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Chapter Text

This will start on 15th Jan with two (more if I get time) updates per week.

Chapter Text

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I knew that it was over way before it actually ended.

I could feel it. But I didn't wanna be the one that gave up. Or maybe I was just too coward to walk away. I felt as if I needed a little more time, as if it wouldn't hurt so bad, or if I gave it more time then things would change and I wouldn't have to end it at all. But all I was doing in that more time though was giving you more control of the narrative.

A huge part of me felt like you wanted me to walk away on my own, so you wouldn't look like the bad guy so that you it would go back to just the two of you. I was the intruder in your relationship anyways, I was the odd one, or as you say I was someone who didn't understand you the way he did. Wasn't that the reason you confided in him, what should've been between the three of us, you made it about the two of you.

I told you it affected me, but you just pulled my cheeks saying I was the cutest when I pouted.

It was so lonely. I felt much lonelier in that relationship than I did when I was alone. It felt as if I wasn't reliable enough to discuss a serious problem. You made me feel like I was there just for decorative purposes, someone who was needed only at the time of cuddles, kisses, or sex. I felt like a guest in my own relationship.

Now that things have changed, I feel like the most stupid person when I call it a relationship, cause it was never one.

You drove me to the edge, to the point where I couldn't do anything but leave everything behind. I gave it my all trying to hold our 'relationship' together until I had nothing left to give. That night when I said I want to end it, your expression was... Actually, I don't even remember what your expression was, cause I don't know why but my eyes were too blurry that night. But I heard what you said, and trust me when I say that was what I wanted to hear. If you hadn't said ''Please don't leave'' I would've been even more heartbroken, but still when I heard that, I couldn't help but feel angry. Angry at the fact that you were still selfish enough to ask me that, you still had the audacity to say ''Please don't leave''.

Where were you when I needed you, why did you have to hurt me to the max before saying those words? I tried asking you for help so many times before. Maybe not that many, but that was because I knew your response. Another one of your silly jokes saying how cute I was, followed with kisses and giggles and then I would've dropped the topic in order to not destroy a 'happy moment'. But you should've asked me, you should've.

I was in so much pain.

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How are you, baby?

Are you eating well?

Are you happy?

I hope you are, even if you're not here. Even when you're not with us. We hurt you a lot, didn't we? I wish you would've talked it out with us. But I know that's my fault. Sorry, I didn't make you comfortable enough, sorry I didn't make you secure enough so that you could talk about your problems openly. I'm sorry that I didn't realize how much you were breaking while we were sound asleep.

That look on your face that night? It still haunts me. You looked so broken and lifeless, I wanted nothing more than to hold you in my arms. How much I wished it was all a nightmare.

You know, in the three years that we were together, I never saw you cry until that night, I should've understood that you were hiding that vulnerable part of yourself. I was stupid enough to think that you were okay. You always smiled so brightly, and always cheered up our spirits when we were down. No matter what or how big my tension used to be, just looking at your smile used to make me forget everything. But I was so selfish and greedy that it never crossed my mind that you must have your own breaking points. Even if you didn't show them to us.

I lost the smile that I adored more than anything in this world. Hah..look at me, I'm still selfish enough to think about my own loss, a loss that was deserving for someone as selfish as me.

I miss you. And It hurts. It hurts so much that I feel like I am going to die.

I miss you so much. He does too. You know he tries to look strong and unaffected for me, but I often find him crying secretly. It's not a secret though, with all those eye bags under his eyes.

Baby, were you like that too? Crying secretly while we were completely oblivious. I'm sorry I didn't realize. Guess you were just better at hiding. Or maybe you just didn't trust us enough to not hide it.

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I saw you with someone today. Mingyu said that was your new boyfriend.

I didn't tell him. He's already so heartbroken, I don't think if he could handle it, so I didn't tell him.

Was it that easy for you to move on? I am sounding like a bastard, I know but did you really move on? When I'm going all crazy. When I'm still waiting for you to comeback?

I can't even describe what I felt that night when I saw you sitting there, still, with a tear-streaked, expressionless face. I didn't even want to look at your face at that time, maybe because it was showing me a reflection that how hurt you were because of us. What I felt that time... I don't even dare to remember it again. How helpless I felt at that moment, how I wanted to hug you tightly but you didn't even let us get close. Though expressionless, your face contained despise. Was that for us? Please tell me that wasn't for us.

Do you hate us? I know we brought that upon ourselves, but please. I...I can't handle your hatred.

When I saw you with him...it hurt even more than that night. The pain where your heart is sinking down your stomach realizing that it's over.

Is it really over? Are we finally over? We aren't right? I'm sorry but please come back. You can't leave us like that. What about our promises? You used to say that everyone should get a second chance. Then why'd you left without giving us a chance?

Or maybe you already did. More than once. It was our fault for not realizing it. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry but please come back. I'm going crazy. It feels as if I've reached my limit as if I don't wanna live anymore. The only reason that's holding me back is him.

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Hao said that I was digging my own grave. That I was getting myself into something where I don't belong. He said I was taking advantage of you being vulnerable and that it will only end up hurting me.

Is that true? Am I taking advantage?

Maybe I am, but is it wrong? To do something for your own happiness?

It feels unfair. Why do people who did nothing other than hurt you, got so many chances?

How can they? How can they hurt you when I'm still so crazy about you?

Why did I never get a chance? And now that I am, why is it labeled as 'selfish'? Am I the bad guy? Will I end up being a villain in your story?

I don't care anyway. I'll do what I want to do. But I won't let you get hurt again.

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Chapter Text

''Gyu, did you see my- hey hey hey? What's wrong? Are you crying?'' Minghao got startled seeing his boyfriend cry all of a sudden, he was just okay a few hours ago. He hurried over to his boyfriend, before pulling him into a light hug. ''What's wrong baby?'' He asked again.

''It's nothing'' Mingyu said as he closed his eyes trying to shake the tears off. Worrying his boyfriend was the last thing he wanted. ''It's just...some stuff going around in my mind. It's nothing.'' He said and got up, out of his boyfriend's hold.

But Minghao pulled him back, ''If you have something that's bothering you, then you talk to me. So elaborate that 'some stuff'. ''

''It's nothing really, I was thinking about...'' As his mind drifted to the events today, he felt his eyes tearing up again at those thoughts. He took a deep breath, before burying his face into his boyfriend's embrace, trying to calm himself, ''I saw him today.'' He finally let out softly.

''Saw whom?''

''..............''

''Who did you see baby?'' Minghao asked again pateintly.

''Jisoo'' He felt the hands caressing his hairs stop.

''And what about it? Did he talk to you? Did he say something?''

Mingyu scowled at the mere thought of those events. Can their argument in a crowded cafe be considered as 'talking'? Nah he didn't think so, ''No, and I wouldn't want to talk to a self-centered bastard like him either.''

''Ming-''

''Don't you even dare to defend that bastard.'' Mingyu cut him off, before getting up and glaring at his boyfriend. He knew Minghao was close to Jisoo. And that's why doesn't say something that's outright bad, about him, but what happened today made him feel utterly disgusted with that man. So this time he won't let anyone, that anyone including his boyfriend, say otherwise.

''Do you even know what that bastard said?'' He huffed angrily.

Minghao didn't reply anything but Mingyu still went on.

''I don't know where but he saw hyung with Jun hyung. And you know the first instinct that he had after seeing me? It was not asking about hyung's well-being, but rather he asked me if hyung and jun hyung are together.'' Mingyu's face curled up in disgust.

''His face didn't have an ounce of regret Hao, instead, he was getting angry at hyung when I said that they are in fact dating. He was blaming hyung for moving on so fast.'' The more Mingyu remembered about their argument, the more evident anger and disgust became on his face. But that changed quickly into something that looked like hurt.

''And that's.... that's not all, he asked me if hyung was together with Jun hyung even before their breakup. He-he... really had the audacity to fucking ask me this question, Hao.''

This time it was Minghao, who scrunched his face in disbelief, before asking, ''But why did you lie about hyung and Jun's relationship?''

''Because I fucking wanted him to regret. I wanted him to feel at least sorry, but guess I underestimated how low he could stoop. That bastard still had the nerve to get angry and accuse hyung of cheating. ''

Honestly, this time Minghao really agreed with Mingyu calling Jisoo a bastard. That was really not expected from Jisoo. He wanted to give him doubt of belief considering that he was hurting as well, but the cheating accusation was fucked up.

His attention got caught when he heard Mingyu sniffling.

''He said that so easily as if he wasn't even realizing the depth of that accusation. Or maybe, it was something common for him, maybe he has done it several times before.''

Minghao hugged his boyfriend sideways. He knew how much importance his cousin held in his life. When Seungcheol broke up, Mingyu went through a pretty bad emotional breakdown as well. It was expected though, as both Seungcheol and Mingyu have been each other's emotional support since childhood. They only had each other to rely on while growing up in their fucked up family. So he totally understood his attachment and protectiveness over Seungcheol, he also understood why Mingyu hated Joshua and Jeonghan, and his recent encounter with Joshua didn't help either.

''I...I feel really helpless right now, I know how much hyung is going through, I know how much he's hiding from me, guess hiding his suffering has become his defense mechanism now. And it's all because of them.''

Minghao got worried as he saw Mingyu getting more and more agitated.

''I understand, Mingyu. But let's calm down first, come on'' He tried to calm his boyfriend but it only ended up backfiring, resulting in Mingyu breaking into tears.

''NO, YOU DON'T. You don't understand anything.'' Mingyu snapped. ''You don't understand anything.'' He tried to wipe out his tears. '' Hao, I've seen how this relationship broke hyung completely. I've seen him lose his smile in real time. And it's my fault, all my fault. I should've stopped him. Since childhood, he has made sure to protect me, since childhood he's always put my safety above his own, but what did I do? I failed in protecting him. I-''

''MINGYU, calm down. You're going to calm down okay?'' Minghao held his boyfriend's face with both his hands, crouching down beside the bed.

Mingyu did calm down, but his tears didn't stop. Minghao felt his own heart aching, not just for Mingyu but for Seungcheol too. A pang of similar guilt settled inside his stomach. He has also seen the evident changes in their relationship over time. He saw how pale Seungcheol looked during the last days of their relationship. He should've talked to Joshua, but he didn't. Thinking that he had no right to interfere in someone else's relationship.

He held Mingyu's head closer to his waist, the latter still letting out sobs.

''I don't think he realizes yet, that how hard it is to pull yourself out of a toxic relationship with someone you loved so dearly. I'm so proud of him for finally putting an end to this.'' Mingyu said as he hugged his waist tighter. ''I wish he could've done it sooner. You know it didn't even take me a year to realize what hell he's gotten himself into. I held it to myself cause of how confident hyung looked. And the few times that I did try to talk to him about it, he said everything was okay. Hell, even a few days before their break up, he told me everything was okay. He was so adamant that everything will turn out to be better. He's always been like that. And I-..'' Mingyu sobbed as he continued, ''I know he has given it his all, only to get nothing in return. Except for pain and hurt. Do you know how much his condition has worsened? He had to go to hospital three times last week.''

''I hate them. I hate them so much. Even if hyung forgives them in the future, I will never ever forgive them.''

Minghao just listened to him quietly, caressing his hair from time to time, to let him know that he was there.

It took Mingyu quite of time to finally calm down. His boyfriend brought him dinner that went untouched as he seriously had no appetite. Minghao, knowing him well, didn't force either, instead, he went to getting them both ready to sleep.

Minghao tried to cuddle him to give him more comfort but Mingyu slowly removed his hands. So he just sighed before ruffling his hair, ''I'm here. Good night.'' He knew that despite being super clingy, there were times when Mingyu needed his own thinking space without getting disturbed.

Mingyu turned his head to the other side as he quietly stared at the starry sky outside his 16th-floor window, deep in thought. He wanted to call Seungcheol. But he stopped after a second thought. What if he was asleep, though it seems quite impossible with how bad his insomnia has gotten.

His thought fluttered back to that night. That cursed night. When Seungcheol ended up at his door, crying and shivering uncontrollably. Minghao wasn't there that night.

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𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘺𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘵 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵. 𝘏𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘢 𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘢𝘣𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘶𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘦. 𝘏𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴, 𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘚𝘦𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘰𝘭 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘢 𝘵𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘩𝘶𝘨, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴, 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘦.

𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘺𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘳𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘳𝘺, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳'𝘴 𝘧𝘶𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘺𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘪𝘵. 𝘐𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴, 𝘚𝘦𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘰𝘭 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘢 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘶𝘳𝘦. 𝘚𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘥, 𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘺𝘶 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘶𝘱 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺. 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘵 𝘢 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴.

𝘚𝘰 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘺𝘶 𝘴𝘢𝘸 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘤𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘺, 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘵.

𝘏𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮. 𝘏𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳, 𝘩𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘚𝘦𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘰𝘭 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘵. 𝘐𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘧 𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦, 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘮𝘪𝘵, 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘶𝘵.

''𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘵. 𝘐 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬. 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮.''

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘺𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯.

''𝘐 𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘵. 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦.'' 𝘚𝘦𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘰𝘭 𝘴𝘰𝘣𝘣𝘦𝘥, ''𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳. 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳.''

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Mingyu closed his eyes, trying to not let his tears fall. These past days have been emotional havoc for him. He has been trying to keep himself calm, to keep himself strong cause Seungcheol needed him right now. He needed someone to be there for him, although he will never say it loud.

And to some extent, Mingyu was able to keep his emotions cool & in control, that is until he met Jisoo today. And all those emotions came right back. He doesn't even know how he controlled himself from not punching Jisoo the moment he saw him. But he knew better, than to cause drama over useless people and most of all he knew Seungcheol absolutely wouldn't appreciate such actions.

But call it, his bad luck that Jisoo himself came up to him.
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𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘺𝘶 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘮, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘶𝘱.

''𝘞𝘩𝘰 𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦?'' 𝘑𝘪𝘴𝘰𝘰 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘵, 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘯.

''𝘞𝘩𝘰'𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘰?''

''𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘚𝘦𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘰𝘭, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳.''

''𝘑𝘶𝘯? 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮?'' 𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘺𝘶 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘦𝘥, 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘶𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥.

''𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘰'𝘴 𝘩𝘦? 𝘐𝘴 𝘊𝘩𝘦𝘰𝘭 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘮? 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱?''

𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘺𝘶'𝘴 𝘧𝘶𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘴 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘢𝘸𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘶𝘱𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘮. 𝘏𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭. 𝘏𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘶𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘭𝘺.

'𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶? 𝘞𝘩𝘰 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘴𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘚𝘦𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘰𝘭? 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘊𝘩𝘦𝘰𝘭?' 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘺𝘶'𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘮. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴.

''𝘠𝘦𝘴, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘺𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥.''

𝘏𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘸 𝘑𝘪𝘴𝘰𝘰'𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘦𝘹𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘺𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥.

𝘏𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘸 𝘢𝘴 𝘑𝘪𝘴𝘰𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘮𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦, 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥.

''𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴...𝘣𝘰𝘺𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥? 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘩𝘴...𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴....𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨? 𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵...𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘴𝘰 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘺?'' 𝘑𝘪𝘴𝘰𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘮𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘸𝘯.

𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘺𝘶 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦. 𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱 𝘚𝘦𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘰𝘭 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘯? 𝘕𝘰, 𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘚𝘦𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘰𝘭 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘱𝘪𝘥.

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘑𝘪𝘴𝘰𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘥, 𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘧 𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘻𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘺𝘶 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘱𝘭𝘺 ''𝘖𝘳 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘶𝘱?''

𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘺𝘶 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘣𝘶𝘻𝘻. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘥. 𝘐𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸?

''𝘍𝘜𝘊𝘒 𝘠𝘖𝘜, 𝘏𝘖𝘕𝘎 𝘑𝘐𝘚𝘖𝘖.'' 𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘺𝘶 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦, 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘧𝘦

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Mingyu didn't think he needed to give any explaination to anyone, especially not to someone as self centered and as narcissistic as Jisoo. Even if their relationship ended, he still doesn't seem to have an ounce of respect for Seungcheol.

Mingyu can't even imagine how hurt Seungcheol would've felt if he heard those words coming from Jisoo.

He looked at the clock on his headside showing the time '1:00 PM'. He finally decided to put himself into sleep. He has to accompany Seungcheol to hospital tomorrow, and since it's an early appointment, he should get proper sleep.

Chapter Text

Jisoo clutched his head in frustration. This was all so silly, do they really need to argue over this?

His head snapped forward when he heard the door click.

''Oh, you're home.'' He said looking at the man in front of him, his furrowed brows relaxing slowly. He got up pulling Seungcheol in a tight hug, the latter reciprocating it the same way. It's been 5 days since they've seen each other. Of course, they communicated a lot with calls and texts but still, Jisoo missed his warmth, sighing contently once he felt the similar heat against his body.

Seungcheol was a bit surprised to see him though, weren't they supposed to come back tomorrow? But, it's good, he missed both of them so much.

''Yeah, where is Jeonghan?''

Hearing the name, Jisoo's face scrunched up in frustration again, ''I don't know.''

Seungcheol raised his brows in confusion, ''Jisoo, I need to talk about something with 'both' of you. Where is Jeonghan?''

Jisoo let out an annoyed sigh, ''Not today, Cheol. Please I'm dead tired. Can we talk about this sometime later?''

Seungcheol stared at him, his fingers clutching around the file he had in his hands. His expression was calm though as if he was too used to this kind of situation. He also knew that Jeonghan and Jisoo most probably had a fight and so Jisoo didn't wanna face Jeonghan right now.

But... he really had something important to tell. Seungcheol stared at the carpet below, fidgeting with his feet, thinking whether he should push the matter, before deciding otherwise. Both of them were already tired right now, he didn't wanna add up any further burden to them. He quietly went to his room and put the file on his bedside table, staring at it for a while. Should he even tell them about it? It was nothing serious anyways, and it's not like they could change anything. He felt his eyes tearing up. But he looked at the ceiling, not allowing the tears to fall. What the fuck was wrong with him? He wasn't a fucking child. What's up with getting emotional over such trivial things? He needed to get a grip on his emotions. He didn't wanna emotionally burden them.

''DON'T YOU RUN AWAY FROM THIS CONVERSATION AGAIN''

He flinched when he heard Jeonghan yelling outside. It was very uncommon for Jeonghan to yell. So he hurried over to the living room.

''I told you it's nothing. Just going there and eating and chatting doesn't mean much. What's the big deal in doing that?''

Jeonghan scoffed, ''Are you for real right now? Are you really serious right now? Do you even hear yourself?''

Seungcheol had no idea what they were arguing about. Still, he could sense that things were escalating quickly so he went over to Jeonghan to calm him down. But the latter freed himself from his grip.

''No, Cheol. Don't you dare take his side this time? Do you even have any idea what happened?'' Jeonghan snapped, glaring at Jisoo.

''So what do you want to do? Do you wanna tell them about us?'' Jisoo replied clearly irritated.

''That's not what I'm saying but-'' Jeonghan words got cut off in the middle.

''THEN WHAT! Do you wanna get married? Is that what you want?'' Jisoo yelled, this time making Seungcheol completely stunned.

