I know, it’s just—” He cuts himself off with a sharp inhale. “I know how this is going to sound, but it’s not— I’m not— I don’t want to be a girl again.”
Ray blinks in surprise. “Okay?”
Reggie doesn’t seem to hear him. “I mean, I wasn’t ever a girl. But I don’t, like— just because I’m asking this it doesn’t mean I want to stop being a boy. I’m still a boy, I just, um— Can we go shopping?”
Ray is lost. “What does that have to do with being a boy?” he asks. “You know boys are allowed to go shopping, right?”
“For skirts,” Reggie blurts out. “Can we go shopping for skirts?” He pauses, then adds, “Please.”
Ah, now Ray gets it. “Of course we can, mijo,” he says. “You didn’t have to preface it with all that. I’ll buy you whatever kind of clothes you want.”
Reggie nods a few times, but nonetheless he continues, “It’s just that— I never really hated wearing feminine stuff? Like I know I wear makeup and nail polish and stuff but I’ve always wanted to be feminine in the way a man is feminine and now that I pass I want to try skirts again but none of Julie or Flynn or Willie’s fit me and Carrie would be too judgemental if I asked her and Kayla—”
“Reggie,” Ray chuckles. “You don’t have to explain yourself. You had me at ‘I want to ask you something.’”
Reggie huffs out a relieved breath and gives Ray a sheepish smile, his cheeks tinged pink. “Thanks, Dad.”
“Of course, mijo.” Ray pulls him into a hug. “Just let me find my keys and we can head to the mall.”
“They’re right here,” Reggie mumbles into Ray’s chest. He reaches into his pocket and holds them up for Ray to see. “Figured I’d save us the time of you trying to find them.”
Ray takes the keys and drops a kiss on Reggie’s head. “This is why you’re my favorite. Don’t tell the others.”
“They know.”
Ray sighs. “I know.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Reggie doesn’t say a whole lot on the drive to the mall. Well, technically, he talks a lot because he spends the whole time nervously rambling, but none of it is anything of substance. It’s just winding, disconnected thoughts about how he saw a opossum on his date with Nick and what he’ll have for lunch tomorrow and what he’d name his opossum if he ever got one as a pet. (Ray decides he better keep an eye out for Reggie trying to smuggle opossums named Jolene into his house.)
“Is there any store you have in mind?” Ray asks once they’re inside the mall.
“There’s this store Julie gets a lot of her skirts from.”
“I know the one,” Ray nods. “Half my money goes to them.”
Reggie giggles and lets Ray lead the way to the store. When they get there, Reggie immediately gravitates towards the skirts, eyeing a red plaid one in particular. When he reaches for it, though, his hand falters.
“Maybe—” Reggie glances around at the few other shoppers in the store and bites his lip. “Maybe this was a mistake.”
Ray puts a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I know it’s scary, Reg, but if it’s going to make you happy I think it’s at least worth a try.”
Reggie doesn’t answer, still chewing his lip as he eyes the skirt.
“Would it help if I tried one on too?” Ray asks.
Reggie startles, his eyes snapping up to look at Ray. “You would do that?”
“Of course,” Ray chuckles. “I rocked a dress or two back in Julie and Carrie’s princess tea party days.”
Reggie doesn’t look like he believes it. “You did?”
“All part of being a dad, kiddo,” Ray says. “Which one should I try?”
Reggie stares at him for another second like he’s expecting Ray to say psych, then turns to the rack of skirts. He scans it for a moment, then picks one out.
“This one,” he says, holding up a knee-length black skirt.
“I love it,” Ray grins. He takes the hanger from Reggie and checks to make sure it’s his size. “Grab yours, let’s go find a dressing room.”
Reggie bites his lip. “I don’t know what size I am.”
Ray makes his best guess and holds it up to Reggie’s hips. “Try getting this, a size above, and a size below. Then you can have options if one doesn’t fit.”
Reggie nods and selects the skirts from the racks. He hesitates for another moment, then scurries off towards the fitting rooms. Ray chuckles and follows him, stepping into the stall next to Reggie’s.
