Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"No better time for a fresh start."

"I agree."

Finally. After so many moons, the Ashen Demon was joining the Kingdom Army's ranks. King Dimitri has been hoping for nearly two years for this chance, counting himself lucky that she had readily agreed with the Blade Breaker. It was the practical choice after all.

But Dimitri couldn't help but notice how the Demon-how Byleth- avoided his gaze whenever possible. To the surprise of her father, she got along quite well with his allies. But her demeanor would change when she saw him. Her eyes betrayed little emotion, but his trained eye from another lifetime could see the sadness she held. Byleth did not refer to him by name in any conversation off the battlefield, no matter who she spoke to. That wasn't strange in itself, but she was nearly as casual as Shez referring to anyone else. The battlefield was a different story. After seeing Byleth train in sword and magic, Shez assigned her as Dimitri's adjutant for a few battles. Their reasoning was simple. Her proficiencies balanced his, swords effective against the axes lances struggled against, and her magic helped covered his weakness against it. But many times, she acted like his tactician, and he followed her commands as if it were an old habit. Her tactics were always effective, always one step ahead of their opponents, always making sure he was safe to live another day. Just like he remembered.

Only once did her facade slip. Shez lost control of themselves and attacked Byleth, nearly killing her. Holding true to the promise he had made to his friend, Dimitri defeated Shez, sparing both lives as they came to their senses.

"Thank you." Relief washed over her features, despite her blunt voice. "I was under attack before I knew what was happening."

"I'm just glad you're alright. And..." The king spoke more to himself. "That no one had to die."

"I don't plan on dying any time soon." Her voice lost its signature bluntness, turning warm in her weariness. "So keep yourself alive out there, Dimitri."

A brief flash of shock silenced the king, hearing his name coming from her, but the battle around him brought him back to his senses. Jeralt quickly rode to his daughter, escorting her off the battlefield.

"Thanks, kid." He said with a nod before taking off.

The two did not meet again until after Epimenides was erased from Shez. When he saw her, she was back to her old facade, the warmth she had shown on the battlefield gone. Despite his attempts to connect, she always found a way to disappear.

The moons ahead did not afford the luxury to remedy this. Their next destination was Garreg Mach. All focus must remain on retaking it. After a fierce battle, Thales was struck down, marking a turning point in the war that raged across Fódlan. Despite having much to do, the army had a moment of respite. The alumni from the class cut short nearly three years ago took the night to return to their old dorms, reliving old memories of their academy days.

Dimitri found Shez's room and knocked, hoping to have a moment alone with one of his closest friends.

"Come on in!" Their cheerful voice called from inside.

"Pardon the intrusion." The king spoke as he entered.

"Hey Dimitri!" Shez welcomed him with a big smile. "Check it out, everything's just how I left it!" They spread their arms wide. "I mean, not that I had much in the first place, but I found my old notes from class and stuff. Kinda miss those days."

"It would have been nice to finish our year at the academy..." Dimitri mused.

"Oh well," Shez shrugged, unbothered. "Anyway, what's going on?" They sat on their bed, gesturing for Dimitri to sit at the desk.

"I've been meaning to ask for a while," He carefully took a seat, prepared for a long chat. "What are your impressions of the Ashen Demon now that she's among our ranks?"

"She's actually really cool." Shez kept their genuine smile. "Byleth's a great coach, super patient and willing to share everything she knows. She's gotten along with everyone really quickly. Recruiting her was a really good idea." They paused, moving closer to the desk. "What do you think about her?"

"I agree, but to be honest," he sighed. "Even though she gets along with everyone, I can't shake the feeling she's been avoiding me."

"Ya know, normally I'd say you're thinking too much, but I've noticed that too." Shez replied, frowning. "She gets kinda sad when you're brought up, and I've told her a million times that you prefer being called by your name, but she won't do it." They tilted their head. "You guys got some history or something?"

"In a manner of speaking..." His eyes fell. "I haven't spoken of this to anyone, but I actually first met her about two years ago."

"Wait, seriously?!"

Dimitri nodded. "It was only very briefly during a battle, but..." His head fell into his hand. "Goddess, you'll think I've gone more insane than I already have."

"Hey, none of that." Shez said firmly as they put a hand on their employer's shoulder. "You've dealt with me having weird powers, a voice in my head, and...everything else the last couple of years had to offer, and you never called me insane. Why would I think you are?"

"I suppose you're right," Dimitri gave a small smile before taking a breath to steady himself. "When I saw her for the first time, she was so... familiar. I asked her if we have met before, and she said perhaps in another life, but not this one. My mind was filled with these images from...another life I think. Events that could not have rationally happened, but they feel so...real. I've had dreams about this... second life, and she's always there, she was important to me, I know it, even if I don't remember much." He ran a hand through his hair, trying to think clearly. "When we met on the battlefield, she told me to live for what I believe in. She told me that exact phrase in the memory I see most clearly." His voice grew quiet, talking to himself more than his friend. "We were standing in the rain. I was in the depths of despair, trying to push her away, but even still, she took my hand and consoled me. My mind is not capable of creating such sweet images, so why?..."

Shez was quiet for a moment, thinking. "Shit, no wonder you've been so upset about this." The former mercenary was genuinely taking this seriously, to Dimitri's surprise. "It sounds like you two were close, so why would she go so far out of her way to avoid you? Think she remembers stuff too?"

"Most likely more than I do, but I can never hold a conversation with her." Dimitri sighed again. "And this isn't something I'd like to have overheard even if I could."

"I don't blame you." Shez thought for a moment. "Well, I'm still in charge of the schedule, right? What would you say to an expedition with her?"