''So you want us to keep going on those stupid blind dates?!'' Jeonghan snapped back.

Seungcheol looked at them confused. What marriage? Blind dates?

''What are you both..even talking about?'' He asked, but they were so busy in their own arguments that Seungcheol's question went unheard.

''I asked you something,'' Seungcheol asked again, this time raising his voice slightly, catching Jeonghan's attention.

''Our parents are setting us up on blind dates for four months now. I thought we were going to talk about it to them this time, but'' Jeonghan moved his eyes to Jisoo again, ''But he backed out at the main moment.''

''And didn't you see the situation then? They want us to get married as soon as possible. What was I supposed to say when they asked the reason for NOT going on those dates? Do you think I wanna go there? It's not like it will kill us to do that. I told you it's just for a few more months, and then we can just say it's not working? And then they'll leave us alone for at least a few years. We can just figure out the rest later. What's so hard to understand about this? Or do you have any other better idea. Go on, I'm listening.'' Jisoo waited for Jeonghan to say something.

Jeonghan sniffled, ''I'm not...'' He buried his face in his hands, equally frustrated. This trip to their home had been a roller coaster of emotions for both of them.

Jisoo felt his heart soften, hearing him cry, he lunged forward pulling him into a hug. His hands caressing softly on Jeonghan's back, an attempt to comfort him, ''It's gonna be okay babe, we just have to put on a show for a few months.'' He felt Jeonghan visibly calm down.

''When were you going to tell me?''

They broke their hug as they heard Seungcheol's quiet voice.

Seungcheol didn't look at either of them. He was just.... feeling overwhelmed. As if his hands were about to lose their last grip on something. A 'something' that he can't quite describe.

''Oh... It's nothing serious baby. You don't need to worry about it.'' Jeonghan let out a light chuckle as he squished Seungcheol's face between both his hands, kissing the pout that formed.

Seungcheol stared at anyone but them, disbelief written all over his face. Telling your boyfriend...that you've been going on blind dates for 'four months' now was not...important? Your family was telling you to get married asap, but telling your boyfriend was not important?

He pulled down Jeonghan's hand, finally looking at him, ''You're joking right?'', he waited for Jeonghan or Jisoo to say something, but both of them had nonchalant confusion on their face. Were they really not understanding or they were just pretending not to understand?

Seungcheol felt his thoughts going in a whirlwind. No this wasn't good for him, the doctor said not to think too much.

But then, why didn't they tell him?

''You're telling me that telling your boyfriend about blind dates was something 'not serious' for you?'' Seungcheol looked at both of them.

''What? No- that's not what I meant. We just didn't want you to worry about these things so- Why are you crying? Cheol, I promise it was nothing.'' Jeonghan replied tiredly, he really had no energy to deal with another argument. And this wasn't even something worth arguing. So what if they didn't tell him, it was for his own good. They just didn't want him to worry.

Seungcheol inhaled sharply, trying to stop his tears, every cell in his body telling him to hold just a little more, ''Do you remember what date is today?'' He asked.

''What do you mean? It's 13th?''

''So you don't remember?'' Seungcheol scoffed, ''Of course, why would you? It's related to me, so of course, it's not worth your time and attention.''

Jisoo rolled his eyes, ''Great. Really great. This is just perfect. I seriously can't believe you sometimes. It's not your birthday, it's not our anniversary either. How am I supposed to know anything if you don't tell me?''

''Why do you think 'I didn't tell you?' And not that 'you just don't remember'.'' Seungcheol looked at him with tears in his eyes, ''I wonder why you're always updated with Jeonghan's everything but when it comes to me I 'have to' tell you?''

Both Jeonghan and Jisoo flinched as he said that.

''Cheol, what are you even saying? Since when did we start comparing our relationships?'' Jeonghan looked as if he's been greatly hurt by his question.

Seungcheol looked at him, tears pouring out, before storming off to his room, slamming it shut.

He squatted down against the door, before finally bursting into tears. He felt so ashamed of himself, why was he making such a big issue out of nothing? They said it wasn't something important so it wasn't. How can he question what they wanna share or what they don't wanna share with him? But it still hurt. Was he at least allowed to feel hurt?

These past five days he had been alone in this apartment. The silence almost drove him crazy. The silence made him have thoughts that he didn't wanna have. He was overreacting, he knew that. There was no reason for him to feel that way. Of course, Jeonghan and Joshua loved him, right? But then why does he always feels left out?

He buried his head in his arms as he sobbed hard.

'𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘶𝘱 𝘪𝘯 𝘚𝘦𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘰𝘭 𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘨'𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯'

This sentence has been eating him up. He wanted to stop over-analyzing everything, but his thoughts seemed to be out of his control. It felt as if something cruel was taking control over his whole life and he can't do anything about it. He wanted to stop this torture. He wanted to talk to Jeonghan and Joshua about this, but they always averted the issue, something always came up, something much more important than Seungcheol, that required their attention.

Whenever Seungcheol said how he felt like he was third wheeling on them, they always laughed out loud, telling him he was the cutest while sulking.

But he wasn't sulking, he was being serious.

Whenever he wanted to talk to them, they had more important things to do. Even having sex was more important than listening to Seungcheol. So at one point, he stopped.

Seungcheol stopped. But the only thing that actually stopped was Seungcheol asking them to talk. His inner thoughts and doubts and hurt and all his insecurities were all still there, bottled up inside him, consuming him from the inside as if he was being pulled into something dark. He wanted to escape, but there was no one to help him out. He remembers every single sleepless night he has spent, with his boyfriends by his side. How painful he felt when he couldn't sleep. But they never noticed, he never took the initiative to tell them either.

Never told how lonely he felt with them. Never told how every day he was trying harder and harder but nothing ever seemed enough. Never told how some nights he felt absolutely terrible while having sex. How on those nights instead of having sex, all he wanted was to cuddle with them. But he never told any of this to them, he felt as if they don't even care.

He tried shaking away these thoughts. He tried as much as he could by himself. He gave this relationship his all. But everything seemed to work only for short periods.

One moment, he felt so confident, so secure about everything, and another moment, it all used to get shattered down by one single thing. By something utterly stupid.

And everything made him feel crazy as if he was wrong to feel these childish emotions. As if everything has been his fault.

He wanted to escape.

''Cheol, baby, please talk to us''

''What's wrong with you? Baby stop crying please.''

''Did we do something wrong, let's talk it out calmly.''

''We're sorry for not telling you. We just didn't want you to bother with something like this.''

Seungcheol got up as he heard the chain of callings and knocks, on the door. He opened the door, finding Jeonghan on the door, and Jisoo on the sofa, worry plastered all over their face.

He came out quietly. His thoughts were still very unorganized, but he was sure of one thing. He felt like he needed to do this, for himself, or else he'll go completely crazy. He promised himself that he won't cry.

''Let's break up.'' He said quietly, trying hard to not let his voice waver.

Both Jeonghan and Jisoo stiffened at that.

Jisoo got up, ''What are you talking about? Seungcheol, all this over something so stupid? I'm sorry I didn't tell, I'll keep that in mind next time, okay?'' He looked at him, waiting for Seungcheol to say something, anything, but was only met by utter silence. Seungcheol looked as if he's been exhausted to the max, his face only had hurt and pain written all over. Dried tears streaked his cheeks. Most importantly, his expression looked as if he's already made his decision. He diverted his eyes quickly. His face...his face looked so pale. Did he do something else to make him upset? No, he remembers clearly, he didn't.

After not getting any reply, Jeonghan felt a heavy feeling inside his gut, ''Baby, you don't need to do this. There are other ways to deal with this, please. Let's talk''

Seungcheol got up and went into his room once more, he knew there was no point in talking anymore. He packed all his necessary stuff, including that file.

Only after Jeonghan saw the bag, tears came storming down his cheeks, ''Baby, you're not serious, are you?'' He tried hugging Seungcheol but the latter dodged it, his expression still completely stiff, ''Cheol, tell me what can I do to make you stay, what can I say so you won't leave? What can I do to fix all this? TALK TO ME, WILL YOU? YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE LIKE THIS. Please don't leave'' He whimpered.

Jisoo looked at him as if he couldn't believe it was happening, how did everything escalate so quickly? Everything was just fine when they talked yesterday on phone. He looked at Seungcheol, dumbfoundedly, ''Are you really doing this? This is not even about us, right now, babe I don't want you to do something that you will regret later. Don't you understand how much it would hurt us to see you leave? How can you do this? Please we can figure out something, but you need to talk to us''

After holding on for so long, Seungcheol finally felt a tear escaping his eyes as he heard the last line, he finally looked at Jisoo.

''Let's break up.'' was the only thing he said before leaving his-.... their apartment.

Chapter Text

Dad, Cancel the continuation. I'm coming back home."

"What's wrong? Just yesterday you were on cloud nine about this."

"..... Please, don't ask me anything right now. Please"

The other line went silent for a while.

"Okay."

The boy cut off their call, before letting out the sob he was holding in. One followed by another, before he broke down completely. He looked at the red rose in his hands, already crushed, don't know how. He threw it to the side. There was no use for it anymore.

He pressed his hand against his chest in an attempt to stop the heartache.

His head, his jaw, his throat everything hurt because of all of the crying. But nothing compared to the internal pain he was feeling.

The scene from this morning playing in front of his eyes again and again.

He... already had someone.

Someone that wasn't Jun himself.

________________________________________
Jun looked at the person on the sofa.

Someone very familiar yet very unknown. Definitely not the person he knew from years ago.

Definitely not the person that he met on the first day of his college in an unknown country.

Everything was so vivid in his memories.

He remembers getting dragged by a total stranger on the first day of his college toward some stupid broadcasting club. Jun absolutely hated humankind, no exaggeration.

Well, maybe not everyone, but most of them. He always kept his distance from people, since childhood. To the point that it concerned his parents if he was depressed or something. But he wasn't, he just liked being alone. There were very few people that he considered as 'friends'.

That's why when his dad offered to send him abroad for his college, he couldn't be more thankful. New country, where no one knows him, except for Minghao that is, and no one will annoy him.

Well, that's what he initially thought, before some random stranger on the campus decided to drag him. Looking at his uniform and tag, he could tell that the person was a senior in charge of convincing freshmen to join certain clubs.

Join a club? What bullshit. A total waste of time.

He was just about to snap when the person turned to him, giving Jun a complete view of his face. The words that he was about to throw got stuck in his throat the moment he saw that gummy smile.

And he definitely doesn't remember how he ended up joining the club that felt like a 'waste of time' to him, not long ago.

But he joined.

Minghao was utterly surprised when he got to know about it. What he didn't know was, that was just the start of the 'surprises' Jun was about to give him that year. Next one being, when Jun announced that he has joined the art classes.

''How the fuck does art relate to your business studies? Or did Wen Junhui finally get a crush or something? '' were the exact words Minghao said to him.

Did he?

Joining an utterly stupid class just because the assistant tutor was a certain dimple guy, was that called a crush?

Minghao said it indeed was a crush.

After constantly getting nagged by Minghao, he finally decided to talk to him. It turned out to be easier than he thought.

Choi Seungcheol. That guy was friendly, very friendly. He even remembered that Jun was in a broadcasting club with him. And Jun didn't know why, but it brought a warm feeling inside his chest, which was weird. He has always preferred people to NOT know him, but hearing that from Seungcheol made him feel giddy for some reason.

After that, Jun found himself doing things, that he never in 1000 years thought he would.

'Accidentally' messing up that specific paint stroke that he had completely mastered on his first day so that Seungcheol would sit by his side, patiently teaching him how to get it right. 'Accidentally' spilling oil paint on his hoodie, so that Seungcheol would nag at him for being clumsy as he wiped off the paint gently.

Or that one time when he pretended to not being fluent in Korean, and Seungcheol gave him his number, saying he can contact him whenever he was having a hard time due to the language barrier.

Minghao had laughed his ass off when he got to know about this while saying ''I'm so proud of you.''

They got close pretty quickly, hanging out often.

He remembers their outings, which basically followed the same pattern every single time, with Seungcheol doing all the talking and Jun just sitting there, admiring every corner, every single detail of his face.

His thick brows, his plump lips, how his eyes twinkled whenever he was happy or how his lips formed a natural pout whenever he was complaining about something, his dimples, his brown curls. Jun wanted to capture it all on canvas. Maybe, taking art classes wasn't that bad after all.

That one year that he spent with Seungcheol has been the best year of his life.

But all of the sweetness during the whole year changed because of that one specific moment.

The moment he found out Seungcheol already had someone in his life.

Hah, there was no use to remember it now. Jun rubbed his face hoping to snap out of the past. It's been 3 years already.

But it was hard. He thought his heartbreak already healed during these years. Oh, how wrong he was. The moment he saw Seungcheol again that day, all of his suppressed feelings came flooding back. He realized even after all these days, he couldn't close that chapter of his life completely.

But this Seungcheol that he was seeing right now, felt very different from the Seungcheol he knew 3 years ago.

That twinkling shine from his eyes seemed to completely fade away. The face that always carried a bright smile, seemed nothing but exhausted.

He doesn't know what exactly had happened with Seungcheol. All Mingyu told him was that he just broke up.

It took Jun by surprise when he saw Seungcheol at Mingyu and Minghao's place that day. Jun didn't drop by their home frequently, but whenever he did, both of them made sure Seungcheol wasn't there as they were aware of his history with Seungcheol.

When he dropped by that morning, he was welcomed by a very tired-looking Mingyu, with heavy eyebags under his eyes. He got a little worried but didn't ask any questions. It was only after they reached the living room, that Mingyu seemed to remember that Seungcheol was there as well.

He turned to Jun, but the latter was already frozen in his place, with a deep frown on his face, staring at a sleeping Seungcheol.

Mingyu briefly explained everything to him. Jun wanted to stay there, just seeing Seungcheol's face was enough to know that something was very wrong, he wanted to stay there so badly. But Mingyu insisted that Seungcheol might not appreciate someone seeing him in that condition, so he reluctantly left.

There were so many questions going around inside his head that he wanted to ask Mingyu, but he didn't. Especially after he realized that he still wasn't over his feelings for Seungcheol, he didn't want to go through yet another heartbreak.

That was until Mingyu contacted him on his own, asking him if he could get an apartment in the building Jun was living in. Jun wanted to decline, making up some kind of excuse, but Mingyu seemed to be almost pleading. And as much as Jun didn't want to admit it, most of it was because of his own feelings. He controlled himself from not actively seeking Seungcheol, but when Mingyu himself offered it, he couldn't control himself.

So here was Seungcheol, living two floors above his own.

Seungcheol was surprised when he saw Jun, but he didn't seem to have enough energy to catch up about all those years, so he took it slow.

Mingyu thanked him again and again, but Jun just shrugged it off saying it wasn't a big deal.

But as Jun saw Seungcheol more closely, the more fucked up he looked. Jun blamed it on the fact that he just got out of a relationship, so maybe that's why he was feeling down. Normal post-break-up state.

That's what he thought until a few nights ago.

That night, When Mingyu and Seungcheol were moving in, in the apartment, Jun offered to help. After they were done moving all the boxes, Jun offered that they should drink to shake off the tiredness. Mingyu agreed quickly, and Seungcheol.... well he didn't really give any reaction. But anyhow they all ended up drinking.

It only took three canes for Seungcheol and Mingyu to get drunk. Jun thought of just leaving them right there on the sofa, but after some thought, he decided to put Seungcheol properly on the bed. Before he could even lift him, he heard Seungcheol letting out a sob with some incoherent mumbles. Jun got a little closer to hear him, only to hear two unfamiliar names.

''Jeonghan...Shua'' followed by another sob.

Jun didn't know what to say or respond, so he just awkwardly patted his head saying, ''I'm here.''

He didn't know what these two words triggered inside Seungcheol, and his quiet sobs became louder and louder. Loud enough for Mingyu to wake up from his daze and hurry over to Seungcheol. Seungcheol kept repeating those two names repeatedly, causing Mingyu to frown and snap with a ''They're not here. And I will not allow them around you ever.''

Mingyu somehow managed to put Seungcheol to sleep in the bedroom.

That night what surprised Jun though was not Seungcheol's breakdown but rather it was Mingyu's hatred for those two people that Seungcheol kept calling. It didn't take Jun long to realize that they were Seungcheol's ex. But he didn't know why Mingyu had such deep-rooted hatred for them. He kept repeating how much he hated them, how much of bastards they both were. What especially caught Jun's attention was, when Mingyu said how both of them hurt Seungcheol. All of the anger vanished from his face, replaced by pain as Mingyu too cried.

___________________________________________________

''What's up?''

Jun looked up from his file when he heard someone enter his office. He didn't reply anything though.

''Woah, nice office, huh? You already look like the CEO.'' The person joked before settling down on the couch.''It won't take long before you become one though.''

''Do you know Jeonghan and Shua?'' Jun remembered when Mingyu was babbling about these two people, he also cursed his own boyfriend a few times for being close to them.

Minghao felt his smile slipping out of his face, ''How do you know them?''

''Do YOU know them or not?'' Jun asked. He didn't wanna beat around the bush.

''Yeah'' Minghao said as he played with the fruit basket in front of him, ''Yeah, they're Seungcheol hyung's ex-boyfriends''

''Are you close with them?''

This time Minghao sighed frustratedly, ''Yes, but why are you asking about them?'' He more or less had an idea where this was going.

''Care to explain why your boyfriend, hates them so much?''

''Huh?''

''I'm asking you to tell me about their relationship.''

''Jun, stop, we're not doing this. Plus it's not even my place to talk about their relationship.''

''You know that if I want to find, you're not the only source. So if you don't wanna tell me then just say so.''

Minghao huffed, he knew there was no point, ''Well..all I know is their relationship wasn't always great.'' He looked at Jun only to meet with his sharp eyes, ''Fine...Well it's a bit complicated...''

By the end of it, Jun still had the same expressionless face, no emotions whatsoever were shown on his face. But his grip on the stress reliever he was holding tightened hard enough that his knuckles turned white.

He let out a sarcastic chuckle, looking outside his window, ''Real nice.''

He got up from his seat, took his outercoat, and headed towards the door.

''Wait, Jun, no, you're not going to do that, you CAN'T do that.'' Minghao let out, his face showing disbelief.

Jun stopped in his tracks as he heard Minghao,

''You don't know what I am gonna do though.''

Chapter Text

''Say, will you miss me if one day I'm gone?''

Except Jeonghan didn't expect that to come true at all.

Stupid.

That he is.

He doesn't even know what was wrong with him all this while. Why he felt so confident about their relationship? Why did he feel that Seungcheol wasn't capable of breaking up with them?

Maybe because he thought Seungcheol loved them as much as they did. He thought Seungcheol was just as invested in this relationship as them. But that didn't seem to be the case anymore.