Ray hesitates for a moment as he hangs the skirt on the peg. It’s been a long time since he wore women’s clothes— if you can count tea party dresses and the hoodies Rose bought oversized so both of them could wear them as women’s clothes. Plus that one time he and Rose went as Sonny and Cher for Halloween but he was Cher and Rose was Sonny. Anyways, he remembers feeling sort of… odd, whenever he wore them. Not odd in a bad way, just… like he was getting away with something he shouldn’t have.
The sound of Reggie zipping taking a skirt off the hanger in the next stall startles Ray out of his thoughts. It doesn’t matter how he feels about it; he’s here to support his son. He slips out of his jeans and pulls the skirt on. He has to squish and tug a little bit to get the zipper closed, but he manages it, and he tucks his t-shirt into the waist.
He takes a look at himself in the mirror, and there’s that feeling again. Like he’s getting away with something. It’s kind of exhilarating.
“Dad?” Reggie calls.
“Are you okay, mijo?” Ray calls back.
“Yeah, I— I think I’m ready to come out."
“Should we both come out on three?” Ray asks.
Reggie hesitates. “Okay.”
“Alright,” Ray chuckles. “One, two, three.”
He steps out of the dressing room and Reggie follows a second later, bashfully tugging at the hem of his skirt.
“Oh, mijo, you look amazing!” Ray says. He genuinely means it. The skirt perfectly compliments Reggie’s punk aesthetic.
“Thanks Dad.” Reggie gives him a genuine smile, his cheeks tinged pink. “So do you.”
Ray laughs, looking down at his own skirt. “Yeah, I guess I do.” He looks back up at Reggie. “What do you say? Think we should buy them?”
Reggie bites his lip and nods.
“Why don’t you go take it off,” Ray suggests, “and then we can see if there are any others you like.”
They end up going home with at least six new skirts and a dress for Reggie, and the one black skirt for Ray.
Reggie changes into his as soon as he gets home and bounces around to show all his friends, but something stops Ray from putting his on, even as he sees how excited the kids are for Reggie to be trying something new. He considers it, but there’s some sort of mental block around it, like it’s acceptable for Reggie, who is young and hip and genderqueer, but it won’t be for Ray, who’s old and lame and has never given much thought to gender despite all the openly genderqueer people in his life.
He’s not quite ready to face the kind of questions it might bring from the kids, either, so he calls the only person he knows above eighteen who’s equipped to handle this kind of conversation: Trevor.
Trevor picks up on the first ring. “Hey, love.”
Ray doesn’t bother beating around the bush. “What does it mean if I really like wearing skirts?”
Trevor lets out a long groan. Maybe she’s not as equipped as Ray thought. “Did the kids get into your head too?”
“Maybe,” Ray admits. “I don’t know. It was Reggie’s idea to go skirt shopping but it was my idea to try one on.”
“And you liked it?” Trevor asks.
“And I liked it,” Ray confirms. “Does that mean I’m trans?”
“Do you think you’re trans?”
“No?” Ray says. “I don’t think so. I don’t think I’m a woman, at least. I don’t know. That’s what I’m calling you for.”
“Look,” Trevor sighs, “No one can tell you what you are but you, and I’m definitely not the person to be asking. I barely figured my own shit out. Willie basically had to translate my own thoughts for me.”
“Who should I ask then?” Ray asks.
There’s a moment of silence on Trevor’s end. “...Willie?”
“I don’t want to ask any of the kids,” Ray sighs. “I know they’re all trans, but having a trans parent, it’s… it’s a big adjustment. I don’t want to tell them anything until I’m sure.”
Of course, the universe can’t let him have that, because as soon as the words leave Ray’s mouth, someone sneezes behind him. Ray whips around to find Reggie hiding behind the doorway of his bedroom, frozen in mortification.
“Sorry,” Reggie squeaks. “I just wanted to say thank you again for the clothes, and I… I kinda overheard.”
Ray sighs and speaks into the phone. “Trev, I’m gonna have to call you back.”
“Which idiot is interrupting this time?”
“Reggie,” Ray says, and Reggie gives a little wave. “He says hi.”
“Tell him I say hi back. Love you.”