"That's...a great idea actually." Dimitri perked up.

"Heh, I've been known to have those sometimes." Shez lightly punched his arm. "I'll put it on the schedule for tomorrow morning. Hope it works."

"Thank you." The king gave Shez a smile. "I'm grateful to have friends like you looking out for me."

"Eh, least I could do." Shez shrugged. "Just tell me all about it afterwards and we'll call it even."

Chapter Text

In a word, Byleth was distracted. Between the familiar environment she had never seen in this life, being on horseback beside the King of Faerghus, and the goddess growing impatient in her head, there was much for the mercenary to pay attention to. But she must still live up to her reputation as the Ashen Demon. She would keep the wall of indifference up to protect the king, even as he tried to breech it. He kept asking her about herself, and each time she'd answer shortly to give little away.

"Ugh, I do not understand why you are being so stubborn." Sothis sighed with annoyance. "What is the point in denying his requests to learn about you? It is obvious he knows something."

"You wouldn't understand, you weren't there." Byleth silently replied, irritated with the goddess. "If I get involved, it could lead to his downfall-"

"A downfall you helped him rise from into a better man than he is now!" Sothis cut her vessel off. "Not to mention the turmoil you are placing yourself under. This behavior is not necessary, you know this to be true."

"I can't risk it." The vessel's mind went quiet. "He doesn't need to go through that again."

"Shall we rest here?"

Dimitri's voice snapped Byleth's attention to reality, allowing her to take on her surroundings. She had faint memories of this place from her other life, bringing students here for training and merriment. Days spent with those she cared for. Days spent with him.

"Sure." Byleth nodded, trying to brush away false nostalgia.

The king dismounted his horse first, stepping to his companion's horse to assist her. Either ignoring his offer or being unaware of it, Byleth dismounted on her own on the opposite side before settling down to sit in the shade of a tree. An awkward silence hung over them. Dimitri followed suit, sitting close enough to her to partake in the shade, but allowing her as much space as possible like he would a frightened animal.

"Byleth," He broke the silence, fighting the nerves evident in his voice. "I've been wanting to ask you for a while now. Do you recall our first meeting two years ago?"

"Yes..." Byleth nodded slowly while her mind raced to find a way to avoid his questions.

"This is infuriating!" Sothis was nearly screaming, unheard outside her vessel's mind. "Is it truly so difficult to speak to the boy?"

Dimitri frowned, disappointed but not surprised at her short answer. "You said we had not met in this life, but perhaps in another."

"And you wonder why he has been seeking you out so insistently..." Sothis's snarky commentary added.

"Do I take it to mean we have met before?" Unaware of the divine commentary, the king pressed.

"It's not important, Your Majesty." Byleth turned away, avoiding eye contact.

"I disagree." Dimitri spoke more firmly. "We are allies now, are we not? I wish to bridge this gap between us, or at least understand it. This is incredibly important."

Byleth was silent for what felt like an eternity. Whispers surrounded Dimitri, reminding him of his failure to protect what he cared for, and how he would continue to do so as a cursed, broken man.

"I suppose I shall have to do this myself."

The voice came from Byleth, but it wasn't her. It was all at once childish and ancient, lacking the blank tone she was known for. Her hair and eyes held an ethereal glow as she stretched her arms, as if moving for the first time after a long nap.

"You must accept my apologies for startling you," Not-Byleth didn't sound apologetic in the slightest. "But this vessel is being incredibly stubborn, so I am forced to take matters into my own hands."

"Vessel?" This was not the first time a mercenary in his ranks had been overtaken by a spirit. "Who are you and what have you done with Byleth?!"

"Calm yourself, Tempest King, your Byleth is fine." She rested a hand over her heart to emphasize. "As for my identity...I am known by many names. I am often called The Beginning. You, wielder of The Vigorous, may call me Sothis." A smile that did not suit Byleth came to her face, proud and arrogant.

"Sothis?" He replied warily. "As in The Goddess?"

"Yes, you are quick to understand!" She was clearly pleased. "Very good, little one. Your wit makes my task more simple." Sothis tilted her head slightly, appraising the king. Slowly, she reached a hand towards his face. "I must say, now that I can personally observe you, I understand why she is so-"

Byleth stopped short, a hair's width away from touching him. Her other hand grabbed her wrist, restraining herself as she trembled.

"Don't you dare." That was Byleth's quiet voice, dripping with venom.

"You must be joking, vessel." Sothis rolled her eyes, irritated at her loss of control. "You refuse to speak to the boy, yet you lay claim to him now?" She paused, listening to a silent reply. "Fine, but you much uphold this promise. You know the consequence if you do not."

"What did she say?" Dimitri demanded of the goddess.

"Your Byleth has promised to grant you the knowledge you seek to the best of her ability." Sothis smiled, before letting out a childish giggle. "She has finally seen reason. But before I withdraw, I have a request and a warning for you."

"What would you ask of me?" He was wary still, complying to stay on her good side.

"This promise forces your Byleth to speak of things she has dealt with alone in many lifetimes." Sothis rested a hand over her heart, as if to comfort Byleth. "This simple task is needlessly difficult for her. I request that you have patience with her."

"Of course." Dimitri nodded, serious as ever. "I understand that feeling all too well."

"Of course you do." She sounded sympathetic, genuinely concerned. "As for your warning..." The glow about her grew intense, threatening as she narrowed her eyes. "Do not break her trust. I will use force to rectify the mistake, regardless of my vessel's wishes if you do."

"Understood." He knew better than to trust a goddess, but breaking Byleth's trust was the last thing he wanted to do regardless.