Jeonghan was still in deep thought. Even after so many days, even after he tried so many times, he still couldn't think of the reason why Seungcheol left. Was it about the marriage thing? But they told him again and again that it wasn't a big deal. But he didn't give them a single chance to explain. Jisoo said it was though. He said it was all because of Jeonghan. Had Jeonghan not brought up the whole marriage and blind date thing then none of it would've happened.

''If you had kept your mouth shut, then he'd still- he'd still be here.''

But was that just because of that single argument? Everything was going so well. There wasn't a single reason why their perfect relationship should have fallen apart.

Or was Seungcheol always waiting for a reason? Any excuse to break it off?

Jeonghan felt so suffocated, he wanted answers, he wanted to ask Seungcheol what exactly went wrong. He could've stayed. He could've fucking stayed. He could've talked and fixed things. He wanted to scream and cry and throw tantrum in front of Seungcheol, Scream until Seungcheol pulls Jeonghan into his arms to calm him down. Like always. That's what happened every time they argued. Everything used to get solved with just one hug from Seungcheol. It was perfect.

But Seungcheol wasn't here anymore. A realization that hits Jeonghan every other moment and breaks his heart every single time.

Both him and Jisoo were trying to move on. They tried avoiding talks about Seungcheol. But it was impossible. Every single thing in their home had memories of Seungcheol.

In these past two months, Jeonghan had lost count, of how many times he had an emotional breakdown.

That feeling every time he remembers that Seungcheol was gone. He's really gone. He will move on and have someone else in his life. Someone else, that he will look at, with that same love and warmth in his eyes. Jeonghan hated it. Jeonghan absolutely hated it. How his stomach twisted and how his eyes burned every time he imagines Seungcheol with someone else.

Every time that happened, Jisoo was there for him, holding him until he cried himself to sleep.

Their relationship was just as strong but he would be lying if he say that Seungcheol's leave didn't affect 'their' relationship at all.

He knows it wasn't easy for Jisoo either. He has seen those eye bags.

But despite everything, his life was still going on. Dull, but still going on. Seungkwan, Hoshi, Dokyeom, all have caught on to what's going on even without him mentioning anything. Maybe because of his depressed mood or maybe because Wonwoo got to know it from Mingyu and told Hoshi.

Jeonghan had tried to contact Mingyu too but seems like he's blocked from every social media and contact. Again Jeonghan didn't understand why Mingyu blocked him. Like yes, he was Seungcheol's cousin, but why did he completely shut Jeonghan and Jisoo out?

He asked Minghao as well when he came to take Seungcheol's belonging, but again he didn't say anything as if he was forbidden to even say a word about Seungcheol. He had just looked at them with pity in his eyes but didn't say anything else other than ''Give him some space.''

Space? Since when did they need space in their relationship? And if he wanted space that much then he could've just said so. Does he even realize how painful the wait is? For how long did he want that space?

Even Hoshi got a clear warning from his boyfriend that he won't interfere in this and he won't ask Mingyu about anything unless the latter tells him. So Jeonghan couldn't even ask Hoshi for help.

It looked like Mingyu was trying to avoid them at any cost. And he was trying to keep them away from Seungcheol. It angered Jeonghan so much. Why would anyone even interfere in someone else's relationship?

Another thing that was happening was Seungkwan and Hoshi had this unsaid tension between them. They tried to not show it in front of Jeonghan but Jeonghan had caught glimpse of it. But he was too emotionally exhausted to ask anything. He himself had enough on his plate right now, he didn't know if he could give anyone else that emotional support right now.

Dokyeom on other hand seemed as if he was conflicted with something like he wanted to tell something to Jeonghan but backed out at the last moment every time. And again Jeonghan had no strength to ask him.

''Did you eat dinner?'' Jisoo voice made him open his eyes lazily. He got up without saying anything.

''Jeonghan, did you eat anything? I know you didn't. Get up. Now.'' Jeonghan rubbed his face to get rid of the drowsiness and got up from the bed.

He went to the table and waited for Jisoo to open the takeout he had brought. Fried chicken, again. Before he could even take a bite-

''I don't wanna eat. Not hungry.''

His words only cause Jisoo to let out a long sigh.

''Stop it. Until when are you going to be like this?'' He let out through his teeth, ''We have to stop with this bullshit one day.''

Jeonghan's expression hardened immediately. He glared at Jisoo, ''Shut up.''

''No, I won't. Stop getting miserable over him.'' He won't come back. Jisoo wanted to add but he didn't. Because he didn't wanna break Jeonghan's heart further and partly because saying that aloud will break his own heart as well.

Jeonghan didn't reply anything for a while before, ''Did you already move on Shua?''

Jisoo felt something snap inside him at the question. It sounded as if he was being accused. Move on?

''YES! I did move on and you should too. He won't come back ever.''

''HE WILL COME BACK.''

''HE WON'T JEONGHAN. HE HAS A BOYFRIEND.''

Chapter Text

Seungcheol felt a severe headache as he wiped away his tears. His eyes and throat hurt from all the crying. He pushed away his diary, finishing up the journal he was writing.

He doesn't really understand how this will help him in any way. But his doctor said that it will, and whatever she has suggested until now, always give him some relief. This time she told him to write about whatever he was feeling word by word, whatever was on his mind in actual words. So he did that.

He was so scared of doing that, scared of remembering all those things that have haunted him for so long. Even Mingyu was against it at the start, but later for some reason, he started encouraging him for doing that. He said that it will help him vent his emotions. The doctor said the same thing.

So he finally did it. Pouring his heart out, that is.

He palmed his eyes, trying to not let any more tears spill.

Right now all he wanted was to get up and wash his face properly but he felt too exhausted. The complex emotions tiring him out. So he just went to bed, trying to sleep it off, queit sobs escaping him.

The writing on the page was flushed in some places. Tear stains were evident on the freshly spread ink.

____________________________________________________________________

Everything feels blank. It started feeling blank for longer than you two realize. No, actually. I forgot that you two never realized anything. Especially when it came to me.

Even when I was a second away from leaving, you reminded me how it would hurt 'you two'. You never once asked how I felt. Or maybe you did. But it was too late. Even if you did, it didn't matter anymore.

Even in those last moments, you were thinking about yourself. It was never about me. But then again have I even existed between 'you two'?

Mingyu told me, again and again, to not start whatever we had. He had warned me so many times. But I thought of it as him being over-protective of me, ignoring it all.

I thought I could handle the complexities of a poly relationship but I was wrong. I thought we could make it work, you assured me we would make it work, but guess love wasn't enough to overcome insecurities.

Where did it all go wrong?

You asked me what was wrong. But what was I supposed to say when I wanted to know the same? I also wish I could pinpoint one exact thing that drove me off the edge.

But there wasn't any 'single solid' reason.

Do you know how frustrated I felt? I was going crazy. I felt suffocated for not being able to talk it out. I was afraid to hear that same 'you're being childish'. Because my reasons were not big enough for you to take me seriously. It wasn't important enough for you to sit down and 'properly' talk to me. But it was those same little things that built up with time before exploding inside me.

Should I have said how useless it made me feel when you would share your hectic office schedule with each other but the moment I entered the picture you would change the topic immediately, giving me those smiles? Smiles that looked so fucking fake.

What were you trying to do? Trying to 'keep me away from tension'? Was that for me to 'not feel stressed over little things?' If so then you fucking sucked at it. It did nothing more than to make me feel like the unreliable one in our relationship. It did nothing more to make me feel insecure. Like you were trying not to emotionally invest yourself with me, making me feel like I'd get discarded at any given moment.

And I told you. I fucking told you but all you did was to laugh it off. Typical you.

Or should I have said how much it bothered me that your brother hated my guts? You would say I'm exaggerating it. But I'm not. Your brother didn't leave a single chance to make me feel bad for fucking up the perfect relationship you two had before me. But again you would say I'm overreacting just because he didn't say anything blatantly vile and harsh. But do you know how much his little 'jokes' hurt me?

Again I told you about it but all that you said was that Seungkwan's just been attached to Shua since childhood.

And at one point I felt sick of it. Sick of constantly complaining about 'little' things to you. I was afraid to be seen as someone even more unreliable than you already thought I was. So I stopped.

But then what happened? You said I was getting distant and accused me of cheating.

Or was it when you actually, by some miracle, shared your problem with me and I was trying my best to understand it, but then you stopped mid-way and said 'I wish Jeonghan was here.' You said that so easily and maybe forget after a few moments. But what about me? Did you give a single thought to me before saying that? You never 'tried' to open up to me. Did you actually feel like it was the right thing to say to your 'boyfriend'? Maybe it was a little thing and I was the one who overreacted.

But what about the time your mom felt sick and you couldn't go there because of the lockdown. You stopped eating and I was worried, so all I did was to say 'relax and eat something'. But you snapped at me saying 'what would you understand about my feelings right now.' You actually said that even when you were well aware of my past with my mom. And the only 'words of comfort' I got were 'he is just very stressed and doesn't realize what he said, don't take it seriously'. Being each other's lawyer. Once again. And making me feel like a third person. Once fucking again.

It was stupid really. It feels funny to call it a relationship when I was never on equal footing. Anything from me would get me accused in no time. Me not wanting to have sex would make you feel like I was creating a distance in our relationship. But how was I supposed to get intimate when I was so emotionally wounded? And it always ended up 'Are you cheating on us?' and never 'Did we do something wrong?'

The whole marriage thing. I know you didn't tell your families about our relationship. And I understand that not everyone can accept this very 'non-traditional' relationship. But about the marriage and blind date? Was I overreacting by getting mad that my boyfriends hid the fact that they were going on blind dates? Was I wrong to expect that you would've told me about your family wanting you to get married asap?

Of course, it's always me exaggerating the situation.

Everything felt 'too silly' to you. But those 'silly' things were tearing me apart.

I thought love was supposed to share, but it seemed like I was always on the sidelines. Feeling like I was invisible like I don't even matter to the people I love. As if I was just an afterthought, always the last one to be considered. I never thought I would feel like a third wheel in my own relationship, but that's exactly what ended up happening. Exactly what Mingyu warned me about.

I was constantly fighting for attention and affection and it felt fucking pathetic and exhausting.

I thought my love was enough but I guess it wasn't enough to come around.

Do you remember, you would wake me up randomly in the middle of the night just because you felt bored. But were you ever there for me when I was spending sleepless nights? Were you aware that I've had to take pills for even sleeping? Of course, you weren't.

Even when I told you I was going for therapy all you ever said was 'I hope it gets better soon'. Kudos to you though. That was definitely the best thing to say to your boyfriend. But never once did you ask what caused me to go to a literal therapy. You even forgot my appointment dates.

Or maybe I was asking for too much when I expected my boyfriends to be by my side during this.

But I thought being in a relationship meant never feeling alone, that constantly having someone through your thick and thin. But I found myself alone.

I felt more alone than ever before. I felt lost and disconnected like I was just going through the motions, round, and round. No matter how much or what I tried I always ended up in the same place.

I thought I had found people who would always be there for me but I was still all by myself, isolated in my own relationship. It hurt to feel like I was just a burden like I was not wanted or needed in that relationship.

So tell me why should I stay?

Why should I feel guilty for breaking up just because it 'hurt' you?

Why should I fucking stay when I am better off without you? Because of love? No. I already endured your bullshits all these years because of 'love'. And look where it got me, nowhere.

Maybe Seungkwan was right when he said to my face that you two were better off without me.

I WILL get over whatever feelings I've got for you. For myself.

I should have understood way before that all of my hopes and attempts were futile.

Because there was no wind in our sails, to begin with.

Chapter Text

Joshua told him.

Jeonghan finally knows it too. And as much as Jisoo hated to admit but he felt a little relief. He finally let it out.

This past week he has been trying to keep himself together even when it was clearly tearing him apart. He didn't want to hurt Jeonghan even further. So he tried keeping it just to himself but then it just came out on a whim.

He regrets it though. He didn't want Jeonghan to go through the same thing he was feeling.

Jisoo wanted to scrap it off. He didn't want to feel this way.

Maybe he's sounding like a bastard but seeing Seungcheol with someone else felt worse than the night he left. He always felt that they will find their way back to each other, but the moment he saw Seungcheol with that man, he was reminded that it was never gonna happen. It took away the hope he had. Not even hope, actually, for some reason he was 'sure' that Seungcheol would come back to them. But his confidence shattered completely when Mingyu confirmed that Seungcheol was in another relationship.

A part of him felt so angry. Angry at the fact that Seungcheol was already over them, happy with someone else. While they were being miserable all this time. He wanted to talk to him. He had so much to ask him but Seungcheol seemed to cut them off all at once.

The desperation of not being able to do anything was killing him.

He was worried about Jeonghan too, cause although the latter didn't give any reaction yesterday, just silently leaving, Jisoo knew he wasn't taking the news well either.

He looked at the clock and tried calling Jeonghan once again but no one picked up, so he left him with some space.

__________

Jeonghan drank his fourth shot of alcohol, tapping the counter to ask for another one. The bartender looked at him with some conflict but complied nonetheless. Jeonghan frequented this bar. 'They' frequented this bar.

He didn't cry since yesterday. Not at all. His mind only repeated those words, 'He already has a boyfriend'.

He gripped his glass tighter at the thought.

Jeonghan looked to the side when he felt a soft tap on his shoulder.

''I see you've been drinking a lot. Everything's okay.?''

Jeonghan didn't reply, getting his attention back to his glass.

The person took a seat beside him. Hyugwon. The owner of this bar and Jeonghan's friend.

''Jisoo came a few days ago.'' He looked at Jeonghan as if testing the waters, ''He told me that you guys broke up.''

And then it happened. Jeonghan finally broke down, tears streaming down his face. Since their break up, no one other than Jisoo spoke about this topic. Not Seungkwan, not Dokyeom, and definitely not Hoshi. Afraid of his moody ass. But maybe that's what he was waiting for. Someone to ask him how he is coping with it. He desperately needed someone, other than Jisoo, to confide in.

So he didn't hold back at all, pouring his heart out in front of the older. The latter giving him the ocassional 'It'll be okay.'

''.....He fucking had the audacity, hyung.'' Jeonghan cried out as he finally told him everything. Then as if something snapped inside him, ''I can't let him do that. No. He promised me. He owes me all those promises, right hyung?'' He blabbered as he fished out his phone from his pocket. The older tried stopping him, not wanting him to do something when he was this drunk and make a fool out of himself. But Jeonghan snapped his arms back.

Searching for his contacts, he finally pressed dial on Seungcheol's number.

It connected after a few rings.

''Hello,'' Seungcheol's voice sounded a bit hoarse for some reason.

But at this moment Jeonghan didn't care about those things, ''....H-hello, Seungcheol?''

''Huh?''

So it was actually Seungcheol. Jeonghan processed it for a second before exploding.

''Choi Seungcheol, you bastard. You can't do that. You're not fucking allowed to do that. Were we just playthings to you? It didn't even take you two months to replace us? Or maybe Jisoo was right? Was that going around even before our break-up? Is that it? Why aren't you saying anything? ANSWER ME YOU FUCKI-''

''YOON JEONGHAN'' The other line replied harshly.

''Don't fucking scream at me. You can't run away like a coward. Yes, that's what you are. Instead of talking to us, you're really shutting it off? That's not the Seungcheol I knew and loved''

The other line fell silent for a while, before ''Where are you? And does Jisoo know about this?''

Hyugwon saw him getting more and more worked up, ''Okay, Jeonghan that's enough phone call for today. Give it here. '' He snatched the phone from his hand.

''...hyung no, you don't understand, let me talk to him, please.'' Jeonghan sobbed.

''GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, YOON JEONGHAN.''

Jeonghan jolted at his loud voice, finally slumping again on his chair, resting his head on the counter as he cried silently.

Hyungwon sighed looking at him, and softly patted his head, ''You'll get over it''

Jeonghan cried even more at that. He didn't want to get over it. He didn't want this chapter to close. Does this really mean the end?

''Hyung, I tried. We tried. We really did.''

''I know you did.''

''Jisoo and I talked about it a lot in the past. We didn't want him to feel threatened by our decade-long relationship. But nothing worked. It ended up the same way that I feared. Our love wasn't enough for him to stay.'' Jeonghan sniffled, ''Or maybe he didn't love us as much as we did''

The older injected at that, ''That's not true, you know that.''

Hyugwon knew Seungcheol. Even if he wasn't as close to him as he was with Jeonghan and Jisoo, he still adored him a lot. It was hard not to, with Seungcheol's sweet personality. He has seen the way Seungcheol treasured this relationship. It surprised him when Jisoo told him about the breakup. And what surprised him more was the fact that Seungcheol was the one to break it off. He didn't want to sound judgmental, but he always thought it would be the other way around. It was clear that Jisoo and Jeonghan loved him, of course they did, but still there was this unsaid difference in their dynamic. No matter how hard one tries to not notice but sometimes it still felt 'Jisoo&Jeonghan plus Seungcheol'. But he never said anything because Seungcheol didn't seem to care.

''You know hyung, we tried our best to keep him away from the trivial things. We tried our best to pamper him as much as we could. I didn't even fight with him as much as I do with Jisoo. Jisoo was the same. From the moment he entered this relationship, we were extra careful with him. No matter how down I was, I still didn't show him cause I didn't want him to worry. No matter how big the problem was, we made sure to solve it between the two of us, so that we won't burden him. We made sure to show him only the good side, But he still left. He still FUCKING left. I didn't even talk about my family that much in front of him. You know how fucked up my family is, right? Just because I didn't tell him about my blind- dates, he broke it off. Just one thing and he forgot those three years we spent together.''

Hyugwon felt his face scrunching up in disbelief the more he heard. Was Jeonghan being for real? No, he must be drunk. Was that how their relationship has been? More or less he got the idea of what may have happened. His previous theory only got confirmed. But still, he refused to believe Jeonghan can be this dumb. Was he really stupid or just being an asshole?

''Jeonghan, do you even hear yourself? Are you really freaking serious right now?''

Jeonghan seemed a bit drunk, but his senses still regained little clarity from all the crying. He looked at Hyugwon with confusion.

''YOU-'' Hyugwon stopped, taking a deep breath to calm himself, before continuing, ''Did you ever think that this is the exact reason he left? Because you 'cared' a little too much for him?''

Jeonghan seemed even more confused, ''Huh? Are you saying it's our fault?''

''IT ISN'T ?!!!'' Hyungwon felt himself flaring up again. He felt all the empathy he had for Jeonghan and Jisoo disappear, replaced with anger and disbelief.

''So it's our fault for caring about him? It's our fault for pampering him more?'' Jeonghan retorted with the same heat.

''Pampering- my ass. He wasn't your fucking sugar baby, Jeonghan. He was your boyfriend. Do you even- yOU KNOW WHAT...you both fucking deserve it.'' Hyugwon said as he got up to leave.