“Love you too.” Ray hangs up and sits down on the bed, motioning for Reggie to join him. Reggie slinks over and sits next to him.
“So,” Ray says. “How much of that did you hear?”
Reggie rubs the back of his neck with an awkward chuckle. “I came in around the part where you said you didn’t think you were a woman? And not to, like, overstep or anything— you can totally tell me if this is out of line— but I feel like I should tell you that you don’t have to be trans to like wearing women’s clothes. I mean, if you are, that’s totally cool and we’ll absolutely support you, but you can just, like. Be a man that wears skirts. Like me.”
Ray blinks at Reggie, trying to absorb that flood of information. “That’s… what?”
Reggie takes a deep breath and stands up. “Okay. Let’s try this instead. Tell me how this feels: That’s my mom Ray, she’s the best.”
Ray cringes and shakes his head. “Not great. But what—”
“What about this?” Reggie asks. “That’s my parent Ray, they have a sweet ribs recipe.”
Ray considers it for a moment, then shrugs. “It’s not awful, but not really me?”
Reggie nods. “That’s my dad Ray, he looks awesome in a skirt.”
“That one feels right,” Ray says. “I think I’m a man. I’ve never felt like anything but a man.”
“Seems to me like that’s a pretty good sign you’re a man, then,” Reggie says, as if it’s really that simple.
“But isn’t it, I don’t know…” Ray searches for the right word. “Appropriation, or something? To wear a dress if I’m not queer?”
“First of all, you’re bisexual, so you are queer,” Reggie says, “but second of all, even if you weren’t, it’s not appropriation. I would love it if more cishet men wore dresses! Then it’d be easier for trans guys like me to wear them without getting misgendered.”
“I guess you have a point,” Ray admits.
“It’s like you told me earlier,” Reggie says. “If it’s going to make you happy, it’s at least worth a try.”
Well, it’s hard to argue with his own advice. Ray stands up and crosses to the closet where he stashed the skirt and pulls it out of the bag. One of Rose’s old sweaters on a hanger catches his attention, something Julie hadn’t managed to find yet, and hesitates for a moment before snatching that up too.
“I’m going to change,” he tells Reggie, and the boy poofs out of the room. Ray closes the door and slips the skirt on first before removing his jeans from under it. He holds up Rose’s sweater— it was handmade by her abuela as a wedding gift, and it’s held up well despite all the years of regular use. It’s soft and purple and it was a little bit oversized on Rose, so he thinks it’ll fit him. He pulls it on over his t-shirt, smiling when he sees himself in the mirror.
“Well,” he whispers to Rose, wherever she may be, “you did always love it when I wore your clothes.”
Ray wanders out of his room to find Reggie, locating him in the living room with all the other kids, including Flynn and Willie. Reggie bounces over to him immediately with a big grin on his face.
“You look awesome, Dad!” he cheers, throwing his arms around Ray.
There’s a moment of stunned silence from the rest of the kids before Julie breaks it. “Yeah, you really do.” She hesitates, then cautiously adds, “Is Dad still okay?”
“Yep,” Ray says, trying to keep his voice casual despite the way his heart is pounding in his chest. “He/him, too. I just thought I would play around with my look a little bit.”
“Well, you look great,” Carlos says, and the rest of the kids nod in agreement. “Is that Mom’s sweater?”
“It is,” Ray says, a soft smile gracing his face at their easy acceptance.
Flynn gasps and grabs Julie’s arm. “Jules, remember that dress you got from your mom that’s too big? I bet it would look great on Ray.”
“The blue sparkly one?” Willie chimes in. “He’d rock that.”
“Let me go get it for you,” Julie says, already on her feet. “And some other stuff. We can have a little fashion show.”
Ray laughs and wraps her in a hug. “Thank you, mija.”
“Of course, Dad,” Julie shrugs. “I’m proud of you.”
Ray’s said the very same thing in response to his kids coming out to him countless times, but this is the first time he’s really gotten a taste of how it feels to be on the receiving end. It’s honestly one of the best feelings in the world.
He gives Reggie a smile over Julie’s head. They both have something to be very proud of today, and Ray can’t wait to see what it unlocks for both of them.