Sothis smiled before yawning, not bothering to stifle it. "Then I shall return to my slumber and leave you two to it. Vessel, do not disappoint me."

Byleth's body went slack for a moment as she returned to herself, the ethereal glow fading from her body.

"Dammit Sothis." She whispered, clutching her chest.

"Are you alright?" Dimitri reached forward, stopping short of touching her.

"I'm fine." Byleth shook her head, before turning to the king to make eye contact. "What do you want to know?"

He searched her face, finding no traces of pain. "Was that truly the Goddess?"

Byleth shrugged. "As far as we can tell, yes."

"How did that come to be?"

"I'm not exactly sure to be honest, but I think Lady Rhea has something to do with it." Her gaze lowered, thinking. "I won't ask you to keep secrets from your friends. I trust your judgement there. But..." Her eyes came back up to look at him. "Please don't mention Sothis to Rhea."

"Understood." Dimitri nodded. "Your secret is safe with me as long as you wish to keep it. I was warned to not break your trust, not that I'd wish to do so regardless."

The ghost of a nostalgic, sad smile flashed across Byleth's face, one Dimitri might have missed had he not been watching closely.

"There's more you want to know, before Sothis spoke to you." Byleth's face went blank once again, her voice blunt. "I promised her I'd tell you. What do you want to know?"

Dimitri took a breath, made nervous by her demeanor and the words he needed to say. "I have memories of you from what I can only see as another life. One in which we were very close." He sighed, pausing a moment. "Based on your words when we first met, I believe you remember this second life as well. Do you know what these memories are? And...if we were so close in that life, why do you distance yourself from me in this one?"

Byleth didn't speak for a moment, before taking a deep breath to prepare herself. "Sothis calls it another branch of time. To her, time isn't linear." She frowned, venom sneaking into her voice. "I think she has an idea of why we remember, but she won't tell me." She sighed, releasing her frustration with the Goddess. "For your second question. You don't remember everything. I'm trying to protect you."

"Protect me?" Dimitri frowned, confusion evident in his tone. "I remember you doing so kindly, guiding and comforting me when I did not deserve it. The memories are hazy, but that much I am sure of. You...mattered a great deal to me. Did you not feel the same? Is that what I'm failing to remember?"

"What do you remember?" Her question was quick, cutting him off before he could fall further to despair.

"We spent a great deal of time here at the monastery," He began, resting a hand on his chin as he retraced what he could remember. "I believe you were a professor at the academy. I know a few years passed, but you stayed at our side during a war, leading us to victory time and time again. You helped me more than I can say. You told me to live for what I believe in, both in that life and this one." His voice trailed off, reaching the end of his memories. "I've wanted to connect with you in this life, but you've kept a gap between us. Why?"

"Because you don't remember everything." She repeated herself, sighing. "About three years ago I started remembering you. We were close. You matter a great deal to me." Her voice cracked slightly, emotion finally coming to her voice. "At first I wanted to find you, but I couldn't just walk up to the monastery as if I belonged there. I convinced Jeralt to let me take a few jobs in the kingdom. I figured that eventually you'd end up there, whether it was for a mission or graduation." Byleth shook her head, fighting back tears. "I was in Fhirdiad when you took the throne. I saw...what you had to do. And I realized you don't need me. You're better off without me in your life." Her shoulders shook, a sob cutting through. "In my memories, your uncle was murdered. You were framed and meant to be executed. You only survived because Dedue sacrificed himself to save you. But to the rest of the world, you died that day. We were both dead to the world for years. It changed you for the worse." She couldn't see his face anymore, her vision clouded with the tears she couldn't hold back any longer. "I recently learned where this branch of time split. You met Shez instead of me. They're the only one I don't remember. If meeting me led to that..."

Dimitri was stunned. "I thought I had misunderstood how close we were, or that I had done something to offend you that I failed to remember, but this..." He hesitated for a moment before grabbing her shoulders, caught between merely reaching out to comfort her and embracing her. "I can't bear to see you pain yourself for my sake. Not the one who guided me so kindly."

"Dimitri," She lowered her head, unable to fight back against her despair. His name sounded less like she was speaking to the king and more like a desperate prayer. "I'm not the professor you remember. You have your friends beside you. You're the king Faerghus needs. Live for what you believe in, and forget me. I can't risk your happiness. I'm not worth it."

"My happiness?" His gaze wandered, lost in thought. "I don't even know what happiness would look like for me outside our second life."

"What?" Byleth's head shot back up, shock overriding her sadness.

"If you are not as I remember you, than the same is true for myself." He lowered his hands from her shoulders, briefly brushing her arms before releasing his touch entirely. "My allies help keep me in check, that much is true, but... I must be the king Faerghus needs, as you said. Without that duty guiding my actions, I fear the man I would become. You understand that better than I do, it seems. If you saved me in our second life, could we not be allies in this one?"

"Not if it leads to your downfall." Byleth brought back the last of her strength, her mask returning. "If this is where your life led without me, I shouldn't get involved."

"But it pains you, does it not?" Dimitri countered. "I don't want you to be in distress because of me. Not when we could simply connect in this life. You are not to blame for my mistakes in another life. If...if my life is my own, as you once claimed, then the blame rests solely on my shoulders, should I fall."

The Ashen Demon faltered. "You would say that..." She mumbled, looking him in the eye as if for the first time. "You really haven't changed that much, have you?"

Byleth hadn't realized how tightly she held her hand in a fist until she relaxed it. Her palm stung, a tacky feeling bringing her attention to it.