Jeonghan felt his tears coming back at the last sentence. He didn't understand what Hyugwon just said. How any of this is his fault?

Dizziness took over him once again as he sobbed.

He just kept crying until a silhouette took him back home.

Chapter Text

Jeonghan woke up with a splitting headache. His whole body felt exhausted, eyes still stinging. But still, he dragged his body out, rubbing his face to stop the dizziness.

He came out into the living room and found Joshua sitting on the sofa. He was frowning as he stared into the distance.

''Did you bring me home? Sorry, I drank a little too much. I didn't create a scene or anything, did I?'' Jeonghan said, slumping down the sofa.

But that only caused Jisoo's frown to deepen. He stared at Jeonghan with an expression that was hard to describe.

''What?'' Jeonghan asked confused.

''....Nothing, there's tablets and hangover soup on the table. Take it.'' Jisoo said as he got up to leave.

Well, that got Jeonghan's attention. What was that? Why was his tone...so dry? He didn't even ask a single thing about last night, considering all the long lectures he gives Jeonghan every time he gets wasted.

Jisoo came into his room. What happened last totally had his mind in a puzzle. He had thought of every single possibility that could have resulted in their fallout. But what Hyugwon said...
No, that can't be true. That can't possibly be true.

__________________________________

Jisoo got out of the cab hurriedly.

Seungkwan had called him saying Jeonghan was at Hyugwon's club and that he should go and pick him up. So here he was.

The moment he entered the bar, he noticed it was almost empty. Few people here and there, but mostly empty. His eyes soon landed on Jeonghan who was literally spread out on the counter table, sobbing loudly.

''You're here?'' Jisoo looked at the sudden voice. He saw Hyugwon staring...no actually glaring at him. ''It's good that you're here. Take him and sram asap.'' He said, turning away, leaving a dumbfounded Jisoo there.

''What's wrong with you?'' Jisoo asked annoyed, clearly not liking the older's tone. But Hyugwon only narrowed his eyes further.

''Nothing, just him away. He's completely drunk.'' He said before further adding a snarky remark, ''Also I can't stand his ass here.''

This time before Jisoo could ask anything, Hyugwon already left. So he just shifted his attention towards Jeonghan, who was still crying and saying something that Jisoo couldn't make out clearly.

''Hannie...Why did you drink so much?'' He asked softly even when he was completely aware of the reason. These days all of their pain and agony was caused by only one person. Someone who is probably having the best time of his life with someone new.

''Come on, let's go home.'' He said, cradling Jeonghan lightly to get him on his feet.

''Nooo...don't wanna go...he's lying. He's lying right?'' Jeonghan said as more tears poured out of his eyes.

''Who's lying?''

''Jeonghan, who's lying?''

''Hyugwon hyung....''

''What did he say?''

''He said...'' Jeonghan sobbed ''He said he left because of us...'' ''It's a lie, right?''

That took Jisoo by surprise. He has told Hyugwon about their break up. The older even gave him a lot of emotional support that he needed at that time.

But then why did he say this to Jeonghan? How can he be so insensitive. Not to mention, him being rude just a few moments ago.

''You haven't left yet?'' He turned around to face Hyugwon, who had not so welcoming look on his face. Jisoo felt his annoyance flaring up.

''Hyung, what's up with you? Why did you tell him that? And what's with this sudden rudeness.?'' Jisoo asked, his voice going up.

''Tell him what?'' Hyugwon feigned an innocent face.

''Tell him that...that Seungcheol left because of us.''

''Did he not?'' Hyugwon asked nonchalantly. This time Jisoo felt his anger completely flaring up. He glared at Hyugwon.

''What do you mean?'' Jisoo asked through his gritted teeth.

''What I mean is simple Jisoo. Seungcheol left because of you two. It was your fault. And this boyfriend of yours still had the audacity to call him and curse at him for leaving.'' Hyugwon said motioning towards Jeonghan.

What? What does he mean by Joenghan called Seungcheol? And most of all, what does he mean by it's their fault. Hyugwon turned around to leave but Jisoo catched him just in time.

''HYUNG! wait wait...just wait.'' Jisoo said still trying to process everything. He took a deep breath to calm himself.

''Hyung, what do you mean by it? What do you mean by it's our fault. Why are you suddenly saying so?'' He asked, this time as calmly as possible.

Hyugwon looked at his pleading eyes. He was aware how much Jisoo was suffering because of their break up. But does he really not have the slightest idea of what's going on?

Hyugwon told him what Jeonghan said to him.

But that only confused Jisoo even more. What was wrong with all that Jeonghan said? How does it show that it's their fault?

Hyugwon sensed his face clearly, letting out a scoff.

''Hong Jisoo, really? Do you really think there's nothing wrong with that?'' Hyugwon sighed once again.

''See, I don't know why you guys thought, doing that would be a good idea. Have you ever thought that doing so would make him feel like a thirdwheel? Or you guys not sharing your problems with him would make him feel like he was not good enough to be trusted making him insecure?''

Jisoo felt speechless.

What!

Hyugwon rubbed his face. Damn, he really had a lot of explaining to do.

_________________________________

Jisoo felt like crying. How can he be so stupid? He couldn't help the tears from falling. He felt terrible. Did they really hurt Seungcheol? Even if it was not intentional?

And the thing that was bothering him the most was that his relationship with Jeonghan was the reason why he lost Seungcheol. It ached his heart when he phrased it like that. But......

Chapter Text

''What? Really hyung?'' Mingyu asked him excitedly. His eyes literally showed stars. He left his boyfriend's side to sit beside Seungcheol, hooking his arms with Seungcheol's.

Seungcheol chuckled lightly at the younger's enthusiasm, ''Yeah, I've decided to take a break from my work for a few months. I'll join Minghao's art academy in the meantime as a tutor.'' He then looked at Minghao smiling, ''Thanks to you.''

But the latter just shrugged it off, ''Aish, hyung, don't mention it.''

Mingyu's smile stretched to the max. He wrapped Seungcheol in a side hug, snuggling into him, ''That's an awesome idea, Hyung.''

''Yeah, all thanks to Jun'' Seungcheol smiled softly as he recalled how the younger managed to convince him.

A lot has happened in the past couple of months. But what surprised Seungcheol the most was seeing Jun living in the same building as him.

The embarrassing moment was when Seungcheol got to know that Jun was the one who helped him in moving. At that time Seungcheol was so caught up in his own agony to notice anyone. So that day when they bumped into each other in the parking lot, had been their first actual meeting.

Seungcheol literally had no contact with Jun in the past few years. But still, when they met, everything clicked instantly, with no awkwardness whatsoever. As if they've always been in touch.

They've been hanging out almost daily. Whether it was a simple cafe trip or just going to the nearby park, Jun always invited him. Seungcheol was thankful though, it helped him to get some fresh air outside and take his mind off of irrelevant things.

Jun told him about the things he'd been up to in those years.

Seungcheol kind of shared some stuff too. Even his break up, not the details but still. But even if he didn't share the details, Jun could most probably see that he was definitely not taking it well.

That was the time when Jun suggested Seungcheol should seek some change. It could be anything, just something different from his regular daily routine. Something that puts his mind and heart at peace.

Seungcheol thought for a while about what it could possibly be, when it was Jun who suggested, again, that he should join Minghao's art academy.

And after so long, Seungcheol felt a genuine happiness bloom inside him as he listened to the idea. He was a bit surprised as to how Jun still remembered his interest in painting. But anyways, he absolutely loved the idea.

When he asked Minghao about it, the latter immediately agreed. Seungcheol was thankful to him.

And to Jun too. Both of them have been spending time together. Seungcheol really likes it. He has always adored the kid, oops Jun gonna sulk if he hears Seungcheol calling him that.

''Hyung, I swear the students are gonna go crazy if they hear that you're going to tutor them,'' Minghao said excitedly, snapping him out of his thoughts.

''Okay, now you're exaggerating it Hao.'' Seungcheol said playfully rolling his eyes at the younger's words, only to get hit by Mingyu.

''He's not lying. The kids have seen your paintings and they absolutely loved it.''

''Okay, then hyung, when will you start?''

''Tomorrow sounds good?''

''Good? It sounds great. I'mma go and make some arrangements.''

The painting classes started. And as Seungcheol expected, it gave him the happiness and satisfaction that he was craving for a long time. The students were amazing. Seeing their enthusiasm as he taught them new techniques reminded Seungcheol of his own days.

Above everything else, it felt nice doing something for himself. In these past few years, he had never even touched a paintbrush. He never got the chance to. After his work, all of his energy went into something stupid. He was busy making other people happy. So much that he lost count of his own hobbies and likings.

''I told you so many times that it's not done like that. You have to lower your pressure on the paintbrush at the end.'' Jun spat annoyedly at a student, garnering Seungcheol's attention.

Seungcheol looked at them with a low chuckle. On days, when Jun was free, he dropped by the academy. Seungcheol appreciated it overall but the only short point was, Jun easily got annoyed at the students when they repeatedly got something wrong. But he still helped them until they got it right.

''Easy there, Junnie.'' Seungcheol said from where he was seated, motioning Jun to join him, which the latter did by taking a seat beside Seungcheol.

Seungcheol wiped the tiny paint stroke from Jun's cheeks, ''Did you forget that it's the same paint stroke that almost took you a whole week to learn? That too after I repeatedly taught you, by holding your hands. '' He teased.

Jun was about to refute when he suddenly remembered something and stopped.

Seungcheol wasn't supposed to know that Jun did it just so he could spend more time with the elder. He looked at his side to see Seungcheol admiring the students that were to focus on their paintings.

It was nice. Seeing Seungcheol smile.

It unconsciously stretched his own lips into a thin line.

''Ahh...this feels so nice.'' Seungcheol sighed contently before adding, ''Far better than that stupid-ass cabin job.'' to joke a little.

A bad one but still earned a light chuckle from Jun.

Seungcheol still had a lot of scars that needed to be healed. But at least he was making some progress. Doesn't matter how little, but he was taking steps to find his own happiness. One which included him and him only. One where he didn't need to depend on someone else to be happy.

All of this might seem like nothing to outsiders but Seungcheol knew how much it meant to him. And he was proud of himself. There were still many times when he completely broke down. Much more frequently than he'd like to admit. But still, he was making progress as compared to before.

He looked sideways to Jun. This guy honestly deserved a big thanks from him. Again for outsiders, it might seem like he didn't do much but for Seungcheol it was different.

As much as he didn't want to, he had cried in front of the younger a couple of times. And Jun was the only person that replied with a ''Of course it will hurt. Why would you think it wouldn't?'' rather than saying 'it'll be okay'. It somehow made Seungcheol feel like it was okay to cry, and that it doesn't mean he's weak. All those, little nonchalant confusion from the younger as to why Seungcheol thinks everything will be better all at once, made him feel better.

Seungcheol shrugged out these unpleasant thoughts, focusing back on checking the paintings.

''Let's go to a cafe after the class is over?'' Jun asked.

''Sure.''

_______________________________________________

Jeonghan opened the door, only to find an empty home, all to himself. Again.

But he wasn't surprised as Jisoo already messaged him that he will be working overtime. Again. A message that he has been sending a lot recently. Jeonghan wasn't stupid, he did notice the sudden and apparent change in Jisoo. He even tried talking but the latter just shrugged it off as nothing.

But Jeonghan knew it was not nothing. Not when Jisoo was acting so dry with him. They're literally having arguments about the silliest things. But Jeonghan didn't press much. He was really cautious, he already lost Seungcheol, and he couldn't handle losing Jisoo as well.

Jeonghan pushed all these thoughts aside when he got a call from Dokyeom.

''Uh, Dokyeom-ah.''

''Hyung, where are you? Can you come here please?''

Jeonghan straightened up at the evident panic in Dokyeom's voice, ''What's wrong? Are you okay?''

''Hyung, it's Seungkwan. I don't know why but since he returned home, he has locked himself up in the room. He isn't even responding to me.''

Jeonghan panicked at that, ''Where are you? At the apartment?....Okay, wait for me.''

He immediately fished out his phone sending Jisoo a text message, before hurrying outside.

''Where is he?'' Jeonghan asked the moment he entered Dokyeom and Seungkwan's shared apartment.

''Still in his room.'' Dokyeom replied.

Jeonghan went to his door, knocking softly, ''Seungkwan, open the door, it's hyung.'' But they were only met with silence.

''Kwanie, open the door, please.''

''Talk to me.''

Jeonghan plopped down on the couch after trying for good 20 minutes. He turned to Dokyeom, ''What happened exactly?''

But Dokyeom just shook his head, ''No idea, he was supposed to meet up with Hoshi. And everything was fine before he left but when he returned, he was crying. When I asked what's wrong then instead of replying, he just shut himself lock.''

Hoshi? Wait...is it about that?

Jeonghan immediately got up, knocking on Seungkwan's door once again. This time, more aggressively, ''Seungkwan open the door, Is it about Hoshi and Wonwoo?''

''Hoshi and Wonwoo?'' Dokyeom repeated in confusion.

But before he could ask anything, he heard the door click open, revealing a red-eyed Seungkwan.

Seungkwan looked at Jeonghan, instantly breaking into tears. Jeonghan engulfed him in a hug, ''Is it really related to them?'' Instead of replying Seungkwan sobbed even more.

After they settled him down on the couch, and after several rounds of crying, Seungkwan finally started, ''Hoshi and Wonwoo hyung, they...'' Another sob escaping his lips.

''Did you confess or something?'' Jeonghan asked softly. Dokyeom felt his eyes popping out in shock.

''N-No, they confessed to me.'' It was Jeonghan's turn to be shocked.

''What?''

''They confessed to me. Wonwoo hyung said that he would like us to be in a polyamory relationship if I feel the same.''

''What the--? Then why are you crying? What did you reply?''

Seungkwan looked at Jeonghan, eyebrows furrowed, ''What do you mean what did I reply? Of course, I rejected?''

''YOU REJECTED? But why?''

All this while Dokyeom felt himself getting more and more confused, but this certainly wasn't the best time to ask anything. So he just quietly listened.

''Hyung, what do you mean why? Do you think it's gonna work? It's because it's not gonna work.''

''Why wouldn't it work Seungkwan? They love you? You love them?'' Jeonghan really didn't understand. The younger had pined over those two since childhood. When they announced they were dating, Jeonghan had lost count of all those nights where he nursed a crying Seungkwan. So he had no idea why he was rejecting them.

Seungkwan frowned more and more. Jeonghan out of all people was saying that. Or he purposely just wants to hurt him? , ''Nevermind, talking to you wasn't a good idea to begin with.''

''What do you mean?'' Jeonghan felt himself getting more and more irritated. Seungkwan was just making this more and more complex when it really was simple, ''You three love each other. Then what's the problem? Stop being a baby. Why would you thing It won't work out?''

Seungkwan glared at him, ''You just don't understand anything.'' He gritted out.

''I don't understand anything? What do I don't understand anything? Seungkwan why are you making it hard for yourself? Why did you reject them when you clearly love them? It's not even about-''

''DID IT WORK OUT FOR YOU? HAH HYUNG?'' Seungkwan snapped, making Jeonghan stunned.

''What the hell do you know? What love? Didn't you two claim to love Seungcheol as well? But what happened? Did it work out for you guys?''

''Seungkwan, stop it.'' Dokyeom glared at Seungkwan. Why the hell was he suddenly bringing Jeonghan's relationship into this?

''No, let me speak. Hyung, why should I accept it? Just to get discarded like Seungcheol hyung?'' Seungkwan spat. He knew he was doing wrong, he knew he should just stop but he didn't. It was his own pain. And huge part of it was that unsaid guilt he had towards Seungcheol. A pang of guilt that didn't fail to make him feel bad every-FUCKING-day. All those times that he hurt Seungcheol were now gnawing at him. But he wanted someone to put the blame on. And that someone happened to be Jeonghan.

''You both were so confident that your relationship will work out. But what happened? You just ended up making Seungcheol feel like a third-wheeler. Treated him like an accessory depending on your own mood. Hurted him until he was completely broken.''

Seungkwan laughed through his tears, ''And you know the best part hyung, you both had no idea. You still don't have an idea about why he left. Even now, you had the fucking audacity to accuse him of cheating. And you claimed that you loved him.''

He wiped his tears, ''But I'm not as patient as Seungcheol hyung, nor am I strong as him. I can't handle being adopted by a couple as their toy. I don't want that kind of love.''

''HAVE YOU SAID ENOUGH?'' Dokyeom shouted at Seungkwan.

''You said all this...'' Jeonghan turned to face Seungkwan, ''..just because I tried to help you?''

Seungkwan felt more tears pouring down. He looked anywhere but Jeonghan.

Jeonghan took his keys and stormed out of their apartment.

_______________________________________________

Jeonghan entered his own home, to find Jisoo setting up dinner from the kitchen counter to the dining table.

He looked at Jeonghan briefly, ''You're here? Get freshened up. Dinner is ready.'' He said in a monotone.

He didn't even look at him properly. Or else he would've noticed tear streaks on Jeonghan's face.

Jeonghan didn't say anything. He just went to freshen up. He felt exhausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Everything happening around him seemed to drain his energy.

He joined the table after a few minutes. Everything was silent. No conversations. Nothing.

''Did Seungcheol leave because of us?'' Jeonghan's voice sounded amid the silence, followed by the sound of something breaking.

Chapter Text

Are you happy now?'' Dokyeom shook his head, clearly disappointed at Seungkwan as he ran to catch up to Jeonghan.

''Hyung..wait.'' Before Jeonghan could enter the lift, Dokyeom dragged him back into their apartment.

Wiping away Jeonghan's tears from his cheeks, Dokyeom tried to console him, ''Hyung..it's not...it's not your fault, okay? Don't listen to him.'' That didn't sound convincing to himself either let alone Jeonghan, who only spilled more tears.

Jeonghan stared at Dokyeom. It wasn't hard to notice how the latter was saying it just for the sake of it. He looked at Seungkwan who averted his eyes down in shame.

After calming down a bit, with Dokyeom's constant 'it wasn't your fault', ''Why did you say that?'' Jeonghan asked Seungkwan.

''.....I'm sorry.'' Seungkwan said looking guilty.

But Jeonghan didn't want an apology. He wanted to know if Seungkwan said all that just because he was angry or he actually meant it. All this time he felt tortured, not knowing why Seungcheol left. And now Seungkwan said this. Not to mention Dokyeom too, looked like he was more or less agreed with Seungkwan despite saying otherwise.

''Did you mean it?'' Jeonghan asked again.

''NO! Hyung, I told you he was just spouting nonsense.''

Jeonghan took a deep breathe, ''Dokyeom, please? Can you two be honest with me?'' He looked desperately back and forth between the two of them, his voice hoarse, ''All this time I've been dying to know what made my relationship fall apart despite so much effort from our side. We were literally perfect when me and Shua left, but then we came back and just because of a single arguement, he left us. I thought he'd come back, that it was just a fleet of anger, but he didn't. He completely shut us out Seungkwan-ah.'' Jeonghan heard his voice breaking.

Seungkwan felt his own tears welling up again as he listened to Jeonghan. He wanted to curse himself. Why the hell did he say that? Jeonghan was already going through such a hard time, not to mention even things between him and Jisoo were rocky lately. But being the biggest bastard he is, he let his emotion get to him. As if hurting Seungcheol in the past wasn't bad enough, that he had to hurt Jeonghan as well.

''I can't contact Mingyu, hell I can't even contact Wonwoo. Even Hoshi can't help us . I don't understand why he wants to erase us from his life this bad.'' Jeonghan cluctched his head in his palms, tears streaking his entire face, ''So I'm begging you please tell me what it is, if you know. Please. Maybe once I know, then I can make up for it and maybe we can go back to how it used to be.'' Jeonghan pleaded. He looked like all of this was physically hurting him.

Dokyeom broke into a sob as he saw Jeonghan. He has always been the emotional one between the three of them. But Jeonghan? It was his first time seeing Jeonghan in such state.

And when Jeonghan voiced out that he still had a hope for their relationship, and their relationship could still work, they just couldn't keep quite.

''Hyung, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.'' Seungkwan settled down on his other side as he fidgeted with the hem of his sleeves, ''I didn't mean to hurt you but... What I said was actually what I felt.''

Seungkwan said, still not looking at Jeonghan.

Jeonghan felt another wave of emotions threatening to break out but he composed himself, ''Go on.''

''It's just...'' Seungkwan sighed frustratedly as he tried to find the correct words, ''I don't know how to explain, it's just...'' In the end he could'nt explain it.

''Hyung do you remember your second anniversary since Seungcheol hyung entered your relationship?'' This time it was Dokyeom who started.

Jeonghan thought for a while before nodding.

''You guys made an appointment and Seungcheol hyung waited for almost three hours. But then something urgent came up in Shua hyung's office and he couldn't join. So you ended up driving to Shua hyung's office and accompanied him until his work was finished. What do you Seungcheol hyung must have felt then?'' Dokyeom said cautiously.

Jeonghan thought for a while before he his eyes went wide, ''No no, but that's--''

''I know'' Dokyeom cut him off before he could finish his sentence, ''I know it was because Shua hyung's office was closer and you didn't tell Seungcheol hyung because you both didn't think it would take so long. But regardless of the reason both of you ended up spending your anniversarry together while he was waiting all alone in that resturant. At least that's how it sounded to me as an outsider. But again you said Seungcheol hyung was okay, so I didn't really had any place to point it out.''

Jeonghan felt disbelief drowning upon him.

''....Hyung, I'm sure he was already insecure enough from the fact you and Shua hyung know each other since childhood and dating for almost a decade.''

''Of course I know that. Anybody would feel that way in such situation. That's why me and Shua were extra careful with him. We never fought with him. Even when we had fight between the two of us, we made sure to not involve him. Or complain about those trivial things to him. We-''

''I think that's where it went wrong.'' Dokyeom replied seriously, ''Because you didn't share your problems with him, maybe that's why he felt like you were excluding him from things? Did you try talking to him? Or did he say anything regarding this?''

''No, he didn-''

Jeonghan paused in between.

Wait.

Was all those little complains that Jeonghan played off as just him whining... Was he serious about it?

"I don't know the details of your relationship hyung, only you three do. I don't speak on Seungcheol hyung's behalf, but if you ask from an outsider's POV then I sure felt like..... " Dokyeom didn't complete his sentence.

But Jeonghan didn't need him to say it out aloud to know.

Lots of little things were pointed out afterwards, more than Jeonghan would like.

_______________________________________
"Did Seungcheol leave because of us?'' Jeonghan's voice sounded amid the silence, followed by the sound of something breaking.

" Shut up" Jisoo responded after a while, getting up with his half eaten dinner.

"Did we hurt him?" Jeonghan asked again.

"I told you to shut up. There's no point in talking now."

"So what do you want to do? Keep avoiding this topic and me until we end up in bitter terms!!!!" Jeonghan snapped.

He had enough if this cold treatment. He thought Jisoo would come along after a while but he was actively avoiding talks now.

"Or do you even give a damn whether Cheol returns or not?" Jeonghan sounded more accusatory than he intended.

Jisoo glared at him, "Stop talking nonsense. I'm just being practical here."

"Jisoo" Jeonghan sighed deeply, " I talked with Dokyeom and Seungkwan and they.... "

"And they said maybe it was indeed our fault. Maybe we made him feel excluded regardless of our different intention."

Jisoo looked taken aback.

This was the exact thing that Hyugwon said to him that night.

But then why didn't seem Jeonghan bothered at all, even after knowing that. When he himself was constantly eaten up by guilt. To the point that he even felt anger towards Jeonghan. He knew it was wrong to get angry at Jeonghan, when both of them were at fault. But in a way he felt that he lost his Seungcheol because of Jeonghan. Crazy when worded like that but he was too hurt from the loss.

He kept his firm stare at Jeonghan, "But still there's no point in talking now. He has a boyfriend now, in case you forgot."

Jeonghan took a deep breath before continuing. He couldn't explain how his heart was breaking when confronted with the fact that they had hurt Seungcheol this way and the worst thing being that they didn't even realize.

But in a way he felt relieved too. Relieved because his biggest fear was proven false. What Dokyeom said clearly meant that the reason Seungcheol left was because 'they' hurt him and not because he fell in love with someone else.

"I haven't forgotten anything. But listen to me, if Seungcheol was hurt then that obviously means he cared and he still had feelings. And there's no way he can eliminate all of his feelings for us in just a few months." He stepped closer to Jisoo cupping his face, "He just met that new guy few months ago but we've been together for 3 years, baby. I think we still can make it work if we talk everything out with Cheol."

Jeonghan was dying to tell Seungcheol that things were not how he presumed . They weren't excluding him on purpose. Just because Seungcheol joined their relationship much later doesn't mean that they loved him any less.

_______________________________________
After hours of convince Jisoo, here they were. In the same cafe where Jisoo saw Seungcheol with that guy.

"Do you really think it will work?" Jisoo asked, still not completely favouring the idea.

Confronting Seungcheol in public, didn't seem very right.

"Do you think we have any other option? He has literally shut all the source of contact. This is the only thing we can try." Jeonghan himself wasn't too sure if it'd work.

Jeonghan made his way to the counter, Jisoo following close.

A middle aged woman on duty.

"Excuse me, ma'am, Can I ask you something?" He asked softly.

The counter lady looked at him, her eyes lighting up at the pair of handsome men in front of her.

"Yes yes, handsome boy, how can I help you?" She said, leaning way too close to him across the counter.

Jeonghan took out his phone with a picture of Seungcheol with them and showed it to the lady, "Do you know probably know him? " He pointed at Seungcheol in the middle.

The lady looked at it carefully before her eyes lit up once again, "Ohhh, him? He's our regular customer. He frequently comes here with his boyfriend." She said excitedly.

Jeonghan winced at the last part. Before continuing, "Umm.. Does he, like, have a specific time when he comes here? "

"... Not really? But mostly at the evenings. Sorry, not too sure about that." The lady laughed helplessly.

Jeonghan thanked the lady before placing order and returning to their seats.

"I saw him at the morning though." Jisoo said as he plopped on his chair.

Jeonghan didn't really know what to reply. So they just waited silently.

Waited until the closing time, with no Seungcheol in the view.

Second day, same thing.

Third day, same thing.

On Fourth day, however, around noon, Jisoo saw that familiar dimpled smile.

He felt his heart pounding against his chest, eyes tearing up uncontrollably the moment it landed on Seungcheol.

"Cheol" He whispered.

Jeonghan immediately straightened up at the name, following Jisoo's line of sight.

He felt his knees go week at the person in front if him. His stomach coiling suddenly. He wanted to run up to him and hug him tightly.

"Cheol" He called out loud, garnering the man's attention.

His heart constricting painfully as he saw Seungcheol losing his smile that moment he saw them.

"Cheol" Jisoo called out again as he ran up to him quickly, before pulling him into a bone crushing hug. He hugged him tightly, afraid to let go again, soft restrained sobs escaping his lips.

"Baby, I missed you. I missed you so much." He said tightening his arms even more as his sobs got louder.

Chapter Text

''Hey, do you have any plans for the weekend?'' Jun asked pulling the car into the parking lot.

Seungcheol arranged the painting brushes in the box as he replied, ''Not yet.''

''Well, I was thinking if we could get lost in the city of Seoul and find a way back to each other.''

Seungcheol laughed at this. Jun had an old habit of using random pick-up lines on people. Minghao was sick of it at this point. But Seungcheol always found it adorably hilarious. What makes it funnier to him was that Jun says all this cheesy stuff with a straight, nonchalant face.

''Oh my god, Junnie, that was a nice one. How long did it take you to come up with that?.'' Seungcheol giggled pulling Jun's cheeks.

''Three days....Don't laugh'' The younger mumbled, pouting slightly. But that prompted Seungcheol to laugh more.

They got off the car, making their way to the Seungcheol's recent favorite cafe. He often hung out with Jun and even Mingyu & Minghao, there. Pastel-themed cafes have always been his favorites.

A phone call interrupted their cheery moment.

''You go ahead, I'm coming just in a sec.'' Jun said picking up the call.

Seungcheol nodded, and entered the cafe, ordering as usual.

''....and one iced americano too wi-''

''Cheol''

Seungcheol felt his smile drop instantly.

He felt a shiver going down his spine as he looked in the direction of the voice. His belly churned unpleasantly at the familiar face. He wasn't at all ready for this.

No, he wasn't ready to face them at all. He didn't have the courage to look at them. He thought he had done pretty good progress in these past months. That he was letting go of his feelings bit by bit. Oh, how wrong he was.

Just one look at those faces, and he felt all of his feelings flooding back. Along with all the pain and heartbreak. That vivid feeling that he felt that night surged into his heart once again, making it hard for him to breathe. He wanted to run away but his body seemed to be stuck. Everything seemed to be happening so fast.

Before he could react in any way he felt someone crashing into his arms. He didn't need to see that face to know the person. His body froze completely.

''Baby, I missed you. I missed you so much.''

That was the last straw for Seungcheol to feel his tears spilling uncontrollably.

That 'I miss you' that usually made Seungcheol's heart flutter, was now hurting him more than anything. He flinched, wanting to push away the person.

But his hands were shaking, making it impossible to even lift it. He felt dizzy as his breathing fastened.

Jisoo reluctantly broke the hug, as he cupped his face, wiping away his tears, ''I really missed you so much, baby.'' His voice broke once again as he looked at Seungcheol affectionately.

Seungcheol's face twisted up in pain.

What right does he have to say this now? How dare he say that he missed him. When he was with them, he was hurt over and over again. Now that he left them and was trying to move on, he was still hurting.

He covered his face, backing away from Jisoo.

''Cheol, we need to talk, okay? Let's talk.'' Jisoo held his hand, desperation filling his voice.

Jeonghan followed soon, ''I know we hurt you. But that wasn't intentional at all. There's a misunderstanding. We need to talk ok.'' He said stepping closer, too desperate to explain things to Seungcheol.

''DON'T TOUCH ME. I don't wanna talk about anything.'' Seungcheol yanked away his hands, suddenly feeling extremely suffocated because of the other two invading his personal space. He felt cornered as they hovered over him. As if they were forcing him into a confrontation, he wasn't ready to talk about.

''Cheol, we're sorry. It wasn't....''

Their voices slowly became very incoherent.

He didn't want to listen to any apologies, he didn't want any explanations. It was hurting him instead of comforting him. Reminding him of all those unpleasant and pathetic things that he was trying to forget. The countless nights he spent without an ounce of sleep, those panic attacks he suffered all alone. When he was pulled more and more into the dark whirlwind of depression, where were these apologies then? Where were they when he asked them to accompany him to his appointments because he was so scared of facing it alone? They didn't miss him then?

And now they have the audacity to think that all of it will be solved by a single confrontation.

As these thoughts were provoked once again inside him, he felt as if he was losing touch with reality. He suddenly felt too conscious of people around them, feeling all eyes on him. The cafe which seemed empty just a moment ago, suddenly felt too crowdy as people gathered around them. His palms got sweatier as he huffed.

No, this can't be happening now. He can't handle another attack, that too in public.

He tried pushing away Jeonghan, but it was too weak.

His breathing quickened as he felt more and more breathless. With everyone watching him, he wanted to hide somewhere.

He needed to get out of here. He-

''HYUNG''

He felt a sudden yank at his arms. The loud voice cleared up his foggy mind a bit. He looked at the person in front of him, immediately breaking into tears, the latter engulfing him into a hug.

Jun felt his mind-blowing the moment he entered the cafe. Seungcheol is surrounded by two strangers. He seemed to be in a trance, shaking badly, his face all sweaty. The older seemed to come back to reality at his sudden voice but he was still shaking in his arms, clutching his shirt.

''Hyung, are you okay? What's wrong? I'm here, okay? Relax, I'm here'' He said as he hugged the older softly.

''Mind your own business.'' Jun heard as he saw a hand coming towards Seungcheol again. Before he even saw who was it, he yanked it away with such ferocity that the latter stumbled a bit. Only then he took notice of the intruders in front of him. He didn't know them and wasn't eager to know either. His main priority right now was to calm Seungcheol down. But despite seeing Seungcheol's condition, the other two can't seem to read the situation at all.

''So, that's your reason to not talk, Cheol?'' Jeonghan called out softly, seemingly just a second away from crying, ''All because of him.''

Seungcheol stiffened at that. He tried composing himself as he turned around, visibly very confused at the way Jisoo glared at Jun.

''No one has anything to do with this. I just...don't wanna talk.'' He answered quietly, looking at the people around that were looking at them with great interest. Seungcheol wanted nothing but to get out of this place.

Jisoo glared at Jun, the latter ignoring his very existence, completely focused on Seungcheol. Jisoo's frown deepened as he saw the way Jun was holding Seungcheol.

''What bullshit!! Isn't he the reason you left?''

''HE HAS NOTHING TO WITH IT?!''

Seeing Seungcheol being so defensive about it only made Jisoo more and more sure. Disbelief and hurt painted his face. Did Seungcheol really.....before their break up-- NO.

''It isn't? You're choosing to side with him instead of your own boyfriend?'' Jisoo called out, desperately wanting to hear a solid NO.

Seungcheol couldn't believe this. He really couldn't believe this, ''We already broke up.''

Jun's expressionless face finally twisted into a frown as he heard this. These are Seungcheol's...ex?

''YES. AND IN JUST 2 MONTHS, YOU MOVED ON FROM OUR 3-YEAR-OLD RELATIONSHIP?'' Jisoo finally felt his anger getting to him completely.

Seungcheol looked taken aback.

''What? Didn't expect me to know about it? You want me to believe this bullshit that you lost all your feelings in just two months. tHAT YOU WEREN'T FUCKING HIM BEFORE OUR BREAK UP?''

Jisoo felt a punch landing on his cheek the moment these words left his mouth.

Seungcheol felt his heart wrenching as he heard those words. His tears threatened to fall once again.

''SHUT THAT FILTHY MOUTH OF YOURS UP, YOU BASTARD,'' Jun said, his knuckles still curled up into fists.

Jisoo stumbled a little before straightening up and grabbing Jun by his collar, ''You're the one who's a bastard! Didn't think this before hooking up with my boyfriend?''

And their wordly spat turned into a full-on physical brawl. The people around them gasping and pulling out their phones to record.

''Jun..stop it, please. I said stop it.'' Seungcheol and Jeonghan tried separating the two as the chaos only increased.

''JUN! I SAID STOP IT. PLEASE.''

Jun held back a punch as he heard Seungcheol's cry. He glared at the man in front of him, ''Next time I see you two around him, I'll kill you.'' He spat through his gritted teeth, before taking Seungcheol's hand and leaving the cafe.

____________________________________________

The moment they entered the car, Seungcheol finally broke down into a sob that he was holding back.

Jun just looked at him, his own heart aching as he saw the older cry so bitterly. This was definitely not the Seungcheol he knew. And what was up earlier in the cafe. Was he having panic attack? That definitely looked like one. But as far as he knew Seungcheol only suffered from mild anxiety. But what he saw wasn't mild at all. The older looked like he was having hard time breathing.

''I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. It was my all fault.''

Jun's thoughts got cut off by this sudden apology.

''What? Why are YOU apologizing? How was any of that your fault?''

''I'm sorry I embarrassed you. I shouldn't have broken down in front of everyone. I should've handled it better.'' Seungcheol sobbed.

Hold up. What? Was he seriously apologizing for having a panic attack?

''Hyung wh-...okay STOP.'' Jun said firmly, ''Stop apologizing. None of this, and I mean, NONE OF THIS was your fault.''

The older didn't seem convinced in the slightest, ''Because of me, he said those things to you-''

''Does it look like, I care about any of it. You-'' Jun stopped midway pulling Seungcheol into a hug. Drawing circles on his back softly, ''It's not your fault. We're not having this discussion again. It was them who's in the wrong. Let's just go home, yeah?''

The ride to home was painfully silent. The normal giggles that Jun liked to hear, were nowhere to be heard.

He took Seungcheol to his apartment. Refusing to leave him alone. The attack earlier scared the shit out of Jun, he wasn't going to leave the older one alone. Not when he was still not sane.

Seungcheol told him to go but he refused. He would've called Mingyu, but the younger one wasn't in town at the moment, along with his boyfriend. And Jun didn't trust anyone else with the older, so he himself decided to accompany him.

After what seemed like an eternity, after infinite rounds of crying and an untouched dinner, Seungcheol finally fell asleep on his shoulders.

Jun looked silently at his sleeping face. He still had his brows furrowed, eyebags heavy, and nose completely red. It felt as if the tiny progress he was making, was just an illusion, shattering all at once. Jun felt as if he was seeing the Seungcheol from that night, five months ago.

Suddenly his phone rang. Looking at the caller ID, it was Mingyu.

Jun softly a pillow under Seungcheol's head as he himself got up, going onto the balcony to take the call.

It was almost 11 o'clock at night. Why was Mingyu calling him so late? Seungcheol's phone....oh wait, did they just forget his phone in his car? He remembers Seungcheol put it on charge there.

But good thing that Mingyu called, he himself was about to call him. He picked up the call.

''WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?'' Before Jun could even reply anything, Mingyu's almost crying voice sounded again.

''How did you even allow them to come closer to Hyung? Why didn't yOU STOP HYUNG?''

Jun felt a headache coming up at sudden questions.

''How would I know that they ar-......wait, how did...YOU know?'' Jun asked confusedly.

''ME? How did I know? Is there ANYONE that doesn't know?''

His words only confused Jun more, ''....What?''

''Watch this.''