She was bleeding, where her blunt nails had dug into her skin. Not only had she been hurting herself emotionally by keeping her distance, but now physically she had harmed herself unintentionally. She tried to quickly hide it to treat it herself later.

"You're hurt." Concern filled the king's voice. "Let me see."

"It's fine, just a scratch..." Byleth mumbled, even while she opened her palm for him to see. "It's fine."

Dimitri gently took her hand, observing the wound closely. "Then consider this some extra training for me. Shez had me go through training as a Holy Knight recently, but I rarely get a chance to test it."

"Very well." Byleth spoke softly with a nod.

Dimitri covered her wounded hand with both of his own, closing his eyes in concentration. A soft, green glow enveloped their hands, along with the scent of a forest in winter. The magic remained for only a moment, taking with it Byleth's pain.

The king removed one of his hands, inspecting his work. "There, good as new." A soft smile came to his face as he was lost in thought. "As kind and warm as I remember."

May they cling to my own forevermore.

Finally, Byleth's mask broke entirely. "I missed you so much."

With no further preamble, the Ashen Demon embraced the king, nearly knocking the wind out of him. Her body shook, accepting the sadness of the lifetimes she remembered. Apologies mixed with his name escaped her between her gasps for breath, the only words left to say. After a moment, she felt his arms wrap around her, warming her frozen heart and comforting her wounded mind. Byleth almost wished the moment could last forever, but she knew her tears would dry up eventually.

When Byleth finally loosened her grip, Dimitri released his arms so she could back away. Her eyes were red, but her emotionless facade was gone, replaced with raw emotion. Her sadness lingered, but rather than fighting it, she appeared to accept it.

"Thank you." Her voice was quiet. "Sorry you had to deal with that."

"Please do not apologize." Dimitri shook his head as he brushed away a stray tear from her cheek. "You have done the same for me."

She nearly leaned into his touch, but stopped herself. "Things can't be the way they were, you know." Byleth paused, searching for the right words. "It would be like patching up a tear with a different material. That being said...We could start over. If you really think my involvement in your story won't ruin you."

"I refuse to believe you would ruin me." Dimitri was stern, but not unkind. "But I welcome the chance to know you in this life. Thank you."

"You should be thanking Sothis." Byleth shook her head. "If she hadn't intervened, I'm not sure what I would have done."

From there, conversation flowed freely. They spoke of their past, both the one they shared and the one they did not. They spoke of the present, their thoughts on their allies and the last remnants of the war. They spoke of the future, what they hoped to achieve. Hours passed as they spoke. It was only when Byleth noticed the sun was close to setting that they mounted their horses once again and returned to the monastery.

"Sothis, if you're awake," Byleth silently called to the Goddess. "Sorry for being stubborn. You were right. Thank you."

Chapter Text

"So, Your Majesty," Sylvain began in a teasing tone. "How was your date with the Ashen Demon?"

That single question derailed what was once a strategy meeting coming to a close.

"It wasn't a date." Dimitri folded his arms, attempting to hide his embarrassment. "It was merely an expedition."

"Oh really?" Sylvain chuckled, seeing through his old friend. "Usually when Shez sets those up, you don't stay out all day."

"Hey, cut him some slack." Shez cut in. "Byleth's never been out on one before, and she didn't go to the academy with the rest of us.

"Bullshit." Felix spat, clearly annoyed. "The way you schedule things, it's obvious you've been trying some matchmaking."

"Matchmaking?" Shez laughed. "I just put people that work well together on a job. You've seen how good the two of them are in a fight."

Dimitri shot Shez a grateful glance. That morning, they immediately confronted him about the expedition the day before. After telling them just everything relevant, Shez said they wouldn't tell anyone about it, claiming it was between the king and the demon alone.

"Speak of the Demon and she shall appear..." Felix muttered.

Dimitri turned around to see Byleth approaching the group, a smile coming to his face.

"Hi Byleth!" Shez perked up, waving to her. "How was your trip with Jeralt?"

"It was fine." Byleth nodded casually. "He hasn't been here since before I was born. He had a lot to talk about for once."

"Right, didn't he used to be Captain of The Knights of Seiros?" Sylvain thought aloud.

Byleth nodded. "Dimitri, this is for you."

She held out a small bag, tied loosely with a drawstring. Dimitri took it carefully, as if accepting a sacred gift from the Goddess herself.

"Thank you. You really didn't..." His voice trailed off as he untied the string. The bag opened for everyone to see it was full of wild flowers.

Sylvain facepalmed. "Dammit, he's eating plants again..."

"Seriously, boar?!" Felix shouted, turning his head up to the taller man. "We can barely get you to eat lunch, but you'll eat fucking flowers with the Ashen Demon?!"

An unfamiliar laugh cut the rest of the group off. Byleth was near hysterics, clutching her sides in a way that looked completely out of character. The remaining group's eyes went wide before all but the king shared a glance. No one spoke a word, but they all had the same thought.

She can do that?

"Sorry." Byleth spoke between breaths, her laughter fading. "I wasn't trying to embarrass you, Dimitri." Her smile became slightly apologetic. "While I was with Jeralt, I kept seeing those flowers. They made me think of you and smile, so he suggested I give you some to show you. That's all I was trying to say."

Dimitri's chest filled with a soft warmth, his embarrassment forgotten. "I am honored the thought of me brought a smile to your face," His voice was filled with awe. "And I would gladly embarrass myself a thousand times over if it meant I could hear you laugh again."

"Damn," Sylvain smiled, almost impressed. "Not a bad line, Your Maj-" He grunted in pain at Felix's elbow hitting his side.

"Don't encourage him!" The swordsman scoffed. "Your dumbass probably taught him that."