A notification popped up on Jun's phone. He opened it. His eyes went wide, a sudden sense of panic gushing over him.

WHAT THE FUCK?

He looked at the video with over 123k views, titled

''Man confronting his boyfriend of three years cheating on him.''

Chapter Text

The ride back home was painfully tense. Both of them refused to even look at each other.

Jeonghan drove while Jisoo sat on the other side, looking outside the car.

The scene earlier played in his mind. He thought everything would be okay. But it just got worse. He refused to accept that Seungcheol really chose someone else over him. The way he was defending that guy.

He wasn't theirs anymore. There was no them anymore.

He thought everything will fall right back into its place after they talk it out. But Seungcheol didn't even give them any chance to explain. Everything just worsened and probably made Seungcheol despise them even more.

It wasn't meant to go that far. He didn't want to involve in physical exchange either. But looking at that guy being so close to Seungcheol just snapped something inside him.

Seeing his boyfriend getting comforted by that guy made him....terribly scared. That was something that he and Jeonghan were supposed to do, right? How dare that random guy come in between them. He hated feeling so helpless. Part of that anger and hurt came from the fact that Seungcheol himself seemed to seek that guy. The way he immediately went into his arms, clutching him so tightly. As if he was his comfort place. Jisoo hated it. He hated that what once was his place was now given to someone else.

Jisoo felt something warm trickling down his eyes

The urge to just hold Seungcheol in his arms and apologize repeatedly was breaking him apart. The despise and fear he saw in Seungcheol's eyes was stabbing his heart repeatedly.

Fear? He can't possibly be scared of them, right?

''We're here,'' Jeonghan whispered quietly, leaving the car without waiting for him.

The first thing Jeonghan did was bring a first aid kit. And only then did Jisoo realize that his lips were busted badly.

Jeonghan silently treated it and Jisoo let him.

''What now? We made it even worse.'' Jisoo said getting no response in return. Jeonghan finished it, getting up to leave. Ignoring others' presence entirely.

''I'm talking to you, Jeonghan.''

''Now what? You're going to ignore me now?'' Jisoo raised his voice slightly.

''Weren't you doing the same until a couple of days ago?''

''Don't you change the topic. I told you, that wasn't going to work. But then when have you ever listened to me? See where that 'confrontation' got us.''

Jeonghan halted his steps at that.

Not getting any reply only made Jisoo more frustrated, ''If you had just listened to me, we wouldn't be in such a mess. But you just had to go on with your bULLSHIT PLAN!''

''NONE OF THIS WOULD'VE HAPPENED IF YOU CONTROLLED THIS TEMPER OF YOURS.'' Jeonghan shouted,all the frustrations from the past weeks finally getting to him. ''My bullshit plan? Then let's listen to YOUR great ideas. Since you're always so right.''

''Publicly confronting him was not a bullshit idea?''

''Then you should have just disagreed then. Why are you getting angry now?''

''I clearly told you we shouldn't do that. But you were just so confident that it WILL work.''

''It would've worked if you didn't get physical with his boy---that guy.''

''HE started it.''

''BECAUSE YOU FUCKING ACCUSED CHEOL OF CHEATING.''

Jisoo shut up immediately in disbelief.

''So even you think that he's the right one now?''

Jeonghan clutched his hair in frustration, ''Don't twist my words.''

''I'M NOT.''

''Jisoo why do you think, he left us in the first place? Because YOU prompted that we shouldn't involve him in our arguments. Because YOU said that we shouldn't pressurize him much. But that only ended up making him feel insecure. And you have the nerve to say it's my fault?'' Jeonghan spat out, seeing Jisoo flinch visibly.

''You were the one that didn't want to tell about our relationship with our families. Wasn't it that blind date thing that broke us apart entirely? Who was the one that said we shouldn't tell him? YOU.'' Jeonghan kept on spitting word after word without caring about the evident hurt on Jisoo's face, ''Now he's happy with someone else. Thanks to your great ideas.''

''Was I the only one he was in a relationship with? If it was so wrong, then why didn't you stop me? Didn't you agree completely with me at that time?''

''You know what-- why the fuck am I even wasting my time with you?'' Jeonghan said as he took the keys, and stormed out of their apartment.

''I DON'T WANNA TALK TO YOU EITHER,'' Jisoo yelled at the disappearing back.

Jeonghan came out, trying to hold back his tears. He felt exhausted. He knew with all the tension building up between him and Jisoo since Seungcheol left, it was only about time that one of them will snap. Today's encounter with Seungcheol seemed to be the last straw.

His tears finally fell as he remembered Seungcheol.

He..

He looked so happy with his new...boyfriend. He was smiling so brightly. Brighter than he did in the last few months of their relationship. He didn't understand how he missed the signs, deluding himself that everything was perfect. He should've understood right when Seungcheol's eyes lost their usual shine. But then Seungcheol assured them again and again that everything was going alright.

Jeonghan also remembered how his smile dropped the moment he saw them.

Jeonghan sniffled as he drove to Seungkwan's apartment.
______________________________________________________

''Why does he have to return right now, huh? Now suddenly, after so many years, you remember that you have a son !!''

The other line went silent for a while before a deep and calm voice sounded again, ''Mingyu, tell him to call me once you reach him.''

The calmness in his voice only made Mingyu get even more agitated, ''HE HAS NOTHING TO TALK TO YOU!!''

''I'll have to go now. Convey my message to Seungcheol, okay?'' And the line went off.

''I TOLD YOU--HELLO?? HELLO!!'' Mingyu threw his phone away in frustration.

Why was all of this happening now? He was angry at himself. Why did he even come out here? If he was with Seungcheol, he definitely wouldn't have let things happen this way.

And Seungcheol.

Mingyu sighed deeply. Why was all this happening to him? He was barely recovering and now all of this happened? All because of them.

''GYU!!''

''...I'm here'' He replied weekly to his boyfriend.

''SHIT. Look at this.'' Minghao said as he showed the screen to him.

The video that had only 125k views until last night was suddenly at 247k now. But that's not what Minghao was trying to show him. It was those excessively vile comments. He felt panic take over him as he saw the comments.

'I love how the guy who cheated is crying. Like why did you cheat if you wanted to stay.'

'Bro went frozen until that side hoe came. I will never understand the audacity of these people seriously. Fucking someone while being completely aware that you have a boyfriend.'

'that mf better than me, cause instead of punching that blondie I would've punched my boyfriend first.'

'Lmao the audacity of that slut to cry. I would've--'

Mingyu shut down the phone before he could finish reading that comment. Minghao looked at his boyfriend worriedly, ''I don't know but someone got hold of hyung's account. And now people are....mass tagging his account.''

''Stop.... Just stop'' Mingyu said getting up and leaving the room. How can people judge someone while knowing nothing about the situation. No, this was so bad. What if Seungcheol saw all this? And how the hell is he going to tell him about that phone call? Mingyu felt like crying. Was Seungcheol not hurt enough in that relationship, that he was hurting even after he left. He was barely handling the break up and now this. While those two were happily in relationship. Everything happening just made Mingyu despise them more and more."

He felt angry at himself for telling Jisoo that Jun and Seungcheol were a thing. He definitely didn't expect that bastard to confront Seungcheol publicly.

Chapter Text

Seungcheol woke up with a splitting headache. His eyes and throat burning.

He got up from his bed, heading towards his kitchen for some water. Dizziness was still evident in his steps. When he came out into the living room, he found Jun sleeping there on the couch. He was dazed for a minute to find the younger one sleeping there.

Before it struck him.

Everything that happened yesterday. He was in the cafe. He saw...them. He had an attack in front of all those people. Jun taking him back home. Everything flashed before him.

He slumped down against the kitchen counter as he recounted everything that happened yesterday.

His heart felt heavy in his chest. The mixture of sadness, anger, and confusion settling into him.

Moreover, he didn't know why he panicked so much after seeing them. All he felt was that seeing them just triggered a range of very unpleasant emotions inside him. The emotional whirlwind that he had felt in the past three years. All those intense feelings he has been coping with all alone.

He felt pathetic for being so weak. He despised how they still had so much hold on him.

What shattered his heart into million pieces was the fact that Jisoo accused him of cheating.

Seungcheol felt his eyes burn once again.

He has given every bit of himself to make that relationship work only for them to think that he was fucking someone else behind their back. He didn't know why but somewhere in his heart, he was still hoping that maybe they'd understand why he left. But of course, they wouldn't understand him.

His heart was completely broken but it was still beating the same, for them.

The only difference now was that now his heart was burdened by a lot of painful memories. So much that he couldn't even look back at their happy ones.

He felt his breath quicken once again. Feeling so hateful towards himself. He hated himself for still having those feelings for them. He didn't even have any strength to cry anymore. His chest was so painful from all the crying yesterday. Even talking hurt. His hands started shaking as panic took over him.

God, he was so pathetic. Even after all the hurt and pain, he still loved them. Probably too much for someone as broken as him, He used to believe it was because they were meant to be together. That they had a special kind of love, which most people crave for. Now, he wonders if it was the opposite. Cause he found himself tearing his own self, because of his inner conflicts, in that relationship. That's why he spent so long fighting against his own demons, only to realize at last that he, in fact, never belonged between them.

He thought he was ready to fit into their relationship, but he fell at the first hurdle. His only mistake was not accepting it sooner, making his own delusions. The highs in their relationship seemed to cover the lows. He got reminded yesterday that even after trying so hard, he couldn't even earn their trust, let alone their love.

He wouldn't hate himself as much as he does if it weren't for them. But he hated them more, hated them with every fiber of his being.

Hate was such a weak and pitiful emotion, but then again he was pitiful. He felt tears streaming down his cheeks. He didn't wanna cry. No, it made him feel even more worthless.

So he searched for his phone. He needed to call Mingyu. Needed him here before he encounters another breakdown.

He searched his whole bedroom but didn't find his phone. It wasn't on the couch table either.

Oh..right. Yesterday before going to the cafe, he put it on charge in Jun's car.

He was about to call out Jun, but stopped in his track when he saw the younger sleeping so peacefully. Seungcheol already troubled him enough, why bother him for such things. He took the car keys from the table, dragging his exhausted body towards the door.

Jun wouldn't mind him opening his car without telling him, right?

He took out his phone, before heading back to his room. He made sure to be quiet so as to not wake him up.

Turning his phone on, he searched for Mingyu's contact immediately.

But before he could even press on the contact, his phone was bombarded by tons of notifications. And 28 missed calls from Mingyu.

His brows furrowed in confusion as he pressed on one of the notifications. He was tagged in a video. He was...tagged by so many people. People that he didn't even know. He clicked on the video.

......

......

......

Seungcheol inhaled sharply as he stared at the screen in front of him, watching as the color drained from his face and pain shot through him.

The video. The title. The comments.

He stumbled as he felt his legs giving out. His heartbeat pounded rapidly against his chest. His palms, face, and neck, covering in a thin layer of sweat.

He felt his whole body tremble as his breath shortened more and more, tightness engulfing his throat.

He clenched his hands around his stomach, running towards the bathroom. He plopped on the ground, throwing up into the toilet. His tears broke again. Wracking sobs ripped from the very core of his heart, as he finally gave in to them. Allowing all of the emotions to fully take over. Pain lanced him on all sides as he let the very situation sink into him.

______________________________________________

Jun jolted up at the sound of loud sobs. He immediately followed in the direction of the voice, only to find Seungcheol slumped down on the floor, trembling all over.

''Hyung..what's wrong? Why ar-'' Jun eyes widened as he saw Seungcheol's phone laying on the floor beside him.

No. FUCK NO. How did he even- Wasn't his phone in his car?

He crouched beside Seungcheol, holding his face in his hands, ''It's okay, it's okay. I'm here.'' He said as he shook Seungcheol's face gently but the latter's eyes were completely defocused. He kept crying and sobbing as if he was unable to even see Jun.

Jun felt his own heart hurting badly. He hugged him, desperately trying to calm him down, ''I'm so sorry, you had to go through all this bullshit. But everything will be okay. I know you're strong, everything's gonna be okay. Please don't cry.'' His own voice was so fierce.

Seungcheol sobbed more at that, burying himself more in Jun's arm, clutching onto the warmth he needed so badly, ''I'm so pathetic. I deserve all of this, don't I? I feel so useless.''

Jun patiently held him, ''What are you saying? You have no idea how amazing you are. You have a beautiful soul, don't let anyone and anything convince you otherwise.''

Jun felt the man in his hands shaking badly, he softened his voice even more, ''You make the world a better place just by being in it.'' He refrained from using 'my world'
He heard a few rustling noises outside.

''HYUNG!!''

Mingyu's voice sounded as the sound of footsteps sounded running towards them.

Mingyu gushed in front of the bathroom, a horrified expression painting his face.

Chapter Text

Mingyu looked at Seungcheol's disheveled appearance. Much worse than that night. He pushed Jun aside, hugging Seungcheol tightly.

''Hyung, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.'' Mingyu rambled on, a horrific feeling burning in his chest, ''I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left. I shouldn't have left at all. It's all because of me.'' He sobbed while hugging Seungcheol.

Seungcheol felt his head getting lighter as his vision blurred. His chest and windpipe closing before he completely blanked out.

Mingyu looked at him, as he felt Seungcheol's body going slump in his hold.

''Hyung. HYUNG. WHAT'S WRONG?'' He shook Seungcheol's face.

What followed was a lot of panicked chaos. And a tense ride to the hospital.

Mingyu paced outside, his hands clutching tightly in fists. He closed his eyes, trying so hard to not let his tears fall. Minghao was by his side, but not saying anything. He wanted to comfort him.

Mingyu felt his heart heavy. An overwhelming sense of dread took over him. His mouth was dry. He couldn't even imagine what Seungcheol must be feeling now. How is he going to handle all of this? As he thought more about it, his tears rolled down his cheeks.

How did Seungcheol end up getting entangled between those two bastards?

And now that man wants them both back. He didn't know how to tell Seungcheol about this. But he also knew if he doesn't tell him, then that man would end up doing something worse.

The doctor came out of the room.

Mingyu immediately got up, just hoping nothing was wrong.

''Don't worry. He was just dehydrated. His body was probably just exhausted. I've prescribed three saline bottles. He should be okay, after that.'' The doctor hesitated before continuing, ''....However, his mental condition is not so well. Recently he had a panic attack, right? So I reco-''

Before she could finish her sentence, Mingyu cut her off, halfway, ''What? He had a...what?''

''Panic attack.'' She repeated, ''And I think pretty bad one at that. So I'll suggest you consult a therapist. His body was still sweating and shaking. And keep him away from whatever caused that attack.'' She said before taking her to leave, leaving Mingyu there dumbfounded.

He had his mouth wide open, still trying to process the news. He snapped his head towards Jun, ''HE HAD A PANIC ATTACK?!'' He shouted, earning a glare from a nurse passing by. But he could care less.

Jun looked at him in confusion, ''Yeah? Didn't you see the video?''

The video? It has no sound whatsoever. Plus the angle was not that clear either. So he didn't notice.

The nurse came out of the room, ''He's awake. You guys can just normally talk to him. But avoid loud sounds and stressing him out.''

Mingyu rushed into the room and saw Seungcheol laying there, his face expressionless as he stared at the ceiling.

''...hyung''

Seungcheol felt his expression softening at the voice and the tone. He looked at Mingyu who had his cheeks full of tears. And suddenly he was reminded of a memory from years ago.

When a terrified 6 years old Mingyu clutched to Seungcheol saying that he was scared. And Seungcheol had held him saying that he was there to protect Mingyu. That nothing will happen to him. He said all this when he himself was just 8 years old. And he did just as he said, as the loud screams of a heated argument sounded from the hall.

Looking at Mingyu, he had the same terrified expression on his face.

He felt guilty for being the reason behind that hurtful expression. What the hell was he doing? Hurting those who care about him because of his own stupidity.

''Hyung'' Mingyu called out again, this time his voice was much more hoarse.

Seungcheol stretched out his free hands towards him, the latter immediately crashing into him. His sobs sounded right next to Seungcheol's ear.

''I was so scared.'' Mingyu whimpered.

''I'm sorry. I made you worry, didn't I?'' Seungcheol said as he ruffled Mingyu's hair softly. His own problems were troubling Mingyu too. He's such an idiot. He should've handled himself better.

They remained in the same position until Minghao's voice sounded.

''Um..Mingyu can you..can you come here for a second?''

__________________________________________

ARE YOU AN IDIOT?!''

''...calm down'' Dokyeom tried to such Seungkwan, although his own thoughts were no different. Like what the hell with these two? He didn't expect Jeonghan to just go and confront Seungcheol out there in public. What the actual fuck was wrong with him?

Jeonghan wiped away his tears as he sat there silently, feeling too numb to react.

What was he supposed to do now? He couldn't talk to Seungcheol. He had fought with Jisoo. What now?

''It hurts'' Jeonghan whispered, ''It feels like I- I'm going going to die.''

Dokyeom looked at him with pity. No matter how wrong Jeonghan was. He was still his precious friend. He hugged Jeonghan sideways.

Seungkwan also rubbed his face frustratedly, trying to calm himself, ''Hyung, but why did you do that, seriously? What made you think it would work?'' Seungkwan asked, this time much more softly.

Jeonghan choked on his tears, ''I- There were no other options. I tried- tried contacting him and Mingyu, but to no avail. I didn't mean to...'' Another sob escaped his lips.

''I love him, Seungkwan. I love him so much.'' Jeonghan whimpered, his sobs getting louder and louder, ''I am willing to do anything to just have him back in my life. I- I seriously can't live without him. It's- it's ripping my heart to see him with someone else''

''And trust me, I don't wanna be like that either. I wanna feel happy for him but I- I can't...''

Jeonghan had never felt so helpless and desperate ever. His relationship will never be the same. After their break most of the people that knew, told him 'it's okay, you still have Jisoo.' But his relationship is never going to be the same. That empty space in their bed where the three of them used to lie down, having fun, now feels like a constant reminder of someone's absence.

He finds himself staring at his phone constantly, waiting for a text or call that never comes. That gaping hole in his heart that he doesn't know how to fill.

The thought of Seungcheol moving on and finding someone feels impossible to accept when all they want is him. He knew Jisoo was no different. Their fight earlier only confirmed it further. He has felt how Jisoo drifted away a little since Seungcheol left. He can't help but wonder if Seungcheol ever thinks about them the way they do.

Cause they're doing nothing but drowning themselves in the pain of missing him, nothing they can do to stop it.

''Hyung but that's not the way-'' Seungkwan's words got cut off as his phone rang. He pulled out the phone to see Hoshi's ID. He thought for a moment before hanging up.

Before he could continue, he heard his phone ringing again. He cut it again.

After a few moments, Dokyeom's phone rang. When he saw Hoshi's ID, he looked at Seungkwan, the latter just as confused.

Dokyeom picked up.