"Wasn't me, I swear!"

"It wasn't a line!" Dimitri's face went bright red, his voice cracking.

"Hey, Dimitri," Shez spoke calmly, tapping him on the shoulder to distract him. "Those flowers are edible? Can I try one?"

The king turned his head to the commander. "If you want..." His blush had faded, but he remained on edge, expecting them to tease him as well.

Shez quickly grabbed a flower and ate it, taking a moment to analyze the flavor. "That's not bad, actually. I could probably cook something tasty with those. Can I?"

Dimitri raised a brow, not entirely sure of Shez's sincerity. "If Byleth doesn't mind."

Byleth merely shrugged. "They're a gift, do what you want."

"Then it's settled!" Shez grabbed Byleth by the arm, startling everyone else. "Come help me in the kitchen with this. See you guys later!"

Byleth's eyes went wide for a moment before she gave an apologetic glance and weak wave to Dimitri, leaving him alone with his childhood friends to tease him.

"I'm not exactly a great cook, you know," She said quietly to Shez as she was dragged along. "I'm not sure I'll be much help."

"Oh, I don't really need you to help," Shez released Byleth's arm, having made it to the kitchen. "I just wanted to talk you away from the guys. They get a bit rowdy sometimes. Unless you wanna get some flour in that bowl over there."

Byleth looked to where Shez pointed and did as she was told, waiting for the more cheerful merc to start the conversation.

"So Dimitri let me know how things went yesterday." Shez spoke as they selected seasonings for the dish. "I guess he didn't tell me everything," They held up the bag of flowers as evidence. "But he let me know what was going on in your head. Like how I'm not the only one that's had a friend there."

"I see." Byleth's tone remained indifferent.

"So if you ever need to talk about it, I'm here for you too, you know?" Shez added with a smile. "I know you're technically not ever alone, but you're not alone outside your head either."

Byleth paused, taking in the other mercenary's words. "Thank you. The same goes for you as well, you know."

"You're awful nice to someone who tried to kill you before," Shez laughed lightly. "I know you said we're friends now, but I hope I'm not on your 'friend's' bad side either."

"She never had a problem with you, just your 'friend'." Byleth shook her head. "Actually, since the expedition was your idea, you're on her good side for now."

"See, that's what I don't understand." Shez folded their arms, turning the most serious they'd been. "Dimitri was making an obvious effort to get close to you, and apparently even the Goddess herself thought you didn't need to keep your distance. So why do that?"

"She didn't wake up until you and I fought a few moons ago. I had to make that decision on my own." Byleth lowered her eyes, averting her gaze. "Seeing how things turned out without me... I didn't want to risk what could happen if I got involved."

"But you've done nothing but good since you joined the army." Shez countered. "We've had more victories, you get along well with everyone else, and you've even helped us plan better strategies. Heck, in one day you've managed to make Dimitri look actually happy for once. I've been trying to get him to care about his own happiness for the better part of three years! Seriously, what bad thing did you think was gonna happen if you talked to him?"

When Byleth didn't respond right away, Shez almost backpedaled their last question. Instead of speaking, Byleth reached into a pocket in her cloak, retrieving a small journal. She flipped through a few pages before finding the right one and handing the book to Shez without a word.

Shez took the book with great care, like they were given something more delicate than they had any right to observe. "Is this...?"

Byleth nodded at the unspoken question.

The pages were filled with sketches of a disheveled man, surrounded by the cruel words it only seemed reasonable he spoke. While Byleth was no artist, the drawings were made with great care, an obvious result of sleepless nights lost in memories. In some, the man's face was fixed in an angry sneer. In others, he appeared to be yelling. Unkempt hair lay on his face, obscuring his vision if it weren't for...

"What happened to his eye?"

In every one of the sketches, a dark eyepatch covered his right eye, dark bags laying beneath the other, evidence the man did not rest.

"Cornelia, I assume." Byleth's voice was quiet. "By the time I found him, he was already..."

"Shit." Shez whispered, taking one last look at the pictures before closing the journal, handing it back to Byleth. "You think that's gonna happen to him?"

"No." Byleth shook her head. "He has you and the rest of his friends by his side."

Shez frowned with a groan. "I still don't understand. Why not be part of that? It was pretty obvious that you both were upset keeping your distance."

"I didn't want to risk it." Byleth replied. "If he stays safe, I'm fine with sacrificing my potential happiness for that."

"Ugh, you sound just like him." Shez grabbed Byleth's shoulders, shaking her slightly. "Do you really think he'd be okay with that? He always puts everyone else's happiness above his own. If both of you keep doing that, neither of you would be happy! You deserve better than that."

Byleth blinked, caught off guard. "I'm not sure I do. I'm the Ashen Demon after all." She sighed in defeat. "But I don't plan on keeping my distance anymore. Not unless I cause him to fall."

"You won't, I'm sure of it." Shez smiled, back to their cheerful self. "Thank you, by the way. You could have said no to the expedition, you know. This is the happiest I've seen Dimitri since...ever. Its nice to see."

"If anything, I should be thanking you." Once again, Byleth shook her head. "You've kept him safe and stayed by his side. That's more than I was able to do."

"He's one of my best friends, it comes with the territory." They grinned sheepishly. "He trusted me despite my weird powers and reassured me they weren't inherently evil. I'm sure you know already, but he's a good guy. At least better than he gives himself credit for." Shez nodded, bringing the topic to a close. "Let's get started on this before it gets late, yeah? Time to get cooking!"

Shez pointed and led the effort while Byleth took the more monotonous tasks she was assigned, thankful the conversation came to a close. The feeling of having another friend was familiar, but still surprising after the life she'd led so far. In both lives, it had taken a Blue Lion to understand her enough to open up her heart to others. Still feeling undeserving of it, she resolved to cherish the friends she made while it lasted, even if her involvement in their lives meant it would come to an end.

"Oh child," Sothis spoke softly. "If only you would understand that it does not need to be that way..."

Chapter Text

"Hey, this is great! I bet anyone would love this stuff."

At least Shez hoped they would. It was always difficult to find a meal Dimitri would actually enjoy. Even when they made meals he said were his favorite, the king always seemed more occupied watching his friends eat than whatever was put on his own plate. Finding something Byleth enjoyed, on the other hand, was a simpler task. Food seemed to be one of the few things she enjoyed openly, making it no secret if a meal was her favorite. It had taken a bit of thought, but in the end, Shez had cooked a pot of Daphnel Stew. It wasn't on Dimitri's list of favorites, but it was on Byleth and Jeralt's, who they definitely were more interested in impressing. Not like making the king's favorite meal would make a difference if they didn't enjoy what he was served. Shez would have to find other ways to make their best friend happy.

"Alright you three, here's lunch!"
Carefully, Shez placed a bowl of the stew in front of their three companions'. Jeralt and Dimitri paused their conversation on tactics while Byleth seemed lost in thought before snapping back to reality when the food was in front of her. Shez gave her a reassuring smile. They'd seen Byleth open up to Dimitri more over the last few days and overall seemed more at ease. But sometimes they'd find her alone, scribbling in her journal or staring into the distance with a somber expression. Not that they blamed her after getting the smallest glimpse of what she remembered.

"Thanks for the meal. Drinks are on me next time." The Blade Breaker gave a friendly smile.

"I might have to pass." His daughter spoke as she took her first bite. "We can't have both of us too inebriated at once."

"Come to think of it, I don't think I've seen you drink much the last couple years." Jeralt tried to not sound too worried.

"You just care about the drinks more than I do." Byleth shrugged.

Truth be told, the last time Byleth had a drink was right after she began to remember her other life. She had spent the night crying over her lost love and friendships. It was not an experience she wished to repeat.

"What about you, Your Majesty?" Jeralt shifted the conversation to across from him.

"I'm afraid I must decline the drinks as well." Dimitri said apologetically. "I fear I would lose control of my strength if I were to partake."

"Oh come on, lighten up a little!" Shez lightly elbowed him. "We're not teenagers anymore, I think you could handle cutting loose a little."

With the conversation flowing among her father and friends, Byleth allowed her attention to wander. Jeralt and Shez got along, no surprise there, but it was clear that Shez and Dimitri were thick as thieves themselves. Shez seemed to be able to get along with just about everyone pretty quickly. Her old students spoke about them pretty often, whether it was words of praise or silly memories of some of their antics. It reminded her of the other branch of time, where she was able to get close to everyone, but this time, she was the outsider being accepted into the group. The comparison was easy to make, almost souring her mood.

Turns out, Shez was a pretty good cook too. The Daphnel Stew, obviously chosen with care, was prepared as well as any other serving she'd had from a tavern after a long day of work, and for free no less. Byleth ate with gusto, as she usually did, finding joy in the taste of one of her favorite meals. After a moment, her eyes came back up to her company, having missed most of the conversation.

To find Dimitri watching her with a smile. Their eyes met and the king cleared his throat, as if bringing himself back to the moment.

"I take it you're enjoying your meal?" he asked, resting his chin on his hand in an attempt to appear more casual.

Byleth nodded as she swallowed a mouthful of stew. "It's one of my favorites. Shez cooked it well." She thought she felt her lips almost turn into a smile, but wasn't sure if she managed.

"In that case, perhaps you'd like some of my portion-"

"Don't you dare mister!"

Shez stopped speaking midsentence to Jeralt and turned to Dimitri, almost leaping onto the table as they spoke in a stern tone.

"She said it's one of her favorites!" Dimitri raised his hands defensively against the smaller mercenary. "You know I'm not particular about food, I was merely offering it to her since she obviously enjoys it more than I."

"Doesn't matter!" Shez retorted. "It takes so much effort to get you to sit down for any meal, and dammit you're going to eat your whole portion." They turned to Byleth, giving a reassuring smile. "Byleth, I'll make you seconds if you want, but don't ever take food from him."

Dimitri tried to cut through the awkward tension. "Shez, isn't that a bit much-"

"They're right." Byleth finally spoke up, back to her blunt way of speaking. "You need to keep up your strength. This portion is enough for me." She went to take another bite, pausing to add one last statement. "Thanks though."

"If you insist." Dimitri sighed, returning to his own meal in defeat.

At the strange interaction, Jeralt began laughing. "Y'know, for a king, you sure take a lot of orders from your subordinates, Your Majesty."

"Cause he knows we're looking out for him." Shez cut back in. "He takes such good care of everyone else, but he's not so good at taking care of himself. Someone's gotta do it."

"I'm grateful you are willing to do so," Dimitri spoke with a genuine smile. "I cannot imagine where I would be without such trustworthy companions by my side."

"Well, looks like you got Byleth there too," Jeralt nudged his daughter playfully. "She never turns down free food. Seems like she's grown rather fond of you."

"Dad!" Byleth couldn't help the childish outburst. She hoped she wasn't blushing, but the giggles she could faintly hear from Sothis made her think she was.

Shez was grinning from ear to ear, giving Dimitri an expectant glance. Dimitri himself kept his eyes on Byleth before speaking to Jeralt.