''What?'' He asked confusedly before pulling his phone screen and pushing on the notification that Hoshi sent.

Gasping as he saw what it was. He looked at Jeonghan, the latter too drowned in his own sorrow to notice.

After hesitating for a while, ''Hyung...you...might want to look at this.''

Chapter Text

Jisoo stood frozen as he stared at the back of his lover disappearing.

He wanted to chase him, he wanted to talk to him. But something inside him kept him grounded at his place.

The moment Jeonghan's silhouette disappeared, he ran off to his room, closing it shut, and just trying to sleep off everything. Maybe everything will be fine when he wakes up.

His heart was aching with such intensity that it was painful to even breathe.

Whole scene from the cafe....

Why was this happening? How did they even end up in such situation?

He swears he could still smell Seungcheol on his bed, as if just yesterday they've spent hours cuddling there.

His memories felt like mirage, one second it was there, and the next, it wasn't.

He remembers the day he had met Seungcheol.

When he was running late for his class and stumbled upon a guy with 'oh-i-found-the-world' level of curiosity on his face, eyes wide and sparkling, as he looked around the campus as if he was in space or something.

He was just about to snap, when the guy broke into a wide grin, saying 'I'm sorry' in a weird dialect. And just like that, with that one sentence, Jisoo felt all of his anger sweeping off.

Unfortunately he still didn't had any time to talk to that guy, as he was already running late. So he hastily but reluctantly left. Otherwise, for sure he would've engaged in a proper conversation.

Regretful? That he was.

But after that, no matter how much he tried, he couldn't get another glimpse of that boy.

That was until Jeonghan, one random day, excitedly told him about a new guy in his IB class. How he was super cute, with dimples, cherry lips, long eyelashes. Extremely pretty. He had gone into details telling him every little thing.

Jisoo just listened, nodding along whatever he said. It wasn't something uncommon. Jeonghan had a lot of crushes here and there. Some times they ended up in Jeonghan's bed, sometimes only in the stories Jeonghan told about them. But it was common.

They had an open relationship. In fact, they never officially went into a relationship at all. They just had this communication, that not many people understood. They could have all the fun they wanted with other people without the other getting jealous and insecure. Because for them, their number one priority was very clear. No matter how many people, no one could even come close to the other's position in their bond. Having fun with others was just about physical pleasure for them. They were clear and confident about it. At the end of the day, their heart only belonged to each other. Even if it was not something 'traditional', it worked wonderfully for them.

Well it WAS working wonderfully for them, until the arrival of a certain dimpled guy in Jeonghan's life.

2 months.

Jeonghan had gushed about that guy for two months straight. Usually this much time was enough for Jeonghan to fuck and forget about a guy. But neither was he bringing that guy for a one-night-stand nor was his crush going away.

So Jisoo had enough of it, he decided to meet this Sungchu? Seungcheol? Whatever his name was.

And boy does he remember his voice getting stuck in his throat, the moment he saw him.

He had pulled Jeonghan to the side, whisper yelling how this was the guy Jisoo had encountered on his first day.

It was Jeonghan's turn to be surprised. He knew the other was too picky and moody in his choices. He didn't even remember his hook up's face a second after the deed was done. So for him to remember a guy from months ago, was.... pretty interesting.

He had given Jisoo a smirk. And Jisoo, of course, understood the meaning behind devil's smirk.

They went back to Seungcheol. The guy had his mouth pouted slightly, looking at them all confused.

And as bad as it sounds, Jisoo swears he would've wildly kissed those plump lips right then and there, if not for Jeonghan holding his hands.

Seungcheol was a friendly guy, with a sweet and gentle personality.

It didn't take long for their crush to change into a pining one sided love.

His everything, every little habit was adorable. Or maybe blame Jisoo for being too whipped. But Seungcheol had this touch of innocence,that he had never felt before in anyone. A feeling that urged Jisoo to just gently hold Seungcheol in their arms forever without any worry.

God knows how much of a hard time he had while controlling himself around Seungcheol. Conscious of even normal things. Fearing that it might give away his feelings and drive Seungcheol away from them.

They had become close 'friends' in no time, or that's what Seungcheol liked to call their relationship.

But it didn't take long for them to become more than friends either.

Much faster than Jisoo hoped.

In their fourth year, Seungcheol confessed to them.

It still feels unreal to Jisoo, that Seungcheol was the one who confessed first. That too, so soon. Maybe it seemed a long time for others. But for Jisoo and Jeonghan, three years of wait wasn't worth much, compared to the love they had for Seungcheol.

But Seungcheol confessing was reasonably shocking for them both.

Jisoo remembers, on a chilly Friday night hangout ,when Seungcheol had fidgeted with the hem of his sweater for the longest time, saying 'he had something to tell'. They waited for a long time.

One hour twenty five minutes, to be exact.

But both of them had patiently encouraged him to speak. Which he finally did with a short 'I know it's weird and that you two are dating, but I like you. Both of you'

Jisoo still doesn't remember what happened afterwards that night. All he knew was that the next day, the three of them properly talked it out before sharing a steamy and passionate moment. It was desperation mostly. Desperation from three years of waiting.

The day when Seungcheol went back to his dorm, because he had an assignment due, Jisoo remembered how Jeonghan had cried. Maybe he did too. Because it felt like something unreal to them. There were so many fear that they had endured all these years. Holding their breathe, everytime someone confessed to Seungcheol. With how pretty the man was, it wasn't uncommon for both boys and girls to swoon over him. Or even worse, what if he ended up falling for only one of them.

But Seungcheol said he loved them both. As unreal as it seemed, but finally they could call Seungcheol his. Finally they could openly tell others to 'fuck-off' from 'their' boyfriend.

And it was only after Seungcheol's addition in their relationship that Jeonghan and Jisoo officially labeled themselves as boyfriends, deciding to stop their open relationship and committing fully into 'their relationship'. This time a proper one. But both of them decided to conceal this open relation thing from Seungcheol as they didn't want him to feel insecure in any way.

And after that, all Jisoo could remember was sweetness, affections, wildness and passion between the three of them.

They rarely had any big fights, just little arguments here and there. But that too, both of them tried their best to not involve Seungcheol in. They didn't want to give him any reason to feel stressed in their relationship.

Jisoo had thought it worked like wonders.

But suddenly he was told, that was the exact reason why Seungcheol left.

He wasn't ready to accept it. Because he didn't understand it in the first place. For him, he was doing it for Seungcheol.

Only after Hyugwon phrased it out from outsider's view, did it sink inside him. Only after that he finally realised, that it may not have come the way he intentioned.

Finally realising where it all went wrong.

They were so focused on not losing Seungcheol, that they missed out on appreciating him. So afraid of losing their relationship, that they forgot to cherish the present in their relationship.

The reason for his different treatment towards Jeonghan and Seungcheol wasn't because he loved one of them any less, but rather because Jeonghan felt like a constant. Someone that will always find his way back to Jisoo and vice versa.

But Seungcheol. Jisoo couldn't say the same for him. Not because he didn't trust him. But rather, because he didn't trust himself for being enough for Seungcheol.

Seeing Seungcheol being approached by so many people. People that were better than them. People that belonged to Seungcheol's class. Rich and noble.

Jisoo didn't have anything 'special' about him other that Seungcheol's feelings. But feelings could fade away with time. That's why he didn't want to leave a single reason for Seungcheol to think otherwise in their relationship. They didn't involve him in fights, tried not to show him their tired side. What if Seungcheol thought that they were just burden.

 It brought a very unpleasant feeling inside him. The fear of not being. Fear of Seungcheol leaving them. Just the thought of it was enough to make him go crazy.

But now that everything's has already happened. Maybe he just needed to relax and have faith that things would work out. Maybe he should have let go a little and just let life happen. But his own insecurity unconsciously sabotaged his relationship and hurted the last person he wanted to hurt

He should have trusted Seungcheol more. He should have trusted their relationship more. Now he had no one but himself to blame

It was his own over consciousness that drove Seungcheol to dead end.

Jisoo wanted to clarify everything to him. He wanted to tell him so badly, that there was nothing in this entire world, that they adored more than Seungcheol.

He even got the chance to. But his anger just had to get to him at the wrong time.

The panic that settled inside him when he saw Seungcheol being scared of them and finding comfort in someone else. It was too much for him to handle. Him being on edge for so many days, only added fuel to fire.

He wanted to say something harsh. Something that will stop his own panic. Something that will hopefully snap Seungcheol out of his trance.

But everything seemed to work against him.

Even Jeonghan blamed him.

Jeonghan.

Jisoo felt more tears pouring out as he thought about his boyfriend.

Their argument earlier made one thing clear for him.

That their relationship can never go back to how it used to be. Not when a huge part of Jisoo was with someone else.

He realised something.

Something that made everything ten times more painful for him.

The realisation that he can not be with Jeonghan without Seungcheol. Despite loving both of them more than anything. He couldn't be with one without the other.

Chapter Text

Jun looked at the sleeping figure on the bed, in front of him. He had a needle taped on the back of his hand, saline water flowing drop by drop into his body.

This was his fourth bottle within last seven days. He looked so peaceful while sleeping. Only if he was this peaceful while awake.

What is going to happen now? What will Seungcheol do now? Will he go back to Jeonghan and Jisoo, now that Jisoo has released that video clarifying Seungcheol's name? The hate comments didn't really stop, cause nobody on the internet really has enough time to look for the other part of the video. They don't give a damn about how much their thoughtless comments can affect someone. But the hate has definitely lessened.

When Seungcheol saw it. He didn't have much reaction. In fact, he had no reaction at all. He just watched the video with a flat expression.

Maybe he was too exhausted to show any emotions at this point. Or maybe he was hiding things from others. Again.

Whatever it was, Jun's heart still ached to see Seungcheol like that. In these past months, DESPITE not knowing everything, Jun still felt overwhelmed seeing all this. So he couldn't even imagine what Seungcheol must be feeling right now.

He scooted closer to Seungcheol, gently taking his hands in his own. It felt so cold. Looking at Seungcheol's curled-up figure, face so pale, brows furrowed even in sleep, Jun felt something piercing right through his chest.

He felt desperate.

Desperate to be not able to do something.

It was unfair. Everything was so unfair. He stared at Seungcheol, tears filling his eyes, 'How can you keep loving someone despite getting hurt over and over again?'

The face that gave him immense happiness was now always scrunched up in pain and agony. He wanted to stop it. He wanted to tell Seungcheol that there are so many people that loved him. That he didn't need to go through all of this alone.

Seeing him in pain broke Jun's heart, and yet he was so helpless to stop it. Despite the pain, Seungcheol still had those in his heart. They still had the same effect on him.

But Jun doesn't care. Even if Seungcheol loved them, he still won't allow anyone to hurt him again. He won't leave Seungcheol's side until he felt better.

Jun kissed his hands softly, a teardrop following soon.

______________________________________________

''I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT. GET-''

''Mingyu.'' Seungcheol's firm voice cut Mingyu off, ''Please. I wanna talk to him alone. Can you....''

Mingyu looked at him in great disbelief, ''Hyung, what are you- You don't need to talk to him, okay?''

Seungcheol looked at him with wavering eyes, his face exhausted, as if he didn't have any energy left to argue with anyone. So in the end, Mingyu reluctantly left Seungcheol with his father.

He regretted not telling Seungcheol about that phone call. Mingyu just couldn't bring himself to tell him any one of it. Not when Seungcheol was in such bad condition. But see where it got them. That bastard himself came here.

Seungcheol saw Mingyu leaving, finally directing his attention toward the man in front of him, ''What do you want?''

The man felt at a loss of words. He stared at Seungcheol, his words stuttering a little, ''...Nothing. I can't come to see my son?''

Seungcheol let out a scoff. ''So you still remember that you have a son?'' His lips were stretched into a smile but his eyes held the same pain from years ago, ''But too bad Mr Choi, I've already forgotten what my dad looked like.''

The man opened his mouth to say something, only to close it again. The tension between them was too thick, making him feel a little suffocated. He finally let out with much difficulty, ''Seungcheol...I-I just wanna say something. I know I wasn't...'' He loosened his tie in an attempt to ease his breathing, ''I wasn't anything like a father figure in your life. And- and I also know that it's too late to apologize.''

Seungcheol felt his tears threatening to leave his eyes but he tried to control them, clutching his hands tightly into fists.

''...Cheol, I saw the video....Both of them. I just- I just want to say, things aren't always how they look like. I- I just want to say that...don't hold back from..confronting people if you want to. Sometimes they care about you more than you think. Sometimes it's just misunderstandings that break people apart--''

''SHUT UP. JUST SHUT UP.'' Seungcheol shouted, his tears finally falling down, ''You've said enough Mr. Choi. So please shut up, I beg of you.''

''I'll sleep at Mingyu's. You can say here tonight. After all, you have to leave tomorrow morning.'' With that, Seungcheol stormed out of his apartment.

The man saw his son's back disappearing, as his legs finally gave out. He slumped down near the couch. A very familiar, very unpleasant feeling from years ago bubbled up in his gut.

He closed his eyes trying to shake this feeling away.

Seungcheol's face was so pale, eyes devoid of any shine. He knew that face far too well.

Years ago, his wife had the same appearance. He was far too familiar with this disease that kills one silently from the inside.

Years ago, he failed to understand it. Failed to save his wife. Failed to even understand why he lost his wife in the first place. He thought everything was going well between them. They had the most perfect relationship, the most adorable son. He thought they were happy. There was no reason to not be.

But then he saw it. Saw in real time how his wife lost her smile slowly. And he couldn't do anything. The doctors said everything was okay with her. SHE said everything was okay with her. She kept saying she was okay until she...

Until she killed herself.

Her doctor said that she was suffering from severe depression. All those times that she asked him to spend time with her, he had waved her off because of his work. He thought she was just being her typical self, wanting time and attention from her lover. He didn't know those were her desperate tries to come out of that dark hole, she was getting dragged into.

The anger and self-hatred he has felt for himself all these years knew no bounds. But a little part of his heart blamed his wife. He wanted to scream and yell at her, wanted to ask why didn't she tell him about any of that. Why did she suffer in silence? He knew he was a bastard for not giving her enough attention, but why didn't she tell him directly about her condition?

His sister had blamed him, saying that it was all his fault.

Maybe it was, but that didn't mean that he didn't love her. He loved her more than anything. Only if she told his dense self everything directly.

And he saw his own situation in Seungcheol's. Especially after his ex decided to clear things up with that video. He wasn't aware of anything about their relationship. But he knew how much his son cherished that relationship. So he didn't want Seungcheol's relationship to end completely, just because they didn't talk things out properly. Maybe his boyfriends were in the same situation as himself.

He didn't know anything, all he knew was he didn't want Seungcheol to be hurt. Didn't want him to lose something that could've been resolved with proper communication.

His son still thought that he lost his mom in an accident. He didn't have enough courage to tell Seungcheol the truth either.

After losing his wife, he became the worst father a child could ever have. He was so drunk in his own pain that he didn't even spare a thought about Seungcheol. And when he finally composed himself, it was too late. His son had already become so distant from him. He didn't even have enough courage to press Seungcheol to open up either. Too scared to lose the only person that he had left. So he let things flow on their own, hoping that one-day Seungcheol would finally take initiative to talk to him. But that day never came.

Seungcheol only drifted farther and farther away.

He made sure to not let Seungcheol feel lacking of anything. Always trying to go along with Seungcheol's wishes. When Seungcheol said he wants to move out of the city for his studies, he didn't stop him either.

But for his own peace of heart, he left some of his people to always make sure of Seungcheol's safety, from a distance.

He saw how his son completed his studies and got a job here in the city. He didn't press Seungcheol to join their family business either. And that's how he was aware of his relationship and break up as well.

The only thing he was unaware of, was Seungcheol's mental condition. It was only after he saw the video, that it struck him. It didn't even take him a second to recognize that familiar expression.

The thing that has haunted him for years. The thing that doomed his wife completely, was happening to his son now.

No.

No, he can't let this happen.

Chapter Text

Mingyu inhaled sharply as he trying hard to not let the tears fall. He stumbled a little, clutching on the nearby furntiture for support as he tried to process the unwanted information.

''Please, Mingyu. You're the only one he allows to himself to lean on. I'm begging you.''

Mingyu teared up more at the words. Yeah, he was the one Seungcheol relied on, someone he trusted. How is he supposed to confront Seungcheol now? How can he push Seungcheol towards something that has scarred him so deeply. But he also couldn't afford to not talk to him. Not after hearing everything.

Losing his aunt was bad enough, now Seungcheol- NO.

He panicked at the mere thought of it, snapping his eyes fiercly towards the older man, ''If you dare to tell Hyung about aunt then...''

''I WON'T.'' The latter replied immediately, mirroring Mingyu's panicked and fear driven face, ''Not in any case. He absolutely can not know about it. But Mingyu...'' His voice hoarsed, begging desperately to the only person that could stop Seungcheol from falling into that same black hole, ''Please talk to him. I've seen this exact thing very closely. I've seen Yoora getting shackled like this.''

His face twisted up in pain at the memory that had been painted in his head vividly, ''Seungcheol needs serious help. He can not keep running away from everything. He can not expect everything to just be okay while doding from confrontation. I know it's hard to touch something that's so painful for him but if he doesn't then it'll keep haunting him forever, eating him up from the inside.''

''I don't even know what's happened with him exactly, but don't let him bottle everything inside. From what I saw, even you and his boyf- those two don't know the exact situation either. He's hiding things to himself, expecting that it will hea that way. But it WON'T. He'll just end up creating a shell around himself. And once he enters this coccoon, he'll never be able to come out. He'll become stiff and indifferent on the surface but from the inside.... NO. I know this very very well. I-'' He huffed, getting more and more desperate.

''I am not saying and have no right to say what he should to do with his relationship. It's his choice, but he absolutely can not keep everything inside him while assuming the others' thought on his own. He wanted to end it, then okay but at least he has to give HIMSELF a closure. He can not just run away. I've seen the video posted by his boyfriend.''

Mingyu finally looked at him.

''And from what I saw he seems confused with their sudden ending. In the cafe video, he seemed to be saying that everything was okay between them a few days before the break up.''

''But Seungcheol definitely wasn't okay. He was far from being okay.''

Mingyu agreed internally.

''He should at least end this with them cleanly, not for them but for himself. Otherwise, he'd never be able to completely overcome whatever he has gone through in that relationship. He has to talk to them. It can make a huge difference, believe me. If only- '' He stopped a little before continuing, ''If only Yoora had talked to me.''

Mingyu glared sharply at the other but before he could say anything, the latter continued himself.

''I know I was at fault too. A big one. But she never told me about the severeness of the matter. All she used to tell me was that I wasn't giving her and Seungcheol enough time. But I had discarded it because of my business work. I thought it was just her needing more attention. Discarded her little complains. I know it was so wrong of me but it wasn't something done out of maliciousness. The only reason I was throwing myself into the work day and night, was to give her and Seungcheol the most comfortable life. If only she told me she was having panic attacks, if only she told me about that she needed medications for something I discarded as normal anxiety. If only she had told me these things, then I would've left my work altogether. Nothing was as important as her.''