"I must admit, I've grown rather fond of your daughter as well." Realizing what he had said, he shook his head to clear it. "Ah, what I mean to say is that having the both of you in our ranks has been a blessing. Truly, I cannot thank you enough."

"No worries, Your Highness," Jeralt smiled. "You've been one of our better clients, thanks for the fresh start."

"On that happy note," Shez stood up, nudging Dimitri. "We gotta get going, I need to set up the training grounds and I think Dimitri's got a meeting in a bit."

"Ah, yes, you're right." Dimitri joined Shez, keeping his eyes on Byleth. "We should definitely share a meal more often. I will see you soon."

Byleth waved, returning his smile. It reminded her of simpler days in her old life, sharing meals with her students to raise morale and getting to know them.

"Hey kid," Jeralt turned to his daughter. "I've been meaning to talk to you." He paused while Byleth turned to him with her typical blank expression. "To be honest, I've been worried about you the last couple of years. You just seemed... lost, especially once we started working for the Empire. But the last few weeks, you've been more alive than I've ever seen you. You've been smiling a lot more, and I even got to hear you laugh. Seems like the Kingdom Army's been doing you good. It's nice to see."

"Everyone's been really accepting." Byleth shrugged.

"Especially that king of theirs." Jeralt grinned, letting out a laugh at Byleth's shocked expression. "You're not that hard to read, kid, especially to this old man. But we can talk about that later." He took one last spoonful of stew and picked up his bowl. "C'mon, finish your lunch, we've got things to do too."

Finish? Byleth looked down to what should have been an empty bowl, only to find more stew at the bottom of the bowl.

Chapter Text

The young Duke Fraldarius was as quiet as ever. Having been assigned weapons maintenance, Byleth and Felix worked silently and efficiently, only speaking when needed.

"This is the last one," Byleth broke the silence as she placed a newly polished sword in it's place.

"Good." Felix matched her bluntness, finishing his last weapon. "What's going on with you and the king?"

Byleth turned around, the question throwing her off guard. "What?"

"You know exactly what I mean," Felix crossed his arms. "You went from avoiding even mentioning hi to being all buddy-buddy. What's your angle?"

"There is no angle." Byleth shook her head, betraying nothing. "He wanted to talk, so we talked."

Felix sighed. "Well, he doesn't always know what's good for him," He took a step closer. "So you'd better not hurt him, Demon-"

Before he could react, Byleth had pushed him up against the weapons rack, pinning him down with a dagger at his throat. Felix's eyes went wide. There was no time or way to fight back with the wind knocked out of him like she had done.

"If you think I'd hurt him, you're a bigger fool than I thought." Despite the fire and pain in her eyes, she almost sounded calm. "I would die before I become the reason he falls."

"What the hell is going on here?!"

Shez's voice followed by the clatter of their logbook hitting the floor startled Byleth. She blinked, the spell of the moment broken. Her eyes fell to her hands, realizing the position she had put herself in. Here she was, a former enemy, pointing a blade at a high ranking client.

What was she doing?

Byleth sheathed her dagger and left the room as quickly and quietly as she could. Shez watched with their mouth open for a moment before turning back to Felx.

"What was that all about?"

"That's what I wanna know!" Felix was nearly shouting while checking his neck for a wound. "I just asked her what's going on with her and the boar and she jumped at me for giving her a warning."

Shez frowned, knwoing Felix tended to leave out details. "Did she say anything?"

"That she'd die before becoming 'the reason he falls.'" Felix rolled his eyes. "Boar's rubbing off on her, they're both dramatic." The duke folded his arms, giving the mercenary a pointed look. "Seriously, what's going on with those two? There's no way you're not in on it."

"They just get along now." Shez shrugged, keeping it casual. "Why don't you just talk to Dimitri about it? Not like you haven't known the guy most of your life."

"That's exactly why I don't want to," He muttered. "He's oblivious and too nice for his own good."

"Good point." Shez sighed. "Look, I don't wanna go around spreading rumors and stuff. There's enough on their plates without the gossip. But Byleth wouldn't hurt him. I can promise that much. It's actually why she was avoiding him in the first place."

"That makes no sense."

"I agree. She gets it now, so that's why they're talking now," Shez kept calm, avoiding getting a rise out of Felix. "You've seen how she goes out of her way to protect him on the battlefield, even before they talked, right? That's why I assign them together-"

"I don't actually think she'd do anything!" Felix shouted, throwing his hands up in defeat. "I just hate being let in the dark. Dimitri's got enough issues as it is, we don't need to add heartbreak or whatever to the list."

"And that's why I'm rooting for her." Shez flashed a smile. "It'd be nice to see Dimitri living his own life for once."

"You have no idea..." Felix mumbled, shaking his head.

Chapter Text

"After we take this stronghold, Felix and the Ashen Demon will head to this location..."

There it was again. A twitch of the face. A slight frown. Eyes falling a hair's breadth to the ground. Every time someone called Byleth "the Ashen Demon", Dimitri saw a reaction in her. It was subtle and quick, missed if one blinked, but present all the same. A profound sadness made deeper when the name passed the king's lips.

"You dislike that title, don't you?" The king turned to the Demon, the statement phrased like a question.

Her eyes widened slightly in surprise before returning to their blank stare. "Does it matter?"

"I would say it matters a great deal." Dimitri folded his arms. It was not the first time she had set aside her own feelings to spare others. "I am not fond of calling you a name you dislike."

Byleth remained silent, frowning slightly as she fidgeted.

"I'm surprised you caught on, that's a first," Jeralt spoke up with a chuckle.

"Captain, you knew?!" Alois interjected to everyone's surprise. "I've been calling your daughter that this whole time. Why didn't you say anything?!"

"She can pick her own battles," Jeralt shrugged noncommittally. "Kid's never said anything herself, why should I?"

Alois huffed in defeat before turning to the younger mercenary. "In that case, why have you said nothing? I would not have called you that if you told me you didn't like it."

"Enemies fear the name," Byleth spoke bluntly. Her gaze fell to her hands, "It's a fitting name anyway." Her voice was softer. "There's a lot of blood on my hands. I'm not sure I should be called something more kind."

My hands are stained red.

Dimitri's mind returned to the strongest memory of his second life.

No, now was not the time for his tears, or the rain.

"Well, why don't we give you a new nickname then?" Annette chimed in. "How about 'the Ashen Angel'? Since you've saved people a lot!"

"Alliteration is ideal for a nickname," Lindhart lifted his head to everyone's surprise.

"An angel you say?" The king couldn't help but smile. It seemed his friends also were beginning to see Byleth's light and goodness. "I much prefer the sound of that."

"Here's a wild idea," Felix interjected, rolling his eyes. "Just call her Byleth. Her damn name."

Snorts and giggles ran through the tent at the duke's outburst, causing him to groan quietly.

"Alright guys, I think we all got a bit carried away there," Shez spoke with authority between laughs. "Since we're talking about you, Byleth, what do you think?"

Byleth shrugged one shoulder. The faint melancholy in her expression had dissolved, replaced by a small smile. "Do whatever you want."

After a few more comments from his friends, the counsel continued. Try as he might, Dimitri could not bring his full attention back to the matter at hand. His mind remained in what he could remember of his second life. The rain on his face. The turmoil in his heart for reasons he could no longer remember. The kindness and warmth of her eyes and hands as he led him back to the light.

We're the same, you and I.

Was she feeling the same way about herself?

"Your Majesty?"

Dedue's quiet voice snapped him from his mind. All eyes were on the king, confusion and concern evident in each face.

"Right," Dimitri nodded, bringing his mind back to the present. "Apologies, I think it's time we conclude this meeting. We'll go over this one more time before the mission. You're all dismissed." He watched everyone begin to leave, before grabbing Byleth by the arm as she turned away. "Wait. A moment of your time, please."

Byleth bristled at his grasp, but didn't struggle.  "Of course."

"Ah, my apologies," Dimitri released his grip, taking a step back.  He turned his head, giving a nod to Dedue to assure his retainer.  The tent had emptied, leaving the two of them alone.  "You say the blood on your hands leaves you undeserving of kindness.  That does not sit right with me."

"That's not what I said." Byleth's tone was blunt, not unlike when they first met.  "I'm not the one who started calling myself a demon.  But the name fits."

"I disagree." Dimitri folded his arms, frowning.  "You are skilled, patient, and kind.  A demon is none of those things."

"You just remember me that way."

"I am not the one who called you an angel," Dimitri rebutted.  "They have no memories of a second life, yet they still see your light."

"That's Sothis, not me."

Annoyance and rage was building in the king.  She wasn't listening to him, how could she be so stubborn? "Why are you so insistent that your goodness is not your own?" He sighed, uncrossing his arms to release tension.  "What is this really about?"

He watched Byleth's eyes drift slightly behind him, losing the eye contact they held.  It was an expression he used to see on Shez's face, one that had ceased since Arval was lost to them.  Most assumed it was a desire to avoid uncomfortable eye contact, but after he pressed her once, Byleth confessed that at times she saw Sothis in her sight when she spoke to her, despite merely being in her head.

"Is the Goddess demanding you speak to me?" Dimitri asked.

Byleth shook her head.  "No, she's helping me find words." She took a deep breath, appearing to steady herself.

"I...don't know who I am," she began.  "Before I remembered you, my emotions were muted compared to everyone else. I didn't understand how people felt so strongly about things.  I only really felt attached to Jeralt.  But now I remember the professor. I...she grew to care for everyone.  Everything hit me at once, it was overwhelming.  I thought I was used to it, but now I'm around everyone I-she cared for.  I thought it would be okay to get close, but I know so much about everyone.  Not just you, but everyone.  So much I shouldn't know, because the professor learned about them.  What if I say something I'm not supposed to know?  What if they've changed?  I can't tell if it's easier being a stranger or easier getting close to everyone.  Where does the professor end and I begin?  How much of this is me and not Sothis or the professor?  I know who the professor became because of all of you, but I don't know who I am anymore."

Byleth fell silent, eyes fallen to the ground.  She had no more words to explain herself, her voice dried out.

If only his showy armor wasn't in the way, he would have embraced her.  Perhaps it was better if he didn't.  But he wished he had forgone the armor, if only to comfort the woman standing before him in despair.

"If I may," Instead, he reached for her hand, holding it gently.  "I'm not sure it matters.  There's not a person alive who isn't influenced by memories or the people around them.  Our second life was different, but you became that person because of your innate goodness."

Her gaze returned to his, uncertainty hiding in her mint eyes.  "But I haven't done anything."

"You've done more than you know." He squeezed her hand lightly.  "If that were not so, the others would not have accepted you so quickly."

"I suppose..." Byleth muttered, taking a deep breath.  "I worried you.  Sorry about that."

"No need to apologize." Dimitri shook his head, offering a small smile.  "Just allow me to fret over a friend." He released her hand, realizing he still held it.

"If you insist." Byleth replied cooly, but the king could detect a hint of warmth in her voice.  "You go on ahead, I need a moment to myself."

"Alright," he stepped away.  "But know I am here for you.  Always."