''I don't know if you understand but her anxiety made things way worse. It made her assume a lot of things on her own. Just a little stern comment from me would made her think I was changing and that someday I would treat Seungcheol badly too, and that I would become a bad parent. It just- it just used to happen so quickly. Things used to escalate so quickly that I was often left confused as to how a certain harmless topic became so severe. It made her a lot more sensitive. What seemed to be a little argument for other people, seemed to be way more serious for her. And it was not just with me but with other people as well. At that time I wasn't aware what was happening but now I do.

''Seungcheol is just like her, keeping everything bottled up inside him. I know he's hurting but he has to talk to people that cares about him. Even if he doesn't want to confront those two, then at least you, Mingyu. At least you can ask him what exactly happened these past years. I don't care who is it but just don't let him lock his feelings inside him. Before it turns into something so serious that we won't be able to help at all.'' His voice finally choked.

'...please, I'm begging you.''

________________________________________________

Mingyu plopped on the sofa looking at Seungcheol who was doing something with paints and brushes. He was thinking of all the possible ways he could start the conversation but he just couldn't. He looked at Seungcheol.

The latter having an expressionless face. Still Mingyu could see exhaustion in his eyes.

When he got to know that Jisoo uploaded another video clearing the things up he immediately rushed to Seungcheol only to find him not giving any reaction regarding the video. He had thought that maybe Seungcheol finally decided to not letting those two affect his emotions anymore.

But what his uncle said today changed his whole perspective. Sowing the seeds of doubt inside his head. And now that Mingyu thinks about it, everything just made sense. How can Seungcheol get over everything in just a couple of days. But then he did decided to break up at once.

Mingyu did know that letting Seungcheol keep all those things inside himself was indeed a very bad and destructive idea. And as much as Mingyu hated that old man, he agreed with what he said. Their relationship indeed ended so rashly and all of a sudden. And as far as he knew Seungcheol, he knew the latter most probably just ended it without talking or giving any reason. He was also very well aware that Seungcheol still held feelings for those two. Again as much as Mingyu didn't want to agree with his uncle, he was also right about Seungcheol needing to have a proper closure in order to move on.

Even he wasn't aware as to what exactly had happened. That night Seungcheol just cried without explaining anything. Mingyu didn't asked anything either. And after that he was just afraid to trigger Seungcheol, so he didn't mention anything about those two.

The more desperate he was to think of a way, the more his mind stopped working. Just a mere interaction with them was enough to trigger Seungcheol so much, how the hell was he supposed to make Seungcheol have a 'proper conversation' with them.

He furrowed his brows in frustration before starting a conversation with Seungcheol.

''Hyung, why are you not going to the art classes these days.''

Seungcheol finally looked up from his painting, his eyes confused for a while before he frowned. Art classes? He wanted to go to. But last time he went there after the video thing, everyone just seemed to be looking at him. They might have been talking about how he was cheater. They might be ridiculing him behind his back. That's what they seemed to be doing last time as well.

He focused back on his painting before replying quietly, ''I don't need to. Jun said I can paint here as well.''

Do it here? He's been packed inside this apartment since the incident. Before Mingyu could think of anything else, the doorbell rang.

''I'll see'' Mingyu said getting up.

Opening the door he saw a stranger in front of him. Mingyu raised his brows silently asking who was he.

The stranger seemed to be taken aback after seeing Mingyu as well. He opened and closed his mouth to speak something, standing there awkwardly.

''Who are you looking for Mr.?'' Mingyu asked.

''Um...I-''

''Who is it Gyu? Is it Jun?''

The stranger seemed to perk up at the familiar voice, trying to find the owner.

When Seungcheol finally came into his sight, he choked, ''Can I talk to you please? Just for a moment? Please I-''

Mingyu looked back at Seungcheol.

The latter had his eyes widened at the face in front of him, ''You- You...''

Chapter Text

Seungcheol sat down on the couch. His heart was pounding rapidly even when his face had a calm expression, ''Why are you here?''

The man took a careful and hesitant look at Seungcheol, ''Seungcheol hyung...'' He started but his voice seemed to be clogging up the more he looked at the said man, ''Hyung, how are you?'' He let out with much difficulty.

''Seungkwan.'' The latter retorted firmly, ''Let's get to the point? Please?. Why are you here? I'm sure it can't be just that because you wanted to know how am I doing?''

Seungkwan choked on his words a little, looking at him wide-eyed. But he knew he didn't have much time to beat around the bush.

''....It was indeed because of that.'' He whispered, ''Hyung how are you doing? ....I saw that- that video.''

Seungcheol inhaled sharply at the mention of the video. He clutched both his hands together, caressing his thumb over them softly.

'No, you can't be weak in front of him. You are not allowed to be weak or run away. Let's face it.'

''And what about it?'' He asked, his voice still had the calmness.

But that only cause more worry for Mingyu, who was sitting nearby. He didn't say anything because Seungcheol told him that he'll handle this on his own.

Seungkwan looked at a loss for words. He did not know what to say next. He had so much inside of him that he wanted to say, but right now words seemed to be stuck in his throat. Trapped in his silence.

He wanted to express what he was feeling, but it's like he didn't have words to describe his emotions, feeling helpless and frustrated. There was so much regret and pain inside of him. He wanted to apologize for all those times he said cruel things to Seungcheol without any reason while the older only used to look at him with hurt and confusion. And all of it just because he was projecting his insecurities onto Seungcheol. Just because of his own miserable self.

But the day Seungcheol left, he didn't know what to do. Especially after hearing Jeonghan about their relationship. It made him believe that somehow he was a part of this situation that the three of them ended up in and he was filled with immense guilt. It was like a heavy weight on him, reminding him of what he has done and how it was hurting others.

He felt like he would burst if he didn't apologize.

''I'm sorry.''

Seungcheol frowned at the sudden apology.

''I'm sorry for everything hyung. For everything I said to you.''

''Stop-''

''I didn't mean any of it I promise. None of what I said was true. I didn't hate you. Not at all. I was just so envious of you. You had the courage to do something that I wasn't able to. It felt so unfair that I couldn't be with people I love just because of my insecurities.''

Seungkwan felt tears filling up his eyes. He tried to shake if off, ''Whenever I saw you with Jeonghan and Jisoo Hyung, how much you trusted them, how much you trusted your relationship. You had so much confidence in your relationship. But I couldn't relate to it, even when I so badly wanted to. I couldn't trust Hoshi and Wonwoo Hyung that same way just because I myself didn't have any confidence. And it made me feel terrible, so terrible.'' Seungkwan finally let off an inaudible sob, ''I was so insecure about their time together as a couple without me, scared of being discarded by them one day. I felt like I would feel like an intruder. I-''

Seungcheol felt himself wincing harshly at the last sentence, his breathing getting uneven once again. He still held onto that calm facade, but his eyes felt like losing the center of sight.

''I thought you didn't feel that way at all. And all of my anger because of my own pathetic self turned into my hostility towards you. ''

''....guess I was wrong. I ended up hurting you. Pushing your most vulnerable part because of my thoughtless rants.''

Seungcheol didn't know what to feel. Just something overwhelming seemed to be taking over him. He didn't know how Seungkwan knew this. Hell, he didn't even know how Seungkwan knew of his apartment.

''But Hyung, trust me none of it was true.'' Seungkwan tried to convince the other desperately, ''I'm so so sorry. I know I hurt and I'm so sorry. I also know that no matter how many times I apologize, it will never be enough. But- but please... don't think of anything that I said as true.'' Seungkwan hastily wiped his face to not let his tears fall.

''Are you done? Then please, see yourself out.'' The pain was still so raw inside him. He can't forget it so easily even if he wanted to. And he doesn't understand why would Seungkwan come all the way here to apologize.

Seungkwan felt his face twisting up in pain. His eyes were red, ''Hyung, come back please.''

Seungcheol finally snapped his eyes at him fiercely. It contained so much pain and anger. But on top of everything, it had disbelief filled in it.

Come back? Before he could reply anything, Seungkwan spoke up again.

''None of what I said was true hyung.'' He repeated for the nth time, ''They- they love you so much. Please just give them a chance. You know they love you Hyung, please just talk to them for once. They're dying to talk to you for just once. I know they shouldn't have crowded you in cafe that day, it was wrong of them, but they had no other option. Even if you don't wanna go back in that relationship, still just talk it out. They-''

''OKAY, ENOUGH!'' Mingyu finally interrupted him, glaring fiercely, ''Seungkwan-ssi I think you should leave.'' He got up to see the other out.

But Seungkwan didn't bother with him. He knew if he didn't say it now, then he wouldn't get a second chance to say it, ''They broke up.''

Seungcheol finally looked at him. Mingyu stopped as well.

''Jeonghan and Jisoo hyung, they broke up. Do you know why? Because Jeonghan hyung said that, that relationship can never be the same without you. Because they couldn't be happy when they're still so drowned up on the pain of losing you''

Seungcheol was stunned for a moment before. He didn't know how to react to this sudden news. There was a whole maze of emotions. They broke up? Because of him? Did he cause their break up?

''Did you know hyung, they were never in a relationship they were never in an official relationship before you came into the picture. They had an open relationship and only decided to commit after you became a part of it.''

Seungcheol looked at him in great disbelief and shock.

As if Seungkwan just read his mind, ''I knew they didn't tell you this. Stupid of them, but the only reason they didn't was that they didn't want to seem unreliable to you. I know this mindset has caused them to commit a lot of mistakes. I'm not trying to defend them at all. But they really love you hyung, they were just so afraid to lose you. Just talk it out you three. There must be a lot of misunderstandings. They just-''

''GET OUT. GET OUT RIGHT NOW.''

Seungkwan was startled by the loud voice. He finally saw the scene, panicking immediately when he found Seungcheol clutching his ears tightly, tears streaming down his face.

Mingyu also seemed to be shaken out of his trance, leaping instantly towards the older, ''Are you okay? I- Get out please, I beg of you. Just look at his condition.'' Mingyu urged Seungkwan angrily.

The latter too shaken up to retaliate, obediently followed the words and headed out. His mind seemed to be caught up in a whirlwind. He did see in the video that older had a panic attack, something he was familiar with on a personal level, but.....he didn't expect it to be this bad? What just happened now? That too in just a blink of an eye.

He was heading out so mindlessly that he ended up bumping into a blonde guy on his way out. He immediately whispered a short apology before hurrying towards the parking lot.

Chapter Text

As Seungcheol laid there in the darkness, tears streaming down his face, he couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt for crying while his lovers were sleeping soundly beside him. 

The weight of his emotions felt suffocating, a heavy burden he can't seem to shake, even as the two most precious people of his laid just beside him, oblivious to his pain.

The sound of his sobs felt deafening in the soundlessness of the night, a desperate plea for comfort and understanding.

Looking at his lover's hands inside the fabric on his waist, gripping his bare skin tightly. 

He wished he could silence his tears, tuck them away like an old memory, and spare himself from the heartache of witnessing his own pain.

He didn't know what to do. He felt helpless. He didn't even know why exactly was he feeling so much pain, when his lover was holding him tightly in his arms. When his lover clearly wanted to make him feel at ease. 

He longed for the comfort of his lover's embrace, the warmth of their touch, but when he finally got it, he's left to mourn in solitude.

The ache in his heart felt overwhelming, a deep-seated pain that he can't seem to put into words, even as he longed for their understanding and comfort.

Today, when Jisoo came home and found him crying, he leaped towards him immediately, despite looking dead tired, he held Seungcheol in his arms for what felt like the longest period of time. 

When he asked what was wrong, Seungcheol felt great sense of relief, he turned to Jisoo immediately, ready to tell him everything that has been on his mind lately. Everything's that's been eating him up. But just as he was about to start, his mind went blank. 

He didn't know what to say anymore.

 He blinked his eyes, that were filled with tears, furiously, trying to gather words. 

What was he supposed to say? 

"I don't like my job." He blurted suddenly. God! That sounded so pathetic.

 Seungcheol furrowed his brows, no that's not how... that wasn't how he wanted it to sound like. He... How should he say this... 

Jisoo looked at him patiently, as he waited for him to continue. But when no other words came, he hugged Seungcheol, "Don't worry babe. No one likes their job." He tried to joke, "You can always change your career. You know me and Jeonghan are always here to support you in whatever you do, right?" 

Jisoo carressed his hair lightly while tucking him below his chin.

Seungcheol remained still across Jisoo's chest, listening to that peaceful heartbeat, before fiercely pushing him away. 

No. This wasn't what he meant. His face instantly covered in lines of utter confusion. Confusion that was directed towards himself. 

"YOU'RE NOT UNDERSTANDING !!" Seungcheol spat. 

Jisoo was startled for a moment. 

"yOU'RE JUST LIKE HIM!! You never understand what I'm trying to say. AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN-"

"Cheol?!?!" Jisoo shook him firmly. 

Seungcheol seemed startled for a second, before his eyes seemed to return to normal. 

He scowled deeply at his frustration. 

This.. clearly wasn't why he was crying. He was crying because... 

Because?

There seemed to be a lot of little things that piled up one after one. But how was he supposed to make Jisoo understand all of it at once. 

He looked at Jisoo desperately, as if trying to make him understand just with his eyes, without any words. 

He tried to leave, but the younger caught his arms, looking at him in bewilderment, "Cheol..Why...Just now..What was that?"

Seungcheol seemed a little confused as he returned the questioning look back to him, "What?"

"You just-" Jisoo stopped in the mid, sighing deeply instead before he cupped Seungcheol's cheeks, "What's exactly is it baby?"

"...."

Seungcheol struggled for a while. What if Jisoo thinks he was being overdramatic? 

"...Nothing..." 

The ache in his heart felt overwhelming, a deep-seated pain that he can't seem to put into words, even as he longed for Jisoo's understanding and comfort. 

Their moment was broken when Jeonghan came home, holding a huge box of chicken and pepperoni pizza, Seungcheol's favorite, in his hands, waving it excitedly. 

After Jeonghan and Jisoo freshened up, the three of them sat together at the dinner table. With Seungcheol actively trying to be involved in their conversation, despite feeling his concentration being driven away repeatedly. 

They ate dinner, they went to bed. Jeonghan hugged him extra tightly, maybe cause he was already informed of what happened. 

Seungcheol continued looking outside the window. Staring at the moon amidst the dark night. Amidst the darkness inside himself. 

His eyes felt heavy because of the continuous wetness leaking out of them. 

He wanted to just sleep the pain off. 

But even that seemed impossible. For him, even sleep seemed like a distant dream, a luxury he couldn't afford as his thoughts and fears swirl around him like a never-ending storm. 

He looked back to see Jeonghan with Jisoo behind him. He stared at them, at peaceful rhythm of their breathing, the gentle rise and fall of their chest as they seemed to slip deeper into slumber.

Seungcheol envied them. 

He slowly removed Jeonghan's hands from around him, making sure to be quite enough to not wake them up. 

Reaching the bedside drawer, he pulled out a glass bottle filled with white pills. 

Seungcheol felt physical pain in literal sense while holding that bottle. He didn't want to take it. 

He really didn't. He knew it's harmful for him and will only worsen his condition. He knew he shouldn't rely on them, but without these pills, his heartache seemed to keep him up all night.

And he didn't want that. He wanted to sleep. Wanted to escape everything even for a couple of hours. So after his battling mentally for a few moments, he took out one pill, swallowing it at once. 

The pills offered him a fleeting escape from his reality, but in the morning, it returns with a vengeance, and he is left feeling even more helpless. 

So he just laid there in the quiet of the night, tears staining his pillow, and could only hope that the morning brings with it some reprieve from this overwhelming sadness. 

_______________________________________

"WAIT!! DON'T LEAVE."

Jisoo jolted awake, his breathe running shallow, body drenched in sweat. 

He opened his eyes, relieved to be back in reality. But immediately frowning at the absence of that person. 

His nightmare replaying in his head again and again. 

In his dreams, he was helpless, forced to watch as death takes his loved one away from him, leaving him alone in a world without him. 

The dreams seemed like cruel reminder of the vulnerability of his life, and the pain of losing the person he loved the most.

Jisoo had never been the one to cry a lot. But these past few months contained nothing but tears for him. 

He has lost counts, of how many such nightmare he's had. Wrecking him and turning his life upside down. 

After what Seungkwan told them, he just knew, it was just... impossible for things to go back to how they used to be. 

No actually, he was given clear sign way before that. 

But he was hopeless. Trapped in a world where time moves forward, but his heart remains frozen in the past. 

He's had many episodes of break down, alot of nights that had contained dreams of that person. 

But today. 

It was something else. 

Jisoo saw that person leaving... Forever... 

And he couldn't do anything. 

A nightmare that was forcing him to relive the pain of losing him over and over again. The scene of his death seemed to leave Jisoo with a fear that he can't seem to shake off, fearing that what if one day, it will become a reality-

The thought alone brought another flood of tears. 

The dream seemed too vivid. He looked in pain. He was in pain. And Jisoo couldn't do anything. 

He grabbed his phone, dialing a number. 

It didn't even take two full rings for the call to connect. 

Before the another line could say something, Jisoo himself started. 

"Something's wrong. Something very wrong Jeonghan."

He sobbed hard, "I'm telling you.. He- he's not okay at all. He needs help. You saw his ashen complexion too, didn't you- We have to stop it-  We have to do something- "

"JISOO! what's wrong with you? Are you okay- Where are you? And what happened to him? "

"I don't wanna lose him." Jisoo sobbed harder. The aftertaste of the nightmare so fresh, a reminder of the fear that was gripping his heart. The bitter feeling of terror lingered on his tongue. 

Jeonghan seemed confused at his words, "Lose.. him? Jisoo, please,  I need you to tell me clearly what's happening?"

Jisoo was still not completely sane, he choked on his words, "I feel like- I feel like we'll lose him forever."

"Jeonghan, I think we'll lose Seungcheol forever."

Chapter Text

Hello everyone,

I don't know if people are still sticking to this story. Thank you if you are, but i would like to apologize for the lack of update. A lot of things have been happening in my life all at once. I have exam staring 27 June to 14 July. Then I have another exam in August. Uni is killing me right now.

So temporarily, I won't be updating.

But i will finish this story for sure. It's a promise to myself.

So in future, yes I will update this. But for now Bye! ❤

Chapter Text

HIII Y'ALL. I'm back finally. Overcame a very stressful phase in my life.

Anyway, all the stories will be continued now, with a new one ofc hehe. Thank you if y'all still remember this story TT.

Connect with me there, if you want :). Your comments are always appreciated.

Also, tell me what do you guys think about a horror-romance Coups centric fic? Will it be a good idea?